CWCki - User contributions [en]

Craigslist

2011-12-12T07:28:46Z

Vergilius:

{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

[[File:CraigslistCWC.PNG|thumb|...Of course he's watching [[Family Guy]].]]

'''Craigslist''' is a website where users can conduct business with others. Since its inception, Craigslist has been very useful in the act of selling [[Toys|goods]], [[Monthly Tugboat|job hunting]], providing [[trollbusters|services]] to others, and in many cases simply helping people trying to [[sex|get some action]] from [[Carlos Chantor|local hookers]].
__TOC__

==Chris and Craigslist==
===Personal ads===
In May of 2009, Chris posted a [[:File:Cwc_on_craigslist.jpg|Craigslist ad]] saying that he wants a 18 to 27 year-old boyfriend-free girl who is not [[niggo|black]].[http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/m4w/1197485944.html]. His ad was removed from the site under grounds of racism.

While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him.

===Son-Chu===
On 2 August 2009, a [[troll]] posted Chris's [[Son-Chu|'94 Ford Escort]] for sale on Craigslist as part of a [[car pranks|prank]]. Seven months later, a trio of [[The Miscreants|BEST FRIENDS FOREVER]] contacted Chris, expressing interest in purchasing his car and offering their [[Hex Box]]es to sweeten the deal.

===Power Ranger toys===
In a [[Jackie Chat 9|chat with Jackie]] in October 2010, he told her he tried to sell some open [[Power Rangers]] toys, hoping to get $20-$50 for them, even though she showed him an [[eBay]] auction where one sold for $5.50.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_Chat_7</ref>

===Television===
In October of [[2011]], [[Chris]] put up a listing for a rather old, crappy television that was presumably owned by his [[Robert Chandler|late father]], accompanied by some God-awful, low-quality images of it. Although brief, the listing is practically oozing of Chris clichés such as a poor grasp of [[Chris and English|capitalization skills]], [[Naive|no concept]] of [[Chris and Money|how much things cost]] (for reference, the $250 asking price would easily get you a modern 32-inch HDTV from a major retailer like Best Buy), and unnecessary [[Autism|spewing of generic business jargon]]. It should be noted that the television was manufactured in August, 1999- the same month when Chris started to become infatuated with [[Pokémon]].

{{quotebox|1='''Panasonic 32-Inch CT-32G34A Color Television - $250 (Ruckersville, VA)''' 
Date: 2011-10-18, [[Biological Clock|5:09AM]] EDT 

This Panasonic Television has a 32-inch color screen, it [[Chris and English|gives great display]], it comes complete with its matching Remote Control, and it is in excellent working condition.

It is quite the classic optimal television to watch sporting events, [[Mary Poppins|movies]], [[Family Guy|television shows]] and more on. This type of television defined SUPER BOWL SUNDAY, as well as Thanksgiving Football Watching! Excellent Satisfaction Guaranteed.

For further info, or to schedule purchase and pick-up, please call me at
* 434-760-0848.
CASH ONLY, And Up-Front. [[Chris and Money|$250 or better]] offer; [[Chris and negotiation|NO HAGGLE]].

Thank You and Have a Good Day.}}

====details====
*Model # - '''CT-32G34A'''
*Chassis # - '''RP331'''
*Serial # - '''MD92210277'''
*Power Consumption - '''120V'''
*Date Manufactured - '''August [[1999]]'''
*Assembled in [[Spanish|Mexico]]

== Pictures ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Pictures|<gallery>
File:PanasonicTVFamilyGuy.jpg|A classic, optimal show to suit a classic, optimal television.
File:PanasonicTVSpecs1.jpg|Bad photography at work.
File:PanasonicTVSpecs2.jpg|Even worse photography at work.
</gallery>}}
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==

* [http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/ele/2655617137.html The listing for the TV]
[[Category:Websites]]
* [http://www.manualowl.com/p/Panasonic/CT32G34A/Manual/74279 The TV's manual]

Craigslist

2011-12-12T07:28:32Z

Vergilius: What relevance does that have? I bet a hundred epic weens have replied to it.

{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

[[File:CraigslistCWC.PNG|thumb|...Of course he's watching [[Family Guy]].]]

'''Craigslist''' is a website where users can conduct business with others. Since its inception, Craigslist has been very useful in the act of selling [[Toys|goods]], [[Monthly Tugboat|job hunting]], providing [[trollbusters|services]] to others, and in many cases simply helping people trying to [[sex|get some action]] from [[Carlos Chantor|local hookers]].
__TOC__

==Chris and Craigslist==
===Personal ads===
In May of 2009, Chris posted a [[:File:Cwc_on_craigslist.jpg|Craigslist ad]] saying that he wants a 18 to 27 year-old boyfriend-free girl who is not [[niggo|black]].[http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/m4w/1197485944.html]. His ad was removed from the site under grounds of racism.

While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him.

===Son-Chu===
On 2 August 2009, a [[troll]] posted Chris's [[Son-Chu|'94 Ford Escort]] for sale on Craigslist as part of a [[car pranks|prank]]. Seven months later, a trio of [[The Miscreants|BEST FRIENDS FOREVER]] contacted Chris, expressing interest in purchasing his car and offering their [[Hex Box]]es to sweeten the deal.

===Power Ranger toys===
In a [[Jackie Chat 9|chat with Jackie]] in October 2010, he told her he tried to sell some open [[Power Rangers]] toys, hoping to get $20-$50 for them, even though she showed him an [[eBay]] auction where one sold for $5.50.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_Chat_7</ref>

===Television===
In October of [[2011]], [[Chris]] put up a listing for a rather old, crappy television that was presumably owned by his [[Robert Chandler|late father]], accompanied by some God-awful, low-quality images of it. Although brief, the listing is practically oozing of Chris clichés such as a poor grasp of [[Chris and English|capitalization skills]], [[Naive|no concept]] of [[Chris and Money|how much things cost]] (for reference, the $250 asking price would easily get you a modern 32-inch HDTV from a major retailer like Best Buy), and unnecessary [[Autism|spewing of generic business jargon]]. It should be noted that the television was manufactured in August, 1999- the same month when Chris started to become infatuated with [[Pokémon]].

{{quotebox|1='''Panasonic 32-Inch CT-32G34A Color Television - $250 (Ruckersville, VA)''' 
Date: 2011-10-18, [[Biological Clock|5:09AM]] EDT 

This Panasonic Television has a 32-inch color screen, it [[Chris and English|gives great display]], it comes complete with its matching Remote Control, and it is in excellent working condition.

It is quite the classic optimal television to watch sporting events, [[Mary Poppins|movies]], [[Family Guy|television shows]] and more on. This type of television defined SUPER BOWL SUNDAY, as well as Thanksgiving Football Watching! Excellent Satisfaction Guaranteed.

For further info, or to schedule purchase and pick-up, please call me at
* 434-760-0848.
CASH ONLY, And Up-Front. [[Chris and Money|$250 or better]] offer; [[Chris and negotiation|NO HAGGLE]].

Thank You and Have a Good Day.}}

====details====
*Model # - '''CT-32G34A'''
*Chassis # - '''RP331'''
*Serial # - '''MD92210277'''
*Power Consumption - '''120V'''
*Date Manufactured - '''August [[1999]]'''
*Assembled in [[Spanish|Mexico]]

On November 14, a person replied to his ad, calling Chris out on his [[Chris and Money|price tag]].

== Pictures ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Pictures|<gallery>
File:PanasonicTVFamilyGuy.jpg|A classic, optimal show to suit a classic, optimal television.
File:PanasonicTVSpecs1.jpg|Bad photography at work.
File:PanasonicTVSpecs2.jpg|Even worse photography at work.
</gallery>}}
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==

* [http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/ele/2655617137.html The listing for the TV]
[[Category:Websites]]
* [http://www.manualowl.com/p/Panasonic/CT32G34A/Manual/74279 The TV's manual]

Craigslist

2011-11-30T10:36:38Z

Vergilius: Well trolled brah.

{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

[[File:CraigslistCWC.PNG|thumb|...Of course he's watching [[Family Guy]].]]

'''Craigslist''' is a website where users can conduct business with others. Since its inception, Craigslist has been very useful in the act of selling [[Toys|goods]], [[Monthly Tugboat|job hunting]], providing [[trollbusters|services]] to others, and in many cases simply helping people trying to [[sex|get some action]] from [[Carlos Chantor|local hookers]].
__TOC__

==Chris and Craigslist==
===Personal ads===
In May of 2009, Chris posted a [[:File:Cwc_on_craigslist.jpg|Craigslist ad]] saying that he wants a 18 to 27 year-old boyfriend-free girl who is not [[niggo|black]].[http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/m4w/1197485944.html]. His ad was removed from the site under grounds of racism.

While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him.

===Son-Chu===
On 2 August 2009, a [[troll]] posted Chris's [[Son-Chu|'94 Ford Escort]] for sale on Craigslist as part of a [[car pranks|prank]]. Seven months later, a trio of [[The Miscreants|BEST FRIENDS FOREVER]] contacted Chris, expressing interest in purchasing his car and offering their [[Hex Box]]es to sweeten the deal.

===Power Ranger toys===
In a [[Jackie Chat 9|chat with Jackie]] in October 2010, he told her he tried to sell some open [[Power Rangers]] toys, hoping to get $20-$50 for them, even though she showed him an [[eBay]] auction where one sold for $5.50.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_Chat_7</ref>

===Television===
In October of [[2011]], [[Chris]] put up a listing for a rather old, crappy television that was presumably owned by his [[Robert Chandler|late father]], accompanied by some God-awful, low-quality images of it. Although brief, the listing is practically oozing of Chris clichés such as a poor grasp of [[Chris and English|capitalization skills]], [[Naive|no concept]] of [[Chris and Money|how much things cost]] (for reference, the $250 asking price would easily get you a modern 32-inch HDTV from a major retailer like Best Buy), and unnecessary [[Autism|spewing of generic business jargon]]. It should be noted that the television was manufactured in August, 1999- the same month when Chris started to become infatuated with [[Pokémon]].

{{quotebox|1='''Panasonic 32-Inch CT-32G34A Color Television - $250 (Ruckersville, VA)''' 
Date: 2011-10-18, [[Biological Clock|5:09AM]] EDT 

This Panasonic Television has a 32-inch color screen, it [[Chris and English|gives great display]], it comes complete with its matching Remote Control, and it is in excellent working condition.

It is quite the classic optimal television to watch sporting events, [[Mary Poppins|movies]], [[Family Guy|television shows]] and more on. This type of television defined SUPER BOWL SUNDAY, as well as Thanksgiving Football Watching! Excellent Satisfaction Guaranteed.

For further info, or to schedule purchase and pick-up, please call me at
* 434-760-0848.
CASH ONLY, And Up-Front. [[Chris and Money|$250 or better]] offer; [[Chris and negotiation|NO HAGGLE]].

Thank You and Have a Good Day.}}

====details====
*Model # - '''CT-32G34A'''
*Chassis # - '''RP331'''
*Serial # - '''MD92210277'''
*Power Consumption - '''120V'''
*Date Manufactured - '''August [[1999]]'''
*Assembled in [[Spanish|Mexico]]

On November 14, a person replied to his ad, calling Chris out on his [[Chris and Money|price tag]].

{{quotebox|1='''Re:Panasonic 32-Inch CT-32G34A Color Television - $250 (R'ville, VA)''' 
Date: 2011-11-14, [[Biological Clock|10:21PM]] EST 

No one is gonna buy that 12 year old TV for what you're asking. Drop that last zero off your price and maybe you'll get some bites.

If you're lucky...}}

== Pictures ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Pictures|<gallery>
File:PanasonicTVFamilyGuy.jpg|A classic, optimal show to suit a classic, optimal television.
File:PanasonicTVSpecs1.jpg|Bad photography at work.
File:PanasonicTVSpecs2.jpg|Even worse photography at work.
</gallery>}}
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==

* [http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/ele/2655617137.html The listing for the TV]
[[Category:Websites]]
* [http://www.manualowl.com/p/Panasonic/CT32G34A/Manual/74279 The TV's manual]

File talk:Sonichufromgensmod.jpg

2011-10-10T18:23:24Z

Vergilius: Created page with "What the fuck is this shit? ~~~~"

What the fuck is this shit? [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 11:23, 10 October 2011 (PDT)

File talk:Multikultur.png

2011-09-06T17:23:11Z

Vergilius:

What is this? Is there any point to it? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 07:56, 6 September 2011 (PDT)
:No, there isn't, this is just usershit. You know, not all want or care fill their userpage with a comprehensive bio. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 08:28, 6 September 2011 (PDT)
::*You know, not everyone wants or cares to see user pages with pointless and stupid images.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:37, 6 September 2011 (PDT)
:::That's...a good point. It's not like it's the first pickle in this wiki, but delete away, if it disturbs you. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 10:23, 6 September 2011 (PDT)

File talk:Multikultur.png

2011-09-06T15:28:40Z

Vergilius:

File talk:Multikultur.png

2011-09-06T15:28:10Z

Vergilius:

What is this? Is there any point to it? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 07:56, 6 September 2011 (PDT)
No, there isn't, this is just usershit. You know, not all want or care fill their userpage with a comprehensive bio. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 08:28, 6 September 2011 (PDT)

Jack Thaddeus

2011-09-06T07:42:35Z

Vergilius: /* In the comics */

{{Quote|Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my [[PlayStation Network]]s accounts, you expert hacker! You, you [[Chris and English|ir—rational expert]]! Motherfucking [[Chris and religion|burning-in-Hell]] hacker!|Chris on Jack<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref>}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Ahuvia.png|200px|center]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Ahuviya Rotem Harel
|-
|'''Birth name'''
|Phillip V. Haskins-Delici
|-
| '''Alias'''
| Jack Thaddeus ADF Felipe Delicias
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 12 August [[1985]]
|-
| '''Residence'''
| Philadelphia, PA, [[USA]]
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Transwoman
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| American
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
|}
'''Jack Thaddeus''' (born 12 August 1985) is the [[troll]] responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings with [[Chris]]. He is also a TRUE and HONEST [[homo]].<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> In August 2011, he was outed as being none other than Internet lolcow '''Ahuviya Rotem Harel''' ("ADF"), a noted [[anime|weeaboo]], cosplayer, communist, [[Michael Snyder|JEW]], [[pedofork]] and [[Asperger's syndrome|"Aspergian"]].

==PSN hax==
Jack had a sweeping victory in the seizure of multiple Chris PSN accounts, using them to blackmail Chris into [[Chris humps his PS3|dry-humping his PS3]] and [[It's UGH!|singing "It's okay to be gay"]]. Unimpressed by Chris's performance, he deleted them for the good of mankind.

Jack worked with his daughter [[Samantha Thaddeus]] in order to break into Chandler's PSN accounts and possibly bring about the beginning of the [[Liquid Chris]] Saga.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus E-mails#7/19/09|The Mysterious Man at Otakon]]</ref>

==CWCipedia advertisements==
[[Image:Gay&PickleAds.JPG|thumb|Jack's ads]]

In [[November 2009]], Jack purchased advertising space on the [[CWCipedia]]. One banner ad linked to a [[gay]] rights website (noting that the creator and hero of ''[[Family Guy]]'' both support gay rights, and using the hated word "[[naïve]]"), while another advertised Mexican vacations using an anthropomorphic [[pickle|cactus]] mascot.

Chris was incensed by the desecration of his wiki and [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|demanded that the ads be removed]]. Upon being told that Thaddeus was responsible, Chris declared "[[Kill De Jack|I'll deal with him myself]]." Whatever measures he took, though, they didn't do much good, because the original ads were soon joined by many new banners featuring pickles, [[homos]], and other things Chris hates and fears. These ads would have stayed for a long time since Jack, a gentle and generous soul, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#Do NOT tamper with the advertisements (CCS)|rented all the ads-space up to the end of 2010]].

Jack eventually leased some of the adspace to [[Mao]], the webmaster of the [[Asperpedia]]. On 25 [[February 2010]], this lease apparently concluded, and Jack filled the website with dicks.

Eventually, on 18 [[March 2010]], Jack pulled all his funding from the site, forcing the Sysop to take the site down. It came back the next day under the rule of Mao.

==In the comics==
[[Image:jacktochris.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes.]]
Jack made his first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] as the 4-cent_garbage building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns him and [[Clyde Cash]] for being homo trolls. When [[Beel]] escapes, he, too, condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing a innocent man's good name" is [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law just as evil as being an assistant for Adolf Hitler]. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6 story elevator shaft to their suicide.

==Called out==
[[image:separatedatbirth.jpg|thumb|]]

On 16 [[August 2011]] [[Calling_out#Calling_Out_Jack_Thaddius_-_Ahuviya|Chris claimed]] to have dox on Jack, and claimed that his real name was Ahuviya, that he lived in Pennsylvania, and that Jack is planning to have [[Wikipedia:Sex reassignment surgery (male-to-female)|gender reassignment surgery]]. He demanded a video of apology to be uploaded by Jack/Ahuviya by 10 [[September 2011]].

A week later, [[Calling_Out#Re-Calling Ahuvia|he revealed]] that Ahuviya was a [[Molvania|communist]] and into BDSM.

In a shocking twist, it emerged that Jack/Ahuviya was none other than Ahuviya Rotem Harel, a.k.a. ADF, a lolcow almost as big as Chris himself.<ref>[http://adfki.wikinet.org/wiki/Why_Philadelphia_is_so_much_Greater_than_CWCville]</ref><ref>[http://adfki.wikinet.org/wiki/Advice_for_Chris-chan_from_Ahuviya_Harel]</ref>

==See also==
*[[Jack Thaddeus E-mails]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]

==Sauces==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://adfki.wikinet.org/wiki/Main_Page ADFki]
{{Trolls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Thaddeus, Jack}}

[[Category:Trolls]][[Category: CWCipedia Saga]]

File:Multikultur.png

2011-09-06T06:56:36Z

Vergilius: uploaded a new version of "File:Multikultur.png": Unfunny to super unfunny

Anime Mid-Atlantic

2011-08-02T23:53:18Z

Vergilius: Irrelevant to Chris, and that sonic fangirl shit is painful to read

'''Anime Mid-Atlantic''' is an [[anime]] convention that [[Chris]] attended on 29 [[May 2004]] and 17 [[June 2005]]. It took place at a Holiday Inn in [[Richmond]].

==2004==
Anime Mid-Atlantic took place on May 28–30, [[2004]]. Chris recounts this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #5:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews5.htm</ref>

{{quotebox|
On May 29, [[2004]], I, Christian Chandler, attended my first [[Anime]] Convention. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some [[Wikipedia:Ramune|Ramune]] (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, [[Wikipedia:Monica Rial|Monica Rial]] (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki ([[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel
Angel Kurumi]]), Mikako ([[Wikipedia:Martian Successor Nadesico|Martian Sucessor Nadesico]] [''sic'']) and Shii ([[Wikipedia:Puni Puni Poemy|Puni Puni Poemy]]). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8)
}}

[[Image:131-AnimeMid2004.jpg|thumb|;D]]

<gallery>
Image:CWCMonica.jpg|Chris develops his [[Megan Schroeder|shoulder]] fetish.
Image:405-ExcelV1.jpg|<nowiki>:D</nowiki>
</gallery>
{{-}}

==2005==
Chris anticipated this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #9 and #10:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews9.htm</ref> It took place on June 17–19, [[2005]].

{{quotebox|Since he has put himself into [[Sonichu]]’s world, he will “[[Cosplay]]” as himself ([[Chris and his Ego|talk about self-respect]], huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Premiere Issue #0]] on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one. 
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, [[Wikipedia:Greg Ayers|Greg Ayers]] and [[Wikipedia:Doug Smith|Doug Smith]], and author [[Wikipedia:Robert V. Aldrich|Robert V. Aldrich]]. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see ''[[News Dash!]]'' #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell [[Anime Wings|Cool Anime items]] (some imported from Japan), and much, much more.
}}

[[Image:132-AnimeMidAtlanticBadge.jpg|<code>8D</code>|thumb]]

This year, Chris stayed for all three days of the convention, and spent two nights at a hotel alone.

<gallery>
Image:AMA1.jpg|[[Video games|GameCube]]...check.
Image:AMA2.jpg|[[Health|24-pack of Pepsi]]...check.
Image:0656-ANIME059.JPG|[[Pixelblocks]]...check.
Image:AMA4.jpg|...I said "check".
Image:AMA3.jpg|Erotic soap dish...check
Image:0658-ANIME513.JPG|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic!Chris]] costume...check!
Image:0679-ANIME525.JPG|AWESOME!!!
</gallery>

===Witness account===
In [[May 2010]], the blog ''Topless Robot'' had a contest for "Most Shameful Nerd Moment". One commenter named tasakeru828, who ran a ''[[Sonic]]'' panel at what was presumably Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005, described the experience<ref>http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/05/moments_of_nerd_shame_and_the_winners_are.php</ref>:

{{quote|I actually met [[Chris-chan]] at an [[anime]] convention before [[ED]] found out about him and started [[troll]]ing him en masse. A friend and I were hosting a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] panel and trying to prove that not all Sonic fans are as batshit insane as they're made out to be. That noble goal was shot to hell when the one-and-only Christian Weston Chandler arrived in all his [[Chris and fashion|clown-shirted]], Sonichu-[[medallion]]-wearing glory and started handing out free copies of his first issue. He asked us a completely unintelligible question (thinking mistakenly that we actually had some influence on the series as a whole), and afterwards he babbled at us personally while we smiled and nodded trying to look interested. We obviously knew he was mentally ill, but we had no idea that we were meeting a future [[Internet]] legend. 
Now, I still persist in my goal to prove that some Sonic fans are decent, intelligent people. (...) But Lord, Chris-chan comes very close to ruining it all for even me, and that should tell you something.}}

==Aftermath==
Chris has not been to an anime convention since the 2005 Anime Mid-Atlantic event. In [[2010]], he planned for a time to visit the Otakon convention in Baltimore (in large part so he could meet [[Jackie]] there), but he managed to thwart himself by spending the money he'd set aside for the expedition. In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he claims that he overdrew his bank account shortly before the trip. This incurred the wrath of his parents, who refused to allow him to leave the house.

==Sauce==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.animemidatlantic.com/ Official Website]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/105 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2004 Convention Information Page]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/638 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005 Convention Information Page]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

Patti Chandler

2011-07-28T21:42:15Z

Vergilius: I really don't know how some random troll's youtube channel is important enough to be put to the article

{{Quote|My- Patti will- the spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! she will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|respecting his deceased pet.]] }}

{{Quote|Let's hire a black tranny hooker to dig up Patti's corpse while yelling JULAAAAAYYYYY!|A typical discussion on [[/cwc/]]...}}

[[Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|thumb|Patti Chandler, devourer of souls]]
[[File:PattiAbomination.png|thumb|Patti today]]

'''Patti Chandler''' (17 March [[1988]] - 27 [[June 2006]]) was [[Chris]]'s childhood dog, a [[Wikipedia:Beagle|beagle]]-[[Wikipedia:Spitz|spitz]] mix, who was put down in [[2006]].<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> Chris brought Patti back to life in one of his comics, where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]] in [[CWCville]].

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Flying Dutchman|Flying Dutchman]], who was cursed to roam the seven seas forever, Patti is cursed to [[Patti-Chan|wander in CWCville]] as she is not allowed to rest in peace.

There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed "like, five, ten tons".<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to carry the home of a deceased loved one, Chris acts as though he [[11042009 51 50|honestly believes that's how much it weighs]].

When confronted about his [[Chris and remorse|insensitivity]], or when someone tries to point out that he has [[Father Call|never once experienced true hardship in his miserable life]], Chris is always quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti. He even mentions Patti's death over the death of his [[Aunt Corrina]] (who gave Patti to him in the first place). Chris seems to only mention his aunt as an afterthought when the comparison between someone losing a [[Ryan Cash|close family member]] and Chris losing his dog is scoffed at.

According to the [[Father Call]] and [[Chris_Chan_gets_chewed_out_by_Kacey#Part_3|a call between Kacey and Chris,]] Chris seems to think that Patti is more than just a dog. He goes as far as to say that her death was comparable to 9/11.

It is entirely possible that Patti was the only life form to ever love Chris out of anything other than obligation. Patti was also probably the only acquaintance with which Chris has ever had very much in common. Not because they shared [[Chris_and_sex#Beastiality|a mystical bond between man and beast]], brought about through the wondrous unexplained mysteries of [[autism]], but because they were both animals driven by brute instinct with no level of higher comprehension whatsoever.

According to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|a video from January 2010]], Patti now lives in [[CWCville|hell]] and feasts on [[Beel|human souls]]. While this may seem to be at odds with the canon of the Sonichu comics, it makes perfect sense if you consider the distinct possibility that CWCville ''is'' hell.

==Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris==
<blockquote>
 Patti Chandler
 March 17, [[1980s#1988|1988]] to June 27, [[2006]]

 Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006
[[Image:091-PattiMemory.jpg|thumb|Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.]]
 My family, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|furry]] friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a [[CWCville|doggy heaven where she will be happier]], because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, [[Barbara Chandler]], and my father [[Robert Chandler]], and the [[Chandler cats|cats]] who have grown fond of Patti.

 I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
 -When I picked her out of the litter at my [[Aunt Corina|Aunt Corina's]] house in Redoak, Virginia.
 -The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the [[Chris's_homes#Newberry_Towne_Subdivision|Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia.]]
 -The time I watched my old best friend, [[Sarah Hammer]], take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
 -The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
 -The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
 -The times I've just sat with her in the yard and petted her head. I've always given her a [[Homos|"Bally-Scratch"]] where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a [[Sonichu_Ball|rubber ball.]]
 -The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
 -There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
 -[[Wikipedia:Border collie|I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead]].

 When Patti was brought to the vet on that [[Fail|faithful]] day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."

 But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2006#September]]</ref></blockquote>

==Current activity==

Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and "bally-scratches" in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to [[Dreams#The Patti-chan dream|assure her former master]] of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. Also, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Chris has averred]] that her vengeful spirit will seek out [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, eat their souls and kill them. Yet, as always, Chris still thinks of himself as a [[Chris and Anger|kind hearted]], [[Chris and Religion|Christian]] individual.

Patti's physical remains rest underneath her ten-ton doghouse in the Chandlers' backyard. The notion of exhuming and desecrating her bones has become a popular running joke among trolls, to the point that Chris, in a September 2010 [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|YouTube video]], took the time to fiercely deny any rumors that the corpse of his dog was anywhere except where he had buried it.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0050-Patti5.jpg|Patti relaxing.
Image:0051-Patti6.jpg|Waiting for her master's [[Chris and health|fat ass]] at [[McDonald's]].
Image:0052-Patti.JPG|Patti full of [[stress]]
Image:0053-Patti1.jpg|Although Patti lived in a cage outside, it was at least 1000 times better than the disaster zone called the Chandler house.
Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|Patti will devour your soul!
Image:0055-Patti3.jpg
Image:0056-CWCPatti2.jpg
Image:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG|Can you dig it?
Image:0720-PattisDoghuseISO.JPG|"That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons."
Image:ModNation PattiChan.jpg|Her [[Patti-chan|horrendous furfag alter ego]] as seen in [[ModNation Racers]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Eulogy_for_Patti Patti's entry on CWCipedia]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Patti}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Pets]]

Chris and the law

2011-07-27T23:25:24Z

Vergilius:

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu'' Special #4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit... while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In a May 2010 video, Chris states that a man deserves twenty years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and lie to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting," whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target,<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref> as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a stereotypical Brute male shouts me out. I felt embarassed. When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' It seems likely that, if Chris continues after this fashion, more confrontations with jerkops are likely.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.<ref>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never bother.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, out of the blue decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure autistic logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, so he's not liable.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[Jerks|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. [[Smoking]] or drinking [[alcohol]] would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as [[CWCville]] uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Indeed, importing tobacco or alcohol is the most serious crime in the city, apparently receiving a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of an insane, tyrannical dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U. S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [''sic'']. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U. S.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Homos

2011-07-25T01:41:11Z

Vergilius: /* Why Chris appears to be gay */

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]
[[Image:What Chris thinks he looks like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]].]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a [[Tomgirl|gender change operation]]."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using stuff like the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]].]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

[[Image:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|"ALL Sonichus are [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]

In Chris's ''Carrie'' ripoff, "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a [[Christian Weston Chandler|Strong, Straight Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''.

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called ''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', and insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496</ref>

{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that [[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|''Avatar'']] was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts - in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within [[Cwcville]], yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> Of course, it's not clear how gays can have "equal relationship rights" if they can't marry, but Chris tends to be pretty weak on logic.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

==Why Chris appears to be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies.}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun Fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Ironically, the harder Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the more gay he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curios about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a starp-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings|anime wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|''Sex and the City'']] (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin' Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Punchylaylalove.jpg wearing panties and bra].
* He [[Tomgirl|voluntarily dressed up as a woman]], went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public.

==Defenses against becoming homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref>

In ''[[Kill De Jack]]'', Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires]].

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read, nor wouldn't care to read.]]}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = It's OK to be GAY, Chris-chan!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32F2Dw01kJc}}
| Stardate = 5 August 2009
| Maker = CWCvillelulz
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) Comes Clean...
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Bx6MF90NcTo}}
| Stardate = 5 January 2010
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong.]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Homos

2011-07-25T01:37:58Z

Vergilius: /* Why Chris appears to be gay */

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|[[CWC Update 30 January 2009]]}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]
[[Image:What Chris thinks he looks like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]].]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a [[Tomgirl|gender change operation]]."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using stuff like the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]].]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

[[Image:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|"ALL Sonichus are [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]

In Chris's ''Carrie'' ripoff, "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a [[Christian Weston Chandler|Strong, Straight Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''.

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called ''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', and insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496</ref>

{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that [[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|''Avatar'']] was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts - in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within [[Cwcville]], yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> Of course, it's not clear how gays can have "equal relationship rights" if they can't marry, but Chris tends to be pretty weak on logic.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

==Why Chris appears to be gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop.]]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies.}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun Fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Ironically, the harder Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the more gay he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curios about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a starp-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings|anime wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|''Sex and the City'']] (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin' Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Punchylaylalove.jpg wearing panties and bra].
* He [[Tomgirl|voluntarily dressed up as a woman]], went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public.

==Defenses against becoming homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref>

In ''[[Kill De Jack]]'', Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires]].

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read, nor wouldn't care to read.]]}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = It's OK to be GAY, Chris-chan!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|32F2Dw01kJc}}
| Stardate = 5 August 2009
| Maker = CWCvillelulz
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) Comes Clean...
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Bx6MF90NcTo}}
| Stardate = 5 January 2010
| Maker = Psycatalyst
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong.]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Sailor Megtune

2011-07-25T01:20:16Z

Vergilius: Unnecessary autism/USI

[[Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|thumb|SM with [[Megagi La Skunk]]. My god that's a [[Chris and art|horrendous drawing]].]]

'''Sailor Megtune''' is [[Megan Schroeder]]'s Sailor Soldier alter-ego in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. The character is blatantly plagiarized from ''[[Sailor Moon]]'', a favorite show of Megan's.

==In the comic==
Sailor Megtune first appears in the [[Sonichu 5|fifth issue of ''Sonichu'']], along with [[Megagi La Skunk]], who is apparently a sidekick of sorts. She is secretly in love with Chris, proof the comic is not based on real life. He very obviously reciprocates her feelings (as he did in real life), but neither of them can act on those feelings due to "past events" or some shit.

In [[Sonichu 7|Issue 7]] Megan was back, more notably as "Megan" and not Sailor Megtune. It is implied that just as Chris can transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Megan can transform into Sailor Megtune, possibly by using a [[Gitar of Fail|''Guitar Hero'' controller]], though any transformation of hers is not explicitly seen in the comics. A picture in the [[Scrapbook of Fail]], however, depicts a transformation pen similar to the ones used by Sailor Moon's teammates, the Sailor Senshi (or Sailor Scouts for you dubbies), during two of the middle seasons (''Sailor Moon R'' and ''Sailor Moon S''). This will probably not be seen or confirmed in the future, as it's very unlikely that she will be appearing in future issues.

==Powers==
Sailor Megtune has a magical guitar weapon in which she is able to perform the attack, "Megtune Rockin' Hurricane". The power is only shown to be used as a means of deflecting or canceling out enemy attacks, and is not shown to have any offensive capabilities.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:129-ChrisChanMegtune.jpg|"I taped this into the leather-bound thing my Degree was in With my Degree"(CWCipedia) Chris values Megan as much as his college degree. .
Image:308-Megtune.jpg|First major drawing of Sailor Megtune. Note the colored-over transformation pen.
Image:310-Megtunecardback.jpg|Transformation pen full-view
Image:Sonichu05-P18.jpg|It begins...
Image:Sonichu05-P50.jpg|Chris writes the thoughts of a sue-ified real person.
Image:Sonichu06-P18.jpg|MEGTUNE ROCKIN' HURRICANE!
Image:Schu6p50a.jpg|Chris draws himself hugging Sailor Asscheeks before Megan made him redo the page.
Image:058-CWCJam061Front.jpg|CD cover by Chris.
Image:SailorMegtune.png|Interpretation of Sailor Megtune.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Megan Schroeder]]
*[[Megagi La Skunk]]
*[[Sailor Moon]]

{{MeganSaga}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!

2011-07-16T14:05:33Z

Vergilius:

'''You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!''' is the gallery of fail Chris added to his own [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article in March 2008 <ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997480063&oldid=1997479407</s></ref> in a bizarre attempt to presumably show humility. Also, he probably did it because he thought it would appease the trolls, who delight in seeing examples of Chris suffering.

Instead of showing situations demonstrating how he fails in real life, Chris posts various scenes from his comic book subjecting [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|his Mary-Sue character]] to various misfortunes. How this amounts to self-deprecation, [[Autism|only Chris knows]], since Chris sees mild inconveniences like doing [[chores]] or being [[Get-Tar Region|told not to loiter]] as great [[Chris and his Ego|trials of adversity]]. Scenes in his comic where he's anything less than immaculate, he considers ultimate acts of humility.

What Chris fails to understand is that
#People can tell the difference between fact and fiction and ex-cathedra proclamations. That clearly shows that the speaker [[Chris and reality|doesn't understand this]]. That is ''a little bit'' unsettling.
#Readers actually prefer that fictional characters have some weaknesses (we in the industry call this "depth".) Albeit, they are generally a bit more believable and less crippling than what's seen here.

It is presented here exactly as it originally appeared on ED.

==You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!==

And it is shown in the following clips:

<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic5Cover.jpg|I let myself get taunted and jeered to the max.
Image:AutisticFreak.jpg|I Called Myself a FREAK!
Image:CarpetStain.jpg|I had my head rubbed vigerously against a rough carpet.
Image:BloodTear.jpg|And it left me shedding Tears of Blood.
Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|I set my ASS ON FIRE!
Image:MajorWedgie.jpg|I was given the worst wedgie of my life!
Image:CrashedIntoaWall.jpg|I crashed full-speed into walls!
Image:DrenchedwithSoda.jpg|I got DRENCHED in Soda, turned bad from the accident.
Image:Dogpile.jpg|I was piled on by a bunch of Jerkops.
Image:CWCComet.jpg|I led a comet into a path of my self-destruction.
Image:GrippedbyHead.jpg|I was gripped by mattalic[sic] digits by my head.
Image:GuiltyInnocense.jpg
Image:DroppedMyself.jpg|And I dropped myself.
Image:Headache.jpg|I had major headaches.
Image:WangedinHead.jpg
Image:KickedWhackedFaceinSand.jpg|Not to mention being BEAT UP Numerously.
Image:TKOGundam.jpg
Image:TookHeavyDamage.jpg
Image:GrossedMyselfOUT.jpg|Grossed Myself the FREAK OUT!
Image:SinkIntoAbyss.jpg|I let myself fall into an ABYSS.
Image:IgnoredMyself.jpg|I ignored myself.
Image:DorkyExpression.jpg|Drew myself Stupidly.
Image:RenderedUnconsious.jpg|I've worn myself unconsious[sic].
Image:SilverPlatter.jpg|And I served myself on a Silver Platter!
</gallery></center>

==Sauce==
<references/>

[[Category: Historical Documents]]
[[category: Images]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

ShecameforCWC.JPG

2011-06-08T08:43:10Z

Vergilius: /* With Megan */

{{quote|And by the way, that is not [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] whose eyes are censored; that is [[Megan]]!|Chris, [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]}}

[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|"Your sister has cum for me"]]

'''ShecameforCWC.JPG''' is some [[Rule 34]] that [[Chris]] drew as part of a campaign to fight the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] by "replacing negativity with positivity."<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref> Arguably the most controversial of all of Chris's artistic canon, this single image managed to invoke so much drama it ruined the closest relationship with a human being he has ever had - his friendship with [[Megan Schroeder]].

At first, people believed the picture to be of his imaginary twin sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]], until Chris edited the article to confirm that it was in fact Megan.<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008|Chris confirms Megan's identity on the 18th March, 2008.]]</ref> He also angrily decried these scurrilous rumors in [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|an Internet video]], shouting that it was Megan. While this is less disturbing than Chris wanting to have an incestuous relation his own fictitious twin sister, it is notably creepy that it is of his only friend with whom he had no romantic or sexual relationship.

==Background==

When Chris first discovered the [[ED]] page, he was disturbed by the number of [[pickles]] on the site. Using his powers of [[autistic]] logic, Chris decided that the best response would be to replace these images with images of things that Chris likes, hence "replacing negativity with positivity."

On 11 November [[2007]], Chris uploaded several new, original images to ED, including ShecameforCWC.JPG. All were varying degrees of horrifying, but ShecameforCWC.JPG proved to be the most controversial, leaving [[trolls]] in total shock.

==Analysis==
[[Image:ShecameforCWCanatomy.JPG|thumb|Anatomy analysis]]

The drawing fails in so many ways that it manages to capture the true essence of fail that is Chris:

*The [[Chris and art|artistic skills]] of an eight-year-old; depth perception and proportion are nonexistent. She looks as flat as the paper upon which she was drawn.
*A complete unfamiliarity with the female anatomy (the [[China|vagina]] is not one long hole and you could never do that sort of thing with a real vagina, looking like that).
*Megan's body lacks all curves whatsoever. Chris should probably start paying better attention to women in porn, as then he would know that girls' waists nip in, thus making the hips appear more pronounced, instead of being straight up and down [[Pedofork|like a little boy]].
*Unfamiliarity with human anatomy in general. Megan's legs seem to start right at the groin while her hips are directly behind them. Her right hand seems to be permanently stuck doing the [[Wikipedia:Vulcan salute|Vulcan salute]] from ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek|Star Trek]]''. Also, it looks like neither Chris nor Megan have elbows, joints or even bones for that matter. What is supposed to be her foot looks like a deformed flipper.
*Chris is somehow reaching over his left shoulder with his right hand despite the fact that his elbow remains near his side, creating an effect straight out of [[Wikipedia:M. C. Escher|M. C. Escher]]'s darkest nightmares.
*Megan's right nipple looks at first to be a sixth finger, suggesting that Chris messed up (more than usual) while drawing the hand and decided to turn it into a nipple.
*The [[China|vagina]] in question appears to be either glowing or shooting out a powerful gust of wind. Chris probably meant to convey that Megan was "wet" and/or "[[Masturbating and squirtin'|squirtin']]," but due to his own stupidity he drew her "[[Wikipedia:Female ejaculate|cum]]" around and outside the vagina instead of coming from inside it, leading to the "Glowing Ethereal Cunt of All Ages" effect shown in the picture. Also, pussy juice is not blue.
*Megan's pubic hair, which was probably supposed to be a [[Wikipedia:Landing strip (pubic hair)|landing strip]] (a near-ubiquitous hair cut in porn), in this drawing bears a slight resemblance to [[Wikipedia:Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]'s mustache (coincidentally, Megan had a one-time fetish for German soldiers, which Chris wouldn't realize anyway). It is also quite far up on her body, and looks like some kind of messed-up [[Wikipedia:Abdominal hair|happy trail]] instead of pubic hair.
*Close attention to the parts that interest Chris, namely [[China|genitalia]] and breasts, yet a tiny head he had to squeeze in, most likely because he started with the former and realized "Oh, she needs a face."
*In contrast, Chris pays close attention to his [[Medallion of Fail]], his [[heterochromia]], etc.
*Not only a retarded pun, a reinforcement of Chris's narcissism, that when a woman orgasms, it's for his sake and not her own pleasure (as he titled it "''She''came''For''CWC", emphasis added). Plus, a smug look on his face as he gives a thumbs up while fingering her seals the deal.
*He's wearing his [[Sonichu medallion]] while fingering a woman. He stated that ideally, he'd like to be wearing his medallion for his first time.{{cite}}
*The fact that this is his best and only friend, Megan, and he sees nothing wrong with it other than the fact that it's on the Internet where she can see it.

==Drama==
===With ED===
When Chris first uploaded the image to ED, he captioned it "Your sister has cum for me." Exactly what he meant here is disputed, but it had the unintended effect of leading ED's users to widely conclude that the picture represented ''Chris's'' sister, the fictional character [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]]. (Given the nature of Chris’s artwork, any two females with long brown hair are easily mistaken for each other.)

Over the next few months, the image was removed and replaced a few times over the course of Chris's simmering edit war against ED. It didn’t become a serious hot potato until [[March 2008]], however, when [[Megan]] discovered the picture and learned that it was meant to be a picture of her. (Chris, not realizing that it would probably be better to cut his losses and let the trolls believe that he wanted to screw his imaginary sister, spilled the beans himself.) In between bombarding Megan with apologies via e-mail, he went on a desperate campaign to remove the image from his ED page.

Chris spent most of a week trying to remove the image, trying to delete references to Megan from the article, trying to erase random bits of the article in order to camouflage his real intentions, and otherwise failing to realize that once something goes up on a wiki, you can’t make it come back down. Amazingly, he even tried to replace the image with a [[:File:TomTomCloseup.jpg|cropped version]] which just involved the vagina, as though Megan were only angry about her and Chris's facial features being depicted and would be satisfied if the image just showed his hand disappearing up her radiant quim. ED admins quickly reverted his edits and eventually protected the page once it was obvious that Chris was up to something.

On 18 March, Chris admitted defeat in his own disturbing way, and edited the image’s caption — as well as several other captions around the article — to make it clear that the woman depicted is Megan, not Crystal. Over the next few days, he made a number of other self-deprecating and self-pitying changes and additions to the page, including the "[[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!]]" series of images, before giving up on editing ED for six months.

===With Megan===
In early spring [[2008]], Chris’s relationship with Megan had gone relatively smoothly for some time. However, on 4 March, she sent him a seemingly innocuous message, sharing some friendly news...and also asking that Chris remove any references to her from his websites.

By 12 March, Megan had discovered the full extent of what Chris had written and drawn about her around the Internet, and particularly the fact that she'd starred in his cartoon fantasy porn. (At some point, according to [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]], the image was also discovered by Megan's fellow customers at [[The_Game_Place|the Game Place]].) While failing to get the image off the ED page over the next several days, Chris sent her a series of messages trying to put out the fire.

Some of his attempts to "explain" the image to Megan are downright bizarre. It's hard to do justice to the [[Megan_Emails, 2008#Chris_apologizes_for_something.2C_what_could_it_be.3F|original e-mails]]. At one point he seemed to think Megan was offended because she didn't understand the act on display, and went off on a frighteningly awkward explanation of what a handjob is. In another e-mail, Chris confirmed the suspicion of many trolls — that he had entertained thoughts of sexually assaulting Megan.

{{quote|If I didn't have the foresight to put my pent-up frustrations and feelings in the form of something, I might have become an abusive maniac...|Chris, [[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris_continues_bothering_her_about_ED|e-mail to Megan, 18 March 2008]]}}

Generally, Chris's "apologies" are a classic display of his insensitivity and awesome narcissism in action. He shows little remorse for creating and publishing the image while offering plenty of woe-is-me whining about the bullies from ED. In a message from 18 March, he actually had the gall to tell Megan that no matter how bad she might be feeling, he himself has definitely got it worse.

After sending several messages and receiving little in the way of response from Megan, Chris appears to have given up on winning back her trust, which coincides with the slackening of his campaign to remove the image from ED and the increasingly self-hating tone of his edits there. On 23 March, Megan finally sent him two brief replies to the effect of "leave me alone." Those mark the end of the active drama over the image. Chris stopped editing ED around the same time.

As a coda to the fiasco, Chris tried once more to repair his relationship with Megan about a month later, sending a message with a mix of everyday news and creepy stalkerish longing. Given some time to consider the implications of his earlier messages, especially the parts where he brought up the prospect of raping her, Megan slammed the door shut, saying "I'm afraid I can't trust you anymore." This remains their last known communication.

==Today==
{{quote|It was Wishful Thinking.|Chris, describing his motive for drawing ShecameforCWC, [[Rejected Mailbag]]}}

Christian's remorse turned out, not surprisingly, to be fake as he went and reuploaded the picture for his sleazy [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], citing the fact he needed "sexy images".<ref>[[Mumble 9.5|Mumble Chat 9.5]]</ref> The pain he caused a female friend means nothing compared to his lust for e-fame. The original drawing itself is said to be ripped up and stored in a "Crumple-Lope"
==See also==
*[[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]] - Chris graduates from a handjob to an all-out rockstar orgy. His drawing style hasn't improved.
==Sauce==
<references />
{{MeganSaga}}
[[Category:Rule 34]]
[[Category: Megan Saga]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE

2011-06-08T07:24:58Z

Vergilius: Changed the vid to Library's mirror, as it has been fully subbed.

'''Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE''' (also known as '''CWC's Important Message 02242007''' and '''Chris Chan's IMPORTANT MESSAGE''') is a 24 February [[2007]] video in which, in celebration of his milestone 25th [[birthday]], [[Chris]] delivers his manifesto and summarizes the lessons he has learned in his life and how they should be applied by future generations of "Ladies and Gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages, as well as the, uh gals."

This video proves that Chris is able to withstand direct sunlight for a considerable time before the inevitable mutation into his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|Vest-Man form]]. Compared to his current habits, Chris appears more confident, stutters less, (though this is probably because he is reading from a script) and is less of a fattie in 2007.

==Intended audience==

As outlined in the video, Chris wanted it to be shown in local schools. To date it hasn't, possibly because the FBI would describe it as "grooming" children (note that Chris refers to [[wikipedia:Alfred Kinsey|Dr. Kinsey]]). Chris also posted it online as a fan teaser to his shitty autobiographical DVD, [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)]], that he was never going to show them regardless. His disappointed fans responded to this catch-22 situation by trolling him and getting their hands on the DVD anyway.

==Rundown==

The video covers a myriad of topics Chris knows nothing about, like how to attract a [[sweetheart]] and how to stay straight.

*Why going to school, like waterboarding, is not torture.
*Why it is important to [[homos|STAY STRAIGHT]]™.
*How to attract a [[sweetheart]].
*Boys should stroke the hair of a [[My Little Pony]] to understand girls.
*Girls should acquire [[Transformers]] to understand boys.
*Why every last ounce of "[[tobacky]]" should be sent to [[the Moon]].
*Why [[Alcohol|drinking]] is bad and leads to bar fights.
*Why anybody who disregards you is a "peanut."
*Why "straying from the straight path" will "jeopardize the entire world and the human race."
*For the love of God, STAY STRAIGHT!!!
*Girls should seriously consider the romantic advances of ugly, dumpy guys, "because they will likely have a [[Lie|better personality]] [...] and they may end up having a brighter [[2011|future]] for themselves."

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE
| image = {{#ev:youtube|73UsyGYk2FQ}}
| Stardate = 24 [[February 2007]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Galpals|text}}, {{Homos|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{Television|text}}, Drugs, Alcohol
| Performance Style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}, with jacket
| previous = [[Pixelated_PS3#Video|Pixelated PS3]]
| next = [[Soul_Calibur#Chris_vs_Mary_Lee_Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]
}}

{{quote|All Views Expressed in this video ARE THOSE TRUE AND SOLID OF MY SOUND MIND AND COMPLETE CONSCIENCE. Especially STAYING STRAIGHT!!!}}

===Transcript===

Ahem... hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all teenages, as well as the, uh, gals. My name is [[Christian Chandler]]; I am ''here'', and y'all are there. [''chuckles''] This message is for everyone of the present and the future, beyond this date: February 24th, [[2007]]th. My birthday. My twenty-fifth birthday. [''holds up two fingers'']

I am [[Autism|High-Functioning Autistic]], and in my twenty-five years, I have seen and learned so much. And today, I am share—intend to share some wise words that I hope each and every one of you will take to heart and will offer yourself and everyone else a better part of your future.

First off, remember that going to school is not a torture. It is a place of learning, a place for growing, a place where you form the spelling of your own opinions, your own feelings, and your own personality. So learn everything you are able to, and grow with it.

Now, you should also be able to try something for yourself, before forming praise or detest of it. As long as those things will not harm you, or shorten your lifetime in any way, it's totally cool.

What is totally NOT cool, though, is thinking or doing these things, which are very harmful to you, and definitely gr—will gross out those around you that don't do it, because I haven't done it and I don't like it—doing either of them. You should avoid ''at all costs'' [[tobacky|smoking]], drinking [[alcohol]], and then taking any [[semen| similar icky dangerous stuff]]. And smoking will eventually cause cancer, and it will—you'll be more likely to get heart attacks, viruses, and your life will be cut ''drastically'' short. They don't call cigarettes and cigars "death sticks" for nothing, other than killing you slowly. If I could, I would take every last ounce of tobacky, put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to the [[Moon]]. [''[[Desi]] walks to front of the house in the background''] And for, uh, alcohol, they'll cause, uh, liver dysfunction, kidney prob—kidney [[fail]]ures, and uh, not only that, but, when you get drunk enough, bar fights and automobile accidents. So it's a real slow-acting poison. And I haven't done either one, and look at me now, I'm, uh... [''puffs out his chest''] [[Chris and Health|fit as a fiddle]], and I'm livin' twenty-five, hopin' to live on to be about eighty to a hundred. And y'all—hopefully, y'all will get a chance to get up to that ripe old age, as well.

Now, among the better things you should definitely try before despising, is some of the hobbies of those of your own—opposite gender. Like, uh, for example, if you are a young gentleman, I recommend buying yourself a [[My Little Pony]] figure of your favorite color or whatever. Now, uh, stroking the hair of said pony is very relaxing and therapeutic, and also rubbing it against your cheek. That's... nice. And also, uh, you can pretend that, uh, the pony is, uh, that girl you want to take you wanna take out to—you wanna take out sometime, and talk to the pony like you would talk to the girl.

Now for the, uh, ladies I would recommend... a good old Autobot from [[Transformers]]. Because you can get to learn how to examine the mechanics... and variations of... each and every... I mean, of the, uh, Autobot you have... like, uh, you would tr—like you would learn how... [[Duck|a man]]... works. And it'll allow you to feel more comfortable in approaching, and talking to, that boy you've been flirtin' from a distance, or, uh, just have been, uh, flirting with from a distance. And, uh, hopefully, uh, all you have to do is just end up and say "hello". I mean, it's not so hard. All you have to do is say "hello" to the man, ladies; that's all. And everything will just get going from there. And also, uh, with the, uh, Autobot, while it's in vehicle mode you can pret—drive down that imaginary fast lane.

But any—in any case, uh, while few people may ridicule you, you should not worry about it, because most everybody will be o—totally okay with it, because it won't matter. It won't matter, because... [''completely loses his place''] ...they see you enjoyin' it, and it's totally cool, if you're enjoying it. So you enjoy it, just do it—don't worry about other people's opi—pinions. Because, uh, compared to the other schools, those people who disregard you are just total peanuts. And I'm not talkin' Charlie Brown; I'm talkin' 'bout the little nuts after the shells. The real peanut gallery. That would be peanuts, wouldn't it?

Also keep in mind that, while you're playin' with these things, you should keep in mind of what your true, original gender is. Because, uh, it's like you worry about that girl you want to take on a date—YOUNG MAN!—or, uh, likewise, you feel more comfortable to approach that boy—by just saying "hello"—that you've been checkin' out from a distance—YOUNG LADY!—and hopefully in due time or now, each and every one of you will STAY STRAIGHT. You know, girl for boy, boy for girl? Everything else is vice, as said by [[Homos|Doctor Kinsey]]. Not just for me, not for [[Chris and religion|The Big Man Upstairs]], not for your family, but do it for, uh, yourself, and for—and for the benefits of everyone in the future: your children, your children's children... And, besides, if you stray away from the straight path, it can really jeopardize the entire future of the world and the human race.

Also, girls and ladies, don't just go over gaga, over the handsome rich boys... and men... because they may turn out to be disrespectful and distasteful in their personality. You should take into consideration all the other gentlemen that you may have considered, that may be ''less'' attractive, or equally—less or moderately. Because those will—because they will likely have a better personality that you will—that you will generally enjoy and like, and they may end up having a brighter future for themselves. Like, look at me now—I'm shootin' this movie for a DVD... that's gon—that I hope will be shown in a couple of schools, at least.

Now, uh, also, uh... also, when you—when each and every one of you has a true general understanding of the, uh, opposite gender, and after that—finding that special [[Tomgirl Pictures|MAN—LADIES!]]—or that special GIRL—GENTLEMEN!—always keep the... heart and memories of times that you two felt most attracted to each other, because that will be a key point to recovering from any disputes or arguments that you two might have in the future. Otherwise, so you two will just be darn happy with each other. But it's not all always gonna be peaches and cream or strawberry shortcakes. [[Sigh|[''Chris sighs'']]] And also remember, you two should KEEP each other, because there will be nobody else—no matter how much you think about it—nobody else that can replace that special someone—him for her or... her for him—there's just nobody else...there's no substitute for that [[Virgin with rage|first one.]]

And now, I leave you with the lessons that you should have—that I hope you have learned from my message. You should all—you should stay in school, learn as you much. And try before you praise and despise. Never smoke! Never drink! Never worry about how others think of you when you do things... or... when you play with things that may not s—that may not seem like you—or whatever. Don't be afraid to approach those of your opposite gender. And MOST IMPORTANTLY! PLEASE... STAY STRAIGHT. I leave you with those words, as I have shared with you on this, my twenty-fifth birthday, February 24th, 2007. I am Christopher "Christian" Weston Chandler. Live long, and shine on, in your very own unique way. War is never the answer; peace is. Never fight. Compliments will get you [[fuzzy-wuzzies]]. War gets you prickly-wicklies... as well as punches. They get you those, too. Thank you very much, and have a wonderful day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Pixelated PS3]]|nextlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|}}

{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category: Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-02-24]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-06-06T14:50:00Z

Vergilius:

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fanfiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works — legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "[[parody|parodic]]," but doesn't like creations that he has labeled "parodies" either.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over [http://www.zazzle.com/sonichu+gifts VERY REAL] unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[eBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined US$500'', money they could have otherwise spent on [[video games]].

Several days later, Chris would use the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unnatural acts with a lizard.<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic10P36.jpg</ref>

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recorded an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent or knowledge. Not only has the irony completely escaped Chris, but he deliberately spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, believing that others would find him in the right despite his shady tactics. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins after disarming him. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

In late [[May 2010]], Chris abandoned the [[CWCipedia]] after trolls overran it once again. In a message left behind, Chris claims that anything that doesn't come from his YouTube account, the former CWCipedia webpage or his [[OKCupid]] account is false and that anything shown elsewhere was made up just to slander ''him''. It's easy to see that Chris does not want others to see what kind of person he really is and thus claims that everything else that wasn't on something he created is false. Sadly, it doesn't work that way - just looking up his name in any of its forms brings up a lot of information about him, mostly the same things we already know about him. The Internet is a dangerous place and Chris doesn't know how dangerous it is.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be taken away and forcibly [[women's rights|given to]] another man appointed by the government.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there are huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically burst his heart with not a bit of [[remorse]] or justification of why.

All of the violence in the final pages of ''Sonichu'' #10 is particularly bad when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|''Sonichu Revolution'']] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villains, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In ''Sonichu'', these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris has difficulties understanding not only mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's insecure and jealous that someone will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Metal Gear

2011-06-05T23:51:01Z

Vergilius:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|p03W5ElzdGI}}</center>
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris [[Don't Mess With Me|using CQC]] on [[Clyde Cash]] while wearing the [[Chris and fashion|Red-Blue Stripe]] camoflage]]
[[Image:Torture.jpg|thumb|right|"We live in a sad age. [[YouTube]], [[PSEye]]s, [[For Julie's Eyes Only|leaked]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|videos]]... [[1990s]] [[Internet]] had its share of [[trolls]], but at least they had no streaming video. Internet today makes things too easy."]]

Being that '''''Metal Gear Solid''''' is [[Clyde Cash|so cash]], and many veteran [[trolls]] emerged from the depths of [[4chan|/v/]] (where [[Fapcup|wanking]] to [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear)|Big Boss]] is mandatory), several ''MGS'' references have emerged. Even [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has made some possibly unintentional nods to the franchise. [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]] has also proclaimed her love for [[Jason Kendrick Howell|Liquid Snake]].

==Allusions made by trolls==

[[Image:Maryleewalshpatriot.png|thumb|The picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh|Big Dean]] featured in the "Good Fan Art" article at [[CWCipedia]]]]
* [[The Miscreants]] are an obvious [[parody]] of [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#The Patriots|the Patriots]], except while the Patriots specialize in (con)trolling the world, the Miscreants' main field of interest involves manipulating and monitoring the [[saga|sagas]] and events of a certain [[Chris|autistic manchild]].
*The Miscreants' codenames all go along the lines of, "The (x)". This is a nod to ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 3|Metal Gear Solid 3]]'', where one must face [[Blanca|The Pain]], [[Sarah May|The Fear]], [[Ivy|The End]], and [[Julie|The Fury]].
* "Liquid Chris" was the codename for [[CChanSonichuCWC]], noting that [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]] was Solid Snake's genetic twin and enemy who had inherited the recessive genes of their father Big Boss and was therefore led to believe himself inferior, with the irony being that Liquid Chris excelled in everything Solid Chris does.
* Chris's appearance resembles Big Boss in the fan comic "Sonichu Finale".
* [[Wild Sonichu]] was crafted into a Solid Snake lookalike for a scene in episode 7 of ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'', where he has sex with a cardboard box before breaking into 4-Cent_Garbage.com's HQ.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] goes by the e-handle "Liquid Snake".
* Some of [[User:Lime/Clyde vs. Chris: Day by Day|Clyde's messages to Chris]] contain footage from the series.

==''MGS'' and Chris==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|left|Big Boss appeared in ''[[Sonichu 8]]'', but was mauled by faggotry]]
[[Image:KNOWTHEDIFFERENCE.JPG|thumb|[[Sonichu 8|It really could]]]]
*[[LittleBigPlanet#Metal Speed Solid|Metal Speed Solid]] is one of the ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' levels made by Chris. Yes why, it's really bad.
* Gecko and Mantis are shown as chefs in [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. While physically deformed [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|mutants]], their names are reference to the [[troll]] Gecko Mantis, who got his name from the elite bio-mechanical robot originating from ''MGS4'', and Psycho Mantis, a psychic soldier appearing in ''MGS1'' and briefly in ''MGS4''.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was portrayed similar to Big Boss, with brown hair, a headband and an eye patch. For a while, it was assumed that Chris browsed /v/ for three seconds, saw a Big Boss picture and decided it was close enough, despite Big Boss and Liquid Snake (Jason's e-alias) being radically different characters. Later, Jason revealed that Chris saw an old picture of him with an eye patch on [[Myspace]]<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY A Jason Retrospective Part 2]</ref>; which makes a bit more sense, as Chris wouldn't go near any place as [[alcohol|drunky]] or [[Tobacky|smokey]] as /v/.
* Wild sneaks into the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] company headquarters, which is apparently full of empty red corridors. Chris may be making a subtle joke at ''Metal Gear Solid'''s typical bland military bases. Or, far more likely, he is too [[Stress|stressed]] to include enemies, or details. {{clear}}

==Notes==
Christian has purchased ''Metal Gear Solid'' from the [[PSN]]; however, he most likely has not touched it because he's too busy playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' or ''Wheel of Fortune'' and the fact that [[Sonichu Special 4|sneaking behind enemies instead of attacking them head-on]] is too stressful for him.

Also of note, ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots|Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots]]'' is not listed as one of the best PS3 games according to Chris, even though it has sold over five million units, making it the best-selling PS3-exclusive title to date.

==See also==

[[File:Chuhoundlogo.jpg|thumb|The [[True and Honest]] ChuHound logo]]

*Les Enfantes [[Autistic|Autiste]]:
[[Solid Chris]] | [[Liquid Chris]] | [[Solidus Chris]]
*Operation [[Duck]] [[Homos|Eater]]:
[[Bob Chandler|Big Boss]]/[[Nudes|Naked Chris]] | [[Barbara Chandler|EVA]]/[[Obesity|Big Mama]] | [[Mary Lee Walsh|The Boss]] | [[Greene County Conspiracy|The Philosophers]] | [[Monthly Tugboat|The Philosopher's Legacy]]
*[[Chaotic Combo|ChuHound]] [[Honor Roll|Special Ed.]] Group:
[[Joshua Martinez|Revolver Jocelot]] | [[Magi-Chan Sonichu|Psycho Chantis]] | [[Silvana|Dickgirl Octopus]] | [[Flame the Sunbird|Flaming Raven]] | [[PandaHalo|Sniper Panda]]
* [[White Knight|Philanthropy]]:
[[Bill the Scientist|Dr. Hal Emmerich]]/[[Anime Mid-Atlantic|Otacon]] | [[Sandy Rosechu|Sandy Gurchukovich]] | [[Allison Amber|Nastasha Romanenko]] | [[Ching Chong|Mei Ling]]

*Locations:
[[CWCville|Outer Heaven]] | [[RuleCWC|ZanziCWC Land]] | [[4-cent_garbage.com|Shadow Garbage Island]] | [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|Big Shell]]

*[[Daniel Weston|Chris Plissken]]
*[[Man in the Pickle Suit|Cyborg Pickle]]
*[[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|FISSION MAILED]]
*[[Random-access humor|I NEED SCISSORS! 61!]]
*[[Son-Chu|Metal Gear CWC]]
*[[Crackder|Metal Gear IBA]]
*[[The Miscreants]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri5sRCd-LNs METAL LOVE SOLID 3: STRAIGHT ANGER]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdhYYH1_5SQ CWC 4 - Puns of the Patridiots]

[[Category:Video Games]]

Stress sigh

2011-05-31T23:18:10Z

Vergilius: I nearly got autism listening to hours of Chris's sighing.

{{quote|*sigh*|Chris}}
{{quote|Stop sighing so much.|[[Father Call|Kacey's Father]]}}

[[Image:48-Mimmbo Bo Boruto Card.jpg|thumb|200px|[[Stress]] makes you sigh a lot, apparently.]]

The '''stress sigh''' is [[Christian]]'s reaction to stress. Initially an unconscious coping mechanism, Chris has made habit of directing attention to it in an effort to gain sympathy. Chris has used it in conversation to discourage further unwanted scrutiny, or to express disapproval at having his desires deferred. The places where Chris would sigh while speaking in person are noted in all of his written communication with "*sigh*."

The term "[[stress]] sigh" is presumed to originate from [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]], due to the strong connection in Chris between sighing and stress. Chris refers to the stress sigh as only a "sigh," suggesting that to him the link between sighing and stress is implicit.

==The anti-sigh==
Chris makes a comparable noise, a short, chirpy "hmph," to express contentment and self-satisfaction, usually of a smug variety.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|FW6ZsFAQfkU}}</center>

{{Mannerisms}}
{{Stub}}

[[Category:Mannerisms]]

Asperchu/Background

2011-05-08T12:50:47Z

Vergilius: The video has been removed, replacing it with the theme

:''This article is about "Asperchu", a very well-thought-out webcomic. For Chris's views and such and all that, see [[Asperchu]].''

<center>{{#ev:youtube|yHXBFT6G5c0}}</center>

{{Quote|I think Asperchu is a pretty nice guy. He faces his fear of [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor|rejection]], tries his best to be tactful and humble, and he just wants somebody to love. Oh dear god, you made a sympathetic [[Wikipedia:Bizarro World|bizzaro]] [[Chris]].|An anon on [[/cwc/]], summarizing what makes Asperchu so unique.}}

{{quote|I detest "Asperchu", because one, it is a [[Parody]] of a [[Sonichu]] with [[aspergers]], which with the condition, I have no care for. And two, it is just lousy; if aspergers is really like [[autism]], then the creator really knows nothing about Autism.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 24]]</ref>}}

[[Image:AsperchuFanArt.png|thumb|That's right, '''Asperchu''' is so popular, it's fan art that has received fan art of itself]]

'''''The Amazing Asperchu''''' (also called ''Asperchu: The Amazing Tales'' and ''The Spectacular Asperchu'') is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' detailing the zany misadventures of [[Asperchu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] with [[Asperger syndrome]]. It can be read [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ here].

''Asperchu'' pokes fun at everything that makes [[Chris]]'s ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' comic series what it is. Unlike ''Sonichu'', where everyone praises Chris for what he's done, the same cannot be said for Asperchu, whose descent into the same giant prick that Chris has become has the entire supporting cast detest him. Another thing that has earned the ire of Chris is its tablet-drawn style - this is, more or less, a delusional thing for Chris, who [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|believes that it doesn't have the same "character"]] as [[Chris and art|his paper-and-pencil-drawn pages]].

{{TOC limit|2}}

==Protagonists==

===Asperchu===
[[Image:Asperchu.jpg|thumb|left|150px|The Good, Godly, STRAIGHT Asperchu]]

Asperchu is a high-functioning Electric/Asperger's Hedgehog Pokémon. He has no Electric-type attacks; however, his Asperger's-type attacks do double damage against Autistic-type Pokémon. His strongest attack is the ''Asperhameha'', which hits his target with a blast of furious energy and can leave them confused and prone to developing [[mental block]]s of their own.

Asperchu lives in Minnesota with his grandparents, Grandma Snorlax and Grandpa Alzheichu; his father went out to get a case of beer and promised to be right back, although this was some time in late [[2003]] and he hasn't been seen since. When not working hard on [[YouTube]] videos, he prefers to relax by playing video games on his [[Xbox 360]] or hanging out with his joy-boys at the mall food court. He attends [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|Normandale Community College]] with his two best joy-boys, Max and Jivin. However, Asperchu's adventures and his recent state of mind has made him forget this detail and he has missed 195 days of school.

He is currently on a [[Love Quest]] to obtain a [[gal-pal]] whom he can build into a [[sweetheart from the ground up]]. His standards for a gal-pal are not terribly stringent, although he will not abide gingers or tolerate those who do. He eventually met and fell in love with Dixie Chu, beginning his Dix Quest to win her heart. Having been rejected, though, Asperchu has been spending most of his time absorbed in video games and won't go anywhere without his Xbox Portable. As well, Asperchu has an incredible dislike for [[slow-in-the-mind]]s.

For a long time, Asperchu's hope for his Love Quest was to be able to finally have his dream-daughter Asperia, which later became unnecessary when he traveled back in time and met the [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] of the past. Both of them drank the [[semen|Special Fanta Brew]] that created [[Sonichu]] in the past; when Asperchu returned to the present, he found that he too was pregnant and defecated out a deformed monster, naming it "Asperia". While at first ecstatic to have her, he later grew bored of taking care of her and tried leaving her in the care of his grandma while he continued playing video games. Asperia was killed by [[Bionic the Hedgehog]].

Currently, Asperchu is being manipulated by a squirrel-creature calling itself "[[Rocky]]", telling Asperchu that he need never take responsibility for his actions. Unbeknownst to Asperchu, "Rocky" is one of the mysterious [[Man in the Pickle Suit|MIPS]].

It has been revealed that the source of Asperchu's powers is the Chaos Pickle of Diligence, though Asperchu believed that he was [[GodJesus]]'s next prophet.

*Asperchu is, of course, based on [[Christian Weston Chandler]]; his overweight appearance and clothing precisely emulate Chris's, and Asperchu's goatee is from Chris's [[Rollin' and Trollin']] phase. Asperchu's mannerisms are also directly copied from Chris, especially the [[ego]], narcissism, self-entitlement, and fixation on the [[Love Quest]]. Also, Asperchu's saga parallels Chris's descent into madness, with early issues focusing on Asperchu's fairly-innocent and [[naïve]] Love Quest, and later issues showing him to be just as big a [[duck|prick]] as Chris has become. It even goes as far as to hypothesize what Chris would do with a child if his wish came true: reasonably, He would get tired of said child and neglect to take care of it.

===Sonichu===
[[Image:TheOtherAsperchu.jpg|thumb|150px|Asperchu's bestest joy-boy Sonichu, who eventually got his own spin-off comic due to the popularity of Asperchu]]

The brother, hetero-life mate, and STRAIGHT joy-boy of Asperchu, with whom he is engaged in an everlasting, STRAIGHT bromance. Or at least he ''was''...

[[Sonichu]] shows up from time to time to assist Asperchu in his adventures and in defeating the villainous forces of the [[Troll]] Lords. Even if there aren't any villains to fight or adventures to be had, however, Sonichu and Asperchu just can't stand to be apart for long, so occasionally they will meet up for a [[Homos|late night snuggling rendezvous]]. He is currently running for the office of District Attorney of [[Virginia]], on a vigorous platform of promoting both gay rights and recognition of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] as a component of the Autism Spectrum. Or at least he ''did...''

Sonichu was created in [[1999]] by Ian Brandon Anderson through an unholy mixture of human and Chu semen with Fanta. At first, Ian was overjoyed at having a son of his own, especially one who'd be a loyal and true son, unlike [[Bionic]]. However, Ian got bored of trying to raise Sonichu, especially when it got into his video game playing time. Casting him into a raft, Sonichu floated down the river until he was found by the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, who raised Sonichu as his own son. When Ian Brandon Anderson took over [[CWCVille]], Sonichu was forced to be married off to [[Rosechu]], only for him and the rest of the [[Chaotic Combo]] to revolt. Arriving in ALBVille, he and the rest of the Chaotic Combo fought to free CWCVille from Ian's grips. However, the release of Metal Asperchu would change all that as he would slaughter most of the Combo. When Sonichu went to confront Ian at last, Metal Asperchu made short work of him, lopping off his right arm. When Asperchu, Max and Jivin returned from the past, Asperchu revealed off-handedly that Ian was his father. Sonichu went on a quest to find the truth, only to end up with Mitch Chu dead. When Christian told Sonichu the truth, it drove Sonichu insane. He hunted down Ian as he was kidnapping Asperia and blew out his kneecaps, accidentally killing Asperia. Being captured by Bionic again, he provoked Sonichu into killing Ian for good. As a gift, he grafted Ian's arm where Sonichu's once was. When Argentum was released, he teleported Asperchu and Sonichu to the time when the [[4-Cent_Garbage]] Center was destroyed, only for the hedgehog to tear apart the place. When Sonichu returns to the present, Sonichu attempts to call Asperchu a monster, but he feels himself unworthy of Chris's love and runs away.

While in self-imposed exile in Molvanîa, he finds himself possessed by the soul of Ian and, in fear, runs to Bionic for help. When Bionic can't help him, the two rescue Sinestro from his prison. However, not even Sinestro understands Sonichu's odd transformation, his fur turning blue, his eyes taking Ian's [[heterochromia]] styling, [[Obesity|his cholesterol level skyrocketing]] and wanting to play the [[PS3]] for 5 to 9 hours.

In an alternate universe of sorts, Sonichu is shown as an actual [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]-like character fighting an evil madman named [[Robotnik|CWC-Botnik]].

At the end of Issue #F, Sonichu is no more, taken over by Ian's personality, becoming the dreaded ... '''Chris-Chan Sonichu'''.

===Max===
[[Image:Max.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Asperchu's plucky, polyurethane sidekick]]

Close friend of Asperchu and Jivin. He is always a True, Caring friend who only ever looks out for his joy-boys. He is composed of 80% memory foam and is capable of absorbing the properties and attacks of other people by temporarily ingesting them. His transformations include [[Wikipedia:Guido|Guido]], [[Wikipedia:Waffen SS|Waffen SS]], [[Niggos|2Pac]] and Yellow Devil.

At the funeral for the Chaotic Combo, it's revealed that Max is also a Christian minister.
*Max is a completely original character and is not derived from [[Wikipedia:Kirby (character)|any source]] other than Alec Benson Leary's own imagination.

===Jivin Pickles===
[[Image:Jivin.jpg|thumb|150px|Aww, shit son, Asperchu just got GANGSTA all up in here]]

The son of a prominent cucumber farmer, Jivin is Asperchu's [[Niggos|black]] best friend who is black. He is keen to assist Asperchu in his [[Love Quest]], although some speculate it is merely an excuse for him to pursue his own personal Fuck Quest, as his attitude toward [[sweethearts]], while enthusiastic, appears less than wholesome at times. Instead of [[Christmas]], Jivin celebrates [[Wikipedia:Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa]]. Asperchu has suggested that he possibly does not realize Jivin is black. The Pickles family are the guardians of one of the seven Chaos Pickles.

Jivin is a fan-favorite on Asperpedia that has received his own sub-episode, as well as two cameos in Isabel Monday's comic ''[[Fan:Capering Berries|Capering Berries]]''.
===Groovan===
Close friend of Max, Asperchu and Jivin. ''Asperchu'' issue Ten claims that they have always been friends.

==Villains==
===Ian Brandon Anderson===
[[Image:IBAasperchu.png|thumb|150px|left|The evil and deceitful IAN BRANDON SOMETHING]]

[[Ian]] believes himself to be the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler, but is instead a [[fat]], insane manchild. Ian rules [[CWCville]] through a totalitarian and Nazi-like regime, although the CWCville People's Liberation Front (CPLF) constantly fights against his oppression. He forced women in middle school and older into prostitution as a perverse form of "[[Dating Education|sexual education]]".

This recently changed after Ian's lengthy absence, leading to [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Mayorshack Tito]]'s takeover and the return of justice to CWCville.

If he doesn't get his way, he uses his [[Megatron Pistol|Transformers gun]] to silence anyone who questions his delusions. Ian attempted to murder Christian to prove that he was the real Chris-chan, and also attempted to murder the "parodic" Sonichus before being set on fire by Metal Asperchu and losing his Transformers gun, where it passes hands until it is given away by Noir Chu.

In [[1999]], Ian had created Bionic, but quickly lost interest in him as the hedgehog attempted to win over his love. Fired from his job at [[Wendy's]] by [[Giovanni]], Ian discovered Asperchu and quickly became friends with him. He introduced him to his [[gal-pals]] [[Ivy]] and [[Megan]] before encountering his future self. The two fought and the younger Ian proved victorious. He attempted to have sex with the two before Megan tazered him. Trapped by the foppish Principal Blaziken, Bionic came to his aid, but Ian mistook Asperchu for the hero, breaking his creation in the process. He invites Asperchu to his house where he convinces Asperchu to surrender some of his [[comeuppance]] to create the Special Fanta Brew. Summoning [[Beel|Satan]] to his house after drinking the cup with their comeuppance, he has him use his satanic powers to turn them into a Sonichu inside his stomach. The younger Ian would encounter the older Ian, forcing the two to attack with their [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s, leading to Bionic being rendered how he is now. Disgusted by Bionic's perceived failure, Ian abandoned Bionic and, ten weeks later, gave birth to Sonichu. The birth, however, left his [[duck]] bent at a horrible angle. He later abandoned Sonichu since taking care of him took away from his time playing video games, so he sent him on a raft hoping that he'd raise himself to become the son he wanted without putting any effort into it.

When the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler disappeared, Ian initiated a coup on CWCville, quickly gaining control. As the Asperchu series shares the same universe as ''[[Simonchu]]'' and ''[[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]]'', it is said that he was able to con the people into thinking he was the true Christian Weston Chandler. In short order, Ian ravaged the city, destroyed it's commerce center and driven or killed 70% of its population, placing the remaining citizens under martial law.

Years later, Ian reappeared, seeking to aid in the rescue of Asperchu, only to encounter the TRUE and ORIGINAL Christian Weston Chandler and be sat on fire by Metal Asperchu. Through various conversations, we learned that Ian had raped a number of Rosechu as well as Mitch Chu. When Metal Asperchu attacked, Ian took up a Son-Chu and battled it out, nearly winning until the robot took advantage of damage Simonchu inflicted. When the robot activated a time warp, he was tossed into the past and beaten by his past self. He attempted to fight again, only to encounter Max. He completely ignores Max's impassioned plea to stop fighting and races back to his house, encountering his younger self and set off the chain of events that would shunt him back into the present, where Metal Asperchu awaited. For a time, Ian was Bionic's prisoner, utterly unable to remember who he was. When Sonichu broke into his cell in an attempt to learn the truth of his past, Ian told him a fake story, only to be rejected by Sonichu. He attempted to escape with Sonichu, only to be captured in the process, passing out until the real Chris rescued everyone. Upon learning of Asperia, Ian sought to take her away because he feels that she is actually his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Upon attempting to spirit away Asperia, Sonichu blows out his kneecaps (accidentally killing Asperia) and is captured by Bionic. Bionic then uses the mentally unstable Sonichu to butcher his father. Ian finally meets his end with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's gun. As a reward, [[Metal Gear Solid|Bionic grafts Ian's right arm onto Sonichu's stump in place of the one he lost in Issue 3.]]

However, the soul of Ian lives on within Sonichu and whenever he takes over, he causes Sonichu's eyes to take its heterochromic styling.

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] is a version of Chris based on the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. Ian's appearance is a direct parody of Chris. Ian's death mirrors that of the deaths of Evan, Sean, and Mao in [[Sonichu 10]].

===Bionic the Hedgehog===
[[File:Bionicc.jpg|thumb|149px|Why don't you love me, father?]]
Ian Brandon Anderson's hedgehog creation. In 1999, Bionic was a jovial and [[homos|gay]] creature who encountered Jivin, Asperchu and Max after their time slip. They learned that he had sought to win Ian's love as the manchild slowly lost interest in other stuff other than [[ego|himself]] and [[china|women]]. When Bionic rescued Ian from Principal Blaziken, Ian mistook Asperchu as his savior and scolded Bionic, which broke him. Rescued by Jivin, but apparently lost his ability to speak (most likely swallowed his tongue), Bionic attempted to return to Ian, only to watch as his older self and younger self prepared to fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha on each other. Bionic saved an unwitting Asperchu from getting struck, only to be hit by the blasts. Losing an arm and being badly burned and scarred, Ian abandons him for his Sonichu. He attempts to get a job at McDonald's, but he is rejected by Robotnik. Rejected by his father and other lower forms, Bionic plots burning revenge against Ian.

Years later, Metal Asperchu would find him wheelchair-bound in a [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily-esque]] fortress. Bionic gave Metal Asperchu a Chaos Pickle as a sign of goodwill, then had him go after certain targets and kill them. Robotnik was first, killed for rejecting Bionic from McDonald's. Ian was the second target. When Metal Asperchu used the Chaos Pickles to create the time warp, he watched with joy as another robotic figure emerged. He finally managed to capture his father Ian Brandon Anderson (who forgot that Bionic was his first son and mistook him for another Sonichu parody), as well as his brother Sonichu. When the real Chris arrives to rescue Sonichu, he kills Mitch in cold blood before escaping.

Bionic returns and seemingly reveals his true master plan: by driving Sonichu insane through the revelation of his true parentage, he uses the broken Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to murder Ian Brandon Anderson; in essence, turning his favorite son against him. His plans for the body of the dead Asperia is currently unknown.

He attempted to help Sonichu with his strange transformation, but Sonichu stopped him and Sinestro, feeling this new form is much better. He is later called in to be a judge for Asperchu's trial.

*Bionic's condition is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:Christopher Pike|Christopher Pike]], the first captain of ''Star Trek's USS Enterprise'', with the exception that Bionic could still talk while Pike could only respond with light. His judge outfit resembles that worn by [[Wikipedia:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' series premiere, "[[Wikipedia:Encounter at Farpoint|Encounter at Farpoint]]" and again in the finale, "[[Wikipedia:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]".
*Similarly, Bionic's crippled body, mobile life support system, mechanized speech, distorted eyes, and general air of malevolent mystery could be based on [[Wikipedia:Davros|Davros]], one of the main villains on ''[[Wikipedia:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]].''
*Also, Bionic's base is based off a [[dream]] Chris mentioned about people being killed in a "[[Mailbag_39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED]]" factory.

===Metal Asperchu===
Metal Asperchu was to be Sinestro's ultimate tool in finding the seven Chaos Pickles, but refused to follow his orders and proceeded to seek the Chaos Pickles on his own. Metal attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion to guide his quest, then brutally murdered three of the five members of the Chaotic Combo.

From there he goes and forms an alliance with the severely crippled Bionic the Hedgehog, doing random tasks like blowing up fast [[McDonald's|food restaurants]] and killing [[Robotnik|Teddy Roosevelt]]. Bionic then orders the robot to bring him Christian Weston Chandler as his final task. He confronts Ian and attempts to kill him, only to be damaged in the process. He uses the four Pickles he gathered to take a new form and banish Ian, Asperchu, Max and Jivin to another time. When the four return, Metal Asperchu has taken up a new form and easily captures Ian. After obtaining the fifth Chaos Pickle, he decides to hold off on number six until he can unlock his full database. Confronting Sinestro, he learns the truth of the fourth directive, then releases Yellow Devil, Cthulu Chu and Bubastis Chu before imprisoning Sinestro in one of the tubes. After killing Cthulu Chu, he figures out the secret of the Fourth Directive and forces Sinestro to watch his work finally unfold. However, after the creation of Argentum and his subsequent turning, Metal Asperchu has gone into a massive blue screen of death. Soon after, WesLi Chu gives Metal Asperchu a disk and he begins scanning seven individuals who are part of the Anchuent Prophecy. He scans Asperchu, WesLi Chu, Sonichu, Chris and two others (presumably Alzheichu and Dino Dash) before the heroes attack him in his attempt to get the last one. He kills Noir Chu and Aspercream and defeats many of the heroes before Alzheichu stabs him with Chris's knife, briefly causing him to go haywire and explode, destroying him and finally releasing the Chaos Pickles.

* Based on [[Metal Sonichu]] who in turn is based on Metal Sonic.

===Other villains===

;Sinestro
As the apparent leader of the trolls, Sinestro has attempted to create numerous clones of Asperchu in order to find the seven Chaos Pickles, including Metal Asperchu and Noir Chu. Lisa and Dino Dash have been at his command from the very beginning, and he has convinced John to join him as well. After activating and losing Metal Asperchu, Sinestro has found himself pushed aside as the main villain before being locked up completely by his own creation. He was recently rescued by Sonichu and Bionic in an attempt to cure Sonichu's odd transformation.
*Sinestro's name comes from a [[Wikipedia:Sinestro|comic-book villain]], while his appearance is similar to that of [[Wikipedia:List_of_Excel_Saga_characters#Il_Palazzo|Il Palazzo]] of ''[[Excel Saga]]'' (whose appearance was also copied by Chris for the character [[ScotPalazzo]]).

;Lisa
A girl who attends Normandale Community College. Asperchu took a fancy to her, and worked up the courage to ask her on a date for some fine dining and pleasant conversation at the local Burger King and she agreed. However, her plan all along was to steal his Asperchu Medallion and lower his Heart Level. Although Asperchu later defeated her in battle, she still succeeded in both goals. She appears to be in the employ of Sinestro, to whom she delivered the Medallion. She has recently returned in an attempt to find and retrieve a disk that had been used by Metal Asperchu
*Lisa most closely resembles Chris's ex-sweetheart [[Blanca]]. As with Lisa, Blanca pretended to be interested in Chris in order to steal his medallion. Her asking him out on a fake date is based on the acts of proto-troll [[Hanna]].

;John and Kendra
John (YouTube handle: '''GJ-Radar''', "GJ" presumably standing for [[GodJesus]]) is a born-again Baptist from rural Texas; he and his fiancée '''Kendra''' traveled to Minnesota after becoming aware of Asperchu's YouTube rants, which they deemed sacrilegious and sinful. John confronted Asperchu and demanded that he overcome his hypocrisy; Asperchu responded by challenging him to a YouTube Godstar Challenge to prove who the real Christian was. John was declared to be the one true Christian, while Asperchu was declared a fraud. Asperchu subsequently stole John's own crucifix necklace and used it to power his Jesus-hameha attack, which hit and injured Kendra when she intervened. Sinestro approached John, offering to heal Kendra in return for his services.
* Based off the [[Singstar Challenge]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. John and Kendra most likely represent [[Liquid]] and [[Kacey]].

;Dino Dash/Clyde Cash
Dino Dash (called Clyde Cash in later issues) is the guido who kidnapped Jonas Chu in order to impersonate him at the Guitar Hero championship and abduct Dixie Chu as part of Sinestro's plan to obtain the seven Chaos Pickles. He is the strongest and most cunning of Sinestro's pawns.
*Dino Dash is based on [[Clyde Cash]].

;Count Plot Cohesuon
Count Plot Cohesuon is the mysterious force that may be behind Sinestro's search for the Chaos Pickles. He is not fond of ''dei ex machina''. According to Alec's comments on Issue 5E, Plot Cohesuon is Count Graduon's cousin and he's also dead, having used his powers on himself in an accident.
*Count Plot Cohesuon is a parody of [[Count Graduon]] from the original Sonichu comic.

;Silvana Rosechu
The evil, hermaphroditic Rosechu from the Sonichu series. Even more evil and cunning, she appears to work for Ian Brandon Anderson. She murders Bubbles and Magi-Chan, then lures Asperchu towards Ian, where's she's forced to become [[Meg Griffin]] for Ian's pleasure. She also has a noticeable bulge.

;Yellow Devil
A leftover from Dr. Wily's usage, the Yellow Devil now works for Bionic, capturing Sonichu and Ian as they attempt to escape. It crushes Mitch Chu's legs, smacks Jivin around and fights Max before he is defeated by the real Chris.
*Based on the [[List_of_Mega_Man_characters#Bio-Devil|Yellow Devil]] from the ''Megaman'' game series.

==Supporting characters==

===Asperchu's family===

;Grandpa Alzheichu
Asperchu's grandfather, an [[racist|old-fashioned]] Sonichu who spends most of his time sitting in his armchair and watching television. He also likes to make Asperchu do [[stress]]ful chores around the house. Alzheichu is married to Grandma Snorlax. Alzheichu sacrifices himself to stop Metal Asperchu's assault.
*Alzheichu is based on [[Bob Chandler]].

;Grandma Snorlax

Asperchu's grandmother. Spends all of her time sleeping in the backyard. Snorlax is married to Alzheichu. Lost her left foot due to Asperia's hunger.
*"[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]" is the nickname given to [[Barbara Chandler]].

;Asperia Chu

The future daughter of Asperchu, as foretold by [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] in a dream. Asperia Chu is definitely not a ginger. Asperia finally became a reality as a side effect of Past Chris's plans to become pregnant with Sonichu. When Asperchu craps her out in the present, he fails to realize what a disfigured abomination she really is. Asperchu quickly gets bored of her and, instead of taking care of her, stuffs her in the fridge or leaves her with sleeping Grandma Snorlax.

In one of Asperchu's daydreams of Asperia, she's seen wearing a bikini top and a thong underneath a skirt. This is likely mirroring Chris's [[pedofork]] tendencies. He also describes her as "the pinnacle of his existence", attributing to his own narcissism.

Sadly, Asperia is the latest victim of Ian Brandon Anderson's evils. Having been kidnapped by the madmanchild, she is accidentally killed by a vengeful Sonichu in his attempts to get back at him. However, Bionic recovers her body, and it is heavily implied he has plans for her since he sympathizes with having a neglectful father.

*Asperia Chu is based on [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]. As with Crystal, her name is a feminine version of her "father's." Also, Asperia's [[Wikipedia:Alien (creature in Alien franchise)|"Alien" appearance]] may be a jab at the [[Sonee and Rosey]] designs which have horrified many.

===[[Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)|The Chaotic Combo]]===
*'''Wild Sonichu''' is the leader of the Chaotic Combo and Simonchu's gay lover. Despises Asperchu's desire to win back Dixie Chu.

*'''Angelica Rosechu''' uses her wings and her faith in GodJesus to help her fight the forces of evil.

*'''Punchy Sonichu''' is the master of the "anshuent Chinaman martial arts." He has a very noticeable accent due to his ethnicity.

*'''Bubbles Rosechu''' is the entirely useless member who just hangs out with the group. She is extremely [[retarded|slow-in-the-mind]] and is prone to injuring herself.

*'''Magi-Chan Sonichu''' uses his psychic powers to aid the Chaotic Combo. Magi-Chan is able to locate any person by going into a five-and-a-half hour trance. He also likes to go on long walks in the park and [[Mass debate]] to videos of Simonchu and Wild's Honeymoon. He also seems to have a thing for Simonchu as well.

Wild, Angelica and Punchy were all brutally murdered by Metal Asperchu. Bubbles and Magi-Chan are later murdered by Silvana.

===Christian Weston Chandler===
[[Image:RealcwcAsperchu.png|thumb|150px|The TRUE and HONEST CWC (also the true and honest medallion)]]

Sonichu's father and creator, Christian is the hero of CWCville, always willing to risk his life and do what is necessary for the greater good. He helped to reform CWCville after the war with Albville under the reign of his father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert "The Lumberjack" Chandler]] and restored peace before Ian's hostile takeover. After assisting Asperchu's assault on Sinestro's castle, Christian left to pursue Ian Brandon Anderson.

In Issue 4, it's revealed that he raised Sonichu since as far back as he could remember, and trained him how to fight and WHEN to fight. However, during the time travel episode, Asperchu shed's light on the mayors past that puts Sonichu's biological parentage in doubt. The hedgehog now seeks Chris to try to find out the truth of his parentage. Instead, Chris finds them, rescuing them from Bionic, though not before Bionic kills Mitch. It is revealed in Issue 5 that Chris found Sonichu abandoned in a cardboard box and raised the Hedgehog Pokémon to be the creature who he was now.

It's been revealed that Chris is the avatar of the Chaos Pickle of Patience.

*Christian Chandler is based on [[Liquid Chris]]. The knife he carries is based on [[Sonichu Special 4]].

===Argentum===

The end result of Metal Asperchu's experiments, it is the Asperchu clone that has its fourth directive unlocked. It has the ability to warp space time and seems to be capable of feeding of the pain of others.

*Argentum's design is a mixture of the Pokémon [[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]] and Sonic the Hedgehog character [[Wikipedia:Silver the Hedgehog|Silver the Hedgehog]]. His name is Latin for "silver".

===Other characters===
;Heaven Fatterton

Lisa's accomplice and a fat ginger. She pretends to be Lisa during Asperchu's date so that she can steal the Asperchu medallion while Lisa films the date for blackmail. When her wig falls of, Asperchu is to dense to realize she's a phony and instead thinks there's two Lisas when the real Lisa shows up. Heaven has a thinner, bustier sister named Hortense who was killed by [[Bob Chandler]] for getting close to Chris-Chan.

;[[Mitch Sonichu|Mitch Chu]]

Sonichu's cousin. He's a [[Homos|gay]] hairstylist, and his catch-phrase is "Razzle-dazzle". When problems arose during Metal Asperchu's attack, Sonichu called in Mitch to watch over Jivin and his dad, who were attacked by the robot. He ended up giving Jivin a new hairdo. Later he helps reform Asperchu clone Noir Chu by having him volunteer at an Albville soup hotel. In issue 3, it is implied that Ian raped Mitch when he was a Sonee. He also has two fathers. In Issue 4, he agrees to join Sonichu on his quest to find his real father. When he attempts to rescue Sonichu from Bionic's clutches, his legs are crushed by the Yellow Devil, pinned to a wall crucifix-style, then shot through the chest before the real Chris can save him.

Mitch also appears as Sonichu's guide through the wonderful world of [[Chris and copyright|copyright infringement]] in ''[[Fan: Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]]''.

*Mitch Chu is based on [[Mitch Sonichu]], Chris's take on Asperchu's "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" in [[Sonichu 10]]. He was made into a gay stylist as a logical conclusion to said makeover.

;Simonchu

Although [[Simonchu]] stars in his own comic series, he appears in Asperchu as the bisexual lover of Wild Sonichu. Metal Asperchu attacked Simonchu and stole his medallion. He is rendered grief-stricken when Metal Asperchu killed Wild, allowing him to be taken advantage of by Rosechu. In Issue 4, Simonchu agrees to join Sonichu in trying to find his real father.

;Dixie Chu

The girl of Asperchu's dreams. Dixie been dating Jonas Chu and is disgusted by Asperchu, but that fact hasn't kept Asperchu from pursuing her. Asperchu has dedicated his life to obtaining "Dix" as his sweetheart. She recently returned to testify against Asperchu in his trial

* Dixie Chu is based off a number of Chris's [[gal-pals]], but is probably more centered on [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Kacey]].

;Jonas Chu

Asperchu's rival for the heart of Dixie Chu. Asperchu first met Jonas Chu at the Brass Dragon, where, in preparation for the Guitar Hero championship, they competed for the right to be Dixie Chu's boyfriend. Jonas beat Asperchu, but only by "cheating" by playing on Hard mode, which Asperchu had not yet mastered. Jonas was then kidnapped so that Dino Dash could replace him in the tournament and abduct Dixie.

He escaped over a week later by chewing through his handcuffs. Jonas followed Max and Jivin to Sinestro's castle, where he was reunited with his love.

* May have been based off the events from [[CWC More Than A Feeling]] of the [[Liquid Saga]]. His waistcoast and name derive from the [[Wikipedia:Jonas brothers|Jonas brothers]].

;Denubius King

His only appearance is in the Jivin sub-episode. He is a [[niggo|black]] kingpin in pimp attire and carries a pimp cane with an afro on it, called the "Staff of Suffrage". He kidnaps Jivin's father and tries to steal the Pickles family farm to get his hands on the Chaos Pickle they're guarding, but is foiled by Jivin.

;Bullet-Time Montgomery.

First appeared in the Jivin Sub-Episode. He works for Denubius King and is a crack-shot with a revolver. Denubius orders him to kill Jivin, but Jivin knocks him out with "Deus ex BLACKina". He later reappears as a juror at Asperchu's trial.

;[[Rosechu]]
Sonichu's sweetheart. She is seen comforting Simonchu at the funeral for Wild, Punchy and Angelica. Jivin is shown to have sexual fantasies of her. After the funeral, she tells Simonchu that she [[pickle|can satisfy his needs]], which pisses off Magi-Chan. Rosechu later confronts Simonchu and seduces him. It's later revealed that Rosechu cheats on Sonichu all the time; she's also banged Punchy, Naitsirhc, and even Dino Dash. She is later used as a gamble chip to win back Sonichu, but it proves ineffective.

*Rosechu's transgenderism parodies the constant call-out to Chris concerning Rosechu's gender, especially after events in the [[Mailbag]].

;Whispy Sonichu

Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin. Appears at the Chaotic Combo's funeral, barely affected by his cousin's death. Despite being Oriental, Whispy speaks Spanish.

;Larry D. Waltz

Larry D. Waltz is the dean of Normandale Community College. He supplies Sinestro with [[niggos|an African-American]] in exchange for a mysterious disc. When the disk is later stolen by WesLi Chu, he appoints Lisa to get it back. He nearly gets his head taken off by one of Asperchu's Asper-Ha-Me-Has.
*Larry is based on [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and has a resemblance to [[Jimmy Hill]].

;Sitting Chu

Sitting Chu is the head of ALBville's only Soup Hotel. He welcomes those who need refuge with open arms, but he isn't beyond kicking people out, as he did with Asperchu.
*Sitting Chu is based off of the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]].

;Jimarcus Chu

A friend of Mitch Chu's. He was a veteran of the Jamaican war, and currently works at the Albville Soup hotel (they only need one) to help CWCville refugees. He's accepting of Noir Chu and helps him adjust, though he, too, is not thrilled by Asperchu's self-centeredness.
*Jimarcus Chu is loosely based on [[Inos]] and his physical appearance is based off of [http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Little_Jacob Little Jacob]. His name is derived from [[Wikipedia:Jamaica|Jamaica]] and [[Wikipedia:Marcus Garvey|Marcus Garvey]].

;[[Doctor Robotnik]]

It seems that the once-feared nemesis of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] has fallen on hard times, now working as a cashier at a [[McDonald's]]. He promptly kicks Asperchu out of the restaurant when he attempts to ''seriously'' pay for a $31 meal with food stamps worth $10. He is then killed by Metal Asperchu for his crimes against Bionic.

;Megan and Ivy

Two of the younger Ian's [[gal-pals]]. When the younger Ian defeats his future self in pathetic combat, he attempts to have [[hanky panky]] only to be tazed by Megan.

* Megan and Ivy are based off of [[Megan Schroeder]] and [[Ivy]].

;Principal Blaziken
The overly homosexual principal of Ian's high school. His actions lead Ian to call for help and is killed by Bionic, only for Ian to mistake Asperchu to be the hero.
* Principal Blaziken is based off [[Sonichu 10]]'s Marvey Blaziken and is reminiscent of the principal from Chris's elementary school.

;[[Sammy]]
A hat-wearing, bespectacled individual resembling Chris. Rambles in [[Random-access humor|odd phrases]]. Metal Asperchu obliterates him and everything around him after getting the fifth Chaos Pickle. He later returns, alive and well, as a cushion for Asperchu's fall.
*While he is obviously modeled after [[Sammy]] from ''Sonichu'' (who was in turn a ripoff of [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]), he's also taken on some traits from ''Homestar Runner'' character Homsar, who wore a yellow bowler hat and spouted "word salads" and non-sequiturs (which turned out to simply be his native language), such as "All aboard the Gravy Train!"

;Bubastis Chu
Asperchu clone number 18. Originally just another extra for Sinestro's Forte Grosse, Bubastis Chu rose in popularity when she featured in Isabel Monday's [[Capering Berries]] in a spinoff comic. All of her comics are jokes based on the comic/film ''Watchmen'', and she generally annoys her two fathers Sinestro and Larry. Bubastis Chu and Cthulhu Chu are later released by Metal Asperchu in the Asperchu comics.

;[[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)]]
Has a brief cameo appearance during Ian's daydreams. According to her Asperpedia article, Ian, believing himself to be Chris, thought Crystal Weston Chandler was his sister. And being the massive [[Chris and ego|narcissist]] that he is, believed that his ideal partner was [[incest|his closest genetic match]]. Failing to seduce his faux-sister, he instead named his dream daughter after her. Believing Asperia was really Crystal, Ian became jealous of Asperchu. Like Asperia, she wears a [[Pedofork|thong]].
*Crystal is obviously based on his imaginary daughter, but in a humorous twist, looks like Chris's comic drawing of his sister. Thus, the circle of incest is complete.

;Mayorshack Tito
The new democratically-elected mayor of [[CWCville]] after the dethronement of Ian Brandon Anderson. Tito has been tremendously successful in restoring the city to its former glory, bringing life back to the desolate wasteland. Asperchu, for some reason, thinks he's [[niggo|black]].
*Mayorshack Tito is based on the troll [[Surfshack Tito]], who gets his name from Tito Makani Jr. of ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. Mayorshack Tito's appearance is also based on Tito Makani Jr.

;Noir Chu and Aspercream
[[File:Noir.jpg|thumb|Noir is fed up with this shit.]]
Noir Chu was Sinestro's newest attempt to clone Asperchu by adding a black man named DeShaunn into the mix. However, DeShaunn's girlfriend jumped into the mixture with him and was turned into the rabbit Aspercream. Noir Chu would confront Asperchu and, confused by his memories, would be lead to the Albville Soup Hotel, where he would find his calling there. After being banished by Sinestro for losing Noir Chu, Aspercream ran off to Albville where she was reunited with Noir. When Sonichu ran off to find Ian, Noir Chu takes Asperchu to find and stop them, with Aspercream pleading not to get hurt, SOMEHOW knowing that it was Asperchu who got Magi-Chan killed. Both Noir Chu and Aspercream are wounded in Metal Asperchu's rampage, but survive.
* Noir Chu is based on [[Blake]]. Aspercream resembles [[Wikipedia:Cream the Rabbit|Cream the Rabbit]].

;Princess [[Julie]]

One of the members of the [[Molvanîa]]n Royal Family. She and the others have strong ties with the Rebels of CWCVille.

* Princess Julie is based off of the infamous troll of the same name. Her design, however, is based off of [[Wikipedia: Bobby Hill|Bobby Hill]] of ''King of the Hill''.

;[[Crackder]]

One of Ian's attempts at making sentient war machines. However, it is slow-in-the-mind, rambles off random-access humor and is against war. Asperchu hates him because he's a slow-in-the-mind.

*Crackder is based off of the Decepticon Chris created of the same name.

;[[Yawning Squirtle]]

We don't know how the hell he got off the [[Moon]], but he's off of it and still smoking it up. It was revealed that he was Mayorshack Tito's opponent in the CWCville elections, and currently works as an attorney. His hated rival is Lewis Croagunk, who opposed him in Asperchu's trial.

;[[Mimms]] and Lucas

Two patrons of the Brass Dragon. Mimms sports a wicked green 'fro.

*Both Mimms and Lucas are based off of the CWC informants who frequented the GAMe PLACe. Lucas's design resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Lucas (Mother)|the character of the same name from the ''Mother'' series]].

;[[Rocky]]

A mysterious squirrel with green antenna. He calls Asperchu "dum-dum" and tries to steer him in the opposite direction to make him blameless. In actuality, Rocky is MIPS 09, attempting to steer Asperchu into fulfilling the Anchuent Prophecy.
*While Rocky's design and speech resembles that of [[Wikipedia:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Rocky the Flying Squirrel]] of the ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' cartoons and [[Wikipedia:The Great Gazoo|The Great Gazoo]] of ''The Flintstones'', the creature is also a parody of [[Rocky Shoemaker]], Chris's pastoral counselor (although the real Rocky is not as indulgent as the ''Asperchu'' Rocky).

;[[Jimmy Hill]]

Ruler of Molvanîa and Princess Julie's father. Enjoys playing Pokémon trading-card games. When he finds out of Julie's capture, he opts to move out to save her.

*Jimmy Hill resembles the old man used in the earlier Chris trolling schemes, but his mannerisms match more of Hank Hill of ''King of the Hill''.

;Lewis Croagunk

The prosecutor for Asperchu's trial. It is revealed that he is old rivals with Yawning Squirtle and he seems to be a very competent lawyer. Oddly, for a Croagunk, he has a human's head.

*Lewis Croagunk may be a parody of Chris's various court-based characters from ''Sonichu 10''.
*[[Wikipedia:Croagunk|Croagunk]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

;Prison inmates

A gathering of the biggest, baddest villains and other faces from various TV shows, including Skullmaster of ''Mighty Max'', Krang from the 1980s ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' cartoons, Tohru, Finn, and Ratso from ''Jackie Chan Adventures'', and an assortment of Pokémon (most notably a rapist Poliwrath).

;Warden Clawdorf

Warden of the prison Asperchu is locked up in. He's a real [[niggos|black]] [[duck|dick]].

*[[Clawdorf]] is [[Darkbind Sonichu]]'s archnemesis in [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] who appears only in a silhouette, which inadvertently resembles a penis with arms. ''Asperchu'' Clawdorf parodies this.

;Gumby

One of children's lovable creations was an inmate in the jail after accidentally killing a child inside a book. He had converted to Christianity and attempted to do so with Asperchu, but only got him to create his own Bible with him as the Son of God. He is wiped from existence after Asperchu leaves him inside his book.
*[[Wikipedia:Gumby|Gumby]] was a [[REAL Protest against the FAKE|C-L-A-Y]] character created by Art Clokey.
;Asperchoso

Asperchu's avatar in his "Second Greatest Story Ever Told". The paragon of manliness and a Son of God, he prevents others from getting girlfriends by blowing their kneecaps out.

*Asperchoso's name is derived from the Rabbichosos from [[Vivian Gee]]'s "[[The Girl Who Took Down The World]]" story. His actions are similar to Chris's in [[Sonichu Special 4]], when he blows Liquid Chris's kneecaps off.

;Poliwrath

A hardened criminal who tried to [[rape|make Asperchu his bitch]] upon his arrival. However, after Asperchu and Gumby escaped into Asperchu's book, he quickly became a convert to Asperchu's "religion".
*[[Wikipedia:Poliwrath|Poliwrath]] are a variety of [[Pokémon]].

===4-Cent_Garbage Center residents===

;[[Naitsirhc]]

Naitsirhc has a brief cameo in the 4-Cent_Garbage Center that Argentum recreates. He is seen alongside [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. He attempts to get Sonichu to calm down, but ends up getting his neck snapped by the hedgehog.

*Unbelievably, Naitsirhc in Asperchu looks ''[[Homos|even gayer]]'', as he sports earrings and crotchless chaps.

;[[Mary Lee Walsh]]

Another one of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. When Sonichu tears apart the building, she and Count Graduon go and unleash Joshua Martinez.

*Mary's design in Asperchu borrows largely from ''[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VIII|Final Fantasy VIII]]'' villain Ultimecia.

;[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
Owner of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. His appearance is identical to that in Sonichu. When he confronts ''Sonichu'', he is killed in the same manner Rosechu attacked him.

;[[Clyde Cash]]
Clyde makes a very brief cameo in Ian's dream in Issue 4, where he's demonstrating his dominance over said troll. It is likely this scene was inspired by [[:Image:325504_-_Chris-chan_clyde_cash.jpg|this piece of fanart.]] According to Asperpedia's article on Clyde, he, [[Brian Bash]] and Dino Dash were all part of an elite government task force at one point in the past. Clyde Cash makes another appearance, this time in the 4-Cent Garbage tower. When Plautistic captures Sonichu, Clyde and Jack go to finish Sonichu. Clyde is shown wearing Spider-Man's pants and boots and is able to shoot webbing from his hands.

*Clyde's design is based off of the picture Chris found of Clyde (actually a photo of Joe Hotti). His having Spider-Man powers is based off of [[No More Jokes|the set of videos trying to troll Clyde]].

;[[Jack Thaddeus]]
Seen in the 4-Cent Garbage Tower alongside Clyde Cash. His appearance is similar to that in Sonichu. He uses the Goblin Glider and Pumpkin Bombs of [[Wikipedia:Norman Osborn|the Green Goblin]].

;[[Count Graduon]]
One of the inhabitants of the 4-Cent Garbage Tower. His appearance resembles a [[duck|penis]]. When Sonichu tears apart the building, he and Mary Lee Walsh free Joshua Martinez. When the creature is destroyed, Joshua tosses him aside.

;Chief Boyd
One of the heads of the COProtectors. Is brutally murdered by Sonichu.
*Based on the [[Jerkhief]] from ''Sonichu''; "COProtectors" is an inversion of "[[jerkop]]".

;[[Bagget]]
Head of security at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. A no-nonsense type of guy, Bagget tries to get Asperchu to reveal where Sonichu is before the hedgehog confronts the two of them. Sadly, Bagget falls to Sonichu.

;[[Wall of Originals|Plautistic]]
A mysterious creature held by those within the 4-Cent Garbage Building bonded with Joshua Martinez When Sonichu goes on a rampage, Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon release it. The creature resembles the mythical creature Hydra. Its leaves can be smoked as a type of [[Tobacky|drug]].

;[[Joshua Martinez]]
A Mexican who was once bonded with Plautistic. In the heat of battle, Sonichu tears him from Plautistic, then tears his head off.

;[[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wesli Chu]]
A hedgehog working within the 4-Cent Garbage Building. ACTUALLY knows magic, including his own Anchuent power, Wes-Li-Ha-Me-Ha. He's such a manly man, he can even make full-on [[Megagi|bull dykes]] crave his [[duck]]. After escaping the destruction of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, the MIPS made him give a data CD to Metal Asperchu. Shortly after, his memory was wiped. It has been revealed that he holds the Chaos Pickle of Chastity.

;[[Giovanni]]
The feared leader of [[Team Rocket]] and gym leader of Viridian City has another job: manager at Wendy's. He was seen in 1999, firing Ian Brandon Anderson after he fell asleep on the job, then promised that he'd never work in the city again. Years later, he takes up residence at the 4-Cent Garbage Building. When his son is killed by Sonichu's hand, he confronts Sonichu, using a small army of Pokémon to stop him. Sonichu uses said Pokémon to kill Giovanni, mostly by impaling him with them.

;[[CADD Chef]]

Killed in the destruction of 4-cent.

;[[Michael Snyder]]
A Jewish magician working for the MIPS. He also runs [[The GAMe PLACe|The Brass Dragon]] and is frustrated by Sonichu's attempts to trade a rare Black Lotus card with a ''Pokémon Ruby'' cartridge. He was responsible for helping Jack and Clyde escape.

;MIPS

Self-aware supercomputers that help run 4-Cent. Michael Snyder reports directly to them and contacts them by pickle-phone. He asks them to help evacuate the building, but they claim they're using up all their resources to [[100 2178|control the realtors]]. They are capable of meeting anywhere, including in space. They are keenly interested in fulfilling the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
*MIPS are a personification of Chris's paranoid belief in a [[100 2178|conspiracy by the Greene County school board]] to keep his family in Ruckersville so he can stay in his "autistic shell". MIPS is speculated to stand for "[[The Man in the Pickle Suit|Men In Pickle Suits]]".

;[[ScotPalazzo]]

Killed in the destruction of 4cent.

;[[Megagi]] Chu
A purple lesbian skunk who broke Sonichu's heart in the past and has orgies with Saramah Chu, Jiggliami and even Wes-Li. Is killed with Saramah Chu's torn off arms, taunting him to then end.

;[[Sarah Hammer|Saramah Chu]]
A yellow Rosechu who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. Her arms are ripped off, the trauma killing her. However, after the destruction of Metal Asperchu, her Chaos Pickle, Temperance, returned to her and revived and restored her.

;[[Jiggliami]]
A pink Jigglypuff humanoid who broke Sonichu's heart in the past. She is killed when Sonichu punches through her head.

===Chaos Pickles===

The Chaos Pickles are seven magical items of great power. According to Chris, the pickles are within seven special people and, should they be removed, they enable its user to be revived and restored once they are freed again. The avatars are Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperchu, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Megan and Lovely Weather.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Image
!Color
! Trait
! Location
!Avatar
|-
|[[File:Pickle-violet.jpg|50px]]
|Purple
|Kindness
|Owned by the Pickles family; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Lovely Weather
|-
|[[File:Pickle-blue.jpg|50px]]
|Blue
|Temperence
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu
|Saramah Chu
|-
|[[File:Pickle-green.jpg|50px]]
|Green
|Patience
|Owned by Flame the Sunbird; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Christian Weston Chandler
|-
|[[File:Pickle-pink.jpg|50px]]
|Pink
|Charity
|Owned by Bionic; given to Metal Asperchu in return for murdering Robotnik
|Megan
|-
|[[File:Pickle-orange.jpg|50px]]
|Orange
|Chastity
|Owned by Sammy; stolen by Metal Asperchu
|Wesli Chu
|-
| –
|Yellow
|Diligence
|Inside Asperchu
|Asperchu
|-
| –
|Red
|Humility
| -
|Ian Brandon Anderson
|}

*The Chaos Pickles parody the [[Sonichu Balls]]. They are each named for one of the [[Wikipedia:Seven virtues#Seven heavenly virtues|seven heavenly virtues]].

==Locations==

===Alzheichu's Home===
This is where Asperchu lives. A junky, decrepit home, Alzheichu makes Asperchu do menial, back-breaking chores. Asperchu's room is a particular mess, covered with various toys and anime posters. It also has an [[Hex Bawx|XBox 360]], which Asperchu constantly plays, especially after his encounter with Dixie Chu. The house's frame is under constant [[stress]], since Grandma Snorlax is always up against it.
* A parody of [[Tour of Chris's house|Chris's house]].

===The Brass Dragon===
A gaming store which Asperchu frequents. This is where Asperchu encounters Dixie Chu and Jonas Chu and attempts to win Dixie's heart. Michael Snyder runs the shop. Asperchu is now officially banned from the store for trying to steal a rare card.
* This is a parody of [[The GAMe PLACe]].

===Pickles Ranch===
Home of Jivin and Dick Pickles, who owned a Chaos Pickle before Metal Asperchu broke in and stole it. Oddly, it has a collection of skeletons.
*Resembles the Skywalker farm from [[Wikipedia:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|''Star Wars'']].

===[[CWCville]]===
Before and after Ian Brandon Anderson's reign as mayor, CWCville was a peaceful, beautiful city with flowering fields and a happy populace. Under Ian, however, it turned into a dictatorship that wiped out 70% of the population, all of whom were found distasteful by the mayor. Women are forced into [[dating education|brothels]] as early as Junior High School, and all remaining occupations are in the mayor's mall. The environment was destroyed by his dark energy and the pollution of state Orange Soda factories. An army of Sonichu Nazis carry out the mayor's will and are as intolerant and depraved as he is. Fortunately, thanks to the reconstruction effort, most of the damage has been reversed. Democracy has also been returned thanks to [[Liquid|Chris's]] efforts, and [[Surfshack Tito|Mayorshack Tito]] won the first CWCville election in years.

===Albville===
Neighboring town to CWCville and Asperchu's hometown. Unlike CWCville, it is under a democratic system and accepts people of all races, orientations and creeds. In fact, they receive many CWCville refugees, who are well taken care of in the Albville soup hotel (they only need one). It allied with [[Evan|ECGville]] during a brief war with old [[CWCville|RFCville]] and has since maintained good relations with the town. Founded by Alec Benson Leary, who has since disappeared in [[Sonichu 10|mysterious circumstances]].

===Bionic's fortress===
[[Bionic]]'s base of operations, which was abandoned when [[Liquid|Chris]] came to Sonichu's rescue.
*Based on [[Wikipedia:Dr. Wily|Dr. Wily's]] fortress, as well as Chris's dream of a [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris describes a bad dream for no reason|SKULL-SHAPED factory]] where [[Tobacky|smokers]] were murdered.

===[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent_Garbage Center]]===
The remnants of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, which was destroyed by Ian, are still being cleaned up by CWCville's citizens. Originally the economic center of the city, it also contained many of Ian's [[trolls|"Undesirables"]] and he [[Twin Falling Towers|flew his mouse-pointer plane into the building]] to destroy it. Many lives were lost, and to this day is considered "Ian's most terrible legacy". Argentum brings Sonichu and Asperchu to the restored Center, where Sonichu climbs the building to confront his father. It is revealed that Ian's airplane did jack shit and it was Sonichu's Roaring Rampage of Revenge that caused the destruction in the first place. Ian was probably blamed for it because he was the only one still alive to take the blame. It is also revealed that it was destroyed during the Chaotic Funeral.
*The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is a combination of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu_10#Rage_Against_the_Garbage_2:_Electric_Boogaloo|Rage Against the Garbage 2]] and an infamous Chris video mocking [[Clyde]] by comparing him to [[Twin Falling Towers|the destruction of the World Trade Center]].

===Molvanîa===

An oddball East European country. Home of the MIPS and the survivors of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center survivors.
*[[Molvanîa]] was the home of [[Julie]] and [[Max]], named after a fictional East European country created by Tom Gleisner, Santo Cilauro and Rob Sitch.

==Issues==
Thus far, sixteen issues (and one Sub-Episode) of ''Asperchu'' have been released. The confusing issue numbering (0–0A–0B–C–1–2–3–3D–4–5–5E–6–7–8–F–Ten) is a [[parody]] of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', which began its issue numbering with [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] and then complicated the matter with numbered "Episodes" and "Sub-Episodes" (so [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] is the fourth issue, and contains Episodes 10 and 11 and Sub-Episode 4).
===List of issues===

{|class="wikitable"
! style="background:silver;" | Cover
! style="background:silver;" colspan="2" | Issue
! style="background:silver;" | Title
! style="background:silver;" | Plot summary
|-
| [[File:a0.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #0
|''ASPERCHU'S First Date... and his first villain!''
| Asperchu goes on a date with Lisa, and is tricked into having his medallion stolen. ''First appearance of Asperchu, Max, Jivin Pickles, Lisa, Heaven.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0A Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue 0A
| ''The challenge of TRUE Piety''
| Asperchu makes a video attacking the trolls, provoking the ire of Christian couple Kendra and John. Grandpa Alzheichu refuses to let Jivin enter his house. John confronts Asperchu over his unChristian attitudes; Asperchu retaliates by forging a new medallion. Lisa tells John that she stole the original medallion. ''First appearance of Grandpa Alzheichu, Sitting Chu, Jormungand.'' ''Only appearance of Calvin, Kendra, John, Micah, Benny Chu, W.E.B. Dubois, various Normandale students.''
|-
| [[File:JIVIN_Issue_0_Page_1.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="black" height="10px"|
| Jivin Sub-Episode
| ''Jivin's first solo adventure!''
| Jivin's father is captured by Denubius King, but Jivin rescues him. It turns out that the Pickles family owns one of the fabled Chaos Pickles. ''First appearance of Dick Pickles, Bullet-Time Montgomery.'' ''Only appearance of Denubius King.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 0B Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 0B
| ''Swords and Axes... the Duel of Ages!''
| Jonas Chu defeats Asperchu in a ''Guitar Hero'' tournament, then is kidnapped by Dino Dash. Jivin fails to seduce Dixie. Asperchu makes a weak attempt at impersonating Jonas on YouTube, then fails to prevent Dixie's abduction. ''First appearance of Grandma Snorlax, Sonichu, Dixie Chu, Dino Dash, Sinestro, Jonas Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue C Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue C
| ''Things are coming to a head!''
| Asperchu is kidnapped by Sinestro, who has created many Asperchu clones. ''First appearance of Christian Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Metal Asperchu.'' ''Only appearance of Autischu, Down Chu, XXY Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 1 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #1
| ''The big leagues.''
| Metal seizes Simonchu's drill medallion. Sonichu introduces Asperchu to the Chaotic Combo, and Magi-Chan enters a trance in order to track down Metal - but Asperchu makes him find Dixie instead. Wild tells of the oppression wreaked by Mayor Anderson. Metal takes the first Chaos Pickle from the Pickles family. Sinestro creates Noir Chu and (accidentally) Aspercream. The Combo fight Metal Asperchu, who kills three of them and then finds the second Pickle in a mysterious skull-shaped factory. ''First appearance of Simonchu, Bubbles, Larry D. Waltz, Magi-Chan, Noir Chu, Aspercream, Mitch Chu.'' ''Only appearance and death of Punchy, Angelica, and Wild.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 2 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #2
| ''The quest for the Chaos Pickles continues.''
| The funeral of Punchy, Angelica and Wild takes place. Metal Asperchu forces the second Chaos Pickle from Bionic, who tells him the owner of the third Pickle: Flame the Sunbird. Rosechu and Simonchu hook up at the funeral (despite Magi-Chan's love for Simonchu), while a confused Noir Chu confronts his clone-brother Asperchu. Mitch Chu brings Noir and Asperchu to Sitting Chu's Soup Hotel in ALBville, where Noir gives up his gun and they meet the Basement Rosechus. Asperchu is kicked out for eating the homeless's food, and attempts to buy a McDonald's meal with food stamps. Metal kills Robotnik in return for Bionic giving him the fourth Chaos Pickle. Silvana murders Bubbles and hacks into Magi-Chan's computer. Bionic then asks that Metal Asperchu bring him Christian Weston Chandler - alive. ''First appearance of Rosechu, Bionic, Silvana.'' ''Only appearance of Whispy, Thomas Jefferson, Flame the Sunbird, Jimarcus Chu, Officer Louis Perez, Moe Chu, Brit-Tay Rosechu, Mary Rosechu, Rosee.'' ''Only appearance and death of Ivo Robotnik.'' ''Death of Bubbles.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3
|'' Taking the battle to the enemy.''
| Sinestro and Waltz unsuccessfully interrogate Aspercream to find out Noir Chu's location. Sonichu 'n' pals try to liberate CWCville. Magi-Chan is murdered by Silvana, who brings Asperchu to Ian Brandon Anderson. Sonichu, Mitch and Simonchu confront IBA, but then Metal breaks in and cuts off Sonichu's hand. Ian enters his Son-Chu suit and fights back. He cripples Metal Asperchu, but is then is set on fire by Metal and thrown from his tower. Metal then activates his four Chaos Pickles and takes on a new form. ''Only appearance of IBA's legion of Sonichus.'' ''Last appearance of Silvana.'' ''Death of Magi-Chan.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 3D Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #3D
| ''Travel through the third dimension... Time!''
| Asperchu, Max and Jivin have been sent back to 1999. 1999-Ian takes them to Manchester High School, and beats up the modern IBA. Bionic then appears and talks to the trio. 1999-Ian molests Ivy, is tasered by Megan and then meets Blaziken, who tries to molest him. Bionic kills Blaziken, but Asperchu claims credit. A distraught Bionic attempts suicide, but Jivin saves him. 1999-Ian mixes Asperchu's comeuppance with his own to create Sonichu. The two Ians then fight, their Curse-ye-ha-me-has crossing to knock our heroes back to their own time. In 2000, Ian gives birth to Sonichu, while in the modern day, Metal Asperchu confronts Asperchu and Ian. ''First appearance of Bill the Scientist, Megan.'' ''Only appearance of Ian's boss, Ivy, Satan.'' ''Only appearance and death of Principal Blaziken.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 4 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
| Issue #4
| ''Metal and glass...''
| Asperchu reveals to Sonichu than Ian is his true father. Metal Asperchu takes the fifth Chaos Pickle from Sammy. Asperchu craps out Asperia. Metal demands that Sinestro tell him what the "fourth directive" is. Sonichu, Simonchu and Mitch break into Ian's cell in order to find Sonichu's true origin. Simonchu is captured by Bionic. Asperia eats Grandma Snorlax's foot. Max defeats the Yellow Devil, then Christian Weston Chandler arrives. Bionic shoots Mitch and flees. ''First appearance of Yellow Devil, Cthulhu Chu, Sammy.'' ''Only appearance of Bubastis Chu.'' ''Death of Mitch Chu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5
| ''The end of one, beginning of another.''
| Ian Brandon Anderson realizes that Asperchu was the part-creator of Sonichu. Mayorshack Tito is the new Mayor of CWCville - CWC shows Asperchu the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, and tells Sonichu that Ian is his real father. In a rage, Sonichu hunts down his father, shooting Ian in both knees. The Yellow Devil captures Sonichu, Noir Chu and Asperchu, and brings them to Bionic. Metal Asperchu realizes that the "fourth directive" will work on an immature Asperchu clone. Bionic goads Sonichu into killing IBA, and he accidentally shoots Asperia. Metal creates Argentum, who rebuilds the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Sonichu climbs the 4-Cent_Garbage Center in order to gain revenge on his father. ''First appearance of Argentum, Slaweel the Witch, Naitsirhc, Jack Thaddeus, Mayorshack Tito, Jason Kendrick Howell.'' ''Death of Cthulhu Chu, Ian Brandon Anderson, Asperia.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 5E Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #5E
| ''A bloody fight.''
| Sonichu fights his way up the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, killing Naitsirhc, Jerkops, Jason Kendrick Howell and Bagget, before being attacked by Plautistic, Jack Thaddeus, Clyde Cash and Joshua Martinez. Sonichu then aims to kill Asperchu, only to be interrupted by Wes-Li Chu, who shows him some "magic". Giovanni then battles Sonichu with his elite Pokémon, who Sonichu defeats. He then reaches "WesLi Chu's Luv Shack", where Megagi Chu, Saramah and Jiggliami mock him and are murdered by him. Sonichu fights Wes-Li again, but is teleported to the top of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center, where he fights Slaweel, who transforms into an Ultimecia-style dragon. Asperchu accidentally kills her by throwing his Xbox Portable into her mouth. The 4-Cent_Garbage Center is destroyed, and Sonichu realizes that Asperchu is also his father. ''First appearance of Michael Snyder, MIPS, Saramah Chu, Wesli Chu, Blazebob Sonichu.'' ''Only appearance of Giovanni, Plautistic, Count Graduon, CADD Chef, Shuckle, Metapod, Castform, Delibird.'' ''Only appearance and death of Jerkops, Bagget, Joshua Martinez, Megagi Chu, Jiggliami.'' ''Death of Naitsirhc, Jason Kendrick Howell, Slaweel the Witch.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 6 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #6
|''Darkness fears not the Heart.''
| Wesli Chu is imprisoned in Molvanîa by the MIPS. CWC sends Asperchu and Jivin to Molvanîa to find him. Yawning Squirtle is recovered from the wreckage of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Wesli steals a mysterious disk from the Dean and gives it to Metal Asperchu, who tells him to kill Argentum. Asperchu 'n' pals go to the Brass Dragon, owned by Michael Snyder. Metal Asperchu scans several people, and then fights our heroes at the ruins of the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. Grandpa Alzheichu dies in defeating Metal. ''First appearance of Princess Julie, Yawning Squirtle.'' ''Only appearance of Crackder, Punislav Royal Guard, GameStop boss.'' ''Death of Noir Chu, Grandpa Alzheichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 7 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue 7
| ''Excuses, excuses, excuses...''
| The MIPS plan to set up Asperchu to fulfill the Prophecy. Asperchu meets Heaven in a bar, drinks a beer and decides to take a photograph of Snyder for his dartboard. He attempts vehicular homicide of Snyder, Perez and Grant, and is arrested for causing minor injuries to Michael Snyder. Meanwhile, Bionic tries to cure Sonichu of his possession by Ian, and they seek out Sinestro's help. A squirrel named Rocky tells him that nothing is his fault and that his Asperger's excuses everything. CWC bails him out, but Asperchu demands an apology for being left to wait THREE HOURS at the police station. Asperchu is thrown from their tower, landing on Sammy, and the liberators of CWCville go back to searching for survivors from the 4-Cent_Garbage Center. They recover Saramah Chu, who is somehow still alive. Christian Weston Chandler says that the seven Chaos Pickles are "artifacts of supreme power and energy", and that they have attached themselves to seven "avatars" in order to remain stable in this universe. It is revealed that Asperchu, CWC, Wesli Chu, Saramah Chu and Sonichu are five of the avatars, and two are unknown. Also, Rocky is revealed to the reader to be one of the MIPS. Chris decides to lead a unit to retrieve Sonichu's Pickle. Heaven and Lisa kidnap Asperchu and bring him to Dean Waltz in a bid to retrieve the information that Metal Asperchu gave to the MIPS. Sonichu feels ecstatic after his Pickle is activated. When Chris, Rosechu and Julie come to speak to him, he has them imprisoned; Sonichu seems to have become insane. Meanwhile, Asperchu attacks the Dean with his Asperhameha, and is arrested again. Max and Jivin visit him. Jimmy Hill, King of Molvanîa, is enraged by his daughter Julie's capture, and plans to rescue her. ''First appearance of "Rocky".'' ''Only appearance of GAMe PLACe kids, Gerald Grant.''
|-
| [[File:Issue 8 Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #8
|''Trial by fire!''
| Asperchu unwisely hires Yawning Squirtle to defend him. The jury consists of Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu, Chloe Rosechu and the clerk from Issue 0, while Lewis Croagunk prosecutes. Squirtle makes the feeble counter-defense that Snyder was planning to break into Asperchu's house, pour Wite-Out on his playing cards and wipe his hard drive, but has nothing to back this allegation up with. Sonichu appears as witness, and says that Asperchu is innocent. "Rocky" convinces Asperchu to dismiss his lawyer and represent himself. Sonichu and Asperchu begin a pointless argument as to who is "true and honest", and Sonichu freaks out and flees the courtroom. Jimmy Hill breaks into the courtroom and retrieves his daughter Julie. Asperchu receives life imprisonment. Sonichu appears to have absorbed too much of Ian's personality, and is thrown from Fort Grosse by Argentum. ''Only appearance of Lewis Croagunk, Reginald Sneasel, Layla Flaaffy, DJ Jamsta, Lolisa Rosechu, Chloe Rosechu.'' ''Last appearance of Bullet-Time Montgomery, Blazebob Sonichu.''
|-
| [[File:Issue F Cover.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue #F
| '' Three guesses what the F stands for...''
| Argentum has sent Chris, Sonichu, Sinestro and Bionic to bizarre worlds.
*Chris sees a perfect Sonichu facing CWC-Botnik, whom he easily kills. Chris realizes that this is not the real Sonichu, as he has no idea who Benny Chu (from ''Asperchu'' #0A) was.
*A now-mobile Bionic finds himself the beloved son of a "Rollin' and Trollin'"-style Ian Brandon Anderson. Chris releases him from the fantasy world.
* Sinestro is met by Naitsirhc, who brings him to Slaweel. Sinestro realizes that all this is false. Mary offers him the sixth and seventh Chaos Pickle, but Sinestro realizes that it's an illusion. He punches a hole in reality and goes to meet CWC. The avatars of the final two Pickles emerge: Megan and Lovely Weather. Argentum goes to seek the other avatars.
*The diseased Sonichu struggles through a strange forest to confront the deceased Mitch Chu, who reminds Sonichu of all the evil he did in Ian's name. Sonichu becomes completed possessed by Ian's essence, becoming... Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Asperchu finds prison life difficult - he is attacked by a Skullmaster and almost raped by a Poliwrath, but saved by Gumby, who decides to protect him and teach him to be a Christian. Asperchu rewrites the Bible as ''Asperchoso''. Gumby then introduces Asperchu to Jesus Himself, but Asperchu isn't very interested. Asperchu and Gumby escape the other prisoners by jumping into ''Asperchoso''. Once there, Asperchoso shoots Gumby in the shins, and Asperchu escapes the book. Poliwrath becomes a devotee of Asperchoso, and Asperchu erases Gumby from the Book, killing him.

Chris and Julie arrive to break Asperchu out of prison, in order to protect him and his Chaos Pickle from Argentum.

Meanwhile, Bionic creates a holographic version of the Ian who loves him.
 ''First appearance of Lovely Weather.'' ''Only appearance of CWC-Botnik, Skullmaster, Krang, Blaziken, Poliwrath, Jesus, Asperchoso, various prisoners.'' ''Only appearance and death of Gumby, Warden Clawdorf.''
|-
| [[File:A10.jpg|150px]]
|bgcolor="yellow" height="10px"|
|Issue Ten
|''It's time.''
| Issue Ten has begun with Asperchu describing "LITTLE BIG AUTISM", in which he talks of [[Asperger's syndrome]] in ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''. He awakes on Julie's airship and the coalition aims to defeat Argentum.
 ''First appearance of Groovan.''
|}

==External links==
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/ ''Asperchu'' site]
*[http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]

[[Category:Fan]]
[[Category:Fan art]]

Anime Mid-Atlantic

2011-05-01T20:54:42Z

Vergilius: /* Witness account */

'''Anime Mid-Atlantic''' is an [[anime]] convention that [[Chris]] attended on 29 [[May 2004]] and 17 [[June 2005]]. It took place at a Holiday Inn in [[Richmond]].

==2004==
Anime Mid-Atlantic took place on May 28–30, [[2004]]. Chris recounts this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #5:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews5.htm</ref>

{{quotebox|
On May 29, [[2004]], I, Christian Chandler, attended my first [[Anime]] Convention. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some [[Wikipedia:Ramune|Ramune]] (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, [[Wikipedia:Monica Rial|Monica Rial]] (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki ([[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel
Angel Kurumi]]), Mikako ([[Wikipedia:Martian Successor Nadesico|Martian Sucessor Nadesico]] [''sic'']) and Shii ([[Wikipedia:Puni Puni Poemy|Puni Puni Poemy]]). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8)
}}

[[Image:131-AnimeMid2004.jpg|thumb|;D]]

<gallery>
Image:CWCMonica.jpg|Chris develops his [[Megan Schroeder|shoulder]] fetish.
Image:405-ExcelV1.jpg|<nowiki>:D</nowiki>
</gallery>
{{-}}

==2005==
Chris anticipated this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #9 and #10:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews9.htm</ref> It took place on June 17–19, [[2005]].

{{quotebox|Since he has put himself into [[Sonichu]]’s world, he will “[[Cosplay]]” as himself ([[Chris and his Ego|talk about self-respect]], huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Premiere Issue #0]] on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one. 
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, [[Wikipedia:Greg Ayers|Greg Ayers]] and [[Wikipedia:Doug Smith|Doug Smith]], and author [[Wikipedia:Robert V. Aldrich|Robert V. Aldrich]]. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see ''[[News Dash!]]'' #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell [[Anime Wings|Cool Anime items]] (some imported from Japan), and much, much more.
}}

[[Image:132-AnimeMidAtlanticBadge.jpg|<code>8D</code>|thumb]]

This year, Chris stayed for all three days of the convention, and spent two nights at a hotel alone.

<gallery>
Image:AMA1.jpg|[[Video games|GameCube]]...check.
Image:AMA2.jpg|[[Health|24-pack of Pepsi]]...check.
Image:0656-ANIME059.JPG|[[Pixelblocks]]...check.
Image:AMA4.jpg|...I said "check".
Image:AMA3.jpg|Erotic soap dish...check
Image:0658-ANIME513.JPG|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic!Chris]] costume...check!
Image:0679-ANIME525.JPG|AWESOME!!!
</gallery>

===Witness account===
In [[May 2010]], the blog ''Topless Robot'' had a contest for "Most Shameful Nerd Moment". One commenter named tasakeru828, who ran a ''[[Sonic]]'' panel at what was presumably Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005, described the experience<ref>http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/05/moments_of_nerd_shame_and_the_winners_are.php</ref>:

{{quote|I actually met [[Chris-chan]] at an [[anime]] convention before [[ED]] found out about him and started [[troll]]ing him en masse. A friend and I were hosting a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] panel and trying to prove that not all Sonic fans are as batshit insane as they're made out to be. That noble goal was shot to hell when the one-and-only Christian Weston Chandler arrived in all his [[Chris and fashion|clown-shirted]], Sonichu-[[medallion]]-wearing glory and started handing out free copies of his first issue. He asked us a completely unintelligible question (thinking mistakenly that we actually had some influence on the series as a whole), and afterwards he babbled at us personally while we smiled and nodded trying to look interested. We obviously knew he was mentally ill, but we had no idea that we were meeting a future [[Internet]] legend. 
Now, I still persist in my goal to prove that some Sonic fans are decent, intelligent people. And despite all the flamewars, recolors, and assorted drama that the Sonic series has caused, I still love it and will defend from haters till my dying breath. I am an unabashed, true blue Sonic fan, die-hardest of the die-hard, and nothing will ever change that. But Lord, Chris-chan comes very close to ruining it all for even me, and that should tell you something.}}

==Aftermath==
Chris has not been to an anime convention since the 2005 Anime Mid-Atlantic event. In [[2010]], he planned for a time to visit the Otakon convention in Baltimore (in large part so he could meet [[Jackie]] there), but he managed to thwart himself by spending the money he'd set aside for the expedition. In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he claims that he overdrew his bank account shortly before the trip. This incurred the wrath of his parents, who refused to allow him to leave the house.

==Sauce==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.animemidatlantic.com/ Official Website]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/105 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2004 Convention Information Page]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/638 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005 Convention Information Page]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

Anime Mid-Atlantic

2011-05-01T20:53:51Z

Vergilius: /* Aftermath */

'''Anime Mid-Atlantic''' is an [[anime]] convention that [[Chris]] attended on 29 [[May 2004]] and 17 [[June 2005]]. It took place at a Holiday Inn in [[Richmond]].

==2004==
Anime Mid-Atlantic took place on May 28–30, [[2004]]. Chris recounts this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #5:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews5.htm</ref>

{{quotebox|
On May 29, [[2004]], I, Christian Chandler, attended my first [[Anime]] Convention. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some [[Wikipedia:Ramune|Ramune]] (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, [[Wikipedia:Monica Rial|Monica Rial]] (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki ([[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel
Angel Kurumi]]), Mikako ([[Wikipedia:Martian Successor Nadesico|Martian Sucessor Nadesico]] [''sic'']) and Shii ([[Wikipedia:Puni Puni Poemy|Puni Puni Poemy]]). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8)
}}

[[Image:131-AnimeMid2004.jpg|thumb|;D]]

<gallery>
Image:CWCMonica.jpg|Chris develops his [[Megan Schroeder|shoulder]] fetish.
Image:405-ExcelV1.jpg|<nowiki>:D</nowiki>
</gallery>
{{-}}

==2005==
Chris anticipated this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #9 and #10:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews9.htm</ref> It took place on June 17–19, [[2005]].

{{quotebox|Since he has put himself into [[Sonichu]]’s world, he will “[[Cosplay]]” as himself ([[Chris and his Ego|talk about self-respect]], huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Premiere Issue #0]] on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one. 
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, [[Wikipedia:Greg Ayers|Greg Ayers]] and [[Wikipedia:Doug Smith|Doug Smith]], and author [[Wikipedia:Robert V. Aldrich|Robert V. Aldrich]]. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see ''[[News Dash!]]'' #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell [[Anime Wings|Cool Anime items]] (some imported from Japan), and much, much more.
}}

[[Image:132-AnimeMidAtlanticBadge.jpg|<code>8D</code>|thumb]]

This year, Chris stayed for all three days of the convention, and spent two nights at a hotel alone.

<gallery>
Image:AMA1.jpg|[[Video games|GameCube]]...check.
Image:AMA2.jpg|[[Health|24-pack of Pepsi]]...check.
Image:0656-ANIME059.JPG|[[Pixelblocks]]...check.
Image:AMA4.jpg|...I said "check".
Image:AMA3.jpg|Erotic soap dish...check
Image:0658-ANIME513.JPG|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic!Chris]] costume...check!
Image:0679-ANIME525.JPG|AWESOME!!!
</gallery>

===Witness account===
In [[May 2010]], the blog ''Topless Robot'' had a contest for "Most Shameful Nerd Moment". One commenter named tasakeru828, who ran a ''[[Sonic]]'' panel at what was presumably Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005, described the experience:

{{quote|I actually met [[Chris-chan]] at an [[anime]] convention before [[ED]] found out about him and started [[troll]]ing him en masse. A friend and I were hosting a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] panel and trying to prove that not all Sonic fans are as batshit insane as they're made out to be. That noble goal was shot to hell when the one-and-only Christian Weston Chandler arrived in all his [[Chris and fashion|clown-shirted]], Sonichu-[[medallion]]-wearing glory and started handing out free copies of his first issue. He asked us a completely unintelligible question (thinking mistakenly that we actually had some influence on the series as a whole), and afterwards he babbled at us personally while we smiled and nodded trying to look interested. We obviously knew he was mentally ill, but we had no idea that we were meeting a future [[Internet]] legend. 
Now, I still persist in my goal to prove that some Sonic fans are decent, intelligent people. And despite all the flamewars, recolors, and assorted drama that the Sonic series has caused, I still love it and will defend from haters till my dying breath. I am an unabashed, true blue Sonic fan, die-hardest of the die-hard, and nothing will ever change that. But Lord, Chris-chan comes very close to ruining it all for even me, and that should tell you something.}}<ref>http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/05/moments_of_nerd_shame_and_the_winners_are.php</ref>

==Aftermath==
Chris has not been to an anime convention since the 2005 Anime Mid-Atlantic event. In [[2010]], he planned for a time to visit the Otakon convention in Baltimore (in large part so he could meet [[Jackie]] there), but he managed to thwart himself by spending the money he'd set aside for the expedition. In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he claims that he overdrew his bank account shortly before the trip. This incurred the wrath of his parents, who refused to allow him to leave the house.

==Sauce==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.animemidatlantic.com/ Official Website]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/105 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2004 Convention Information Page]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/638 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005 Convention Information Page]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

Anime Mid-Atlantic

2011-05-01T20:52:37Z

Vergilius: /* Witness account */

'''Anime Mid-Atlantic''' is an [[anime]] convention that [[Chris]] attended on 29 [[May 2004]] and 17 [[June 2005]]. It took place at a Holiday Inn in [[Richmond]].

==2004==
Anime Mid-Atlantic took place on May 28–30, [[2004]]. Chris recounts this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #5:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews5.htm</ref>

{{quotebox|
On May 29, [[2004]], I, Christian Chandler, attended my first [[Anime]] Convention. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some [[Wikipedia:Ramune|Ramune]] (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, [[Wikipedia:Monica Rial|Monica Rial]] (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki ([[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel
Angel Kurumi]]), Mikako ([[Wikipedia:Martian Successor Nadesico|Martian Sucessor Nadesico]] [''sic'']) and Shii ([[Wikipedia:Puni Puni Poemy|Puni Puni Poemy]]). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8)
}}

[[Image:131-AnimeMid2004.jpg|thumb|;D]]

<gallery>
Image:CWCMonica.jpg|Chris develops his [[Megan Schroeder|shoulder]] fetish.
Image:405-ExcelV1.jpg|<nowiki>:D</nowiki>
</gallery>
{{-}}

==2005==
Chris anticipated this event in ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'' #9 and #10:<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchusNews9.htm</ref> It took place on June 17–19, [[2005]].

{{quotebox|Since he has put himself into [[Sonichu]]’s world, he will “[[Cosplay]]” as himself ([[Chris and his Ego|talk about self-respect]], huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Premiere Issue #0]] on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one. 
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, [[Wikipedia:Greg Ayers|Greg Ayers]] and [[Wikipedia:Doug Smith|Doug Smith]], and author [[Wikipedia:Robert V. Aldrich|Robert V. Aldrich]]. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see ''[[News Dash!]]'' #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell [[Anime Wings|Cool Anime items]] (some imported from Japan), and much, much more.
}}

[[Image:132-AnimeMidAtlanticBadge.jpg|<code>8D</code>|thumb]]

This year, Chris stayed for all three days of the convention, and spent two nights at a hotel alone.

<gallery>
Image:AMA1.jpg|[[Video games|GameCube]]...check.
Image:AMA2.jpg|[[Health|24-pack of Pepsi]]...check.
Image:0656-ANIME059.JPG|[[Pixelblocks]]...check.
Image:AMA4.jpg|...I said "check".
Image:AMA3.jpg|Erotic soap dish...check
Image:0658-ANIME513.JPG|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic!Chris]] costume...check!
Image:0679-ANIME525.JPG|AWESOME!!!
</gallery>

===Witness account===
In [[May 2010]], the blog ''Topless Robot'' had a contest for "Most Shameful Nerd Moment". One commenter named tasakeru828, who ran a ''[[Sonic]]'' panel at what was presumably Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005, described the experience:

{{quote|I actually met [[Chris-chan]] at an [[anime]] convention before [[ED]] found out about him and started [[troll]]ing him en masse. A friend and I were hosting a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] panel and trying to prove that not all Sonic fans are as batshit insane as they're made out to be. That noble goal was shot to hell when the one-and-only Christian Weston Chandler arrived in all his [[Chris and fashion|clown-shirted]], Sonichu-[[medallion]]-wearing glory and started handing out free copies of his first issue. He asked us a completely unintelligible question (thinking mistakenly that we actually had some influence on the series as a whole), and afterwards he babbled at us personally while we smiled and nodded trying to look interested. We obviously knew he was mentally ill, but we had no idea that we were meeting a future [[Internet]] legend. 
Now, I still persist in my goal to prove that some Sonic fans are decent, intelligent people. And despite all the flamewars, recolors, and assorted drama that the Sonic series has caused, I still love it and will defend from haters till my dying breath. I am an unabashed, true blue Sonic fan, die-hardest of the die-hard, and nothing will ever change that. But Lord, Chris-chan comes very close to ruining it all for even me, and that should tell you something.}}<ref>http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/05/moments_of_nerd_shame_and_the_winners_are.php</ref>

==Aftermath==
Chris has not been to an anime convention since the 2005 Anime Mid-Atlantic event. In [[2010]], he planned for a time to visit the [[Otakon]] convention in [[Baltimore (in large part so he could meet [[Jackie]] there), but he managed to thwart himself by spending the money he'd set aside for the expedition. In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he claims that he overdrew his bank account shortly before the trip. This incurred the wrath of his parents, who refused to allow him to leave the house.

==Sauce==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.animemidatlantic.com/ Official Website]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/105 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2004 Convention Information Page]
* [http://www.animecons.com/events/info.shtml/638 Anime Mid-Atlantic 2005 Convention Information Page]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

Talk:Tomgirl Pictures

2011-05-01T20:08:34Z

Vergilius:

In case anyone's wondering, the images are called "TG#" because TomGirl. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:09, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
* '''MY EYES!''' CAN NOT UNSEE! [[User:CFA|CFA]] 19:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)CFA

Is there ANY backstory to this?!? What I don't understand is that he 1) went into PUBLIC wearing this stuff (there's a picture of him at his mall) and 2) It looks like he shaved his underarms in one or two pictures...WHY?! Dear God why?! --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 19:26, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
* Pretty sure he always shaved his underarms. I don't know why I know that. --[[User:Kwippleton|Kwippleton]] 19:38, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:I guess you don't understand hygiene, 4Macie. That's besides esthetics. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 06:02, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
*Yes but A. This is Chris, hygiene is a foreign word to him and B. Its aesthetics. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:35, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
:The article could use some clarification as to what the hell is going on here. There's gotta be some sort of story behind this. What's the deal? This is some of Chris's weirdest antics yet. Just when you think the lulcow ran dry... [[User:Abyssal|Abyssal]] 19:42, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Note that both ears are pierced, not just the gay ear (see: cucumbers on eyes pic). Also, that's his real hair and the images aren't censored; he's wearing a g-string. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 19:54, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: Are they really pierced or are they those clip on/magnet ones?? Is there anyway we can tell?? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:04, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:: They're real. Trust me. If they were clip ons, there would be more of an indent. I'm also pretty sure that clip ons are bigger. The ones I had as a kid certainly were, and I was pretty into those things. [[User:PedoforkBait|PedoforkBait]] 20:08, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::: That would make sense...I bet the ring/hoop ones are fake though, there's no hole for them in other pictures (unless he got them later). And why are they so oddly placed?? They aren't on the lobe like they should be...unless they've changed where they put them now (I got mine when I was 7). Or...could he have done them himself??? --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:::: They are real. Also, I'm not aware of any way to have a stud clip-on. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 20:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
*At this point, he's gotta be fucking with us. He wants to gross us out, so we don't bother him. --[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 20:05, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: You think he pierced his ears to get us to leave him alone? [[User:PeachyKeen|PeachyKeen]] 20:20, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

He's using a real camara to take his picture in some of these, that's unusual. I wonder what the poor guy who had to develop them was thinking. O_o [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 20:31, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

This is probably a long shot, however I really think he did this for a girl. Most likely a girl who liked to dress up as a guy and wanted Chris to do the same. Or it's a really, really good troll. Either way, whoever made him do this is really good at what they do, because these pictures are FUCKING DISGUSTING. [[User:Mikau|Mikau]] 20:54, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: [[:File:TG3.jpg|"...when the government fears the people, there is liberty"]]. I'm sure this new heartsweet has her Guy Fawkes mask ready. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 02:24, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
* Let me tell you something, and like I said, this really isn't really the place to say it. But nonetheless, whenever I try to rationalize what Chris does, I usually get disappointed because the simple fact of the matter is - Chris is just fucked up.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:24, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

The saddest thing about all this is that this didn't even suprise me in the slightest, I wasn't even mildly shocked to see Chris in drag, or even with a sock on his flacid manhood. --[[User:Gustofwind|Gustofwind]] 21:31, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: many are saying it isn't a sock...it's a g-string. You can't see the strings holding it up because of his gut roll over but when he does the picture of his butt, you can see the black thong part in the crack.....if you REALLY want to look that is. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:35, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

Goddaemnd monkey-assed hell. Well, what do we do with this page? Start describing shit? In fuckin' ''detail''?! It could stand as is, like the CWCki's own personal 'shock page'...--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:00, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

INFO, somebody has it. Where are the pictures from? Did he upload them somewhere? Or is it old stuff made public by trolls? --[[User:Cuprite|Cuprite]] 22:05, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:It's all recent and Clyde got it by hacking Chris' PSN. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 22:09, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::Excellent, this, coupled with the PSN being down, is probably the best chance we'll get at him returning. --[[User:Cuprite|Cuprite]] 22:13, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
::PSN has been offline for a week all because of these photos, spread the word [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 22:15, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:::In the meantime, someone try to find an appropreate picture of King Hippo from the Captain N cartoon; he also crossdresses, and he's also a fat, useless, discolored retard.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:17, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

In some of these, he looks uncannily like a fat version of Buffalo Bill. [[User:Vulture-chan|Vulture-chan]] 22:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)

I was about to ask if the PSN take down made him go further down the crazy hole o_o [[User:Raku|Raku]] 23:30, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
:Chris has been at this a while, and you can tell because growing out hair takes a while. The PSN going down was coincidence. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 00:49, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
I also love the claims that he is "straight". Yeah, Chris is as "straight" as a circle >_> [[User:Raku|Raku]] 23:34, 28 April 2011 (PDT)
: Circle? Try "ampersand." --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:25, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

here's something everybody should think about: chris is wearing his mom's clothes. i mean surely he didn't pay for any of this shit when there are MOUNTAINS of free clothes blocking up whole rooms of his house. [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 00:36, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:Already wore his mum's underwear that one time. Wouldn't be a new thing for him. [[User:BlueYonder|BlueYonder]] 01:19, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

I wonder if Bob has caught this yet. [[User:Westbound|Westbound]] 05:08, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

*Guys, please, remember - this page is [[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|not a forum]]. Srsly, I told you fuckers that that ModNation Racer character wasn't Crystal.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:22, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

Anyone with some solid info about this? Do this is a new saga? Who asked him to dress that way? Do we got any metadata linked to the picture so we can have time/date info? This is the best update for months and we got so little info on it. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 06:00, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
*I can talk to Tito about getting the raw images so we can get some metadata behind these.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:24, 30 April 2011 (PDT)
*Could he be trying to be Crystal the Imaginary Twin sister? He tends to stick to the stripey clothing and jeans, which is pretty much what she wore [[User:PoppyPink|PoppyPink]] 00:24, 30 April 2011 (GMT)

*This is pure speculation, but do you think it's Mic, the one girl he talked about in the Autism Tutorial?--[[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 07:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

The updates are few an far between, but when they come, they are fascinating. I especially like how the Sailor Moon poster is in some of the the pics. [[User:Farm Zombie|Farm Zombie]] 17:45, 29 April 2011 (PDT)

This is going to kill Bob. Chris has evolved into a Snorlax. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 04:01, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

== Disturbing revelation ==

*[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG19.jpg This pic] raises several disturbing things. First off, If you look in the background, you see the journey's sign. Why does this matter you ask?
[http://www.simon.com/mall/MallDirectoryPrint.aspx?id=117 Fashion Square Mall Directory]
Journey's in the section labeled G on the map. Right near exact center of the mall, meaning he walked around like that near small children. It also explains where he might have picked up everything, for the women's Belk is right around the corner. The disturbing part is he walked around the mall a hop skip and a jump from where I work! And before you ask, no I didn't see him drag. Side note, he is wearing his ring again, see [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG5.jpg this pic]. Also, there is a piercing pagoda in the mall. In summation, he got pierced, did up and bought his tranny clothes all in the mall most likely. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 20:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
: Is [http://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:TG3.jpg this sign] somewhere in the mall? Is this part of some sort of cross-dressing awareness event, and is Chris just taking part? [[User:Turnabout|Turnabout]] 22:32, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
**It looks like the chalkboard Chris drew on in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]], which is in Charlottesville. That doesn't look like Chris's handwriting, so I think it's safe to assume he has a new, masculine gal-pal. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 10:25, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

== Info? ==

Is there ANY background to this? Like: where did he get the term "TomGirl" and why does he think it means to dress up like a girl? (aka: this is cross-dressing...not being a "TomGirl") I guess it was said that this was hacked off his PS3 (PSN)..but WHY was it there in the first place?? He obviously took them for someone...he wouldn't have taken pictures of himself in drag if it was solely for his own viewing...would he??? I guess..
TL;DR: Is there any information about this??? Someone has to know something! --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:45, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
* Well [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomgirl Wikipedia] Explains a tomgirl is a reverse tomboy, a guy who acts girly, a femboi in essence is a tomgirl. [[User:CFA|CFA]] 21:06, 29 April 2011 (PDT)CFA
::Hmmm...well that's a start. Though I think Chris took this one a little too far for it to still be "TomGirl"ish... Now we just need the WHY I guess. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:11, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
:::For the love of fuck just shut up and wait for the inevitable infodump that will explain everything.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 21:28, 29 April 2011 (PDT)
::::*True, though pretty much what's going on has already been explained by [[Tito]] [http://789chan.org/cwc/res/53442.html here]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:19, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

*Sweet merciful Jesus, he..he finally snapped, or he finally accepted it, just...wow. [[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 21:32, 30 April 2011 (PDT)

== Preexisting gender determination issues ==

There is so fucking much up with this guy I don't even know where to start, but cross-dressing is the tip of the fucking iceberg here. CWC genuinely has no masculine features except his receding hairline, and his fat distribution and build are very effeminate. (Not feminine - he looks androgynous leaning away from male.) The club-dick might be the result of hypospadias (extra dick hole for a partially to fully separate urethra, as in women) corrected by some inept hillbilly doctor, which is an indicator for a variety of sex-determination issues. Kleinfelter's (XXY sex chromosomes) is coincident with it and a variety of mental conditions, including ASD, although he'd be outside of the normal range of intelligence for the syndrome.

The thing here is to compare Chris to relatively masculine fatasses. Moobs that size on masculine men are usually accompanied by a pretty big stomach, and while CWC's breasts are obviously almost 100% the result of fat distribution, a massive amount of his excess fat is in typically female areas, i.e. hips, thighs, ass, etc.

The other side of the coin is that CWC has a lot of the features of abandoned or half-hearted male feminization - box tits with flat, weird nipples; an extremely protruberant but generally formless ass; the general fat and body pattern of a long post-menopause woman. In short, these people look like the Snorlax (as CWC has begun to) because, like her, the last major influence on their secondary sexual features is still high estrogen levels that are no longer significant enough to have a major effect.
Other relevant features of male-to-female transition, either medically or anecdotally ubiquitous, are the softening of body hair, the mild regrowth of scalp hair, emotional upheaval, sexual dysfunction, and massive mood swings. The last three of those are also attributable to testosterone therapy in patients with previously low testosterone levels.

I'm not saying I'm sure there's some kind of congenital or external source of hormone problems for sure, but it seems pretty likely to me that either he was on testosterone for a brief period in response to an indifferent puberty from some sexual condition (possibly explaining his sudden and totally incomplete sexual awakening at 16) or he was, at some point between then and now, medicated with anti-androgens or even some kind of low-level female hormone regimen, either clinically or domestically. (There are reasons that were then and are partially now considered medically reasonable for doing that - chemical castration, for one, for instance when a poorly-managed autistic teenager develops a raging and violently-ideated libido - but God only knows why things happen under that fucking roof.)

TL,DR: Chris might have girl parts and either his parents fucked with his endocrine system at a young age or things with his new boyfriend-free heartsweet are going to get weirder before they make perfect sense.
I've been suspicious of this since his first nudes went up, and this is just icing on the cake. And if you guys think he's a lulcow while he's trying to be a man...

:nah he's just a dumb fatty -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 02:41, 1 May 2011 (PDT)
::I have to agree with Acousticvirgin on this. While your theory is quite interesting...most of this can be explain just by looking at Chris and his family. Chris's family had him at a really old age. His mom was almost in menopause and his father was already a senior citizen. The father at such an old age could be a factor in Autism (it's a scientific theory) and his mother having him so close to menopause could be the reason for any hormonal imbalance (it's a scientific fact that when women are older when a child is born that hormonal imbalances can occur, ESPECIALLY if that older woman doesn't take the prenatal vitamins...). The fat distribution of Chris can be explain by either the hormonal imbalance or by the fact that he doesn't really move all the much, much less work out (or both combined). If you look at pictures of him in his HighSchool years he's a LOT thinner...most likely due to a high metabolism since he didn't work out and wasn't in sports. With his age he's either lost that metabolism or he's out-eating it, either is a possibility. The fact that he doesn't work out at all and doesn't really move around all that much means that there's going to be limited muscles there and much more fat. His arms are skinny because men usually don't get a whole bunch of fat there; his legs are kinda chunky, but men get that too. His butt, gut, and thighs are fat simply because that's where the fat goes. Now, the manboobs. Some men get moobs whether or not they have some gender issue...Chris on the other hand has a set that is way too big to be normal. This could be because of the hormonal imbalance from birth, OR because he doesn't work that muscle out at all. Most men do some form of exercise for that muscle whether or not they go to the gym. They lift things, they carry things, or just daily movement will work out the pectorals for men. The fact that this particular muscle gets NO exercise or movement from Chris could mean that the pectorals are much more fat than muscle. His sexual inexperience until 16 can be explained by parenting and by his autism. His parents never had any reason to discuss his puberty with him so he never really understood sex or masturbation until he saw it in a movie, and now that he does, he still only does it 1 or 2 times a week...quite abnormal for a boy/man from puberty to about 40 years old (age after puberty varies of course). Some autistics are asexual and never have sex throughout their lives because they don't understand sex nor do they really understand/want any kind of romantic relationship. The fact that Chris wants one so badly means nothing; he's shown that he doesn't really understand relationships and treats them like a 8 year old would. ===> TL,DR: Chris's parents had him at too old an age, that along with the fact that he's overweight and doesn't work out at all has made him who he is today... and more likely than not...it'll only get worse. (These pictures show an increased weight since the last time we've seen him; especially in the face and chest.) And Chris wants sex just because he doesn't want the title VIRGIN, he really has no sex drive.--[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 08:17, 1 May 2011 (PDT)
:::Now, we have to remember that Chris is very simple. When he had to choose between his console and his galpal, and he chose the galpal, he demanded to have the consol as well, because he did the right thing. Just like in the movies. Chris doesn't necessarily understand love or attraction, he merely knows that relationship is a good thing, and it should be desired. In his simple mind, a relationship with a woman means perfect, neverending happiness that will fix all his problems. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 13:08, 1 May 2011 (PDT)

Chris and hypocrisy

2011-04-30T16:38:17Z

Vergilius: /* "I fear them all" — Homosexuality */

{{quote|I am a man who stands strong and true and by the main woman in his life.|[[Chris]], on remaining faithful to [[Ivy]]<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2">[[Vanessa IRC Chat 2]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I love you.|Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], 35 minutes later<ref name="Vanessa IRC Chat 2"/>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]'']]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hyporcrisy]]</ref>

[[Chris]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene_County_Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male sex]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkops|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] except for trips to [[McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a twenty-nine-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late twenties, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Chris retconned their ages]] so they can legally fuck. Then he created a [[Zapina|fourteen-year-old]] character who attends high school in a scandalously revealing outfit. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]."

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", have been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren playing Pokémon with little kids can be hardly considered as voluntary service. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J. K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him [[Chris and Copyright|a penny]]). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "[[Niggos|blacks]]" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]].

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.'''<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fanfiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works — legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "[[parody|parodic]]," but doesn't like creations that he has labeled "parodies" either.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over [http://www.zazzle.com/sonichu+gifts VERY REAL] unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[eBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined US$500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Robbie Sonee]] describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recorded an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent or knowledge. Not only has the irony completely escaped Chris, but he is deliberately spreading the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, believing that others will find him in the right despite his shady tactics. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to surreptitiously take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera.

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]

It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins after disarming him. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

In late [[May 2010]], Chris abandoned the [[CWCipedia]] after trolls overran it once again. In a message left behind, Chris claims that anything that doesn't come from his YouTube account, the former CWCipedia webpage or his [[OKCupid]] account is false and that anything shown elsewhere was made up just to slander ''him''. It's easy to see that Chris does not want others to see what kind of person he really is and thus claims that everything else that wasn't on something he created is false. Sadly, it doesn't work that way - just looking up his name in any of its forms brings up a lot of information about him, mostly the same things we already know about him. The Internet is a dangerous place and Chris doesn't know how dangerous it is.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

In the [[05142010]] video, Chris shows us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to give up a character that didn't belong to him in the first place.

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===
{{Quote|I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross|Chris, on [[22 January 2010]].}}

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there are huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|You know, for kids!]]

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically burst his heart with not a bit of [[remorse]] or justification of why.

All of the violence in the final pages of ''Sonichu'' #10 is particularly bad when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|''Sonichu Revolution'']] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villains, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In ''Sonichu'', these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris has difficulties understanding not only mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==="Nobody needs the Internet!" — Leaving the Internet forever===

On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN. Even if we assume that his definition of "leaving the internet" simply means "Not uploading videos or making comics", he's still failed to hold true to his vow on every occasion he's attempted to leave forever.

==="They took all the pretty girls, leaving none for me!" — Romantic rivalry===

One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's insecure and jealous that someone will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Autism

2011-04-29T21:30:14Z

Vergilius: Link no longer working, redirects to the main page.

{{quote|I'm POSSIBLY [[retarded]]...|Chris on his autism, [[Mumble]] chat 23 February 2009}}

{{quote|I'M RETARDED|Chris, [[CWC - Exposing Jeff]]}}

{{quote|It sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, '''I am Sometimes Retarded'''.|Chris, on himself.<ref>6th paragraph down: http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>}}

[[Image:086-BionicFlag.jpg|thumb|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] "conquering" autism (and "ATcI3") by confusing windmills with watermills.]]
[[Image:461-AutismFight.jpg|thumb|Chris at war with autism (or "ATSIMU") in [[China]]. Too bad you can't fight cannons with [[fangs]].]]
[[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|He plays this card a lot.]]

'''Autism''' is a spectrum of neurological disorders involving the impairment of social interaction and communication. The cause of autism is unknown, but has been shown to have multiple genetic factors. The symptoms usually manifest before the age of 3 and are generally irreversible; there is no cure, although the condition can be treated. Autistic individuals are generally not retarded — they mostly have average intelligence — although obviously severe social impairment can coincide with stunted learning and development. [[Asperger syndrome]] is generally considered part of the autistic spectrum; individuals with Asperger syndrome generally have above-average intelligence, although they still suffer from the social and communicative impairments. Prognosis depends on the severity of the autism and the effectiveness of its treatment; autistic people may learn to live relatively normal, productive lives or they may have become so unable to function in society that they must be institutionalized.

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has built much of his identity around being autistic. His terror of being associated with severely autistic/retarded people causes him to be overly eager to prove his basic competence and cite his success in primary and secondary education. At the same time, his pride from accomplishing these things in spite of his disability has conditioned him to demand outrageous praise for his slightest efforts and infinite patience for his gravest errors. Moreover, Chris's belief that the entire Greene County Board of Education continues to irrationally persecute him for his autism has left him suspicious of opposing points of view and resolute that anti-autistic prejudice is the reason for any of his setbacks. In short, it is impossible to understand Chris's [[Chris and anger|defensiveness]], [[stress|hypersensitivity]], [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], [[Chris and remorse|irresponsibility]], [[Man in the Pickle Suit|paranoia]], [[100 2178|victimhood]], and [[Story of My Current Days|self-pity]] without understanding his relationship with autism.

Chris, in typical Chris fashion, not only seems to think that having autism imbues him with a [[Chris and his ego|special significance]], but also seems to think that his autism is different from that of every other person in the world who has autism. Because, y'know, everything to do with Chris has to be [[slow-in-the-minds|special]]. Because he's autistic, Chris is, naturally, better than everyone else (because having autism automatically makes him a genius), and everyone should acknowledge how utterly brilliant he is. At the same time, Chris is not responsible for anything he ever does wrong, because he is autistic and that means it's not his fault if he [[Twin Falling Towers|does]] [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|stupid]] [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|things]].

==High-functioning vs. low-functioning==

Informally, autism may be subdivided into separate classifications based on the intelligence and degree of function the autistic individual possesses; i.e., high-functioning, medium-functioning, and low-functioning. Chris has latched onto this concept and will frequently qualify his condition, saying he has '''high-functioning autism''', or '''HFA'''. Generally, HFA is loosely defined as the ability to live in the mainstream world as opposed to being institutionalized, near-normal comprehension, fluent speech, and about-average intellect. This lets Chris have it both ways: you can't blame him for his failures because he has autism, but you can't treat him like he's retarded because he's ''high-functioning'' and therefore, nearly normal.

[[Trolls]] have often noted that the "high-functioning" qualifier is '''not''' a clinical diagnosis and is '''not''' recognized by the [[Wikipedia:DSM-IV|DSM-IV-TR]] or the [[Wikipedia:ICD-10|ICD-10]]. This usually goes hand-in-hand with questioning the severity and/or diagnosis of Chris's impairment, if not outright calling him a [[lie|liar]]. However, the Chandlers didn't make the "HFA" label up, and compared to kids who can barely speak and just walk in circles all day, Chris is relatively close to neurotypical. Semantics aside, though, even the most casual of observers would conclude that Chris is basically non-functioning.

Disgustingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, Chris detests [[Slow-in-the-minds|low-functioning autistics]] in the [[Chris and hypocrisy|exact manner]] that he fears normal people will detest him. In [[Mailbag 25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]], he compares those with low-functioning autism with those who suffer from severe retardation or severe brain damage, thinking that they would have their arms linked together, have deformations, be confined to wheelchairs or crutches and drool and grunt and growl. He has also compared them to "zombies".<ref>[[Mailbag_5#In which Chris speaks ill of the handicapped|Mailbag 5]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_11#Elevators are important for the handicapped, so they don't want any phobias|Mailbag 11]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_25#High functioning babble|Mailbag 25]]</ref> In his [[Father Call|phone call to Matt Devoria]]. The irony of his resentment toward 'Low Functioning' Autistic people is that he has a severely autistic cousin, as revealed in the [[autism papers]]; this probably means that either Chris is not aware of his own relatives (very probable), or he has disowned members of his own family on the basis of them having the same medical condition that he has (albeit more severely affected by it), being the autism-nazi he is.

He explains that he refuses to date a girl with any form of autism because he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.{{cite}} Chris believes he can do much more than any low-functioning autistic could, even as he's living with [[Bob|his]] [[Barb|parents]], has never had a real girlfriend, and [[Dirty, crapped briefs|shits his pants]] on a semiregular basis.<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref>

Despite all this, though, presuming Chris is autistic, he is high-functioning since he can talk. However, this also means that he has the same medical condition as [[Microsoft|Bill Gates]] and the creator of [[Pokémon]], yet he has failed to do anything with his life, hence proving that his vulgarity and failure are utterly his fault.

{{clear}}

==Onset and diagnosis of Chris's autism==

{{quote|No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID| [[Jackie E-mails 23|Jackie]]}}
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|Now GodBearJesus can't get him to shut up.]]

Chris's version of how he developed autism is best explained in the [[Song of Christian]] video. There he explains how a [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]] locked him in a room filled with toys at around age 1 1/2. After bawwwing for hours, he emerged from his lair unable to talk (which implies that Chris could talk before this incident, and that would be in direct contradiction to Chris's own parents stating that he never spoke until around the age of seven); as Chris himself puts it, "God put the mute button on me." Most specialists claim that these symptoms of autism begin to show around that age anyway,<ref>[[wikipedia:Autism#Characteristics|Wikipedia: Autism Characteristics]]</ref> so even if the events of the story happened, the babysitter didn't cause the autism. It is far, far more likely that one or both of Chris's parents simply looked for anyone to blame for Chris's sudden loss of language development.

It is not currently clear how Chris came to be considered as "autistic," although Chris has claimed that his parents possess official documentation about this in a safe. When pressed to release this information, he provided a [[autism papers|2004 psychiatric evaluation]] that states Chris was diagnosed with autism when he was "around age five or six." However, there's no way to be sure if the evaluator simply wrote down Chris's responses to his questions or independently verified them. (For example, Chris might not remember his exact age when he was diagnosed, but you'd think his medical records could be more precise than "five or six.") By the time of the Chandlers' legal battle with Greene County, Chris's autism seemed to have become a universally accepted fact, but the details of how, when, and where Chris was diagnosed remain a mystery.

When recounting his childhood, Chris usually skips straight from the "evil babysitter" incident to age seven, so we know very little about what (if any) treatment he received during this crucial period of development. In a [[CWCipedia]] [[mailbag]], Chris claims that when he was young, his parents were told he would never be able to read, write or function on a normal level. He and his doctors have now upgraded his condition to "high-functioning," but apparently his incredibly abysmal upbringing has actually allowed it to progress to mid-functioning at best. However, his characteristics and development throughout his life may put him in the "Childhood Disintegrating Disorder" category, as he has become worse and worse over the years.

In his "Song of Christian" video, he explains that his mother took him to the toy department and coaxed him to read aloud the names of Go-Bots, and later [[Transformers]]. Chris says he began speaking again when he was seven— that is, in [[1989]], when the Transformers line was on its last legs and the Go-Bots line had long since vanished. This would seem to indicate that this form of "therapy" had to have gone on for several years before producing any results.

{{clear}}

==Persecution==

Chris attended [[Greene County Primary School]], apparently without incident, from age 5 until age 9. Problems arose for him in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], where he alleges that the faculty wanted to remove him from mainstream classrooms and send him to what he calls an institution. He also claims that the teachers at the school held him down and recorded his screams. Chris frequently cites this as evidence that the school was senselessly cruel towards him, for no reason apparent to him except an innate fear and distrust of autistic people. More probable, given Chris's ongoing behavioral issues, is that he forced the faculty to restrain him by refusing to restrain himself. There's no way to know if Greene Elementary treated Chris unfairly, but the incident does suspiciously resemble Chris's [[arrest]] in July 2005. The Chandlers sued to prevent the school board from removing Chris from mainstream education before ultimately relocating to Chesterfield County to continue Chris's mainstreaming there.

There's no way to know how much of Chris's attitude about the Greene County crisis is based on his personal recollections or what he was later told by his parents, who themselves seem unusually paranoid about the county's vendetta against their family. However, the result of the incident is clear: Chris emerged from adolescence firmly believing that many people not only misunderstand autistic people but hate and fear them. He seems to believe this prejudice is based not on a person's actions (e.g., throwing fits and irrationally screaming) but on a person's mere identification as autistic, regardless of function. Given Chris's fear of low-functioning autistics, he may in fact think this prejudice is perfectly justified, but wrongfully targeted at a high-functioning individual. Of course, in Chris's mind, he may as well be the only high-functioning autistic in the universe, so he is the one and only innocent victim in "everyone's favorite game, [[Kick the Autistic]]."

Chris's [[Chris and Rape|tactful and sensitive]] comments on a news story about a woman with [[Asperger Syndrome]] being raped revealed that he believes the media, like the rest of the world, has a bias against autism similar to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_white_woman_syndrome "Missing White Woman Syndrome"], and that the story wouldn't have been reported if the victim was a woman with "proper" autism.

==Chris's symptoms==

Many [[troll]]s dispute the exact diagnosis of Chris's mental condition, on the basis that his observed behavior is inconsistent with various autistic people. CWC-related forums (and other forums, for that matter) have seen numerous testimonials about people who are undeniably autistic but nowhere near as fucked-up as Chris has turned out to be, and in general these forums do not consider Chris to be an example of what all autistic people are like. Quite often, autistics are indeed able to learn social skills to some small degree in the context of intellectual learning. Some can even come off as being completely neurotypical because they have come to realize that, while they believe "normal" behavior has a tenuous definition, they must adapt to others' expectations of what's acceptable if they wish to succeed in life. Chris, however, demonstrates a willful ignorance of normalcy, with a sense of entitlement coupled with an expectation that others should not only understand his ridiculous idiosyncrasies in the first place, but also accept them or even force [[Dating education|them]] upon others.

A layperson may come to the conclusion that Chris is not autistic, and he's just a regular (albeit idiotic) guy with a few "eccentricities" (more like psychotic), or jump to the other extreme and conclude that Chris has full-blown mental retardation. However, Chris's characteristics are most likely a combination of [[Barbara|bad parenting]] and genuine autism. The following are aspects of Chris's character that clearly match autistic tendencies:

[[Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG|thumb|right|Awkward body language, as Chris displays here, is a common trait of autism.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|left|Stacking objects is a common symptom of autism, and is often one of its first signs in a young child.]]

*Chris displays virtually no coherent, working theory of mind. This is the essence of autism: autistics have difficulty gauging others' internal, subjective thoughts, feelings, ideas, intents and so on; understanding that these might be different than their own; and predicting their behavior based on these differences. Indeed, the prefix "aut-" is a form of "auto-", meaning "self," as in "automobile," meaning "self-moving". In [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|an email between Clyde Cash and him]], he sent Clyde a link to [[The MovingFoward videos|a video he made of himself destroying his PS3]]. He destroyed his PS3 under the egregiously mistaken impression that he'd be given $9,001 for it, which is in itself an indicator of his fundamental inability to gauge others' actual intents and future behavior. He filmed himself doing it specifically to prove to Clyde, who wasn't present for the destruction, that it happened according to the video's objective portrayal. However, he added that if Clyde showed the video to anyone Chris didn't mean to see it without paying him the money, "it can be considered [Clyde's] Word Alone, possible Movie Editing and Actors, and NOT Fact" as though the video would have any less evidential weight on others if he denied to them what he rightfully claimed to Clyde that it showed with enough certitude that he would give him thousands of dollars because of its being shown.

*Chris places disproportional importance on literal statements, another trait of autism. This is related to the above. Chris acted as though he could convince others of a fact contrary to videographic evidence simply by stating it. Another example is virtually the entire [[Liquid Chris#Liquid Saga|Liquid saga]], where Chris honestly, fervently, pathetically tried to demonstrate what was already blatantly obvious to everyone: that his name is not Ian Brandon Anderson and that Liquid was not him. He seemed to believe strongly enough [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|to become visibly frustrated]] that others might believe Liquid's statements in the face of the obvious that he had to continually counteract those statements with his own as though just the statements were the most important or most effective means of proving what everyone already knew.

*Chris is extremely gullible. One need only see his extensive [[list of sweethearts]] to see just how easily fooled he is. In addition, not only has he been fooled by trolls pretending to be girls, he has fallen for trolls pretending to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and approaching him about making a Sonichu game. A telling statement comes from the aforementioned email to Clyde: "even if you upload the video yourself, it '''can be''' considered YOUR Word Alone[.]" (''emphasis added'') Chris might operate on the assumption that if a thing ''can be'' true, it's always reasonable to behave as though it ''is'' true no matter how slight the chance and no matter how much more likely it is to be false.

*Chris lacks a conversational filter. He calls this [[Honest Content|honesty]]; normal people call it social retardation. Without provocation he will tell you about his pinkeye and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], and how he is a [[virgin with rage]]. Only when his [[Barbara|mother]] told him to knock it off did he actually give up telling everyone he's a virgin.

*Chris can't show emotions well with facial expressions and body language. See [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|his statement to the women of the world]] if you like having Chris haunt your dreams. His inability to display emotions on his face has been called a "[[The Creepy Stare|dead fish expression]]." When he does attempt to have an expression, it looks very cartoonish. He typically speaks in a monotone, and his attempts to sound expressive (see [[CWC's Message for Ivy]]) come off as creepy and unnatural.

*Chris has very poor facial and vocal recognition skills. [[Julie]] was a 13 year old boy using an obvious falsetto and Chris fell for it. In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|one chat]], the boy made no attempt to disguise his voice and Chris was none the wiser, disclosing personal sexual details. Two images of different people were used to represent [[Blanca Weiss]], and Chris didn't notice. In an [[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|AIM Chat]] with [[Vanessa Hudgens]], she sent him a link to pictures of Megan Fox, and Chris complimented her on them. It should be noted that the two have entirely different skin colors.

*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Chris lacks empathy]] and concern for others. See his [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash|plea]] to Clyde. His suggestion after the loss of [[Ryan Cash]] was "find yourself a girlfriend." He asks for ED to [[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007|please understand]] him, because he is an "innocent victim of misunderstanding"—he wants empathy from others, but he can't return the favor. Chris primarily sees other people in terms of what they can provide for him; when accused of overstepping his bounds or other wrongdoing, he has no concept of [[Chris and remorse|remorse or apology]] except as something he must do to continue receiving favors. When forced to apologize, he makes insincere apologies followed immediately by further demands.

*Chris has trouble developing relationships. Many neurotypical people have the same problem, but Chris is particularly inept at socializing. He has no filter on what he says and cannot empathize with others, key prerequisites for successfully interacting with people. He also pretty much just talks about himself.

*Chris thinks in absolutes and in terms of clearly defined steps in order to do something. He thinks there must be sex on or by the [[third date]]. He describes his sadness in terms of his [[heart level]] and briefly mentioned a [[Scale of Respect]]. He feels that if he just knows the correct steps to getting a [[sweetheart]], he will be able to find one easily. His [[dating education|crash-course in dating]] and [[Dating|suggestions to Blanca]] assume that a relationship should follow a rigidly predetermined progression instead of a natural flow.
**In the [[Jackie E-mails 23|final exchange of e-mails with Jackie,]] Chris responded to Jackie's frank descriptions of his habits and lifestyle by telling her she had exceeded the "Hurtful Truth Level"; While he knows he should be appreciative of hearing the truth about himself, this was the only way he could wrap his brain around the abstract idea enough to be able to tell her he thought she'd gone too far.

*Chris tends to use solipsistic neologisms; that is, he creates new words that only he himself understands and expects other people to comprehend them. Many articles on this very wiki have been written to explain the resulting [[CWC-isms]].

*Chris exhibits compulsive and repetitive behavior. He wears the same [[shirt]] for days at a time, and uses the same terms and [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor|exact]] [[boyfriend-free girl|phrases]] [[sweetheart from the ground-up|frequently]]. He feels the need to refer to people by their full names, plainly visible when he talks about himself, [[Clyde Cash]], or [[Adam Stackhouse]].

*Chris has an extremely narrow range of interests. He seems to only give a damn about video games, prowling for his next [[sweetheart]], his initials, and [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], so much to the point where he practically places [[Sonichu (character)|him]] somewhere in everything he creates. He often wishes to [[dating|combine]] two [[LBP#First Date Level|interests]].

*Although he does not demonstrate any [[Honor Roll|competency]] with them, Chris has a fixation on numbers and statistics that would generally be irrelevant to others. He describes measures in concrete terms (e.g. "5 mies[sic] from the city"<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_2</ref> instead of "outside the city"), and has a particular obsession with times and dates, timestamping nearly every scene in the comic and giving his characters birthdays that have no relevance to the plot (unless it becomes convenient to "[[pedofork|age up]]" the characters). Needless to say, Chris's tendency to blurt out exact dates and times (assuming he's not lying off his ass) has made the job of [[CWChronology|CWCki chronologists]] much easier. On the other hand, his haphazard treatment of dates and times in the comic has led to countless [[continuity#Chronology|continuity errors]].

*Chris's given reasons for his love of [[My Little Pony]] are also indicative of autism. Autistics are drawn to physical sensations which give them a feeling of being 'grounded', and this is probably why Chris finds stroking the hair of these toys so "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|therapeutic]]".

*Chris lacks social awareness. One notable instance, as revealed in the [[autism papers]], was when two [[Niggos|African American]] ladies were speaking to Chris about his love quest, when Chris politely told them that they could not be his girlfriend because they were not white. Based on the report of the examiner, Chris believed he was merely informing the ladies as to his prerequisites for a potential sweetheart while oblivious to the fact he was being racially insensitive.<ref>[[Autism_papers#IDENTIFYING_STATEMENT:]]</ref>

*Unnatural relationships with objects are also a sign of autism; Chris has an evident obsessions with his [[medallion]], his [[PS3]], and any number of other items that clutter up his [[Chris's room|room]]. Since autistic people have difficulty maintaining relationships with people they often end up becoming emotionally dependent on objects.

*Chris also appears to have echolalia, a common symptom of autism. This means that he constantly repeats phrases from his favorite television shows, movies and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation.

==Chris's misconceptions about autism==
It's not clear that Chris has any understanding of what, precisely, autism is, except that a) he has it, b) it's a bad thing, and c) he's a brave little boy for living with it. His song [[A-U-T-I-S-M]] sums up his attitudes about the disorder:

{{quote|A-U-T-I-S-M: what does it mean? Silence and friends unseen! A few brains as well: that is autism! And that makes us seem special to you!|Chris, attempting to spell out autism in more ways than one}}

To Chris, that's all it is — a condition that makes you a bit smarter than normal and mysteriously makes people not want to be your friend.

Chris also seems to only be aware of the symptoms of autism that fit in with his odd, pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle. Asexuality is very common in autistic people; this is because any form of romance or sex is too intimate for an autistic mind to cope with. This completely contradicts Chris's "[[Love Quest]]" and suggests that he is actually trying to compensate for his inability to feel true sexual attraction, even if that means becoming a genuinely disturbing pervert.

Chris [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|considers himself to have "Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People",]] suggesting that he believes [[Chris and his Ego|the disorder did not even exist before he was born]].

In a [[May 2010]] [[Some Favored Comedians|video]], he opined that our society is spending so much time on the internet that ''everyone'' is becoming autistic.<ref>[[Toucher and Rich Segment#Chris's Response|Chris responds to Toucher and Rich, May 2009]]</ref><ref>[[Some Favored Comedians]]</ref> This further proves that people with no social contact should not attempt social commentary. Well, that and Chris has no fucking clue what his own disorder is actually ''like''. More recently he tried to use this excuse to guilt trip [[Jackie]] into being sorry for yelling at him, which worked as well as you'd expect.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref>

===Chris on the causes of autism===
There's a broad scientific consensus that autism largely arises from genetic factors. Chris's own case is consistent with the theory that children born to older parents (Bob and Barb were 54 and 40, respectively, when Chris was conceived) are at greater risk of developing autism.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autism#Genetics</ref>

Chris's own expressed views on the root causes of autism are all over the map. He's espoused a few different theories at different times and in different situations. His oldest theory, dating back to the [[Song of Christian]] in the late 1990s, is that the [[abusive babysitter]] was responsible for his condition. In more recent years (specifically, during [[Mumble 3|his arguments with]] [[Clyde Cash]] in early 2009, he said that "scientifically speaking, [autism] has possibly come from a drug, or otherwise it may possibly be genetic", and that the babysitter incident merely "brought out the, uh, curse that was buried within me."

When explaining his condition to [[Father Call|Matt Devoria]] late in the fall of 2009, Chris insisted that autism has no genetic factors. In that instance, however he had an obvious agenda. He hoped to convince Matt that any children he fathered on Matt's daughter [[Kacey]] wouldn't wind up inheriting his condition; because of this, it's difficult to say exactly how sincere he happened to be at that moment.

To muddle the issue even ''further'', in [[Mailbag 12]], Chris blamed the cause of autism on a shot "the doctor's optionally give to the child after birth", apparently in reference to the highly disputed urban myth alleging that childhood vaccinations lead to autism. It's not likely that Chris even has that much of an awareness of the facts and assertions of said myth, and was probably looking for a throwaway excuse to deny any hereditary factors.

In his [[Autism Tutorial Part 1|Autism Tutorial]] from early 2011, Chris slewed back toward a more mainstream view, discussing the genetic factors behind autism and complaining about how his parents conceived him late in life. He also, however, warned viewers that smoking, drinking, or exposure to car exhaust could cause dangerous genetic damage that might result in autistic children.

===Chris versus Asperger syndrome===
{{see also|Asperger syndrome}}

Chris is easily outraged by any attempt to associate or confuse autism, high-functioning or otherwise, with Asperger syndrome, a similar condition now considered by many experts to overlap with HFA on the autistic spectrum. (In fact, it has been proposed that Asperger syndrome be placed on the autism spectrum in the new DSM-V, making both the condition and "high-functioning autism" one and the same.<ref>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-V#Asperger_syndrome</ref>) At times, Chris has stated that he dislikes Asperger syndrome because sufferers of the disorder supposedly steal sympathy away from autism awareness. He has also claimed that the name is too close to "ass burger" or "ass booger" for his taste. In the early days of the CWCipedia Mailbag, asking Chris about Asperger syndrome was the most effective way to troll him; this culminated in the creation of [[Asperchu]].

In the present, Chris simply hates Asperger syndrome because it reminds him of how angry he got the last time someone brought it up - in other words, a completely unjustifiable opinion. Chris has declared himself "close-minded" on the subject, dismissing all scientific opinion contrary to his own, and angrily refuses to be convinced that he does not occupy a superior tier of social retardation.

==Chris on autism education==
Chris is a firm believer in mainstream education for children with autism, a trait he doubtlessly picked up from his parents, who went to [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|incredible lengths]] to keep him in mainstream classrooms throughout his school years. Aside from speech therapy lessons intended to help him recover from his period of muteness as a child, as far as the available records indicate, Chris has never received any sort of special education geared towards dealing with his autism or related issues.

[[Mailbag 12|When asked for his advice on how to raise an autistic child]], Chris replied "...Most Importantly, MAINSTREAM; let your child be free to communicate and associate with the Normal Society. Special Education is okay, but that will not do in the longest run." Later, [[Mailbag 15|for advice on how "to succeed despite being afflicted with Asperger's"]], Chris's only response was, "My advice is to Mainstream the child."

During a [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|video from April 2010]], Chris read off a lengthy printout of autism-related information. After quoting a passage about how the education of autistic children should be undertaken by trained professionals in specialized settings, Chris offered his own opinion.

{{quote|As for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, give 'em the special treatment while they're young... but when you get 'em in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go.|Chris, [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]}}

In short, Chris believes that the approach that produced the man as we know him today (i.e. ignoring the problem) is [[List of Chris's lies|the best possible way to raise and educate children with autism.]]

==Autism cured?==

[[Image:454-CWCsPossibleFuture.JPG|thumb|Autism appears to be in Chris's future...]]

Chris's greatest dream is that his autism might one day be cured (although in 2006 he would have unhesitatingly sacrificed such a cure in order to obtain a [[PS3|PlayStation 3]]). There are instances of children inexplicably recovering from the symptoms, but there is no known cure for autism that can simply be applied to everyone like Chris's "homo vaccine." Imagine the surprise of the mental health community, then, when Chris revealed in [[March 2009]] that he had overcome his autism once and for all:<ref>[[Sarah Reveals Herself]]</ref>

:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I'm not going to blame it on my autism; I have realized that I am over that now.
:'''Sarah May:''' Over what?
:'''Sarah May:''' Over your autism?
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' yes
:'''Sarah May:''' . . .
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' anyway, what is it that you want to do?
:'''Sarah May:''' Christian
:'''Sarah May:''' Are you serious?
:'''Sarah May:''' Autism is not influenza
:'''Sarah May:''' You don't 'get over it'
:'''Christopher C.W.C.:''' I've broken out of my autistic shell, and I am better able to socialize in public, with the past practices online.

Chris claims during the same chat that he may not be making sense due to a virus, easily allowing for him to retract this. Fortunately, Chris has discovered that [[stress]] is a more socially popular scapegoat for his personal shortcomings. Of course, people learn to manage stress, but what do you expect?

As of [[May 2009]], Chris seems to have regained his autism and is back to [[Chris on Wikipedia|blaming it]] for all his problems, seemingly believing that autism is as easy to shake/regain as the common flu. Or he forgot that he even had the above conversation and is just retarded.

[[November 2009]] saw Chris claiming to have cured his autism again as stated at the end of part 2 on his [[Sonichu Powerpoint]] presentations (where he describes himself as a "high-functioning autistic ''recovered''"). A [[December 2009|month later]], Chris says in the [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|revised ED article]] in response to ED's claim he's "suffering" from autism, he comments "''which I still am for real.''"

Chris's flip-flopping self-diagnosis simply illustrates his misunderstanding of his problems. Since autism is his scapegoat for when he fucks up, to him that's really all it is — a disease that makes people fuck up all the time. Therefore, when he fails he has a bad case of autism, and when everything is going well (such as when he believes he has a girlfriend) he thinks the autism has gone away. What Chris really wants, then, is not a cure for autism but to live a life in which nothing happens that he would need to blame on his autism; that is, a life in which he has a girlfriend and nobody criticizes him.

==Things Chris has not blamed on his autism==
[[Image:Tumbleweed.gif|What did you expect?]]

==Chris and other autistics==

Listening to Chris go on about "us TRUE and HONEST autistics", you might think he has some kind of misplaced sense of autistic solidarity. But this would merely be dumb, and Chris-chan always shoots for both dumb and repugnant, so in reality he doesn't give a shit about anyone's autism but his own. He calls lower-functioning autistics than himself "windows onto hell" and regards them with [[Chris and Hypocrisy|exactly the same kind of fear and mistrust he bitches about people treating him with]]. He has also expressed a disdain for others with high-functioning autism, with HFA being one of the characteristics excluding a woman from being a [[attraction sign|potential sweetheart]]. Meanwhile, he looks at people with [[Asperger Syndrome]], who are on roughly the same part of the spectrum as him, as dirty whores trying to somehow steal the limelight from "real" autistics (read: Chris).

Chris has only once included another autistic person in his comics. In emails with [[Sarah Jackson]], she told Chris that her sister was also a high-functioning autistic. When Sarah was included in [[Episode_19#Episode_19:_Date_Ed_.28Even_Though_the_Idea_Sounds_Dated.29|Episode 19]], so was her sister, [[Rita]]. When Rita was given dialogue after Sarah's [[death]], what she said made so little sense grammatically (even for [[Chris and writing|Chris's standards]]) that it is hard to see it as unintentional. It can be speculated from this that Chris, thinking his own autism so much better than anyone else's, was attempting to make Rita seem very unintelligent as he assumes other autistics and people with mental disorders are.

For their part, people with autism universally facepalm when they look at Chris, and wish he'd fuck off and die and stop giving them a bad name. The deleted article about Chris on TV Tropes said it best: they wish he'd Stop Being Stereotypical and embodying the worst perceptions of their condition. The article also noted that to people with autism or Asperger's, Chris was "Paranoia Fuel", that is to say it scares them to think they're like him. For the actual high-functioning autistics out there, Chris himself is the "window onto hell".

The Aspies for Freedom website has had a couple of run-ins with Chris that nicely demonstrate how other autistics regard him:

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=14371 Aspies For Freedom thread] where Chris or someone impersonating Chris asks for help against [[ED]]. The aspies offer the usual advice of ignoring the [[trolls]], which by the way is the best advice.

* [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=15676 Aspies For Freedom thread] where someone asks about Chris, but everyone else just wants to avoid the drama. A few of them realize that what ED says is true even though it may be a "hate site". Apparently, previous drama involving Chris led them to disable registration.

Tl;dr: Chris has no support in the online autistic community unless it's from someone who would rather he commit suicide.

==Sauce==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Asperger syndrome]]
* [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]
* [[A-U-T-I-S-M]]
* [[Autism Tutorial]]
* [[Chris and psychology]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]
* [[Slow-in-the-minds]]
* [[Stress]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ix5Ith-fSU One Winged Autistic ]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QdGOGV7WX0 The Tard-Man - Autistic Adventures - Director's Cut]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Autistic Spectrum Disorders]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Honest Content

2011-04-29T17:19:44Z

Vergilius:

{{Honest}}
{{quote|WHAT WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU OFFER THAT INFORMATION|[[BILLY MAYS]]'s [[IRC (20 January 2009)|reaction to learning]] of [[Chris]]'s [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], effectively summarizing Honest Content.}}

'''Honest Content''' refers to the way [[Chris]] believes that, in order to be "honest," you must tactlessly give away [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS |far too much private and/or personal information about yourself]].

While honesty may be the best policy, Chris has a poor grasp of what honesty is or when it's inappropriate to be "honest." Worse still, he seems to think the only way to attract a woman is to be unfailingly honest.

However, Chris will usually not be honest about things that actually warrant it, like he honestly didn't really go on a date with a girl named [[Chloe]] or [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|that he was honestly fooled by trolls]] or how he [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|honestly never went to Redmond]]. Likewise, according to [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref> Chris never tells him anything, suggesting that he's not honest with his own father.

==Origin==
[[Image:CWCAdultChronicles.jpg|thumb|Rated M for....you know it already]]

The term "Honest Content" is derived from Chris's [[DVD]] which has a parental advisory for "Very Honest Content."

Likewise, it appears as a content descriptor in the ESRB rating for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''. This fictional [[video game]]'s Honest Content is apparently enough to earn it an M rating (for users 17 and older).

==Honesty==

Upon meeting you, Chris will be "honest" about his:

*[[virgin with rage|Virginity]]
*[[Pink eye]]
*[[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Fecal incontinence]]
*[[Love quest]]
*[[Autism]]
*[[Noviophobia|Invented phobias]]
*[[Semen|Recycling]]
*[[Donald Duck impersonation]]
*[[Anne Boleyn|Genealogy]]
*[[Mass debating|Masturbation]]
*[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|Need to wear a bra]]

His honesty, however, isn't limited to the horrible, but also the inane. When mentioning his name-change, he always credits both [[Chris and Religion|God]] and [[The Bear]]. Similarly, when talking about Sonic being his childhood hero he always clarifies that his hero was originally [[The American Rabbit]]. Whether or not he thinks he'll hurt the Rabbit's feelings if he doesn't make that distinction is unknown, though judging by the... [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|illuminating conversations Chris had with Alec]] it's entirely possible, since Chris believes that [[Chris and Reality|all fiction characters are "real"]] to some degree.

Despite being candid about just about every little personal aspect, including addresses and phone numbers, Chris will rage at you for "stealing" "private" information that [[Chris and Hypocrisy|he himself has disclosed]].

==True and Honest, Honest and True==
"True and honest" (or "TRUE and HONEST" for added impact) is a common catchphrase among trolls, usually used to describe something that isn't the least bit honest or true. It became especially popular during the [[Liquid Chris]] saga, as Liquid insisted that he was the "TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler" in the face of the "impostor" Ian Brandon Anderson.

Chris did coin the phrase, though, even if it was his trolls that picked it up and ran with it, and he has used it on a few occasions.

*On the [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog|OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]], in an entry from 25 September 2008, Chris talked about his would-be sweetheart [[PandaHalo]], saying, "I know she is True and Honest from her voice...SHE IS NOT A TROLL; SO DO NOT TELL ME OTHERWISE OR FRAME HER."
*In the extended version of [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]], Chris says, "I am NOT a troll to any of the other True and Honest people out there."
*During one of his [[SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE|phone conversations]] with Liquid in August 2009, Chris declared, "I am the true, honest voice of reason here, I am being the- I am the true, honest one here."
*In [[For Chris]], a video from the Liquid dispute dated 22 October 2009, Chris talked about his infamous honesty: "I like sharing my honest feelings with other people because they're good feelings, most of the time. And more importantly they are true and honest feelings. SO THERE."
*In the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], from November 2009, after being caught up in lie after lie after lie, a half-sobbing Chris said, "I have not been lying to anybody! I have been honest and true."

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Lies]]
*[[Chris and censorship]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

Chris and the industry

2011-04-14T19:09:29Z

Vergilius: /* See also */

{{incomplete}}
{{quote|----When Do You Want [[Nintendo]] and [[SEGA]] to Talk to Me to EVOLVE [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] more Realistically?----
NOW!!!|Chris, [[An Important Update|demanding that multi-national corporations take orders from a nobody]]}}

Chris has had numerous '''aspirations to work in creative industries'''. So far, he has expressed his desire to make [[Sonichu (game)|several official ''Sonichu'' video games]], and work on a real [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]] for a real comic publisher. However, [[Chris and his Ego|for reasons best known to himself]], he elects not to find out how these industries actually work, which is quite strange; one would assume that a person seeking a career in the industries would at least take ''some'' effort to find out how the said industries work.

== Publishing ==

In ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'' and [[Chris's resume|Chris's résumé]], it's revealed that Chris is under the impression that his [[art]] isn't just good, but professional quality, and that he aspires to get into the comics and video game business. The résumé reveals his widely varied skills with both pens and crayons and his desire to work as an artist for a professional comic company such as [[Wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie Comics]] or [[Wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]], creating his ''Sonichu'' comics. There is no word on whether or not he actually submitted anything to these companies, or if they replied.

Unfortunately for Chris, the publishing industry doesn't work this way, especially not in case of "original" creations. In the case of an original work, the publishers expect complete works to be submitted to them, usually through an agent. An agent's job is to separate the [[Asperchu|wheat]] from the [[Sonichu (comic)|chaff]] and find the correct publisher for the work, taking a small percentage of the eventual profit for their reward. If the publishers take unsolicited submissions, they have to sift through a gigantic backlog (often called "slushpile") of submissions of highly varying quality, most of which end up rejected multiple times before there will be a publisher with right market in mind and the right publication schedule to allow the publication deal to go forward. The whole process can take years in case of a single work.

If comic book publishers have salaried artists, they usually need to have a portfolio of previous work, usually work that has already been published commercially, or (if the comic house is ''particularly'' lenient, and most big names aren't) there has to be evidence of a successfully self-published, high-quality comic. And even in this case, these artists usually only work on characters and plotlines that come from inside the house; it can take time before the artist is in any position to present their own ideas for comics, or use their own original characters. Even if he ''were'' able to stick in a company for a long time, he'd still need to improve his communication skills a lot. If the ''[[Sonichu Chronicles]]'' PowerPoint and various phone conversations are of any indication, he's unable to persuade his superiors that his ideas are worth working on.

In short, Chris is deluded if he thinks that any company will just pick him up and tell him to work on ''Sonichu'' comics.

Even if Chris does get in, there's also the problem with scheduling. Most comics are worked on far in advance, thus allowing for any changes concerning a book, such as plot problems, character availability changes or even cancellations. Even so, many of them maintain a certain schedule, either monthly or bi-monthly (sometimes quarterly). Very rarely do comics go bi-weekly (one every two weeks), though weekly series have been more common ([[Wikipedia:DC Comics|DC Comics]], for example, experimented with the weekly format in the [[1980s]] with ''[[Wikipedia:Action_Comics#Action_Comics_Weekly|Action Comics Weekly]]'', which bombed and put the title on hiatus for a few months, returning it to its normal ''[[Wikipedia:Action Comics|Action Comics]]'' title. Twenty years later, DC has churned out a number of weekly series, including ''[[Wikipedia:52 (comics)|52]]'', ''Countdown'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Trinity (comic book)|Trinity]]''.)

Chris, however, has no schedule. His schedule consists of "whenever he has the inspiration" to work. That doesn't cut it. If Chris went with that alone, he would have a release schedule that would rival that of infamous artist [[Wikipedia:Rob Liefeld|Rob Liefeld]]. And where Liefeld, for the most part, could get away with it because he owned his own company at one point (and people have gotten him to actually do the work), if Chris pulled this kind of stunt, he'd be out on the street so fast, his head would spin.

Chris's understanding of [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] is a chapter in itself. Publishers want primarily original works, because securing the necessary rights to publish derivative works is often difficult or impossible. Chris has even resisted attempts to educate him in this regard.<ref>[[Mailbag 29]]</ref>

== Fan fiction and ideas from the public ==
Chris could approach [[Sega]] and [[Nintendo]] and ask them to make ''Sonichu'' games, comics and merchandise. This plan would also be doomed to failure, because no media companies want unsolicited ideas from the public. There are several reasons for this.

First, it takes effort to sift through idea piles and they can't give equal amount of thought on the bazillion ideas fans send them. While the game companies ''do'' listen to their fans, they usually just want to know if the time is ripe for something they've been planning to do. (For example, no doubt a big part of the reason why the newer ''[[Wikipedia:Fire Emblem|Fire Emblem]]'' games got worldwide release was because the fans of [[Wikipedia:Marth (Fire Emblem)|Marth]] and [[Wikipedia:List of Fire Emblem: Fūin no Tsurugi characters#Roy|Roy]] from ''[[Wikipedia:Super Smash Bros. Melee|:Super Smash Bros. Melee]]'' were wondering aloud "why the hell isn't [[Nintendo]] releasing these games outside of Japan?") They most certainly don't have the capability of starting a whole new game project just because someone asks. If the game companies respond by saying Chris had, as he himself so [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|eloquently put]], "rocks in his head", then you probably don't get a slice of their precious time for making a second impression. Simply put, Chris thinks that even when the companies aren't busy with other projects, they still have time to think of ''his'' grandiose ideas ''and those things only''.

Second, there is an age-old problem in a litigious society: A fan writes to the company and says "I have this cool idea", the company says "thanks, but no thanks", one of the in-house writers comes up with exactly the same idea by accident, and boom, you have a fan who's suing you for idea theft, and even if that lawsuit will usually go nowhere, it wastes perfectly usable time, energy and most of all ''money'' that could be used for more fruitful ventures. A famous example is British novelist [[Wikipedia:Terry Pratchett|Terry Pratchett]], who used to post in his Usenet fan group until one of the fans was convinced Terry had stolen his ideas.

Therefore, most media houses will just say they will not take any ideas from the public. The game industry is not an exception. This fact has been pointed out to Chris a lot of times (and at least twice by real Nintendo representatives, as evidenced by the letters he has read in the Captain's Logs<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009]]</ref>). Unfortunately, Chris misinterpreted all this.

Another thing that Chris disregards is the fact that writing games takes a lot of effort. In [[Wikipedia:Thomas Edison|Thomas Edison]]'s words, getting things done is "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." Many good ideas don't get implemented. No one is going to invest energy in developing an idea alone if they don't know if the idea can be implemented. Game companies may be willing to negotiate a deal to use their properties (such as characters) in games developed by third parties, but those proposals are usually backed up by real companies, actual creative teams of developers, and serious, complete plans for games, if not outright working prototypes already. Even in the case the properties are tacked on the prototype later on, the prototypes are usually fully developed so that they can be used ''without'' those properties if the plans fall through. (Example: ''[[Wikipedia:Star Fox Adventures|Star Fox Adventures]]'' began as a game that was completely unrelated to Star Fox universe, but Nintendo felt the game was better with SF characters.)

Theoretically, it would be possible, though highly unlikely, for Sega and Nintendo to cooperate enough the make a game featuring a Sonic/Pikachu hybrid named Sonichu. They would not, however, need any input from Chris, or even his permission, to combine characters that ''they'' own. Think about it. Of course, the idea of releasing it cross-platform for ''Sony consoles'' remains yet another absurd and fevered dream on the part of Chris.

In the Sonichu Chronicles he gives [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] "permission" to use the cover to his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]] as the inevitable cover for when his game is created, even though it's several years old (and, in fact, even ''worse'' than Chris' current skill at art).

== Other publication channels ==

Chris hasn't even tried any self-publishing channels. The idea has only recently been addressed, with [[Clyde Cash]] posting Chris's comics on [[Wikipedia:Lulu (company)|Lulu.com]]. Chris so far has only responded by encouraging his [[fans]] not to buy them, and to simply wait for him to release the "real" versions later. According to [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]], Chris has been fixing up his pages to be published on lulu, taking an unreasonable amount of time to accomplish this amazingly simple task.

The thought of monetizing his web comic hasn't crossed his mind either. People have been annoying – nay, ''harassing'' him with advertising he didn't approve of, yet when he attempted to replace these offensive ads with ads of his own, he simply put some random advertisements on his webpage ''without actually signing any sort of advertisement contract'' — the ads didn't make him any money. There are several advertising programs that allow individual people to put ads on their personal pages and make money out of them; some of these programs are even specifically geared toward webcomic artists. Many web comics have a donation box where readers can donate money to the artist via PayPal or similar services.

It also took a while for Chris to come up with the idea of drawing on-camera, and even then, he hasn't demonstrated it too often.

== Schedule slip ==
Most webcomics have a set schedule: some update weekly, some many times a week, some daily. Some webcomics update whenever the hell the artists get inspired enough to draw a comic, and probably reserve a whole forum for people who whine about lack of updates. Most webcomic artists that update the comic three times a week consider that schedule very demanding, and webcomics that update daily usually generate revenue of some sort (ads, donations, print versions, merchandise, what-have-you), allowing the artists treat their comics like a full-day job. These are called self-sufficient webcomics. (Examples: ''Penny Arcade'', ''xkcd'', ''Questionable Content'')

Chris has thoroughly embraced the point of view that the comic shouldn't have a set schedule and inspiration doesn't have a deadline... while ''also'' promising us that the comic would be updated daily. On 14 [[November 2009]], Chris promised that the comic would be updated daily, and he managed to fulfill this promise for a while. By the end of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris was already placing author-substitutes in the story telling people to quit whining about the lack of updates. This is obviously not a question of punctuality, but [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]]; Chris would avoid a lot of drama if he just admitted that there's no set schedule whatsoever after all. If one ''does'' consider this a question of punctuality, it doesn't look too good.

Chris also tends to update in spurts in an attempt to make up for missed days; this can range anywhere from three to twenty pages at a time. Most professional webcartoonists have a buffer of guest comics so that they can avoid this sort of thing, but the thought of doing so has apparently never entered Chris's [[autistic]] mind.

== Sauces ==
<references/>

== See also ==
* [[Chris and copyright]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* [[An Important Update]]
* ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'', Chris's not-very-creative-pitch-like PowerPoint presentation
* [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]], in which Chris likewise fails to sell a project idea
* [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' (game)]]

{{Chris and}}

File talk:SchuComic9Page5-A.jpg

2011-04-14T18:33:25Z

Vergilius: Created page with "The last panel is missing a speech bubble saying "I just threw up".~~~~"

The last panel is missing a speech bubble saying "I just threw up".[[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 11:33, 14 April 2011 (PDT)

Sonichu's News Dash

2011-03-25T21:53:24Z

Vergilius: /* Chris's dating tips */

[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|thumb|300px|[[Audiobooks|LOOK AT THAT FACE GOD DAMN]]]]

{{quote|Well, it’s the end of another month, and I still don’t have a girlfriend. Maybe my latest idea, the [[Sonichu]]’s News Dash! newsletter, will make the ladies take notice of me.|Chris, believing your own newsletter will attract women, 31 January 2004}}

'''''Sonichu's News Dash!''''' was a newsletter distributed by Chris from [[2004]]-[[2005|05]]. In the finest tradition of fringe kooks, conspiracy theorists, survivalist tree-dwellers and religious oddballs the world over, [[Chris]] once decided that printing up a newsletter would be the best way to attract [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free girls]]. ''Sonichu's News Dash!'' often contained poetry, [[Dating education|dating advice]] (oh, the irony), and details on Chris's life and personal interests. It would always end with his description of his requirements for a [[sweetheart]], similar to what was printed on his [[Attraction Sign]].

Chris was scolded by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] for passing out physical copies around the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] campus, which led him to bear a grudge against her for years afterward.

==The ''News Dash!'' Incident, in Chris's own words==
{{quote|Mary Lee Walsh made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM [[Chris and anger|VERY ANGRY]] AT THAT XXXXX! In response, Iplan to incite the [[True and Loyal Fanbase|masses]], and hope they DEMAND the return the News Dash so my chances on [[love quest|getting a girlfriend]] can be restored. I have also declared WAR on them as well!|Chris, greatly overestimating his own power<ref>[[Other]]</ref>}}

==Highlights from the newsletter==
The ''News Dash!'' is a valuable source of information from the pre-trolling days, back when Chris was still stalking women in public places. Here's some tidbits from the ''News Dash!'':

===[[Sweetheart]] qualifications===
As the newsletter was primarily a platform to promote himself to women, every issue ended with this description of his ideal sweetheart:

=====Issue 1-2 =====
{{quotebox|Christian W. Chandler is 21 (22 as of [[2004#February|February 24, 2004]]) and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:

*18-21 years of age (18-22 as of February 24, 2004). *[[Boyfriend-free girl|Does not already have a boyfriend]]. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *[[Obesity|Average or Slender body type]]. *Does NOT [[tobacky|smoke]] and/or drink [[alcohol]]. *5’ or taller. *Lives in [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]] or [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] area. *[[Chris and race|White]]. *[[Chris and money|Average to High income]]. *Drives a [[Son-Chu|vehicle]]. *Happy, [[Death threats|Positive Personality]]. *A [[Mom|Caring girl]].

*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No E-Mails or Phone Calls). So if you are interested, he can be found around [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], or [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]]. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; [[autism|he will not be able to notice]]. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu Medallion]].}}

====Issue 3-4====
{{quotebox|Christian W. Chandler is 22 and single seeking a Single Female Companion of the following qualities:

*18-22 years of age. *Does not already have a boyfriend. *Single. *Blonde or Brunette *Average or Slender body type. *Does NOT smoke and/or drink alcohol. *5’ or taller. *Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville area. *White. *Average to High income. *Drives a vehicle. *Happy, Positive Personality. *A Caring girl.
*Christian is a very shy, and very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters (No E-Mails or Phone Calls). So if you are interested, he can be found around Piedmont Virginia Community College, or Fashion Square Shopping Center. When getting his attention, approach and say hi to him. Do NOT flirt from a distance; he will not be able to notice. To find Christian, he’ll be wearing the Sonichu Medallion. }}

====Issue 5-10====
''Same as Issues 3 and 4, but with a link to his [[Match.com]] profile.''

===On the hiatus of the ''News Dash!''===
{{quotebox|We here at Sonichu’s News Dash apologize for not writing up issues during the summer months, but the head chief of staff, Christian Weston Chandler, was in a Very Lonesome slump. And he was recently Soul and Heart-Shattered by a bunch of [[Jerk Cops]] at the Fashion Square shopping center, and by the female dog, [[Mary Lee Walsh]], at Piedmont Virginia Community College. These people did not agree with his sound methods of attracting an 18-(his current age) Boyfriend-Free woman. But after a stroll through the lovely and serene campus at the [[University of Virginia]], he regained some peace within himself. And so, while he is still journeying through his [[Love Quest]], the News Dash will run Bi-Monthly, but with more general articles of interest. Thank you for your patience.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews5.htm Sonichu's News Dash #5]</ref>}}

===A Very Special Holiday Chris-chan===
{{quotebox|The Christmas season is upon us, and with that comes the rush for the C-Mas Turkey, Tree (real or artificial), and of course, the presents. So, Sonichu and the News Dash have some helpful tips to give a better feel of the season to all.

• If your children, or spouse, want some video games, but no [[toys]], buy some toys anyway, they will be surprised. We recommend any of [[Lego]] sets, [[Transformers]] and [[Kimmi|Dolls]]. 
• Wrap the presents anyway, because they always want to rip up the wrapping paper like a candy bar. 
• Always remember that Christmas is the celebration of family, so [[Cole Smithey|never leave out any relatives]] from your festivities. 
• If you do not have a family, then find a friend to share C-Mas with <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/sonichu/SchusNews6.htm</ref>. }}
 
{{quotebox|While all have families, so does he. While all men have Girlfriends, this man does not, and he is very depressed about it. “Since Agust, 2003,” Christian Weston Chandler said, “I’ve been trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free, 18-22-year old girl.” His methods were sound and well-thought; [[Attraction sign|simple signs]], [[Chris and fashion|looking cool]], and “chilling” in [[List of places that have banned Chris|the most social places]]. His one fault, that has restricted him from finding the Ms. Right, he had a major case of [[Noviophobia]], where he is afraid to even approach most ladies, because he thought that they were all already paired up with “[[JERKS|A Jerk]].” His thoughts are sound as the [[Infinitely high boyfriend factor|Boyfriend Factor]] is so high, it leaves him with no pretty ladies to choose from. So, if there are any pretty ladies without a…Boyfriend, you can find this lonesome [[CWC "Boyfriend"|prince]] hanging at the Fashion Square mall Saturday afternoons, in front of Ambercrombie & Fitch. Don’t let his friendly smile fool you; he is hurting inside. Please help Chris have a Happy Holiday.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews6.htm</ref>}}
 
{{quotebox|[[Mary Lee Walsh|Hslaw Eel Yram]], who previously shattered hearts and souls, is handing out presents at [[CWCville|Cwcville’s]] Christmas Tree lighting? Odd, but true, and when interviewed, she had this to say, “After three months in prison, I became rehabilitated and more happy to give joy to those I’ve hurt.” Then we asked her about her oldest victim, Christian Chandler, she said, “I plan to give him a surprise on Christmas Eve, a heart-felt apology.” Well, I guess we’ll see if she will be true to her word on the night before Christmas.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews6.htm</ref>}}

===Prelude to [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]===
{{quotebox|Sonichu’s father, Christian Chandler, is working on a [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic book]]. It will be hand-drawn, as [[Asperchu|most comics]] are. And it will feature “Sonichu’s Origin,” the “Genesis of the Lovehogs,” and “Sonichu’s First Big Battle.” It will also include exclusive introductory content into Chris’s world, as well as Sonichu’s world. Chris said that his target date is before [[2005#June|June, 2005]], the month of the [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] Convention in Richmond, VA; he plans to be there. So, if you’ve been a Sonichu fan up to then, come find him at the convention, and he will be happy to share the hand-drawn stories of Sonichu!

<nowiki>*</nowiki>Sonichu cover provided by Author, Christian Weston Chandler.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews6.htm</ref>}}

===Chris's dating tips===
{{quote|Most importantly, DO NOT RUSH Her. You do not want her to feel pressured into a relationship, because then she’ll dump you faster than Sonichu running a mile. Give her time; it’s not like you all are going to get married right away, it never is. |Chris, preaching what he never practices}}

{{quotebox|Take it from the lonesome man in [[Virginia]] who has been trying to find a Boyfriend-Free girl for over One year and Five months, with the Boyfriend Factor being infinitely high, all you lonesome saps have to summon up courage, or you won’t be able to get [[China|anywhere]]. So here are some tips from me, as well as noted givers of the 411:

* (CWC) When a girl does acknowledge your existence, rather by a simple wave, or as extreme as a hug, forget the Boyfriend-Factor, summon your courage and talk to her. And be sure to ask her if she does have a Boyfriend.
* (CWC) If she does have a Boyfriend, keep her name in mind, because she could help you hook up with a pretty Boyfriend-Free girl in the future.
* ([[Wikipedia:John Tesh|John Tesh]]) If you want to give her a gift right off the bat, give, or send, her a bouquet of flowers, other than the clichéd Roses, and no more. You’ll have plenty of time in the future to give her more.
* (John Tesh) The right time to give her a gift, during your date, is during, of after, desert [''sic''] (especially if you made the desert [''sic''] for her yourself).
* (CWC) If you are meeting her for the first time, just keep a cool head, and be yourself. But if you want a quick list of what to do, here’s my list, courtesy of the [[Sprung]] game for the [[Nintendo]] DS:
* Introduce yourself: try to [[The Creepy Stare|look serious]] on your face; do not [[Fangs|smile big]], and do not use a [[Speech impediment|forceful voice tone]].
* Compliment her: on her [[hair]] or [[eyes]].
* Break the Ice with a [[Christian's sex joke|joke]]: try not to use an [[Twin Falling Towers|offensive joke]]. Or, you can do what I do, if you can, just imitate good ol’ [[Donald Duck]]. Quack! Quack!
* (Depending on the situation), offer to buy her a [[CWC Cola|drink]], or comment on a topic of interest (such as the [[Lovely Weather|weather]]).
* Ask for her name: make it sound kind and fun. For example, you can say, “[[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Do angels like you have names]]?” If she is offended by that, apologize and say that you thought it was a kind way of asking her name. <ref>Fun fact: Chris used this with [[Anna]] in [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer]]</ref>
* (I’d add this step) Ask her about herself: where her family [[Molvania|came from]], [[Mary Poppins|favorite movie]] or [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|color]], and other [[Honest Content|fun basic things]] like that. And try to make the conversation fun, because the more fun she has with you, the more likely you are to get her phone number.
* Ask for her phone number: if she does not give it to you now, just give her time, and just hang with her, and she’ll give it to you.
* Ask her for a date: make it immediate, like after work or school. An immediate date shows real interest, or desperation.
*(CWC) Most importantly, DO NOT RUSH Her. You do not want her to feel pressured into a relationship, because then she’ll dump you faster than Sonichu [[Sonichu's Edge|running a mile]]. Give her time; it’s not like you all are going to get married right away, it never is.
* (John Tesh) Your date is very important. If you take her to a party, then you probably feel like you need the support of your friends in front of your girlfriend. If you take her to a movie, you are likely to want her to yourself, and sneak a smooch in the dark. But if you take her to dinner, then you are showing real interest, because you are most able to converse over a [[McDonald's|good meal]].
* (John Tesh) When you want to watch a movie with her, you should pick a romance flick. Since you and she are less likely to feel romantic during any other movie category, like action or horror. And hey, she will most appreciate the love you show by sharing the chick flick, because it shows that you care about her feelings<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews7.htm</ref>.}}

===Sonichu goes to the [[University of Virginia]] library===
{{quotebox|After hanging at Fashion Square and PVCC, [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]], decided to give the University of Virginia a try. He found the campus grounds serene and peaceful with its history, scenery and plenty of grass to rest on. He found himself [[Honor roll|educated]] within the libraries’ many books, and made like he was in Paris with the outdoor tables and chairs. And the “Corner” stores had an interesting selection of items from pencil sets to [[DVD]]s. He gave the UVA 5/5 Lightning Bolts of approval. Thank you UVA, for a very peaceful place to chill at in the city of Charlottesville<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/sonichu/SchusNews5.htm</ref>.}}

===Prelude to [[Silvana]]===
{{quotebox|Recently, a black [[Rosechu]] came down from outer space in a fashionable space ship. She came down onto our Earth wreaking havoc by abducting the Sonichu Heroes. But in conjunction with [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], the Rosechus of Earth rescued all of them. In an interview with [[Magi-Chan]] Sonichu, he said, “I’ve been communicating with her through telekinesis, and she sounded very lonesome. She said that she was a female [[Pikachu]] who was hit by a shining light from the Chaos [[Rainbow]].” The Chaos Rainbow was the rainbow made when Super Sonic collided with the Pikachu, on that fateful day in Station Square years ago. And when interviewed, the black Rosechu, who named herself, Silvana, she stated, “I abducted the Sonichus, because it was very lonesome on the moon, there were NO aliens there at all. And when I communicated with Magi-Chan, I was inspired to build my spacecraft with the remains of the shuttle that put me there in the first place<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews7.htm</ref>.”}}

===Chris's letter on ''[[Sprung]]''===
{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have sent an E-Mail to [[Nintendo Power]]’s “Players’ Pulse” section on January 9, 2005, in response to Nintendo DS’s Sprung game (scanned pages shown above). After receiving my copy of the April, 2005 issue, I was pleasantly surprised to find my E-Mail printed in the “Players’ Pulse” section, with the screen shot (shown to the bottom-right), which I find very appropriate to my current situation. The girl on top says, “YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND KICKS YOUR ***!” Although, there are a couple of fixes to mend in their print out: the fear I was referring to should be “[[Noviophobia|NOVIOPHOBIA]],” not “NOIOPHOBIA.” Also, since February 24, 2005, I am now 23-years old, and I am looking for an 18-23-year old, Boyfiend-Free, Datable Girl whom I can love and trust. Also, a little time after using the teachings of Sprung, my fear came back like a boomerang<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews8.htm</ref>.}}

===Chris's 23rd Birthday===
{{quotebox|Christian Chandler had originally planned to have his party on Thursday, February 24, but then it got snowed out, so it was changed to Saturday, February 26. His party was located at the Fashion Square Shopping Center in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], by the tree between Abercrombie & Fitch and Pacific Sunwear. A couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her [[religion]], came by to his party and have partaken in the lovely cake and [[Yellow is a Mellow Color|Mello Yello]] soda pop. They also gave him a very nice present too. His parents were also there, with a present as well, and they told a couple of interesting stories of Christian. Christian, his parents, and his friends, all had a good time, which makes up for Christian’s snowed out 23rd Birthday.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews8.htm</ref> }}

===Completion of ''Sonichu'' #0===
{{quotebox|Yes, Sonichu fans, the Premiere Hand-Drawn issue of the Sonichu Comic Book has been completed. The project was started with the Cover drawing (see issue #6 of the News Dash for the previous information) back on November 24, [[2004]], and since then, with [[Things Chris has ripped off|random inspiration]] and [[Video games|too many breaks]], the book was completed on March 15, [[2005]]. The Comic includes the first 3 Episodes of our heroic Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, Sonichu, classic strips drawn before the Comic project and two “Advertisements” for possible future games ([[Miyamoto Saga|at least in Christian W. Chandler’s dreams]]). CWC said, “Well, it took a long time, all things considered, but I feel that this Comic is my best work yet. I have also recently made a Sub-Episode that, one may say, started right after the Epilogue in Episode 3; it will be placed exclusively on the Sonichu Site for the fans to see. Also, I’m thinking about a Premiere Issue #1 featuring the story of how [[Black Sonichu]] was created, as well as how [[Sonichu]] and [[Sonic]] the Hedgehog “formally” met. 8) I’ll keep you up to date as I am inspired; until then, keep on “Zappin’ to the Extreme!” On the Sonichu Site, there will be two ways to access the Comic: through a link on the front page, or click on the Back Cover image (shown below) in this issue of the News Dash<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews9.htm</ref>.}}

===Chris at some [[anime]] cons===
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Chris meeting Monica Rial]]

{{quotebox|On May 29, 2004, I, Christian Chandler, attended my first Anime Convention. I had a good time watching some Anime, sampling some [[Wikipedia:Ramune|Ramune]] (Japan Soda), and other things. My main highlight though was meeting the lovely and sweet-spoken voice actress, [[Wikipedia:Monica Rial|Monica Rial]] (pictured next to me to the left). Monica is well known for being the voice behind many Anime characters. Some of which include: Hyatt ([[Excel Saga]]), Saki ([[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel
Angel Kurumi]]), Mikako ([[Wikipedia:Martian Successor Nadesico|Martian Sucessor Nadesico]] [''sic'']) and Shii ([[Wikipedia:Puni Puni Poemy|Puni Puni Poemy]]). She also sings opera very nicely, and she is a very nice, fun and sweet person to hang around with. She sure made my day a sweet one. ;8)<refhttp://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews5.htm</ref> }}
 
{{quotebox|(So to speak) Christian Chandler plans to attend the Anime Mid Atlantic Convention in Richmond, Virginia on all three days (June 17-19, 2005). Since he has put himself into [[Sonichu]]’s world, he will “[[Cosplay]]” as himself ([[Chris and his Ego|talk about self-respect]], huh?). Also, he will be watching some of the good anime, getting some souvenirs, participating in some of the events and just having a good time. Also, he will have some printed copies of the [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu Premiere Issue #0]] on hand, but if you want a collectable copy, you will have to find him, and ask for one. 
At the convention, as noted for now, there will be quite a selection of special guests attending, such as ADV voice actors, [[Wikipedia:Greg Ayers|Greg Ayers]] and [[Wikipedia:Doug Smith|Doug Smith]], and author [[Wikipedia:Robert V. Aldrich|Robert V. Aldrich]]. CWC hopes that Monica Rial will be there again this year (see News Dash issue #5 for his previous encounter with this lovely Voice Actress)! 8) Also up for fun are the Art Shows, contests, Guest Panels, Workshops, Video Game Room, Vendors to sell [[Anime Wings|Cool Anime items]] (some imported from Japan), and much, much more. To learn more about the Anime Mid-Atlantic convention, regrestration, and where in Richmond, Virginia it is located, visit the website at http://www.animemidatlantic.com<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville/SchusNews9.htm</ref>. }}

===Chris on PowerWeb ("Why PowerWeb STINKS on Ice")===
{{quotebox|1. It is FORCED as the ONLY way to enroll into PVCC.
2. There is no alternative to enrolling, because they
took away the original registration forms. 
3. It’s NOT user-friendly. 
4. It was not designed for the [[CADD|computer illiterate]]. 
5. It’s very unethical. 
6. There is [[Autism|no person-to-person contact]]. 
7. High risk of lost connection while [[Honor roll|figuring it out]]. 
8. Much LONGER waiting time. 
9. It’s too much trouble to deal with. 
10. It had too much advertising to give a darn. }}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//newdash.htm ''Sonichu's News Dash!'' archive]

{{Writings}}
[[Category:Media produced by Chris-chan]]

CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers

2011-03-18T21:02:18Z

Vergilius: /* Transcript */

'''CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers''' is a series of three videos posted on 10 [[July 2009]] by [[Chris]] for three individuals: ShmionSonozaki, sonichuizcool and oxycleanfanatic2264. Their accounts were already closed when the videos were posted.

Deemed "Too Hot for [[YouTube]]" for Chris's very blunt and inflammatory rhetoric (calling individuals [[retard]]s, telling individuals to kill themselves, etc.), it led to an immediate suspension of his account. Luckily a brave patriot discovered them when they were new and mirrored them, allowing them to then be archived by the [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] for great justice. Each video begins with Chris holding up a piece of paper with the user's name written on it and playing the same recorded disclaimer in the background.

Ironically, Chris called the users "[[naïve]]" and revealed his particular disdain for this word calling it "the most cruelest of words", and then he proceeded to butcher its definition by saying it meant being stupid. It has been speculated on [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] that he might have been slightly intoxicated when making the videos.

It was eventually revealed that OxycleanFanatic was in fact, Samantha Thaddeus, daughter of [[Jack Thaddeus]], who was assisting her father in holding Chris's PSN hostage. She called Chris out on this video in the [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]].

==CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki
| image = {{#ev:youtube|aqHzjnCcOw8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 10 July 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] [[Rage]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Refereeshirt.PNG]] The Referee
| previous = [[CWC Update 7 July 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

[The screen shows a piece of paper with the name ‘ShmionSonozaki’ written on it in felt tip pen.]

The following is addressed to this individual, whose YouTube account is this only. The opinions and if— feelings and emotions expressed in this video are not... res— are not representative towards any persons other than this one. [''pause''] Thank you very much.

[camera cut to Chris]

Hello! Hmm... you hide under a veil. I don’t know, are you a pretty woman? Or are you a- or are ya hide a beard underneath that veil? Or do you hide that beard? Perhaps you are actually a dude, or even worse, a [[Silvana|hermaphrodite]]. You know what, you gettin' not much of response from me, because, you even deleted your own account! You are such a cowardly, naïve, retarded, individual. Naïve is the cruelest of words,cause it questions one's intelbi—intelligence And that’s why I’m calling you... you naïve retard.

[jump cut]

And also, I know you live [''short pause''] in Pennsylvania.

==CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool
| image = {{#ev:youtube|18_-CUNjuE8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 10 July 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] [[Rage]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Refereeshirt.PNG]] The Referee
| previous = [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki|CWC Calls Out ShmionSonozaki]]
| next = [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264|CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

[The screen shows a piece of paper with the name ‘sonichuizcool’ written on it in felt tip pen.]

The following is addressed to this individual, whose YouTube account is this only. The opinions and if— feelings and emotions expressed in this video are not... res— are not representative towards any persons other than this one. [''pause''] Thank you very much.

[camera cut to Chris]

Hmm... I don’t know. You seem to hide behind a face mask, and a beanie. Who do you think you are? [[Sailor_Moon|Tuxedo Kamen]]? Ah! You’re so naïve and [[slow in the minds|slow in the mind]]. I couldn’t even give a dang about you. And if you want my trust, you’re gonna have to do some earning, ''then'' you’re gonna have to come out and into the open. You gotta come out where I can meet you. Ehh? Ehh?

Dumbass.

==CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Calls Out oxycleanfanatic2264
| image = {{#ev:youtube|DfbFnB9jWcs}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 10 July 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] [[Rage]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Refereeshirt.PNG]] The Referee
| previous = [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers#CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool|CWC Calls Out sonichuizcool]]
| next = [[A near public apology]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

[The screen shows a piece of paper with the name ‘oxycleanfanatic2264’ written on it in felt tip pen. Below it says 'not a YouTube handle, but... something']

The following is addressed to this individual, whose YouTube account is this only. The opinions and if— feelings and emotions expressed in this video are not... res— are not representative towards any persons other than this one. [''pause''] Thank you very much.

[camera cut to Chris]

Hey! You! I know you. I have your name! You live in Sacramento, California. I have a detective on the case, and I am going to send him against you as soon as possible. Which- that would be in the next few days, or tomorrow when I can get in touch with him. And I ''will'' get in touch with him. And you think you’re ''so'' smart and you think you’re '''so''' corny by doing the things that you have done so far, mister '''''hacker'''''! You think you’re so smart? Well, you know what? You're just a naïve retard! And naïve is my least favorite word because it ''sounds'' like nails on a chalkboard. You naïve retarded bastard! You should just go ha- you should just go hang yourself, after you have given me back what you have stolen from me. Do it '''''NOW'''''! Give 'em back to me! Or I will send the detective and the police on your case. You bastard, you- naïve retarded bastard.

[camera cut]

And not only that, but you are such a coward, you dare not even show your face like others have done, partially, on their YouTube videos. You are such a cowardly naïve retarded '''bastard'''!

[camera cut]

That’s right. I’m calling you out!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 7 July 2009]]|nextlink=[[A near public apology]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Videos with RAGE]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-10]]

Talk:Cwcsicle

2011-03-03T06:38:18Z

Vergilius:

WHAT THE FUCK WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! Is this recent, or old but just leaked?![[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 19:06, 2 March 2011 (PST)
* Judging from the amount snow, it was probably more recent than the 2010 blizzard, but not from within the last month. There's no snow in the region right now. Last December and last January are the most likely dates. We had accumulated snowfall several times, especially in January. [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:14, 2 March 2011 (PST)
** I went back and checked, unless the leak confirms otherwise, I'd place this sometime shortly after January 26's snow storm. [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:22, 2 March 2011 (PST)
::*Uh, this is like a year old, it just got released now.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:28, 2 March 2011 (PST)
:::* Damn.[[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:34, 2 March 2011 (PST)
Just wanted to say that the word Cwcsicle is the funniest thing I've heard all day[[User:Killyouareself|Killyouareself]] 19:25, 2 March 2011 (PST)

Anybody think this could be connected to any Sagas? [[User:Airrider1|Airrider1]], 22:46 EST, 2 March 2011
*No, as [[Tito]] said on [[Krapple|/cwc/]], essentially what Chris did was submit this to Jackass in regards to their then recent movie in hopes he'd get on Jackass.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:54, 2 March 2011 (PST)
I spy the Sonichu Medallion. [[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 00:54, 3 March 2011 (EST)

I cannot imagine a more appropriate use for WHY.jpg [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 22:38, 2 March 2011 (PST)

Talk:Cwcsicle

2011-03-03T06:38:07Z

Vergilius:

WHAT THE FUCK WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! Is this recent, or old but just leaked?![[User:Theiselybros|Theiselybros]] 19:06, 2 March 2011 (PST)
* Judging from the amount snow, it was probably more recent than the 2010 blizzard, but not from within the last month. There's no snow in the region right now. Last December and last January are the most likely dates. We had accumulated snowfall several times, especially in January. [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:14, 2 March 2011 (PST)
** I went back and checked, unless the leak confirms otherwise, I'd place this sometime shortly after January 26's snow storm. [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:22, 2 March 2011 (PST)
::*Uh, this is like a year old, it just got released now.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:28, 2 March 2011 (PST)
:::* Damn.[[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:34, 2 March 2011 (PST)
Just wanted to say that the word Cwcsicle is the funniest thing I've heard all day[[User:Killyouareself|Killyouareself]] 19:25, 2 March 2011 (PST)

Anybody think this could be connected to any Sagas? [[User:Airrider1|Airrider1]], 22:46 EST, 2 March 2011
*No, as [[Tito]] said on [[Krapple|/cwc/]], essentially what Chris did was submit this to Jackass in regards to their then recent movie in hopes he'd get on Jackass.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:54, 2 March 2011 (PST)
I spy the Sonichu Medallion. [[User:TheIronFjord|TheIronFjord]] 00:54, 3 March 2011 (EST)
I cannot imagine a more appropriate use for WHY.jpg [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 22:38, 2 March 2011 (PST)

The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-28T14:20:43Z

Vergilius: /* Links */

'''The End For Real''' is a phone call which took place between [[Kacey]] and Chris on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]], and led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|Kacey marrying Liquid Chris the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Chris tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

It was leaked to the [[CWCki]] on 16 [[February 2011]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|oFDnyny_9Ls}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|First]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got Kim's e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need--yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean--I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr--I'm sorr--I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really... act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out [[Women's rights|ignored everything I said]].
 '''Chris:''' [''makes a strange grunting noise] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what--one of my problems is that I have [[Wikipedia:Tunnel vision|tunnel vision]]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was--
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaks over Chris''] It--It--It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he was saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey... That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But--But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem-solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[''sic'']]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't--
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[Chris and anger|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [''pause''] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st--I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought--
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought--I just thought that you might need your spa--you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, like, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. (Chris mumbles incoherently here)
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- (Interrupted)
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still go to fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh|*stress sigh*]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week.
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food.
 '''Chris:''' [[Lie|I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[Semen|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight?
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners.
 '''Kacey:''' Like what? 
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, or Banquet.
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional values of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time.
 '''Kacey:''' (incredulous)...Then go buy them.
 '''Chris:''' And I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make- to make da better food. 
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your food... I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better, but I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not.
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. "[long, awkward pause]" I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, like, for like, what? Five minutes? I run five miles, 2.5 at the... least. I mean, you should be able to jog at least two miles by now if you were even trying. And you don't listen to- [Chris tries to speak over her, saying "I am trying."] me when I'm trying to tell you I'm worried about how you're probably losing muscle mass or anything. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' I do- I listen to you and like... I-I-I really ap'riciate your concern, but that concern makes me think, and it makes me act... Truly.
 '''Kacey:''' That's- I mean, I saw those [[11042009 51 50|videos when you were trying to lift lemonade...]] Those weren't fifty pounds. I mean, that's not even a workout, anyway, that's not even balanced. Get some real weights. I mean, that's just gonna hurt you, 'cuz you're displacing the weight.
[pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm going to get a pair of fifty pound weights...
 '''Kacey:''' Either way, it shouldn't have been that hard, I mean, you shouldn't have struggled with something that was like what, five, seven pounds?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well maybe I- Okay, I exa- I exa- I likely exaggerated when I said that they were each fifty.
 '''Kacey:''' That's a huge exaggeration! That's a ''big'' difference!
 '''Chris:''' They felt, like, more than twenty pounds apiece.
 '''Kacey:''' Kim said they were ten pounds. I'm not even sure if it's that much.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... okay, I-I do not claim to actually know how many pounds one of those actually is...
 '''Kacey:''' Then you shouldn't have.
 '''Chris:''' But, it felt like at least twenty.
 '''Kacey:''' No it's not. I'm looking it up on Google right now and it says around eight, ten pounds. I mean, it's just [[Honor roll|simple math and conversion]].
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it to look it up, so you don't look stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I could've- I could've looked it up. I just didn't- I did not think about that. I did not think of that. One of my faults, sometimes I don't think of everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you ever think, cause I'm starting to think you don't, because you've been making a ''lot'' of mistakes lately. And... it's really, really, making ''me'' think. I mean, I'm tired of the excuses.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm ti- I, I don't like excuses either.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why do you make them all the time? That's all you ever do.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, maybe- okay. I have made some excuses in the past.
 '''Kacey:''' You make a ''lot'' of excuses in the past. You make any excuse, you ever do, it's always "[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]]," or "I'm thinking about it," like, whenever you say stuff like that I know it's not going to get done. I mean, that's really bad, when... I already ''know'' you're not going to do anything by the words you say. You're just gonna continue to make excuses. You left me alone for several days after you heard how upset I was! The hell? You really think I want a boyfriend like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you ta- yeah, you would not want a boyfriend like that. But, I ca-yeah, I mean I have, I realize that...
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so, you see what I'm saying. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand... what you are saying. And I could be better, and I am willing to improve.
 '''Kacey:''' Sssomehow, I don't really think you're going to.
 '''Chris:''' I am going to improve on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you haven't yet, so... why would I believe you now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long silence]'' Okay, you have every right to question that, but... please believe me, I mean, ya know, one thing that- ya know, I would be, I would be ''glad'' to be there for you, but... I don't know your address.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter, you should be able to be there for me otherwise. You haven't earned that address. I mean, is that really all you've got? I mean... and after that comic, how wo- why would I want to give you my address? You're just going to shoot [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] or me anyway!
 '''Chris:''' I, I promise you, I would not shoot anybody for real. I do not even own a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn't mean you couldn't get one, I could get a gun and I don't own one.
 '''Chris:''' I do not, I have no intention on getting a real gun in the near future.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but it's so easy to get guns, do you remember the Virginia Tech shooter? It's easy. Doesn't matter, all you need to do is get mad again, then you'll just ignore me anyway.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you that I would not ignore you in the future, even when I get- even when I get... riled up, and angry and [mumbling], I would not ignore you.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, you've ignored me enough, don't you think it might be a little too late? I mean, that comic really scared me, I mean, I'm pretty sure... you shot him in the comic so he couldn't follow and take me back. I mean, that's just ''creepy''. That's psychotic. That's delusional.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I agree with you, that... I may have some issues to resolve with Chris. Like, you know, I definitely should... like, you know, try... to sit in front of him... and discuss things, calmly...
 '''Kacey:''' You think he's gonna do that after he saw that comic?!

== Part 2 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Lmf1rD72zwI}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, obviously he definitely has other skeletons in his closet-
 '''Kacey:''' This isn't about him; this isn't about him. This is about you. And I'm tired of you talking bad about him.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yeah. I don- I don't like talking bad about people, but-
 '''Kacey:''' But you do all the time!
 '''Chris:''' Well, only... just, only- ok, well.
 '''Kacey:''' Tell me again why you think you're better than him. Go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm- because I'm loyal.
 '''Kacey:''' You're not very loyal; you haven't called me. You're not very honest; you lie to me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Because I tell you- I tell you everything I'm- from my heart. And [when] I tell you I love you, I mean it.
 '''Kacey:''' That's lying. You can't even send me a simple email to make sure I'm OK. Like, I don't think you get how hurt and angry I am, so no, I want something that you're better at him at that is real, because your lies come from your heart too.
 '''Chris:''' [Stuttering incoherently for a rebuttal] Ok, I have made the mistake of lying at-
 '''Kacey:''' A lot.
 '''Chris:''' A lot, a lot, but a lot of the things that I have told you, in the past, were true. I swear, I have told you a lot of truth like you know, like when I tell you about myself on the kind of person I am, those are true. And how I feel about you, that's true, too.
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that?
 '''Chris:''' And my hit-
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know you're not just ready to drop me, because it's easier, or something stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Because... we started out as friends, and I in-
 '''Kacey:''' That's right, friends.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hang on, hang on! We started out as friends with the possibility of a relationship, and I would like a relationship.
 '''Kacey:''' How would we start off as friend with the possibility of a relationship? You lied to me the first time you talked to me.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did the things-
 '''Kacey:''' You pretended to be my boyfriend, my fiance.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did pretend to be Chris. But that was in the case, to let you know, that he was who you- he was not who you thought he was. You know, he was- He ''was'' pretending to be me.
 '''Kacey:''' He wasn't pretending to be you! This is what I don't get. Stop saying he's pretending to be you. Just 'cause you guys have the same name doesn't mean he was pretending to be you, because you two are two totally different people.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yes, we are two totally different people, and I can list the whole number of things that I am and he's no- that he's not that he claims.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can list the whole things he does that you can't. He can play guitar. He doesn't lie to me. He jogs with me. He does stuff with me. He doesn't sit around and play video games. He has a job. He has a college education. He goes to school. I mean, wh- the hell? I mean, c'mon. Do it, do it. Sho- Tell me. Tell me what's he's not doing and I bet you I can refute everything.
 '''Chris:''' ''[stutters, then sighs]''
 '''Kacey:''' So you don't have anything, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, I can definitely tell you that he did not go to Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is he's in school now. And that he's gonna make himself better.
 '''Chris:''' He is... yes he is, okay, he is...
 '''Kacey:''' His high s- I told you before, high school doesn't matter to me, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you get your education through high school. You need your high school diploma to move on to college...
 '''Kacey:''' Not really, anyone can get their GED and blaze through it. What matters even more than high school education is like your SATs and your ACTs. College is what's important to me. Because that shows a future. I mean, I bet you don't even know what a GED is.
 '''Chris:''' I do know, I have a general idea of what a GED is. It's a sort of degree.
 '''Kacey:''' ...No... It's... in place of a diploma. I mean, did you even take the SAT?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did take the SAT in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' What was your scores?
 '''Chris:''' ...I do not remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh come on, you've got to remember. Nobody forgets their SAT scores.
 '''Chris:''' It, uh, with a small detail like that, and I felt it was small... it was in one ear and out the other.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, was it- was it above 1100? Was it above 1200? Was it above... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, mmm... Ah, yeah, I think it, I think it was... over 1100. "[long pause]" But that's to the best of my recollection. [[Lie|I swear]].
 '''Kacey:''' So you had something over 1100, but you went to a community college. I mean, did- did you even try to get into a university? Not that I'm saying community colleges are bad, but, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I did- yeah well, yeah, my mom and dad advised me to go ''to'' the community college, because my family could not afford university.
 '''Kacey:''' That's... my- okay, okay, first off... you're on [[Monthly tugboat|disability]]. Government would have paid for your schooling, the end. That's just being lazy. Um, number two, financial aid and student loans. That would have been all on you, not on them. And the thing is, you... should at ''least'' have transferred to university ''after'' the community college cause community college is a stepping stone. Yes, it's a great way to get your classes for cheaper, but then you ''have'' to go to university to get, like, a bachelor's. I mean, did you even look into that?
 '''Chris:''' That had not come to mind. By the way, I ca- by the way, just to let you know, I did check with my mom and dad, I mean... yes, they were in for, of the, of the financial aid, but they...
 '''Kacey:''' Well then your parents should have done something about that, that just shows your parents didn't care about your future either. But it's not up to them. You should have done it, why didn't you use it? ''[talking over Chris]'' I wish I'd had financial aid right way.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Look. I would have taken the financial aid if I-if I could, but my mom and dad, there was a whole lot of stress going on in just starting out at the community college...
 '''Kacey:''' But you still... should have been able to do it later... ''[Chris stutters]'' Don't you overtalk me! Don't overtalk me. That's the thing, it's always stress, it's always stress this stress that. It...doesn't...''matter''. You should have been able to do something ''afterwards''. Even if you didn't do it right away, you should have been able to go to a four-year university afterwards, and gotten something better than just a little [[CADD]] certificate...whatever. An associate's doesn't do ''shit.'' I'm... I mean, like, I'm sick and tired of hearing you use the word "stress." You don't know stress. We've been through this before. You ''don't know'' what stress is.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I will not disagree with you...but on the...
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn ''straight'' you're not gonna disagree with me because you know I'm right! You don't have a job, you don't even- you don't have job stress. You..You sit around, play video games, and get... ''money''. If your life was a hundred times more stressful than it is now, you still wouldn't have as much stress as I do, you wouldn't have as much stress as...my ''[[Chandler cats|cat]]'', probably.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, y-you're probably right.
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn straight I'm right! I mean, you take days off where you don't do anything except color or play video games. "[pause]" I mean, I don't think you get... that all you have shown me the whole time I've known you, is that you don't want to do anything unless it's easy. You want everything to be handed ''to'' you. And if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of ambitious. Why would I want someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you're right. I would not want, uh... I would, if I was to... go out with a woman, I, ah, would want one who was a go-getter. And you...
 '''Kacey:''' But the thing is, don't you think go-getters want ''other'' go-getters? Why would I want someone who's just gonna lay at home and suck up my money? I mean, cause that's all it would be, instead of sucking up the government's money you'd be sucking up my money. And, uh, I'm not sure I'd like that. At all. I mean, I don't want to have to take care of someone until I have kids, and you're ''definitely'' not my kid.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' I can definitely, be able- I can definitely take care of myself.
 '''Kacey:''' No you can't! You don't have a job. Can't take care of yourself without a job. My job is hanging on a thread, and I'm still doing way better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, you're doing... way better than me. You know a lot more than I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, seriously, tell me: without your parents, could you survive?
 '''Chris:''' I would do my best to survive, and... I think I would get by.
 '''Kacey:''' Really. Your best. Because, I mean... what kind of bills do you think need to be paid off every month?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah... electric, water, heating... that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[pause]'' Um, how about car insurance? Um, [[Television|cable?]]
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, car, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Rent? Property? You got taxes? Um, trash pickup if you have trash? Recycling if you have recycling? Oh, and don't forget any repairs.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, there is all that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how much do you get a month again? Like, what, 600?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm ge- I'm getting... about 800 a month right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Still, my bills are slightly larger than that. I mean, you couldn't survive on your own. And, I mean, these are my bills with ''roommates.'' I don't think you could survive without your parents. You can't even move out! And even if you could move out, you wouldn't have anybody to move out ''with''! That's, that's insane!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is insane. And I...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done something about it?! I have been living out on my own since I was eighteen, nineteen. You are twenty-seven! And you haven't moved out yet!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well one reason is- yeah, I don't have anybody to move out... with.
 '''Kacey:''' I moved out with ''nothing.'' I moved out with no job, hardly any money, without a car, and I still survived. And I got myself a job, and I got myself a car.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, find someone, there's people in craigslist, the newspapers, um universities, everywhere. You can find something. You can find someone who, will just rent a room. And then you don't even need to be around that person. I mean, Hell, you could probably get housing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, "[stutters] That's true, but ah... If I move out that's actually- I think I could be able to move out.. with my girlfriend. I don't, I mean, I wouldn't want just some other, I don't think- I just wouldn't feel comfortable-
 '''Kacey:''' "[cuts in]" But be realistic Chris, I mean.
 '''Chris:''' with some kind of stranger...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to know how to live on your own before you go into a relationship. Because if you go straight into, living out with a relationship, it's going to put a strain on there. I mean, you need to know how to deal with strangers, you need to know how to live on your own. I mean if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to be in a relationship. You'll just drag it down.
 

== Part 3 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|u2D74OGq_jQ}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = [[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey|Final]]
}}

 '''Kacey:''' Besides, I mean, you shouldn't move out with someone right away anyway, so you should probably live on your own first. I mean, besides, if you keep acting the way you're acting, you aren't likely to get a girlfriend anyway. Besides, if you had your own place to be, it'd be easier, because then there'd be a place for her to move and normally it's the girl who moves in with the guy. [obvious sounds of Kacey being tired from wailing on Chris so much] And ''besides,'' if you can't even take care of that, how do you expect to take care of a daughter... Which you keep dreaming about. I mean, are you expecting to just marry someone rich?
[''slight pause'']
 '''Chris:''' No, I do not... I- [cut off by Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Then how are you gonna take care of her? How are you gonna take care of a daughter?
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris_and_Reality|One day at a time.]]
 '''Kacey:''' No, there is no one day at a time. You-You... There is no one day at a time. You do that, you're going to [[Obesity|starve.]] You need ''plans.'' I mean, that's like Alcoholics Anonymous, that's not living.
 '''Chris:''' [[Alcohol|Well, I mean, at least I don't go out and get drunk every night.]] I don't do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know what, at least those drunks could pay for their drinks. You couldn't even do that! I mean, are you just trying to make yourself look good?
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent mumbling, sounds like he's repeating what Kacey just asked him] Yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, stop! It's-It's... I mean, that's- uh, that's stupid!
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' You're comparing apples to oranges!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, wait, maybe I'm misunderstanding the ques- maybe I misunderstood the question. You just said, I mean, I thought you said, uh, "[...]trying to make myself look good."
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, you're just trying to make yourself look good by comparing yourself to someone you think is worse than you. But, I mean, you're not going to be able to always do that. That's not adult.
 '''Chris:''' [completely skipping over the latter half of her last statements] Oooh, yeah, okay, yeah, now I understand. I just, mm... okay. Mmmm... Yeah. Mmm... Yeah, but, that is, uh, that is kind of a lame deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, at this point, they're probably better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're pro'lly- Yeah... You're right. A lot of people are better than me. Uh... In situations of being able to take care of him or herselves... Themselves.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, so obviously you're never gonna be able to take care of anyone. Why would girls want that? Girls want [[Liquid_Chris|real men.]] They want somebody who's gonna give them comfort and security. Not saying that the girl shouldn't be making money, too, and helping out, but I mean, nobody wants somebody who's just going to, [sigh] to, just, lay there and do nothing!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, oh-kay, look at what I'm being offered with Chris. Look at what I'm being offered with you. If you were me, what would you do?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah... Probably go to one that's better. But... Lemme just ask you- I mean, I know it's not about Chris, lemme ask you, have you actually ''checked'' his back- his background and actually seen where he works? 
 '''Kacey:''' ''Yes!'' And that's why he- I know he's honest with me! And it doesn't matter anyway, you just said it's not about him, but then you made it about him. I mean, I've been to a company lunch with him.
 '''Chris:''' Well, um, I was just askin'. I was just askin'.
 '''Kacey:''' So, I mean, seriously, once again, I mean, who do you think would be the better one?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, [[Liquid_Chris|him.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so why-why do you think I would even give you a chance after all the lies and all the ch-shit you put me through? You ignored me.
 '''Chris:''' I lis- I listen to your every word, I ''did...'' I-I-Okay, well...
 [''Chris and Kacey talk over each other, Kacey comes out victorious'']
 '''Kacey:''' If you listen to it, you definitely didn't do anything about it. I mean, stop lying.
 '''Chris:''' I have been exercising, I have been... going out walking and jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, for five minutes. Not good enough. Totally not good enough.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, not good en-could be better. Could be better.
 '''Kacey:''' Could be ''a LOT'' better. I mean, working is not good enough if you don't push yourself. Then you're not really working on it. Then you're just kinda coasting through it. You're just kinda being half-assed. Do I really seem like the girl who needs someone half-assed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're not the... kinda girl that would want somebody who's... half-assed.
 [''pause lasting 21 seconds'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just... [sigh] Right now, in my eyes, you're just a horrible human being. You leech off [[Monthly_Tugboat|everyone.]] And I can't stand that, for one, you don't even know the principles of your religion right, which is extremely important to me. You've insulted and hurt my fiancé beyond anything, then you've insulted and hurt me, you've ignored me, you think ''he's'' more important, you've disrespected everyone on [[Twin_Falling_Towers|9/11,]] when, of course, nothing touches YOU, you insulted my father, you insulted my family... You- I mean, you compared my grandmother dying to a [[Patti-chan|DOG.]] A ''dog.'' A mangy, dirty dog. I mean. Oh. My. [[Godjesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|GOD.]]
 '''Chris:''' [obviously jumping over everything Kacey just said yet again] Patti was not a mangy, dirty dog... She was a member of my family.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean that she's like my grandmother dying in a terrorist attack. She still a damned dog. I mean, I love my cats and everything, but they're still cats! She was still a damn dog. I mean, fuck you for even COMPARING that to my grandmother dying.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well- kay...
 '''Kacey:''' You don't understand life, you don't understand [[Chris_and_Death|death,]] obviously. 
 '''Chris:''' I do understand death. It hurts...
 '''Kacey:''' The thing is, you don't understand. I mean, you're not even going to live to see thirty. Why would I wanna be with someone who I know is going to be dead in four years? Three years? I mean... [sigh] I wouldn't even give you five years. My family hates you, you're lying to me, you're nasty to my friends, you lie to my friends. I mean, don't think I don't know that you don't lie to Kim. Don't think I don't know that you don't lie to me! I don't think you'd have luck with anyone, to tell you the truth. So you can not tell me that you want me to be with you or that you love me because you're just gonna die wasting your life playing video games and doing nothing. I mean, even though a [[CADD]] degree isn't much, you haven't done anything with it. You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want. You definitely didn't fight for me, so you know what? I don't need this at all. This is totally not what I need. I mean, fuck you, I don't even wanna be friends, because you are a total waste of space. I mean, you disrespect everyone. And you know what? I'm getting married tomorrow, 2PM. You know what, and it's all thanks to you, cause if it weren't for you being such an [[Nudes|ass,]] I wouldn't see what a great person Chris is and how much he really does love me 'cause I had someone to compare him to, who doesn't give a [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shit]] about me, who only loves his video games and himself. So you know what? You- Just- You know what? I don't even care because I don't even have anything to say to you because you know what, won't hurt about this, [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|you'll be over this by tomorrow]]. I will never see anything that shows you're even hurt by this or you even care! So you know what, I'm going to go ahead and get married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead. I mean, I'd recommend talking to someone about that. Y'should probably call up, you know, an institution, therapy, something, because, I mean, you're gonna be the five- doing the same thing in five minutes. I bet you I will never be mentioned again by you. You're not gonna be upset. You're not gonna do anything. I bet you anything I'm gonna see a new video being like, "Oh, who the hell was Kacey? I'm going after..." I don't even care anymore. I. Don't. Care. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy, so you know what? Go do whatever because you know what, just fuck you, you're just gonna go off with someone else because, I mean, you've already shown me that, you've already shown me that, sooo... Have fun making a video about meeting a new girlfriend, because I'm done.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh...
 [''it can be implied that by this point, Chris's new pair of undies have since been soiled'']
 '''Kacey:''' Peace out.
 [''tape ends'']

{{FanChats}}

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]|Final]]}}

==Links==

[http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 Download call (MP3)]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Talk:The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-28T14:09:48Z

Vergilius: /* Tin Foil Hat Club was right! */

I just want to know, WHERE THE HELL HAS THIS GOLD MINE BEEN?!? This was the greatest thing I have ever heard in a long long time from all the gal-pals Chris has been with. Bravo to Kacey, and Bravo to whomever finally uploaded this gem to the world. [[User:ShinGokuIAM|ShinGokuIAM]] 10:23, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Is it possible to get these uploaded to mediafire or something? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 10:37, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Maybe rename to "Kacey Call 3"? [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] 13:33, 26 February 2011 (PST)
:that would be kind of confusing since it goes "Kacey Call", "Father Call", "K & L Call" then this one (and maybe they'll release more later).. but yeah it should be renamed. why not just "Final Kacey Call"? [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 13:44, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Edit: DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. Finished part 3 but can't finish part 2. [[User:Mikau|Mikau]] 21:49, 26 February 2011 (PST)

Helped finish part 2, edited some of part 1 and previously done parts of 2. I'm going to just double check part 3 now (just to have that extra ear). I forgot how much of a witch with a capital B transcribing is...I'm probably going to crash into slumber after this. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 21:59, 26 February 2011 (PST)

The original mediafire is here: http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:33, 27 February 2011 (PST)

==Page renamed==

"Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey" was an idiotic name for the page. Had to be changed. Who the fuck here calls him "Chris Chan" anyway? This isn't ED. Was it really so hard to just give it the name of the file (which already said enough about the contents)? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:38, 27 February 2011 (PST)
:The new name is much better. Nicely done. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 06:53, 27 February 2011 (PST)

== Tin Foil Hat Club was right! ==

PVCC/Stonecutters/Illuminati/NWO, why wasn't this released earlier? [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 06:09, 28 February 2011 (PST)

Talk:The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-02-28T14:09:29Z

Vergilius: /* Tin Foil Hat Club was right! */ new section

CWCki:Caption Crusade

2011-02-22T20:12:44Z

Vergilius: /* Videos Captioned */

[[File:CaptionSample.jpg|thumb|right|The CWCki Caption Crusade helps great videos like [[Hello, Juffalo]] be spread to the masses.]]
The '''Caption Crusade''' is a CWCki affiliated side project. It is designed to utilize [[CWCki]] video transcripts into captions for [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] in such a way that the hearing impaired and people who just can't stand Chris's voice can watch Chris's [[List of videos|videos]].

This project also serves as a springboard to future translation projects so the peoples of the world may experience Chris's failings in their own native tongues.

==Campaign Video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWCki Caption Crusade! BE A SUPER STAR
| video = {{#ev:youtube|88Bfw2OKLgQ}}
| Stardate = 17 [[February 2011]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary Abejita Cortez]
| Subject = [[CWCki]]
| Video Type = Notice
| Other Info = An advertisement for this caption campaign
}}

==How to Contribute==
[[File:TranslatedCaptions.jpg|thumb|right|YouTube's Translate Captions feature allows your captions to be translated into other languages (albeit in a crude form, but another language nonetheless) so the whole world can know of Chris's video exploits.]]

#Take one of Chris's [[List of videos|videos]].
#Make captions using one of the tools listed below or any other means of making caption files.
#Save as a .SUB file.
#Upload to Mediafire (or similar file sharing website, though Mediafire is preferred by Abejita)
#PM the download link to Abejita at TheCWCvilleLibrary. Be sure to put your CWCki username so you can get credit.
*If you have any problems with contacting Abejita, contact me ([[User:Champthom|Champthom]].)

===Crediting===
*You will get credit in both the video description and the caption's title (ex. "IamSTRAIGHT by Champthom") with both your YouTube username and your CWCki username. If you do not have a YouTube account, but still would like to contribute without signing up, please leave the subtitle file in this article's discussion page. If you do not have a CWCki account and submit a subtitle via PM, you'll just be credited by your YouTube username, of course. Abejita will keep a backup of every subtitle submitted, so if you need any files for any reason just ask.
**Feel free to make subtitles in your native language, even if it isn't as widely-spoken as Spanish or French.

==Tools==
*[http://accessify.com/tools-and-wizards/accessibility-tools/easy-youtube-caption-creator/ Easy YouTube Caption Creator]
*[http://captiontube.appspot.com/ Caption Tube]

==Videos Captioned==
*[[MEOW]]
*[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]]
*[[Hello, Juffalo]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] (Spanish and English)
*[[Song of Christian]] (Part 1)
*[[I am STRAIGHT]] (the shorter one)
*[[Pixelated PS3]]
*[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]]
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] (both cut and uncut)
*[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
*[[Clyde Cash the kid video]]
*[[Challenge For Clyde]] (the first one)
*[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]] (French and English)
*[[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]] (long ver.)
*[[CWC Update 12 August 2009]]
*[["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]] (English and Finnish)
*[[CWC Fighter]]
*[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]

==Awaiting Approval==
...

==Works In Progress==
Write a comment saying which video you're taking. Be sure to sign your comment (four ~ in a row.)--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:36, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I'm working on [[Song of Christian]] and [[Chris Chan in the Pok%C3%A9News]]. [[User:Cesare|Cesare]] 16:44, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I've already taken five and I'm going to just take random videos.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:57, 17 February 2011 (PST)
*Throwin together some captions for a few short rage vids. ([[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 19:12, 18 February 2011 (PST))
*I'll do the Christian Love Day video, and I'll have it done in time. I can't today though because I have places to be. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:14, 21 February 2011 (PST)

[[Category:CWCki projects]]

User:Vergilius

2011-02-20T23:53:40Z

Vergilius:

{{collapsible|Userbawxes|
<center>{{CrusaderCross}}
{{AlecBensonLeary}}
{{LiquidChris}}
{{Armchair Psychologist}}
{{Krapplefag}}
{{Eurofag}}
</center>
}}
 
<center>[[image:Multikultur.png]]</center>

CWCki:Caption Crusade

2011-02-20T23:16:50Z

Vergilius: Ready

[[File:CaptionSample.jpg|thumb|right|The CWCki Caption Crusade helps great videos like [[Hello, Juffalo]] be spread to the masses.]]
The '''Caption Crusade''' is a CWCki affiliated side project. It is designed to utilize [[CWCki]] video transcripts into captions for [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] in such a way that the hearing impaired and people who just can't stand Chris's voice can watch Chris's [[List of videos|videos]].

This project also serves as a springboard to future translation projects so the peoples of the world may experience Chris's failings in their own native tongues.

==Campaign Video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWCki Caption Crusade! BE A SUPER STAR
| video = {{#ev:youtube|88Bfw2OKLgQ}}
| Stardate = 17 [[February 2011]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary Abejita Cortez]
| Subject = [[CWCki]]
| Video Type = Notice
| Other Info = An advertisement for this caption campaign
}}

==How to Contribute==
[[File:TranslatedCaptions.jpg|thumb|right|YouTube's Translate Captions feature allows your captions to be translated into other languages (albeit in a crude form, but another language nonetheless) so the whole world can know of Chris's video exploits.]]

#Take one of Chris's [[List of videos|videos]].
#Make captions using one of the tools listed below or any other means of making caption files.
#Save as a .SUB file.
#Upload to Mediafire (or similar file sharing website, though Mediafire is preferred by Abejita)
#PM the download link to Abejita at TheCWCvilleLibrary. Be sure to put your CWCki username so you can get credit.
*If you have any problems with contacting Abejita, contact me ([[User:Champthom|Champthom]].)

===Crediting===
*You will get credit in both the video description and the caption's title (ex. "IamSTRAIGHT by Champthom") with both your YouTube username and your CWCki username. If you do not have a YouTube account, but still would like to contribute without signing up, please leave the subtitle file in this article's discussion page. If you do not have a CWCki account and submit a subtitle via PM, you'll just be credited by your YouTube username, of course. Abejita will keep a backup of every subtitle submitted, so if you need any files for any reason just ask.
**Feel free to make subtitles in your native language, even if it isn't as widely-spoken as Spanish or French.

==Tools==
*[http://accessify.com/tools-and-wizards/accessibility-tools/easy-youtube-caption-creator/ Easy YouTube Caption Creator]
*[http://captiontube.appspot.com/ Caption Tube]

==Videos Captioned==
*[[MEOW]]
*[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]]
*[[Hello, Juffalo]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] (Spanish and English)
*[[Song of Christian]] (Part 1)
*[[I am STRAIGHT]] (the shorter one)
*[[Pixelated PS3]]
*[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]]
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] (both cut and uncut)
*[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
*[[Clyde Cash the kid video]]
*[[Challenge For Clyde]] (the first one)
*[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]] (French and English)
*[[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]] (long ver.)
*[[CWC Update 12 August 2009]]
*[["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]

==Awaiting Approval==
...

==Works In Progress==
Write a comment saying which video you're taking. Be sure to sign your comment (four ~ in a row.)--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:36, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I'm working on [[Song of Christian]] and [[Chris Chan in the Pok%C3%A9News]]. [[User:Cesare|Cesare]] 16:44, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I've already taken five and I'm going to just take random videos.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:57, 17 February 2011 (PST)
*Throwin together some captions for a few short rage vids. ([[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 19:12, 18 February 2011 (PST))

[[Category:CWCki projects]]

CWCki:Caption Crusade

2011-02-20T19:00:52Z

Vergilius: /* Works In Progress */

[[File:CaptionSample.jpg|thumb|right|The CWCki Caption Crusade helps great videos like [[Hello, Juffalo]] be spread to the masses.]]
The '''Caption Crusade''' is a CWCki affiliated side project. It is designed to utilize [[CWCki]] video transcripts into captions for [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] in such a way that the hearing impaired and people who just can't stand Chris's voice can watch Chris's [[List of videos|videos]].

This project also serves as a springboard to future translation projects so the peoples of the world may experience Chris's failings in their own native tongues.

==Campaign Video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWCki Caption Crusade! BE A SUPER STAR
| video = {{#ev:youtube|88Bfw2OKLgQ}}
| Stardate = 17 [[February 2011]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary Abejita Cortez]
| Subject = [[CWCki]]
| Video Type = Notice
| Other Info = An advertisement for this caption campaign
}}

==How to Contribute==
[[File:TranslatedCaptions.jpg|thumb|right|YouTube's Translate Captions feature allows your captions to be translated into other languages (albeit in a crude form, but another language nonetheless) so the whole world can know of Chris's video exploits.]]

#Take one of Chris's [[List of videos|videos]].
#Make captions using one of the tools listed below or any other means of making caption files.
#Save as a .SUB file.
#Upload to Mediafire (or similar file sharing website, though Mediafire is preferred by Abejita)
#PM the download link to Abejita at TheCWCvilleLibrary. Be sure to put your CWCki username so you can get credit.
*If you have any problems with contacting Abejita, contact me ([[User:Champthom|Champthom]].)

===Crediting===
*You will get credit in both the video description and the caption's title (ex. "IamSTRAIGHT by Champthom") with both your YouTube username and your CWCki username. If you do not have a YouTube account, but still would like to contribute without signing up, please leave the subtitle file in this article's discussion page. If you do not have a CWCki account and submit a subtitle via PM, you'll just be credited by your YouTube username, of course. Abejita will keep a backup of every subtitle submitted, so if you need any files for any reason just ask.
**Feel free to make subtitles in your native language, even if it isn't as widely-spoken as Spanish or French.

==Tools==
*[http://accessify.com/tools-and-wizards/accessibility-tools/easy-youtube-caption-creator/ Easy YouTube Caption Creator]
*[http://captiontube.appspot.com/ Caption Tube]

==Videos Captioned==
*[[MEOW]]
*[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]]
*[[Hello, Juffalo]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] (Spanish and English)
*[[Song of Christian]] (Part 1)
*[[I am STRAIGHT]] (the shorter one)
*[[Pixelated PS3]]
*[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]]
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] (both cut and uncut)
*[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
*[[Clyde Cash the kid video]]
*[[Challenge For Clyde]] (the first one)
*[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]] (French and English)
*[[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]] (long ver.)
*[[CWC Update 12 August 2009]]
*[["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!]]
*[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]

==Awaiting Approval==
...

==Works In Progress==
Write a comment saying which video you're taking. Be sure to sign your comment (four ~ in a row.)--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:36, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I'm working on [[Song of Christian]] and [[Chris Chan in the Pok%C3%A9News]]. [[User:Cesare|Cesare]] 16:44, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I've already taken five and I'm going to just take random videos.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:57, 17 February 2011 (PST)
*Throwin together some captions for a few short rage vids. ([[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 19:12, 18 February 2011 (PST))
*Translation of [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]] in progress. 85% done. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 03:23, 20 February 2011 (PST)

[[Category:CWCki projects]]

User:Vergilius

2011-02-20T11:34:44Z

Vergilius: Created page with "<center> File:multikultur.png </center>"

<center>
[[File:multikultur.png]]
</center>

File:Multikultur.png

2011-02-20T11:34:30Z

Vergilius:

CWCki:Caption Crusade

2011-02-20T11:23:15Z

Vergilius: /* Works In Progress */

[[File:CaptionSample.jpg|thumb|right|The CWCki Caption Crusade helps great videos like [[Hello, Juffalo]] be spread to the masses.]]
The '''Caption Crusade''' is a CWCki affiliated side project. It is designed to utilize [[CWCki]] video transcripts into captions for [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] in such a way that the hearing impaired and people who just can't stand Chris's voice can watch Chris's [[List of videos|videos]].

This project also serves as a springboard to future translation projects so the peoples of the world may experience Chris's failings in their own native tongues.

==Campaign Video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWCki Caption Crusade! BE A SUPER STAR
| video = {{#ev:youtube|88Bfw2OKLgQ}}
| Stardate = 17 [[February 2011]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCWCvilleLibrary Abejita Cortez]
| Subject = [[CWCki]]
| Video Type = Notice
| Other Info = An advertisement for this caption campaign
}}

==How to Contribute==
[[File:TranslatedCaptions.jpg|thumb|right|YouTube's Translate Captions feature allows your captions to be translated into other languages (albeit in a crude form, but another language nonetheless) so the whole world can know of Chris's video exploits.]]

#Take one of Chris's [[List of videos|videos]].
#Make captions using one of the tools listed below or any other means of making caption files.
#Save as a .SUB file.
#Upload to Mediafire (or similar file sharing website, though Mediafire is preferred by Abejita)
#PM the download link to Abejita at TheCWCvilleLibrary. Be sure to put your CWCki username so you can get credit.
*If you have any problems with contacting Abejita, contact me ([[User:Champthom|Champthom]].)

===Crediting===
*You will get credit in both the video description and the caption's title (ex. "IamSTRAIGHT by Champthom") with both your YouTube username and your CWCki username. If you do not have a YouTube account, but still would like to contribute without signing up, please leave the subtitle file in this article's discussion page. If you do not have a CWCki account and submit a subtitle via PM, you'll just be credited by your YouTube username, of course. Abejita will keep a backup of every subtitle submitted, so if you need any files for any reason just ask.
**Feel free to make subtitles in your native language, even if it isn't as widely-spoken as Spanish or French.

==Tools==
*[http://accessify.com/tools-and-wizards/accessibility-tools/easy-youtube-caption-creator/ Easy YouTube Caption Creator]
*[http://captiontube.appspot.com/ Caption Tube]

==Videos Captioned==
*[[MEOW]]
*[[JenkinsJinkiesCwckiApplication.MOV]]
*[[Hello, Juffalo]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]
*[[Song of Christian]] (Part 1)
*[[I am STRAIGHT]] (the shorter one)
*[[Pixelated PS3]]
*[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]]
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] (both cut and uncut)
*[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
*[[Clyde Cash the kid video]]
*[[Challenge For Clyde]] (the first one)
*[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]] (French)

==Awaiting Approval==
---
*[[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]

==Works In Progress==
Write a comment saying which video you're taking. Be sure to sign your comment (four ~ in a row.)--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:36, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I'm working on [[Song of Christian]] and [[Chris Chan in the Pok%C3%A9News]]. [[User:Cesare|Cesare]] 16:44, 8 February 2011 (PST)
*I've already taken five and I'm going to just take random videos.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:57, 17 February 2011 (PST)
*Throwin together some captions for a few short rage vids. ([[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 19:12, 18 February 2011 (PST))
*Translation of [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]] in progress. 50% done. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 03:23, 20 February 2011 (PST)

[[Category:CWCki projects]]

Duck

2011-02-15T13:25:06Z

Vergilius:

{{Honest}}

[[Image:SchuComicSP3P5.jpg|thumb|right|Even in the comic, it's bent. Maybe he traced it. (Later confirmed in [[Ivy Q&A]])]]

[[Image:Loch Ness.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Indeed a monster.]]

{{quote|ChrisChanSonichu (12:20:19 AM): sorry, it is limp.|Chris, on his duck.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3]]</ref>}}

{{quote|MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR [[china|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!|Chris, [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]}}

'''Duck''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for penis, usually in the context of [[Chris]]'s own penis. (The genitalia of other males, and [[Silvana|those of Rosechus]], are [[pickles]].) This neologism was originally thought to be a misspelling of "dick", but Chris confirmed in a 17 [[February 2009]] [[Mumble]] chat<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> that it is an intentional euphemism.

==Chris and his duck==
Chris's penis is bent at a [[Nudes|horrifying 45° angle]], though he has never clearly explained why. Some speculate that Chris has [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]], or that he did it to himself by [[mass debating]] improperly, resulting in what's known medically as a [[Wikipedia:Fractured penis|fractured penis]]. In any case, [[sex]] would be a painful experience for him.

Chris proudly claims his penis is six inches (15 cm) long<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref>. He even [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_the_CWCki#8_May.2C_03:09_-_03:16|edited]] the CWCki at one point to remove a bit of piping that suggested otherwise. His claim appears highly unlikely, however, even if he measured both segments. From the looks of it, especially with the bend, Chris's cock is smaller than average. He has attempted to enlarge it with [[Wikipedia:ExtenZe|ExtenZe]], a supplement advertised to enlarge penises, but he said it didn't work.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

Knowing that Chris is a pathological liar, he's probably just trying to impress "da ladiez," and is overcompensating. On the off-chance that Chris is indeed not lying, he still proves that having a big penis isn't everything.

Chris at least understands that his penis is of no more than average size, and he apparently regrets this fact. In [[:File:Evan_responds_to_his_death.png|an e-mail]] to [[Evan]] during their feud over [[Simonla Rosechu]], he took off on a peculiar tangent about penis length: "There ARE those with dicks longer than 7 inches; yes I am jealous of those individuals, not just you."

Toward the very end of his [[Jackie E-mails 23|communications with Jackie]], Chris claimed that his penis has grown larger and straightened itself out since it was last photographed for public consumption. Determining the likelihood of this occurrence will be left as an exercise for the reader.

Many of his nude photos show that Chris shaves most of his [[Wikipedia:pubic hair|pubic hair]]. While this sometimes has the effect of making the penis seem more prominent, in Chris's case, it just exposes even more ghostly pale skin.

==References by Chris==
[[Image:1256079873949.jpg|thumb|Anatomical analysis of the duck.]]
*One of the annotations from [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]] is "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!"
*In his final [[SingStar_Challenge#Video_11|SingStar Challenge]] song, "Smell Yo Dick" (as chosen by [[CChanSonichuCWC]]), he attempts to circumvent his own rules about not changing lyrics by saying ''duck'' instead of ''dick.''
*Chris occasionally forgoes substituting the word "duck" for "dick" when he is talking dirty with a gal-pal (such as in one of the [[Kacey]] chats) or angry (in one of the [[White Knight emails]], he referred to how trolls made fanart featuring [[Rosechu]] with "an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!")
*In an [[IRC (24 October 2008)|IRC chat]] from October 2008, Chris said, concerning [[Jimmy Hill]], "I hope he loses his duck." This is an unusual example of Chris using "duck" to refer to a penis not his own.

==Sauces==
<references />

==See Also==
* [[Pickle]]
* [[Comeuppance]]
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

File talk:Shojobeat.png

2011-01-31T16:05:57Z

Vergilius: Created page with ""''I'm stuck in the situation where if my parents should pass away, I will be a very lonely virgin.''" Funny, I always thought Barb's corpse would take Chris's virginity. ~~~~"

"''I'm stuck in the situation where if my parents should pass away, I will be a very lonely virgin.''" Funny, I always thought Barb's corpse would take Chris's virginity. [[User:Vergilius|Vergilius]] 08:05, 31 January 2011 (PST)

Shojo Beat

2011-01-31T15:57:45Z

Vergilius:

[[File:Shojobeat.png|thumb|315px|Cropped version of the two letters]]

'''''Shojo Beat''''' was a manga anthology magazine published from [[2005#July|July 2005]] to [[July 2009]]. [[Chris]] sent a letter to them, which got published in the [[2005#November|November 2005]] issue.<ref>[[:Image:Shoujobeatchrischanletter.jpg]]</ref>
A response letter from "Eris" was published in [[2006#March 2006|March 2006]].<ref>[[:Image:Shoujobeatchrischanletterreply.jpg]]</ref>

== Letters ==
===By Chris, November 2005===
{{EmailReply|'''OH BOY'''

Riiko Izawa in ''[[Wikipedia:Absolute Boyfriend|Absolute Boyfriend]]'' sort of has the same problem I do: She can't get a guy, and I can't get a girl. Here's my sitch. All the pretty girls are already paired up with some [[jerk]], leaving me with none to choose from. Also, nobody can tell, off the bat, a paired-up from a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]]. At first, it's equally hard for Riiko to find a Girlfriend-Free Boy, but then she is granted this wish where she gets a Girlfriend-Free Boy (although he is a [[Sex toys|robot]]) delivered to her doorstep. Lucky girl. I'm 23 years old; one would think I'd have gotten a girlfriend by now, but no, I haven't. I'm stuck in the situation where if my parents should pass away, I will be a [[Virgin with rage|very lonely virgin]].

—'''''Christian Chandler'''''}}

===Reply, March 2006===

{{Email|'''PRETTY, SCHMITTY'''

In your November issue, [[Chris|a guy]] was complaining about how he couldn't find a [[sweetheart|girlfriend]]. Why is he only looking for "pretty" girls? There are plenty of girls who are not supermodel gorgeous whom he could [[Third date|date]]. It's not the outside of the package that counts, but the [[China|inside]]. A girl can be pretty on the outside but might be mean and [[Chris and ego|self-centered]] or have [[Julie|other problems]], whereas another girl could be [[Chris|"plain" or even "ugly"]] on the outside but quite a [[Liquid Chris|beautiful, kind, intelligent person]] on the inside. If more guys would think about what qualities they look for in a girl, and make sure those qualities don't just focus on her outer appearance, they ''might'' just find a [[boyfriend-free girl|girl to go out with]]. Otherwise, many girls will think, "Why bother? He'll just leave me for the next pretty girl he sees."
—'''''Eris'''''}}

==Sauces==
<references/>
==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Shojo Beat|''Shojo Beat'']] on Wikipedia
*[http://www.shojobeat.com/ Official site]

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

File:Recession.jpg

2011-01-12T06:40:02Z

Vergilius:

CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!

2010-12-26T12:51:16Z

Vergilius:

"'''CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!'''" is a video released on 6 [[August 2009]], during the [[SingStar Challenge]] saga. In this video, [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (Solid Chris) exposes his rage against [[Liquid Chris]], accusing him of not doing the last [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|song]] right and ordering him to redo the song and put his commentary in another video. This video is notorious for the anger and angst shown by Ian, who deleted the video shortly after uploading it.

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS! CHANDLER!
| image = {{#ev:youtube|dsyhCUYJoI8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 6 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] [[Music]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] Rage
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Jokershirt.png]] The Joker
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler.27s_Revised_Entry|Smell Yo Duck Too]]
| next = [[CCWC%27s_Final_Warning_to_the_Second_CWC|CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

{{RageQuote|'''CHRIS''' Chandler!}}

Firstly, your video [''takes [[glasses]] dramatically off and throws them to the floor''] is only half the length of that track. The full length of that track is almost ten minutes. Redo the video for the full nine-minute-something length.

And commentary, you can put them in a separate video. Separate. So, sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

And another thing, Chris. Your for real- your real name as I have been told by [[Kacey]] is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that.

And another thing: [''Yelled while jumping up and down like a child'']

{{RageQuote|I NAME IS NOT ''IAN....'' ''....BRANNAN....'' ''....SOMETHING!!!''}}

[''Gasps for air in an annoyed manner''] I am CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL '''AND CALL ME A REAL NAME''' THAT have God has been given to me and [[Christopher's_name_change|the bear at Regency Square Shopping center]], during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!

Get it RIGHT! I'M Christian Weston Chandler, you are only CHRIS....CHANDLER! Your medal is made out of PAPER! The whole length of time, the [[medallion|REAL medal]] has been made out of Crayola fucking Model Magic and acrylic PAINT! If I wanted paper, I would go to Wal-mart and pay five dollars for FIVE HUNDRED SHEETS!

Redo the ten minute song and save the commentaries for a [''lowers his voice to an angry whisper''] separate video, [''stops whispering''] and everybody on the internet knows that I am the real deal, you are the impostor, so give up the damn game already before I really call the poli- [''realizes he fucked up''] before that I actually- [''fucks up again''] before I tell the police all the information I have gotten since I finally got them involved, and then send them on your case, put you in jail bef-, even though I would prefer not to see you in jail because Kacey respects you so much, man! [''in a really high voice''] She cares about you so much! She has told me so herself, over the telephone!

If I did not have that [''voice is normal again''] beforehand, I would have just been gladly prepared, gladly, and only gladly, before talking to her, gladly, to see your ass behind bars. But after talking to Kacey, and hearing her honest respect, [''calms down here''] I would hate to see you in jail, out of respect, and of care, because she would be heartbroken. You are a lucky son of a gun, Chris Chandler, so quit this stupid impersonation game. Call me by the real name that God and the bear has given me throughout my whole life. [''Starts to rage again''] The current full name of Christian Weston Chandler, my first name being Christopher and my Spanish nickname being Ricardo. But in the end, just call me the full name, Christian Weston Chandler.

[''Takes a few deep breaths, possibly due to exhaustion'']

This game is not fun. If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail. You will be tried in court, and you will be going to jail or serve community service, forcedly. I have- I was nice about it, I told you the details, and what do you do, YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN! And I do not appreciate that! So stop it! Stop it!

Come clean! Rip off your PAPER medallion, RIP IT OFF like a shred of paper, look at my medal, I cannot even twist it, because it is made from Model Magic, not some cheap paper I can get at Wal-mart for five hundred dollar- for five dollars for five hundred sheets. Sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YAUTpL6ZDV4}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian]]
| Subject = [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]
| Video Type = (VGM) Remix
| Other Info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67MPxnPHBNk The original song]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7V1gEjtmm9M}}
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Stardate = 9 January 2010
| Video Type = Remix
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = OveR Da TeLePhonE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|63XxM-Gysfw}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/iiKiDzJii iiKiDzJii]
| Stardate = 2 February 2010
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (YTPMV) Ian Brandon Anderson Sparta Remix
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LSZK8AqFvbg}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RainingMetal RainingMetal]
| Stardate = 12 August 2010
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan is... MR ANDERSON
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MDqDIeBDCoQ}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChrisChanGame ChrisChanGame]
| Stardate = 8 August 2009
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]|nextlink=[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-07]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-08-07]]