CWCki - User contributions [en]

List of things Chris has shoved up his ass

2026-07-27T11:12:09Z

WarnerBro:

{{Honest}}

{{quote|As for what turned me onto the idea was watching women doing it for themselves in some of the porn I watched. I tried it myself with just my fingers, and it felt alright to me, especially recently.|[[Chris]] explaining the origins of his anal fixation<ref name="Jackie E-mails 6">[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I have reached from behind and under and pulled my penis and literally stretched it to being wedged between the middle of my butt crack; I could push the head into the hole. But it was really smelly there, and I have just bathed. And while stretched, the balls can remain tucked in. And I Can walk like this. IT IS THAT LONG. And to take a cocky opportunity: You, and a LOT of women around here and wherever, not counting the Cherokee woman, are really missing out.|Chris in an email to [[Kim Wilson]]<ref name=penis>[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#Chris fucks himself]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Chris-ThisIsMyDildo.PNG|thumb|[[Chris Sex Logs#This is my dildo|Chris, speaking from experience.]]]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has '''shoved many things up his ass''' for [[Chris and sex|sex]]ual pleasure (and in [[Julie Reveals Herself|one instance]], because he was being "blackmailed"). For quite a long time Chris repeatedly denied ever committing such acts, but eventually all it took was a few trusted [[Trolls|gal-pals]] for him to confidentially [[Honest Content|reveal the graphic TRUE and HONEST details]] of his anal experiences. Despite his repeated experimentation, he rarely admitted to taking any pleasure in the acts. One can only imagine what wonders this does for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|already-terrible bathroom issues]].

This list only covers what Chris has admitted shoving up his ass. Given that he was hesitant to admit this much, out of fear that he will be misinterpreted as a homo, we can only imagine [[Pickle|what items]] he has experimented with that he's too ashamed to confess.

==Things Chris has shoved up his ass==
*A vibrating [[dildo]] (with a condom on,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> later [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|destroyed]] in an attempt to prove his straightness and his strength<ref>[[Mumble 7#15:02 Chris talks about dildos to prove his strength]]</ref>). He later told [[Catherine]], "Seriously, it did nothing for me."<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Strap-on details]]</ref>
*[[Anal beads]] (ended up "[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|covered in poo]]" and thrown away because Chris didn't understand how they work).<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref>
*[[Medallions#Mark_2|Sonichu Medallion]] (broken into pieces first, done under [[Chris and stress|duress]] because a [[BlueSpike|13-year-old]] told him to).
*[[Chris and Health#Hygiene|His fingers]] (unlike with the other things he shoved up there, Chris actually admitted that this "felt alright", and it appears to now be his preferred method of anal stimulation).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 6">[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>
*Jets of water from his shower head (told [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa]] that he used to put things up his butt but it became uncomfortable for him so now it's just "sometimes with a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose").<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref>
*Another dildo, this one non-vibrating, sometimes covered with a washcloth, at least four times. He found it painful and unenjoyable.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Strap-on details]]</ref>
*His own [[duck]], apparently.<ref name=penis></ref><ref>[[Colin Chat 2]]</ref>

==Things Chris is willing to shove up his ass for his true love==
*A fake dick ("I would take that in for her").<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 7]]</ref>
*Strap-on dildo. While he told [[Jackie]] it could NOT be dick-shaped because that would be [[homos|gay]],<ref name="Jackie E-mails 6"/> he made no such qualification when referring to Catherine.<ref>[[Colin Chat 1]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references />

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]][[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]

List of things Chris has shoved up his ass

2026-07-27T11:11:52Z

WarnerBro:

{{Honest}}

{{quote|As for what turned me onto the idea was watching women doing it for themselves in some of the porn I watched. I tried it myself with just my fingers, and it felt alright to me, especially recently.|[[Chris]] explaining the origins of his anal fixation<ref name="Jackie E-mails 6">[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I have reached from behind and under and pulled my penis and literally stretched it to being wedged between the middle of my butt crack; I could push the head into the hole. But it was really smelly there, and I have just bathed. And while stretched, the balls can remain tucked in. And I Can walk like this. IT IS THAT LONG. And to take a cocky opportunity: You, and a LOT of women around here and wherever, not counting the Cherokee woman, are really missing out.|Chris in an email to [[Kim Wilson]]<ref name=penis>[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#Chris fucks himself]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Chris-ThisIsMyDildo.PNG|thumb|[[Chris Sex Logs#This is my dildo|Chris, speaking from experience.]]]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has '''shoved many things up his ass''' for [[Chris and sex|sex]]ual pleasure (and in [[Julie Reveals Herself|one instance]], because he was being "blackmailed"). For quite a long time Chris repeatedly denied ever committing such acts, but eventually all it took was a few trusted [[Trolls|gal-pals]] for him to confidentially [[Honest Content|reveal the graphic TRUE and HONEST details]] of his anal experiences. Despite his repeated experimentation, he rarely admitted to taking any pleasure in the acts. One can only imagine what wonders this does for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|already-terrible bathroom issues]].

This list only covers what Chris has admitted shoving up his ass. Given that he was hesitant to admit this much, out of fear that he will be misinterpreted as a homo, we can only imagine [[Pickle|what items]] he has experimented with that he's too ashamed to confess.

==Things Chris has shoved up his ass==
*A vibrating [[dildo]] (with a condom on,<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> later [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|destroyed]] in an attempt to prove his straightness and his strength<ref>[[Mumble 7#15:02 Chris talks about dildos to prove his strength]]</ref>). He later told [[Catherine]], "Seriously, it did nothing for me."<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Strap-on details]]</ref>
*[[Anal beads]] (ended up "[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|covered in poo]]" and thrown away because Chris didn't understand how they work).<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref>
*[[Medallions#Mark_2|Sonichu Medallion]] (broken into pieces first, done under [[Chris and stress|duress]] because a [[BlueSpike|13-year-old]] told him to).
*[[Chris and Health#Hygiene|His fingers]] (unlike with the other things he shoved up there, Chris actually admitted that this "felt alright", and it appears to now be his preferred method of anal stimulation).<ref name="Jackie E-mails 6">[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>
*Jets of water from his shower head (told [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa]] that he used to put things up his butt but it became uncomfortable for him so now it's just "sometimes with a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose").<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref>
*Another dildo, this one non-vibrating, sometimes covered with a washcloth, at least four times. He found it painful and unenjoyable.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Strap-on details]]</ref>
*His own [[duck]], apparently.<ref name=penis></ref><ref>[[Colin Chat 2]]</ref>

==Things Chris is willing to shove up his ass for his true love==
*A fake dick ("I would take that in for her").<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 7]]</ref>
*Strap-on dildo. While he told [[Jackie]] it could NOT be dick-shaped because that would be gay,<ref name="Jackie E-mails 6"/> he made no such qualification when referring to Catherine.<ref>[[Colin Chat 1]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references />

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]][[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]

Vanessa Hudgens

2026-07-27T11:06:27Z

WarnerBro: /* Chat 7 */

{{Troll|She and [[Lori Lopez]] were played by [[Joshua Martinez]].}}

{{Quote|I have Vanessa Anne Hudgens as an [[Honest Content|honest]], very close [[gal pal|Gal-Pal]], and you know very well how powerful she is as a STAR.|[[Chris]], delusional and [[naïve]] as ever<ref>[[User:Apostrophe/Chris-Chan talk]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Vanessa Hudgens
| image = [[Image:Vanessathumb.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Vanessa Anne Hudgens
|label2 = Date of Birth
|data2 = 14 December 1988 (age {{age|1988|14|12}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States of America|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White, [[Punchy Sonichu|Asian]]
|label7 = Occupation
|data7 = Actress Singer
|label8 = Saga
|data8. = {{saga|vanessa|cn}}, {{saga|ivy|cn}}
}}

'''Vanessa Anne Hudgens''' is an American actress and singer best known for her work in ''{{w|High School Musical}}'' and for taking [[nudes|nude]] pictures of herself. She was incredibly popular among both 9-year-old girls and [[Autism|autistic]] manchildren prior to her popularity completely fizzling out due to several scandals over leaked nudes.

[[Joshua Martinez]] used her identity to troll Chris in [[April 2009|April]] and [[May 2009]]. Chris, being the [[Chris and his ego|humble]] guy that he is, [[Chris and reality|found it absolutely reasonable]] that a highly attractive and popular movie star was sexually interested in a [[Obesity|fat]] manchild like him.

Since "Vanessa" told Chris she had written her own [[Wikipedia]] biography, Chris felt that he had a [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|righteous claim]] to do so as well. On 5 [[June 2009]], after failing at his attempt to write his own [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia biography]], Chris tried to get a section on his supposed relationship with Vanessa Hudgens added to her Wikipedia page. Using the now-banned username of Sonichusays[[Barack Obama|yeswecan]], Chris stated that "Vanessa and I are very close friends, and we have been working together much as of late. I think that this should be mentioned in the article."<ref>[https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Vanessa_Hudgens&diff=prev&oldid=294482098 Vanessa Hudgens Talk Page Edit]</ref> His request was ignored.

In [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] (12 [[August 2009]]), he admitted that he had finally realized that he had not really been talking to Vanessa Hudgens. He added that "Vanessa" had always used Joshua's screenname when talking to him.

On 20 [[July 2013]], Chris wrote a review on his Facebook page about a movie Hudgens starred in, ''Spring Breakers''. In 2021, she played the main character in the ''[[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|My Little Pony: A New Generation]]'' film, a crime grave enough to warrant her being blocked on Twitter by Chris.<ref>[[February 2024 social media posts#Mass blocking of MLP G5 VAs]]</ref>

==The beginnings==
Chris got in contact with his old friend [[Joshua Martinez]] from [[James Madison University]] to [[Chris and remorse|apologize]] for smearing him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], in order to get a part in a movie and make connections with celebrities. After a single email, Josh began to imitate Vanessa very poorly with disquieting success.

===Email to Joshua===
On 5 April 2009, Chris emailed Joshua to apologize for his reprehensible behavior in unnecessary detail, for the sole purpose of [[Chris and remorse|obtaining personal benefit]].

{{quotebox|Firstly, Joshua, I wish to come clean. *[[stress sigh|sigh]]* The day I was kicked out of [[Grace Baptist Church|that church]], my [[Bob Chandler|father]] accused you for putting up the nudie woman pics on my [[facebook]] (I personally did not want to take the blame for that, especially since I was amidst trollings back then as well, and I was trying to clean up my online image), so I went with it and let my father think what he thought. I had fretted that you may have been wrongfully kicked out of your church, and I am soo sorry about that. And in my early days of protest against the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage I was also trying to get rid of then and now for about two years, I wanted the trolls to leave me alone, and I sold you out, Joshua; I posted a one-paragraph description about you and how famous you were, being in the movies, knowing the famous celebreties and all on that page. While the original paragraph is currently removed from the page, they still mock me with this, and I quote, ''An old classmate of Chris did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua.'' I am even more sorry about that, because I sold you out like that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I would deeply appreciate it. I was runnin' and hidin' from you because of A) the guilt I felt from those past actions, B) I felt afraid of what you might to do me in response to that, and C) My father advised me against talking to you, due to the past accusation. I will confess the church fiasco to him tonight. And if you still want to put me in that movie, I will discuss the details of a meeting between you, me and Vanessa over the phone later. The trolls are watching my e-mails, so I am unable to divulge any specific details, as the trolls can and will find me there and haunt me; they are truly devious and malicous; they would even probably find a way around any security measures. Peace, and TTYL,Christian.}}

After this email, Joshua would begin to imitate Vanessa Hudgens over a series of conversations, using his own screen name for all except one.

[[File:ChriswVanessa.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVED.]]

==Ivy's Retelling==

A lot of the information about the Vanessa comes from Chris's other lover at the time, [[Ivy]]. She posted stories about Josh and Vanessa during the [[Ivy Q&A]]

{{quoteboxgreen|Around the same point Vanessa Hudgens appeared. She got Chris really excited because she promised him fame and glory in movies. I had a bad feeling about her though. All of Vanessa’s video requests seemed to require Chris’ nudity. I wondered if she was trying to make Chris into a porn actor rather than the next Disney sweetheart? I didn't ask too many questions though, because I had to agree that Chris was a born star.

Chris didn't trust Joshua Martinez, whom had introduced the two. Every time he talked to Vanessa, he had to go through Josh. Chris thought that Josh was hogging her. At the same time, however, Chris was content to play by Josh’s rules.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris began letting slip about his planned meetings with Vanessa around town. They decided to meetup at long last. Josh got Chris to go to the JMU campus with a sign and every time Chris would think he saw her, she would disappear. Chris stressed how didn't want to use that sign so he decided on wearing a hat, too. I thought Vanessa and I could be friends but Josh had other intentions. He wanted to exploit Chris for money and would do this by going through Vanessa.

Josh claimed to have very strong ties to the FBI and threatened to hack into Chris’s ps3. Josh wanted to monitor Chris 24/7 as punishment for not meeting up with Vanessa not giving her the "presents” she had requested. I was upset to learn about the times Chris had gone out with Joshua to TGI Fridays. During one date, Chris didn't have enough money for food because he spent his week’s allowance on the previous time they went out. Josh just ordered a meal for himself and ate it in front of him while Chris watched. Chris just got a slushie drink and asked for refills. The waitress did not like this.
Later on, Chris discovered that he was being mocked by Clyde again. I suggested Chris perform a string of videos to prove to Clyde, once and for all, that Chris meant business. This included baring his fangs at the camera and giving the PSeye a good smack ‘round. Sadly, nothing worked with Clyde…

At TGI Fridays, Josh got Chris to pay for his meals. He kept telling Chris that they would go meet Vanessa. Every time Vanessa failed to show and Josh would enjoy the meal on Chris's dime, obviously.

Once, the proposed meeting place was at JMU. Chris went there with a sign looking for Vanessa, but only found campus police. While there, Chris donned a hat and tried to keep a low profile.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris attempted to meet up with Vanessa once more. A wild goose chase ensued. Every time Chris showed up at a prospective meeting place, he received a call stating that Miss. Vanessa was at another joint. On that one night, Chris drove around the Charlottesville area, looking for Vanessa from 6 pm to 2 am.

The following day was a particularly dense call time for Chris and I. All in all, I received more than 30 calls in a single 24 hour period from Chris (I had decided to ignore him for that one day). When I finally did pick up, Chris wasn’t happy but nor was I. He had worried me by not phoning the day of the Vanessa excursion. So, to make up for it, Chris drew us the honeymoon comic.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Josh had sold Chris a PSP with a non-existent feature for a higher price than a normal PSP. Chris made no secret of intention of giving his old PSP to Vanessa.

While Josh was scamming Chris, Chris scammed Josh back by giving him a bad check. Bob and Barb ended up agreeing to go to the police with Rocky to catch Josh and ONLY Josh. They agreed ONLY to discuss matters regarding Josh as they were handling "Clyde and the trolls on their own terms".

Taking advantage of the situation, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb at the station by monopolizing and domineering the police’s help. She pushed for the authorities to investigate all the trolls- and Ivy, as well. Despite his parents protests, Rocky went against their wishes and ignored their harbored anxiety.

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. While Bob/Barb and Josh continued their feud over a PSP, I broke up with Chris over his betrayal. Chris, however, didn’t stop calling. After two days, Daddy and I had to have Bob tell Chris to leave our family alone.}}

==Videos for Vanessa==

Vanessa got Chris to make several embarrassing videos, under the guise of Chris needing to make an audition for her films. Of course, Chris never starred in any of these films.

===[[A CWC Audition]]===

Chris acts out a fake scenario, presumably intended for a movie about his life. Chris walks along with his girlfriend [[Ivy O'Neil]], singing about how jolly she makes him. Eventually, he professes his love to her and kisses a piece of paper representing her. Suddenly, [[Clyde Cash]] appears, and starts attacking Chris and Ivy. Chris gets in front of Ivy, and starts fighting Clyde, in reality punching and screaming at the air. He eventually beats Clyde, and Chris and Ivy live in peace.

===[[April_16_Fetish_Vids#How_NOT_to_Take_a_Shower|Shower Video]]===

Chris walks into the shower naked, and starts dancing with [[Ivy]] (who is once again, completely nonexistent).

===[[Power]]===

Three videos of Chris lifting 'heavy' objects such as his [[guitar]] and office chair, while making proclaimations about his strength.

===[[CWCFlyingElephants]]===

Possibly the most bizarre video Chris has ever made. The majority of it consists of Chris doing impressions and running around screaming, all while completely nude.

==Vanessa AIM Chats==
These chats were procured by [[CWCki]]pedian [[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]], as Josh had no problem in handing over chatlogs to whoever asked.

===Chat 1===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 1}}

On 6 April 2009, Vanessa Hudgens borrows Joshua's AIM to talk with Chris. In this chat, Chris tried to get Vanessa to give him a part in a movie. Toward that end, she talks him into doing [[A CWC Audition]]. In this chat, Chris talks about [[God and Jesus]] telling him that [[Ivy]] is his true [[sweetheart]], and appears to believe that the priority in having a sweetheart is to fix his [[biological clock]], which has since [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|broken]].

===Chat 2===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 2}}

Took place on 14 April 2009. Vanessa wastes little time in trying to seduce Chris. Chris remains faithful to Ivy for a few minutes before delving into disgusting cyber-[[hanky-panky]], showcasing some disturbing sexual habits, including playing the female role, barking like a dog and [[Family Guy|shouting "SHAZAM!" during intercourse]].

===Chat 3===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 3}}

Took place on 16 April 2009. Chris essentially denies that the previous chat ever happened and manages to resist Vanessa's ham-handed attempts at seducing him. He claims not to remember who [[Blanca]] was, and admits that he would take a dildo up his ass for his [[Ivy|true love]].

===Chat 4===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 4}}

Took place on 19 April 2009. Chris continues to retcon reality and establish that he loves Vanessa only as a [[gal-pal]]. He spends the rest of the chat trying to arrange a meeting with her.

===Chat 5===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 5}}

Took place on 20 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa continue to arrange their meeting, with Vanessa offering her ideas of what Chris should wear. Her intention seems to be to make him look like a moron.

===Chat 6===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 6}}

Took place on 21 April 2009. Chris talks about his past [[Chris and the law|indiscretions]], discusses Ivy's influence on ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', and describes his martial prowess.

===Chat 7===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 7}}

Took place on 22 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa talk more about what he would do for Ivy. Their discussion mostly centers around [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|the things he would shove up his rectum]] for her.

===Chat 8===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 8}}

Took place on 27 April 2009. Chris actually believes that Vanessa came to meet him and talks about having to evade [[Snorlax]] to come and see her. He briefly talks about getting [[Clyde Cash]] locked up.

===Chat 9===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 9}}

Took place on 30 April 2009. Joshua finally gets around to creating a separate screen name for Vanessa. Chris accepts that he might fuck two [[homos|gay guys]] with Ivy if she asked. He also appears to confuse Megan Fox with Vanessa, in an incredible [[autism|failure]] of facial and body recognition.

==The Comeback==
[[File:Twitter - MassBlock - 3Feb2024 3.jpg|thumb|Yeah, that will show her!]]
After a long hiatus from the Christory, the real Vanessa had voiced Sunny Starscout, the main character of [[My Little Pony]]: A New Generation, the movie serving as the beginning of the [[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|Generation 5 of the franchise]]<ref>https://www.thewrap.com/vanessa-hudgens-kimiko-glenn-james-marsden-my-little-pony-a-new-generation/</ref><ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210630140143/https://www.thewrap.com/vanessa-hudgens-kimiko-glenn-james-marsden-my-little-pony-a-new-generation/</ref>, which made her a [[My Little Pony Protests|natural enemy of Chris]]. She was blocked by him in one of his mass blocking sprees during his #[[Russia]]IsMLPG5 actions. This is probably for the better, as otherwise Chris would learn of her becoming pregnant the next month<ref>https://www.vogue.com/article/vanessa-hudgens-pregnant-oscars-2024-red-carpet</ref>, which could shatter his [[Heart Level|heart level]] even further.

==See also==
* [[Lori Lopez]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* {{w|Vanessa Hudgens|Wikipedia article on Vanessa Hudgens}}

{{VanessaSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{succession|label=Vanessa Saga|prevlink=N/A|nextlink=[[Vanessa AIM Chat 1]]|}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hudgens, Vanessa}}
{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Category:Millennial Generation]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Vanessa Saga]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from California]]

Vanessa Hudgens

2026-07-27T02:43:15Z

WarnerBro:

{{Troll|She and [[Lori Lopez]] were played by [[Joshua Martinez]].}}

{{Quote|I have Vanessa Anne Hudgens as an [[Honest Content|honest]], very close [[gal pal|Gal-Pal]], and you know very well how powerful she is as a STAR.|[[Chris]], delusional and [[naïve]] as ever<ref>[[User:Apostrophe/Chris-Chan talk]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Vanessa Hudgens
| image = [[Image:Vanessathumb.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Vanessa Anne Hudgens
|label2 = Date of Birth
|data2 = 14 December 1988 (age {{age|1988|14|12}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States of America|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White, [[Punchy Sonichu|Asian]]
|label7 = Occupation
|data7 = Actress Singer
|label8 = Saga
|data8. = {{saga|vanessa|cn}}, {{saga|ivy|cn}}
}}

'''Vanessa Anne Hudgens''' is an American actress and singer best known for her work in ''{{w|High School Musical}}'' and for taking [[nudes|nude]] pictures of herself. She was incredibly popular among both 9-year-old girls and [[Autism|autistic]] manchildren prior to her popularity completely fizzling out due to several scandals over leaked nudes.

[[Joshua Martinez]] used her identity to troll Chris in [[April 2009|April]] and [[May 2009]]. Chris, being the [[Chris and his ego|humble]] guy that he is, [[Chris and reality|found it absolutely reasonable]] that a highly attractive and popular movie star was sexually interested in a [[Obesity|fat]] manchild like him.

Since "Vanessa" told Chris she had written her own [[Wikipedia]] biography, Chris felt that he had a [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|righteous claim]] to do so as well. On 5 [[June 2009]], after failing at his attempt to write his own [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia biography]], Chris tried to get a section on his supposed relationship with Vanessa Hudgens added to her Wikipedia page. Using the now-banned username of Sonichusays[[Barack Obama|yeswecan]], Chris stated that "Vanessa and I are very close friends, and we have been working together much as of late. I think that this should be mentioned in the article."<ref>[https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Vanessa_Hudgens&diff=prev&oldid=294482098 Vanessa Hudgens Talk Page Edit]</ref> His request was ignored.

In [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] (12 [[August 2009]]), he admitted that he had finally realized that he had not really been talking to Vanessa Hudgens. He added that "Vanessa" had always used Joshua's screenname when talking to him.

On 20 [[July 2013]], Chris wrote a review on his Facebook page about a movie Hudgens starred in, ''Spring Breakers''. In 2021, she played the main character in the ''[[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|My Little Pony: A New Generation]]'' film, a crime grave enough to warrant her being blocked on Twitter by Chris.<ref>[[February 2024 social media posts#Mass blocking of MLP G5 VAs]]</ref>

==The beginnings==
Chris got in contact with his old friend [[Joshua Martinez]] from [[James Madison University]] to [[Chris and remorse|apologize]] for smearing him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], in order to get a part in a movie and make connections with celebrities. After a single email, Josh began to imitate Vanessa very poorly with disquieting success.

===Email to Joshua===
On 5 April 2009, Chris emailed Joshua to apologize for his reprehensible behavior in unnecessary detail, for the sole purpose of [[Chris and remorse|obtaining personal benefit]].

{{quotebox|Firstly, Joshua, I wish to come clean. *[[stress sigh|sigh]]* The day I was kicked out of [[Grace Baptist Church|that church]], my [[Bob Chandler|father]] accused you for putting up the nudie woman pics on my [[facebook]] (I personally did not want to take the blame for that, especially since I was amidst trollings back then as well, and I was trying to clean up my online image), so I went with it and let my father think what he thought. I had fretted that you may have been wrongfully kicked out of your church, and I am soo sorry about that. And in my early days of protest against the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage I was also trying to get rid of then and now for about two years, I wanted the trolls to leave me alone, and I sold you out, Joshua; I posted a one-paragraph description about you and how famous you were, being in the movies, knowing the famous celebreties and all on that page. While the original paragraph is currently removed from the page, they still mock me with this, and I quote, ''An old classmate of Chris did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua.'' I am even more sorry about that, because I sold you out like that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I would deeply appreciate it. I was runnin' and hidin' from you because of A) the guilt I felt from those past actions, B) I felt afraid of what you might to do me in response to that, and C) My father advised me against talking to you, due to the past accusation. I will confess the church fiasco to him tonight. And if you still want to put me in that movie, I will discuss the details of a meeting between you, me and Vanessa over the phone later. The trolls are watching my e-mails, so I am unable to divulge any specific details, as the trolls can and will find me there and haunt me; they are truly devious and malicous; they would even probably find a way around any security measures. Peace, and TTYL,Christian.}}

After this email, Joshua would begin to imitate Vanessa Hudgens over a series of conversations, using his own screen name for all except one.

[[File:ChriswVanessa.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVED.]]

==Ivy's Retelling==

A lot of the information about the Vanessa comes from Chris's other lover at the time, [[Ivy]]. She posted stories about Josh and Vanessa during the [[Ivy Q&A]]

{{quoteboxgreen|Around the same point Vanessa Hudgens appeared. She got Chris really excited because she promised him fame and glory in movies. I had a bad feeling about her though. All of Vanessa’s video requests seemed to require Chris’ nudity. I wondered if she was trying to make Chris into a porn actor rather than the next Disney sweetheart? I didn't ask too many questions though, because I had to agree that Chris was a born star.

Chris didn't trust Joshua Martinez, whom had introduced the two. Every time he talked to Vanessa, he had to go through Josh. Chris thought that Josh was hogging her. At the same time, however, Chris was content to play by Josh’s rules.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris began letting slip about his planned meetings with Vanessa around town. They decided to meetup at long last. Josh got Chris to go to the JMU campus with a sign and every time Chris would think he saw her, she would disappear. Chris stressed how didn't want to use that sign so he decided on wearing a hat, too. I thought Vanessa and I could be friends but Josh had other intentions. He wanted to exploit Chris for money and would do this by going through Vanessa.

Josh claimed to have very strong ties to the FBI and threatened to hack into Chris’s ps3. Josh wanted to monitor Chris 24/7 as punishment for not meeting up with Vanessa not giving her the "presents” she had requested. I was upset to learn about the times Chris had gone out with Joshua to TGI Fridays. During one date, Chris didn't have enough money for food because he spent his week’s allowance on the previous time they went out. Josh just ordered a meal for himself and ate it in front of him while Chris watched. Chris just got a slushie drink and asked for refills. The waitress did not like this.
Later on, Chris discovered that he was being mocked by Clyde again. I suggested Chris perform a string of videos to prove to Clyde, once and for all, that Chris meant business. This included baring his fangs at the camera and giving the PSeye a good smack ‘round. Sadly, nothing worked with Clyde…

At TGI Fridays, Josh got Chris to pay for his meals. He kept telling Chris that they would go meet Vanessa. Every time Vanessa failed to show and Josh would enjoy the meal on Chris's dime, obviously.

Once, the proposed meeting place was at JMU. Chris went there with a sign looking for Vanessa, but only found campus police. While there, Chris donned a hat and tried to keep a low profile.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris attempted to meet up with Vanessa once more. A wild goose chase ensued. Every time Chris showed up at a prospective meeting place, he received a call stating that Miss. Vanessa was at another joint. On that one night, Chris drove around the Charlottesville area, looking for Vanessa from 6 pm to 2 am.

The following day was a particularly dense call time for Chris and I. All in all, I received more than 30 calls in a single 24 hour period from Chris (I had decided to ignore him for that one day). When I finally did pick up, Chris wasn’t happy but nor was I. He had worried me by not phoning the day of the Vanessa excursion. So, to make up for it, Chris drew us the honeymoon comic.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Josh had sold Chris a PSP with a non-existent feature for a higher price than a normal PSP. Chris made no secret of intention of giving his old PSP to Vanessa.

While Josh was scamming Chris, Chris scammed Josh back by giving him a bad check. Bob and Barb ended up agreeing to go to the police with Rocky to catch Josh and ONLY Josh. They agreed ONLY to discuss matters regarding Josh as they were handling "Clyde and the trolls on their own terms".

Taking advantage of the situation, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb at the station by monopolizing and domineering the police’s help. She pushed for the authorities to investigate all the trolls- and Ivy, as well. Despite his parents protests, Rocky went against their wishes and ignored their harbored anxiety.

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. While Bob/Barb and Josh continued their feud over a PSP, I broke up with Chris over his betrayal. Chris, however, didn’t stop calling. After two days, Daddy and I had to have Bob tell Chris to leave our family alone.}}

==Videos for Vanessa==

Vanessa got Chris to make several embarrassing videos, under the guise of Chris needing to make an audition for her films. Of course, Chris never starred in any of these films.

===[[A CWC Audition]]===

Chris acts out a fake scenario, presumably intended for a movie about his life. Chris walks along with his girlfriend [[Ivy O'Neil]], singing about how jolly she makes him. Eventually, he professes his love to her and kisses a piece of paper representing her. Suddenly, [[Clyde Cash]] appears, and starts attacking Chris and Ivy. Chris gets in front of Ivy, and starts fighting Clyde, in reality punching and screaming at the air. He eventually beats Clyde, and Chris and Ivy live in peace.

===[[April_16_Fetish_Vids#How_NOT_to_Take_a_Shower|Shower Video]]===

Chris walks into the shower naked, and starts dancing with [[Ivy]] (who is once again, completely nonexistent).

===[[Power]]===

Three videos of Chris lifting 'heavy' objects such as his [[guitar]] and office chair, while making proclaimations about his strength.

===[[CWCFlyingElephants]]===

Possibly the most bizarre video Chris has ever made. The majority of it consists of Chris doing impressions and running around screaming, all while completely nude.

==Vanessa AIM Chats==
These chats were procured by [[CWCki]]pedian [[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]], as Josh had no problem in handing over chatlogs to whoever asked.

===Chat 1===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 1}}

On 6 April 2009, Vanessa Hudgens borrows Joshua's AIM to talk with Chris. In this chat, Chris tried to get Vanessa to give him a part in a movie. Toward that end, she talks him into doing [[A CWC Audition]]. In this chat, Chris talks about [[God and Jesus]] telling him that [[Ivy]] is his true [[sweetheart]], and appears to believe that the priority in having a sweetheart is to fix his [[biological clock]], which has since [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|broken]].

===Chat 2===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 2}}

Took place on 14 April 2009. Vanessa wastes little time in trying to seduce Chris. Chris remains faithful to Ivy for a few minutes before delving into disgusting cyber-[[hanky-panky]], showcasing some disturbing sexual habits, including playing the female role, barking like a dog and [[Family Guy|shouting "SHAZAM!" during intercourse]].

===Chat 3===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 3}}

Took place on 16 April 2009. Chris essentially denies that the previous chat ever happened and manages to resist Vanessa's ham-handed attempts at seducing him. He claims not to remember who [[Blanca]] was, and admits that he would take a dildo up his ass for his [[Ivy|true love]].

===Chat 4===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 4}}

Took place on 19 April 2009. Chris continues to retcon reality and establish that he loves Vanessa only as a [[gal-pal]]. He spends the rest of the chat trying to arrange a meeting with her.

===Chat 5===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 5}}

Took place on 20 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa continue to arrange their meeting, with Vanessa offering her ideas of what Chris should wear. Her intention seems to be to make him look like a moron.

===Chat 6===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 6}}

Took place on 21 April 2009. Chris talks about his past [[Chris and the law|indiscretions]], discusses Ivy's influence on ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', and describes his martial prowess.

===Chat 7===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 7}}

Took place on 22 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa talk more about what he would do for Ivy. Their discussion mostly centers around the things he would shove up his rectum for her.

===Chat 8===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 8}}

Took place on 27 April 2009. Chris actually believes that Vanessa came to meet him and talks about having to evade [[Snorlax]] to come and see her. He briefly talks about getting [[Clyde Cash]] locked up.

===Chat 9===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 9}}

Took place on 30 April 2009. Joshua finally gets around to creating a separate screen name for Vanessa. Chris accepts that he might fuck two [[homos|gay guys]] with Ivy if she asked. He also appears to confuse Megan Fox with Vanessa, in an incredible [[autism|failure]] of facial and body recognition.

==The Comeback==
[[File:Twitter - MassBlock - 3Feb2024 3.jpg|thumb|Yeah, that will show her!]]
After a long hiatus from the Christory, the real Vanessa had voiced Sunny Starscout, the main character of [[My Little Pony]]: A New Generation, the movie serving as the beginning of the [[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|Generation 5 of the franchise]]<ref>https://www.thewrap.com/vanessa-hudgens-kimiko-glenn-james-marsden-my-little-pony-a-new-generation/</ref><ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210630140143/https://www.thewrap.com/vanessa-hudgens-kimiko-glenn-james-marsden-my-little-pony-a-new-generation/</ref>, which made her a [[My Little Pony Protests|natural enemy of Chris]]. She was blocked by him in one of his mass blocking sprees during his #[[Russia]]IsMLPG5 actions. This is probably for the better, as otherwise Chris would learn of her becoming pregnant the next month<ref>https://www.vogue.com/article/vanessa-hudgens-pregnant-oscars-2024-red-carpet</ref>, which could shatter his [[Heart Level|heart level]] even further.

==See also==
* [[Lori Lopez]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* {{w|Vanessa Hudgens|Wikipedia article on Vanessa Hudgens}}

{{VanessaSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{succession|label=Vanessa Saga|prevlink=N/A|nextlink=[[Vanessa AIM Chat 1]]|}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hudgens, Vanessa}}
{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Category:Millennial Generation]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Vanessa Saga]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from California]]

Vanessa Hudgens

2026-07-27T02:40:30Z

WarnerBro:

{{Troll|She and [[Lori Lopez]] were played by [[Joshua Martinez]].}}

{{Quote|I have Vanessa Anne Hudgens as an [[Honest Content|honest]], very close [[gal pal|Gal-Pal]], and you know very well how powerful she is as a STAR.|[[Chris]], delusional and [[naïve]] as ever<ref>[[User:Apostrophe/Chris-Chan talk]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Vanessa Hudgens
| image = [[Image:Vanessathumb.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Vanessa Anne Hudgens
|label2 = Date of Birth
|data2 = 14 December 1988 (age {{age|1988|14|12}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States of America|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White, [[Punchy Sonichu|Asian]]
|label7 = Occupation
|data7 = Actress Singer
|label8 = Saga
|data8. = {{saga|vanessa|cn}}, {{saga|ivy|cn}}
}}

'''Vanessa Anne Hudgens''' is an American actress and singer best known for her work in ''{{w|High School Musical}}'' and for taking [[nudes|nude]] pictures of herself. She was incredibly popular among both 9-year-old girls and autistic manchildren prior to her popularity completely fizzling out due to several scandals over leaked nudes.

[[Joshua Martinez]] used her identity to troll Chris in [[April 2009|April]] and [[May 2009]]. Chris, being the [[Chris and his ego|humble]] guy that he is, [[Chris and reality|found it absolutely reasonable]] that a highly attractive and popular movie star was sexually interested in a [[Obesity|fat]] manchild like him.

Since "Vanessa" told Chris she had written her own [[Wikipedia]] biography, Chris felt that he had a [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|righteous claim]] to do so as well. On 5 [[June 2009]], after failing at his attempt to write his own [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia biography]], Chris tried to get a section on his supposed relationship with Vanessa Hudgens added to her Wikipedia page. Using the now-banned username of Sonichusays[[Barack Obama|yeswecan]], Chris stated that "Vanessa and I are very close friends, and we have been working together much as of late. I think that this should be mentioned in the article."<ref>[https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Vanessa_Hudgens&diff=prev&oldid=294482098 Vanessa Hudgens Talk Page Edit]</ref> His request was ignored.

In [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] (12 [[August 2009]]), he admitted that he had finally realized that he had not really been talking to Vanessa Hudgens. He added that "Vanessa" had always used Joshua's screenname when talking to him.

On 20 [[July 2013]], Chris wrote a review on his Facebook page about a movie Hudgens starred in, ''Spring Breakers''. In 2021, she played the main character in the ''[[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|My Little Pony: A New Generation]]'' film, a crime grave enough to warrant her being blocked on Twitter by Chris.<ref>[[February 2024 social media posts#Mass blocking of MLP G5 VAs]]</ref>

==The beginnings==
Chris got in contact with his old friend [[Joshua Martinez]] from [[James Madison University]] to [[Chris and remorse|apologize]] for smearing him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], in order to get a part in a movie and make connections with celebrities. After a single email, Josh began to imitate Vanessa very poorly with disquieting success.

===Email to Joshua===
On 5 April 2009, Chris emailed Joshua to apologize for his reprehensible behavior in unnecessary detail , for the sole purpose of [[Chris and remorse|obtaining personal benefit]].

{{quotebox|Firstly, Joshua, I wish to come clean. *[[stress sigh|sigh]]* The day I was kicked out of [[Grace Baptist Church|that church]], my [[Bob Chandler|father]] accused you for putting up the nudie woman pics on my [[facebook]] (I personally did not want to take the blame for that, especially since I was amidst trollings back then as well, and I was trying to clean up my online image), so I went with it and let my father think what he thought. I had fretted that you may have been wrongfully kicked out of your church, and I am soo sorry about that. And in my early days of protest against the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage I was also trying to get rid of then and now for about two years, I wanted the trolls to leave me alone, and I sold you out, Joshua; I posted a one-paragraph description about you and how famous you were, being in the movies, knowing the famous celebreties and all on that page. While the original paragraph is currently removed from the page, they still mock me with this, and I quote, ''An old classmate of Chris did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua.'' I am even more sorry about that, because I sold you out like that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I would deeply appreciate it. I was runnin' and hidin' from you because of A) the guilt I felt from those past actions, B) I felt afraid of what you might to do me in response to that, and C) My father advised me against talking to you, due to the past accusation. I will confess the church fiasco to him tonight. And if you still want to put me in that movie, I will discuss the details of a meeting between you, me and Vanessa over the phone later. The trolls are watching my e-mails, so I am unable to divulge any specific details, as the trolls can and will find me there and haunt me; they are truly devious and malicous; they would even probably find a way around any security measures. Peace, and TTYL,Christian.}}

After this email, Joshua would begin to imitate Vanessa Hudgens over a series of conversations, using his own screen name for all except one.

[[File:ChriswVanessa.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVED.]]

==Ivy's Retelling==

A lot of the information about the Vanessa comes from Chris's other lover at the time, [[Ivy]]. She posted stories about Josh and Vanessa during the [[Ivy Q&A]]

{{quoteboxgreen|Around the same point Vanessa Hudgens appeared. She got Chris really excited because she promised him fame and glory in movies. I had a bad feeling about her though. All of Vanessa’s video requests seemed to require Chris’ nudity. I wondered if she was trying to make Chris into a porn actor rather than the next Disney sweetheart? I didn't ask too many questions though, because I had to agree that Chris was a born star.

Chris didn't trust Joshua Martinez, whom had introduced the two. Every time he talked to Vanessa, he had to go through Josh. Chris thought that Josh was hogging her. At the same time, however, Chris was content to play by Josh’s rules.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris began letting slip about his planned meetings with Vanessa around town. They decided to meetup at long last. Josh got Chris to go to the JMU campus with a sign and every time Chris would think he saw her, she would disappear. Chris stressed how didn't want to use that sign so he decided on wearing a hat, too. I thought Vanessa and I could be friends but Josh had other intentions. He wanted to exploit Chris for money and would do this by going through Vanessa.

Josh claimed to have very strong ties to the FBI and threatened to hack into Chris’s ps3. Josh wanted to monitor Chris 24/7 as punishment for not meeting up with Vanessa not giving her the "presents” she had requested. I was upset to learn about the times Chris had gone out with Joshua to TGI Fridays. During one date, Chris didn't have enough money for food because he spent his week’s allowance on the previous time they went out. Josh just ordered a meal for himself and ate it in front of him while Chris watched. Chris just got a slushie drink and asked for refills. The waitress did not like this.
Later on, Chris discovered that he was being mocked by Clyde again. I suggested Chris perform a string of videos to prove to Clyde, once and for all, that Chris meant business. This included baring his fangs at the camera and giving the PSeye a good smack ‘round. Sadly, nothing worked with Clyde…

At TGI Fridays, Josh got Chris to pay for his meals. He kept telling Chris that they would go meet Vanessa. Every time Vanessa failed to show and Josh would enjoy the meal on Chris's dime, obviously.

Once, the proposed meeting place was at JMU. Chris went there with a sign looking for Vanessa, but only found campus police. While there, Chris donned a hat and tried to keep a low profile.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Chris attempted to meet up with Vanessa once more. A wild goose chase ensued. Every time Chris showed up at a prospective meeting place, he received a call stating that Miss. Vanessa was at another joint. On that one night, Chris drove around the Charlottesville area, looking for Vanessa from 6 pm to 2 am.

The following day was a particularly dense call time for Chris and I. All in all, I received more than 30 calls in a single 24 hour period from Chris (I had decided to ignore him for that one day). When I finally did pick up, Chris wasn’t happy but nor was I. He had worried me by not phoning the day of the Vanessa excursion. So, to make up for it, Chris drew us the honeymoon comic.}}
{{quoteboxgreen|Josh had sold Chris a PSP with a non-existent feature for a higher price than a normal PSP. Chris made no secret of intention of giving his old PSP to Vanessa.

While Josh was scamming Chris, Chris scammed Josh back by giving him a bad check. Bob and Barb ended up agreeing to go to the police with Rocky to catch Josh and ONLY Josh. They agreed ONLY to discuss matters regarding Josh as they were handling "Clyde and the trolls on their own terms".

Taking advantage of the situation, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb at the station by monopolizing and domineering the police’s help. She pushed for the authorities to investigate all the trolls- and Ivy, as well. Despite his parents protests, Rocky went against their wishes and ignored their harbored anxiety.

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. While Bob/Barb and Josh continued their feud over a PSP, I broke up with Chris over his betrayal. Chris, however, didn’t stop calling. After two days, Daddy and I had to have Bob tell Chris to leave our family alone.}}

==Videos for Vanessa==

Vanessa got Chris to make several embarrassing videos, under the guise of Chris needing to make an audition for her films. Of course, Chris never starred in any of these films.

===[[A CWC Audition]]===

Chris acts out a fake scenario, presumably intended for a movie about his life. Chris walks along with his girlfriend [[Ivy O'Neil]], singing about how jolly she makes him. Eventually, he professes his love to her and kisses a piece of paper representing her. Suddenly, [[Clyde Cash]] appears, and starts attacking Chris and Ivy. Chris gets in front of Ivy, and starts fighting Clyde, in reality punching and screaming at the air. He eventually beats Clyde, and Chris and Ivy live in peace.

===[[April_16_Fetish_Vids#How_NOT_to_Take_a_Shower|Shower Video]]===

Chris walks into the shower naked, and starts dancing with [[Ivy]] (who is once again, completely nonexistent).

===[[Power]]===

Three videos of Chris lifting 'heavy' objects such as his [[guitar]] and office chair, while making proclaimations about his strength.

===[[CWCFlyingElephants]]===

Possibly the most bizarre video Chris has ever made. The majority of it consists of Chris doing impressions and running around screaming, all while completely nude.

==Vanessa AIM Chats==
These chats were procured by [[CWCki]]pedian [[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]], as Josh had no problem in handing over chatlogs to whoever asked.

===Chat 1===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 1}}

On 6 April 2009, Vanessa Hudgens borrows Joshua's AIM to talk with Chris. In this chat, Chris tried to get Vanessa to give him a part in a movie. Toward that end, she talks him into doing [[A CWC Audition]]. In this chat, Chris talks about [[God and Jesus]] telling him that [[Ivy]] is his true [[sweetheart]], and appears to believe that the priority in having a sweetheart is to fix his [[biological clock]], which has since [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|broken]].

===Chat 2===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 2}}

Took place on 14 April 2009. Vanessa wastes little time in trying to seduce Chris. Chris remains faithful to Ivy for a few minutes before delving into disgusting cyber-[[hanky-panky]], showcasing some disturbing sexual habits, including playing the female role, barking like a dog and [[Family Guy|shouting "SHAZAM!" during intercourse]].

===Chat 3===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 3}}

Took place on 16 April 2009. Chris essentially denies that the previous chat ever happened and manages to resist Vanessa's ham-handed attempts at seducing him. He claims not to remember who [[Blanca]] was, and admits that he would take a dildo up his ass for his [[Ivy|true love]].

===Chat 4===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 4}}

Took place on 19 April 2009. Chris continues to retcon reality and establish that he loves Vanessa only as a [[gal-pal]]. He spends the rest of the chat trying to arrange a meeting with her.

===Chat 5===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 5}}

Took place on 20 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa continue to arrange their meeting, with Vanessa offering her ideas of what Chris should wear. Her intention seems to be to make him look like a moron.

===Chat 6===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 6}}

Took place on 21 April 2009. Chris talks about his past [[Chris and the law|indiscretions]], discusses Ivy's influence on ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', and describes his martial prowess.

===Chat 7===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 7}}

Took place on 22 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa talk more about what he would do for Ivy. Their discussion mostly centers around the things he would shove up his rectum for her.

===Chat 8===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 8}}

Took place on 27 April 2009. Chris actually believes that Vanessa came to meet him and talks about having to evade [[Snorlax]] to come and see her. He briefly talks about getting [[Clyde Cash]] locked up.

===Chat 9===
{{main|Vanessa AIM Chat 9}}

Took place on 30 April 2009. Joshua finally gets around to creating a separate screen name for Vanessa. Chris accepts that he might fuck two [[homos|gay guys]] with Ivy if she asked. He also appears to confuse Megan Fox with Vanessa, in an incredible [[autism|failure]] of facial and body recognition.

==The Comeback==
[[File:Twitter - MassBlock - 3Feb2024 3.jpg|thumb|Yeah, that will show her!]]
After a long hiatus from the Christory, the real Vanessa had voiced Sunny Starscout, the main character of [[My Little Pony]]: A New Generation, the movie serving as the beginning of the [[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|Generation 5 of the franchise]]<ref>https://www.thewrap.com/vanessa-hudgens-kimiko-glenn-james-marsden-my-little-pony-a-new-generation/</ref><ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210630140143/https://www.thewrap.com/vanessa-hudgens-kimiko-glenn-james-marsden-my-little-pony-a-new-generation/</ref>, which made her a [[My Little Pony Protests|natural enemy of Chris]]. She was blocked by him in one of his mass blocking sprees during his #[[Russia]]IsMLPG5 actions. This is probably for the better, as otherwise Chris would learn of her becoming pregnant the next month<ref>https://www.vogue.com/article/vanessa-hudgens-pregnant-oscars-2024-red-carpet</ref>, which could shatter his [[Heart Level|heart level]] even further.

==See also==
* [[Lori Lopez]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* {{w|Vanessa Hudgens|Wikipedia article on Vanessa Hudgens}}

{{VanessaSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{succession|label=Vanessa Saga|prevlink=N/A|nextlink=[[Vanessa AIM Chat 1]]|}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hudgens, Vanessa}}
{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Category:Millennial Generation]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Vanessa Saga]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from California]]

CWC "Boyfriend"

2026-07-27T02:31:37Z

WarnerBro:

[[Image:Prince (musician).jpg|thumb|He's the [[Affair with Mother|motherfucking]] Prince, man.]]

'''CWC "Boyfriend"''' is a music video "addressed to the WOMEN ONLY" and uploaded by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] on 25 [[July 2009]]. While he was forced to make the video by [[Jack Thaddeus]], he used the opportunity to push his own homophobic agenda. This video features a little bit of everything when it comes to Chris's bizarre behavior, including [[I Got A Fish|dancing like a retard]], playing the [[Gitar of Fail]] and other such devices, and a side order of [[Homos|gay bashing]]. He even goes as far to condemn the lifestyle of lesbians ([[Lesbian Sleepover|let that sink in a little]]). Paper cut-outs are used to display Chris's delusions, as well as several recycled drawings.

The video description and annotations reveal that Chris believed that [[Ivy O'Neil]] killed herself as a result of the cessation in their communications. He blames [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] for breaking up their relationship — apparently, despite the best efforts of his father and others to reason with him, Chris chose to cling to the delusion that Ivy was not a troll. At that point in the video description Chris also states that "Ivy killed herself on July 2008", months before Chris ever met her, although this is more than likely just [[Chris and English|a mistake]]. At around 2:05, astute [[video game]] fans may notice that Chris-Chan purchased the universally panned, all-around shitty ''[[Guitar Hero|Rock Band]]'' ripoff ''Rock Revolution'' (though considering [[Chris and money|his spending habits]], this shouldn't be a shock).

On 29 [[July 2009]], [[The CWCville Library]] uploaded an alternate version of the video, with Chris just dancing and different lyrics.

This video is notable for introducing the world to [[Jessie Ruddy]], who is never mentioned by Chris outside of this video.

In [[March 2010]] Chris would also use an extract from this video as part of a [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|desperate plea]] to [[the Wallflower]] to relieve him of his [[Virgin with rage|terrible burden]].

==A preview==
A preview for CWC "Boyfriend" was uploaded by Chris on 22 July 2009. Chris then deleted the video in a matter of hours, leading to serious doubts about the probability of the promised video appearing. Yet, true to his word, the video did arrive five days later, much to everybody's surprise.

{{Infobox/video
| name = A Preview
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kdOBOpRnay8}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| saga = {{PS3_Hacking|text}}
| other = {{audio|text}}
| previous = [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]
| next = [[McIntire Park#Chris on NBC|Chris on NBC]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
(Avril Lavigne's song [[Miscellaneous video games|Girlfriend]] plays in the background)

Chris: (Singing to roughly the tune of the music)

Hey Hey You You I don't like your boyfriend!

No Way No Way I think you need a new one!

Hey Hey You You I could be your boyfriend

Hey hey you you I know that you like me

No way no way I know it's not a secret

Hey hey you you I want to be your boyfriend

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC "Boyfriend"
| ytid = bNDvCiatFuw
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}, {{DenimJacket|text}}
| saga = {{PS3_Hacking|text}}
| previous = [[Chris humps his PS3]]
| next = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#Alternate leaked edition|"CWC Girlfriend Singstar" - Leaked Edition]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Not only a fulfillment to a blackmail, but Also a Memorial Music Video. 

Miss. Ivy O'Niel died July, 2008 in suicide from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me. She was a honest, sweet woman. 

May this video always be a commerative memorial for her always. And to [[Officer Keino|Mr. O'Niel]], I salute your bravery on the Police, although my Detective could not find you on any Precint records, and I offer my deepest condolences for your loss, as I feel it terribly myself. 

I had to listen to my [[Bob|Meatheaded Father]]'s Scooby-Doo Detective jargon, as well as the Real Detective's jazz. 

Ivy, I'm sorry for believing my father's crackpot theory and letting it baffle me and my heart. Please forgive me, and rest in peace. 

I will always have the place for you in my heart. 

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Also, to clearify: 
Woman #1 is [[Megan Schroeder]]. 
Then Ivy's Memorial 
Woman #2 is [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca Wiess]]; Blanca is with a friend in the Lesbian Pic; do not who that girl was. 
Woman #3 is [[Jessie Ruddy]]
Woman #4, or B&W Picture Woman is [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. 
<nowiki>**</nowiki>[[Monty Python|Spiney Norman]]; Go after Howard and his Pickle-Suited Cult.** 
"Dinsdale!" 
Woman #5 is PICTURE ONLY of WHO was supposed to be [[Julie]] Milvana.}}

===Transcript===
[''Video opens with Chris in his blue T-shirt, singing.'']

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris mimes on the [[Gitar of Fail]]- his shirt changing due to the jump cut.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me [''[[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]'s photo appears, for no clear reason'']
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''Drawing of [[Ivy]] and [[Layla|Luckette]].''
<poem>You’re so fine [''Photograph of [[Anna McLerran|Anna]] and another woman'']
I want you mine
You’re so delicious [''Images from "[[Sonichu Special 1]]", "[[Wedding Comic]]"'']
I think about ya all the time
You’re so addictive
Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious
And Hells Yeah
I’m the [[Affair with Mother|motherfucking]] prince, man
I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right</poem>
''Photo of unknown woman with unknown man.''
<poem>He’s like so whatever
And you could do so much better [''Man's photo is replaced with one of Chris'']
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!</poem>
''Polaroid of a couple.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like a girlfriend!
No way! No way!That' ain't right, woman! [''Polaroid shifts to reveal caption "[[Homos|GIRL-ON-GIRL?!!]]", which changes to "GOD HATES THAT"]
No way! No way!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris on the Gitar again.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Photo of lesbian couple is now split in two - caption "STAY STRAIGHT"]
I know that you like me
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Chris interposed between lesbians - caption becomes "TAKE THIS DUDE, ALREADY GIRL"'']
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris dances faggily.''
<poem>I can see the way. I see the way you look at me [''Image from "[[Sonichu Special 1]]"'']
And even when you look away I know you think of me [''Photo of Bob with illegible speech bubble, which becomes "THE DETECTIVE FOUND '''NO''' POLICE RECORDS OF HER COP-FATHER", and then "MY SCOOBY-DOO DETECTIVE WORK HAS PINPOINTED AND BLOWN YOUR MIND"'']
I know you talk about me all the time again and again [''Image of Chris with sore head'']
So come—so come over here, tell me what I want to hear [''"DAMN WHY DID I LISTEN TO MY MEATHEADED FATHER AND THAT DETECTIVE"'']
Better yet make your old one disappear [''"IVY NEVER LEFT MY HEART DURING THOSE TRAUMA TWO MONTHS"'']
I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again [''"AT LEAST I GOT TO TELL HER "I LOVE YOU" ONE LAST TIME"; "IT'S MY FAULT"'']</poem>
''Photo of three women, captioned "IN LOVING MEMORY OF IVY O'NIEL".''
<poem>Because, he’s like so whatever [''Chris dances idiotically with his eyes closed'']
And you could do so much better [''Photo of unknown woman with a man in a pickle suit'']
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!</poem>

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Chris plays ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' drums in a different shirt, looking like a complete child'']
I don’t like your boyfriend!
Hey! Hey! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
You know it’s not a secret [''Previous couple photo is used, except Chris again replaces the man'']
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''More idiotic dancing.''
<poem>In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There’s no other
So when's it gonna sink in?
He's so trollin' stupid
What the hell were you thinking?!</poem>
''[[Mary Lee Walsh]] is now paired with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].''
<poem>That old sumbah tried to take you out my life
But you know I can do it way better
He's an impostor. He's a poser! [''Mary is now paired with a skinny, hella sexy guy. A hedgehog moves across the image, saying "HOWARD".'']
What the hells were you thinkin' with that damn Pickle Suit?!</poem>
''More pretend guitar.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one [''[[Julie]] with a MIPS'']
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''More guitar.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you'd like me [''Julie with Chris'']
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way! [''More gitar'']
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris points at the camera and dances like a [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]].''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you'd like me
No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey you!</poem>

==Alternate leaked edition==
===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = "CWC Girlfriend Singstar" - Leaked Edition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Jgcv86X9uCU}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}
| saga = {{PS3_Hacking|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#Video|CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next = [[It's UGH!|It's____]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
'think ya need a new one!
Hey! Hey! You! You
I could be your boyfriend!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me,
No way! No way! Know it's not a secret,
Hey Hey, You You, I want to be your boyfriend!

You're so fine, I want you mine you're so delicious,
I think about you all the time you're so addictive.
Don't you know what I could to do to make you feel..ALRIGHT.

Don't pretend you think I know I'm damn precious,
And hells yeah I'm the motherfucking prince man,
I can tell ya like me too, and I know am right.
He's like so whatever, and you could do so much better (hops around)
I think we should get together noooowww,
And that's what everyone's talkin about!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend
No way! No way!
That ain't right woman!
No way! No way!
I could be your boyfriend!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that ya like me,
(mumbles something) You, you, you need to be straight girl,
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend!

I can see the way, see the way ya look at me.
And Even when you look away I know ya think of me,
I know you talk about me all the time again and agaaiin.

So come over here, tell my what I wanna hear,
Better yet, make your old one disappear,
I don't want to hear ya say his name agaain.

BECAUSE
He's like so whatever
and you could do, so much better.
I think we should get together nooow,
'N that's what everyone's talking about.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend.
No way! No way!
I think ya need a new one.
and Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that ya like me,
And No way! No way, know it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend.

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger.
'Cause I can, Cause I can do it better,
There's no *mumbles* other so when's it going to sink in
He's so troll and stupid what the hell were you thinkin?!

That ol' sumbah tried to take ya outta my life.
But you know I can do it way better,
He's an impostor, he's a poser, *wipes sweat from brow*
What the hells were ya thinkin with that Pickle Suit?

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
Think ya need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend.

Way, No way

Hey! Hey! You! you!
I know that ya like me
No way! No way!
Know it's not a secret.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend

No way, No waaaayy.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend
No way, no way..
Think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! you!
I could be your boyfriend
No way no way

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No WAYYY and No WAYYY
I know it's not a secret,
and Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend
No way, No wayyy

HEY YOU</poem>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = A "Memorial Music Video" for Chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|n8AfvxreSb4}}
| stardate = 27 [[May 2010]]
| maker = CWCmemorial
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

== Footnotes ==
<references />

{{PS3Saga}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris humps his PS3]]|nextlink=[[It's UGH!|It's____]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-25]]
[[Category:Videos published to IBAChandler]]
[[Category:My Personal Videos (that can stay online)]]

CWC "Boyfriend"

2026-07-26T20:43:27Z

WarnerBro:

[[Image:Prince (musician).jpg|thumb|He's the [[Affair with Mother|motherfucking]] Prince, man.]]

'''CWC "Boyfriend"''' is a music video "addressed to the WOMEN ONLY" and uploaded by [[Chris]] on 25 [[July 2009]]. While he was forced to make the video by [[Jack Thaddeus]], he used the opportunity to push his own homophobic agenda. This video features a little bit of everything when it comes to Chris's bizarre behavior, including [[I Got A Fish|dancing like a retard]], playing the [[Gitar of Fail]] and other such devices, and a side order of [[Homos|gay bashing]]. He even goes as far to condemn the lifestyle of lesbians ([[Lesbian Sleepover|let that sink in a little]]). Paper cut-outs are used to display Chris's delusions, as well as several recycled drawings.

The video description and annotations reveal that Chris believed that [[Ivy O'Neil]] killed herself as a result of the cessation in their communications. He blames [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] for breaking up their relationship — apparently, despite the best efforts of his father and others to reason with him, Chris chose to cling to the delusion that Ivy was not a troll. At that point in the video description Chris also states that "Ivy killed herself on July 2008", months before Chris ever met her, although this is more than likely just [[Chris and English|a mistake]]. At around 2:05, astute [[video game]] fans may notice that Chris-Chan purchased the universally panned, all-around shitty ''[[Guitar Hero|Rock Band]]'' ripoff ''Rock Revolution'' (though considering [[Chris and money|his spending habits]], this shouldn't be a shock).

On 29 [[July 2009]], [[The CWCville Library]] uploaded an alternate version of the video, with Chris just dancing and different lyrics.

This video is notable for introducing the world to [[Jessie Ruddy]], who is never mentioned by Chris outside of this video.

In [[March 2010]] Chris would also use an extract from this video as part of a [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|desperate plea]] to [[the Wallflower]] to relieve him of his [[Virgin with rage|terrible burden]].

==A preview==
A preview for CWC "Boyfriend" was uploaded by Chris on 22 July 2009. Chris then deleted the video in a matter of hours, leading to serious doubts about the probability of the promised video appearing. Yet, true to his word, the video did arrive five days later, much to everybody's surprise.

{{Infobox/video
| name = A Preview
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kdOBOpRnay8}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| saga = {{PS3_Hacking|text}}
| other = {{audio|text}}
| previous = [[REAL Protest against the FAKE]]
| next = [[McIntire Park#Chris on NBC|Chris on NBC]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
(Avril Lavigne's song [[Miscellaneous video games|Girlfriend]] plays in the background)

Chris: (Singing to roughly the tune of the music)

Hey Hey You You I don't like your boyfriend!

No Way No Way I think you need a new one!

Hey Hey You You I could be your boyfriend

Hey hey you you I know that you like me

No way no way I know it's not a secret

Hey hey you you I want to be your boyfriend

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC "Boyfriend"
| ytid = bNDvCiatFuw
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}, {{DenimJacket|text}}
| saga = {{PS3_Hacking|text}}
| previous = [[Chris humps his PS3]]
| next = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#Alternate leaked edition|"CWC Girlfriend Singstar" - Leaked Edition]]
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Not only a fulfillment to a blackmail, but Also a Memorial Music Video. 

Miss. Ivy O'Niel died July, 2008 in suicide from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me. She was a honest, sweet woman. 

May this video always be a commerative memorial for her always. And to [[Officer Keino|Mr. O'Niel]], I salute your bravery on the Police, although my Detective could not find you on any Precint records, and I offer my deepest condolences for your loss, as I feel it terribly myself. 

I had to listen to my [[Bob|Meatheaded Father]]'s Scooby-Doo Detective jargon, as well as the Real Detective's jazz. 

Ivy, I'm sorry for believing my father's crackpot theory and letting it baffle me and my heart. Please forgive me, and rest in peace. 

I will always have the place for you in my heart. 

<nowiki>**</nowiki>Also, to clearify: 
Woman #1 is [[Megan Schroeder]]. 
Then Ivy's Memorial 
Woman #2 is [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca Wiess]]; Blanca is with a friend in the Lesbian Pic; do not who that girl was. 
Woman #3 is [[Jessie Ruddy]]
Woman #4, or B&W Picture Woman is [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. 
<nowiki>**</nowiki>[[Monty Python|Spiney Norman]]; Go after Howard and his Pickle-Suited Cult.** 
"Dinsdale!" 
Woman #5 is PICTURE ONLY of WHO was supposed to be [[Julie]] Milvana.}}

===Transcript===
[''Video opens with Chris in his blue T-shirt, singing.'']

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris mimes on the [[Gitar of Fail]]- his shirt changing due to the jump cut.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me [''[[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]'s photo appears, for no clear reason'']
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''Drawing of [[Ivy]] and [[Layla|Luckette]].''
<poem>You’re so fine [''Photograph of [[Anna McLerran|Anna]] and another woman'']
I want you mine
You’re so delicious [''Images from "[[Sonichu Special 1]]", "[[Wedding Comic]]"'']
I think about ya all the time
You’re so addictive
Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious
And Hells Yeah
I’m the [[Affair with Mother|motherfucking]] prince, man
I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right</poem>
''Photo of unknown woman with unknown man.''
<poem>He’s like so whatever
And you could do so much better [''Man's photo is replaced with one of Chris'']
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!</poem>
''Polaroid of a couple.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like a girlfriend!
No way! No way!That' ain't right, woman! [''Polaroid shifts to reveal caption "[[Homos|GIRL-ON-GIRL?!!]]", which changes to "GOD HATES THAT"]
No way! No way!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris on the Gitar again.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Photo of lesbian couple is now split in two - caption "STAY STRAIGHT"]
I know that you like me
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Chris interposed between lesbians - caption becomes "TAKE THIS DUDE, ALREADY GIRL"'']
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris dances faggily.''
<poem>I can see the way. I see the way you look at me [''Image from "[[Sonichu Special 1]]"'']
And even when you look away I know you think of me [''Photo of Bob with illegible speech bubble, which becomes "THE DETECTIVE FOUND '''NO''' POLICE RECORDS OF HER COP-FATHER", and then "MY SCOOBY-DOO DETECTIVE WORK HAS PINPOINTED AND BLOWN YOUR MIND"'']
I know you talk about me all the time again and again [''Image of Chris with sore head'']
So come—so come over here, tell me what I want to hear [''"DAMN WHY DID I LISTEN TO MY MEATHEADED FATHER AND THAT DETECTIVE"'']
Better yet make your old one disappear [''"IVY NEVER LEFT MY HEART DURING THOSE TRAUMA TWO MONTHS"'']
I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again [''"AT LEAST I GOT TO TELL HER "I LOVE YOU" ONE LAST TIME"; "IT'S MY FAULT"'']</poem>
''Photo of three women, captioned "IN LOVING MEMORY OF IVY O'NIEL".''
<poem>Because, he’s like so whatever [''Chris dances idiotically with his eyes closed'']
And you could do so much better [''Photo of unknown woman with a man in a pickle suit'']
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!</poem>

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Chris plays ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' drums in a different shirt, looking like a complete child'']
I don’t like your boyfriend!
Hey! Hey! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
You know it’s not a secret [''Previous couple photo is used, except Chris again replaces the man'']
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''More idiotic dancing.''
<poem>In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There’s no other
So when's it gonna sink in?
He's so trollin' stupid
What the hell were you thinking?!</poem>
''[[Mary Lee Walsh]] is now paired with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].''
<poem>That old sumbah tried to take you out my life
But you know I can do it way better
He's an impostor. He's a poser! [''Mary is now paired with a skinny, hella sexy guy. A hedgehog moves across the image, saying "HOWARD".'']
What the hells were you thinkin' with that damn Pickle Suit?!</poem>
''More pretend guitar.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one [''[[Julie]] with a MIPS'']
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''More guitar.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you'd like me [''Julie with Chris'']
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way! [''More gitar'']
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris points at the camera and dances like a [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]].''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you'd like me
No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey you!</poem>

==Alternate leaked edition==
===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = "CWC Girlfriend Singstar" - Leaked Edition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Jgcv86X9uCU}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}
| saga = {{PS3_Hacking|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#Video|CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next = [[It's UGH!|It's____]]
}}

=== Transcript ===

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
'think ya need a new one!
Hey! Hey! You! You
I could be your boyfriend!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me,
No way! No way! Know it's not a secret,
Hey Hey, You You, I want to be your boyfriend!

You're so fine, I want you mine you're so delicious,
I think about you all the time you're so addictive.
Don't you know what I could to do to make you feel..ALRIGHT.

Don't pretend you think I know I'm damn precious,
And hells yeah I'm the motherfucking prince man,
I can tell ya like me too, and I know am right.
He's like so whatever, and you could do so much better (hops around)
I think we should get together noooowww,
And that's what everyone's talkin about!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend
No way! No way!
That ain't right woman!
No way! No way!
I could be your boyfriend!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that ya like me,
(mumbles something) You, you, you need to be straight girl,
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend!

I can see the way, see the way ya look at me.
And Even when you look away I know ya think of me,
I know you talk about me all the time again and agaaiin.

So come over here, tell my what I wanna hear,
Better yet, make your old one disappear,
I don't want to hear ya say his name agaain.

BECAUSE
He's like so whatever
and you could do, so much better.
I think we should get together nooow,
'N that's what everyone's talking about.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend.
No way! No way!
I think ya need a new one.
and Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that ya like me,
And No way! No way, know it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend.

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger.
'Cause I can, Cause I can do it better,
There's no *mumbles* other so when's it going to sink in
He's so troll and stupid what the hell were you thinkin?!

That ol' sumbah tried to take ya outta my life.
But you know I can do it way better,
He's an impostor, he's a poser, *wipes sweat from brow*
What the hells were ya thinkin with that Pickle Suit?

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
Think ya need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend.

Way, No way

Hey! Hey! You! you!
I know that ya like me
No way! No way!
Know it's not a secret.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend

No way, No waaaayy.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend
No way, no way..
Think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! you!
I could be your boyfriend
No way no way

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No WAYYY and No WAYYY
I know it's not a secret,
and Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend
No way, No wayyy

HEY YOU</poem>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = A "Memorial Music Video" for Chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|n8AfvxreSb4}}
| stardate = 27 [[May 2010]]
| maker = CWCmemorial
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

== Footnotes ==
<references />

{{PS3Saga}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris humps his PS3]]|nextlink=[[It's UGH!|It's____]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-25]]
[[Category:Videos published to IBAChandler]]
[[Category:My Personal Videos (that can stay online)]]

Chris and introspection

2026-07-16T14:45:46Z

WarnerBro:

{{Incomplete|Complete sections on Self-Awareness, Perseveration, and Self-Projection}}
{{Quote|I have been slowly but surely mentally, and emotionally, and spiritually- [flips over the Sonichu medallion] been maturing. [dramatic sigh]|Chris.<ref>[[Grounded Deep Response]]</ref>}}

'''Introspection''' involves the examination of one's own inner workings and past actions, typically to make more well-informed decisions in the future.<ref>{{w|Introspection}}</ref> Possibly as a result of his [[autism]], which affects how he perceives how his actions affects others, combined with [[Chris and his ego|his inflated ego]], Chris has been noted for lacking the ability to do any sort of true reflection upon himself or to take accountability for his actions. Chris then winds up making the same mistakes and blunders over and over and over again, and Christory is doomed to repeat itself.

Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[Chris and stress|stress]], never once thinking that his behavior might be the problem. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male population]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

==Self-Awareness and Self-Knowledge==
{{Main|Redemption Arc}}
Part of one's understanding of themselves is the awareness of their character, thoughts, and actions, and how they affect other people. Chris is noted for his utterly [[Chris and his ego|warped image of himself]], also being highly sensitive to how other people see him to the point where [[Affirmations List|he sometimes focuses on "positives" about himself]] and expects everyone around him to do the same.

Also, because he is accustomed to seeing himself as a helpless innocent victim of others' cruelty (for "reasons" that amount to imaginary desires on others' part to aggrieve him simply for the sake of it), he at best virtually or at worst flat out doesn't acknowledge that something he did caused the conflict in the first place. For example, when Chris refused to accept being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], he ''barely'' admitted to doing something negative (i.e. [[100 2261.MOV|shouting from stress]] and [[Jackie E-mails#Chris hates authority|writing an insulting message to the store's manager]]) that got himself shown the door while [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A|other accounts]] revealed that Chris was openly hostile, bigoted and generally obnoxious to fellow patrons and card game players.

==Self-Hatred==
{{See also|Chris and remorse}}
Chris has a tendency to express regret towards past happenings in his life, to the point of seeing his past, "Classic" self in a very negative light. However, when (much less if) he tries expressing remorse, it comes across as hollow and insincere, especially given Chris obviously wants to appease whoever he has upset and/or gain something desired in return over trying to better himself and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

Furthermore, Chris tends to focus on or contrive reasons why something went wrong that differ from what happened and what he should ''actually'' be apologizing for, such as when Chris believed [[Megan Schroeder]] [[Megan emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex|misunderstood the sexual act he depicted]] (rather than being disgusted that she was [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|featured in pornographic artwork without her consent]]) or that he owed [[Mary Lee Walsh]] an apology just for depicting her as a villain in his comics, without acknowledging that he both flouted campus rules ''and'' foolishly put her on the receiving end of aggression (in that order).

==Victim Complex==
Chris is known for portraying himself as a sort of perpetual victim, always being wronged by someone.

Due to her tremendous influence on the CWCSphere, the Kiwi Farms user [[Spooky Bones]] was able to spread many, many rumors about [[Isabella Loretta Janke]], the person who intended to leak the [[Incest call]] anonymously. As a result of the leaking of the call putting Chris in jail, Spooky's claims about Bella; along with the overwhelmingly negative reception she's received due to her online activities; had made it easier for him to turn Bella into a scapegoat, and avoid taking responsibility for his crime.

==Self-Projection==
{{Main|Chris and hypocrisy}}

==Stance on Being Transgender==
Chris considers being [[transgender|trans]] as being one of the most introspective moments of his life.

==See Also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris and mental healthcare]]
*[[Chris and remorse]]
*[[Enablers]] - People who allow Chris to avoid introspection.
*[[Meditation]]
*[[Redemption Arc]]

{{References}}
{{Chris and}}

Punchy Sonichu

2026-06-28T00:23:55Z

WarnerBro: /* Ruv Quest */

{{Wise|Punchy was [[December 2017 Facebook posts|molested]] by [[DJ Jamsta]], and by the events of [[Sonichu 13]], Punchy had been committed to an asylum after developing an irrational hatred for [[Obesity|fat people]].}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Punchy.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Punchy Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology#1989|2 February 1989]] (in universe, original) 1 June 1995 (in universe, [[Idea Guy]] retcon)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Punchy on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Punchy was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Race'''
| Asian?
|-
| '''Length'''
| 4'7"<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}} https://archive.vn/TkOzY</ref> (122 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Master Nabe (adoptive father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| CWCville University ([[Dating Education]])<ref>See the events of [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Episode 19]]</ref>
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Fighting
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] (with Hard Stone)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]
'''Punchy Sonichu''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]], formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is thought to be a [[Chris and race|racist]] Asian stereotype due to his {{w|Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes}} and martial arts upbringing. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin,<ref>[[Mailbag 6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref> and claimed to [[Jackie]] that Punchy's eyes were a [[Chris and art|botched attempt]] at emulating Knuckles's furrowed brow.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Despite this, both Knuckles and Pokémon were created in Japan, and Punchy was still raised in a Dojo.

However, the eyes were altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks (even more) like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty {{w|Knuckles the Echidna}} knockoff, right down to the crescent-shaped birthmark on his chest, dreadlocks and clawed punching gloves, which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of four characters:

*{{w|Knuckles the Echidna}}
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonchan]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the almost complete lack of originality (more or less simply a headswap of Knuckles) and the ([[Chris and race|possibly unintentional]]) racism of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but for an incredibly long time, he had not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him – much to the anticipation of no one. This is in contrast to [[Wild Sonichu]], who has done so several times.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu - Episode 10, Page 3.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:SchuComic9P6.jpg]]</ref>

Despite Punchy being said to be freakishly strong and fierce, his power is barely seen in the comic, being reduced to just a poor comic relief character, which is also the same fate Knuckles seems to have faced [[Sonic Boom|in recent years]].

==Comic appearances==

===[[Sonichu 3#Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"|Sonichu Babies]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a {{w|Dojo|Dōjō}}, more specifically 'Nabe's Dojo-Shin', where Master [[Excel Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List of Sonichu characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky, presumably killing her. However, Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}} https://archive.vn/TkOzY</ref> Things apparently got a lot bleaker after that: according to the [[CWCipedia]] article for Sonichu (of all things), Chris explains that Master Nabe was brutally murdered by an envious student and that Punchy avenged his tutor by killing the assassin himself. Punchy then buried both of them behind the school... and continued to live there. Disturbingly, Punchy's main concern at the exact same time was getting Chris to turn the electricity back on at the Dojo so he could watch television.

He keeps his [[Chris and anger|temper]] down by "[[Chris and television|watching TV comedies]]."

===[[Sonichu 3#Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|''Totarry'' not Asian.]]

While Punchy punches rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board and jam in it, which causes Punchy to hitch a ride. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. After this, he vengefully participates in the violent assault of Blake, even though it was an accident.

===[[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here, because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu 6#Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"|Evil is Afoot]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], Punchy (sympathetically for the reader) thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start babbling about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous children. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is (cementing his place in the hearts of trollkind).

===[[Sonichu 8#Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008"|Spring Break]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move (which happens to be a trait of Knuckles, as [[SEGA]] has said a few times he is shy around girls). Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This thrills Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Date Ed]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. Despite [[Chris and Writing|the entire premise of his attendance]] being notionally to ask out Angelica, the teacher pairs him up with [[Layla]] and he totally forgets about Angelica and makes no mention of her. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], which he has all of a sudden, he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest joint in CWCville – [[McDonald's]]. While he feeds Layla a french fry, [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. So he mopes outside the joint. Lucky for the Sneasel, Angelica just happens to show up, Punchy failing to even notice his past crush is right outside.

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (presumably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville.

== Ruv Quest ==

[[Image:TianmenIntro.jpg|thumb|left|Nothing bad ever happened in [[China]] on June 4!]]

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica Rosechu|Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, perhaps thinking the Catholic Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. He would have been wrong, though; Angelica spread her legs without a moment's hesitation for Reginald Sneasel.

While Punchy was initially portrayed as a typical hapless shy suitor completely befuddled on how to approach the opposite sex (i.e. Chris-chan, Sonichu, Wild, etc.), he eventually deviates from the norm by being the only non-[[JERKS|jerk]] male to make the first move in approaching a lady in the series once he sees an opening. By virtue of Punchy being willing to change himself and his methods, keeping his options open, remaining optimistic about his chances of seducing someone, being relaxed when talking to a potential partner of the opposite sex, and improvising when things didn't quite go his way, the author ''once again'' inadvertently wrote a scathing indictment on the haplessness of his own [[Love Quest]].

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

This relationship comes to an end in [[Sonichu 11]], when Layla leaves him, fed up with [[Bananasauros]]'s antics. She then sleeps with Reginald almost immediately after the breakup, implying neither Reginald or Layla actually cared about their significant others, which leaves Punchy and Angelica the only members of the Chaotic Combo without Heartsweets. It may have been a part of the plan to get them back together, but as Chris has seemingly abandoned Sonichu for the sake of making cards for a [[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder|pony themed fangame]] and [[Chaos Crystal Control|long, convoluted stories which resemble ramblings of a schizo more than actual coherent plot]], don't expect the idea to be followed up on anytime soon.

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of [[Things Chris has ripped off|Chris's rampant plagiarism]].

==Trivia==
:* His original name was "Pun-chai Sonichu" or "プンチャイーソンニチュ" <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/March_2024_livestreams#Highlights</ref>
:* His original language was Japanese, but Alakazam teleported him from Japan to a "Dojo-Shrine" in Virginia, where he was recruited by [[Magi-Chan]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/March_2024_livestreams#Highlights</ref>
:* He fought against Street Fighters and King of Fighters characters.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/March_2024_livestreams#Highlights</ref>
:* He is a better fighter and could beat Knuckles because he has "Japanese training."<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/March_2024_livestreams#Highlights</ref>

==Garrery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card, reverse
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg|[[Pokémon|Poketto Monsuta]] card
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Yuugiou]]'' card
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry [[Tomgirl Pictures|roves to wear]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|radies ringerie]].
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg|[[Prower]], Punchy's [[Transformer]]
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
File:Lego Punchy.jpg|[[LEGO|REGO]] Punchy.
File:PunchyA.jpg|Punchy [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Enablers

2026-06-28T00:21:35Z

WarnerBro:

{{Honest}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Helena Fiorenza with Magi-Chan.jpg|300px|thumb|[[Helena Fiorenza]], a fantasy enabler who feeds into Chris's delusion that Magi-chan is real.]]
'''Enablers''', or '''Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu''' ('''DoCCS''') as Chris has termed them,<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1190784675750514688</ref> are those who encourage Chris's negative behavior and/or self-destructive habits.

Enablers can be divided into two main classes: the first being financial enablers throwing money at Chris, and the second being the fantasy enablers endorsing Chris's [[Chris and his ego|grandiose]] delusions. They are not necessarily limited to doing either of these things. The overall characteristic that defines all enablers is that they perform an action with the sole purpose of encouraging Chris to live like a child, whether it be encouraging him not to be employed, providing him his most basic needs, roleplaying with him, and much, much more.

Some enablers (and [[White-Knights|white knights]]) fall into a sub-group referred to as Anti-Trolls, those who try to ward other trolls and Tetrad members away from Chris to have him for themselves. These are not to be confused with [[Counter-Trolls|counter-trolls]], who primarily fight against trolls to protect Chris, rather to troll him themselves.

==Types of Enablers==
===Light Enablers===
'''Light Enabling''' is the least harmful type of enabling that one can do to Chris. As some people who have talked to Chris have noted, one cannot communicate with Chris without entertaining his fantasies to some extent, and so rely on this technique, which involves merely acknowledging the beliefs, without outright giving him any new lore or talking to him extensively about his beliefs.

===Gatekeepers===
'''Gatekeeping''' refers to controlling access to Chris. It is used by [[trolls]] to prevent [[White-Knights|white knights]] and wannabe trolls from interfering, and by white knights to prevent trolls from contacting Chris.

The [[Miscreants]] troll group, for example, actively interfered with white knight attempts to help Chris by deleting their emails before Chris could read them or by manipulating Chris to believing the white knights were leaking information.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#Subverted White Knights]]</ref>

The [[Watchmen]], a white knight/enabler group, tried to gatekeep Chris from trolls. In the case of [[Larry Vaughn]], they pointed out Chris shouldn't interact with him, though Chris insisted. In the case of [[Jacob Sockness]], they had Chris record [[ChrisReleasesAStatementRegardingJacobSockness]] to discourage Sockness from completing his trip to see Chris.

===Fantasy enablers===
[[Chris and reality|Chris's grip on what is real]] and what is being fed to him was [[PandaHalo|never]] [[Julie|that]] [[Ivy O'Neil|robust]] to begin, and has eroded even further after years of [[sagas|being deliberately misled]]. It has wasted away to such an extent that he is nearly incapable of distinguishing seemingly even what ideas come from his head and what came from others. Enablers exploit this fact by presenting Chris with their own invented information about the [[Dimensional Merge]] or Chris's [[imaginary friends]], validating his thoughts and convincing him that [[TRUE and LOYAL fanbase|he is not alone]]. A prime example of this is [[Jacob Sockness]], who used fictional dialogue between various characters between Chris's characters and his own imaginary pantheon. Chris fully believed that this dialogue was legitimate and expressed that he had heard it himself. Collectively, these enabler fabrications are known as the '''cult of the Idea Guys''', for they had their root in the Idea Guys' example and have become the basis of [[Chris and religion#Doctrines of CWCianity|Chris's religious beliefs]]. This pseudo cult's name is meant to poke fun at how Chris has incorporated all of his beliefs, and turned it into a religion, where followers worship him as their God. Since the [[Idea Guys]] saga showed to everyone by mid-[[2018]] that Chris really was this gullible, the go-to method for those trying to influence Chris has been to act as enablers of his delusions, replacing the previous method of posing as [[sweethearts]].

===Financial enablers===
Beside sanctioning his belief in his own divinity, there is one other way that enablers have found in winning Chris over: through his wallet. Though his situation is not nearly as dire as during the [[Financhu Crisis]] some years ago, Chris remains as [[Chris and money|irresponsible with money]] and [[Chris and work|adamant not to work]] as always. As a result, it is always precarious at best. Providing him with the money he regularly requests, whether through lavishing him with expensive gifts, buying his [[Chris and business|overpriced, shoddy merchandise]] or [[Patreon|donating monthly for comics he does not want to make]], is a technique used by enablers who can afford it as [[Sarah and Steve]], and even some who cannot, as [[Aly Hirschberg]], to present themselves to Chris as being kindly and selfless, often in combination with worshiping and joining in his role-playing. Over the years, Chris has gotten thousands from his audience in the form of donations and considerations. He has received thousands more in sales through storefronts such as [[eBay]] and [[Etsy]].

As the notice on our homepage suggests, '''the CWCki strongly advises against giving Chris money'''.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Amount
! From
! Date received
! Details
|-
|A laptop computer
|A ween in North Carolina
|[[August 2011]]
|Chris spoke about it in [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]. A common theory is that the laptop had been infected with a keylogger, but Chris outsmarted the ween by upgrading the computer.
|-
|$500
|[[Kiwi Farms]]
|[[January 2014]]
|Donated by fans after the house fire.<ref>[[Destruction Of Chris's House#Aftermath and reaction]]</ref>
|-
|$150
|Fans
|[[September 2014]]
|From a Kickstarter campaign in which Chris explicitly stated he would use it to buy [[Lego]]s.<ref>[[Kickstarter]]</ref>
|-
|$1,000
|[[DStecks]]
|[[September 2015]]
|Donated during the climax of his review series of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' to fund the production of new pages for the comic; Chris used it to buy a new bed (arguably one of his only sensible purchases in recent years) but then failed to keep his side of the deal for almost two years.
|-
|$500
|[[Sonic Rainboom (Kiwi Farms user)]]
|[[September 2015]]
|Sent Chris a Visa card with $500.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Sonic Rainboom)#Gift Card]]</ref> Later admitted doing it to get "interesting content".<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Sonic Rainboom)#Explanation]]</ref>
<center><gallery>
File:Sonic rainboom $500 1.png|Rainboom spent $500 to find that Chris likes McDonald's.
File:Sonic rainboom $500 2.jpg
File:Sonic rainboom $500 3.jpg
</gallery></center>
|-
|Hundreds
|Mostly [[weens]]
|Summer 2016
|During the [[Financhu Crisis]], a pattern formed of Chris begging for money, then briefly stating that he had received donations before begging for more money.
|-
|$2,650
|Selling [[Relics of Fail]]
|August 2016 onwards
|[[Megatron pistol]] ($50), [[Sonic Totem]] ($1,500), [[Pokéwalker of Fail]] ($100), [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|ShecameforCWC]] ($1,000, as part of a set).
|-
|$4,816.43
|[[Patreon]]
|December 2016 - August 2021
|Chris earned pledges from fans and weens every month.
|-
|$1,000
|Selling binders of old Pokémon and UFS cards.
|January 2018 to 2019
|Four binders of cards.<ref>[[eBay]]</ref> At least one was purchased by a seller hoping to resell the individual cards.
|-
|$100
|Selling stained pages of [[Sonichu 14|''Sonichu'' #14]]
|February 2018
|Literally selling trash.
|-
|$1,300
|[[Jack Jankowski]]<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jack-z-gave-chris-1-200-for-bronycon-wants-to-hang-out-with-him-there.42041/page-4#post-3273576</ref>
|April 2018
|Jack gave Chris $1,200 for a luxury trip to the 2018 [[BronyCon]] in the hopes that he would get to meet him there. Chris thanked him for the money in [[I have been paid to go; we’ll see if I can go (Seriously To Be Determined)]]. Jack also paid $100 for a [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|video (which Chris decided to bookend with unrelated begging announcements)]].
|-
|$1,000
|[[Miss Cherry]]
|July 2018
|Tried the pay-to-play method to being Chris's next sweetheart and failed.
|-
|$391
|[[Aly Hirschberg]]<ref name=interview>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/meet-the-creep-behind-chris-chans-fundraisers.60596/post-5482182 Hirschberg admits she bought the blankets, 19 October 2019]</ref>
|Summer 2018
|{{quote|it’s about 3 hours wages for me, I don’t mind spending that on some christory}}

During summer 2018, an anonymous "vRS Davison" said in YouTube's comments section that she decided to spend $200 to buy an old blanket from Barb on [[eBay]], because she somehow considered it to be a piece of "Christory".<ref>[[My Mother WORKED Hard, Spent Hard; Needs Money NOW]]</ref>

It evidently was not enough to pay a ridiculous sum of money for one blanket, as when Barb put more blankets up for sale,<ref>[[2018 Sales Listings#Barbara's Blankets]]</ref> vRS Davison purchased another one for $100, plus $25 shipping.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/financhu-crisis-chris-sells-his-stuff-megathread.41369/page-124#post-3691978</ref> In [[October 2019]], Aly Hirschberg would reveal that she purchased them through a US proxy.

In November 2019, she paid for a $41 set of [[TSSSF]] cards.<ref>http://archive.md/xJPcM</ref> and gave $50 for a Magi-Chan medallion<ref>http://archive.md/tza90</ref>
|-
|$500
|Jill Duncan<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/financhu-crisis-chris-sells-his-stuff-megathread.41369/page-189#post-4317687</ref>
|February 2019
|A "Jill Duncan" pledged $500 per month to Chris's Patreon, asking to speak to Chris, then cancelled the pledge ten days later (but because Chris's Patreon account is set to "upfront payment", Chris still got the initial $500 and used it to purchase a replacement [[Xbox]]). There is no indication Chris ever spoke to Jill, as she requested.
|-
|$400
|[[Sarah and Steve]]
|Spring 2019
|Bought Chris a Nintendo Switch ($300), gave him $100 on Patreon. Also claimed to have funded a room for him at the 2019 BronyCon ($600) but pulled it due to Chris not paying attention to them.
|-
|$200
|David90637947
|May 2019
|Commissioned Chris via Twitter for a Sonichu [[medallion]], shelling out $200 in order to get Chris's attention (medallions were $30 each when Chris sold them on Ebay). Became a Twitter white knight for Chris, until Chris mass blocked some perceived trolls, including David.
<center><gallery>
File:David90637947 pleading for a medallion.png|David pleading for the chance to buy a Sonichu medallion.
File:David90637947's medallion request.png|Chris acknowledges him after he waves $200.
File:David90637947's $200 Sonichu medallion.jpg|The received medallion.
File:David90637947's review.png|David's glowing review.
File:David90637947 blocked.png|Whining over being blocked by Chris.
</gallery></center>
|-
|$600
|BronyCon donor
|July 2019
|After Chris repeatedly begged on Twitter for $600 to fund a hotel room after his previous plan fell through (crashing with [[Sarah and Steve]], who had ghosted him earlier because Chris kept ignoring their messages), a fan donated to Chris.<ref>[[July 2019 social media posts]]</ref>
|- class="sortbottom"
|-
|$190
|Luke
|October 2020
|A fan from Pennsylvania named Luke paid Chris $190 to autograph a variety of items which he intended to resell for profit. Chris delivered the signed goods to Luke's house personally.<ref>[[Pennsylvania Trip]]</ref>
|-
|Unknown
|Weens
|August 2021 - March 2023
|Various fans have been making donations to Chris while in jail. Chris claims that he used this money to pay back the remainder of the $750 he stole from [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] when he was forced out of his house in July as well as to buy numerous items from the jail's commissary shop. These include clothing, toiletries, writing materials, radio batteries, two Turkish prayer rugs and numerous soft drinks and food items. Chris estimated his jail expenses to be about $50 per week.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 30 October 2021]]</ref> In the [[Jail Call - 1 November 2021|jail call]] from November 1 Chris makes reference to one particularly "generous donation" he had recently received.
|- class="sortbottom"
!style="background-color:#E9E9E9; text-align:right;", colspan="3"|Total
!style="font-weight:bold;color:#FF0000"|~$17,806.43
|}

==Motives for enabling Chris==
There are several motives people make for enabling Chris, these include the following.

===To profit off of the community surrounding Chris===
Many of these enablers are opportunistic hacks who aim to use Chris's platform to launch their career. These people do not have the talent required to making anything worthwhile and bait Chris into talking about them to help launch their career.

[[Ben Saint]], badly attempted to develop a saga of his own within Christory by copying what Alec Benson Leary did, which was to promote his own media and make money off of the fools who would buy that stuff. To do this, he fed into Chris's delusions, and added [[Sonichu Special 7|some of his own characters]] into the Sonichu comics.

===Joining the creative community surrounding Chris===
{{Protip|Nobody is stopping you from making fan media. If you want to, then by all means do so, but just ''try to make sure Chris himself doesn't see it''.}}
Observers of Chris often include people who enjoy drawing, animation, fanfic writing, cosplay and the like as a hobby. While many will post their artwork at places strictly for discussing Chris, such as [[Kiwi Farms]] or [[Reddit]], to keep their distance from Chris, enablers approach Chris directly with their fanart on [[Twitter]] or [[Discord]]; with the intent of seeking his opinion, despite knowing full well he has issues distinguishing [[reality]] from fantasy and will interpret their artwork as it happening literally. Over time, these enablers built up a community for sharing their artwork, with the side-effect of affirming Chris's fantasies.

===Attention whores===
Some of these enablers desperately seek attention, and approval from Chris is something they crave for the most. They want attention and they obviously don't get any at home, so the CWCki is the next best alternative to get it. People such as [[MKRNightVee]], [[Helena Fiorenza]], [[Jacob Sockness]], [[Sarah and Steve]] and Richard Righteous come under this category. They often ardently defend Chris's beliefs about being an all powerful goddess and getting into lengthy arguments with others over their actions.

===To make Chris produce content artificially===
For most people, it would be utterly despicable to manipulate someone as mentally ill as Chris, let alone so that he can become a means for their enjoyment. For the enablers with more spiteful intents in mind, they would argue that the reason that they are further deluding Chris is because it would encourage him to produce more content. They would tell Chris all kinds of nonsensical stories, just so that he can act like their own personal lolcow to laugh at.

==="I'm just supporting him/her/them"===
[[File:CWCLivestream Fan, 12 Feb. 2020.png|thumb|right|[[Other enablers#Eschcal|Eschcal]], seen here donating $10 to Chris, shows all the hallmarks of an enabler, in that they pretend to be a fan and hope their financial donations will make Chris do what they want - in reality, Chris is most likely using their cash to buy [[Video games]].]]
This argument is most common among the more white knight- or social justice-oriented crowd. Those who take this approach see Chris as a victim of the "alt-right trolls" or whatever villain of the week has been created to oppress them. As such, to them Chris is a beautiful, unique creature who is to be coddled and praised, regardless of the merit of that praise. Often this praise will be sycophantic in nature, with constant praise of Chris' artistic ability and creative genius. Another common narrative is that Chris is a grown adult who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, easily separating the wheat from the chaff in regards to orbiters. [[Sarah and Steve|We'll let you]] [[Jacob Sockness|decide how]] [[Idea Guys|competent he is]].

===To protect him from other enablers===

Some enablers have already realized that it is impossible to communicate to Chris unless they can entertain his beliefs, so they attempt to assist Chris by, at first, playing into his own fantasies and then subsequently attempting to dismantle those fantasies from the inside, or encourage less harmful ones. However, attempts at doing so have mostly failed.

==Arguments against enabling Chris==

Whether you intend to help Chris, make him fall further into his delusions, or attempt to pull a [[Liquid Chris]] on him by playing along with his delusions, there are a handful of reasons for why enabling Chris generally is not considered a good idea by most people.

===Enabling Chris gives him a motive to never change===

It goes without saying, but if one's beliefs are confirmed all of the time by the people that surround them, they have very little reason to change the way they are. This kind of "helping" Chris is what made him so [[Ego|egocentric]] and [[Nostalgia|puerile]] in the first place, and that was when it was just his parents enabling him. Even if you ''do'' have good intentions and a genuine desire to help Chris, this way of "helping" is ironically one of the most harmful things you can do to him. By reinforcing the delusional state of a mentally ill person, you are doing nothing but unintentionally making their life worse. On one hand, fantasy enablers will play into Chris's desire to relive his childhood. On the other hand, financial enablers will constantly donate him money out of guilt. The actions from both groups combined have made Chris deny any sort of adult responsibilities because it made him believe that he can [[Chris and work|sit on his ass all day]], [[Magical thinking|daydreaming]], as other people provide his basic needs for him.

The impact of the [[Idea Guys]] has been ''catastrophic'' to both Chris's mental state and the Sonichu universe: in recent years, Chris's mental state has deteriorated from fantasy-prone escapism to complete detachment from [[reality]]. Chris has become so delusional that he believes he is married to several Sonic recolors and a Pokémon as part of a [[polyamorous marriage]], is a goddess with psychic powers, is worshiped by millions as their lord and savior, and is even the [[Messiah complex|outright reincarnation of Jesus Christ]].

By indulging Chris – that is, encouraging a {{age|1982|2|24}}-year-old man to believe he is really a deity and [[anime]] character after he was tricked into thinking that in the first place – '''you are only making things worse''', and even helping to perpetuate the Idea Guys' machinations. When a person has deluded themselves into a belief that is potentially harmful to themselves and others, the best thing to do is not to reinforce said delusion, but rather to get the person professional help. Telling him that [[TRUE and LOYAL fanbase|others]] agree with his nonsense only causes him to become even further detached from [[Chris and reality|the real world]] than he already is.

Agreeing with Chris that he is the holy patroness of [[Commodore 64|a computer from the '80s]] and that cartoon characters will soon [[Chris and religion#Afterlife and eschatology|start showing up]] in the real world has also proven a prerequisite to interacting with him for any extended period of time. Even if you do not intend to indulge in his fantasies, you cannot interact with him normally to undo any of of the damage done by enablers. The [[Guard Dogs]], who originally intended to keep Chris from getting manipulated again, also needed to play along by alleging that Chris's [[Amnyfest Ring]] was causing psychic chaos to gain their position over him. Most who are willing to play along with Chris in this way would justify their actions to third parties by professing they are doing this to help Chris in the end. Unfortunately, despite their efforts, Chris had refused to cooperate with them any further, and decided to go back to his fantasy world and continue falling for other enablers, no matter what they said or did to him.

Rarely does [[Ben Saint|interacting with him yourself]] to tell him about your world clashing with his create the same effect as him getting angry over [[Sonic Boom Protests|a minor character design alteration]] or getting irrationally mad at a nonexistent enemy. In the past, some of the best Chris content has come from his own head and actions.

Most of the time he is not even bothered by it anymore, seeing it as another happenstance in the world he created himself. This proves that by enabling Chris, you are doing the exact opposite of what triggers the best of Chris by giving him what he wants or further confirming him and lulling him into a sense of complacency where he is less likely to produce meaningful and/or entertaining content. Chris will always try to get what he wants, whether or not it is good for him. To add salt to an open wound, Chris has previously stated that trolling efforts from people like the [[Teen Troon Squad]] do not faze him at all, purely because they agreed with his views and were polite to him. Therefore, it would be insane to even think that trolling Chris in this fashion would get a laugh out of anyone.

Chris also no [[Chris and science|longer believes in basic scientific principles]], especially in the the [[biology]] department, and already believes himself, and presumably himself alone, to completely understand the difference between what is real and what is fictional.<ref>[[December 2019 social media posts#IAMNOTCRAZY]]</ref> He believes that all diseases are a result of extreme stress, and that by being psychically connected to a virus, he can completely obliterate whatever ails him. For example, when Chris got a cold in [[December 2019]], he believed that the primary reason for this was due to how he was triggered by the redesigns of his Sonichu characters by [[ProjectSNT]]. If Chris gets inflicted with a disease, he will tell himself that said illnesses simply arose from his emotions and disturbances from other dimensions, as opposed to acknowledging he's ill and taking steps to help himself. To continuously try and enable him with these beliefs, Chris gets put at risk of suffering even worse ailments without the proper care or treatment. Thus, '''when you enable Chris' delusions, you are directly putting his life in danger.'''

===The knowledge gap between you and Chris===
Since the very beginning, Chris has had [[Autism|difficulties]] in empathizing with other people, or seeing things through their point of view. This especially holds true today, where he has become absorbed within his fantasy land. Some fantasy enablers, particularly in the artist community, might believe they are not doing any harm by drawing fanart or fancomics that Chris likes. However, these people are fully aware that what they draw is simply fiction – Chris is not. '''Chris doesn't care about your fanart the way you think he would'''. He now sees it as evidence he can use to confirm his beliefs about the universe. Directly giving Chris fanart encourages his retreat from reality as he then spends time "astral-projecting" to the dimension he believes the artwork depicts instead of working on improving his real-world life. There is nothing inherently wrong with creating fanart of Sonichu or ''Sonichu'' characters; however, doing things such as creating a persona Twitter account, aggressively pushing your art on Chris, and RPing as your character does make it highly likely that Chris will use the art as an excuse to recede deeper into his fantasy world.

===Getting sucked into drama surrounding Chris===
[[File:NoticeMeSenpai.jpg|thumb|Imagine this, but as a flame war over Chris.]]

The time and energy spent on getting sucked into drama, just to see who can influence Chris the most, is one of the classic signs of enabling. Because of how trolling Chris is the one-way ticket to fame for some, and due to the amount of people going by the Idea Guys' techniques, there has been a constant power struggle between groups of enablers vying for Chris's attention. Enablers have been trying to ward off one another in order to reign Supreme.

An example is a group with [[Jacob Sockness]] and [[Sarah and Steve]] clashing against a group with [[MKRNightVee]] and [[AquaDiamond8]]. Sockness, perceiving MKRNightVee as a barrier to his schemes, embarked on a smear campaign maligning her to Chris and nearly succeeded. MKRNightVee found herself in the precarious position of both doubling down on her allegiance to Chris's beliefs to keep her in his graces, while trying to convince him that the parts of his beliefs that Sockness planted into his mind were invalid – representing time and effort going to enabling.

As you may have guessed by now, this is a very sad situation to find yourself in. You are fighting endlessly over the same weirdo who does not know or care that people are fighting over him, and you are putting yourself at the risk of becoming massive trollbait yourself by doing it.

===You won't be able to influence Chris forever===
Chris's fantasy beliefs getting validated just leaves an opening for others to eventually use down the line to manipulate him. An example is how a wave of copycats sprang up in the wake of the ousting of the [[Idea Guys]], with several successfully adapting their tactics to circumvent the efforts of the [[Guard Dogs]] to protect Chris.

A related example is [[MKRNightVee]], who took a page from the Idea Guys' playbook, pretending to be a [[CPU]] goddess to align herself with Chris's beliefs. MKRNightVee claimed the charade was for helping Chris, however by feeding into his delusions, she made it easier for others like [[Jacob Sockness]] to tap into Chris's beliefs to manipulate him in another direction.

===You will always be assumed to be acting in bad faith, regardless of your motives===
Due to how many white knights and weens have been using the same technique of playing along with Chris' fantasies, it has become much more difficult for Chris to determine if someone's been messing with him, or if they're genuinely trying to help him. Due to his continued façade of [[Chris and kindness|kindness]] towards other people, he will of course always go for believing them first until they betray him. Therefore, enablers are always placed on the same level of people like A-Logs and weens by Christorians, and are readily assumed to be acting in bad faith, no matter what they intend to do with Chris.

The confidence built by playing make-believe with Chris has been abused several times, and made people complete laughing-stocks of the internet as a result. [[Sarah and Steve]], [[Multidimensional White Knights]] and [[Jacob Sockness]] would all get their foot in the door by affirming Chris's beliefs, in some instances pretending to channel fictional characters ''from other [[dimensions]]'', and then betray that trust for their own entertainment. Onlookers from [[Kiwi Farms]] and the [[CWCki]] itself have watched white knights reveal themselves in fact to be weens many times before. The CWCommunity at large treats weens [[Weening#If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself|without mercy]]. Even if you are not like the many traitors in recent Christory, it is impossible to get through to Chris any longer without deceiving him, and such guile is not looked upon favourably. Others have poisoned the well before you. '''You will be assumed to be acting in bad faith if you try to influence Chris for any reason, and treated accordingly'''.

===If you fail hard enough, you will be laughed at by the internet===
[[File:Helena Fiorenza and Magi-Chan6.jpg|thumb|300px|Trust us, it's just not worth it!]]

At one point or another, you will be caught in the act, and you are going to have to spill the beans on your elaborate trolling scheme. Before you can even do so, someone is likely going to stumble across some really embarrassing information about you when they are trying to track down your motives. Remember, if you enable Chris, you will be assumed to be acting in bad faith, so the last thing you would want to do is show off, [[Idea Guys|especially when others tell you to stop]]. Most enablers do not appear to be aware of the dire consequences of sharing their brilliant plans on various sites that either target Chris or ones he regularly uses, and they thus become the site's laughing stock of the month, just by skipping this caveat in their plans.

An infamous example of this is the failed trolling plan of [[Sarah and Steve]]. Sarah first got the attention of Chris by asking for a Rosechu medallion, which Chris had undoubtedly agreed to after they bribed him with a Nintendo Switch. Sarah then told Chris that she and Steve would move over to Virginia to be his only friends to "help" him out by giving him endless gifts and playing pretend with him as a means of further deluding Chris. This has brought them negative attention from trolls. Even more so when they made a rise up when they tried to get themselves noticed by other prominent enablers to be declared "King of the Weens".

A more infamous example would be [[Jacob Sockness]], an amateur sorcerer from San Francisco who pretended to be sexually attracted to Chris. When he was discovered by the Kiwi Farms in 2018, he became one of the site's most popular topics of discussion due to his many absurd obsessions and mannerisms. He too had a lot in common with Chris, being autistic, receiving a monthly tugboat, and believing to possess magical powers.

[[Miss Cherry]] had also proven himself to be a target of ridicule after he had posted in an inactive thread about him on the [[Kiwi Farms]], just so that he can leak his trolling plan and show off. The Farms naturally did not approve of this, and were not reluctant to dox him. This was made worse when he decided to double down and continuously talk about how Internet famous all of this would make him.

So the next time you attempt to troll Chris through enabling, always remember that you are at a great risk of being a target of ridicule yourself.

===If you’re successful enough, it can come off as just plain depraved===
Out of the five groups represented in the Unholy Quintet, enablers can arguably be considered some of the worst in many cases. Just like with A-Logging, and Carpetbagging, the biggest reason of all for why you should not enable Chris with malicious intents in mind is for the legal liability. For some enablers, enabling Chris is more than just a game to mess with his comics. It can get to the point where they realize they can use his gullibility as a tool to do such malicious things to himself. Some can even tell him to go as far as telling him to commit abuse to both himself, and to other people, as well as extort money from him.<ref>[[The Chris-Chan Extortionists]]</ref> If this is to show you anything about enabling Chris with the intent of trolling him, it is that if you go far enough with this practice, ''you'' will become the villain, rather than the funniest guy in the chatroom.

===Money given to Chris will not help sustain him===
{{Main|Chris and money}}

After reading the above, you might realize that role playing with Chris will not place you on the trolling [[honor roll]] anytime soon, yet you might still wish to help him, and consider some kind of monetary contribution instead. This is also a bad idea. Up until [[August 2021]], Chris was adequately [[14 Branchland Court|housed]] and fed (even if both leave [[Tour of Chris's House III|much to]] [[Obesity|be desired]]), and his [[monthly tugboat]] from the United States government provided him and [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] with necessary financial support enough that he, in fact, used to make more money ''doing absolutely nothing'' than the average household worldwide gets for an entire family's labor.<ref>Social Security Disability Insurance [https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/082015/what-are-maximum-social-security-disability-benefits.asp pays on average] $1,237 monthly, so $29,688 yearly for Chris and Barb combined. For comparison, the [https://news.gallup.com/poll/166211/worldwide-median-household-income-000.aspx global median household income] is $9,733.</ref> He certainly was not destitute.

[[Chris and money|Chris's relationship with money]] is unhealthy. While he has not got himself into as much of a bind as Barb has, he lacks the forethought to save money for the future and attend to his financial affairs in a responsible way. He often spends his money on frivolities and then turns to his fanbase to pay for necessary expenses that he could have covered himself had he not squandered his money away. While concerns for what will become of Chris after his mother passes are legitimate, Chris evidently shows [[Chris and work|no concern for planning for his future]] when Barb is no longer with him, and any money that you give him now to help secure his future will be frittered away on ''[[My Little Pony]]'' merchandise or [[vidya]]. Giving him more money now just teaches him that he is free to live beyond his means without a shred of responsibility because people like you will be happy to foot the bill. '''Your money will be wasted in Chris's hands and is best kept out of them'''.

===It's just not worth it===
Seriously, don't even bother playing pretend with Chris at this point. At the end of the day, he's [[Chris and mental healthcare|a seriously mentally-ill individual]] in his forties, and is in dire need of assistance from professionals. No matter what zany scheme you can come up with in an attempt to bring back [[Saga#Classic_Chris_Era_.2827_October_2007_to_20_March_2010.29|the good old days]], the fact of the matter is that attempting to feed Chris's delusions is a bad idea. Those days have long since passed as Chris progressively deteriorates.

Playing into his psychosis to help him invent new ways to humiliate himself and become increasingly deluded about his place in the universe, solely for your entertainment, is not something that should be encouraged at this stage in his life. Likewise, it's repeatedly been established that the vast majority of attempts by trolls to try to trick him into improving himself in the long term end up being futile at best and damaging at worst. At this point, it appears that Chris is the only person that can seriously work at fixing his life, and tragically enough, he seems to be more comfortable [[Chris and reality|living in his own little world]] than rethinking his life to ensure a stable future.

==See also==

*[[Weens]]
*[[White-Knights]]
*[[Ben Saint]] – A case of desperately garnering Internet fame
*[[Jacob Sockness]]
*[[Idea Guys#Joshua Allen Wise|Joshua Wise]] – The original "Idea Guy"
*[[Other enablers|Other enablers of Chris's delusions]]
*[[Twitter#Post-jail_activity|Enabler Heaven]]

==References==

<references/>
{{Unholy}}
{{Fantasies}}
{{Money}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Surfshack Tito (troll)

2026-06-14T21:53:26Z

WarnerBro:

''This article is about the troll named '''Surfshack Tito'''. For the video of the same name, see [[Surfshack Tito (video)]].''
{{Troll}}
{{Quote|Goddamn womanizing, raping... trollin' stupid [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle-suited]]... [[Niggos#Chris_and_the_actual_N-word|NIGGER!]]|Chris on Tito<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]</ref>}}
{{infobox Person
| title = Surfshack Tito
| image = Tito 300.gif
| name = Don
| aliases = Surfshack Tito Tito Makani [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]]
| gender = [[MALE]]
| nationality = [[United States|American]]
| race = <s>Black</s> Native Hawaiian
| occupation = Co-Owner and Grillman at the Shore Shack Internet Troll Hacker
| saga = {{saga|tito|cn}}, {{saga|ps3|cn}}, {{saga|callingout|cn}}
}}

'''Surfshack Tito''' (real name: '''Don''') was a mysterious [[trolls|troll]] who first emerged in [[February 2010]]. The nickname "Surfshack Tito" is a reference to the [https://rocketpower.fandom.com/wiki/Tito_Makani corpulent surf-shop owner] from the [[Wikipedia: Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]] kids' cartoon ''[[Wikipedia:Rocket Power|Rocket Power]]''. During the exchanges with Chris, most of them from Tito ended with a Tito-styled word of wisdom. An infamous copypasta about Tito most likely inspired the choice to go with the name.{{refn|group="note"|[[Talk:Surfshack Tito (troll)#The Copypasta|Can be found here]]}}

Tito gained notoriety in [[March 2010]] when he took credit for the end of Chris's relationship with [[The Wallflower]], causing Chris to make [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|multiple]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|videos]] openly raging at him, including one where he said the N-word. Judging by Chris's initial responses to Tito, it is safe to say that he initially [[Chris and reality|thought]] that the ''actual'' Tito from ''Rocket Power'' was trolling him, before eventually realizing at some point that he was just a character played by a troll. For the next year and a half, Tito continued trolling, his troll plots including [[Trollin' Train|tricking Chris into smashing his PS3]] and [[Tomgirl Pictures|leaking photos of Chris crossdressing]]. He was eventually [[Calling Out|called out]] by Chris, leading to him making an apology video, before abandoning trolling due to him being busy with high school.

==PSN Hacking==
{{main|Surfshack Tito (video)}}
On 24 [[February 2010]], Tito first appeared by hacking into Chris's [[PSN]] account. Nothing much came from this, and the trolling move had already been done [[BlueSpike|three]] [[Clyde Cash|times]] [[Jack Thaddeus|prior]]. Chris addressed Tito's PSN hacking in a [[Surfshack Tito (video)|short video]] posted on [[March 2010]], where he gives Tito a [[Curse shot|Curse Shot]].

==The Wallflower Incident==
{{see also|Wallflower E-mails 3|Surfshack Tito E-mails}}
[[File:Surfshack Tito.jpg|thumb|300px|It's easy to see what the Wallflower fell for, isn't it?]]

On 9 [[March 2010]], Chris made a [[LittleBigPlanet]] level which used [[The Wallflower]]'s pen name. Using this information, Surfshack Tito and some other trolls managed to find out The Wallflower's real name. Tito then created a [[CWCki]] page about Wallflower, which involved all of this real information. Finally, he sent a link to the page to Wallflower, leaving her horrified by all the personal information on the site, and leading her to cut of all ties with Chris.

Tito started emailing Chris, taunting him over the loss of The Wallflower, leading Chris to make [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]], his second and most bizarre video addressed to Tito, threatening him with a pocket knife while wearing a Scottish kilt and repeatedly saying Wallflower's real name.

Tito began riling up Chris even more by suggesting that he was dating and having regular sex with The Wallflower, sending Chris a photoshopped image of a big black man (Tito) standing with The Wallflower. Chris bought this narrative, repeatedly asking The Wallflower to leave Tito in [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|a video]] addressed to her. The Wallflower, in an attempt to get Chris off her back, actually played into this narrative by calling Tito her boyfriend. These events happened shortly before the [[Happy Sonichu Day|10th anniversary of Sonichu]].

Chris, at peak anger, began emailing Tito, calling him a "nigger" three times, and threatening to track him down and murder him. Chris reiterated this sentiment in [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|the most iconic video]] from this Saga, threatening to murder Tito multiple times before finally calling him a "trolling stupid pickle suited nigger" and ending the video. This Saga rattled Chris so much that around a week later he [[C-Ya Later|claimed that he would leave the Internet forever]], starting the "First Exile", where Chris repeatedly tried (and failed) to leave the Internet.

==PS3 Destruction==
{{main|Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails}}
Tito was a frequent poster on [[Trollin Train]], along with [[Clyde Cash]]. After Clyde and Tito put up a $9001 dollar bounty for destroying Chris's [[PS3]], Chris would claim it himself by [[MovingForward|destroying his own PS3]]. After he e-mailed Clyde a few times, Clyde forwarded him to Tito, who managed his money.

Tito was not as lenient as Clyde, rattling off a list of reasons why Chris was unable to claim the bounty. Clyde intervened with this, saying he enjoyed the video of Chris destroying his PS3, and to give Chris the money. Tito told Chris that they could meet up at [[The GAMe PLACe]], and telling him to come or he would spend the money on hookers. Chris refused to go there, and they rescheduled to a [[Chick-fil-A]] in [[Fashion Square Mall]], however one of Clyde's Asian technicians told Tito the [[PS3]] was still intact. To prove it was completely broken, Chris had to [[ItIsFinished.MOV|run over all the separate pieces of his PS3]], which finally convinced Tito.

Tito told him to meet up at [[List_of_restaurants#Starbucks|Starbucks]] in [[Fashion Square]], where he would be approached by a female agent with a [[pickle]] tattoo on her breast. He was [[Clyde_and_Tito_PS3_E-mails#Waiting_for_$9001|videotaped]] sitting at a chair in fashion square, creepily staring at women, possibly trying to spot a pickle tattoo. No agents would walk up and give him the money, leading to Chris writing an angry e-mail to Tito. Tito responded stating that he had already given the money to [[Liquid Chris|a man who said he was Christian Weston Chandler, with a Sonichu medallion, high school ring, and brown shirt]], leaving Chris without any money.

==Tomgirl Pictures==
{{main|Tomgirl Pictures}}

Tito was the one to the leak the [[Tomgirl Pictures]] on 28 [[April 2011]], along with supplying his own commentary on them.

{{quoteboxred|Chris decided that being a [[JERKS|man]] was too much work. It often involves [[Stress|stressful]] activities such as getting a job, excercising, and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler.

He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in [[Manchester High School|Highschool]]. The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.

But wait! Does that make him gay?

Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.

"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "[[Tomgirl]]." A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.}}

==Called Out==
{{see also|Calling Out "Tito" - Don}}

Almost a year after the PS3 incident, [[Chris]] [[Calling Out|called out]] Tito publicly, bragging about having his real name, "Don," and a supposed photo of him. Tito's full name and the supposed picture have both never been revealed, though Chris describes him as being "so [[fat]] he'd 'make the Buddha look like a supermodel in comparison." Chris threatened to release the full name and picture unless Tito met his demands, including apologizing to [[The Wallflower]] (who he calls his "[[Chris and reality|ex-girlfriend]]," along with saying her real name again). Other demands included coming forward to [[Sony]] for hacking Chris's PSN, and for Tito to give him ''one thousand'' dollars. This of course, intimidated Tito, leading to a video apology where he anxiously stated that he would meet Chris's demands, and left the Internet forever.

Nevertheless, Tito didn't end up giving Chris the money he demanded, as revealed by the [[Thorg Q&A]]. Despite this, Chris didn't reveal his identity either, [[Chris and the law|possibly after realizing that blackmailing is a crime]]. The Q&A also reveals that the real reason for Tito's retirement from trolling Chris was that he was busy with [[Manchester High|high school]] at the time. Other trolls have implied that Tito has insider knowledge on the events of [[28 October 2011]], however this knowledge has never been revealed.

===Tito's Apology===

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tito's Apology
| video = {{#ev:youtube|a55Q-BF_CCI}}
| stardate = 9 [[August 2011]]
| maker = Surfshack Tito
| subject = {{Website|Response to Chris's Demands}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Surfshack Tito|text}}
}}

''(grabs stomach and jiggles it)'' Heh-heeeeeey, little cuz! Uh...or, uh...[[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] ''(lets go)'' if you prefer. It's uh...it's me, uh, Tito! Or, uh, or Don, um...listen, man, I-I got some sand in the [[Navy|potato salad]] this time; you caught me, cuz. I-''(points at the camera and slims down his belly)'' I admit it. I sold the security files of [[Sony]] to the hackers and...and I'll, uh ''(does a little dance)'' I'll get you the money! I'll get you the thousand dollars, and the interest! ''(grabs his belly for dear life)'' Just don't- just don't release that video, eh, with--with the picture of me, just don't do anymore, man! I'll, uh, I'll do anything, I'll be your slave for a whole week if I have to, I...''(dances again)'' I got people after me, I can't have them finding out who I am, just, just be a cuz, man, and-and-and- and don't let me down! I won't let ''you'' down.

{{References}}
{{Notes}}

==See also==
*[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]
*[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]
*[[Wallflower E-mails 3]]
*[[Surfshack Tito E-mails]]
*[[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]]

{{TitoSaga}}
{{PS3Saga}}
{{CallingOutSaga}}
{{Trolls}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Tito, Surfshack}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Miscreants Members]]
[[Category:CWCki Editors]]
[[Category: Surfshack Tito Saga]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Hawaii]]

Template:Ivy

2026-06-14T21:49:25Z

WarnerBro:

{{Icon|{{{1|}}}
|name = Ivy
|image = Ivy_saga.png
|link = Ivy O'Neil
|text = [[Ivy]]
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This template is an [[:Category:Icon Templates|icon template]], mostly for use in the [[Template:Infobox/video|video template]] and on video list pages. It supports a text parameter, for displaying a label beside the icon. The format for using this template is: 
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}{{!}}text<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{{{PAGENAME}}|text}}
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}{{!}}Custom Text Here<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{{{PAGENAME}}|Custom Text Here}}
}}
[[Category:Saga Icons|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Video games

2026-06-14T21:48:44Z

WarnerBro:

{{Icon|{{{1|}}}
|name = Video games
|image = Video_games.png
|link = Chris and video games
|text = [[Video games|Video Games]]
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This template is an [[:Category:Icon Templates|icon template]], mostly for use in the [[Template:Infobox/video|video template]] and on video list pages. It supports a text parameter, for displaying a label beside the icon. The format for using this template is: 
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}{{!}}text<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{{{PAGENAME}}|text}}
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}{{!}}Custom Text Here<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{{{PAGENAME}}|Custom Text Here}}
}}
[[Category:Subject Matter Icons|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Reality

2026-06-14T21:48:00Z

WarnerBro:

{{Icon|{{{1|}}}
|name = Reality
|image = Reality.png
|link = Chris and reality
|text = [[:Reality]]
}}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This template is an [[:Category:Icon Templates|icon template]], mostly for use in the [[Template:Infobox/video|video template]] and on video list pages. It supports a text parameter, for displaying a label beside the icon. The format for using this template is: 
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}{{!}}text<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{{{PAGENAME}}|text}}
*'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}{{!}}Custom Text Here<nowiki>}}</nowiki>''' - Displays: {{{{PAGENAME}}|Custom Text Here}}
}}
[[Category:Subject Matter Icons|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Template:Imposter

2026-06-14T21:39:41Z

WarnerBro:

<center>
{| cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="background-color:transparent; border:5px solid brown" width=55%
|-
| [[File:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|100px]]
| It has been found that the subject of this article has been a frequent subject of impersonation from [[trolls]]/[[weens]]. Bear this in mind, and be cautious of any accounts claiming to be them.''
|}
</center><noinclude>{{usage|1=This template is an article message box used to indicate that the subject of a page has been used as a troll persona on many occasions. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

- Displays:{{ {{PAGENAME}} }}

}}

[[Category:Article message boxes|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

HarmonyCon Snitch

2026-06-14T21:38:46Z

WarnerBro:

{{Imposter}}
{{Quote|The one in attendance, as it is known that it was not one of the staff who recognized her in the redeemed Tommy Oliver's White Ranger attire, symbolizing that Light Power and Holy Light energies. That One person shall have really bad karma for years until when they're swimming in lava and brimstone.

The One attendant who ratted Christine out out of selfish hatred, Step Forward, come clean with honesty and repentance, and apologize openly to Christine and Everyone all around the world, and you shall be forgiven. Otherwise, I feel sorry for you.|Chris wishing bad karma on the snitch.<ref name = god>[[February 2026 social media posts#Roleplaying as God to complain about HarmonyCon ban]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|I forgive the person who called the guards at #HarmonyCon. And I accept that due to my reputation, I am not welcomed by a number of individuals or groups.|Chris "forgiving" the snitch (before abruptly deleting the message).<ref>[[February 2026 social media posts#Admitting to random sins to prop up Redemption Arc narrative]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
|title = HarmonyCon Snitch
|name = Unknown
|image = DirtySnitch.jpg
|aliases = HarmonyCon Snitch 
That One Person 
The One 
The Snitch
|knownfor = • Reporting Chris to the guards, leading to him getting kicked out of HarmonyCon.
|saga = {{saga|redemption|cn}}}}

On 13 [[February 2026]] Chris attempted to attend the [[brony]] convention [[HarmonyCon]] in Dallas, Texas. Despite all of his efforts to keep his cover, and even trying to hand out [[Business card|business cards]] in the chance that he does get caught, someone at the convention '''snitched''' on Chris, reporting him to the guards.

In typical Chris fashion, the snitch had, in Chris's view, become his new villain of the week almost instantly, and Chris had expressed wanting to take action against them, either threatening to punish them, damn them, or stating that they'd be forgiven in [[Twitter]] and [[BlueSky]] posts.

==Naming==
In several social media posts where Chris chastises the attendant who reported him, Chris referred to them by several ominous nicknames, continuing his trend of cartoonifying his offline rivals. Chris has referred to the attendant as "'''That One person'''" and "'''The One'''".<ref name = god/>

==Mentions by Chris==
On 16 February 2026, three days after getting banned from HarmonyCon, Chris wrote several posts on Twitter ranting about his ban in a thread. In the rant, Chris mentions the snitch. Chris had deduced that his ban couldn't have been the result of one of the guards noticing him, believing that his shitty costume made him camouflage so well, instead blaming it on a hypothetical attendee who went up to the guards and "ratted him out".

Chris, believing they acted out of malice, threatened the attendee with "really bad karma for years" and eternal damnation, demanding that they apologize to him. Chris then did the same to everyone who had read his thread, saying that each individual person will be punished according to their sin level. Chris deleted these posts after receiving some backlash for them.

Three days later, in another Twitter thread, where he admits to a variety of sins that he himself committed, Chris seemed to have gotten the message and claimed to have forgiven the snitch, accepting the fact that he wouldn't be welcomed by a number of people.

Chris mentioned the attendee again in a Cameo video, while impersonating them and ranting about people potentially reporting him in the off chance he goes to any future conventions.<ref>[[19 March 2026 Cameo videos#Chris Talks About HarmonyCon]]</ref>

On 24 March 2026, a [[weens|ween]] impersonating [[Geno Samuel]] claimed that they were the one who reported Chris, though Chris saw through this.<ref>[[March 2026 social media posts#Calling out ween impersonating Geno Samuel]]</ref>

{{References}}

{{RedemptionSaga}}
{{People}}
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

HarmonyCon Snitch

2026-06-14T21:38:32Z

WarnerBro:

{{Imposter}}
{{Quote|The one in attendance, as it is known that it was not one of the staff who recognized her in the redeemed Tommy Oliver's White Ranger attire, symbolizing that Light Power and Holy Light energies. That One person shall have really bad karma for years until when they're swimming in lava and brimstone.

The One attendant who ratted Christine out out of selfish hatred, Step Forward, come clean with honesty and repentance, and apologize openly to Christine and Everyone all around the world, and you shall be forgiven. Otherwise, I feel sorry for you.|Chris wishing bad karma on the snitch.<ref name = god>[[February 2026 social media posts#Roleplaying as God to complain about HarmonyCon ban]]</ref>}}

{{Quote|I forgive the person who called the guards at #HarmonyCon. And I accept that due to my reputation, I am not welcomed by a number of individuals or groups.|Chris "forgiving" the snitch (before abruptly deleting the message).<ref>[[February 2026 social media posts#Admitting to random sins to prop up Redemption Arc narrative]]</ref>}}

{{Infobox Person
|title = HarmonyCon Snitch
|name = Unknown
|image = DirtySnitch.jpg
|aliases = HarmonyCon Snitch 
That One Person 
The One 
The Snitch
|knownfor = • Reporting Chris to the guards, leading to him getting kicked out of HarmonyCon.
|saga = {{saga|redemption|cn}}}}

On 13 [[February 2026]] Chris attempted to attend the [[brony]] convention [[HarmonyCon]] in Dallas, Texas. Despite all of his efforts to keep his cover, and even trying to hand out [[Business card|business cards]] in the chance that he does get caught, someone at the convention '''snitched''' on Chris, reporting him to the guards.

In typical Chris fashion, the snitch had, in Chris's view, become his new villain of the week almost instantly, and Chris had expressed wanting to take action against them, either threatening to punish them, damn them, or stating that they'd be forgiven in Twitter and BlueSky posts.

==Naming==
In several social media posts where Chris chastises the attendant who reported him, Chris referred to them by several ominous nicknames, continuing his trend of cartoonifying his offline rivals. Chris has referred to the attendant as "'''That One person'''" and "'''The One'''".<ref name = god/>

==Mentions by Chris==
On 16 February 2026, three days after getting banned from HarmonyCon, Chris wrote several posts on Twitter ranting about his ban in a thread. In the rant, Chris mentions the snitch. Chris had deduced that his ban couldn't have been the result of one of the guards noticing him, believing that his shitty costume made him camouflage so well, instead blaming it on a hypothetical attendee who went up to the guards and "ratted him out".

Chris, believing they acted out of malice, threatened the attendee with "really bad karma for years" and eternal damnation, demanding that they apologize to him. Chris then did the same to everyone who had read his thread, saying that each individual person will be punished according to their sin level. Chris deleted these posts after receiving some backlash for them.

Three days later, in another Twitter thread, where he admits to a variety of sins that he himself committed, Chris seemed to have gotten the message and claimed to have forgiven the snitch, accepting the fact that he wouldn't be welcomed by a number of people.

Chris mentioned the attendee again in a Cameo video, while impersonating them and ranting about people potentially reporting him in the off chance he goes to any future conventions.<ref>[[19 March 2026 Cameo videos#Chris Talks About HarmonyCon]]</ref>

On 24 March 2026, a [[weens|ween]] impersonating [[Geno Samuel]] claimed that they were the one who reported Chris, though Chris saw through this.<ref>[[March 2026 social media posts#Calling out ween impersonating Geno Samuel]]</ref>

{{References}}

{{RedemptionSaga}}
{{People}}
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Saga

2026-06-14T21:37:10Z

WarnerBro:

{{Honest}}
{{Illustrations}}

{{Quote|I've had online relationships in my past; most of which were good, but all of them ended not so good for me.|Chris makes the understatement of the century<ref>[[Sydney Kirsch]]</ref>}}

A "'''saga'''" (from the Old Norse ''sögur'') is a story arc of events on the [[CWCki:CWChronology|CWChronology]], documenting [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s actions during a specific span of time. The Christorian use of the term is derived from story arcs in ''[[Dragon Ball]]'', a series that Chris likes, based on the story arcs usually being named after an arc villain. (This was true for Christory at first, but Sagas have since encompassed various sweethearts and specific events over specifically revolving around specific antagonists to Chris-Chan.)

==Meta-Sagas==

For nearly two decades, Chris has been going through one tumult or another. However, throughout each of these, Chris has had a [[autism|special interest]] or obsession that would follow him through all of them, and would define him as a person. Indeed, this central focus of his life would serve to unite his sagas with a common theme: a near-certain way to get a reaction out of Chris would be by winning his trust through feeding his special interest, and then exploiting it for Laughs Under Lucricities. For most of Christory, this would be pretending to be a [[boyfriend-free girl]], but more recently this has transmuted into [[Chris and his ego|feigning to worship]] him. As they are threads running through and linking together, and are the broadest strokes of Chris's life, they can be considered ''meta-sagas'', beyond and more fundamental than the fleeting fancies of any individual [[troll]].

===Love Quest (ca. 2003 - March 2018; January 2021-Present)===
[[File:LoveQuestSaga.png|500px]]

''The'' quintessential saga, and the one that introduced this word to the Christorian's lexicon. Sometime early in his career at PVCC, Chris decided that he needed a girlfriend to call his own. Beset on all sides by the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]] (read: women were repulsed by his unusual mannerisms), the [[virgin with rage]] resorted to increasingly desperate and bizarre methods of obtaining one, which have seen him [[List of places that have banned Chris|expelled and banned]] from multiple reputable establishments. After his discovery by the Internet, Chris would flutter from one professed girlfriend to another, thinking that each might be the [[CWCisms#H|heartsweet]] that might end this search once and for all. Alas, it was not meant to be, and Chris often found himself betrayed and humiliated in comical and grotesque ways. The Love Quest survived several upheavals in Chris's life, including his father's death, the loss of his virginity, the house fire and his gender transition (see below), yet despite Christorians' predictions, and the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle Man]]'s injunctions, finally concluded in [[March 2018]], when a mentally eroded Chris declared himself in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with his [[Chris and reality|fictional characters]].

The Love Quest would seem to come back in full force by the beginning of 2021, and much more intense than before, with Chris expressing sexual frustrations to Watchmen members, wishing to get a physical girlfriend. He would crush on multiple women of interest all at once and have wet dreams that involved cartoon characters. It would get intense to the point of [[Affair with Mother|releasing this sexual frustration on his own mother]], leading to dire consequences.
{{Love Quest}}

===Transgender Saga (''30 March 2011 - Present'')===
[[File:TransgenderSaga.png|500px]]

In [[2011]], Chris began the process of gender transitioning. In March of that year, he starting cross-dressing and later came out as a "tomgirl". Despite resistance from his parents, Chris continued down the transgender path, exploring his gender identity. In 2014, he briefly identified as a lesbian male, and a year later, settled on identifying as a lesbian transwoman.
{{Sexuality}}

===Business Saga (''3 July 2014 - 8 June 2016''; ''June 2017 - July 2021''; ''October 2023 - present'')===

Although this Saga began during the Sonic Boom Saga, it ultimately outlasted it. Chris realized during this Saga that he could make significantly large amounts of [[money]] by selling his own products, including Medallions and customized [[Sonichu Amiibo]]s, first on [[eBay]], then on [[Etsy]]. This Saga is notable for featuring the return of frequent video uploads by Chris. Inevitably, Chris's laziness got the better of him (again) and he failed to ship out multiple orders. As his interest in making money dwindled, the [[Financhu Crisis]] began to strain the Chandler finances. Chris failed to get his act together, resulting in him getting banned from selling on Etsy on 8 June 2016, halting the Saga. There were a [[Paid Video Requests|few]] [[Skylanders Imaginators Leader Christine W Chandler: random Review N' Stuff|recurrences]] where Chris attempted to profit from his own products again, but these were expectedly fruitless and short-lived. In [[May 2017]], Chris began drawing [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] pages again after a 561-day hiatus, and in June, he resumed monetizing ''Sonichu'' comics, by setting pages as rewards on his [[Patreon]] account and again offering printed books from [[Lulu]].

Through 2018 and 2019, Chris has grown neglectful of his commercial obligations, failing to produce Sonichu pages and ship items, culminating in his restriction from [[eBay]] on 16 June 2019.

Chris's Patreon was shut down in [[August 2021]] after he was [[Jail Saga#Arrest|arrested]] for [[Affair with Mother|incest]]. With the help of Praetor, Chris began selling items again in [[May 2022]] while in jail, albeit in limited quantity. After his release from jail, Chris returned to his regular business on Etsy in [[October 2023]]. He later created a [[Cwclight|website]] with Shopify to accompany it, which was also sometimes used to make transactions. In [[February 2026]], Chris made accounts on [[Ko-fi]] and [[Cameo]] and started recording commissioned videos for the latter, much like what he had done years before.

{{BusinessList}}

===Financhu Crisis Saga (''12 April 2016 - 26 April 2023'')===
[[File:FinanchuSaga.png|500px]]
{{main|Financhu Crisis}}

Coined by the members of the [[Kiwi Farms]], this saga began when Chris released [[Please, Donate|a video]] asking for donations in exchange for gifts. Then, he cut out the gifts, and when his Etsy shop was closed, resorted to straight begging, [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|prostitution]], and [[By random request; I still need money, please|video]] [[Update 20160718|requests]]; all while continuing to buy over $1,000 worth of toys and only selling [[Update 20160718|'''THREE POKÉMON CARDS''']] at this saga's beginning, and putting various worthless junk on eBay for exorbitant prices. Chris was eventually able to sell the [[Sonic Totem|Sonic totem]] for $1500 only to [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017|immediately admit to wasting the profits]] on toys and a [[$400 gold necklace]] to replace one Barb previously pawned; a selfish act that shows the full extent of Chris and Barb's financial incompetency. His begging also goes to the point of [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Who wants to pay our mortgage?!|asking on Facebook]] for someone to pay his mortgage. This also shows [[Chris and his ego|Chris's ego]], since he [[Announcement 06292016|treats his monetary problems that he caused as a charity]].

In June 2017, Chris began to take his Patreon more seriously by actually working on the Sonichu comic; as a result, his Patreon earnings skyrocketed to hundreds of dollars per month and mitigated his desire to beg for money. As a result, Chris stopped begging in July. However, he remained deeply in debt and showed no signs of developing greater financial responsibility.

In late 2017 and early 2018 work on ''Sonichu'' slowed, as did Chris's Patreon donations. Around this time, Chris later claimed he needed to cover an unknown but essential large expenditure which he refuses to discuss in detail. As a result, Chris resumed begging and selling items on eBay with greater intensity than ever, peaking in early May when he made [[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE|a trilogy of panicked videos]] revealing that a mortgage payment on [[14 Branchland Court]] was due soon and that the unknown expenditure had left him and Barb unable to cover it. Though Chris was saved by an influx of donations and eBay sales, the Chandlers' financial situation evidently remains more desperate than ever.

===Roleplaying Saga (''August 2017 - Present'')===
[[File:Escapist Saga Banner.png|600px]]

As a maladaptive [[Chris and coping|coping]] mechanism against the bleakness of his [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's belief in imaginary friends and magical thinking drastically increased, one example of him dancing with [[Magi-Chan]] at the 2017 [[BronyCon]]. After the [[Idea Guys]], the [[Teen Troon Squad]], [[Jacob Sockness]] and [[other enablers|other successive enablers]] further fueled his fantasies by validating them, Chris retreated even more into his fantasy world. It was once again re-enforced by the [[COVID-19]] pandemic due to the fact that it cancelled all the conventions Chris was planning to attend in [[2020]].

On 19 September 2021, Chris wrote a letter in jail, where he declares himself as Jesus of Nazareth.

{{Coping}}

===Dimensional Merge (''14 October 2018 - Present'')===
[[File:Merge saga.png|500px]]
{{Main|Dimensional Merge}}

Due to the influence of the Idea Guys and Teen Troon Squad, ideas of a dimensional merge began to manifest within Chris. This came to a head in [[October 2018]], when Chris uploaded a video where he announced that our dimension will soon merge with another. He has revised the deadline for this prophecy several times. This was followed by several months of him droning about it on Twitter, even during his Soft Exile (described below). Various weens, including [[Sarah and Steve]], would circumvent new Twitter restrictions through physical mail or other channels, seeking to encourage him further; in [[April 2019]] things went to a new level when [[Future message from Crystal W Chandler|a video]] was posted of a masked man reading a letter supposedly from a time-traveling [[Reginald Chandler]] announcing the merge.

{{Fantasies}}

===Praetor Saga (''September 2020 - August 2021; May 2022 - Present'')===
In [[September 2020]], a group calling itself [[Praetor]], led by [[Caden Peck]], visited Chris at his home to propose doing [[Chris and business|business]] with him. An online shop, [[OfficialCWCmart]], was launched later that year. Starting with selling Praetor-made [[medallions]] (of which Chris received a cut in profits), the business later expanded to items autographed or produced by Chris himself.

In 2023, Caden was involved with financing the [[Big Island, VA]] house, which Chris currently lives in as a renter.

==Pre-Christory (''[[Birthday|24 February 1982]] - June 2000'')==

The world at large discovered Christian Weston Chandler on 27 October 2007. Before this time, we have only a scanty record to the details of Chris's life. For the early Noughties, the earlier ''Sonichu'' comics (especially [[Sonichu 4]]) are a substantial, if biased, record of notable events; Chris has supplemented this with several other records, including his [[diary]], and some videos from the time (such as his 2004 Christmas) have been leaked. For the twentieth century, which includes all of Chris's childhood and [[honor roll|high school years]], our records are much sparser. Some content, such as [[Manchester High Leaks|some school papers]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|television footage]], have been unearthed, though much remains unknown or dubious. Indeed, much of our knowledge of Chris's childhood comes from later accounts by Chris. However, Chris's childhood is what made him the manchild he is today, so we must discuss it when discussing him.

===Early Childhood Saga (''24 February 1982 - 1991'')===
[[File:ChildhoodSaga.jpg|500px]]

Christopher Weston Chandler was brought into the world on 24 February 1982. He would allegedly speak his first word 'Monkey' only a month after his birth. Sadly, his speech would be stunted by his [[abusive babysitter]], who is either named 'Roche' or 'Roach'. At the age of 18 months old, Roche would lock him in a room filled with toys because she was angry at him. This would traumatize Chris so much that he would turn mute, and completely refuse to talk save for screeching and screaming.

While mute, Chris would forge a friendship with a girl named [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah Hammer]], who would become his first female friend. However, there is evidence that Sarah served more as a bully, playing cruel pranks on him such as locking him in her cellar after convincing him Casper the Friendly Ghost was hiding in there.

His parents would send him to [[James Madison University]], where he was trained by a speech therapist to talk. There he would meet [[Joshua Martinez]], a boy who was sent there for his heavy [[Spanish]] accent. He would become Chris's first male friend.

Chris would start speaking after being given a GoBot by [[Barb|his mother]], as he would start reading out the packaging.

<center>{{ChildhoodSaga}}</center>

===Nathanael Greene Saga (''1991'')===
[[File:GreeneSaga.jpg|500px]]

In 1991, Chris would start going to Nathanael Greene Elementary School. While there, Chris would be abused by [[Bruce Johnson]] and [[Mrs. Gaede]], who would both pin him to the ground and record his screams. Johnson additionally made Chris sit on his lap and said offensive things to him, supposedly causing his hatred of [[gays]].

As Chris and his parents are known to be almost pathological [[Lie|liars]], it is unknown if this is an accurate retelling of events. Nonetheless, [[Bob]] would pull Chris out of the school and take the matter of court, though no action would be taken.

<center>{{GreeneSaga}}</center>

===Bearstein Saga (''1992 – 1995'')===
[[File:Pre-Teen Saga.jpg|500px]]

After leaving [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], [[Bob]] homeschooled Chris for [[1992]]. During this year, Chris and Bob would attend ''The Leonard Bearstein Symphony Orchestra'', which they both enjoyed. This would lead to an event in December, when the bear would ask for Christopher's name, which he would mishear as '''Christian'''. Chris would take this as a sign from [[God]], and Bob would agree to legally change his name to Christian.

In 1993, Chris would start attending [[Providence Middle School]], and his encounter with the bear would bless those years of his life. He would have [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]] as a teacher, who he would later call the most influential person in his life. In the same year, he would enter the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]], and in [[1994]], he had won the competition, leading to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes#Video|the first-ever video recording of Chris]].

<center>{{BearsteinSaga}}</center>

===High School Saga (''August 1996-June 2000'')===
[[File:The High School Saga.png|500px]]

In many senses, Chris peaked in high school. He holds his high school memories and gal-pals dear to his heart. From a positive view, he had his [[gal pal]]s, [[honor roll]], and job as a <s>water boy</s> basketball team manager, and he produced a high volume of [[art]], which included [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] himself. On the flip side, he got an [[Song of Christian|F in English]] and had to ride on the short bus. Graduation was especially painful when he didn't win a not-so-prestigious best artist award.

<center>{{HighSchoolSaga}}</center>

==Early Adult Chronicles (''June 2000 – 27 October 2007'')==

Chris came of age in 2000, a time of many transitions. Once he graduated from [[Manchester High]], he was no longer in the safe, regimented world of compulsory education. No more guaranteed or arranged friendships, and the kid gloves have come off. Colleges are also stricter when setting student accommodations, and professors don't always have time for special arrangements. Additionally, Chris got a taste of the real world at [[Wendy's]], which fired him for [[Donald Duck impersonation|multiple]] [[Cousin Al#Bowling Outing|reasons]].

The little boy who [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|was once doing so well]] now had to make his life work outside of school. Of course, some programs can help autistic folks find work, but Chris figured that was too [[stress]]ful. Instead, he took the easy route with help from [[Bob]]: he applied for [[Monthly tugboat|social security disability checks]]. While fellow students had to balance their schedules with jobs, Chris had all the time in the world to focus on school. After graduating, his whole life became free time. Without a job, Chris had little motivation to get his life together.

While scarcer than in modern times, records for this period are much more substantial than those of Chris's childhood. Even without external provocation or influence, the events of this period, including the Love Quest and the first ''Sonichu'' [[comic]]s, were enough to make Chris an Internet legend and would lay the foundation for everything yet to come.

===PVCC Saga (''September 2000 - May 2006'')===
[[File:The PVCC Saga.png|500px]]

From [[2000]] to [[2006]], Chris attended Piedmont Virginia Community College, a local community college, to obtain a degree in [[Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. It took him five years of [[Chris's education|schooling]] to complete an ostensibly two-year degree, and this time in his life was not without drama. His 21st birthday in [[2003]] marked the beginning of the [[Love Quest]]. Chris would go around campus carrying a [[Attraction Sign|sign]] showing his demands for an ideal partner. [[Mary Lee Walsh]], a dean at [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]], confiscated the signs. He retaliated by making more; he even printed some out to put around campus walls. Chris eventually confronted Walsh, who [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] him from PVCC for a year. Chris had to receive a [[autism papers|psychological evaluation]] to be allowed back on campus, and he began using the sign in other locations. Chris immortalized Walsh as a cartoon villain in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''.

<center>{{PVCCSaga}}</center>

=== GAMe PLACe Saga (''2002 - July 2012'')===
[[File:Game Place.jpg|500px]]

Currently the second-longest saga in Christory. For a long time, Chris had been visiting The GAMe PLACe on a regular basis. It was here that Chris would meet Megan herself, as well as [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]], two people who would deliver a number of intel over Chris during his time there. He also participated in the ''[[Pokemon TCG]]'' League, using his own poorly made decks. However, Chris was a pain in the ass to store manager [[Michael Snyder]], and by August 2008, tired of Chris terrorizing various patrons (which infamously included being [[Chris and race#black people| racist towards black ones]]), yelling at children, bogarting the TV and being an all-round pain, Michael would finally ban Chris from the store, embarrassing him and his mother in the process. It wouldn't be the end, however.

On multiple occasions, Chris returned to the store despite Michael's insistence that he never come back. He tried emails, sneaking in, and [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|pleading]] on [[YouTube]], but nothing worked. The first time he attempted (unsuccessfully, of course) to lift his ban in person was with a prepared, [[Chris and remorse|faux-apologetic speech]]. When that failed, he stormed out angrily and called Michael a [[Chris and race|JEW]], then attempted to rally his "fanbase" and get them [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|to troll him]]. [[6 June 2010|The next occasion]] was much more disturbing. He claimed he was trying to take a picture of Michael [[CWC is Angry|to shoot at]], but was caught in the act and was chased in the parking lot. Nearly running over Michael and his daughter, eventually the [[Jerkops]] got involved, but they did not arrest him. Michael accused him of trying to take [[pedofork|pictures of his daughter]]. Whether it's true or not, it's [[Kacey|confirmed]] that Chris has stalker tendencies.

The saga was revived in October 2011, when Chris and [[Barb|his mother]] visited the GAMe PLACe, and [[28 October 2011|an incident occurred]]. Exact details of events remain unknown, but charges such as assaulting a law enforcement official and property damage of more than $1000 were brought. Barbara was sentenced to community service and two years of probation. Chris was sentenced to community service, one year of probation, and mandatory [[Chris and Reality|psychiatric]] treatment and evaluation. They also had to pay Michael Snyder's medical expenses.

<center>{{GamePlaceSaga}}</center>

===Megan Saga (''Summer 2005 - April 2008'')===
[[Image:Megansagaheader.jpg|500px]]

From 2005 to 21 April 2008, this told the story of Chris and his longest and closest relationship with a girl, Megan Schroeder, leading into Chris's first encounter with [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and Megan discovering the depths of Chris's madness. It began with a chance meeting at a ''[[Pokémon]] TCG'' League meeting at [[The GAMe PLACe]], which progressed into inappropriate touching and ended with shocking [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|hand-drawn pornography]] that was an embarrassment for all parties involved... excluding Chris. The saga would end when Megan told Chris [[Megan emails, 2008#Megan can't trust Chris anymore|she could no longer trust him]]. Nonetheless, Chris has refused to let her go, and his useless attempts at making amends have stretched all the way to ''2018'' (for reference, that's a ''decade'' since Megan cut off ties with him).

<center>{{MeganSaga}}</center>

===Stackhouse Saga (''June - 4 August 2007'')===
[[Image:Adamsaga.jpg|500px]]

In June 2007, Chris entered and attempted to win a [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|contest]] to win Megan's heart (more or less her china too), only to be beaten by a much superior entry made by one Adam Stackhouse. The saga resulted in [[CWC is Angry|madman]]-style threats and several angry e-mails and posts to contest organizers. Chris would rage for quite some time before deciding enough was enough. This was also the last time an unsuspecting member of the public inadvertently caused a saga. From then on, [[trolls]] would control the content.

Over a decade after the Saga concluded, Chris finally made peace with Stackhouse after the latter made a surprise appearance in the audience for [[MAGfest#The Christory of Sonichu panel|Chris's panel]] at [[MAGfest]] 2018.

<center>{{StackhouseSaga}}</center>

==Classic Chris Era (''27 October 2007 to 20 March 2010'')==

The era that most associate with Chris. The mists of antiquity begin to fade on 27 October 2007, when an unrelated thread on the ''[[Something Awful]]'' forums was derailed by someone mentioning seeing our epic cycle's hero in the flesh.

===ED Saga (''November 2007 - 14 April 2011'')===
[[Image:Edsaga.jpg|500px]]

In November 2007, trolls would discover Chris and create a page about him on Encyclopedia Dramatica. Chris would initially think that they just got his information wrong, but as time would go on, Chris would reveal the true depths of his insanity, in the process destroying his friendship with Megan Schroeder and becoming the epic lolcow we know him to be. Were it not for this article showing how susceptible he was to trolling and how [[Autism|divinely autistic]] he could be, Chris may have just been another dumbass with no life, and probably would have been more or less forgotten by now. To this day, ED remains a thorn in his side which he must constantly address to those new to his life. Further to this, he still maintains they are out to do him harm, although the site has long since fallen out of relevance in Chris's life, replaced with outlets such as the [[Kiwi Farms]].

<center>{{EDSaga}}</center>

===Blanca Saga (''August - 21 October 2008'')===
[[Image:Blancasaga.jpg|500px]]

Around August 2008, Chris would meet Blanca Weiss, making her his first Internet sweetheart. Aside from being the first sweetheart, she also proved how [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|tenacious and strange]] Chris could be about relationships, revealing several [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|quirks and oddities that he felt were somehow appropriate to mention]] to someone he believed loved him. It also showed how useless any [[white knight]]ing efforts could be. In the span of two months, Blanca (actually three trolls working in tandem) would release the infamous pictures of Chris naked, then obtain Chris's [[medallions]] and film a video of them cutting one up and [[Fire|setting it ablaze]].

<center>{{BlancaSaga}}</center>

===Jimmy Hill Saga (''Mid-2008/Late 2008'')===
[[Image:Jimmyhillsaga.jpg|500px]]

At the same time Chris was dealing with Blanca, he was hit with another troll attack as he was led to believe that a man known as Jimmy Hill was using the Sonichu name and character to make money off of him in Europe. The thought of someone making money from his true and original creation led him to [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|stress out and provide proof]] of the [[Copyright|infringement]]. Those attacks would end around the same time the Blanca Saga ended.

<center>{{JimmyHillSaga}}</center>

===Clyde Cash Saga ''(December 2008 - Mid-2010)''===
[[Image:Clydesaga.jpg|500px]]

In 2008, Chris encountered a new troll named Clyde Cash, who went on a months-long trolling spree to get back at the autistic wonder for supposedly causing his [[Ryan Cash|brother's suicide]]. The saga would result in the revelation of a [[The Miscreants|top secret organization]] hellbent on preventing the manchild from losing his virginity. It only ended with the apparent death of its creator.

However, in [[September 2009]] Chris resumed his war against Clyde Cash after discovering that he and another supposed troll, [[Gregg Mays]], were one and the same person. In the process, he made numerous videos attempting to blackmail the man, going so far as to mock a [[Twin Falling Towers|national tragedy]].

<center>{{ClydeCashSaga}}</center>

===PandaHalo Saga (''Mid-2008/Late 2008 - February 2009'')===
[[Image:Pandasaga.jpg|500px]]

When Chris realized Blanca was a troll, he would move on to PandaHalo as his new sweetheart. The saga came to a quick and abrupt end when he found out that she was supposedly found to be bearing the child of Clyde Cash, conceived through rape. Unsurprisingly, the ever-gullible Chris would quickly abandon Panda and she would (presumably) die in the Australian [[Brushfire Video|brushfires]], despite living miles away from the incident; question remains as to whether she really died in this event, or was actually working in tandem with Clyde, their relationship being consensual after all. She would end up giving trolls the [[Scrapbook of Fail]] and [[Slideshow]].

<center>{{PandaSaga}}</center>

===Miyamoto Saga (''January - 10 February 2009'')===
[[Image:Miyamotosaga.jpg|500px]]

In the beginning of January 2009, Chris would be confronted by a troll posing as [[Nintendo]] developer [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], claiming he would attempt to try to make his ''Sonichu'' game fantasy a reality. Unfortunately, Chris proved to be nothing more than a couch potato, and his ineptitude resulted in horrible delays and stalls to the project's advancement. In the end, "[[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]" shut down the entire project with a scathing letter. This trolling encounter would have Chris give trolls a PowerPoint project that talked in great length about [[Chris and his ego|himself]]...and very little about his game.

<center>{{MiyamotoSaga}}</center>

===Julie Saga (''February - March 2009'')===
[[Image:Juliesaga.jpg|500px]]

Arguably ''the'' most divisive and controversial out of Chris's trolls until the [[Idea Guys]]. In February 2009 to early March 2009, Chris's latest sweetheart would be Julie, who was in actuality a 13-year-old troll named [[BlueSpike]]. In this brief timeframe, BlueSpike would release the infamous [[sex tape]] and then torture Chris in many ways in the infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself]] chat, where he forced Chris to declare [[BILLY MAYS]] mayor of [[CWCville]] and destroy his second medallion by forcing him to [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|shove it up the dumper]]. BlueSpike's total and utter control over Chris, as well as his arguably abusive ways of trolling him, would lead to a schism between trolls, leading to the creation of the [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]] and this very wiki. One other less disturbing yet no less fascinating incident that came about as a result of this Saga was the [[Ohio trip]]; taking place just a week before the infamous reveal, Chris was willing to drive hundreds of miles to Cleveland in the hopes of rescuing Julie from Max and Clyde Cash; needless to say, this has been the furthest he's driven for any Sweetheart, and since then Chris was unwilling to drive significantly shorter distances to meet later potential girlfriends such as [[Kacey]] and [[Jackie]] in the years that followed.

<center>{{JulieSaga}}</center>

===PS3 Hacking Saga (''March 3 2009 - 30 August 2010'')===
[[File:PS3HackingSaga.png|500px]]

After [[Bluespike]]'s vicious abuse of Chris, he was shunned, and kicked out of [[The Miscreants]]. However, many [[trolls]] took inspiration from him hacking into Chris's beloved [[PlayStation Network]] account, and used this as an inspiration for future trolling plans. On 22 [[May 2009]], [[Clyde Cash]] would fake his death and subsequently hack into Chris's PSN account, but he would get outplayed by a greater foe.

During [[July 2009]], [[Jack Thaddeus]] would work with his daughter [[Samantha Thaddeus]] in order to gain access to Chris's PSN Account. Jack made Chris do many things in order to get his account back, including making [[It's UGH!#Video|two]] [[It's UGH!#Remake|videos]] proclaiming his acceptance of [[Homos|gay people]], and a video of him [[Chris humps his PS3|humping his PS3 for 8 minutes straight]].

On 24 [[February 2010]], [[Surfshack Tito]] would hack into Chris's PSN account, and less than a month later he would [[The Wallflower|steal his girl]].

On 3 [[May 2010]], Chris would find [[PS3/How the PS3 is Hacked|an article]] on the [[CWCki]], detailing how [[Clyde]] had placed a bugging device in his PS3, [[I Pimp My Ride|leading him to rip off the wifi antenna]]. On the same day, he would go undercover as a 14-year old troll named '[[JenkinsJinkies]]', where he would be invited to a secret trolling forum called [[Trollin Train]].

On the forum was a list of bounties, including a $9000 reward for anyone who could destroy Chris's PS3. Chris decided to claim the bounty, and recorded a video of him [[The MovingFoward videos|hitting it with a brick, running it over with his car, and then stabbing it with scissors]]. Unfortunately for him, [[Tito]] gave the reward to [[Liquid Chris]], under the belief he was the TRUE and HONEST CWC. And so Chris was left with no money and no PS3...until he bought a new one a few days later.

<center>{{PS3Saga}}</center>

===Emily Saga (''March 2009 - 4 October 2010'')===
[[Image:Emilysagaheader.jpeg|500px]]

A troll, known online as 'LoveYouLongTime' would start interacting with [[Chris]] after he broke up with [[Julie]], under the name '[[Emily]]'. They quickly starting dating, and would meet up [[Date with Emily|in a now infamous date]], where a [[Man in the Pickle Suit|man wearing a pickle costume]] would walk up and steal her away from him. She would later announce in a [[Hooker incident#Post-date call|phone call]] that she had broken up with Chris, had sex with the pickle man, and was living with [[Clyde Cash]].

She would continue interacting with Chris, under the name '[[Kim Wilson]]'. Despite Kim and Chris meeting up multiple times, he had no idea she was [[Emily]], due to his [[facial blindness]]. During her tenure as Kim, she would take Chris to a bar [[Chris's Big Night Out|two]] [[Chris's Big Night Out II|times]] and introduce him to [[Magical Man]]. She would continue talking with Chris all the way until [[2018]], though her last major interaction was when he told her [[PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!|that he spooned regularly]] with [[Barb]]

She's also met up with him pretending to be multiple other women, though none of these interactions are known.

<center>{{EmilySaga}}</center>

===Ivy Saga (''March - July 2009'')===
[[Image:Ivysaga.jpg|500px]]

In March 2009, a girl named Ivy decided to impress a friend by asking Chris for a video shout-out. She didn't know what would come later; his crush towards her would lead him to create 3 special comics and two music videos, a practical spurt of work that wouldn't be surpassed for awhile. The saga also revealed Chris at his [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|creepiest]] [[CWC's Message for Ivy|yet]], scarring many trolls and Christorians, but also provided an incredibly important resource for the latter in showing Chris's [[Heart Level]] at perhaps the strongest it had been since 2007, at least for a time. The saga also resulted in a [[CWC's ¨It's All Coming Back To Me¨|proposal of marriage]]. Despite the work spurt, the saga would come to an abrupt end thanks to a combination of troll interference from [[Joshua Martinez]] and interference from [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Rocky Shoemaker]], leading to Ivy's (fabricated) suicide.

<center>{{IvySaga}}</center>

===Vanessa Saga (''April - May 2009'')===
[[Image:Vanessa Saga.png|500px]]

In [[April 2009]], troll and fellow [[James Madison University|speech therapy]] attendee [[Joshua Martinez]] succeeded in getting Chris to believe that the ''High School Musical'' actress and pop star [[Vanessa Hudgens]] was in contact with him, through Joshua's AIM, in retaliation for Chris's horrible attempt at getting [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] to [[Vanessa Saga#Email to Joshua|troll him]] like Chris, himself, had been trolled. Chris would create videos to show that he was movie-star material, going so far as to [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|cheat]] on his current [[troll|true and honest]] [[Ivy|sweetheart]]. Predictably, [[Chris and reality|he wasn't]] exactly the type Vanessa was looking for.

This [[Vanessa Saga|saga]] goes to show that even the most gullible of things can get by Chris, even when the perceived truth is a [[Weens|horrible]] [[Autism|excuse]] of ammunition against the poor manchild, which just shows how desperate he may be for [[Love Quest|romantic attention]].

<center>{{VanessaSaga}}</center>

===CWCipedia Saga (''4 May 2009 – 26 June 2010'')===
[[Image:The CWCipedia Saga.jpg|500px]]

In early June 2009, Chris was given his own wiki to upload his comics and blog about his personal life, safe from the trolls who instantly dive at his other web pages and hack them. It doubled as a source for the [[CWCki]] to draw many of Chris's latest failures from, making it his best friend and his worst enemy.

On 19 [[November 2009]], perhaps one of the greatest features the wiki introduced was the [[Mailbag]], in which a dump of all [[fan]] e-mails sent to the admin's address could be answered by Chris, for all to see. This feature provided insight into how Chris responds to trolls through e-mail about his views on, for example, homosexuality, GodJesus, autism, etc.

After 23 November 2009, advertisements linking to porn sites, gay rights organizations, information on Asperger's syndrome, and the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia]] took residence on the CWCipedia, paid for by trolls. Eventually, Alec, the creator of Asperchu, paid Jack Thaddeus to replace most, if not all, of the ads with ads for Asperpedia. Chris had [[Address to my Cwcipedia SysOp|complained]] [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|repeatedly]] to the SysOp of the Wiki about these ads, which would have paid for the site until the end of 2010, pending negotiations.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu</ref> All of this had "stressed" Chris out to the point of uploading videos of himself screaming [[death threats]] upon the advertisers' heads, and creating a separate, stress-free, ad-free front page.

This saga would lead to the site being shut down twice in a row, both due to copyright infringement, and would lead to the death of [[Simonla Rosechu]] in the most humiliating way - death by exploding toilet.

The Asperpedia team would continue to vandalize and hijack CWCipedia in a variety of ways until it finally collapsed in May, and Chris finally abandoned the site after already making numerous claims that he'd quit the Internet forever. After Mao moved in to fill the void, he passed ownership to [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec]] and [[Vivian Gee]], wherein they took over the site and the rights to Sonichu to begin ''Sonichu'' Season 2, where ultimately, on 26 [[June 2010]], the entire site would be terminated along with the entirety of the original 110mb server.

<center>{{CWCipediaSaga}}</center>

===Liquid Chris Saga (''21 June - 10 November 2009'')===
[[Image:Liquidsaga.jpg|500px]]

In July 2009, Chris came up with a plan to try getting the trolls off his back. He [[Rollin' and Trollin'|faked a revelation]] that he was apparently a troll himself who is the complete opposite of Chris in real life. Along then came the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler, which got the other Chris (at this point nicknamed [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] and Solid Chris) really pent up with rage. Ian would challenge Chris to a sing-off, with the TRUE and HONEST CWC proving himself the victor in the end. The appearance of this other Chris would pressure the other into churning out more comics than he had before, currently heading for the completion of [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], something that many believed would never happen due to the interference of many trolls.

Later, Liquid would return to continue on his quest to get rid of this faker. In the process of this new entry to the saga, Ian and Chris would battle over the heart of Chris's true love, [[Kacey]]. In the end, after a [[Kacey calls|long]] [[Father Call|series]] [[Kacey and Liquid Call|of]] [[The End for Real|calls]] that proved Ian to be unworthy of her love, the real Chris would win out and marry Kacey. Liquid's YouTube account would eventually close on 27 July 2011.

<center>{{LiquidSaga}}</center>

===Asperchu Saga (''November 2009 - 10 January 2012'')===
[[Image:The Asperchu Saga.jpg|500px]]

In late November 2009, an artist named [[Alec Benson Leary]] started a new series called ''Asperchu'', starring the titular Electric Hedgehog Pokemon. Chris had spent most of December ignoring ''Asperchu'' and its popularity before finally exploding with rage, claiming the series as nothing more than fanfiction and a parody. The popularity of ''Asperchu'', combined with Chris's continuing downward spiral that is [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], led many of Chris's fans to abandon ''Sonichu'' and go to ''Asperchu''.

Most of the saga has been spent with Chris raging at not just Alec, but also [[Evan]], Sean, and Asperpedia admin Mao over their usage of their characters and how they mock him. As well, Chris has been dealing with Evan over the usage of Simonla Rosechu, with Chris going so far as to deny reality and substitute it with his own.

In terms of productivity, it has given us ''Sonichu'' #10, which showcases Chris going all out in trying to get rid of everything he hates, including homosexuality and trolls. In that same book, Chris kills all four trolls involved in this saga as retaliation for making him kill Simonla Rosechu. Also, [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|nine phone calls]] have been leaked. These phone calls show Alec attempting to get through to Chris and his way of thinking and Chris fighting tooth and nail not to change at all.

In the aftermath of the saga, Evan ceased his ''Simonchu'' comic, proud to have Simonla removed, Alec and Sean continued their respective comics, and Mao continues to poke and jab at Chris. And while the saga had for the most part died down, Asperpedia continued to harass its rival CWCipedia, either by placing new ads, vandalizing it, or shutting it down altogether. One of the post-trial ads even precipitated Chris's falling out with [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]].

Alec Benson Leary would later be [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|called out]] by Chris in 2011, and his identity was "revealed" as Christopher Paul Whitney, followed by Chris [[Chris and health|sloppily devouring a cheap microwavable pizza]]. This later turned out to be fake as months later, the ''real'' Christopher Paul Whitney made a response to Chris and essentially confirmed he was not Alec.

<center>{{AsperchuSaga}}</center>

===Tito Saga (''January 2010 - 10 August 2011'')===
[[Image:The Surfshack Tito Saga.jpg|500px]]

Sometime in January 2010, Chris met and fell in love with [[The Wallflower]], hoping she would be the one who'd end his streak of being a [[virgin with rage]]. On 9 March 2010, Chris would release a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' video of a stage based off a book he was helping write with his gal-pal... and release her name in the process. Dedicated trolls used the information to discover the gal-pal's identity, but decided to let the lulz spread naturally. The next day, however, a troll revealed the information to the gal-pal, and while one set of lulz was stopped, another one was set into motion.

The troll, calling himself Surfshack Tito, claimed responsibility for not only hacking his PSN accounts for the umpteenth time, but also stealing The Wallflower from Chris. Chris, in response, threatened to go all out and seemingly try to murder Tito, threatening him with a [[pocket knife]], attacking him with [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|racial slurs]], and [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|flashing his underwear while wearing a Scottish kilt]]. At the same time, Chris discovered and declared war on the CWCki, demanding that all pages involving himself, his friends and family be altered to suit his needs. To put it bluntly, Chris's attack on the CWCki fell utterly short.

The creativity here has been utterly stunted, especially after The Wallflower left him. He has gone on to blame his fans for wanting him to make more comics and compared them to the trolls that have tormented him. He has also vowed to leave the Internet forever, though he ended up reshowing his face 36 hours after his vow...

Tito was a major player in getting Chris to [[The MovingForward videos|destroy his PS3 for a fake bounty]]. Chris and Tito planned to meet up at a Starbucks where a [[pickleman]] would give him the money, but despite [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails#Waiting for $9001|waiting]] Tito would never show up. Tito later explained this was because he gave the money to [[Liquid Chris]]

Echoes of this saga would be eventually heard in [[August 2011]] when, after announcing his glorious comeback to the Internet, Chris claimed to have discovered the true identity of Tito and tried to blackmail him using this information. Tito eventually [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don#Tito's official response|gave in]] to his demands on 9 August, which Chris [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy|later acknowledged and accepted]].

<center>{{TitoSaga}}</center>

==Dark Ages (''20 March 2010 to 3 September 2014'')==

Though [[The Miscreants|the Miscreants]] could collectively keep Chris on edge for well over a year, it was perhaps inevitable that even the archetypical lolcow would someday cease to give milk. His seeking out the Wallflower and then Jackie in person, instead of believing every self-declared boyfriend-free girl who caught his fancy online, was an early sign of the changing atmosphere: Chris's ill-fated attempt to seduce her marked a shift from focusing on on-line to real-world affairs. Information on Chris's life would increasingly need to be sought through [[Flipnote Hatena]], in-person encounters and other sources beside the Internet; [[Chris and cinematography|traditional videos]] became less frequent. Occasional [[muscle bra|transvestitism]] would soon become [[tomgirl|permanent]] as Chris began to leave his old identity behind him. Surprisingly, Chris would come to abstain even from his traditional [[Love Quest|pursuit of women]] and put the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]] on indefinite hiatus.

All sagas during this period are of this early transitional phase: [[Bob Chandler]]'s death in late [[2011]] drew a veil over Chris's affairs for the next several years. Direct records from Chris during this time are nearly exclusively found on [[Facebook]]; for a time, it appeared that Chris had learnt from his many years of abuse at the Internet's hands and was finally keeping a low profile. We are again dependent mostly on third-party sources for events such as [[28 October 2011|Snyder's near-death at Chris's hands]], the resulting [[Chris and the law|conviction]] and the [[2014 house fire]] in the following years. Organic CWC-generated activity would not re-emerge until mid-[[2014]], proving that he had, in fact, [[honor roll|learnt nothing]] from past events.

===First Exile (''20 March 2010 - 29 August 2010'')===
[[File:Exile.jpg|500px]]

After Chris lost the Wallflower and fought with Surfshack Tito, an outside force attempted to push Chris away from the Internet. No fewer than five times, Chris has boldly claimed that he has abandoned the Internet and smugly told his detractors that [[Chris and hypocrisy|they should go outside and live their lives]], advice Chris himself should have followed ''years'' ago. However, Chris still latched onto the Internet as much as he could, trying to find ways to sneak in without the force discovering him.

During this period he started a relationship with a girl named [[Jacklyn Romy]], and infiltrated the [[Trollin Train|inner circle of trolls]] using his persona '[[JenkinsJinkies]]'.

Trolls would end up discovering Chris dancing like a dying turkey at [[Fridays After Five]], then discover that he had set up shop at [[Flipnote Hatena]], where he tried to spread his sick and twisted thoughts to younger, innocent people before being shut down several times. However, the thing that would finally bring Chris back to the Internet and end his exile would be [[The MovingForward videos|the destruction of his beloved Life Upgrade]]. At his own hands, no less!

<center>{{FirstExile}}</center>

===Jackie Saga (''5 April - 26 November 2010; 7 December 2010 - May 2012'')===
[[Image:JackieSaga.jpg|500px]]

Following the Wallflower incident's fallout, Chris pulled himself away from the Internet, only for him to meet and begin conversing to a woman named Jackie. Meeting her at [[The Hook Cafe]], the two began conversing through [[Jackie Emails|e-mails]], revealing the rationale in Chris's attempts to get back into The GAMe PLACe and showing [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|he's still incredibly disturbing]]. However, Chris broke off his relationship with her after she attempted to get him to change his life for the better.

Around [[September 2010]], Jackie and Chris were confirmed to have attempted to try again with a relationship, with Chris creating [[100_2265|even]] [[ECV 00002|more]] [[Pregnant Act|disturbing]] [[Don'tPintheOop|videos]] in the process. A third party--[[Lars]] McNulty, Jackie's ex-boyfriend--stepped in by the end of September, prompting Chris to release several videos attacking his newfound enemy. Video updates became increasingly bizarre, but still occurred regularly until the end of [[October 2010|October]].

By [[November 2010|November]], the leaked correspondence showed that Jackie was getting increasing impatient as Chris kept failing to fulfill her requests, while Chris made up a lot of lame excuses for why he could not deliver on them, all while continuously begging Jackie to have sex with him. On November 26, Jackie would send Chris the latest in a string of e-mails in which she criticized him for his laziness and unwillingness when it came to pay a more active part in relationships, and how he, despite of this, kept begging her for sex. Chris stopped responding at this point, leading many to believe that the Jackie saga had finished.

However, in [[December 2010|December]], Jackie and Chris were in contact again. This would not be known until 2013, where a whole bunch of emails from then to [[September 2011]] were leaked. During this time, Chris came out as a tomgirl to her, while she later got Chris to make a bunch of humiliating videos, including [[Cakefarts]]. These would be leaked in [[February 2012]], leading to Chris unfriending her on Facebook in [[April 2012|April]], though refriending her a month later. She was never heard from again, putting an end to the saga.

<center>{{JackieSaga}}</center>

===Calling Out Saga (''6 August - 6 September 2011'')===
[[Image:Call_Out.png|500px]]

During the beginning of [[August 2011|August]], Chris began to release videos as an attempt to get some sort of [[fangs|reprisal]] and [[Chris and his Ego|apology]] out of the [[trolls#The Few, the Proud, the Elite|trolls]]. Chris warned the trolls that if they didn't meet his [[Chris and negotiation#Calling Out|demands]] on the [[Stress|deadline]] Chris had set for them, then Chris would leak information [[Naïve|that he believed to be true]], even though most believe some of the information to be [[Kimmi|fake]]. This saga is notable for [[Calling Out#Summary|videos]] that showcase Chris's new [[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]] look, and further set in stone the aformentioned [[Tomgirl Saga]]. Though Chris reached the zenith of the Calling Out Saga on a high, having believed himself to have exiled some of his most prominent rivals from the internet, these series of videos would, however, come to an abrupt [[September 2011#Events|end]] after [[Chris and death#Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. (1927–2011)|tragedy struck the Chandler household]].

<center>{{CallingOutSaga}}</center>

===Second Exile (''6 September 2011 - 9 July 2014'')===
[[File:CWC Exile II Banner.png|500px]]

Unlike the other exiles listed here, the Second CWC Exile came unannounced with the death of his [[Bob Chandler|father]]. Then came [[28 October 2011|October 28]], a day which will live in infamy for Chris. After trespassing and running over [[Michael Snyder]], he and [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] were arrested. Despite the help of [[Rob Bell]], they were found guilty and were sentenced. Since that day, most, if not all of Chris's internet activity were confined to his [[Facebook]] account, where he would gripe about loneliness and nostalgia. It wasn't until 2013 where he uploaded a new video. Although [[January 2014]] would bring him back to the spotlight briefly due to [[2014 house fire|a house fire]], it wasn't until the Sonic Boom saga where he would return to relevance.
{{SecondExile}}

==Renaissance (''3 September 2014 to 24 October 2017'')==

A combination of events - namely yet another failed online sweetheart, and showing hatred for a ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' reboot so immense that it would eventually get him arrested - would lead to Chris being dragged back into the Internet spotlight.

===Catherine Saga (''9 July - 14 December 2014'')===
[[File:catherinesaga.png|500px]]

With his newly acquired feminine wiles from his transition to a Tomgirl, Chris managed to attract a sweetheart who would be his first lesbian romance. In the summer of 2014, Chris would reveal he had found a new sweetheart, whose identity he managed to surprisingly conceal for period of time. Later, he would [[I Love You, Catherine|reveal]] that her name was Catherine. Predictably, she turned out to be a troll, who revealed much about Chris having met with him twice. Catherine's associate, [[Cousin Al]], would also meet the two of them at Applebee's, to which Chris would invite both of them to the charred remains of his house following a fire. From there, Al would collect several of Chris's old Manchester High assignments.

According to Catherine, his [[Catherine#The Date|behavior had not improved]] since the sexual harassment in the early days of the Megan Saga, and neither had the Chandlers's [[Rental House|comprehension of basic sanitation]]. In addition to Catherine's observation on her personal encounters, Chris also announced he had got a piercing on his [[Un-clit|perineum]], meaning this Saga provides some more detail on Chris's disturbing new features as a Tomgirl.

<center>{{CatherineSaga}}</center>

===Sonic Boom Saga (''3 September 2014 - 7 December 2015'')===
[[Image:SonicBoomSagaBanner.png|500px]]

This Saga began with Chris grumbling on [[Facebook]] about the announcement of the latest [[Sonic]] game, ''[[Sonic Boom]]''. Chris wasn't alone in his discontent; many of his Facebook friends expressed disapproval about the deteriorating quality of the Sonic games. What made Chris unique in his irritation, is that the fact that Chris only took umbrage at the fact that the color of Sonic's arms had been changed from tan to blue.

This baffled most of his white knights, with [[William Elliott Waterman]] trying to explain just how ludicrous Chris's demands to Sega to revert back to blue were, especially considering ''Sonic Boom'' was not part of the ''Sonic'' canon. The fact that Sega had no control in the design of Sonic's arms did not deter him and, thanks to his white knights who unwaveringly encouraged him, he began to protest. Initially, his protest against the "Blue-Armed Bandit" took the form of Facebook boycott groups, petitions, and [[Death Threats|angry messages]] on Sega Facebook pages.

On [[26 December 2014|Boxing Day]], however, this Saga came into bloom, culminating in Chris's second pending court case. Despite warnings from even his most loyal white knights, Chris had decided to take it upon himself to bring the protest into the real world. He went into his local GameStops and vandalized the display cases, including stores he had [[List of places that have banned Chris|previously been banned from]]. It was during his visit to one of these stores that had banned Chris that resulted in his arrest on Boxing Day. Chris had been seen and asked to leave by the [[manajerks|management]]. After initially ignoring their requests he made his way towards the exit and, whilst on the way out, maced an employee, who hadn't been involved in his removal. As a result, Chris spent the weekend in jail, only to have Barb bail him out afterwards.

Despite this, he continues to go on a tard rage over Sonic's blue arms, calling out Kengle because he owns a ''comic'' with blue-armed Sonic, sending glitterbombs to Sega, and buying a Sonic Boom doll just to rip its arms off.

Later though, Chris claims victory in the blue arms debacle, due to Sonic the Hedgehog being his non-blue-armed form in ''Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games''. He says this is the final update for the group, but only time will tell if he's telling the truth.

Ultimately, after six days in court, Chris was found guilty on 15 October 2015 for the GameStop incident and was fined $541 along with a 180-day probation. Thus, the Blue Arms Saga ends (or has it?). Months later, Chris instructed his fanbase to [[Group Embargo on GameStop, Best Buy, and Simon Shopping Centers|boycott]] local stores which refused his request to be unbanned.

<center>{{SonicBoomSaga}}</center>

===Lady Managers Saga (17 November 2015 - July 2016)===
[[File:LadyManagersSaga.png|500px]]

Between fall 2015 and summer 2016, Chris was in contact with people he vaguelly dubbed his ladyfriends or managers. During this time, he would be trolled by various characters - [[Jeff/Francine]] Ouzos, a thinly-disguised parody and wealthy rival of Chris; [[Sam and Ellen]], a lesbian couple considering Chris as a sperm donor, to whom he showed off his [[Chris's Specimen Sample|frozen sperm collection]]; and [[Johan]], the catalyst for the [[Lesbian Sex Audition]].

This saga saw the return of Chris uploading videos to YouTube after a years-long hiatus.

<center>{{LadySaga}}</center>

===Pmurt Saga (25 September 2016 - 20 January 2017)===
[[File:Pmurt Saga.png|500px]]

The saga started with a [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote|Facebook comment on 25 September]] in where he decried then Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump for his anti-LGBTQ opinions and misogynistic attitudes, labeling him "Pmurt" in an attempt to spite him. Many found this comment surprising, as Chris has been historically neutral in politics. As the election drew closer, Chris continued to criticize Trump, seemingly oblivious to the irony that any negative trait he could levy was far more applicable to himself. This saga reached its peak when Trump was elected president. During this point, he would make [[Pmurt#2016|death threats to him]]. This culminated in a one-week ban from Facebook.

On Inauguration day, Chris would make [[The United States of America has NO President or Vice President, Whatsoever|one last attack]]. Although Chris still holds negative opinions of Pmurt, he is not nearly as expressive with his vitriol as he was during this saga. Even when Trump was impeached, Chris gave no thoughts on it.

<center>{{PmurtSaga}}</center>

===Doopie Saga (''7 March - 26 September 2017'')===
[[File:DoopieSaga.png|500px]]

Also coined by the [[Kiwi Farms]], this saga began when Chris [[March 2017 tweets#Empathizing with BPD|made a tweet]] empathizing with ''Planet Dolan'' animator and artist [https://www.youtube.com/user/DoopieDoOver DoopieDoOver]. He began frequently replying to her tweets, usually with small talk and the occasional sharing of a life experience, or shameless attempts at flirting. The saga's climax began on 1 August, when Chris pledged to Doopie's alternative Patreon account, "Kittenbell", which handles pornographic commissions. The same day, Chris listed her among his [[Gal pals]] on "National Girlfriend Day", only for her to promptly rebuke him.
Afterward, Doopie tweeted about the harassment she was receiving (from Chris), went to the Kiwi Farms, and leaked his private e-mails to her business account. Chris discovered that Doopie had turned on him and desperately followed several of Doopie's friends (including her [[JERKS|boyfriend]]) in an attempt to stay connected. However, he unfollowed most of them when it became clear his plan would not work, while the rest blocked him themselves.

Doopie has not contacted Chris since August 2017; his hopes of building her into a [[sweetheart]] or [[gal pal]] from the ground up, predictably, were in vain. By September, Chris had found a new sweetheart and moved on. Their interactions showed that Chris's immense [[Chris and socialization|social ineptitude]] and creepy behavior have not abated. Doopie inadvertently became the greatest [[Trolls|troll]] Chris faced in many years, [[Heart level|breaking his heart]] and feeding new information to Christorians.

<center>{{DoopieSaga}}</center>

===Quinn Saga (''7 September - 5 October 2017'')===
[[File:Quinn Saga.png|500px]]

Jessica Quinn, for years a [[white knight]] of Chris, suddenly decided to troll him with the tried-and-true method of [[Sweetheart|pretending to fall in love with him]]. Highlights of the brief saga include pictures and videos of Chris crying over a short breakup, an old-fashioned [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|rage video]] following their final breakup (which he initially blamed on hackers from [[Kiwi Farms]]), and Quinn manipulating Chris into adding fat fetishism to ''Sonichu''. This saga would serve as the transition for the new wave of trolling yet to come for Chris.

<center>{{QuinnSaga}}</center>

==Transcendental Awakening (''August 2017 to 30 July 2021'')==

After a period of reemergence from Chris, several trolls soon began to notice Chris's deteriorating mental state, and found it the perfect opportunity to troll him again, this time through the tactic of [[enablers|enabling]] his beliefs and brainwashing new ridiculous concepts into him. This all began with [[Joshua Wise]], an anime-obsessed troll who greatly manipulated him for his own personal gain by changing major parts of the canon of his Sonichu comics, coercing him into producing strange videos, and proposing the [[Polyamorous marriage|infamous marriage]] between Chris and a bunch of fictional characters, half of which Chris had already created.

Chris's new motto to [[Chris and kindness|befriend everyone he meets]], even complete strangers, has also made it much easier to manipulate him. Because of this, many other trolls began to follow suit, using some of the same tactics that Wise had used to manipulate Chris with, with very little questioning on his end. Since then, Chris has started to believe himself to be the goddess of an alternate dimension, dubbing himself and all other residents of said dimension as "[[OCs]]".

===Idea Guys Saga (''25 October 2017 - 29 April 2018'')===
[[Image:Ideaguysaga image.png|500px]]

In early November 2017, Chris began blurting out nonsensical stories about [[Sonichu (comic)|his comics]], such as the characters of [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] invading [[CWCville]], CWCville reacting to the invasion by setting up [[Operation BARBarossa|concentration camps]], and Vladimir Putin being president of the United States in another dimension. He also began making strange videos involving Internet memes and cultural and historical references he clearly did not understand.

It came to light that an anonymous troll, acting as Chris's "idea guy", noted Chris's difficulty distinguishing [[Chris and reality|reality and fiction]] and lack of understanding of history and politics, and began convincing Chris to make bizarre or politically incorrect content. There are signs that the Idea Guy's influence was coercive or deceptive in nature, such as Chris being [[Chris and hypocrisy|shocked]] at his suggestion that Rosechu was [[Homos#Transgenderism|transgender]], and appearing visibly uncomfortable as he performed an "[[CWC-isms#A|anchuent]] [[Cherokee|Cherokean]] chant".

After a calm period in early January, the saga escalated again as Chris made [[Smashing|two]] [[Get Out, You D*** Nazis|bizarre]] videos of ranting about Nazis and smashing his possessions. Possibly as a response, moderators at [[Kiwi Farms]] doxed the Idea Guy troll, revealing his name as Joshua Wise.

Despite that setback, Wise decided to continue being the Idea Guy. His changes to ''Sonichu'' remained canon, with Chris continuing to produce drawings using ideas which Wise had established prior to the dox, and Chris continued to proudly wear the [[Chris and fashion#Gopnik outfit|Gopnik outfit]] which Wise first convinced him to don.

Chris subsequently announced that he was bisexual, and was attracted to [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|his own fursona]] and said he had gotten married to [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan]]. More questionable acts such as Chris [[Dick Licker; that is I|licking pictures of Magi-chan's penis drawn on a wall]] and prostituting himself on Twitter were scripted and executed.

In May 2018, [[The Captain]] discovered what the Idea Guys were doing and rescued Chris from the Idea Guys. He, along with [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Marvin]] and [[Null]], then gathered evidence to submit to law enforcement. As for Chris, he disavowed some ideas given to him by the Idea Guys (though keeping the majority of them, like his make-believe marriage).

<center>{{IdeaGuySaga}}</center>

===Prequel Comic Saga (''2 January 2018 - 14 May 2018'')===
[[File:PrequelComicSaga.png|500px]]

On 2 January 2018, the graphic designer and comic creator [[Bryanfrogboy|Bryan Shickley]] would get the attention of Chris after he had created "Chris Chan: A Prequel Comic". Bryan then soon claimed that he would make merchandise off of the francise, to which Chris approved. During a time when Chris was in financial ruin, which was later worsened after the Idea Guys extorted money from him, the comic, along with the merchandise created by Bryan, would become some of the first things that Chris would promote to help him out of his dire financial situation.

Bryan's comic would also get Chris to reflect on some of his biggest blunders, including SheCameForCWC.jpg, him attemping to run over Michael Snyder, and others.

A highlight of the brief saga includes Chris approaching what appeared to be his first male sweetheart, Bryan himself, as a result of the Idea Guys previously brainwashing him into believing he was bisexual, even writing an erotic gay poem for him. Attempts were made by Bryan's girlfriend to keep Chris away from Bryan. Along with this, gal-pal Tings Tingz would also show feelings for Bryan.

Due to his associations with Chris during the midst of the Idea Guys, Bryan would be accused by onlookers as a possible troll and/or ween, as well as getting attacked by actual weens himself.

<center>{{PrequelComicSaga}}</center>

===Guard Dogs (''Summer 2018'')===
[[Image:Guard Dogs Banner.png|500px]]

After the events of the Idea Guys saga, it became clear that Chris was dealing with a [[ween]] epidemic. To combat this, the [[Guard Dogs]] decided to step in and filter Chris's emails and Twitter to prevent trolls from getting through. Null made a thread on Kiwi Farms showing off the intercepted ween messages and even doxing the senders.

Null and The Captain would also attempt to give Chris advice. In particular, Null encouraged him to talk to his therapist about the Idea Guys, in order to fast-track law enforcement involvement, but Chris was reluctant to do so. Instead, Chris opted to retreat into the ruins of his fantasy world.

The Guard Dogs have since disbanded.

<center>{{GuardDogSaga}}</center>

===Lukas, Devil and Eva Saga (''24 April 2018 - 1 January 2019'')===
[[Image:TTS Saga2.png|500px]]
{{main|Lukas, Devil and Eva}}

Lukas, Devil and Eva is a former group of teenagers who lived locally to Chris. They gained influence over Chris upon Lukas purchasing his porn artwork on [[eBay]] for $1,000 in [[April 2018]].

After the [[Guard Dogs]] had separated Chris from the [[Idea Guys]] in [[April 2018]], he continued to hold onto the beliefs they had programmed into him. Although he was encouraged to seek [[Chris and psychology|therapy]], Chris balked at the idea and instead sought out more people to feed his delusional thinking - and got his wish with Lukas, Devil and Eva's group; around October of that same year, for the second time in 2018, Chris was enabled by people claiming to be his own fictional characters when they invited Chris over to Lukas's house.

In October 2018 Chris began outlining a supposed 'Dimensional Merge' that would take place at the end of 2018, in which the [[Reality Cartoon|real world]], aka Dimension 1218, and its sister dimension, C197, were to collide and combine in an event of supposedly-apocalyptic proportions. Lukas has alleged that this was a holdover from the Idea Guys, but implied that the group encouraged these beliefs in Chris.

The group also trolled Chris by [[2018 Twitter account compromise|logging into his Twitter account and making several inflammatory posts]] claiming to be from him, including leaking several previously unreleased Idea Guys-era videos, such as [[All Star]], [[Tour of Chris's House III]], [[Chris slaps himself]], and [[Chris lost Crystal]] onto Chris's Twitter.

In late [[December 2018]], Lukas was doxed by [[Marvin]], who secretly logged into Chris's Twitter, after he and [[The Captain]] found that Lukas's group was making Chris believe in the Merge. Lukas then leaked more documents from Chris on /cow/. On 30 December 2018, Chris wrote a Twitter post bashing Lukas, also mentioning that Lukas had wanted him to buy [[alcohol|booze]]. Lukas, Devil and Eva have since separated from Chris.

<center>{{TTSSaga}}</center>



===GOPony Saga (''13 August 2018 - November 2024'')===
[[File:GOPONY.png|500px]]

As the [[2010s]] came to a close, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was clearly entering its last days. Since its target audience is school aged children it's a common practice by the more competent animation studios to end those shows before it gets to the point that the kids watching it are younger than the show itself. Afterwards, if said show was part of a franchise, they create a new installment for said franchise. Such a cycle has been happening in My Little Pony since its inception in 1984 and has happened once again. Friendship is Magic ended in [[2019]] with a more light-hearted filler series airing from [[2020]] as a way to tide over the fanbase until the premiere of the new generation, which happened in [[September 2021]] with the release of a movie. The filler series, called MLP: Pony Life struck a major nerve with Chris who holds the belief that Friendship is Magic is meant to have 14 seasons due to delusions rooted in the [[Dimensional Merge]]. This instance, preceded in [[August 2018]] by a panning of the leaked early designs for the G5 ponies were some of the occasional posts of disapproval throughout the close of the decade. For a while it was on Chris's back burner but on 27 [[July 2021]] Chris uploaded a tard rage video demanding that the new My Little Pony generation be cancelled, confirming that Chris holds Sonic Boom-esque feelings towards this. The lulz were subsequently cancelled when Chris admitted to incest.

However, despite his incarceration, this hasn't stopped him from expressing nothing but hatred towards this reboot. Chris had expressed in numberous jail letters about how he believes the reboot has caused major world catastrophes such as the Russo-Ukrainian war, fully returning to this sentiment in 2024.

<center>{{GOPonySaga}}</center>

===Jacob Saga (''14 July - 28 November 2019; 15 July - 26 August 2020'')===
[[File:Jacob Saga.png|500px]]

Though he had been [[autism|autistically]] obsessed with Chris since around 2018, amateur sorcerer Jacob Sockness only made Chris's acquaintance in [[June 2019]], after an unremarkable troll convinced Chris that Sockness would be interested in buying his filthy bathwater. On 14 [[July 2019]], the two agreed to a closer partnership: Sockness would act as a middleman for Chris's [[2019 Sales Listings|merchandise]], in order to evade Chris's [[eBay#Suspension of Chris's eBay|eBay ban]]. The two would soon abandon this scheme, however, instead deciding to direct their attention to another of their shared interests; [[Chris and religion#Delusions of godhood|pretending to be gods]]. Their mystical and occultist schemes would cross-pollinate, Jacob's extraterrestrial demons wending their way into the [[Dimensional Merge]]'s logistics. The most notable example being the [[Spirit possession#Magi-Chan|Magi-Chan possession]], in which from [[August 2019]] to [[September 2019]], Chris believed that he swapped minds with [[Magi-Chan]] in order to visit [[Jacob Sockness]] so he wouldn't need to actually do so in real life. The period of Magi-Chan roleplaying lasted an entire month. Jacob's antics with Chris was not ignored, as soon, [[Kiwi Farms|onlookers]] would find out about Jacob and dox him, but Sockness would not be deterred by a mere dox; for he had apparently already doxed himself long before meeting Chris, and would boast freely and frequently about how he was misleading Chris for his own ends. [[Slow-in-the-minds|Despite the obvious dangers]], Chris continued to believe Jacob's teachings [[honor roll|at face value]], and encouraged his desire to meet in person. In late [[September 2019]], the situation nearly reached a boiling point when Sockness announced that he had secured a train ticket and was traveling from his home in California to [[Charlottesville]], and threatened that he would [[rape|brutally abuse]] Chris after arriving at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Being understandably alarmed by this, Chris [[Chris and negotiation|demanded]] that Sockness return, and with the help of the [[Watchmen]], arranged for a [[white knight|supporter]] to intercept Sockness in Chicago and provide for him to return to San Francisco. Jacob relented, and the two grew more distant. Sockness would temporarily return to Chris's good side in late [[October 2019]] and early [[November 2019]], yet by the end of that month he would once again be cast aside by Chris.

However, in early 2020, Chris once again started to talk to Jacob, believing in Jacob's supposed [[Magical thinking|occult practices]]. Though it appeared that they were coming close to one another again, Chris's and Sockness's relationship would permanently come to an end in [[August 2020]], after Sockness creepily theorized on [[Twitter]] that [[Mia Hamm]] supposedly bared Chris's illegitimate child after they had sex. Although Jacob would make several other attempts to win Chris's favor over the course of the next few months, all attempts would ultimately be unsuccessful.

<center>{{JacobSaga}}</center>

==Rise-N-Fall (''Mid 2018 - 31 July 2021'')==

Chris was heavily active on social media, began creating custom [[Secret Shipfic]] cards, and took his role-playing to new heights, including pretending to be possessed by Sonichu for nearly a year.

In late 2019, a group consisting of [[enablers]] and [[white knights]] was established through [[Discord]]. They gained Chris's trust by appealing to and indulging in his delusions, specifically ones related to the [[Dimensional Merge]] and [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|CPU Goddesses]]. They eventually named themselves the [[Watchmen]].

In late 2020, a group called [[Praetor]] formed to do business with Chris.

In mid-2021, Chris began making plans to attend [[Everfree Northwest]] with [[Null]]'s fundraising help.

However, in 2021, Chris's dormant interest in sex started to stir, with disastrous results when, in [[June 2021]], he began engaging in [[Affair with Mother|sexual activity with his own mother]].

===Copitz Saga (''19 May 2018 - December 2019'')===
[[File:CopitzHeader.jpeg|500px]]

On 19 May 2018, the Youtube speedrunner and Twitch user [[Copitz]] had began visiting [[14 Branchland Court]] to record videos of himself with Chris and his friends in several different areas. Some of these videos included ones where Chris was in an abandoned hospital hunting for ghosts, while others had involved several interviews with him.

Copitz would get contacted by [[TheGamerFromMars]], who wanted to get in contact with Chris for his documentary series, [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy]]. Throughout the documentary, there are 8 scenes of Copitz and GFM talking with Chris, in between the meat of the episode, which is a summary of Chris's life. Despite meeting with Chris in [[December 2019]], the documentary would only be released on [[March 2022]].

{{CopitzSaga}}

===TF2 Analysis Saga (''Late 2018 - 30 October 2020'')===
[[File:SoftExileBanner.png|500px]]

In [[January 2019]], a slew of people began to block Chris on Twitter, either due to his own harassment or egging on by weens. This caused Chris, naturally, to rage about it, and eventually to protect his Twitter account. For months, he had shown no signs of budging. All of his tweets during this period consisted of complaining about being blocked, or else his dimensional delusions mentioned above. After protecting his Twitter account, he would greatly reduce his social media activity, and in [[June 2019]] even extended to disabling comments again on his [[June 2019 videos|recent videos]]. This period of time also marked Chris's bizarre adoption of the word "[[My Little Pony|Bugbear]]" (a phrase referring to minor annoyances) and employing it almost everywhere in his wild and unclear rants. After several months, Chris's initial bitterness from the blocks seems to have faded, and he opened his Twitter account for the public again.

<center>{{SoftExileSaga}}</center>

===Arbitarch Saga (''27 December 2018 - Late January 2020'')===

Sometime on December 2018, the fan [[MKRNightVee]] got into contact with Chris via a phone number a friend gave her. During her interactions with Chris, she played into the recent fantasies Chris had about [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]], roleplaying as the CPU Goddess of the Nintendo Switch CPU Magenta Heart under the guidance of Ryan Winger, aka [[Owls]].

The Arbitarch CWC Alliance was a pre-cursor to what would eventually become the Watchmen, as many of its would-be members such as AquaDiamond8 and Kyle were also associates of MKR, and the group served a similar, albeit less pragmatic purpose. The group started as a clique of enablers that role-played as CPU Goddesses to try and convince Chris that the Dimensional Merge wasn't going to happen.

<center>{{ArbitarchSaga}}</center>

===Secret Shipfic Saga (''16 August 2019 - 31 July 2021'')===


On 16 August, 2019, Chris began to create trading cards for his Sonichu comics, much like his [[Wall of Originals]] using a template from the My Little Pony parody game ''[[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder]]''. His most ambitious project in several years, Chris fully embraced the concept, and has seemingly supplanted the ''Sonichu'' comics in favour of the cards as his principal monetary venture. The card game also became Chris's primary means to expand upon the lore of the fantasy world that he has created, and that several trolls from before had provided influence onto. Chris had posted several cards featuring the OCs created by fans and enablers.

Chris was able to develop a new fanbase through a series of commissions, and implementing people's [[OCs]] into his canon.

<center>{{ShipficSaga}}</center>

===Watchmen Saga (''September 2019 - 27 June 2021'')===

The Watchmen, made up of many of the former members of the Arbitarch CWC Alliance, were a clique of friends, all with the same interest in white-knighting Chris, and keeping him away from the new slew of weens and enablers that came about from Chris's newfound fame. The most well-known iteration of this group, as well as the one most often referred to as "the Watchmen", came about with the creation of [[The Place]] Discord server, which was run by the enabler [[Naught]].

Chris became close friends with the people in the server, and the Watchmen would gatekeep Chris through means of collecting information, doxing, and harassing anybody attempting to interact or get involved with Chris. The existence of the Watchmen was not publicly known until [[August 2020]], in which they leaked content that they had received from Chris.

The Watchmen would be responsible for and or related to many notable events that took place throughout 2020 and early 2021. Such as removing [[Jacob Sockness]]'s influence over Chris, the previously mentioned [[2020 Discord leaks]], being heavily involved in the [[Discord Q&A]]'s, and starting multiple conflicts with members of [[Praetor]].

<center>{{WatchmenSaga}}</center>

===Ben Saint Saga (''29 September 2019 - November 2019'')===

[[Ben Saint]] a webcomic artist and creator of the webseires ''Endless War'', had tried to profit off of Chris's infamy by implementing characters from the comic into Sonichu, thereby creating the "Slime Saga". Chris had eventually implemented Ben's characters and ideas into Sonichu in [[Sonichu Special 7]]. However, Ben's attempts at creating a new saga from the ground-up, and promoting his comic, by tinkering with Chris's own comics only proved to be of a very limited success when Chris began ignoring Saint's attempts at provocation by mid-October, and when conflicts of interest had risen between the two creators. Following from this, several white knights and past enablers such as [[Jacob Sockness]] and [[MKRNightVee]] came into the scene in order to regain power over Chris or to justify Chris's actions. When Chris began shifting his focus on his Sonichu comics to the aforementioned card game, Chris had implemented Saint's characters, as well as ideas brought to him by drama surrounding him, and a new wave of [[white knights]] defending Chris's actions, [[enablers]] suggesting new OCs into Chris's now expanding universe, and [[weens|wannabe trolls]] trying to take a piece of Chris's infamy for themselves would show up into the mix.

{{SaintSaga}}

===ProjectSNT Saga (''6 December 2019 - January 2021'')===

The YouTuber ProjectSNT became famous due to her videos involving her revisiting her Sonic OC, S.N.T. Among SNT's artworks was a redesign for the character [[Wild Sonichu]], which she named "Wild Sonirisu", which was a combination of Wild and the Pokémon Pachirisu. Though Chris originally took SNT's redesign kindly, viewing this as evidence of SNT's tenacity, he became enraged with SNT criticizing his Sonichu and Rosechu designs. This seemingly caused Chris to change his tone with Wild Sonirisu, expressing great disapproval with SNT's art. This would lead to Chris becoming utterly obsessed with SNT, with him trying again and again to make SNT respond to his comments but to no avail.

Things had only gotten worse when Chris had taken note of the fanfiction writer [[Opuscon789]], who created the fanfic ''[[SNT Vs Sonichu]]''. Chris livestreamed his reading of the fanfic, where Chris tard raged over it many times and weens sent pizzas over to his house. Chris similarly expressed his hatred towards Opuscon many times with the Watchmen.

{{SNTSaga}}

===Chandler's List Saga (''2 June 2020 - 8 July 2020'')===

On 2 June 2020, Chris, still role-playing as Sonichu, announced on Twitter that he had been sick and tired of all the years of trolling and exploitation he had experienced. Chris decided that to combat all of this, he'd create a list of all of the people that had personally bothered him over the past decade, threatening that they'd be subject to judgment amongst the gods and goddesses. Chris later began posting his list a week later and continued posting it in pieces for the following month. This stunt was ultimately met with confusion, and arguably brought more attention onto himself than he otherwise might have, especially given how he put prominent content creators like [[OneyNG]] and psychicpebble, two figures who have commented on Chris several times, on this list.

{{ListSaga}}

===Lainchu Saga (''4 August 2020 - 18 March 2021'')===
Lainchu the Chronicler, based on the protagonist of the anime ''Serial Experiments Lain'', was created by Chris and introduced to Naught on 4 August 2020. The character was then repurposed by the Watchmen as a means of communicating with Chris and documenting select posts of his on The Place server and other platforms. Much of the information collected by the character was then documented onto the CWCki. Naught was the first to roleplay the character until handing the role over to Klop on 7 August 2020.

A month prior to this, the Watchman [[Klop]] created the Official CWCki Discord server, and set it up in such a way that if Chris were to get in, he'd only be relegated to one channel, and only those with a certain role could access said channel and communicate with him. However, when Chris joined the server on 10 August 2020 by Naught's invitation, his mere presence only led to an influx of new users, many of which contacted Chris for various purposes. Due to all the chaos that ensued, Klop created a new server called "cwc frens", and banned Chris from the CWCki server. In the new server, there was a "mailbag" channel similar to the [[Mailbag]] from the [[Cwcipedia]].

{{LainchuSaga}}

===Crystalgate Saga (''22 September 2020 - 30 June 2021'')===
After Chris introduced [[Praetor]] to the [[Watchmen]], the Watchmen became increasingly paranoid over Praetor and began to harass its members. The harassment was most infamously seen in an incident, dubbed Crystalgate, in which Chris wanted to borrow a [[taser]] from Praetor for his experiment to taze his quartz crystals to unlock the [[Dimensional Merge]]. Concerned over Chris's safety, Watchmen members confronted Praetor leader Caden Peck. Some Watchmen, [[MKRNightVee]] and [[Naught]], saw this as the perfect opportunity to defame Praetor and lied to the public about the taser, in a failed attempt to force Praetor away. Afterwards, Chris confronted the Watchmen for their handling of the situation. Several of the Watchmen, but especially three members, which Chris dubbed the "toxic trio", viewed this as more initiative to defeat Praetor, and a slew of infighting and drama subsequently occurred between the Watchmen.

<center>{{CrystalgateSaga}}</center>

===KwaiiSandbag Saga (''10 February 2021 - 29 March 2021'')===

After watching Geno Samuel's documentary about Chris, a Discord user under the alias "KwaiiSandbag" decided that he wanted to help Chris by helping him let go of some of his maladaptive coping methods, particularly him roleplaying as Sonichu. To do this, he presented himself to Chris in Instagram DMs as a "psychic", having these abilities since he was 10 years old, and he was involved in a series of five calls involving him, Chris, and a friend of his "[[Lily]]". Kwaii was able to succeed in this endeavor, but he also expressed remorse for his actions after getting flak for this. He was then interviewed by the by-then former Watchman [[Anaxis]], who at the time was the current owner of the CWCki server, to explain his intentions.

This saga is notable for giving insight on what was going through Chris's mind while he was roleplaying as the character. During his roleplay as Sonichu, Chris believed that he was able to have sex with his imaginary spouses, fulfilling Chris's longing for a "relationship". The saga is also noted for the fact that it had seemingly proven that even with influential white knight groups such as the Watchmen, people could still find ways to interact with Chris and troll or enable him.

{{KwaiiSaga}}

===Warhol Saga (''24 May 2021 - 19 September 2021'')===
[[File:WarholHeader.jpg|500px]]

In May 2021 Chris discovered an Amazon listing for a book made by Don Lashomb that favorably compared him to mid-century pop artist Andy Warhol. Naturally this inflated his ego and caused him to devote several tweets to said comparison. Don Lashomb would actually end up writing the book, and selling it on Amazon. Later Chris went on to begin reviewing the book and made [[Warhol Tweets|Tweets]] featuring his takes on the weens compliments, despite his disapproval at Lashomb saying his [[Chris and Reality|delusions weren't real]]. Chris would make several periodic tweets throughout summer 2021, reviewing the book as he went along.

Chris and Don talked in private multiple times, and Lashomb would state that he was very pleasant to talk to, due to him supposedly being polite, able to take criticism, and paying attention to detail<ref>[[Warhol / Chris Chan#Lashomb's Interactions with Chris]]</ref>. Don was one of the people Chris would drop hints to about his [[Affair with Mother|incestous relationship]] with [[Barb]], though he didn't pick up on them. Despite Lashomb cutting ties with Chris, Chris would continue to promote the book in jail.

<center>{{WarholSaga}}</center>

===The Knights Saga (''21 June 2021 - 1 August 2021'')===
This saga marks the crumbling of the Watchmen and their influence. After cutting ties with the other Watchmen, the WCT created a splinter of the Watchmen, which he named the "Knights of CWC" sometime in late June of that year. After convincing Chris to do the same, he also joined the Knights. The Knights server was set up in a very similar fashion to The Place, with one layer being for Chris and "untrusted guests", and another being for the Knights.

On 12 July 2021, The WCT alerted Chris of [[Jacob Sockness]]' plan to come to Everfree in disguise, which prompted Chris to try and find people he could recruit to attend with him, protecting him from Sockness, and taking photos of him while at the event. He invited several of his acquaintances to come there, including [[MKRNightVee]], who declined to come due to time restraints. The two people he ultimately picked to attend were [[Bella]], whom he's known for several months up to that point, and [[Fiona]], a young woman who had a genuine crush on him whom he met sometime in July. Chris invited both Bella and Fiona into the server a week later, and The WCT marked both of them as "untrusted guests". Both of them interacted with the Knights, and Bella and Fiona would also befriend each other, with the former inviting the latter into their own Discord server.

<center>{{EverfreeSaga}}</center>

===Incest Saga (''26 June 2021 - 30 July 2021'')===
[[File:IncestSagaBanner.png|600px]]

During the beginning of 2021, Chris suddenly exhibited intense [[Lonely feelings|signs of sexual frustration]], to the point of openly discussing this with several [[Watchmen]] members, as well as crushing on [[MKRNightVee|several]] [[Annie Ikenberry|females]] [[Isabella Loretta Janke|of]] [[Fiona|interest]] all at once, and having wet dreams involving cartoon characters.<ref>[[The Place chats (February 2021)#Sally Acorn Dream]]</ref><ref>[[MKR DMs#Chris Thorndyke sex dream]]</ref> Towards the end of June, Chris grew impatient and decided to release this sexual frustration by having sexual relations with [[Barbara Chandler]], his own mother. [[Affair with Mother|Chris and Barbara did this over the span of one month every three days.]]

During that timespan, Chris hinted at this affair to multiple trusted people orbiting him, such as [[Null]] on 5 [[July 2021]] and [[Bella]] on 13 July. Chris sustained a misleading cover story to them, referring to Barbara using vague phrases such as a "Sweetheart over 50" and "lady friend". He also lied outright when asked if Barbara had met the sweetheart.

On the 27th, Chris chose to brag about the true identity of the sweetheart to Bella during a [[Incest Call|4-hour video call]] and also wrote [[Incest Texts|texts on the matter]]. Bella secretly recorded parts of the call and shared the files among her friends, and those were ultimately leaked days later in the early morning hours around midnight of 30 July.

On 30 July 2021, Greene County police were contacted and Chris was removed from Barbara's property [[14 Branchland Court]] in which he had also lived, and Barbara was taken to a hospital for a checkup. An [[Emergency Protective Order]] was also taken out against Chris, forbidding him from contacting Barbara or setting foot on her property for a week.

<center>{{IncestSaga}}</center>

==Silent Years (''1 August 2021 - 16 October 2023'')==

After enjoying nearly 14 years of being an infamous internet celebrity with a cult following, Chris's notability rose as his reputation plummeted. His name trended on Twitter as local news picked up on his largest controversy yet, accompanied by many major shifts in Chris's life.

===Jail Saga (''1 August 2021 - 27 March 2023'')===
[[File:Jail Saga Banner.png|600px]]

Continuing the fallout from the [[Affair with Mother]], on 1 [[August 2021]], Chris [[Incest Arrest|was arrested]] at the [[Regency Inn Richmond]] he was staying at, and the next day he was officially charged with one count of felony incest. By the end of the month, it was discovered that [[Barbara]] had returned home, and that the Chandlers' car had been returned to her, with new license plates replacing the SONICHU plates stolen off of it. Meanwhile, Chris was being held in [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]] without bond.

This saga is notable for the [[jail letters]], a series of letters Chris has written to fans and wannabe trolls alike, answering their questions and providing a stream of information about his current delusions and stay in jail. A vast majority of these letters would be Chris's ramblings of being a messianic figure, as well as being a reincarnation of [[Jesus Christ]]. Chris also kept a journal he dubbed the [[Goddess Log]].

On 28 February 2022, Chris was transferred and committed into the [[Western State Hospital]] mental institution in Staunton, Virginia (formerly known as the Western State Lunatic Asylum) for a competency evaluation before his next hearing.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 1 June 2022]]</ref> During his stay, Chris was allegedly [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|pinned down]] by the orderlies on his last day in the facility.

Chris was eventually transferred back to the Central Virginia Regional Jail on 3 May 2022.

On 5 [[August 2022]], Chris's lawyer [[David Heilberg]] issued a motion for an [[autism disorder deferred disposition]] for Chris's case, in which he was placed under probation-like terms.

On 27 [[March 2023]], Chris was released from custody as a result of his compliance with the deferred disposition,<ref>[[:File:VineLink Out of Custody 27 March 2023.png]]</ref><ref>[[:File:VineLink Out of Custody 27 March 2023 - 1 49 pm update.png]]</ref> and he was transferred to [[Gateway Homes]] for a few months. His felony incest charge was dismissed later that year, again due to compliance with deferred disposition terms.

<center>{{PrisonSaga}}</center>

===Third Exile (''27 March 2023 - 16 October 2023'')===
[[File:ThirdExileBanner.png|600px]]

On 27 March 2023 Chris was transferred from jail to [[Gateway Homes]] and soon after he began to be recognized and photographed in public as if he were a cryptid. The start of May would mark the first of [[Post-jail sightings (2023)|many sightings]]. Possibly in a vain hope of disguising himself from watchful eyes, Chris started wearing hats and [[Pedo-Glasses|bulky glasses]], going so far as to hide the [[Sonichu Medallion]] under his shirt. In the latter half of September, Chris's car was spotted at [[14 Branchland Court]], and he was seen allegedly hugging and ''kissing'' a [[Flutter|mysterious blonde woman]].

On 9 August Chris's charge of [[Affair with Mother|incest]] was [[Jail_Saga#Dismissal|dismissed]]. One day later he became active on [[Pokémon GO#Post-jail|Pokémon GO]] in [[Big Island, VA]]. Two days later, Chris spoke his first recorded words since his release as a status update on his [[PlayStation Network#Post-jail activity|PlayStation Network]] account, being "I'm Christ Chan Prime". On the 16th, Chris [[Twitter#Post-jail activity|became active on Twitter]] by liking posts. On the 23rd, Chris made his [[DeviantART#Post-jail|first post-jail social media posts]] in a massive dump of previously unseen art (much of it made in [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]]), along with new content from the unfinished ''Sonichu 15'' comic, now renamed to ''[[Sonichu 0 HD]]''.

<center>{{PostJailSaga}}</center>

==Second Coming (''16 October 2023 - Present'')==

After months of public sightings and reports of incognito online activity, Chris (now under the name of Mrs. Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu Prime) officially returned to the online world and [[Messiah complex|proclaimed himself the messiah]]. Behind the scenes, [[Praetor]] continues to manage Chris and presumably vet his content.

This era has been defined by well-produced and well-edited content uncharacteristic of Chris, likely reflecting both Chris's new experience in video editing. Predictably, as Chris comes the closest he ever has to being a legitimate content creator, his viewership is only plummeting as his content has become unwatchably boring.


===Revelations Saga (''16 October 2023 - 10 April 2026'')===

On 16 [[October 2023]], Chris made his first series of social media posts for over two years on YouTube and Twitter, dubbing himself "Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime" and that he had been resurrected and returned. Despite the best attempts to cover up Chris's current location, [[Kiwi_Farms|internet sleuths]] discovered it to be [[Lynchburg and Big Island, VA#Big Island|a house]] co-owned by [[Caden Peck]] in [[November 2023]]. Meanwhile, off the internet, Chris was spotted several times with [[Flutter]], causing speculation as to her role in regard to both Chris and Praetor.

This saga has largely been defined by Chris's return to both online and public fandom spaces. His tirade against [[My Little Pony: Make Your Mark|My Little Pony G5]] has also continued, with Chris now accusing the show of being [[Russia]]n propaganda.

<center>{{RevelationsSaga}}</center>

===Redemption Saga (''13 February 2026 - 4 April 2026'')===

After a rather abrupt [[List of places that have banned Chris|banhammer]] at [[HarmonyCon]], Chris went on a two-month-long tirade on Twitter and other social media platforms about how he's in the middle of a "redemption arc", something which he alluded to in business cards that he left around the convention. During the brief saga, Chris roleplayed as God, told numerous people to "touch grass", and wished harm towards the person who [[HarmonyCon Snitch|snitched]] on him at the convention.

<center>{{RedemptionSaga}}</center>


==See also==
*''[[Excel Saga]]''

{{References}}
{{Newbie}}
{{Timeline}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category: Sagas]]

Gitar of Fail

2026-06-14T21:34:59Z

WarnerBro:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Gitar.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The gitar in the image that won him $400 from [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest|GameStop]] (''Guitar Hero III'' version).]]

The '''Gitars of Fail''' were Chris's custom-painted ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controllers that made appearances in several videos. They were not mere game controllers, however; Chris liked to pose with the controllers, for example in [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] as well as several videos.

The Gitars also made many appearances in the comics, for example [[Revive Zordon|when going Jericho on 4-Cent Garbage]], and also on the cover of his mocked-up copy of [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]. He appeared to think [[Chris and reality|that it counted as an actual instrument and gave him the skill to really play a guitar.]]

<div style="text-align:center;">'''Fun Fact: He failed at using the guitar strap.'''</div>

After the [[2014 house fire|fire]] which devastated [[14 Branchland Court]] on 10 January 2014, it was speculated for years that the Gitars had been destroyed. During a [[Christ Chan Live Stream: OG Cwcville (Cwcville)-60 Minecraft|livestream]] in [[June 2024]], however, Chris revealed that he was still in possession of at least one of the [[PS3]] renditions of the Gitar. The fate of the others is still unknown.

==Gitars through the ages==
[[File:Gitarr.jpg|thumb|How Chris sees himself.]]

Chris made [[wikipedia:Bobby Kotick|Bobby Kotick]] a ''very'' happy man. If the [[October 2010]] [[100 2278|room pictures]] were clear, Chris had ''at least'' 5 Gitars of Fail:

* The ''Guitar Hero 5'' version, which Chris never managed to mod to the extreme.
* The ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul version, with [[Sonichu]] paint job.
* The ''Guitar Hero I/II'' Gibson SG version, turquoise with the [[United States of America|American]] flag stripes and tons of stickers.
* A mostly [[niggos|black]] one.
* Lastly, the ''Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock'' version, seen in the [[Victory Rockout]] video in August 2011. Chris got this from a garage sale, bundled with an unspecified game.

It's not clear why Chris would buy more than 1 controller, as the controllers were mostly compatible with newer games and he obviously has no friends to play with. Why he kept collecting ''more'' of them after ''Guitar Hero'' went on hiatus is anyone's guess. But then again, common sense has never had much to do with his video game purchasing decisions--or [[Chris and money|any of his purchasing decisions]], really.

He may have had even more of them, as he sold another ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul on [[eBay]] in September 2009. He also had a customized ''Rock Band'' Stratocaster known as "[[Things Chris has ripped off|Meatwad's Shredwud]]" appear in a video he recorded in [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|October 2009]]. Chris hocked this guitar on eBay around the same time, effectively [[Jimmy Hill|selling a product]] identical to another cartoonist's intellectual property.

==Appearances==

[[File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles, Artwork.jpg|thumb|150px|In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]

*The Gitar appeared in the [[PS3 History Level]] video.
*In [[Power]], the [[Nudes|half-naked]] Chris lifts it above his head in a show of [[I AM STRONG|strength]], before miming playing it, namely by wiggling his fingers and screeching.
*In Chris's [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|music video]] for [[Ivy O'Neil|Ivy]], he uses the Gitar extensively to rock out for her. In this video, it appears that Chris has further decorated the Gitar since he [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|first introduced it]] in October 2008.
*It appears again when Chris [[100 2266|cosplays as Grimace.]]
*He occasionally mimes out the main guitar riff in his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend" video.]]

{{clear}}

==Gallery==

===''Guitar Hero II'' version===
<center><gallery>
Image:515-CustomGuitar2.JPG|Closeup of the body. Note how the paint looks like poster paint since Chris's greasy hands would wipe off watercolor.
Image:516-CustomGuitar3.JPG|Neck of guitar controller. Notice Chris's pic of himself playing guitar is on his guitar on the body AND the fretboard. Also, the transformation sequence of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
Image:517-CustomGuitar4.JPG|Head. Notice the Sonichu sticker.
Image:514-CustomGuitar1.JPG|Chris showing it off (to himself, at least).
</gallery></center>

===''Guitar Hero III'' version===
[[File:GuitarOfFail.png|thumb|150px|The ''Guitar'' of Fail.]]
<center><gallery>
Image:Gitar3.png|From the 2010 [[100 2278|room pictures]]. Other than the stickers and shoddy paint job, this design looks decent enough.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying.jpg|Quietly confident.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|The funny thing is, there are no guitar solos in the song "Holding Out For a Hero"... at all.
Image:CWCShred.jpg|There's barely even guitar ''parts'', I'm afraid.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest]]
* [[Chris and music]]
* [[Guitar Hero]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Gitar of Fail

2026-06-14T21:34:27Z

WarnerBro:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Gitar.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The gitar in the image that won him $400 from [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest|GameStop]] (''Guitar Hero III'' version).]]

The '''Gitars of Fail''' were Chris's custom-painted ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controllers that made appearances in several videos. They were not mere game controllers, however; Chris liked to pose with the controllers, for example in [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] as well as several videos.

The Gitars also made many appearances in the comics, for example [[Revive Zordon|when going Jericho on 4-Cent Garbage]], and also on the cover of his mocked-up copy of [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]. He appeared to think [[Chris and reality|that it counted as an actual instrument and gave him the skill to really play a guitar.]]

<div style="text-align:center;">'''Fun Fact: He failed at using the guitar strap.'''</div>

After the [[2014 house fire|fire]] which devastated [[14 Branchland Court]] on 10 January 2014, it was speculated for years that the Gitars had been destroyed. During a [[Christ Chan Live Stream: OG Cwcville (Cwcville)-60 Minecraft|livestream]] in [[June 2024]], however, Chris revealed that he was still in possession of at least one of the [[PS3]] renditions of the Gitar. The fate of the others is still unknown.

==Gitars through the ages==
[[File:Gitarr.jpg|thumb|How Chris sees himself.]]

Chris made [[wikipedia:Bobby Kotick|Bobby Kotick]] a ''very'' happy man. If the [[October 2010]] [[100 2278|room pictures]] were clear, Chris had ''at least'' 5 Gitars of Fail:

* The ''Guitar Hero 5'' version, which Chris never managed to mod to the extreme.
* The ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul version, with [[Sonichu]] paint job.
* The ''Guitar Hero I/II'' Gibson SG version, turquoise with the [[United States of America|American]] flag stripes and tons of stickers.
* A mostly [[niggos|black]] one.
* Lastly, the ''Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock'' version, seen in the [[Victory Rockout]] video in August 2011. Chris got this from a garage sale, bundled with an unspecified game.

It's not clear why Chris would buy more than 1 controller, as the controllers were mostly compatible with newer games and he obviously has no friends to play with. Why he kept collecting ''more'' of them after ''Guitar Hero'' went on hiatus is anyone's guess. But then again, common sense has never had much to do with his video game purchasing decisions--or [[Chris and money|any of his purchasing decisions]], really.

He may have had even more of them, as he sold another ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul on [[eBay]] in September 2009. He also had a customized ''Rock Band'' Stratocaster known as "[[Things Chris has ripped off|Meatwad's Shredwud]]" appear in a video he recorded in [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|October 2009]]. Chris hocked this guitar on eBay around the same time, effectively [[Jimmy Hill|selling a product]] identical to another cartoonist's intellectual property.

==Appearances==

[[File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles, Artwork.jpg|thumb|150px|In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]

*The Gitar appeared in the [[PS3 History Level]] video.
*In [[Power]], the [[Nudes|half-naked]] Chris lifts it above his head in a show of [[I AM STRONG|strength]], before miming playing it, namely by wiggling his fingers and screeching.
*In Chris's [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|music video]] for [[Ivy]], he uses the Gitar extensively to rock out for her. In this video, it appears that Chris has further decorated the Gitar since he [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|first introduced it]] in October 2008.
*It appears again when Chris [[100 2266|cosplays as Grimace.]]
*He occasionally mimes out the main guitar riff in his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend" video.]]

{{clear}}

==Gallery==

===''Guitar Hero II'' version===
<center><gallery>
Image:515-CustomGuitar2.JPG|Closeup of the body. Note how the paint looks like poster paint since Chris's greasy hands would wipe off watercolor.
Image:516-CustomGuitar3.JPG|Neck of guitar controller. Notice Chris's pic of himself playing guitar is on his guitar on the body AND the fretboard. Also, the transformation sequence of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
Image:517-CustomGuitar4.JPG|Head. Notice the Sonichu sticker.
Image:514-CustomGuitar1.JPG|Chris showing it off (to himself, at least).
</gallery></center>

===''Guitar Hero III'' version===
[[File:GuitarOfFail.png|thumb|150px|The ''Guitar'' of Fail.]]
<center><gallery>
Image:Gitar3.png|From the 2010 [[100 2278|room pictures]]. Other than the stickers and shoddy paint job, this design looks decent enough.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying.jpg|Quietly confident.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|The funny thing is, there are no guitar solos in the song "Holding Out For a Hero"... at all.
Image:CWCShred.jpg|There's barely even guitar ''parts'', I'm afraid.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest]]
* [[Chris and music]]
* [[Guitar Hero]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Gitar of Fail

2026-06-14T21:34:16Z

WarnerBro:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Gitar.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The gitar in the image that won him $400 from [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest|GameStop]] (''Guitar Hero III'' version).]]

The '''Gitars of Fail''' were Chris's custom-painted ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controllers that made appearances in several videos. They were not mere game controllers, however; Chris liked to pose with the controllers, for example in [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] as well as several videos.

The Gitars also made many appearances in the comics, for example [[Revive Zordon|when going Jericho on 4-Cent Garbage]], and also on the cover of his mocked-up copy of [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]. He appeared to think [[Chris and reality|that it counted as an actual instrument and gave him the skill to really play a guitar.]]

<div style="text-align:center;">'''Fun Fact: He failed at using the guitar strap.'''</div>

After the [[2014 house fire|fire]] which devastated [[14 Branchland Court]] on 10 January 2014, it was speculated for years that the Gitars had been destroyed. During a [[Christ Chan Live Stream: OG Cwcville (Cwcville)-60 Minecraft|livestream]] in [[June 2024]], however, Chris revealed that he was still in possession of at least one of the [[PS3]] renditions of the Gitar. The fate of the others is still unknown.

==Gitars through the ages==
[[File:Gitarr.jpg|thumb|How Chris sees himself.]]

Chris made [[wikipedia:Bobby Kotick|Bobby Kotick]] a ''very'' happy man. If the [[October 2010]] [[100 2278|room pictures]] were clear, Chris had ''at least'' 5 Gitars of Fail:

* The ''Guitar Hero 5'' version, which Chris never managed to mod to the extreme.
* The ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul version, with [[Sonichu]] paint job.
* The ''Guitar Hero I/II'' Gibson SG version, turquoise with the [[United States of America|American]] flag stripes and tons of stickers.
* A mostly [[black]] one.
* Lastly, the ''Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock'' version, seen in the [[Victory Rockout]] video in August 2011. Chris got this from a garage sale, bundled with an unspecified game.

It's not clear why Chris would buy more than 1 controller, as the controllers were mostly compatible with newer games and he obviously has no friends to play with. Why he kept collecting ''more'' of them after ''Guitar Hero'' went on hiatus is anyone's guess. But then again, common sense has never had much to do with his video game purchasing decisions--or [[Chris and money|any of his purchasing decisions]], really.

He may have had even more of them, as he sold another ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul on [[eBay]] in September 2009. He also had a customized ''Rock Band'' Stratocaster known as "[[Things Chris has ripped off|Meatwad's Shredwud]]" appear in a video he recorded in [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|October 2009]]. Chris hocked this guitar on eBay around the same time, effectively [[Jimmy Hill|selling a product]] identical to another cartoonist's intellectual property.

==Appearances==

[[File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles, Artwork.jpg|thumb|150px|In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]

*The Gitar appeared in the [[PS3 History Level]] video.
*In [[Power]], the [[Nudes|half-naked]] Chris lifts it above his head in a show of [[I AM STRONG|strength]], before miming playing it, namely by wiggling his fingers and screeching.
*In Chris's [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|music video]] for [[Ivy]], he uses the Gitar extensively to rock out for her. In this video, it appears that Chris has further decorated the Gitar since he [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|first introduced it]] in October 2008.
*It appears again when Chris [[100 2266|cosplays as Grimace.]]
*He occasionally mimes out the main guitar riff in his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend" video.]]

{{clear}}

==Gallery==

===''Guitar Hero II'' version===
<center><gallery>
Image:515-CustomGuitar2.JPG|Closeup of the body. Note how the paint looks like poster paint since Chris's greasy hands would wipe off watercolor.
Image:516-CustomGuitar3.JPG|Neck of guitar controller. Notice Chris's pic of himself playing guitar is on his guitar on the body AND the fretboard. Also, the transformation sequence of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
Image:517-CustomGuitar4.JPG|Head. Notice the Sonichu sticker.
Image:514-CustomGuitar1.JPG|Chris showing it off (to himself, at least).
</gallery></center>

===''Guitar Hero III'' version===
[[File:GuitarOfFail.png|thumb|150px|The ''Guitar'' of Fail.]]
<center><gallery>
Image:Gitar3.png|From the 2010 [[100 2278|room pictures]]. Other than the stickers and shoddy paint job, this design looks decent enough.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying.jpg|Quietly confident.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|The funny thing is, there are no guitar solos in the song "Holding Out For a Hero"... at all.
Image:CWCShred.jpg|There's barely even guitar ''parts'', I'm afraid.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest]]
* [[Chris and music]]
* [[Guitar Hero]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Gitar of Fail

2026-06-14T21:33:51Z

WarnerBro:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Gitar.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The gitar in the image that won him $400 from [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest|GameStop]] (''Guitar Hero III'' version).]]

The '''Gitars of Fail''' were Chris's custom-painted ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' controllers that made appearances in several videos. They were not mere game controllers, however; Chris liked to pose with the controllers, for example in [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] as well as several videos.

The Gitars also made many appearances in the comics, for example [[Revive Zordon|when going Jericho on 4-Cent Garbage]], and also on the cover of his mocked-up copy of [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]. He appeared to think [[Chris and reality|that it counted as an actual instrument and gave him the skill to really play a guitar.]]

<div style="text-align:center;">'''Fun Fact: He failed at using the guitar strap.'''</div>

After the [[2014 house fire|fire]] which devastated [[14 Branchland Court]] on 10 January 2014, it was speculated for years that the Gitars had been destroyed. During a [[Christ Chan Live Stream: OG Cwcville (Cwcville)-60 Minecraft|livestream]] in [[June 2024]], however, Chris revealed that he was still in possession of at least one of the [[PS3]] renditions of the Gitar. The fate of the others is still unknown.

==Gitars through the ages==
[[File:Gitarr.jpg|thumb|How Chris sees himself.]]

Chris made [[wikipedia:Bobby Kotick|Bobby Kotick]] a ''very'' happy man. If the [[October 2010]] [[100 2278|room pictures]] were clear, Chris had ''at least'' 5 Gitars of Fail:

* The ''Guitar Hero 5'' version, which Chris never managed to mod to the extreme.
* The ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul version, with [[Sonichu]] paint job.
* The ''Guitar Hero I/II'' Gibson SG version, turquoise with the [[America]]n flag stripes and tons of stickers.
* A mostly [[black]] one.
* Lastly, the ''Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock'' version, seen in the [[Victory Rockout]] video in August 2011. Chris got this from a garage sale, bundled with an unspecified game.

It's not clear why Chris would buy more than 1 controller, as the controllers were mostly compatible with newer games and he obviously has no friends to play with. Why he kept collecting ''more'' of them after ''Guitar Hero'' went on hiatus is anyone's guess. But then again, common sense has never had much to do with his video game purchasing decisions--or [[Chris and money|any of his purchasing decisions]], really.

He may have had even more of them, as he sold another ''Guitar Hero III'' Les Paul on [[eBay]] in September 2009. He also had a customized ''Rock Band'' Stratocaster known as "[[Things Chris has ripped off|Meatwad's Shredwud]]" appear in a video he recorded in [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|October 2009]]. Chris hocked this guitar on eBay around the same time, effectively [[Jimmy Hill|selling a product]] identical to another cartoonist's intellectual property.

==Appearances==

[[File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles, Artwork.jpg|thumb|150px|In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]].]]

*The Gitar appeared in the [[PS3 History Level]] video.
*In [[Power]], the [[Nudes|half-naked]] Chris lifts it above his head in a show of [[I AM STRONG|strength]], before miming playing it, namely by wiggling his fingers and screeching.
*In Chris's [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|music video]] for [[Ivy]], he uses the Gitar extensively to rock out for her. In this video, it appears that Chris has further decorated the Gitar since he [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|first introduced it]] in October 2008.
*It appears again when Chris [[100 2266|cosplays as Grimace.]]
*He occasionally mimes out the main guitar riff in his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend" video.]]

{{clear}}

==Gallery==

===''Guitar Hero II'' version===
<center><gallery>
Image:515-CustomGuitar2.JPG|Closeup of the body. Note how the paint looks like poster paint since Chris's greasy hands would wipe off watercolor.
Image:516-CustomGuitar3.JPG|Neck of guitar controller. Notice Chris's pic of himself playing guitar is on his guitar on the body AND the fretboard. Also, the transformation sequence of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]].
Image:517-CustomGuitar4.JPG|Head. Notice the Sonichu sticker.
Image:514-CustomGuitar1.JPG|Chris showing it off (to himself, at least).
</gallery></center>

===''Guitar Hero III'' version===
[[File:GuitarOfFail.png|thumb|150px|The ''Guitar'' of Fail.]]
<center><gallery>
Image:Gitar3.png|From the 2010 [[100 2278|room pictures]]. Other than the stickers and shoddy paint job, this design looks decent enough.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying.jpg|Quietly confident.
Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|The funny thing is, there are no guitar solos in the song "Holding Out For a Hero"... at all.
Image:CWCShred.jpg|There's barely even guitar ''parts'', I'm afraid.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[GameStop Guitar Hero Contest]]
* [[Chris and music]]
* [[Guitar Hero]]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Warning - Naughty Women ;)

2026-06-11T19:20:35Z

WarnerBro:

{{Honest}}
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|200px|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]
[[Image:CWCRockin4Gay.jpg|thumb|200px|"If I was a homosexual..."]]

'''Warning - Naughty Women ;)''' (officially '''10102009 Warning - Naughty Women. ;)''') is a video in which [[Chris]] tries to use [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], a drawing of himself [[Fuck Quest|having sex]] with three female members of his [[Guitar Hero]] "rock band" as evidence against allegations that he's a [[homos|homosexual]]. He also specifically points out that one of them is [[Chris and race#Black_people|"half-and-half"]] to refute accusations of [[Chris and race|racism]].

Of course, by trying to pass a drawing off as a photograph, all Chris really proves is that he lacks the ability to [[Chris and reality|distinguish fantasy from reality]]. He also accuses trolls of being immature, while showing off a Rule 34 drawing he did of his virtual harem from a video game. [[Chris and hypocrisy|Real mature, Chris]].

Interestingly, Chris '''only''' denies that he is [[SLGBTQ|gay, bisexual, or lesbian]] in the video. [[Transgender|Classic foreshadowing.]]

__TOC__

{{-}}

==Video==

'''Official description:''' Warning - Naughty Women. ;)

{{Infobox/video
| name = Warning - Naughty Women ;)
| ytid = fo7hxPidfk8
| stardate = 10 [[October 2009]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[9 October 2009]]
| next = [[Challenge for Clyde]]
}}

{{quote|Huh? Huh? Look at it! Look at it! I'm having sex with three women!}}

=== Transcript ===

Hmm, [[Captain's Log|Captain's Log]]. [[CWCki:DATING|The 10th of October 2009]].

Now. I would like to make it perfectly clear, but first I would like to state... THE update [''dramatic [[glasses]] removal''] that will be on the [[CWCipedia]] tomorrow-uh-duh-later tonight or tomorrow. A few more pages for the number nine book. So, look forward to that [''short pause''], good viewers.

Now, for those who DARE continue to mislabel me as dang [[homos|''gaaaaay'']], homosexual, or bisexual, uggh... ''[shakes head]'' I'm straight. I. Am. Straight.

[''Chris approaches the [[camera]] by maneuvering around something off-screen, grabs the camera, and holds it close to his face'']

And I tell you what. If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not-would I be having sex...

[''angles camera down and shoves [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]] fully into the frame, with strips of paper taped over the genitals and nipples, [[Manboobs|including Chris's]]'']

..with THREE WOMEN? Huh? Huh? Look at it! Look at it! [[Chris and reality|I'm having sex with three women]], and you know what? The one in the middle is [[Chris and Race#Black_people|half-and-half!]]

[''Chris points camera back at his enraged face'']

I am STRAIGHT. Get through your damn dirty immature skulls!

[''sets camera back down with a forceful thud, meanders back to where he was originally standing by awkwardly stepping over the object from earlier, takes a moment to set himself'']

Thank you very much [''flashes victory sign with fingers''] and have a good day.

[''bends down to the controller to halt recording'']

== See also ==
*[[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], about the drawing itself.
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Chris and reality]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[9 October 2009]]|nextlink=[[Challenge for Clyde]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2009| 2009-10-09]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity| 2009-10-09]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-10-09]]
[[Category:Videos published to ChristianWChandler]]

Sonichu & Chris Chan in Guitar Hero World Tour

2026-06-11T19:18:20Z

WarnerBro:

'''Sonichu & Chris Chan in Guitar Hero World Tour''' is a video published by [[Chris]] on 27 [[October 2008]] at 10:23:58 PM, which shows him playing the {{w|Pat Benatar}} song "Heartbreaker" in ''[[Guitar Hero]]: World Tour''. It was primarily uploaded to show off the Sonichu customizations that he added to the game, and to help get votes for his entry into a [[Guitar Hero#GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|GameStop ''Guitar Hero'' contest]] that occurred at the time.

As in his comics, he portrays himself as thin and fit. While this is partly due to the fact that that game doesn't have an [[obesity|overweight]] character model, it would still be possible for Chris to give his in-game self some degree of huskiness.

==Description==
{{quotebox|I've created the Sonichu Band Icon from scratch, as well as my Character and Guitar. Enjoy the further testaments of my capabilities and creativity in tune to Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker." Also, I am up in [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|the "Auditions" on Gamestop.com]]; please Vote for [[:Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|my Rockin' Picture]] to get me as a Playable Character with Sonichu & Rosechu in my Band in a Future Guitar Hero Game.}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Sonichu & Chris Chan in Guitar Hero World Tour
| ytid = GO6tHBAzgss
| stardate = 27 [[October 2008]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}} {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008#Video|Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]
| next = [[LBC1-CWC's Playstation 3 History]]
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]|nextlink=[[LBC1-CWC's Playstation 3 History]]|}}

{{Music Videos}}

[[Category: Music Videos]]

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, October 2008| 27]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Videos published to CChan6789]]

Gal pal

2026-06-11T19:12:24Z

WarnerBro:

{{Unreliable|type=misinfo}}
{{Imposter}}
{{quote|My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.|Chris, [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]}}

[[Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|thumb|right|200 px|Chris's gal pals at his [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]]. From left to right: mystery girl, [[Kellie Andes]], Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, [[Tiffany Gowen]].]]

A '''gal pal''' or '''gal-pal''' is a [[CWC-isms|CWC-ism]] for a female friend. More specifically, it refers to a group of female acquaintances Chris had had during his high-school years.

Chris believed he had a lot of these while growing up. However, a middle school "friend" had actually been a pseudo-babysitter paid by Chris's father [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] to walk Chris to and from the bus stop,<ref name=natasha>[[Catherine E-mails#Natasha]]</ref> and high school "friends" had taken pity on Chris and either let him hang out with them at lunch or helped protect him from bullies,<ref name=october>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> and had ultimately been arranged by Bob and the principal.<ref name=thetangalpals>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Gal Pals]]</ref> A popular rumor is that the high school gal pals were paid by Bob to act as Chris's friends, but this rumor has not been verified by either Bob or the girls.

Chris was hesitant about making friends with other males due to bad experiences with [[JERKS|jerks]]. He said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref>

This approach to [[socialization]] perhaps contributed to his views on [[gender]] and him adopting a few [[flamboyancy|effeminate traits and mannerisms]] of his own. Some have suggested that he clung onto female acquaintances as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

Long after high school ended, he developed feelings of [[nostalgia]] over it and the gal pal acquaintances, to the point where [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|he recreated a high school and several gal pals out of Legos]].

==From school years==
{{Misinfo|While it is likely that Bob might have had some sort of arrangement for these Gal-pals to hang out with Chris, there is no evidence that he paid them for this service. In addition, many alleged statements where they scorn Chris came primarily from the troll [[Thetan]], who impersonated them.|includegossip=yes}}

Chris had several gal pals in his childhood. One, Natasha Turner, was essentially a babysitter paid by Bob to walk Chris to the bus stop. Chris read too much into the acquaintanceship, not realizing at the time that the money Bob handed him to give her was for payment, and believed she was a legitimate friend.

In [[Manchester High School]], Chris again believed he had many gal pals. However, their "friendships" with him had all been arranged by [[Bob]],<ref name=negotiation>[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> in an attempt to help Chris socialize. The arrangement lasted up until Chris' birthday not long after graduation, after which the Gal Pals moved on with their lives, marrying and having children of their own.

Some gal pals however were supposedly willing to re-approach Chris for the high school reunion and out of pity, but were astounded and reviled at the person Chris has become, so much so that they actively avoided Chris. Others were imitated by a [[Thetan|troll]], who took advantage of this scenario to tell Chris uncomfortable "truths" about the gal-pals he had in High School.

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Nicole Hammer}}
'''Sarah Hammer''' was Chris’s childhood friend and early crush, though they lost contact after she married and started a family. Chris expressed lingering feelings through his [[comics]] but he eventually moved on. He last heard about her through family updates and hasn’t seen her since her wedding.

===Tiffany Robinson===
'''Tiffany Robinson''' is a former gal pal of Chris's from the days he lived in [[Richmond]] and was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref> In 2021, Chris said that she lived "somewhere beyond Standardsville" [sic] and that he had a crush on her.<ref>[[Warhol Tweets#Chris larps as his younger self]]</ref> Her current whereabouts, or if she is aware of Chris anymore, are unknown.

In 2008, early troll [[lordsillynipples]] impersonated Tiffany in order to catfish Chris into sending her a copy of his then-unreleased [[DVD]].

[[File:0152-NatashaTurner95.jpg|thumb|right|Natasha Turner]]

===Natasha Turner===
'''Natasha Turner''' is a former schoolmate of Chris's from [[Providence Middle School]]. They were next-door neighbors for a while. His father [[Bob]] paid her to protect Chris to and from the bus stop.<ref name=natasha></ref> She was slightly older than him and, in Chris's words, a "good girl". For a while he had a crush on her until he saw her [[Tobacky|smoking]]: "That was It for me right there".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Natasha Turner]]</ref>

In 2013, when his illusions over his high school gal-pals was finally shattered, it compelled Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point, he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha had been paid by Bob. He remembered that Bob had given him money to give to Natasha, with Bob directly telling him it was "like babysitter money". Chris [[Slow in the mind|had not understood]] why Bob was paying Natasha at the time, and wrote, "I remember my Father giving me money and asking me to give it to Natasha as payment for her Friendship and Attention. I didn't know why, at that time, but I Know Now." This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my [[dreams]]; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake". It reinforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie".<ref name=natasha></ref>

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Andes}}
'''Kellie Andes''' is a former high school classmate of Chris and one of his crushes. She was one of the girls who attended his 18th birthday. Their relationship meant a lot to Chris, as he kept in contact with her after high school, giving her a [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|mixtape]]. He called her weekly for around a year before giving up (the reasoning behind which is inconsistent).

Kellie severed all ties once she found out about what Chris had been up to post-education, blocking him on [[Facebook]] after she shared a link to [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]].

===Tiffany Gowen===
{{main|Tiffany Gowen}}

'''Tiffany Gowen''' is a former high school classmate of Chris. She acted as a compassionate friend, consoling him after his graduation meltdown<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> and bravely danced with Chris during Senior Prom after finding out he took his mother to prom.<ref name=dvd5></ref>

A decade after high school, Chris was determined to reunite with Tiffany.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (paintingatree)#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> Of all the Gal Pals from his High School days, he was obsessed with Tiffany the most, according to one [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|e-mail]] from an unknown Gal Pal. Tiffany, who had a [[JERK|partner]] and least one child by then, was creeped out by this and avoided Chris on purpose after she became aware of his shenanigans. His search ultimately ended in 2013 when he received emails supposedly from "Tiffany" (created by Thetan, but based off of real emails from Tiffany herself) telling Chris to leave her alone.

===Sarah Anne Bevel===

[[File:Sarah and Tiff.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's photo of [[Tiffany Gowen]] and Sarah Bevel.]]
'''Sarah Anne Bevel''' is Chris's former classmate at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. She and [[Kellie Andes]] were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class, sat with him at lunch, and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then".<ref name=dvd5>[[DVD Slideshow Transcripts#CWC Note 5]]</ref> He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" sometime later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer know him, despite having been one of his "Closest Friends".<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Baffled]]</ref> In October, [[Thetan]] hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him". This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a [[PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013|poem]] expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h".

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, [[Kellie Andes]] shared a link on her [[Facebook]] for Chris's [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]] video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140725112028/cwckiforums.com/threads/gal-pal-facebook-update-12-19-2013.2725/</ref> Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]], posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment "Well that explains a few things....."<ref name="Used porn comments">[[:File:Facebook - December 2013 - High school gal pals talk about Chris.jpg]]</ref> And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the [[Affair with Mother|prophetic]] comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently 'spoons' with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook Posts#Mommy's Undies]]</ref>

[[File:0328-MollyQuarles97.jpg|thumb|right|Molly Quarles]]

===Molly Quarles===

'''Molly Quarles''' is a former high school classmate of Chris. She was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around". Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris, it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#PLEASE UNDO IT!]]</ref>

It appears that, like [[Kellie Andes]] and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]] and posted a screenshot to her [[Facebook]] account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"<ref name="Used porn comments" /> Despite her disgust, she remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

[[File:Miranda photo.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.]]

===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===
'''Miranda''' (or "Maranda") '''Joyce Mitchell''' is a former classmate of Chris. He described her as "a pretty girl, and... a big brain of my Circle of Friends".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> Chris met her during his junior year in Computer Graphics class where they were partners and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC's PokéSite 2!]] logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 10]]</ref> She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers".<ref>[[My big 18th party]]</ref>

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.

===Rebeckah Bentley===
{{see also|Rebeckah Bentley E-mails}}
{{Quote|I don't know why I'm telling you all this; I have a feeling that you are a genuine, caring woman who listens and keeps it confidential. I pray you will not betray me as well (by not telling any Troll or whoever else any of this, leading towards even more degrading mockery and shit).|Chris<ref name=betray>Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life</ref>}}

'''Rebeckah Bentley''' was one of Chris's lesser known High School gal-pals. Though not much is known about her and her role with Chris during those years, she was better known for being imitated by [[Thetan]], and the [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|various chats]] that Chris had with the troll, who posed as the gal-pal, with regards to [[Catherine]] and his years in High School. After the supposed betrayal from some of the other gal-pals, Chris tells "Rebeckah" that he hopes she doesn't do the same.<ref name=betray></ref> This; combined with Chris's first interaction with the supposed gal-pal involving him tagging her, and her telling him to stop afterwards; implies that Rebeckah could have been as close to Chris as some of the other gal-pals listed here.

==The illusion shattered==
[[Thetan]], a troll known for impersonating some of Chris's high school gal pals in communications with him, as well as for claiming to have been in contact with two of the real gal-pals, was heavily involved with the events below.

On 30 October 2013, Chris posted on Facebook about a discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from [[Manchester High School]] had only put up with him out of pity for him.<ref name=october></ref> According to Thetan, the email sent to Chris had been quoted from an actual email.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Fake Or Real Gal-Pal Emails?]]</ref>

{{quote|I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. [[Affair with Mother|Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.|[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"]]}}

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

According to [[Marvin]], Thetan had fabricated a story to Chris claiming that the high school gal pals had been hired by Bob, and that Chris then asked his mother [[Barbara]] whether or not the story was true, and she claimed it to be true.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#Thetan Saga]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#High School Gal-Pals]]</ref> According to Thetan, Chris told the story of Barbara's claim to [[Catherine|Catie]] in an attempt to elicit pity. Thetan further claimed in [[Kiwi Farms]] postings that she had asked two of the gal pals about the story, and that they allegedly made a vague reply about an arrangement with the principal with no further details, and Thetan wrote in her Kiwi Farms post that she didn't think payment was involved.<ref name=thetangalpals></ref>

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of [[Media:Cwcbraorig.JPG|the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear]], [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|the Mount and Do Me oral sex video]], and a [[Craigslist#Used_Porn|recent Craigslist ad]] where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

Even so, he refused to let go of them.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a [[CWCki Forums]] thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Null)#Closure of CWCki Forums Private Board]]</ref>

Years later, in February 2017, Chris reminisced about his [[high school]] days. In his rose-tinted view of events that had happened nearly 20 years prior, he recalled that he had friends who treated him well – conveniently forgetting that they did so out of personal and/or financial gain after Bob and the principal hired them.<ref name=negotiation></ref>

He then named several of those people and urged them to either apologize or befriend him again.

{{quote|#JoshuaMartinez, #TiffanyGowen, #SarahBevelIngram, #KellieAndes

The ONLY Way I will ever let their more recent deeds be forgiven is if they all genuinely want to be friends me again; at the least to take a few minutes out of their lives to apologize.<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts##productofpublicschool]]</ref>}}

==Adult gal pals==
Female friends Chris made after graduating from high school. These women have been mostly indifferent to Chris's internet reputation, although Anna has sometimes taken an interest in Chris's e-fame.

* [[Anna McLerran]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[The Wallflower]]
* [[Pokémon League friends]]

==Fan gal pals==
Women who befriended Chris as a result of his internet infamy.

* [[Midnight Moonflower|Claire Garcia]] (alias Midnight Moonflower)
* [[Clare Porter]]
* [[Helena Fiorenza]]
* [[Lukas, Devil and Eva|Eva]]
* At least two [[Praetors]]
* [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]
* [[Fiona Cooper]]
* "[[Flutter]]"

==Troll gal pals==
Fake personas created by trolls to [[Manipulation|manipulate]] Chris. Most of these were played by ''bona fide'' women, but Vivian Gee was a creation of [[Clyde Cash]].

* [[Sarah Jackson]]
* [[PandaHalo|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]]
* [[Vivian Gee]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]]
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]
* [[Kim Wilson]] and [[Emily|Emily Julia Schifflet]] (two different identities played by [[LoveYouLongTime]])
* [[Catherine|Catherine Sorrentino]]

==In the comic==

* [[Megan Schroeder]] - as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5]] and [[Sonichu 6|6]], as herself in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] - as herself in [[Sonichu 0]] and [[Sonichu 5|5]], as the yellow Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] in some issues
* [[Kellie Andes]] - briefly in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]] - in Sonichu Specials [[Sonichu Special 1|1]], [[Wedding Comic|2]], and [[Giant Penis Comic|3]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]] - in [[Sonichu Special 4]] before [[Barb]] asked Chris to stop portraying gal-pals in specials
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]] - briefly as the vile Vulva Pie in [[Sonichu 12]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|Gal Pals 1
Image:0310-CWCNote6.jpg|Gal Pals 2
Image:0311-CWCNote7.jpg|Gal Pals 3
File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|From left to right: unnamed friend, Miranda Joyce Mitchell (in black), Sarah Anne Bevel (in green), and [[Tiffany Gowen]].
File:Sarah Bevel.jpg|[[LEGO]] Sarah Bevel, made shortly before her betrayal.
File:Molly Quarles.jpg|LEGO Molly Quarles.
File:Maranda Mitchell.jpg|LEGO "Maranda" Mitchell.
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|The [[ModNation Racers]] version: "cute, sassy, serious".
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]
* [[Laura Beth Dorazio]]

==References==
<references/>

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

Gal pal

2026-06-11T19:12:01Z

WarnerBro:

{{Unreliable|type=misinfo}}
{{Imposter}}
{{quote|My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.|Chris, [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]}}

[[Image:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|thumb|right|200 px|Chris's gal pals at his [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]]. From left to right: mystery girl, [[Kellie Andes]], Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, [[Tiffany Gowen]].]]

A '''gal pal''' or '''gal-pal''' is a [[CWC-isms|CWC-ism]] for a female friend. More specifically, it refers to a group of female acquaintances Chris had had during his high-school years.

Chris believed he had a lot of these while growing up. However, a middle school "friend" had actually been a pseudo-babysitter paid by Chris's father [[Bob]] to walk Chris to and from the bus stop,<ref name=natasha>[[Catherine E-mails#Natasha]]</ref> and high school "friends" had taken pity on Chris and either let him hang out with them at lunch or helped protect him from bullies,<ref name=october>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> and had ultimately been arranged by Bob and the principal.<ref name=thetangalpals>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Gal Pals]]</ref> A popular rumor is that the high school gal pals were paid by Bob to act as Chris's friends, but this rumor has not been verified by either Bob or the girls.

Chris was hesitant about making friends with other males due to bad experiences with [[JERKS|jerks]]. He said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref>

This approach to [[socialization]] perhaps contributed to his views on [[gender]] and him adopting a few [[flamboyancy|effeminate traits and mannerisms]] of his own. Some have suggested that he clung onto female acquaintances as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

Long after high school ended, he developed feelings of [[nostalgia]] over it and the gal pal acquaintances, to the point where [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|he recreated a high school and several gal pals out of Legos]].

==From school years==
{{Misinfo|While it is likely that Bob might have had some sort of arrangement for these Gal-pals to hang out with Chris, there is no evidence that he paid them for this service. In addition, many alleged statements where they scorn Chris came primarily from the troll [[Thetan]], who impersonated them.|includegossip=yes}}

Chris had several gal pals in his childhood. One, Natasha Turner, was essentially a babysitter paid by Bob to walk Chris to the bus stop. Chris read too much into the acquaintanceship, not realizing at the time that the money Bob handed him to give her was for payment, and believed she was a legitimate friend.

In [[Manchester High School]], Chris again believed he had many gal pals. However, their "friendships" with him had all been arranged by [[Bob]],<ref name=negotiation>[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]</ref> in an attempt to help Chris socialize. The arrangement lasted up until Chris' birthday not long after graduation, after which the Gal Pals moved on with their lives, marrying and having children of their own.

Some gal pals however were supposedly willing to re-approach Chris for the high school reunion and out of pity, but were astounded and reviled at the person Chris has become, so much so that they actively avoided Chris. Others were imitated by a [[Thetan|troll]], who took advantage of this scenario to tell Chris uncomfortable "truths" about the gal-pals he had in High School.

===Sarah Hammer===
{{main|Sarah Nicole Hammer}}
'''Sarah Hammer''' was Chris’s childhood friend and early crush, though they lost contact after she married and started a family. Chris expressed lingering feelings through his [[comics]] but he eventually moved on. He last heard about her through family updates and hasn’t seen her since her wedding.

===Tiffany Robinson===
'''Tiffany Robinson''' is a former gal pal of Chris's from the days he lived in [[Richmond]] and was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#The Women in my Life]]</ref> In 2021, Chris said that she lived "somewhere beyond Standardsville" [sic] and that he had a crush on her.<ref>[[Warhol Tweets#Chris larps as his younger self]]</ref> Her current whereabouts, or if she is aware of Chris anymore, are unknown.

In 2008, early troll [[lordsillynipples]] impersonated Tiffany in order to catfish Chris into sending her a copy of his then-unreleased [[DVD]].

[[File:0152-NatashaTurner95.jpg|thumb|right|Natasha Turner]]

===Natasha Turner===
'''Natasha Turner''' is a former schoolmate of Chris's from [[Providence Middle School]]. They were next-door neighbors for a while. His father [[Bob]] paid her to protect Chris to and from the bus stop.<ref name=natasha></ref> She was slightly older than him and, in Chris's words, a "good girl". For a while he had a crush on her until he saw her [[Tobacky|smoking]]: "That was It for me right there".<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Natasha Turner]]</ref>

In 2013, when his illusions over his high school gal-pals was finally shattered, it compelled Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point, he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha had been paid by Bob. He remembered that Bob had given him money to give to Natasha, with Bob directly telling him it was "like babysitter money". Chris [[Slow in the mind|had not understood]] why Bob was paying Natasha at the time, and wrote, "I remember my Father giving me money and asking me to give it to Natasha as payment for her Friendship and Attention. I didn't know why, at that time, but I Know Now." This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my [[dreams]]; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake". It reinforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie".<ref name=natasha></ref>

===Kellie Andes===
{{main|Kellie Andes}}
'''Kellie Andes''' is a former high school classmate of Chris and one of his crushes. She was one of the girls who attended his 18th birthday. Their relationship meant a lot to Chris, as he kept in contact with her after high school, giving her a [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|mixtape]]. He called her weekly for around a year before giving up (the reasoning behind which is inconsistent).

Kellie severed all ties once she found out about what Chris had been up to post-education, blocking him on [[Facebook]] after she shared a link to [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]].

===Tiffany Gowen===
{{main|Tiffany Gowen}}

'''Tiffany Gowen''' is a former high school classmate of Chris. She acted as a compassionate friend, consoling him after his graduation meltdown<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> and bravely danced with Chris during Senior Prom after finding out he took his mother to prom.<ref name=dvd5></ref>

A decade after high school, Chris was determined to reunite with Tiffany.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (paintingatree)#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> Of all the Gal Pals from his High School days, he was obsessed with Tiffany the most, according to one [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|e-mail]] from an unknown Gal Pal. Tiffany, who had a [[JERK|partner]] and least one child by then, was creeped out by this and avoided Chris on purpose after she became aware of his shenanigans. His search ultimately ended in 2013 when he received emails supposedly from "Tiffany" (created by Thetan, but based off of real emails from Tiffany herself) telling Chris to leave her alone.

===Sarah Anne Bevel===

[[File:Sarah and Tiff.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's photo of [[Tiffany Gowen]] and Sarah Bevel.]]
'''Sarah Anne Bevel''' is Chris's former classmate at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]]. She and [[Kellie Andes]] were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class, sat with him at lunch, and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then".<ref name=dvd5>[[DVD Slideshow Transcripts#CWC Note 5]]</ref> He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" sometime later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer know him, despite having been one of his "Closest Friends".<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Baffled]]</ref> In October, [[Thetan]] hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him". This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a [[PAIN Enduring since October 29, 2013|poem]] expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h".

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, [[Kellie Andes]] shared a link on her [[Facebook]] for Chris's [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]] video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140725112028/cwckiforums.com/threads/gal-pal-facebook-update-12-19-2013.2725/</ref> Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]], posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment "Well that explains a few things....."<ref name="Used porn comments">[[:File:Facebook - December 2013 - High school gal pals talk about Chris.jpg]]</ref> And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the [[Affair with Mother|prophetic]] comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently 'spoons' with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook Posts#Mommy's Undies]]</ref>

[[File:0328-MollyQuarles97.jpg|thumb|right|Molly Quarles]]

===Molly Quarles===

'''Molly Quarles''' is a former high school classmate of Chris. She was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around". Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris, it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#PLEASE UNDO IT!]]</ref>

It appears that, like [[Kellie Andes]] and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's [[Craigslist#Used Porn|Craigslist ad for used porn]] and posted a screenshot to her [[Facebook]] account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"<ref name="Used porn comments" /> Despite her disgust, she remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

[[File:Miranda photo.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.]]

===Miranda Joyce Mitchell===
'''Miranda''' (or "Maranda") '''Joyce Mitchell''' is a former classmate of Chris. He described her as "a pretty girl, and... a big brain of my Circle of Friends".<ref name=CWCipedia>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)]]</ref> Chris met her during his junior year in Computer Graphics class where they were partners and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the [[CWC's Pokésite 2|CWC's PokéSite 2!]] logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 10]]</ref> She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers".<ref>[[My big 18th party]]</ref>

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.

===Rebeckah Bentley===
{{see also|Rebeckah Bentley E-mails}}
{{Quote|I don't know why I'm telling you all this; I have a feeling that you are a genuine, caring woman who listens and keeps it confidential. I pray you will not betray me as well (by not telling any Troll or whoever else any of this, leading towards even more degrading mockery and shit).|Chris<ref name=betray>Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life</ref>}}

'''Rebeckah Bentley''' was one of Chris's lesser known High School gal-pals. Though not much is known about her and her role with Chris during those years, she was better known for being imitated by [[Thetan]], and the [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|various chats]] that Chris had with the troll, who posed as the gal-pal, with regards to [[Catherine]] and his years in High School. After the supposed betrayal from some of the other gal-pals, Chris tells "Rebeckah" that he hopes she doesn't do the same.<ref name=betray></ref> This; combined with Chris's first interaction with the supposed gal-pal involving him tagging her, and her telling him to stop afterwards; implies that Rebeckah could have been as close to Chris as some of the other gal-pals listed here.

==The illusion shattered==
[[Thetan]], a troll known for impersonating some of Chris's high school gal pals in communications with him, as well as for claiming to have been in contact with two of the real gal-pals, was heavily involved with the events below.

On 30 October 2013, Chris posted on Facebook about a discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from [[Manchester High School]] had only put up with him out of pity for him.<ref name=october></ref> According to Thetan, the email sent to Chris had been quoted from an actual email.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Fake Or Real Gal-Pal Emails?]]</ref>

{{quote|I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. [[Affair with Mother|Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now]], but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.|[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"]]}}

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

According to [[Marvin]], Thetan had fabricated a story to Chris claiming that the high school gal pals had been hired by Bob, and that Chris then asked his mother [[Barbara]] whether or not the story was true, and she claimed it to be true.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#Thetan Saga]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#High School Gal-Pals]]</ref> According to Thetan, Chris told the story of Barbara's claim to [[Catherine|Catie]] in an attempt to elicit pity. Thetan further claimed in [[Kiwi Farms]] postings that she had asked two of the gal pals about the story, and that they allegedly made a vague reply about an arrangement with the principal with no further details, and Thetan wrote in her Kiwi Farms post that she didn't think payment was involved.<ref name=thetangalpals></ref>

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of [[Media:Cwcbraorig.JPG|the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear]], [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|the Mount and Do Me oral sex video]], and a [[Craigslist#Used_Porn|recent Craigslist ad]] where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

Even so, he refused to let go of them.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a [[CWCki Forums]] thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Null)#Closure of CWCki Forums Private Board]]</ref>

Years later, in February 2017, Chris reminisced about his [[high school]] days. In his rose-tinted view of events that had happened nearly 20 years prior, he recalled that he had friends who treated him well – conveniently forgetting that they did so out of personal and/or financial gain after Bob and the principal hired them.<ref name=negotiation></ref>

He then named several of those people and urged them to either apologize or befriend him again.

{{quote|#JoshuaMartinez, #TiffanyGowen, #SarahBevelIngram, #KellieAndes

The ONLY Way I will ever let their more recent deeds be forgiven is if they all genuinely want to be friends me again; at the least to take a few minutes out of their lives to apologize.<ref>[[February 2017 Facebook Posts##productofpublicschool]]</ref>}}

==Adult gal pals==
Female friends Chris made after graduating from high school. These women have been mostly indifferent to Chris's internet reputation, although Anna has sometimes taken an interest in Chris's e-fame.

* [[Anna McLerran]]
* [[Megan Schroeder]]
* [[The Wallflower]]
* [[Pokémon League friends]]

==Fan gal pals==
Women who befriended Chris as a result of his internet infamy.

* [[Midnight Moonflower|Claire Garcia]] (alias Midnight Moonflower)
* [[Clare Porter]]
* [[Helena Fiorenza]]
* [[Lukas, Devil and Eva|Eva]]
* At least two [[Praetors]]
* [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]
* [[Fiona Cooper]]
* "[[Flutter]]"

==Troll gal pals==
Fake personas created by trolls to [[Manipulation|manipulate]] Chris. Most of these were played by ''bona fide'' women, but Vivian Gee was a creation of [[Clyde Cash]].

* [[Sarah Jackson]]
* [[PandaHalo|Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]]
* [[Vivian Gee]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]]
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]
* [[Kim Wilson]] and [[Emily|Emily Julia Schifflet]] (two different identities played by [[LoveYouLongTime]])
* [[Catherine|Catherine Sorrentino]]

==In the comic==

* [[Megan Schroeder]] - as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5]] and [[Sonichu 6|6]], as herself in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] - as herself in [[Sonichu 0]] and [[Sonichu 5|5]], as the yellow Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] in some issues
* [[Kellie Andes]] - briefly in [[Sonichu 7]]
* [[Ivy|Ivy O'Neil]] - in Sonichu Specials [[Sonichu Special 1|1]], [[Wedding Comic|2]], and [[Giant Penis Comic|3]]
* [[Kacey|Kacey Devoria]] - in [[Sonichu Special 4]] before [[Barb]] asked Chris to stop portraying gal-pals in specials
* [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]] - briefly as the vile Vulva Pie in [[Sonichu 12]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|Gal Pals 1
Image:0310-CWCNote6.jpg|Gal Pals 2
Image:0311-CWCNote7.jpg|Gal Pals 3
File:0484-CWC18th15.jpg|From left to right: unnamed friend, Miranda Joyce Mitchell (in black), Sarah Anne Bevel (in green), and [[Tiffany Gowen]].
File:Sarah Bevel.jpg|[[LEGO]] Sarah Bevel, made shortly before her betrayal.
File:Molly Quarles.jpg|LEGO Molly Quarles.
File:Maranda Mitchell.jpg|LEGO "Maranda" Mitchell.
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|The [[ModNation Racers]] version: "cute, sassy, serious".
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]
* [[Laura Beth Dorazio]]

==References==
<references/>

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:High School Saga]]

Guitar Hero

2026-06-11T19:11:23Z

WarnerBro:

{{taxpayermoney}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gpDNSgu7NfM}}</center>

[[Image:Chrisguitarhero.png|thumb|Chris, as he imagines himself to look.]]
[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying.jpg|thumb|Chris, as he is in reality]]

'''''Guitar Hero''''' is a series of music rhythm video games where one uses a guitar-shaped controller to activate the notes of a song as they scroll down the screen, similar to ''Dance Dance Revolution'' and its dance pad controller. Being one who enjoys [[Chris and music|music]], [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] undoubtedly bought many games in the franchise during its lifetime.

==History==
Chris owns a ''Dance Dance Revolution'' set-up, as well as other popular music games like ''[[SingStar Challenge|SingStar]]''. While ''DDR'' and many [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii]] games involve actual movement, sometimes to the point of players breaking a sweat, ''Guitar Hero'' remains the only game which Chris has mentioned using for exercise, even though ''DDR'' has an exercise mode and the Wii has numerous actual exercise titles. Specifically, Chris has stated several times that ''Guitar Hero'' is good for his health, because he has to stand up to play it, "and move a bit for fun and movement."<ref>[[Mailbag 2#The Guitar Hero workout|Mailbag #2]]</ref> Chris's reasoning either comes from his autistic mind believing that any muscle movement at all is exercise, or him being so [[Obesity|fat]] and [[Chris and health|lazy]] that standing up actually takes effort. Because standing still and pressing buttons on a plastic guitar is [[Chris and stress|far less strenuous]] than moving your feet on a dance pad, Chris has favored ''Guitar Hero'' more, and has made references to it several times throughout his many works.

Data from his [[PlayStation Network]] account reveals that Chris spent nearly [[Chris and money|$500]] downloading new songs to play in various ''Guitar Hero'' games. By comparison, he spent a little more than $50 on downloads for its closest rival in the music game market, ''Rock Band''.

Chris has appeared to show some decent skill level in ''Guitar Hero'' games. Even when [[Asperchu|rivals]] poke fun at conspiracies behind mysterious orange notes (if you catch their drift), Chris has been able to survive songs on hard difficulty, as shown in some of his videos. Sneakily enough, he just says the expert difficulty "is good"<ref>[[Common Questions#07 January 2010|Common Questions, 7 January 2010]]</ref> – we have never known if he ''routinely'' plays on expert or not.

==Delusion==
''Guitar Hero'' is meant as a game first and foremost, and not an actual way of learning how to play the guitar, something both actual guitarists (some of whom said they needed to "forget" how to play guitar in order to not struggle with its controller as much) and fans of the series can attest to. Those who have played it are aware that mashing buttons on a plastic guitar neither looks or functions like a real guitar fretboard. The controller has little in common with instruments that actually ''do'' feature buttons, such as the keyboard or trumpet. There's also no consistency between the ingame buttons and the actual notes being played; the main focus is timing your button presses and strums with the music.

Chris, however, seems to believe that playing ''Guitar Hero'' is a feat on par with playing a genuine guitar. For example, in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris takes his PS3 and Gitar of Fail with him on his band tour. During [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], he also explains that [[Blanca]] plays the ''Guitar Hero'' for [[Jiggliami]]'s band, which implies that the band only performs covers of songs from the games. In the [[SingStar Challenge]], Chris specifically forbade the use of real instruments as well as ''Guitar Hero'' guitars. In what may be the most mind-blowing example yet, Chris dismissed a real, actual, non-video-game-controller guitar as a "[[Katie Bay E-mails 3#31 July|Wooden Nickel]]".

Because Chris thinks he's talented in every respect, he also loves to pretend he's a musical [[geinus]], evident with his virtual band [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] wherein he tunelessly wails over low-quality recordings of popular pop songs. However, because he doesn't know how to play an instrument, he feels the need to justify himself by claiming ''Guitar Hero'' gives him musical ability. We can only wonder what ''exactly'' was going through his head when he shredded with mad apathy in the notorious "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]" music video (the song itself has ''very'' minimal guitar work), and wonder whether he can tell his "guitar" doesn't make any sounds besides plastic clacking in his cover of "[[100 2266|Don't Laugh at Me]]".

The ''Guitar Hero'' games, later entries in particular, base themselves around the idea that rock music can do anything, as seen in classic rock videos and album covers. Chris has seemingly taken inspiration from this for his comics, such as ''Sonichu'' #10, where he uses the Power of Rock to demolish the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building.

Chris has also developed a [[Chris and reality|completely groundless belief]] that standing on one leg and moving a little while playing ''Guitar Hero'' amounts to [[Chris and health|tremendous physical exercise]].<ref>[[Mailbag_2#The_Guitar_Hero_workout]]</ref><ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref>

==GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes==
[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|This image was apparently worth $400.]]
The ''GameStop "Be a Star" Sweepstakes'' was a [[Chris and contests|competition]] run by the video game retailer [[GameStop]] to promote ''Guitar Hero: World Tour'', which Chris entered around October [[2008]]. The competition required the entrants to send in a photograph of themselves in a "guitar hero pose", and people would vote in a poll to determine the best one, with the winner receiving a $400 GameStop gift certificate.

Rumors also circulated that the winner would star in the game. Several [[trolls]] caught sight of Chris's entry and encouraged people to vote for him by posting on [[4-cent_garbage.com|/b/]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]], in hopes that gamers everywhere would help permanently mar Guitar Hero's legacy with Chris's fat autistic presence. These rumors however, proved to be incorrect.

Despite some disputes between trolls as well as some warnings to GameStop's management about what was transpiring, Chris went on to win the competition.

In his [[CWC Update 28 December 2008|28 December 2008 update]] he thanked his fans for voting for him, and announced that the $400 gift card would be shared with the congregation of his church. Chris ended up spending a little less than half on his congregation, buying them a copy of ''[[Animal Crossing]] City Folk'' ($50), plus two copies of ''Wii Music'' ($100) with a Wii Speak accessory ($30) for a grand total of $180. The remaining $220 went to himself.<ref>[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Chris's card game history (0:55:24–0:59:24)|Emily date, 03-19-09]] "Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some Wii games for myself, Country Music and Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess." "Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight."</ref>

Although his victory is largely considered a major failure in trolling efforts, it did have the unintended side effect of [[Chris and his ego|reaffirming]] Chris's [[Chris and reality|belief]] that he has a huge and thriving [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]. This made trolling somewhat easier, as Chris was even more inclined to open up to his supposed legions of fans. Some trolls have used his victory in the contest as leverage to guilt him into doing things like giving interviews or drawing more [[comic]]s.

==Sonichu and Chris-chan in ''Guitar Hero World Tour''==
On 27 October [[2008]], Chris uploaded [[Sonichu & Chris Chan in Guitar Hero World Tour|a video]] showing off the custom ''[[Sonichu]]'' crap that he added to the game. As in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], he portrays himself as thin and fit. While this is partly because that game doesn't have an "unpleasantly fat" character model, it would still be possible for Chris to give his in-game self some degree of huskiness if he had any sense of his personal appearance.

{{tinyquote|I've created the Sonichu Band Icon from scratch, as well as my Character and Guitar. Enjoy the further testaments of my capabilities and creativity in tune to Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker." Also, I am up in [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|the "Auditions" on Gamestop.com]]; please Vote for [[:Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|my Rockin' Picture]] to get me as a Playable Character with Sonichu & Rosechu in my Band in a Future Guitar Hero Game.|Original video description, 27 October 2008}}

==Bandmates==
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|150px|Music is just another way to get [[china]] for Chris.]]
{{Main|CWCRockin4Way.jpg}}

Video games are no longer the passive form of entertainment they used to be--they're also a breeding ground for the creativity of the gamers. Like all enthusiastic gamers, Chris unleashes the full force of his creativity and puts a lot of thought into his video game play to get maximum satisfaction out of these games. Unfortunately, this is obviously not going to work as well as it does for some other, more gifted people.

''Guitar Hero'' games allow a great degree of fun but purely visual cosmetic customization, such as creating virtual band members. In yet another feeble attempt to prove he's not a [[homos|homo]], Chris's bandmates are all women, because what [[gal pal|girl]] wouldn't want to jam with the [[Autism|artistic]] genius that is Christian Weston Chandler? He also picked some very odd names for these characters, with the [[Chris and race#Black_people|black one]] oddly getting a German surname commonly associated with Jews.

{{-}}

<center><gallery>
Image:ZuriAlryte.jpg|'''Zuri Alryte''': She ''may'' have a charming personality, but until she ''shows'' it, people will only remember the [[duck|waterfowl]]-up-the-skirt picture.
Image:KieraBei.jpg|'''Kiera Bei''': No doubt a lady of diverse emotions, ''all of them'' expressed ''at the same time'' on her face.
Image:JodyZimmerman.jpg|'''Jody Zimmerman''': Without the Rule 34 pic, we'd have no idea if she was even really a woman.
</gallery></center>

Though this might not seem too ridiculous at first glance, two facts make it worse. First, the first we heard of these bandmates was through a leaked Rule 34 picture. Among fiction writers, blatantly pornographic imagery is hardly considered the best way to introduce new characters to the world (though some may argue it's probably the most profitable). Chris drew himself having sex with these virtual women, and proceeded to make a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|video]] about it, announcing it as a testament to his straightness.

Secondly, he seemed to be a little bit too preoccupied with the idea, to the point that people begun to think he ''really believed'' he bonked these nonexistent chicks.

{{quote|Would I be having sex with 3 WOMEN?!|Chris, [[Chris and reality|forgetting ''Guitar Hero'' is a video game and those women are fictional]]}}

==See also==
*[[Gitar of Fail]]
*[[Chris and music]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Health}}
{{TV}}
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Template:Troll

2026-06-08T21:02:30Z

WarnerBro:

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| [[File:Trollll.PNG|50px]]
| '''Troll disclosure:''' This persona was created, appropriated, or otherwise used by [[trolls]] to [[Chris and manipulation|manipulate]] Chris. {{#if:{{{1|}}}|{{{1}}} }} {{#ifeq: {{{contrived|}}}|false| |Though this identity is contrived, the CWCki may treat it as if it were a real identity because it was to Chris. (It's also funnier that way.)}}
|}
</center><noinclude>{{usage|1=This template is an article message box. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

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Ivy O'Neil

2026-06-08T21:01:15Z

WarnerBro:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}
{{Troll}}

{{quote|♪She's gotta be true, she's gotta be pretty, and she's got to be the sweetest thing in liiiiffe, and her name be Ivvyyyyy~♪|[[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] singing [[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man|Bonnie Tyler karaoke]].<ref>[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]]</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Ivy
| image = [[Image:Ivyface.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Ivy O'Neil
|label2 = Date of Birth
|data2 = 17 March 1992 (age {{age|1992|3|17}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Father
|data7 = [[Officer Keino]]
|label8 = Occupation
|data8 = Art history student
}}

'''Ivy O'Neil''' was a [[troll]] who became [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s one and only [[sweetheart]] from [[March 2009|March]] to [[May 2009]]. The slew of work that escalated from her simple request to gain a video shout-out remains one of the crazier sagas in the CWChronology. Ivy's saga is also seen as one of the most important to Christorians, as it provided insight into Chris's thought processes, the saga being a scenario where Chris genuinely believed that his [[Love Quest]] was ending.

__TOC__

{{clear}}

==Prologue==
[[Image:Ivythumb.png|thumb|Ivy's drawing of herself]]
Something about Ivy brought out the crazy in Chris at levels rarely seen before or ever since. The Ivy Saga resulted in three ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu Specials]]'', four music videos, a bunch of weird and creepy non-music videos (including the notorious [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta]] video), a long-awaited [[Tour of Christian's House|tour of his house]], a new [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys album]], the discovery of [[CWC is Angry|The Lost Video]], the emergence of [[Joshua Martinez]] and [[Rocky Shoemaker]] as troll obstacles, images of Chris wearing the new [[Medallions|Medallion of Fail]] and [[butt garments]], and unexpected changes in Chris's behavior.

Ivy was a redhead. Chris therefore lowered his standards slightly by allowing her to become a sweetheart, since women with red hair had previously been excluded (along with [[Chris and race#Black_people|black people]] and non-[[boyfriend-free girl]]s).

==Timeline==
===March===
[[Image:Message_For_Ivy.jpg|thumb|[[Creepy stare|The stuff of nightmares.]]]]

The story of the Ivy Saga came when she wanted to surprise a friend by getting Chris to give a video shout-out. Posing as a member of Chris's [[fanbase]], after a 30-minute grilling by [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] she was able to speak to Chris. He was quiet and seemingly uninterested, but he agreed to the shout-out. In his Captain's Log of [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 18th, 2009|18 March 2009]], Chris sent his greetings to "Ahmy-vie" and her friend Rachel. This was right at the height of the [[Emily]] fiasco – between the day Chris stood her up and the day the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] stole her away –, so "Ivy" and "Rachel" were assumed by many observers to be codenames for Emily and her friend Stephanie.

Ivy was dissatisfied with the quality of the shout-out and immediately called back to complain. Disappointed with Emily's no-show, Chris was now much more animated with Ivy, and told her, "If things don't work out with Emily I would consider you for my new heartsweet." The very next day, 19 March, after the Emily date and Clyde Cash's [[hooker incident]], Chris called Ivy. They discussed video games, art, and handwriting. She sent him a self-portrait along with a drawing of her personal Sonichu character "Layla" (see above), and Chris shared with Ivy sexual fantasies involving Layla and [[Reginald]]. He told Ivy, "I love you." What follows was [[CWC's Message for Ivy|massive levels of creepiness]] not even the most hardened of trolls were ready for.

{{quote|I'll be in your dreams!|Chris to Ivy<ref>[[CWC's Message for Ivy#Video]]</ref>}}

{{Main|Sonichu Special 1}}
[[Image:CWCVictoryForIvy.jpg|thumb|[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Fresh from the shop!]]]]
Ivy was in the driver's seat now, and proved to be a muse like no other. Chris responded with some of his most complex work to date, ''Sonichu'' Special 1 and its accompanying music video, [[CWC Holding Out for a Hero]].

From this point onwards, Chris was utterly smitten with Ivy, and genuinely thought that this would be his lucky break and a chance to end his tenure as a [[Virgin with Rage]], if ''Sonichu'' Specials [[Sonichu Special 2|2]] and [[Sonichu Special 3|3]] are to be believed.

For the rest of March, Chris was a prolific video blogger. He doubled down on his [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|creepy video messages]] and make a positive difference in the life of Ivy's [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|insecure cousin, Flora]]. He managed this even while pressed on another front by his [[Clyde Cash|arch-nemesis]]; indeed, most of Chris's videos directed against Clyde during these months were in fact prompted by Ivy.

Things were moving quickly, but of course a classy college girl like Ivy wasn't going to arrange a sleepover at the Chandlers' sight unseen. Her next request, a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of the property]], ignited a slow-forming but [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|ultimately epic]] meltdown; his parents proceeded to get pissed at him for filming their house and putting it on the internet without their consent, fearing that the local health department could see it and condemn their house.

Chris also shared details with Ivy about his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|incontinence issues]] and Barb's constant effort to persuade him to wear incontinence pads or, as he [[CWC-isms|called them]], "[[butt garments]]".

===April===
{{Main|Vanessa Saga}}

As April dawned, [[Rocky Shoemaker]] very nearly pulled the Chandlers, kicking and screaming, out of their vortex of stupidity. Luckily for Ivy, she had already passed all of the Chandlers' tests for TRUTH and HONESTY,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref> and so was spared most of the (brief) fallout. Rocky put a temporary halt to Chris's video production, but Ivy convinced him that everything would be fine as long as he deleted the videos from YouTube as soon as she had saved them. Yet even as one crisis passed, another emerged when [[Joshua Martinez|a mutual friend]] introduced Chris to [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. Juggling '''two''' needy imaginary girlfriends would [[Blanca Emails, September 2008#Sarah Jackson love triangle|once again]] prove challenging for one merely-mortal autistic man.

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|WHY]]
{{Main|April 16 Fetish Vids}}
With inspiration from Ivy, Chris got a new [[cwcville.com]] up, and made progress on [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]. He then created the world's first-ever YouTube videos intended for [[Crass and Champ|pet crabs]]. The [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|Hedgehog Boys]] got back together and hit the road again. And then shit got real: mid-month, Ivy found out about Chris's two-timing ways. The [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|punishment]] was revolting, to say the least. After his humiliating penance, Chris was given a second chance...

{{Main|Sonichu Special 2}}
...to plan a kickass wedding! The result was another ''Sonichu Special'', complete with an accompanying video, [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. And you can't have a wedding without...

{{Main|Sonichu Special 3}}
...a honeymoon! Ivy specifically asked Chris to draw his [[duck]] life-sized, so that he couldn't hide the bend. Needless to say, the leaking of the infamous Giant Penis Comic meant that April ended on a decidedly low note. Chris had to make an explanation video to ease the mind of a traumatized [[Ching Chong]], and had to confess to all of [[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions|his crimes]]. Of course, the dastardly trolls pounced on every word.

{{quote|Ivy is real! We are going to be together foreverrr! I CAN FEEL THE COSMOS.|Chris<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref>}}

Chris helped Ivy put the Vanessa mistake behind them by discussing their future together. Chris assumed that after they got married, she would use her Ph.D. to get a full-time job, but would also do all the cooking when she got home. He would, of course, sit around and draw his comics. He also assumed that Ivy would have no problem if he visited strip clubs, but got very uncomfortable when she asked about her own sexual needs. When the conversation turned to oral sex, he explained his theory about [[recycling]], and indulged her with a notorious demonstrative [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|video]].

Chris also ingratiated himself with [[Officer Keino|Ivy's father]], speaking with him on the phone twice. He impressed the Coach McGuirk lookalike with his stories of being in the Cub Scouts and drawing a comic book for children.

===May===
Throughout the Chandlers' trials and tribulations, Ivy remained TRUE and HONEST. A Chandler family vacation up to Boston, to visit Ivy,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref><ref>[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]</ref> was in the works. But in a fit of righteousness, Rocky brought the Chandlers to the police to sort out the trolls once and for all. The Chandlers were interested in investigating only [[Joshua Martinez]], but Rocky overrode their protests and insisted on checking into Ivy's background as well.

Ivy was furious, and after accusing Chris of betraying her, broke up with him.

Chris persisted in calling Ivy for two days after she broke off their relationship. She and Officer Keino called Bob to have him tell Chris to back off. In Ivy's words, "Chris still had no concept of the word 'no.'"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

On the night of 14 [[May 2009|May]], the following was written on Chris's [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] talk page:

{{quote|I have learned that there was a connection between her and a state in Washington where some of you have been lurking, and that she was not found in any public records. It took me a week to recover from the crestfallen emotions, but I am moving on with my life.|Chris<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

==Epilogue==
[[Image:IvysDeath.png|thumb|An artist's depiction of Ivy's untimely death.]]
In July 2009, Chris was fed the rumor that Ivy had committed suicide by hanging "from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me." He tastelessly uploaded [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] as a belated memorial.

In November 2009, he [[:File:SchuComic9P92.jpg|described Ivy's death in a giant wall of text]] in [[Sonichu 9|the comic]]. During the PVCC's assault on CWCville, she was apparently trapped in a collapsing elevator, got the cables tangled around her neck, and was strangled to death, despite [[BILLY MAYS]]'s best efforts to save her. The page laying all of this out carries a brief dedication: "In memory of [[Sonichu Girls|Sonichu-Girl]], **Ivy O'Niel**".

On 19 [[April 2010]], Chris updated the [[CWCipedia]] with a [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|page]] containing various profiles of his "[[gal-pal]]s and past sweethearts." Among them was a brief and somewhat ambivalent mention of Ivy:

{{quote|Another online romance, but better... with Telephone Conversations. Ivy and I were entwined within our relationship for about 3 months; it was good. Then later on, when I was talking to a detective on the case of finding my Trolls and seeing justice done unto them, he looked into Ivy and her family; found NOTHING on them, even her father who was a Police Officer. Then in a mental quandary and confusion, I stopped talking to Ivy for a few months. She called me one last time after the time; I still felt confused. Then I hear from Vivian that Ivy committed suicide by hanging.|CWC<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>}}

On 13 February 2011, Ivy participated in a [[Ivy Q&A|Q&A session]] with the CWCki.

In a [[May 2011]] email, Chris mentioned her dismissively, saying "that elevator
gag was ONLY for comic story; she in reality committed suicide over me."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref> In [[June 2014]], Chris said that except for [[Kacey]], all of his former sweethearts were "deceptive theoretical exes." This suggests that Chris knew by this point that none of his girlfriends, including Ivy, had been real.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

==Gallery==
===Art by Ivy===
<center><gallery>
Image:Ivy.png
Image:Ivy Jammies.jpg
Image:IvysRosechu.jpg|Rosechu
Image:IvysBubbles to Blake.jpg|[[Bubbles Rosechu]]
Image:Layla.jpg|Luckette (a.k.a. [[Layla Flaaffy]])
Image:Princessivy.png|Princess Ivy, Ivy's fursona.
</gallery></center>

===Art of Ivy (by Chris)===
<center><gallery>
Image:IvyWedding.jpg|This is what Chris actually believes.
Image:IvyRing.jpg|IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME...
Image:CWCsIvyKiss.jpg|"FUCK IT'S [[Episode 2|EPISODE 2]] ALL OVER AGAIN FUCKKKKK" - [[Vivian Gee]] <ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB6c5txd8ro#t=2m32s Sonichu - Special Episode 1! The Audiobook! Clyde VS Chris!]</ref>
Image:350meko.jpg|Rape is imminent. On a more serious note: Chris fails at pantyshots.
Image:CWCsClyde.jpg|OH SHI-! Ivy has been kidnapped by Clyde! IS CHRIS A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE HER?
Image:CWCRescuesIvy.jpg|Note Ivy's noodle arms and legs.
Image:Cwc&ivy34.jpg|Rule 34 even applies to Chris's heartsweets.
Image:IvyBondage.jpg|Bondage: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!
Image:CWC,Ivy,fursona.jpg|Chris-chan Sonichu and Princess Ivy together.
Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|Our heroes mourn Ivy's death, or something like that.
</gallery></center>

===Art of Ivy (by others)===
<center><gallery>
Image:Ivy.jpg
Image:Ivypickle.jpg
Image:Dearest Ivy by Chimerica.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Ivy Q%26A]]
*''[[Soul Calibur]]''
*[[Vanessa Saga]]

==References==
<references/>

{{IvySaga}}
{{Love quest}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Neil, Ivy}}

[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Ivy Saga]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Massachusetts]]

Soul Calibur

2026-06-08T20:57:25Z

WarnerBro:

{{Honest}}
[[Image:SoulCalibur3box.jpg|thumb|[[Ivy]]'s namesake on the cover of ''Soul Calibur III'' (in the background)]]

[[Image:Chrisreply3.PNG|thumb|Transcending [[Christory]] and the world, a tale of [[trolls]] and [[Unholy Quintet|tards]], eternally retold.]]

[[Image:Voldocwc.jpg|thumb|Chris's [[100 2265|Hamburglar]] [[cosplaying|cosplay]] recreated in Soul Calibur V.]]

'''''Soul Calibur''''' (often written ''SoulCalibur'' or ''Soulcalibur'') is a weapon-fighting game franchise created by Namco. While the series has a hardcore following, it's also famous for being easy to pick up – perhaps too easy, if Chris is of any indication.

==The series and Chris==
Chris's favorite character is {{w|Cassandra Alexandra}},<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> possibly for no other reason besides the fact that [[Women's rights|he favors attractive female characters]] in all other games. [[Mimms]] also said that he used Cassandra in [[Card games#UFS (Ultimate Fighting System) TCG|the UFS trading card game]]<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref> and [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] encouraged him to stick with the "Greek girls" (Cassandra and her sister {{w|Sophitia Alexandra|Sophitia}}) in UFS<ref>[[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Megan is going to give Chris some stuff, appreciates him backing off]]</ref>.

In the infamous facerape scene of [[Episode 17]] of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] seems to duplicate Sophitia's B+G throw, called "Angel's Heaven" (''Soul Edge'') or "Holy Cracker" (''Soulcalibur'' series proper). It could also be "Heaven to Hell," which can follow up this move. However, Sophitia's attacks had several advantages over Rosechu's attack. First, cracking the neck is generally faster and more lethal than clawing a head open and electrocuting the victim. Secondly, Sophitia cleverly performed this attack fully clothed, granting the series 16+ age ratings rather than Cannot Be Unseen ratings. Thirdly, Sophitia cleverly elected to ''not'' shout some of the most embarrassing battlecries in the history of feminism.

Chris loved to create his enemies in ''{{w|Soul Calibur III}}'' and make pathetic videos where he struggles to beat them on the lowest difficulty setting. He has [[Death threats|threatened]] to do this to various people, including the fan artist [[Evan]] and anyone who dared draw a [[pickle]] on his female cartoon characters. The most (in)famous victim of this tactic was the dean of his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who he would beat up in the game as revenge for her banning his [[Attraction Sign]]s and suspending him.

In the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ad, Chris promises CWC and Sonichu-related DLC for ''{{w|Soul Calibur IV}}''. With the most advanced [[Obesity|boob physics]] to date this series has seen, the public at large would probably rather ''not'' see that pack come to fruition. (Unless Mary Lee Walsh is included, naturally.)

===Soul Megan===
Apparently he and [[Megan Schroeder]] were dedicated players of the arcade version, too, judging by e-mails discussing the purchasing of horribly overpriced weapon and ability cards to be used with the coin-op game.<ref>[[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007]]</ref><ref>[[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007]]</ref>

One aspect of Chris's Megan obsession included creating a character of Megan in the game, which reportedly gave her the creeps.

{{Quote|And I don't like your "Megan Obsession" I don't like being [[Sailor Megtune|a character]] in [[Sonichu (comic)|your comics]]. I don't like how you made me a character in Soulcalibur and [[Animal Crossing]]. That kind of behavior really freaks me out.<ref>[[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007]]</ref>}}

{{clear}}
===Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh===
{{Tardrage}}

This video is notable for being the first known video Chris ever uploaded to YouTube.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20071109102857/http://www.youtube.com/user/Sonichu] </ref>
{{quote|The EPIC Battle between the High-Functioning [[Autism|Autistic]] Warrior who was only searching for TRUE LOVE, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|EVIL WITCH]] of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] who previously SHATTERED HIS HEART AND SOUL by making it OBVIOUS that it was ILLEGAL to have a [[Sweetheart]] of the opposite gender in Virginia... "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS]]!"}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = SOUL CALIBUR: Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh
| ytid = rgEQINfsJSM
| stardate = 1 [[May 2007]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE#Watch|Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]
| next = [[Chop_Chop_Master_Onion's_Rap_Showdown#Master_Onion_A-La_Mode|Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]]
}}

==See also==
*[[CWC Fighter]]
*[[Ivy O'Neil|Ivy]], who got her name from {{w|Ivy Valentine}}<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]|nextlink=[[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Master Onion A-La Mode]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}
{{TV}}

[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-05-08]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Videos published to Sonichu]]

Soul Calibur

2026-06-08T20:56:28Z

WarnerBro:

{{Honest}}
[[Image:SoulCalibur3box.jpg|thumb|[[Ivy]]'s namesake on the cover of ''Soul Calibur III'' (in the background)]]

[[Image:Chrisreply3.PNG|thumb|Transcending [[Christory]] and the world, a tale of [[trolls]] and [[Unholy Quintet|tards]], eternally retold.]]

[[Image:Voldocwc.jpg|thumb|Chris's [[100 2265|Hamburglar]] [[cosplaying|cosplay]] recreated in Soul Calibur V.]]

'''''Soul Calibur''''' (often written ''SoulCalibur'' or ''Soulcalibur'') is a weapon-fighting game franchise created by Namco. While the series has a hardcore following, it's also famous for being easy to pick up – perhaps too easy, if Chris is of any indication.

==The series and Chris==
Chris's favorite character is {{w|Cassandra Alexandra}},<ref>[[Mumble 6]]</ref> possibly for no other reason besides the fact that [[Women's rights|he favors attractive female characters]] in all other games. [[Mimms]] also said that he used Cassandra in [[Card games#UFS (Ultimate Fighting System) TCG|the UFS trading card game]]<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref> and [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]] encouraged him to stick with the "Greek girls" (Cassandra and her sister {{w|Sophitia Alexandra|Sophitia}}) in UFS<ref>[[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Megan is going to give Chris some stuff, appreciates him backing off]]</ref>.

In the infamous facerape scene of [[Episode 17]] of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] seems to duplicate Sophitia's B+G throw, called "Angel's Heaven" (''Soul Edge'') or "Holy Cracker" (''Soulcalibur'' series proper). It could also be "Heaven to Hell," which can follow up this move. However, Sophitia's attacks had several advantages over Rosechu's attack. First, cracking the neck is generally faster and more lethal than clawing a head open and electrocuting the victim. Secondly, Sophitia cleverly performed this attack fully clothed, granting the series 16+ age ratings rather than Cannot Be Unseen ratings. Thirdly, Sophitia cleverly elected to ''not'' shout some of the most embarrassing battlecries in the history of feminism.

Chris loved to create his enemies in ''{{w|Soul Calibur III}}'' and make pathetic videos where he struggles to beat them on the lowest difficulty setting. He has [[Death threats|threatened]] to do this to various people, including the fan artist [[Evan]] and anyone who dared draw a [[pickle]] on his female cartoon characters. The most (in)famous victim of this tactic was the dean of his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], who he would beat up in the game as revenge for her banning his [[Attraction Sign]]s and suspending him.

In the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ad, Chris promises CWC and Sonichu-related DLC for ''{{w|Soul Calibur IV}}''. With the most advanced [[Obesity|boob physics]] to date this series has seen, the public at large would probably rather ''not'' see that pack come to fruition. (Unless Mary Lee Walsh is included, naturally.)

===Soul Megan===
Apparently he and [[Megan Schroeder]] were dedicated players of the arcade version, too, judging by e-mails discussing the purchasing of horribly overpriced weapon and ability cards to be used with the coin-op game.<ref>[[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007]]</ref><ref>[[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007]]</ref>

One aspect of Chris's Megan obsession included creating a character of Megan in the game, which reportedly gave her the creeps.

{{Quote|And I don't like your "Megan Obsession" I don't like being [[Sailor Megtune|a character]] in [[Sonichu (comic)|your comics]]. I don't like how you made me a character in Soulcalibur and [[Animal Crossing]]. That kind of behavior really freaks me out.<ref>[[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007]]</ref>}}

{{clear}}
===Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh===
{{Tardrage}}

This video is notable for being the first known video Chris ever uploaded to YouTube.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20071109102857/http://www.youtube.com/user/Sonichu] </ref>
{{quote|The EPIC Battle between the High-Functioning [[Autism|Autistic]] Warrior who was only searching for TRUE LOVE, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|EVIL WITCH]] of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] who previously SHATTERED HIS HEART AND SOUL by making it OBVIOUS that it was ILLEGAL to have a [[Sweetheart]] of the opposite gender in Virginia... "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS]]!"}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = SOUL CALIBUR: Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh
| ytid = rgEQINfsJSM
| stardate = 1 [[May 2007]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| other = {{Direct Feed|text}}
| previous = [[Christian_Weston_Chandler's_FUTURE_MESSAGE#Watch|Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]
| next = [[Chop_Chop_Master_Onion's_Rap_Showdown#Master_Onion_A-La_Mode|Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]]
}}

==See also==
*[[CWC Fighter]]
*[[Ivy]], who got her name from {{w|Ivy Valentine}}<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]|nextlink=[[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|Master Onion A-La Mode]]|}}
{{Game Videos}}
{{TV}}

[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-05-08]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Videos published to Sonichu]]

Peanuts

2026-06-06T17:01:54Z

WarnerBro:

[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
[[File:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|thumb|[[Megan Schroeder]] as a ''Peanuts'' character.]]
'''''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''''' is a popular comic strip and accompanying franchise created by Charles M. Schulz, which [[Chris]] has referenced a number of times.

==Mentions by Chris==
* Chris has repeatedly described his [[high school]] [[sweetheart]] [[Tiffany Gowen]] as being like a Peppermint Patty, to his Charlie Brown.
* During Chris's [[Date with Emily|first date]], his father [[Bob]] said [[Emily]] reminded him of "Margie" (he probably meant {{w|Marcie}}).
* Chris owned ''Snoopy vs. the Red Baron'' for the [[PlayStation Portable]], as well three episodes of the 2008 ''Peanuts Motion Comics'' series on the [[PlayStation Network]].
* During [[Mumble 1|a Mumble chat]], Chris claimed that his half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] sometimes called himself "Joe Cool" (the name of one of {{w|Snoopy}}’s many alter-egos).
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarizes]] the ''Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show'' episode "Sally at School" word for word; the sole alteration Chris made was changing "princess" to "sexy, beautiful woman".
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.
* [[Kevin the Jew]] from [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] is for some reason drawn like a ''Peanuts'' character.
* Chris posted about loving ''The Peanuts Movie'' in [[November 2015]].
* Chris made a drawing depicting his pony avatar talking to another pony avatar about a kite-eating tree, one of Charlie Brown's foes in the comics.
* [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s now-deceased dog was named [[Snoopy]].
* While incarcerated at [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]], Chris created [[Praetor_Jail_Art#"The_Schulz_Collection:_Simple_Wisdom_for_All_Ages_in_the_Rainbow",_dated_11/26/2022|"The Schulz Collection,"]] a collection of five pieces of [[jail art]] all dated 11/26/2022, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Charles Schulz. They depict Sonichus and Rosechus interacting with the Peanuts gang, with one including Mr. Schulz himself. Some depict events of the 1970s, but one shows a Team Rocket base in 2005. These were all sent to [[Praetor]], who listed them for sale on [[OfficialCWCmart]] for $175 each.

{{TV}}
[[Category:Television shows]]

Peanuts

2026-06-06T17:01:41Z

WarnerBro:

[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
[[File:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|thumb|[[Megan Schroeder]] as a ''Peanuts'' character.]]
'''''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''''' is a popular comic strip and accompanying franchise created by Charles M. Schulz, which [[Chris]] has referenced a number of times.

==Mentions by Chris==
* Chris has repeatedly described his [[high school]] [[sweetheart]] [[Tiffany Gowen]] as being like a Peppermint Patty, to his Charlie Brown.
* During Chris's [[Date with Emily|first date]], his father [[Bob]] said [[Emily]] reminded him of "Margie" (he probably meant {{w|Marcie}}).
* Chris owned ''Snoopy vs. the Red Baron'' for the [[PlayStation Portable]], as well three episodes of the 2008 ''Peanuts Motion Comics'' series on the [[PlayStation Network]].
* During [[Mumble 1|a Mumble chat]], Chris claimed that his half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] sometimes called himself "Joe Cool" (the name of one of {{w|Snoopy}}’s many alter-egos).
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarizes]] the ''Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show'' episode "Sally at School" word for word; the sole alteration he made was changing "princess" to "sexy, beautiful woman".
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.
* [[Kevin the Jew]] from [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] is for some reason drawn like a ''Peanuts'' character.
* Chris posted about loving ''The Peanuts Movie'' in [[November 2015]].
* Chris made a drawing depicting his pony avatar talking to another pony avatar about a kite-eating tree, one of Charlie Brown's foes in the comics.
* [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s now-deceased dog was named [[Snoopy]].
* While incarcerated at [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]], Chris created [[Praetor_Jail_Art#"The_Schulz_Collection:_Simple_Wisdom_for_All_Ages_in_the_Rainbow",_dated_11/26/2022|"The Schulz Collection,"]] a collection of five pieces of [[jail art]] all dated 11/26/2022, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Charles Schulz. They depict Sonichus and Rosechus interacting with the Peanuts gang, with one including Mr. Schulz himself. Some depict events of the 1970s, but one shows a Team Rocket base in 2005. These were all sent to [[Praetor]], who listed them for sale on [[OfficialCWCmart]] for $175 each.

{{TV}}
[[Category:Television shows]]

Peanuts

2026-06-06T17:01:20Z

WarnerBro:

[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
[[File:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|thumb|[[Megan Schroeder]] as a ''Peanuts'' character.]]
'''''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''''' is a popular comic strip and accompanying franchise created by Charles M. Schulz, which [[Chris]] has referenced a number of times.

==Mentions by Chris==
* Chris has repeatedly described his [[high school]] [[sweetheart]] [[Tiffany Gowen]] as being like a Peppermint Patty, to his Charlie Brown.
* During Chris's [[Date with Emily|first date]], his father [[Bob]] said [[Emily]] reminded him of "Margie" (he probably meant {{w|Marcie}}).
* Chris owned ''Snoopy vs. the Red Baron'' for the [[PlayStation Portable]], as well three episodes of the 2008 ''Peanuts Motion Comics'' series on the [[PlayStation Network]].
* During [[Mumble 1|a Mumble chat]], Chris claimed that his half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] sometimes called himself "Joe Cool" (the name of one of {{w|Snoopy}}’s many alter-egos).
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarizes]] the ''Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show'' episode "Sally at School" word for word; the sole alteration he made was changing "princess" to "sexy, beautiful woman".
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.
* [[Kevin the Jew]] from [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] is for some reason drawn like a ''Peanuts'' character.
* Chris posted about loving ''The Peanuts Movie'' in [[November 2015]].
* Chris made a drawing depicting his pony avatar talking to another pony avatar about a kite-eating tree, one of Charlie Brown's foes in the comics.
* [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s now-deceased dog is named [[Snoopy]].
* While incarcerated at [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]], Chris created [[Praetor_Jail_Art#"The_Schulz_Collection:_Simple_Wisdom_for_All_Ages_in_the_Rainbow",_dated_11/26/2022|"The Schulz Collection,"]] a collection of five pieces of [[jail art]] all dated 11/26/2022, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Charles Schulz. They depict Sonichus and Rosechus interacting with the Peanuts gang, with one including Mr. Schulz himself. Some depict events of the 1970s, but one shows a Team Rocket base in 2005. These were all sent to [[Praetor]], who listed them for sale on [[OfficialCWCmart]] for $175 each.

{{TV}}
[[Category:Television shows]]

Peanuts

2026-06-06T17:01:07Z

WarnerBro:

[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
[[File:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|thumb|[[Megan Schroeder]] as a ''Peanuts'' character.]]
'''''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''''' is a popular comic strip and accompanying franchise created by Charles M. Schulz, which [[Chris]] has referenced a number of times.

==Mentions by Chris==
* Chris has repeatedly described his [[high school]] [[sweetheart]] [[Tiffany Gowen]] as being like a Peppermint Patty, to his Charlie Brown.
* During Chris's [[Date with Emily|first date]], his father [[Bob]] said [[Emily]] reminded him of "Margie" (he probably meant {{w|Marcie}}).
* Chris owned ''Snoopy vs. the Red Baron'' for the [[PlayStation Portable]], as well three episodes of the 2008 ''Peanuts Motion Comics'' series on the [[PlayStation Network]].
* During [[Mumble 1|a Mumble chat]], Chris claimed that his half-brother [[Cole]] sometimes called himself "Joe Cool" (the name of one of {{w|Snoopy}}’s many alter-egos).
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarizes]] the ''Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show'' episode "Sally at School" word for word; the sole alteration he made was changing "princess" to "sexy, beautiful woman".
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.
* [[Kevin the Jew]] from [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] is for some reason drawn like a ''Peanuts'' character.
* Chris posted about loving ''The Peanuts Movie'' in [[November 2015]].
* Chris made a drawing depicting his pony avatar talking to another pony avatar about a kite-eating tree, one of Charlie Brown's foes in the comics.
* [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s now-deceased dog is named [[Snoopy]].
* While incarcerated at [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]], Chris created [[Praetor_Jail_Art#"The_Schulz_Collection:_Simple_Wisdom_for_All_Ages_in_the_Rainbow",_dated_11/26/2022|"The Schulz Collection,"]] a collection of five pieces of [[jail art]] all dated 11/26/2022, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Charles Schulz. They depict Sonichus and Rosechus interacting with the Peanuts gang, with one including Mr. Schulz himself. Some depict events of the 1970s, but one shows a Team Rocket base in 2005. These were all sent to [[Praetor]], who listed them for sale on [[OfficialCWCmart]] for $175 each.

{{TV}}
[[Category:Television shows]]

Peanuts

2026-06-06T17:00:18Z

WarnerBro:

[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
[[File:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|thumb|[[Megan Schroeder]] as a ''Peanuts'' character.]]
'''''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''''' is a popular comic strip and accompanying franchise created by Charles M. Schulz, which [[Chris]] has referenced a number of times.

==Mentions by Chris==
* Chris has repeatedly described his [[high school]] [[sweetheart]] [[Tiffany Gowen]] as being like a Peppermint Patty, to his Charlie Brown.
* During Chris's [[Date with Emily|first date]], his father [[Bob]] said [[Emily]] reminded him of "Margie" (he probably meant {{w|Marcie}}).
* Chris owned ''Snoopy vs. the Red Baron'' for the [[PlayStation Portable]], as well three episodes of the 2008 ''Peanuts Motion Comics'' series on the [[PlayStation Network]].
* During [[Mumble 1|a Mumble chat]], Chris claimed that his half-brother [[Cole]] sometimes called himself "Joe Cool" (the name of one of {{w|Snoopy}}’s many alter-egos).
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarizes]] the ''Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show'' episode "Sally at School" word for word; the sole alteration he made was changing "princess" to "sexy, beautiful woman".
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.
* [[Kevin the Jew]] from [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] is for some reason drawn like a ''Peanuts'' character.
* Chris posted about loving ''The Peanuts Movie'' in [[November 2015]].
* Chris made a drawing depicting his pony avatar talking to another pony avatar about a kite-eating tree, one of Charlie Brown's foes in the comics.
* [[Barbara]]'s now-deceased dog is named [[Snoopy]].
* While incarcerated at [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]], Chris created [[Praetor_Jail_Art#"The_Schulz_Collection:_Simple_Wisdom_for_All_Ages_in_the_Rainbow",_dated_11/26/2022|"The Schulz Collection,"]] a collection of five pieces of [[jail art]] all dated 11/26/2022, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Charles Schulz. They depict Sonichus and Rosechus interacting with the Peanuts gang, with one including Mr. Schulz himself. Some depict events of the 1970s, but one shows a Team Rocket base in 2005. These were all sent to [[Praetor]], who listed them for sale on [[OfficialCWCmart]] for $175 each.

{{TV}}
[[Category:Television shows]]

Peanuts

2026-06-06T16:59:53Z

WarnerBro:

[[Image:119-PeanutsCWC.jpg|thumb|right|Good grief!]]
[[File:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|thumb|[[Megan Schroeder]] as a ''Peanuts'' character.]]
'''''[[Wikipedia:Peanuts|Peanuts]]''''' is a popular comic strip and accompanying franchise created by Charles M. Schulz, which [[Chris]] has referenced a number of times.

==Mentions by Chris==
* Chris has repeatedly described his [[high school]] [[sweetheart]] [[Tiffany Gowen]] as being like a Peppermint Patty, to his Charlie Brown.
* During Chris's [[Date with Emily|first date]], his father [[Bob]] said [[Emily]] reminded him of "Margie" (he probably meant {{w|Marcie}}).
* Chris owned ''Snoopy vs. the Red Baron'' for the [[PlayStation Portable]], as well three episodes of the 2008 ''Peanuts Motion Comics'' series on the [[PlayStation Network]].
* During [[Mumble 1|a Mumble chat]], Chris claimed that his half-brother [[Cole]] sometimes called himself "Joe Cool" (the name of one of {{w|Snoopy}}’s many alter-egos).
* Chris uploaded [[RandomHumor1]] to his [[Flipnote Hatena]] account. Complete with horrendous drawings and obnoxious high-pitched voices, the animation plagiarizes the ''Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show'' episode "Sally at School" word for word; the sole alteration he made was changing "princess" to "sexy, beautiful woman".
* He also mentioned Charlie Brown in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], but only to distinguish what kind of peanuts he was talking about.
* [[Kevin the Jew]] from [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] is for some reason drawn like a ''Peanuts'' character.
* Chris posted about loving ''The Peanuts Movie'' in [[November 2015]].
* Chris made a drawing depicting his pony avatar talking to another pony avatar about a kite-eating tree, one of Charlie Brown's foes in the comics.
* [[Barbara]]'s now-deceased dog is named [[Snoopy]].
* While incarcerated at [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]], Chris created [[Praetor_Jail_Art#"The_Schulz_Collection:_Simple_Wisdom_for_All_Ages_in_the_Rainbow",_dated_11/26/2022|"The Schulz Collection,"]] a collection of five pieces of [[jail art]] all dated 11/26/2022, the 100th anniversary of the birth of Charles Schulz. They depict Sonichus and Rosechus interacting with the Peanuts gang, with one including Mr. Schulz himself. Some depict events of the 1970s, but one shows a Team Rocket base in 2005. These were all sent to [[Praetor]], who listed them for sale on [[OfficialCWCmart]] for $175 each.

{{TV}}
[[Category:Television shows]]

Flipnote Hatena

2026-06-06T16:57:35Z

WarnerBro:

{{Articleofthenow}}

'''Flipnote Hatena''' was a website where users could upload and share their creations from the free downloadable application for the [[Nintendo]] DSi, '''''Flipnote Studio''''', which allowed users to create both word and picture-based notes with the stylus, add sound, and put them together to create frame-by-frame flipbook-style animations. Other users could comment on them either by text, or by creating a Flipnote of their own.

In [[June 2010]], [[Chris]] was spotted at a [[Fridays After Five]] event in [[Charlottesville]]. Among some very disturbing behavior, Chris was seen playing with his DSi for some time. It later came to light that, after [[June062010.MOV|leaving the Internet forever]], he was now spending his time on Flipnote Hatena, drawing comments in reply to various Flipnotes. [[Naïve]] as ever, he helped [[Clyde Cash|a valiant troll]] to find him by registering with his full name.

After a little more than two weeks of shameless self-promotion and sharing his creepy sex fantasies with the world, Chris got himself [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]]. Chris's account became active again on 24 July, prior to the service ending on 31 [[May 2013]].

==Chris's Flipnote career==
[[File:FlipnoteSonichu.png|thumb|Further proof that Sonichu will dominate every aspect of Chris's life until the day he dies.]]

Predictably, Chris's first contribution to the Flipnote community was a picture of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], posted on 17 June 2010. Over the next two weeks, he added several more Flipnotes featuring a mixture of his trademarks: whining about [[trolls]] and [[random-access humor]].

Chris's Flipnotes freely [[parody|swiped]] from various sources of "inspiration." He [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripped off]] some other users' Flipnotes almost wholesale, uses bases for his works, and even plagiarized the [[1983]] animated ''[[Peanuts]]'' cartoon "Sally at School" to produce two of his shorts. He stole the dialogue from the first few minutes almost verbatim (the word "princess" is replaced with "[[Women's rights|sexy, beautiful woman]]" because Chris has [[Love Quest|a one-track mind]]) and used them in [[Official Videobooks|his crude animations]].

At the same time, he also posted a number of comments on other Flipnotes (excerpted below) and added a lot of stars on his own creations to give himself praise.

On 29 June 2010, Chris first drew the attention of the site's administrators when they removed several of his rule-infringing Flipnotes. For example, [[RomanticLabyrinth]] was taken down for being disturbingly sexual. Other Flipnotes were removed from the site for other reasons – Chris autographing many of his Flipnotes infringes their rule about sharing personal information, and several of his other Flipnotes infringed intellectual property rights.

Over the next few days, Chris failed to get the message and repeatedly re-uploaded several of his deleted Flipnotes. On the third version of RomanticLabyrinth, Chris accused the trolls of trying to make him look like a [[homo]], and stubbornly tried to reupload the Flipnote to prove otherwise. The site's administrators ran out of patience on 2 July 2010 and banned him.

Note that the moderators of the site were, by nature of their position, no doubt well aware of how trolling and various other forms of Internet harassment work. Despite what Chris would have you believe, they would never have punished him for what someone else did in his comments section. Unlike Chris, they didn't have an effectively infinite amount of time to dick around on the Internet, so they wouldn't take kindly to flag abuse, either. Someone didn't give him exactly what he wanted, so he decided to go out of his way to flip his shit and ended up getting himself banned, without ever understanding the reasons for being banned, from yet another public venue that [[The GAMe PLACe|dozens]], [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|hundreds]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|thousands]], or [[YouTube|millions]] of people use every day without issue, proving once again that [[Kick the Autistic|no one can troll Chris better than Chris himself]].

==Chris's Flipnotes Return...==
{{quote|After the week was over, and I was able to again access the Hatena from my DSi, I had previously unlinked my DSi from my past account and relinked it to a New account with a different name.|Chris, on [[Jackie E-mails 3|ban evasion]]}}

Showing once again that he never learns, on 24 July a number of Chris's Flipnotes reappeared, including the "tame" version of RomanticLabyrinth. This time, though, he disabled comments on all his submissions, perhaps working on the assumption that it was the comments from viewers (and not the content of his Flipnotes) that led to his original ban.

Within two days after Chris's return to the site, several of his Flipnotes disappeared from his account, including RomanticLabyrinth and others that had been deleted before for violating the TOS. He later reuploaded the deleted Flipnotes. After the ''sixth time'' of reuploading these animations, none of them were taken down. Either this was because the mods got tired of dealing with his bullshit, or because [[weens|vigilantes]] had given up reporting them.

On 10 June, almost a year later, Chris made a [[3DS Flipnote]] complaining about how Nintendo wasn't making an update for the [[Wikipedia:Nintendo 3DS|3DS]] fast enough for his liking.

===...and Then Depart Again===
On 31 May 2013, Flipnote Hatena was shut down, with Flipnotes now no longer visible from either the official site or the application itself. Luckily, Chris's Flipnotes have been mirrored on [[YouTube]]. In total, Chris made twelve Flipnotes, got 24,465 views, received 22,482 stars, and received 604 comments.

==Flipnote Studio 3D==
On 13 [[March 2013]], it was announced that the DSi incarnation of Flipnote Hatena would be shut down on 31 May, in favor of another incarnation for the Nintendo 3DS, called Flipnote Studio 3D. It was released in Japan on 24 [[July 2013]], and after plenty of pushbacks and anticipation was released in [[February 2015]] for American [[Club Nintendo]] users as a going-away present for the program's shutdown in [[June 2015]], nearly two years after its Japanese release. Owing to Chris's prior interest in the application and his current ownership of a 3DS, it seemed likely that he would join the new community, especially considering how he gushed about the game a day later on [[Facebook]].

Of particular note is that while the worldwide version of Flipnote Studio 3D is entirely free, the original Japanese version allows one to view and upload their creations online to other users, but would cost a monthly fee. Owing to Chris's [[Chris and money|spending habits]], it is unknown if he used this version. Flipnote Studio 3D also allowed one to download previous Flipnotes made on Hatena, a feature that Chris could've abused.

Aside from using [[Miiverse]] to spam the community with his [[Sonic Boom Protests]], he never reuploaded his old Flipnotes, including RomanticLabyrinth. Either he learned his lesson, or he was simply too lazy to try and reupload it again (most likely the latter).

Flipnote Studio 3D's online functionality was closed on 2 April 2018 without Chris doing anything of note.

==Chris's Flipnotes==
{{Main|List of Flipnotes}}

==Chris's Comments==
Chris's comments on Flipnote Hatena, much like his comments elsewhere on the Internet, were self-centered and devoid of any follow-up.

<center><gallery>
File:Flipnote Comment-Boo.png|"Boo!"
File:Flipnote Comment-Louder.png|"Could you make the voice louder + easier to comprehend, please?"
File:Flipnote Comment-My Trolls.png|"My Trolls did that to my [[:Category:Chris's websites|past websites]] too. I felt [[CWC is Sad|hurt deeply]] too."
File:Flipnote Comment-Raised Eyebrow.png| "C.W.C"
File:Flipnote Comment-Cow.png|Some other retarded comment about a [[RandomSong1|cow]]
File:Flipnote Comment-YHBT 1.png|You're singing [[Song of Christian|my song]]. I was [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Internet Famous]]... HUGE MISTAKE! Right now, I have removed Most Every... thing about myself...
File:Flipnote Comment-YHBT 2.png|...from the internet. Now there is only [[Honest Content|FALSE info]] on me that THEY have crafted and spread to Bad-Rep me.
File:Flipnote Comment-YHBT 3.png|And worse they've found me in R. Life to catch footage of me for their gross, uncool amusement.
File:Flipnote Comment-YHBT 4.png|I WANT TO GO BACK TO A NORMAL REAL LIFE [[Chris and the Internet#Attempts_to_leave_the_Internet|OFF THE FRIGGIN' INTERNET!!!]]
File:Flipnote Comment-YHBT 5.png|AND I WANT MY "REP" CLEAN OF THIER [sic] CRAP! DO you have any advice to help me clear their crap off me?
File:HippoHeadComment.png|Response to comment in "Hippo on your head"
File:Diamon1.png|
File:Diamon2.png|
File:Diamon3.png|
File:Flipbookhonorroll.png|True words of [[honor roll|geinus]]
File:Flipnotegood.png|If Chris says you're a good artist, you must be really good!
File:Flipnotevoice.png|Not a [[pedofork]]!
File:CWCcomment1.gif|"That was Sweeet. I can tell you have a [[Bubbles Rosechu|bubbly]] personality from your style. Your [[JERKS|Boyfriend]] is lucky to...
File:CWCcomment2.gif|...to have a [[gal-pal|gal]] like you. :) Stay Sweet & Safe, Christian Weston Chandler. PS: Thanks for Faving me <strike>something</strike> back.
File:Flipnoteninja.png|
File:11542841929539631934 o.gif|Not a quid-pro-quo!
</gallery></center>

Comment left on other videos without a picture:

*"Why can't I find THIS FlipNote on my DSi, even through YOUR Profile's Posted F.N. pages? I want to download it; it IS funny. [:)]" (In response to a flipnote that is completely ripped off from ''[[Family Guy]]''.)

==Chris's Favorites==
What Chris favorited should not come as a surprise. In addition to the obligatory ''[[Sonic]]'', ''[[Pokémon]]'' and ''[[Family Guy]]'' flipnotes, Chris favorited a number of [[gal-pal|female-drawn]] animations, done in [[anime]]-like styling and done with a particularly ''shoujo-ai''/''yuri'' ([[homos|lesbian]], for those not into animu) flavor.

==Sockpuppets==
Chris apparently registered several sockpuppet accounts to favorite himself and give high ratings. For example, in the space of a few days, [[RomanticLabyrinth]] attained over 10,000 stars. This is reminiscent of his campaign to cheat in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], in which he freely admitted to voting for himself multiple times.

Suspected sockpuppets included EnterGodmode, Sonichuwulf, and Sonichu4ever.

{{Flipnotes}}
{{The Internet}}
[[Category:Flipnote Hatena]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Hobbies]]
[[Category:Defunct websites]]

Chris and cameras

2026-06-06T01:54:45Z

WarnerBro:

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as [[JenkinsJinkies]]. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}

[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he sucks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

'''Cameras''' are one of the most ubiquitous and defining inventions of the 1800s through today, allowing folks around the world to document their lives and create [[Chris and art|art]] without ever touching a brush. One of those folks is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]], who has been on both sides of the camera from an early age.

Chris's approach to camerawork is all kinds of abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or video work. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. In fact, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your average Joe with an iPhone...and as we've seen from [[12 October 2009|what Chris has done]] to his camera, "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in more than one way.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], he doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several bits of common sense, like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Chris goes as far as to [[Brutal Legend|never even check his videos]] before uploading them, nor does he [[Live Drawing Streams|check his recording equipment]] before filming.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control, which proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects, no matter how obvious. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

==Chris's cameras==
Chris's camera equipment has been fairly mediocre over the years, even by home video standards.

His first known camera was a Cortland video camera, a cheap budget device not unlike the later [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixgsYAfZ8eo Tyco VideoCam]. It filmed black-and-white VHS footage, and it was not a camcorder – you needed to plug it into a VCR. Chris used this camera for [[Song of Christian]], his earliest known self-recorded video. The low-quality footage (even for its time) shows as half of Chris's face is black throughout the clip.

Chris's primary camera from the classic era was his ''[[PSEye]]''. That camera had seen enough abuse to start randomly stuttering and losing connection mid-video. Chris took better care of its successor, the [[PS4]] camera, though he didn't know how to turn off the default background music while recording for some time.

Chris's other classic era camera was a Kodak EasyShare CX7330, which he got during its launch year of 2004, and used from that year up to 2012. It too saw its own share of physical abuse, but that wasn't enough to damage it the same way it did with the PSEye. The camera was primarily made for pictures, but was also capable of recording videos; however, as an early digital camcorder, it was only capable of videos up to a 240p resolution and ran on a much lower frame rate.

Chris has been an early adopter of mobile device cameras: he has owned a Game Boy Camera and a Nintendo DSi, the latter of which was used to shoot photos of [[Michael Snyder]] in the [[GAMe PLACe]]. Chris owns two iPhones and regularly uses them for pictures and videos – these are perhaps his highest-quality cameras, offering 12-megapixel resolution.

Chris borrowed a proper film SLR for [[A Week With Christian Chandler]], proving that poor equipment is far from his only photographic failure.

==Framing the shots==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or putting stuff so close to the camera you can't even tell what you're looking at. A shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a book, let alone a Bible. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of [[Videobooks|many]] [[Sonichu's Edge|masterpieces]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to [[Obesity|weigh down]] such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

In some of his more recent videos, such as [[Doxing Jeff/Francine]] from [[November 2015]], Chris has taken to using the image stabilization feature on his iPhone to help steady his shaky-handed recordings. The result is a wobbly image against a mostly black background when the videos are put up on YouTube, which doesn't make things any much better.

==Focus==
Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have a specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]]...and judging by some rather blurry shots in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), he can't even get the latter right. While professional photographers do use autofocus, it is less common for serious video work, and unheard of in professional filmmaking (focus pullers are still hired for a reason).

==Lighting==
Light is the essence of vision – "photography" comes from the Greek for "writing with light". Most photographers, even casual iPhone users, know that lighting can make or break an image. This basic fact escapes Chris.

===Classic era videos===
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]

Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put, if you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on!'' Human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Cameras also have to amplify the weaker image of a dark scene, resulting in a grainy, staticky image.

Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct, disgusting yellow tint that make it look like it was shot in a jar filled with pee (indeed, many have compared Chris's videos to that of [[wikipedia:Piss Christ|Piss Christ]]). Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|white balance]]. This is somewhat subverted with his videos shot on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] and his PlayStation Camera, but other factors hamper down whatever merit he gets out of it.

===Backlighting===
Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and A Week With Christian Chandler, have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details. Backlighting isn't always a bad thing – when done outdoors, it will highlight the subject's hair and create a beautiful halo effect (especially during a sunset), and it can flatter subjects who would squint if facing the sun. However, the technique isn't nearly as flattering when attempted indoors, and it generally requires proper exposure, editing, and/or HDR to get right. Since nearly all of Chris's work is shot indoors, you can guess how it turns out.

===Flash photography===
Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also overexpose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. Other results of using flash without other light include heavy contrast, unlit backgrounds, and stark shadows, all thanks to the [[wikipedia:inverse square law|inverse square law]]. Again, some photographers use this as an artistic effect (especially for dramatic shots), but Chris's sloppy approach doesn't add anything to the image.

===Today===
As of [[October 2015]], Chris has begun lighting his room before filming it, as evidenced in videos like [[Thank You from Christine Chandler]] and [[HelloLadyFans]], which lack a green tint. So far, this shift has stuck, as all of Chris's videos from that point are lit sufficiently.

However, "sufficiently" is the bare minimum. Many dedicated YouTubers use specialized video lighting or put some care into light placement, making sure the subject receives the right amount of brightness from the right angles. Chris, on the other hand, uses nothing but the overhead lights in his room, which spread a bit of light throughout the room from straight down. The resulting image is mediocre, flat, and unflattering, much like a DMV photo.

==Post-production==
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|A shining example of Chris's amazing screenshot work.]]

As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software like Windows Movie Maker or iMovie will allow you to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[The July 10th Messages]] where, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user shown. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software, albeit a really basic one that's built into the PSEye software, to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the ''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris put up a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]" and "[[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]". Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the QuickTime format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to QuickTime or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception, as if the camera is focused on the TV, everything else in the room is darkened and a series of black lines appear on the screen. In this case, because the camera isn't focused, the TV shows nothing but bright, unfocused colors. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy--Chris shows clips from ''The Cleveland Show'' and ''Family Guy'', shows that are readily available online and on Amazon Instant Video, iTunes and DVD. However, knowing YouTube's notoriously broken copyright system, which would allow [[wikipedia:Fox Broadcasting Company|Fox]] to take it down, it's possible Chris did this intentionally to avoid getting a copyright strike.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

Chris can't even take screenshots, a novice action, properly without screwing it up, as one can see in the ''[[Family Guy]]'' picture shown at the right. Not only does it display that Chris is unaware of software that can capture images on computer screens ([[wikipedia:Snipping Tool|one of which]] is ''bundled with Windows computers''), the shot he took of his computer screen is blocked by glare from the background lights, as well as the watermark that appears when a Hulu video is paused.

==Animation==
{{see also|Flipnote Hatena}}
Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to videotape (and eventually the DVD) using a combination of the [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]] and a VCR. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality, breakneck pace and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop-motion animations is relatively simple with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence and lack of patience.

Chris showed significant improvement in animation with the release of [[A Moment With Dr Wolf Chris Chan and Greater Struggles]]. Not only did he improve his filming techniques, he even occasionally uses scene transitions, demonstrating a limited knowledge in special effects and editing.

==Green screen==
[[File:Greenscreen hair.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's hair blending into the green screen]]
In Chris's [[2023]] return to social media, he began posting videos recording with a green screen as the backdrop. This enabled alternating backgrounds to be displayed, such as a Colosseum in [[Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021]] and fanart of Sonichu and Rosechu in [[The Return of Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime]].

Occasionally there were technical mishaps with the green screen feature. In [[Angelica Rosechu's Christmas Play]], Chris's blue-colored [[hair]] is blended into the woods-themed backdrop. In [[First JCWCSP Gaming Live Stream]], Chris holds up his green-colored [[pickle]] stress toy but it blends into the red-colored backdrop.

==Other photography failures==
[[A Week With Christian Chandler]] includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[KCWC broadcast|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos, combined with DVD compression artifacts.

==See also==
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[PSEye]]
*[[YouTube]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Chris and cameras

2026-06-06T01:54:26Z

WarnerBro:

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as [[JenkinsJinkies]]. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}

[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he sucks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

'''Cameras''' are one of the most ubiquitous and defining inventions of the 1800s through today, allowing folks around the world to document their lives and create [[Chris and art|art]] without ever touching a brush. One of those folks is [[Chris]], who has been on both sides of the camera from an early age.

Chris's approach to camerawork is all kinds of abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or video work. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. In fact, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your average Joe with an iPhone...and as we've seen from [[12 October 2009|what Chris has done]] to his camera, "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in more than one way.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], he doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several bits of common sense, like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Chris goes as far as to [[Brutal Legend|never even check his videos]] before uploading them, nor does he [[Live Drawing Streams|check his recording equipment]] before filming.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control, which proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects, no matter how obvious. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

==Chris's cameras==
Chris's camera equipment has been fairly mediocre over the years, even by home video standards.

His first known camera was a Cortland video camera, a cheap budget device not unlike the later [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixgsYAfZ8eo Tyco VideoCam]. It filmed black-and-white VHS footage, and it was not a camcorder – you needed to plug it into a VCR. Chris used this camera for [[Song of Christian]], his earliest known self-recorded video. The low-quality footage (even for its time) shows as half of Chris's face is black throughout the clip.

Chris's primary camera from the classic era was his ''[[PSEye]]''. That camera had seen enough abuse to start randomly stuttering and losing connection mid-video. Chris took better care of its successor, the [[PS4]] camera, though he didn't know how to turn off the default background music while recording for some time.

Chris's other classic era camera was a Kodak EasyShare CX7330, which he got during its launch year of 2004, and used from that year up to 2012. It too saw its own share of physical abuse, but that wasn't enough to damage it the same way it did with the PSEye. The camera was primarily made for pictures, but was also capable of recording videos; however, as an early digital camcorder, it was only capable of videos up to a 240p resolution and ran on a much lower frame rate.

Chris has been an early adopter of mobile device cameras: he has owned a Game Boy Camera and a Nintendo DSi, the latter of which was used to shoot photos of [[Michael Snyder]] in the [[GAMe PLACe]]. Chris owns two iPhones and regularly uses them for pictures and videos – these are perhaps his highest-quality cameras, offering 12-megapixel resolution.

Chris borrowed a proper film SLR for [[A Week With Christian Chandler]], proving that poor equipment is far from his only photographic failure.

==Framing the shots==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or putting stuff so close to the camera you can't even tell what you're looking at. A shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a book, let alone a Bible. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of [[Videobooks|many]] [[Sonichu's Edge|masterpieces]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to [[Obesity|weigh down]] such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

In some of his more recent videos, such as [[Doxing Jeff/Francine]] from [[November 2015]], Chris has taken to using the image stabilization feature on his iPhone to help steady his shaky-handed recordings. The result is a wobbly image against a mostly black background when the videos are put up on YouTube, which doesn't make things any much better.

==Focus==
Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have a specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]]...and judging by some rather blurry shots in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), he can't even get the latter right. While professional photographers do use autofocus, it is less common for serious video work, and unheard of in professional filmmaking (focus pullers are still hired for a reason).

==Lighting==
Light is the essence of vision – "photography" comes from the Greek for "writing with light". Most photographers, even casual iPhone users, know that lighting can make or break an image. This basic fact escapes Chris.

===Classic era videos===
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]

Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put, if you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on!'' Human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Cameras also have to amplify the weaker image of a dark scene, resulting in a grainy, staticky image.

Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct, disgusting yellow tint that make it look like it was shot in a jar filled with pee (indeed, many have compared Chris's videos to that of [[wikipedia:Piss Christ|Piss Christ]]). Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|white balance]]. This is somewhat subverted with his videos shot on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] and his PlayStation Camera, but other factors hamper down whatever merit he gets out of it.

===Backlighting===
Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and A Week With Christian Chandler, have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details. Backlighting isn't always a bad thing – when done outdoors, it will highlight the subject's hair and create a beautiful halo effect (especially during a sunset), and it can flatter subjects who would squint if facing the sun. However, the technique isn't nearly as flattering when attempted indoors, and it generally requires proper exposure, editing, and/or HDR to get right. Since nearly all of Chris's work is shot indoors, you can guess how it turns out.

===Flash photography===
Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also overexpose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. Other results of using flash without other light include heavy contrast, unlit backgrounds, and stark shadows, all thanks to the [[wikipedia:inverse square law|inverse square law]]. Again, some photographers use this as an artistic effect (especially for dramatic shots), but Chris's sloppy approach doesn't add anything to the image.

===Today===
As of [[October 2015]], Chris has begun lighting his room before filming it, as evidenced in videos like [[Thank You from Christine Chandler]] and [[HelloLadyFans]], which lack a green tint. So far, this shift has stuck, as all of Chris's videos from that point are lit sufficiently.

However, "sufficiently" is the bare minimum. Many dedicated YouTubers use specialized video lighting or put some care into light placement, making sure the subject receives the right amount of brightness from the right angles. Chris, on the other hand, uses nothing but the overhead lights in his room, which spread a bit of light throughout the room from straight down. The resulting image is mediocre, flat, and unflattering, much like a DMV photo.

==Post-production==
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|A shining example of Chris's amazing screenshot work.]]

As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software like Windows Movie Maker or iMovie will allow you to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[The July 10th Messages]] where, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user shown. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software, albeit a really basic one that's built into the PSEye software, to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the ''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris put up a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]" and "[[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]". Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the QuickTime format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to QuickTime or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception, as if the camera is focused on the TV, everything else in the room is darkened and a series of black lines appear on the screen. In this case, because the camera isn't focused, the TV shows nothing but bright, unfocused colors. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy--Chris shows clips from ''The Cleveland Show'' and ''Family Guy'', shows that are readily available online and on Amazon Instant Video, iTunes and DVD. However, knowing YouTube's notoriously broken copyright system, which would allow [[wikipedia:Fox Broadcasting Company|Fox]] to take it down, it's possible Chris did this intentionally to avoid getting a copyright strike.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

Chris can't even take screenshots, a novice action, properly without screwing it up, as one can see in the ''[[Family Guy]]'' picture shown at the right. Not only does it display that Chris is unaware of software that can capture images on computer screens ([[wikipedia:Snipping Tool|one of which]] is ''bundled with Windows computers''), the shot he took of his computer screen is blocked by glare from the background lights, as well as the watermark that appears when a Hulu video is paused.

==Animation==
{{see also|Flipnote Hatena}}
Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to videotape (and eventually the DVD) using a combination of the [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]] and a VCR. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality, breakneck pace and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop-motion animations is relatively simple with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence and lack of patience.

Chris showed significant improvement in animation with the release of [[A Moment With Dr Wolf Chris Chan and Greater Struggles]]. Not only did he improve his filming techniques, he even occasionally uses scene transitions, demonstrating a limited knowledge in special effects and editing.

==Green screen==
[[File:Greenscreen hair.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's hair blending into the green screen]]
In Chris's [[2023]] return to social media, he began posting videos recording with a green screen as the backdrop. This enabled alternating backgrounds to be displayed, such as a Colosseum in [[Setting the Record straight - there never was any sex involving me in 2021]] and fanart of Sonichu and Rosechu in [[The Return of Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime]].

Occasionally there were technical mishaps with the green screen feature. In [[Angelica Rosechu's Christmas Play]], Chris's blue-colored [[hair]] is blended into the woods-themed backdrop. In [[First JCWCSP Gaming Live Stream]], Chris holds up his green-colored [[pickle]] stress toy but it blends into the red-colored backdrop.

==Other photography failures==
[[A Week With Christian Chandler]] includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[KCWC broadcast|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos, combined with DVD compression artifacts.

==See also==
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[PSEye]]
*[[YouTube]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Samurai Pizza Bots

2026-06-06T01:53:36Z

WarnerBro:

:''This article is about the ''Sonichu'' comic characters. For the [[TSSSF]] card expansion pack, see [[Samurai Pizza Bots (TSSSF pack)]].''

[[File:SchuComic9P70.jpg|thumb|300px|Samurai Pizza Bots: Plagiarism in disguise.]]
[[File:TSSSFPack18.jpg|thumb|300px|Yep, alien robots do ship.]]

According to [[CWCipedia]], the '''Samurai Pizza Bots''' are a cadre of [[Transformers]] who protect the city of [[CWCville]] from enemy attack. Since they didn't appear until [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], one wonders where the hell they've been up until that point, and since [[Son-Chu]] at least has been around in the comic for a long time, why they haven't been helping [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] not get their heads kicked in by a variety of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|implausible super-villains]] in the comic before that.

If you're wondering about the name, there is actually a plausible reason for it (as opposed to the other strangeness in the comic like [[Jerkhief|wooden badges being delicious]]). The name is actually [[Things Chris has ripped off|stolen]] from an [[anime]] called ''[[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]'', about a gang of anthropomorphic cats who protect their city while running a pizzeria. Chris liked this concept so much, that he felt the need to steal it and incorporate it into his comics, by making the CWCville Autobots maintain disguises as pizza delivery vehicles, complete with the ability to holographically project drivers who would deliver the pizza personally to customers.

==Members==
===Son-Chu===
[[Image:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg|thumb|Son-Chu's transformed mode in [[ModNation Racers]].]]

{{main|Son-Chu}}

Son-Chu is Chris's own personal transformer. In [[Chris and his ego|typical Chris fashion]], since the car is his, that means it is naturally the leader of the CWCville Autobots and has the most prominence in the comics, as well as being the only transformer to be spared the indignity of being referred to as a Samurai Pizza Bot. No, instead, Chris refers to his transformer as the leader of the "[[Virginia]] Autobot Squad".<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Son-Chu</ref>

Also notable is that while Son-Chu still has the same stupid logo as the other Autobots, he doesn't actually have a day job delivering pizzas. Son-Chu is instead Chris's own personal transportation. In vehicle mode, he takes the form of the blue '94 Ford Escort that Chris drove in real life at the time. Like the other Autobots, he has the ability to project a hologram of a driver into his seat in vehicle mode to maintain disguise, and being that he is Chris's car rather than a pizza delivery vehicle, he creates a hologram of Chris instead of a hologram of a delivery boy.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_67</ref>

In fighting mode, he completely changes most of his entire design. While normally a Ford Escort, his body still changes into the front of a Dodge Viper in robot form anyway, and while dark blue before, while transformed he becomes yellow and battery blue. Notably, this is the same color scheme often associated with [[Sonichu]] himself, who is mostly yellow and has blue shoes. This ''could'' be the reason why the Autobot is named Son-Chu in the first place, but either way, it's probably not a coincidence that the two similarly named characters also have similar color schemes. As far as weapons go, Chris's description of him on [[CWCipedia]] says that his roof can become a shield, while his hood can become either a "Plasma Pistol" or an "Energon Sword". He is described as being "Quick footed, well armored" and with a "Strong personality under his hood".<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Son-Chu</ref> Note that no such personality is shown in the comic.

For some reason, he can also transform into a concert stage, which he does in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] to help [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] play a live performance of [[Revive Zordon]],<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_28</ref> with their music being so terrible that it actually [[4-cent_garbage.com|causes 9/11]]. At this point, it is debatable whether or not Son-Chu is really a Decepticon agent in disguise, a theory leant credence by the fact that [[Megatron pistol|Megatron]] is clearly also in Chris's servitude.

Notably, Son-Chu appeared before any of the other robots in the comic, though not as a transformer. He made several cameos throughout the series in vehicle mode before he and the Samurai Pizza Bots' first proper appearance, being first seen at the end of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']].

Chris created a custom box for Son-chu for his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline. He displayed the box in [[Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Son-Chu]] but due to his shaky [[Chris and cameras|cinematography]] the box bio is unreadable.

===Prower===
[[Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg|left|thumb|Punchy and [[Layla]] out on a drive. Also note the way Punchy rides the motorcycle like a man-pony at an S'n'M club.]]

'''Prower''' (sometimes spelled '''Prowler''') is another of the Samurai Pizza Bots, holding the distinctions of being one of the only two transformers to have an "owner" and the only one to be owned by a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. He is also the sole justification for the "Samurai" part of the Samurai Pizza Bots' name.

For some reason, Chris decided to elaborate more on Prower than any of the other Autobots, giving him an established backstory on the [[CWCipedia]] article for [[Punchy Sonichu]], his owner, in a short backstory subsection called [[Homos|''Friends of the Fist'']]. The story explains how Punchy and Prower first met, which basically boils down to Punchy noticing a motorcycle in a cave, talking to it, and it talking back. They then decide to be partners for some reason, and that's why Punchy suddenly has a samurai robot motorcycle working for him in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']].<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20161007181529/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Punchy_Sonichu</ref>

Being the most fleshed out character of Chris's shitty transformers lineup however is countered by Prower also being the most obvious ripoff of the bunch. He is a blatant copy of the Autobot cyber-ninja [[Wikipedia:Prowl (Transformers)|Prowl]] from ''Transformers Animated'', sharing such qualities as their samurai armor which becomes a sidecar, their similar names, their vehicle modes, and the fact that both are ninjas, both supposedly rely on stealth, both use holographic images and both use [[Wikipedia:shuriken|shurikens]] to fight.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Prower</ref>

The source of Prower's name is a [[Autism|complete mystery]]. While it has an obvious basis in the name Prowl, his [[Chris and copyright|inspiration]], why Chris chose to drop the 'L' is never made clear. The name is confirmed not to be a typo like [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] was for instance, because it is used multiple times in the comic and that is the name his CWCipedia article went by, meaning the alternate spelling of "Prowler" sometimes used is more likely to be the typo that "Prower" is. The strange spelling has been claimed by [[trolls]] over time to being everything from a [[Chris and race|racist]] joke about how Asians would pronounce "Prowler" to the more likely option of being a reference to [[Wikipedia:Miles "Tails" Prower|Tails]] from the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' series, whose real name is Miles Prower – a pun on ''miles per hour''. To this day, nothing has been confirmed.

Chris's bio for Prower from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:

{{quotebox|Prowler was a solo act with [[Taser|high-spark spirituality]] and a master of the Samurai and Martial Arts, but he still worked well with his teammates

His personality type is comparable with Autobot Drift with a dash of (G1) Prowl.

Bludgeon had to contend with Prowler at times, yet Bludgeon always lost. Prowler aiso like to [[Meditation|meditate]], sometimes sharing a meditate with [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Punchy Sonichu]]}}

===Bumble-Lumba===
The token [[Wikipedia:Bumblebee (Transformers)|Bumblebee]] ripoff. Other than the fact he fights [[Jerkops]] and [[Decepti-Clones]] like all the other Samurai Pizza Bots and that he transforms into a yellow and green hatchback, ("[[CWC-isms|Bug-Car]]" according to Chris), nobody knows anything about him. Not even Chris cares enough to elaborate on what kind of weapons he uses in Bumble-Lumba's own CWCipedia article. He just delivers pizzas, fights, and transforms.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bumble-Lumba</ref>

Chris's bio for Bumba-Lumba from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Bumba Lumba fBUlQMrFyas.webm00002.jpg]]</ref>
{{quotebox|Bumba Lumba is the scrappy scout of the group of Cwcville's Autobot Team. He may be mold mates with Bumblebee and Cliffjumper, he is actually more like Gears without his circuit card, but not so docile. The scout will zap it up almost like a Sonichu with Rain Dance turned on. He is fast and stealthy when it comes to spying on the Decepticons, PVCCitizens, Team Rocket, and so on. His ten k volt stingers and blaster will disable a heavy enough foe.}}

===Excelina===
[[Image:Robovagina.jpg|thumb|Seriously, what the hell?]]

The only female transformer and obvious ripoff of the movie version of [[Wikipedia:Arcee|Arcee]]. The inspiration behind Excelina's name is unknown, but most [[trolls]] point to either the [[anime]] ''[[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel Angel Kurumi]]'', which has a character with the same name and which Chris has seen before and liked,<ref>[[Mumble 2#Rabbichoso And Animu]]</ref> or to Excel from ''[[Excel Saga]]'', which Chris has [[Parody|parodied]] before.

Her vehicle mode is that of a motorcycle, (of what make and model Chris never says), and comes with a blatantly obvious female hologram "rider". Men are courteously informed that she is just a hologram, just in case you thought Chris's [[art]] had gotten even worse. This particular hologram also somehow has the ability to actually pick up pizza and carry it to customers despite not having a physical presence. Chris claims on her CWCipedia article that she knows all the shortcuts across [[CWCville]], and that she can reach anywhere in the city in less than ten seconds,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Excelina</ref> a speed that neither [[Sonic]] nor [[Sonichu]] have matched so far.

She is described in combat as being "Slick, cool and full of style in her attacks" and "[[Chris and sex|Strong-Fisted]] Up-Close". Her main weapon is said to be "[[Death threats|Sniper]]-Style", but she "[[Megan Schroeder|needs space]]" to use it.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Excelina</ref>

All this is irrelevant, however, as her lack of personality or any interesting design to distinguish her from the other Autobots means she will forever be remembered by [[trolls]] and [[True and Loyal Fanbase|''Sonichu'' fans]] as the one Chris decided to draw with a robot vagina.

Chris's bio for Excelina from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Excelina gsgUqWuZ8tE.webm00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Excelina is anything but a low-level fembot. During her combat training with [[Son-Chu]] and the others, she exhibited more grace, tenacity and quick instincts similar to Windblade. Her fighting style is [[CWC Fighter|comparable with Chun-Li]]. While in vehicle mode and on the move, she projects a hologram of a lady driver in the seat}}

===Armoraxe===
[[Image:ArmoraxeBot.jpg|left|thumb|You know that little kid you see at your cousin's birthday celebration running around with a [[Gitar of Fail|toy guitar]]? Imagine if he was a robot.]]

The apparent sub-leader of the group, acting in the same way to Son-Chu that [[Wild]] does to [[Magi-Chan]], the Armoraxe robot is supposedly named for his tough armor and sharp axe. Unfortunately, Armoraxe does not use an axe, but instead a giant guitar that transforms into a plasma rifle. This motif with the guitar makes him a rather obvious ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]] from ''Transformers Animated''. Chris describes him as a "real [[Guitar Hero]]", and claims that "when he Plays that Beat, HE WAILS!!!", whatever that means.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Armoraxe</ref>

His vehicle form is that of a minivan, perhaps more specifically a [[Wikipedia:Scion xB|Scion xB]], (though Chris described it as a "[[CWC-isms|Heavy Beat Van]]"). In his robot form, he carries a boombox on his shoulders and wields a guitar. Due to Chris's lack of [[Chris and art|artistic talent]], it is difficult to discern if his face is on the boombox itself or if he has a separate head that is in front of it.

In yet another example out of thousands that show how shitty Chris's comic is, is when Chris took down the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in ''Sonichu #10'' through the power of rock, Chris showed up in [[Son-Chu]] instead of Armoraxe, and Son-Chu turned into a mobile rock stage. He didn't bring along Armoraxe at all. Armoraxe's entire ''raison d'être'' is that he's a walking talking robotic sound system with a guitar, and the one fucking time he could have been at all useful, Chris chose to use his shitwagon instead.

Also note that Soundwave is actually a Decepticon, and yet his ripoff is an Autobot. If Soundwave were real, he'd feel insulted by this.

Chris's bio for Armoraxe from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Armoraxe00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Armoraxe is a tough and durable, a bit hardheaded yet lovable, bot who loves to jam with the beats and tunes with his custom Cybertron guitar that doubles as an Energon-Charged blade axe, a machine shot rifle and his flying partner, Jet. His personality is a combination of Jazz and Bulkhead He also sports 11 decible-cracking speakers and subwoofers. He'll jam in the off-time, but he can and likes to [[Power|lift steel girders like dumbbell weights]] with concrete slabs on either end.}}

===Silver===
Apparently added to the group years later, Silver was "originally [[Son-chu]]'s simple shield partner".

Chris's bio for Silver from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Silver EdYQjp7UktM.webm00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Originally Son-Chw's simple shield partner, Silver is a loyal lion bot with excellent animal bot instincts and intelligence that can easily rival Ravage. He can also really slash Decepticons and [[Decepti-Clones|Decepticlones]] with his [[English|might blades]]. His transector can still transform into a shield, big or small.}}

==Origins==
At this point, you're probably wondering where the hell these guys have been since the beginning of the comic, and that's a good question. At first, one would assume that the Autobots first showed up around about the time Chris got lost in the [[Time Void]]. They could have been called in as extra support after Chris got lost, or perhaps they coincidentally ended up there while pursuing Decepticons and decided to stay and help the city. Then, however, you realize that the leader of this particular group of Autobots is [[Son-Chu]], who transforms into Chris's car, and Chris had that same crappy Ford Escort all the way back in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], which through [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]] Chris has established took place ''years'' before [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']], and Son-Chu was never seen transforming in between those stories, even in situations where his assistance would have helped out immensely.

This then leads to the second theory. Maybe these aren't exactly the same kind of Autobots that appear in the regular ''[[Transformers]]'' universe. After all, the [[Decepti-Clones]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] were all actually built by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her minions, so maybe the [[Bill the Scientist|top minds]] of [[CWCville]] got together and decided to just build some transforming robots of their own at about the same time, and perhaps Chris's car was stripped down and used for parts during the creation of Son-Chu, and that's why he was a robot in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] but not before that.

However, then there's the issue of Prower. He wasn't made in a lab or workshop to defend CWCville. He definitely came from out of town. Punchy found him alone in a cave behind a waterfall, and he claimed to have ended up there by coincidence coming back from a battle with Decepticons outside the city. So he must be the alien kind of transformer. This in turn though raises the question of why he was taking orders from a derivative robot like Son-Chu who was built by humans.

In conclusion, Chris introduced a new group of characters with conflicting origin stories and stupid [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]], and the end result was [[Chris and writing|a mess so devoid of any coherence]] that no-one can even say for sure where the characters actually ''came from''. In other words, typical [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']].

==Gallery of plagiarism==
<center><gallery>
Image:Prowl_prower.jpg|Prower = Animated [[Wikipedia:Prowl (Transformers)|Prowl]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Prowler hRY506KAxSI.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Prower.
Image:Bumble-Lumba-Bumblebee.jpg|Bumble-Lumba = Animated [[Wikipedia:Bumblebee (Transformers)|Bumblebee]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Bumba Lumba fBUlQMrFyas.webm00002.jpg|Box bio for Bumba-Lumba.
Image:RClina.jpg|Excelina = Movie version [[Wikipedia:Arcee|Arcee]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Excelina gsgUqWuZ8tE.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Excelina.
Image:ArmorWave.jpg|Armoraxe = Animated [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Armoraxe00001.jpg|Box bio for Armoraxe.
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Silver EdYQjp7UktM.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Silver.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Decepti-Clones]]
*[[Power Rangers]]
*[[Punchy Sonichu]]
*[[Samurai Pizza Bots (TSSSF pack)]]
*[[Son-Chu]]
*[[Transformers]]
*[[Transformers Legacy United Merged]]
{{References}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Transformers}}
{{articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Samurai Pizza Bots

2026-06-06T01:51:07Z

WarnerBro:

:''This article is about the ''Sonichu'' comic characters. For the [[TSSSF]] card expansion pack, see [[Samurai Pizza Bots (TSSSF pack)]].''

[[File:SchuComic9P70.jpg|thumb|300px|Samurai Pizza Bots: Plagiarism in disguise.]]
[[File:TSSSFPack18.jpg|thumb|300px|Yep, alien robots do ship.]]

According to [[CWCipedia]], the '''Samurai Pizza Bots''' are a cadre of [[Transformers]] who protect the city of [[CWCville]] from enemy attack. Since they didn't appear until [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], one wonders where the hell they've been up until that point, and since [[Son-Chu]] at least has been around in the comic for a long time, why they haven't been helping [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] not get their heads kicked in by a variety of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|implausible super-villains]] in the comic before that.

If you're wondering about the name, there is actually a plausible reason for it (as opposed to the other strangeness in the comic like [[Jerkhief|wooden badges being delicious]]). The name is actually [[Things Chris has ripped off|stolen]] from an [[anime]] called ''[[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]'', about a gang of anthropomorphic cats who protect their city while running a pizzeria. Chris liked this concept so much, that he felt the need to steal it and incorporate it into his comics, by making the CWCville Autobots maintain disguises as pizza delivery vehicles, complete with the ability to holographically project drivers who would deliver the pizza personally to customers.

==Members==
===Son-Chu===
[[Image:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg|thumb|Son-Chu's transformed mode in [[ModNation Racers]].]]

{{main|Son-Chu}}

Son-Chu is Chris's own personal transformer. In [[Chris and his ego|typical Chris fashion]], since the car is his, that means it is naturally the leader of the CWCville Autobots and has the most prominence in the comics, as well as being the only transformer to be spared the indignity of being referred to as a Samurai Pizza Bot. No, instead, Chris refers to his transformer as the leader of the "[[Virginia]] Autobot Squad".<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Son-Chu</ref>

Also notable is that while Son-Chu still has the same stupid logo as the other Autobots, he doesn't actually have a day job delivering pizzas. Son-Chu is instead Chris's own personal transportation. In vehicle mode, he takes the form of the blue '94 Ford Escort that Chris drove in real life at the time. Like the other Autobots, he has the ability to project a hologram of a driver into his seat in vehicle mode to maintain disguise, and being that he is Chris's car rather than a pizza delivery vehicle, he creates a hologram of Chris instead of a hologram of a delivery boy.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_67</ref>

In fighting mode, he completely changes most of his entire design. While normally a Ford Escort, his body still changes into the front of a Dodge Viper in robot form anyway, and while dark blue before, while transformed he becomes yellow and battery blue. Notably, this is the same color scheme often associated with [[Sonichu]] himself, who is mostly yellow and has blue shoes. This ''could'' be the reason why the Autobot is named Son-Chu in the first place, but either way, it's probably not a coincidence that the two similarly named characters also have similar color schemes. As far as weapons go, Chris's description of him on [[CWCipedia]] says that his roof can become a shield, while his hood can become either a "Plasma Pistol" or an "Energon Sword". He is described as being "Quick footed, well armored" and with a "Strong personality under his hood".<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Son-Chu</ref> Note that no such personality is shown in the comic.

For some reason, he can also transform into a concert stage, which he does in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] to help [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] play a live performance of [[Revive Zordon]],<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_28</ref> with their music being so terrible that it actually [[4-cent_garbage.com|causes 9/11]]. At this point, it is debatable whether or not Son-Chu is really a Decepticon agent in disguise, a theory leant credence by the fact that [[Megatron pistol|Megatron]] is clearly also in Chris's servitude.

Notably, Son-Chu appeared before any of the other robots in the comic, though not as a transformer. He made several cameos throughout the series in vehicle mode before he and the Samurai Pizza Bots' first proper appearance, being first seen at the end of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']].

Chris created a custom box for Son-chu for his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline. He displayed the box in [[Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Son-Chu]] but due to his shaky [[cinematography]] the box bio is unreadable.

===Prower===
[[Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg|left|thumb|Punchy and [[Layla]] out on a drive. Also note the way Punchy rides the motorcycle like a man-pony at an S'n'M club.]]

'''Prower''' (sometimes spelled '''Prowler''') is another of the Samurai Pizza Bots, holding the distinctions of being one of the only two transformers to have an "owner" and the only one to be owned by a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. He is also the sole justification for the "Samurai" part of the Samurai Pizza Bots' name.

For some reason, Chris decided to elaborate more on Prower than any of the other Autobots, giving him an established backstory on the [[CWCipedia]] article for [[Punchy Sonichu]], his owner, in a short backstory subsection called [[Homos|''Friends of the Fist'']]. The story explains how Punchy and Prower first met, which basically boils down to Punchy noticing a motorcycle in a cave, talking to it, and it talking back. They then decide to be partners for some reason, and that's why Punchy suddenly has a samurai robot motorcycle working for him in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']].<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20161007181529/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Punchy_Sonichu</ref>

Being the most fleshed out character of Chris's shitty transformers lineup however is countered by Prower also being the most obvious ripoff of the bunch. He is a blatant copy of the Autobot cyber-ninja [[Wikipedia:Prowl (Transformers)|Prowl]] from ''Transformers Animated'', sharing such qualities as their samurai armor which becomes a sidecar, their similar names, their vehicle modes, and the fact that both are ninjas, both supposedly rely on stealth, both use holographic images and both use [[Wikipedia:shuriken|shurikens]] to fight.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Prower</ref>

The source of Prower's name is a [[Autism|complete mystery]]. While it has an obvious basis in the name Prowl, his [[Chris and copyright|inspiration]], why Chris chose to drop the 'L' is never made clear. The name is confirmed not to be a typo like [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] was for instance, because it is used multiple times in the comic and that is the name his CWCipedia article went by, meaning the alternate spelling of "Prowler" sometimes used is more likely to be the typo that "Prower" is. The strange spelling has been claimed by [[trolls]] over time to being everything from a [[Chris and race|racist]] joke about how Asians would pronounce "Prowler" to the more likely option of being a reference to [[Wikipedia:Miles "Tails" Prower|Tails]] from the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' series, whose real name is Miles Prower – a pun on ''miles per hour''. To this day, nothing has been confirmed.

Chris's bio for Prower from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:

{{quotebox|Prowler was a solo act with [[Taser|high-spark spirituality]] and a master of the Samurai and Martial Arts, but he still worked well with his teammates

His personality type is comparable with Autobot Drift with a dash of (G1) Prowl.

Bludgeon had to contend with Prowler at times, yet Bludgeon always lost. Prowler aiso like to [[Meditation|meditate]], sometimes sharing a meditate with [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Punchy Sonichu]]}}

===Bumble-Lumba===
The token [[Wikipedia:Bumblebee (Transformers)|Bumblebee]] ripoff. Other than the fact he fights [[Jerkops]] and [[Decepti-Clones]] like all the other Samurai Pizza Bots and that he transforms into a yellow and green hatchback, ("[[CWC-isms|Bug-Car]]" according to Chris), nobody knows anything about him. Not even Chris cares enough to elaborate on what kind of weapons he uses in Bumble-Lumba's own CWCipedia article. He just delivers pizzas, fights, and transforms.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bumble-Lumba</ref>

Chris's bio for Bumba-Lumba from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Bumba Lumba fBUlQMrFyas.webm00002.jpg]]</ref>
{{quotebox|Bumba Lumba is the scrappy scout of the group of Cwcville's Autobot Team. He may be mold mates with Bumblebee and Cliffjumper, he is actually more like Gears without his circuit card, but not so docile. The scout will zap it up almost like a Sonichu with Rain Dance turned on. He is fast and stealthy when it comes to spying on the Decepticons, PVCCitizens, Team Rocket, and so on. His ten k volt stingers and blaster will disable a heavy enough foe.}}

===Excelina===
[[Image:Robovagina.jpg|thumb|Seriously, what the hell?]]

The only female transformer and obvious ripoff of the movie version of [[Wikipedia:Arcee|Arcee]]. The inspiration behind Excelina's name is unknown, but most [[trolls]] point to either the [[anime]] ''[[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel Angel Kurumi]]'', which has a character with the same name and which Chris has seen before and liked,<ref>[[Mumble 2#Rabbichoso And Animu]]</ref> or to Excel from ''[[Excel Saga]]'', which Chris has [[Parody|parodied]] before.

Her vehicle mode is that of a motorcycle, (of what make and model Chris never says), and comes with a blatantly obvious female hologram "rider". Men are courteously informed that she is just a hologram, just in case you thought Chris's [[art]] had gotten even worse. This particular hologram also somehow has the ability to actually pick up pizza and carry it to customers despite not having a physical presence. Chris claims on her CWCipedia article that she knows all the shortcuts across [[CWCville]], and that she can reach anywhere in the city in less than ten seconds,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Excelina</ref> a speed that neither [[Sonic]] nor [[Sonichu]] have matched so far.

She is described in combat as being "Slick, cool and full of style in her attacks" and "[[Chris and sex|Strong-Fisted]] Up-Close". Her main weapon is said to be "[[Death threats|Sniper]]-Style", but she "[[Megan Schroeder|needs space]]" to use it.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Excelina</ref>

All this is irrelevant, however, as her lack of personality or any interesting design to distinguish her from the other Autobots means she will forever be remembered by [[trolls]] and [[True and Loyal Fanbase|''Sonichu'' fans]] as the one Chris decided to draw with a robot vagina.

Chris's bio for Excelina from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Excelina gsgUqWuZ8tE.webm00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Excelina is anything but a low-level fembot. During her combat training with [[Son-Chu]] and the others, she exhibited more grace, tenacity and quick instincts similar to Windblade. Her fighting style is [[CWC Fighter|comparable with Chun-Li]]. While in vehicle mode and on the move, she projects a hologram of a lady driver in the seat}}

===Armoraxe===
[[Image:ArmoraxeBot.jpg|left|thumb|You know that little kid you see at your cousin's birthday celebration running around with a [[Gitar of Fail|toy guitar]]? Imagine if he was a robot.]]

The apparent sub-leader of the group, acting in the same way to Son-Chu that [[Wild]] does to [[Magi-Chan]], the Armoraxe robot is supposedly named for his tough armor and sharp axe. Unfortunately, Armoraxe does not use an axe, but instead a giant guitar that transforms into a plasma rifle. This motif with the guitar makes him a rather obvious ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]] from ''Transformers Animated''. Chris describes him as a "real [[Guitar Hero]]", and claims that "when he Plays that Beat, HE WAILS!!!", whatever that means.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Armoraxe</ref>

His vehicle form is that of a minivan, perhaps more specifically a [[Wikipedia:Scion xB|Scion xB]], (though Chris described it as a "[[CWC-isms|Heavy Beat Van]]"). In his robot form, he carries a boombox on his shoulders and wields a guitar. Due to Chris's lack of [[Chris and art|artistic talent]], it is difficult to discern if his face is on the boombox itself or if he has a separate head that is in front of it.

In yet another example out of thousands that show how shitty Chris's comic is, is when Chris took down the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in ''Sonichu #10'' through the power of rock, Chris showed up in [[Son-Chu]] instead of Armoraxe, and Son-Chu turned into a mobile rock stage. He didn't bring along Armoraxe at all. Armoraxe's entire ''raison d'être'' is that he's a walking talking robotic sound system with a guitar, and the one fucking time he could have been at all useful, Chris chose to use his shitwagon instead.

Also note that Soundwave is actually a Decepticon, and yet his ripoff is an Autobot. If Soundwave were real, he'd feel insulted by this.

Chris's bio for Armoraxe from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Armoraxe00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Armoraxe is a tough and durable, a bit hardheaded yet lovable, bot who loves to jam with the beats and tunes with his custom Cybertron guitar that doubles as an Energon-Charged blade axe, a machine shot rifle and his flying partner, Jet. His personality is a combination of Jazz and Bulkhead He also sports 11 decible-cracking speakers and subwoofers. He'll jam in the off-time, but he can and likes to [[Power|lift steel girders like dumbbell weights]] with concrete slabs on either end.}}

===Silver===
Apparently added to the group years later, Silver was "originally [[Son-chu]]'s simple shield partner".

Chris's bio for Silver from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Silver EdYQjp7UktM.webm00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Originally Son-Chw's simple shield partner, Silver is a loyal lion bot with excellent animal bot instincts and intelligence that can easily rival Ravage. He can also really slash Decepticons and [[Decepti-Clones|Decepticlones]] with his [[English|might blades]]. His transector can still transform into a shield, big or small.}}

==Origins==
At this point, you're probably wondering where the hell these guys have been since the beginning of the comic, and that's a good question. At first, one would assume that the Autobots first showed up around about the time Chris got lost in the [[Time Void]]. They could have been called in as extra support after Chris got lost, or perhaps they coincidentally ended up there while pursuing Decepticons and decided to stay and help the city. Then, however, you realize that the leader of this particular group of Autobots is [[Son-Chu]], who transforms into Chris's car, and Chris had that same crappy Ford Escort all the way back in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], which through [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]] Chris has established took place ''years'' before [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']], and Son-Chu was never seen transforming in between those stories, even in situations where his assistance would have helped out immensely.

This then leads to the second theory. Maybe these aren't exactly the same kind of Autobots that appear in the regular ''[[Transformers]]'' universe. After all, the [[Decepti-Clones]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] were all actually built by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her minions, so maybe the [[Bill the Scientist|top minds]] of [[CWCville]] got together and decided to just build some transforming robots of their own at about the same time, and perhaps Chris's car was stripped down and used for parts during the creation of Son-Chu, and that's why he was a robot in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] but not before that.

However, then there's the issue of Prower. He wasn't made in a lab or workshop to defend CWCville. He definitely came from out of town. Punchy found him alone in a cave behind a waterfall, and he claimed to have ended up there by coincidence coming back from a battle with Decepticons outside the city. So he must be the alien kind of transformer. This in turn though raises the question of why he was taking orders from a derivative robot like Son-Chu who was built by humans.

In conclusion, Chris introduced a new group of characters with conflicting origin stories and stupid [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]], and the end result was [[Chris and writing|a mess so devoid of any coherence]] that no-one can even say for sure where the characters actually ''came from''. In other words, typical [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']].

==Gallery of plagiarism==
<center><gallery>
Image:Prowl_prower.jpg|Prower = Animated [[Wikipedia:Prowl (Transformers)|Prowl]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Prowler hRY506KAxSI.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Prower.
Image:Bumble-Lumba-Bumblebee.jpg|Bumble-Lumba = Animated [[Wikipedia:Bumblebee (Transformers)|Bumblebee]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Bumba Lumba fBUlQMrFyas.webm00002.jpg|Box bio for Bumba-Lumba.
Image:RClina.jpg|Excelina = Movie version [[Wikipedia:Arcee|Arcee]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Excelina gsgUqWuZ8tE.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Excelina.
Image:ArmorWave.jpg|Armoraxe = Animated [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Armoraxe00001.jpg|Box bio for Armoraxe.
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Silver EdYQjp7UktM.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Silver.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Decepti-Clones]]
*[[Power Rangers]]
*[[Punchy Sonichu]]
*[[Samurai Pizza Bots (TSSSF pack)]]
*[[Son-Chu]]
*[[Transformers]]
*[[Transformers Legacy United Merged]]
{{References}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Transformers}}
{{articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Samurai Pizza Bots

2026-06-06T01:50:20Z

WarnerBro:

:''This article is about the ''Sonichu'' comic characters. For the [[TSSSF]] card expansion pack, see [[Samurai Pizza Bots (TSSSF pack)]].''

[[File:SchuComic9P70.jpg|thumb|300px|Samurai Pizza Bots: Plagiarism in disguise.]]
[[File:TSSSFPack18.jpg|thumb|300px|Yep, alien robots do ship.]]

According to [[CWCipedia]], the '''Samurai Pizza Bots''' are a cadre of [[Transformers]] who protect the city of [[CWCville]] from enemy attack. Since they didn't appear until [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], one wonders where the hell they've been up until that point, and since [[Son-Chu]] at least has been around in the comic for a long time, why they haven't been helping [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian]] and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] not get their heads kicked in by a variety of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|implausible super-villains]] in the comic before that.

If you're wondering about the name, there is actually a plausible reason for it (as opposed to the other strangeness in the comic like [[Jerkhief|wooden badges being delicious]]). The name is actually [[Things Chris has ripped off|stolen]] from an [[anime]] called ''[[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|Samurai Pizza Cats]]'', about a gang of anthropomorphic cats who protect their city while running a pizzeria. Chris liked this concept so much, that he felt the need to steal it and incorporate it into his comics, by making the CWCville Autobots maintain disguises as pizza delivery vehicles, complete with the ability to holographically project drivers who would deliver the pizza personally to customers.

==Members==
===Son-Chu===
[[Image:ModNation AutobotSonChu.jpg|thumb|Son-Chu's transformed mode in [[ModNation Racers]].]]

{{main|Son-Chu}}

Son-Chu is Chris's own personal transformer. In [[Chris and his Ego|typical Chris fashion]], since the car is his, that means it is naturally the leader of the CWCville Autobots and has the most prominence in the comics, as well as being the only transformer to be spared the indignity of being referred to as a Samurai Pizza Bot. No, instead, Chris refers to his transformer as the leader of the "[[Virginia]] Autobot Squad".<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Son-Chu</ref>

Also notable is that while Son-Chu still has the same stupid logo as the other Autobots, he doesn't actually have a day job delivering pizzas. Son-Chu is instead Chris's own personal transportation. In vehicle mode, he takes the form of the blue '94 Ford Escort that Chris drove in real life at the time. Like the other Autobots, he has the ability to project a hologram of a driver into his seat in vehicle mode to maintain disguise, and being that he is Chris's car rather than a pizza delivery vehicle, he creates a hologram of Chris instead of a hologram of a delivery boy.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_67</ref>

In fighting mode, he completely changes most of his entire design. While normally a Ford Escort, his body still changes into the front of a Dodge Viper in robot form anyway, and while dark blue before, while transformed he becomes yellow and battery blue. Notably, this is the same color scheme often associated with [[Sonichu]] himself, who is mostly yellow and has blue shoes. This ''could'' be the reason why the Autobot is named Son-Chu in the first place, but either way, it's probably not a coincidence that the two similarly named characters also have similar color schemes. As far as weapons go, Chris's description of him on [[CWCipedia]] says that his roof can become a shield, while his hood can become either a "Plasma Pistol" or an "Energon Sword". He is described as being "Quick footed, well armored" and with a "Strong personality under his hood".<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Son-Chu</ref> Note that no such personality is shown in the comic.

For some reason, he can also transform into a concert stage, which he does in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] to help [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] play a live performance of [[Revive Zordon]],<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_28</ref> with their music being so terrible that it actually [[4-cent_garbage.com|causes 9/11]]. At this point, it is debatable whether or not Son-Chu is really a Decepticon agent in disguise, a theory leant credence by the fact that [[Megatron pistol|Megatron]] is clearly also in Chris's servitude.

Notably, Son-Chu appeared before any of the other robots in the comic, though not as a transformer. He made several cameos throughout the series in vehicle mode before he and the Samurai Pizza Bots' first proper appearance, being first seen at the end of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']].

Chris created a custom box for Son-chu for his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline. He displayed the box in [[Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Son-Chu]] but due to his shaky [[cinematography]] the box bio is unreadable.

===Prower===
[[Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg|left|thumb|Punchy and [[Layla]] out on a drive. Also note the way Punchy rides the motorcycle like a man-pony at an S'n'M club.]]

'''Prower''' (sometimes spelled '''Prowler''') is another of the Samurai Pizza Bots, holding the distinctions of being one of the only two transformers to have an "owner" and the only one to be owned by a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. He is also the sole justification for the "Samurai" part of the Samurai Pizza Bots' name.

For some reason, Chris decided to elaborate more on Prower than any of the other Autobots, giving him an established backstory on the [[CWCipedia]] article for [[Punchy Sonichu]], his owner, in a short backstory subsection called [[Homos|''Friends of the Fist'']]. The story explains how Punchy and Prower first met, which basically boils down to Punchy noticing a motorcycle in a cave, talking to it, and it talking back. They then decide to be partners for some reason, and that's why Punchy suddenly has a samurai robot motorcycle working for him in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']].<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20161007181529/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Punchy_Sonichu</ref>

Being the most fleshed out character of Chris's shitty transformers lineup however is countered by Prower also being the most obvious ripoff of the bunch. He is a blatant copy of the Autobot cyber-ninja [[Wikipedia:Prowl (Transformers)|Prowl]] from ''Transformers Animated'', sharing such qualities as their samurai armor which becomes a sidecar, their similar names, their vehicle modes, and the fact that both are ninjas, both supposedly rely on stealth, both use holographic images and both use [[Wikipedia:shuriken|shurikens]] to fight.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Prower</ref>

The source of Prower's name is a [[Autism|complete mystery]]. While it has an obvious basis in the name Prowl, his [[Chris and copyright|inspiration]], why Chris chose to drop the 'L' is never made clear. The name is confirmed not to be a typo like [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] was for instance, because it is used multiple times in the comic and that is the name his CWCipedia article went by, meaning the alternate spelling of "Prowler" sometimes used is more likely to be the typo that "Prower" is. The strange spelling has been claimed by [[trolls]] over time to being everything from a [[Chris and race|racist]] joke about how Asians would pronounce "Prowler" to the more likely option of being a reference to [[Wikipedia:Miles "Tails" Prower|Tails]] from the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' series, whose real name is Miles Prower – a pun on ''miles per hour''. To this day, nothing has been confirmed.

Chris's bio for Prower from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:

{{quotebox|Prowler was a solo act with [[Taser|high-spark spirituality]] and a master of the Samurai and Martial Arts, but he still worked well with his teammates

His personality type is comparable with Autobot Drift with a dash of (G1) Prowl.

Bludgeon had to contend with Prowler at times, yet Bludgeon always lost. Prowler aiso like to [[Meditation|meditate]], sometimes sharing a meditate with [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Punchy Sonichu]]}}

===Bumble-Lumba===
The token [[Wikipedia:Bumblebee (Transformers)|Bumblebee]] ripoff. Other than the fact he fights [[Jerkops]] and [[Decepti-Clones]] like all the other Samurai Pizza Bots and that he transforms into a yellow and green hatchback, ("[[CWC-isms|Bug-Car]]" according to Chris), nobody knows anything about him. Not even Chris cares enough to elaborate on what kind of weapons he uses in Bumble-Lumba's own CWCipedia article. He just delivers pizzas, fights, and transforms.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bumble-Lumba</ref>

Chris's bio for Bumba-Lumba from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Bumba Lumba fBUlQMrFyas.webm00002.jpg]]</ref>
{{quotebox|Bumba Lumba is the scrappy scout of the group of Cwcville's Autobot Team. He may be mold mates with Bumblebee and Cliffjumper, he is actually more like Gears without his circuit card, but not so docile. The scout will zap it up almost like a Sonichu with Rain Dance turned on. He is fast and stealthy when it comes to spying on the Decepticons, PVCCitizens, Team Rocket, and so on. His ten k volt stingers and blaster will disable a heavy enough foe.}}

===Excelina===
[[Image:Robovagina.jpg|thumb|Seriously, what the hell?]]

The only female transformer and obvious ripoff of the movie version of [[Wikipedia:Arcee|Arcee]]. The inspiration behind Excelina's name is unknown, but most [[trolls]] point to either the [[anime]] ''[[Wikipedia:Steel Angel Kurumi|Steel Angel Kurumi]]'', which has a character with the same name and which Chris has seen before and liked,<ref>[[Mumble 2#Rabbichoso And Animu]]</ref> or to Excel from ''[[Excel Saga]]'', which Chris has [[Parody|parodied]] before.

Her vehicle mode is that of a motorcycle, (of what make and model Chris never says), and comes with a blatantly obvious female hologram "rider". Men are courteously informed that she is just a hologram, just in case you thought Chris's [[art]] had gotten even worse. This particular hologram also somehow has the ability to actually pick up pizza and carry it to customers despite not having a physical presence. Chris claims on her CWCipedia article that she knows all the shortcuts across [[CWCville]], and that she can reach anywhere in the city in less than ten seconds,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Excelina</ref> a speed that neither [[Sonic]] nor [[Sonichu]] have matched so far.

She is described in combat as being "Slick, cool and full of style in her attacks" and "[[Chris and sex|Strong-Fisted]] Up-Close". Her main weapon is said to be "[[Death threats|Sniper]]-Style", but she "[[Megan Schroeder|needs space]]" to use it.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Excelina</ref>

All this is irrelevant, however, as her lack of personality or any interesting design to distinguish her from the other Autobots means she will forever be remembered by [[trolls]] and [[True and Loyal Fanbase|''Sonichu'' fans]] as the one Chris decided to draw with a robot vagina.

Chris's bio for Excelina from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Excelina gsgUqWuZ8tE.webm00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Excelina is anything but a low-level fembot. During her combat training with [[Son-Chu]] and the others, she exhibited more grace, tenacity and quick instincts similar to Windblade. Her fighting style is [[CWC Fighter|comparable with Chun-Li]]. While in vehicle mode and on the move, she projects a hologram of a lady driver in the seat}}

===Armoraxe===
[[Image:ArmoraxeBot.jpg|left|thumb|You know that little kid you see at your cousin's birthday celebration running around with a [[Gitar of Fail|toy guitar]]? Imagine if he was a robot.]]

The apparent sub-leader of the group, acting in the same way to Son-Chu that [[Wild]] does to [[Magi-Chan]], the Armoraxe robot is supposedly named for his tough armor and sharp axe. Unfortunately, Armoraxe does not use an axe, but instead a giant guitar that transforms into a plasma rifle. This motif with the guitar makes him a rather obvious ripoff of [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]] from ''Transformers Animated''. Chris describes him as a "real [[Guitar Hero]]", and claims that "when he Plays that Beat, HE WAILS!!!", whatever that means.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Armoraxe</ref>

His vehicle form is that of a minivan, perhaps more specifically a [[Wikipedia:Scion xB|Scion xB]], (though Chris described it as a "[[CWC-isms|Heavy Beat Van]]"). In his robot form, he carries a boombox on his shoulders and wields a guitar. Due to Chris's lack of [[Chris and art|artistic talent]], it is difficult to discern if his face is on the boombox itself or if he has a separate head that is in front of it.

In yet another example out of thousands that show how shitty Chris's comic is, is when Chris took down the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in ''Sonichu #10'' through the power of rock, Chris showed up in [[Son-Chu]] instead of Armoraxe, and Son-Chu turned into a mobile rock stage. He didn't bring along Armoraxe at all. Armoraxe's entire ''raison d'être'' is that he's a walking talking robotic sound system with a guitar, and the one fucking time he could have been at all useful, Chris chose to use his shitwagon instead.

Also note that Soundwave is actually a Decepticon, and yet his ripoff is an Autobot. If Soundwave were real, he'd feel insulted by this.

Chris's bio for Armoraxe from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Armoraxe00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Armoraxe is a tough and durable, a bit hardheaded yet lovable, bot who loves to jam with the beats and tunes with his custom Cybertron guitar that doubles as an Energon-Charged blade axe, a machine shot rifle and his flying partner, Jet. His personality is a combination of Jazz and Bulkhead He also sports 11 decible-cracking speakers and subwoofers. He'll jam in the off-time, but he can and likes to [[Power|lift steel girders like dumbbell weights]] with concrete slabs on either end.}}

===Silver===
Apparently added to the group years later, Silver was "originally [[Son-chu]]'s simple shield partner".

Chris's bio for Silver from his fantasy [[Transformers Legacy United Merged]] toyline reads:<ref>[[:File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Silver EdYQjp7UktM.webm00001.jpg]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Originally Son-Chw's simple shield partner, Silver is a loyal lion bot with excellent animal bot instincts and intelligence that can easily rival Ravage. He can also really slash Decepticons and [[Decepti-Clones|Decepticlones]] with his [[English|might blades]]. His transector can still transform into a shield, big or small.}}

==Origins==
At this point, you're probably wondering where the hell these guys have been since the beginning of the comic, and that's a good question. At first, one would assume that the Autobots first showed up around about the time Chris got lost in the [[Time Void]]. They could have been called in as extra support after Chris got lost, or perhaps they coincidentally ended up there while pursuing Decepticons and decided to stay and help the city. Then, however, you realize that the leader of this particular group of Autobots is [[Son-Chu]], who transforms into Chris's car, and Chris had that same crappy Ford Escort all the way back in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], which through [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]] Chris has established took place ''years'' before [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']], and Son-Chu was never seen transforming in between those stories, even in situations where his assistance would have helped out immensely.

This then leads to the second theory. Maybe these aren't exactly the same kind of Autobots that appear in the regular ''[[Transformers]]'' universe. After all, the [[Decepti-Clones]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] were all actually built by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her minions, so maybe the [[Bill the Scientist|top minds]] of [[CWCville]] got together and decided to just build some transforming robots of their own at about the same time, and perhaps Chris's car was stripped down and used for parts during the creation of Son-Chu, and that's why he was a robot in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] but not before that.

However, then there's the issue of Prower. He wasn't made in a lab or workshop to defend CWCville. He definitely came from out of town. Punchy found him alone in a cave behind a waterfall, and he claimed to have ended up there by coincidence coming back from a battle with Decepticons outside the city. So he must be the alien kind of transformer. This in turn though raises the question of why he was taking orders from a derivative robot like Son-Chu who was built by humans.

In conclusion, Chris introduced a new group of characters with conflicting origin stories and stupid retcons, and the end result was a mess so devoid of any coherence that no-one can even say for sure where the characters actually ''came from''. In other words, typical [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']].

==Gallery of plagiarism==
<center><gallery>
Image:Prowl_prower.jpg|Prower = Animated [[Wikipedia:Prowl (Transformers)|Prowl]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Prowler hRY506KAxSI.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Prower.
Image:Bumble-Lumba-Bumblebee.jpg|Bumble-Lumba = Animated [[Wikipedia:Bumblebee (Transformers)|Bumblebee]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Bumba Lumba fBUlQMrFyas.webm00002.jpg|Box bio for Bumba-Lumba.
Image:RClina.jpg|Excelina = Movie version [[Wikipedia:Arcee|Arcee]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Excelina gsgUqWuZ8tE.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Excelina.
Image:ArmorWave.jpg|Armoraxe = Animated [[Wikipedia:Soundwave (Transformers)|Soundwave]].
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Armoraxe00001.jpg|Box bio for Armoraxe.
File:Light Powered Cwclight Reviews - Silver EdYQjp7UktM.webm00001.jpg|Box bio for Silver.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Decepti-Clones]]
*[[Power Rangers]]
*[[Punchy Sonichu]]
*[[Samurai Pizza Bots (TSSSF pack)]]
*[[Son-Chu]]
*[[Transformers]]
*[[Transformers Legacy United Merged]]
{{References}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Transformers}}
{{articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

List of unheroic protagonist actions

2026-05-27T23:00:54Z

WarnerBro:

{{Incomplete}}

A recurring tragicomic element of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is how Chris [[Chris and writing|''tries'' to characterize]] the protagonists of his comic as [[Rollin' and Trollin'|badass]], [[Honor roll|insightful]], and [[Holding out for a hero|heroic]] yet instead unfailingly depicts his heroes as [[media:SchuComic9P37.jpg|immature]], [[:File:Sonichu - Episode 7, Page 4.jpg|maladroit]], and at times nigh on [[media:SchuComic10P35.jpg|morally bankrupt]]. Over time, the characters have engaged in enough unintentional buffoonery and villainy to easily fill an entire '''list of unheroic protagonist actions'''. While any protagonist [[Collosal Chan|worth reading about]] will have some flaws, from [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]'s temper to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s cockiness, the vices and shortcomings the Sonichu characters possess are too numerable to shrug them off as portrayals of [[Liquid Chris|flawed but ultimately heroic]] characters, but rather show them as [[Ian Brandon Anderson|obliviously yet undeniably evil]].

==Recurring Shenanigans==
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|This is neither [[Jerkhief|the first]] nor the [[Mary Lee Walsh|last time]] Chris further abuses [[Sonichu Special 4|a defeated opponent.]]]]
* The [[Pokémon]] in this series often are at least as intelligent as human beings, yet various humans tote and order them around as personal servants. This was a problem with the original series as well, but Chris doesn't even attempt to address this issue in his comic. This creates stupidity like the comic finding nothing wrong with Trainer [[Kel]] pimping out her Dragonite to slake Rosechu's lust while simultaneously finding it unremarkable that [[Kevin_the_Jew|human children can date Pokémon]].
* The protagonists are completely submissive to their raging libidos. The characters are extremely quick to hop in the sack with whoever strikes their fancy, often having known their partners for mere days or even ''hours'' beforehand. Aside from showing a lack of self-control, their hypersexuality has directly led the protagonists into danger. They tend to become uncontrollably aroused at the drop of a hat, even in the middle of an invasion of their precious city or confronting their adversaries. Needless to say, it's all very telling of the author's own [[Chris and sex|twisted views on sex and relationships]].
* The characters are overly vindictive when they have any sort of advantage over their foes. [[Manajerks#Merried_Seinor_Comic.2FKirby|Mutilation]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell|sexual assault]], and of course [[4-cent_garbage.com|mass]] [[Sonichu 9|murder]] are always on the table no matter how mildly they were originally antagonised. This is in marked contrast to the basic morality of any [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|non-ironic]] [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hero]], where instigating or escalating a fight or seeking any revenge past what's necessary to stop a villain from committing crimes is a huge no-no.
* The heroes show absolutely no aptitude for any fighting strategy that's not 'run up to the bad guy and use superpowers until they stop'. They're unable to anticipate [[Silvana|special techniques]] or [[Dark Mirror Hole|strategies]] from their foes, have trouble doing basic coordination of attacks (unless it's to gang up on Black Sonichu), and can't perform any combat feats not constrained in the paradigm of plot-device items or the narrow application of Pokémon moves.
* [[CWCVille]]'s "government" is a nightmarish monstrosity of human rights violations and poor resource allocation that, unsurprisingly, fails to provide basic safety for its citizens. By far the most popular stock parody of Chris's work is to depict the city as a Kafkaesque dystopia that only exists to fulfill the puerile whims of its dictator-for-life mayor. What's more, this only requires a ''slight'' exaggeration of CWCVille's unsavory traits. None of the heroes, of course, have a problem with how CWCville is run, and in fact are shown to be the mayor's cronies, with complete immunity from the law, and receive free houses, credit cards and other gifts from the mayor, not unlike Soviet nomenklatura.
* Fight scenes involving the main characters often have them beating up [[jerkop|jerkops]], innocent, mentally handicapped people who've been brainwashed into becoming [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s evil minions. It's not until ''Sonichu #9'' that anybody even tries to cure them of their brainwashing. Even then, it's explicitly mentioned that the "heroes" have killed several jerkops, knowing full well they are victims rather than villains.

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
[[Image:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|"Hee Hee!"]]
===Episode #1: Sonichu's Origin===
* Sonic just sort of disappears after crashing into Pikachu, and takes the credit for Sonichu's fight against the Perfect Chaos Monster. Sonichu isn't bothered by this and even names himself after the guy who ran him over and immediately abdicated an important battle.
===Episode #2: Sonichu in 'Genesis of the Lovehogs'===
* Sonichu stalks Rosechu to her home and spies on her through the window rather than introducing himself to her like a normal person.
* Kel straight-up pimps out her Pokémon to each other. To be fair, this happens in the video games, but it's rather jarring to see outside of a game mechanics context.
===Episode #3: Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc===
* [[Giovanni]]'s son [[Naitsirhc]] is shown to have ''at least'' two Legendary Pokémon (Zapdos and Raikou) and sports even more in the team Chris describes him having. Combined with how no trainers from the video games or the anime appear in the series, this places ''Sonichu'' in a grimdark world where Team Rocket was victorious over Ash and friends, whose bodies are presumably decaying in shallow graves somewhere outside Saffron City. That, or for whatever reason, the heroes are simply not doing anything to stop Team Rocket from holding power over the world, which while less grim, is no less questionable from an ethical standpoint.

===Classic Sonichu Strips===
* [[Vamprosa|Rosechu]], a protagonist, is shown as a vampire, an undead monster that sustains its existence by draining the blood of others.
* When the comic was originally written, no reason was given in the fiction for Chris and Sonichu to attack [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. She is not depicted as doing anything more evil than merely ''existing'' and saying "Hee Hee" and "Want a girlfriend? Tough lightning!"
* No reason is given as to why Chris and Sonichu only get one shot at defeating Mary Lee Walsh. If they had missed, would they simply have left Mary to do whatever presumably evil thing she was doing?
* Rosechu does nothing but look on and say "Oh no!" while Chris is being beaten by Mary Lee Walsh's mecha-Jerkops, despite supposedly having equal power to Sonichu.

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Episode #4: Black Sonichu in ''Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!''===
* Chris-chan sets up a potentially interesting plot twist -- [[Blake|a clone pretends fealty to their evil creators only to bide his time and betray them]] -- but then takes his sweet time resolving this subplot while Blachu sublimates his role as the villains' bitch. If Black Sonichu realized that he was forcefed a pack of bullshit and propaganda, why did he cheerfully go along with his handlers for so long before joining the forces of "good"? Did Giovanni snip off Black Sonichu's balls like a naughty poodle after he mildly sassed his son?

===Episode #5: Sonichu in ''Informal Meeting''===
* A map of the area on page twelve shows that Sonic lives fairly close to Giovanni's undisguised headquarters. Why Sonic remained oblivious of and/or ignored the existence of Pokémon's biggest villain for so long is an exercise left to the reader.

===Episode #6: Sonic and Sonichu in ''Black Metal Combat''===
* This issue is the first to show Chris's curious habit of having a character with explicitly better superpowers than their opponent or ally being totally outclassed, i.e. Sonichu's dismal performance versus Sonic the Hedgehog's unstoppable rampage, Bionic contemptuously dispatching Reldnahc, Wes-Li effortlessly beating up Chris-chan, etc. While this is a common theme in fiction to show that you can't always brute force your way through problems and that cunning, strategy, and determination can triumph over raw power, this dissonance seems to happen in Sonichu simply for the sake of making the antagonists look a bit less impotent than they really are. Due to Chris's predictable and boring style of writing, the villains are almost invariably defeated and subsequently cast aside when they and the protagonists next meet.
* Sonic, a seasoned superhero, not only lets the much more inexperienced Sonichu go in ahead of him but does so even after suspecting that they're walking into a trap. Letting Sonichu take point and even springing the aforementioned trap without so much as a warning was pretty weaselly on Sonic's part.
* After a long and arduous battle complete with SONIC SPEED and ZAPPING TO THE EXTREME, Sonichu, Sonic, and Rosechu finally have two globally infamous criminals cornered. And... the comic just forgets about them in lieu of a shopping spree at the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==
===Episode #7: Sonichu in ''Anchuent Prophecy''===
* Wes and Sarah get personal training in how to use their hedgehog powers from the spirits of ''their'' ancestors; Chris isn't so lucky. The [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] is more than happy to leave Chris to fend for himself. To his credit, Sonichu does at least help Chris get elementary training. Nonetheless, the clan leader's selective neglect of his disciple leaves Chris unaware of at [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|least]] two [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"|superpowers]] that would've made things a lot easier on Chris. Not that he needs ''more'' deus ex machinas in his corner, but still.

===Episode #8: Christian Chandler in ''Chaos & Serenity''===
* Sonichu disappears for a large portion of the battle between Wes and Chris-Chan for no good reason. Considering that Wes was trying to kill Sonichu's "father", his help would've been much appreciated.
* After Wes goes on for some time about why he's behaving evilly, Chris goes on a self-aggrandizing rant and tries to paint himself as an innocent victim in the love triangle, rather than trying to negotiate with Wes or calm him down. Chris clearly is more concerned about his own [[Chris and his ego|ego]] than getting his and Wes's shit together to fulfill the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
* Sarah, despite being told that her role in the upcoming events was to be a peacemaker between the other two humans-turned-hedgehog, decides not to intervene until her partners almost kill each other.
* Chris gets his ass kicked in less than a page by Wes in spite of having more and better superpowers than his rival.

===Episode #9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in ''The Evil that Stomped CWCville''===
* Sarah very stupidly decides to dump Wes Iseli right before the prophesied evil takes place, causing Wes's [[heart level]] to collapse right before the fated battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]]. To be fair, you could argue that it wouldn't be right to romantically string someone along just to cajole them into doing the right thing... except that she had no problem inflicting this sneaky tactic on ''Chris'' at the end of the issue.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===Episode #10: ''Sonichu Babies''===
* Punchy unambiguously murders [[Mypoe]].
* That said, as much as we wish agony and woe on those obnoxious [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonees and Roseys]], Punchy's violent reaction to Mypoe ''mutilating him shortly after his birth'' is completely understandable. The real question is this: what kind of dojo is Shinabe running here?
* Unless he has one hell of an explanation for his actions, Mewtwo stole Magi-chan's childhood and sculpted him into the borderline-[[autism|autistic]] he is today for his own reasons. [[Chris and writing|Not that we'll]] [[Sonichu 11|ever know these reasons]].

===Episode #11: The Chaotic Combo in ''When Hedgehogs Meet''===
* Why is something as powerful and calamitous as the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] just sitting out in the open, guarded solely by a powerless [[Flame the Sunbird|parrot]]? At the very least it should be placed somewhere hidden. Then again, the Sunstone ceases to become an issue after this comic so maybe the mayor did something smart for once and squirreled it [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|someplace more secure]].
* Speaking of [[Flame the Sunbird]], he's only able to fly for about 20 miles (the distance between the shores to where Bubbles is) before being winded. For a bird, especially one that's a self-styled guardian, this is a pathetic level of physical fitness.
* Every single member of the Chaotic Combo pile on Black Sonichu at the end and just beat him to a bloody pulp. While he overpowered them one on one, Black Sonichu getting dogpiled by half a dozen mutants and left bleeding and disfigured doesn't exactly suggest an even fight between a team of heroes and a powerful villain. Besides, Black Sonichu didn't even mean to aggravate them.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
* Chris refuses to leave every time he's called out for soliciting sex.
* Chris [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]] a [[Jerkhief|man]], making him lose his wife, kids, and home, all because he was told not to stand around like a [[Creepy stare|creep]].
* Chris throws a [[Chris and anger|temper tantrum]] because a [[Hanna|girl]] played a prank on him.
* Chris breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman's]] home (not the [[Sonichu 0|first time]] nor the [[Sonichu 10|last]]) completely unprovoked and beats the shit out of her.
* Chris's self-insert fails, forcing Chris's other [[Sonichu (character)|self-insert]] to help his sorry ass.
* Chris and his [[Sonichu (character)|bastard son]] brutally murder a defenseless old woman in cold blood.
* Chris and [[Darkbind Sonichu|another one of his recolors]] injure [[B-Manajerk|two]] [[Merried Seinor Comic|people]] for asking him to leave the store.
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|emotionless fuck-buddy]] decapitate [[W-M-Manajerk|someone]] for telling him to leave. Granted, said person's head could be removed more-or-less unharmed, but football-kicking it into an old woman's face afterward pushes it right into one of these.
* Chris makes fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally handicapped people]].
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|personified sexual insecurity]] beat the shit out of [[Bagget|some]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|more]] [[Count Graduon|people]] for (and you're not going to guess this) telling him to leave a [[Get-Tar Region|store]] after loitering looking for [[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free girls]].

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===Episode #12: Christian Chandler in ''My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding''===
* Chris is invisibly spying on the wedding. Meaning that he wasn't invited and decided to just [[The GAMe PLACe|show up anyway]] or that he was but just [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|likes creeping around for no reason]].
* What exactly was stopping Chris from deploying another Trap Card, or at the very least, warning the crowd when he realized that his reasoning wasn't getting through? Innocent bystanders might have gotten hurt or even killed.
* With all of the craziness that happens in CWCVille, Sarah Spicer was careless to not have her lightning bracelets at arms length whether or not they clashed with her wedding gown. Chris evidently believes women care more about matching their outfits than about protecting the people they love. Also, why couldn't she just get a gown that didn't clash?
* Boy, those [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards sure came in handy this chapter and previously in episode #8. All of those versatile, powerful, yet easily-deployable effects should make protecting CWCVille and saving innocents a breeze! Too bad Chris lost interest in the franchise after this issue, so they'll never be seen or even mentioned again.

===Episode #13: ''Smashed Hearts & Entrapment''===

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==
===Episode #12.5: ''One Lucky Dog''===
* Chris resurrects his pet dog. In-story she merely turned from a dog into a magical talking dog, but Chris doesn't hide what he's really doing. Regardless of how many people die in the comic's pages--from innocent bystanders, to victims of circumstance, to real-life gal pals--CWC has only extended this mercy [[Simonla Rosechu|once more.]]
* With the introduction of [[Allison Amber]], it becomes obvious that even in his fantasy world, Chris is too lazy to do any of his mayoral duties that won't help him look cool or punish his enemies. What's more, an unelected city employee way down the chain of command has been promoted to Vice Mayor, although we were led to believe [[Women's rights|she was just an overpowered secretary]] for a long time. Allison performs almost literally all of Chris's mayoral duties, which is [[Chris and the law|highly illegal]] because she doesn't have the relevant authority.

===Episode #14: ''Evil is Afoot!''===
* Allowing his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|defeated enemy]] mercy and attentive medical treatment is probably the most uncharacteristically nice thing Chris does in this comic. Unfortunately, the magnanimity of this gesture is ruined by the fact that there's absolutely no security in Reldnahc's room during his convalescence, leaving Chris's arch-nemesis free to just ''walk out of the hospital''.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==
===Episode #15: Sonichu, Magi-Chan, and Christian in ''Time for a Ball''===
* [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Bionic]] (Chris's first bastard child) makes the highly progressive assumption that [[Third date|women always put out after the third date]].
* Chris and Magi-Chan introduce a convenient [[Chris and writing|plot device]] to help them solve their seemingly nonexistent problems. The question here is that if they knew about them this whole time, why wait until now to 'search' for them? Chris could have easily used them in the past to stop [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|villains]] in the past, yet decided to postpone it to the point where it would cost [[Ivy O'Neil|countless]] [[PandaHalo|lives]].

===Episode #16: C.W.C. and Sonichu in ''Time Hogs''===
* Sonichu and Magi-Chan are too busy discussing [[Hanky panky|sex]] to realize that Chris has been flung out of the time sphere, giving no thought to helping him. Magi-Chan should have been able to sense it telepathically or whatever.

===''Tune in Everyday to Station KCWC for Everything!''===

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|What does your existentialist philosophy say about FURRY FACE RAPE, Jason?]]
===Episode #17: ''Rage against the Garbage''===
* Rosechu is so ignorant about how the Internet and [[troll]]ing works that she thinks that taking nudes of herself is going to overwhelm the flow of [[Rosechu#Transgender Drama|shemale]] pictures. Amusingly, this is one of the few instances where a protagonist is immediately broken of their delusions.
* Sonichu, Wild, and Rosechu plot burglary without even ''trying'' to negotiate for the Sonichu Balls. As far as we know, [[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] is the rightful owner and Sonichu's crew are a bunch of thieves.
* Wild's family is harassed by arsonists and his father is kidnapped by poachers but the putative Mayor clearly can't be bothered to stop stuffing his face with chicken nuggets long enough to take care of the problem.
* For that matter, Wild couldn't even be assed to look for his own damn father himself. Even if he was still too weak to mount a solo rescue, at this point in the comic he knows at least ten other characters with powers similar or superior to his own and has no excuse for not resuming his quest. Then again, Wild probably knew that his 'friends' were too self-absorbed to give a shit about anyone else anyway. Hell, Sonichu and Rosechu couldn't be bothered to do anything more than go 'oh, that sucks' at Wild's tearjerker.
* Sonichu, Rosechu, and Wild very stupidly schedule the latter's infiltration at the same time as their meeting with the owner of 4-cent garbage. Jason knows that they will be here, so why would they undertake this dangerous and important mission when he's on alert? Then again, Wild doesn't meet any resistance more stringent than a locked safe so it doesn't matter anyway.
* On several floors, Sonichu, Rosechu, and even Chris physically attack people whose only crime is uploading pictures to the Internet.
* Jason Kendrick Howell flat-out admits that he owns an [[Kathleen|underage sex slave]] that he does illegal things with. Sonichu and Rosechu can't even give the tiniest of shits about this grievous affront to human dignity. They're only concerned about Rosechu being drawn with a penis.
* After Jason taunts Sonichu and Rosechu, both attack him, and the latter goes even further by attempting to rape/kill him. Jason only survives thanks to dark forces keeping him alive.
* The 19th Amendment, securing the right of women to vote, apparently doesn't [[Chris and sexism|apply to CWCVille]]. You know, a city supposedly existing within the borders of the United States.
* Rosechu thinks that laws preventing a 14-year-old from being able to [[pedofork|assist in nude protests]] are "dumb".

===Episode #18: ''Spring Break 2008''===
* The protagonists are overly quick to forgive Blake. Granted, being a [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Saturday morning cartoon villain]], his villainy hasn't exceeded 'kidnap Rosechu and get <s>his</s> her teeth knocked out' -- a far cry from the mass murders the heroes cause in Sonichu 10 to be sure. Nonetheless, it's still dumb for the other protagonists to implicitly trust someone who was only a few months ago working for [[Doctor Robotnik|two]] of the [[Giovanni|biggest criminals]] on the planet.
* Bubbles is astonishingly stupid and careless when dealing with [[Silvana]]-Blake. Despite getting two credible warnings from Magi-Chan and Jiggliami/Blake that she was about to fuck an impostor, she's still not convinced.
* Blake has more of an excuse than Bubbles for his actions, but wasn't he the tiniest bit suspicious that Bubbles aborted her mission in order to have nasty furry jungle sex?

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==
===Episode #19: ''Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)''===
* This is not the heroes' fault, but the [[Dating Education]] class is mind-meltingly idiotic. The coursework is piss-easy what with fifty-word essays, the IM portion being unsupervised, and an enormous douche like Reginald almost getting a perfect score. If the characters had an ounce of self-respect they would have dropped this worthless class by day two and demanded their money back.
* [[Ivy]] refuses to pair up with anyone because she is holding out for Chris, despite this nominally being just practice. Since the class has equal amounts of boys and girls, this means George Philip, the boy she got paired up with, is being screwed over. Somehow, Ivy still gets a 99% in the class.
* The heroes apparently have trouble discerning the identities of people with extremely obvious screen names, which doesn't speak well of their intelligence. Gee, I wonder who [[Simonla Rosechu|DigDugette416]] could be?
* [[Reginald Sneasel]] is, and let's be frank here, a ''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fulminating asshole]]''. Reginald lets down his IM partner and classmate FlorDora217 because of his [[Layla]] obsession, intentionally spreads scurrilous rumors about her, sabotages school equipment, and stalks the two on their date. By contrast, Punchy decides to cooperate with Layla and tries to keep an open mind about her despite also having his eye on [[Angelica Rosechu|someone else]], foils Reginald's cunning plan with his counter-gambit of 'have his [[Wild Sonichu|best buddy]] ask Layla directly', and acts like a perfect gentleman on his date. How sad is it that you come off as more of a jerk than a sex-crazed, [[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark|sadomasochistic]] Knuckles headswap? This wouldn't be so bad if Reginald was set up to be the typical jealous-yet-hapless rival suitor that potboiler romantic comedies thrive upon, but given his fate in this episode and the rest of [[Sonichu 9]], he's clearly meant to be a ''sympathetic character''.
* Ms. Jackaras just abruptly dies halfway through the narrative and nobody even reacts except her sister, who replaces her instantly for some reason. Her sister mourns for precisely one panel.

===Episode #20: ''CWC-Defense''===
* Sonichu gets a glimpse of his wife's panties while she's doing laundry and turns into a drooling pervert. Very classy of you, sweet-bolt.
* Sonichu goes on an unprompted, uncomfortably long homophobic tirade that makes him look violent and psychopathic, complete with breaking the couple's property.
* Why hasn't CWCville elected or at least appointed a new interim mayor yet? It's been several months since Chris was trapped in the time void, and there's no reason to think that he'll be back anytime soon, or even at all at this point. Again, the city is forced to dump way too many important decisions on an over-promoted secretary. This gets discussed further in the next section.
* Prower can transform into a [[media:Prowl_prower.jpg|giant robot]] and was very close-by, yet he failed to help Punchy and Layla when they were surrounded by [[Jerkop]]s. Punchy was able to take care of himself, but Layla was clearly unused to fighting and almost got her head handed to her.
* CWCVille's hapless defenders are completely blindsided by the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]], sending their [[Chaotic Combo|heavy-hitters]] on wild goose chases all around the city while apparently not thinking to leave the [[CWCville Shopping Center]], the seat of the municipal government and the main target of the invasion, with any better defenders than [[Zapina Rosechu|a skanky tween girl]] and a [[Patti-Chan|half-naked zombie dog]].
* When the combined forces of Sonic recolors and Autobot rejects prove to be inadequate for defending the city, [[Allison Amber]] doesn't even bother to let the media know, let alone try to get assistance. Bionic and Darkbind for instance, only realize what's going on as the conflict starts spilling out past the city borders.
* Even if Chris is the one fated to [[Anchuent Prophecy|personally stop Graduon and Walsh]], there's still no reason for Sonichu to just let her fly away and regroup, especially when he literally had her at arms' length and in a position to easily capture or otherwise finish off.
* After the battle is over, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon show basically no concern about [[Chris and death|the destruction that has befallen their city]].

==[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Having a little girl torture her [[Evan|grandpa]]? Totally normal behavior from your heroes!]]
===Episode #21: ''Christian Chandler in Director Amenities''===
* The amount of sheer evil the "protagonists" exhibit in this issue clearly shows their transition from [[Blake|bumbling yet harmless goons]] to [[The Incredible Lioness|terrifyingly violent and sadistic psychopaths]]. From [[Lovely Weather#Deception|rape by deception]] to [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|genocide]], this issue has it all.
* Chris poisons the planet's water supplies with his "[[Homos|straight]]" blood, thereby initiating a genocide against homosexuals, bisexuals and asexuals worldwide. Aside from being ethically perverse, this scheme shows an [[honor roll|inexcusable ignorance of simple science]]. Those few crates would barely be enough to infect a modern city's water supply for a few days, let alone worldwide. Transferring a vaccine through the water supply is also ludicrous; not only would the treatment facilities dilute and kill the immunizing vectors, blood-stomach ingestion is one of the weakest ways to transmit a disease.
* Chris ''{{w|Rape by deception|rapes}}'' his future self's wife by [[Liquid Chris|pretending to be his future self]].
* Chris blows up a building filled with "devil [[trolls]]", sealing it up beforehand as well to ensure that none can escape as he does so.
* Chris (by now you're probably realizing it's almost ''all'' Chris) breaks [[Jimmy Hill|a man]]'s [[Fangs|teeth]] because he [[Parody|parodied]] him.
* Chris violently injects his own blood into his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|nemesis]], in some sort of harebrained scheme to turn him straight.
* Chris then teleports Reldnahc straight into the domicile of Kel without so much as a trial or medical examination, under the excuse that his evil behavior was due to his recent transformation into an evil homosexual hedgehog. Though stripped of his [[Anchuent Prophecy]]-granted powers, Reldnahc was already on the side of the bad guys before his transformation and was shown to have access to multiple legendaries. Thus Chris just delivered a world-class Pokémon trainer working for one of the biggest criminal organizations on the planet straight into the arms of one of his unsuspecting friends!
* Chris and the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Hedgehog Boys]] destroy a populated high-rise building, killing and injuring hundreds of innocent people in an act of extreme [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]], because they drew pictures of his imaginary friends with [[Pickles|pee-pees]].
* Chris punches someone in the face hard enough to knock out his teeth, for sardonically referring to him as 'miss'.
* Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|Alec Benson's Leary - Alec Benson's... Try saying that three times fast with plurals. Heh.]] Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec's]] house, before Chris destroys all of his computer data and then the computer itself.
* Chris and Sonichu then [[Chris and copyright|plagiarize]] all of Alec's [[True and honest|TRUE and HONEST]] creations, followed by having them beat the shit out of Alec and accusing him of keeping [[Rape|female prisoners]] in his basement.
* [[Collosal Chan]] breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman]]'s house completely unprovoked, and brutally attacks her to the extent of causing permanent paralysis, before having her stripped of her powers and sent to a maximum-security prison with no trial.
* Collosal Chan also willingly smashes the staff [[Count Graduon]] is sealed in and releases him at Mary's request, so she can "punish [Graduon] another day."
* Magi-chan shows no sympathy for Silvana's literal emasculation. To be fair, Silvana being gender-changed against her will (she refused a previous offer) is an unavoidable side-effect of stopping the mad [[Count Graduon]], but that's no reason for him to be so gleeful about it.
* Magi-Chan, the inhuman monster he is, informs [[Sandy|an infant]] only minutes old that her mother was murdered by '[[Evan]]'. That's right, even infancy doesn't get you out of your duties as Chris's personal bodyguard.
* Chris and his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|corrupted officials]] have a show trial for [[Asperpedia|four innocent men]], before having them sentenced to death, with little to no evidence against them.
* Chris and his entourage, including a one-week-old girl and a [[Kel|preteen]], brutally execute four people in violent and inhumane ways. Remember, this is a comic Chris [[Chris and censorship|claims is aimed at children]].
* Chris disrespects [[Wikipedia:Flag Day in Mexico|a national holiday]] by being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]] jackass.

==[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]==

===''Episode #22: A Sonichu Christmas''===

-WIP-
* Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a Jewish kid named Kevin in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies.

===''Episode #23: Simonchu & Bananafunkle''===

* When Simonchu returns to see his sister, he is met with extreme hostility by both Sandy and Wild, with Sandy threatening to use Horn Drill to kill him and Wild even knocking him unconscious on sight. It's only until after Simonla shouts at them do they back down. It should also be made note of that [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|since Simonla never died]], neither Wild nor Sandy have any reason to act as violently as they do.
* After an intense night of fucking, [[Reginald Sneasel]] evolves into a Weavile and proceeds to destroy everything in the church. When Angelica wakes and finds him, he says he's too far gone as some sort of monster. Later in the episode, he hooks up with [[Layla]] and seems to have full control over his new form. It should be known that [[Chris and Writing|Weavile don't become more vicious upon evolving]], so that means that Reginald effectively used his evolution as an easy way out after ripping apart Angelica's church and breaking up with her.
* Simonchu apparently discovers a fossil of an undocumented Pokémon, which has been brought back to life. Said Pokémon also apparently used to be human high school senior and was hit by a car before being brought back as a new Pokémon... [[Chris and Writing|somehow]]. Rather then give it to proper researchers of the field for further study, Simonchu dumps it on [[Punchy Sonichu]] because he's apparently the only one who can understand it.
* Punchy agreeing to bring [[Bananasauros]] to his home to live with him wouldn't be all too terrible... if Layla, his girlfriend, wasn't ''also'' living with him. And of course, he didn't call ahead to say he was bringing company; let alone some weird banana dinosaur.
* While Bananasauros is effectively an animal who has little control over the situation, he is fully aware that him being there is straining Punchy and Layla's relationship. He doesn't bring it up or care, instead mooching off of Punchy's welfare and just sitting on the couch and gaming. In the end, Layla does indeed move out, and he shows no remorse for causing it.
* For the sake of science and research, Punchy gets Bananasauros to fuck a Ditto to make some eggs. Remember that this is a human mind inside of a dinosaur banana's body, being forced to have sex for whatever the hell species he is now.
* Before leaving, Layla flat-out punches Bananasauros in the face. While Layla has every right to be angry at Bananasauros, he'd done nothing to instigate that.

===''The Clip Show: Catching Up''===

==[[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]==
===Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up===
*Sonichu has a dream where Rosechu and Chris are both trapped in a fire, and he only has time to save one of them. If he saves Chris, then Rosechu will die, and Sonichu won't be able to live without her. If he saves Rosechu, then Chris will die, and CWCville will have no mayor and cease to exist, <s>killing everyone in it</s> leaving everyone "lost in a void forever". Sonichu then saves Rosechu, abandoning everyone to their fate for the sake of someone who, for the record, will die anyway as a result of his own actions.

==''Sonichu'' Specials==
* In ''[[Sonichu Special 4]]'', Chris decides to take matters into his own hands rather than contacting the local police and/or sending in an ally that could get to [[Kacey]]'s [[Liquid Chris|kidnapper]]'s location faster than he could driving at the speed limit.
* After Chris disarms and wristlocks the kidnapper, Chris intentionally trips him and shoots him in each knee. This is at the very least maiming; Chris is fortunate that his opponent survived to star in [[Episode 20|CWC Defense]], otherwise he'd be facing charges of 2nd or even 1st degree murder. Or not, since CWCVille is effectively an absolute monarchy; Chris rules with undefined power and is of course above the law.

==[[Mailbag]]==
* One needs to read [[Mailbag 5#Chris does not know what "benevolent" means, or how government works|Mailbag 5]] in conjunction with [[Sonichu 10]] to really grasp the scope of this problem, but the CWCVille municipal government is extremely flawed. There are at least three major problems with the administration: the first is that after being thrown into the [[Time Void]], an interim mayor should have been appointed from the city council's ranks if Chris was going to be gone for so long. Who this would be varies depending on the city's charter but this person is typically the chief administrator officer -- which for a city of CWCVille's size would be an elected position (and not Allison Amber) unless the democratic trappings are even more of a sham than we thought. The second is that we never actually see them doing any work. Why, for example, was city defense left (again) to Allison Amber instead of the chief of police? The third is that the city council didn't do anything to stop or inform others Chris's plan to commit mass murder despite him flat-out telling them; even an amateur paralegal would be able to get charges of conspiracy and accessory to murder to stick.
* In gross violation of the 1st, 4th, 5th, and 14th Amendments of the U.S. Constitution Chris reveals that [[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck|Magi-chan is engaged in psychic surveillance on CWCVille's populace]] to ensure that homosexuality is - as it in the author's own mind - thoroughly suppressed.

==See Also==
*[[Chris and writing]]
*[[CWCVille]] - For a more in-depth analysis of the various municipal failings of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu's]] primary setting.

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Comic]][[Category:Lists]][[Category:Villains]]

List of unheroic protagonist actions

2026-05-27T22:59:07Z

WarnerBro:

{{Incomplete}}

A recurring tragicomic element of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is how Chris [[Chris and writing|''tries'' to characterize]] the protagonists of his comic as [[Rollin' and Trollin'|badass]], [[Honor roll|insightful]], and [[Holding out for a hero|heroic]] yet instead unfailingly depicts his heroes as [[media:SchuComic9P37.jpg|immature]], [[:File:Sonichu - Episode 7, Page 4.jpg|maladroit]], and at times nigh on [[media:SchuComic10P35.jpg|morally bankrupt]]. Over time, the characters have engaged in enough unintentional buffoonery and villainy to easily fill an entire '''list of unheroic protagonist actions'''. While any protagonist [[Collosal Chan|worth reading about]] will have some flaws, from [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]'s temper to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s cockiness, the vices and shortcomings the Sonichu characters possess are too numerable to shrug them off as portrayals of [[Liquid Chris|flawed but ultimately heroic]] characters, but rather show them as [[Ian Brandon Anderson|obliviously yet undeniably evil]].

==Recurring Shenanigans==
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|This is neither [[Jerkhief|the first]] nor the [[Mary Lee Walsh|last time]] Chris further abuses [[Sonichu Special 4|a defeated opponent.]]]]
* The [[Pokémon]] in this series often are at least as intelligent as human beings, yet various humans tote and order them around as personal servants. This was a problem with the original series as well, but Chris doesn't even attempt to address this issue in his comic. This creates stupidity like the comic finding nothing wrong with Trainer [[Kel]] pimping out her Dragonite to slake Rosechu's lust while simultaneously finding it unremarkable that [[Kevin_the_Jew|human children can date Pokémon]].
* The protagonists are completely submissive to their raging libidos. The characters are extremely quick to hop in the sack with whoever strikes their fancy, often having known their partners for mere days or even ''hours'' beforehand. Aside from showing a lack of self-control, their hypersexuality has directly led the protagonists into danger. They tend to become uncontrollably aroused at the drop of a hat, even in the middle of an invasion of their precious city or confronting their adversaries. Needless to say, it's all very telling of the author's own [[Chris and sex|twisted views on sex and relationships]].
* The characters are overly vindictive when they have any sort of advantage over their foes. [[Manajerks#Merried_Seinor_Comic.2FKirby|Mutilation]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell|sexual assault]], and of course [[4-cent_garbage.com|mass]] [[Sonichu 9|murder]] are always on the table no matter how mildly they were originally antagonised. This is in marked contrast to the basic morality of any [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|non-ironic]] [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hero]], where instigating or escalating a fight or seeking any revenge past what's necessary to stop a villain from committing crimes is a huge no-no.
* The heroes show absolutely no aptitude for any fighting strategy that's not 'run up to the bad guy and use superpowers until they stop'. They're unable to anticipate [[Silvana|special techniques]] or [[Dark Mirror Hole|strategies]] from their foes, have trouble doing basic coordination of attacks (unless it's to gang up on Black Sonichu), and can't perform any combat feats not constrained in the paradigm of plot-device items or the narrow application of Pokémon moves.
* [[CWCVille]]'s "government" is a nightmarish monstrosity of human rights violations and poor resource allocation that, unsurprisingly, fails to provide basic safety for its citizens. By far the most popular stock parody of Chris's work is to depict the city as a Kafkaesque dystopia that only exists to fulfill the puerile whims of its dictator-for-life mayor. What's more, this only requires a ''slight'' exaggeration of CWCVille's unsavory traits. None of the heroes, of course, have a problem with how CWCville is run, and in fact are shown to be the mayor's cronies, with complete immunity from the law, and receive free houses, credit cards and other gifts from the mayor, not unlike Soviet nomenklatura.
* Fight scenes involving the main characters often have them beating up [[jerkop|jerkops]], innocent, mentally handicapped people who've been brainwashed into becoming [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s evil minions. It's not until ''Sonichu #9'' that anybody even tries to cure them of their brainwashing. Even then, it's explicitly mentioned that the "heroes" have killed several jerkops, knowing full well they are victims rather than villains.

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
[[Image:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|"Hee Hee!"]]
===Episode #1: Sonichu's Origin===
* Sonic just sort of disappears after crashing into Pikachu, and takes the credit for Sonichu's fight against the Perfect Chaos Monster. Sonichu isn't bothered by this and even names himself after the guy who ran him over and immediately abdicated an important battle.
===Episode #2: Sonichu in 'Genesis of the Lovehogs'===
* Sonichu stalks Rosechu to her home and spies on her through the window rather than introducing himself to her like a normal person.
* Kel straight-up pimps out her Pokémon to each other. To be fair, this happens in the video games, but it's rather jarring to see outside of a game mechanics context.
===Episode #3: Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc===
* [[Giovanni]]'s son [[Naitsirhc]] is shown to have ''at least'' two Legendary Pokémon (Zapdos and Raikou) and sports even more in the team Chris describes him having. Combined with how no trainers from the video games or the anime appear in the series, this places ''Sonichu'' in a grimdark world where Team Rocket was victorious over Ash and friends, whose bodies are presumably decaying in shallow graves somewhere outside Saffron City. That, or for whatever reason, the heroes are simply not doing anything to stop Team Rocket from holding power over the world, which while less grim, is no less questionable from an ethical standpoint.

===Classic Sonichu Strips===
* [[Vamprosa|Rosechu]], a protagonist, is shown as a vampire, an undead monster that sustains its existence by draining the blood of others.
* When the comic was originally written, no reason was given in the fiction for Chris and Sonichu to attack [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. She is not depicted as doing anything more evil than merely ''existing'' and saying "Hee Hee" and "Want a girlfriend? Tough lightning!"
* No reason is given as to why Chris and Sonichu only get one shot at defeating Mary Lee Walsh. If they had missed, would they simply have left Mary to do whatever presumably evil thing she was doing?
* Rosechu does nothing but look on and say "Oh no!" while Chris is being beaten by Mary Lee Walsh's mecha-Jerkops, despite supposedly having equal power to Sonichu.

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Episode #4: Black Sonichu in ''Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!''===
* Chris-chan sets up a potentially interesting plot twist -- [[Blake|a clone pretends fealty to their evil creators only to bide his time and betray them]] -- but then takes his sweet time resolving this subplot while Blachu sublimates his role as the villains' bitch. If Black Sonichu realized that he was forcefed a pack of bullshit and propaganda, why did he cheerfully go along with his handlers for so long before joining the forces of "good"? Did Giovanni snip off Black Sonichu's balls like a naughty poodle after he mildly sassed his son?

===Episode #5: Sonichu in ''Informal Meeting''===
* A map of the area on page twelve shows that Sonic lives fairly close to Giovanni's undisguised headquarters. Why Sonic remained oblivious of and/or ignored the existence of Pokémon's biggest villain for so long is an exercise left to the reader.

===Episode #6: Sonic and Sonichu in ''Black Metal Combat''===
* This issue is the first to show Chris's curious habit of having a character with explicitly better superpowers than their opponent or ally being totally outclassed, i.e. Sonichu's dismal performance versus Sonic the Hedgehog's unstoppable rampage, Bionic contemptuously dispatching Reldnahc, Wes-Li effortlessly beating up Chris-chan, etc. While this is a common theme in fiction to show that you can't always brute force your way through problems and that cunning, strategy, and determination can triumph over raw power, this dissonance seems to happen in Sonichu simply for the sake of making the antagonists look a bit less impotent than they really are. Due to Chris's predictable and boring style of writing, the villains are almost invariably defeated and subsequently cast aside when they and the protagonists next meet.
* Sonic, a seasoned superhero, not only lets the much more inexperienced Sonichu go in ahead of him but does so even after suspecting that they're walking into a trap. Letting Sonichu take point and even springing the aforementioned trap without so much as a warning was pretty weaselly on Sonic's part.
* After a long and arduous battle complete with SONIC SPEED and ZAPPING TO THE EXTREME, Sonichu, Sonic, and Rosechu finally have two globally infamous criminals cornered. And... the comic just forgets about them in lieu of a shopping spree at the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==
===Episode #7: Sonichu in ''Anchuent Prophecy''===
* Wes and Sarah get personal training in how to use their hedgehog powers from the spirits of ''their'' ancestors; Chris isn't so lucky. The [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] is more than happy to leave Chris to fend for himself. To his credit, Sonichu does at least help Chris get elementary training. Nonetheless, the clan leader's selective neglect of his disciple leaves Chris unaware of at [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|least]] two [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"|superpowers]] that would've made things a lot easier on Chris. Not that he needs ''more'' deus ex machinas in his corner, but still.

===Episode #8: Christian Chandler in ''Chaos & Serenity''===
* Sonichu disappears for a large portion of the battle between Wes and Chris-Chan for no good reason. Considering that Wes was trying to kill Sonichu's "father", his help would've been much appreciated.
* After Wes goes on for some time about why he's behaving evilly, Chris goes on a [[ego|self-aggrandizing]] rant and tries to paint himself as an innocent victim in the love triangle, rather than trying to negotiate with Wes or calm him down. Chris clearly is more concerned about his own [[ego]] than getting his and Wes's shit together to fulfill the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
* Sarah, despite being told that her role in the upcoming events was to be a peacemaker between the other two humans-turned-hedgehog, decides not to intervene until her partners almost kill each other.
* Chris gets his ass kicked in less than a page by Wes in spite of having more and better superpowers than his rival.

===Episode #9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in ''The Evil that Stomped CWCville''===
* Sarah very stupidly decides to dump Wes Iseli right before the prophesied evil takes place, causing Wes's [[heart level]] to collapse right before the fated battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]]. To be fair, you could argue that it wouldn't be right to romantically string someone along just to cajole them into doing the right thing... except that she had no problem inflicting this sneaky tactic on ''Chris'' at the end of the issue.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===Episode #10: ''Sonichu Babies''===
* Punchy unambiguously murders [[Mypoe]].
* That said, as much as we wish agony and woe on those obnoxious [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonees and Roseys]], Punchy's violent reaction to Mypoe ''mutilating him shortly after his birth'' is completely understandable. The real question is this: what kind of dojo is Shinabe running here?
* Unless he has one hell of an explanation for his actions, Mewtwo stole Magi-chan's childhood and sculpted him into the borderline-[[autism|autistic]] he is today for his own reasons. [[Chris and writing|Not that we'll]] [[Sonichu 11|ever know these reasons]].

===Episode #11: The Chaotic Combo in ''When Hedgehogs Meet''===
* Why is something as powerful and calamitous as the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] just sitting out in the open, guarded solely by a powerless [[Flame the Sunbird|parrot]]? At the very least it should be placed somewhere hidden. Then again, the Sunstone ceases to become an issue after this comic so maybe the mayor did something smart for once and squirreled it [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|someplace more secure]].
* Speaking of [[Flame the Sunbird]], he's only able to fly for about 20 miles (the distance between the shores to where Bubbles is) before being winded. For a bird, especially one that's a self-styled guardian, this is a pathetic level of physical fitness.
* Every single member of the Chaotic Combo pile on Black Sonichu at the end and just beat him to a bloody pulp. While he overpowered them one on one, Black Sonichu getting dogpiled by half a dozen mutants and left bleeding and disfigured doesn't exactly suggest an even fight between a team of heroes and a powerful villain. Besides, Black Sonichu didn't even mean to aggravate them.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
* Chris refuses to leave every time he's called out for soliciting sex.
* Chris [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]] a [[Jerkhief|man]], making him lose his wife, kids, and home, all because he was told not to stand around like a [[Creepy stare|creep]].
* Chris throws a [[Chris and anger|temper tantrum]] because a [[Hanna|girl]] played a prank on him.
* Chris breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman's]] home (not the [[Sonichu 0|first time]] nor the [[Sonichu 10|last]]) completely unprovoked and beats the shit out of her.
* Chris's self-insert fails, forcing Chris's other [[Sonichu (character)|self-insert]] to help his sorry ass.
* Chris and his [[Sonichu (character)|bastard son]] brutally murder a defenseless old woman in cold blood.
* Chris and [[Darkbind Sonichu|another one of his recolors]] injure [[B-Manajerk|two]] [[Merried Seinor Comic|people]] for asking him to leave the store.
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|emotionless fuck-buddy]] decapitate [[W-M-Manajerk|someone]] for telling him to leave. Granted, said person's head could be removed more-or-less unharmed, but football-kicking it into an old woman's face afterward pushes it right into one of these.
* Chris makes fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally handicapped people]].
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|personified sexual insecurity]] beat the shit out of [[Bagget|some]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|more]] [[Count Graduon|people]] for (and you're not going to guess this) telling him to leave a [[Get-Tar Region|store]] after loitering looking for [[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free girls]].

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===Episode #12: Christian Chandler in ''My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding''===
* Chris is invisibly spying on the wedding. Meaning that he wasn't invited and decided to just [[The GAMe PLACe|show up anyway]] or that he was but just [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|likes creeping around for no reason]].
* What exactly was stopping Chris from deploying another Trap Card, or at the very least, warning the crowd when he realized that his reasoning wasn't getting through? Innocent bystanders might have gotten hurt or even killed.
* With all of the craziness that happens in CWCVille, Sarah Spicer was careless to not have her lightning bracelets at arms length whether or not they clashed with her wedding gown. Chris evidently believes women care more about matching their outfits than about protecting the people they love. Also, why couldn't she just get a gown that didn't clash?
* Boy, those [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards sure came in handy this chapter and previously in episode #8. All of those versatile, powerful, yet easily-deployable effects should make protecting CWCVille and saving innocents a breeze! Too bad Chris lost interest in the franchise after this issue, so they'll never be seen or even mentioned again.

===Episode #13: ''Smashed Hearts & Entrapment''===

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==
===Episode #12.5: ''One Lucky Dog''===
* Chris resurrects his pet dog. In-story she merely turned from a dog into a magical talking dog, but Chris doesn't hide what he's really doing. Regardless of how many people die in the comic's pages--from innocent bystanders, to victims of circumstance, to real-life gal pals--CWC has only extended this mercy [[Simonla Rosechu|once more.]]
* With the introduction of [[Allison Amber]], it becomes obvious that even in his fantasy world, Chris is too lazy to do any of his mayoral duties that won't help him look cool or punish his enemies. What's more, an unelected city employee way down the chain of command has been promoted to Vice Mayor, although we were led to believe [[Women's rights|she was just an overpowered secretary]] for a long time. Allison performs almost literally all of Chris's mayoral duties, which is [[Chris and the law|highly illegal]] because she doesn't have the relevant authority.

===Episode #14: ''Evil is Afoot!''===
* Allowing his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|defeated enemy]] mercy and attentive medical treatment is probably the most uncharacteristically nice thing Chris does in this comic. Unfortunately, the magnanimity of this gesture is ruined by the fact that there's absolutely no security in Reldnahc's room during his convalescence, leaving Chris's arch-nemesis free to just ''walk out of the hospital''.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==
===Episode #15: Sonichu, Magi-Chan, and Christian in ''Time for a Ball''===
* [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Bionic]] (Chris's first bastard child) makes the highly progressive assumption that [[Third date|women always put out after the third date]].
* Chris and Magi-Chan introduce a convenient [[Chris and writing|plot device]] to help them solve their seemingly nonexistent problems. The question here is that if they knew about them this whole time, why wait until now to 'search' for them? Chris could have easily used them in the past to stop [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|villains]] in the past, yet decided to postpone it to the point where it would cost [[Ivy O'Neil|countless]] [[PandaHalo|lives]].

===Episode #16: C.W.C. and Sonichu in ''Time Hogs''===
* Sonichu and Magi-Chan are too busy discussing [[Hanky panky|sex]] to realize that Chris has been flung out of the time sphere, giving no thought to helping him. Magi-Chan should have been able to sense it telepathically or whatever.

===''Tune in Everyday to Station KCWC for Everything!''===

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|What does your existentialist philosophy say about FURRY FACE RAPE, Jason?]]
===Episode #17: ''Rage against the Garbage''===
* Rosechu is so ignorant about how the Internet and [[troll]]ing works that she thinks that taking nudes of herself is going to overwhelm the flow of [[Rosechu#Transgender Drama|shemale]] pictures. Amusingly, this is one of the few instances where a protagonist is immediately broken of their delusions.
* Sonichu, Wild, and Rosechu plot burglary without even ''trying'' to negotiate for the Sonichu Balls. As far as we know, [[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] is the rightful owner and Sonichu's crew are a bunch of thieves.
* Wild's family is harassed by arsonists and his father is kidnapped by poachers but the putative Mayor clearly can't be bothered to stop stuffing his face with chicken nuggets long enough to take care of the problem.
* For that matter, Wild couldn't even be assed to look for his own damn father himself. Even if he was still too weak to mount a solo rescue, at this point in the comic he knows at least ten other characters with powers similar or superior to his own and has no excuse for not resuming his quest. Then again, Wild probably knew that his 'friends' were too self-absorbed to give a shit about anyone else anyway. Hell, Sonichu and Rosechu couldn't be bothered to do anything more than go 'oh, that sucks' at Wild's tearjerker.
* Sonichu, Rosechu, and Wild very stupidly schedule the latter's infiltration at the same time as their meeting with the owner of 4-cent garbage. Jason knows that they will be here, so why would they undertake this dangerous and important mission when he's on alert? Then again, Wild doesn't meet any resistance more stringent than a locked safe so it doesn't matter anyway.
* On several floors, Sonichu, Rosechu, and even Chris physically attack people whose only crime is uploading pictures to the Internet.
* Jason Kendrick Howell flat-out admits that he owns an [[Kathleen|underage sex slave]] that he does illegal things with. Sonichu and Rosechu can't even give the tiniest of shits about this grievous affront to human dignity. They're only concerned about Rosechu being drawn with a penis.
* After Jason taunts Sonichu and Rosechu, both attack him, and the latter goes even further by attempting to rape/kill him. Jason only survives thanks to dark forces keeping him alive.
* The 19th Amendment, securing the right of women to vote, apparently doesn't [[Chris and sexism|apply to CWCVille]]. You know, a city supposedly existing within the borders of the United States.
* Rosechu thinks that laws preventing a 14-year-old from being able to [[pedofork|assist in nude protests]] are "dumb".

===Episode #18: ''Spring Break 2008''===
* The protagonists are overly quick to forgive Blake. Granted, being a [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Saturday morning cartoon villain]], his villainy hasn't exceeded 'kidnap Rosechu and get <s>his</s> her teeth knocked out' -- a far cry from the mass murders the heroes cause in Sonichu 10 to be sure. Nonetheless, it's still dumb for the other protagonists to implicitly trust someone who was only a few months ago working for [[Doctor Robotnik|two]] of the [[Giovanni|biggest criminals]] on the planet.
* Bubbles is astonishingly stupid and careless when dealing with [[Silvana]]-Blake. Despite getting two credible warnings from Magi-Chan and Jiggliami/Blake that she was about to fuck an impostor, she's still not convinced.
* Blake has more of an excuse than Bubbles for his actions, but wasn't he the tiniest bit suspicious that Bubbles aborted her mission in order to have nasty furry jungle sex?

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==
===Episode #19: ''Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)''===
* This is not the heroes' fault, but the [[Dating Education]] class is mind-meltingly idiotic. The coursework is piss-easy what with fifty-word essays, the IM portion being unsupervised, and an enormous douche like Reginald almost getting a perfect score. If the characters had an ounce of self-respect they would have dropped this worthless class by day two and demanded their money back.
* [[Ivy]] refuses to pair up with anyone because she is holding out for Chris, despite this nominally being just practice. Since the class has equal amounts of boys and girls, this means George Philip, the boy she got paired up with, is being screwed over. Somehow, Ivy still gets a 99% in the class.
* The heroes apparently have trouble discerning the identities of people with extremely obvious screen names, which doesn't speak well of their intelligence. Gee, I wonder who [[Simonla Rosechu|DigDugette416]] could be?
* [[Reginald Sneasel]] is, and let's be frank here, a ''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fulminating asshole]]''. Reginald lets down his IM partner and classmate FlorDora217 because of his [[Layla]] obsession, intentionally spreads scurrilous rumors about her, sabotages school equipment, and stalks the two on their date. By contrast, Punchy decides to cooperate with Layla and tries to keep an open mind about her despite also having his eye on [[Angelica Rosechu|someone else]], foils Reginald's cunning plan with his counter-gambit of 'have his [[Wild Sonichu|best buddy]] ask Layla directly', and acts like a perfect gentleman on his date. How sad is it that you come off as more of a jerk than a sex-crazed, [[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark|sadomasochistic]] Knuckles headswap? This wouldn't be so bad if Reginald was set up to be the typical jealous-yet-hapless rival suitor that potboiler romantic comedies thrive upon, but given his fate in this episode and the rest of [[Sonichu 9]], he's clearly meant to be a ''sympathetic character''.
* Ms. Jackaras just abruptly dies halfway through the narrative and nobody even reacts except her sister, who replaces her instantly for some reason. Her sister mourns for precisely one panel.

===Episode #20: ''CWC-Defense''===
* Sonichu gets a glimpse of his wife's panties while she's doing laundry and turns into a drooling pervert. Very classy of you, sweet-bolt.
* Sonichu goes on an unprompted, uncomfortably long homophobic tirade that makes him look violent and psychopathic, complete with breaking the couple's property.
* Why hasn't CWCville elected or at least appointed a new interim mayor yet? It's been several months since Chris was trapped in the time void, and there's no reason to think that he'll be back anytime soon, or even at all at this point. Again, the city is forced to dump way too many important decisions on an over-promoted secretary. This gets discussed further in the next section.
* Prower can transform into a [[media:Prowl_prower.jpg|giant robot]] and was very close-by, yet he failed to help Punchy and Layla when they were surrounded by [[Jerkop]]s. Punchy was able to take care of himself, but Layla was clearly unused to fighting and almost got her head handed to her.
* CWCVille's hapless defenders are completely blindsided by the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]], sending their [[Chaotic Combo|heavy-hitters]] on wild goose chases all around the city while apparently not thinking to leave the [[CWCville Shopping Center]], the seat of the municipal government and the main target of the invasion, with any better defenders than [[Zapina Rosechu|a skanky tween girl]] and a [[Patti-Chan|half-naked zombie dog]].
* When the combined forces of Sonic recolors and Autobot rejects prove to be inadequate for defending the city, [[Allison Amber]] doesn't even bother to let the media know, let alone try to get assistance. Bionic and Darkbind for instance, only realize what's going on as the conflict starts spilling out past the city borders.
* Even if Chris is the one fated to [[Anchuent Prophecy|personally stop Graduon and Walsh]], there's still no reason for Sonichu to just let her fly away and regroup, especially when he literally had her at arms' length and in a position to easily capture or otherwise finish off.
* After the battle is over, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon show basically no concern about [[Chris and death|the destruction that has befallen their city]].

==[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Having a little girl torture her [[Evan|grandpa]]? Totally normal behavior from your heroes!]]
===Episode #21: ''Christian Chandler in Director Amenities''===
* The amount of sheer evil the "protagonists" exhibit in this issue clearly shows their transition from [[Blake|bumbling yet harmless goons]] to [[The Incredible Lioness|terrifyingly violent and sadistic psychopaths]]. From [[Lovely Weather#Deception|rape by deception]] to [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|genocide]], this issue has it all.
* Chris poisons the planet's water supplies with his "[[Homos|straight]]" blood, thereby initiating a genocide against homosexuals, bisexuals and asexuals worldwide. Aside from being ethically perverse, this scheme shows an [[honor roll|inexcusable ignorance of simple science]]. Those few crates would barely be enough to infect a modern city's water supply for a few days, let alone worldwide. Transferring a vaccine through the water supply is also ludicrous; not only would the treatment facilities dilute and kill the immunizing vectors, blood-stomach ingestion is one of the weakest ways to transmit a disease.
* Chris ''{{w|Rape by deception|rapes}}'' his future self's wife by [[Liquid Chris|pretending to be his future self]].
* Chris blows up a building filled with "devil [[trolls]]", sealing it up beforehand as well to ensure that none can escape as he does so.
* Chris (by now you're probably realizing it's almost ''all'' Chris) breaks [[Jimmy Hill|a man]]'s [[Fangs|teeth]] because he [[Parody|parodied]] him.
* Chris violently injects his own blood into his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|nemesis]], in some sort of harebrained scheme to turn him straight.
* Chris then teleports Reldnahc straight into the domicile of Kel without so much as a trial or medical examination, under the excuse that his evil behavior was due to his recent transformation into an evil homosexual hedgehog. Though stripped of his [[Anchuent Prophecy]]-granted powers, Reldnahc was already on the side of the bad guys before his transformation and was shown to have access to multiple legendaries. Thus Chris just delivered a world-class Pokémon trainer working for one of the biggest criminal organizations on the planet straight into the arms of one of his unsuspecting friends!
* Chris and the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Hedgehog Boys]] destroy a populated high-rise building, killing and injuring hundreds of innocent people in an act of extreme [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]], because they drew pictures of his imaginary friends with [[Pickles|pee-pees]].
* Chris punches someone in the face hard enough to knock out his teeth, for sardonically referring to him as 'miss'.
* Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|Alec Benson's Leary - Alec Benson's... Try saying that three times fast with plurals. Heh.]] Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec's]] house, before Chris destroys all of his computer data and then the computer itself.
* Chris and Sonichu then [[Chris and copyright|plagiarize]] all of Alec's [[True and honest|TRUE and HONEST]] creations, followed by having them beat the shit out of Alec and accusing him of keeping [[Rape|female prisoners]] in his basement.
* [[Collosal Chan]] breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman]]'s house completely unprovoked, and brutally attacks her to the extent of causing permanent paralysis, before having her stripped of her powers and sent to a maximum-security prison with no trial.
* Collosal Chan also willingly smashes the staff [[Count Graduon]] is sealed in and releases him at Mary's request, so she can "punish [Graduon] another day."
* Magi-chan shows no sympathy for Silvana's literal emasculation. To be fair, Silvana being gender-changed against her will (she refused a previous offer) is an unavoidable side-effect of stopping the mad [[Count Graduon]], but that's no reason for him to be so gleeful about it.
* Magi-Chan, the inhuman monster he is, informs [[Sandy|an infant]] only minutes old that her mother was murdered by '[[Evan]]'. That's right, even infancy doesn't get you out of your duties as Chris's personal bodyguard.
* Chris and his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|corrupted officials]] have a show trial for [[Asperpedia|four innocent men]], before having them sentenced to death, with little to no evidence against them.
* Chris and his entourage, including a one-week-old girl and a [[Kel|preteen]], brutally execute four people in violent and inhumane ways. Remember, this is a comic Chris [[Chris and censorship|claims is aimed at children]].
* Chris disrespects [[Wikipedia:Flag Day in Mexico|a national holiday]] by being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]] jackass.

==[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]==

===''Episode #22: A Sonichu Christmas''===

-WIP-
* Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a Jewish kid named Kevin in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies.

===''Episode #23: Simonchu & Bananafunkle''===

* When Simonchu returns to see his sister, he is met with extreme hostility by both Sandy and Wild, with Sandy threatening to use Horn Drill to kill him and Wild even knocking him unconscious on sight. It's only until after Simonla shouts at them do they back down. It should also be made note of that [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|since Simonla never died]], neither Wild nor Sandy have any reason to act as violently as they do.
* After an intense night of fucking, [[Reginald Sneasel]] evolves into a Weavile and proceeds to destroy everything in the church. When Angelica wakes and finds him, he says he's too far gone as some sort of monster. Later in the episode, he hooks up with [[Layla]] and seems to have full control over his new form. It should be known that [[Chris and Writing|Weavile don't become more vicious upon evolving]], so that means that Reginald effectively used his evolution as an easy way out after ripping apart Angelica's church and breaking up with her.
* Simonchu apparently discovers a fossil of an undocumented Pokémon, which has been brought back to life. Said Pokémon also apparently used to be human high school senior and was hit by a car before being brought back as a new Pokémon... [[Chris and Writing|somehow]]. Rather then give it to proper researchers of the field for further study, Simonchu dumps it on [[Punchy Sonichu]] because he's apparently the only one who can understand it.
* Punchy agreeing to bring [[Bananasauros]] to his home to live with him wouldn't be all too terrible... if Layla, his girlfriend, wasn't ''also'' living with him. And of course, he didn't call ahead to say he was bringing company; let alone some weird banana dinosaur.
* While Bananasauros is effectively an animal who has little control over the situation, he is fully aware that him being there is straining Punchy and Layla's relationship. He doesn't bring it up or care, instead mooching off of Punchy's welfare and just sitting on the couch and gaming. In the end, Layla does indeed move out, and he shows no remorse for causing it.
* For the sake of science and research, Punchy gets Bananasauros to fuck a Ditto to make some eggs. Remember that this is a human mind inside of a dinosaur banana's body, being forced to have sex for whatever the hell species he is now.
* Before leaving, Layla flat-out punches Bananasauros in the face. While Layla has every right to be angry at Bananasauros, he'd done nothing to instigate that.

===''The Clip Show: Catching Up''===

==[[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]==
===Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up===
*Sonichu has a dream where Rosechu and Chris are both trapped in a fire, and he only has time to save one of them. If he saves Chris, then Rosechu will die, and Sonichu won't be able to live without her. If he saves Rosechu, then Chris will die, and CWCville will have no mayor and cease to exist, <s>killing everyone in it</s> leaving everyone "lost in a void forever". Sonichu then saves Rosechu, abandoning everyone to their fate for the sake of someone who, for the record, will die anyway as a result of his own actions.

==''Sonichu'' Specials==
* In ''[[Sonichu Special 4]]'', Chris decides to take matters into his own hands rather than contacting the local police and/or sending in an ally that could get to [[Kacey]]'s [[Liquid Chris|kidnapper]]'s location faster than he could driving at the speed limit.
* After Chris disarms and wristlocks the kidnapper, Chris intentionally trips him and shoots him in each knee. This is at the very least maiming; Chris is fortunate that his opponent survived to star in [[Episode 20|CWC Defense]], otherwise he'd be facing charges of 2nd or even 1st degree murder. Or not, since CWCVille is effectively an absolute monarchy; Chris rules with undefined power and is of course above the law.

==[[Mailbag]]==
* One needs to read [[Mailbag 5#Chris does not know what "benevolent" means, or how government works|Mailbag 5]] in conjunction with [[Sonichu 10]] to really grasp the scope of this problem, but the CWCVille municipal government is extremely flawed. There are at least three major problems with the administration: the first is that after being thrown into the [[Time Void]], an interim mayor should have been appointed from the city council's ranks if Chris was going to be gone for so long. Who this would be varies depending on the city's charter but this person is typically the chief administrator officer -- which for a city of CWCVille's size would be an elected position (and not Allison Amber) unless the democratic trappings are even more of a sham than we thought. The second is that we never actually see them doing any work. Why, for example, was city defense left (again) to Allison Amber instead of the chief of police? The third is that the city council didn't do anything to stop or inform others Chris's plan to commit mass murder despite him flat-out telling them; even an amateur paralegal would be able to get charges of conspiracy and accessory to murder to stick.
* In gross violation of the 1st, 4th, 5th, and 14th Amendments of the U.S. Constitution Chris reveals that [[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck|Magi-chan is engaged in psychic surveillance on CWCVille's populace]] to ensure that homosexuality is - as it in the author's own mind - thoroughly suppressed.

==See Also==
*[[Chris and writing]]
*[[CWCVille]] - For a more in-depth analysis of the various municipal failings of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu's]] primary setting.

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Comic]][[Category:Lists]][[Category:Villains]]

List of unheroic protagonist actions

2026-05-27T22:55:28Z

WarnerBro: /* Episode #17: Rage against the Garbage */

{{Incomplete}}

A recurring tragicomic element of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is how Chris [[Chris and writing|''tries'' to characterize]] the protagonists of his comic as [[Rollin' and Trollin'|badass]], [[Honor roll|insightful]], and [[Holding out for a hero|heroic]] yet instead unfailingly depicts his heroes as [[media:SchuComic9P37.jpg|immature]], [[:File:Sonichu - Episode 7, Page 4.jpg|maladroit]], and at times nigh on [[media:SchuComic10P35.jpg|morally bankrupt]]. Over time, the characters have engaged in enough unintentional buffoonery and villainy to easily fill an entire '''list of unheroic protagonist actions'''. While any protagonist [[Collosal Chan|worth reading about]] will have some flaws, from [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]'s temper to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'s cockiness, the vices and shortcomings the Sonichu characters possess are too numerable to shrug them off as portrayals of [[Liquid Chris|flawed but ultimately heroic]] characters, but rather show them as [[Ian Brandon Anderson|obliviously yet undeniably evil]].

==Recurring Shenanigans==
[[Image:Megatron_pistol2.jpg|thumb|This is neither [[Jerkhief|the first]] nor the [[Mary Lee Walsh|last time]] Chris further abuses [[Sonichu Special 4|a defeated opponent.]]]]
* The [[Pokémon]] in this series often are at least as intelligent as human beings, yet various humans tote and order them around as personal servants. This was a problem with the original series as well, but Chris doesn't even attempt to address this issue in his comic. This creates stupidity like the comic finding nothing wrong with Trainer [[Kel]] pimping out her Dragonite to slake Rosechu's lust while simultaneously finding it unremarkable that [[Kevin_the_Jew|human children can date Pokémon]].
* The protagonists are completely submissive to their raging libidos. The characters are extremely quick to hop in the sack with whoever strikes their fancy, often having known their partners for mere days or even ''hours'' beforehand. Aside from showing a lack of self-control, their hypersexuality has directly led the protagonists into danger. They tend to become uncontrollably aroused at the drop of a hat, even in the middle of an invasion of their precious city or confronting their adversaries. Needless to say, it's all very telling of the author's own [[Chris and sex|twisted views on sex and relationships]].
* The characters are overly vindictive when they have any sort of advantage over their foes. [[Manajerks#Merried_Seinor_Comic.2FKirby|Mutilation]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell|sexual assault]], and of course [[4-cent_garbage.com|mass]] [[Sonichu 9|murder]] are always on the table no matter how mildly they were originally antagonised. This is in marked contrast to the basic morality of any [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|non-ironic]] [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hero]], where instigating or escalating a fight or seeking any revenge past what's necessary to stop a villain from committing crimes is a huge no-no.
* The heroes show absolutely no aptitude for any fighting strategy that's not 'run up to the bad guy and use superpowers until they stop'. They're unable to anticipate [[Silvana|special techniques]] or [[Dark Mirror Hole|strategies]] from their foes, have trouble doing basic coordination of attacks (unless it's to gang up on Black Sonichu), and can't perform any combat feats not constrained in the paradigm of plot-device items or the narrow application of Pokémon moves.
* [[CWCVille]]'s "government" is a nightmarish monstrosity of human rights violations and poor resource allocation that, unsurprisingly, fails to provide basic safety for its citizens. By far the most popular stock parody of Chris's work is to depict the city as a Kafkaesque dystopia that only exists to fulfill the puerile whims of its dictator-for-life mayor. What's more, this only requires a ''slight'' exaggeration of CWCVille's unsavory traits. None of the heroes, of course, have a problem with how CWCville is run, and in fact are shown to be the mayor's cronies, with complete immunity from the law, and receive free houses, credit cards and other gifts from the mayor, not unlike Soviet nomenklatura.
* Fight scenes involving the main characters often have them beating up [[jerkop|jerkops]], innocent, mentally handicapped people who've been brainwashed into becoming [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s evil minions. It's not until ''Sonichu #9'' that anybody even tries to cure them of their brainwashing. Even then, it's explicitly mentioned that the "heroes" have killed several jerkops, knowing full well they are victims rather than villains.

==[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]==
[[Image:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|"Hee Hee!"]]
===Episode #1: Sonichu's Origin===
* Sonic just sort of disappears after crashing into Pikachu, and takes the credit for Sonichu's fight against the Perfect Chaos Monster. Sonichu isn't bothered by this and even names himself after the guy who ran him over and immediately abdicated an important battle.
===Episode #2: Sonichu in 'Genesis of the Lovehogs'===
* Sonichu stalks Rosechu to her home and spies on her through the window rather than introducing himself to her like a normal person.
* Kel straight-up pimps out her Pokémon to each other. To be fair, this happens in the video games, but it's rather jarring to see outside of a game mechanics context.
===Episode #3: Sonichu vs. Naitsirhc===
* [[Giovanni]]'s son [[Naitsirhc]] is shown to have ''at least'' two Legendary Pokémon (Zapdos and Raikou) and sports even more in the team Chris describes him having. Combined with how no trainers from the video games or the anime appear in the series, this places ''Sonichu'' in a grimdark world where Team Rocket was victorious over Ash and friends, whose bodies are presumably decaying in shallow graves somewhere outside Saffron City. That, or for whatever reason, the heroes are simply not doing anything to stop Team Rocket from holding power over the world, which while less grim, is no less questionable from an ethical standpoint.

===Classic Sonichu Strips===
* [[Vamprosa|Rosechu]], a protagonist, is shown as a vampire, an undead monster that sustains its existence by draining the blood of others.
* When the comic was originally written, no reason was given in the fiction for Chris and Sonichu to attack [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. She is not depicted as doing anything more evil than merely ''existing'' and saying "Hee Hee" and "Want a girlfriend? Tough lightning!"
* No reason is given as to why Chris and Sonichu only get one shot at defeating Mary Lee Walsh. If they had missed, would they simply have left Mary to do whatever presumably evil thing she was doing?
* Rosechu does nothing but look on and say "Oh no!" while Chris is being beaten by Mary Lee Walsh's mecha-Jerkops, despite supposedly having equal power to Sonichu.

==[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]==
===Episode #4: Black Sonichu in ''Darkness, Speed, & Lightning!''===
* Chris-chan sets up a potentially interesting plot twist -- [[Blake|a clone pretends fealty to their evil creators only to bide his time and betray them]] -- but then takes his sweet time resolving this subplot while Blachu sublimates his role as the villains' bitch. If Black Sonichu realized that he was forcefed a pack of bullshit and propaganda, why did he cheerfully go along with his handlers for so long before joining the forces of "good"? Did Giovanni snip off Black Sonichu's balls like a naughty poodle after he mildly sassed his son?

===Episode #5: Sonichu in ''Informal Meeting''===
* A map of the area on page twelve shows that Sonic lives fairly close to Giovanni's undisguised headquarters. Why Sonic remained oblivious of and/or ignored the existence of Pokémon's biggest villain for so long is an exercise left to the reader.

===Episode #6: Sonic and Sonichu in ''Black Metal Combat''===
* This issue is the first to show Chris's curious habit of having a character with explicitly better superpowers than their opponent or ally being totally outclassed, i.e. Sonichu's dismal performance versus Sonic the Hedgehog's unstoppable rampage, Bionic contemptuously dispatching Reldnahc, Wes-Li effortlessly beating up Chris-chan, etc. While this is a common theme in fiction to show that you can't always brute force your way through problems and that cunning, strategy, and determination can triumph over raw power, this dissonance seems to happen in Sonichu simply for the sake of making the antagonists look a bit less impotent than they really are. Due to Chris's predictable and boring style of writing, the villains are almost invariably defeated and subsequently cast aside when they and the protagonists next meet.
* Sonic, a seasoned superhero, not only lets the much more inexperienced Sonichu go in ahead of him but does so even after suspecting that they're walking into a trap. Letting Sonichu take point and even springing the aforementioned trap without so much as a warning was pretty weaselly on Sonic's part.
* After a long and arduous battle complete with SONIC SPEED and ZAPPING TO THE EXTREME, Sonichu, Sonic, and Rosechu finally have two globally infamous criminals cornered. And... the comic just forgets about them in lieu of a shopping spree at the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].

==[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]==
===Episode #7: Sonichu in ''Anchuent Prophecy''===
* Wes and Sarah get personal training in how to use their hedgehog powers from the spirits of ''their'' ancestors; Chris isn't so lucky. The [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] is more than happy to leave Chris to fend for himself. To his credit, Sonichu does at least help Chris get elementary training. Nonetheless, the clan leader's selective neglect of his disciple leaves Chris unaware of at [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|least]] two [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"|superpowers]] that would've made things a lot easier on Chris. Not that he needs ''more'' deus ex machinas in his corner, but still.

===Episode #8: Christian Chandler in ''Chaos & Serenity''===
* Sonichu disappears for a large portion of the battle between Wes and Chris-Chan for no good reason. Considering that Wes was trying to kill Sonichu's "father", his help would've been much appreciated.
* After Wes goes on for some time about why he's behaving evilly, Chris goes on a [[ego|self-aggrandizing]] rant and tries to paint himself as an innocent victim in the love triangle, rather than trying to negotiate with Wes or calm him down. Chris clearly is more concerned about his own [[ego]] than getting his and Wes's shit together to fulfill the [[Anchuent Prophecy]].
* Sarah, despite being told that her role in the upcoming events was to be a peacemaker between the other two humans-turned-hedgehog, decides not to intervene until her partners almost kill each other.
* Chris gets his ass kicked in less than a page by Wes in spite of having more and better superpowers than his rival.

===Episode #9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in ''The Evil that Stomped CWCville''===
* Sarah very stupidly decides to dump Wes Iseli right before the prophesied evil takes place, causing Wes's [[heart level]] to collapse right before the fated battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Count Graduon]]. To be fair, you could argue that it wouldn't be right to romantically string someone along just to cajole them into doing the right thing... except that she had no problem inflicting this sneaky tactic on ''Chris'' at the end of the issue.

==[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]==
===Episode #10: ''Sonichu Babies''===
* Punchy unambiguously murders [[Mypoe]].
* That said, as much as we wish agony and woe on those obnoxious [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonees and Roseys]], Punchy's violent reaction to Mypoe ''mutilating him shortly after his birth'' is completely understandable. The real question is this: what kind of dojo is Shinabe running here?
* Unless he has one hell of an explanation for his actions, Mewtwo stole Magi-chan's childhood and sculpted him into the borderline-[[autism|autistic]] he is today for his own reasons. [[Chris and writing|Not that we'll]] [[Sonichu 11|ever know these reasons]].

===Episode #11: The Chaotic Combo in ''When Hedgehogs Meet''===
* Why is something as powerful and calamitous as the [[Legendary Master Sunstone]] just sitting out in the open, guarded solely by a powerless [[Flame the Sunbird|parrot]]? At the very least it should be placed somewhere hidden. Then again, the Sunstone ceases to become an issue after this comic so maybe the mayor did something smart for once and squirreled it [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|someplace more secure]].
* Speaking of [[Flame the Sunbird]], he's only able to fly for about 20 miles (the distance between the shores to where Bubbles is) before being winded. For a bird, especially one that's a self-styled guardian, this is a pathetic level of physical fitness.
* Every single member of the Chaotic Combo pile on Black Sonichu at the end and just beat him to a bloody pulp. While he overpowered them one on one, Black Sonichu getting dogpiled by half a dozen mutants and left bleeding and disfigured doesn't exactly suggest an even fight between a team of heroes and a powerful villain. Besides, Black Sonichu didn't even mean to aggravate them.

==[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]==
* Chris refuses to leave every time he's called out for soliciting sex.
* Chris [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curses]] a [[Jerkhief|man]], making him lose his wife, kids, and home, all because he was told not to stand around like a [[Creepy stare|creep]].
* Chris throws a [[Chris and anger|temper tantrum]] because a [[Hanna|girl]] played a prank on him.
* Chris breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman's]] home (not the [[Sonichu 0|first time]] nor the [[Sonichu 10|last]]) completely unprovoked and beats the shit out of her.
* Chris's self-insert fails, forcing Chris's other [[Sonichu (character)|self-insert]] to help his sorry ass.
* Chris and his [[Sonichu (character)|bastard son]] brutally murder a defenseless old woman in cold blood.
* Chris and [[Darkbind Sonichu|another one of his recolors]] injure [[B-Manajerk|two]] [[Merried Seinor Comic|people]] for asking him to leave the store.
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|emotionless fuck-buddy]] decapitate [[W-M-Manajerk|someone]] for telling him to leave. Granted, said person's head could be removed more-or-less unharmed, but football-kicking it into an old woman's face afterward pushes it right into one of these.
* Chris makes fun of [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally handicapped people]].
* Chris and his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|personified sexual insecurity]] beat the shit out of [[Bagget|some]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|more]] [[Count Graduon|people]] for (and you're not going to guess this) telling him to leave a [[Get-Tar Region|store]] after loitering looking for [[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free girls]].

==[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]==
===Episode #12: Christian Chandler in ''My Best Friend's Cherokian Wedding''===
* Chris is invisibly spying on the wedding. Meaning that he wasn't invited and decided to just [[The GAMe PLACe|show up anyway]] or that he was but just [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|likes creeping around for no reason]].
* What exactly was stopping Chris from deploying another Trap Card, or at the very least, warning the crowd when he realized that his reasoning wasn't getting through? Innocent bystanders might have gotten hurt or even killed.
* With all of the craziness that happens in CWCVille, Sarah Spicer was careless to not have her lightning bracelets at arms length whether or not they clashed with her wedding gown. Chris evidently believes women care more about matching their outfits than about protecting the people they love. Also, why couldn't she just get a gown that didn't clash?
* Boy, those [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards sure came in handy this chapter and previously in episode #8. All of those versatile, powerful, yet easily-deployable effects should make protecting CWCVille and saving innocents a breeze! Too bad Chris lost interest in the franchise after this issue, so they'll never be seen or even mentioned again.

===Episode #13: ''Smashed Hearts & Entrapment''===

==[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]==
===Episode #12.5: ''One Lucky Dog''===
* Chris resurrects his pet dog. In-story she merely turned from a dog into a magical talking dog, but Chris doesn't hide what he's really doing. Regardless of how many people die in the comic's pages--from innocent bystanders, to victims of circumstance, to real-life gal pals--CWC has only extended this mercy [[Simonla Rosechu|once more.]]
* With the introduction of [[Allison Amber]], it becomes obvious that even in his fantasy world, Chris is too lazy to do any of his mayoral duties that won't help him look cool or punish his enemies. What's more, an unelected city employee way down the chain of command has been promoted to Vice Mayor, although we were led to believe [[Women's rights|she was just an overpowered secretary]] for a long time. Allison performs almost literally all of Chris's mayoral duties, which is [[Chris and the law|highly illegal]] because she doesn't have the relevant authority.

===Episode #14: ''Evil is Afoot!''===
* Allowing his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|defeated enemy]] mercy and attentive medical treatment is probably the most uncharacteristically nice thing Chris does in this comic. Unfortunately, the magnanimity of this gesture is ruined by the fact that there's absolutely no security in Reldnahc's room during his convalescence, leaving Chris's arch-nemesis free to just ''walk out of the hospital''.

==[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]==
===Episode #15: Sonichu, Magi-Chan, and Christian in ''Time for a Ball''===
* [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Bionic]] (Chris's first bastard child) makes the highly progressive assumption that [[Third date|women always put out after the third date]].
* Chris and Magi-Chan introduce a convenient [[Chris and writing|plot device]] to help them solve their seemingly nonexistent problems. The question here is that if they knew about them this whole time, why wait until now to 'search' for them? Chris could have easily used them in the past to stop [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|villains]] in the past, yet decided to postpone it to the point where it would cost [[Ivy O'Neil|countless]] [[PandaHalo|lives]].

===Episode #16: C.W.C. and Sonichu in ''Time Hogs''===
* Sonichu and Magi-Chan are too busy discussing [[Hanky panky|sex]] to realize that Chris has been flung out of the time sphere, giving no thought to helping him. Magi-Chan should have been able to sense it telepathically or whatever.

===''Tune in Everyday to Station KCWC for Everything!''===

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|What does your existentialist philosophy say about FURRY FACE RAPE, Jason?]]
===Episode #17: ''Rage against the Garbage''===
* Rosechu is so ignorant about how the Internet and [[troll]]ing works that she thinks that taking nudes of herself is going to overwhelm the flow of [[Rosechu#Transgender Drama|shemale]] pictures. Amusingly, this is one of the few instances where a protagonist is immediately broken of their delusions.
* Sonichu, Wild, and Rosechu plot burglary without even ''trying'' to negotiate for the Sonichu Balls. As far as we know, [[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] is the rightful owner and Sonichu's crew are a bunch of thieves.
* Wild's family is harassed by arsonists and his father is kidnapped by poachers but the putative Mayor clearly can't be bothered to stop stuffing his face with chicken nuggets long enough to take care of the problem.
* For that matter, Wild couldn't even be assed to look for his own damn father himself. Even if he was still too weak to mount a solo rescue, at this point in the comic he knows at least ten other characters with powers similar or superior to his own and has no excuse for not resuming his quest. Then again, Wild probably knew that his 'friends' were too self-absorbed to give a shit about anyone else anyway. Hell, Sonichu and Rosechu couldn't be bothered to do anything more than go 'oh, that sucks' at Wild's tearjerker.
* Sonichu, Rosechu, and Wild very stupidly schedule the latter's infiltration at the same time as their meeting with the owner of 4-cent garbage. Jason knows that they will be here, so why would they undertake this dangerous and important mission when he's on alert? Then again, Wild doesn't meet any resistance more stringent than a locked safe so it doesn't matter anyway.
* On several floors, Sonichu, Rosechu, and even Chris physically attack people whose only crime is uploading pictures to the Internet.
* Jason Kendrick Howell flat-out admits that he owns an [[Kathleen|underage sex slave]] that he does illegal things with. Sonichu and Rosechu can't even give the tiniest of shits about this grievous affront to human dignity. They're only concerned about Rosechu being drawn with a penis.
* After Jason taunts Sonichu and Rosechu, both attack him, and the latter goes even further by attempting to rape/kill him. Jason only survives thanks to dark forces keeping him alive.
* The 19th Amendment, securing the right of women to vote, apparently doesn't [[Chris and sexism|apply to CWCVille]]. You know, a city supposedly existing within the borders of the United States.
* Rosechu thinks that laws preventing a 14-year-old from being able to [[pedofork|assist in nude protests]] are "dumb".

===Episode #18: ''Spring Break 2008''===
* The protagonists are overly quick to forgive Blake. Granted, being a [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Saturday morning cartoon villain]], his villainy hasn't exceeded 'kidnap Rosechu and get <s>his</s> her teeth knocked out' -- a far cry from the mass murders the heroes cause in Sonichu 10 to be sure. Nonetheless, it's still dumb for the other protagonists to implicitly trust someone who was only a few months ago working for [[Doctor Robotnik|two]] of the [[Giovanni|biggest criminals]] on the planet.
* Bubbles is astonishingly stupid and careless when dealing with [[Silvana]]-Blake. Despite getting two credible warnings from Magi-Chan and Jiggliami/Blake that she was about to fuck an impostor, she's still not convinced.
* Blake has more of an excuse than Bubbles for his actions, but wasn't he the tiniest bit suspicious that Bubbles aborted her mission in order to have nasty furry jungle sex?

==[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]==
===Episode #19: ''Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)''===
* This is not the heroes' fault, but the [[Dating Education]] class is mind-meltingly idiotic. The coursework is piss-easy what with fifty-word essays, the IM portion being unsupervised, and an enormous douche like Reginald almost getting a perfect score. If the characters had an ounce of self-respect they would have dropped this worthless class by day two and demanded their money back.
* [[Ivy]] refuses to pair up with anyone because she is holding out for Chris, despite this nominally being just practice. Since the class has equal amounts of boys and girls, this means George Philip, the boy she got paired up with, is being screwed over. Somehow, Ivy still gets a 99% in the class.
* The heroes apparently have trouble discerning the identities of people with extremely obvious screen names, which doesn't speak well of their intelligence. Gee, I wonder who [[Simonla Rosechu|DigDugette416]] could be?
* [[Reginald Sneasel]] is, and let's be frank here, a ''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fulminating asshole]]''. Reginald lets down his IM partner and classmate FlorDora217 because of his [[Layla]] obsession, intentionally spreads scurrilous rumors about her, sabotages school equipment, and stalks the two on their date. By contrast, Punchy decides to cooperate with Layla and tries to keep an open mind about her despite also having his eye on [[Angelica Rosechu|someone else]], foils Reginald's cunning plan with his counter-gambit of 'have his [[Wild Sonichu|best buddy]] ask Layla directly', and acts like a perfect gentleman on his date. How sad is it that you come off as more of a jerk than a sex-crazed, [[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark|sadomasochistic]] Knuckles headswap? This wouldn't be so bad if Reginald was set up to be the typical jealous-yet-hapless rival suitor that potboiler romantic comedies thrive upon, but given his fate in this episode and the rest of [[Sonichu 9]], he's clearly meant to be a ''sympathetic character''.
* Ms. Jackaras just abruptly dies halfway through the narrative and nobody even reacts except her sister, who replaces her instantly for some reason. Her sister mourns for precisely one panel.

===Episode #20: ''CWC-Defense''===
* Sonichu gets a glimpse of his wife's panties while she's doing laundry and turns into a drooling pervert. Very classy of you, sweet-bolt.
* Sonichu goes on an unprompted, uncomfortably long homophobic tirade that makes him look violent and psychopathic, complete with breaking the couple's property.
* Why hasn't CWCville elected or at least appointed a new interim mayor yet? It's been several months since Chris was trapped in the time void, and there's no reason to think that he'll be back anytime soon, or even at all at this point. Again, the city is forced to dump way too many important decisions on an over-promoted secretary. This gets discussed further in the next section.
* Prower can transform into a [[media:Prowl_prower.jpg|giant robot]] and was very close-by, yet he failed to help Punchy and Layla when they were surrounded by [[Jerkop]]s. Punchy was able to take care of himself, but Layla was clearly unused to fighting and almost got her head handed to her.
* CWCVille's hapless defenders are completely blindsided by the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]], sending their [[Chaotic Combo|heavy-hitters]] on wild goose chases all around the city while apparently not thinking to leave the [[CWCville Shopping Center]], the seat of the municipal government and the main target of the invasion, with any better defenders than [[Zapina Rosechu|a skanky tween girl]] and a [[Patti-Chan|half-naked zombie dog]].
* When the combined forces of Sonic recolors and Autobot rejects prove to be inadequate for defending the city, [[Allison Amber]] doesn't even bother to let the media know, let alone try to get assistance. Bionic and Darkbind for instance, only realize what's going on as the conflict starts spilling out past the city borders.
* Even if Chris is the one fated to [[Anchuent Prophecy|personally stop Graduon and Walsh]], there's still no reason for Sonichu to just let her fly away and regroup, especially when he literally had her at arms' length and in a position to easily capture or otherwise finish off.
* After the battle is over, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon show basically no concern about [[Chris and death|the destruction that has befallen their city]].

==[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Having a little girl torture her [[Evan|grandpa]]? Totally normal behavior from your heroes!]]
===Episode #21: ''Christian Chandler in Director Amenities''===
* The amount of sheer evil the "protagonists" exhibit in this issue clearly shows their transition from [[Blake|bumbling yet harmless goons]] to [[The Incredible Lioness|terrifyingly violent and sadistic psychopaths]]. From [[Lovely Weather#Deception|rape by deception]] to [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|genocide]], this issue has it all.
* Chris poisons the planet's water supplies with his "[[Homos|straight]]" blood, thereby initiating a genocide against homosexuals, bisexuals and asexuals worldwide. Aside from being ethically perverse, this scheme shows an [[honor roll|inexcusable ignorance of simple science]]. Those few crates would barely be enough to infect a modern city's water supply for a few days, let alone worldwide. Transferring a vaccine through the water supply is also ludicrous; not only would the treatment facilities dilute and kill the immunizing vectors, blood-stomach ingestion is one of the weakest ways to transmit a disease.
* Chris ''{{w|Rape by deception|rapes}}'' his future self's wife by [[Liquid Chris|pretending to be his future self]].
* Chris blows up a building filled with "devil [[trolls]]", sealing it up beforehand as well to ensure that none can escape as he does so.
* Chris (by now you're probably realizing it's almost ''all'' Chris) breaks [[Jimmy Hill|a man]]'s [[Fangs|teeth]] because he [[Parody|parodied]] him.
* Chris violently injects his own blood into his [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|nemesis]], in some sort of harebrained scheme to turn him straight.
* Chris then teleports Reldnahc straight into the domicile of Kel without so much as a trial or medical examination, under the excuse that his evil behavior was due to his recent transformation into an evil homosexual hedgehog. Though stripped of his [[Anchuent Prophecy]]-granted powers, Reldnahc was already on the side of the bad guys before his transformation and was shown to have access to multiple legendaries. Thus Chris just delivered a world-class Pokémon trainer working for one of the biggest criminal organizations straight into the arms of one of his unsuspecting friends!
* Chris and the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Hedgehog Boys]] destroy a populated high-rise building, killing and injuring hundreds of innocent people in an act of extreme [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]], because they drew pictures of his imaginary friends with [[Pickles|pee-pees]].
* Chris punches someone in the face hard enough to knock out his teeth, for sardonically referring to him as 'miss'.
* Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|Alec Benson's Leary - Alec Benson's... Try saying that three times fast with plurals. Heh.]] Chris and Sonichu trespass in [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec's]] house, before Chris destroys all of his computer data and then the computer itself.
* Chris and Sonichu then [[Chris and copyright|plagiarize]] all of Alec's [[True and honest|TRUE and HONEST]] creations, followed by having them beat the shit out of Alec and accusing him of keeping [[Rape|female prisoners]] in his basement.
* [[Collosal Chan]] breaks into an [[Mary Lee Walsh|old woman]]'s house completely unprovoked, and brutally attacks her to the extent of causing permanent paralysis, before having her stripped of her powers and sent to a maximum security prison with no trial.
* Collosal Chan also willingly smashes the staff [[Count Graduon]] is sealed in and releases him at Mary's request, so she can "punish [Graduon] another day."
* Magi-chan shows no sympathy for Silvana's literal emasculation. To be fair, Silvana being gender-changed against her will (she refused a previous offer) is an unavoidable side-effect of stopping the mad [[Count Graduon]], but that's no reason for him to be so gleeful about it.
* Magi-Chan, the inhuman monster he is, informs [[Sandy|an infant]] only minutes old that her mother was murdered by '[[Evan]]'. That's right, even infancy doesn't get you out of your duties as Chris's personal bodyguard.
* Chris and his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|corrupted officials]] have a show trial for [[Asperpedia|four innocent men]], before having them sentenced to death, with little to no evidence against them.
* Chris and his entourage, including a one-week-old girl and a [[Kel|preteen]], brutally execute four people in violent and inhumane ways. Remember, this is a comic Chris [[Chris and censorship|claims is aimed at children]].
* Chris disrespects [[Wikipedia:Flag Day in Mexico|a national holiday]] by being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]] jackass.

==[[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]==

===''Episode #22: A Sonichu Christmas''===

-WIP-
* Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a Jewish kid named Kevin in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies.

===''Episode #23: Simonchu & Bananafunkle''===

* When Simonchu returns to see his sister, he is met with extreme hostility by both Sandy and Wild, with Sandy threatening to use Horn Drill to kill him and Wild even knocking him unconscious on sight. It's only until after Simonla shouts at them do they back down. It should also be made note of that [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|since Simonla never died]], neither Wild nor Sandy have any reason to act as violently as they do.
* After an intense night of fucking, [[Reginald Sneasel]] evolves into a Weavile and proceeds to destroy everything in the church. When Angelica wakes and finds him, he says he's too far gone as some sort of monster. Later in the episode, he hooks up with [[Layla]] and seems to have full control over his new form. It should be known that [[Chris and Writing|Weavile don't become more vicious upon evolving]], so that means that Reginald effectively used his evolution as an easy way out after ripping apart Angelica's church and breaking up with her.
* Simonchu apparently discovers a fossil of an undocumented Pokémon, which has been brought back to life. Said Pokémon also apparently used to be human high school senior and was hit by a car before being brought back as a new Pokémon... [[Chris and Writing|somehow]]. Rather then give it to proper researchers of the field for further study, Simonchu dumps it on [[Punchy Sonichu]] because he's apparently the only one who can understand it.
* Punchy agreeing to bring [[Bananasauros]] to his home to live with him wouldn't be all too terrible... if Layla, his girlfriend, wasn't ''also'' living with him. And of course, he didn't call ahead to say he was bringing company; let alone some weird banana dinosaur.
* While Bananasauros is effectively an animal who has little control over the situation, he is fully aware that him being there is straining Punchy and Layla's relationship. He doesn't bring it up or care, instead mooching off of Punchy's welfare and just sitting on the couch and gaming. In the end, Layla does indeed move out, and he shows no remorse for causing it.
* For the sake of science and research, Punchy gets Bananasauros to fuck a Ditto to make some eggs. Remember that this is a human mind inside of a dinosaur banana's body, being forced to have sex for whatever the hell species he is now.
* Before leaving, Layla flat-out punches Bananasauros in the face. While Layla has every right to be angry at Bananasauros, he'd done nothing to instigate that.

===''The Clip Show: Catching Up''===

==[[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]==
===Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up===
*Sonichu has a dream where Rosechu and Chris are both trapped in a fire, and he only has time to save one of them. If he saves Chris, then Rosechu will die, and Sonichu won't be able to live without her. If he saves Rosechu, then Chris will die, and CWCville will have no mayor and cease to exist, <s>killing everyone in it</s> leaving everyone "lost in a void forever". Sonichu then saves Rosechu, abandoning everyone to their fate for the sake of someone who, for the record, will die anyway as a result of his own actions.

==''Sonichu'' Specials==
* In ''[[Sonichu Special 4]]'', Chris decides to take matters into his own hands rather than contacting the local police and/or sending in an ally that could get to [[Kacey]]'s [[Liquid Chris|kidnapper]]'s location faster than he could driving at the speed limit.
* After Chris disarms and wristlocks the kidnapper, Chris intentionally trips him and shoots him in each knee. This is at the very least maiming; Chris is fortunate that his opponent survived to star in [[Episode 20|CWC Defense]], otherwise he'd be facing charges of 2nd or even 1st degree murder. Or not, since CWCVille is effectively an absolute monarchy; Chris rules with undefined power and is of course above the law.

==[[Mailbag]]==
* One needs to read [[Mailbag 5#Chris does not know what "benevolent" means, or how government works|Mailbag 5]] in conjunction with [[Sonichu 10]] to really grasp the scope of this problem, but the CWCVille municipal government is extremely flawed. There are at least three major problems with the administration: the first is that after being thrown into the [[Time Void]], an interim mayor should have been appointed from the city council's ranks if Chris was going to be gone for so long. Who this would be varies depending on the city's charter but this person is typically the chief administrator officer -- which for a city of CWCVille's size would be an elected position (and not Allison Amber) unless the democratic trappings are even more of a sham than we thought. The second is that we never actually see them doing any work. Why, for example, was city defense left (again) to Allison Amber instead of the chief of police? The third is that the city council didn't do anything to stop or inform others Chris's plan to commit mass murder despite him flat-out telling them; even an amateur paralegal would be able to get charges of conspiracy and accessory to murder to stick.
* In gross violation of the 1st, 4th, 5th, and 14th Amendments of the U.S. Constitution Chris reveals that [[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck|Magi-chan is engaged in psychic surveillance on CWCVille's populace]] to ensure that homosexuality is - as it in the author's own mind - thoroughly suppressed.

==See Also==
*[[Chris and writing]]
*[[CWCVille]] - For a more in-depth analysis of the various municipal failings of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu's]] primary setting.

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Comic]][[Category:Lists]][[Category:Villains]]

Kathleen

2026-05-27T22:49:52Z

WarnerBro:

{{DeadLinks}}
{{protip|Even though Chris has used Kathleen's surname in the comics, do not mention it directly on the wiki, as Kathleen was a minor during her part in Christory, what little involvement she actually had.}}
{{Infobox Person
|name = Kathleen
|aliases = Kat
|image = Kathleen.jpg
|gender = Female
|race = White
|saga = {{saga|ed|cn}}
}}

'''Kathleen''' is [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s now ex-girlfriend, whom he dated for a while when he was twenty years old, and when she was in her late teens. Kathleen has never met or even interacted online with [[Chris]] before, but due to her association with one of his arch-enemies, Chris still managed to give enough of a shit about her to write letters to her and include her as a villain in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]].

== Background and discovery ==
Upon finding out that Jason was the creator of the Chris-Chan page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Chris soon convinced himself that he was also the mastermind behind all his recent troubles on the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] and the head of all [[trolls]]. Becoming obsessed with his new enemy, Chris began an exhaustive investigation in an attempt to find some kind of dirt to use against Jason, a tactic he would later also try with [[Clyde Cash]], resulting in the [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!|infamous]] [[ClydeGoingOnGregg1|blackmail]] [[To Clyde Gregg|videos]].

This eventually lead to Chris discovering Kathleen, and he concluded that when Jason was 20 years old and dating her, she was only 17 years old. Chris began announcing this wherever he could,<ref>[[Blanca_E-mails#Chris_describes_Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|Blanca E-mails]], 31 [[August 2008]] 12:56 AM</ref> essentially accusing Howell of committing statutory [[rape]]. Chris's charge assumes that Jason and Kathleen had sexual intercourse during this period, and that they did so in a state where the age of consent is 18, since in many American states the age of consent is 16 or 17. Of course, Chris is barely even aware that there actually ''exists'' a world outside [[Virginia]], having only left the state a few times in his life, so it is unlikely he knows about this.

And of course, there's the matter that if, indeed, they were having sex and Kathleen was legally underage, the difference is small enough that most people would find no problem with it. But given Chris's [[Naïve|narrow minded]] nature and [[Autism|rigid and literal interpretation]] of the world around him, he was far more concerned with whether it was illegal rather than whether it was an abusive relationship. His attitude towards their relationship also seems to [[Chris and hypocrisy|contradict]] his other opinions on "[[Women's rights]]."

Chris would ironically attempt to pursue relationships [[Annie Ikenberry|with women]] [[Bella|roughly half]] [[Fiona|his age]] in 2021.

== Almost involvement ==
Eventually, Chris's infamous [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|counterattack]] on ED backfired on him spectacularly and caused [[Megan Schroeder]] to cut off all contact with him over [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|an image]] Chris drew of her which he uploaded to the site. Nonetheless, Chris's inability to admit fault led to him deluding himself into believing that it was the trolls who broke up the closest thing to a relationship he ever had, and he decided to take his revenge on Jason by sabotaging his relationship with Kathleen, just as he believed Jason had done to him and Megan. This never actually came to fruition, because Kathleen and Jason had already been apart for quite a while by the time Chris began conspiring to break them up. That didn't stop him from trying however, and he sent Kathleen a long email to inform her of his grudge against Jason, despite having never met her or talked to her, and her probably not even knowing of his existence.

The email is as follows:

{{quotebox|Hello, Kat, I am Christian Chandler

[[Chris and his ego|You may or may not know me]] (depending on how often you're on the internet, and if you've found me by reference or search), but I have something to tell you about your "cuddle-butt", Jason. He has been playing a Major Cog in the Slander Factory known as [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and among all the innocent victims that the website has vandalized beyond the worst embarrassment known to mankind within their grasp, your [[Troll|bully]] of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the "LULZ", "Laughs Under Lucricities". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE.

Against me, that page has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]], who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found [[Rule 34|that page]] and she broke up with me. [[Heart level|It broke my heart]].

Also, the chaos from the page broke up the buddy friendship between me and my buddy, [[Joshua Martinez]], who attended [[James Madison University|Special Ed]] classes with me during our childhood.

And after the first time I found that page myself, I went into a spiral of [[Virgin with rage|rage]] against that machine, that with the break-ups and chaos, I became depressed and went into a forced-by-personal-emotions hiatus.

There are numerous other chaotic happenings that raged from the ED page, but I can't remember them all.

Anyway, the point is, if it wasn't for your "Bully Next Door", I would not have to have had to endure the [[stress]], [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|emotional pains]], [[Blanca|break-ups]], [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|self-torments]], etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!!!

Who knows what he may have in mind against you in relation. While he may have started with me, or possibly any one or more of the victims on Encyclopedia Dramatica, who knows when he will do something similarly [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|evil or worse]] against you.

Oh, BTW, in other states, it IS [[Chris and the Law|illegal]] for his 20-year old self to be Dating 17-year old you.

My apologies for informing you and possibly causing emotional stress and rage, but I felt it was my duty to inform you before it was too late.

Peae,

Christian Weston Chandler."}}

In essence, what Chris has done here is email a random woman who doesn't know who he even is and tell her that her boyfriend is an asshole, seemingly blames her for what he has supposedly done, says that her relationship with him was illegal, and speculates that he may physically or emotionally abuse her in the future. Most women would probably react less than kindly to a message like this even if talking about an ex, if not to defend their ex's character then most certainly because of Chris's condescending tone, but according to Jason himself, Kathleen never really did read or respond to this email, and so continued to remain unaware of this random internet retard who for some reason knew all about her.

== In ''Sonichu'' ==
[[File:KNW.PNG|thumb|250px|Still better than being [[Allison Amber]].]]
As part of his continued smear campaign against Jason, Chris included both him and Kathleen in the Sonichu comics, beginning with a brief cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and later getting a proper introduction in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. Like all of the characters Chris bases off real-life people and events, his embellishments say more about himself than the target of his "satire". For example, he refuses to believe that a minor would willingly engage in an "illegal" relationship with a "bully", so Chris depicts her as a slave, apparently forced to endure Jason's odious presence. Kathleen was initially dubbed "Jason's Woman Slave", and drawn with a strange BDSM costume sometimes seen crying tears of blood.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140825011149/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_37</ref> She never actually said or did anything in either issue, both times just standing by and watching the fights between Jason, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] with general disinterest.

Rightfully so as well, because despite Jason outright confessing that she was his sex slave, [[List of unheroic protagonist actions|neither of the heroes make any attempt to save her]], only concerned with [[Chris and his ego|their own personal vendetta]] against Jason. In fact, even when Jason is actually defeated at the end, they still leave her chained up with him, as if forgetting she was ever there at all. Rosechu even later went on to strip for [[women's rights]], but not because she was inspired by Kathleen's plight or anything. She never even comes up. The entire demonstration is all about how Rosechu was falsely portrayed as a [[hermaphrodite]], because apparently that is worse than slavery.

Chris apparently believes that everything Howell does is "illegal in these 50 states". However, a quick Google search would tell you that Age of Consent is 18 in only 10 out of 50 states. That being said, seeing as [[Virginia]] is one of those states, it's likely Chris didn't know or care.

Later, advised by [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris made some [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|edits]] to his comics and retconned all instances of real life people included in the comics being called by their real names. Chris never actually changed their names like he did with [[Mary Lee Walsh|other characters]], but he did vow to only ever refer to them by first names from thereon.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/</ref> During the changes, Chris also retconned away the unfortunate subtext about sexual slavery, changing Kathleen's title to imply her being a willing accomplice to Jason rather than a slave, although the bondage gear remained intact, possibly as an indicator that she was involved in a more consensual form of sexual dominance. This makes Rosechu seem like less of a bitch, but it also unintentionally retcons an innocent woman into a villain, despite her never having done anything to Chris IRL, or even knowing who he is.

This may have been unintentional however. Even after her being changed to an accomplice rather than a slave, Kathleen still never did anything villainous. She remained by Jason's side, saying and doing nothing as always in her next appearance, as Jason takes the both of them away from the action in an escape pod when Chris attempts to destroy [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building with them still inside during [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. Before leaving the other trolls to all die, Jason announces his retirement from trolling, his apparent conversion to Christianity, and his intentions to go out and marry Kathleen and live a quiet life in the suburbs with her.

It could be interpreted from this that Kathleen may not have been a criminal accomplice, but instead a kind of companion for Jason in the retconned comics, so maybe Chris never really did intend to retcon her into a villain. After all, the real life Kathleen never did anything bad to Chris at all, and in fact shared no interactions with him whatsoever. Why would Chris need to demonize her too? For these reasons, it seems Chris decided to let go of his need for revenge on Jason for once, and actually give one of his villains a happy ending, letting him retire in peace and letting Kathleen have a normal life with him.

Then Chris was forced by [[Jackie]] to rewrite the ending to ''Sonichu'' #10 to make it less needlessly violent concerning the [[Asperpedia]] Four and give them a happy ending, so when Chris made the [[Book10Replacement]] in which the four survive their unfair trial and are sentenced to living life in the [[Wikipedia:Amish|Amish]] community instead, Chris had to find a way to fit in that little extra bit of pointless cruelty, so the retcons also show [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in prison following her defeat by [[Collosal Chan]], and she is then joined by Kathleen, who is revealed to be her new cellmate. We learn from her that she had been cheating on Jason with a 4-cent secretary for a while, and after the two fled from the collapsing building, Jason found out and they had a fight, leading to them breaking up, Jason dying by crashing into a mountain somehow, and Kathleen going home to get high on marijuana. She was subsequently caught by the police and for some reason placed in the same cell as a dangerous terrorist. She also reveals that she had tried to smuggle weed into the prison by stuffing it between her breasts and [[Medallions|up her asshole]], but that the police had still somehow found it.

Why Chris ever felt the need to add this part is unclear. As has been said numerous times in this article, Kathleen wasn't even someone who had made an enemy of Chris in real life like the [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] or Mary did. Kathleen was never even aware of Chris. Yet somehow Chris saw fit to depict her as a sex slave, a depraved druggie, and an adulteress, and ends the series by putting her in prison. Your guess is as good as ours here.

== Kathleen's reaction ==
So what was Kathleen's reaction to all this you may ask? Quite simply: Nothing. As far as can be told, she has to this day still not ever read the Sonichu comics or Chris's email, and remains completely unaware of the entire Chris-Chan phenomenon. When Jason joined [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]] by providing his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]], he also made several episodes of commentary over the [[Official Videobooks]] that Chris made, where he confirmed that he and Kathleen had already broken up by the time Chris started including them in the comics, and Jason had never bothered to tell her about anything Chris had done involving her.

All that can be said, is that if you one day googled yourself and discovered that some fat autistic manchild who you've never met or even heard of before had written a story about you being a sex slave to your ex, [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|hiding marijuana up your ass]] and being thrown into prison with an old lady who's wearing a horned helmet, imagine what your reaction would be. It's a safe bet that Kathleen's wouldn't be much better.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]
*[[Pedofork]]
*[[Megan Schroeder]] - Who Chris sees to himself as Jason is to Kathleen.
*[[Facebook messages|Chris's Facebook messages]], which show Chris [[Chris and hypocrisy|pursuing a 17 year old girl himself]]

{{EDSaga}}
{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Kathleen}}
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Tennessee]]

Kathleen

2026-05-27T22:47:06Z

WarnerBro:

{{DeadLinks}}
{{protip|Even though Chris has used Kathleen's surname in the comics, do not mention it directly on the wiki, as Kathleen was a minor during her part in Christory, what little involvement she actually had.}}
{{Infobox Person
|name = Kathleen
|aliases = Kat
|image = Kathleen.jpg
|gender = Female
|race = White
|saga = {{saga|ed|cn}}
}}

'''Kathleen''' is [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]'s now ex-girlfriend, whom he dated for a while when he was twenty years old, and when she was in her late teens. Kathleen has never met or even interacted online with [[Chris]] before, but due to her association with one of his arch-enemies, Chris still managed to give enough of a shit about her to write letters to her and include her as a villain in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]].

== Background and discovery ==
Upon finding out that Jason was the creator of the Chris-Chan page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Chris soon convinced himself that he was also the mastermind behind all his recent troubles on the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] and the head of all [[trolls]]. Becoming obsessed with his new enemy, Chris began an exhaustive investigation in an attempt to find some kind of dirt to use against Jason, a tactic he would later also try with [[Clyde Cash]], resulting in the [[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!|infamous]] [[ClydeGoingOnGregg1|blackmail]] [[To Clyde Gregg|videos]].

This eventually lead to Chris discovering Kathleen, and he concluded that when Jason was 20 years old and dating her, she was only 17 years old. Chris began announcing this wherever he could,<ref>[[Blanca_E-mails#Chris_describes_Episode_17:_.22Rage_Against_the_Garbage.22|Blanca E-mails]], 31 [[August 2008]] 12:56 AM</ref> essentially accusing Howell of committing statutory [[rape]]. Chris's charge assumes that Jason and Kathleen had sexual intercourse during this period, and that they did so in a state where the age of consent is 18, since in many American states the age of consent is 16 or 17. Of course, Chris is barely even aware that there actually ''exists'' a world outside [[Virginia]], having only left the state a few times in his life, so it is unlikely he knows about this.

And of course, there's the matter that if, indeed, they were having sex and Kathleen was legally underage, the difference is small enough that most people would find no problem with it. But given Chris's [[Naïve|narrow minded]] nature and [[Autism|rigid and literal interpretation]] of the world around him, he was far more concerned with whether it was illegal rather than whether it was an abusive relationship. His attitude towards their relationship also seems to [[Chris and hypocrisy|contradict]] his other opinions on "[[Women's rights]]."

Chris would ironically attempt to pursue relationships [[Annie Ikenberry|with women]] [[Bella|roughly half]] [[Fiona|his age]] in 2021.

== Almost involvement ==
Eventually, Chris's infamous [[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|counterattack]] on ED backfired on him spectacularly and caused [[Megan Schroeder]] to cut off all contact with him over [[Shecameforcwc.jpg|an image]] Chris drew of her which he uploaded to the site. Nonetheless, Chris's inability to admit fault led to him deluding himself into believing that it was the trolls who broke up the closest thing to a relationship he ever had, and he decided to take his revenge on Jason by sabotaging his relationship with Kathleen, just as he believed Jason had done to him and Megan. This never actually came to fruition, because Kathleen and Jason had already been apart for quite a while by the time Chris began conspiring to break them up. That didn't stop him from trying however, and he sent Kathleen a long email to inform her of his grudge against Jason, despite having never met her, talked to her, and her probably not even knowing of his existence.

The email is as follows:

{{quotebox|Hello, Kat, I am Christian Chandler

[[Chris and his ego|You may or may not know me]] (depending on how often you're on the internet, and if you've found me by reference or search), but I have something to tell you about your "cuddle-butt", Jason. He has been playing a Major Cog in the Slander Factory known as [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and among all the innocent victims that the website has vandalized beyond the worst embarrassment known to mankind within their grasp, your [[Troll|bully]] of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the "LULZ", "Laughs Under Lucricities". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE.

Against me, that page has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]], who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found [[Rule 34|that page]] and she broke up with me. [[Heart level|It broke my heart]].

Also, the chaos from the page broke up the buddy friendship between me and my buddy, [[Joshua Martinez]], who attended [[James Madison University|Special Ed]] classes with me during our childhood.

And after the first time I found that page myself, I went into a spiral of [[Virgin with rage|rage]] against that machine, that with the break-ups and chaos, I became depressed and went into a forced-by-personal-emotions hiatus.

There are numerous other chaotic happenings that raged from the ED page, but I can't remember them all.

Anyway, the point is, if it wasn't for your "Bully Next Door", I would not have to have had to endure the [[stress]], [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|emotional pains]], [[Blanca|break-ups]], [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|self-torments]], etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!!!

Who knows what he may have in mind against you in relation. While he may have started with me, or possibly any one or more of the victims on Encyclopedia Dramatica, who knows when he will do something similarly [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|evil or worse]] against you.

Oh, BTW, in other states, it IS [[Chris and the Law|illegal]] for his 20-year old self to be Dating 17-year old you.

My apologies for informing you and possibly causing emotional stress and rage, but I felt it was my duty to inform you before it was too late.

Peae,

Christian Weston Chandler."}}

In essence, what Chris has done here is email a random woman who doesn't know who he even is and tell her that her boyfriend is an asshole, seemingly blames her for what he has supposedly done, says that her relationship with him was illegal, and speculates that he may physically or emotionally abuse her in the future. Most women would probably react less than kindly to a message like this even if talking about an ex, if not to defend their ex's character then most certainly because of Chris's condescending tone, but according to Jason himself, Kathleen never really did read or respond to this email, and so continued to remain unaware of this random internet retard who for some reason knew all about her.

== In ''Sonichu'' ==
[[File:KNW.PNG|thumb|250px|Still better than being [[Allison Amber]].]]
As part of his continued smear campaign against Jason, Chris included both him and Kathleen in the Sonichu comics, beginning with a brief cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and later getting a proper introduction in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. Like all of the characters Chris bases off real-life people and events, his embellishments say more about himself than the target of his "satire". For example, he refuses to believe that a minor would willingly engage in an "illegal" relationship with a "bully", so Chris depicts her as a slave, apparently forced to endure Jason's odious presence. Kathleen was initially dubbed "Jason's Woman Slave", and drawn with a strange BDSM costume sometimes seen crying tears of blood.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140825011149/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_37</ref> She never actually said or did anything in either issue, both times just standing by and watching the fights between Jason, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] with general disinterest.

Rightfully so as well, because despite Jason outright confessing that she was his sex slave, [[List of unheroic protagonist actions|neither of the heroes make any attempt to save her]], only concerned with [[Chris and his ego|their own personal vendetta]] against Jason. In fact, even when Jason is actually defeated at the end, they still leave her chained up with him, as if forgetting she was ever there at all. Rosechu even later went on to strip for [[women's rights]], but not because she was inspired by Kathleen's plight or anything. She never even comes up. The entire demonstration is all about how Rosechu was falsely portrayed as a [[hermaphrodite]], because apparently that is worse than slavery.

Chris apparently believes that everything Howell does is "illegal in these 50 states". However, a quick Google search would tell you that Age of Consent is 18 in only 10 out of 50 states. That being said, seeing as [[Virginia]] is one of those states, it's likely Chris didn't know or care.

Later, advised by [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris made some [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|edits]] to his comics and retconned all instances of real life people included in the comics being called by their real names. Chris never actually changed their names like he did with [[Mary Lee Walsh|other characters]], but he did vow to only ever refer to them by first names from thereon.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/</ref> During the changes, Chris also retconned away the unfortunate subtext about sexual slavery, changing Kathleen's title to imply her being a willing accomplice to Jason rather than a slave, although the bondage gear remained intact, possibly as an indicator that she was involved in a more consensual form of sexual dominance. This makes Rosechu seem like less of a bitch, but it also unintentionally retcons an innocent woman into a villain, despite her never having done anything to Chris IRL, or even knowing who he is.

This may have been unintentional however. Even after her being changed to an accomplice rather than a slave, Kathleen still never did anything villainous. She remained by Jason's side, saying and doing nothing as always in her next appearance, as Jason takes the both of them away from the action in an escape pod when Chris attempts to destroy [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building with them still inside during [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. Before leaving the other trolls to all die, Jason announces his retirement from trolling, his apparent conversion to Christianity, and his intentions to go out and marry Kathleen and live a quiet life in the suburbs with her.

It could be interpreted from this that Kathleen may not have been a criminal accomplice, but instead a kind of companion for Jason in the retconned comics, so maybe Chris never really did intend to retcon her into a villain. After all, the real life Kathleen never did anything bad to Chris at all, and in fact shared no interactions with him whatsoever. Why would Chris need to demonize her too? For these reasons, it seems Chris decided to let go of his need for revenge on Jason for once, and actually give one of his villains a happy ending, letting him retire in peace and letting Kathleen have a normal life with him.

Then Chris was forced by [[Jackie]] to rewrite the ending to ''Sonichu'' #10 to make it less needlessly violent concerning the [[Asperpedia]] Four and give them a happy ending, so when Chris made the [[Book10Replacement]] in which the four survive their unfair trial and are sentenced to living life in the [[Wikipedia:Amish|Amish]] community instead, Chris had to find a way to fit in that little extra bit of pointless cruelty, so the retcons also show [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in prison following her defeat by [[Collosal Chan]], and she is then joined by Kathleen, who is revealed to be her new cellmate. We learn from her that she had been cheating on Jason with a 4-cent secretary for a while, and after the two fled from the collapsing building, Jason found out and they had a fight, leading to them breaking up, Jason dying by crashing into a mountain somehow, and Kathleen going home to get high on marijuana. She was subsequently caught by the police and for some reason placed in the same cell as a dangerous terrorist. She also reveals that she had tried to smuggle weed into the prison by stuffing it between her breasts and [[Medallions|up her asshole]], but that the police had still somehow found it.

Why Chris ever felt the need to add this part is unclear. As has been said numerous times in this article, Kathleen wasn't even someone who had made an enemy of Chris in real life like the [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] or Mary did. Kathleen was never even aware of Chris. Yet somehow Chris saw fit to depict her as a sex slave, a depraved druggie, and an adulteress, and ends the series by putting her in prison. Your guess is as good as ours here.

== Kathleen's reaction ==
So what was Kathleen's reaction to all this you may ask? Quite simply: Nothing. As far as can be told, she has to this day still not ever read the Sonichu comics or Chris's email, and remains completely unaware of the entire Chris-Chan phenomenon. When Jason joined [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]] by providing his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]], he also made several episodes of commentary over the [[Official Videobooks]] that Chris made, where he confirmed that he and Kathleen had already broken up by the time Chris started including them in the comics, and Jason had never bothered to tell her about anything Chris had done involving her.

All that can be said, is that if you one day googled yourself and discovered that some fat autistic manchild who you've never met or even heard of before had written a story about you being a sex slave to your ex, [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|hiding marijuana up your ass]] and being thrown into prison with an old lady who's wearing a horned helmet, imagine what your reaction would be. It's a safe bet that Kathleen's wouldn't be much better.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]
*[[Pedofork]]
*[[Megan Schroeder]] - Who Chris sees to himself as Jason is to Kathleen.
*[[Facebook messages|Chris's Facebook messages]], which show Chris [[Chris and hypocrisy|pursuing a 17 year old girl himself]]

{{EDSaga}}
{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Kathleen}}
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:ED Saga]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Tennessee]]

Punchy Sonichu

2026-05-27T22:42:45Z

WarnerBro:

{{Wise|Punchy was [[December 2017 Facebook posts|molested]] by [[DJ Jamsta]], and by the events of [[Sonichu 13]], Punchy had been committed to an asylum after developing an irrational hatred for [[Obesity|fat people]].}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Punchy.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Punchy Sonichu
|-
| '''Date of birth'''
| [[Sonichu chronology#1989|2 February 1989]] (in universe, original) 1 June 1995 (in universe, [[Idea Guy]] retcon)
No later than 17 August 2004 (IRL)<ref>Chris created a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!#Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards|Custom Yu-Gi-Oh! Card]] of Punchy on 17 August 2004. It can therefore be inferred that Punchy was not created at any point later than this date.</ref>
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Race'''
| Asian?
|-
| '''Length'''
| 4'7"<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy_Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}} https://archive.vn/TkOzY</ref> (122 cm)
|-
| '''Weight'''
| 120 lbs (54 kg)
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Master Nabe (adoptive father)
|-
| '''Education'''
| CWCville University ([[Dating Education]])<ref>See the events of [[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Episode 19]]</ref>
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] ([[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]])
|-
| '''Type'''
| Electric/Fighting
|-
| '''Evolves from'''
| [[Sonee]] (with Hard Stone)
|-
|}
[[File:ModNation Punchy.jpg|thumb|Punchy in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'']]
'''Punchy Sonichu''' is a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] and a member of the [[Chaotic Combo]], formed from eggs released by the [[Chaotic Rainbow]] as a result of the collision between Super [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and a [[Pikachu]]. He is a Fighting/Electric type [[Pokémon]]. He has stated that he is very attracted to [[Angelica]], but ended up paired with [[Layla]], whom Chris has drawn giving him a blowjob. Punchy is thought to be a [[Chris and race|racist]] Asian stereotype due to his {{w|Epicanthic fold|slanted eyes}} and martial arts upbringing. Chris denies that Punchy is of Asian origin,<ref>[[Mailbag 6#Asian people call Chris out on Punchy|Mailbag 6]]</ref> and claimed to [[Jackie]] that Punchy's eyes were a [[Chris and art|botched attempt]] at emulating Knuckles's furrowed brow.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Despite this, both Knuckles and Pokémon were created in Japan, and Punchy was still raised in a Dojo.

However, the eyes were altered in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], where he looks (even more) like all the other Sonic recolors. Punchy is also a shitty {{w|Knuckles the Echidna}} knockoff, right down to the crescent-shaped birthmark on his chest, dreadlocks and clawed punching gloves, which makes one wonder why he isn’t an "Electric Echidna Pokémon". He is a combination of four characters:

*{{w|Knuckles the Echidna}}
*[[Pikachu]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonlee]]
*[[Pokémon|Hitmonchan]]

Because Punchy is one of Chris's remotely amusing OCs due to the almost complete lack of originality (more or less simply a headswap of Knuckles) and the ([[Chris and race|possibly unintentional]]) racism of his design, he is a favorite amongst [[trolls]].

Punchy is also billed as a "master of [[Random-access humor|random-access humor]]" (which is to say he supposedly has the same shitty sense of humor as Chris), but for an incredibly long time, he had not actually demonstrated this trait even once in the comics. It finally surfaced in a video, [[SonichuBabies]], over a decade after Chris created him – much to the anticipation of no one. This is in contrast to [[Wild Sonichu]], who has done so several times.<ref>[[:File:Sonichu - Episode 10, Page 3.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:SchuComic9P6.jpg]]</ref>

Despite Punchy being said to be freakishly strong and fierce, his power is barely seen in the comic, being reduced to just a poor comic relief character, which is also the same fate Knuckles seems to have faced [[Sonic Boom|in recent years]].

==Comic appearances==

===[[Sonichu 3#Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"|Sonichu Babies]]===

Punchy's Sonee egg lands in a {{w|Dojo|Dōjō}}, more specifically 'Nabe's Dojo-Shin', where Master [[Excel Saga|Nabe]] is teaching his student [[List of Sonichu characters#Mypoe|Mypoe]] to fight. After hatching, Mypoe challenges Punchy, who is still in his infantile [[Sonee]] form. She rips his tail off and this angers him into evolving quickly. He uppercuts her so hard that she flies through the ceiling and into the sky, presumably killing her. However, Chris would clarify years later that Mypoe "survived the trip; she landed into a pile of hay in a wagon right by her house far from the Dojo."<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Punchy Sonichu|Punchy Sonichu on CWCipedia}} https://archive.vn/TkOzY</ref> Things apparently got a lot bleaker after that: according to the [[CWCipedia]] article for Sonichu (of all things), Chris explains that Master Nabe was brutally murdered by an envious student and that Punchy avenged his tutor by killing the assassin himself. Punchy then buried both of them behind the school... and continued to live there. Disturbingly, Punchy's main concern at the exact same time was getting Chris to turn the electricity back on at the Dojo so he could watch television.

He keeps his [[Chris and anger|temper]] down by "[[Chris and television|watching TV comedies]]."

===[[Sonichu 3#Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"|When Hedgehogs Meet]]===

[[Image:SchuPunchyRacistLips.jpg|thumb|130px|''Totarry'' not Asian.]]

While Punchy punches rocks into the air as part of his martial arts training his claws accidentally collide with [[Blake]]'s hover board and jam in it, which causes Punchy to hitch a ride. He eventually falls off and crashes into a tree where he meets the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members. He compliments [[Angelica]] on her flowers. This is likely the beginning of his infatuation with her. After this, he vengefully participates in the violent assault of Blake, even though it was an accident.

===[[Sonichu 5#Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment.22|Smashed Hearts & Entrapment]]===

Punchy and the other [[Chaotic Combo]] members are teleported into action by Chris. He has no speaking lines here, because Chris can’t be bothered to give any of his characters a personality.

===[[Sonichu 6#Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"|Evil is Afoot]]===

While everyone is pretending to worry about [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], Punchy (sympathetically for the reader) thinks to himself “I’m missing my Samurai Pizza Cats.” When the girls start babbling about [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]’s basketball abilities, [[Wild]] and Punchy act like jealous children. Punchy thinks women should be more impressed by his brute strength than Bionic’s athletic talent. When [[Patti]] remarks on how sweet Chris is, Punchy tells her what an ass-kisser she is (cementing his place in the hearts of trollkind).

===[[Sonichu 8#Episode 18: "Spring Break, 2008"|Spring Break]]===

Here, Punchy reveals his feelings for [[Angelica]] to Wild. He says he doesn’t know how to ask a girl out and is too afraid to make the first move (which happens to be a trait of Knuckles, as [[SEGA]] has said a few times he is shy around girls). Wild then informs him that the [[CWCville]] University is offering a [[Dating Education]] course. This thrills Punchy, who insists on signing up for it as soon as possible.

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 19: Date Ed (Even Though the Idea Sounds Dated)|Date Ed]]===

In this story, Punchy goes to the CWCville University to learn how to date. Despite [[Chris and Writing|the entire premise of his attendance]] being notionally to ask out Angelica, the teacher pairs him up with [[Layla]] and he totally forgets about Angelica and makes no mention of her. Using his totally awesome [[Prower|motorcycle with a sidecar]], which he has all of a sudden, he takes Layla on his first date to the classiest joint in CWCville – [[McDonald's]]. While he feeds Layla a french fry, [[Reginald Sneasel]] tries to sabotage their relationship, but fails. So he mopes outside the joint. Lucky for the Sneasel, Angelica just happens to show up, Punchy failing to even notice his past crush is right outside.

===[[Sonichu 9#Episode 20: CWC-Defense|CWC-Defense]]===

Punchy, Wild, and Reginald Sneasel all get laid immediately after Dating Ed (presumably on the [[third date]]). Punchy supposedly has a hangover at the beginning of this episode despite the fact that [[Alcohol|drinking]] was illegal in CWCville.

== Ruv Quest ==

[[Image:TianmenIntro.jpg|thumb|left|Nothing bad ever happened in [[China]] on June 4!]]

Punchy had a major hard-on for [[Angelica Rosechu|Angelica]], but then after meeting [[Layla]] he forgot all about her, perhaps thinking the Catholic Angelica wasn't going to put out as quickly as Layla would. He would have been wrong, though; Angelica spread her legs without a moment's hesitation for Reginald Sneasel.

While Punchy was initially portrayed as a typical hapless shy suitor completely befuddled on how to approach the opposite sex (i.e. Chris-chan, Sonichu, Wild, etc.), he eventually deviates from the norm by being the only non-[[JERKS|jerk]] male to make the first move in approaching a lady in the series once he sees an opening. By virtue of Punchy being willing to change himself and his methods, keeping his options open, remaining optimistic about his chances of seducing someone, being relaxed when talking to a potential partner of the opposite sex, and improvising when things didn't quite go his way, the author ''once again'' inadvertently wrote a scathing indictment on the haplessness of his own [[Love Quest]].

"[[Punchy and Layla's Dance In The Dark]]" reveals that either Layla likes it rough in the sack or Punchy gets off on smacking her around.

This relationship comes to an end in [[Sonichu 11]], when Layla leaves him, fed up with [[Bananasauros]]'s antics. She then sleeps with Reginald almost immediately after the breakup, implying neither Reginald or Layla actually cared about their significant others, which leaves Punchy and Angelica the only members of the Chaotic Combo without Heartsweets. It may have been a part of the plan to get them back together, but as Chris has seemingly abandoned Sonichu for the sake of making cards for a [[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder|pony themed fangame]] and [[Chaos Crystal Control|long, convoluted stories which resemble ramblings of a schizo more than actual coherent plot.]]

== Prower, the Motorbike of Fail ==

: ''Main article: [[Prower]]''

According to [[CWCipedia]], Punchy's aforementioned totally awesome motorcycle, [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Prower]], doubles as a ninja [[Transformers|Autobot]] with "Razor-Sharp Choppin' Hands, Shuriken Stars and holographic images." This makes Punchy a "Sharp close-bot attacker," as well as yet another manifestation of [[Things Chris has ripped off|Chris's rampant plagiarism]].

==Trivia==
:* His original name was "Pun-chai Sonichu" or "プンチャイーソンニチュ" <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/March_2024_livestreams#Highlights</ref>
:* His original language was Japanese, but Alakazam teleported him from Japan to a "Dojo-Shrine" in Virginia, where he was recruited by [[Magi-Chan]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/March_2024_livestreams#Highlights</ref>
:* He fought against Street Fighters and King of Fighters characters.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/March_2024_livestreams#Highlights</ref>
:* He is a better fighter and could beat Knuckles because he has "Japanese training."<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/March_2024_livestreams#Highlights</ref>

==Garrery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:272-ACPunchy.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card
Image:273-ACPunchyBck.jpg|[[Animal Crossing|Animaru Kuroshingu]] card, reverse
Image:274PunchyCard.jpg|[[Pokémon|Poketto Monsuta]] card
Image:275-YuPunchy.jpg|''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Yuugiou]]'' card
Image:Punchylaylalove.jpg|[[Punchy]] rearry [[Tomgirl Pictures|roves to wear]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|radies ringerie]].
Image:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|Punchy rearry rike browjob!!!
Image:ProwerBot.jpg|[[Prower]], Punchy's [[Transformer]]
Image:ProwerVehicle2.jpg
Image:ProwerVehicle.jpg
Image:276-Punchy.jpg
File:Lego Punchy.jpg|[[LEGO|REGO]] Punchy.
File:PunchyA.jpg|Punchy [[Amiibo]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Punchy Sonichu}}
<references />

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{Sonichu}}

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category: Sonichus]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys band members]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Transformers

2026-05-27T22:42:08Z

WarnerBro:

{{Dated|Chris's reignited interest in Transformers, with info from 2024 to 2025}}
{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:SarahDeath.jpg|thumb|right|190px|[[Optimus Prime]], brutally murdering [[Sarah Jackson]].]]

'''''Transformers''''' is a long-running media franchise, first introduced with a toyline in 1984 by [[Hasbro]] and {{w|Takara}}. They are more than meets the eye, because the Transformers are robots in disguise, typically as vehicles (or animals, in the case of the [[Wikipedia:Transformers: Beast Wars|Beast Wars]] toyline). While different generations of the toyline vary, they all revolve around the battle between the protagonists, [[Optimus Prime|the Autobots]], and their war with the evil forces of the Decepticons. [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] has been fascinated with the Transformers since he was young, and even well into adulthood imbues his Transformers toys with great significance. Transformers have become a major presence in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]].

Chris began selling off his Transformers figures in [[April 2018]],<ref>[[2018 Sales Listings#April]]</ref> due to extortion by the [[Idea Guys]]<ref>[[The Chris-Chan Extortionists]]</ref> putting into jeopardy whether he would be able to attend the 2018 [[BronyCon]].<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts]]</ref> However, his interest in Transformers was reignited in late [[2023]], after he was released from [[Jail Saga|jail]] and moved into [[Big Island]].

==Transformers in Chris's life==
While Chris isn't a dedicated collector, the jumbled mass of crap that fills his room includes several Transformers toys. Of particular note is his [[Optimus Prime]] toy, which he has often used as a sort of totem to reinforce his heterosexuality. When [[Clyde Cash]] forced him to "admit" that he was [[homos|gay]], Chris held his Prime toy tightly throughout [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|the video in question]], which he later explained was a way of asserting his straightness in spite of his words.

In [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], Chris compares his Transformers and ''[[My Little Pony]]'' figurines as ways of studying the traits of the opposite gender and using them as roleplay models. It's possible that Chris really does practice what he preaches, and might pick Transformers and ''My Little Pony'' toys as comforting remnants of his (actual) childhood from the '80s and '90s.

Some of Chris's favorite popular music comes from [[Wikipedia:The Transformers The Movie: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack|the soundtrack]] to the animated movie ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]''. He once recorded a [[Cwc dare|video]] of himself singing [[Wikipedia:Stan Bush|Stan Bush]]'s "Dare", and downloaded a number of other songs from the soundtrack – like [[Parody|"Dare to Be Stupid" by "Weird Al" Yankovic]] – from [[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads|Rhapsody.com]]. "[[Wikipedia:The Touch (Stan Bush song)|The Touch]]" was also Chris's choice of song for [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|round 4]] of the [[SingStar Challenge]] against [[Liquid Chris]]. Chris also plagiarized one of Megatron's lines from the movie (''"I would have waited an eternity for this – it's over, Prime!"'') during the battle with Reldnahc in [[Sonichu #10|issue ten]]. In fact, the scenes in both cases are extremely similar – the hero is downed and evidently defeated, before performing one last defiant attack against the villain as they stand over them. Chris fills the role of Optimus Prime and Reldnach is Megatron – further evidence of Chris's self-identification with Optimus.

==Transformers in ''Sonichu''==
While they were not originally part of the ''Sonichu oeuvre'', Transformers slowly crept into the spotlight. [[Bagget]]'s "Change-Bot" [[Crackder]] was the first to join the series, in [[Sub-Episode 7]] of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']]. Later on [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] would introduce a flood of new Transformers, including [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]]'s motorcycle [[Prower]], the comic version of Chris's car [[Son-Chu]], the [[Jerkop Punislav]], and [[Armoraxe]].

In the comics, the Transformers are divided into the [[Samurai Pizza Bots]], the unfortunately named defenders of [[CWCville]], and the [[Decepti-Clones]], a much larger army under the control of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]. The Decepticons working for PVCC come in three variants and are all mass produced. They attack the city with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[Jerkop]] army in ''Sonichu #9'' and are completely wiped out during the course of the battle.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_92</ref> The Autobots are far less numerous, only numbering five members, but are evidently much more powerful than their counterparts, as while the entire Decepti-Clone army is destroyed during the Battle of CWCville, the Autobots [[Chris and writing|do not lose a single member]].

==Transformers elsewhere==
For reasons that remain difficult to determine, Chris chose to depict the 18-wheeler that killed [[Sarah Jackson]] with Optimus Prime's distinctive red and silver paint job. Either Chris intentionally drew a Transformer crushing his would-be sweetheart, or (more likely) the image just bubbled up out of his infamously limited imagination.

[[Gun Comic]] features Chris shooting his rival [[CChanSonichuCWC]] with what looks very much like an early Megatron toy. The [[Megatron pistol|real-life version]] also appears in some of Chris's videos. In [[CWC is Angry]] he shot at a picture of [[Adam Stackhouse]] with the mock pistol, while in the [[War Paint Video]] he used it to threaten all of his general enemies.

After Clyde Cash claimed in [[Mumble 12]] to have killed [[BlueSpike]], Chris later referred to Clyde as "the Starscream troll", a reference to the Decepticon faction's treacherously ambitious air commander who frequently tries to seize power from Megatron.

On numerous occasions within the [[2016]] election period, Chris has used the Transformers Titans Return Voyager Class Sentinel Prime toy as a physical representation of [[Pmurt|Donald J. Trump]] to [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|beat on and smash]].<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts]]</ref> He states he uses the toy as an effigy due to its primary color being orange, akin to Trump's skin tone.<ref>[[Feelings_of_the_election_results]]</ref> Curiously, the character was [https://desu-usergeneratedcontent.xyz/co/image/1472/65/1472658214991.jpg used in recent comics] as an analog to Trump – his primary motivation as a villain was to purge the populace of Cybertron of new arrivals and restore it to its former glory. The topic has been joked about heavily among fans, but it's unclear if Chris is aware of this. Given the release of this toy during the [[Financhu Crisis]], it shows that Chris is still incapable of being [[Chris and money|fiscally responsible]].

On 30 [[July 2019]], [[MKR]] posted images of ''Transformers'' R34 in a Discord server, to which Chris responded, "I was curious about the twitchy servos in that for a while, but it ended up being hit-or-miss with me."<ref>[[Midnight's Nightlings and Starettes#Hit-or-Miss R34]]</ref>

On 4 [[January 2021]], Chris bought a Funko Pop figure of ''Transformers'' character Starscream, then mentioned to MKR that he thought it was something she would like and asked for confirmation of her address. MKR replied that the figure was cute and sent her address details.<ref>[[The Place chats (January 2021)#Transformers Funko Pop for MKR]]</ref>

In late 2023, Chris again developed a fixation on ''Transformers''. In [[December 2023]], he recorded [[Fan Mail and Cwcville Autobots]] and [[Transformers - Past Ideas Reemerging]]. He also repeatedly mentioned ''Transformers'' on social media, posting about the G1 animated series and showing off photos of his custom ''Transformers'' toys.<ref>[[December 2023 social media posts]]</ref>

==Transformers Legacy United Merged‎==
{{Needs Updating|[[Light Powered Cwclight Reviews]]|[[December 2024 social media posts#Merged figures are appearing]]}}
{{ongoing}}
<center><gallery>
File:Transformer Legacy United Merged March 2025.jpg|Preview of [[March 2025]] batch.
</gallery></center>

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:13 June 2016 Transformers Facebook post.jpeg
File:Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, a.mp400001.png
File:Transformers toy 1.jpg
File:Transformers toy 2.jpg
File:Transformers toy 3.jpg
File:Modnation 1stTransformersRacer.jpg
File:January30TransformerToy1.jpg
File:January30TransformerToy2.jpg
File:January30TransformerToy3.jpg
File:Twitter - Medatron - 28Jan2024.jpg|Custom Transformer "Medatron"
File:OfficialCWCmart - Custom Medallion Commission, Handcrafted by CWC8.jpg|Autobot Logo [[Medallion]]
File:OfficialCWCmart - G1 Starscream - Favorite Character Portraits by JCWCSP1.jpg
</gallery>

==See also==
*[[Decepti-Clones]], Mary Lee Walsh's failbots of PVCC.
*[[Emgo316]], a YouTuber who reviews ''Transformers''.
*[[Megatron pistol]]
*[[Optimus Prime]]
*[[Samurai Pizza Bots]], Chris's failbots of CWCville.
{{References}}
{{Transformers}}
{{TV}}
{{Toys}}
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]
[[Category:Transformers]]