CWCki - User contributions [en]

Fridays After Five

2010-06-25T03:29:24Z

XXOtakuDadXx: /* Fan videos */

[[Image:Fa5 2colorlogo.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris's new [[attraction Location|prowling ground]]]]
'''Fridays After Five''' is a large block party/concert that takes place in [[Charlottesville]] from spring until fall. [[Chris]] was video recorded there, [[C-Ya Later|enjoying real life for once]].

Chris first mentioned Fridays After Five in a [[6 June 2010|video]] explaining his near hit-and-run on [[Michael Snyder]]. Based upon this knowledge, the manchild has been attending the event since at least 4 June 2010.

==Chris sighting==
[[File:WantWoman.jpg|thumb|left|You know he's [[straight]] because his [[bra]] says so.]]
[[Image:Chrisgirl1.jpg|thumb|Chris trying to pick up a [[boyfriend-free girl]].]]
[[Image:Fridayafterplan.png|thumb|right|CWC's plan B.]]
[[Image:Dancing.gif|left]]

On 18 [[June 2010]], Chris went to one of these events and a good samaritan ([[YouTube]] name [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]) took these videos and pictures of him out in public. According to the author, Chris wore a T-shirt that says "I Enjoy [[Vagina]]" and was wearing a "[[gay]] circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his [[PokeWalker of Fail|PokéWalker]]. At some point Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his [[obesity|flabby gut]] and [[muscle bra|female support wear]], which he had apparently seen fit to write "[[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN!]]" on with permanent marker. Note the apparent, inexplicable (knowing Chris) absence of the [[Medallion_of_Fail|Medallion of Fail]] - although it could have been removed just temporarily in order to simplify the (probably planned) act of pulling back the shirt.

Chris's clothing indicates he is looking to put a new twist on his [[Love_Quest|old tricks]]. Like the [[Attraction_sign|attraction sign]], Chris is shown making a point to display the writing on his clothing, declaring that he "enjoys vagina" and "wants woman". This is yet another example that this [[autistic]] man-child does not learn from the mistakes of his past. Also, the videos filmed at this event mostly showed the back of Chris's head, which shows a small but emerging [[bald]] spot.

Besides exposing his covered bosom to potential [[sweetheart]]s - mostly [[pedofork|severely underage]] - Chris spent his time at the event [[Flipnote Hatena|drawing flipnotes]] on his [[Nintendo]] DSi, and trying to dance with a disturbing mix of Chicken Dance and [[autism]] - with all the grace and skill of [[CWC Fighter]].

It is unlikely that Chris was aware of being photographed, which proves that all these actions are Chris's idea of being normal. When Chris eventually realized (or it seemed so) he was being observed, he suddenly disappeared like Batman.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:100 0669.JPG|The return of the King.
File:100 0670.JPG|[[100 2178|All alone.]]
File:100 0671.JPG|Fuck yeah! A [[gal-pal]]!
File:100 0673.JPG|The gal pal's gone...
File:100 0674.JPG|Oh! Potential new gal-pals!
File:100 0676.JPG|Creepy...
File:100 0677.JPG|...fucking...
File:100 0678.JPG|...scene.
File:100 0681.JPG|Eventually, an urgent need to <s>play some vidya</s> [[Flipnote Hatena|DRAW SOME SHIT]] prevails.
File:100 0682.JPG|Chris enjoying the real world. Also, DAT ASSCRACK.
File:100 0683.JPG|Chris has a deep conversation with an 8 year old.
File:100 0693.JPG|A wide shot.
File:100 0694.JPG|A close-up of Chris. Notice that he hasn't bothered to fully remove his shirt.
File:100 0695.JPG|Chris showing off his muscular bosom.
File:100 0696.JPG|LOOK AT THAT GUT GODDAMN
File:100_0697.JPG|Chris trying to look sexy for Da Ladies.
</gallery>
</center>

==Videos==

{{collapsible
|Videos of Chris in a public place, a rare sight.
|
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = manchild
| video = {{#ev:youtube|J4dib0pmpjE}}
| Stardate = 18 June 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 100_0690.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tbU7ao0i-Ew}}
| Stardate = 19 June 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 100_0691.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dDlJ-ZY5Opk}}
| Stardate = 19 June 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = 100_0692.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vdibt4Ll2gs}}
| Stardate = 19 June 2010
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/0ArchieBunker0 0ArchieBunker0]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-chan - Someome save MEEE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fD0r8MXprQE}}
| Stardate = 19 [[June 2010]]
| Maker = AnimuAnimalia
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = manbaby dances to (in)appropriate music
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WwienHE3hRo}}
| Stardate = 24 [[June 2010]]
| Maker = mrallex
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
*[[Flipnote Hatena]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Rollin' and Trollin']]
*[[Pedofork]]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?nkhrmmtjymg Download Videos]
*[http://www.charlottesvillepavilion.com/fridaysafterfive/ Fridays After Five at the Charlottesville Pavilion]

[[Category:Social life]]

Some Favored Comedians

2010-05-21T01:34:56Z

XXOtakuDadXx:

{{recent}}
[[Image:Chris gay trucker.jpg|thumb|right|]]
'''Some Favored Comedians''' (officially "'''Some Favored Comedians.MOV'''") is a 20 [[May 2010]] video where [[Chris]] bores his [[fanbase]] by discussing various comedians and Seth McFarlane. He reiterates his [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|dislike for the change in voice actors on The Cleveland Show]], does several terrible impersonations, and describes a scenario where Jerry Seinfeld meets him and does a stand up act about how [[Chris and ego|awesome]] it is to meet a [[Chris|retarded manchild]]. Chris seems to go out of his way to mention how much he doesn't [[racism|hate]] [[Chris and religion|Jews]] but gives no justification for his own indiscretions. Chris mentions that Larry the Cable Guy should be called Larry the Trucker Man and then switches, in an ADD kind of way, to Peter Cullen's voice acting [[Optimus Prime]].

Despite Chris being a critical and avid fan of The Cleveland Show, he consistently refers to [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Reagan Gomez]] as "Regina", quite possibly an artefact of his [[Autism]] for which he blames almost all of his shortcomings.
{{-}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Some Favored Comedians
| video = {{#ev:youtube|URLwUjuNJYM}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2010]]
| subject = {{Rumours|text}}, {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[05142010]]
| next = Current
}}

==Transcript==
Ah, [[Captain's Log]], May 22nd- [''flashes his school ring''] May 20th, 2010. I just uh, started up this video [''takes his glasses off''] to uh, give y'all a little update about myself [''puts glasses back on, coughs'']. You know, I'm doing well, so's my [[Barb|mom]], and for your information my [[Bob|father]] is alive and well so, that rumour is false. My father is alive and well.

Anyway uh, anyway with that I wanna talk about some of my favourite uh, comedy people. But uh, I'd like to start off with uh, prefacing with uh, prefrencing an old- a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|past video of mine]], of which I have uh made the complaint about uh... [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Regina Gomez]] who plays [[Wikipedia:Nia Long|Nia Long]] on [[The Cleveland Show]]. I mean yeah that was definitely like a trade down in comparison. [''Chris turns to his TV''] Let's go to a clip of Nia Long.

[''Clip of The Cleveland Show plays - probably from [[Wikipedia:Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance|Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance]]'']

And then uh now, check out uh, Ragina Gomez in comparison.

[''Plays another clip from The Cleveland Show - probably from [[Wikipedia:Once Upon a Tyne in New York|Once Upon a Tyne in New York]]'']

You see a difference? Big difference. Regina is a whiny voiced little brat, whereas uh Nia... [''turns to TV''] was a lot better. And uh, [''turns to camera''] an another reference, that was like uh, when they changed the voice- they changed the voice actress for [''turns to TV''] [[Family_Guy#Chris_and_Meg|Megan Griffin]]. I mean, yeah here's the first voice. This is an improvement by the way.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah see well, this was a better change in comparison. You know, change it from... I forget her name... to [[Wikipedia:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]]. Whoops, I don't need that selected(?) [''mutters something'']. Here's Mila.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah big difference. Big difference between the uh, voice actresses you know. When they sw- they, did it from [[Wikipedia:Lacey Chabert|whoever she was]] to Mila Kunis, that was an improvement because, you know, maturing- the voice deepens naturally. Whereas The Cleveland Show switching from Ni- switching from Nia Long to Regina Gomez. That's a trade ''down'' [''gestures and points down'']. I mean I- I gotta tell you my opinion [''removes glasses'']. It must have been like uh, Seth McFarlane and uh, Mike Henry musta had uh, too many drinks or somethin' to decide to uh, switch from Nia to Regina. Or a- or I don't know whether it's um, it was their decision or what Nia had in her head when sh- uh, when she left the show for that point.

And I leave you all with that. Let's talk about uh, let's talk about famous comedy people. Uh, y'all know I like uh, I like from plastma classtics(?), [[Wikipedia:Lucille Ball|Lucille Ball]] [''High-pitched voice impression''] ''Hello, friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run down, and listless? Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin''. And uh, I also like [[Wikipedia:Red Skelton|Red Skelton]]. [''Dopey voice impression''][''unintelligible'']. [''chuckles a bit''] Very funny people. I also liked uh, I also liked [[Wikipedia:Dick Van Dyke|Dick Van Dyke]], [[Wikipedia:Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] and, [[Wikipedia:Bob Newhart|Bob Newhart]], there's another good one. I like those types of people, but from today's- from this generation, I like [[Wikipedia:Tim Allen|Tim Allen]]. He's a funny man. Yeah. [''Laughs''] I was just remember the uh, part where- the one where he ''Tim don't put your hand in the light socket *pfft*''. But seriously though, he does very good, he's a funny man.

I also like [[Wikipedia:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]]. He- he's very funny. I watched his show every- I watch his show every day on TBS... And, you know, too bad- too bad it ended. He coulda done more shows but whatever. That was his call there. He decided that after nine seasons. I like Jerry Seinfeld, he's a funny man. You know I would- you know I would definitely like to see this, you know, even as a video response from Jerry Himself, his view on autis- on autistic people. Especially the high functioning autistics like myself, you know.

[''Stares into space, makes a creepy smile'']

And also, think about this, I probably sound like Jerry Sein- I probably sound like Jerry Seinfeld, you know? This could be a comedy routine for himself, you know, that he could do for autistics.

[''Pantomimes holding a mic, attempts to impersonate Jerry Seinfeld'']

Ah yeah, so I just recently been introduced to this uh, autistic, uh, boy- this autistic teenage boy here. And uh, and we sai- you know, I was introduced, so he opened up to me right away. And then I- and then- later, like I- later at this picnic, this community picnic, he uh, I see him- I see him over there and he wants to find- he wants to [[Fuck quest|meet himself a lady]], so he's hanging out over there. And I don't see him talking to the ladies, he just uh, he's just uh, smiling and being silent. I mean, he ain't gonna go anywhere unless he talks to- unless he talks to the but then again that's part of the autism right there. He just tends to blank out when he's not introduced to people. Because he's scared of the unknown. That's very common among the autistic people. And I'll tell you something else. Today's society where everybody is glued to their computers and internet and all that, they're definitely closing themselves off from society. It's like they're becoming autistics themselves. I mean, if they're definitely not glued in front of their computer they're definitely about as blank as that au- that little teenage boy was.

[''Pantomimes releasing mic, stares into space for a few moments.'']

Eh, yeah, but anyway I would definitely like to hear Jerry Seinfeld's uh, opinions and views, or a comedy sketch about autistic people. 'Cuz I want to ask him about that. Oh yeah, also you know, another Jewish dude I like- that he strikes me as funny, [[Wikipedia:Brad Garrett|Brad Garrett]], you know, from ''Everybody Loves Raymond'', also doing the guy from till does actually he also starred in an episode of ''Seinfeld'' I read, where he steals Jerry's car. Still that does- that seems kind of dumb, you know. I even read that he tried- he tried out for Kramer, I mean, I mean he definitely would not have been- I do not know if he would be a better Kramer, I mean [''Voice changes''] "What are you looking at crazy?" I dunno. Ha, I mean,
[''Waves arms around''] "Who-whoop-whoop PIA! Yeah. Hi Jer!" [''chuckles''] Yeah I think uh, Brad Garrison is a little bit more subtle, but I like him too. You know. And I have nothing against [[Jews|Jewish people]], I mean there's people too, and I got nothing against Jewish community. I mean they have their views and we have our views, Let's leave it at that. I mean they're all- they're all- they're people we're people, [''face contorts with racism''] no problem.

I know I sent [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|crossed signals]] about that at past points. Oh, hey, you know another dude I like? [''puts on a baseball cap''] Larry the Cable Guy. ''Git-R-Done!'' [''chuckles''] Funny dude, you know. He definitely could been- he definitely had the trucker look going for him if he uh, wasn't being the cable guy. Yeah I mean, I would definitely think that would have uh, the way he was dressed they would him "Larry the Trucker Man!" Trucker Man. [''chuckles''] Yeaah, pretty funny. [''takes off cap''] Oh and also you know, speaking of impressions uhh, here's [[Wikipedia:Peter Cullen|Peter Cullen]] [''Quotes some Optimus Prime lines from Transformers'']. That's spot on, dead on Peter Cullen right there. And I'm glad that, you know, aside from the generation one series, they let him do t- he volunte- he volunteered to do the voice of Optimus in the new movies, as well as in the video games. I mean all th- of all the generations between the Optimus Primes and the Optimus Primals, [''points at camera''] Peter Cullen ''is'' Optimus Prime. Of all time.

Anyway, that's uhh, just uh some of my opinions about some current and past comedians and uh, Seth! Mike! Bring back Nia Long! [''Puts glasses back on''] Anyway, I'll leave y'all with uh, that and those impressions. Until then- until another time when I have another thought or, whatever - have a good day. [''makes the peace sign''] Peace.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = STAPLE CWC TO MY DICK
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Zy3SSc7iwk4}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/mrallex mrallex]
| Stardate = 20 May 2010
}}

==References==
<references />

{{-}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[05142010]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2010-05-20]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Some Favored Comedians

2010-05-21T01:33:31Z

XXOtakuDadXx:

{{recent}}
[[Image:Chris gay trucker.jpg|thumb|right|]]
'''Some Favored Comedians''' (officially "'''Some Favored Comedians.MOV'''") is a 20 [[May 2010]] video where [[Chris]] bores his [[fanbase]] by discussing various comedians and Seth McFarlane. He reiterates his [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|dislike for the change in voice actors on The Cleveland Show]], does several terrible impersonations, and describes a scenario where Jerry Seinfeld meets him and does a stand up act about how [[Chris and ego|awesome]] it is to meet a [[Chris|retarded manchild]]. Chris seems to go out of his way to mention how much he doesn't [[racism|hate]] [[Chris and religion|Jews]] but gives no justification for his own indiscretions. Chris mentions that Larry the Cable Guy should be called Larry the Trucker Man and then switches, in an ADD kind of way, to Peter Cullen's voice acting [[Optimus Prime]].

Despite Chris being a critical and avid fan of The Cleveland Show, he consistently refers to [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Reagan Gomez]] as "Regina", quite possibly an artefact of his [[Autism]] for which he blames almost all of his shortcomings.
{{-}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Some Favored Comedians
| video = {{#ev:youtube|URLwUjuNJYM}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2010]]
| subject = {{Rumours|text}}, {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[05142010]]
| next = Current
}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = STAPLE CWC TO MY DICK
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Zy3SSc7iwk4}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/mrallex mrallex]
| Stardate = 20 May 2010
}}

==Transcript==
Ah, [[Captain's Log]], May 22nd- [''flashes his school ring''] May 20th, 2010. I just uh, started up this video [''takes his glasses off''] to uh, give y'all a little update about myself [''puts glasses back on, coughs'']. You know, I'm doing well, so's my [[Barb|mom]], and for your information my [[Bob|father]] is alive and well so, that rumour is false. My father is alive and well.

Anyway uh, anyway with that I wanna talk about some of my favourite uh, comedy people. But uh, I'd like to start off with uh, prefacing with uh, prefrencing an old- a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|past video of mine]], of which I have uh made the complaint about uh... [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Regina Gomez]] who plays [[Wikipedia:Nia Long|Nia Long]] on [[The Cleveland Show]]. I mean yeah that was definitely like a trade down in comparison. [''Chris turns to his TV''] Let's go to a clip of Nia Long.

[''Clip of The Cleveland Show plays - probably from [[Wikipedia:Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance|Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance]]'']

And then uh now, check out uh, Ragina Gomez in comparison.

[''Plays another clip from The Cleveland Show - probably from [[Wikipedia:Once Upon a Tyne in New York|Once Upon a Tyne in New York]]'']

You see a difference? Big difference. Regina is a whiny voiced little brat, whereas uh Nia... [''turns to TV''] was a lot better. And uh, [''turns to camera''] an another reference, that was like uh, when they changed the voice- they changed the voice actress for [''turns to TV''] [[Family_Guy#Chris_and_Meg|Megan Griffin]]. I mean, yeah here's the first voice. This is an improvement by the way.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah see well, this was a better change in comparison. You know, change it from... I forget her name... to [[Wikipedia:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]]. Whoops, I don't need that selected(?) [''mutters something'']. Here's Mila.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah big difference. Big difference between the uh, voice actresses you know. When they sw- they, did it from [[Wikipedia:Lacey Chabert|whoever she was]] to Mila Kunis, that was an improvement because, you know, maturing- the voice deepens naturally. Whereas The Cleveland Show switching from Ni- switching from Nia Long to Regina Gomez. That's a trade ''down'' [''gestures and points down'']. I mean I- I gotta tell you my opinion [''removes glasses'']. It must have been like uh, Seth McFarlane and uh, Mike Henry musta had uh, too many drinks or somethin' to decide to uh, switch from Nia to Regina. Or a- or I don't know whether it's um, it was their decision or what Nia had in her head when sh- uh, when she left the show for that point.

And I leave you all with that. Let's talk about uh, let's talk about famous comedy people. Uh, y'all know I like uh, I like from plastma classtics(?), [[Wikipedia:Lucille Ball|Lucille Ball]] [''High-pitched voice impression''] ''Hello, friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run down, and listless? Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin''. And uh, I also like [[Wikipedia:Red Skelton|Red Skelton]]. [''Dopey voice impression''][''unintelligible'']. [''chuckles a bit''] Very funny people. I also liked uh, I also liked [[Wikipedia:Dick Van Dyke|Dick Van Dyke]], [[Wikipedia:Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] and, [[Wikipedia:Bob Newhart|Bob Newhart]], there's another good one. I like those types of people, but from today's- from this generation, I like [[Wikipedia:Tim Allen|Tim Allen]]. He's a funny man. Yeah. [''Laughs''] I was just remember the uh, part where- the one where he ''Tim don't put your hand in the light socket *pfft*''. But seriously though, he does very good, he's a funny man.

I also like [[Wikipedia:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]]. He- he's very funny. I watched his show every- I watch his show every day on TBS... And, you know, too bad- too bad it ended. He coulda done more shows but whatever. That was his call there. He decided that after nine seasons. I like Jerry Seinfeld, he's a funny man. You know I would- you know I would definitely like to see this, you know, even as a video response from Jerry Himself, his view on autis- on autistic people. Especially the high functioning autistics like myself, you know.

[''Stares into space, makes a creepy smile'']

And also, think about this, I probably sound like Jerry Sein- I probably sound like Jerry Seinfeld, you know? This could be a comedy routine for himself, you know, that he could do for autistics.

[''Pantomimes holding a mic, attempts to impersonate Jerry Seinfeld'']

Ah yeah, so I just recently been introduced to this uh, autistic, uh, boy- this autistic teenage boy here. And uh, and we sai- you know, I was introduced, so he opened up to me right away. And then I- and then- later, like I- later at this picnic, this community picnic, he uh, I see him- I see him over there and he wants to find- he wants to [[Fuck quest|meet himself a lady]], so he's hanging out over there. And I don't see him talking to the ladies, he just uh, he's just uh, smiling and being silent. I mean, he ain't gonna go anywhere unless he talks to- unless he talks to the but then again that's part of the autism right there. He just tends to blank out when he's not introduced to people. Because he's scared of the unknown. That's very common among the autistic people. And I'll tell you something else. Today's society where everybody is glued to their computers and internet and all that, they're definitely closing themselves off from society. It's like they're becoming autistics themselves. I mean, if they're definitely not glued in front of their computer they're definitely about as blank as that au- that little teenage boy was.

[''Pantomimes releasing mic, stares into space for a few moments.'']

Eh, yeah, but anyway I would definitely like to hear Jerry Seinfeld's uh, opinions and views, or a comedy sketch about autistic people. 'Cuz I want to ask him about that. Oh yeah, also you know, another Jewish dude I like- that he strikes me as funny, [[Wikipedia:Brad Garrett|Brad Garrett]], you know, from ''Everybody Loves Raymond'', also doing the guy from till does actually he also starred in an episode of ''Seinfeld'' I read, where he steals Jerry's car. Still that does- that seems kind of dumb, you know. I even read that he tried- he tried out for Kramer, I mean, I mean he definitely would not have been- I do not know if he would be a better Kramer, I mean [''Voice changes''] "What are you looking at crazy?" I dunno. Ha, I mean,
[''Waves arms around''] "Who-whoop-whoop PIA! Yeah. Hi Jer!" [''chuckles''] Yeah I think uh, Brad Garrison is a little bit more subtle, but I like him too. You know. And I have nothing against [[Jews|Jewish people]], I mean there's people too, and I got nothing against Jewish community. I mean they have their views and we have our views, Let's leave it at that. I mean they're all- they're all- they're people we're people, [''face contorts with racism''] no problem.

I know I sent [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|crossed signals]] about that at past points. Oh, hey, you know another dude I like? [''puts on a baseball cap''] Larry the Cable Guy. ''Git-R-Done!'' [''chuckles''] Funny dude, you know. He definitely could been- he definitely had the trucker look going for him if he uh, wasn't being the cable guy. Yeah I mean, I would definitely think that would have uh, the way he was dressed they would him "Larry the Trucker Man!" Trucker Man. [''chuckles''] Yeaah, pretty funny. [''takes off cap''] Oh and also you know, speaking of impressions uhh, here's [[Wikipedia:Peter Cullen|Peter Cullen]] [''Quotes some Optimus Prime lines from Transformers'']. That's spot on, dead on Peter Cullen right there. And I'm glad that, you know, aside from the generation one series, they let him do t- he volunte- he volunteered to do the voice of Optimus in the new movies, as well as in the video games. I mean all th- of all the generations between the Optimus Primes and the Optimus Primals, [''points at camera''] Peter Cullen ''is'' Optimus Prime. Of all time.

Anyway, that's uhh, just uh some of my opinions about some current and past comedians and uh, Seth! Mike! Bring back Nia Long! [''Puts glasses back on''] Anyway, I'll leave y'all with uh, that and those impressions. Until then- until another time when I have another thought or, whatever - have a good day. [''makes the peace sign''] Peace.

==References==
<references />

{{-}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[05142010]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2010-05-20]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Kacey Call 1

2010-05-16T00:12:44Z

XXOtakuDadXx: /* Transcript */

{{quote|Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep [[Chris and sex|bangin']] your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my [[comeuppance]]!... And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna [[Homos|lick it]] off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!|Chris, not being creepy or fucked-up whatsoever}}

In [[August 2009]], Chris ([[Ian Brandon Anderson]]) called [[Kacey]], as he attempted to pretend to be the [[CChanSonichuCWC|REAL CWC]] to get with Kacey. Hilarity and [[fail]] ensued.

Most of the call, Chris forgets he's pretending to be Liquid, but Kacey manages to play along.

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey honey! Oh my god, it's so good to hear your voice again; it's me, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kayce! I'm good. You sound like it's goin' good. ''[Kacey overlaps: Ah, I love when you call me that!]''
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I'm so happy cuz I got to talk to you! I missed you all day today. It sucked being in school. I can't believe it's almost finals.
 '''Chris:''' Aww, yeah, I know, summer finals, right?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I don't know why I did summer session, it's just... I don't know. You know that I'm really, ''really'' into intelligent guys; which is why I love you. And I've, you know, gotta do the same. So how's school for you? ''[Chris overlaps: Aaahhh...]''
 '''Chris:''' Oh, things have been great for me, you know, I just finished the dating episode; it is ''fantastic''.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, well that's cool, but what does that have to do with school?
 '''Chris:''' ...Uh, you know, the [[comic]]s, so I just... I felt like finishing it up, so I finished it...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, I get what you're saying! Oh, that is so cool!
 '''Chris:''' The dating education episode. It's on the [[CWCipedia]].
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome. I'm gonna have to check it out, because, you know, that is of course what led me to you in the first place. ''[Chris overlaps: Oh, yeah.]'' But, um, what about actual school? 'Cuz I know you had classes today too!
 '''Chris:''' Ohhh, yeah... Oh, yeah, they were very tough on me, but, I felt like I take a break, finish up my comic work, and get that outta the way, y'know?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I get what you're saying; you're gonna do everything tomorrow, well, that... that's so cool of you, I mean, at least you're being serious about it, but you're not being ''too'' serious. So, um, when are your finals? Are they next week, too?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, only got... I only got one to go, y'know? One more test to go, and then I'm done.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh god, you're so lucky, cuz my finals, like, they don't even start 'til next week, so... Which one's your last one again? I can't remember, I'm ''[laughs]'' sorry.
 '''Chris:''' ...I'm sorry, what was that question? I didn't quite understand it.
 '''Kacey:''' Sorry. ''[laughs]'' You know I talk fast 'cuz I'm so excited to be talking to you. Um, so-
 '''Chris:''' It's all right.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' So which one's your last final? I totally forgot.
 '''Chris:''' Which one's my last, uh, fina- my last final?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, is it the same one, you know, that same class we have together?
 '''Chris:''' Aaahhh... No, it's not, no, it's not that one... Uuhhh... I'm trying to think of the name. I'm trying to think of it... Um... Oh, yeah, it's the one where I'm doing, uh... It's the one where, uh... working with, uh, I think it's... I think I'm working in Photoshop, something like that, with the... ahh, so much going on in my head right now...
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh, it's your... databasing and, uh, computer graphics class!
 '''Chris:''' Yes! My computer graphics class. Yes, that's it.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. God, and, I've seen some of your work since you sent it to me, and lemme just tell you, you are ''so'' frickin' amazing, like, I cannot ''wait'' to see you this weekend.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I've got a GPS system, you know that, sweetie!
 ''[Chris and Kacey both stammer a bit]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Oh, that's right, you told me about the GPS! I totally forgot!
 '''Kacey:''' I got it for my birthday this year, remember? So, um... yeah, I've already got it plugged in, and... it's gonna be so much fun, so... do you remember our last time together, you know, our, uh, our third date? ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Ah, date number three... mmm... oh, I've been so busy with, uh, with studying for the finals. It's just that so much of the details are plaguing my mind at the moment!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I know. But it was so magical. I have never, ever been with someone so sensual, and just so in tune to me. I can NOT wait to see you again. So maybe you can give me a sneak preview of what you're going to do the next time I see you?
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna rock your world, baby.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[laughing]'' Oh, Chris, you are so hot. God, I don't know how you do it. So stop teasing me, you've gotta give me more.
 '''Chris:''' It- It just comes natural to me, I guess. I got a deep sensual voice, you know. I definitely got the Bing Crosby tune, baby, you know I been raised on music! My dad was a technical engineer! Got all them patents and everything!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, Chris! I love it when you talk like that! God, so, you know when you sang Fresh Prince today, you know I looove that. Oh my God, like you know that white boy rap? Oh my God. You were amazing, almost as amazing as last time I saw you.
 '''Chris:''' Aw yeah, before that, yeah. Y'know I'm into hippin'- I'm hippin' to soo many hippin' tunes right now. But you know, I like to just... uh, sometimes I like to look back, at my favorite hits and just uh, listen to them you know? Ah, you know I definitely did like [[Sonic]] Boom and Don't Say You Love Me, too bad- ah, too bad I got beaten to the punch on those. Uh yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' God, I know, I was so hoping you would do something like that. I mean, maybe you could do N'Sync next? I love Tearing Up My Heart. Could you do that one for me?
 '''Chris:''' I got bears - you know what? - I got bears - I got a better song I'm planning on next one. Uh, here's a little preview. Hang on.
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome. AWESOME. Thank you! ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Hang on. Hang on. Hush-hush-hush!
 '''Kacey:''' Aww.
 '''Chris:''' ''[shouts]'' YOU GOT THE TOUCH. YOU GOT THE POWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER, YEAH!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh Chris. Your voice... well, you know what it does to me. It gets me so hot.
 '''Chris:''' Ohhhh yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So tell me how much you like when I get hot.
 '''Chris:''' Oohhhh, I'm lovin' it.
 '''Kacey:''' What are you gonna do to me Chris? I mean, love songs are wonderful, I know you've got lots of ideas in your head.
 '''Chris:''' It'll be like the first time all over again, girl. You know I enjoyed the first time.
 '''Kacey:''' I know, just the way you looked at me-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' I'd like ta, I'd like ta, I'm definitely gonna try to repeat the encore, repeat as best as I can, you know. You know, to the best of my memory, even though I been messin' up stuff for the finals and whatevurrr, so...
 '''Kacey:''' So did you remember what I wanted you to do next time?
 '''Chris:''' Aww... shoot.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, how could you forget!
 '''Chris:''' Oh, you know... lemme take a guess, lemme take a guess! Uh, you want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, that's one of them, but I wanted to do something a little more adventurous! I can't believe you forgot, you seemed so excited!
 '''Chris:''' ''[in a high-pitched whine]'' OH YEAH I'M SO EXCITED! I just can't hide it.
 '''Kacey:''' I guess I'll forgive you this time, but I totally, absolutely wanted you to tie me up and let me be at your mercy. I mean doesn't that sound awesome?
 '''Chris:''' AWW YEAH THAT DOES SOUND FUCKIN' AWESOME.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok well since I told you that you have to tell me what you're gonna do to me because come on, you know I love it when you talk dirty to me.
 '''Chris:''' Aww, talk dirty to me! Duh-duh.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, please do.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmmmm... oh yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Do it for me, your sweet little Kacey-kase.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. I gonna... you just gonna love this. You uh, I'll be showin', I'll be presentin' myself to you, you'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that you know, and you just, I'll be puttin' it, between your tits while you're all TIED UUUP!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God that sounds so good! Like, I'm like crying because it sounds so wonderful! Keep telling me more!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm just going to get that girl...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm actually starting to touch my tits right now, so keep telling me more. Keep telling me more.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my comeuppance!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I can't wait to lick it off. I'm gonna be so, so hot. This is the Chris I know and love. Thank you!
 '''Chris:''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, you know I love shotgunning like that. God Chris, you're even a little spicier than last time. What's gotten into you?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' VANILLA HOT HOT SPICY BABY.
 '''Kacey:''' So Chris... um, so what are you doing right now, y'know, are you uh, doing the same thing?
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, you know... yeah, I'm just I'm... yeah, I'm getting turned on. I'm just rubbing myself thinking about it!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, Chris! It's gonna be so much better when I'm really there, though. I can't wait to see you, I can't believe I'm actually going to go to your house, and be with you and it's gonna be awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. You know it, girl. You know it so well.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean, I just can't help getting hot thinking again about all your music videos, just... oh my gosh, I remember so much better than I poss-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting to mangle REO Speedwagon while Kacey giggles]'' You can't fight that feeling anymore... I've forgotten what I started fighting for... it's just so much listen to the shore... and I can't fight this feeling anymore.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, you know I hate to spoil the mood, but I mean you're just so much better than that brown-shirted... or that shirted impostor. I mean, I love your brown shirts way more.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' Sorry, I'm getting so confused right now, because I'm just so hot right now. I'm so glad you-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' Yeah, but you know I actually do have a red, white and blue-striped shirt ''in'' my closet.
 '''Kacey:''' You do? Why don't you wear it then? I mean, I guess that would make you too much like the impostor.
 '''Chris:''' I don't know, because you know... just been trying to separate myself from the impostor I guess, I mean red, white and blue, you know, was my original roots, I mean look at back in the early pages of my books! Red, white and blue all the way girl!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[sighs]'' Well...
 '''Chris:''' ''[plows on]'' I just had to separate myself from the impostor somehow. And you know how I rapped the [[PaRappa contest]]? I wore an orange shirt then, girl.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I guess... okay, well I mean, just that impostor, I know he's really, really, really getting to you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, he's been getting to me. Giving me... wracking at my NERVES! ''[tard rage]'' Just really turning me... urgh! Making me so angry!
 '''Kacey:''' God I know, he pisses me off too. I can't believe he's trying to be you when you're just so much sexier, hotter... ''[Chris overlapping: Yeah, yeah]'' I mean, his voice doesn't even sound like yours!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I mean, can you believe him? I mean he just looks so... aw shoot, what's the word I'm trying think of... oh yeah, he looks so soff-moric!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, he does, I, I guess, I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean the impostor looks like he's got to be about 13 or 15, does not have the diploma or the degrees, OR the certificate I had from the waterboy on the varsity basket ball team during my freshman year!
 '''Kacey:''' Right, um... what are you talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Aw, I'm just on a roll here, you know. I'm just trying- I'm just trying to- I've been- 
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' I mean, 'cause-
 '''Chris:''' One five minute note or you know... ah, he's telling me history or like um... I got my truths, you know. He's just bringing me all the counter-evidence and I've got to fight back with the real deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh oh, you mean when he was trying to duel you in Spanish and he showed that fake certificate with a fake [[Sonichu]] picture. Oh oh, okay, I get it, 'cause you were confusing me for a minute there, at first I thought that you were suggesting that you were the fat impostor, and you know, I was getting worried for a minute there.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, you... well, I don't know about this and that but I tell you what... you are definitely talking to the real deal, baby. You know I'm going to ROCK YOUR WORLD.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[sighs]'' Yeah, you totally, totally are. I mean, like you said, next time we're going to try the strap-ons, and I can't wait for that!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Let's do it after this, after this, after this one time, the first time this weekend, y'know... yeah, tie me down...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' Oh right, like start out slow like that and... oh yeah, I get it, y'know... do you dominant first, then me dominant... I gotcha! ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I know you said you couldn't wait... but I could do it for you Chris, definitely do it for you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. ''[voice gets high pitched]'' OH YEAH!
 '''Kacey:''' You know baby, I might skip school tomorrow and head down tomorrow, how does that sound?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Tomorrow... hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, finals are until next week, I can skip this week if you want me to spend the whole week with you, get a little good-luck lovin', you know?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Oh yeah, that sounds good, that sounds... yeah, that sounds very good. Mmm. So what time do you think you could be at my place?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, let's see, you're only an hour and a half away, so 6 pm maybe?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. 6 pm... mmm. Yeah, that sounds do-able. 6 pm!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Do-able, just like me, right?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' DO-ABLE BABY!
 '''Kacey:''' Can you cook me something for dinner, something delicious?
 '''Chris:''' Uuurgh
 '''Kacey:''' And maybe afterwards a [[guitar]] serenade? You know, cause your songs put me in the mood. That's all I want, I want a delicious dinner and a guitar serenade where you sing, you know that last song you sung me just like last time, can you please repeat it for me? Can you at least sing a little bit right now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Hmmm, hang on a minute let me a minute, let me reflect in my memory here. My well audiograped memory my father entrusted me with well by teaching me so much music.
 '''Kacey:''' Of course! ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. ''[sings]'' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! IT'S TRUE!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''No, no, not the one you sang for the impostor, the one you sang for me on our last date.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, it's easy to get confused.
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]''Yeah, I'm kind of a little bit confused myself, it's been a long day.
 '''Kacey:''' Aw, I know, I know. I mean, you're doing so well since, you know, considering what you're majoring in and everything.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah! Computer graphics and design!
 '''Kacey:''' Did you change your major? What?
 '''Chris:''' No, that's BEEN my major.
 ''[long pause]''
 '''Kacey:''' ...Okay.
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' That's my major, computer graphics and design.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh... that's, uh, weird. But anyway, what are you gonna cook for me? You know, for the date?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Hm, I could definitely whip up a, uh, pretty good stew for you.
 '''Kacey:''' Oooh, a stew, what type of stew?
 '''Chris:''' Oh you know, with the tomatoes and the vegetables and the whatnot.
 '''Kacey:''' You know, I thought you were a little more ambitious than that. I mean, stew sounds good still, but isn't that better maybe for a winter getaway?
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Kacey:''' How about you make my favorite? I told you about my favorite the other day, can you make it?
 '''Chris:''' ''[mumbling]'' Umm...your favorite..uhh...your favorite, your favorite. Uhh. Boy I wore myself out getting excited and I can't even remember too clearly.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' That was my fault, I'm so sorry! But you know, talking to you, just makes me want to, you know. ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' YEAH.
 '''Kacey:''' But it's just chicken risotto, so will you be able to do that for me?
 '''Chris:''' Risotto's...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, maybe make a little video of you making it for me so that, uh, I can see how much love and awesomeness you're putting into it.
 '''Chris:''' Uhh..I don't know if, I don't know if I mean, to make it, to have a video up in the amount of time before you get here, but I would definitely cook you a risotto.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, awesome. So anyway, I like what you said to that impostor about him not having a [[sweetheart]], because I mean, if he had a sweetheart he really would, you know, make her a judge, don't you think? Because if you didn't make me a judge I would have been so pissed off. So I mean, what do you think about that?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh...I'm sorry, you got me confused there, could you start from the beginning and go slow please?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Oh, sorry, sorry, I just got so excited talking to you. ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' It's okay.
 '''Kacey:''' So, um, you know how you told the impostor? The impostor doesn't have a heart-sweet on his judge's panel. Do you think that's because he doesn't have one?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...oh yeah, that's, that's very likely but you know, I did realize that I apparently did take observation and notice, that actually one of them is a uh, is a real-life close gal-pal by the name of, uh, I think Kim Wilson?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, he's-you think he has a girlfriend named Kim Wilson? How do you know that? You are so awesome!
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I know I'm awesome. ''[laughs]'' Yeah but yeah no, I've just been hearing news talk between, you know, here and there and the fan base, yadda yadda yadda. No, but they're just basically, they're just friends. Besides, I heard that Kim has been together with this tough dude named, uh, Logan, and they have two German shepherds.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I love German Shepherds, but, um-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' ARF!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' But, um, would that mean that you still like her, though? I mean-
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh no no no no..
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Er, HE likes her?
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Uh, uh no no no. No, they've always been friends. I mean, you know, he had to know why though because she was already taken, in order to establish like guys do, to actually be with her or not, you know.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know, the impostor's never gonna get anyone anyway, he's not as awesome as you. You know, I just fell for you right off the bat. I mean, he's just such a fatty and you're thin and you're hot, and your medallion is so much better.
 '''Chris:''' ...Oh yes. Nothing like the real deal.
 '''Kacey:''' And your flowing locks, I mean, come on. What's with that [[hair]]cut?
 '''Chris:''' Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh..I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' You're gonna get your mom to cut your hair? Oh Chris, oh you, I get it, you're joking. You're so funny.
 '''Chris:''' Oh...I might be, but then again I might be serious, you never know.
 '''Kacey:''' Well you are full of surprises.
 '''Chris:''' ''[shouting]'' I AM FULL OF SURPRISES! ''[pause]'' I am full of surprises, woman, you know me. I am full of surprises.
 '''Kacey:''' I know you, I definitely, definitely know you. So tell me about some of these surprises. Spoil me, please.
 '''Chris:''' ''[laughs]'' Ahh, okay. Hmm, surprises surprises..yes...well, you'll have to see my [[house]], it'll definitely look so much familiar to you...if you look anywhere on the internet you'll recognize my house.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my god, it's just gonna say you. It's just gonna say "[[Christian Weston Chandler]]", right?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry...
 '''Kacey:''' You know, figuratively?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, the house pretty much screams Christian Weston Chandler. You know my [[car]] has a license plate that says Sonichu on it.
 '''Kacey:''' Does it? Wow, that's so funny because the impostor has one just like that! You would think they wouldn't let two tags be the same.
 '''Chris:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Yeah, I know!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my god, that has got to be, like, the worst coincidence ever. I can't believe he did that to you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know! Yeah, you know, one thing I'm definitely going to share with you after you get here? My original hand-drawn pages. You're just gonna enjoy seeing them, the original hand-drawn, unaltered, from the computer, you will definitely see the hand-drawn resemblance.
 '''Kacey:''' Well yeah I've seen them before. But I can't wait to see...I guess you know, new ones and stuff? So um, really quick, did you get my picture that I sent you?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I saw it. NICE.
 '''Kacey:''' Nice? Okay. What did you think about the color shirt I was wearing?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah...RED. The only thing that's missing is white and blue! Other than that, our shirts are patriotic. WE LOVE AMERICA! Proud to be an American. And I was born in Washington Jefferson Hospital, which is in [[Charlottesville]]...
 '''Kacey:''' So, does that picture make you horny? How horny does it make you?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Turns me on.
 '''Kacey:''' How bad?
 '''Chris:''' Real bad.
 '''Kacey:''' Real bad? Like last time?
 '''Chris:''' Ohhh yes.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Like so many times in my past before, even before I met you, but there was nothing, you know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' I was curious, I had to know!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' That's so cute! So what are you doing now?
 '''Chris:''' I'm talking to you, and enjoying this nice conversation.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh Chris, you're so awesome! So um, you remember the last time we were talking and we were talking about, you know, socialism and health care? You know, you never finished your opinion on that. Could you go ahead and expand?
 '''Chris:''' Um, socialism and health care. Umm...yeah, I definitely feel that, uh, health care would be good for, you know, the elderly and the disabled people and, uh, socialism, uh...I don't have all the details on socialism really. I might be leaving a few out in my head to make a final opinion.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, socialism just means, you know...[[Obama]]'s plan on health care. We were talking about this for hours!
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm just spacing out right now, haha. Ahh..but yeah, Obama's plan on health care. Well you know, I mean, he's, uh yeah, he's trying but yeah he's just not trying hard enough. Hang on, I gotta switch my arm, my right arm's getting tired out on me. You know how it is...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, is it because you're uhh, you're uhh, you know...touching yourself?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself-
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' ''[giggles]'' Ooh, that's a little spicy!
 '''Chris:''' It's like, you know, you're holding the phone over to your ear and your arm just hurts after a while you've held it there.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' ...Right...So, um...
 '''Chris:''' Oh actually you know, I just remembered, I wanted to recommend to you some more viewing notes from youtube, I want you to look at the videos on the account CCHAN6789.
 '''Kacey:''' What was that? CCHAN6789?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they were all from me. That's an old account, I pretty much just ended the deal with it, past time.
 '''Kacey:''' W-what's it again?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...It's C-C-H-A-N-6-7-8-9. Yeah, all me there. The real me.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. What? Oh, I'll have to check it later when I'm near a computer. That's cool, that's cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. So you know uh, Kim, you know uh, how she, uh, yeah you know, uh, Kim, I actually heard that Kim and her friend Logan actually live in the Charlton area close to the downtown mall, you know? So if you ever wanted to look her up and, you know, just talk to her, you know, find about more about the impostor for me, or you know, see what her opinion of me is on the internet from her point of view...
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, you want me to do some undercover stuff? Chris, that is so sweet of you! You know how much I wanted to get involved.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, sure. You know that ScarletSanctum account? That's hers.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, no, I will totally, totally message her. It's Kim Woods, you said?
 '''Chris:''' No, Kim Wilson. Totally. Message her, talk to her all about me.
 '''Kacey:''' I totally will. That is-yeah. I gotcha.
 '''Chris:''' Oh actually, yeah. I'm looking through my uh, e-mails...oof. My arm's cracking up on me again, you know from holding the phone-
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' You know, that's so weird, because you know, you work out all the time, Chris, so you would think a phone wouldn't be, you know, so heavy for you-
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Yeah, uh yeah, it's like light, but it's like, holding my arm in the same position for an extended period of time, it just bothers me.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. So, um, you told me that you had some new Sonichu merchandise coming out, so can you tell me about those? ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Uhh...oh yeah. I definitely got pokeballs-I definitely got a Sonichu ball replica in the works.
 ''[long pause]''
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome. How much are you gonna sell them for? Cause I know you made so much money...
 '''Chris:''' Eh, they'll probably go for like five, ten bucks. You know, I wanna get it out there.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh okay. You want it to start out like that. Okay, got it.
 '''Chris:''' Actually you know, I think I am, oh yeah. As I was trying to say earlier but then my arm cramped up on me, I was checking my e-mail and uh, actually I have Kim Wilson's e-mail address, I could share that to you, okay?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh please do, that would be awesome! I will put it in my address book right away.
 '''Chris:''' All right, I'll spell it out for you. It's S-C-A-R-L-E-T-M-A-R-I-E-S-A-N-C-T-U-A-R-Y at gmail dot com.
 '''Kacey:''' So it's scarletmariesanctuary@gmail.com?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, but yeah. Okay but anyway listen, don't uh, let her, don't uh spread this around to anybody, I'm trusting you. Keep it just between you and me. Just between you and me.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, definitely, I won't tell anyone. Just between you and me, Chris, just like, you know, our sexy secrets.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yes. Anyway, I gotta go, you know, I'm just tired out right now...
 '''Kacey:''' Aww, I don't want you to go, though.
 '''Chris:''' Oh I know, I wanna talk to you some more too, but, like, ''[high-pitched]'' you know, I need my rest girl, I gotta see you tomorrow at six and make your, uh, your, uh...your...rigatoni?
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Risotto, risotto, sweetie, risotto.
 '''Chris:''' RISOTTO!''[super high-pitched]'' RISOTTO, RISOTTO!
 '''Kacey:''' But still, can you make me a special video, please please? I'm not gonna be there till six so please make me a video!
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' It doesn't have to be cooking, just make me a video about how much you love me, please. You know, I'm feeling so lonely because this impostor, he's taking up a lot of your time, so please?
 '''Chris:''' All right, sweetheart, I'll make you a video saying how much I love you...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh my god, thank you!
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't be surprised if it ends up on, uh, a different account, you know.
 '''Kacey:''' I know. Oh, you're gonna keep it between us! I got it, I got it. That's awesome. Just e-mail it to me and I will look at it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I will e-mail it to you and let you look at it. Yes, I'll e-mail you the link.
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome, please, PLEASE e-mail me the link.
 '''Chris:''' All RIGHT, we've got a game plan!
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Singing over her]'' YEAH, I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING!
 '''Kacey:''' Be as sexy and awesome like you always are, okay, please?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yes, sexy and awesome. You got it, girl. You got it.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, then I guess I'll let you go to sleep and, umm...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you have pleasant dreams tonight, sweetheart.
 '''Kacey:''' I will as long as you're in them.
 '''Chris:''' Bye. ''[Kissing noises]''
 '''Kacey:''' I love you, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' I love you too. Love talking to you.
 '''Kacey:''' I love talking to you too...I love doing more with you, but that will have to wait till tomorrow.
 '''Chris:''' ''[weirdly high-pitched]'' Yeah, wait till tomorrow when you get here!
 '''Kacey:''' So...I'll be in your dreams, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you'll be in my dreams and I'll be in yours, ''[sings]'' I'll be in yours...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[Tries to interrupt]'' All right, th-
 '''Chris:''' I NEVER PROMISED YOU A HAPPY ENDING! I'm just trying to take a crack at his song now. The one that he could have stolen from me because, you know, I love Britney Spears as well.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I haven't seen that one yet, is it up?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yes, it's up. ''[sings over her again]''
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Okay, Chris, well...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm tired, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Kacey:''' I'll call you tomorrow before I come, okay? All right, love you, bye!

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Gear Solid: The Twin Ducks
| video = {{#ev:youtube|B0Mg8anOthI}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/mrallex mrallex]
| Stardate = 10 May 2010
}}

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call|First]]|nextlink=[[Father Call]]}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?mkgfzztdgcz mp3 of phonecall]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV

2010-05-11T01:11:25Z

XXOtakuDadXx: /* Fan videos */

{{Honest}}
[[File:Ima42Bust.jpg|thumb|Chris's measurements.]]
'''For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV''' is a video leaked 21 [[April 2010]] for [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] in which [[Chris]] demonstrates how he would pleasure her orally and reveals his [[muscle bra|sports bra]], showing off his creepiness on [[CWC's Message for Ivy|a]] [[For My Sweetest Ivy|level]] [[The Return of Kimmi|not]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|seen]] [[More for the crabs|since]] [[Bunny Hop|the]] [[Ivy|Ivy Saga]].

Chris, wearing a new [[shirt]] bearing a message contradictory to his claims that he is not a [[homo]], begins by apologizing to Jackie for introducing her to the [[CWCki]] (perhaps seeking to avoid another [[The Wallflower|Wallflower]] incident) and trying to explain what he believes happened with Ivy and [[Vanessa Saga|Vanessa Hudgens]]. Chris attempts to sound sincere but, as always, fails miserably. Things only go from bad to worse as Chris demonstrates how he would "pleasure" her [[Chris and sex|orally]]; Chris's voice gets noticeably more excited as he explains this. He even goes so far as to show how he would [[fail|use his tongue as well]]. This, unfortunately, goes on for a good minute. At one point, Chris seems to [[Mumble 8|forget who he's talking to]] and refers to Jackie as Ivy. Chris ends the video by explaining how he has a belly and man-boobs - he seems slightly more willing to admit this fact than he did back in [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]] - and reveals that he wears a [[muscle bra|sports bra]]. To make it even more pathetic: Chris actually fills it in.

Chris, in a surprising move, did not upload the video to [[YouTube]] but instead used MediaFire. He believes this will keep anyone from getting a hold of the video, neglecting the idea that Jackie herself would circulate it.
{{-}}
==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|wEKLxgRJnAc}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 21 April 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Sex}} Sex
| Performance Style = {{Crazy}} Crazy
| Shirt = {{MountAndDoMe}} Mount and Do Me, {{Cwcbra}} [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]
| Other = {{Leaked}} Leaked
| previous = [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]
| next = [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===
Hey, Jackie, it's me Christian. I'm doing this video for you 'cause upload to th- da MediaFire. Hopefully uh, [[trolls]] will not get that to there. I mean, yeah, I have not tried MediaFire before. But, yeah, I do have a friend that recommends it as well, so, for you I'll try it.

[''Removes [[glasses]], rubs the bridge of his nose'']

Well, first half of the video though uh, yeah, let me apologize for uh, yeah, that thing I- for even leading you to the [[CWCki]]. I just wanted to let you know 'bout what happened to me before. I just felt concerned about that, but- and then with that uh, reading what you read on Ivy's page, yeah, I was wrong. I forgot one detail of that- that detail. Yeah, it was uh- supposedly I was talking to uh, this [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who was like coming onto me really- really well online and I had- I held in with my self-restraint as best as I could. For a long time. And then she's kinda, talked me into it a little bit.

[''Chris's cell phone rings''] Ignore that. [''Gets up and turns it off, returns to chair''] Eh, that's my cell phone. Hmm. Let me just talk care of that real quick. [''holds up cell phone, apparently silences or turns it off''] Anyway uh, yeah. I did make a video apologizing to Ivy for that, at least, you know, I could man up and admit when I made such a mistake as that. And that was in the past. And I'm sorry- did not mean to- I did not mean to lie to you, I swear. I jus- I just [[lie|forgot that one detail]].

Anyway, as for that, uh, the quote-unquote Vanessa Hudgens actually this- was actually in reality this uh [[Chris and Race#Hispanics|Spanish]] dude I know, [[Joshua Martinez]]. Yeah, just- he was- he was just basi- he was- he was pretending to be Vanessa that whole time and... [''[[sigh]], Chris's face becomes noticeably distraught''] Really ticks me off, that guy. Ehh, nother-nother- that's another story for another day though. Hmm. But anyway with that put aside uh [''perks up a little''] I'm gonna show you- I'm gonna show you some ways on how I can pleasure you [''[[Creepy stare|eyes widen]]''] orally, mmkay?

[''Shifts in chair''] Yeah, I got a few ideas like you know, we definitely [''lifts hand into frame, fidgets''] give you [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|some finger play]]. Lots of fingers. But yeah, I would just- yeah. I could be like [''Leans towards the camera, closes eyes, flicks tongue around.''] Ahh, I lick your pretty little clit there. [''Continues to pantomime sex acts''] Tickle your pussy... Oh! And here's the fun part, I put my- I can roll my tongue. I put- I push- I put it in there [''Leans forwards, sticks out tongue''] and extend it while it's in there. Can you imagine that? [''More tongue fail, leans back in chair''] I got other ideas as well, but I just can't think of them right now. But hopefully that's now good enough for starters and to make up for that.

Any- ah, I hhave been under confusion pat- for a little while, but seriously, [[Fail|Ivy]], I really do want you. [''Firmer, failing to realize his Freudian slip''] I want you. And I do love you and I care about you, and I pray that this video does not fall into the hands of the trolls. You let me know once you got it downloaded successfully and that you're able to play it and I'll take it off of the MediaFire.

[''Brow furrows, whisper''] Oh, my gosh. [''normally''] I gotta watch myself. And also uh, another thing to make up for this uh, hmm, I'll reveal another thing about myself. I actually did- I actually uh, do have [[Obesity|a bit of a belly]], but also with that uh [''grabs manboobs''] manboobs. I'm not- I'm not t- I'm telling you this in the strictest confidence that you will not laugh at me, but when I walk they do bounce, so I have to uh [''Strips off "Mount and Do Me" shirt to reveal [[sports bra]]''] so I wear a sports bra. [''Adjusts sports bra''] Works very good, keeps 'em from bouncing. I got- I'm a 42-bust. Alright, well, I hope we can- hopefully we can move on, and resume our relationship with emotions, or otherwise restart it. I love you Jackie. Love you. [''makes kissing motion, then reaches for camera''] Talk to you later. Meet up soon [''video abruptly ends''].

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = YTP- Chris Chan explains how to pleasure a woman, also sports bra
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kJKmcdSSs7U}}
| Maker = BigJuicyx3
| Stardate = 23 April 2010
| Video Type = VG Remix
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = what the chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hwoHCXD1e1g}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/mrallex mrallex]
| Stardate = 10 May 2010
}}

==See also==
*[[Jackie e-mails]]
*[[Jackie e-mails Part 2]]
*[[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]|nextlink=[[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]

CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!

2010-05-10T22:00:57Z

XXOtakuDadXx: /* Fan videos */

"'''CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!'''" is a video released on 6 [[August 2009]], during the [[SingStar Challenge]] saga. In this video, [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (Solid Chris) exposes his rage against [[Liquid Chris]], accusing him of not doing the last [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|song]] right and ordering him to redo the song and put his commentary in another video. This video is notorious for the anger and angst shown by Ian, who deleted the video shortly after uploading it.

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS! CHANDLER!
| image = {{#ev:youtube|dsyhCUYJoI8}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 6 August 2009
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] [[Music]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Rage.png]] Rage
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]]
| Shirt = [[Image:Jokershirt.png]] The Joker
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler.27s_Revised_Entry|Smell Yo Duck Too]]
| next = [[CCWC%27s_Final_Warning_to_the_Second_CWC|CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

{{RageQuote|'''CHRIS''' Chandler!}}

Firstly, your video [''takes glasses dramatically off and throws them to the floor''] is only half the length of that track. The full length of that track is almost ten minutes. Redo the video for the full nine-minute-something length.

And commentary, you can put them in a separate video. Separate. So, sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

And another thing, Chris. Your for real- your real name as I have been told by [[Kacey]] is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that.

And another thing: [''Said while jumping up and down like a child'']

{{RageQuote|I NAME IS NOT ''IAN....'' ''....BRANNAN....'' ''....SOMETHING!!!''}}

(makes annoyed gasping sounds) I am CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL '''AND CALL ME A REAL NAME''' THAT have God has been given to me and [[Christopher's_name_change|the bear at Regency Square Shopping center]], during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!

Get it RIGHT! I'M Christian Weston Chandler, you are only CHRIS....CHANDLER! Your medal is made out of PAPER! The whole length of time, the REAL medal has been made out of Crayola fucking Model Magic and acrylic PAINT! If I wanted paper, I would go to Wal-mart and pay five dollars for FIVE HUNDRED SHEETS!

Redo the ten minute song and save the commentaries for a [''lowers his voice to an angry whisper''] separate video, [''stops whispering''] and everybody on the internet knows that I am the real deal, you are the impostor, so give up the damn game already before I really call the poli- [''realizes he fucked up''] before that I actually- [''fucks up again''] before I tell the police all the information I have gotten since I finally got them involved, and then send them on your case, put you in jail, even though I would prefer not to see you in jail because Kacey respects you so much, man! She cares about you so much! She has told me herself, over the telephone!

If I did not have that beforehand, I would have just been gladly prepared, gladly, and only gladly, before talking to her, gladly, to see your ass behind bars. But after talking to Kacey, and hearing her honest respect, [''calms down here''] I would hate to see you in jail, out of respect, and of care, because she would be heartbroken. You are a lucky son of a gun, Chris Chandler, so quit this stupid impersonation game. Call my by the real name that God and the bear has given me throughout my whole life. [''Starts to rage again''] The current full name of Christian Weston Chandler, my first name being Christopher and my Spanish nickname being Ricardo. But in the end, just call me the full name, Christian Weston Chandler.

[''Takes a few deep breaths, possibly due to exhaustion'']

This game is not fun. If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail. You will be tried in court, and you will be going to jail or serve community service, forcedly. I have- I was nice about it, I told you the details, and what do you do, YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN! And I do not appreciate that! So stop it! Stop it!

Come clean! Rip off your PAPER medallion, RIP IT OFF like a shred of paper, look at my medal, I cannot even twist it, because it is made from Model Magic, not some cheap paper I can get at Wal-mart for five hundred dollar- for five dollars for five hundred sheets. Sing the whole nine-minute-something song.

==Fan videos==

[[Vivian]], our beloved resident [[Audiobook]] editor felt the need to revisit this classic video. The result is pure merriment:

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YAUTpL6ZDV4}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
| Maker = [[Vivian]]
| Subject = [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]
| Video Type = (VGM) Remix
| Other Info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67MPxnPHBNk The original song]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon (that loops for 10 minutes)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tOkwQ3_lOLQ}}
| Stardate = 30 December 2009
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7V1gEjtmm9M}}
| Maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| Stardate = 9 January 2010
| Video Type = Remix
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = OveR Da TeLePhonE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|63XxM-Gysfw}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/iiKiDzJii iiKiDzJii]
| Stardate = 2 February 2010
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = i've seen cwc that'll shock your eyelids
| video = {{#ev:youtube|JJ0_cWUkQ5c}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/mrallex mrallex]
| Stardate = 9 May 2010
}}
</center>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDqDIeBDCoQ Chris Chan is... MR ANDERSON]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]|nextlink=[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]