CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and race

2010-06-08T19:47:56Z

Yami Yugi: /* Jews */

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]
[[Image:Niggersjews.jpg|thumb|Chris's view of other races.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian. Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]].

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
===Ching Chong===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' (程鍾 ''Zhēng Zhòng'') is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder! JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate [[Wikipedia:Hanukkah|Hanukkah]]. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with [[Wikipedia:dreidel|dreidels]] lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. e.g., when Sonichu's daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! Also, Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday, and so candles are super-important to Jews!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods (latke and sufganiyah) on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

Near the beginning of Chris' [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]], he casually pointed out that Michael Snyder was probably Jewish, using his last name as a point of reference. Of course with Chris being the [[slow-in-the-mind|idiot]] he is, it ended with him angrily calling Snyder a Jew. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions. In a later video ([[100 2178]]), Chris appears to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero, and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create similar Pokémon named Lombre and Ludicolo, which they did being far less blatantly stereotypical.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for peoples from continental Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]
{{quote|And I am NOT racist, and I like Jews|Chris, in response to a [[Mailbag_6#Rejected_Mailbag|rejected mailbag]] email}}
Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|left|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included Jack Thaddeus removing his ads from CWCipedia and Mao taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew (in a derogatory way) in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]. {{clear}}

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [said to turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, never seen)
*In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Chris and race

2010-06-08T19:45:26Z

Yami Yugi: /* Jews */ Fixed an earlier edit of mine so that it makes more sense.

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]
[[Image:Niggersjews.jpg|thumb|Chris's view of other races.]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian. Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]].

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
===Ching Chong===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' (程鍾 ''Zhēng Zhòng'') is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder! JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate [[Wikipedia:Hanukkah|Hanukkah]]. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with [[Wikipedia:dreidel|dreidels]] lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. e.g., when Sonichu's daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! Also, Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday, and so candles are super-important to Jews!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods (latke and sufganiyah) on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

Near the beginning of Chris' [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]], he casually pointed out that Michael Snyder was probably Jewish. Of course with Chris being the [[slow-in-the-mind|idiot]] he is, it ended with him angrily calling [[Michael Snyder]] a Jew. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions. In a later video ([[100 2178]]), Chris appears to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero, and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create similar Pokémon named Lombre and Ludicolo, which they did being far less blatantly stereotypical.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for peoples from continental Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]
{{quote|And I am NOT racist, and I like Jews|Chris, in response to a [[Mailbag_6#Rejected_Mailbag|rejected mailbag]] email}}
Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|left|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included Jack Thaddeus removing his ads from CWCipedia and Mao taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew (in a derogatory way) in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]. {{clear}}

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [said to turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, never seen)
*In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

File:TitoPickles.jpg

2010-04-28T23:43:49Z

Yami Yugi: Categories added

A friend of mine drew this after I informed her about some of Chris' shenanigans.

[[Category:Rosechu]]
[[Category:Sonichu_(fanart)]]
[[Category:Pickles]]
[[Category:Non-CWC_Characters]]

File:TitoPickles.jpg

2010-04-28T23:36:18Z

Yami Yugi: A friend of mine drew this after I informed her about some of Chris' shenanigans.

A friend of mine drew this after I informed her about some of Chris' shenanigans.

Chris and race

2010-04-13T14:57:56Z

Yami Yugi: /* Jews */

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
[[Image:Nodarkies.JPG|thumb|Chris said he liked this pic.]]
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian. Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. He also does a horribly racist Japanese impression in [[Bunny Hop]]; although he's pretending to be a rabbit, the fact that he's sticking his teeth out just adds to the racist overtones.

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
==='''Ching Chong'''===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{main|Christmas}}
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder! JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate Hannukah. On December 12 members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when Sonichu's daughter Cerah Rosey baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

His [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]] began and ended with Chris angrily calling [[Michael Snyder]] a Jew, first noting in the video that Michael Snyder is probably Jewish considering his name, but then [[Chris_and_hypocrisy|goes on to say he has nothing against Jewish people]]. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions.

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero, and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create a similar Pokémon named Ludicolo, which they did being far less blatantly stereotypical.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for peoples from continental Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]

Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|left|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included Jack Thaddeus removing his ads from CWCipedia and Mao taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]].
{{clear}}

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [will turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, never seen)
*In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Chris and race

2010-04-13T14:57:08Z

Yami Yugi: /* Jews */

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
[[Image:Nodarkies.JPG|thumb|Chris said he liked this pic.]]
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy]] as a kung-fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian. Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung-fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. He also does a horribly racist Japanese impression in [[Bunny Hop]]; although he's pretending to be a rabbit, the fact that he's sticking his teeth out just adds to the racist overtones.

In his real life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. He also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of Chesterfield County's Korean congregation in the [[church audio]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
==='''Ching Chong'''===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{main|Christmas}}
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder! JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate Hannukah. On December 12 members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when Sonichu's daughter Cerah Rosey baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

His [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]] began and ended with Chris angrily calling [[Michael Snyder]] a Jew, first noting in the video that Michael Snyder is probably Jewish considering his name, but then [[Chris_and_hypocrisy|goes on to say it doesn't mean anything]]. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions.

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on [[Ricardo Weston Chandler|the]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Spanish]] [[CWC's Pokésite 2|language]], Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized sombrero, and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "Spanish Fly", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create a similar Pokémon named Ludicolo, which they did being far less blatantly stereotypical.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that often times, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for peoples from continental Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]

Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]] he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|left|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito the N-word in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included Jack Thaddeus removing his ads from CWCipedia and Mao taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]].
{{clear}}

==Minority characters in Sonichu==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Native American, lawful good)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [will turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (unclear, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST policemen)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, never seen)
*In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sauces==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Barbara Chandler

2010-04-08T20:24:41Z

Yami Yugi: /* Pampering of Chris */

{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]}}

{{quote|I don't need no back talk from someone on the internet.|Barbara, [[Mumble 2]]}}

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|300px|Barbara holding [[Desi Chandler|Desi]]; ignorant of the book to her left.]]

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the wife of [[Bob Chandler]] and terrible mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

==Appearance==
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her [[Obesity|massive size]], she is affectionately referred to as '''Snorlax''' by [[trolls]]. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skips [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref> Barb has no eyebrows, which has caused intense interest at [[PVCC (board)|PVCC]].<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1027&start=0 PVCC discussion on Barbara's lack of eyebrows]</ref>

==Cole and his possible fathers==

[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|left|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Cole in Richmond near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to [[Cole]] in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married to Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.

During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.<ref name="email07-03-06p1">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism. Based on experiences with all these men, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The translation would be "She likes to date guys who curse a lot, and obsesses over them". The relevancy of her partners' vernacular is a little puzzling. He's probably just being sesquipedalian. What he was probably trying to say: "She rolls with scrubs".

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.<ref name="email07-03-06p1" />
{{-}}

==Marriage with Bob==

[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker. Too bad physical appearance is genetic.]]

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>

During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.

Instead of accepting that their marriage isn't what it used to be, that they have different goals for their son in life and move on like any other healthy human being, she is either too lazy, poor, and/or unwilling to explain to Chris the intricacies of a divorce and its effect on a family dynamic, thereby putting herself in the inescapable rut she is in today.
{{-}}

==Pampering of Chris==

{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his Oedipus complex ([[Mumble 10]])}}

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]

According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.{{cite}}

Barbara was Chris's date to his [[Manchester High School#Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].

She is extremely paranoid of Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and go to prison. She may also suspect that Chris is a pedophile, as she [[Mumble 10| thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]].

While having a special needs child is a major [[stress|stressor]] in any marriage, rather than getting genetic counseling and family therapy to cope with raising an autistic child, they've gone the old fashioned route of expecting little to nothing of Chris and treating him as an imbecile, with a modern "victim complex" spin, his entire life. This would have been understandable in the days before psychology - like when Bob was growing up - but nowadays it's known that even sufferers of Down syndrome can lead healthy and fulfilling independent lives if they receive supportive parenting and appropriate professional help.

==Recent health problems==

In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.{{cite}} Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans of Sonichu]] have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref>

==Audio appearances==

* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]
* 4 [[February 2009]]: In [[Mumble 2]], Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]], Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[November 2009]]: Toward the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"

==Video appearances==

Barbara has only appeared once briefly on video to date, in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-04-08T20:20:24Z

Yami Yugi: /* Summary */

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first (and only) [[dating|date]] ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

The voices heard in the recording are those of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Summary==
*The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], run a mic check.
*Emily talks to Bob, ignores Chris.
*Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
*Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt several times, and fails several times.
*Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
*Bob reveals his patchy medical history.
*Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
*Chris asks why [[University of Virginia|UVA]] doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
*Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
*Bob goes back to his health problems.
*Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
*Chris flirts.
*Chris [[fail|fails]] at flirting.
*Chris does the infamous Donald [[Duck]] impression.
*Chris talks about Sailor Moon.
*Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
*Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
*Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
*Emily flees.
*The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle]] Man arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH."
*Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
*Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (00:00 - 03:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Acquired (03:13 - 04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is! 
'''Emily:''' [startled] What? 
'''Frosty:''' [unintelligible (but about "a jacket")] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God! 
'''Emily:''' [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God! 
'''Frosty:''' Is your [inaudible] on? [unintelligible (but clearly about "a jacket" again)] Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – go, like, look, 'cause he has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad. 
'''Emily:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and-- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – there's some benches, like, ''nearby''… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] you need to go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I-- I started the-- I [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (04:44 - 05:19)===

Nothing but Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.

===Meet the Parent (05:20 - 07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!'' 
'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you! 
'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert. 
'''Bob:''' Hello. 
'''Emily:''' Hello. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' That's alright. 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I used to live here for a while, but then, I-- 
'''Chris:''' [abruptly] Hey! 
'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-- 
'''Chris:''' Cute hat! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly''] 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily – you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' Sure! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.'' 
'''Bob:''' Journalism? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-- 
'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's-- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it-- does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I ''guess''. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles again''] 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – that's-- I worked at, uh-- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-- 
'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' [disappointed] Oh… 
'''Bob:''' If I would-- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [unintelligible (but clearly self-deprecating)] [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well… I-- I had a real ''u-''nique situation… 
[pause]

===Bob's Work History (07:18 - 16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm-- I'm really old. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Okay – to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' transistors. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Not-- not [unintelligible] stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had vacuum tubes. 
'''Bob:''' I, uh… got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh… then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone [unintelligible]. So, I found out: yeah – I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out – 'course that was in 1947 – I found out-- now, I know that we had a deflation on our hands; I didn't know it then. 
'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – now, it's really hard to become an engineer. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – now, ya-- I, uh-- 
'''Bob:''' I went to… a state [unintelligible] college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh-- well, I got-- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] swallowed up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn-- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. 
'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh… I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and [inaudible]. I'm gonna work for Western Electric." 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey! 
'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-- 
'''Chris:''' You-- no – you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my ''technological'' intelligence. 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh-- I went to work for them for 40 years, and, uh… at that point in time… 
'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh-- but, I-- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built. [unintelligible] what I learned in the army, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to [unintelligible] in North Carolina. 
'''Bob:''' And-- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' And then, uh… I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" 
'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic…equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' But-- but I got-- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE-- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there. 
'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing-- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled. 
'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines. 
'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my-- I-- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''logically-''inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – and I-- I'm a logician. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then-- then, I got into-- I was in the new business area [unintelligible] we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of-- of, uh, like [unintelligible] warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-- 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh… then, uh-- then, um, I got into… I developed [unintelligible] I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. 
'''Bob:''' Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [inaudible] that stands [unintelligible]. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody – I got [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables-- 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible (but clearly addressing Emily)] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do-- and me, too, but I was lazy… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Was to write down on-- on paper – and design on paper from the start – a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh''] 
'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy. 
'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft hole! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into… die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] ''doors'', and-- and, um… ''shutters'', and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] in your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware… 
'''Bob:''' So, then [unintelligible] ''finalized'' and-- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not. 
'''Emily:''' I think you did! 
'''Bob:''' But I can't-- 
'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "cat" without a K in it. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his [[fail|accompliment]]-- accom-''plish-''ments. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' ''His'' son. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' okay. 
'''Bob:''' And he's got a-- and I have a daughter, who is his-- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a PHD now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

===Retired Life (16:59 - 24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-- 
'''Emily:''' That's why-- 
'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing money. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – look! Hey – look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years. 
'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – well, I, um… I did-- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh-- I-- but I enjoyed my life. It-- it, uh-- it-- I had… things; I had-- I had opportunities that most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now. 
'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know… write up-- do some journalism, like, overseas. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to England. 
'''Bob:''' ''Most'' people [unintelligible] to see 'em, but [unintelligible] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, it-- it was interesting. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I wish I could get-- find out what ''Christian's'' really good-- well, he’s pretty good in drawing… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And writing. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he-- she should know; she-- you’ve-- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my-- all my friends like it, as well. 
'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um… I-- I guess you know he’s-- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um… 
'''Chris''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At 6, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] computer: his Commodore computer… 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many-- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more''] 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' [reluctantly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah – but you-- 
'''Bob:''' Now, we've-- we-- we’ve brought him a long way. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… well, that’s a little piece for you-- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! That-- that would be interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Anyway, you-- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No – I came all the way from VCU. Um… like, a lot of my fr-- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "Sonichu Girls"… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k-- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week. 
'''Chris:''' Wow. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' [responding belatedly to Emily] I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] little trees on West Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s-- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley". 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally". 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh… 
'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – but-- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um… ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street". 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I-- I-- I love the Virginian area. 
'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised – but you wouldn’t believe it – she-- she was raised in a [unintelligible] home. And one that's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the Burger King… down at… VCU. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-- 
'''Bob:''' Well, again-- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about 20 years and raised her first son. 
'''Bob:''' And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… do you guys have a big family? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got-- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. 
'''Bob:''' You-- my son’s in Richmond, and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Schiflett's a really big family. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – we got… two-- really, two separate families. 
'''Emily:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… but it’s not as big as The Brady Bunch! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' No… it isn't. 
'''Emily:''' No. 
'''Bob:''' But we-- we-- we enjoy it, and I-- I have-- uh, I grow flowers. And… I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' With Social Security, and… the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' So, uh… I-- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And in the middle, I’ve got a, um… well, about 15 [unintelligible] greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – ''plastic'' flowers? 
'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – day lilies bloom about once a year, during-- dur-- about ''once''-- 
'''Bob:''' In the summer. 
'''Chris:''' This-- this summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' There-- there's also that-- 
'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' [dreamily/creepily] ''Imagine!'' 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And I-- I love all the music from-- from [unintelligible (but seemingly naming a pair of musical artists)]. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and musicals. And soundtracks. 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss-- uh… ''singer'' is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all-- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-- 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''Satchmo''. 
'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' And-- but [unintelligible] all these big ''classics'' now-- 
'''Chris:''' [''does Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody''] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were [unintelligible] but now, you can get 'em at Goodwill and Salvation Army… 
'''Emily:''' Well-- 
'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece. 
'''Emily:''' [feigning enthusiastic agreement] Yeah! [''laughs weakly''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca-- ''cathedral'' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' Well… I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh-- in the 1970s, at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' And… if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah – it's great! 
'''Bob:''' Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end! 
'''Emily:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing! 
'''Bob:''' Well, yeah – it's a nice life! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's Health Problems (24:23 - 25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically''] 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been-- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible] I mean, he's been in-- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple-- ''two'' triple-bypasses? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened? 
'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''. 
'''Emily:''' What happened? 
'''Bob:''' I smoked too much… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' I did all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah-- but yeah – he-- but yes – uh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' God let him survive! 
'''Bob:''' I had a couple heart attacks, and… 
'''Emily:''' [responding to Chris] Yeah – for a reason! 
'''Chris:''' And he's got a pacemaker now! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… I-- I've been through-- I lived through a triple-bypass in 1980 [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got-- I got through that. 
'''Bob:''' Then, ''he'' came along. 
'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-- 
'''Bob:''' And then, I-- I got retired… 
'''Chris:''' Hey! 
'''Emily:''' Hmm? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – hey – he's the one that's b-- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times. 
'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in '92… 
'''Bob:''' And I died a couple times [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County. 
'''Emily:''' Oh…

===Memories of High School (25:30 - 26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh… when I was over there with him, I-- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' For-- for schools [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' And-- and, um… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High. 
'''Emily:''' [disinterested] Oh, really? 
'''Bob:''' Then, um… 
'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]]. 
'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… 
'''Emily:''' What does it say: "Lancers"? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Is that-- wait – is that your mascot? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "2000"? 
'''Chris:''' Yes… that's my class and coat'a arms. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High School. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and [[rainbow|a rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at-- in the ring-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see-- 
'''Emily:''' I see it! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough-- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh… you were gonna ask… 
'''Emily:''' Aww… 
'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (26:13 - 29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls? 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – didn't… Chris tell you about them? 
'''Bob:''' No – he doesn't-- no – he doesn't normally-- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so… 
'''Bob:''' See – he's a-- he-- he and his mother stay up all night… and I stay up all day. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… actually reminds me more-- actually, we're more-- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night. 
'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess? 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… my mom-- and my-- my mom picked up my bad biological-- my messed-up [[biological clock]]. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! 
'''Bob:''' But anyway… I-- I-- yeah – I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone… 
'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and left a message. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it's a pretty big fanbase. Um… there's actually about-- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club. 
'''Bob:''' Hmm! 
'''Emily:''' And then, there's-- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that-- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have? 
'''Bob:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Do-- you got one here in UVA? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA. 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' That's why I heard-- that's why. 
'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this-- this club… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' I-- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – I've been on the Internet chat! And plus, y'know… 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-- 
'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… um… 
'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why-- why aren't you wearing your… [suddenly concerned] m-- medallion? 
'''Chris:''' Um… I just believe I expressed that, uh… in a video on, uh, YouTube? But I-- I, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – um… I'd rather not say in front of-- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh… 
'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have-- you don't-- it saves you one face to have to look at! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''green-blue''. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I see it! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment! 
'''Emily:''' Wow… I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''… looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's just that-- y'know, it's-- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

===Emily Isn't Hungry (29:02 - 29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh… you hungry? 
'''Emily:''' Oh – no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – you-- 
'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m-- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. 
'''Chris:''' That's good; uh… ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like-- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh… [truly flustered] we wanna sh-- we wanna split it be-- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh… I'm gonna split mine with you… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though! 
'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We usually split a spaghetti, 'cause I-- I can't eat it all! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… it's a really big bowl for him… 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!'' 
[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles''] 
'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know… it's bigger! 
'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad – why don't you go get your spaghetti? 
'''Bob:''' Do you want some? 
'''Emily:''' No. I'm-- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… we could get you some ''water''. 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm not thirsty, as well. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay – well, go ahead and get your sh-- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father. 
'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's Health Problems Revisited (29:59 - 32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah – I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh… I've died about five times now. 
'''Bob:''' The last time, I was at Golden Corral. The restaurant? 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him. 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! 
'''Chris:''' No – not really; uh… he was-- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c-- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a-- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he-- if my mom wasn't there to catch him… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Chris:''' His-- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, wow… 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But I-- I think the [unintelligible] reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' I don' t know about you. 
'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it. 
'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not. 
'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it! 
'''Bob:''' But I'm, um-- I found out a few years ago-- about… 10 or 15 years ago… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth Cherokee! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I figured that-- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligibile] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes. 
'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' This ain't my time yet. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c-- for ''my'' case. 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' [''cackles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically''] 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh… you s-- alright, Dad-- 
'''Bob:''' Now-- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously yet again''] 
'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm a little hungry myself… 
'''Chris:''' So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread. 
'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, I was concerned, myself. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… 
'''Bob:''' If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you! 
'''Emily:''' I don't mind. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris Fails at Flirting (32:12 - 36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, you-- uh… I must say you look ''good''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – thank you! 
'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s-- uh… summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' We might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' [''does terrifying Donald Duck impression''] "And this is my duck talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… at the-- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary. 
'''Chris:''' No – not-- not-- no – not-- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''… 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… okay. So, you… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D-- classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… you mi-- you don’t mind if I t-- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder? 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long". 
'''Emily:''' ''Okay''… not-- not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like-- wow – I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she's like-- and she actually got to know ''me''. 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. So… what’s your-- what's the reason you need ''your'' glasses for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’m nearsighted, as well. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Do we? 
'''Emily:''' Hmm… no – it's still blurry… 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want-- I'd like to see the, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I-- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’m sure. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Boy – I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went-- before I went to-- um, crashing on the… couch. 
'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but I put on some, uh, bod-- body s-- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh… it's called "Proximity". 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I ''really'' like the choc-- the new chocolate one. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – the, uh, "Dark Temptation"… 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.'' 
'''Chris:''' Oh – I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… okay. 
'''Chris:''' It's like I-- if I-- if I-- if we-- if we was hookin' up, I would've gotten more of that! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.] 
'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – I like-- I like this-- I like this-- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're-- you c-- you straight-- came straight from, uh… the, uh, PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' It's the live-action [[Sailor Moon]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Saved to my PlayStation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so… 
'''Chris:''' Its, like, the very-- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' [in a strange, baby-like voice] You actually get to see ''Usagi''… [back to his normal voice] and, uh-- aww, shoot – I forget his name, but, y'know… 
'''Emily:''' Uh… Mamoru? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''… 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals? 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – I kn-- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh-- I have that on ''DVD''-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J-- Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and… the Sailor Starlights? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-- 
'''Chris:''' No. 
'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, little kids? 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Um… 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… [pitiful] I don’t have much of an opinion… 
[''Emily and Chris both laugh''] 
'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's, uh-- it's… [in a British accent] ''itchy''… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but you can sketch a lot in your, uh… journalism, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Well, I m-- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… 
'''Emily:''' We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing. 
'''Chris:''' Okay – well, I mean, you-- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No – I thinks it's, uh-- it's just basically a bunch'a scribbles. 
[''Chris and Emily both laugh''] 
'''Chris:''' Eh… a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an X for their signature, and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Ah''… but not you. You put… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' An E and… an S, basically. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh-- uh, an S? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Emily Schiflett. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – ''that’s'' your last name! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' "Schiflett". 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!'' 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.'' 
'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett". 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' It's beautiful! 
'''Emily:''' Aww… thank you. 
'''Chris:''' D-- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] 
[pause]

===Eating Spaghetti and Conversing (36:49 - 44:46)===

[''Bob comes back''] 
'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad – uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate. 
'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian – I don't know… 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti! 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… really? I don't think-- I've only had their pizza there… before… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the, um-- all the spaghetti places in town are too expensive. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh.'' 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – b-- but-- 
'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' But they should have one here. 
'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should. 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah – it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' I-- I've actually-- yeah – y'know, I was there with my father… when-- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly-- to the ''other'' nearly esstinct, uh, restaurants: y'know, like Shoney's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!'' 
'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count-- there's a bun-- there's a few in the Richmond area… 
'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU! 
'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm-- I'm usually not looking for them, so… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – we even ha-- yeah – we even-- at-- at home, somewhere, we even have a t-- we even have the-- the teddy bear: the ''Shoney Bear''. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's-- that was their mascot. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up-- if you look up "Shon"-- if you-- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh… find their mascot being the teddy-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Being the bear. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' [in a somewhat cutesy voice] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan-- to wan-- to… gawk-- to ''gander'' at!" 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Christian – they got lots of juice! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it… 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, ''slobber'' all over myself… 
'''Chris:''' Especially in front of my, uh, "lady friend", here. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww… 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] a little bit more? 
[long pause] 
'''Bob:''' You can deal ''without''… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his-- so, I take his breadsticks. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water. 
'''Emily:''' Okay! 
'''Chris:''' I'll be right back. 
[''Chris walks away''] 
[pause]
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs politely] 
'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well? 
'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for uhm Circuit City for a while before she retired. 
'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone - she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired. 
'''Emily:''' Oh really? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, [unintelligible] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple - three years ago. She's younger than I am [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [unintelligible, Chris comes back, still unintelligible] she loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is? 
'''Chris:''' [chuckles] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' [Unintelligible, Emily is laughing while he is saying it] 
'''Bob:''' The Burger King is on Price Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an [unintelligible] uh, Main uh what you would call Main Street. 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this, 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] and downtown Richmond is this way. 
'''Chris:''' [he says something about Pokemon] 
'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokemon. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokemon league or uh [unintelligible] Yeah, I remember that. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] for you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there. 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is 3 blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way I have used uh chopsticks before. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' See there? 
'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' I can't... 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond. 
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit Chinese or asian or Japanese? 
'''Emily:''' Nuh uh. 
'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair [chuckles] 
'''Bob:''' I'll bet ya [unintelligible] over there was Reverend [unintelligible] of the Korean Church. 
'''Emily:''' Uh huh. 
'''Chris:''' And this is in [unintelligible] County. 
'''Emily:''' Oh-. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah and he was from Seoul, Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' But he was my best friend over there, and used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world. 
'''Emily:''' Mmhm. 
'''Bob:''' And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world, but..[delayed pause]. We went to the Korean church while we were over there in [unintelligible] County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' [starts talking but is cut off by Chris.] 
'''Chris:''' They gave me, they gave me my bible that I used in my [unintelligible] when I graduated from High School. 
'''Emily:''' Is it part, like, in the other language? Or- 
'''Bob''' and '''Chris:''' No. 
'''Emily:''' Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a King England bible. 
'''Bob:''' And what they do in the Church is-[trails off quietly]. 
'''Chris:''' King's English, whatever it is. 
'''Bob:''' [still quiet, hard to hear] 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' It's all Korean, maybe except for a few words. And then they had like, a wireless [unintelligible], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation. 
'''Emily:''' [chuckles] 
'''Bob:''' It was kind of neat, I enjoyed it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] You like spicy food? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like spicy. 
'''Bob:''' What I was gonna say, uh, Kimchi. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah. Go away, you know? 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] Too spicy for you? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's too spicy for me. 
'''Chris:''' [sounding it out] Kim-Chi, hm. 
'''Bob:''' But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles] 
'''Chris:''' Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad? 
'''Bob:''' They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. [chuckles] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even handle the kid-the kid- the kimchi, what he said. 
'''Emily:''' I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach. 
'''Bob:''' I like Jalapeno a little bit 
'''Emily:''' [chuckles] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Hah, yeah. 
'''Bob:''' [something more about jalapenos, followed by silence] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs politely] 
[silence] 

===Bob on World News (44:47 - 47:58)===
'''Bob:''' Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was really interested in learning about the world. 
'''Emily:''' Mhm. 
'''Bob:''' And he didn't have a chance-[trails off quietly, very hard to hear] 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' [still talking, still hard to hear] 
'''Emily:''' Good. [after Bob's latest very hard to hear statement] I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our school newspaper and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's a new thing on TV. 
'''Emily:''' Mhm? 
'''Bob:''' I know we have it here on Comcast, I don't know what you have though. 
'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what- 
'''Bob:''' Over there. 
'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what- 
'''Bob:''' It's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [unintelligible] and one of them's called World News. [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' I don't think we have that. 
'''Bob:''' And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how the rest of the world looks at the U.S. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or Russia or China or in Japan- 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] That's always nice. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Dubya-vee(WV). 
'''Emily:''' I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that. 
'''Bob:''' Well they might have it, because it's very educational. 
'''Emily:''' I was watching Discovery Channel. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and- 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah there's lots to see on TV. [unintelligible] He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read. 
'''Emily:''' Really? 
'''Bob:''' Oh he could really read, by turning on those stations [trails off]. 
'''Emily:''' Wow, that's- 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' That's go-that's clever! 
'''Bob:''' [still hard to understand, something about PHDs and psychologists] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' [background noise starting to pick-up, Bob is becoming much harder to hear, hopefully someone can decipher this completely] 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' [something about learning how to read] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' [more about learning to read] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Bob:''' But they won't listen to me, I'm an 81 year old [unintelligble, sounds like player]. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' But he came up with- 
'''Emily:''' But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on. 
'''Bob:''' [at this point the people in the background are becoming easier to hear than Bob, lasts around 20 seconds.] I thought it was such a phenomenal good idea. [more hard to hear sound.] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Well he-he's a photographic memory. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' But I think those were the autism a little bit. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' And I got an audio memory too. [apparently they were talking about him.] 
'''Bob:''' Cause he can, you ever heard of, um Mario World? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles] 
'''Chris:''' [chimes in to correct, sounds a bit upset] He's talking about Super Mario World. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Well in three days, he-he [unintelligible stuttering] killed King Koopa. I can't get off of Yoshi's Island. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] I'm not very good at those games either. [more laughing] 
'''Bob:''' The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] I reckon I wanna know about that. 
'''Chris:''' I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [not a mistake] 
'''Emily:''' Aww, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie, doesn't she? 
'''Chris:''' What? 
'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie. 
'''Chris:''' What you mean the Peanuts character Margie? 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Bob:''' You know Margie? 
'''Emily:''' [laughs again] 
'''Chris:''' Uh...no. [cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um... 
'''Bob:''' She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare [unintelligible] you look more like Rei from PGSM. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters. 
'''Chris:''' You like Sailor Mars, [something nerdy and unintelligible]. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Who's your favorite character? 
'''Chris:''' Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and Chibi-Usa. I like, uh, Ami. 
'''Emily:''' Any particular reason, like? 
'''Chris:''' [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like [short ramble]... 
'''Emily:''' Cause she's smart? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' [laughs] 
'''Chris:''' And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair... 

===(50:04 - 01:14:22)===

{{transcription}}

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk… 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay… okay, you can show me around the mall… 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… Yeah… but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' … you might remember that, uh, news clip… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow… you're like… I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like… you're just like… a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah… so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side… 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that… go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh… it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps… 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the… food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh… never heard about that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I play video games sometimes, but not very often… 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… right over- see- where that *unintelligible name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah… I've… I've heard of her as well… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah… 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh… no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother… 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok… 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' … but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah… that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… FYE was over there… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… well… doesn't look like there's anything down here… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want… 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month… 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general… 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you… 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave… 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh… any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh… 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think… 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me… are you sure… do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' … she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:'''Okay, cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen… 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok… I think I have… to go to the bathroom now… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible] … but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===Hiding Out In The Bathroom (01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

There is a long pause as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom. 
'''Passerby:''' (inaudible)...very fashionable looking. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you! 
'''Passerby:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
Another long pause as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is… Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh… West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey… (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No… no… no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris. 
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily. 
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. [inaudible] worse than me… 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay… [inaudible] man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there… there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown

2010-04-08T20:16:42Z

Yami Yugi: /* Aftermath */

[[Image:PaRappaContestInfo.jpg|thumb|Original promo info about the contest.]]

In [[June 2007]], [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment America (SCEA) announced the '''Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown''' contest to promote the video game ''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''. Contestants were to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two [[PSP]]s and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.

The contest was of monumental importance, as it would achieve goals for [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on multiple fronts. Beyond his innate desire to win contests by making an ass of himself on film, Chris hoped to bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved [[Megan Schroeder]] and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to [[China|give in]] to her obvious passion for him. The potential benefits could not be understated. Failure to win the contest was not an option.

==Master Onion A-La Mode==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown
| image = {{#ev:youtube|cEmM4JKZK8I}}
| Stardate = 29 [[June 2007]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Music}}Music; {{Video games}}[[Video games]]
| Performance Style = {{Comedy}}[[Random-access humor|Comedy]]
| Saga = {{Stackhouse}}[[Adam Stackhouse|Stackhouse]] Saga
| Shirt = {{OrangeShirt}}Orange
| previous = [[Soul_Calibur#Chris_vs_Mary_Lee_Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]
| next = [[CWC_is_Angry#Watch|CWC is Angry]]
}}

To ensure nothing less than total victory, Chris elected to perform the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJ3o3kQZWm8 Chop Chop Master Onion Rap]. Despite claiming this was the only song he knew from the game, Chris clearly didn't know it all that well, considering that he reads its lyrics while "performing," not bothering to rehearse/learn the lines. But then again, have any of his videos looked even remotely prepared?

{{quote|This previously submitted PaRapper the Rapper "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. And I would TRULY APPRECIATE your generous Vote, so please click the highlighted link to the Playstation Website's Voting page. **I am Video NUMBER 7 (scroll down; the one with the Blue Guitar)** You have the power to make my AUTISTIC life SO MUCH BETTER. Thank You. :) (more) }}

<center>What Chris considers 5 out of 5 level material.

===Transcript===

<poem>Hey, P-Station, my name is Christian Chandler
I live in Ruckersville, Virginia!
I have a PSP, I like to rap,
I play PaRappa, and [[Homo|go with him now.]]
The only song I know is "Master Onion"
Which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend Megan!

I have a PSP and she don't,
So give me the PSP; unwrap the wrapper,
So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!

So here we go, we're gonna sing it now.
Master Onion, A-La Mode!

Kick! Punch! It's all in the m-mind.
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you will find
That you all things, I'll teach ya sure to beat ya,
Nevertheless, you'll get a lesson from teacher now

Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
Block (Block)

Once more now. Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
And Block (Block)

Don't get cocky, it's doesn't get rocky,
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now

Duck ([[Duck|Duck]])
Jump (Jump)
Turn (Turn)
And Pose (Pose)

Listen carefully. Jump (Jump)
Pose (Pose)
Duck (Duck)
and Turn (Turn)

Hmm, yeah, I see you're getting better,
Kick to the limit in order to get her now

Kick Punch (Kick Punch)
Chop Block (Chop Block)
Chop Kick (Chop Kick)
Punch Block (Punch Block)

It's gonna get harder now Duck & Jump (Duck & Jump)
Turn & Pose (Turn & Pose)
Duck & Turn (Duck & Turn)
Jump & Pose (Jump Pose)

Come on now, why don't you follow my words,
Because we're almost done, I'll make things worse.
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan. Are you the man now?

Here we go now. Kick Punch Block (Kick Punch Block)
Chop Kick Block (Chop Kick Block)
Block Turn & Kick it (Block Turn & Kick it)
Block Duck Punch (Block Duck Punch)
Duck Duck Turn (Duck Duck Turn)
Jump Kick Chop (Jump Kick Chop)
and Punch Punch Punch (Punch Punch Punch)

That's it for today.
Good job, PaRappa!
You can go to the next stage now.
Yahoo! Alright!

PaRappa, I'm so proud of you!
Congratulations!
Alright. Thank ya, teacha!
Again: what?

Man, you’re so good!
I got a tit-loose memory, money
With students like you…
Wanna try a super-beginner’s course?

You’re pick—you’re pickin’ on me too fast!
I'm outta here!

Guitar Hero on PlayStation 3
Don't press the PS button after select hang, see?
Make sure you hook up with the converter controller
Dude, rock on, yo! Nananananaaaa!

Rap, rap, rap! That's a wrap!</poem></center>

==Campaign==

Chris's video made it into the top 10, probably because a little more than 10 people entered. The winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in [[July 2007]].

At [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris handed out fliers telling people to vote for him. To ensure success, he read everything off the flier to each person before giving the flier to them. Of course, no one voted for Chris.<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17515#p17515 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> He took matters into his own hands by stuffing the ballot with an endless stream of votes on different fake accounts.

Chris also badgered his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] to vote for him. In return for his vote, Cole asked Chris to find out from their [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] about the real identity of Cole's biological father.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 July 2007 email]]</ref> Chris wasn't interested in Cole's plight, and in return Cole never voted for him.

On the day before voting ended, Chris posted his own reviews of the top 10 videos in his [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog]].

{{quote|Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing [[Guitar Hero]] on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave [[autistic|AUTISTIC]] warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)|Chris, describing his video in third person}}

==Results==
[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|Chris thought that he could easily win the contest and the heart of his Sweetest [[Megan]]. Chris was, not surprisingly, wrong.]]

{{quote|Changing the lyrics will result in disqualification.|Official contest rules}}

The competition was won by [[Adam Stackhouse]], whom Chris bears a grudge against as he felt Adam broke "da rules"<ref>[[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog, 31 July 2007]]</ref> by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video counts as ''a cappella''. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but [[Sony]] said it was fine.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music)] video on [[YouTube]]</ref>

The irony is Chris actually violated [http://images.innovyx.net/dp/scea/PSP/adhoc/062507/rules.html?ILC-Boards&LINK=CHOPCHOP062607 da rules] by making up bits and pieces of his own lyrics, as seen above. Just about the only logical reason Chris got as far as he did is that the judges had ''never quite seen anything like this before.''

Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)." Or, as Chris explains in [[PS3 History level]], "copy of the PSP version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins." (No, we have no idea why "HIS" is all capitalized. PaRappa is neither divine in nature, nor exactly a paragon of masculinity.)

==Aftermath==

Because Chris was infuriated that he did not win the trip to Seattle, he sent an e-mail to the company that ran the contest to cry foul in an e-mail from [[Chris E-mails 2007#August|03 August 2007]]:

{{quotebox|[[Chris and His Ego|I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP]] SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|CRYSTAL]]. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[sigh]]*

I had my fantasies of having fun with Megan, taking her to a really extravagent ''[sic]'' destination (I am not rich), taking a long-wanted tour of the Nintendo of America company tour, with her, playing Guitar Hero against the guy in the PaRappa costume, jamming with Megan in the hotel room and possibly our [[Chris and sex|first time in the bed]]... *sigh*

Life can be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unfair and f***ing corrupt.

But I digress; TAKE THE A-CAPELLA RULE TO THE MAX on those THREE out of ten videos.

Take care; Christian Weston Chandler. (:_( }}

Yes, Chris really did tell a complete stranger he should have won that contest because he wanted to fuck his best friend.

On 4 August, Chris raged multiple times on his [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|PSN blog]] against [[Adam Stackhouse]] and the other winners, using his favorite "[[Kick the Autistic]]" clutch. When people advised him to relax, he told them to shut up. As a result, he was put on a time out by an admin.

Two days later, Chris continued his rampage against Adam Stackhouse, during which he created a fake [http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html webpage] designed to show himself as the true winner of the contest. He went around various PSN News posts and left comments with the following:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/warhawk-goes-gold/comment-page-9/</ref><ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/</ref>

{{quotebox|I wanted to mention a small concern… there is a link to the True Real Winner of the Chop Chop Master Onion Contest at
http://groups.myspace.com/CWCandFriendsCustoms.
Yet, when I click the link on us.playstation.com, I get a different “Winner”.
I Do Not Know Who To Believe! Do I believe the Official-Rule-Violating adamstackhouse, or do I believe the Honest, Autistic CWCSonichu?}}

During Christian's struggle to be recognized as the rightful winner of the contest, Megan informed him that she was glad he lost and that she would never have gone with him on the trip if he had won. Also, Chris claims to have contracted a "[[dirty crapped briefs|gut virus]]" due to the strain on his body making this video.

There are actually two versions of the video. The one that Chris uploaded later to his YouTube channel has an additional photograph of Megan between the first and second verses. Either this version is the original version ''before'' Megan broke up with Chris, and Chris had to remove her picture to make amends, or the video with the picture was made ''much'' later, due to Chris's pangs of agony over long-lost love.

Regarding Adam, Chris made a video where, in silence, he [[CWC is Angry|repeatedly shot with a toy gun at a photo of Adam]].

On 31 [[October 2007|October]], Chris made a fake Parappa profile on MySpace to comfort himself on losing the contest. Parappatherapingdog. Good job.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|7V1gEjtmm9M}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/CChanSonichuCWC Liquid Chris]
| Stardate = 9 January 2010
| Video Type = Remix
}}

==Sauces==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Adam Stackhouse]]
*[[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]

==Download==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FFI3HKPS Original file]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|nextlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]][[Category: Events]][[Category: Contests]]

Rejected Mailbag

2010-03-30T09:04:56Z

Yami Yugi: /* Rise of the Sub-Mailbags */ punctuation corrections

The '''Rejected Mailbag''' is where emails [[Chris]] considers offensive go to [[Death threats|die]]. It is unclear why Chris keeps them—it is assumed he would just take every slanderous email and blast it to [[The Moon]]—but given that everything Chris does in public is centered around his need for constant pity and sympathy, it is possible he keeps them around to show his [[trolls|fanbase]] what he has to put up with in his inbox every day.

For a long time, Chris was surprisingly diligent about making sure all the emails he did not like were appropriately recorded. That all changed on 13 [[December 2009]], in which Chris began attempting to delete emails from the record entirely.

==Rise of the Sub-Mailbags==

One place to dump mail that offended Chris wasn't nearly enough; he needed more.

=== Autism Mailbag ===
A new, cuddlier spin-off of the Rejected Mailbag was launched on December 2nd 2009, to dismiss autism spectrum-related e-mails 'because the topic is not in canon with the Sonichu and Rosechu topics. [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Autism_Mailbag Accessible here], it is where Chris will respond to the informed messages of myriad doctors, psychologists and the like who contact him to enlighten him regarding his opinions on "slapdash so-called counterpart [[Aspergers]]."

Chris's completely irrational hatred of Asperger's Syndrome and his explosive responses to letters on the topic entertained the trolls a great deal. It is now unusual for a Mailbag to have fewer than 4 letters about the disorders in question.

===Let Me Get Back To You On That===

'''L'''et me '''G'''et '''B'''ack to you on '''T'''hat, or '''LGBT''' for short, was the next dumping grounds for rejected letters. It was created on 9 December 2009, and appears to be a place for letters that cause Chris too much [[stress]], but have such undeniably good points that even Chris can't ignore them. The title implies that he intends to get to give them full answers when he's not crashing into slumber. Eventually, Chris's Sysop disposed of the section, moving all the letters into [[Mailbag 29]]. The answers Chris gave to this section were minimal. Chris ignored every e-mail that didn't slather praise on him, and responded to those with any sense of negativity harshly or not at all (i.e. Whatever).

===Parodies===
Originally a page set up by Chris's Sysop to list all the Sonichu [[Parody|parodies]], Chris started moving mail about parodies of Sonichu here on 13 [[December 2009]]. Then on 15 December, he proved he wasn't above revisionist history, and moved a letter from over a week ago to the parody mailbag.

== Begging and pleading ==

{{Quote|Please No Longer Include any messages addressing '''Autisim or Aspergers''', or any that has even an inkling of '''homosexuality''' in it; I feel very stressed after having to read those messages; they really Grind My Gears.|Chris, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#Mailbag Issue (CCS)|begging his sysop to make it stop]].}}

In correspondence with his Sysop in early December 2009, Chris made it very clear that all the letters about gays and autism were causing too much stress, and that he would like to begin pretending that the only people who write him are the ones that draw him little pictures and kiss his ass. Chris's sysop did not respond to his begging, and continued to let e-mails Chris would obviously deem offensive flow into every new mailbag.

== Gone forever ==

The first instance of Chris rejecting e-mails without recording them anywhere was in [[Mailbag 2]], which had two letters removed. Neither of them were terribly offensive, and it's likely Chris merely forgot to record them. [[Mailbag 17]] was the first instance of Chris intentionaly refusing to record a letter, in this case an automatic e-mail, informing him that he had signed up for a [[homo]] newsletter. The idea that Chris merely forgot to move this letter is out of the question, as he also moved three other letters to the Rejected Mailbag in the same evening. Still, the letter was merely a form letter from something a [[troll]] signed him up for, so arguably it's not a very big deal.

[[Mailbag 34]] on the other hand should be granted no such lenience. Chris intentionally deleted two letters from this mailbag, one from the creator of [[Asperchu]], who wished to inform Chris that his new website [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia] was up and running, and one from a group of concerned mothers, who wished to [http://sites.google.com/site/boycottsonichu/ boycott Sonichu]. What makes his actions here particularly reprehensible is the fact that both of the deleted e-mails contained links to the relevant sites, implying that Chris deleted these letters simply to keep his true and honest fanbase from seeing those webpages.

Regardless, it wouldn't matter if Chris didn't keep copies of any rejected e-mails. The [[Wikipedia:MediaWiki|MediaWiki]] software his site runs on saves every change made to page history, meaning that every foolish or selfish move he makes is recorded for all eternity.

==See also==
*[[Chris E-Mails]]
*[[Mailbag#Censorship|Censorship]]

{{Mailbag}}