CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:Dan Dash

2010-03-09T17:18:30Z

Yawning Squirtle: /* Cole Smithey, part 2 */ wrong page

{{Americunt}}{{Award|
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title=Encyclopedia Dramatica user|
text=This user forges [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]] and spreads drama throughout his/her [[ED|homeland]].|}}
<noinclude>[[Category: Awards]]</noinclude>
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]
== Tobacky Hate ==
His hate of tobacco may be caused by growing up in the Cigarette belt, which consists of major tobacky export states such as [[Virginia]], West Virginia and The Carolinas, where cigarettes are often dirt cheap and smoked by the majority of the population, and 99.8% of the global population is jerks, so cigarettes are for jerks.
Another, far more likely hypothesis is homophobia. Chris hates cigarettes because they are called "fags" in the uk. Because of his intense homophobia, he refuse to even mention something remotely homo.

==PVCC==
I propose going to PVCC and stapling up pictures of the [[Mary Lee Walsh|MLW]] pages (not the porn) and start LARPing as Chris (W/ Attraction sign) and remind Mary that Chris and us have not forgotten about her.'''

==[[Son-Chu]] ==
Besides buying Porn, video games and sex toys, I do not know why he skimped out on purchasing a car. I mean, Has he ever heard of the word 'Pussywagon'? A nice car would certainly increase his chances of getting pussy over his shitty 94 Escort. And, From his Facebook, he poses alongside Bob's BMW Z3, Thus proving that he has some taste in automobiles.

== Snorlax ==

if we plan on trolling Snørlax, how do we do it? how do we troll someone who don't use the internet? Phone's trolled so much that they let it goto voicemail. We would have to go to Ground Zero to troll her (because her weight has left her incapable of mobility) , and it would be absolutely insane to show up at [[14 Branchland Court]] without a respirator and/or an assault rifle. But then I think I found a way....

== Cole Smithey ==
That's right, the only worthwhile Chandler (besides Lumberjack). We are going to use him to troll Snore. We will send Snorlax a fake invitation to a film premiere, promising free chicken, but we won't have tickets for Chris, leaving him at home and vulnerable to trolls, then what happens next is up to us.

==Bob Chandler==
Bob may be awesome, but he's still a stupid redneck married to a [[Snorlax|fat whore.]] Our awareness of his stupidity makes him a prime target of trolling. Bob is a very hypocritical man. What he fears most is Socialism, while simultaneously teaching his son to abuse welfare and buy video games and porn, when his welfare checks are intended for essentials like [[obesity|food]] and [[Chris and health|Shampoo.]] I suggest sending a heath inspector or Social Services to check out [[14 Branchland Court|the shithole]], i'm sure the junk's spilled out onto city property by now, or we could pretend to be the Health Inspector.

User talk:Dan Dash

2010-03-09T17:17:58Z

Yawning Squirtle:

find a way to troll snørlax

That's interesting, but I'm not sure if she'd abandon Chris--remember, they have two tickets. How do we know that she won't give the spare to Chris?

I'd go for something that plays on her fear of Chris being arrested. She's also paranoid about her image being online. And it's fun to play games with paranoid people.

I can't think of anything beyond planting two signs, one with the image of Snorlax and one with the image of Bob. Emily isn't adverse, so far as I know. Would make for a nice "I know what you look like" freak out. For bonus points, the Bob sign will have something about the house videos on it while the Lax sign will have the page where he electrocutes Alec on the back, as it's the only page where he drew himself killing someone.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:56, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

I propose attacking them with a hired professional actor pretending to sue them. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 23:14, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

This is all very good, but do we know anyone who would be willing to go out to Ruckersville and do this shit for us? If so, it could work. But we are all talking trolling schemes here and I don't really know anyone near that area myself, and only the most dedicated troll in the world would be willing to travel long distance to put a sign on Christian's lawn. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:11, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
:All these elaborate trolling schemes don't mean shit as people already do shit like put signs on his lawn and chris doesn't care. If you really wish to discuss these plans further, go to [[cwc]]. Otherwise, don't bring them up on the cwcki. --[[User:Niggastolemyfamicom|Niggastolemyfamicom]] 01:27, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
:Yes chef. Sorry chef. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 03:15, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

==Cole Smithey, part 2==
I can read the article just fine, and I appreciate your concern for my literacy. Now, what part of "''Cole resided in California for 16 years and has been in New York since around 1996''" or [http://www.colesmithey.com/about.htm Cole lives in Manhattan] do '''''you''''' not understand? Let's say for the sake of argument that it was Cole editing the article. Explain why Cole, who lives in Manhattan, is editing his Wikipedia page from a Virginia IP address. You could argue that he was in Virginia visiting relatives, but his emails to Chris seem to indicate he fucking hates his family and wants nothing to do with them, so that seems highly unlikely. Anyway, Champ was right in cutting down on the Wikipedia faggotry in the article, since neither side can definitively prove whether or not it actually was Cole doing the editing to his wiki page. [[User:Yawning Squirtle|Yawning Squirtle]] 17:04, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

User:Dan Dash

2010-03-09T17:04:45Z

Yawning Squirtle:

Talk:Cole Smithey

2010-02-24T02:42:20Z

Yawning Squirtle: /* Wikipedia */

==To do==
*Emails between him and Chris
*Photo
*Link to his movie review website

== retardaton must run in chris' maternal family ==

Cole [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/cat_in_the_hat/ gave] the Cat in the Hat a good rating. --[[User:One With The Lulz|One With The Lulz]] 20:08, 5 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Here's a proper link to what you're talking about: [http://www.colesmithey.com/capsules/2009/01/dr-seusss-the-cat-in-the-hat.html Cole's review].

== shared traits ==

I recall reading somewhere that Chris was going prematurely bald. Idk if this is a trol comment or what, but look at Cole on Chris's 18th birthday. He himself is going bald, and Chris is the same age as he was during Chris 's birthday. So...I guess they have a little in common.--[[User:Howsyourham|Howsyourham]] 03:30, 31 July 2009 (CEST)

== Wikipedia ==

How do we know this is actually Cole? Chris is popular, as is Cole, anyone could be impersonating him, just as there are people who pretend to be Bob, Snorlax, Alec, Clyde, etc. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:13, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
*Because people edit their own articles all the time. It's highly unlikely that an impersonator would be spamming links to Cole's reviews, and ''very'' likely that the genuine article is. Also, the article was edited by 68.174.85.191, an IP from Herndon, Virginia which also matches the User:Cole Smithey account. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 01:13, 24 February 2010 (UTC)
**Except, as pointed out in this article and on his personal website, Cole Smithey lives in Manhattan, not Herndon, Virginia. [[User:Yawning Squirtle|Yawning Squirtle]] 02:42, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

Mailbag 38

2010-01-14T19:51:12Z

Yawning Squirtle: /* I NEED MY WOMAN */

__NOTOC__'''Mailbag 38''' was uploaded to the CWCipedia on 12 [[January 2010]] and answered on the same day. The amount of rage and censorship it produced is equal parts horrifying and hilarious.

==Awaiting Answers==
===In which Chris fails to answer the question===
{{Email|From: Richard Allonger <longhardroadtonowhere@mail.com>

If Asperchu is a complete ripoff of Sonichu, which you claim it is, then does that mean that Sonichu has homoerotic undertones? Because you said Asperchu was gay and a parody, and if it's a parody, then it parodies the gay parts of Sonichu. If they exist, which they probably do.

Richard Allonger}}
{{EmailReply|SONICHU IS STRAIGHT!!!}}

===The gayest dog ever===
[[Image:Gaydog.JPG|thumb|That's the gayest dog I've ever seen]]
{{Email|From: Jamyl Sarum <loachcoach@gmail.com>

Dear Chris,

I think my [[Patti Chandler|dog]], Boo, is gay. He hates women and likes to lick the faces of guys. Do you think dogs can be gay? If you think so, how can I make my dog straight? This is what he looks like. Does he look gay? Here's a pic of him.}}
{{EmailReply|At this point, just let your dog be.}}

===Raise the Jolly Roger===
{{Email|From: Kara Wiley <mistykara1982@gmail.com>

Chris,
I had a short question from a fan! Is Collassall Chris supposed to be... ummm... some sort of pirate? He has a beard, and a torn shirt, and earrings, and this kind of man is one that some jerks used to call a "butt pirate" when I was in high school. Is Collassal Chris a butt pirate?

Thanks <3 Kara}}
{{EmailReply|NO, he is NOT a pirate. IT is a combination between my Human and Sonichu Selves.}}

===In which Chris doesn't consider anything at all===
{{Email|From: Winston Quentin Shambler <WinstonQShambler@email.org>

Dear Chris,

I am not Appreciative on how You put My Email in your Autism Mailbag without Answering it. But I Digress. I'll forgive you if you put Mario Potter into the next Sonichu Comic so I can be More Famous. Just remember to give Credit to the REAL and GENUINE creator of Mario Potter. If you don't, I will use my Asperger Powers to Place a Curse on You. This Curse will stop you from finding a Sweetheart for the Rest of Your Life and make you a Lonely Frustrated Autistic Virgin Forever.

Winston Quentin Shambler}}
{{EmailReply|I'll consider it.}}

===And when you do 'em people think that you're cool===
{{Email|From: Jeff Frankfort <frankfort.jeff@aol.com>

Is Colossal Chris Chan supposed to be a heroin addict? Because he has the scratchy beard of a heroin addict and has dyed his hair blue with Kool-Aid like a homeless gutter punk, and likes to wear a sleeveless denim vest without a shirt on underneath like Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx, who did a lot of heroin. Does "Colossal" refer to the size of his heroin addiction?

- Jeff}}
{{EmailReply|NO! IT is a combination between my Human and Sonichu Selves.}}

===The censor's pen===
{{Email|From: John Macgillian <johnmacgillian@yahoo.ca>

Hello Christian Chandler

My name is John Macgillian and first off I would like to thank you for your dedicated hard work on the comics. I thought I should take the time to ask you some important questions. Do people with autism attract homosexuals? A new study has recently been done in Canada at Guelp University, but the evidence is controversial. Also now that you and Alec B. Leary <strike>have teamed up and expanded Sonichu into a whole new universe</strike> '''''have NEVER TEAMED UP and Alec is making a Mockery out of your comic and characters''','' Whats next? I would love to invest alot of money on ''Sonichu'' merchandise for my chain of stores across Canada, could you possibly do that for me? I am a HUGE FAN!!!!!!! I must say I love the work you <strike>and Alec have been doing with Asperchu, the character roles that are laid out in the Asperchu comics are so dynamic and unique</strike> ''have done in your own comics ONLY on the Cwcipedia and NOT on any other website.''

Anyways God Bless You

Your Friend John

Ciao}}
''Chris added the strikeouts and all italicized words, and replaced one instance of "Asperchu" with "Sonichu". He did all this on the same night he [[CWC Blog#12 January 2010|bitched at Alec]] for parodying it on his own website.''
{{EmailReply|To answer your first question, NO! HE AND I ARE NOT A TEAM; HE is only ticking me off! Read My Edits to your letter.}}

===Chris is an expert matchmaker===
{{Email|From: Brandon Louthan <brandonl1701@yahoo.com>
Me again, just wondering, are you aware that Giovanni has a son in canon named Silver, not to be confused with Silver the Hedgehog of course, so what was the need for Naitsirhc, and speaking of Naitsirhc, why did you pair him up with Kel? Especially considering that a Rocket's job is to usually steal a trainer's Pokemon.

Also, there are other evil teams other then Team Rocket, such as Teams Aqua, Magma and Galactic, will they ever make appearances?

Also, why no Tails? Tails is Sonic's best friend, so why hasn't he made appearneces?}}
{{EmailReply|I did not know that, and Naitsirhc is Adopted. Opposites Attract, and Kel has made him a better man over time. The other teams may make an appearance. I did not feel it appropriate for Tails to be in my comic.}}

===I NEED MY WOMAN===
{{Email|From: [[wikipedia:Freddie Mercury|Farrokh Bulsara]] <fm9546@yahoo.com>
Chris, it seems like everyone in the Sonichu fandom is leaving and going and reading Asperchu. I'm not a big fan of Asperchu myself but I can see why people are leaving.

Sonichu is getting too tangled, complicated and negative. I mean, there's people dying everywhere in Sonichu now! In the old days villains got a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha or beaten up but they weren't killed.

There are way too many characters, it seems like you added so many that you frequently forget they even exist and there are a lot of plot lines you brought up but haven't reso lved. I mean, when are you going to get Crystal out of the Dark Mirror Hole? Are you just going to leave your own twin sister in there and forget about her? That's awful.

Also, Rosechu and Sonichu have kids now and are married. Most series jump the shark when this happens, Sonichu is no exception. There's also too much porn. No one wants to see porn of hedgehogs in a children's comic, even if you like porn, hedgehog sex is still really gross.

The only way I can see you fixing the franchise now is to throw out everything and start fresh. Go back to the birth of Sonichu and go from there. You don't have to worry about characters you no longer care about or plots you don't care to resolve. You can bring back all the good stuff about Sonichu and get rid of the bad. Most successful franchises have done this. James Bond, Batman, Superman, Transformers, and many others too.

Or you could do nothing and have all your fans leave while you sit there alone making comics about Rosechu putting in tampons.}}
{{EmailReply|I am working on the plots at my own pace; [[Lie|I HAVE A LIFE OF MY OWN]], and it is NOT YET COMPLETE; I NEED MY WOMAN.}}

==Gone Forever==
===The depths of Chris's hypocrisy===
{{Email|From: Toby Klein <tk4tw@gmail.com>

Chris. Stop telling people to kill themselves every fucking video. What is it about you? It's like you're on a mission to drive away every last person that wants to defend you. PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE WHO ENCOURAGE SUICIDE AND DEATH TOWARDS EVERYBODY THAT ANNOYS THEM. THAT IS NOT HOW BEING A HUMAN BEING WORKS.

Somebody pays for a gay ad on your website (which was GIVEN to you, by the way), and your response is they should die. Yeah, that's nice and balanced, Chris. Yet you're "caring". Bull fucking shit, dude. Honestly, as somebody who once did and no longer does, let me tell ya.... you're making it REAL hard for anybody to like you. I know you won't listen, you never do, but seriously.

Sincerely,
"Mr. Insanity" Toby Klein}}

===Blasphemy's not cool===
{{Email|From: Thorgnzorrg Jenkins <thorgnzorrg@hotmail.com>

Allow me to quoute you: "The Only Mistake of God were THE PEOPLE who contributed to the Original E.D. Page"

Chris, do you realize that in the Christian religion, your god is the embodiment of perfection and can't make mistakes? The ED page was a joke, poking fun at your hilariously pathetic life. What you said; however, was an example of your own ignorance of the very religion you like to act as though you know so much about. You have a very warped view of Christianity, Chris. Y'alls is racist and homophobic too.}}

===Expect the party van===
{{Email|From: Mihmed Mahmud <mihmedmahmud@gmail.com>

Hi Chriss!

I just wanted to say that showing pornographic material in comic targeted to children is a crime. I have informed FBI on your wrong doings. Expect their contact soon.}}

===Justifiable rage===
{{Email|From: Josh connor <joshthebanditking@gmail.com>

Chris I am shocked and appalled at your recent strips about taking down the "4_cent_garbage" building. You decided that people making fun of you and "mislabeling you" deserved to have a building crash down around them. MY FATHER DIED IN A BUILDING COLLAPSE! How dare you make light of something so serious and so life affecting as that, Those people might have had families who will never whole again because you decided to overreact to what people called you names. I am sorry but you are a FAT, STUPID, HOMOPHOBIC, RASICT, NARCISSISTIC, NAIVE, EVIL, VILE, DISHONEST, AND DESPICABLE PERSON AND THE WORLD WILL BE A MUCH BETTER PLACE WHEN YOU DROP DEAD AND ROT IN HELL< WHICH I HOPE WILL BE SOON. Also in regards to you challenge to anyone who is against you, I will come down to Virgina anytime you want so I can play a real life version of "Kick the autistic" with your fat ass.}}

===Chris still can't handle the truth===
{{Email|From: Riff Riff <vonriff2@yahoo.co.uk>

Hello, Chris. I've been watching your Youtube videos for a while now (never bothered with your comic; it's incredibly boring and equally disgusting in places), and I must ask; why are you such a spiteful person? You're always wishing death on people for no actual reason, trying to justify your stupid shit-slinging with petty excuses. Why do you act like this? It only drives people away, and adds to the ranks of the trolls.

Recently you've begun hating on a perfectly good webcomic (Asperchu) simply because it's a parody. You yourself have declared Sonichu a parody time and again when people say it's a ripoff, yet when someone actually parodies Sonichu, you blow your top and start screaming death threats at the creator. Why are you so immature and spiteful? Did someone molest you as a child?

You recently tried to justify your hatred by saying "I pray to God for forgiveness". You can't keep doing that; praying to God for forgiveness means that you are legitimately sorry for your sins and that you promise to never repeat them, yet here you are, shouting death threats at people once again. You spit in the face of your own God; I'm an atheist and I know that's fucking wrong. You're going straight to hell for lying to God.

- Von Riffenstein

P.S. Responding to people with "NO U" responses like "I say you have YOUR OWN ISSUES to make ammends to. Go See a Psychiatrist" is just childish and stupid. Stop avoiding your problems by pinning them on others, only unlikable idiots destined to die alone do that sort of thing.}}

===Impervious in the face of logic===
{{Email|From: Keith Keithson <allisfine1@gmail.com>
Chris, I don't see the point of your recent video.

If Alec has fans of his comic, then they aren't going to be reading Sonichu or watching your videos or even visiting this site.

So explain how you thought ordering his fans to leave him for no reason would work?}}

===On Christian's Christianity===
{{Email|From: Apple Pie <effence@yahoo.ca>

Chris, are you a christian or aren't you? You do not obey your father's wishes for you to take down the house tours, you support free love, prostitution, rape, underage sex, yet still claim yourself to be godly. By the Bible's terms, this makes you an Antichrist. Who is the Liar, Chris? It's you. So fuck you. I'm moving on to Asperchu, because he is an upstanding citizen.}}

{{Mailbag}}