CWCki - User contributions [en]

IRC:Contents

2012-09-16T02:29:06Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

Welcome to the IRC namespace related to accessing [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] on irc.rizon.net:7000. This is intended to help IRC users get shit done or learn how to do things.

'''Notice''': If you're familiar with IRC, then you MUST register your nickname (and sign in) with Rizon before you are able to join #sonichu.

If [[Chris]] can do it, SO CAN YOU!

== [[Image:Mirc.jpg|25px]] What happens in the IRC? ==
Usually nothing Chris related. At best, Chris references.
== [[Image:Mirc.jpg|25px]] Does Chris ever come here? ==
'''NO.'''

== [[Image:Mirc.jpg|25px]] Care and Proper Feeding of your IRC ==
===Clients===
*Browser based: [http://01.chat.mibbit.com/ Mibbit], [http://chatzilla.hacksrus.com/ Chatzilla (Firefox extension)]
*Windows: [http://www.mirc.com/ mIRC], [http://www.hydrairc.com/ HydraIRC]
*Mac: [http://colloquy.info/ Colloquy]
*Anything: [http://irssi.org/ irssi], [http://xchat.org/ X-Chat]
'''REMEMBER TO SET YOUR CLIENT OF CHOICE TO THE RIZON (irc.rizon.net:7000) SERVER!'''

===Registering and logging in===
To register, in the Rizon server area, follow these instructions:
*'''/nick [USERNAME]''' This will allow you to pick a username.
*'''/msg nickserv register [PASSWORD] [E-MAIL]''' This will register that username.
*'''/msg nickserv confirm [PASSCODE]''' Check your e-mail for the passcode and you're done!
To log-in, in the Rizon server area, follow these instructions:
*'''/nick [USERNAME]'''
*'''/msg nickserv identify [PASSWORD]'''
Now type '''/join #sonichu''' and you're in!
===Vhosts===
*[[IRC:Vhost|Registering a vhost (Not necessary, but prevents others from knowing where you live)]]

== [[Image:Mirc.jpg|25px]] When you first join ==
Due to many new people joining (and a majority of them being complete idiots), you may have to endure some hostility. Just act normal. Hopefully you're normal.

== [[Image:Mirc.jpg|25px]] What to do and not to do ==
===Rules===
*If you're a meme-spouting faggot, get out.
*If you're constantly asking Chris questions, maybe check the CWCki first.
*Just act normal and you'll probably be fine unless you have no idea what normal is.
*Respect authority (unless you want to get beaten).
=== How to get banned ===
*Being a [[white knight]].
*Evading a ban.
*Being disruptive.

== [[Image:Mirc.jpg|25px]] What to do if you're banned ==
Take it up with [[User talk:Canine|Canine]] (PM him).

== External links ==
*[http://www.rizon.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=13 Essential reading]
*[http://www.rizon.net/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=11 Rizon FAQs]

[[Category:IRC]]

La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova

2012-09-09T02:28:34Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

"'''La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova'''" ("[[Chris's kitchen|The kitchen]] in [[Love Quest|Casanova]]'s house") is the fifth track from ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''.

More than anything else, this song demonstrates Chris's ''total mastery'' of [[Spanish]].

It should also be noted that the real-life [[Wikipedia:Giacomo Casanova|Giacomo Girolamo Casanova de Seingalt]] was Venetian, not Spanish; Chris probably mistook him for Spanish because his name resembles ''casa nueva'', Spanish for "new house."

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|s_NjT6RX26c}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = [[Sex]]
| style =
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]
| next = [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]]
}}

===Lyrics===

[''sung over [[Homos|Ricky Martin's]] "''[[Wikipedia:The_Cup_of_Life_(Ricky_Martin_song)|La Copa de La Vida]]''"'']

¡Casanova! 
¡Casanova! 
¡Casanova! 

¡Estamos en la cocina! 
¡En la casa de Casanova! 
¡Estamos divertido, sí! [?] 
¡Bailamos con la música! 

¡Hay muchas chicas y niñas aquí 
En la casa! 

¡Casanova está muy feliz 
Porque está hacienda cosas calientes! 

¡Hace calor! ¡Hace calor! 
¡Casanova! 

Here we go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 
Go, go, go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Esta noche… 
Esta noche sera 
Diversión! [?] 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Uno, dos, tres! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 
Un, deux, trois! 
¡Olé, olé olé! 

Because he 
Is Casanova! 
Go, go, go! 
¡Olé, olé, olé! 

¡Olé, olé! (¡Olé, olé!) [repeat to end] 

¡Casanova!

===Translation===

Casanova! 
Casanova! 
Casanova! 

We're in the kitchen! 
In Casanova’s house! 
We’re having fun, yes! 
We’re dancing with the music! 

[[Pedofork|There are lots of girls and girls here]] 
In the house! 

Casanova is very happy 
[[Sex|Because he’s doing hot things!]] 

It's hot! It's hot! 
Casanova! 

Here we go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 
Go, go, go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

This night… 
This night will be 
Fun! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

One, two, three! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 
''Un, deux, trois!'' 
''¡Olé, olé olé!'' 

Because he 
Is Casanova! 
Go, go, go! 
''¡Olé, olé, olé!'' 

''¡Olé, olé!'' (''¡Olé, olé!'') [repeat to end] 

Casanova!

{{Hedgehog Boys}}

[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]

The End For Real (Kacey call)

2012-09-09T00:12:05Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

{{deletedvideo}}

'''The End For Real''' is a phone call which took place between [[Kacey]] and Chris on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]], and led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|Kacey marrying Liquid Chris the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Chris tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

It was leaked to the [[CWCki]] on 16 [[February 2011]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = The End For Real, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|zWPLFbLq9kk}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = First
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got [[Kim]]'s e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need-yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean-I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr-I'm sorr-I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really... act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out [[Women's rights|ignored everything I said]].
 '''Chris:''' [''makes a strange grunting noise''] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what- one of my problems is that I have [[Wikipedia:Tunnel vision|tunnel vision]]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was-
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaks over Chris''] It-It-It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he was saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey... That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem-solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[''sic'']]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't-
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[Chris and anger|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [''pause''] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st-I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought-
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought-I just thought that you might need your spa-you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, like, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. [mumbles incoherently]
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- [Interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still go to fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh|*stress sigh*]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week.
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food.
 '''Chris:''' [[Lie|I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[McDonalds|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight?
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners.
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, or Banquet.
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional values of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time.
 '''Kacey:''' [incredulous]...Then go buy them.
 '''Chris:''' And I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make- to make da better food.
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your food... I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better, but I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not.
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. [long, awkward pause] I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, like, for like, what? Five minutes? I run five miles, 2.5 at the... least. I mean, you should be able to jog at least two miles by now if you were even trying. And you don't listen to- [Chris tries to speak over her, saying "I am trying."] me when I'm trying to tell you I'm worried about how you're probably losing muscle mass or anything. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' I do- I listen to you and like... I-I-I really ap'riciate your concern, but that concern makes me think, and it makes me act... Truly.
 '''Kacey:''' That's- I mean, I saw those [[11042009 51 50|videos when you were trying to lift lemonade...]] Those weren't fifty pounds. I mean, that's not even a workout, anyway, that's not even balanced. Get some real weights. I mean, that's just gonna hurt you, 'cuz you're displacing the weight.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm going to get a pair of fifty pound weights...
 '''Kacey:''' Either way, it shouldn't have been that hard, I mean, you shouldn't have struggled with something that was like what, five, seven pounds?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well maybe I- Okay, I exa- I exa- I likely exaggerated when I said that they were each fifty.
 '''Kacey:''' That's a huge exaggeration! That's a ''big'' difference!
 '''Chris:''' They felt, like, more than twenty pounds apiece.
 '''Kacey:''' Kim said they were ten pounds. I'm not even sure if it's that much.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... okay, I-I do not claim to actually know how many pounds one of those actually is...
 '''Kacey:''' Then you shouldn't have.
 '''Chris:''' But, it felt like at least twenty.
 '''Kacey:''' No it's not. I'm looking it up on Google right now and it says around eight, ten pounds. I mean, it's just [[Honor roll|simple math and conversion]].
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it to look it up, so you don't look stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I could've- I could've looked it up. I just didn't- I did not think about that. I did not think of that. One of my faults, sometimes I don't think of everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you ever think, cause I'm starting to think you don't, because you've been making a ''lot'' of mistakes lately. And... it's really, really, making ''me'' think. I mean, I'm tired of the excuses.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm ti- I, I don't like excuses either.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why do you make them all the time? That's all you ever do.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, maybe- okay. I have made some excuses in the past.
 '''Kacey:''' You make a ''lot'' of excuses in the past. You make any excuse, you ever do, it's always "[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]]," or "I'm thinking about it," like, whenever you say stuff like that I know it's not going to get done. I mean, that's really bad, when... I already ''know'' you're not going to do anything by the words you say. You're just gonna continue to make excuses. You left me alone for several days after you heard how upset I was! The hell? You really think I want a boyfriend like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you ta- yeah, you would not want a boyfriend like that. But, I ca-yeah, I mean I have, I realize that...
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so, you see what I'm saying. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand... what you are saying. And I could be better, and I am willing to improve.
 '''Kacey:''' Sssomehow, I don't really think you're going to.
 '''Chris:''' I am going to improve on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you haven't yet, so... why would I believe you now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long silence]'' Okay, you have every right to question that, but... please believe me, I mean, ya know, one thing that- ya know, I would be, I would be ''glad'' to be there for you, but... I don't know your address.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter, you should be able to be there for me otherwise. You haven't earned that address. I mean, is that really all you've got? I mean... and after that comic, how wo- why would I want to give you my address? You're just going to shoot [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] or me anyway!
 '''Chris:''' I, I promise you, I would not shoot anybody for real. I do not even own a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn't mean you couldn't get one, I could get a gun and I don't own one.
 '''Chris:''' I do not, I have no intention on getting a real gun in the near future.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but it's so easy to get guns, do you remember the Virginia Tech shooter? It's easy. Doesn't matter, all you need to do is get mad again, then you'll just ignore me anyway.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you that I would not ignore you in the future, even when I get- even when I get... riled up, and angry and [mumbling], I would not ignore you.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, you've ignored me enough, don't you think it might be a little too late? I mean, that comic really scared me, I mean, I'm pretty sure... you shot him in the comic so he couldn't follow and take me back. I mean, that's just ''creepy''. That's psychotic. That's delusional.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I agree with you, that... I may have some issues to resolve with Chris. Like, you know, I definitely should... like, you know, try... to sit in front of him...

== Part 2 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = The End For Real, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|H0r8vlDV-J4}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

 '''Chris:''' ...and discuss things, calmly...
 '''Kacey:''' You think he's gonna do that after he saw that comic?!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, obviously he definitely has other skeletons in his closet-
 '''Kacey:''' This isn't about him; this isn't about him. This is about you. And I'm tired of you talking bad about him.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yeah. I don- I don't like talking bad about people, but-
 '''Kacey:''' But you do all the time!
 '''Chris:''' Well, only... just, only- ok, well.
 '''Kacey:''' Tell me again why you think you're better than him. Go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm- because I'm loyal.
 '''Kacey:''' You're not very loyal; you haven't called me. You're not very honest; you lie to me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Because I tell you- I tell you everything I'm- from my heart. And [when] I tell you I love you, I mean it.
 '''Kacey:''' That's lying. You can't even send me a simple email to make sure I'm OK. Like, I don't think you get how hurt and angry I am, so no, I want something that you're better at him at that is real, because your lies come from your heart too.
 '''Chris:''' [Stuttering incoherently for a rebuttal] Ok, I have made the mistake of lying at-
 '''Kacey:''' A lot.
 '''Chris:''' A lot, a lot, but a lot of the things that I have told you, in the past, were true. I swear, I have told you a lot of truth like you know, like when I tell you about myself on the kind of person I am, those are true. And how I feel about you, that's true, too.
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that?
 '''Chris:''' And my hit-
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know you're not just ready to drop me, because it's easier, or something stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Because... we started out as friends, and I in-
 '''Kacey:''' That's right, friends.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hang on, hang on! We started out as friends with the possibility of a relationship, and I would like a relationship.
 '''Kacey:''' How would we start off as friend with the possibility of a relationship? You lied to me the first time you talked to me.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did the things-
 '''Kacey:''' You pretended to be my boyfriend, my fiance.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did pretend to be Chris. But that was in the case, to let you know, that he was who you- he was not who you thought he was. You know, he was- He ''was'' pretending to be me.
 '''Kacey:''' He wasn't pretending to be you! This is what I don't get. Stop saying he's pretending to be you. Just 'cause you guys have the same name doesn't mean he was pretending to be you, because you two are two totally different people.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yes, we are two totally different people, and I can list the whole number of things that I am and he's no- that he's not that he claims.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can list the whole things he does that you can't. He can play guitar. He doesn't lie to me. He jogs with me. He does stuff with me. He doesn't sit around and play video games. He has a job. He has a college education. He goes to school. I mean, wh- the hell? I mean, c'mon. Do it, do it. Sho- Tell me. Tell me what's he's not doing and I bet you I can refute everything.
 '''Chris:''' ''[stutters, then sighs]''
 '''Kacey:''' So you don't have anything, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, I can definitely tell you that he did not go to Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is he's in school now. And that he's gonna make himself better.
 '''Chris:''' He is... yes he is, okay, he is...
 '''Kacey:''' His high s- I told you before, high school doesn't matter to me, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you get your education through high school. You need your high school diploma to move on to college...
 '''Kacey:''' Not really, anyone can get their GED and blaze through it. What matters even more than high school education is like your SATs and your ACTs. College is what's important to me. Because that shows a future. I mean, I bet you don't even know what a GED is.
 '''Chris:''' I do know, I have a general idea of what a GED is. It's a sort of degree.
 '''Kacey:''' ...No... It's... in place of a diploma. I mean, did you even take the SAT?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did take the SAT in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' What was your scores?
 '''Chris:''' ...I do not remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh come on, you've got to remember. Nobody forgets their SAT scores.
 '''Chris:''' It, uh, with a small detail like that, and I felt it was small... it was in one ear and out the other.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, was it- was it above 1100? Was it above 1200? Was it above... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, mmm... Ah, yeah, I think it, I think it was... over 1100. [long pause] But that's to the best of my recollection. [[Lie|I swear]].
 '''Kacey:''' So you had something over 1100, but you went to a community college. I mean, did- did you even try to get into a university? Not that I'm saying community colleges are bad, but, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I did- yeah well, yeah, my mom and dad advised me to go ''to'' the community college, because my family could not afford university.
 '''Kacey:''' That's... my- okay, okay, first off... you're on [[Monthly tugboat|disability]]. Government would have paid for your schooling, the end. That's just being lazy. Um, number two, financial aid and student loans. That would have been all on you, not on them. And the thing is, you... should at ''least'' have transferred to university ''after'' the community college cause community college is a stepping stone. Yes, it's a great way to get your classes for cheaper, but then you ''have'' to go to university to get, like, a bachelor's. I mean, did you even look into that?
 '''Chris:''' That had not come to mind. By the way, I ca- by the way, just to let you know, I did check with my mom and dad, I mean... yes, they were in for, of the, of the financial aid, but they...
 '''Kacey:''' Well then your parents should have done something about that, that just shows your parents didn't care about your future either. But it's not up to them. You should have done it, why didn't you use it? ''[talking over Chris]'' I wish I'd had financial aid right way.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Look. I would have taken the financial aid if I-if I could, but my mom and dad, there was a whole lot of stress going on in just starting out at the community college...
 '''Kacey:''' But you still... should have been able to do it later... ''[Chris stutters]'' Don't you overtalk me! Don't overtalk me. That's the thing, it's always stress, it's always stress this stress that. It...doesn't...''matter''. You should have been able to do something ''afterwards''. Even if you didn't do it right away, you should have been able to go to a four-year university afterwards, and gotten something better than just a little [[CADD]] certificate...whatever. An associate's doesn't do ''shit.'' I'm... I mean, like, I'm sick and tired of hearing you use the word "stress." You don't know stress. We've been through this before. You ''don't know'' what stress is.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I will not disagree with you...but on the...
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn ''straight'' you're not gonna disagree with me because you know I'm right! You don't have a job, you don't even- you don't have job stress. You...You sit around, play video games, and get... ''money''. If your life was a hundred times more stressful than it is now, you still wouldn't have as much stress as I do, you wouldn't have as much stress as...my ''[[Chandler cats|cat]]'', probably.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, y-you're probably right.
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn straight I'm right! I mean, you take days off where you don't do anything except color or play video games. ''[pause]'' I mean, I don't think you get... that all you have shown me the whole time I've known you, is that you don't want to do anything unless it's easy. You want everything to be handed ''to'' you. And if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of ambitious. Why would I want someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you're right. I would not want, uh... I would, if I was to... go out with a woman, I, ah, would want one who was a go-getter. And you...
 '''Kacey:''' But the thing is, don't you think go-getters want ''other'' go-getters? Why would I want someone who's just gonna lay at home and suck up my money? I mean, cause that's all it would be, instead of sucking up the government's money you'd be sucking up my money. And, uh, I'm not sure I'd like that. At all. I mean, I don't want to have to take care of someone until I have kids, and you're ''definitely'' not my kid.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' I can definitely, be able- I can definitely take care of myself.
 '''Kacey:''' No you can't! You don't have a job. Can't take care of yourself without a job. My job is hanging on a thread, and I'm still doing way better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, you're doing... way better than me. You know a lot more than I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, seriously, tell me: without your parents, could you survive?
 '''Chris:''' I would do my best to survive, and... I think I would get by.
 '''Kacey:''' Really. Your best. Because, I mean... what kind of bills do you think need to be paid off every month?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah... electric, water, heating... that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[pause]'' Um, how about car insurance? Um, [[Television|cable?]]
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, car, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Rent? Property? You got taxes? Um, trash pickup if you have trash? Recycling if you have recycling? Oh, and don't forget any repairs.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, there is all that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how much do you get a month again? Like, what, 600?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm ge- I'm getting... about 800 a month right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Still, my bills are slightly larger than that. I mean, you couldn't survive on your own. And, I mean, these are my bills with ''roommates.'' I don't think you could survive without your parents. You can't even move out! And even if you could move out, you wouldn't have anybody to move out ''with''! That's, that's insane!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is insane. And I...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done something about it?! I have been living out on my own since I was eighteen, nineteen. You are twenty-seven! And you haven't moved out yet!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well one reason is- yeah, I don't have anybody to move out... with.
 '''Kacey:''' I moved out with ''nothing.'' I moved out with no job, hardly any money, without a car, and I still survived. And I got myself a job, and I got myself a car.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, find someone, there's people in craigslist, the newspapers, um universities, everywhere. You can find something. You can find someone who, will just rent a room. And then you don't even need to be around that person. I mean, Hell, you could probably get housing.

== Part 3 ==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = The End For Real, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|L0SCVHue9QE}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = Final
}}

 '''Chris:''' Yeah, [stutters] That's true, but ah... If I move out that's actually- I think I could be able to move out.. with my girlfriend. I don't, I mean, I wouldn't want just some other, I don't think- I just wouldn't feel comfortable-
 '''Kacey:''' [cuts in] But be realistic Chris, I mean.
 '''Chris:''' with some kind of stranger...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to know how to live on your own before you go into a relationship. Because if you go straight into, living out with a relationship, it's going to put a strain on there. I mean, you need to know how to deal with strangers, you need to know how to live on your own. I mean if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to be in a relationship. You'll just drag it down. Besides, I mean, you shouldn't move out with someone right away anyway, so you should probably live on your own first. I mean, besides, if you keep acting the way you're acting, you aren't likely to get a girlfriend anyway. Besides, if you had your own place to be, it'd be easier, because then there'd be a place for her to move and normally it's the girl who moves in with the guy. [obvious sounds of Kacey being tired from wailing on Chris so much] And ''besides,'' if you can't even take care of that, how do you expect to take care of a daughter... Which you keep dreaming about. I mean, are you expecting to just marry someone rich?
[''slight pause'']
 '''Chris:''' No, I do not... I- [cut off by Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Then how are you gonna take care of her? How are you gonna take care of a daughter?
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris_and_Reality|One day at a time.]]
 '''Kacey:''' No, there is no one day at a time. You-You... There is no one day at a time. You do that, you're going to [[Obesity|starve.]] You need ''plans.'' I mean, that's like Alcoholics Anonymous, that's not living.
 '''Chris:''' [[Alcohol|Well, I mean, at least I don't go out and get drunk every night.]] I don't do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know what, at least those drunks could pay for their drinks. You couldn't even do that! I mean, are you just trying to make yourself look good?
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent mumbling, sounds like he's repeating what Kacey just asked him] Yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, stop! It's-It's... I mean, that's- uh, that's stupid!
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' You're comparing apples to oranges!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, wait, maybe I'm misunderstanding the ques- maybe I misunderstood the question. You just said, I mean, I thought you said, uh, "[...]trying to make myself look good."
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, you're just trying to make yourself look good by comparing yourself to someone you think is worse than you. But, I mean, you're not going to be able to always do that. That's not adult.
 '''Chris:''' [completely skipping over the latter half of her last statements] Oooh, yeah, okay, yeah, now I understand. I just, mm... okay. Mmmm... Yeah. Mmm... Yeah, but, that is, uh, that is kind of a lame deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, at this point, they're probably better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're pro'lly- Yeah... You're right. A lot of people are better than me. Uh... In situations of being able to take care of him or herselves... Themselves.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, so obviously you're never gonna be able to take care of anyone. Why would girls want that? Girls want [[Liquid_Chris|real men.]] They want somebody who's gonna give them comfort and security. Not saying that the girl shouldn't be making money, too, and helping out, but I mean, nobody wants somebody who's just going to, [sigh] to, just, lay there and do nothing!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, oh-kay, look at what I'm being offered with Chris. Look at what I'm being offered with you. If you were me, what would you do?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah... Probably go to one that's better. But... Lemme just ask you- I mean, I know it's not about Chris, lemme ask you, have you actually ''checked'' his back- his background and actually seen where he works?
 '''Kacey:''' ''Yes!'' And that's why he- I know he's honest with me! And it doesn't matter anyway, you just said it's not about him, but then you made it about him. I mean, I've been to a company lunch with him.
 '''Chris:''' Well, um, I was just askin'. I was just askin'.
 '''Kacey:''' So, I mean, seriously, once again, I mean, who do you think would be the better one?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, [[Liquid_Chris|him.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so why-why do you think I would even give you a chance after all the lies and all the ch-shit you put me through? You ignored me.
 '''Chris:''' I lis- I listen to your every word, I ''did...'' I-I-Okay, well...
 [''Chris and Kacey talk over each other, Kacey comes out victorious'']
 '''Kacey:''' If you listen to it, you definitely didn't do anything about it. I mean, stop lying.
 '''Chris:''' I have been exercising, I have been... going out walking and jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, for five minutes. Not good enough. Totally not good enough.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, not good en-could be better. Could be better.
 '''Kacey:''' Could be ''a LOT'' better. I mean, working is not good enough if you don't push yourself. Then you're not really working on it. Then you're just kinda coasting through it. You're just kinda being half-assed. Do I really seem like the girl who needs someone half-assed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're not the... kinda girl that would want somebody who's... half-assed.
 [''21 second pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just... [sigh] Right now, in my eyes, you're just a horrible human being. You leech off [[Monthly_Tugboat|everyone.]] And I can't stand that, for one, you don't even know the principles of your religion right, which is extremely important to me. You've insulted and hurt my fiancé beyond anything, then you've insulted and hurt me, you've ignored me, you think ''he's'' more important, you've disrespected everyone on [[Twin_Falling_Towers|9/11,]] when, of course, nothing touches YOU, you insulted my father, you insulted my family... You- I mean, you compared my grandmother dying to a [[Patti-chan|DOG.]] A ''dog.'' A mangy, dirty dog. I mean. Oh. My. [[Godjesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|GOD.]]
 '''Chris:''' [obviously jumping over everything Kacey just said yet again] Patti was not a mangy, dirty dog... She was a member of my family.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean that she's like my grandmother dying in a terrorist attack. She still a damned dog. I mean, I love my cats and everything, but they're still cats! She was still a damn dog. I mean, fuck you for even COMPARING that to my grandmother dying.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well- kay...
 '''Kacey:''' You don't understand life, you don't understand [[Chris_and_Death|death,]] obviously.
 '''Chris:''' I do understand death. It hurts...
 '''Kacey:''' The thing is, you don't understand. I mean, you're not even going to live to see thirty. Why would I wanna be with someone who I know is going to be dead in four years? Three years? I mean... [sigh] I wouldn't even give you five years. My family hates you, you're lying to me, you're nasty to my friends, you lie to my friends. I mean, don't think I don't know that you don't lie to Kim. Don't think I don't know that you don't lie to me! I don't think you'd have luck with anyone, to tell you the truth. So you can not tell me that you want me to be with you or that you love me because you're just gonna die wasting your life playing video games and doing nothing. I mean, even though a [[CADD]] degree isn't much, you haven't done anything with it. You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want. You definitely didn't fight for me, so you know what? I don't need this at all. This is totally not what I need. I mean, fuck you, I don't even wanna be friends, because you are a total waste of space. I mean, you disrespect everyone. And you know what? I'm getting married tomorrow, 2PM. You know what, and it's all thanks to you, cause if it weren't for you being such an [[Nudes|ass,]] I wouldn't see what a great person Chris is and how much he really does love me 'cause I had someone to compare him to, who doesn't give a [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shit]] about me, who only loves his video games and himself. So you know what? You- Just- You know what? I don't even care because I don't even have anything to say to you because you know what, won't hurt about this, [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|you'll be over this by tomorrow]]. I will never see anything that shows you're even hurt by this or you even care! So you know what, I'm going to go ahead and get married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead. I mean, I'd recommend talking to someone about that. Y'should probably call up, you know, an institution, therapy, something, because, I mean, you're gonna be the five- doing the same thing in five minutes. I bet you I will never be mentioned again by you. You're not gonna be upset. You're not gonna do anything. I bet you anything I'm gonna see a new video being like, "Oh, who the hell was Kacey? I'm going after..." I don't even care anymore. I. Don't. Care. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy, so you know what? Go do whatever because you know what, just fuck you, you're just gonna go off with someone else because, I mean, you've already shown me that, you've already shown me that, sooo... Have fun making a video about meeting a new girlfriend, because I'm done.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh...
 '''Kacey:''' Peace out.
 [''tape ends'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]|Final]]}}

==External links==

<s>[http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 Download call (MP3)]</s> Deleted.

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Tomgirl Pictures

2012-09-08T00:09:38Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

{{Honest}}
{{quote|My Tomgirl and Tomboy acquaintances, I feel it is time I introduce myself better. I am more than just a Tomgirl. I am the high-functioning autistic person who was heavily emotionally damaged, artistic inspiration lost with paranoia, deception, blackmail and plain hurtful words from those bottom-feeding Trolls. I am the hand-drawing original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, Virginia, USA.|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris <ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=490#p490 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself</ref>}}

One day, [[Chris]] decided to cross-dress. Then take '''pictures''' of it. Then go out in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|public]] and take pictures of it. The pictures were leaked by [[Surfshack Tito]] on 28 [[April 2011]]. According to Tito, this bizarre new stunt was apparently Chris's extremely [[autism|overboard reaction]] to someone advising him to get in touch with his [[Chris and sex|feminine side]]. The photos also marked the beginning of the Tomgirl [[saga]].
[[File:TG1.png|center|300px]]
==History==
Chris has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[Muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> The most complete list of Chris's feminine traits can be seen [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is gay|here]]. To show his support to all Tomgirls and Tomboys of America, he started up a new band, [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]] consisting of a TomGirl Robee (formerly Robbie), and TomBoy Cera and Christine.
[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px]]

==Chris's outfit==
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|right|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)
While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse. Because it was never seen before, it might have been a one time thing.

==Tito's Introduction==
Chris decided that one day, being a man was too much work, it had to involve getting a job, get excercise,
and take life by the balls. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of cwc.

He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in [[Manchester High School|Highschool]].
The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls
in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.

But wait! Does that make him gay?

Not in Chris' lifetime it don't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him.
based on the archetype you would see on movies, vidya games, & perhaps weeb0vision, you would learn of the "Tomboy"

AKA BROmethius-Bitch-CUNTitus, The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex
with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.

"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tom Girl". A man in touch with his feminine side...
BUT TOTALLY STRAIGHT!

== Gallery of Chris-tran ==
Several of these images are reversed left-to-right, possibly because Chris took them with the front camera on his [[Nintendo|DSi or 3DS]] (Which, like most front-facing cameras, flips the image so that the picture matches what the user sees on the screen, as though the user were looking into a mirror). It should also be noted that picture taking occurred in at least three different places. Pictures [[:File:TG3.jpg|TG3]] and [[:File:TG4.jpg|TG4]] are taken on the Downtown Walking Mall. [[:File:TG12.jpg|TG12]] and [[:File:TG19.jpg|TG19]] are taken at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] and the rest taken in his [[14_Branchland_Court|home]].

<center>{{Collapsible|Chris-tran|<gallery>
File:TG2.jpg|Tomgirl car in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
File:TG3.jpg|Chris previously drew on the [[Charlottesville]] Free Speech Wall in [[Chris's Big Night Out II]].
File:TG4.jpg
File:TG5.jpg|Chris matched the color of his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]] with his new pair of sandals.
File:TG6.jpg
File:TG7.jpg|Left ear buccaneer, right ear [[Homos|queer]].
File:TG8.jpg|Not the first time that Chris has covered his face in [[pickle]]s and [[Semen|white goo.]] Also, he's using the [[Plush Breasts]] as a pillow.
File:TG9.jpg|You just know this picture will be used in the paper when Chris finally kills [[Michael Snyder|someone]].
File:TG10.jpg|Not even white knights can say anything to defend this...
File:TG11.jpg
File:TG12.jpg
File:TG13.jpg|DAT ASS
File:TG14.jpg
File:TG15.jpg|[[Barbara|Barb 2.0]]
File:TG16.jpg
File:TG17.jpg|He made himself into a sweetheart from the ground-up.
File:TG18.jpg|GOODBYE HORSES
File:TG19.jpg
File:TG20.jpg|The PlayStation Move SharpShooter doesn't make the look any manlier.
File:TG21.jpg
File:TG22.jpg
File:TG23.jpg
File:TG24.jpg|Note the [[Medallions_of_Fail#The_Asperchu_Medallion_.28a.k.a._The_Medallion_of_Win.3F.29|Asperchu Medallion]] at top right.
File:TG25.jpg
File:TG26.jpg
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, with Tomgirl earrings
File:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|A random PS3 Home avatar which in no way reminds us of Chris. Good thing they put the usernames there.
File:Chris 09.jpg|In September, Chris was spotted at [[Wal-Mart]]. Note the purse.
File:RoD3b.jpg|March picture 1, featuring tomgirl chris.
File:ZyK7a.jpg|March picture 2
File:IiL3P.jpg|March picture 3
</gallery>}}
</center>

== Fan works ==
<center>{{Collapsible|Fan Works|<gallery>
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
File:Uguu.jpg
File:1314251396.scumdog cwc.png
File:Tomgirl_by_silphen.png
File:The_virginian_virgin.jpg
File:Chris_tran_by_linkcantriforce.jpg
</gallery>}}
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Gaybian]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Chris and fashion

2012-09-07T23:47:22Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}
[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. The majority of shirts he owns are colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts, most of which are decorated with horizontal stripes, making him look even [[Obesity|fatter]].

[[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one (the "Advice Dog" shirt) of his shirts was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Although his mother doesn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chooses to wear these shirts.
== Childhood ==
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to today is that he sometimes even dared to wear single-colored shirts with his [[Sonic the Hedgehog|favorite game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme is the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he has owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it does not look particularly good on him.

== Trademark clothing ==

[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

Chris's classic outfit consists of:

* His favorite shirt, a St. John's Bay® Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which is so tight that it accentuates his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably draws himself wearing in the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]].
* His [[Medallions of Fail|medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[Pedo-Glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically define his rear end to a disturbing level — he may be wearing women's jeans, or he may simply still wear pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* [[Belt Buckle of Fail]]
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for the many [[Chris and death|funerals that plague his existence]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Since late [[2009]], a [[sports bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

==The "IBA" outfit==
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that is too small for his girth.
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clownshirts, and claimed that he was pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video.

==The "Gay Trucker" outfit==

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the [[medallion]] for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person, including a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of just to look gayer.<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result is a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that Chris tries to look like a bad boy, but he ends up looking like a gay trucker, hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could make it look gayer is by combining it with his [[muscle bra]]. Which, unfortunately, he has. [[Fridays After Five|And in public.]] At this point, going back to the [[Sonichu Medallion]] would actually ''improve'' his chances of picking up girls.

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|<s>will never have</s>]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|apparently ''has'' had]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly express Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that read "Mount and do me". That said, the video was made for a potential sweetheart that Chris desperately wanted to fuck, leaving open the possibility that Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[Chris's room|bedroom]].

Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to a public, family-oriented concert. He then topped this later, by pulling that shirt over his head, and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!" The common belief is that these tasteless, sexually themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is both straight and available without ever having to talk to people nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos where he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts (including a [[Manchester High School]] senior class T-shirt which he must have reverently preserved for at least a decade). The effect is interesting, bringing him closer to something like normality than he's been in many years. He's still a pale, sweaty, balding, grotesquely fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that puts him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's t-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more — the Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

==The Carlos Chantor outfit==
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet; too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com.

It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.

==The “Tomgirl” series==
[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]

{{main|Tomgirl Pictures}}

In April 2011 a series of pictures leaked, showing Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consists of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - note that piercing the right ear was at one point code for [[homos]]exuality; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eyeliner
* Jeans
* Blue string top
*Black thong
*A silver ring<ref>File:TG6.jpg</ref> (note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge [[F Abstinence|virginity]] until marriage)<ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[glasses]]

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is [[autistic]], observers often speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. Either way, Christian seems to regard his shirt as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

His fashion sense has shown itself to be evolving in the last year, but moving in cycles. In [[2010]] he seemed to have ditched the [[Sonichu medallion]] and moved into what could be described as a more edgy, hip, aggressive look. His success at being so is on par for course with the rest of his attempts at things.

Of note, during his conversation with [[Kacey]] while posing as [[Liquid Chris]] he claimed to also own a striped shirt like the "impostor". He expressed much joy at the fact that it was red, white and blue, implying owning a shirt was proof of his patriotism.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"The Classic" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[For Kacey II|7]] [[To Clyde Gregg|8]] [[For Chris II|9]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|10]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]

</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

== Wrist warmer ==

[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

Ever wonder what that thing is behind Chris's neck?

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>}}

Chris most likely wears it as a counter to [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

==Fanny pack==
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and have since been considered to be a fashion faux pas.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

== Cosplaying ==
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Chris and money

2012-09-06T15:07:20Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

It's obvious that [[Chris]] himself has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on luxuries like [[Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], and, more recently, [[alcohol]], [[Kaka Makeup Basics|make-up]] and prostitutes. He also once, when giving out the laws of [[CWCville]], equated 10 years in prison to a US$1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated fifty hours of [[Wikipedia:Community service|community service]] to $500 (for any [[sex]]ual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer.<ref name="Miyamoto" /> His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' single [[PS3]] game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris bought his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed! ==

Chris's only source of income is the $809 [[monthly tugboat|"tugboat"]] that he receives from the U.S. federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,708. Chris's parents originally took $450 to pay for room and board.;<ref name="Miyamoto" /> this payment was later increased to $565, and then to $580, after [[Bob]] paid off Chris's enormous credit card debt.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009#8 December]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 8]]</ref>

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. Yet with my impuslive shoppiness (mostly controable [sic]), I end up spending my side-money after I get it.|Chris, [[Chris and His Ego|completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard]].<ref name="Miyamoto">[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref>}}

[[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] encouraged his son to remain unemployed, since he believed that Chris would earn more money from his monthly tugboat than he would have from getting a job. However, this assumption was and is inaccurate. Minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25 an hour. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be about $1,260: $15,100 annually. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $8,000 in ''spending'' money, as in, for more [[sex toys]] and [[video games]]. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents, and it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement comes from either thinking Chris would lose his social security if employed (which he wouldn't) or knowing that his son is a failure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his coddling parents are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, they have managed to make sure that Chris has never felt the repercussions for his exorbitant spending by taking over paying Chris's credit card debt, regularly giving him about "$6 a day for small things", buying him [[List of restaurants|fast food]] on a daily basis, and continuing to let himself blow all his money on [[list of Chris's video games|frivolities]] and useless stuff, as opposed to essentials like [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that Bob and Barb will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]] and dig him out of whatever mess he's managed to get himself into, even if it is clear that he [[Target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

Chris believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit, he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34#In which Chris fails economics forever]]</ref> Again, this demonstrates his idiocy since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for Chris's autistic mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle [[money]], Chris has an unhealthy [[Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond. His mother has served as a bad influence in both regards, as she would compulsively shop at Goodwill and compulsively hoard the purchases, which both wasted money and helped turn their house into the fire- and biohazard it is today.

With the possibility that he might have ended up in jail over the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris' bad spending habits would have come back to haunt him. In jail, he won't be able to collect his [[monthly tugboat]], and if a full year passes without him collecting his cheques, he will have to reapply for his welfare, something that would be a bit more difficult under the Obama administration, which doesn't look too kindly on social security due to the stress it causes to the overall economy,<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/24/us/politics/financial-outlook-dims-for-social-security.html]</ref> and has even started measures to cut them down altogether. <ref>[http://finance.yahoo.com/news/u-winds-down-longer-benefits-152809517.html]</ref> That, combined with the costs associated with court appearances as well as the fact that the last surviving breadwinner, Barbara, may have also landed in jail, would have resulted in Chris being placed in very dire circumstances, something which [[Kacey|several]] [[Clyde Cash|trolls]] [[Kacey Call 1.5|have]] [[Mumble 4|tried]] and [[Playstation Vita|failed]] to warn him about. Fortunately for him, he wasn't sentenced to jail, but the fact that he openly stated during his trial that his mother would pay his court fees is telling of both [[White_knight#Autism_does_not_excuse_a_terrible_person|his character]] and his financial situation.

==Credit cards==
As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the [[PSN]] store, but his bill for PSN downloads increased by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his own were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] his debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By then, [[Bob Chandler]] had to step in, forcing Chris to put the brakes on his spending and pay down his debt according to a regular schedule. Chris, unaware of or uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit-card debt accrues severe interest, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

Chris provided some more details about this situation in his [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mails to Jackie]] from [[July 2010]]. At some point, Bob paid off Chris's credit card debt and took payment in installments out of the [[monthly tugboat]] in compensation. This act of parental scapegoating could have potentially cleared Chris's future to be free of bad credit and crushing debt, had he not already acquired another credit card...

=== Best Buy Mastercard ===

In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob himself revealed that Chris had not only acquired a MasterCard charge account through [[Best Buy]], but as of the second week of [[August 2010]], Chris had somehow used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of [[the GAMe PLACe]], claimed that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from Chris is unknown. Also unknown is why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point.

Bob continued that the resulting transactions may have ruined Chris's credit rating (though that ship has ''long'' since fucking sailed), and, in a disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seemed to use this damning information to try to make Chris's latest brush with the [[law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what actually occurred (from least to most likely):
* [[Troll]]s achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
* Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme, just by chance, hit Chris.
* Chris blew whatever little credit that Best Buy had foolishly given him; he mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there; and then he blamed his debt on trolls, in another transparent attempt to avoid responsibility.

One of Chris's [[Jackie E-mails 7|e-mails to Jackie]] reveals that Chris acquired the Best Buy charge card without his parents' permission: he only told them about it after receiving two bounced check fees that showed up on his bank statement, which his father was actively monitoring. In true Chris fashion, he tried to pay the minimum balance each month. When he was forced to reveal the debt to his parents, Bob was obviously less than thrilled. He promptly took control of Chris's bank account as well as his credit cards. Chris now receives only an allowance in the form of Visa gift cards, leaving him unable to accrue any more debt. The prospect of not being able to blow his welfare on frivolities [[Jackie E-mails 8|stressed him out]].

Curiously, even in his private communications with [[Jackie]], Chris claims that the overdraft fees that gave away the existence of the card to Bob were the work of trolls. Elsewhere in their conversations, however, he recounts other instances of "getting carried away" and accidentally overdrawing his bank account, suggesting that he's just using the trolls as a handy scapegoat for his own mistakes.

With Bob's passing comes the possibility that Chris may once again have full control of his money, putting at risk what Bob had worked toward. Chris's acquisition of the [[PlayStation Vita]] and over 600 dollars worth of video games for that system is most likely proof that Chris has regained control of his money and is tossing it away like it was nothing.

==In the comic==

[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|250px|[[CWCville]] currency.]]
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the [[American]] populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two-story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of US$3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].<ref>[[Mailbag 21#Home economics]]</ref>

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually issues its own currency, in the form of C-Quarters and W-Quarters. Ten C-Quarters make up a W-Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C-Quarters = US$0.25, W-Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in U.S. dollars: perhaps to bolster the dictatorship's foreign currency reserves, ''à la'' [[Wikipedia:North Korea|North Korea]].

This makes even less sense considering [[CWCVille]] is part of the [[United States]]; states, let alone cities, cannot print their own money, despite holding considerable power over their own affairs. The Constitution expressly forbids anyone else other than the federal government from issuing currency. Granted, states have historically issued their own money - when they were colonies and during difficult times, such as the Revolutionary War. [[Chris]] being Chris, and likely reading [[Goosebumps]] instead of paying attention in class, missed out on this information.

==In other works==
Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American [[Wikipedia:Social Security (United States)|Social Security]] system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels.|Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to fruition in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" as buildings ten stories tall with between ten and twenty rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#This still implies that CWCville has a massive homeless problem]]</ref> Of course, the homeless stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in [[CWCville]], there are around 1,500 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and a bevy of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that [[CWCville]] has had to open at least seven new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things. Or more tellingly, that the economy of CWCville is crashing to the ground, fast.

In [[Mailbag 29]] he stated that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free [[Dating education|Sex Ed classes]] for [[virgin]]s.

In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him. {{cite}}

In late [[October 2011]], Chris posted a Craigslist ad for a 12-year old 32" CRT television and expected a non-negotiable $250 for it;<ref>[[Craigslist#Television]]</ref> in reality, this is about the price of a new flatscreen HDTV of that size, and he would be lucky to get a tenth of his asking price.

Chris also proves us that, in the possibility of being part of a family, he wouldn't be the main purveyor. In the [[PlayingHouse]] video, his [[sweetheart]] of [[Jackie|the moment]] is portrayed as a successful journalist with high ambitions while he's a [[14 Branchland Court|stay at home]] Dad. Even then, he portrays himself doing "hard work" like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|changing diapers]] and watching over the kids. In this last role, he's so incompetent that he needs to recruit his [[Crystal|preschool daughter]] to watch over [[Reginald Chandler|his son]] while he's shopping.

== On TV ==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chris Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, ''à-la'' the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|''24'']]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

Chris also seems to not understand that [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|if the health department, of Greene County, sees that TV show, that he put on the damn TV, they could be evicted, and he would have to move out]].

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Ian Brandon Anderson

2012-09-05T14:29:15Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

{{Articleofthenow}}

'''Ian Brandon Anderson''' was a name given to [[Chris]] in late [[2009]] as part of an in-joke with regards to the [[Liquid Chris]] saga. When Liquid first showed up, his gimmick was that he was supposedly the "real" Christian Weston Chandler, and that the CChanSonichu account on [[YouTube]] had been hacked by an impostor a short while ago, and it was the impostor who was now operating the '''IBAChandler''' account and pretending to be the real Chris. In this narrative, Ian Brandon Anderson was supposedly the real name of the impostor.
[[Image:JAELou2.jpg|thumb|IBA Chandler sniper rifle.]]
==The name==
The name originated from the first three initials in Chris's new YouTube screen name. As Chris later explained, the real meaning of IBAChandler was really that it was a magnificently retarded wordplay joke, meaning "I Be A Chandler", as in "I, Christian, am one of the Chandlers". However, when Chris later uploaded [[Rollin' and Trollin']], he gave the real [[trolls]] ammunition to use against him, as they were able to support Liquid's claims of being the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris-Chan, whilst claiming that the actual Chris was really a troll, and using the video as proof of their claims. During this, one of the many Youtube trolls involved came up with the idea that IBA was actually an acronym for the impostor's real name, deciding that it meant Ian Brandon Anderson. Liquid himself later picked up on this and began accusing Chris of being Ian as well, leading directly into the rest of the Liquid Saga, such as the [[Singstar Challenge]] and the conflict over [[Kacey]].

==Chris's reaction==
Of course, suggesting that Chris was anything other than the true and honest Christian Weston Chandler was a serious insult to him. Every instance of Liquid calling him Ian in [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone calls]] or in a video would cause Chris to rage and scream about how he was the real Christian, resulting in such humorous videos as [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]] in which he screamed the infamous words "MY NAME IS NOT IAN...BRANNAN...SOMETHING!!!".

When Chris later included Liquid as a character in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]], his character's name was [[IBAChandler]], just like the YouTube screen name.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_79</ref>

Though Chris did [[tard rage]] over being called Ian several times during the Liquid saga, it should be noted that he only ever reacted to Liquid calling him as such. In spite of what they may think, [http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePCassassins faggots] commenting on Chris's YouTube channel and calling his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] to [[Prank calls|scream into his phone]] did nothing to Chris, because Chris never gave a shit about them either way.

==Fan videos==

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Denial: The Ian Brandon Anderson Story (trailer)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|iS42GGu2f2o}}
| Stardate = 29 [[November 2009]]
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/GodAndTheBearFilms GodAndTheBearFilms]
| Subject = Ian Brandon Anderson
| Video Type = Mock-Trailer
}}</center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Liquid Chris]] - The first person to call Chris Ian to his face
*[[Asperchu]] - Which used Ian jokes on occasion
*[[Singstar Challenge]] - In which Liquid called Chris Ian several times
*[[Rollin' and Trollin']] - The catalyst for the original Ian meme

{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Liquid Saga]]
[[Category:Chris's alter egos]]

Women's rights

2012-09-05T02:00:51Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

[[File:SchuComic8P58.jpg|thumb|Sure, sweetie. Now make me a sandwich, would ya?]]
[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|Chris giving the thumbs up (and two fingers) to women's rights.]]
{{quote|Christian Weston Chandler, A Man For The Women, For the Women's Rights, For the Women's Justice, For the Women's Peace.|Self-description<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

One would think that a person who almost exclusively [[Gal pal|socializes with women]] and refers to all men aside from himself and his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as [[JERKS|jerks]] would be very supportive of '''women's rights'''. In the case of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], however, one would be mistaken. Women's rights, at least in Chris's mind, refer to the right of women to strip without interference, and to be interpreted as women without [[pickle]]s. Chris tries to pass off his chauvinism as pseudo-feminism, and will never get laid without paying for the honor.

Given his admitted love of the [[Pre-1980#1960s|1964]] classic ''[[Mary Poppins]]'', he presumably stole the concept from the character of [[Wikipedia:Mary_Poppins_(film)#Mrs._Banks|Mrs. Banks]], who is a suffragette in 1910 London.<ref>Lyrics from "The Life I Lead": "It's grand to be an Englishman in 1910 / [[Wikipedia:Edward VII of the United Kingdom|King Edward]]'s on the throne / It's the age of men!"</ref> Of course, Chris wouldn't have the first idea of what [[Wikipedia:Women's suffrage|women's suffrage]] is, let alone the impact it had on world history, and why it was being shown in the movie in the first place.

==Origin==
[[Image:Ss03.jpg|thumb|left|Mrs. Banks, wearing the "Votes for Women" sash that Chris so blatantly misinterpreted.]]
His extreme zeal for "women's rights" probably comes from a Mrs. Banks, the mother of Jane and Michael. As the story is set in 1910 London, women did not yet have the right to vote, and was a time particularly noted for the rise in campaigns for women's franchise, particularly from groups like the radical Suffragettes and the more moderate Suffragists. Mrs. Banks is the first character we see in the film proper, and she also sings the first song, "Sister Suffragette", during which she mentions [[Wikipedia:Emmeline_Pankhurst|Emmeline Pankhurst]] being arrested (again).<ref>"Take heart! For Missus Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again!</ref>

Mrs. Banks and her friends were depicted as struggling for the greater cause of being treated as an equal, with the same rights and treatment. But Chris takes it to mean they simply want to remove their clothes and fuck.

==In the comic==
[[Image:SchuComic9P35.jpg|thumb|An example of Chris's disclaimers.]]
In the [[comics]], women are portrayed as only enjoying fucking, shopping, and cooking, though they do not enjoy them for themselves; they enjoy cooking for the men. Similarly, when they go shopping, they buy clothes to wear for their significant other/crush.

Chris's most prominent reference to women's rights occurs at the end of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' in [[Episode 17]], in which the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] of [[CWCville]] strip to celebrate their victory over [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and assert their dominance over [[4-cent garbage.com]].

Despite their phenomenal talent for fighting evil, Chris depicts Rosechus as passive [[Sex toys|sexual toys]] for [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]]. Reflecting Chris's own distorted image of women, the Rosechus in his comics tend to exhibit a desire to engage in stereotypical behavior, with occasional aggressive sexual overtures. Women also tend to act as a deus ex machina plot device - occasionally leaving their role as supporting characters to engage in acts of great bravery and heroism.

It is obvious that Chris is ''aware'' of the idea that objectifying women is frowned upon; every time he makes his female characters use their feminine qualities (to put it altogether too mildly), he is quick to add a disclaimer that he respects the women for ''both'' their minds and bodies, and/or make the claim that the characters are doing it because they want to fight for the women's rights. However, due to his [[autism|mental block]], he fails to understand what society would consider a correct course of action, to wit, to become more Alpha before objectifying the women in the first place, and that disclaimers like these make him appear to be a mangina.

==In real life==
[[File:Punchylaylalove2.jpg|thumb|left|[[Layla]] performs a woman's highest duty.]]
[[Image:RosechuTheIncredibleLioness.jpg|thumb|The very essence of femininity, according to Chris. How else are we supposed to interpret this?]]

Chris allows himself to be controlled by his own desires, and has soaked in all sorts of knowledge about women primarily from [[anime]], [[video games]], and in particular [[pornography]], which Chris considers "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref> He has had several problems realizing the difference between exaggerated stereotypes and the reality, as also evidenced by his [[racism|racist remarks]].
During the [[Tomgirl Saga]], he states that he uses the female bathroom, and that there is "no going back for him", not realizing that he is blatantly intruding upon the privacy of the women present, and disregarding their feelings (which, undoubtedly, can be summed up as pure terror) on the matter.

This mindset is painfully obvious in Chris's interaction with women during his [[Love Quest]]. Chris takes on a passive role in his attraction strategy, waiting to be approached by women who he thinks will take interest in his appearance. Chris essentially is looking for a [[Barbara Chandler|maternal figure]] in his life. Rather than aiming to better himself, he is looking to be fulfilled and served by women. Rather than having the full potential to use their talents in society, women's rights are the rights of women to bring pleasure to men as Chris sees fit. When Chris said lost his virginity to a hooker in [[April 2012]], he also said, quite bluntly, ''"My future sweetheart will find out about it",'' giving off the impression that whoever hooks up with him will just accept him sleeping with a prostitute right off the bat, and relegating the woman who finally took away his [[Virgin with Rage|much hated virginity]] to being nothing more than an organic [[Fapcup]].

Much of Chris's sexism in relationships is rooted in [[hypocrisy]] - for example, he thought that if he was married to [[Ivy]] and was [[stress]]ed, he could go to a [[Zelina Rosechu|strip club]], but of course she could not; similarly, he suggested a MFF threesome with many of his sweethearts, but was horrified when Ivy suggested a [[Homos|MMF threesome]].<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

When occasionally confronted with his sexism, Chris becomes extremely indignant and offended.<ref>[[White_knight_e-mails#September_2008_.E2.80.94_Chris_denies_being_fat_and_sexist]]</ref>. When his sexism is pointed out, he gets upset and clarifies that he would never harm a woman (though he has no problem [[Death threats#Vivian Gee|threatening them]]). Chris seems to be under the impression that "sexism" basically means "physical abuse", and can't process the idea that treating women as sexual objects obsessed with shopping is still a form of sexism if not the definition (in addition to with and other factors).

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Monthly tugboat

2012-09-01T21:19:12Z

Yetanothercwckieditor: RIP Bob

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a Luxury Ship that can easily sink. and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Autism|creative thinking]]. :)|Chris's autistic explanation for his Tugboat}}
[[Image:Monthly Tugboat.jpg|thumb|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s [[CWCism|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month.<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref> Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own{{cite}}. Chris, of course, chooses not to work and mooches off his parents instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

Currently, Chris receives $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's video games|video games]], junk food, or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) is nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statements,<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref> at the end of one month he had less than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

Another thing to take into consideration is that while Chris spends a chunk of his social security on American products like McDonald's, Chris spends most of his social security on video games. The problem is his game systems; [[PSP|Sony PSP]], [[Wii|Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii]], and [[PS3|Sony PS3]], are Japan based companies. Yes, these companies have American bases and a very small amount is produced in the U.S., but the majority is produced, developed and imported from Japan. So the money he spends goes to the retailer, which goes to the employees wages and fixed costs of the retailer's expenses that keep it functioning, which will be possibly be spent in America thus be put into the U.S. economy, the rest will given to the foreign company's employees and fixed costs that keep ''them'' functioning, which will be spent in Japan, thus being put back into Japan's economy. However, if Chris was an [[Hexbox|Xbox]] consumer, the majority of it would be put back into the U.S. economy, as Microsoft's Xbox is a U.S. based company, with a majority of its products being developed and manufactured in the U.S. and a large majority of it employees being Americans. In the same way buying a car from American brands like GM, Ford, and Chrysler, stimulates the U.S. economy, and buying a foreign car like Honda, BMW, and Kia, doesn't and stimulates ''their'' foreign economies, Chris could help the economy by getting over his irrational hatred of Xbox.

[[Image:Autism-costs.jpg|thumb|left|This is true.]]

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his dead father]] (RIP), Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob was totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full forty-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was eighteen, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total failure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PS3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation came from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he kept unleashing Chris to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out." Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and Health|extremely unlikely]] that he will live anywhere near that long.

==References by Chris==
* The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
* An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Adam_Stackhouse_wins.2C_Chris_is_a_horrible_cheater_and_likes_Megan_.22so_much.22|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
* During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
* In [[Mumble 1|Mumble #1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
* In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
* Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat", possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]], he refers to it as his "monthly income", while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag #34]].
* The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]], quoted at the top of the page shine a light on the origin of the term.
*In one of the [[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie chat logs]], he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare:

[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works
{{quote|i mean, are you sure you heard him correctly? no one I know has EVER heard God tell them "hey, just sit back and do nothing, i'll hand you a job and money so you can just play games all day"|Jackie, destroying Chris with sound logic.}}

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Attraction Sign

2012-08-19T22:39:26Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

{{quote|The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of|Chris, talking in third person<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Comicbook-Sign.png|thumb|An artist's rendition of the sign.]]
[[Image:FailSign.jpg|thumb|Another artist's impression of how the attraction sign worked.]]

[[Chris]] uses an '''Attraction Sign''' during his [[Love Quest]] to get the attention of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. Surprisingly, the sight of a [[Chris and health|fat, sweaty, smelly manchild]] soliciting with an Attraction Sign actually had the opposite effect on da ladies.

An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman."<ref>[[White knight E-mails]]</ref>

==Signs==
===The Sign, Mark 1===
The original sign, created in [[2003]] when Chris first started his [[Love Quest]] at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and [[ED|lulzy]] of them all.
[[Image:511-JumboLoveQuestSign.JPG|thumb|The original Attraction Sign]]

:''21 and [[Virgin with rage|Single]] [[Chris and race|White]] [[Jerks|Male]]...''
:''-Shy -[[Honor roll|Smart]] -[[Pedofork|Young at Heart]] -[[CADD|Computer skilled]]''
:''-[[Random access humor|Humorous]] -A great [[Things Chris has ripped off|thinker]] and [[Monthly tugboat|go-getter]] -[[Cutco|"Natural salesperson"]] -Enjoys [[China|good parts of life]]''
:''-[[Death threats|Diplomatic]] -[[White_knight#Chris_made_himself_an_outcast|Friendly]] -Loves [[Cole Smithey|his family]] -[[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] -[[Chris and copyright|Very creative]] -_[[Virgin with rage|He's lonely]]_''
----
:''...Seeking a CUTE ♀18-21 [[Boyfriend-free girl|SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION]]''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>18-21 years of age <nowiki>*</nowiki>does _not_ already have a boyfriend <nowiki>*</nowiki>Single''
:''-[[Obesity|Average to Slender Weight/Body Type]] -[[Chris and race|White]] -Lives in [[Charlottesville|Charolettesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Tobacky|Does NOT Smoke]] or Drink [[Alcohol]] -Happy, Positive Personality''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Chris and money|Average/High Income]] -[[Son-Chu|Drives a vehicle]]''
[image of [[Sonichu]]'s face][[Chris and copyright|©]] ➨
----
:''If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...''
:''[[Homos|MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!]]''
:''(And to all [[Jerks|MEN with girlfriends]], except marrieds and [[Niggos|blacks]], go jump off a cliff)''
:''Have a nice day ☺''

Chris had other ideas beyond signs, but said that ''"[[Sonichu's News Dash!|Newspaper]]/[[Nintendo Power|Magazine]] Ads, [[Facebook|Online]] [[MySpace|Dating Sites]], [[YouTube|Video Dating Services]] to name a few; [[Chris and money|THEY COST MONEY]]."''

==The Sign through the ages==
[[Image:108-PlanForAttraction.jpg|Plan B: Use a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.|thumb]]

One reason for the multiple signs is that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] kept [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked Out of College|confiscating]] them. Chris waged war by creating [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]] accounts, then printing new signs and spamming them all over campus.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>

<center><gallery>
Image:137-NDSAttractop.jpg|Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a [[Nintendo]] DS.
Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls.
Image:133-Sign.jpg|Sign from age 23.
Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
</gallery></center>

It is also known that, after the loss of his Sign at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], he resorted to [[Wikipedia:Post-it note|Post-It Notes]] stuck to [[Pedo-Glasses|his glasses]] and walking uncomfortably close to girls. This did not last long either.{{cite}}

==Hiatus==
Chris deserted the sign for a brief period.

{{quote|During all this, I learned from [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] that the sign made me look [[slow in the mind|retarded]], and eventually, I did away with the sign.|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search]]</ref>}}
==Return of the Sign==

In [[June 2010]], Chris wore a shirt saying "I Enjoy Vagina" and exposing [[Muscle bra|his bra]] saying "Want Woman!" over [[Obesity|his flabby gut]], thus showing that he's not even trying anymore.<ref>[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> While less pleasant and more direct than the Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to [[boyfriend-free girls]] what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out of touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous [[Monthly tugboat|sense]] [[GodJesus|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]] and that he never understood why the Sign made him look like a retard in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.

A few weeks later, on 4 [[July 2010]], Chris attempted to attract a woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and throwing it at her. Combined with the earlier "Want Woman!" tactic, this caused several [[trolls]] to assume Chris was beginning to turn into some sort of caveman.

Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at [[Fridays After Five]] again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris has reverted to the Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that he shouldn't show children his [[sports bra]]. Hilarity can be expected to ensue if this behavior continues.

On 16 [[July 2010]], Chris again terrorized the poor women of [[Charlottesville]] at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new sign that read "[[Homos|Friendly and Flirty Man Zone]]".<ref>[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> He also employed a portable mini fan and a [[Wikipedia:Hula hoop|hula hoop]], in what [[trolls|experts]] believe is probably a desperate attempt to make himself look fun and cool. '''Spoiler Alert:''' It didn't work.

In a 2012 Facebook status update, Chris mentioned that he plans to wear a sign around his neck that says, "If you like me, tell me!"<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>

==Comeback?==
An [[April 2012]] [[Facebook]] status reveals that Chris plans to go back to his roots in [[Wal-Mart|stalking innocent women in public]] [[Target|with the sign.]]

{{quote|The time is too great, and these qre grave desperate times. I am going to start going back to [[Fashion Square Shopping Center]] in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]], WITH my sign and going into my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]] with Full On [[Megatron pistol|Guns]] [[Chris and the law|a Blazin'.]]|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>}}

He later revealed in another note that he was [[Lie|lying]] in an attempt to [[troll]] the [[trolls]]. Obviously, it didn't work.<ref>[[Facebook statuses]]</ref>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Attraction Location]]
* [[Red String of Fate]]

==Sources==
<references/>
{{Relics of Fail}}
{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]

Mailbag 25

2012-08-18T15:13:01Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

'''Mailbag 25''' was posted to the [[CWCipedia]] on 28 [[December 2009]] by the CWCipedia's Sysop. It was answered the 29 December 2009.

Chris explains that when he calls himself "high-functioning", he really just means that he's high-functioning when compared to people who are [[slow-in-the-minds|severely mentally handicapped]]. Chris also reveals that he spends 2-3 hours every day just playing with toys. (So much for "high-functioning".) Perhaps more shocking is Chris's solution to infidelity, which involves having sex with members of your significant other's family. (Unsurprisingly, he most likely got this idea from [[Wikipedia:Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey|an episode]] of ''[[Family Guy]]''.) Other highlights include confirmation that Chris lies to his parents, his explosive reaction to a transsexual man (who he incorrectly identifies as a hermaphrodite), and an as-of-yet unexplained disapproval of giving birth via Cesarean section.

==Answered==

===In which Chris copy-pastes stuff he does not understand===
{{Email|From: [[Hamsty the Hamster]] <hamstythehamster@gmail.com>
Yo, what up it's your best friend fo' lyfe! Just wonderin' if you can help me with Hamster HTML 101 cuz ur so great with that shit. It ain't cheating!

1. What is bandwidth? 
2. What is HTML?

Well that's all I need help with! CHILLIN'!}}
{{EmailReply|You could have look up the terms on [[Wikipedia]], and I quote, "In computer networking and computer science, digital bandwidth, network bandwidth or just bandwidth is a measure of available or consumed data communication resources expressed in bit/s or multiples of it (kbit/s, Mbit/s etc)." "HTML, which stands for HyperText Markup Language, is the predominant markup language for web pages. It provides a means to create structured documents by denoting structural semantics for text such as headings, paragraphs, lists etc as well as for links, quotes, and other items."}}

===This is perhaps the worst advice Chris has ever given===
{{Email|From: eddie V thunderpuncher@yahoo.com
Dear Chris, 
I just caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now, I've heard that you're supposed to stay with your first girlfriend because no one else will take her place, but I'm in a bit of a dilemma. What would you do, Christian, if your true and honest [[sweetheart]] ever went after another man behind your back?

Sincerely, eddie.}}
{{EmailReply|I would talk with her; tell her how you feel about her doing those things with this other dude, but DO NOT voice [[Death threats|threat]] or [[Chris and anger|anger]]; Maintain a [[Chris and hypocrisy|CALM Voice Tone]]. Then Listen and Comprehend fully on her side of the story without suspicion. Ask her not to do those things with that guy, or come to a compromise; she did that dude, so you could do one of her friends or family with her full knowledge and consent of the act; in that case, she would see from her point of view how you felt when she went out and did that dude.}}

===In which Chris admits he lied to Bob===
{{Email|From: [[Wiki:Jeffrey Archer|Jeffrey Archer]] <jeffreyarcher@politician.com>
Dear Chris,

As a loyal [[Sonichu]] fan I remember that not too long ago you commanded all copies of your [[house]] tour for [[Ivy]] be removed from the internet. Well, I took down the version I put up right away but when I did a search I was horrified that even more copies were put up.

Then I saw the video of [[Bob Chandler|your Dad]] yelling at you. How was this resolved? Did you lie to him and tell him that all copies were taken off the internet?

Your fan,
Jeffrey}}
{{EmailReply|I did tell him that it was removed from the internet, and he is still ticked off at me for ever putting it up in the first place.}}

===In which Chris tells someone to give random women sex toys===
{{Email|From: iluvlittlegirls@hotmail.com
Dear Chris,

I recently turned 18, and am interested in buying some pornography DVDs. However, I know very little about the genre. Which porn movies are your favorite? I am interested in both hard- and soft-core movies.

Sincerely,

[[Wikipedia:Peter Sotos|Peter Sotos]]}}
{{EmailReply|Soft-Core you can easily watch from Cinemax or HBO; for the Hard-Core, I recommend anything with one man/one woman videos; you can view the variety of DVDs on http://www.adameve.com for your choosing. Be aware of the "Free Gift(s)" they send you with a purchase of $17 or more; they may send you items such as [[dildo]]s and beads; if you receive such items suitable for women, I would leave the items UNOPENED and offer them to your consenting adult women friends, or any women they may know.}}

===High functioning babble===
{{Email|From: sentientmachine11@gmail.com
Hello there Chris

I have noticed that you claim to be a high-functioning [[autistic]] male. What exactly does "high functioning autistic" mean? You say it a lot but never really give a clear definition. I could look it up on Wikipedia but I would rather go right to the source which would be you. People on Wikipedia tend to vandalize articles with misinformation.

So yeah, please elaborate on that. I'm rather confused.

Have a nice day.

-John Matrix}}
{{EmailReply|Well, thank you kindly for asking for my input on the subject. Versus Low-Functioning individuals who generally are likely mentally retarded to a point where all they can say are moans and groans, have Limited physical motion (such as keeping their arms and hands in Praying Mantis position and resists reaching out, or keeping their mouths wide open very often), may be confined in wheelchairs, crutches or such, or may possibly be [[Duck|deformed physically]]. High-Functioning individuals, such as myself, have better mental capabilities and functions, have better physical motion, and likely are more similar to functioning normal people. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 01:50, 30 December 2009 (CET)}}

===It's a trap!===
{{Email|From: "[[wikipedia: Bailey-Jay Granger|Bailey Jay]]" <baileyjay@gmail.com>
Hey Chris!! Thank you for your [[Mailbag 8#It's a trap|reply]]! And thank you for calling me cute :3 you're a pretty handsome guy yourself, but you know that already ;)

I think my biggest problem with boys is that like you I am also e-famous, and people are afraid to approach me because they are intimidated by that! 
I have been online modelling for a while now, and so I think boys get nervous around me... lol :(

Do you have that problem too? Do you think that girls don't approach you because they are intimidated by how famous you are?

Anyways, if you're interested, here are some of my pics ;)

They range from cute...

i50.tinypic.com/2gtp2l4.jpg

to downright NAUGHTY :D

bayimg.com/image/najnjaacd.jpg

hope you enjoy!!

-XOXOoxOXOXOXOoxOXOxooXXO

BJ}}
{{EmailReply|OH MY GOD!!! [[It's UGH!|UGH!!!]] ARE YOU REALLY A HERMAPHRODITE?! I'm sorry, but that naughty picture just really shocked me and made me want to throw up. *deep breath* You do have a pretty face, but what happened just now is just like the movie, "[[Wikipedia:The Crying Game|The Crying Game]]", or the [[Wikipedia: A Brown Thanksgiving|Thanksgiving episode]] of "[[The Cleveland Show]]".}}

===Chris disapproves of c-sections for some reason===
{{Email|From: meshellbel@aol.com

Dear Chris--

Hello and good day! My name is Diana and I've read Sonichu over the past year and can honestly say it's the best comic I've EVER read. My husband and I read it together every night (Thank you SO much for your daily pages! The suspense kills me!) To be honest, your comic pages of [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu..."together" gave my husband and I "inspiration" for our own "together time"

Anyway, after two years of marriage my husband and I have finally conceived our first child and I'd like to thank you for your comic pages, I can't help but feel you helped this to come about. I'm due in March and I'll be finding out the gender of the baby soon.

Now to my questions. My husband and I are not close with our respectful families and I have no one to ask about bringing up a child, my friends don't have children yet. So I value your opinions on the following, to supplement my research:

1. Should I "spoil" my child? Is there anything wrong with getting them the things they want? It's not easy being a kid...

2. What should I feed my child? My husband and I run our own business, so we aren't home often. I'll require [[Abusive babysitter|a baby sitter]], so I don't want them burning up the kitchen

3. How much television should I allow my child to watch?

4. My husband and I don't make much money, we can barely support ourselves, so how can I save money on things the baby needs?

And well...this doesn't pertain to the baby's upbringing but...

5. Can I still have sex while I'm pregnant? What are possible consequences if I do?

6. Should I get a c-section or have a natural birth?

7. Should I breastfeed?

Any further input you can offer would be much appreciated. Thank you for your hardwork on the comic pages, keep on zappin' !

Love, Diana}}
{{EmailReply|1) It's okay to treat the child, but do not do it too much; [[Barbara|spoiling the child]] will likely lower the chance of the child learning the valuable lesson of self-reliance [[monthly tugboat|and independence]]. 2) Bottles of Milk are best for a while up till a certain age (look it up on the internet or your local library). 3) 1 or 2 hours a day, and turn on the Closed Captions for helping the child learn to read faster. 4) [[Chris and Money|LESS SPENDING and IMPULSE SHOPPING/BUYING]]; also hire an accountant to help you there. 5) I think it's okay, but google the topic to learn for sure. 6) NATURAL! 7) It is an option; you can look up the benefits and possible risks online too.}}

===Chris on the nature of sin===
{{Email|From: Team CWCket <TeamCWCket@gmail.com>
Hey Chris, it's the girls from Team CWCket again! Sorry about the new e-mail - it turns out that football hooligans from over here in the UK hacked yourcricketteam.co.uk and sabotaged most of the mailboxes. If you tried to send us anything, you should use the new address.

Bit of a serious note this one - we were watching your video about [[Jack]] and [[Clyde]] after practice today, and you mentioned having a [[gal-pal]] who is a [[lesbian]]. As you can imagine, on an all-girl sports team sometimes there's... tensions and issues surrounding that particular subject, so I was wondering whether you had any insight you could offer us about it.

- How did you find out your friend was [[gay]]? 
- How did you react? 
- You seem very accepting of her lifestyle, and it sounds like you're more comfortable around her than you would be around male homosexuals. Why is that? 
- Do you think women should avoid lesbians in the same way you tend to keep a distance from male homosexuals, or should they get to know each other? 
- Are lesbians morally "better" than male homos? I know you are much more angry about the sort of acts male homosexuals perform.

Sorry that this one was a bit heavy, but it's caused a bit of debate on the team, so I thought I'd bring it to your attention.

Keep a happy thought!

All your gal-pals on Team CWCket.}}
{{EmailReply|1) She told me herself. 2) I was surprised, but I accepted it soon after. 3) I was always less comfortable with men; one of my character flaws you may say. But regardless, I still detest homosexual men, yet I do not discriminate against them as individual people. 4) As long as the woman KNOWS fully that she is Straight and will remain that way, it is okay to be friends with lesbians; do not go beyond just friends. 5) Morally, yes.}}

===Balding issues===
{{Email|From: Mark Green <everydoor42@yahoo.com>
I'm in my twenties and have started going bald. I noticed you are balding too, and much more rapidly than I am. Do you have any advice on what I should do? I know a lot of guys, when they start losing their [[hair]], shave it all off, but you've embraced your thining hairline. How did you do that? How did you come to accept your hair loss and the shame attached to it? I'll appreciate any help you can offer me as a man who is also suffering through baldness.}}
{{EmailReply|I generally do not think about balding issues; as long as I still have mine, it is good. Yet when it goes, and if I do go bald, I will deal with that when I cross that bridge.}}

===In which Chris tells us how many hours he plays with toys a day===
{{Email|From: Doug Bunny <since1915@yahoo.com>
How often do you play with toys (how many hours, per day, would you say you spend, on average, playing with toys)?}}
{{EmailReply|I don't know, about 2 or 3, I Estimate.}}

===Chris on mindless materialism===
{{Email|From: naturalelection@aol.com
What do you want for your 28th birthday? Do you know if your friends are planning to do anything special for you?}}
{{EmailReply|I do not know yet of what I want to do, and I will learn of any plans when they come up.}}

===Magi-Chan is gay===
{{Email|From: flambai@hotmail.com

Hey CWC!

Thanks for answering my previous questions, but i have some more.

1) Why is it [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Blake]] didn't attend Dating Education?

2) If all of the [[Sonichus]] and [[Rosechus]] had a huge fight, who would win?

Please reply soon!
Sarah Lutt}}
{{EmailReply|1) Blake is in his relationship with [[Bubbles]]; he did not need to take the class. Magi-Chan keeps to himself mostly; he did not see fit to take the class. 2) I am not sure.}}

==Rejected Mailbag==
===Chris's disgusting home===
{{Email|From: privatesnazz@aol.com

How can your kitchen be so filthy? I wouldn't eat anything that comes out of it, and you should be ashamed to put it up on the internet.}}

===Straight guys don't drink their own semen===
{{Email|From: Seth Sethson <totallyfine2@gmail.com>

Chris, only one of the images in New York was photoshopped. There were like five total. Do the math.

New York still knows that you drink your own semen, and thus they all think that you're gay.

Also, there was an image of your mother put up. How's she reacting?}}
{{EmailReply|I am Straight, regardless of how much the [[Trolls]] may try to defile and slander my image.}}

{{Mailbag}}

Dragon Ball

2012-08-18T00:46:38Z

Yetanothercwckieditor: How about keeping our opinions out of the wiki

<center>{{#ev:youtube|34BkRuc4w90}}</center>

'''''Dragon Ball Z''''' is an [[anime]] that follows the adventures of the protagonist Goku as he trains in martial arts and explores the world in search of [[Sonichu Balls|seven mystical orbs known as the Dragon Balls]]. The show is known for having [[Autism|high-speed, flashy, colorful battles and choreographed attacks]], so it's not hard to imagine why Chris would like it.

==Chris and the series==
[[Chris]]'s "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]!" and "Shin-ye-ha-me-ha!" are a blatant ripoff of the "Ka-me-ha-me-ha," an attack used mostly by the protagonist, [[Wikipedia:Son Goku (Dragon Ball)|Son Goku]] (as well as by other characters).

Chris also stole the Dragon Ball plot device from the series, where anybody that gathers all seven Dragon Balls is granted one wish. Chris, of course, ingeniously changed the name to "[[Sonichu Balls]]," assuming people wouldn't be able to tell the difference, though it should be noted Chris only stole the ''name'' from ''Dragon Ball''. The actual ''idea'' on the other hand was swiped from the the [[Chaos Emeralds]] from the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' series, which were themselves were Dragon Ball ripoffs, only instead of granting a wish, they allow the characters to access their [[Ultra Sonichu|super]] [[Colossal Chan|forms]].

Chris stated that his favourite character is Videl.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

On 16 [[September 2010]], in a [[cosplay]] [[Song for Jackie.MOV|video]] addressed to [[Jackie]], Chris appeared [[niggo|in black face]] as the ''Dragon Ball'' character Mr. Popo, an immortal genie.<ref>[http://dragonball.wikia.com/wiki/Mr._Popo]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:SchuComic1.jpg|[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]!
Image:SchuComic3Page32.jpg|The autistic trio!
Image:SchuSubE3P7.jpg|ORIGINAL ATTACK, DO NOT STEAL!
Image:Sonichu07-P05.jpg|Wordplay. Always funny.
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*''[[Excel Saga]]''
*''[[Pokémon]]''
*''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]''

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Dragon Ball Z|''Dragon Ball Z'']] at [[Wikipedia]]

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Television shows]]

Dating ad.mp4

2012-08-17T23:14:18Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

{{lowercase title}}
'''dating_ad.mp4''', as its title suggests, is a personal advertisement that [[Chris|Chris]] recorded sometime in 2008. In the recording, Chris awkwardly tells listeners [[virgin with rage|his situation]] and what he wants in a potential [[sweetheart]]. It should be noted that Chris stopped himself from mentioning [[Chris and Race|the preferred ethnicity]] of his future girlfriend.

It's not known if Chris did (or intended to) use this video as self-promotion in a dating site, or had other uses in mind as part of his [[love quest]].

This particular recording, albeit nothing out of the ordinary when it comes to Chris's [[love quest]], is unique due to the fact that it took years for it to be finally discovered in November of [[2011]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = dating_ad.mp4
| video = {{#ev:youtube|USnTmSZYRt0}}
| stardate = [[2008]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Blanca|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| shirt =

| previous = [[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD|SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
| next = None
}}

==Transcript==
"My name is, uh, Christian. I'm, uh, currently [[2008|twenty six years old]]. I'm looking for a, uh, [[Boyfriend-Free Girl|boyfriend-free...woman]] to be my [[sweetheart from the ground-up]]. Preferably, uh...one who's...well...[[Chris and Race|well, jus uh..., never mind about preference]].

But anyway, uh...definitely [[Tobacky|smoke]]-free, non-[[Alcohol|alcoholic]], and, uh...yeah, b-you know, just an honest, good girl to be my, to be my sweet [[Chris and English|qu-sweetheart quality]].

''[Silence, new recording begins]''

So, uh...yeah. ''[Clears throat]'' Send me a message if, uh, you're interested. Have a good day.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Weston Chandler's Dating Ad!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|UTLAnZW6bQ4}}
| stardate = 2 [[December 2011]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/NorojiEntertainment NorojiEntertainment]
| subject = dating_ad.mp4
}}

[[Category:Blanca Saga videos]]
[[Category:Love Quest]]

User:Yetanothercwckieditor

2012-08-14T15:10:04Z

Yetanothercwckieditor: Created page with "Yet Another CWCki Editor (YACE)"

Yet Another CWCki Editor (YACE)

Trollin Train

2012-08-13T22:39:23Z

Yetanothercwckieditor: Removed unnecessary troll circlejerking text

{{Articleofthenow}}
'''Trollin Train''' was a fake [[troll]] forum, established on 27 [[July 2010]], which Chris frequented under the trollsona "[[JenkinsJinkies]]." He eventually gave up on posting, afraid that when [[jerkops]] "busted" the forum they would mistake him for a troll.<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_22|Jackie E-mails]], 14 [[November 2010]]</ref>

Trollin Train is an excellent example of both Chris's [[Naive|naïveté]] and his [[ego]]. His JenkinsJinkies persona was instantly recognized by the trolls due to his narrow grasp of [[Chris and English|the English language]], and taken advantage of from the start. Furthermore, his arrogance led him to believe that all of the trolls had immediately fallen for his ruse and that a fourteen-year-old sodomist who had moved in ''directly'' across the street from Chris would fit in perfectly with the secret trolling circle (because in [[Chris and Reality|Chris's mind]], all trolls are really angsty gay children). Needless to say, the JenkinsJinkies [[Manboobs|teat]] was milked for all it was worth and Chris went along without ever realizing it.

==Chris's Posts==
===Hey, Everyone! J.J. has arrived. (Thu 29 July 2010 12:19 AM)===
A new thread in which Chris introduces himself:
{{quoteboxred|First, let me say I am most humbled to be welcomed among my fellow Troll Kind. [[File:Smiley smug.gif]]

Well, let me tell a bit more about myself for starters. My real name is [[Junior Jenkins]] (Scooby-Doo was the inspiration behind the "Jinkies"). LOL. I had a [[birthday]] recently on the 16th of July, so now I'm 15. I couldn't celebrate it with my friends like I would have wanted to, because I was hitchhiking my way to [[Ruckersville]] from Boston. I'm crashing at a house where I have some relatives there (They're the fucking Black Sheep of the family, and they're not close within the same house. It is cool, because they won't rat me out to my parents and siblings. Like I need another damn minute with those assholes who overlook me). And a better part, their house is across the street from [[14 Branchland Court|Chrissy's house]]. Sadly, though, the blinds to [[Chris's room|his bedroom]] are always closed, but I still get some sights of him and the family out of their house.

I've arrived at my new home a few days ago on the 20th. I'll be spending my Sophmore year and so on in Greene County's High School. I promised I'd write to my gal back in Boston, but what happens here she doesn't have to know. [[File:Emot-dong.gif]] I'll have to make some new friends come September, but I'll be cool; I'm a stud!

I'll also miss my favorite duo of dudes, Jerry and Dino. They taught me the ropes of high school life; they both were 16. I looked up to them (like I would have for [[Carol Chandler|my older sister]] if she wasn't such a fuckin' cunt). They were a [[Homos|gay]] couple, and they respected me as a friend only. I made it my Final Realization I was not gay with the help of Jerry and my [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]], Lisa. Sweet little whore took me in with gratitude on my 14th birthday. She had a few exes from [[Middle School]], and her mom was a Bondage Queen.

Before then, I had a gay experience in Summer Camp when I was 7. My bunkmates were experimenting, and made me their mo-fo unwilling guinea pig. I was blindfolded during the whole thing, feeling an 8-year old's [[pickle|dick]] up my ass. I was not thrilled from the ordeal. But [[January 2010|last January]], I became curious from the recalling of the feeling, so I asked Jerry to show me a night. At first it was neutral, then he made out with me; his breath was minty with a hint of garlic from something he ate; it was cool with me. Then he told me to suck his dick, and I did; the taste and sight did not thrill me. And he sucked [[Duck|mine]]. He got a rise out of me, but then I started to feel uneasy. It was minor at first, and I promised myself I'd see this through. Finally, he was in me doggy style. As he humped me, I was feeling it both in my penis, and in my gut; worsening as he went on. And eventually, I embarrassed myself grossly. I came AND fucking threw up simultaneously. Jerry had not come yet himself, and out of respect, he withdrew himself and asked me if I was okay. He cleaned me, and my mess on his floor up. I felt soo damn ashamed, but Jerry was kind and understanding to me. And it was then I confirmed it for myself that I was not gay, and Jerry and Dino agreed with me. So with that, I was able to move forward feeling more confident in my orientation. [[File:Emot-spergin.png]]

Anyway, after moving here, I have studied the times of exits and entries from the Chandler Chateau, looking for a pattern. There was definitely one with [[Bob|Robert]], morning for breakfast at [[Burger King|B.K.]] and afternoon outings to I.D.K. where. [[Barbara]] appears to come out mostly either in the afternoon or night; sometimes in the mornings. And Chris has no set pattern as far as I can tell yet.

But I'll post new stuff as I learn them, some with (hopefully embarrassing) photographs of Chris as I learn and take.

Smell ya later,
Junior Jenkins "Jinkies".|Chris<ref>[http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=579&highlight=#579]</ref>}}

===Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)===
Another new thread. Parts of this message were very clearly dictated to Chris by [[Bob]]. In it, Chris makes the absurd assumption that the trolls are animal abusers, and was snapped at by the trolls in response.
{{quoteboxred|I've been keeping watch over Christian's house for any consistent patterns or LULZy details. I had seen none, even when I went over there while no one was at home. Although, I did mess up the [[cats]] a bit by stepping on their paws; the scratches and bites were worth it. All of the doors were locked (big surprise). Their garden was a big jungle (only half my height, though; about 2 feet high max). I found no incriminating evidence in their garbage.

But recently, I made a call to their house and pretended to be a fan of [[Sonichu]]. Bob was bored I guess, and he talked to me. After mentioning the Trolls, Bob said to me, "Sissies that hide behind screen names and the [[internet]] are the biggest bunch of cowards and the scum of the earth. They are afraid to come out one-on-one, face-to-face. [[Hooker incident|They would hide behind their mothers' skirts.]]" Then he directed to one of our own he found out somehow, "Females are the worst; such as Miranda "Enjoy The Big [[Pickle]]" Cosgrove." That surprised me greatly, but in defensefor you, Miranda, Bob would be of no match against you.

Then Bobby said, "Meet me in person at [[Burger King]] in [[Ruckersville]] Any Day between 9:30 & 10:30 AM, and I will talk to you and your friends and answer your questions. Christian and I are not afraid and have nothing to hide. We are [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] and above bored." We chatted some more and then he hung up.

I'd say let's troll Bobby further to get to Chrissy. I went there this morning; he was civil and gave me some info on Chris, such as that he has a complete collection of [[Wikipedia:50 State quarters|the United State Quarters]] on a Map (What a dumb way to save [[money]]). He also calls Chris a good boy (I agree with him; he ain't grown up). And, ooh, this is a good one; Chris tried to roller skate, and fell multiple times, even though he did a lot better on Ice Skates at the Ice Park (a class he took at [[PVCCitizens]]).

I'm sure the more of us that go to Bobby and talk to him, the more information we can get out of him about Chrissy for our schemes.

I'll continue to keep watch and let y'all know when something new and lulzy comes up.

Junior Jenkins.|Chris<ref>[http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=953&highlight=#953]</ref>}}

=== Damn! (Wed 25 Aug 2010 5:42 AM)===
In response to a thread announcing that Chris had discovered Trollin Train:
{{quoteboxred|Chris found this Forum?!!! I agree with you, Miranda, what if Chris doesn't download our virus at all; he's reading our plans, he may just boycott downloading ANYTHING new from [[ModNation Racers|ModNation]] or [[LittleBigPlanet|LittleFuckPlanet]]. And even IF [[Sony]] doesn't read what he wrote, they are aware of our shit as well. I tell ya, he ain't hiding, he's snitchin' on us for the fuckin' "good" of every lazy fuck on the PSN. Anti-Viruses can be put into any next Update now.

Plus, Chris may come out of hiding and make a video to put the close on our fuckin' repeated death rumor. And I have noticed something else, with my Laptop, I managed to use a bit of his Wi-Fi (it goes all around his yard). It Disappears Nightly, and sometimes Daily. He's Unplugging his Internet, keeping us out.

[[File:Emot-frogsiren.gif]]

I have to hand it to him, he makes it Frustrating to Troll Him. It's like we have to PAY AirFare or HitchHike Dangerously and do it Old-Fashioned with Accordian Cameras and shit like that.|Chris<ref>[http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=1011&highlight=#1011]</ref>}}

The "virus" he mentions was in reference to a thread in which trolls claimed to be putting viruses into ''LBP'' and ''ModNation'' DLC that Chris would be likely to download. Note that [[wikipedia:Bellows (photography)|cameras with bellows]] have not been used by trolls since 1912; Chris ''may'' have been listening to tales from [[Bob]], but this seems unlikely.

===That plan is NO GOOD (Wed 25 Aug 2010 5:48 AM)===
In response to a thread about digging up Patti:
{{quoteboxred|I personally took a closer look at [[Patti]]'s grave; it is Harder to break in than [[Wikipedia:United States Bullion Depository|fort fuckin' knox]]. the body is buried deep underground with Cement Blocks covering the site, and her [[Father Call|HEAVY Dog House]] is on top of those Cement Blocks. I wouldn't be surprised if they Cemented her grave as well. Also, the site is Heavily Surrounded by Trees and Heavy Branches; it's like Deepest in the Mine Shaft with Cave-Ins happening all the time.|Chris<ref>[http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=1012&highlight=#1012]</ref>}}

=== Nah, dude (Thu 26 Aug 2010 4:55 AM)===
In response to a thread about getting [[The Bear]] to call Chris "Mr. Poopy Head" so that Chris would have to rename himself to "Mr. Poopy Head Weston Chandler". The post was likely made in the wrong thread, as it appears to be a response to [http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?t=83 Christian Weston Chandler: 1982 - 2010]
{{quoteboxred|Do you really think he's that retarded? To perform a Repeated Act is fucktarded. Like we ALL know he is alive; I am watching him, his family and his house daily; it is POINTLESS and Redickulous to remake the Rumor of his death. We should Not Repeat performances, because he will be Expecting them and Knowing very well to ignore the Trite Fucktardedness.|Chris<ref>[http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=1062&highlight=#1062]</ref>}}

=== Hey, the Equipment and the Digging (Thu 26 Aug 2010 5:12 AM)===
In response to the same thread about digging up Patti:
{{quoteboxred|It's all no good; the neighborhood is Very Often Quiet. The noise will be heard by someone, if not the Damndler family; someone would call the [[Jerkops|Police]] on us for sure. Besides which, I was Haunted by the spirit of the dog AND the child Monday Night.

I went over to Chris's house with a flashlight that Night. I'm trekking through the daylilly garden aisles, searching for more bad I can do about the house. When suddenly, I hears a voice, "Hello". I look around and see nobody. I am Terrified. Then suddenly, I am fucking paralyzed; my ankles and wrists are pulled to my left and right, feeling like there were other people's hands holding them down on a floor, and I feel a pair of hands on my Neck too; strangling me, yet I can still breathe. Then the voice comes back, "Hello, Mr. [[Troll]]." It is the voice of a child, about 8 years old. I struggle to look around, yet I see nobody. I'm fuckin' shittin' my pants here. The voice continues, "Do not be afraid of me, like the teachers of the [[Elementary School]] were; they did not understand me and my mind. I want you to understand my mind..." Right after, I see a lot of strange images going through my mind. Including the images of an [[Abusive babysitter|abusive babysitter called "Roache"]] locking me alone in a static room; a therapy session at [[James Madison University]]; the teachers, guidance counsoler and principal of [[Nathanel Greene Elementary School]] holding me down and taping my screams and more. I tried to scream, but Nothing came out; it was a Scream of Silence; I could not even utter a WORD in Normal Voice; Only Silence.

Next thing I knows, I am knocked back onto the cement block trail of the garden aisle, by the weight of a big dog, yet there was no dog. Wrists, Ankles and Neck still being hand-held, the child ghost leaves my mind, and then I hear a deep womanly voice, Growling at me as I smelled the stench of a dog's breath surrounding my nostrils. The voice says, "Do not mess with my master, my family or me, you infidel!" Next, I feel the sting of [[Patti|the dog]] biting into both of my ankles, one after the other. At that moment, I struggle back, leaving behind the lit flashlight I dropped earlier when my arms were being stretched out. And I limp as fast as I can back to my house, closing and locking the door behind me, gasping for breath and dripping with sweat. I limp to the bathroom with the shower and look in the mirror; what a gross mess I looked like. And I see a Big, Red Rash on the right side of my neck, and rashes on both of my wrists, from the hands that held them in place. And my pant legs were ripped, and he saw on both of my ankles rashes, and Teeth Marks of a Dog. I tried to scream again, but it was another silent scream. And I was unable to speak at all for Four Hours.

I have encountered the Spirits of Young Christopher Weston Chandler and [[Patti]], protecting the Chandler Household. I warn you all right here and now, Stay Away from his house, and Patti's Grave. It is NOT worth it to have to suffer the Nightmare that can render you as damned silent as the [[Autistic]] child. And Patti is definitely not friendly to our dark kind.

[[List of Chris's lies|I tell you only the truth, my friends.]]|Chris<ref>[http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=1068&highlight=#1068]</ref>}}

=== Dudes, you are not gonna believe this. (Sun 29 Aug 2010 1:22 PM)===
Another new thread, posted as a part of Chris's half-baked plot to get over nine thousand dollars for destroying his PS3:
{{quoteboxred|Even I could not believe it, but I was an Eye-Witness to Chris Smashing his own [[PSTriple]]. I had just gotten home from an outing with my family, when at about 4:00 on the afternoon of this Saturday the 28th, I saw Chris walk outside of his house with his Camera in one hand, a pair of workers gloves in his back pocket, and his PS3 in the other hand. I was curious, so I followed him to his backyard, where I watched from behind the gazebo. Thank God I was not seen by him. Yet Fuck Me for forgetting MY Camera.

Anyway, he had taken a busted Air Conditioner from his Junk Pile, placed his console onto it, placed the tripod to one side and detached the camera from it to get a close up of his fat face. I don't remember his shitty speech fully, but it was some stuff of finding peace within himself and was about to destroy the "vessel?" which held his "lonely, anguished self" from the past three years. Then he reattached the camera to the tripod, relocated it for a closer view, walked in front of it, put on the gloves, picked up the nearby brick and started WAILING on it. I was just all Shocked, I could barely move and believe my eyes. He was smashing the thing like asteroids at fucking Armageddon. He looked like he was not going to stop. But after a minute, he put down the brick, took off his gloves and turned the camera off. Also, he had removed the Removable cover with his decals on it; said he was keeping it as a momento or something. And he walked back to the house, carrying his camera and the pieces of his own Smashed PSTriple.

I would have posted sooner, but I was paralyzed with shock for hours; it was Horrifying to me. And later at about near 10:45 that night, I watched from the window of my room as he laid the smashed PS3 on his gravel driveway, and recorded Driving Over it with both of his Left Tires, about 4 or 5 times! My Shock continued more.

I finally recovered about a couple of hours ago, ate a Hungry Man Dinner; I could not eat at all since the first smashing. Then I remembered that I should really be posting this, so here I am.

OMGMGMGMGMGMGMGMGMGMGMGMGMGMG...|Chris<ref>[http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?p=1186&highlight=#1186]</ref>}}

==Sources==
<references/>
==External links==
*[http://trollingtrain.10.forumer.com/ Trollin Train]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Historical Documents]]

List of things Chris has shoved up his ass

2012-08-12T01:19:42Z

Yetanothercwckieditor: It IS pretty fucking weird dude.

{{Honest}}

{{quote|As for what turned me onto the idea was watching women doing it for themselves in some of the porn I watched. I tried it myself with just my fingers, and it felt alright to me, especially recently.|[[Jackie E-mails 6|Chris explaining the origins of his anal fixation]]}}

'''[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has shoved many things up his ass''' for [[Sex|sexual pleasure]] (and in [[Julie Reveals Herself|one instance]], because he was being "blackmailed"). Many adults, even STRAIGHT adults, have done this, but in Chris's case it's particularly funny because he happens to be an insanely [[Homos|homophobic]] [[Virgin with Rage]]. For a long time Chris repeatedly denied ever committing such heinous, homoerotic acts, but eventually all it took was a few trusted [[Trolls|gal-pals]] for him to confidentially reveal the True and Honest graphic details of his anal experiences.

Even though he already has fecal incontinence, one can only imagine what wonders this does for his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]].

This list only covers what Chris has admitted shoving up his ass. Given that he was hesitant to admit this much, out of fear that he will be misinterpreted as a homo, we can only imagine [[Pickles|what items]] he has experimented with that he's too ashamed to confess.

==Things Chris has shoved up his ass==
*[[Dildo]] (with a condom on<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref>, later [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|destroyed]] in an attempt to prove his straightness and his strength<ref>[[Mumble 7#15:02 Chris talks about dildos to prove his strength]]</ref>)
*[[Anal beads]] (ended up "covered in poo" and thrown away because Chris didn't understand how they work)<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref>
*[[Medallions#Mark_2|Sonichu Medallion]] (broken into pieces first, done under [[stress|duress]] because a [[Julie Reveals Herself|13 year-old told him to]])
*[[Chris and Health#Hygiene|His fingers]] (unlike with the other things he shoved up there, Chris actually admitted that this "felt alright", and it appears to now be his preferred method of anal stimulation)<ref name="Jackie E-mails 6">[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>
*Jets of water from his shower head (told Vanessa that he used to put things up his butt but it became uncomfortable for him so now it's just "sometimes with a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose." ) <ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref>

==Things Chris is willing to shove up his ass for his true love==
*A fake dick ("I would take that in for her.")<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 7]]</ref>
*Strap-on dildo (as long as it's NOT dick-shaped because that would be gay)<ref name="Jackie E-mails 6"/>

==Sources==
<references />

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]][[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]

Homos

2012-08-12T01:01:00Z

Yetanothercwckieditor:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun Fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; Vaginas and Boobies Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I put a condom on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, A-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got covered in poo, and I just, I put them in the trash can.|Chris<ref>http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively.

From the very beginning of his [[Internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a [[Tomgirl|gender change operation]]."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out"<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. He continues to attempt to wildly assert his straightness (and fail at it), using anything from the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] to objects as strange and totemic as his [[Optimus Prime]] toy.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic|one of his own abominations]].]]

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in prisons with female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18, 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|10 March 2009]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", Chris's Mary Sue character, Terrah LeAnne Yowman, is called a lesbian by kids at her high school, because she hangs around with guys all the time.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[The Creepy Stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 14 [[June 2009]], he created a video called ''[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]'', which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from [[Wikipedia:The Garden Party|the pilot episode]] of ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''.

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called ''[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]'', and insisted that he likes gays who "ac— ...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This quote, of course, displays Chris's ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than ''LBP''), an author of several blogs that have a large Internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[[Cwcipedia]]: "Sonichu"</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but God forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July 2009, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar.<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/08/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/#comment-241496</ref>

{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26, 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call "gay" a synonym for "stupid."

In the [[Mailbag]] section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family Gay|this episode of]] ''[[Family Guy]]''). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia: Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). This storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

[[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of ''[[Family Guy]]'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with [[Vivian]]'s [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris stated that he assumed that a friend of Jack's was gay when he heard that he had AIDS.

On Christmas Day, [[2009]], the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year [[2010]], Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that [[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|''Avatar'']] was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts - in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris responded to a [[Mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality was found in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily.

Then, on 7 January, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

On 12 January, Chris appeared to soften his stance, saying that "Firstly, I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within [[Cwcville]], yet gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> Of course, it's not clear how gays can have "equal relationship rights" if they can't marry, but Chris tends to be pretty weak on logic.

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He is for the lifting of the ban so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

On 15 [[August 2010]], [[Bob]] showed the same kind of hatred and prejudice as his son does for "DA HOMOS". In the [[Matthew Noble call]], Bob said that he believed that a few homosexual kids were working alongside [[Michael Snyder|Mike]] and [[Megan]] to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe.

On the February 5th, 2012 entry on his [[Facebook_statuses|Facebook page]], he mentions buying Napoleon Dynamite because he learned 'that homo Andy Dick' didn't star in it.

==Evidence that Chris is gay==

[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies.}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]

Ironically, the harder Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the gayer he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would [[Tomgirl|rather be female]] than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collected [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Bluespike|Max]] told Chris to suck his dick, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "No." Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his [[Duck|duck]] when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a [[China|pussy.]]
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put something up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," including a large fake dick, and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as the gift.
* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|5 February 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When [[Julie_Reveals_Herself|Julie finally revealed herself]] as a 13 year old boy, Chris' immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|close-up picture of his anus]].
* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].
* He owns a set of [[anime wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one cover of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]] In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of [[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|''Sex and the City'']] (the film) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a free makeover.
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from people who have the virus being fought.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin' Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a penis.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Punchylaylalove.jpg wearing panties and bra].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He [[Tomgirl|voluntarily dressed up as a woman]], went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When [[Bob]] learned of Chris' crossdressing, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On the 29th April, 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New [[Niggos|Niggas]] Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This seems to imply that Chris himself is a self-loathing homosexual.

==Defenses against becoming homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''[[Wikipedia:Playboy|Playboy]]'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs with an extremely severe and disproportionate punishment.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarifies that one need not buy their own poster of fail; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual.<ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref>

In ''[[Kill De Jack]]'', Chris reveals another one of his defenses against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.

It seems that the centerfold poster of [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge's ''Playboy'' magazine]] has become one of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she's married has [[kacey|no bearing on Chris's desires]].

{{quote|But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.|-Matthew 28, [[Chris and religion|something Chris has probably never read, nor wouldn't care to read.]]}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

Curiously, in his own [[A Public Announcement for Congress|campaign ad]], Chris announced a promise of "gay marriage ability for every state within the United Nations." Suffice to say, this has not helped him in the polls.

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[Tomgirl]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC (Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong.]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]