CWCki - User contributions [en]

List of Chris's edits to the CWCki

2013-01-01T04:09:22Z

Zarola: /* 3 July, 16:02 - 16:25 */

[[Image:chrisshotweb.jpg|thumb|right|Summary of the incident.]]
After Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] in [[March 2010]], he [[Cwc_blog#14 March 2010|demanded]] that pages related to his family and [[Gal-Pal]]s be removed, giving two deadlines. Around midnight on [[April 2010|1 April]], past the second deadline, he decided to attack CWCki, signing up as [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|GodofThunderGodofWar]]. In true CWC style, his [[Special:Contributions/GodofThunderGodofWar|vandalism]] was less than impressive. In fact, due to the fact that he made them on April Fools' Day, many users just assumed that it was an elaborate and lulzy prank on the part of the administrators. But no, it was f'real. Christian's posts were aimed at altering the articles he vandalized to make the CWCki seem to be praising him. As usual Chris's [[Chris and English|tenuous grasp of grammar]] made his edits stand out like a sore thumb. Chris returned under the guise of [[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]], making several posts from 5 [[May 2010]] to 13 [[July 2010]]. He later returned as [[User:Christianchandler|Christianchandler]] in the aftermath of [[28 October 2011]], uploading three pictures of [[Michael Snyder]] on [[November 2011|4 November 2011]].

Although Chris originally demanded that the CWCki's administrators only edit or remove pages related to his friends and family, it is perhaps telling that when he finally set himself to actively vandalizing the site, he ignored those pages, choosing instead to make edits [[Chris and his Ego|glorifying himself]].

Listed below are all of Chris's edits made on both his accounts, unedited by trolls and exactly as he originally wrote them. Exception is made for headings, which in the quoteboxes where Chris put a heading is replaced with '''bold text'''.

==GodofThunderGodofWar==

[[Special:Contributions/GodofThunderGodofWar|All edits]]

===1 April, 12:35===
His first action was to edit the Did You Know? column, removing the majority of the factoids while adding a few of his own, most of which were merely rewrites of existing comments.

{{quotebox|
*...This webiste, the CWCki, is a LOAD OF BULL?
*...that Christian Chandler ALWAYS IS the mayor of [[CWCville]]?
*...that [[Pixelblocks]] are not to be confused with neither [[Pickles|Pickleblocks]] nor [[Prickly-Wicklies|Pricklyblocks]]?
*...that Chris buys healthy food, good drinks and just necessities with Good Money?
*...that Chris has been recording himself as early as [[10th grade]]?
}}

The following comments however, were left untouched.

{{quotebox|
*...that a [[Curse-ye-ham-ye-ha Retraction|Forgiveness blessing]] can counter the extreme bad luck and misfortune associated with the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] attack?
*...that [[Chris]]'s sense of humor is [[Random-access humor|SO RANDOM XDXD]]?
*...that Chris is the [[The Game Place#Chris.27s_antics|Level Up King]]?
*...that [[Virginia is for Virgins]]?
*...that Chris really likes [[Britney Spears]] (no matter what they all say)?
:*...that his favorite song from "[[:Image:CWCSchuBrit.jpg|Air Britney]]" is ''[E-Mail My Heart]''?*
*...that Chris is a descendant of [[Anne Boleyn]], Queen of England?
}}

The unaltered DYK factoids were probably left alone because Chris failed to [[autism|notice the sarcasm]] in the comments and mistook them for compliments. [[Naive|On a troll site]]. It should also be noted that the comment about Pixelblocks was also untouched, save for Chris adding the word "not" in the middle. It was likely he perceived it to be a spelling mistake and decided to correct it, even though the word "neither" instead of "either" later in the sentence makes Chris's edit ''adding'' a mistake instead. The broken "10th grade" link was also caused by Chris, as the original version of this factoid linked to the [[Song of Christian]] instead.

*Altered for this article. This normally links to a [[Youtube]] video, but external links mess with the quotebox.

===1 April, 12:42===
He then changed the Article of the Now from [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] to himself.

{{quotebox|
[[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|right|200px|lolwut.]]

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (born '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]) is a [[autism|high-functioning autistic]] [[virgin with rage|virgin]], Honest, Cool and Honest Dude, and creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a [[brilliant]] character, starring in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of most Normal Human Beings; Finding their Meaning of Existence, Their True Love, Their own Self-Character. No One should ever interfere or ever make a mockery of such a tride and true quest to finding HIS own Happiness with his WOMAN who is to be his Wife.

Yes, friends, it gets far sweeter.
}}

This edit is stands as perhaps the most condensed essence of Christian to ever emerge in pseudo-paragraph format. Between the utter butchery of the English language, blatant ego stroking, and unintentional creepiness ("Yes, friends, it gets far sweeter") Christian pretty much manages to sum up what legions of trolls have spent nearly half a decade trying to record for the world. Also note that, while on a website dedicated to trolling him, he still attempts to insert links to other parts of the wiki. In all likelihood, Chris planned to vandalize these elements as well but stopped due to [[stress]]. In the original edit, the link "brilliant" instead linked to the Fail page. Much like the 10th Grade example above, Chris removed this part and created a redlink where there wasn't one before.

===1 April, 12:44===
A couple of minutes after, he made the infamous [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]] the Picture of the Now.

{{quotebox|[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|300px|left|lolwut?]]

A recently leaked image shows an illustration by [[Chris]] having [[Sweet, Sweet Sex]] with three young women, including a white one, a black one, and one in-between.Chocolate-Vanilla Swirls!!! YAY! 8D}}

Not much needs saying here. Chris chose the image and added some [[random access humor]]. Why this image? Nobody knows. Also, the red link this time was actually put in entirely by Chris himself, rather than being another unintentional mistake. Why he thought the CWCki would have a page on "Sweet, Sweet Sex" is anyone's guess.

==JenkinsJinkies==

[[Special:Contributions/JenkinsJinkies|All edits]]

===5 May, 01:08===
In his first edit on the new account, Chris commented on [[PS3/How the PS3 is Hacked|the hacking]] of the [[PS3]], saying the supposed bug was just an antenna. However, later that day he tore out the antenna anyway, just to be safe.<ref>[[I Pimp My Ride.MOV]]</ref>

{{quotebox|
'''Dude, Really? That's an Antenna'''

I trolled around and found it. http://www.eeshops.com/ps3-wifi-antenna-tyco-19039281-w400-p-528.html --[[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]] 01:08, 5 May 2010 (UTC)}}

===8 May, 03:09 - 03:16===
Chris then turned to the [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]], clarifying that his ''Resistance: Fall of Man'' add-on pack was not bought by the trolls who took over his [[PSN]], but his ''[[Wikipedia:Killzone_2|Killzone 2]]'' pack was.<ref>[http://www.sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=List_of_Chris's_PSN_game_downloads&diff=prev&oldid=88589 List of Chris's PSN game downloads]</ref> He also said that the ''[[wikipedia:Downfall (film)|Downfall]]'' he bought was a movie, not a video game,<ref>[http://www.sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=List_of_Chris%27s_PSN_game_downloads&action=historysubmit&diff=88592&oldid=88590 List of Chris's PSN game downloads]</ref> and removed a slanderous mockery that implied that his [[duck]] was small.<ref>[http://www.sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=List_of_Chris's_PSN_game_downloads&diff=prev&oldid=88590 List of Chris's PSN game downloads]</ref>

===3 July, 16:02 - 16:25===
Chris created the bizarre [[Coffee Place]] article, quoted below, in which he ranted about [[Amanda]], a part-time [[manajerk]], who wouldn't give Chris a ''[[Wikipedia:The Twilight Saga: Eclipse|The Twilight Saga: Eclipse]]'' Sweepstake token because he only bought a $1.09 ice cream.
{{quotebox|
{{Taxpayermoneynoinclude}}

[[Image:Burgerking.jpg|thumb|A view of the counter where behind which has its own Troublemakers.]]

'''Coffee Anyone?'''

Within this single fast-food joint of the small town of Ruckersville, VA, Bobby goes for a morning coffee and breakfast most days of the week. Sadly, though, on some of those days, along with other seinor citizens who have been going there for years for their own "Early Bird Specials", they get harassed by one or two of the snot-nosed, snooty employees.

One of which, Amanda, is one of the Part-Time [[Manajerks]] who gives her elders the coldest of shoulders. Even with the recent Twilight sweepstakes, one or two of these folks who have enjoyed the Medium Icees for a single dollar and nine cents during their limited-time promotion and received the cups with the game pieces on them, Amanda recently decided that "One Dollar is TOO LITTLE for a Piece of the Sweepstakes Action."

Amanda also really Opens Up for the Black People; she would be most friendly to any of the black people. Uncle Ruckus would really kick the shit out of the bitch for not treating us white people with good kindness and respect. All of the seinors who loyally come in for their daily morning bread would just itch for the chance to smack her ass and crack her [[china]] in due respect to the harassment she has butthurt unto them.

'''Amanda'''

Not much else is known about Amanda at the moment, but the seinors have heard that she is a mother of two (probably get a daily butthurt from her every night). She is also assumed to be still married. I feel really sorry for the dude who has put up with that woman for the amount of time they've been married.

'''More Coffee Goodness'''

It has been reported that Chrissy has been sighted there, but no photographs has been taken, aside from the one above, of him inside the restaurant.

Photographic evidence should be sent to cwcsightings(AT)hotmail.com! Also, feel free to show off to everyone around you at the time the fresh Gay Trucker Photographs are taken. Users will be greatly rewarded with [[china]] and/or [[pickle|pickles]]!
}}

This edit was the first time Chris began to make his presence known. All edits up until now under the JenkinsJinkies name were subtle. Here the subtlety ends. Chris made it obvious that it was him right from the start, from both his poor attempt to imitate what he believes [[trolls]] are like, and [[Chris and English|spelling so poor]] it could have came off of an Engrish.com picture[[http://www.engrish.com/]]. For one thing he obviously believes trolls to be [[Chris and race|racist]], so he goes off on a tangent about black people halfway through, and he believes all trolls to have [[Chris and sex|sexual issues]], so he acts like an outright misogynist for the last paragraph. He also tried to use troll slang in the article, such as the word "butthurt", but he somehow managed to [[Honor roll|use it as a verb]]. Chris also updated the [[Template:Places|places template]] accordingly to link to his new article.

===3 July, 20:16===
After CWCkians later arrived and saw that some faggot had put up a shitty article with no citations or real evidence of anything happening, they assumed a troll pretending to be Chris, or else a [[Chris|really stupid person]], and put up a deletion template. Chris noticed and leapt to the article's defense on the talk page with this textwall.

{{quotebox|
'''Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.'''

My family and I were there one morning a couple of weeks ago; my camera was screwing up with me, so I ended up with the photo of the front counter. I haven't been back for a while (Damn parents won't drive me back there), and I'm only 14.

Robert was shouting at Amanda, and eventually Chrissy joined in with an uproar so loud, it would have awaken the dead. It was in response to Amanda harassing them that day. I asked around after Robert and Chris left, without my family taking notice of me.

I can get away with anything within my reach; I'm the middle child of a set of three in my family. Sadly, we were only passing through that week on our way back from a visit with my Grandma and Grandpa in South VA; we live up in Boston.

Being bullied as a Freshman last year in my High School was no fucking picnic either. And I really loath ANYONE who is even considered "Special". I'm Special enough on my own for being invisible yet able to attract attention remotely with a mere thought or do-nothing and having to put up with the aggresiveness in my fucking family; I am very much the Master Mind in the family. My father is damned retarded.

But enough about me, I hate Chris as much as the rest of you. Stopping the presses on his books and giving up his website; it still pisses me off. If I recall correctly, it was about 10:30 when the Father and Son Duo left, so best bet is about 10:00 AM to try and intercept. I want to see Chris, if not both of them, squirm in torture from our Trolling of him. I really want to see him blow his top off again. LULZ.

Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.

For the LULZ!!!!

--[[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]] 22:16, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
}}

Here, Chris established his troll backstory and continued to try and act as close to what he believed a troll to be like as possible, this time playing the part of a [[BlueSpike|sadist]] who hates Chris because he's [[Autistic|special]] who was [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|bullied at school]] and had [[Bob Chandler|daddy issues]]. Because that's totally what real trolls are like.

===11 July, 19:43 - 12 July, 08:05===
In response to [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] leaving Chris a message on his user talk page, asking him for his details so he could send him his reward for providing them with information, Chris posted this strange rambling.

{{quotebox|
Thanks, man, but I'm good; I lost my young virginity with a Seinor Cheerleader; her china was sweeeeettt! Plus, as an Anon, I prefer to keep my add off of the web. I would not want Chris coming after my ass. The mindfuck that he is, I would not want to fall victim of one of his impulsive manchild rampages. I just enjoy getting the LULZ off of him.

That's all the info I got of [[Amanda]]; my family and I don't travel to South VA that often, but I'll see if I can hitch another trip and find a place to crash in VA. I wouldn't be missed; I am soo overlooked in my family.

Something else that has piqued my curiousity, from the [[Hooker incident]], I'm wondering from which luscious company or group [[Bryan Bash]] the ladies came from, specifically the company name, their website, and from within Chris's crappy (434) A.C. Because if they were out-of-his-state, I may give them a call myself. >:D

Thank you for your support, [[User:Clydec|Clydec]]; you're awesome.

--[[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]] 18:43, 11 July 2010 (UTC)
}}

The main focus of the message here seems to be establishing more troll backstory, giving excuses as to why he couldn't give Clyde his details, and dropping as many troll buzzwords as possible, like "[[4chan|Anon]]" and "[[Laughs Under Lucricities|LULZ]]". He also inquires about the hookers sent to his house by Bryan Bash, likely so he can take advantage of their services to get rid of his hated [[virgin with rage|virginity]]. Also notice how even when he's deep undercover as a Chris-hating troll, he still feels the need to bolster his own [[ego]], claiming to be genuinely afraid of Chris; something no-one other than Chris himself could ever seriously consider anything other than a joke.

When Clyde appropriately pointed out that being afraid of Chris indicated Jenkins was a pussy, Chris replied with:

{{quotebox|
Firstly, I am not a pussy; I am as wild as a serial raper. Second, I saw those videos; he is still a curiously impulsive individual. It is people like him that tend to explode in a hidden-potential fury that could be very dangerous. While you may see him as a weak fuck, I see a crazy man who will likely strike at any given moment.

During the time now, I enjoy laughing during his weaker moments, yet I still am concerned in what intelligence and fury lie within him waiting to strike. He may be only waiting and plotting for the day when he may hunt us down, one by one. We can only hope that day will never come.

--[[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]] 07:05, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
}}

Again, despite being undercover as a troll, Chris spends time trying to convince [[Clyde Cash]] and the others that he is really [[I AM STRONG|strong]], [[Honor roll|intelligent]] and will [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|probably kill them all]]. Again, things that only Chris could ever seriously believe. Also, add "wild as a serial raper" to the list of memorable Chris-Chan quotes.

===13 July, 22:24===
And of course, where would we be without a little advertising? Even while pretending to be a troll, Chris still [[Chris and his Ego|couldn't resist]] breaking cover yet again to advertise his ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' beta tracks.

{{quotebox|
'''He has his Beta Track Up'''

As well as some actually neatly recreated Hot Wheels vehicles. He locked a couple of them; the manchild must have Favorited those TWO cars from his collection. LOL His track is lengthy, and confusing, but I managed to run some laps on it. And he added a good version of the Park with a fountain, and a Beach.

Download his Beta Cwcville Track for the laughs of using the defaulted Beta Tools.--[[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]] 22:24, 13 July 2010 (UTC)
}}

This was Chris's last edit made to the CWCki before he then signed up for [[Trollin Train]], as part of a scheme by Clyde and [[Surfshack Tito]] to trick him into destroying his [[PS3]], a mission ending in [[The MovingForward videos|great success]]. All further JenkinsJinkies dumbfuckery is documented on the [[Trollin Train]] page.

==Christianchandler==

[[Special:Contributions/Christianchandler|All edits]]

===4 November, 18:26 - 18:32===

Chris's first action under his third account was to upload three photos of [[Michael Snyder]] taken with his [[Nintendo|3DS]] during the [[28 October 2011]] incident. The first was taken from the interior of [[The GAMe PLACe]], and was put on its CWCki article. The other two were taken from inside [[Son-Chu]] in the parking lot and were added into Snyder's article, one of them replacing an [[:File:2004 merchant of venice 008.jpg|existing image]]. Chris added his own captions, in which he hilariously [[Chris and hypocrisy|mocked]] [[Obesity|Snyder's weight]] and accused him of being a [[Pedofork|child-molesting]] [[Chris_and_religion#Judaism|Jew]].

The photos Chris uploaded are below, Chris's captions included.

<gallery>
File:HNI 0020.JPG|"The inside of the PLACe as of October 27, 2011."

File:HNI 0021.JPG|"Look at his "slender" figure."
File:HNI 0022.JPG|"Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile."

</gallery>

===4 November, 18:40 - 18:41===

Chris proceeded to make the second photo the Picture of the Now...

{{quotebox|[[File:HNI_0021.JPG|200px|left]] [[Michael Snyder, in the flesh.]]!|}}

...And subsequently added mentions of all three to [[:Template:Da Update|Da Update]].

{{quotebox|*4 [[November 2011|October]]: [[Michael Snyder]]; up close and personal in three new "HNI" photographs.}}

===4 November 20:02 - 20:03===

Chris returned about 80 minutes later to upload two new pictures. The first is of an [[Anime|anime]] girl named XBOX360ko, apparently a human with all the features of an [[HEXBox|XBOX 360]]. He then replaced the second Snyder photo with a picture of a colorful fox. The bottom-right corner reads [[Chris and copyright|©]] [[Chris and his ego|ME ME ME ME ME]]. The purposes of both photos are [[Random-access humor|unknown]].

<gallery>
File:481px-360tankx6.jpg
File:Chrisfox.JPG
</gallery>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
*[[CWCki]]
*[[JenkinsJinkies]]
*[[Coffee Place]]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Lists]]

CWC "Boyfriend"

2012-12-22T22:24:56Z

Zarola:

[[Image:Prince (musician).jpg|thumb|Motherfucking Prince, man]]

'''CWC "Boyfriend"''' is a music video "addressed to the WOMEN ONLY" and uploaded by [[Chris]] on 25 [[July 2009]]. This video features a little bit of everything when it comes to Chris's bizarre behavior, including [[I Got A Fish|dancing like a retard]], playing the [[Gitar of Fail]] and other such devices, and a side order of [[Homos|gay bashing]]. He even goes as far to condemn the lifestyle of lesbians. Paper cut outs are used to display Chris's delusions, as well as several recycled drawings.

The video description and annotations reveal that Chris believes that [[Ivy]] killed herself as a result of the cessation in their communications. He blames [[Bob]] for breaking up their relationship — apparently, despite the best efforts of his father and others to reason with him, Chris chose to cling to the delusion that Ivy was not a troll. At that point in the video description Chris also states that "Ivy killed herself on July 200'''8'''", months before Chris ever met her, although this is more than likely just an [[Autism|assburger]] mistake. At around 2:05, astute [[video game]] fans may notice that Chris-Chan purchased the universally panned, all around shitty ''[[Guitar Hero|Rock Band]]'' ripoff ''Rock Revolution''.

On 29 [[July 2009]], [[The CWCville Library]] uploaded an alternate version of the video, with Chris just dancing and different lyrics.

In [[March 2010]] Chris would also use an extract from this video as part of a [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|desperate plea]] to the [[Wallflower]] to relieve him of his [[Virgin with rage|terrible burden]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC "Boyfriend"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|k0dQ2x76FEg}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}, {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[Chris humps his PS3]]
| next = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#A Preview|A Preview]]
}}
===Description===
{{quotebox|Not only a fulfillment to a blackmail, but Also a Memorial Music Video. Miss. [[Ivy]] O'Niel died July, 2008 in suicide from being restricted from Communication, as well as coming to visit me. She was a honest, sweet woman. May this video always be a commerative memorial for her always. And to [[Officer Keino|Mr. O'Niel]], I salute your bravery on the Police, although my Detective could not find you on any Precint records, and I offer my deepest condolences for your loss, as I feel it terribly myself. I had to listen to my [[Bob|Meatheaded Father]]'s Scooby-Doo Detective jargon, as well as the Real Detective's jazz. Ivy, I'm sorry for believing my father's crackpot theory and letting it baffle me and my heart. Please forgive me, and rest in peace. I will always have the place for you in my heart. **Also, to clearify: Woman #1 is [[Megan Schroeder]]. Then Ivy's Memorial Woman #2 is [[Blanca|Blanca Wiess]]; Blanca is with a friend in the Lesbian Pic; do not who that girl was. Woman #3 is [[Jessie Ruddy]] Woman #4, or B&W Picture Woman is [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. **[[Monty Python|Spiney Norman]]; Go after Howard and his Pickle-Suited Cult.** "Dinsdale!" Woman #5 is PICTURE ONLY of WHO was supposed to be [[Julie]] Milvana.}}

=== Transcript ===

''Video opens with Chris in his blue T-shirt, singing.''

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris mimes on the [[Gitar of Fail]].''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me [''[[Megan]]'s photo appears, for no clear reason'']
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''Drawing of [[Ivy]] and [[Luckette]].''
<poem>You’re so fine [''Photograph of [[Anna McLerran|Anna]] and another woman'']
I want you mine
You’re so delicious [''Images from "[[Sonichu Special 1]]", "[[Wedding Comic]]"'']
I think about ya all the time
You’re so addictive
Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious
And Hells Yeah
I’m the motherfucking prince, man
I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right</poem>
''Photo of unknown woman with unknown man.''
<poem>He’s like so whatever
And you could do so much better [''Man's photo is replaced with one of Chris'']
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!</poem>
''Polaroid of a couple.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like a girlfriend!
No way! No way!That' ain't right, woman! [''Polaroid shifts to reveal caption "[[Homos|GIRL-ON-GIRL?!!]]", which changes to "GOD HATES THAT"]
No way! No way!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris on the Gitar again.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Photo of lesbian couple is now split in two - caption "STAY STRAIGHT"]
I know that you like me
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Chris interposed between lesbians - caption becomes "TAKE THIS DUDE, ALREADY GIRL"'']
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris dances faggily.''
<poem>I can see the way. I see the way you look at me [''Image from "[[Sonichu Special 1]]"'']
And even when you look away I know you think of me [''Photo of Bob with illegible speech bubble, which becomes "THE DETECTIVE FOUND '''NO''' POLICE RECORDS OF HER COP-FATHER", and then "MY SCOOBY-DOO DETECTIVE WORK HAS PINPOINTED AND BLOWN YOUR MIND"'']
I know you talk about me all the time again and again [''Image of Chris with sore head'']
So come—so come over here, tell me what I want to hear [''"DAMN WHY DID I LISTEN TO MY MEATHEADED FATHER AND THAT DETECTIVE"'']
Better yet make your old one disappear [''"IVY NEVER LEFT MY HEART DURING THOSE TRAUMA TWO MONTHS"'']
I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again [''"AT LEAST I GOT TO TELL HER "I LOVE YOU" ONE LAST TIME"; "IT'S MY FAULT"'']</poem>
''Photo of three women, captioned "IN LOVING MEMORY OF IVY O'NIEL".''
<poem>Because, he’s like so whatever [''Chris dances idiotically with his eyes closed'']
And you could do so much better [''Photo of unknown couple'']
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!</poem>

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You! [''Chris plays ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' drums, looking like a complete child'']
I don’t like your boyfriend!
Hey! Hey! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
You know it’s not a secret [''Previous couple photo is used, except Chris again replaces the man'']
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>
''More idiotic dancing.''
<poem>In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There’s no other
So when's it gonna sink in?
He's so trollin' stupid
What the hell were you thinking?!</poem>
''[[Mary Lee Walsh]] is now paired with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].''
<poem>That old sumbah tried to take you out my life
But you know I can do it way better
He's an impostor. He's a poser! [''Mary is now paired with a skinny, hella sexy guy. A hedgehog moves across the image, saying "HOWARD".'']
What the hells were you thinkin' with that damn Pickle Suit?!</poem>
''More pretend guitar.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one [''[[Julie]] with a MIPS'']
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''More gitar.''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you'd like me [''Julie with Chris'']
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your boyfriend!
No way! No way! [''More gitar'']
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend</poem>
''Chris points at the camera and dances like a [[slow-in-the-mind]].''
<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you'd like me
No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend</poem>

<poem>Hey you!</poem>

==A preview==
A preview for CWC "Boyfriend" was uploaded by Chris on 20 July 2009. Chris then deleted the video in a matter of hours, leading to serious doubts about the probability of the promised video appearing. Yet, true to his word, the video did arrive five days later, much to everybody's surprise.

===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = A Preview
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kdOBOpRnay8}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#Video|CWC "Boyfriend"]]
| next = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#Alternate Leaked Edition|"CWC Girlfriend Singstar" - Leaked Edition]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
(Avril Lavigne's song Girlfriend plays in the background)

Chris: (Singing to roughly the tune of the music)

Hey Hey You You I don't like your boyfriend!

No Way No Way I think you need a new one!

Hey Hey You You I could be your boyfriend

Hey hey you you I know that you like me

No way no way I know it's not a secret

Hey hey you you I want to be your boyfriend

==Alternate leaked edition==
===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = "CWC Girlfriend Singstar" - Leaked Edition
| video = {{#ev:youtube|859NaLdXJ0s}}
| stardate = 25 [[July 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| shirt = {{BlueTShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC "Boyfriend"#A Preview|A Preview]]
| next = [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]
}}
=== Transcript ===

<poem>Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
'think ya need a new one!
Hey! Hey! You! You
I could be your boyfriend!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me,
No way! No way! Know it's not a secret,
Hey Hey, You You, I want to be your boyfriend!

You're so fine, I want you mine you're so delicious,
I think about you all the time you're so addictive.
Don't you know what I could to do to make you feel..ALRIGHT.

Don't pretend you think I know I'm damn precious,
And hells yeah I'm the motherfucking prince man,
I can tell ya like me too, and I know am right.
He's like so whatever, and you could do so much better (hops around)
I think we should get together noooowww,
And that's what everyone's talkin about!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your girlfriend
No way! No way!
That ain't right woman!
No way! No way!
I could be your boyfriend!

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that ya like me,
(mumbles something) You, you, you need to be straight girl,
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend!

I can see the way, see the way ya look at me.
And Even when you look away I know ya think of me,
I know you talk about me all the time again and agaaiin.

So come over here, tell my what I wanna hear,
Better yet, make your old one disappear,
I don't want to hear ya say his name agaain.

BECAUSE
He's like so whatever
and you could do, so much better.
I think we should get together nooow,
'N that's what everyone's talking about.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend.
No way! No way!
I think ya need a new one.
and Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that ya like me,
And No way! No way, know it's not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend.

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger.
'Cause I can, Cause I can do it better,
There's no *mumbles* other so when's it going to sink in
He's so troll and stupid what the hell were you thinkin?!

That ol' sumbah tried to take ya outta my life.
But you know I can do it way better,
He's an impostor, he's a poser, *wipes sweat from brow*
What the hells were ya thinkin with that Pickle Suit?

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend!
No way! No way!
Think ya need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your boyfriend.

Way, No way

Hey! Hey! You! you!
I know that ya like me
No way! No way!
Know it's not a secret.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend

No way, No waaaayy.

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don't like your boyfriend
No way, no way..
Think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! you!
I could be your boyfriend
No way no way

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No WAYYY and No WAYYY
I know it's not a secret,
and Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend
No way, No wayyy

HEY YOU</poem>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = A "Memorial Music Video" for Chris
| video = {{#ev:youtube|n8AfvxreSb4}}
| stardate = 27 [[May 2010]]
| maker = CWCmemorial
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris humps his PS3]]|nextlink=[[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, July 2009| 2009-07-25]]

Chris and music

2012-12-20T21:20:07Z

Zarola: /* Singing */

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|This is obviously what music is all about.]]
[[File:0776-CWCGuitar.JPG|thumb|[[Chris's Big Night Out|Sonichu's still rockin' in my head!]]]]
When it comes to '''music''', [[Chris]]'s taste is eclectic, confusing, and awe-inspring. His favorite acts range from generic, early-2000's bubblegum pop to generic rock. Pretty much everything Chris says he's a fan of comes from ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', his parents' record collection, or shit he's heard from television and film. Even then, Chris can't remember lyrics, [[Lovin' You|melodies]], or even [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|the instruments used]] in his favorite songs.

==Musical tastes==
Chris has often cited that he likes "All popular music." While it's possible that he's just giving that answer to appear cool and easygoing, he really does seem to try to listen to whatever popular opinion tells him is good. Almost every song on either of his two horrible albums was a top 40 hit at one point or another. Additionally, in a few of his [[Mumble]] chats, Chris left his radio on for the whole conversation. This means that he both enjoys the background music, and that he's totally inconsiderate to the other people in the chat.

Chris's favorite radio station is [[Wikipedia:WQMZ|Lite Rock Z95.1]] from [[Charlottesville]], which plays incredibly bland and inoffensive pop music (i.e. what you hear in a doctor's office or a store too cheap to afford Muzak). The station bills its offerings as "today's hits and yesterday's favorites, music for [[Tomgirl|women]]."<ref>[http://www.z95.net Z95.1 homepage]</ref> Chris listens to the [[John Tesh]] radio show on 95.1, and once won a set of tickets to a [[100 2178|sporting event]] through a call-in contest.

The only artist Chris seems to really idolize is [[Britney Spears]]. There is virtually no doubt that this is more because she's hot than because he appreciates her (alleged) musical talent. In his date with [[Emily]], he claims to like Louis Armstrong in an effort to look like a [[Bob|sophisticated jazz-listener]].

If his Rhapsody account (seen below) is any indication, almost everything Chris listens to has been in a ''Guitar Hero'' or [[Sonic]] game. This adds yet more [[Fat|weight]] to the theory that Chris is spoon-fed pop culture from [[PS3| video games]] and ''[[Family Guy]]''.

Also, keeping with the theme of liking things that most people his age are unaware of (such as the lesser-known ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' series or ''[[American Rabbit]]'') or would not enjoy (such as ''[[Red Skelton]]'', ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' or ''[[Thurston Howell III|Gilligan's Island]]''), Chris has twice referenced [[Wikipedia:Billy Joel|Billy Joel]]'s 1985 track "[[Wikipedia:You're Only Human (Second Wind)|You're Only Human (Second Wind)]]," an extremely dated, upbeat mid-'80s pop song written specifically to stop teenagers from [[Ryan Cash|killing themselves]]. To date, Chris has referenced the song in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|YouTube video]] where he says [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting your pants]] from [[stress]] isn't a big deal, and again when [[Mailbag 6|asked]] by a fan whether he'd ever had thoughts of suicide. Chris replied, with no elaboration, that he had [[Lie|"a lot to live for"]] and told the fan to go listen to the song.

Chris has also expressed a fondness for the [[Wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]], releasing two videos ([[Hello, Juffalo]] and [[JuggaloShoutOut]]) in which he paints his face and talks about being a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]]. Since fans of ICP are usually idiotic, [[Chris and Health|out-of-shape]], [[Ruckersville, VA|white-trash]] dumbasses who believe themselves to be outcasts of society, it is easy to understand why becoming a Juggalo would appeal to Chris.

==YouTube background music==
Towards the fall of 2009, Chris began to include popular songs as background music in a number of his [[YouTube]] videos. Some videos, such as [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], featured [[Wikipedia:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]] in the background, possibly in a sad attempt to appear intimidating and hardcore. For [[30 Push-Ups|videos]] showing off his [[I AM STRONG|athletic prowess]], Chris favored "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" by Survivor. In light of Chris's virulent hatred of [[homos]], this is a somewhat ironic choice, given the extraordinarily homoerotic overtones of both the training sequences in ''Rocky III'' and Survivor's own music video for the song. For [[For Kacey from CWC|videos]] intended to express his heartfelt love for [[Kacey]], Chris employed REO Speedwagon's power ballad "Can't Fight This Feeling."

==Singing==

{{Quote|...and when singing I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor.|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls#Introduction|being sadly mistaken]].}}

[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|"You've seen life through distorted eyes,
 You know you had to learn,
 The execution of your mind,
 You really had to turn"]]

It is impossible to overstate how terrible of a singer Chris is. It's also impossible to overstate [[Chris and reality|how deluded Chris is]] about his ability to sing. He's so deluded, in fact, when trying to confront [[Liquid]] via artistic competition, he created the [[SingStar Challenge]], and lost spectacularly.

Despite claiming to have a "deep bass voice", Chris's voice is unusually high-pitched, and often louder than appropriate. He also tends to speak in an [[Autism|odd, emotionless monotone]]. These issues with his voice become even more obvious when he tries to sing. In both his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums, he doesn't actually "sing" so much as desperately yell over the track in an attempt to drown out the actual words of the song (as he never bothers to look up karaoke/instrumental only versions of anything he sings). This is painfully obvious when he attempts to sing [[Sonichu's Zip]], a song that uses "Sonic Drive," the ''Japanese'' theme song of the anime ''[[Sonic]] X'', where the entire song devolves into screaming gibberish. When he does try to actually vary his voice away from the standard monotone, it becomes very obvious that Chris is almost completely tone-deaf. His [[Speech Impediment|voice goes up and down]] with little regard to the background music, or even the original artist he's shouting over. He barely manages to carry a tune on [[I Got A Fish]], though. If Chris could sing at all, his voice type would be at best a [[wikipedia:Tenor#Tenor_buffo_or_Spieltenor|spieltenor]] (used for comical roles) pushing towards [[wikipedia:countertenor|countertenor]], and completely outside the bass range that he deludes himself into thinking he has.

Chris also has a lot of trouble with timing. While the songs he's written usually do a pretty good job matching the originals, Chris often falls behind or rushes ahead of the music he's chosen. This could probably be avoided if he took the time to practice, but practice would be work, and work is something Chris just doesn't do. Because of this, he's terrible at remembering the actual words to the song he's singing. The only part he tends to know is the chorus of the song, likely because the repetition makes it the only part of the song he pays attention to. This doesn't stop him from attempting to make up his own lyrics, although most of the time this just him mumbling incoherent nonsense before pausing to wait for the chorus to repeat. The look of dull panic on his face is priceless.

===A capella===
In the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris will occasionally break out into ''a capella'' renditions of what we can only assume is supposed to be Sonichu's theme music. These bizarre freestyle musical interludes drive home exactly how childish Chris is. There's something uniquely terrifying about a 28 year old man (who looks like he's 45) showing us his Sonic/Pokémon crossover and shouting "dun dun dun." Chris also occasionally does this in his normal videos. He also performed a poor rendition of "The Final Countdown" while showing us that he can still [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|pick up a chair]].

Despite his frequent use of this vocal technique, Chris clearly doesn't understand the full meaning of the word. During the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], a frequent source of [[rage]] from Chris was the "music" in the background of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s video. However, since the music was simple beatboxing, it would be considered ''a capella'' by most.

===Rap===
With the success of artists like [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] and [[Wikipedia:Jedi Mind Tricks|Jedi Mind Tricks]], plus the odd continued existence of [[Wikipedia:Nerdcore|nerdcore]], white guys rapping on [[YouTube]] is not unheard of. [[CChanSonichuCWC|Some of these individuals]] demonstrate impressive [[SHE IS MINE NOW#MC CWC responds|talent]] in their ability to flow on a beat. Christian is not among them.

Of course, his most notable foray into rap is his entry for the PaRappa Contest. While his motivations and the drama it caused are covered extensively in that article, the video itself is characterized by a complete lack of rhythm or flow. The result sounds sort of like a Muppet slurring his words together and randomly shouting.

Before he starts the song in earnest, Chris does a little bit of freestyling in the beginning. Needless to say, it's not promising:

{{Quote|I have a [[PSP]] and she don't/So give me the PSP, unwrap the wrapper/So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!|Chris, almost rhyming.}}

This was nothing compared to a [[Re to Chris No 2 - SHE IS MINE NOW#Video|later foray]] into the genre. Playing Aerosmith in the background instead of a breakbeat, Chris basically just shouts a lot of random short sentences with no regard as to how they flow, or if they even rhyme at all.

{{Quote|You just a dang dummy!/And you still chicken, you's a dang coward!/You wanna come fight me/Come fight me in person/Come out from behind the camera you fool|Chris, "rapping"}}

In [[December 2009]], Chris would [[Hello, Juffalo|rap once again]] to Insane Clown Posse side project [[Wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]]. As usual, he made no attempt to learn the lyrics and appears to be reading them off a piece of paper with inappropriate effect. During a portion of the video he mumbles to himself, rocking back and forth and fondling his ample breasts not once, but twice. He also refers to himself as a [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo ''Juffalo''], a term apparently used by Insane Clown Posse aficionados to describe the noncommittal poseurs who aren't good enough to fully appreciate the world of clown-related rap.

Two days prior to this he made another [[IPods Down and Listen Up|awful freestyle rap]]. The point of this is unclear, although he apparently visited a doctor, who suggested that he take over-the-counter vitamins. He likens the effects of these vitamins to Viagra, and then compares himself to a tiger who would rape a panther to produce tiger-panther cubs.

==Instruments==

[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|thumb|**clickclickclick**. It's like I'm playing real guitar, y'all!]]

[[Image:295.jpg|thumb|The [only] other musical instrument Chris is good at.]]

{{quote|I would play my ax on the Wii; getting the high scores, scored better, real play for my benefit.|[[Blanca]], acting as a proxy for Chris to espouse his flawed beliefs on music}}

Chris seems to have a very tenuous grasp on what constitutes a musical instrument. Notably, in several videos, Chris tends to treat his [[Gitar of Fail]] like it's a real instrument. This seems outright foolish, even for Chris, until you consider his mindset. All of Chris's [[Sonichu|"creations"]] are copies of other things, yet are still [[Chris and Copyright|somehow completely original.]] So by "playing" someone else's song on ''Guitar Hero'', his autistic mindset dictates that he is actually playing the song. Go ahead and try to wrap your head around this doublethink.

As further proof of his madness, Chris equated Liquid's actual musical skill to him playing ''Guitar Hero'', to such a degree that he felt it necessary to outlaw both in the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{quote|I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old Wooden Nickel; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.|Chris, [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|blowing the minds of guitarists of all talent levels]]}}

{{quote|-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Rock Revolution, etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO.|Chris, inspiring the hatred of people who like music everywhere}}

It is also telling that not only does Chris lack any sense of pitch in singing, but with melodies in general. This is evidenced in the [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|Wedding Anniversary Special]], where he claims to be playing the original theme to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], but ends up with some wildly unrecognizable tune that only vaguely resembles the Sonic theme rhythmically. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chris is actually tone-deaf, instead of simply lacking in vocal skills. This may be a symptom of autism, as subtleties in tone and intonation indicating emotional and social cues are beyond his grasp.

==Recording tech==
Chris's idea of accompaniment is putting the original song playing on the background using his [[PS3]] and the near-$1,000 [[Sony]] LCD HDTV, and the most expensive speakers his [[monthly tugboat|boat]] could tug in, while he sings with his [[Speech impediment|unique voice]]. The singing, of course, is dutifully recorded with the long-suffering [[PSEye]] camera. The implications are staggering:

* There's always a huge quality loss when music is played on speaker and then re-recorded from a distance, because the acoustics of the room distort the sound and the air itself blocks low and high frequencies, leaving you with only a distorted fraction of the original sound. Chris, of course, believes that everything he does is perfect on the first try and never has to be redone, just like his art.

* The original lyrics are still on the song. At least on one occasion, Chris even screwed up harder than this, and got a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from ''Family Guy'', clobbered by dialogue and other sounds.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]</ref> While lyrics often can't always be removed from a mixed song entirely, it's at least worth a shot trying lyrics removal software. Or, it might pay to look for an instrumental version or an instrumental cover.

* When you have one go and one microphone to record everything, there's no way to correct the errors if you flub anything. The result is obviously perfect... who are we kidding?

Chris is, of course, unaware of the incredible leaps and bounds that music recording has advanced in recent years, and hasn't noticed that there are plenty of good multitrack sound editors available for free. Many come with lyrics removal plugins.

Chris also demands this sort of weird screwy setup from ''others''; one might assume, for example, that the Brown-Striped One, with actual musical talent, would have more technical know-how on how to record music properly, but the SingStar Challenge was done on Chris's strange terms.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)]]
*[[Gitar of Fail]]
*''[[Guitar Hero]]''
*[[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?j3wnmyzctwn A list of Chris's MyCokeRewards Rhapsody purchases] (Note that those within "index[[Clyde Cash|GREGG]]bought.html" were, obviously, purchased by trolls who had hijacked the account.)

{{Chris and}}