CWCki - User contributions [en]

The Adventures of The American Rabbit

2010-08-03T02:15:10Z

Zephed:

{{quote|"welp after seeing this all the way through i can certainly understand how a [[Christian_Weston_Chandler|kid who loved this film in the late 80's]] would grow up to make a [[Sonichu_(comic)|webcomic]] featuring a [[Sonichu|cross between pikachu and sonic]] that goes nowhere.|[[YouTube]] commenter shawtgunjones, upon watching this film.}}

[[Image:Amerrabb.jpg|thumb|The American Rabbit]]

'''''The Adventures of The American Rabbit''''' is an insipid [[1980s|1986]] animated movie directed by [[Wikipedia:Fred Wolf|Fred Wolf]] (of ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ('86)'' fame) about Robert Rabbit, a bunny who is transformed into a superhero to defend his friends, family and land from pollution and the Mafia. All whilst parading around in quite possibly the most [[autistic|retarded]] costume in superhero history: a rabbit painted in the stars and stripes and wearing roller skates (even though he can fly).

''The American Rabbit'' actually set the standards for Chris's perception of many things, including himself, [[America]], storytelling, race (something that will become quickly apparent to any viewer of the film in question), honesty and respect for oneself and others (which, as in the movie, are given much talk for no reason whatsoever). His claims for being truthful, honest, and decent are almost certainly informed by the shallow cartoon's glossing over of the issues in a ham-handed, incomplete, moralizing fashion. Even the famous cover for [[Sonichu 0]] is plagiarized partially, in an eerie subconscious fashion from a scene early in the film where the gay little rabbit goes out from his home village, encouraged by his father.

The American Rabbit is also Chris's role model in life, on the level of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]. In Chris's [[Wikipedia]] entry, he stated "they REALLY SHOULD HAVE MADE A [[TV]] SERIES of him."

Along with Filmation's ''[[Ghostbusters]]'', ''The American Rabbit'' is another example that Chris's childhood was fed by obscure cartoons that no one's ever heard of. That or his parents regularly raided bargain bins for videos to keep young Christian amused.

==Influence==

''The American Rabbit'' may have had a tremendous influence on Chris's narrative style, as the film has numerous plot holes, a generic moral message, moments that make you go "Huh?" (ex. when the antagonist weasels take over the world by kidnapping two moose who are somehow responsible for the entire chocolate supply), and the use of anthropomorphic animals as heroes. In other words, your typical [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic]].

==Possible influences on the ''Sonichu'' comic==

===Anchuent Powers/Legacy===

In the story, Rob Rabbit is visited at birth by a wizened old rabbit, who keeps tabs on him throughout his life until his latent powers are revealed when he saves his family. He then appears in a wizard's robe and tells Robert that he has inherited the Legacy of the American Rabbit. This is very similar to Chris's [[Anchuent Prophecy]], where he is the chosen one who gets superpowers, for no particular reason.

===Shallow love interests===

As soon as Rob meets the [[Rosechu|pink]] Bunny O'Hare, it becomes very obvious that the two are attracted to each other. Granted, unlike the Sonichu comic, American Rabbit actually remembers that it's supposed to be for kids so there's never anything more than a peck on the cheek, but this could easily have set the standard for Chris's idea of love at first sight.

===Worthless side characters that all look alike===

To be fair, he could have just as easily gotten this from the [[Sonic]] series, but it's just as apparent in American Rabbit as well. The band Rob travels with is called the White Brothers Band, a group made out of five white rabbits that literally look and sound alike. They get mentioned by name once, which could mean that Chris at least treats the Chaotic Combo a bit better than them.

===Worthless side characters in general===

Supposedly, besides attempting to make money to rebuild a bar, the characters traveling with Rob believe that they have a 'duty to fight against evil', but out of all of them, only Ping, the Garfield-voiced Gorilla, actually does anything against the Jackal antagonists. In fact, he's probably more effective than Rob is, American Rabbit or not. This is mirrored in Sonichu, where everyone besides Magi-Chan is completely expendable, unless they are just waiting off to the side to dramatically leap in to save their friends, a la [[Darkbind Sonichu]].

===You know what, all the protagonists are worthless===

With all his superpowers, Rob punches out all of two of the Jackals during the whole movie. Every other time he uses his powers is to save himself and his dipshit friends from another trap the Jackals have sprung on them. At one point, Rob is reduced to a blubbering mess, and has to be given a pep talk by the same wizard who was watching over him as a child before he can finally save the day once and for all. This worthlessness can be seen in both Sonichu AND Chris, especially during the earlier comics where Chris was always getting saved by [[Sailor Megtune]].

===A villain in a staff===

Or at least, a villain ON a staff. The main antagonist of the movie, Vultor, is portrayed as a man entirely concealed in a gangster suit and hat, with a staff that doubles as a perch for his pet vulture. It's later revealed that the gangster suit and hat were filled with nothing but air, and that the vulture IS Vultor, and has been controlling the suit in a way that is never addressed by the movie. While [[Count Graduon]] isn't controlling [[Mary Lee Walsh]], he certainly calls the shots.

===Plot holes and loose ends===

In fact, lots of things aren't addressed by the movie. The whole reason Rob and his band start to travel America is to raise money to rebuild a bar, but all the venues they plan to play at get destroyed, they lose their car, and even their instruments. At the very end of the movie they can't even afford to rent new ones, but this point is never addressed since the fact that Vultor has been defeated automatically means it's a happy ending. Not to mention the utterly retarded 'chocolate moose' plot (basically, the villains take over the entire chocolate industry by stealing two chocolate-producing moose that presumably are the sole sources of the world's chocolate). Since American Rabbit is just a single hour and a half movie made for children, it at least has an excuse, whereas Chris will either forget about plot points in Sonichu until he's reminded in the Mailbag, or have the story in his head all along and expect everyone else to magically understand it, and get angry when they inevitably don't.

==See also==
*''[[Bugs Bunny]]''

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:The_Adventures_of_the_American_Rabbit|Wikipedia article]]
*[http://www.filmfreakcentral.net/dvdreviews/americanrabbit.htm Review by Alex Jackson]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Adventures of The American Rabbit}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Sonichu 11

2010-06-15T20:36:53Z

Zephed:

{{Unfinished}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = [[Image:Issue 11 Cover.jpg|150px]]
| coverdate = 13 August 2009
| finishedcomic = ''incomplete''
| pagecount = 12 (so far)
| Episodes = 22
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|Sonichu #12]]
}}
'''''Sonichu 11''''' is the 12th comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the 10th anniversary issue. (TEN YEARS WITHOUT A CEASE AND DESIST LETTER FROM NINTENDO AND SEGA!) However, since the 10th anniversary of Sonichu's creation came and went on March 17, 2010 and this issue remains incomplete, this is now another thing Chris has [[fail|failed]] at.

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while issue 10 was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]. Christmas 2009 came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with 8 pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future.

[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also: child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
==A Sonichu Christmas==
In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a Sonichu Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of Christmas Story, at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0]].

The comic opens to show the Sonichu family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9]] with a half-assed Photoshopping of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cera, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

Christine notably plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'', marking the second time Chris has stolen a ''Family Guy'' joke since [[Sonichu 8]], only this time instead of screwing up the context of the joke he manages to make the already off-color gag (that suggested Jesus' mother wasn't a virgin) more offensive, as it is being uttered by a child who intends to say it at her school play, likely leading to loud gasps, boos, and an expulsion. The scene takes focus on Sonichu and Robbie hanging stockings, Robbie proceeds to butcher a quote from a Holiday classic and they than have a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes inducing speech about his kids.

Meanwhile Rosechu and Cera make an abnormally small amount of cookies, so that each child is apparently allotted one cookie in an individual plastic bag. Cera makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a Jewish kid in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie is vanilla flavored, in case the Jewish kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cera do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cera says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall. Chris really wants more people to love him unconditionally for being special. Robbie and Cera, speaking in complete sentences despite being toddlers, notice that it has snowed, with two feet expected to fall. Sonichu and Rosechu have a long conversation about purchasing groceries for "a few days."

While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites [[Wikipedia:Magnificat|Luke 1:45 - 55]] (which Chris types as Luke 14.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. Incidentally, this Bible verse mentions how GodJesus will reward the humble and [[Chris and his Ego|punish the proud and the mighty]]. While this verse is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal. Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries. His trip to the supermarket was uneventful and uninteresting.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details CWCville school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot [[tobacky|"coca"]] and a warm [[Axe|shower]]. Rosechu subsequently nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of frozen precipitate, Sonichu decides to demonstrate his unholy powers to his children. "Imitating Santa", Sonichu crouches in the chimney, touches his nose, and with a cry of [[Mary Poppins|"Chim Chim Cheroo"]] flies up the flue.

He rises up out of the chimney looking like a [[niggos|ninja]] because of the soot, and then shakes it off. He then bizarrely uses his gift of sonic speed...
 ...to spend five minutes 'shoveling' the driveway while in his sonic mode, because using an actual shovel is too much [[Monthly tugboat|work]]; never mind that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and cause a [[Chris and death|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he then heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]] making a sound as if he's [[Mass debating|pleasing himself]] while Rosechu looks on holding a hideous novelty Christmas towel as she blesses him.

==The 24 April episodes==
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop uploaded two new episodes from Sonichu 11 to the CWCipedia. These stories picked up where Sonichu 10 left off with a similar dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville Mal-Wart, [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver, [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage, [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner, [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow, [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce, and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show the world his "seven-inch lightning rod."

Despite a surprisingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris overwrote them a short while later, claiming in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of another artist.

However during The Great Rampage 2.0 (where CWCipedia was hacked for the 2nd time), the pages were restored. But the next day, the pages were deleted again when the CWCipedia died for the final time.

The pages are currently available on the newly revived CWCipedia, courtesy of Mao.

==External links==
* [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_11/Page_1 Sonichu #11]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?duyz0z2gyd2 Sysop's not TRUE and HONEST version of pages 13-38]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Talk:Chris and Spanish

2010-05-18T21:34:15Z

Zephed:

==Renaming==
*I see what you did there, Eamoo, and its great. i was thinking, wouldnt you want to rename the "Works in which CWC uses Spanish" for somethin else?, cuz of the mumble and okcupid--[[User:Rosechupenis|Rosechupenis]] 04:34, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Coincidentally, I had thought to make a Spanish page just earlier today. I didn't envision it so much as a list as an actual article, but that's still kinda spooky. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 16:22, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
*I have though about adding a section in chris and race for chris and other languages, but maybe could i put here?[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 17:15, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
*The only other language Chris is even aware of as far as we know is Spanish. Put it here I suppose. Put a bit in Chris and Race too though. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:21, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
**though chris "uses" (and that's being generous) japanese in random random intervals, such as the -chan and -san and the shin all of which he knows nothing about what their meanings or uses are.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 17:24, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

==Merge==
We already have [[Ricardo Weston Chandler]] for this purpose. I suggest we merge the two pages. Perhaps it is more intuitive to make the page name "Spanish." Thoughts?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:26, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
*it would be a good idea since there isn't much we can work this out of.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 17:32, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
*I think we should make the pages more distinct from eachother. Make this page about Christian's abuse of the Spanish language and make the RWC page focus on the name itself. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:42, 18 May 2010 (UTC)
**I think that adding a section outlining Chris's abuse of the language will help the article, but it will remain a stub article. And the RWC article can't be elaborated on much more that it already is. I feel merging the articles will help them in this respect. [[User:Zephed|Zephed]] 21:34, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Captain's Log

2010-05-16T19:34:09Z

Zephed: Fixed the link to Michael Snyder

[[File:CWCtrek1.png|center|450px]]

[[Image:Captain's_Log.jpg|thumb|To boldly fail like no man has failed before.]]
[[Image:Captainpicard.jpg|thumb|Captain Picard's reaction to Chris's use of the phrase.]]

"'''Captain's Log'''" is [[Chris]]'s usual opening to a video blog, first appearing in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|24 September 2008 video]]. It comes from popular sci-fi franchise ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek|Star Trek]]''. In a typical episode, the captain, commander or other senior crew member would make an entry to log what has happened in the situation prior to the beginning of the episode. Most ''Star Trek'' Captain's Log entries are noticeably void of [[Chris and anger|Tard Rage]].

Sometimes, Chris gives an incorrect date (the date is technically always incorrect since he says "Stardate" and gives a Gregorian Calendar date), or fails to provide a date at all. An example of Chris giving an incorrect date would be many of the entries made in [[July 2009]]. The [[CWCki]] has organized the Captain's Log entries by the date they were uploaded.

One would easily assume Chris to be a Trekkie, due to his liberal usage of the phrase, but according to him, the use of the phrase isn't a reference to the franchise,<ref>http://cogsdev.org/cwcki/Mailbag_3</ref><ref>http://cogsdev.org/cwcki/Mailbag_14</ref> and he's never even seen anything of Star Trek (where he picked it up then is a mystery. He most likely heard it on ''[[Family Guy]]'', ''[[Futurama]]'' or ''[[The Simpsons]]''). Rather, it's a neutral way of opening up his videos, which he contrasts with "Dear, Diary", because a specific phrase from a television and film franchise is what constitutes neutrality to him, apparently. In reality, his use of the phrase is just another example of his [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarism]] as he was unable to think of his own fucking intro for his videos.

He may have encountered the phrase from the ''Star Trek'' game he purchased as a result of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]] competition, but knowing his gaming habits, he probably never played it.

Due to [[stress]] and laziness related to [[Bob Chandler]]'s sudden hospitalization caused by congestive heart failure (or the death of his [[PSEye]]), Chris now releases his Captain's Logs on [[Twitter]] since 1 [[March 2010]].

==Characteristics==

Generally, a Captain's Log video is one in which Chris addresses his fanbase, a sort of video blog where he asks his [[True and Loyal fanbase]] to be his personal army or to express his hatred about some [[troll]].

This is in contrast to other styles of Chris videos, such as those where he addresses a specific individual (often expecting people to know he's posted a video about them, such as [[Michael Snyder]] of [[The GAMe PLACe]]) or his [[Chris and music|music videos]].

Occasionally a video is [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|dead serious]], and therefore not worthy of a being named a Captain's Log.

==Captain's ''Blog''==
In [[November 2009]], Chris began [[Cwc_blog|maintaining an irregular text blog]] on [[CWCipedia]], featuring updates on the progress of his comic and his quest to turn [[Sonichu]] into the heart of a multimedia empire. He also dubbed this a "Captain's Log" and marked the successive entries with "Stardates". It can be found halfway down the right column of the site's front page (and also at [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Template:Captain%27s_Log Template:Captain's Log], and he has (so far) maintained [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/CWC_Blog an archive] of his updates.

==Remixes==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name=Star date
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dDZ6ZDp3sYw}}
| Stardate = 7 March 2009
| Maker = RosechusPickle
| Subject = Captain's Log
| Video Type = Complilation
}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries|Captain's Log]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6

2010-02-22T00:46:28Z

Zephed: Drafted Summary and Alec's Demands section

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6''' is the sixth of the calls between Chris and Alec Benson Leary, which took place on 04 February 2010. As Alec notes several times, Chris is far too agreeable to Alec's conditions, and at times simply doesn't seem to be listening.

The end result the demands is the [[I am Alive|C-log of 5 February 2010]], in which Chris half-asses his way through most of Alec's requests.

As a result, the Cwckipedia is shut down from February 6th to February 12th. When it is brought back up, the Asperchu ads were made worse, just as Alec promised.

==Summary==

Alec spends much of the phone call dictating his list of demands to Chris and asking Chris to recite this list multiple times. Alec repeated tells Chris that if Chris meets all of his demands, the ads for the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia]] will be removed from the [[Cwcipedia]], bu if his list of demands are not met in full, his ads will get worse. All the while, Chris tries to rush the phone conversation, clearly not taking this shit seriously enough. Alec brushes upon the topic of the word [[naive]] and Chris shows yet again that he doesn't understand the meaning of the word. [[fail|He also believes that the phrase "well call me naive" is an invitation to call someone naive]]. Alec explains that it is a turn of phrase not to be taken into consideration. He gives Chris a hypothetical situation when someone says "just shoot me" and asks what Chris would do. [[Sonichu Special 4|Chris actually considers shooting someone in this case]]

Chris's ignorance is in fill swing here. Chris feels that attracting fans from another fandom is considered stealing, as if fans spontaneously generate out of nothing and the ones he has are his property and no one elses. Chris also stil has no idea how ad space works. Alec spends a great deal of time explaining to Chris how Sonichu characters are in violation of various [[Chris and copyright|copyrights]] and that if Chris tries to publish Sonichu, he will be sued by Nintendo, Hasbro, Sega, ect. He proposes to Chris that he must reboot Sonichu without all the [[Transformers]], all the [[Pokemon]], [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]], and the other shit Chris stole. Chris says he will [[lie|take it into consideration]], but clearly will not as he seems adverse to the idea of rebooting Sonichu. Judging from Chris's history of [[White knight e-mails|rejecting good advise]], Chris will continue Sonichu in all it's copyright infringing glory.

==Alec's Demands==

Alec's demands for Chris were as follows:

#Admit that Alec has greater Fanbase.
#Admit that he asked Evan permission to use Simonla.
#Admit that Simonla was never Chris’s creation.
#Admit that he attempted to edit the Cwcipedia article to say that Simonla was his creation.
#Acknowledge that Evan took away rights for Chris to use Simonla and that Chris has been ignoring this
#Apologize for using the word naive about Alec.
#Apologize for cursing Mao and give a Forgiveness Blessing to him.
#Apologize for stealing the false Chaotic Combo and Asperchu from Alec.
#Make the apologies in a comic page.
#Apologize for impersonating his mother off camera (not in a video).
#Admit that Chris has been trolling Alec.
#Apologize for insinuating that Alec keeps female prisoners in his basement and rapes them.
#Admit that he doesn’t have a good excuse to not upload pages everyday.
#Apologize for disrespecting his fans.
#Violently kill Simonla in the comic.
#Wear Sonichu medallion and high school ring while filming the video.
#Admit Sonichu is a doomed franchise.
#Not look insincere.

Chris tried to weaseled his way out of meeting all of Alec's requests. He gave Mao a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing, killed off Simonla off-screen after Alec specifically asked for her to be killed on-screen, and admitted to not having an excuse for updating '''some days''', but that life gets in the way, even though Chris clearly doesn't have a life. He completely refused to mention that he had been troll to Alec and that Sonichu is a doomed franchise. Chris gave the most resistance to these ideas in the phone conversation. Chris also showed no sincerity and tried to rush though the video. Needless to say, Alec was far from pleased with Chris.

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
| image = {{#ev:youtube|PBPdXXFnvzU}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 04 February 2010
| Maker = [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Fanartn.PNG‎]] Fan Art
| Performance Style = {{reason}} Reason
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| Other = {{Leaked}} Leaked
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5]]
| next = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
}} </center>

===Transcript===

'''Alec''': ''[cut off]''--s it's, uh, it's Alec.

'''Chris''': Yes, hello, Alec.

'''Alec''': Hi. Um. Uh, I was uh, wondering if you'd like to...continue our discussion about, um, about getting all the ads down?

'''Chris''': Ohhhh-kay.

'''Alec''': Um, well first I wanna let you know that um, just to make it clear, if you--if you make another video that, um, includes all the requirements that I'm going to list for you, I will, uh, remove all of my ads completely. From the CWCipedia. If you, if you follow my instructions. That sound good?

'''Chris''': Yeah okay, hang on lemme get something to write on and something to write with.

'''Alec''': Alright.

'''Chris''': Okay, I'm listening.

'''Alec''': Alright. Um, first of all, like I said in our last call, I'd like you to admit that I do have a very sizeable fanbase. Uh, because I think you believe that I don't have any real fans. I'd like you to admit that I do. I have quite a lot of fans. A lot of them are former Sonichu fans.

'''Chris''': Okay, well, yeah...admit that. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um, well, in your apology video I asked you to address not only Simonchu, but Simonla. And you didn't. And I'd like you to bring up that you actually did ask Evan permission to use Simonla when you first began using her, uh, which shows that you understood from the beginning that Simonla was not yours and you were borrowing her from--or, or him, rather, Simonchu--from the original creator. And I'd like you to admit that Simonla was never yours.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': I see. Hm.

'''Alec''': Will you do that, Chris?

'''Chris''': I'm writing it down, hang on.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Ummm...I'd like you to admit that you...attempted to edit the CWCipedia article about Simonla to say that she was your original creation. Well, wasn't a nice thing to do to your fans.

'''Chris''': Right. Anyway, uh, got that written down. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Um...I want you to acknowledge that even though Evan gave you permission to use Simonla, he later took it away. And he took it away quite a long time ago. And I'd like you to admit that you have been ignoring and disrespecting his requests to remove his character from your comic.

'''Chris''': Alright I'm writing it down. Hm. Huh...permission to ''[mutters]''...

'''Alec''': You know, it sounds like, um, you're actually pretty agreeable about this, and I'm glad about that.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I'm writing it down here. Um...yeah.

'''Alec''': Well yeah you're writing it down. So you're, you're going to do those things so far?

'''Chris''': Yeah. ''[very quickly, as if trying to sneak this past Alec]'' Well anyway--anyway it's still debatable. Anyway. What's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[nobody's fool but his own]'' Nooo, it's not debatable. Chris, all these conditions I'm listing, you have to do these, or my ads go nowhere.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Anyway. Uh, okay, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': Does that matter to you, Chris? You said that's debatable and I'm saying it's not. Don't you...wanna acknowledge that?

'''Chris''': Acknowledged, anyway, uh, what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': ''[sigh]'' Alright. Um, I asked you to apologize for the word naive. I want you to do that. Specifically say that you used the word naive because you intended to hurt and insult me, and you know that I am not naive.

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': Alright. Yeah. Okay what's the next thing?

'''Alec''': I want you to apologize for cursing Mao. And um, actually I'd like you to issue him--give him a forgive-a-ness blessing. To--to retract that curse-ye-ha-me-ha.

'''Chris''': Hm. Mm...okay, uh, anything--anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I want you to apologize for stealing from me.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': You know, the um...the false Chaotic Combo I created, you stole them, and you stole Asper...chu and tried to change them around.

'''Chris''': Uhh...

[pause]

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Um, can we talk about S--can we talk about Simonla a bit? Because I wanna know why you say it's debatable.

'''Chris''': Hm. Lemme think about that a moment...mm...okay, I guess that was a...premature thing to say, so I re--I respectfully withdraw it. So, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, so you...so you are going to say that Simonla is not y--you're going to say exactly what I asked you to say about Simonla? You're going to...?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': Okay. Um, the next thing is...these are the things that I wanted you to make in a video. But I also want you to, um, in your comic, just take a page or whatever, you know, take a little side break from the main story, and use the page to explain, uh, everything that I just said as well. And I would like you to, in that comic page, apologize to me, and to Mao, and to Evan, for all the things that I just listed.

'''Chris''': Uh-huh.

'''Alec''': Are you gonna do that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': 'Cause uh, I asked you...I just wanna make sure you're going to do these Chris, 'cause I asked you to do these things last time that we talked about it, I mean the last time before you, you know, hung up on me, and um, you said you were writing it down but then you forgot like half the things that I asked you to do.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Alright so, is that it, is there anything else?

'''Alec''': Um, I guess you don't have to put it in the video, this next part, but I'd like you to apologize for pretending to be your mother in the last phone call. And uh, pretending that she was calling you away from the phone call.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Alec''': And the reason I'd like you to apologize for that is because I, um, really don't benefit a whole lot from calling you about these matters, I was calling you because I wanted to give you a quick and easy way to settle this whole ad business and to settle the fight between us, and rather than take the opportunity to listen to what I said, you pretended to be your mother, and, you know, pretended that your mother was calling you away to do an errand and you had to leave the phone call. So instead of handling the problem right then and there, and if you had done so, then, you know, the ads could have been gone by now, but instead you ''[Chris 'hm's]'' ran away from me. It shows you don't respect me.

'''Chris''': Right. Yeah. So, alright. Wrote that down. Anything else?

'''Alec''': Well, I'd like--I'd like you to admit that right now, Chris. That you lied about that.

'''Chris''': Okay, why don't--

'''Alec''': And since you--

'''Chris''': I admit that--I admit that I pretended to be my mother, to end the call early last time.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you did that, Chris?

'''Chris''': Because I felt it was going on and on, and I was--

'''Alec''': We were--

'''Chris''': --[[Stress|tired]]...

'''Alec''': We were barely on the phone for five minutes when you did that. And this is, like I said, this is a serious matter, and it's your problem that I'm trying to help you with. I was being gracious enough to call you, to, you know, give you a way to settle it. And you still--you ran away from me. Real men don't run away from their problems, Chris. When I--I talked to you, I talked to you on an even footing, man to man. I don't lie or deceive you. And I don't run away, even though you are a troll to me. Because, you know, obviously I've been calling you. To talk to you. Instead of hiding from you.

'''Chris''': Okay.

'''Alec''': Um...that's another thing I want you to put in the video. I want you to admit that you are a troll. And that you have been trolling me ever since I--ever since my comic started. And use that word specifically. Say, "I, Christian Weston Chandler, am a troll."

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.

'''Alec''': Can you, um, read back, uh, to me the list that you've made since we started this call, please?

'''Chris''': Okay. Admit that Alec has sizable fanbase, address the--I had permission for Simonchu but then it was withdrawn, and I did not admit to--uh, an a, admit--admit--admit Simonla was not mine, admit ''(?)'' anything to my Simonla article, yeah Evan gave permission, but withdrew it, gone against his wishes, no Simonla, apologize to Alec for calling him naive, apologize to Mao forgiveness blessing, apologize for stealing Asperchu and parodic characters, and ''(?)'' comic page explaining all of that with more apologies, and I just apologized to you for pretending to be my mother to end the call early, and admit trolling you.

'''Alec''': Okay, good. That's good so far. Um, I'd also like you to apologize for insinuating that I keep female prisoners in my basement and use them as a...unwilling harem and rape them. Because I don't do anything of the sort.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': That's just creepy. I don't...I don't know where you got that idea.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I can kinda see some of the other complaints that you had were based on, you know, like direct misunderstanding of things, but--but that, you know, me raping female prisoner things...that just--that c--that came outta left field. Where'd you get that idea?

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' Yeah okay well, okay. Well actually...no. Ah...I never said--I never used the word 'rape', you just had them in prisom ''[sic]'' and you treated them like hamsters. You did not rape them.

'''Alec''': ''[talking over Chris, who says something unclear]'' What do you mean, 'treated them like hamsters'?

'''Chris''': You know, just keep them in cages, giant hamster wheels, giant water bottles, nn...and food pellets.

'''Alec''': 'Kay, um, even if you didn't use the word 'rape', what do you think people--what do you think the impression is people are going to get when you suggest that someone keeps female prisoners in their basement? They're going to think that um, said prisoners are being raped by their captor. And I mean, that seems like a pretty obvious insinuation. Even if you don't use the word directly.

'''Chris''': Okay. Ahh...alright anything else after that?

'''Alec''': ''[inhales]'' Umm...I am still trying to think. Um...y-you know, I apologize for seeming like I'm beating a dead horse, but I...I am a little suspicious that you seem so agreeable, because in all our previous correspondences you've been um, you know, insulting, rude, or...manipulative. Or a combination thereof. But now it seems like, you know, you're--you're just rearin' to go with this. ... Are you sure you're just not trying to--?

'''Chris''': ''(??)''

'''Alec''': --finish the phone call with me quickly? 'Cause,

'''Chris''': Well, I'm not trying to--

'''Alec''': Because--

'''Chris''': --[[Sonichu (comic)|finish anything]].

'''Alec''': Okay.

'''Chris''': I mean, [[Lie|I'm not trying to finish this phone call]], I want to put this to rest.

'''Alec''': Okay, well, good. 'Cause like I said, you do all these things perfectly, as I say, um--

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': --then my ads will go away. Um, but if--but if you make a video and you're missing anything, or if you deliberately contradict something, um, or if I feel like you are trying to pull a fast one on me and weasel out of something, then the ads are going to get worse. Because at this point I do have to assume that anything that goes wrong is a deliberate, um...evil intent on your part.

'''Chris''': I see.

'''Alec''': Do you--? I mean, that's a...fair assumption for me to make, don't you think? Considering how much you've--

'''Chris''': ''[talking over him]'' You have, you have, you have right--you have the right to make that assumption.

'''Alec''': Mmkay. Kay, well good. Excuse me just a second.

'''Chris''': Kay.

''[pause, a [[stress sigh]] is heard]''

'''Alec''': Sorry about that, I'm back. Um...

'''Chris''': Right.

'''Alec''': Can I ask you why you think the word 'naive' is so...horrible?

''[small pause]''

'''Chris''': Not only does the word sound like nails on--nails on a chalkboard when one says it, but also, it questions one's intelligence and experience. In life.

'''Alec''': I--I think it actually only questions experience, it's not about intelligence.

'''Chris''': ''[interrupting]'' Yeah but, yeah but--experience versus knowledge...still implied, the knowledge part.

'''Alec''': Well no, knowledge is different from intelligence.

'''Chris''': Yeah but also similarly it can sound like, you know, callin' somebody stupid. Or worse than that.

'''Alec''': Well, you know, no pun intended here, but if you...if you believe that then I think you kind of are naive. I mean, because the--that you--you don't have a, you know, an understanding of the word.

'''Chris''': I looked it up in a disshonary ''[sic]''. I have a understanding of the word.

'''Alec''': I--I don't know what dictionary you looked up that suggested it's a direct question of one's intelligence. ... I mean, lemme look it up on uh, an online dictionary here. Um...let's see..."lacking experience or judgments", it's really not about intelligence. And um, I am still kinda bothered that, you know, you think it's such a horrible insult that you wanted to use it on me.

'''Chris''': Hm. Okay well, in--

'''Alec''': And you--and you had happily--

'''Chris''': Okay well still in my defense though, [[Autism|you did tell me to--you did say, "well, call me naive" during that particular conversation]].

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Um, you know that's just a turn of phrase, right? I wasn't actually asking you to call me naive.

'''Chris''': ''[watch as Alec's words bounce off Chris, like throwing ping-pong balls at a whale...]'' Mmkay. Well, you gave me the opportunity, so that's my defense right there.

'''Alec''': You should--

'''Chris''': ''(?)'' --agree on that.

'''Alec''': You should exercise some personal responsibility though, because, you know, you think 'naive' is such a horrible thing, like, have you ever heard the phrase, uh, "just shoot me"? Like, you know, someone's frustrated, they'll say "just shoot me." I mean, if someone said that in your presence, would you feel, you know, okay with [[Liquid|"well, I'll just pull out a gun and shoot them"]]?

'''Chris''': No, not nec--no, not necessarily shoot them.

'''Alec''': "Not necessarily"? Does that mean you'd consider it?

'''Chris''': Mm. No, I would not shoot them at all.

'''Alec''': Well, I should hope not. I mean, you shot people in your comic before. I hope you wouldn't shoot them in real life.

'''Chris''': Date. ''(?)'' Anyway, uh, alright, so, anything else for this video, or I mean--''[mumbles]'' aside from before apologize for labeling you as having female prisoners in your basement and...raping.

'''Alec''': Um, yes. There is another item. I'd like you to admit that you don't have a good excuse to not upload pages every day.

'''Chris''': Mm.

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': I mean, I think that's...correct, right? You don't have a job, you don't go to school. I have both, you know, school and a job, and I upload every day.

'''Chris''': Yeah. In my defense though, actually, [[Lie|yesterday I actually went on a nice d--on a date with a nice girl, and it was a great date, could have not gone better]].

'''Alec''': Oh, um, what was the date? Like all day, I mean, it wasn't like in the morning, was it? You could have uploaded in the morning.

'''Chris''': Yeah well I wa--Yeah well I was not up in the morning.

'''Alec''': Um, you didn't have, you know, any ti--What time did you wake up? How long do you sleep?

'''Chris''': ''[Unintelligible word mixing]'' Yeah, I woke up at about eleven.

'''Alec''': Yeah, well, that's not la--

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' And I had to go out and ru--I had to go--and I actually had to go out to run a couple of errands at the g-grocery store and also I had to go and get my family some anti-freeze for their car.

'''Alec''': Okay, well I-I have chores-- ''[Can't make out over Chris's interruption]''

'''Chris''': And 'caus--and c--and the--and then with that I also had to take a shower and make myself fully ready for the date.

'''Alec''': Um ''[small sigh of disapproval]'' You know, when I--When I shower and clean myself up, that takes like 20 minutes. I--I, like I said, I have a job and school and I have errands to do and I go out with people and I go out on dates and I still make sure I upload every day. I mean, Sonichu is your--Think of--Think of it this way: Sonichu is gonna be your big franchise. That's what's gonna make you money, right? Um, so you should treat it like it is your...your day to day job.

'''Chris''': Yeah

'''Alec''': And ''[Chris interrupts again with another "Yeah"]'' You--When was the last day when you uploaded a page? It's been about a week, hasn't it? I mean, even if you had, you know ''[possibly "finished it"]'' yesterday...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting again]]'' Well, in my--in my dis--yeeah. Yeah, well, okay, I did update the CWCipedia day before yesterday.

'''Alec''': ''[Alec interrupts]'' With new comic pages?

'''Chris''': I didn't necessarily upload. I made an ''update''.

'''Alec''': W-what kind of update did you make?

''[pause]''

'''Chris''': ''[Can't understand the "Abeyru" sounding thing he says.]'' the captain's log or a quote update.

'''Alec''': W-well, like, ''a quote''? Really? I mean...What does that take? 5 minutes?

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, well--I mean uh--I--''[I give up. Tardspeak]''--answer letters and ema--in--To answer mailbag letters but I just--

'''Alec''': ''[Interrupting]'' Yeah, you got some mail--You got some mailbags piling up too.

'''Chris''': I-I just-I just could not--I just could not stand the, uh, image that was plag--that was plaguing my CWCipedia, that Mao put up. ''[Disapproving "Um" from Alec]'' I just could not stand that.

'''Alec''': You know, Chris, if we confront our demons head on and defeat them, we come out stronger on the other side. You won't accomplish anything by running from the ads just 'cause they're unpleasant to look at. I mean ''[Chris puts in a "Right" quickly]'' Yo--You se--You know, this is the internet. You've seen tonnes of unpleasant crap, I'm sure ''I'' have. It doesn't stop me from ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' going on the internet. Um, a-and like I said; "Sonichu is serious business". It's your job. You should--and jo-Jobs are difficult. Jobs are hard. And... ''[Chris quickly: "Yeah"]'' I've had--I've had plenty of hard jobs. Like, you...I don't think you have any real work experience, right? But trust me, jobs are difficult.

'''Chris''': ''[Probably disregarding everything Alec has just said because he mentioned that Chris has never had a hard job and Chris has only ever had "hard working jobs"]'' Hmm. Yeah, anyway uh...Is there anything else?

''[pause]''

'''Alec''': Umm...Like I said, y-you know; Take Simonla out of the comic and, in the comic, apologize to me and Mao and Evan for...for everything I've listed.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Okay.

'''Alec''': And...

'''Chris''': ''[Interrupting]'' I have the list here.

'''Alec''': Um, can I ask you what you're going to do to get your fans back? 'Cause you've lost a lot of fans to me and I know you want them back.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, I'm going to change - I'm gonna continue my work and make my updates.

'''Alec''': 'kay, well, you've said that a lot in the past and your update pattern has ''drastically' dropped in the last couple of weeks.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Alec''': I mean, it seems like... think of it this way, Chris: I'm... I am your competition, obviously, and it seems that with one little series of unpleasant ads, I have completely shut down my competition. Now, ''I'm'' a nice guy, and I'm trying to help you, and the average artist who would be your competition is ''sure as hell'' not going to help you. So, imagine if they found out 'Oh, all I have to do is buy some space on his wiki and put up an ad he doesn't like looking at'! And that'll stop his comic production entirely. I mean, are my ads really the only reason you haven't uploaded pages in a week? Yeah, well, that and your... busy day... ''[Chris tries to say something and fails]''

'''Chris''': The very dirty ones. Yeah.

'''Alec''': Um, pardon me for being blunt, but that's kind of pathetic, don't ya think?

'''Chris''': Erm... takes one to know one.

'''Alec''': 'Takes one' what? Pathetic person? I... I wouldn't consider myself pathetic, because I have 30,000 fans, the number of which I took from you. So, I don't think I'm pathetic at all. I mean, why do you think I'm pathetic?

'''Chris''': Hmm... ''[pauses]'' I do not have a reason at the moment!

'''Alec''': *sighs* Well...

'''Chris''': But... but, yeah, you-you'd pretty much had to consider yourself weak to think that, you know, t-to, y-you know, you have a bunch of fans to steal someone else's.

'''Alec''': Um... how else will uh... fans come around, Chris? How else does any new franchise gets fans? They come from other sources. People, people are not living in a vacuum. Y'know, people, fans have been fans of other things. That's how competition works, the better man wins. I'm productive and I...

'''Chris''': L-Lemme... still, the ''[unintelligible]'' of whom, your ads on my website. That... that was just... that was like stealing from me. 

'''Alec''': Um...

'''Chris''': Yeah, even though you paid to put the ads there, you didn't pay the [[User:cogsdev|the Sysop]], you paid [[Jack Thaddeus]]. 

'''Alec''': Yeah. Yeah, I rented from Jack Thaddeus. That's how it works. And it turns out people ''like'' Asperchu, so... I mean, y'know... how do you think...? You watch a lot of TV, right? I mean, you see a lot of commercials. Do you think all those... people who make those commercials, y'know, Coke or [[McDonalds]] and all that think that they're bad people because they use ads?

''Part 3 on Youtube. 5:26 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7g7qNG4lnU#t=2m08s''

{{Transcription}}

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|Chris and Alec Call 5]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|}}

==External Links==

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPdXXFnvzU The Call on Youtube]

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2010-02-21T22:02:54Z

Zephed: Added embedded video

'''Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8''' is the eighth and last of the available phone conversations between [[Chris]] and Alec Benson Leary, the creator of [[Asperchu]]. It took place on 18 February 2010.

==Summary==
Alec calls Chris, at the latter's request, to discuss the inclusion of [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] in the [[CWCipedia]] ad space. Chris, naturally, wants the pages taken down, but Alec explains the many ways in which Chris reneged on their earlier agreement concerning the removal of Asperpedia's ads. From there, the conversation spirals out into a lengthy discussion of Chris's laziness, hypocrisy, bigotry, and dishonesty, until [[stress]] finally overwhelms him and he refuses to continue.

Some of Chris's strangest psychological issues find prominent display here. For instance, his difficulty accepting the fact that his fictional characters are exactly that - fictional - leads to a bizarre passage where Alec is able to swamp him with guilt regarding the death of [[Simonla Rosechu]]. It takes several minutes for Chris to come up with a partial admission that his characters don't actually have a life of their own.

Chris's fear of [[homos|homosexuals]] seems to remain in effect, despite his recent claims of a change of heart on the subject. While at one point Chris says he now "sees them in a more positive light," he apparently still wants to see all the homos vaccinated and turned into decent, honest straight people. Chris claims that this will save them from going to hell, but he's unable to cite any scriptural or other basis for this belief. Alec points out that Chris is unfairly stereotyping homosexuals in the same way other people might stereotype autistics, a point that was likely lost on Chris two or three minutes after Alec made it.

On more everyday topics, Chris claims to be spending some time lately cleaning up his family's [[14 Branchland Court|disaster area of a house]], although there's as yet no corroborating evidence to confirm this. Of course, he describes simple household maintenance tasks in tones most people usually reserve for the torments of the damned. He also claims to have some 30 pages of his comic in the works for publication on his birthday, February 24, but can't come up with a decent explanation for why he wouldn't upload at least some of those pages sooner and maintain a more regular update schedule.

Eventually, just as in their [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|previous phone call]], Alec's comments become ever-so-slightly pointed, which is enough to drive Chris into a full-speed retreat. He manages to muster a polite goodbye instead of simply hanging up, but he is clearly in no mood to face any more harsh reality.

==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
| image = {{#ev:youtube|UxfkNdoV3fM}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 18 February 2010
| Maker = [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Fanartn.PNG‎]] Fan Art
| Performance Style = {{reason}} Reason
| Saga = {{Asperchu}} [[Asperchu]]
| Other = {{Leaked}} Leaked
| previous = [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7]]
| next = Curent
}} </center>

===Transcript===
 '''Chris''': Hello? 
 '''Alec''': Hey Chris, it's Alec. 
 '''Chris''': Hi Alec. 
 '''Alec''': So uh, [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec, but Alec wins''] I got your e-mail, uh, looks like you want to talk. What's, uh, what's up? 
 '''Chris''': Okay, well, uh, just to let you know that I'm uh, that I'm in the middle of dinner right now so we'll have to make this short. But, ahh, yeah, I am a bit, uh, concerned that you have continued with the, ahh, oversized ads on the [[CWCipedia]]... I mean those- the smaller banner ads- that was that was okay. I would have accepted that- I would have accepted that on a daily basis. But, no, you had to add- you had to go and... [''Alec begins to talk over Chris''] 
 '''Alec''': Chris- 
 '''Chris''': add- 
 '''Alec''': Chris- 
 '''Chris''': a whole- 
 '''Alec''': Chris-! 
 '''Chris''': to the big- 
 '''Alec''': Chris-! 
 '''Chris''': to the big - 
 '''Alec''': CHRIS! 
 '''Chris''': page- 
 '''Alec''': CHRIS! 
 '''Chris''': Yeah? 
 '''Alec''': You asked me to call you... *right* at 9:30 and when I do, you're [[obesity|eating dinner?]] 

[''Alec sounds understandably annoyed.'']

 '''Chris''': Well, I wasn't sure, because I'm... 
 '''Alec''': What are you eating? 
 '''Chris''': I'm having some chicken. 
 '''Alec''': I- uhgh. Chris, [[Chris and his ego|if you're going to ask someone to go out of their way for you for something you should probably... actually allow them to do so and not act like you are inconvenienced when they do.]] That's just a suggestion. But I- 
 '''Chris''': Okay, well, I'm sorry. 
 '''Alec''': But I- well... I-I-I think [''Chris attempts to talk over Alec for this whole sentence''] maybe, if you actually want to have a serious discussion- that's why I called... but... maybe let the chicken wait until we're done with our call, how about that? Cuz' I don't like calling you only to hear that you have something else to do even though this is the exact time you told me to call. 
 '''Chris''': Mm. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I'm sorry. 
 '''Alec''': So. So. So, why don't we have our talk, and maybe the chicken will get cold, but you can microwave it when we're done. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. So we had the understanding that we were not going to go back to the oversize ads again. 
 '''Alec''': Oh. Okay, well, I can explain that. Do you remember how I told you that if you met my requirements exactly, I would remove the ads, but if you failed to meet my requirements, the ads would get worse? Do you remember when I said that to you? 
 '''Chris''': [''pause''] Yes...I...that... 
 '''Alec''': So you failed to meet my requirements. You did meet Evan's requirements, apparently. Evan is happy with you, and I'm proud of you for doing that, because Evan is, he's satisfied that you killed Simonla. However, I am not Evan, and I had different requirements than Evan. 
 '''Chris''': Okay, okay, well, why are you not satisfied? 
 '''Alec''': Mm. Well, there's a few reasons. First and foremost, you did not state all of the things that I told you to in your apology video. Like how Sonichu cannot make money in its current form and is a doomed franchise and you will need to start over with something original. You made no mention of that. Already. Next, your last apology video was... Well, "insincere" is kind of too lenient, if I called it that. It was just, it was just insulting. I mean, you obviously felt absolutely no remorse whatsoever. Even though you swore up and down to me when I talked to you that you did. But I'm pretty sure you just wanted to finish the phone call, and you thought that you could just read things off a list and that would please me. Oh, and then you hung up on me, I think like five or six times. 
 '''Chris''': And I did, the last one I did apologize for that in the e-mail I sent you. 
 '''Alec''': Um, but you hung up on me multiple times. Chris, I think that you believe, I think you believe that if you do something wrong and then you offer a superficial apology, you believe that gives you license to just do it all over again. You know, that's not what apology is about, right? 
 '''Chris''': That is not what apologies are about. 
 '''Alec''': Okay. And the reason you hung up on me is because you were trying to avoid me. You were trying to just brush me off. 
 '''Chris''': Okay, well, I will admit that, the last one, and I apologize for that. 
 '''Alec''': Okay. So, if you want that apology to mean anything, then in the future, including this call, and if we talk again, you are actually going to have to stick to that word and not ever again attempt to brush me off. 
 '''Chris''': Okay. 
 '''Alec''': That make sense? Now. Let's talk about those ads for a bit. If you notice, they really aren't ads for Asperpedia anymore. What I started, I started a new comic, called Sonichu Revolution. And that's actually what I'm using the adspace for. And what Sonichu Revolution is, it's actually, it's like a reboot of Sonichu, see, since you aren't uploading pages I thought I would do a nice thing for your fans and use my ad space to keep your fans happy. 
 '''Chris''': [''has been trying to interrupt''] Well, no, I am, I am doing the pages now. Listen, your comic pages, they should, they should stay on your website, your website alone. I do not want your pages on my website that only shows my pages. 
 '''Alec''': Oh, it's kinda too bad that I bought ad space on your website, when I gave you multiple opportunities to get out of me having web space, er, ad space on your website. You didn't take them. I can do what I want with my ad space. 
 '''Chris''': Hmm. 
 '''Alec''': How many times did I, was I gracious enough to give you an extremely easy way out of all of this? 
 '''Chris''': Hmm. Well, not sure. Define, define "easy." 
 '''Alec''': Okay. Um, by "easy" I mean, how many times did I lay out a very clear, very specific set of requirements that I had of you, and where I promised that if you followed those requirements, exactly, then I would remove all my ads and I would do my best to stop Evan from, you know, attempting to sue you. Evan's, you know, in the past, he's happy now, but my ads are still an issue. And you know, I asked you to be sincere about the apology, which you never were. 
 '''Chris''': Yes. Okay, well, just to let you know, okay, well, I understand for, yes, uh, you did offer me with, you did tell me very descriptively, very detailed-ly, what you wanted, a number of times. I'm gonna est-, I'm gonna give, I'm gonna estimate like about five to 10 times at this point. Because we have not talked over the phone that much. For maybe 20, or 20 minutes, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go with that. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah, we've talked... Well, it's not quite that high. I think three or four times I specifically laid everything out for you. 
 '''Chris''': Okay, well, it's, well, okay, at this point, yeah. An overbid is a good estimate. 
 '''Alec''': Hm. Alright, I'll give you that one. So yeah, multiple times I gave you opportunities to, you know, to handle the situation and to come out scot-free. And, if I remember correctly, I did talk about how you are the luckiest person in the world, to have competition like me, who would be so generous and go out of his way to help his competition. I mean, a lot of other companies would have just blown you out of the water and not thought twice about it. But, you know, I like Sonichu, or I used to like it, back when you actually updated it, and I know that it does have some fans still and I wanted to see it continue. Because I don't want to just take over everything. I don't want to be the only artist out there. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': That's not fun. You kind of want to be the only artist in existence, I don't know why you want that. Why do you want that, anyway? Why do you not want other artists to exist? 
 '''Chris''': Um, I never said, I never said that I did not want other artists to... 
 '''Alec''': Well, you said it with your actions, if not with words directly. 
 '''Chris''': Okay, okay, well, maybe... 
 '''Alec''': I think we talked about that one time. Actions are louder than words, you know? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, okay, well, perhaps my actions were misunderstood in this case... 
 '''Alec''': Oooh, not misunderstood in the least! Oh, no, your actions are very clear. You slandered and smeared me as much as you possibly could. You put all of your effort into trashing me rather than building up your own comic. There's... If you can convince me there's some way to misunderstand that, then you know, by all means try, but as far as I could see that was a pretty clear message. It's hard to misunderstand that, it's hard to misunderstand, you know, you repeatedly hanging up on me.

[''In the background, [[Barbara]] shouts, "Who are you on the phone with?" She continues to make background noise occasionally.'']

 '''Chris''': I know, I... 
 '''Alec''': You've been out of commission for like three weeks, you haven't done shit for your fans. When are you going to come back with your comic? 
 '''Chris''': I, I am, I, I still, I am, I have been working on my comic, for your information. I am up to pages in book number 11 where I have drawn that far, and I'm about halfway colored through all those pages which I drew up. 
 '''Alec''': How many pages is that? 
 '''Chris''': That's over 30 now. 
 '''Alec''': Over 30. Really. How many days since you started that particular 30 pages. Has it been, like, what, two weeks? 15 days, around there? 
 '''Chris''': Around there. 
 '''Alec''': Okay, uh... I'm not really sure if asking this is going to be useful, but why would you partially complete 30 pages instead of, say, completing and uploading 20 pages? Or 25? 
 '''Chris''': That would hap-, that would happen to make up for lost time on on my birthday, which is this coming, which is the next Wednesday. 
 '''Alec''': I'm sorry, what about your birthday? What are you going to do with it? 
 '''Chris''': I'm going to upload all those, all those, all those pages, all the main pages in a bundle, in a bunch, on my birthday, which is next Wednesday. 
 '''Alec''': Okay, well, until then I think I'll just keep uploading Sonichu Revolution, because I want to please your fans, even if you don't. Chris, why, why would you... 
 '''Chris''': I gave my new, I put up a new page yesterday as well. The last page I had... 
 '''Alec''': So that... That, yep, I saw that, actually, that one page, plus I think you had two pages where you killed Simonla, so that's three pages total in like three weeks. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, well, anyways... 
 '''Alec''': I do two pages a day. That means I've uploaded, in the past 15 days I've uploaded 30 pages of my own. And it's... When's your birthday, like eight days from now? So I'll have another 16 pages up, so that's 46 pages... 
 '''Chris''': Well, you are, you are mistaken, we're not talking about, we're not talking about eight days, my birthday is on the 24th. Of February. 
 '''Alec''': Oh. My mistake. So six days. Well, I'll have 12 new pages by then. In addition to the 30 I've already uploaded. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. 
 '''Alec''': I'm sorry, I didn't know when your birthday was. 
 '''Chris''': Well, it's specifically stated on the, on my bio page on the CWCipedia, and in a couple other places. The 24th of February. 1982. 
 '''Alec''': Hey, Chris. Chris. When is my birthday? 
 '''Chris''': I don't know, I do not study your bio, I did not study your bio page... 
 '''Alec''': Well, Chris, Chris, it's on my bio page on the Asperpedia. Why wouldn't you know it? 
 '''Chris''': Well, I did not make an effort to study you, because... 
 '''Alec''': I mean, if I'm supposed to know your page, don't you know mine? Chris, I'm kinda hurt. 
 '''Chris''': Okay, well, I apologize for that, and after we're done here I'll go to your bio page and learn, and learn with my mind when your birthday is. 
 '''Alec''': Nah, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it. I'd rather you work on pages than go look up info about me. Because, you know, I actually don't know your birthday because I've been working on my pages rather than, you know, looking up your bio. Um, yeah, so, I do really have to recommend that you, um, begin uploading those 30 pages immediately. Like as soon as we're done with the call or whatever. It, just, get to work on it. Stay up all night if you have to. Get those pages up. Because, here's the thing about the way fans work. If you leave your fans in the dark for a week or two weeks or a month or however long, it really doesn't matter if you're partially completing something. Because if you don't put out any product, then your fans have nothing to work with. Have you ever heard of the game [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]? 
 '''Chris''': Uh, I'm sorry, you said Duke Nukem Forever? 
 '''Alec''': Yeah. Well, you know the Duke Nukem video games? You ever played any of those? 
 '''Chris''': Uh, I have seen, I have seen samples of that game. 
 '''Alec''': Okay. Well, the company that made those, they were working on a game called Duke Nukem Forever. That was going to be their next great title. And they were working on that for actually about 15 years. And they kept promising, "Oh, you know, we've got the engine built, we've got the characters designed, we've got all this built, all that's left is for us to release it." And they never released it because they kept retooling and tinkering with it. And finally the company actually went out of business. So now there won't ever be any other Duke Nukems. And if you keep doing the same thing, Sonichu is going to go out of business. Well, not permanently, because I have Sonichu Revolution, so it'll live on in some form. 
 '''Chris''': Well, yes, well, your, yes, well, still, your Rev-, your Revolutions are not the original, are not the original Sonichu pages, of which only I can draw up and tell. 
 '''Alec''': But what they are is existent. And the fans appreciate that. Your pages are nonexistent. 
 '''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
 '''Alec''': And if you stop Sonichu, then, you know, the fans are going to want something. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. Okay, well, I get, well, don't worry, you will see, you will see, all those pages, and the completion of the 10th book. 
 '''Alec''': Okay. Um, does this mean... 
 '''Chris''': In fact, it's a... 
 '''Alec''': I'm a little, I'm a little confused, how, what, do you remember when I told you... Well, of course you remember, I brought it up plenty of times, about how you really need to either do some sort of major reboot of Sonichu, or else just come up with a completely different comic? Because of all of the elements that you stole from other franchises? Are you still thinking about that? Because if you're going to finish book 10, then... 
 '''Chris''': I have been thinking about that, actually. 
 '''Alec''': What do you think about it? 
 '''Chris''': Some of those, some of those changes will be talked about in the clip show that's gonna be in book 11. 
 '''Alec''': Um... So, is book 11 gonna be like a transition from the current Sonichu to another one? 
 '''Chris''': Yes, yes, yes, a transitions. 
 '''Alec''': Oh. Oo-kay. Um, well, that's not really what a reboot is about. See, what you're doing, like a transition, suggests that the Sonichu that exists now is going to be, like, part of the same universe or world as whatever new Sonichu. What a reboot is, is a hard stop. You reset completely. You start over from scratch. Everything that came before is just, means nothing, it's null and void. Like, for example, the Spider-Man movies, they aren't in the same world as the comic, they were sort of a reboot. Because they told everything over from the beginning. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. I see. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah. I mean, I know it's... I can sympathize with you on this. I mean, you've been working on Sonichu for 10 years now, and the thought that you have to abandon it completely and start over with something new, I understand that that's kind of a scary thought. But it is true. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. 
 '''Alec''': Have you, have you, uh... What do you think of Sonichu Revolution, by the way? Have you been reading it? I'm only like seven pages in right now, so... 
 '''Chris''': I have taken a look at it, and I did not like the way you were killing characters left and right! That's no good, it's just terrible! Don't go killing, don't go killing, don't go killing characters, that just does not, that just, that just does not, that just does not work. It's like... 
 '''Alec''': Chris... 
 '''Chris''': It's like doing Zombie X-Men, Marvel Zombies. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah. I remember that. That was actually a pretty popular comic, wasn't it? 
 '''Chris''': It's actually on the PlayStation Network digital comic download, only on the PSP right now. 
 '''Alec''': Well, I've seen it in stores, though. Well, it was pretty popular, was my point. 
 '''Chris''': Anyway, that's, anyway, that's the point. That's still, like, you know, killing, you're just like killing everybody left and right. It's not... 
 '''Alec''': Chris, um, how many, how many comic books and TV shows and movies and, you know, whatever other media have you seen where characters die? Do you think they're all bad? 
 '''Chris''': Yes, well, well, yeah, they are bad, because that's just totally fake. And plus, to do it in such a gory way is just terrifying. It's like any, it's like any of the Saw movies. It's especially like, especially like the first trap in Saw VI. 
 '''Alec''': Did you like those movies? 
 '''Chris''': That was horrifying. 
 '''Alec''': Did you like those movies, Chris? The Saw movies? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, I liked them, I mean I enjoyed the falling, the telling... 
 '''Alec''': [''talking over Chris''] You liked them? But there's death in it! How could you like a movie that has death in it, Chris?! Death is bad. You said death is bad. 
 '''Chris''': Well, I'm not talking about... 
 '''Alec''': Death is bad. 
 '''Chris''': I'm not saying, I mean, yeah, I'm not talking about the death part, I did not say I liked the death parts, I liked the building of the character of John Kramer. In the movies. 
 '''Alec''': But the point is, you still liked the movies overall, right? I mean, you went to see them, you'd probably see them again? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, I mean, yeah, they were hor-, yeah, I mean, I will admit they are horrifying, and they do frighten me, but think about, but think about, think about... 
 '''Alec''': Hence the genre, horror, if it's horrifying it's doing its job, I guess. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. Yeah, but I mean, still, that's Hollywood magic, you know, that's, you know, the people, the actors in those movies are still, are still alive and well, they just... 
 '''Alec''': Oh, well, right, I forgot, because comic characters are real people and apparently I'm guilty of, of multiple homicide now? Chris, you, remember when you killed Simonla because we strong-armed you into it, because you refused to do it willingly? Are you guilty of homicide now? Because you killed Simonla? 
 '''Chris''': No, actually, that would, actually, you could blame the Voltorb that was placed by the toilet, placed by the toilet that exploded. Because the Voltorb exploded, it blew up the... 
 '''Alec''': Chris, you drew the Voltorb. You drew the Voltorb! Chris, you knew Simonla was going to die! You knew there was going to be a Voltorb there and you did nothing to stop it! You are an accessory to murder! Who cares if someone else placed it? You knew, of course you knew she was going to die because I've been telling you for weeks to kill her. 
 '''Chris''': You're, you're, well, read, yeah, well, read the pages after I put 'em, after I put 'em all up and you will see that there is, that there was, that it wasn't preventable. That there was a way that, it could not have been prevented. You will find out. 
 '''Alec''': Okay, um... Did you see my page where [[Son-Chu]] killed himself? Did you see how depressed he was? I couldn't have prevented that. Sometimes people are so depressed that you just can't reach them. And it's tragic but, you know, sometimes people commit suicide because they believe there's just no way out for them. 
 '''Chris''': I have a question for you. 
 '''Alec''': Oh? 
 '''Chris''': You said you like Sonichu. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah. 
 '''Chris''': Why did you make him, why did you draw him killing himself? 
 '''Alec''': Soni- 
 '''Chris''': If you liked him you would not have done that! 
 '''Alec''': I didn't draw Sonichu killing himself. I said Son-Chu, your car, your... I don't want to say "Autobot" 'cause that's trademarked, but... 
 '''Chris''': Okay, well, it's, excuse me, well, I misunderstood. Well, yeah, that was, that was wrong. I mean, that was like you're killing my vehicle, it's like you're making me have to pay, like... 
 '''Alec''': [''cutting off Chris's demented babble''] No, Chris, I didn't kill your, I didn't kill him. He committed suicide. He was depressed because he had a name that he hated, and all the other Autobots made fun of him. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, the Autobot, the Autobots do not make fun of each other for their names. 
 '''Alec''': No, they make fun of Son-Chu. Chris! Look at what he says in that page! He says that he hates his name because it's not a strong, manly Autobot name. Why would he lie? 
 '''Chris''': Well, it's only because you're, you're putting... 
 '''Alec''': He had nothing to lie about, he had nothing to lose. He was gonna kill himself. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, well, I did not, I'm not the one that drew, that drew my car, my Autobot, to say that. I did not. You did that, pretending to be me, in a sense. 
 '''Alec''': I wasn't pretending to be you. 
 '''Chris''': You were pretending to be... 
 '''Alec''': Chris, look up at the page. Do you see on the comic page where it says "Copyright 2010 Alec Benson Leary"? I'm pretty sure that shows that I was not pretending to be you. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, well, still, you have no right, you have no right in killing a character that was originally mine, and that I have never said, have never said personally, had died. When a character dies, I will let every, I will let everybody know myself. Anybody else who, who makes up, who says outside of my jurisdiction, it's just a whole bunch of bogus baloney. 
 '''Alec''': Well, maybe I can say it's a parody, and that'll make it okay, right? If Sonichu Revolution is a parody? Would that be okay? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': It would? 
 '''Chris''': I would accept that, yeah. And plus, don't make them so big. Maybe like three quarters of the current size, three quarters. 
 '''Alec''': No. Nah. Then no one can read the text. I'm not gonna make it smaller, it's kinda hard to read the text already. 
 '''Chris''': You should have those pages on your Asperpedia! People could just go over there and read them for themselves. 
 '''Alec''': Um, but the whole point of Sonichu Revolution is to make up for your lack of updates. Why would I put it on my Asperpedia? That defeats the purpose. I, I'm... 
 '''Chris''': But, but you're just... 
 '''Alec''': I'm keeping the fans there for you, Chris! 
 '''Chris''': Because you're drawing... 
 '''Alec''': You could thank me once. 
 '''Chris''': Because you're drawing those pages, not me. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah, that's right, I'm drawing the pages. You're not drawing anything. Or you say you are, but we have no proof. 
 '''Chris''': I am, I, you're wrong, I have been drawing the pages, and I have been coloring them. 
 '''Alec''': But you're not uploading them. 
 '''Chris''': Because I have, because I'm too busy working on the, working on coloring after I have drawn them all up! And plus, I have real life things, like I have to go hang, like I have to hang out with my family. I have errands to run... 
 '''Alec''': [''cutting him off''] Chris! Take a guess, right, I want you to guess... 
 '''Chris''': And plus... 
 '''Alec''': Between, Chris, no, Chris! I want you to guess, between one and 10, how many hours did I spend in school yesterday? Take a guess, right now. 
 '''Chris''': How many hours you spent in school yesterday... 
 '''Alec''': Yes. 
 '''Chris''': The average of 10. 
 '''Alec''': That's right. I spent 10 hours in school yesterday. I also uploaded a page of Sonichu Revolution yesterday. 
 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] Well, what about your job? You have your job as well. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah. What about my job? I upload pages while I have a job and school. So what about my job? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, well, you got all your, you're spending your time there as well. 
 '''Alec''': Yes, that's correct. 
 '''Chris''': Uh, okay, well, I admit, I'm not sure really what the point I was trying to make there, I lost my train of thought. [''Yeah, we guessed that, Chris.''] 
 '''Alec''': Okay, well, yeah. It's true that, yes, I spend a lot of time in school, and a lot of time at my job. And I, you know, and I have errands too. Not really for my family, I don't live with my family, but I do errands on my own. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. Alright. Well, okay, well... 
 '''Alec''': How much time... You've mentioned that several times, that you have to run errands for your family. Like, what do you have to do for them? What did you do yesterday? What... How... Like, are they having you break rocks with sledgehammers or something all day? Because you say it's like some huge, serious thing. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, well, they're old. I have to do chores for them. I have to do chores for them around the house. Like I had to even, I even shoveled snow to get the, to get the, to make a path for them and get the cars out. And my, and my car, it was stuck in, two front tires were stuck in their own dug grooves, and we finally, and finally got the car out of those two grooves today. 
 '''Alec''': So you've been working on that solid, non-stop, just digging your car out? I mean... I live in Minnesota, you know, we get some bad snowstorms sometimes, and my car will just get completely buried in snow. And it might take me, like, in the worst-case scenario of storms, it might take me half an hour to dig enough snow out for my car to move. We usually don't get that much snow, though. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. 
 '''Alec''': You said some chores around your house, too, like besides shoveling. What else do you have to do? 
 '''Chris''': I clean the kit-, I clean the kitchen, I do the, I vacuum, I move stuff around, I clean the bathroom as well, I do a lot of things around the house. 
 '''Alec''': You kind of sound like you're talking to someone who has not seen that video tour of your house right now. And I want to let you know that I actually have seen it, so I'm pretty sure... [''Alec is interrupted by numerous beeps, as if Chris or Alec is pressing buttons on their phone.''] Chris, can you hear me? Hello? Chris, are you pressing buttons? [''The beeping ends, a long silence follows.''] 
 '''Chris''': Hey, Alec? 
 '''Alec''': Hey, hey Chris, did we get disconnected there? 
 '''Chris''': [[Lies|Yeah, 'fraid we did.]] It happens to me, between me and my, uh, gal-pal as well, in our conversations sometimes. Reception goes bad during this time of night. 
 '''Alec''': Oh, okay. Well, uh, glad I got you back. Okay, well, we were talking about, uh, the chores you need to do, I think, in your house. So you're saying you clean your house up? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': Uh, okay, um... Have you cleaned your, cleaned your room at all? 
 '''Chris''': Yes, I do clean my room. 
 '''Alec''': Mmm, how much do you clean it? 
 '''Chris''': I clean my room like once a week. 
 '''Alec''': Really. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': O-kay. So, how long does it take when you do that? Because if you do that once a week, that's just, like, maintenance, shouldn't take too long. 
 '''Chris''': It takes like two hours. 
 '''Alec''': Two hours. Okay. 
 '''Chris''': Yes. 
 '''Alec''': Um... How long does it take you to clean the rest of the house? 
 '''Chris''': It takes me, it pretty much takes me one to two hours per room. 
 '''Alec''': Hm. Okay. Like, what do you do when you clean? What specific stuff do you do? 
 '''Chris''': I move this, I move stuff around, I take the vacuum cleaner, I vacuum, I take, I scrub the floors with 409 and paper towels. It's really hard work, back-breaking! 
 '''Alec''': Back-breaking. 
 '''Chris''': Yes. My back hurts. 
 '''Alec''': I hope you don't mean... Your back hurts from cleaning? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, after extensive long time, I mean, sure. 
 '''Alec''': I thought you, I thought you were strong, Chris. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, I am strong. 
 '''Alec''': Why would your back just... How strong are you? Like... Because it seems the videos... 
 '''Chris''': Believe me, I'm very strong. Believe me, I'm very strong. 
 '''Alec''': Really. Like... Uh... 
 '''Chris''': Anybody, anybody, anybody will tell you that, like, yeah, they, they just feel like they break their backbones after, after a very extensive time scrubbing the floors, getting up and down, as well. 
 '''Alec''': You should get a Swiffer. Swiffer Wet-Jet, because then you can stand while you're scrubbing the floor. I use it, it's really useful. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. 
 '''Alec''': It's quick, too. 
 '''Chris''': Well, we don't have it, we don't have that here. 
 '''Alec''': Huh. Maybe you could sell some of those video games like I was talking about. Then you could afford one. Have you thought at all about selling any more of your, your games, Chris? Because... 
 '''Chris''': No, I have no plans, I have no plans of that at the moment. 
 '''Alec''': Why would you want to hold on to video games that you don't play anymore? 
 '''Chris''': I do play them, when I feel nostalgic... 
 '''Alec''': ALL of them? Chris, you've got... How many hundreds of games do you have? And you play all of them regularly? Is that what you're telling me? 
 '''Chris''': [''pause''] Regularly, like... Yeah. Every, like, uh, I'd say, yeah, on a regular basis I do. 
 '''Alec''': Every single one. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah! 
 '''Alec''': That must take, that must take a lot of time. 
 '''Chris''': [''pause''] Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': Is video-game-playing back-breaking too? Just out of curiosity? I wouldn't think it would be. 
 '''Chris''': Uh, no, but it's one way for me to relax after I, after I have done the work of cleaning the room. Or shoveling the snow in the yard. 
 '''Alec''': Okay, but you only clean once a week, and shoveling, that doesn't happen all the time. I know Virginia got a snowstorm recently, right, but that was kinda like a one-time thing. 
 '''Chris''': That's, well, okay, well, just to correct you, I was not talking about cleaning period once a week, we're talking about cleaning my room once a week. And, and then, we have other, then, it's like, on another day I'll clean up the kitchen, and on another day I'll clean up the living room, on another day I'll clean up the, I'll clean up my parents' bedroom... 
 '''Alec''': Chris, I've seen the video tour of your house. 
 '''Chris''': That's like, that was, that was like, that was like over, that was like over a year ago. 
 '''Alec''': Over a year ago. You really... You should film a new tour, then, actually, because people still think that your house is, you know, a mess like that. 
 '''Chris''': I'll think, well, I'll consider that. 
 '''Alec''': You really should, you know. It would be a good idea. Chris, here's, okay, here's what I don't get about you. There are so many things, like, you know, if your house is clean, you could just make a video and show people that. And if you've really been working on the pages, you could just upload them. And if, you know, if you wanted to prove to people that you have Nintendo's permission to use Pikachu, shit like that, you could just show them the letter that Nintendo sent you, that gives you permission. Why do you, why do you take the hard way through everything? Why do you want to keep receiving, you know, demands and questions about this and that subject when one little action on your part could just stop all of it? 
 '''Chris''': Because for me it's not all that easy. 
 '''Alec''': What's not easy about it? Like, okay, the Nintendo... 
 '''Chris''': Because, I'll, I'll just, also my father's still very angry at me for doing the video touring the house over a year ago. And he's making me all mad, he's very angry... 
 '''Alec''': Why, why, why was he angry about it? Just refresh my memory. 
 '''Chris''': It's like an invasion of privacy? 
 '''Alec''': How is it an invasion? You live there, I mean, it's your house, if you choose to upload a video, that's not an invasion of privacy. If you [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|try to videotape people without their consent]], that would be an invasion of privacy. But I don't think your parents were in that video. 
 '''Chris''': You don't, you don't, you don't understand, I, and I forget all of the details my father said, but he's still very angry at me for doing, for having done that. 
 '''Alec''': Alright, well, I guess if you say he's angry then okay, that's that, but... Um, what about, um... Well, like the Nintendo thing. Couldn't you... Did Nintendo, like, write you a letter saying, you know, yes, go ahead and use Pikachu? Couldn't you just scan that and show that to people? 'Cause everybody... 
 '''Chris''': I misplaced the letter. 
 '''Alec''': You mis-, you misplaced it? 
 '''Chris''': I misplaced the letter. Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': That seems like a really important thing, how could you misplace that? And if you clean your house so regularly, I mean, it seems like you would find things that you had lost regularly. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. It takes, yeah, moving, moving stuff, if I had, I had, I regularly look at stuff, and that, and it got misplaced that way. 
 '''Alec''': I'm sure you could just actually call up Nintendo, because... I mean, that would be... You know, the legal department of a company keeps records of everything they do. They would be happy to just fax you or send you another copy of the letter. 
 '''Chris''': I'll keep that in mind. 
 '''Alec''': Businesses lose papers sometimes, and you know, that's why there's redundancy, that's why. And not only your fans, you know, but if you showed that letter publicly, then I couldn't demand that you admit Sonichu's a doomed franchise, now, could I? You wouldn't, you wouldn't even have to do the reboot? I mean, think about it. If either you, you know, reboot your entire comic that you've been working on for 10 years, that's one choice, or your other choice is, you just call up Nintendo and ask them to send another letter, and show it to everyone. 
 '''Chris''': Alright. 
 '''Alec''': Destroy 10 years of personal hard labor, or show a letter. 
 '''Chris''': Alright, well, I will think, I will, I will look, I will look into that later. 
 '''Alec''': Um, okay. Um, this is reminding me of... In your recent, where you started updating the Mailbags again, um... Let me take a look at a Mailbag, because I don't remember the exact phrase, but... You responded with kind of a stock phrase to a lot of letters. Let's see here. Um, where is it. Ah! "Your letter has been read fully and your thoughts have been in-pyoo-ted..." I guess inputted. "And accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts." Chris, you spend even less time responding to these e-mails than you do normally. What's up with that? 
 '''Chris''': Okay, for your information I actually read, I actually read and re-read each letter before I make a final response. 
 '''Alec''': But your final response is, is not thought out at all. See, this is kind of an interesting parallel to your comic work, because you say, you say that you... 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, well, there are points where, there are points, there are points where I don't... 
 '''Alec''': [''trying to interrupt''] Chris, Chris, Chris. CHRIS. CHRIS! Let me talk, and don't interrupt, alright? I will let you speak after I finish this sentence. This is how it goes. One person speaks, the other person responds, the first person is... Okay. Um, you say that you spend a lot of time "reading and re-reading" and really considering the letters, but when it comes time for the final step, which is, you know, the response, you don't really put any effort into that. And that's an interesting parallel to your comics, because you say you spend a lot of time drawing and coloring and, you know, preparing your pages, but that final step, uploading them, you don't put any effort into that. So it seems... It kind of sounds like you go 90 percent of the way, but you don't actually finish that crucial last 10 percent. And just to let you know, people are mad about this stock response that you made. 
 '''Chris''': Well, when it comes to the Mailbag, it's just that, you know, even after re-reading it, I still cannot, I still could not come up with an appropriate response. So I had to go with a neutral response. 
 '''Alec''': Why... What do you mean, you can't come up with a... There's a lot of different subjects to these letters, and you give the same neutral response to every one. Are you telling me that all of these subjects, you really can think of absolutely nothing? 
 '''Chris''': There are a few subjects on which I come up blank! Yes. I'll admit that. 
 '''Alec''': Okay. Um... Like... Um, someone wrote you a letter about your comments about homosexuals being bigoted and offensive, and you gave the stock response to that. Um, that seems like a huge Achilles' heel with you, is if people mention the word "homosexual." Your mind goes blank. 
 '''Chris''': Well, yeah, of course, I could not think of an appropriate response to that letter. 
 '''Alec''': "Your comments..." I'm reading the letter right now. "Your comments on homosexuals are bigoted and offensive. You want them to die in explosions. You want a vaccine for them, just because they tick you off..." Um, the last two parts, those are actually very clear questions, as far as I can see. Like, if someone asked me those questions... If someone asked me, "Do you want homosexuals to die in explosions?" I would tell them, "No." If someone asked me, "Do you want a vaccine for them just because they tick you off?" I would explain, "No, homosexuals don't actually tick me off, and I would never want to vaccinate them." I just came up with that right now. That would be my response if such a question was asked of me. And that's not even that long of a response. You don't need a page worth of response. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, plus, plus I perceived that, because I perceived those statements as insults, and... 
 '''Alec''': Oh, so we're back to everything is an attack on you, this... Remember when you thought that my ads were an attack on you? So now someone... So, so you thought my ads were an attack on you, now this homosexual thing, um, you've made plenty of offensive comments about homosexuals, which they could, and plenty have interpreted as attacks by you. And so when someone asks you about them, how is that an attack on you? 
 '''Chris''': They said when I, it was an e-mail, and that's in that where you just read about it, they called me bigoted. 
 '''Alec''': That's because you are bigoted. You want... 
 '''Chris''': I am not bigoted. 
 '''Alec''': You hate homosexuals. How many, how many times... 
 '''Chris''': I actually said that, actually I have, actually, thanks to Jack Thaddeus I recently, I have, I actually see them in a more positive light! It was, I think it was... 
 '''Alec''': Is that the same Jack Thaddeus that is an evil villain, that does underhanded deals for ad space? 
 '''Chris''': What? 
 '''Alec''': Well, you kinda flip-flop a lot. No, forget what I said. Um... 
 '''Chris''': Uh, well, well, for your information, though, specifically, Jack Thaddeus has told me about, uh, homosetts-, about homosexuals from his point of view and how that they would never, they would never make any actions towards me because I'm not even try-, I'm not even that attractive to him. 
 '''Alec''': You know, Chris... 
 '''Chris''': Attract him. 'Cause he's a homosettsual. 
 '''Alec''': Uhh-huh. You know, um, I've actually been hit on, I've been hit on by homosexuals, once in a while. It happens to me in my life. 
 '''Chris''': Oo-kay. 
 '''Alec''': It's, I never got ticked off by it, I never saw it as offensive. I mean, I'm, I'm not gay, so I wouldn't really be interested, but if, if someone, man or woman, thinks I'm attractive, then, you know, well, it's flattering. Even if I'm not interested. Why would you think it's an attack if a gay person finds you attractive? I take it as a compliment that people think I'm attractive. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. Well, it's, yeah, well, still, I mean, if I was, well, okay, well, if a homosexual came up to me and flirted with me like that, I wouldn't, uh, no, no, I would let them know that, no... 
 '''Alec''': That you're not interested? 
 '''Chris''': And, yeah, I cannot accept your, I cannot accept that because I'm not interested, I am straight, nnn... 
 '''Alec''': Okay, well, that's... 
 '''Chris''': And then leave it at that. 
 '''Alec''': That sounds, yeah, that sounds like a good... 
 '''Chris''': And then, then, if the, and then if the guy continued to, continue on like that after the warning, then I would get really mad. 
 '''Alec''': Well, that's understandable. And you know what? That happens, not just with gay people. I mean, straight people, plenty of straight people have trouble getting a hint. I mean, you know, guys, all the time, there are guys who, you know, hit on a girl, and she says, "No, thank you, I'm not interested", and they just keep pressing the point. [[Megan|Overstepping their boundaries. Trying to hold their hands, things like that.]] That is... You know, in a situation like that, it's perfectly acceptable to get offended if they don't respect, er, if they don't respect your, um, your decline. Your negative response. You see? Um, but I... When, when did you talk to Jack about this, this homosexual thing? When did you have that conversation? 
 '''Chris''': It was about, it was like over a, it was like over a week ago. 
 '''Alec''': When did you answer Mailbag 52? Pretty sure it was less than a week ago, wasn't it? Because if your issues with homosexuals are resolved now, then why couldn't you offer a simple response to that? Okay, here's what you could have said. Um... Well, just to be clear, do you still want a vaccine for homosexuals? 
 '''Chris''': [''long pause''] Uh, I'm sorry, I did not understand, I do not understand that. Could you repeat that please? 
 '''Alec''': [''slowly this time''] Do you want to create a vaccine to eliminate homosexuality? 
 '''Chris''': [''another pause''] Hmm... 
 '''Alec''': Do you understand that? 
 '''Chris''': Honestly... Yeah, okay, yeah, I understood that. So yeah, you're asking me that right now. Or are you, or are you just, I mean, uh, okay. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah, I am asking you right now. 
 '''Chris''': Okay. [''pause''] In an attempt to make a better world, a better world, I would support it. I would support that. 
 '''Alec''': Oooo-kay, so, when you said that you don't have problems with gays anymore, that wasn't actually true. Chris, well, like I said, I'm not gay, but I have a number of gay friends, um, a few family members that are gay, and it's part of who they are. That's part of their identity. Why would you want to take that away from them? What, what about removing homosexuality would make the world a better place? [''exasperated sigh''] It shouldn't be that hard, Chris, because you already, um, established a predicate that "no gays equals the world is a better place." So, having said that, that must mean that you do have an idea of how the two things are connected. 
 '''Chris''': Uh... Well, what two things? 
 '''Alec''': Chris, do you... Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Chris, you said, you said "no gays equals the world is a better place." That, "no gays" is point one. That connects to "world is better," point two. How do those connect? What is... Yeah. 
 '''Chris''': Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, well, yeah, okay, now I get it, I mean, it's just that, you know, uh, [[Lies|I'm getting an incoming call right now]], and, uh, taking it will interrupt this conversation... 
 '''Alec''': Well, you should probably ignore it. Yeah. Um, so please... 
 '''Chris''': It's like, hard to, though, it cancels, it cancels your, it cancels your vocal input out at that point when the... 
 '''Alec''': Well, did you... Yeah. Did you hear my point, though? Please explain how no gays equals world's better. 
 '''Chris''': [''long pause''] You know, okay, well, I'm not necessarily saying... I'm not saying that as in reference to them as people. I'm saying that in reference, and like... 
 '''Alec''': Well, removing, removing homosexuality equals a world better. Explain that. 
 '''Chris''': Because there will be less risk of those people going to hell. 
 '''Alec''': Hell? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. When they die. 
 '''Alec''': What do you... Oh, you mean instead of heaven? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': So you're saying gay people go to hell? Um, so are you, you're a Christian, then? If you believe that? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': What, um, like... You know, it's been a while since I've read a Bible, where in the Bible is that whole gays-go-to-hell thing? 
 '''Chris''': It's implied within parts of the Bible. 
 '''Alec''': Well, it's, understandably it's implied in parts of the Bible, I'm asking where. I'm not a Christian, so I don't have to read the Bible, but you're a Christian, when's the last time you read the Bible? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, I have read the Bible, but... 
 '''Alec''': You're sitting here judging people based off their sexuality without even knowing, like, you know, what parts of the Bible... Hey, hey, um, you know what else the Bible condemns? Black magic. 
 '''Chris''': [''long pause''] So? 
 '''Alec''': How many times have you tried to curse people? Cursing is black magic. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. I get it. It get, I get what you're saying right now. 
 '''Alec''': So you're going to hell, right? 
 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] Well, I'm making, I'm making atones for that. 
 '''Alec''': Uhhhh...are you? Really? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': Well, you... I asked you to give Mao a Forgiveness Blessing, that was the most lackluster one I've ever seen you do. Do you believe that black magic, uh, works, Chris? 
 '''Chris''': There's a po-, there's a chance that it can, but... 
 '''Alec''': Um, not if you're Christian. Because the Christian God says that all magic and supernatural stuff that doesn't come from God is false. 
 '''Chris''': [''sigh''] Hm. I, I have no comment to that. 
 '''Alec''': Okay, well, um... Let's go back to the gay thing, because, you know, we've established that you don't really know a whole lot about the religion you claim to believe in. 
 '''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
 '''Alec''': So I would, I would, um, when you're in the absence of important information like that, I would think, just go with what you know. Go with what you see. And by that I mean, you know, you've never been attacked by a homosexual, they've never done anything evil to you. 
 '''Chris''': [''pause''] Actually, yes, I was abused by one! A homosexual principal at my elementary school, slapped me on his lap, said some offensive, said some offensive things to me, and I felt uncomfortable, so I jumped off his lap and hid under his desk. 
 '''Alec''': What did he say to you? 
 '''Chris''': I don't 'member, I don't remember what he said to me, but they were offensive. 
 '''Alec''': Um, so... Okay, well, there are bad gay people, just like there are bad straight people. Um... So, one gay person did something bad to you that you don't really remember, therefore all gay people are going to hell? Is that the logic you're doing there? 
 '''Chris''': Uhh, more or less. 
 '''Alec''': How many... Okay, so, I should condemn all straight people because you've been horrible to me. You've said a lot of bad things to me, you've threatened me. Maybe, or, not just straight, maybe I should condemn autistic people, because you identify with autism a lot and you've been a very bad person in most of our dealings. 
 '''Chris''': Hmm. 
 '''Alec''': Are all autistic people, um, really selfish and demanding and... 
 '''Chris''': [''sigh''] No. Not all of them are. 
 '''Alec''': But all homosexuals are bad? Because you had one bad experience? That's a double standard. 
 '''Chris''': Okay, well, I, okay, well, okay, well, they're all not. [''sigh''] 
 '''Alec''': Well. You know, I'll wait to see if you really stick to that belief or not, I guess. I mean, I guess it's good that you're saying it now, but... Why do you sigh so much? 
 '''Chris''': Well, I'm a little tired right now. I had to, I actually cleaned more, I cleaned the kitchen again today. 
 '''Alec''': Don't you usually stay up to like 4:00 A.M. or something, you said? This is kinda like the middle of the day for you, isn't it? 
 '''Chris''': No, this is not the middle of the day for me, this is the middle of the night for me. 
 '''Alec''': But... Okay, you said you sleep until like noon, right? And then you stay up 'til like three or four at night. That's kind of a, that's a really weird schedule, by the way. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, but actually, late-, actually I am, I'm mostly going to bed before midnight and I get up at like 9:00 A.M. 
 '''Alec''': Oh. Well. I actually go to bed, like, around 11, so I'm closer to my bedtime than you are to yours, but I feel fine. We all get tired, but... 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah. 
 '''Chris''': Anyway... 
 '''Alec''': Um, what do you think of... Let's see here... 
 '''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
 '''Alec''': [''long pause''] Um, oh, here's another good question. When someone asked you about the Mailbag that you fabricated, and you gave them that stock response again. I just, I really want to see you actually... My, my main goal right now is I want to see you put real effort into your Mailbags. 
 '''Chris''': I will... I put as much effort as I could, but it's, you know, sometimes I do come up blank, and that cannot be helped. 
 '''Alec''': Chris, you're... I know you've said plenty of times, you're a pretty smart guy, right? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, but sometimes I'm quick, sometimes I'm slow. 
 '''Alec''': Why? 
 '''Chris''': It just happens! I don't know why. It's my head. I'm not a psychiatrist. A psychologist. 
 '''Alec''': You don't have to be a... You... You remember that Mike Jackson memorial e-mail you got here? You used the copy-and-paste response on that too. 
 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] Yeah, well, I didn't know who that was, I didn't realize that that was the, uh, that was a guy that, that went out, and that moved out when their, the prostitute did. Lose him. And I apologize... 
 '''Alec''': I thought that you, I thought that you said that you spent a lot of time reading and carefully re-reading these e-mails. How do you not know the basics of what it's about? 
 '''Chris''': Well, I miss a detail or two sometimes, it happens to a lot! 
 '''Alec''': You missed all the detail, Chris! You missed all the detail. 
 '''Chris''': I mean, I thought they were talking about Michael Jackson, the pop star. 
 '''Alec''': Maybe if you'd read the e-mail you would've, you know, seen that that wasn't the case? Did you even look at that memorial? Chris, do you... 
 '''Chris''': I can say I have not looked... I did not... 
 '''Alec''': Chris, why do you not put effort into anything? 
 '''Chris''': [''sudden anger''] I do put effort in every-, in everything! 
 '''Alec''': Everything?! No! I told you that your website was going to get taken down because of a lawsuit over a stolen character, and you did nothing. I tell you you gotta upload pages and you do nothing. I tell you you gotta respond... 
 '''Chris''': I am, I am working on the pages... 
 '''Alec''': But you don't upload them! 
 '''Chris''': Yes I will, yes I do, and I will! 
 '''Alec''': No, "will" is different from "do." "Will" is the future tense, and it hasn't happened yet. 
 '''Chris''': [''angry sigh''] I'm getting tired, I'm getting tired of this. You're raising your voice at me, I'm not, and I'm not, I don't appreciate it. 
 '''Alec''': Well, I... I think I kind of, I'm just trying to enunciate a point, I'm trying to get you to respond. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': Chris, um... A person raising their voice, that really is enough to just, you know, completely discombobulate you? Besides, you yelled at me first. 
 '''Chris''': No, you raised your voice at me first. 
 '''Alec''': No. No. I asked you, "Chris, why do you not care about anything? And you screamed, "I DO CARE!" 
 '''Chris''': You're being, you're being, you're being ridiculing to me. 
 '''Alec''': Uh, is that the pot calling the kettle black? Chris, I want to, I want to understand why it is okay for you to do so many things to other people that make you mad when they do them back to you. Please, I'm asking you a simple question. Please explain this to me. Why is it that any level, any tiny level of stress or inconvenience, and you immediately will fall back on, you know, you're being attacked, or you're being, you know, your world is... 
 '''Chris''': It just happens, espec-, it just happens, especially when I'm tired. 
 '''Alec''': No. That's not an excuse. That is not an excuse. That's an excuse that a child uses. Children complain that they have to do a little bit of hard, you know, work, or deal with unpleasant situations. Honestly? I have been very polite with you, Chris. I don't swear at you, except, you know, on a few occasions where you really piss me off, but for the most part I don't. I don't yell at you, I raise my voice in response to you raising your voice. I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to talk to you like an adult. 
 '''Chris''': Okay, well, I'm just tired right now. 
 '''Alec''': [''snorts''] 
 '''Chris''': And you know, considering your bed at 11:00, uh, you probably want to finish this up, want to wrap this up as well. So I... 
 '''Alec''': No, I'm doing good. 
 '''Chris''': Let's just that, let's just agree that, uh, I will be uploading the pages, and uh, what you got, perhaps, perhaps after book 10 is completed, uh, we could, uh, actually, you know what... 
 '''Alec''': Well, you know what? If you want to... 
 '''Chris''': Don't worry about the ads, don't worry about that, uh, ad space at this point. I'll just agree to that, but, uh, but, yeah, but you know... 
 '''Alec''': [''talking over Chris's babble''] Please, Stop, Running, Away from me, Chris. 
 '''Chris''': What? 
 '''Alec''': Please stop running away from me. 
 '''Chris''': I'm not running away from you, I'm right here. 
 '''Alec''': [''snort''] I know you're not literally running away, but you're trying to end the conversation because I'm making you feel bad. 
 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] 
 '''Alec''': And it's not even because I'm attacking or insulting you, I'm just presenting, you know, a few things that are very minorly unpleasant. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. Okay, well, with that, uh, sometimes, there are things that, yeah, we don't, we generally, we would not prefer, we would prefer the opposite of unpleasant. 
 '''Alec''': You seem to prefer the opposite of unpleasant literally all the time. 
 '''Chris''': [''heavy sigh''] 
 '''Alec''': Any little bit of stress and you run for the hills. You avoid anything unpleasant, even, even in cases where dealing with a small problem now will avert a very big problem later. You always choose the hard way. You choose to deal with the big problem that you could have avoided. Bad news is gonna happen, Chris, life is not all fun and games. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, I'm sure, well, I'm sure that that's happened to you and you actually had to do that as well. 
 '''Alec''': Yeah, but then I turned 10 and I started learning to get over it. 
 '''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
 '''Alec''': Man the fuck up, Chris. Pardon my language, but... 
 '''Chris''': Yeah, well, I get, I get, and I said that. 
 '''Alec''': You're gonna have to show that with your actions, Chris. 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. And I will. 
 '''Alec''': Do you believe that we, um, could ever be friends, Chris? 
 '''Chris''': [''pause''] Maybe. 
 '''Alec''': Maybe? 
 '''Chris''': Yeah. 
 '''Alec''': Okay, well, you gotta start listening to people that are trying to help you. 
 '''Chris''': I am open to, I am open to opinions and thoughts when they are presented in a non-condescending, uh, appro-, acceptable tone, or, or whatever. 
 '''Alec''': That's what you always say, but you never act on them. I'm showing you things you haven't done, and you still don't do them. Because I've done this with you several times. 
 '''Chris''': Hm. Yeah. I will, listen, I gotta go, I'm really, seriously, I'm feeling really sleepy right now. 
 '''Alec''': Alright, well, have a good night. Maybe I'll talk to you later. 
 '''Chris''': Alright. Take care. Bye-bye. 

[''Call concludes.'']

{{succession|label=[[Alec Benson Leary calls]]|prevlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|Chris and Alec Call 7]]|nextlink=[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|Current]]|}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?2dmiegjiyzd The original audio]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxfkNdoV3fM Youtube version: part 1]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

14 Branchland Court

2010-02-21T21:53:11Z

Zephed: Added the "back-breaking" householf chores Chris must endure,

{{Honest}}
[[Image:Fullfrontalfilth.gif|thumb|right|The most complete view of the front. Note the [[Sonichu]] drawn in the snow.]]
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.]]
[[Image:Chris house.jpg|thumb|right|Aerial shot of the house.]]
[[Image:Chandlerhousegooglemaps.jpg|thumb|right|Another aerial image of the Chandler House.]]
[[Image:BranchlandCourt.jpg|thumb|right|A more awesome (and badass, and more accurate) depiction of 14 Branchland Court]]
'''14 Branchland Court''' is the domain of the [[Chandler]] clan. It is a white (now yellowed to ivory) two-story house trimmed in [[homo|pink]] (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of [[Ruckersville, VA]]. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house itself reeks of the early 1980s, having tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding; it probably hasn't been re-sided in years. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values.

As of [[2009#March|March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appears to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s 20th birthday, for instance), the house was once quite tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horrible understatement. The house is packed with shit; the former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] has revealed that Chris's parents are aware of the house's condition (what with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and are fearing that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] (Email them!) resulting in their home being condemned. Due to several calls, an official investigation is being launched in conjunction with Social Services by the Health Department of Greene County.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claims to be cleaning up the house as of late]], but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes are just vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about them as it he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts appear to be just enough to keep him from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis.

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}

In two videos uploaded on [[2009#March|27 March 2009]], Chris provides a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a [[fail|disaster area]]. Several rooms are so full of shit that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

==First floor==
In the north corner is what Christian describes as "the music room," which is now primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) has been claimed by [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently sleeps there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

==Second floor==
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in [[April 2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the northern corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the eastern corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the dark brown or green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as well as a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax and Bob never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]]. The living room, packed with boxes and shit, is across the stairway from Chris's room.

==Yard==
On first examination, you'd be forgiven for mistaking Chris's yard for Silent Hill. It consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since [[Chris and death|died]], probably due to a [[Dirty crapped briefs|foul stench]] poisoning the air. The backyard contains a shed, and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where the [[Robert Chandler|Lumberjack]] would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her doghouse still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being the pansy-ass he is, Chris cannot muster the strength to pick the damn thing up. Some have speculated that this is [[GodJesus|divine intervention]], in order to keep Patti's body safe from Chris and his [[Rule 34|fur-fag]] tendencies.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start the [[fuck quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and healthy trees. Many people speculate that over the years Chris's parents have gotten too ugly or too lazy to care for their garden leaving the area quite barren.

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well. |Chris on contacting him, [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his parents some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''Ruckersville,''
:''VA 22968-9545,''
:''United States of America''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it: 1) It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his parents' mail on a regular basis, or 2) Barbara and Bob will receive it, and dismiss it as old news (reports show that they have read some of the letters and ignored them).

Chris will respond to fan mail, provided there's a return address on the envelope.

==Visiting==
Visits of 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and promptly trades the deed to a troll for some magic beans so said troll can found the ''Christian Weston Chandler Museum of Fail,'' are ill-advised. While a troll who does manage to make it to the front door will probably not be assaulted by Chris, they will most likely face Chris as he calls for his elderly parents to fight his battle or perform a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].

To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], and the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]] to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|kill them]]. To date none of them have taken him up on his offer. Chris claimed in the [[DPF phonecall]] that his house was once egged by trolls.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris doesn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his Sonichu merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor."
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|Sonichu Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic-book characters.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It's currently available at the bottom of the main page on [[CWCipedia]].

==See also==
*[[Chris's room]]
*[[Ruckersville, VA]]
*[[Charlottesville, VA]]
*[[Tour of Christian's House]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meAO487S0zM Resident Chris-chan 2: Homecomeuppance (I hope this isn't Chris's blood!)]

Other famous hoarders...

*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers The Collyer Brothers] (Infamous NY hoarders who ended up being crushed to death by their own shit)
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmund_Trebus Edmund Trebus] (Eccentric Polish immigrant who ended up being a TV star because of his hoarding)

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

Monthly tugboat

2010-02-21T21:23:03Z

Zephed: Added the connection between the Monthly Tugboad and the Father Call

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Monthly_Tugboat.jpg|thumb|right|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

{{quote|yet AGAIN I am waiting for my next tugboat from my Social before I can even pay a Website to Host me and grant me a better .com domain name than sonichu.com|Chris to [[Miyamoto]], complaining about how long his free money is taking}}

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s euphemism for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] check. Essentially, the United States government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals whose injuries or ailments leave them unable to work. However, many recipients are simply diagnosis-holders who choose not to work despite being able to do so. Like Chris.

Chris receives roughly $800 each month, with $450 going to his parents for room and board. The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's video games|video games]] or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $350 per month is nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads and a constant supply of Chicken McNuggets. As of [[2009#July|July 2009]], he owed at least $2000 in credit-card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents.

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded tugboat, because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing his useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy. This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

On the advice of his [[Bob Chandler|father]], Chris doesn't get a job because the tugboat gives him more money overall. Your tax dollars at work, people.

In the [[Father Call|father call]], Chris claims that his welfare check is [[Lie|"a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out".]] Either Chris is lying, or he apparently believes wasting his welfare check on video games and porn will somehow aid in his moving out.

==See also==
* [[Chris and Money]]

{{Template:Stub}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Aunt Corrina

2010-02-21T20:58:32Z

Zephed: Added the connection between Aunt Corina and the Father Call

[[Image:AuntKarina.jpg|thumb|right|Aunt Corrina, Trolling Chris in the here-after.]]

'''Aunt Corrina''' (full name '''Corrina Weston Carey Inge'''<ref>http://www.woodfuneralservice.com/obituary.aspx?MemberId=55269&MName=Corrina%20Weston%20Carey%20Inge</ref>)(26 [[Wikipedia:1936#January|January 1936]] - 21 [[February 2009]]; A TRUE AUSTRALIAN PATRIOT) was one of [[Christian|Christian's]] favorite aunts and was also the person the Chandlers bought their dog, [[Patti]], from.

Corrina died on 21 February [[2009]], and was buried on 24 February 2009, thus ruining Chris's 27th birthday as a post-mortem [[troll]].

The day she was buried was also the Christian holiday Shrove Tuesday (AKA "Pancake Day"). Chris cared more about eating pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt,{{cite}} proving how much of an utter self-centered piece of shit he is.

Needless to say, this is the first stiff Chris has gotten hold of without resorting to a [[sex toys|sex doll]]. ''(ba duum Tisch!!!)''

In the infamous [[Father Call|father call]], Chris tries to convince Mr. Devoria that he has gone through some hardships in his life and that he isn't a lazy [[monthly tugboat|welfare leech]]. He brings up his Aunt's passing, but only after mentioning the death of his dog, [[Patti]]. Apparently, he values the life of an animal over the life of a family member. Although, in Chris's defense, the Chandler family is not a tight-knit group and he may not have seen Corina enough to connect strongly with her to have strong feeling about her passing. Still, Chris needs to get his priorities in order.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|[[Bob Chandler|Bob]] and Corrina in the late 1870s.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|Corrina, with [[Barbara Chandler]] and Elvis.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==See Also==
*[[Chris and death]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{People}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Creepy stare

2010-02-21T04:05:59Z

Zephed: Created "What's up witht the stare" section

[[Image:139-CWCsDarkGlare.jpg|thumb|right|<s>Well, at least he admits it</s> He thinks it's cool]]

The verdict is in. You gonna get raped.

==What's up with the stare?==

Chris seems to have multiple creepy stares, all trying to project a different emotion and all nearly identical to each other. He has used this stare to display anger, frustration, seduction, or when he has no emotion to display almost like an autistic variant of a black face. This, like many of Chris's strange [[CWC-isms|mannerisms]], undoubtedly comes from his [[autism]], which makes non-verbal social cues difficult for him. Chris may think that his stare is a intimidating glare to force his adversaries into submission or a sexy and seductive glance, but it comes across as creepy or out of place.

<center><gallery>
Image:Creepy-Stare3.jpg
Image:Creepy-Stare5.jpg
Image:Creepy-Stare1.jpg
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG
Image:0695-AnnaBD9.JPG
Image:0777-CWConbed.JPG
Image:Whatthefuckiswithhisrighteye.jpg
Image:Csof111.JPG
Image:295.jpg
Image:Chris2.jpg|For some strange reason or another, Chris thinks his gaze is sensual.
Image:Cwc_csof.JPG
Image:1240785819569.jpg
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[Pedo-Glasses]]

==External links==

* [http://cwcstare.ytmnd.com/ Chris-chan stares into your soul.]

{{Mannerisms}}

[[Category:Mannerisms]]

User:Zephed

2010-02-20T03:01:48Z

Zephed: Created page with '{{Americunt}} {{GrammarNazi}} ==About This User== He's a newfag. Expect him to infect every corner of this site with cancer and/or ADIS.'

{{Americunt}}
{{GrammarNazi}}

==About This User==

He's a newfag. Expect him to infect every corner of this site with cancer and/or ADIS.

4-cent garbage.com

2010-02-20T02:47:42Z

Zephed: Outlined the parallels between ED and 4-cent_garbage. Also, added ED links to "See also" and "External Links" and eliminated the paragraph about Chris not using his mayoral powers to destroy 4-cent.

{{DISPLAYTITLE:4-cent_garbage.com}}
[[Image:4-cent garbage.png|thumb|INTERNET AUTISTIC HATE MACHINE]]
[[Image:4-CENT-GARBAGE.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and his friends in front of the 4-CENT_GARBAGE headquarters]]

'''4-cent_garbage.com''' is Chris's representation of [[ED]] and [[4chan]]. This is the closest Chris has ever made it to creating an actual [[parody]]. The name is a slight mystery, because underscores (_) are not permitted in Internet domain names. Chris blames ED for [[Megan Saga|breaking up the closest thing to a relationship that he ever had]], so naturally he must demonize it in his comics.

In real life, while innocently stroking his [[duck|ego]] Chris discovered [[ED]]’s page satirizing him and his comic. What really [[Family Guy|ground his gears]] about the page was the “fan art” of Rosechu with a [[pickle|penis]]. Chris then embarked on a quest to make the website less scathing by uploading hideously drawn [[rule 34]] of his little abominations (and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]), along with the infamous [[shecameforcwc.jpg]]. In the Sonichu canon, Rosechu discovers 4-cent_garbage and its page that slanders Sonichu, Chris, and her, along with “lifelike” drawings of Rosechu with a [[pickle]]. Rosechu then crawls into her [[April 16 Fetish Vids|dirty, mildew laden bathroom]] and takes pictures of herself in the nude, then uploads them onto the 4-cent website. It's true what they say about how art imitates life.

4-cent employees can be either people or demons, and [[alcohol]] is actually allowed at the work place: it being a well-known fact that [[Chris's Big Night Out|only evil people drink]]. Their headquarters have the color red all over the walls, and consists of 72 floors (or 66+6, because THEY'RE EVIL). Each of these floors contains either [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|cartoon porn]] or [[niggos|racist]] humor about [[Barack Obama]].

In [[Sonichu 8]], [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], and [[Wild]] go to their headquarters to attack [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the leader of 4-cent_garbage, and fail. And who said life doesn't imitate art? Rosechu also facerapes Mr. Howell for [[women's rights]] in the 4-cent building.

In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris, finally out of the [[Time Void]], sets plans into motion to destroy the building. Arriving there, Chris is first attacked by Jason, who traps Chris as Chris-Chan Sonichu and has [[Beel]] steal Chris's medallion, only to learn it's his ring that's the source of his powers. Later, Chris uses [[Guitar Hero]] to play a song where Chris complains about the state of the [[Power Rangers]] to murder every living thing on the property by destroying the building, narrowly avoiding getting the blood fo [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] on his hands by their mutual suicide. Meanwhile, Jason escapes before retiring, and Beel just escapes. Only 100 of the people out of the 1,000 inside were killed while 250 were injured. Of course, it's all perfectly okay because Chris '''shed tears''' over it.

==See also==
*''[[Sonichu 8]]''
*''[[Sonichu 10]]''
*''[[ED]]''

== External links ==
*[http://www.4Chan.org/ 4chan]
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.org/ Encyclopedia Dramaitica]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Comic]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Valentines Day Hymn

2010-02-18T05:00:05Z

Zephed:

[[Image:453-ValentineHymnCollage.JPG|thumb|right|Behold the V-Day Collage of Fail!]]

[[Valentines Day Hymn]] is one of [[Chris's]] earliest shitty poems. He wrote it on Valentine's Day [[2000]] for his "Pokésite 2". He obviously didn't pay much attention in English, or he'd know that a "hymn" is a song with religious context.

==Text==

<poem>
'''Valentines Day Hymn.'''

2/14/2000

On the day of love and romance,
Hearts and cupids fly around.
The arrow of cupid hits a man,
And that man falls head over heels for a pretty gal.
Cards and candy go hand-to-hand,
Expressing the thoughts of love put in the poem.
Kisses are shared and fireworks are blown,
The only way that could happen is if they kissed on the 4th of July.
On a [[Dating|date]], the man could not pay the bill,
So his date [[fail|slammed her door in his face]].
Red and Pink are the hearty colors,
Because that's how the hearts were originally drawn.
The man's coat over a puddle,
The maiden walks,
Then the man trips and pays the laundry bill.
Under the moonlight,
The couples of the world kiss,
But unfortunately for few,
They are [[Bob walks in|interrupted by their parents]].
Night is right for love,
Except for the werewolf...
Whoops!
[[Random Access Humor|Wrong holiday]].
Happy Valentines Day to all lovers!
The cupids did a pretty good job,
Didn't they?
</poem>

==Analysis==

In this poem, Chris tried his hand at free-verse with this poem. While some may see this as a bold, modern approach to poem writing, it is more likely that Chris was just too lazy to adhere to any sort of rhyming pattern or meter, instead writing down whatever the hell came out of his head without having to deal with the [[Stress|stress]] of a rigid pattern.

The poem seems to be about a [[Chris|clumsy, broke man]] and his lousy date, but Chris deems it neccisary to break up this story with some barely relevent thoughts on love and Valentines Day, making the poem even harder to read than it needs to be. The poem also does a great job in showing Chris's ignorance. He seems to believe that fireworks are only used on Valentines day and the Forth of July, he has no idea what the term "hearty" means, and that apparently he thinks a woman would do her laundry on a date with a man. Chris wraps up this steaming pile of failure with a sprinkle of [[Random Access Humor|random access humor]] to ruin any sort of beauty that he lazily tries to create.

A regular Robert Frost,

==Spanish version==
Chris wrote an alternate version for the Spanish version of the PokeSite, later put up on the [[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/CWC_Speaks</ref>.

With very minor exceptions (such as the last line, which literally translates to "Yes?" as opposed to "Didn't they"?), Chris opts for the literal school of translation, opting to translate word for word without regard to the original rhythm of the poem. Some English professors might argue that this is a sort of [[fail]]. For the most part, however, the Spanish isn't terrible grammatically.

===Chris's translation===
<poem>
En el díy de amor y romance,
Corazónes y cupids volan alrededor.
La flecha de cupid choca un hombre,
Y esto hombre está enamorado por la señora bonita.
Tarjetas de amor y cande son juntos bien,
Expresan los pensamientos de amor en la poema.
Los Besos son partes y los fuegos artificales explotan,
Puede ocurrir solomente si ellos besan en el 4 de Julio.
En una cita, el hombre no puede pagar la cuenta,
Tan su novia cerra su puerta en su cara.
Rojo y Rosado son los colores del día de St. Valentin,
Porqué son los colores originales de los corazónes.
El abrigo del hombre cubre un charco,
La doncella camina,
Que el hombre baja y paga la cuenta para la ropa lavada.
En el luz de la luna, Las parejas del mundo besan,
Pero para menos, Tienen in interrupción desde sus padres.
La noche es bueno para amor,
Excepto el werewolf...
¡Hoy!
Falsa fiesta.
Feliz día de St. Valentin para todos están enamoros!
Los cupids hacen un trabajo bueno,
Sí?
</poem>

===A correct translation===

<poem>
En el día del amor y del romance,
Vuelan corazones y cupidos.
La flecha de Cupido le da a un hombre,
Y éste se enamora perdidamente de una chica bonita.
Se pasan de mano a mano cartas y dulces
Que expresan los sentimientos de amor en el poema.
Se comparten besos y se estallan fuegos artificiales;
Esto sólo paasaría si se besaran el cuatro de julio.
Durante una cita, el hombre no pudo pagar la cuenta,
Por lo que la muchacha le cerró la puerta en la cara.
El rojo y el rosa son los colores del corazón
Porque así se dibujaron en un principio.
El saco del hombre sobre un charco,
Camina la doncella;
Luego, el hombre se tropieza y le paga al lavandero.
Bajo la luz de la luna
Se besan las parejas del mundo,
Pero, mal que le pese a algunos,
Los interrumpen sus padres.
La noche es adecuada para el amor,
Menos para el hombre lobo...
¡Uy!
Fiesta equivocada.
¡Feliz día de San Valentín a todos los enamorados!
Qué buen trabajo hicieron los cupidos,
¿No?
</poem>

==Chris's Spanish version literally translated back to English==

<poem>
In day of Romance love and,
Hearts and cupids high around.
The arrow of cupid hits a man,
and this man is enamoured by the pretty lady.
Cards of together love and good locks are,
Express the thoughts of love in the poem.
The Kisses are parts and the artificial fires explode,
Can happen single if they kiss on the 4th of July.
In an appointment, the man cannot pay the account,
So his fiancèe slamming his door in his face.
Red and Pink they are the colours of the day of St. Valentin,
Because they are the original colours of the hearts.
The shelter of the man covers a pool,
doncella walks,
That the low man and pays the account for the washed clothes.
On the light of the moon, the pairs of the world kiss,
But for less, They have in interruption from its parents.
The night is good for love,
Except werewolf…
Today!
False celebration.
Happy day of St. Valentin for all is enamoros!
Cupids makes a work good,
Yes?
</poem>
==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

For My True Love, I Would…

2010-02-18T04:46:53Z

Zephed:

{{quote|I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|}}

[[For My True Love, I Would…]] is a poem by Chris, written on 30 [[2007#December|December 2007]]. This poem provides early evidence of Chris's obsession for sex.

==Text==
For My True Love, I Would…
 A message from what’s left of my heart and soul,
 by Christian Weston Chandler, December 30, 2007

For my true love, I'd treat her tenderly, sweetly, gently...like a summer breeze. I'd caress her skin gently with my strong fingers. I'd take her to eat and provide for her to my ability. I'd start small at [[McDonalds]], then let it get better in due time. When the mood is right, I'd wisk her in my arms, and lift her up in sweet gentleness. I would share with her the BEST kiss of my life, and hopefully hers, since it would be the first of my life. I would do for her as much as I am able to in getting her the she desires. Every day, I would try to make her smile with a jest, a spark, or a tender massage. If she is willing to allow the pleasure, I’d lay her down caress her gently [[china|tickle her fancy]]; have her [[duck|tickle my fancy]], and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured. But I digress on that. Most importantly, I would hang on to her every word of her life tales, er feelings, her troubled times, and I’d share [[Chris and death|my condolences]] accordingly. And I can hope she would be willing to do the same for me. I am nothing without this woman, so I hope and pray that she will stay to love me for me, as I would stay with her for her. “I LOVE YOU” would be shared daily with a French side dish. I am her soldier, to do for her as she sees fit.

==Analysis==

This "poem" has one of the highest concentrations of lies out of any of Chris's literary works. Chris claimed to [[30 Push-Ups|be strong]], [[Monthly Tugboat|be able to provide for her]], [[White Knight|listen to her]], [[Sarah Jackson|and be loyal to her]]. [[Chris and his ego|Chris's ego]] at it's finest, ladies and gentlemen. He also showed that he believes that McDonald's is a great place for a first date, because what woman wouldn't want to be treated to a cheap, greasy hamburger with a creepy, smelly man-child.

In addition to being a lethal injection of falsehoods, this poem also gives us a brief look into Chris's perverted mind. This poem was likely written with the intention that a potential [[sweetheart]] would read it and fall for him. Chris likely believed that promising sex would impress a woman (apparently being willing to have sex with a woman is a very rare trait among males). Though falling far short of impressing any woman, this poem still has a purpose, to show how fixed Chris is on sex. [[Audiobooks|Companionship my ass]].

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Hard Love Quest

2010-02-18T04:23:14Z

Zephed: i don't proofread

'''"Hard Love Quest"''' is a poem by [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. It was written on January 18, [[2004]], and published the next month, in the second issue of [[Sonichu's News Dash]]. In addition to being incredibly self-pitying to the point where it would make an emo kid vomit, the poem also has bad spelling and grammar, improper punctuation and capitalization, and no sense of rhythm or meter. A terrible poem in every conceivable regard.

Note: The poem's title is presumably supposed to mean ''A Love Quest That Is Difficult'', not ''A Quest For Some 'Hard Love'''.

==The Poem==
<center>'''[[Masturbation|Hard]] [[Love Quest]]''' <ref>Sonichu's Poetry Corner (SND #2) http://sonichuandrosechu.com/SchusNews2.htm</ref> 
''By. Christian W. Chandler 
January 18, 2004'' 
</center>

<poem>Here you see, a sad and lonesome Christian C.
Without girlfriend love he feels an older age,
as he is still “Stuck as a [[virgin with rage]].”
He search low and high to the end,
the only delay is the fear of being already beaten by a BOYFRIEND.
Why do all the girls have to be already taken… a real shame,
boyfriends of all girls of possible matches for me are really LAME.
As I sit and [[sigh]],
I watch the girls go by.
Afraid of a lame intersecption,
I sit out in the open without hesitation.
Matching Girl descriptions are free,
I wish one girl would notice and approach me.
It would be [[Sonic the Hedgehog|way past cool]], per-say,
if I could get a girlfriend by Valentine’s Day.
But for now as you see,
I am a sad and lonesome “C.”</poem>

==Analysis==

Bad, but certainly not the worst of Chris's poetry.

Chris originally seems to have gone free-verse for the rhyming scheme and meter, but about halfway though the poem, he built a rhyming pattern and at least attempted at a consistent meter. One would expect that Chris would get progressively lazier as he wrote the poem, but Chris's [[Lie|drive for perfection]] amazes us as usual. He used a full-circle ending, repeating sad and lonesome...C from the first line. Whether this is a intentional literary technique or Chris being lazy as usual is debatable. Judging from the fact that Chris [[A Week With Christian Chandler|slept through English class]], he probably never learned any techniques and this is likely just an example of Chris's amazing capacity for laziness. Chris also seems to have forgotten what the point of view is, [[Fail|switching from third person to first person halfway though the poem]]. Proofread much, Chris?

==References==
<references />

==See also:==
*[[Love Quest]]

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas

2010-02-18T04:20:47Z

Zephed:

[[Image:ChrisSanta.jpg|thumb|right|Only in Chris's dreams.]]

'''"I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas}''' is [[Chris]]'s [[Christmas]] poem from [[Sonichu's News Dash]] #6, dated 04 December [[2004]].

==Text==
<poem>I want a [[sweetheart|girlfriend]] for [[Christmas#2004|Christmas]], now and forevermore.
I want a girlfriend for Christmas, so I won’t be [[Virgin with Rage|lonely]] anymore.
She should be 18-22.
And she ought to be [[boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]] too.
Why do all the [[Jerks]] get all the pretty girls,
Leaving me with [[Noviophobia|none to choose from]].
I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to share my love, oh.
I want a girlfriend for Christmas, to [[Rape|kiss]] under the mistletoe.</poem>

==Analysis==

This is one of the minority of Chris's poems that shows an attempt at poem structure. The rhyming is almost perfect, except he appears to [[Mental Block|have forgotten about what he was doing]] and thus [[Fail|ruined an almost perfect rhyming scheme]]. The meter sucks too, but Chris likely doesn't know what a meter is.

Chris also found it appropriate to go off on a tangent about how the male population is stealing all the girls away from him. [[Autism|Chris just cannot stay on one subject for long]].

==See also:==
*[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]
*[[Sonichu's News Dash]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Kimmi]]

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Hard Love Quest

2010-02-18T04:05:39Z

Zephed:

'''"Hard Love Quest"''' is a poem by [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. It was written on January 18, [[2004]], and published the next month, in the second issue of [[Sonichu's News Dash]]. In addition to being incredibly self-pitying to the point where it would make an emo kid vomit, the poem also has bad spelling and grammar, improper punctuation and capitalization, and no sense of rhythm or meter. A terrible poem in every conceivable regard.

Note: The poem's title is presumably supposed to mean ''A Love Quest That Is Difficult'', not ''A Quest For Some 'Hard Love'''.

==The Poem==
<center>'''[[Masturbation|Hard]] [[Love Quest]]''' <ref>Sonichu's Poetry Corner (SND #2) http://sonichuandrosechu.com/SchusNews2.htm</ref> 
''By. Christian W. Chandler 
January 18, 2004'' 
</center>

<poem>Here you see, a sad and lonesome Christian C.
Without girlfriend love he feels an older age,
as he is still “Stuck as a [[virgin with rage]].”
He search low and high to the end,
the only delay is the fear of being already beaten by a BOYFRIEND.
Why do all the girls have to be already taken… a real shame,
boyfriends of all girls of possible matches for me are really LAME.
As I sit and [[sigh]],
I watch the girls go by.
Afraid of a lame intersecption,
I sit out in the open without hesitation.
Matching Girl descriptions are free,
I wish one girl would notice and approach me.
It would be [[Sonic the Hedgehog|way past cool]], per-say,
if I could get a girlfriend by Valentine’s Day.
But for now as you see,
I am a sad and lonesome “C.”</poem>

==Analysis==

Bad, but certainly not the worst of Chris's poetry.

Chris originally seems to go free-verse for the rhyming scheme and meter, but about halfway though the poem, he builds a rhyming pattern and at least attempts at a consistent meter. One would expect that Chris would get progressively lazier as he wrote the poem, but Chris's [[Lie|drive for perfection]] amazes us as usual. He also ends uses a full-circle ending, repeating sad and lonesome...C from the first line. Whether this is a intentional literary technique or Chris being lazy as usual is debatable. Judging from the fact that Chris [[A Week With Christian Chandler|slept through English class]], he probably never learned any techniques and this is likely just an example of Chris's amazing capacity for laziness. Chris also seems to forget halfway though what the point of view is, [[Fail|switching from third person to first person halfway though the poem]]. Proofread much, Chris?

==References==
<references />

==See also:==
*[[Love Quest]]

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

For My True Love, I Would…

2010-02-18T03:41:11Z

Zephed:

{{quote|I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|"Tickle her fancy"? Where did he learn his innuendo for oral from, Leisure Suit Larry?}}

[[For My True Love, I Would…]] is a poem by Chris, written on 30 [[2007#December|December 2007]]. This poem provides early evidence of Chris's obsession for sex.

==Text==
For My True Love, I Would…
 A message from what’s left of my heart and soul,
 by Christian Weston Chandler, December 30, 2007

For my true love, I'd treat her tenderly, sweetly, gently...like a summer breeze. I'd caress her skin gently with my strong fingers. I'd take her to eat and provide for her to my ability. I'd start small at [[McDonalds]], then let it get better in due time. When the mood is right, I'd wisk her in my arms, and lift her up in sweet gentleness. I would share with her the BEST kiss of my life, and hopefully hers, since it would be the first of my life. I would do for her as much as I am able to in getting her the she desires. Every day, I would try to make her smile with a jest, a spark, or a tender massage. If she is willing to allow the pleasure, I’d lay her down caress her gently [[china|tickle her fancy]]; have her [[duck|tickle my fancy]], and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured. But I digress on that. Most importantly, I would hang on to her every word of her life tales, er feelings, her troubled times, and I’d share [[Chris and death|my condolences]] accordingly. And I can hope she would be willing to do the same for me. I am nothing without this woman, so I hope and pray that she will stay to love me for me, as I would stay with her for her. “I LOVE YOU” would be shared daily with a French side dish. I am her soldier, to do for her as she sees fit.

==Analysis==

This poem has one of the highest concentration of lies ever seen from Chris-Chan. Nearly every sentence of this fail-fest is a lie. Chris suggests that he [[30 Push-Ups|has the strength to carry of full grown woman in his arms]], the can [[Monthly Tugboat|provide for her]], he [[Vivian Gee|listens to her]], and that he would [[Sarah Jackson|be loyal to her]]. In Chris's defence, he wasn't lying about one thing: he would be nothing without a woman (of course, he would be nothing with a woman as well).

This poem also gives us a brief glance of the inner workings of Chris's perverted, autistic mind. This poem appears to be written to impress some potential [[heartsweet]] out there who just may just want to tickle Chris's [[duck|fancy]]. In reality, all it does is serve to prove how fixed Chris is on [[hanky-panky|sex]]. [[Audiobooks|Companionship my ass]].

 
 

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Valentines Day Hymn

2010-02-18T02:54:49Z

Zephed:

[[Image:453-ValentineHymnCollage.JPG|thumb|right|Behold the V-Day Collage of Fail!]]

[[Valentines Day Hymn]] is one of [[Chris's]] earliest shitty poems. He wrote it on Valentine's Day [[2000]] for his "Pokésite 2". He obviously didn't pay much attention in English, or he'd know that a "hymn" is a song with religious context.

==Text==

<poem>
'''Valentines Day Hymn.'''

2/14/2000

On the day of love and romance,
Hearts and cupids fly around.
The arrow of cupid hits a man,
And that man falls head over heels for a pretty gal.
Cards and candy go hand-to-hand,
Expressing the thoughts of love put in the poem.
Kisses are shared and fireworks are blown,
The only way that could happen is if they kissed on the 4th of July.
On a [[Dating|date]], the man could not pay the bill,
So his date [[fail|slammed her door in his face]].
Red and Pink are the hearty colors,
Because that's how the hearts were originally drawn.
The man's coat over a puddle,
The maiden walks,
Then the man trips and pays the laundry bill.
Under the moonlight,
The couples of the world kiss,
But unfortunately for few,
They are [[Bob walks in|interrupted by their parents]].
Night is right for love,
Except for the werewolf...
Whoops!
[[Random Access Humor|Wrong holiday]].
Happy Valentines Day to all lovers!
The cupids did a pretty good job,
Didn't they?
</poem>

==Analysis==

Chris tries his hand at free-verse with this poem. While some may see this as a bold, modern approach to poem writing, it is more likely that Chris was just too lazy to adhere to any sort of rhyming pattern or meter, instead writing down whatever the hell came out of his head without having to deal with the [[Stress|stress]] of a rigid pattern. The poem is about a [[Chris|clumsy, broke man]] and his lousy date with some unnecessary thoughts on romance breaking up the story. For example, Chris jumps from the man's dating failure to an explanation as to why red and pink are associated to Valentines day. This breaking up of the poem with barely relevant ideas makes the poem even harder to read than it needs to be. Chris wraps up this steaming pile of failure with a sprinkle of [[Random Access Humor|random access humor]] to ruin any sort of beauty that he lazily tries to create.

A regular Robert Frost, ladies and gentlemen.

==Spanish version==
Chris wrote an alternate version for the Spanish version of the PokeSite, later put up on the [[CWCipedia]]<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/CWC_Speaks</ref>.

With very minor exceptions (such as the last line, which literally translates to "Yes?" as opposed to "Didn't they"?), Chris opts for the literal school of translation, opting to translate word for word without regard to the original rhythm of the poem. Some English professors might argue that this is a sort of [[fail]]. For the most part, however, the Spanish isn't terrible grammatically.

===Chris's translation===
<poem>
En el díy de amor y romance,
Corazónes y cupids volan alrededor.
La flecha de cupid choca un hombre,
Y esto hombre está enamorado por la señora bonita.
Tarjetas de amor y cande son juntos bien,
Expresan los pensamientos de amor en la poema.
Los Besos son partes y los fuegos artificales explotan,
Puede ocurrir solomente si ellos besan en el 4 de Julio.
En una cita, el hombre no puede pagar la cuenta,
Tan su novia cerra su puerta en su cara.
Rojo y Rosado son los colores del día de St. Valentin,
Porqué son los colores originales de los corazónes.
El abrigo del hombre cubre un charco,
La doncella camina,
Que el hombre baja y paga la cuenta para la ropa lavada.
En el luz de la luna, Las parejas del mundo besan,
Pero para menos, Tienen in interrupción desde sus padres.
La noche es bueno para amor,
Excepto el werewolf...
¡Hoy!
Falsa fiesta.
Feliz día de St. Valentin para todos están enamoros!
Los cupids hacen un trabajo bueno,
Sí?
</poem>

===A correct translation===

<poem>
En el día del amor y del romance,
Vuelan corazones y cupidos.
La flecha de Cupido le da a un hombre,
Y éste se enamora perdidamente de una chica bonita.
Se pasan de mano a mano cartas y dulces
Que expresan los sentimientos de amor en el poema.
Se comparten besos y se estallan fuegos artificiales;
Esto sólo paasaría si se besaran el cuatro de julio.
Durante una cita, el hombre no pudo pagar la cuenta,
Por lo que la muchacha le cerró la puerta en la cara.
El rojo y el rosa son los colores del corazón
Porque así se dibujaron en un principio.
El saco del hombre sobre un charco,
Camina la doncella;
Luego, el hombre se tropieza y le paga al lavandero.
Bajo la luz de la luna
Se besan las parejas del mundo,
Pero, mal que le pese a algunos,
Los interrumpen sus padres.
La noche es adecuada para el amor,
Menos para el hombre lobo...
¡Uy!
Fiesta equivocada.
¡Feliz día de San Valentín a todos los enamorados!
Qué buen trabajo hicieron los cupidos,
¿No?
</poem>

==Chris's Spanish version literally translated back to English==

<poem>
In day of Romance love and,
Hearts and cupids high around.
The arrow of cupid hits a man,
and this man is enamoured by the pretty lady.
Cards of together love and good locks are,
Express the thoughts of love in the poem.
The Kisses are parts and the artificial fires explode,
Can happen single if they kiss on the 4th of July.
In an appointment, the man cannot pay the account,
So his fiancèe slamming his door in his face.
Red and Pink they are the colours of the day of St. Valentin,
Because they are the original colours of the hearts.
The shelter of the man covers a pool,
doncella walks,
That the low man and pays the account for the washed clothes.
On the light of the moon, the pairs of the world kiss,
But for less, They have in interruption from its parents.
The night is good for love,
Except werewolf…
Today!
False celebration.
Happy day of St. Valentin for all is enamoros!
Cupids makes a work good,
Yes?
</poem>
==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Writings}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Asperchu

2010-02-09T00:59:43Z

Zephed: fixed link

{{Ongoing}}
[[Image:Asperchu-and-sonichu-meet.jpg|thumb|The first drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
''This article discusses the award winning comic series '''Asperchu''' and its relationship with Chris. For information about the Asperchu series itself, please see [[Fan:Asperchu]].''

'''Asperchu''' is a popular award-winning comic series created by Alec Benson Leary. His deft artwork, gripping stories, and excellent characterization has resulted in the series gaining hundreds of fans in the few short months since its inception. Many of these fans were disenfranchised followers of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], which have recently become exponentially more disturbing.

==Similarities to Chris==
While Alec has stated that [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|Asperchu is not a Parody]] of [[Chris]], there are many similarities between the two. Both of them are [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Pedo-Glasses|bespectacled]], [[naïve]] individuals who find themselves somewhat out of place in the world. They both address the masses through [[List of Videos|youtube videos]], and both are preoccupied with finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[sweetheart]].

These similarities between the two characters has resulted in no shortage of [[Chris and Anger|rage]] from Chris. He seems to feel that the only reason Asperchu exists is to poke fun at him. He also takes serious offense at the idea of a Sonichu who suffers from [[Aspergers]], for some reason.

==Chris on Asperchu==
[[Image:Aspergchulove.jpg|thumb|The second drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
It's no secret that Chris hates [[Aspergers]] (and presumably everybody that suffers from it), due to some misguided sense of competition between Aspergers syndrome and other disorders on the [[autism]] spectrum. The knowledge that someone had created a series about an Electric Hedgehog Pokemon who suffered from the affliction did not sit well with him. He became even worse when the creator of the series himself started sending him e-mails.

The [[Mailbag 10#Meet Asperchu|first recorded communication]] we have between Alec and Chris implies that Alec had been in contact with him multiple times outside of the public view and that Chris had responded to these communications negatively. Chris didn't respond any better on his public [[mailbag]], claiming that Alec was jealous of him and alleging that the included fanart of Asperchu and Sonichu implied homosexuality.

Upset that Chris would jump to such conclusions, Alec [[Mailbag 17#Sonichu loves Asperchu no homo|sent him another letter]], depicting Sonichu and Asperchu having good, masculine straight fun. This letter was even more poorly received.

Undaunted, Alec continued to send letters to Chris's mailbag, thinking that perhaps the man he respected so much really just misunderstood him. A few of these letters were [[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|ignored]], some were [[Mailbag 28#Hey kids, it's Asperchu!|coldly dismissed]], but Chris's most [[Mailbag 31#Asperchu is the shit|notable]] [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|responses]] were were explosive outbursts of [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and hatred. Eventually, Chris began [[Mailbag 35#No comment|refusing to respond]] to Alec's correspondence, or [[Mailbag 34#Asperpedia!|deleting his messages outright]].

In Asperchu Issue C (or 0C), [[Chris]] made an appearance asking for help from the characters to save Asperchu. Later, he and [[Liquid Chris|CChanSonichuCWC]] met up with each other, leading to a standoff where Chris tried to shoot him. Chris [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|responded]] to the comic, mentioning that he was set on fire in the comic. [[Fail|He didn't seem to notice that he was also called by the name Ian Brandon Anderson, nor did he notice the appearance of Liquid Chris.]]

Since the Asperchu saga started really taking off, Chris's schedule for [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]] has [[stress|dropped drastically]].

Beyond this, Chris made clear that he also hates the comic because of its "uncensored pictures" and "low resolution and blocky pictures". Here, we see Chris's [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in action. The "uncensored pictures" he's all up in arms over are just minor posters hung up mostly in Asperchu's room and even so, they are mostly hidden away by the character's heads. Chris's "uncensored pictures" are done by the main characters in full view, despite the fact that Sonichu is supposed to be a ''kid's comic''. As for the "low resolution and blocky pictures", the artwork is done through an art program (presumably Photoshop, if one of Alec's correspondences to Chris is correct), thus it does seem a bit blocky. Of course, compared to Chris's [[Chris and Art|art]], it's the fucking Mona Lisa. It also helps that Alec is humble and doesn't try to act like his artwork is amazing and worthy of being hung in a museum.

==Asperpedia==
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Mao, rockin' sunglasses]]
[[Image:Haitihelp.JPG|thumb|Clearly Asperchu is pure evil.]]
After finishing the first three issues of his comic, Alec Benson Leary set up his own Mediawiki website where one could read all existing comics, as well as a number of articles about the world of Asperchu, and read fan mail answered by Mr. Leary. Soon afterward, portals were added to the site for other notable comics, such as [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]], and [[Fan:Sonichu is Dead|Sonichu is Dead]] creator Sean August Watley's latest project, [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals.]]

[[Jack Thaddeus]], recognizing the incredible profit potential of Asperchu, immediately began advertising the new website on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris responded to these new ads, and his newfound knowledge of Alec's website with a [[Down with Asperchu|series]] [[12 January 2010|of]] [[14 January 2010|increasingly]] [[15 January 2010|disturbing]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|videos]] where he made his opinions on the matter quite clear.

Alec, being a gentle soul has not directly responded to any of Chris's offensive videos. When [[Down with Asperchu#Alec's response to the video|asked by a concerned fan]], he outlined his planned course of action as one of peace, citing his personal hero, [[Wikipedia:Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi|Mahatma Gandhi]]. His webmaster, Mao "Bamboo" Ling has opted for a more direct approach, speaking to Chris directly in 2 short [[youtube]] videos.

Recently the large banner ad for Asperpedia was replaced by a link to information on the US government's efforts to help the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, because Alec cares about the plight of his fellow man.

===The 19 January Demands===

On 19 January 2010, Chris uploaded 12 new pages of [[Sonichu 10]], which are centred mostly around Asperchu and the Asperpedia. [[Chris and his ego|Ever the heroic saviour]], Chris pictures himself, along with [[Ultra Sonichu]], destroying the slanderous Asperpedia and saving Alec's characters from their [[Asperger syndrome|terrible affliction]], with Asperchu himself getting an ''EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER'' and becoming "[[Mitch Sonichu]]".

Not content with this, Chris then issued an ultimatum to Alec through a blog post:

{{Quote|Although within Alec's Hands, Asperchu IS a horrific joke, not only because of the uncensored nudity, wrongful character usage and all that, but also because the whole thing is drawn in a c***py Blocky and Low Resolution way.

I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever, but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him Mitch Sonichu.|Chris's featured quote on 19 January 2010}}

Alec didn't listen to Chris's demands, instead keeping everyone there and just introducing Mitch Sonichu as simply "Mitch Chu", who appears to be a [[Homos|gay stylist]], as well as Whisp Sonichu as the character Whispy Sonichu, Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin.

==Apologies==

In [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|a video]] Chris has finally admitted that Asperchu is not a [[parody]] of himself or his original creation, Sonichu, and is instead a completely original character. He also apologizes for spreading lies about Alec, such as suggesting that he [[Mailbag 50|only responds to fanmail that puts him in a positive light]], and for the constant [[death threats]] against him. He also apologizes for trying to comandeer [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]] character (though tactfully avoids mentioning his blatant ripoff, [[Simonla]]).

However, Chris's real motivations quickly become obvious as he proceeds to beg Alec and Evan to help him take down the [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|Cwcipedia ads]], which have becoming increasingly homoerotic and insulting to Chris.

A few days later, Chris made [[I am Alive|another video]] fully apologizing for his threats towards the four, decides to give up Simonla and delivers a half-assed [[Forgiveness Blessing]] to Mao, hopefully to finally remove the ads (which also included a [[parody]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] involving him and [[Snorlax|his mom]] and an obituary for Chris.)

==See also==
*[[Fan:Index]]: Other Sonichu-inspired works of art.
*[http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]: Asperchu's very own Wiki.
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu Asperpedia's youtube channel]

[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]

Homos

2010-01-27T00:41:49Z

Zephed: one of three -> one of four

{{quote|Homo males are objectionable, VERY objectionable (I hate them!)|Chris}}

[[Image:Homobad.jpg|thumb|'''STAY STRAIGHT!''']]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] refers to '''homosexual people''' almost exclusively by the pejorative term "'''homos'''". He doesn't like them very much.

From the very beginning of his internet fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|"STAY STRAIGHT"]] have been the subject of many [[lulz]] and the target of many [[trolls]].

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

[[Image:What_Chris_thinks_he_looks_like.png|thumb|Chris shows his [[Rainbow|true colors]].]]
Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause a straight person to be "leered off the straight path." His terror is such that he can barely bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo". He has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle|penis]] without being "freaked out," and he has cited [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|several techniques]] he believes are necessary to maintain his sexual attraction to women. Chris is also convinced that chances of homosexuality are raised as a direct result of not engaging in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Dating_Education</ref> his retarded [[Dating Education]] classes naturally being the reasonable solution to preventing people from becoming homos. His attitude could be explained by one of four possibilities:

# Chris is a heterosexual idiot, so he thinks the slightest thing could turn him gay unless he maintains constant vigilance.
# Chris is a repressed homosexual, so he ''knows'' the slightest thing could turn him gay, because he can barely resist the temptation.
# Chris is bisexual, yet his underdeveloped mind fails to grasp the fact that there's actually such a thing as male bisexuality, so he thinks that people really ''can'' choose their sexual preference, and that giving in to his feelings towards other males will automatically turn him gay.
# Chris is asexual, has no primal instincts attracting him to girls, so he must consciously go out of his way to stay straight and avoid becoming a homo.

We don't yet have enough information to determine which of these is true, and we won't until he kisses a man on the lips (currently scheduled for [[2010]]). Of course we have to consider (because Chris won't) the small point that anyone, gay or straight, man or [[China|woman]], white or [[Niggo|black]], would most likely rather clean their genitals with sandpaper than touch Chris.

==Hatred of homos==

Chris's animosity towards gay people seems to result primarily from his fear of them and their supposed ability/desire to make him gay (this, despite the fact that women are likely jealous of the fact that men don't have to worry about Chris being attracted to them). He has often characterized the [[trolls]] as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu]] must be gay.

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 02 January 2009, Chris made this statement:
{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, 02 January 2009, 11:59}}

He added that gay men should be incarcerated in co-ed prisons with other female offenders and be provided with access to prostitutes, arguing that they would come out "reprogrammed" into healthy, law-abiding heterosexuals.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|February 18 2009]], Chris issued a retraction of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" like he respects his [[gal pals]] and his [[sweethearts]]. However, this was mostly done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; by [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|March 10]] Chris was reciting verses from the Bible to justify his position against homos.

On 14 June 2009, he created a video called [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], which in the Chris-chan tradition of ruining everything you ever loved is a homophobic version of Uncle Ruckus's song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from the pilot episode of "The Boondocks."

Later on in the day, he published an apology for the video called "[[I'm Sorry, Dude]]", and insisted that he likes gays who "ac—...accomplish other things, like Stephen Fry who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." This is, of course, displays Chris' ignorance, as Stephen Fry is also a famous actor, comedian, writer, narrator (on things other than LBP), and author of some extremely witty and charming blogs that have a large internet following, as well as being an advocate for gay rights. This apology was only posted for the sake of his [[gal pal]] Kim's boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

Curiously, Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of Sonichu and Rosechu are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian." He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself. It is unknown why Chris mentions this, given that he has vacillated wildly in the past in his feelings on lesbianism, sometimes [[Mumble 1|coming out in support]] and other times [[CWC "Boyfriend"|condemning it]], or why the character is both Hispanic and a lesbian.

Chris occasionally tries to say he respects homosexuals for who they are. However, he repeatedly betrays his intolerance of different lifestyles, often within the same statement.

{{quote|"I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW. Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head."|Chris <ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality</ref>}}

Because it's OK for him to wave around his degenerate sexuality and showcase real life pictures of his disgusting activities, but god forbid a well-adjusted male adult mention they love other men.

On 8 July, Chris left a comment on a PSN News Post in reference to a Unity avatar:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2009/07/attention-fighting-fans-prove-youre-the-best-around/</ref>
{{quotebox|Hey, the Street Fighter Tourney is good news, but I have a concern about the person who left the message.

His Avitar…

If that icon is WHAT I THINK IT IS, I AM OFFENDED; please change your Avitar, dude.}}

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 26, 2009|July 26 2009]], Chris goes so far as to call gay a synonym for stupid.

In the mailbag section of the [[CWCipedia]], Chris describes at length his idea for his comic self to travel to the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (an idea stolen from [[Wikipedia:Family_Gay|this episode of]] [[Family Guy]]). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Honor roll|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]], or by imprisoning gays in [[Rape|co-ed prisons]]). Chris intended to bring at least two syringes of the solution back, one for [[Reldnahc]], and the other for emergencies (likely to be used on either himself, [[Magi-Chan]], or [[Megagi]]). Thanks to Chris's crippling insecurity about his sexuality, when this storyline finally came to light in [[Sonichu 10]], Chris amended this plan to not only bring back a couple of syringes, but also enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight.

Spoiler: because Chris is straight as a circle (as shown [[Homos#Evidence_that_Chris_is_a_homo|here]]), the vaccine would fail to work anyway.

Recently, [[Jack Thaddeus]] purchased advertisement space on the [[CWCkipedia]] to put up two ads on the site. One of them was an ad featuring Peter Griffin of Family Guy, pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights. In retaliation, Chris blew his stack, [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|stating]]:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's Audiobooks, BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''

Please Remove, or Change the Images of, THE TWO ADS.

And in the future, if you plan on adding more advertisements, INCLUDING the associated images, Please run them by me in a message for my personal Approval BEFORE you start running the ads.

Thank you.|Chris, [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links]}}

On Christmas Day, 2009, the Sysop at the CWCipedia added a Twitter onto the webpage. Two days later, Chris saw this and flew into a tizzy, wanting the Twitter off as he didn't want any "homo trolls" talking behind his back.

Around New Year 2010, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site that calls for a boycott on Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. In another ad, he also suggested that ''[[wikipedia:Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]'' was a ''totally'' straight film. To sum it up: Ex-gay campaigns, Proposition 8 and ridiculous consumer boycotts — in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that do ''not'' win himself any gay friends whatsoever and prove all of his previous "respect" for gays is nothing but idle words.

On January 5th, Chris responded a [[mailbag]] letter addressing the homosexual subject. In the answer, Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic-surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When founded evidence of homosexuality in a couple, the people involved would be arrested and fined heavily. It is worth noticing that, like Chris, good chaps like Hitler and Mussolini had a similar approach when addresing the homosexual lifestyle. Chris also apparently fails to notice that by having Magi-chan constantly reading people's mind would infringe the most important and basic of human's rights: the right of freedom of thinking. He also fails to realize that having Magi-chan scan Cwcville for gay thoughts would end in Chris getting arrested due to the fact that he says he has random images of penises appear in his head.

Then, on January 7th, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight...

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, 2003 just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight]]}}

Not only is this ironic, considering his current views on lesbianism, but it adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos stems from him being childish and whiny about not getting his way, just because ''one'' woman turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

==Evidence that Chris is a homo==
[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't [[fail]] at cataloguing pictures. [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|Oh lawd, is dat some lipstick on Chris?]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 12th, 2009|Ironically, the harder Chris tries to convince people he's straight, the more gay he appears.]] He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!" every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose". Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.

* Christian argues that the vibrator and anal beads were sent to him as a free gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. However, according to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|the receipts]] that were uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for the anal beads as a free gift.

* Chris gets upset that people know he has the vibrator and anal beads, and he gets upset that people think he's gay because he kept the vibrator and anal beads... but he never gets upset that the store sent him the vibrator and anal beads in the first place. You would think that if a troll sent him a dildo he'd be throwing a fit about it on [[YouTube]], but no.

* Chris kept the vibrator around for months.

* In the [[Chris Sex Logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then [[Lie|immediately denies it's been up his butt]]. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."

* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into early adulthood. 'Nuff said.

* For a straight man, he does [[Semen#Transcript|guzzle a lot of cum]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his own semen]] off of one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.

* Like many gay men, most of his [[gal-pal|"friends"]] were female and he never slept with any of them.

* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN Chat with Julie]], Chris admitted that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.

* Christian has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that 99.9999999999996% of straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.

* On [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009|February 05 2009]] Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a gay man. He later issued a retraction which was far less persuasive.

* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.

* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by a [[nudes|closeup picture of his anus]].

* He wears a pink [[Belt Buckle of Fail|belt buckle]].

* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]] which are basically hair clips. And hair clips are for women.

* Chris says he is the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|King of All Cosmos]], with the Cosmo being the pink drink originating from San Francisco associated with ''Sex and the City'', and gay men everywhere. Additionally, the namesake Katamari character not only vomits rainbows as a mode of transportation, but wears open-chested shirts and colorful tights that show off his Liefeld-esque MASSIVE AREA.

* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.

* [[Axe]], frequently used by gay men, is Chris's grooming product of choice.

*He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is a song with large gay following.

* [[Christian_and_the_Hedgehog_Boys_(album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] features two covers of the Backstreet Boys, one cover of a [[Britney Spears]] song and one cover of a Ricky Martin song. This music was popular among 13 year old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.

* Chris sure talks a lot about things "out his ass," such as "lying out [his] ass" when saying "''[[BILLY MAYS]] IS THE NEW MAYOR OF CWCVILLE.''"

* [[muscle bra|He wears a bra.]]

* He implores men to wear [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|muscle bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable, possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.

* He saved a [[No More Jokes|homoerotic image]] to his computer, and then made a series of movies about it.

* When you look up "'''Homosexuality'''" in Chris's [[CWCipedia|own web encyclopedia]], you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap on the right).

* Note that [[CWCipedia]] has a quite lengthy article on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality Homosexuality], while not even having one on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu Rosechu].

* In the [[PS3 History Level|PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he actually owns a copy of ''Sex and the City: The Movie'' (which has a huge gay following) when he showcased his then current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.

* While narrating the [[Sonichu_Powerpoint|Sonichu Powerpoint]] Chris called PandaHalo his "partner," a term sometimes used by gays and lesbians to refer to the person they're dating.

* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves tossing them into a garbage bin inside him, lest the gay gene take its toll.

* Chris reacts to Alec Benson Leary's [[Asperchu]] comics by giving the all the characters a free makeover.

==Defenses against becoming homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by taping index cards indicating their straightness to their shoes (while stomping on [[vibrator]]s). Srsly.]]

It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Luckily, Chris has a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] which he stares at everyday to stave off his temptations of homosexuality.

Chris also subscribes to ''Playboy'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five minutes for him to get around to boobies and [[China|vaginas]].

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) [[trolls|fans]] sent Chris questions on the [[CWCipedia]] asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tends to offer what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas include thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs. He also clarifies that one need not buy their own [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]]: any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick.

To prevent future homos, he also encourages women to not drink, smoke, or be physically abused while pregnant because he believes this could cause the baby to be born homosexual {{cite}}

In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris reveals another one of his defences against becoming a homo: he covers a section of his "[[CWC-ism|computer]]" (we can assume that he means "computer screen") with a piece of paper so that he can browse [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s ads featuring pictures of homosexual men.
{{clear}}

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

*''"I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"''<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref> 

*''"I'M STRAIGHT! I'M STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE THE HOMOS!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref> 

*''"I'm straight, don't doubt me!"'''<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> 

*''"Listen, as hard as you fucking can, [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|I CAME OUT OF MY]] AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."'''<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref> 

*''"Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref> 

*''"Anyway the, uh--anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all--how y'all understand it."''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>

*''"And look at me. Do I look like-- [shakes head in disagreement] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty, SKULLS! '''I. Am. STRAIGHT!'''"''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]</ref>

Alternatively, you could just read Chris defending his straightness for the umpteenth time on [[CWCipedia]].

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyO3pnkI3H4 CWC(Ian Brandon Anderson) finally admits it]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9hdbiwA3k Chris-Chan is sick of the lies!]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOpGtblij8Y Chris-Chan proves those slanderous trolls wrong]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Chris and race

2010-01-17T15:29:28Z

Zephed:

'''Chris's racist''' tendencies can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of Chris's worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, he seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==Blacks==
[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup.]]

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: his father, his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

===Origin of the word "niggo"===
[[Image:Lynch_to_the_supreme.jpg|thumb|Chris doesn't trust them new niggers over there.]]
'''Niggos''' is one of [[Chris]]'s many minced oaths, this one meant to refer to black people. His only known use of the term was in the [[Julie Reveals Herself|03 March 2009 chat]] where [[BlueSpike]] coerced him into saying ''"[[BILLY MAYS]] is the new mayor of [[CWCville]], and Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail, where he will be raped by a bunch of '''niggers'''."'' Chris repeated the line as ordered, but (being retarded as usual) ignored his instructions and attempted to outsmart BlueSpike by saying '''"niggos"''' instead of the dreaded N-word. Yes, out of all the things Chris could have done (you know, refused to say the N-word, said "N-word" or "blacks" or "African Americans" or some similar term, bleep himself out, or just not be a retard and end the conversation) he chose to coin a retarded ''and'' offensive term which, as if to add insult to injury, sounds like a lame brand of cereal.

It should be noted that Chris's creativity was completely in vain. [[BlueSpike]] pointed out Chris's faggotry, and our autistic hero had to spell out "nigger" properly several times. He even got the hang of it, and started singing [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|"Don't trust them new niggers over there"]] on his own will. So much for respecting the minorities.

As of now, Chris never again used the word "niggo", and probably doesn't even remember the whole incident. However, "niggo" is still considered a [[CWC-ism]], and is classified as a CWC-neologism.

==="No Darkies"===
[[Image:Nodarkies.JPG|thumb|Chris approved of this pic, and said he liked it.]]
{{protip|Chris never said or wrote "No darkies", nor has he ever used the word "darkie". That doesn't make him a non-racist, however.}}
Chris has been widely considered to be racist against black people since it was learned that his highly specific criteria for a [[sweetheart]] includes whiteness and specifically excludes blackness.<ref>[[Attraction Sign]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009]]</ref> Chris does not only tell this to trolls, however, he has told black [[boyfriend-free girls]] that they do not "meet his standard criteria for a female companion". To their faces.<ref>[[Autism papers|Chris's psychiatric examination]]</ref> Trolls quickly coined the phrase "No darkies" as a quick summary of Chris's criteria for a sweetheart, much to his chagrin.

Some may argue whether excluding "darkies" from the list of Chris's potential [[Sweetheart|heartsweets]] is actually an act of racism and discrimination against black women. He has insisted that he has nothing against black women, but as he is trying to find a mother for [[Crystal]] (who was white in the original "prophetic dream"), he simply has no interest in procreating with black women. Either way, he expressed it in an un-diplomatic way, as he is wont to do. Quite possibly, it could be considered an act of racism and discrimination against ''white'' women, as they are specifically selected as the manchild's possible victims of stalking and harassment. Chris also stated that he doesn't hate men who have black girlfriends, and doesn't necessarily consider them [[JERKS]], so Chris may think it'll increase his chances of finding a white boyfriend-free girl.

===Niggos in Chris's life===
[[Image:0242-CWC&VarsityBBallTeam97Color.jpg|thumb|Watch your back pocket, Chris!]]

There were some 12-15 year old black kids who frequented [[The GAMe PLACe]]. Chris picked on them and acted like they wanted to steal from him, hiding his stuff when they were nearby.<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=16855#p16855 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> The reason Chris got banned permanently from The GAMe PLACe was getting into a shouting match with one of these kids.

Chris also once argued with a huge black guy named TJ. When they started talking about how Chris would never get laid, Chris yelled, "I'm going to smack your effing face down!" As TJ stood up like he was going to beat Chris's ass, Chris shrunk and whimpered, "I mean your face down monster..."<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17281#p17281 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref>

As described [[Chris and racism#CADD Chef|below]], Chris had a black teacher at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] who graded him harshly on his AutoCAD work. Chris's massive victim complex again caused him to write this teacher into the comic as a villain.

{{incomplete}}

===Parental influence===
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|left|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only one white guy and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

===Niggos in the Comic===
In the [[Sonichu Comic|Sonichu Comics]] most black characters are villains who try to thwart Chris and [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|his hedgehogs]] at every turn. The ones that aren't so lucky are treated like crap by the other characters or used in race related jokes.

====[[B-Manajerk]]====
A '''villain''' based off a real life encounter. The B most likely stands for Black – the name was coined so that Chris could distinguish him from other [[Manajerks]]. This is quite similar to the way American black superheroes were named in the 1950-60s. He is a cousin of the [[Jerkhief]], because obviously dem black peoples must know each other or be related.

====[[Barack Obama]]====
A cameo for the sake of '''a race-related joke'''. [[Bob]] told Chris a racist joke about then-senator Obama, which Chris believed as being a real rumor, approved of, and then illustrated within the pages of [[Sonichu 8]]. Oh, and just in case you didn't think Chris was racist enough, he also drew Obama wearing a <strike>turban</strike> strange exotic dress and headgear, which probably was meant to imply that he is a [[Twin Falling Towers|Muslim]], just because his middle name is "Hussein". Chris later removed the joke after Obama won the election but he probably only did that <strike>so his fans wouldn't think he was unpatriotic</strike> [[Lie|because he respects Obama]] now.

[[Image:Nigrachu.jpg|thumb|And he's black and he's black.]]

====[[Black Sonichu]]/Blachu====
A '''villain''' turned positive-aligned "bad boy". Black Sonichu/Blachu (whose name was later [[retconned|changed]] to Blake) was originally a villain who later switched sides <strike>probably so that Chris would look less racist</strike> because he's a <strike>clone</strike> recolor of [[Shadow the Hedgehog]]. Note that Chris doesn't give him a creative name, like Shadow, but thinks that noting his "blackness" would be enough (see B-Manajerk). Black Sonichu's story is quite (stereo)typical. He was brought to the CWCverse against his will, and [[Reldnahc]] (a white boy) quickly states that he is Blachu's master. Black then proceeds to steal a <strike>white</strike> pink woman ([[Rosechu]]) and later a precious stone ([[Legendary Master Sunstone]]). Black Sonichu, compared to his yellow original, is considered inferior, and is all brawn and aggression while not being able to figure how to defend properly. Before his name change several characters made several ambiguous remarks when referring to him which could be interpreted as racist (including [[Wild|Wild's]] "I was following this black guy on a board..." comment). To Chris's credit, Blake becomes a positive character later, and even scores an interracial relationship with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. Though the couple is forced to hide that fact from the intolerant society of [[CWCville]], and other characters do nothing to stop this travesty.

====[[CADD Chef]]====
A '''villain''' based on Christian's actual [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting & Design]] teacher, Kene Meniru, at [[Piedmont Valley Community College]]. Meniru gave Chris a F in real life (probably for Chris's "[[Chris_and_English#Spelling|geinus]]" building designs) and is portrayed as a [[JERKS|jerk]] who always complains about the buildings in Cwcville. Given how bad Chris is at [[Chris and Art|drawing]] the CADD Chef's comments are perfectly understandable. Note that Chris thought it was more important that Kene Meniru was black than that he was a teacher, and decided to portray him as possibly the [[Fail|only black cartoon character he was familiar with]], even though that character had no other similarity to Mr. Meniru than the color of his skin.

==Asians==
{{main|Punchy Sonichu}}
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], he portrays Punchy as a Kung-Fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian.
Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of Kung-Fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person, claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same, and expresses dislike for the Chinese, as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. Later, he backpedaled and says he has no problem with the Chinese while being interrogated in [[Mumble 9]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], he says he has no problem with dating an Asian.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|right|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
==='''Ching Chong'''===

In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of [[Chris]] drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards Ethnic Asians communities.

In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].
{{clear}}

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans, No really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a sports bra) and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{main|Christmas}}

In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate Hannukah. On December 12 members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when Sonichu's daughter Cerah Rosey baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

==Minority Characters in Sonichu==
*[[Florance Fisher]] (Black)
*[[Jerkhief]] (Black)
*[[Silvana]] (Black)
*[[Turdijerk]] (Unclear, drawn with dark skin)
*[[Punchy]] (East Asian)
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Intended to be Native American)

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|The Boondocks]]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[Random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a Racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|150px|thumb|Chris is a '''wiggo'''.]]

Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]..

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too.

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off of what he's seen on TV]]. Chris' perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Chris and race

2010-01-17T15:28:27Z

Zephed: wikipedia link of Joseph Smith

'''Chris's racist''' tendencies can be traced at least partially to his southern heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of Chris's worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, he seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==Blacks==
[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup.]]

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: his father, his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence the word "niggo".

===Origin of the word "niggo"===
[[Image:Lynch_to_the_supreme.jpg|thumb|Chris doesn't trust them new niggers over there.]]
'''Niggos''' is one of [[Chris]]'s many minced oaths, this one meant to refer to black people. His only known use of the term was in the [[Julie Reveals Herself|03 March 2009 chat]] where [[BlueSpike]] coerced him into saying ''"[[BILLY MAYS]] is the new mayor of [[CWCville]], and Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail, where he will be raped by a bunch of '''niggers'''."'' Chris repeated the line as ordered, but (being retarded as usual) ignored his instructions and attempted to outsmart BlueSpike by saying '''"niggos"''' instead of the dreaded N-word. Yes, out of all the things Chris could have done (you know, refused to say the N-word, said "N-word" or "blacks" or "African Americans" or some similar term, bleep himself out, or just not be a retard and end the conversation) he chose to coin a retarded ''and'' offensive term which, as if to add insult to injury, sounds like a lame brand of cereal.

It should be noted that Chris's creativity was completely in vain. [[BlueSpike]] pointed out Chris's faggotry, and our autistic hero had to spell out "nigger" properly several times. He even got the hang of it, and started singing [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|"Don't trust them new niggers over there"]] on his own will. So much for respecting the minorities.

As of now, Chris never again used the word "niggo", and probably doesn't even remember the whole incident. However, "niggo" is still considered a [[CWC-ism]], and is classified as a CWC-neologism.

==="No Darkies"===
[[Image:Nodarkies.JPG|thumb|Chris approved of this pic, and said he liked it.]]
{{protip|Chris never said or wrote "No darkies", nor has he ever used the word "darkie". That doesn't make him a non-racist, however.}}
Chris has been widely considered to be racist against black people since it was learned that his highly specific criteria for a [[sweetheart]] includes whiteness and specifically excludes blackness.<ref>[[Attraction Sign]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009]]</ref> Chris does not only tell this to trolls, however, he has told black [[boyfriend-free girls]] that they do not "meet his standard criteria for a female companion". To their faces.<ref>[[Autism papers|Chris's psychiatric examination]]</ref> Trolls quickly coined the phrase "No darkies" as a quick summary of Chris's criteria for a sweetheart, much to his chagrin.

Some may argue whether excluding "darkies" from the list of Chris's potential [[Sweetheart|heartsweets]] is actually an act of racism and discrimination against black women. He has insisted that he has nothing against black women, but as he is trying to find a mother for [[Crystal]] (who was white in the original "prophetic dream"), he simply has no interest in procreating with black women. Either way, he expressed it in an un-diplomatic way, as he is wont to do. Quite possibly, it could be considered an act of racism and discrimination against ''white'' women, as they are specifically selected as the manchild's possible victims of stalking and harassment. Chris also stated that he doesn't hate men who have black girlfriends, and doesn't necessarily consider them [[JERKS]], so Chris may think it'll increase his chances of finding a white boyfriend-free girl.

===Niggos in Chris's life===
[[Image:0242-CWC&VarsityBBallTeam97Color.jpg|thumb|Watch your back pocket, Chris!]]

There were some 12-15 year old black kids who frequented [[The GAMe PLACe]]. Chris picked on them and acted like they wanted to steal from him, hiding his stuff when they were nearby.<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=16855#p16855 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref> The reason Chris got banned permanently from The GAMe PLACe was getting into a shouting match with one of these kids.

Chris also once argued with a huge black guy named TJ. When they started talking about how Chris would never get laid, Chris yelled, "I'm going to smack your effing face down!" As TJ stood up like he was going to beat Chris's ass, Chris shrunk and whimpered, "I mean your face down monster..."<ref>[[Mimms]] [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/pvcc/viewtopic.php?p=17281#p17281 post] on [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]]</ref>

As described [[Chris and racism#CADD Chef|below]], Chris had a black teacher at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] who graded him harshly on his AutoCAD work. Chris's massive victim complex again caused him to write this teacher into the comic as a villain.

{{incomplete}}

===Parental influence===
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|left|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern United States before the civil rights movement, it is very easy to assume that Bob harbors racist beliefs and has passed at least some of them on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only one white guy and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. This line of reasoning was cemented in 2008 when Chris began referring to his father saying that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black."

===Niggos in the Comic===
In the [[Sonichu Comic|Sonichu Comics]] most black characters are villains who try to thwart Chris and [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|his hedgehogs]] at every turn. The ones that aren't so lucky are treated like crap by the other characters or used in race related jokes.

====[[B-Manajerk]]====
A '''villain''' based off a real life encounter. The B most likely stands for Black – the name was coined so that Chris could distinguish him from other [[Manajerks]]. This is quite similar to the way American black superheroes were named in the 1950-60s. He is a cousin of the [[Jerkhief]], because obviously dem black peoples must know each other or be related.

====[[Barack Obama]]====
A cameo for the sake of '''a race-related joke'''. [[Bob]] told Chris a racist joke about then-senator Obama, which Chris believed as being a real rumor, approved of, and then illustrated within the pages of [[Sonichu 8]]. Oh, and just in case you didn't think Chris was racist enough, he also drew Obama wearing a <strike>turban</strike> strange exotic dress and headgear, which probably was meant to imply that he is a [[Twin Falling Towers|Muslim]], just because his middle name is "Hussein". Chris later removed the joke after Obama won the election but he probably only did that <strike>so his fans wouldn't think he was unpatriotic</strike> [[Lie|because he respects Obama]] now.

[[Image:Nigrachu.jpg|thumb|And he's black and he's black.]]

====[[Black Sonichu]]/Blachu====
A '''villain''' turned positive-aligned "bad boy". Black Sonichu/Blachu (whose name was later [[retconned|changed]] to Blake) was originally a villain who later switched sides <strike>probably so that Chris would look less racist</strike> because he's a <strike>clone</strike> recolor of [[Shadow the Hedgehog]]. Note that Chris doesn't give him a creative name, like Shadow, but thinks that noting his "blackness" would be enough (see B-Manajerk). Black Sonichu's story is quite (stereo)typical. He was brought to the CWCverse against his will, and [[Reldnahc]] (a white boy) quickly states that he is Blachu's master. Black then proceeds to steal a <strike>white</strike> pink woman ([[Rosechu]]) and later a precious stone ([[Legendary Master Sunstone]]). Black Sonichu, compared to his yellow original, is considered inferior, and is all brawn and aggression while not being able to figure how to defend properly. Before his name change several characters made several ambiguous remarks when referring to him which could be interpreted as racist (including [[Wild|Wild's]] "I was following this black guy on a board..." comment). To Chris's credit, Blake becomes a positive character later, and even scores an interracial relationship with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. Though the couple is forced to hide that fact from the intolerant society of [[CWCville]], and other characters do nothing to stop this travesty.

====[[CADD Chef]]====
A '''villain''' based on Christian's actual [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting & Design]] teacher, Kene Meniru, at [[Piedmont Valley Community College]]. Meniru gave Chris a F in real life (probably for Chris's "[[Chris_and_English#Spelling|geinus]]" building designs) and is portrayed as a [[JERKS|jerk]] who always complains about the buildings in Cwcville. Given how bad Chris is at [[Chris and Art|drawing]] the CADD Chef's comments are perfectly understandable. Note that Chris thought it was more important that Kene Meniru was black than that he was a teacher, and decided to portray him as possibly the [[Fail|only black cartoon character he was familiar with]], even though that character had no other similarity to Mr. Meniru than the color of his skin.

==Asians==
{{main|Punchy Sonichu}}
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], he portrays Punchy as a Kung-Fu master with slanty eyes. While in a mailbag, he was called out on this and retorts by denying that he's Asian.
Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of Kung-Fu to Japan, when in actuality it came from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person, claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same, and expresses dislike for the Chinese, as shown in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]. Later, he backpedaled and says he has no problem with the Chinese while being interrogated in [[Mumble 9]].

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], he says he has no problem with dating an Asian.

[[Image:ChingChong.jpg|thumb|right|The only known image of "Ching Chong".]]
==='''Ching Chong'''===

In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris present us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of [[Chris]] drinking his own [[semen|"Navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards Ethnic Asians communities.

In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].
{{clear}}

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans, No really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of native are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "Cherokeeian" heritage with Sonichu lore. He depicts Cherokee characters in his work as white and wearing gold armor (''[[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith]]'' would be proud). The actions and spirituality of the Native Americans in his comic have almost no resemblance to any actual people that ever existed.

Chris has also embodied his his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous Cheroki-Chan, a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary-Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water washable paint (and a sports bra) and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. Instead, it served to illustrate his outrageous insensitivity and callowness.

==Jews==
{{main|Christmas}}

In [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]], Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate Hannukah. On December 12 members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has 7 candles in it, while the traditional Menorah used on Hanukkah IRL has 9) instead of Christmas Trees, with dreidels lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. E.g., when Sonichu's daughter Cerah Rosey baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift!

The interesting moment is that there actually is a tradition of eating specially baked foods on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

==Minority Characters in Sonichu==
*[[Florance Fisher]] (Black)
*[[Jerkhief]] (Black)
*[[Silvana]] (Black)
*[[Turdijerk]] (Unclear, drawn with dark skin)
*[[Punchy]] (East Asian)
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (Intended to be Native American)

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical Adult Swim cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|The Boondocks]]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in Sonichu with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[Random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming Cherokee ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic.

==Not a Racist?==
[[Image:ECP_00024.jpg|150px|thumb|Chris is a '''wiggo'''.]]

Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville [[Fail|"they can even vote"]], but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was Jaleel White (AKA Steve Urkel), a black man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]..

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too.

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off of what he's seen on TV]]. Chris' perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An image leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

==References==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Mailbag 32

2010-01-10T21:42:13Z

Zephed:

__NOTOC__'''Mailbag 32''' was uploaded to the [[CWCipedia]] on 4 [[January 2010]]. [[Chris]] began answering it in the very late hours of 5 January.

Highlights include Chris, in denial as usual, freaking out at someone pointing out that stealing jokes wholesale is kinda lame, Chris freaking out at Alec Benson Leary (creator of smash success [[Fan:Asperchu|Asperchu]]) and calling him a [[Chris and his ego|"Self-Egotistical"]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|narcissist]], Chris freaking out about cousins marrying, and essentially, Chris freaking out in general. It's been awhile since he's gotten this excited over a mailbag, probably all the [[stress]] of [[Sonichu 10|eliminating his enemies in fiction]] is finally getting to him.

==Answered==
===Chris to everybody who knows anything about him: F*** you===
{{Email|From: Jack Winne <J.Winne@gmail.com>

I noticed you've replied to a lot of emails referencing the Bear that wasn't. However the bear in the end chose for itself and acted like a bear despite everyone else labelling him, in the end they still all thought he was a man in a fur coat who needed a shave.

You'd have to accept that many people see you as a homosexual if you're taking the moral of the story. But in your case that's bad since women would also see you as such. The bear didn't need anything from the people labelling him but you probably aren't happy with women in particular labelling you as homosexual.}}
{{EmailReply|ONLY a couple of emails. After some thought after reading your message, my response to ALL THOSE INDIVIDUALS, male and female, who dare to continue to mislabel me as such is "F*** YOU." --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 05:57, 6 January 2010 (CET)}}

===Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes===
{{Email|From: Jack [[Wikipedia:Metalocalypse|Mustakrakish]] <[[Wikipedia:The Dethalbum|awakenawaken]]@aol.com>

I came across an article in the Richmond Times-Dispatch about your name change, and it mentioned that your parents were living separately from each other at the time. Are you aware of why they chose to live this way? My parents never lived apart for any length of time.}}
{{EmailReply|They lived separately for two reasons; one was to KEEP and maintain the Ruckersville house and the pets there, and because my mother had not yet retired from working at Virginia Power (which '''STUPIDLY''' changed their name to Dominion Power). After she had retired while I was in 8th Grade, SHE moved to the Richmond Home and brought all the pets, including Patti, with her; I helped. Then we moved back completely after my Graduation from Manchester High in 2000. They were still happily married, and before retirement from V.P., she came over for visits on the Weekends every Weekend.}}

===You fail genetics forever===
{{Email|From: Reggie Morris <stiffness@corpse.com>

In Mailbag 27, you said this:
"I believe a vaccine is most capable to change their mental status; my prescription has Definitely lowered my stress levels. I should know, I recently went ONE MONTH without it, and the stress LITERALLY ALMOST KILLED ME; it HURT WORSE in comparison to being on it; I went back on it, and I still take it with appreciation for it's good work on keeping me more capable on emotionally coping with stress. "

This is very interesting. Please elaborate.

You also said in the same mailbag:
"You Are Seriously Mistaken, and Your Theory IS PROVEN FALSE. To truly KILL the Gay Gene, the weakened Gene had to be made, but THEN the gene would need to be Replaced; otherwise, the injected person would become Asexual. The Straight Gene is put in the Vaccine to Replace the Gay Gene AFTER elimination to PREVENT Asexuality."

Please explain how this was proven to be, the procedures taken, and how genetics work. This is certainly unlike anything I've ever heard. It may even change biology as we know it.}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, I would point out looking up "Paxil" or "Paroxitine" on the Wikipedia and reading the scientific details on how it has proven to Successfully Reduce Levels of Stress.

I admit that I am NOT an expert in genetics, but THINK ABOUT IT, if you imagine a DNA Strand, you Remove the ONE GENE that sets the orientation, it leaves the individual without appropriate guidance and attraction towards their opposite gender. So, the Absent Gene has to be replaced with its opposite; the SWITCH from the Gay Gene with the Straight Gene.}}

===Chris knows what's best for your kids===
{{Email|From: George Pliskin <georgepliskin8@gmail.com>

Stop responding to some of the questions with "I'll deal with that when I cross that bridge". That just shows that you are not prepared for anything, please give a real answer it shows your fans respect. Don't just take it into consideration, actually do it.

Here's my question, why do you put sex in your comics that just seems pointless and immature, I thought this was a children's book with fantasy battles. What I've seen are disturbing things that children shouldn't learn until they are at least 15 years old. So could you please clean up the content of your series.

P.S. Quit avoiding questions with your "cross the bridge" phrase.}}
{{EmailReply|Well, this is one question that does not appropriately deserve that response. To answer it, EVEN IN FAIRY TALES, there ARE depictions of love and romance to full detail, even violence sometimes. Like, Romeo and Juilet; THE ORIGINAL BOOK and MOVIE depicts SEX between the couple. And what happens to the Queen in Snow White was not exactly pleasant either. And Little Red Riding Hood and Grandma GET EATEN by the WOLF, and the wolf GETS DISSECTED by the [[Lumberjack]]. Oh, Yeah, GUTS! Now THAT IS TV-Y Acceptable now isn't it? GET OVER YOURSELF. THE CHILDREN WILL BE SEEING SEX AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES ANYWAY, YOU CAN NOT STOP IT. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 05:57, 6 January 2010 (CET)}}

===Quit swearing so goddamn much===
{{Email|From: <scarfermezzo@gmail.com>

Dear Chris,

Why do you say "god damn" and other variations of the phrase? Do you understand that this is putting the Lord's name in vain. As a Christian, it'd be wise to try to avoid saying His name in vain (including things like "Oh My God", "I Swear to God", etc.). I know we aren't all perfect and sinless but it's not like you even try to stop or even repent. When reading through your Twitter and mailbags, I see you taking his name in vain. Again, and again. It's not too hard to do, so if you want to stop adding sins on top of your pile, this is one step to improvement.

From,

Scarf!}}
{{EmailReply|I will take that under consideration, and I do say my prayers and admit my sins and mistakes and get forgiven daily.}}

===For more information, see Lovely Weather===
{{Email|From: Jessica Lawler <jessica.marie.lawler@gmail.com>

Dear Christian,

I recently watched a BBC documentary entitled "Guys and Dolls". It explores the relationship that some men have with Real Dolls. The men in the documentary are around your age and have trouble finding a Sweetheart. These men have decided that they will never find a companion and have settled for a life with Real Dolls. I saw a lot of behaviors in this video that reminded me of you and I would like your input. Would you ever consider a relationship with a Real Doll? I don't mean [[Kimmi]] either -- Real Dolls are more durable and less prone to Internal Damages.

You don't need to view the documentary to answer my question. I'd really just like to know what you think of Real Dolls and if you would consider them as a lifelong companion.
However here is the link in case you are curious. [http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/guys-and-dolls/]

Thanks in advance!

Jessica <3}}
{{EmailReply|NO. I will NEVER EVER SETTLE for such a [[Lovely Weather|PRETEND RELATIONSHIP]].}}

===In which Chris fails to notice that this guy just called him a retard===
{{Email|From: Steve Johnson <amazingaspie@gmail.com>

Hey Chris, I just wanted to say I can't believe so many people don't listen to you when you say Autism and Asperger's are completely different! As someone diagnosed with Asperger's, I agree with you 100%. Honestly, it offends me to be constantly compared to retards.

Anyway, I love your comics. They remind me of these comics my 5-year old nephew drew me, although his had better artwork.}}
{{EmailReply|Thank you for agreeing with me on my point of view.}}

===Lovecraft's got nothing on Chris===
{{Email|From: criticalmass82@aol.com

Hello Christian!

I hope you are well. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is [[Wikipedia:H. P. Lovecraft|Howard Phillips Lovecraft]], but my friends call me H.P. If you wish you may also call me H.P.

I have been a fan of yours for quite some time and it is evident that we share many similar interests and are roughly the same age so grew up with the same shows and toys.

As a fan I had a few questions for you, Christian Weston Chandler. Most of these will be simple YES or NO questions.

1.Have you ever considered going back to school to further your skills as an artist for the comic and to give you more chances at social interaction thus giving you a better chance of finding a girlfriend?

2. Do you believe a straight male may find sexual pleasure through anal stimulation, through use of fingers ot sex toys while masturbating or having sex, and still be 100% straight?

3. As a Christian, what do you think is the most terrible sin besides murder?

4. What do you believe is the most important thing about a man that attracts women to him?

5. Do you think looks matter in a relationship?

6. What is the first thing you notice about a girl? Be honest please.

7. Do you believe in ghosts or other supernatural beings, besides God and the Lord Jesus Christ that is?

8. What is your favorite car or truck?

9. If you ever got a tattoo what would it be and where?

10. Would you ever date a girl with tattoos?

11. If you had to live somewhere besides Virginia, where would you live?

12. If a gay man were to ever flirt with you, what would you do?

13. Do you like fudge?

14. Do you ever have nightmares? If so, what are they about?

I think that is enough for now. Thanks for taking the time to answer our emails.

H.P. }}
{{EmailReply|1) For Social Interaction, it is a good idea, but I wouldn't want to just take a class that I would just throw all teachings of out of my head after passing it just for some Social Life. 2) AS LONG AS they have WOMEN in Mind and Heart when performing such stimuations, then yes they are still straight. 3) Deception. 4) Good Looks, I expect. 5) On a minor percentage of the relationship, yes. 6) Her Face. 7) Yes, but I am not frightened of them. Although I may be surprised or shocked appropriately. 8) Chevy Camaro. 9) I would never get a tattoo. But if I were to, I think I would get it on my upper back. 10) ONLY if she had one or two; NO MORE. 11) I am uncertain. 12) Inform that I am Straight, and if he continues, I would [[Chris and anger|PUNCH HIS LIGHTS OUTS!]] 13) ONLY the regular chocolate fudge. 14) Yes I sometimes have nightmares. I have had some where I have SEEN the FLASH OF DEATH from an appropriate cause, including drowning. --[[User:ChrisChanSonichu|ChrisChanSonichu]] 05:57, 6 January 2010 (CET)}}

==Rejected Mailbag==
===Yeah, she was===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Jane Austen|Jane Austen]] <littlemissausten@yahoo.com>

Chris,

I'm a long-time fan of the comic and find you a great role model for a writer dealing with adversity, being one myself, but one thing does concern me. In your recent FAQ section, you mention how it is common practice to use ideas from other media when otherwise out of ideas. You then cite the South Park episode "Simpsons Did It" as a reference. That South Park episode featured unintentional copying of ideas by Butters and could serve as a commentary to how difficult it is to come up with original ideas. However, you intentionally copy ideas from other shows. In fact, you go so far as to rip characters, plots, and characters wholesale from other works. This is at best lazy writing and at worst copyright infringement.. Just because you can get away with this practice does not make it ethical or encouraged. I find this very disappointing from an otherwise accomplished writer such as yourself. So, are you lazy, uncreative, a plagiarist, or some combination of all three? I'd appreciate more originality from you in the future, especially if you hope to be a role model for other young writers such as myself.
Thank You,
Jane}}
{{EmailReply|ARE YOU SO ORIGINAL, YOURSELF?}}

===Trolls are not known for giving a damn===
{{Email|From: Bob Bobson <totallyfine1@gmail.com>

"I have told those trolls that they are the scum of the earth,"

Newsflash: Trolls don't care about being insulted. Attempting to insult one is like trying to douse a wildfire with oil--it only makes them stronger.

"and that they give their kind of people,"

Trolls have always had a bad name and they enjoy having one, so again they don't care.

"specifically [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] and [[Jack Thaddeus|Jack]] giving their Homosexual Male kind a worse name, in videos on YouTube and such."

Is this like the supposed "blackmail" you attempted when you grabbed a random gay sex image off of google images and claimed that it was Clyde? Because, I'm pretty sure he's heterosexual, what with raping [[PandaHalo|Panda]] and all. Jack I don't know about.

Or did Clyde just say that he supports gay rights and you jumped to conclusions and decided that he must be gay? Because, y'know, it's possible to be straight and still support gay rights. Just like how it's possible to like both Pokemon and Harry Potter, but you failed to understand even that.

Really Chris, I'm starting to think that the trolls are right about your lack of intelligence. I should let you know that I'm a very well respected fan and if I leave, I'll take a sizable chunk of the fanbase with me. Fans are money, and you'd better show your report cards and prove me wrong or
else you'll lose out.}}

===Just kill Simonla already dammit===
{{Email|From: [[Evan|Evang7]] <evang7@gmail.com>
To Christopher Christian Ricardo Weston Chandler,

Thank you for finally getting back to me and giving me a GOOD reason
for why you won't remove [[Simonla]]. I understand why you have been so
reluctant to do this now!

However, the reason I trust you do kill her in the story is because
you can write from your experiences. You have had many Sweethearts who
have Tragically Died; you know the Pain and Heartbreak Wild would
suffer if something happened to Simonla. It is a Tragic, Real Life
Experience that happens to people Every Day. I think adding this to
your story would be an Interesting Twist should you spend an entire
chapter dedicated to Wild losing his Heartsweet and recovering with
the help of Sonichu and the Gang, and maybe finding new love?

However, if you can think of a GOOD, PERMANENT way to remove Simonla
without causing the Heart Break, PLEASE do it and PLEASE show it
actually happening in the comics; Usually when people die in Sonichu
or Leave Forever it happens Off-Screen; my lawyers want to SEE Simonla
leaving the story before they can Legally Accept it.

-Evan}}

==Parodies==
===Asperchu can't be a parody of Chris, because Asperchu's not a total <s>dick</s> fucking asshole===
{{Email|From: Alec-chan [[Fan:Asperchu|Asperchu]] <albasperchu@live.com>
Christian,

Thank you again for clearing up your words that I was wondering about! However, I am afraid that you Have indeed given me a blessing for the cartoon show, if with your actions but not only your words. You See, although it is clear you do not care for some of the lesser quibling aspects of ASPERCHU, you do recognize it as a fiery, flaming inspiration of Exquisite Art, which is the words what Mr. Tartica, an Executive Officer over at the Cartoon Network said - not my own words, but rather His. I do not mean to Anger you with this statement, but I felt you should see his words for Yourself, because it is important you know just How Much of a Great Weight you have given to my efforts to establish myself as an Up and Coming Artisan.

Now, with that out of the way, I have something of a Bone to pick with you, I must confess. In fact, I would go so far as to say that there are several levels to my concern, each of which deserves Coverage. FIRST: You say that ASPERCHU is a "Look-Alike Sonichu Character with a Look-Alike Sonichu Medallion". Now, I am JUST PLAINED OFFENDED at YOUR offense, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler! that you would call ASPERCHU a "look-alike" is appalling: FIRST of all, ASPERCHU has glasses, while SONICHU most certainly does NOT; it is a little-known fact that ASPERCHU has the astigmatism. SECONDLY, ASPERCHU, as you pointed out, wears clothes! First you say ASPERCHU is a parody of Sonichu, next you say he is a parody of you yourself with the shirt. Which is it, Mr. Chandler? ASPERCHU cannot parody both of you completely different beings and still be a parody. SECONDLY, you say that the previous letter, the picture contained within you submit here as evidence of your claim, was placed in your [[Rejected Mailbag#Parodies|parody page]]. But it is YOU YOURSELF who put that ASPERCHU image into your parody mailbag, not I. If it were up to me, you would have placed it into your ORIGINAL mailbag, as that is what it is (I do not even see that you even HAVE an original mailbag yet, what is up with that?). THIRDLY, you say that that image is full of the suggestions of [[Homos|homogayrotica]]. That is just plain and duly absurd! In that image, ASPERCHU and his joy-boy Sonichu are enjoying the Comfort and Camaraderie that comes when two Adult, Confident, STRAIGHT male friends are able to share their PLATONIC friendship with each other in a PLATONIC hug. NOTHING MORE. There is absolutely NOTHING of the homogay in that image. But just to prove ONCE AND FOR ALL that ASPERCHU is NOT the homogay, I have crafted and submitted a New image to depict to you: Tell me, if ASPERCHU were not STRAIGHT, would he be using AXE SHOWER GEL? No, I do not think he would.

I do thank you for clarifying what you mean concerning your opinions on the Aspergers and the Autism. I must say however, that as one afflicted with the Aspergers, it is my opinion that I do not have the qualification to make a determination personally. Because of this, I cannot say that you are not right or wrong that Aspergers and Autism are not linked. However, I must ask you this question: If it is in fact a True Fact that the Aspergers is not linked to the Autism, then how exactly is ASPERCHU a parody of Sonichu? Because apart from his major differences - the glasses, the clothes, the goatee, the stories, and Such - ASPERCHU has the ASPERGERS! He is even a part Aspergers-type pokemon (he is electric-type and Aspergers-type). He must therefore NOT be a parody of Sonichu, as I have been saying for the while. So please retract your statement that ASPERCHU is a parody of Sonichu, as the completely DIFFERENT mental conditionings PROVE that I came up with ASPERCHU all on my own.

Sincerely,

Alec Benson Leary}}
{{EmailReply|BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Boy, ARE YOU [[Chris and hypocrisy|Self-Gloated, Self-Boasting and Self-Egotistical]]. Yep, you are indeed a literal classic by-the-book case BASTARD.}}

== Questions ==

Q: If Sonichu got published how much would each Issue cost?
A: I'd estimate $2.25, given the current shelf-comic prices. But ON the Playstation Network's Digital Comic Service, I'd estimate $0.99 or $1.99 per Digital Issue.

Q: How often does Sonichu have to stop and take breaks when he's running?
A: He only stops for a rescue, social life, eating a chili dog, tacos or whatever he feels like chowin' down, and to relax at home with his family.

Q: Virginia lets you to marry your first cousin, but doesn't allow gays to marry. Do you think cousin-marriage is better than gay marriage? Why or why not?
A: WHAT THE F***?! WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT C***PIEST OF HEINOUS LIES ABOUT VIRGINIA?! Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER! In comparison, both unholy marriages are equally terrible.

{{Mailbag}}