CWCki - User contributions [en]

Pmurt

2016-09-28T06:23:43Z

Zorakirby:

{{quote|Plus, Trump is just too damn rich And immature. And "Trump" spelled backwards is "Pmurt", which rhymes with "Hurt", and he would badly "Pmurt" this country in office.|[[Chris]]}}
[[Image:Trump.jpg|thumb|Pmurt.]]
'''Pmurt''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for 2016 Republican Presidential Nominee [[wikipedia:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]. He pronounces it '''Murt''', based on his belief that the P is silent when the name is said backwards<ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref>.

This CWC-ism comes from a [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote|Facebook comment from 25 September]] (partially quoted above), in which Chris says that "Trump spelled backwards is "Pmurt", [[Random Access Humor|which rhymes with hurt, and that Trump would badly "Pmurt" the US if elected.]]"

He continued using this backwards name in subsequent Facebook posts and videos.

Chris is opposed to Pmurt becoming President, saying:

*He is an "[[Chris|immature brat]] who mocks everyone."
*He "Wants the immigrants to build their own "Keep Out" wall so [he] would kick them all out."
*He "hates our kind." [LGBTQ]
*He "was a one-track tape, repeating himself on pat deeds that he was "proud"(?) of."
*He has "ideals of cutting finances from all of the more important resources the country needs in communities and feeding the industries from the National Debt. And he acted against the immigrants in that topic as well; they have to work too, you know."

Chris has also [[Honor Roll|cited an episode of The Simpsons]] as one of his major sources for being anti-Pmurt<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>.

His hatred of Pmurt is so great that he made two videos of himself role-playing acts of violence on Pmurt with Transformers and My Little Pony toys.<ref>[[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Paid Message to the Trolls]]</ref><ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref>

==See Also==
* [[Chris and English]]

==Sources==
<references/>

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Stubs]]

The Wallflower

2016-06-27T03:25:34Z

Zorakirby: Undo revision 198807 by K12 (talk)

:''For the CWCipedia page, see [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)]]. For usage of her name on the [[CWCki]], see [[CWCki:The Wallflower|The Wallflower (policy)]]''
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Sweethearts
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Aliteralallflower.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |The Wallflower
|-
| '''Name'''
| [REDACTED]
|-
| '''Alias'''
| The Wallflower, Damian Antaria
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Sweetheart|Female]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|}

{{quote|And, who cares if you're a fucking acoustic virgin? ... Not even a cheap whore would want your small dick inside her, neither would I.|The Wallflower, [[Wallflower E-mails 3|speaking for women everywhere,]] as well as inadvertently [[Mia Hamm|predicting how Chris would eventually lose his virginity]].}}

'''"The Wallflower"''' is the codename of [[Megan Schroeder]]'s heiress, a [[gal pal|female friend]] named that [[Chris]] met some time around early [[2010]]. She is one of the few girls Chris has managed to associate with in his post-[[high school]] years who is not (as far as can be seen) a direct result of trolling. In [[March 2010]], she joined the long list of would-be [[sweetheart]]s with whom Chris failed to lose his hated virginity.

The Wallflower wanted the relationship over after a [[troll]] linked The Wallflower to the [[CWCki]]. The ending of their relationship is most likely a result of having her details leaked over the [[Internet]] and Chris exacerbating the problem. Nevertheless, Chris has taken it upon himself to blame those goddamn trolls for destroying yet another chance at getting some [[china]].

==The "Relationship"==
{{quote|It was getting deep. We hung out at her house in her room; it was comfy. No sex or mouth-to-mouth.|Chris [[Jackie Chat 1|explains the deepness]] of his relationship with The Wallflower.}}
[[File:OwlLevel.jpg|thumb|Chris and the Wallflower on a double date with Sonichu and Rosechu, in [[LittleBigPlanet]].]]
{{See also|Wallflower E-mails}}
Based on an email Chris sent to [[Vivian Gee]], he met The Wallflower on 22 [[January 2010]] at a "Young Adult Social Group",<ref>On 27 January 2010, Chris [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010#i noticed you made a donation to haiti — 27 January|wrote to Vivian]] that he was "attending [his] first Young Adult Social Group Meeting last Friday, where [he] also met and hit it off well with a nice and pretty 23-year old woman." [http://www.timeanddate.com/date/weekday.html timeanddate.com] tells us that 27 January 2010 fell on a Wednesday, and the last Friday before that was 22 January.</ref> to which she went at the advice of her mother.<ref name="Wallflower3">[[Wallflower E-mails 3]]</ref> The Wallflower told Chris on the very same day she first met him that that she's not ready for a romantic relationship.<ref>In an email from 28 January 2010, The Wallfower [[Wallflower E-mails|wrote Chris]] that "I like mentioned to you on that Friday, I'm not totally ready to be in a relationship yet." [http://www.timeanddate.com/date/weekday.html timeanddate.com] tells us that 28 January 2010 fell on a Thursday; the last Friday before that was 22 January.</ref> As will be shown below, Chris was not deterred by that statement and still thought that he had a serious shot at becoming The Wallflower's boyfriend.

[[File:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|thumb|The Wallflower on her [[third date]] with [[Clyde Cash]].]]

On 25 January 2010 an email correspondence between The Wallflower and Chris started.<ref name="Wallflower1">[[Wallflower E-mails]]</ref> The first public signs of Chris's involvement with The Wallflower showed up in late [[January 2010]]. In [[Mailbag 46#Two hip wallflowers|Mailbag #46]], answered on 26 January, Chris claimed to have joined a "Young Adult Social Group" and "met a lovely woman there who likes me too; we are hitting it off like two hip wallflowers." Around the same time, in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call #3]] (which took place on 30 January), Chris said he was expecting a phone call that may have been from her.

In the 14 [[February 2010]] edition of the [[CWC Blog#February 2010|CWC Blog]], Chris declared that "currently, my girl friend and I are getting along great; the relationship is progressing. I only ask for y'all to leave me with my relationship, and not make me feel intruded by inquiring constantly." When a correspondent in [[Mailbag 56#On appreciating tone (also the end)|Mailbag #56]] challenged Chris to prove the existence of his new "girl friend", Chris replied "She does exist, and I do not appreciate your tone at all."

The relationship was, at best, "just friends." Chris himself has confirmed this in [[Sonichu_Forum#News Flash: Chris is still single IRL|one of his posts on the Sonichu Forum]] and again in a [[Jackie Chat 1|private chat]] with [[Jackie]].

In [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|a series of e-mails to Vivian]], it was revealed that Chris had been seeing The Wallflower for a while, treating her as his girlfriend in almost the same manner he had treated Megan. He had taken her out on a date and had plans for a second. He even admitted to attempting to talk her into taking his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] on or before his birthday, and had planned to pay for a prostitute if she did not.

Even with all evidence to the contrary, in his [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"C-Ya Later" video]], he unabashedly [[Chris and Reality|refers to her as his]] [[Boyfriend-free girl|"girlfriend"]], despite outright stating earlier that she had refused all his advances.

A series of [[Wallflower E-mails|e-mails]] revealed by [[Surfshack Tito]] reveals that Chris's attachment to The Wallflower had been a one-sided relationship to Chris as The Wallflower, indeed, had no intention of being with Chris and was shocked and appalled at the fact that Chris even ''thought'' that she was his sweetheart.

==The "Break-up"==
{{quote|Got-Dang Asexual Woman!|Chris in his [[CWCipedia]] page on The Wallflower.}}

[[File:The link.jpg|thumb|How to troll both Chris and his trolls in one simple step.]]

When Chris released a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level that revealed The Wallflower's identity, one troll decided to link her to the CWCki.

On 10 March 2010, Chris released [[A message to the Trolls|a message to the trolls]]. Emotionally distraught, he speaks in vague terms about troll interference in his life, and of the pains of a broken heart. At the same time, in a [[Cwc blog|Captain's Log]] entry on the CWCipedia, Chris mentioned "BREAK-UPS FROM BEING EVEN SIMPLY FRIENDS WITH ME," which presumably refers to her cutting off all contact with him.

In the wee hours of 11 March 2010, Chris released [[Don't Mess With Me|a second video]], in which he acted out a theoretical meeting between him and an imaginary [[Clyde Cash]] that ended with Chris slitting an invisible Clyde Cash's throat. Going by that, it's likely that Chris initially blamed the loss of The Wallflower on his old nemesis.

However, on 14 March 2010, Chris uploaded a new video and shifted the blame to another troll, [[Surfshack Tito]]. In between delivering [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|bizarre threats of violence]], Chris makes a resolution to "regain the love and trust and friendship" of his gal pal. It is not clear why Chris believes he can accomplish this goal by donning a kilt, waving around a small knife, putting on a grotesque attempt at a Scottish accent, and generally presenting a hideous affront to the culture and people of an entire nation.

Later that same day, Chris made [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|another video]] where he again referred to The Wallflower by her pen name, and literally begged her to sleep with him because his life was so hard, and otherwise he would have to pay $100 for sex with a hooker.

In the [[Surfshack Tito E-mails]], leaked four days later, Chris was mocked by Tito claiming to have had sex with The Wallflower. While Chris was initially incredulous, in a [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|later video]] he expressed outrage at Tito for "taking her from [him]," as Wallflower had recently begun to back up his claims.

The [[Wallflower E-mails 3|third set of e-mails to The Wallflower]] finally confirms what had happened. As seen, The Wallflower was outright shocked at the vastness of information on her page within the [[CWCki]], assumed that Chris had set the page up himself, and ended their friendship. Chris, however, kept trying to salvage their relationship long after it became obvious that he didn't have a chance, angering her even more. She also asserted her hatred of Chris by first saying that Tito was indeed her boyfriend before giving up and just telling him that she was asexual.

==Today==
It seems that, years since the events of that March morning, Chris has yet to forget her as, [[Calling Out|returning to the Internet]], he [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|calls out Tito]] and demands that he apologize to her for breaking them up, still referring to her as his "girlfriend". However, a few days later, Chris made [[Correction of EX relationship status|a retraction video]], apparently clarifying that they were indeed just friends. The description of the video seems to suggest that she found out about the video and demanded he correct it.

Interestingly, though he hasn't forgotten about her, he hasn't "forgiven her" for it.

In September 2012, Chris [[September 2012 Facebook posts#Texting|texted]] her.

==Anonymity==
Originally, this article intruded into parts of The Wallflower's life that had nothing to do with Chris, prompting her to request that the article be reworked to refer to her under a pseudonym and avoid direct references to her personal life and identity. The CWCki's administrators reasonably agreed.

Chris is convinced that this change took place because of the angry threats he made in his video of 10 March 2010 (roughly around the time the edits were made), when in fact it had nothing to do with him. The changes to this page led him to believe that he could insist on sweeping edits to many other pages, which he listed in the [[CWC Blog#14 March 2010|14 March 2010 Captain's Log update]] on the CWCipedia. Those demands were ignored.

The e-mails from The Wallflower seem to paint a fuller picture to this. It appears that when The Wallflower discovered her page on the CWCki, she got pissed at Chris and demanded that he remove that information. However, he did it through his [[YouTube]] videos. Annoyed, she went to the CWCki herself.

Chris, in the meantime, continued to drop her first name and pen name in his videos, including [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|one]] which had it in the title.

Chris later also uploaded [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|a list of his former gal-pals and sweethearts]] on the CWCipedia which included her full name. Chris goes on to blame the existence of her [[Facebook]] page for the leak of her identity and the end of their budding relationship.

Continuing with this theme, 19 [[April 2010]] would see Chris adding an [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|''entire article'']] about her to the CWCipedia. In addition to the usual fits of megalomania and delirium, the page sported a copy-pasted version of this page. Conspicuously absent, however, was this very section.

To this day, he believes the entire debacle was the Wallflower's fault for having a Facebook page for trolls to discover. [[Calling Out|Recently]], though, Chris has seen fit to ''partially'' [[Chris and remorse|accept blame]] for what happened.

==See also==
*[[Wallflower E-mails]]
*[[Wallflower E-mails 2|Wallflower E-mails II]]
*[[Wallflower E-mails 3|Wallflower E-mails III]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wallflower}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Surfshack Tito Saga]]

File:Aliteralallflower.jpg

2016-06-24T21:44:36Z

Zorakirby: Zorakirby uploaded a new version of File:Aliteralallflower.jpg

See what I did there.

The Wallflower

2016-06-24T21:44:07Z

Zorakirby:

The Wallflower

2016-06-24T08:27:14Z

Zorakirby: Undo revision 198733 by Lovely Heather (talk)

The Wallflower

2016-06-23T21:43:15Z

Zorakirby: Undo revision 198721 by Lovely Heather please ban this person

The Wallflower

2016-06-22T19:50:35Z

Zorakirby: removed references to her name

Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1

2016-06-19T20:17:51Z

Zorakirby:

[[Image:seduction.png|thumb|right|Chris, trying to seduce the already violated viewer into paying his bills.]]

'''Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 17 [[June 2016]].

The majority of the video, as suggested by the title, consists of Chris reading a chapter of a story, echoing his old [[Official Videobooks]] series for [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] (except he is [[Chris and his ego|far less enthusiastic]] reading a story that is not his own). The video is punctuated at the beginning and end by Chris yet again [[Chris and money|soliciting donations]]. While Chris opens the video stating that his previous e-begging campaign in [[Donations Requested, Please.]] was successful, resulting in the Chandlers receiving a "generous amount". Given his [[Lie|past claims]] on things like [[PS4#Chris finally gets one|receiving a PS4 for his birthday]], coupled with the fact that no sane person would ''actually'' donate money to Chris, this claim is highly unlikely. He then explains that he now needs more money for an "electric bill" allegedly costing $200. At the end, Chris re-iterates this apparent need for donations with a painfully unsuccessful attempt at [[Chris and sex|sex appeal]], pushing his manboobs together to [[Tomgirl|simulate female cleavage]].

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=shf37GUT9tU}}
| stardate =17 [[June 2016]]
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Blue shirt
| previous = [[Donations Required, Serious Please help]]
| next =
}}

==Description==
{{quotebox| The first part in a multipart series to read this story.

Also, Thank You to the number of people who have donated; my mother has her asthma medication. But we still need money for the electric company, as well as to eat.

Donations still requested.
Please send donations directly to me via PayPal to my email address: ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com. Thank you.

If you don't know how, watch this video.
https://youtu.be/wPYVhPe_PTQ}}

==Transcript==

[PS4 intro plays]

Hello, this Christine Chandler coming to live from home once again. I would firstly thank everyone for their donations. We've received a generous amount in the- my mom chose the term red flag... of distress, but anyway, she got her medication got her medication for her asthma so that's good... Very good. And uh, with a little bit of that I had to pull her bank account out of the red because of couple of automatic drafts. Anyway, we're still going to need- we're still needing money to help us eat better for the rest of the month, but also our electric bill came and it's due immediately, rounding up to about $200. So anyway, that's the detail right there, so I'll put the information below this video to let you know how to directly donate to my PayPal.

Anyway, in the meantime, we're beginning- I'm beginning a new series of a recommended story called "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness." I have not read this thing, though I started to recently and it made my- but I, uh, checked with my friend who assures me that it all ends better- it all ends a lot better than it all sounds at first. So anyway, it'll be like a chapter per day, every other day or so, but anyway... Do this by mood, I mean, I might end up doing the darkness chapters as soon as tomorrow, but anyways we're doing this, um, we're going to start reading chapter one.

Alright so... "Chapter One - Laundry Day." [Chris begins reading] "Hmm... Let's see, do I have everything? Do I have everything?" an average sized man with pink hair said with a smile as he stood in the center of his bedroom wearing a light blue tuxedo, as well as a pair of pink and blue checkered pants. His bedroom consisted of a little board, then a simple wooden bed, and a wardrobe where he kept all of his clothes. His walls were decorated with posters of various cartoon characters that he enjoyed. If one looked behind what- the posters, one would would find that his walls were covered in red paint, closer analysis revealed that the red paint was actually dried blood. The man was looking down at a basket of laundry, all of the clothes within the basket appeared to be covered in blood or some other type of bodily fluid. The pink-haired man had killed six people within the previous seven days, and he always took his victim's clothes as a souvenir of his crime. "I think I have everything," the man grinned as he lifted the basket and carried it out of his room. He looked down down at his basket of clothes and hummed a little song as he remembered the previous owners of the clothes in his basket. [singing] "Everybody's got to die sometime," the man sang as he opened his front door and stepped outside. The heat from the warm afternoon sun greeted him as he walked towards his pink car. He never bothered locking his door when he left his home. Most people avoid entering his house because there was no reason to be in the house when he wasn't there. He didn't have anything worth stealing, as someone did steal his microwave or his gaming console, then he would most likely kill him or her. Hmm. Not that anyone knew that he would kill the criminals who stole from him. Everybody simply suspected that he would be very angry with anybody who stole from him. Nobody wanted to see what a man with pink hair who has wore a blue tuxedo and pink pants would do to a criminal. The man placed the basket of laundry in the back of his car and continued humming the song that was playing in head as he sat in the driver's seat of his car and started the engine. Once the car started, he drove out of his driveway. "I wonder if Edith will be happy to see me," the man mused to himself as he thought of the orange-and-white hamster who ran the laundromat where he went when he needed his clothes cleaned. The man had never purchased a washing machine, nor a dryer, or even a stove or a fridge. He had managed to live his life with little more than a bathtub, a sink, and a microwave. The to the laundromat was over quickly, and whilst the man found a parking space in front of the laundromat, he parked his car and stepped outside. Once he had removed the basket from his car and had begun to carry it towards the laundromat, he heard a very familiar voice, "Marco! Marco!" the voice cried out. The man smiled as the pigeon who had screamed the words landed on his shoulders and started nuzzling his neck. "I missed you too, darling," the man said to the female pigeon who had landed on his shoulder. He and the pigeon had been dating for around four months and they had already been talking about marriage. "Marco?" the pigeon asked as she gestured her foot towards basket full of bloody clothes. The man continued to smile as he pushed the door leading into the laundromat open with his foot. "Six people, my dear! I killed six this week! I haven't felt this motivated and happy in a long time!" The man said as he stepped toward the counter in the laundromat and placed the basket next to the golden bell on top of the counter. "I'm probably happy because you've disagreed (?) to have intercourse with me. Do you really think you're ready to have a child?" The man asked the pigeon on his shoulder who attempted to smile. "Marco!" The pigeon said excitedly as she began nodding her head furiously in response to his question. The man continued to smile as began to pet the little bird on his shoulder with his index finger while ringing the bell on the counter with his other hand. Bing bing! "Welcome to Edith's laundromat," a white hamster with orange spots said cheerfully as she leapt up from behind the counter with her eyes closed. "Hello, Edith. How was your week?" the man asked the hamster who opened her eyes and smiled at the man who visited her laundromat once a week for close to three years. The hamster knew that the man was a killer, but she enjoyed his company and his business. "I had a wonderful week, although I'm sure my week wasn't as exciting as your hunting expedition! How many animals did you kill this week?" Edis asked the man who smiled as he proudly began to put the laundry basket on the counter. "I killed six animals this week, and next week, I might kill six more."
Marco!" The pigeon sitting on the man's shoulder announced proudly as she started to nuzzle the man's cheek. Edith grinned as she began to walk towards the grey cash register on the counter. "It sounds like you've been very busy," the hamster said as she started to press some buttons on the cash register. The man reached into his pocket and pulled out his bright pink wallet. "I've been feeling a bit more motivated recently, and it's all because of this lovely lady right here," the man said with pride in his voice as he started to gently stroke the pigeon on his shoulder while placing his wallet on the counter. "I'm glad you're so motivated. It's good for business if my best customer's motivated to continue bringing me work," the hamster said as she finished pressing the correct sequence of buttons on the register. "Hmm... Those clothes will cost 120 dollars to clean, plus any applicable taxes," the hamster said with a chuckle as the man took out some bills from his wallet and placed them on the counter. "20$ per kill as always. Maybe I should stop killing for a while and save some money," the man said with a laugh that was returned by the hamster as she began counting his money and prepared to give him change from the cash register. "Perhaps, but then the only reason you would have to talk with me is karaoke night." "Marco!" the pigeon on the man’s shoulder yelled as the hamster chuckled in synchronization with the matter. It was amusing seeing the slight agitation of the pigeon. "I suppose game night is another reason he has to talk with me," the hamster said as she remembered the many times she had played video games with the man and his fiance. "So will I see you tonight at karaoke night?" the man asked the hamster who had started to move the clothes one at a time to the washing machine at the back of the laundromat. The hamster smiled as she carried a particularly bloody yellow shirt that had the smiling face of a cartoon pony on the front and the message claiming that the shirt's previous owner had survived cartoon con. "Of course!" the hamster said to the man who was already walking towards the door. The man and his fiance smiled and waved goodbye as they left the establishment, leaving the hamster all alone with the bloody clothes. "I wish I knew more serial killers. Three seems to be enough to keep me in business. If I knew a few more, I'd be rich!" the hamster chuckled to herself as she walked toward the counter to get another article of clothing to wash. "Some people ask me how I can walk the streets at night, knowing that there are damaged people out in the dark who would love to do terrible things to a cute little hamster like me. I tell them that those evil people are really nice when you get to know them," Edith mused to herself as she picked up a bloody pair of blue jeans and started carrying them towards the washing machine. "Nobody will hurt me. My friends won't let them. Friendship is a powerful thing that makes life worth living and a business profitable, especially my business." Edith continued talking to herself as she placed the jeans into the washing machine. She was taken out of her thoughts when she heard the door to her laundromat open. She immediately went towards the counter and leapt on top to greet her customer. "Welcome to Edith's laundromat!" "I read the sign," a man's voice spoke as she opened her eyes to see a fairly short man dressed in the red and blue uniform of the Abbeville police department. The man had black hair and a black mustache that Edith didn't like. The hamster had never enjoyed the company of people with mustaches. The hamster gulped nervously has her eyes wandered towards the basket of bloody clothes the counter. "I'm not going to arrest you, this is more of a personal visit. However, I imagine that more people are going to get suspicious if you continue leaving incriminating evidence like this in plain sight in a business open to the public," the man said with a dark chuckle where he was returned with a nervous chuckle from Edith. "Maybe I should be a little more careful," Edith said simply and the man chuckled a second time as he picked up a pair of bloody pink, frilly panties from the basket. "Or maybe you should simply learn to make friends with someone who can help you continue to run your business demands," he said as he placed the bloody panties into his back pocket. "Kevin won't like that," Edith whispered to herself as she thought of the man who had recently paid her to wash the clothes in the laundry basket. Kevin Wright was one of her best friends as well as one of her best customers. He had the weird fascination with the color pink, but if Edith discriminated against her customers for such a small issue, she'd likely be out of a job. "All I want to do is ask you a few questions about your previous customer. I don't want to know his name, I don't want to know where he lives, I just want to know if he's related to the latest crime I'm investigating," the man said, seemingly ignoring Edith's whisper. The man reached into his left pocket and to retrieve a handful of pictures of what appeared to be a crime scene in a teenage girl's bedroom. The bloody corpse of a teenage girl could be seen on the bed next to a light blue smiling teddy bear. Edith examined the photos for a few minutes while the man appeared to study the bloody clothes. His eyes wandered towards a second basket filled with clean clothes near the dryer in the back of the laundromat. He absent-mindedly began to wonder if Edith cleaned clothes for other killers. “He’s not involved with this murder,” Edith said after a few minutes, and the man smiled as he retrieved his photos and placed them back into his pocket. “Well how do you know?” the man asked, and Edith chuckled nervously. “I’ve been cleaning his clothes for two years. I know how he works,” Edith said to the man, who raised an eyebrow in response. “He kills couples, not single victims,” Edith explained to the man who smiled and reached into his pocket again. He also steals his victims clothes and brings them to me to wash. He’s very protective of his souvenirs.” “Resist the victim’s sister, they were allegedly involved in a romantic relationship at the time of the murder. They were sleeping in the same bed,” the man explained to the hamster as he showed her a photo from his pocket. The hamster shook her head without even glancing at the pink haired girl in the picture. “He would have killed them together, he wouldn’t let her sister live,” Edith said to the man, who continued to smile. “He was interrupted. The girl entered the room and allegedly scared him away,” the man explained to the hamster, who shook her head once more. “I know him better than anyone alongside from his girlfriend,” Edith said defiantly, “He did not kill that girl.” The man stared at her with an amused expression on his face. As they stared at each other, they heard the door leading to the laundromat open. As soon as they heard the sound of the door squeaking open, they turned their gaze to the person who dared to intrude on their conversation. “I was about to take a bath and Sabrina told me that a cop had decided to pay this place a visit,” Kevin Wright said from the entrance of the laundromat. The police officer smiled as he turned around so that his entire body was facing a man wearing a blue tuxedo and he held out his hand for the man to shake. “I’m very pleased to meet you,” the police officer said as his hand remained extended. “I’ve heard so much about you over the years.” After a few seconds of studying the man and his smiling face, Kevin help out his hand and shook the extended hand of the police officer. “My name’s Kevin, although I suspect you know that already. How may I help you?” Kevin asked the man who smiled cheerfully. “My name’s Michael. I’m not sure if you this, but have a few murders recently to have been credited to the so-called “couples killer,” Mike explained as Kevin’s face brightened as the man mentioned the nickname the media had given him. “Of course, I’ve killed six people in the past week and I’m probably going to kill more next week.” We’ve credited you with seven murders this week ,” Mike explained. Once he was finished speaking, he and Edith noticed that Kevin’s face had started to twitch. “That’s impossible,” Kevin started slightly, which was a habit he had developed when he was either deep in thought or nervous. “That’s an odd numbered… number of- I hate odd numbers. I only kill in pairs,” Kevin explained, he his voice rising in volume and pitch as the thought of being credited for a single murder instead of a pair flash into his mind. “That’s it,” Kevin said coldly to the man who placed his hand upon his shoulder. “Of course that’s it, killers have to stick together, don’t we?” MIke said to k- I read that wrong… Mike said to Kevin, who looked at him for a moment before grinning mischievously. “I’ve always wanted a friend on the police force,” Kevin said to the man, whose hand continue to remain on his shoulder. “Did you say that you’re a killer?” Edith made her presence known from the place where she was standing on the counter, which surprised the two men, who forgot she was in the room with them. “Of course. Summer killer, young lady. If I wasn’t, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” the man said simply as he started walking towards the door leading to the world outside of the business owned by the hamster. “Until we meet again,” Kevin said as he opened the door. “Do you like karaoke?” Kevin asked, and Mike nodded his head. “Perhaps next time we meet we could be- perhaps next time that we meet can be at the bar on the end of the street.

Alright, that’s the end of chapter one. Tune in next time for “Chapter Two: Karaoke Night” In the meantime, donations would still be very much appreciated, especially to help with the electric bill. You wouldn’t want me to be without electricity or Wi-Fi, would you? Hmm? Me and my mom, we got to keep our dogs fed here and everything. Alright, so tune in next time and I’ll read the next chapter. Have a good day. Thank you.

[Outro]

CWCville

2016-06-06T20:23:09Z

Zorakirby: fixed piping

{{DeadLinks}}
[[File:Damntrolls.png|center|450px]]

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There [[Chris and English|is]] no elections.|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

<center>{{#ev:youtube|8UP6mEJrj1I}}</center>

{{Quote|The city of CWCville, a vibrant community with happy people, [[boyfriend-free girl|cool chicks]] and a [[virgin with rage|frustrated male]]...|Narrator, [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]<ref>[[:File:SchuComic3Page30.jpg]]</ref>}}
'''CWCville''' (pronounced: [kwɪkvɪɫ], "quick-ville") is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where he can hide away from the hardships of [[Chris and Reality|reality]] and make all his wishes, ideas, and deranged fantasies become true.

==Overview==
[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|thumb|left|The toys that started it all.]]
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|200px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville (note their postal code is the same as Chris's birthday and its address is nearly identical to his real address).]]
[[File:cwcville1.jpg|thumb|200px|A slightly more detailed (but no less disproportionate) drawing of CWCville.]]

CWCville is the setting of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], a city in [[Virginia]] of which [[Chris]] is Mayor-for-Life. CWCville is where Chris portrays friends and enemies from his real life in scenarios altered to reflect [[Chris and his Ego|his bias toward himself]]. As his ideal metropolitan community, CWCville illustrates Chris's poor understanding of how a city actually functions. Like everything else that appears in [[Sonichu (comic)|his comic]], Chris believes CWCville to actually exist in a parallel universe.<ref>[[Chris and reality#Fantasy and fiction]]</ref> Chris has claimed to be mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE."<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> As an entity Chris believes to be real, CWCville is a coping mechanism used to compensate for his unsatisfying actual life.

It has been argued that the unconquerable quality of Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|ego]] stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating [[Mary Lee Walsh]], with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the Jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of the anthropomorphic [[Patti-Chan]]. The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts, such as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkop]]s and resurrecting his dead dog, is due to the fact that in CWCville, his will is supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world, where he holds no such power.

Chris is greatly concerned by people who are misinformed about any detail of CWCville, or conclude that it is anything but "a clean, secure, orderly and safe city."<ref>[[Mailbag 35#Except when half of it gets destroyed by giant robots]]</ref> After being coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] the new Mayor of CWCville,<ref>[[March 2009]]</ref> Chris repeatedly attempted to redact the statement claiming "I am still the mayor of CWCville, there is [sic] no elections."<ref> Chris-chan discusses </ref> <ref>[[Mumble 11|Mumble #11]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Update 1 July 2009]]</ref><ref name=p32/> Chris seems to think that anyone who understands what CWCville is like will love it.

The seeds of CWCville were planted early into Chris's life. At some point, Chris put all of his completed [[LEGO]] kits, original LEGO creations, and various handmade ''Sonichu'' items together on one table in his room. In February 2011, Chris claimed to have finally disassembled the LEGO model, but he insisted that the city "still stands strong today within my own mind and hands."<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 2]]</ref>

The first official CWCville media was made in 2001.<ref>[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]</ref> After toying with more phonetic spellings, Chris settled on "CWCville"<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]]</ref> in 2003. This spelling consecutively features the initials of his full name and its pronunciation must be explained to others, indicative of CWCville's nature as a self-serving and insular fantasy.

[[File:1920px-2008-0830-Charlottesville-DowntownMall.jpg|thumb|left|CWCville, as portrayed by Chris in his videos.]]
Chris has repeatedly associated CWCville with Charlottesville, VA, likely the largest and most familiar urban environment in his life. Chris has presented footage of Charlottesville as footage of CWCville.<ref>[[Rollin' and Trollin']]</ref> He has stated that CWCville is as important and worthy of respect as every American city that begins with "C", but mentioned only Charlottesville by name, calling it "the most important one" of these "C-Villes"; as if Chicago or [[Ohio trip|Cleveland]], for example, was less important than Charlottesville.<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref> CWCville is said to have an annual Dogwood Festival,<ref name=p32>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/Issue_9/Page_32 Issue 9/Page 32]</ref> also an annual Charlottesville tradition. This association further illustrates Chris's narrow perception of the outside world.

However, a map in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] shows CWCville as being near Pallet Town and Giovanni's Gym in Viridian City, featured in the ''[[Pokémon]]'' series and located in Kanto, an area based on the [[Wikipedia:Kantō region|Kantō region]] in Japan. It is also located near [[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure#Gameplay|Station Square]], found in Sonic the Hedgehog's world.

Given Chris's humongous ego, it's surprising that he didn't give himself Presidency over a whole country to begin with, or better yet, a whole fucking planet.It may be that this apparent restraint on Chris's part is evidence of his extremely repressed worldview in which his entire world centers around his immediate surroundings, namely his hometown of Ruckersville and in some cases Virginia. This weak sense of one's surroundings is a trait which is typically seen only in young children who have yet to experience enough of life to develop an understanding that there is more to the world than their immediate surroundings. Yet even in his ultimate self-serving fantasy, in which he's given himself unchecked power for life, Chris' ever-limited imagination has only titled himself "Mayor" of a "Ville." He later created the land of [[RuleCWC]], an idiotic Hyrule [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripoff]], but he actually let someone else rule it. All this suggests that, at least in terms of his understanding of the world, Chris lags behind even an early grade school age child.

==Name==
One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade ''Pokémon'' cards]] featured a "'''Cwick City''' Gym", while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "'''Cwicville'''" and "'''Cwickville'''". A sign on the door to his room reads "Christian W. Chandler's Cwickville City Gym". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense. (Although Christown, Chandlerville, etc. would have been just as good and made a lot more sense.)

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville", unlike any proper English word, begins with four consonants in a row. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're Welsh, in which case it would be pronounced "cookville".

==Government and politics==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}
[[Image:0858-Cwcville7.JPG|thumb|left|The great <strike>dictator</strike> director on his throne]]
[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]]. Note how Chris [[Chris and his Ego|needs an arrow pointing to himself]]]].

According to [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his son is unknown. And only [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased (like the Roman practice of [[Wikipedia:damnatio memoriae|''damnatio memoriae'']], where all records of a traitor (statues, inscriptions, etc.) are erased after his death). It is unknown if Bob died before passing CWCville over to his son, as he has yet to be seen/mentioned in the comic.

CWCville is, in theory, part of the [[United States of America]], but in practice, it seems to be a quasi-independent city-state, similar to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piEayQ0T-qA Hong Kong and Macau] in [[China]]. The city does not follow American electoral law, uses its own currency, and has several characteristics anathema to U.S. ideals. The city seems more like the private domain of the Mayor than part of a larger federation.

According to the [[Samantha Thaddeus]] e-mails, the government is a "King/Queen thing" for which there is no voting.<ref>[[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails]]</ref> The non-elected leader does what he pleases as Mayor-for-Life with supreme power, "advised" by an elected House of Representatives which sits at the CWCville Trade Center Building.<ref>[[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]</ref> The right to vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]] (though [[Women's rights|apparently not to women]], as some women are seen [[Sonichu 8#Episode_17:_Epilogue|protesting]] in order to gain suffrage in CWCville). Despite allowing elections for Board of Director Members,<ref>[[Mailbag 37|Mailbag #37]]</ref> Chris shows that they still hold no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the Mayor is not obligated to listen to. For example, he does not discuss attacking the [[4-cent garbage.com]] building with them, he just tells them the "game plan" as a ''fait accompli''.

[[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb|This is what a typical city looks like after being nuked. (Note the "SS" runes.)]]

The Mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, claiming that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#Apparently North Korea's not a dictatorship|inherited the town from his father]], even though many dictatorships ''are'' hereditary.<ref>*The [[Wikipedia:Assad family|Assad dynasty]] in Syria *The [[Wikipedia:Jean-Claude Duvalier|Duvalier]] [[Wikipedia:François Duvalier|dynasty]] in Haiti *The [[Wikipedia:Laurent-Désiré Kabila|Kabila]] [[Wikipedia:Joseph Kabila|dynasty]] in DR Congo *The [[Wikipedia:Kim dynasty (North Korea)|Kim dynasty]] in North Korea The [[Wikipedia:Pahlavi dynasty|Pahlavi dynasty]] in Iran </ref>

Chris originally planned to hand over the role of Mayor to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his sister Crystal]] in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]],<ref>[[Miyamoto_Saga#From_Chris_to_Miyamoto]]</ref> but later decided not to. On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that BILLY MAYS was the new Mayor of CWCville. The next day, Chris revoked his edict that made MAYS the new Mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in [[Chris's room|his bedroom]]. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST, his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS was still the Mayor of CWCville. On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS died in his mayoral mansion, allegedly due to a cocaine overdose, but the hand of Chandler was suspected. The city was plunged into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, announcing during a [[Chris chan Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [[Wikipedia:Doublethink|he was always the ruler]] and that there would be no further elections.

[[File:SchuComic10P78.jpg|thumb|left|The Mayor addresses his people]]

The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random. [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Sonichu (comic)|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possession of [[tobacky|tobacco]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was [[Chris's Big Night Out|rescinded]]. Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to oversee or contest a super-powered official, it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the comic|immunity from prosecution]].<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remained at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered, and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[Jerkop|Jerkops]] and [[Manajerks]] are depowered, yet were supposedly allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] was murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], Sean, and [[Mao]] are arrested and put on trial not even a week after, despite earlier receiving a public pardon from the Mayor. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges should be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris) punishable by death, when it is a mild offense in most jurisdictions. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in cruel and inhumane ways.

CWCville also pays for the [[TrollBusters]]' private jet.<ref name="Jackie Chat #3">[[Jackie Chat 3|Jackie Chat #3]]</ref>

==Economy==
[[File:Cwccash.jpg|thumb|CWCville currency]]
CWCville runs under a command economy which Chris has near-total control over: the [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are named after the Mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. The banning of goods that the Mayor disapproves of has also contributed to the city's financial troubles. [[Tobacky|Tobacco]], unhealthy as it may be, is illegal to sell, possess or consume, despite the multibillion dollar value of the industry, which by all reasonable analysis, means it is very likely one of the single most-smuggled contraband items into CWCville writ large, fetching black marketeers windfall profits.

CWCville also mints its own currency, which comes in confusing denominations - there are two coins: the C-Quarter and W-Quarter, ten C-Quarters equaling one W-Quarter, indicating that [[Honor roll|Chris has no idea what "quarter" means]]. The W-Quarter is round and golden in color, with a silver-colored rim and the letter "W" in red in the center, while the C-Quarter is C-shaped and blue, with a silver-colored rim. Fines are levied in U.S. dollars, for unknown reasons: perhaps to add to the foreign currency reserves of the tottering dictatorship.

As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], ten homeless shelters have been set up: Chris himself claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house a population of 900-1,800 indigents (meaning the small city of CWCville has a homeless population of at least 10,000), and come equipped with free cable TV.<ref>[[Mailbag 20|Mailbag #20]]</ref> The Mayor's personal friends, such as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], live in state-sponsored, suburban housing. He also supplied furniture for [[Wild Sonichu]].<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 21</ref>

Chris claims that the city has "a lot of [[Kevin the Jew|jews]] and [[Inos|immigrants]], like new york," and is on the stock exchange.<ref name="Jackie Chat #3"/>

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:EmperorChris.png|How Chris sees himself as Cwcville's ruler.
Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|Artist's deception of CWCville's beloved Mayor.
</gallery> </center>
==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20130210092136/http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles] (archive from 10 Feb 2013)
* <s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)

{{CWCverse}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Fictional places]]

CWC vs Johan vote link

2016-06-05T19:14:33Z

Zorakirby:

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC vs Johan vote link
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TEBno0ZN4Tk}}
| stardate = 31 [[May 2016]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = Blue Tank Top
| previous = [[CWC Responds to a bully named Johan]]
| next = [[IMG 3207]]
}}

== Transcript ==

Hello everyone, Christian Chandler coming to you live again from home.

Once again-and right now it's time to... Do the thing.

[[Johan]] has uploaded his video and mines up as well.

The link to the voting page is right underneath here. Likes and dislikes under each video will not be tallied.

And the voting tally will go up to about a week or so. It will be determined when the page is taken down.

So... Votes only, one or another. You wanna risk giving my lesbian friends the STD he has? Or is it better off being me.

I feel like it's better being me because I'm [[lie|honest]] at the very least and I'm direct.

But anyway, he's the bully. He bullied me in the chatroom. He was very rude indeed.

So vote now.
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

==Results==
http://www.strawpoll.me/10357607/r

Apologies for offending people

2016-06-01T04:23:49Z

Zorakirby: Undo revision 198092 by Gay lord (talk) Please ban this "Gay lord" person for vandalism

'''Apologies for offending people''' is a video [[Chris]] released on 12 [[February 2016]] in which he apologizes for "offending" people with his [[February 2016 Facebook Posts|childish demand]] for a [[Sony|Playstation 4]] for [[Christian Love Day|his birthday]] he made recently. Who exactly he offended isn't apparent.

The video contains the rarest of things from Chris; an admission of responsibility: "...that's not your problem, it's my problem." This suggests that he has matured a very small degree, and is starting to be comfortable with things being [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|out of his control]]. Unfortunately, he keeps talking, and the sentiment rapidly falls apart. As tradition dictates, the [[Chris and Remorse|apology]] begins with an attempt at a sincere tone but rapidly dissolves into whining, blame-dodging and attempts to play the victim, with Chris equating the ''eight thousand dollars'' of taxpayer money he has spent on video games (many of which he has never even played) to people - gainfully employed people - making micro-transactions on their smartphones, which Chris, as a smartphone owner, probably does himself.

Having apologized for demanding he receive a PS4 before his birthday, he concludes the video by '''issuing the exact same demand again''', and reminds everyone that anybody who indulges him will be richly rewarded with [[copyright]]-infringing poorly made [[Amiibo]]s.

== Description ==
{{quotebox|via YouTube Capture}}
== Video ==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Apologies for offending people
| video = {{#ev:youtube|jC7JzVmAjCU}}
| stardate = 12 [[February 2016]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = purple T-shirt
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| previous = [[Update 1/29/2016 - There is NO PewDiePie or Felix here whatsoever]]
| next = [[Welcome to the LGBTQ Group, Julia]]
}}

</center>

== Transcript ==
Hello everyone. Fresh update coming to you live from my house here, this is Christine Chandler. Um, well first off, I definitely want to make it clear that... my offer for... my services and merchandise for a [[Playstation|PS4]] console and with the camera for my birthday... Yeah, I did not mean to offend anybody by that. I thought it was a nice offer, you know. A whole lot of work, for value that's, uh, little bit more than price- than retail value of the items. I don't understand- really understand what was so off-putting with that, but I do apologize for offending everybody. And I would also like to apologize, since I'm doing an apology video right now, to every male and people with Asperger's who have... ''[lifts up phone and looks with it]'' Mmm... said hateful things to, and of, in the past. I still have my own personal-- my own subconscious feelings against the majority of the male population, but, that's not your fault- that's not your problem, it's my problem. And it's just in general, I'm still uncomfortable around males, it's... that's just me, it's not any of you. Alright? So, I'm very sorry about all the hurtful things I said in the past to- in regards to the males and people with Asperger's.

[[Harry Potter]] is okay, too. He's okay. I got- don't really have much against him except that he was in competition with [[Pokémon]] so many years ago, but that's a whole different plane right there.

But, I mean, yeah as I said in my [[Facebook]] post, uh, I mean, you should not judge me for [[Chris and money|how much money I've spent on video games]] and whatnot, especially when a lot of you, with a modern touch screen phone. Ya'll must have spent at least one dollar on impulse, on your app-store games and whatever. I mean nobo-- I mean, we're all guilty of doing something as impulsive. But yeah, I mean- yes, seriously though, I do mean no offense to anybody whatsoever. And I still will- I still- but the offer is still open, you know, as long as I've received the console and the camera... before- preferably before, or on, my birthday which is the 24th of February this year. And I will definitely go through on that, I mean, I picked issuing a voucher because I can't read people's nimes- minds on what they want and this way they get to pick and choose from the store and for what they want in exchange. ''[shrugs]'' I just thought- I'm just trying to do an honest thing, you know. Giving people- giving the person who gives me the gift. You know? I mean- I mean well. I have good intentions, I'm very serious, okay? Mmm. Alright, well, anyway, thank you all for your continuing support and... all that. Have a good, safe day.
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Jackie E-mails 20

2016-06-01T04:23:22Z

Zorakirby: Undo revision 198091 by Gay lord (talk) Please ban this "Gay lord" person for vandalism

This page lists emails exchanged between Chris and [[Jackie]] from 28 [[October 2010]] to 5 [[November 2010]].

At this point, things are starting to unravel in the relationship. Chris has almost completed his goal of producing one video for each day in the month of October. Jackie calls out Chris for his hypocrisy and selfishness, which Chris ignores. He contradicts earlier progressive statements by reaffirming his homophobia and self-serving bigotry.

{{Email|October 28, 2010 - 3:09pm

You're missing the point. My point is that you told me you would do the videos, no problem. You lied to me. THAT is my problem. Isn't [[Lies|your lying]] the main thing that has ended all your previous relationships? Yet you still do it constantly. You still think you can just effortlessly lie your way out of any situation you find uncomfortable, regardless of the sheer number of times your own lies have gotten you in trouble or ruined a relationship you were trying to create.

You say that you still have hang-ups against [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec]] that are "beyond your knowledge". That is a cop-out answer. The point of talking to Alec is so you can figure out why you're still mad at him. We talked about that already. And if you're allowed to hold grudges against Alec and [[Michael Snyder]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] for absolutely no fucking reason beyond you're too lazy to change, why should I be expected to take the risk of changing MY feelings and putting aside my misgivings about your devotion? These [[:Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest|October videos]] are supposed to be your way of proving to me that you really care about me and can actually DO something to show it instead of just repeating the same words over and over. I gave you this contest as a compromise so you could prove your love to me without having to give up your [[PS3]], remember that? I went out of MY way to give YOU that compromise, and yet you STILL complain about every little bit of effort I ask you to do. And then you go and say you have to "put up with a lot from me".

By the way, I wrote to Alec and he responded to me only a couple minutes ago, and he said he hasn't received any email from you in months. So did you lie to me about that, too?

Do you see yet? My chief problem with you is that you lie. You lie. You LIE. ALL THE TIME.

Well, then... I don't want [[HairDifference|your greasy hair video]]. I still want [[SpaghettiRoutine|a cooking video]] because as a house husband you are suppose to cook your beloved ME meals. I want you to get some playdough or model magic or something (must be three different colors, use what you've got or go get some at the dollar store) you can MAKE BELIEVE and perform a pretend cooking segment. I want you to line up all his stuffed animals as an audience, pan to the "audience" on occasion, and shape that playdough into dinner. SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALL DINNER. Describe what you're doing, and talk about how you'd want me to feed you it… than giggle and ask for a Bib because it's messy :D Then, at the end, I want to see you "eat" the meal JUST LIKE COOKIE MONSTER. Smush it all over, because you love it and me so much!

So give the contest your all, Chris. You've only got a few days left.

Jackie}}

{{Email|October 29, 2010 - 8:28pm

Hey Chris. How's it going? I haven't heard from you at all today. I hope you aren't still kicking yourself because you lied to me, I don't want you to feel like you have to shut yourself off from me because of that. I mean, yeah, it hurt me when I found out, and I'm sure you felt bad about telling all these lies. But we need to get past it and just let it be over and done with.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing the videos! What did Alec say when you told him you were doing [[Book10Replacement|the parade pages]]? All he gave me was confirmation that you wrote him, he didn't give any other details on your conversation. Are you going to the library tomorrow then to upload them all? I can't wait!!

XO XO XO XO

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|October 30, 2010 - 12:02am

Firstly, I have not lied to you; when I said it was cool on the videos, reference the [[SpaghettiRoutine|Spaghetti]], I was under the fact of an idea of access to the stove and ingredients at the time. I tried to get ingredients, and I tried to clear the junk away from the stove, all without getting my parents too informed of the video-recording resons behind it all. Not only was I unable to relocate the junk, but my family brought home a meal-sized spaghetti and meatballs frozen dinner instead of individual ingredients. I Mis Spoke; I did not lie. I Mis Spoke.

Same thing on [[Book10Replacement|the 9 replacement pages]]; I said Okay, because I knew truthfully I can do that on the ideas I had so far. But then I read the suggestion on the freakin' parade for Alec, I felt infuriated and frustrated. Speaking of which, I will forward you Alec's two e-mails and my reply. I have realized that aside from the past forgiven reasons on his drawn works, I still feel against him, because he's [[Homos|gay]], has [[Aspergers]], and is a [[JERKS|male]]. Further explained in my reply to him I just wrote to him.

Anyway, you will have all of the videos on my YouTube this afternoon.

I'll TTYL. Stay safe and Sweet, and I am sorry for getting angry with you in that e-mail from Wednesday. 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO 
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 
Lots of Love, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|October 30, 2010 - 3:39pm

Chris, I have a lot to say, so make sure you read every word of this.

Um, yes you did lie. You lied to me. Why are you bringing up the spaghetti video? You know the lie I was talking about was whether you were going to do the parade comic pages. You told me you would, then you told Samantha you wouldn't. There's a lie in there somewhere. And I see in the email you sent him that you asked him to bail you out and get me to back off of the comic page idea. So obviously you meant it when you told Samantha you wouldn't do it.

And then you DIDN'T do it. I told you to do a parade comic, and you said this:
"I'll do all of that for you, but with such tall orders, It'll be Saturday when I'll drive to the library again and upload them all."
That's a quote from you. You said you'd do the videos as I ask. But that was a lie. You never meant to do the parade comic. You just decided to redo the comic exactly the same as before, with Alec and his friends being found guilty for doing nothing wrong.

And about that: you're telling me that it's okay to keep hating Alec because... you're a close-minded bigot. Is that supposed to make me feel good? You've had months to get over all this. Talk to him like a man already. He doesn't deserve this hatred from you. And you actually tried to get HIM to lie to me for you and tell me to give up on the comic pages? After all the vile things you said to him, you actually asked him for a favor. Do you even understand that relationships are a two-way street? That you can't treat someone like pure shit for no reason and then ask them to do nice things for you? Do you get that at all? Or do you think that because he's MALE that makes him bad and that he automatically owes you something? You say trolls are awful people, but you feel perfectly fine about continuing to torment this guy for no reason. And apparently the love of a girl like me isn't worth overcoming your childish anger for.

Why did you even bother asking him to tell me to back off of the parade thing when you weren't going to bother doing it anyway? You obviously didn't care whether I wanted it or not, you just weren't going to do it.

And you also lazily cut corners on virtually every other video, despite saying "I'll do all of that for you": 
-You only scrubbed one tiny section of tile in [[ShowerClean|your shower]], even though I told you to do it from top to bottom. And don't tell me that you wouldn't have time to film it all if you did, because you didn't film yourself cleaning it at all, so the time it took to clean wouldn't matter. You just said you could do the whole thing "if you had to". If you won't do it when your girlfriend repeatedly asks you to, what WILL make you do it? 
-You "mimed" doing the [[SpaghettiRoutine|spaghetti]], even though I told you to use clay or playdough or something like that instead. You have plenty of that stuff, I know you do. Or you could have bought some at the dollar store. 
-You didn't wear a sari or put the dot on your head or anything for [[WelcometoBollywood|your Bollywood video]], it was just you in [[Muscle bra|a bra]]. You could have just used a bedsheet or something. 
-[[Book10Replacement|The comic]] was not only completely NOT what you said you would do, and was NOT at ALL what I wanted, but most of it wasn't even colored in. You had five days since I asked you to do it to draw and color nine pages.

I have to bring up once AGAIN that this whole contest was a compromise. MY compromise. For YOU. You won't get rid of [[PS3|your stupid video game]] for me, so rather than let that break us up, I decided to come up with this contest instead. That way you could keep your precious video game, and I could still see some proof that you love me. But what do I get? You fail to upload videos on time. You wouldn't even make a drive to the library to upload them for WEEKS until after the 100th time I asked you to give a shit about giving me my videos. You cut corners in your videos. You refuse to do any video that causes the least bit of "[[stress]]", despite the woman you claim to love asking you to do it for you. You won't make the parade comic for me. It's not even about fucking Alec, it's about ME. I AM THE ONE THAT WANTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, NOT HIM, AND YOU STILL DECIDED I WASN'T WORTH DOING IT FOR.

You know Chris, I wouldn't be so frustrated if you would just ADMIT when you have done something wrong to me. But no, you have to rationalize your way out of it every chance you think you've got, even when it's so obvious what you did. You sit there and tell me that you love me more than your video games but you won't give them up. What else matters more than I do, Chris? Does your petty grudge against people like Alec Benson Leary matter more than me? Looks like it does, since you won't do the comic I asked for. Stop SAYING words that don't mean anything and DO what I ask you to instead, then maybe I'll believe you.

I'm going to be honest with you, Chris. [[Lars]] contacted me recently. He wants me back. At first I was going to say no, I definitely wouldn't want him back because I had something better. But after seeing how you try to cut corners with the girl you "love" and do the least possible effort to win her over, I'm starting to have my doubts. You know what Lars said he did? He burned all his boats. Every last one of them. Says he doesn't need them anymore, that I am more important than they are. And he burned them before even contacting me, before even knowing what my answer would be, because he knew that even if I didn't take him back his life will still be better for overcoming his addiction. Would YOU be willing to get rid of your PS3 for me? Oh wait, we've answered that question. No, you wouldn't.

You failed this contest, Chris. I gave you every leeway possible and you still failed it because you didn't feel motivated enough to put down your video games long enough to do a good job and do what I ask of you. But I'm going to give you one more chance. [[Lars Call|I'm going to call you soon]], and I'm going to have Lars on the phone with me. I want you to debate with Lars over why you think you're a better partner for me than he is. I'm telling him the same terms apply to him. I'll be listening to the call as it happens. All you have to do is prove that you can be a better partner than Lars will be. He won't be rude or insulting, he'll be polite and on his best behavior - I'm making him, he knows if he gets immature then I'll get rid of him - so you'd better be on your best behavior, too. I want to hear two adults talking, not two children.

I'll write back soon to discuss when we can make this call happen, it will be within the next few days. If you really love me, you'll do it, I don't care which of your favorite TV shows the call might interrupt.

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|October 31, 2010 - 8:27am

Well, I have read and understood what you wrote. Firstly, let me just say I was in shock about what I read. Second, I am sorry for cutting corners. I am sorry for not making a parade for Alec; I did not feel at ease with myself on drawing a parade. I am sorry for telling Alec to call off the parade thing when I as not going to do it anyway. I am sorry about not wearing a sari or a bead on my head; I had forgotten those two details, but I had written down that you wanted the Bollywood video, and I did it in my [[muscle bra|bra]]. I had real spaghetti; I offered some to the camera; I mde like a pig (a small pig, perhaps) and troghed it and got the sauce on my face. I really, truly Love and Care about you, Jackie. I am notthe world's "perfect" man, but I did what I was able to do and draw; it was not all that easy, mentally, to me. I'm going to church in a bit, but I will converse with you and [[Lars]] over the phone later, and I will be most mature about it. Just let me know the area code to watch for on my caller ID, and the approx. time.

TTYL, 
I Love You, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|October 31, 2010 - 1:23pm

I'll let you know a little bit later when I'll be able to make the call happen. In the meantime, thank you for realizing how hurt I was by your lies and cutting corners. You know what I'd really love? I'd love you to remake the parade pages the proper way for me, as a sign of your apology :)

Talk to you soon,

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 1, 2010 - 3:40pm

I'm still wating to hear back on the call details or when you'll be in [[Charlottesville|CVille]] for our meet and dates.

Straght up, I have drawn my replacement pages; I am not going to draw a parade for Alec. But I wll apologize to him for the way I have felt about him, and I will reprogram my mind to dislike him less.

Something else on my mind; it has come to my attenton that I end up pausing to keep my train of thought going from time to time. And confidentally, I have realized with that, I am [[slow-in-the-minds|mentally slow]],or to put it in the other, more insulting to me term, retarded. Big whoop-de-do reason why I take time thinking about details and things. I have in the past hurt myself metaphorically, and hurt other's feelings, because my instinct responses were not all the best chosen. But I am a smart person, and I am well-educated. Ths s also why looked up to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] as my lifelong hero, because he's not only quck in the feet, but also in the head. I may have missed a detal or two when I made the videos, but I still made them; it took me time to think on how I was to make them. But I still made them For You, because I care a Lot about you, Jacklyn.

Also, ths may be a bad idea to bring this up, but after thinking about it, I feel it is in your best interest out of my care for you to bring it up. Lars has hurt you before, Jacklyn. He OTC Abortion Drugged your coffee and killed the first growing life inside you. fear that f you went back to him, he may do it again, or even worse. Plus he may be lying about burning his boats; he may have said that, but he may only be saying it in an attempt to one-up himself over me. You told me so yourself before; Lars is NO Good. And as your caring boyfriend, I have to agree and remind you in warning.

I will still have the phone conversation if you stll feel it is for the best.

I worry and care about you a lot, Jackie. I Love You.

Stay Safe and Sweet. TTYL, 
Christian.}}

{{Email|November 1, 2010 - 4:05pm

So you "love" me, but you won't do the comic pages the way I want. Or do anything else for me that is even a little bit uncomfortable. You won't put aside your feelings and do something I want. I guess that shows what option you'll take any time in the future when faced with a choice between my happiness and your own.

You say you "may have missed a detal or two when I made the videos, but I still made them". So does that mean you are retracting your admission that you cut corners to be lazy? Doesn't matter much whether you do or not, I know that's what you did. I told you repeatedly that getting the details right was every bit as important as making the videos themselves. You make up things like "I am not expected to make videos exactly to the letter", even though I'M the one doing the expecting, and I told you that being exact was a requirement. You just keep making up these little excuses and deciding that's how reality is, even though your made-up reality doesn't come close to being true.

I have proof of Lars burning the boats, he showed me a video of doing it himself. Unlike you, he hasn't dropped all his money and priorities and gone and replaced them in a matter of days like you did with your PS3, so that's another strike against you there. Also, considering the sheer number of lies you've told me in the past week, I don't think you're in a position to be calling him a liar.

Anyway, I don't mean to say this to throw it in your face. I just think it's stuff you should use to help prepare yourself for [[Lars Call|the call]]. I've arranged it with Lars for this Wednesday night at 10:30 sharp. Be ready.

Jackie}}

{{Email|November 2, 2010 - 9:39pm

Hey Chris, I haven't heard from you today. Just making sure you'll be available for the call tomorrow night?

Jackie}}

{{Email|November 3, 2010 - 5:00pm

Chris, have you even been checking your email? I need to know whether you're going to answer if I call you tonight or not.

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 4, 2010 - 10:40am

I'm sorry for not checking my e-mail lately, and I was up last night at 10:30 with my cell phone on full ring volumn, waiting for your call. And you dd not call. I thought it was obvious that unless I tell you otherwise, go ahead and call. But you dd not call. Aside from that and the disappointment of not getting your expected call, I felt like shit already from you continuing to call me a liar; I have told you mostly the truth, and the rest of time were MisSpeaks. And How did you think I was going to feel after reading your response after the e-mail I sent you a few days ago caringly reminding you of Lar's horrendous deed and what he may do unto you in the future if you went back to him regardless of his sunken battleships? I felt I was "up a creek without a paddle" in this relationship, and I felt really down on myself between hat and my realization of the fact I am retarded often.

I just don't know anymore. I have done a Lot for you, and all I seem to mostly get is gripe and little appreciation from you for my efforts.

I care a LOT about you, Jacklyn Romy, but this relationship appears to be on its rockiest of rip tides to me. Mainly it is up to you on the decision of staying with a considerably [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-minded]], [[honest]] man who would show you a ton of care and affection, or going back to the ex who killed his own [[semen|seed]] in your womb and may do worse than that (granted there are other details about that relationship I may or may not be aware of).

I am feeling really down and crestfallen on myself right now. You think about it all, and do not respond or send me another e-mail or call if this is really the end of our relationship between you and me, and you go running back to Lars or you're going to say, "Maybe we should see other people."

:(

Stay Safe, 
Christian.)}}

{{Email|November 5, 2010 - 4:39pm

Hey Chris! Sorry I couldn't come back to the phone last night after I [[Lars Call|turned you over to Lars]]. But I am so impressed that you two hit it off so well!! I thought for sure it might be awkward for you two to talk, but the both of you showed some surprising maturity. I'm so impressed with my two boys!! And what's more, Lars was telling me last night that you told him you were going to do the parade comic for me the right way!!! Wow Chris, that will be such a sweet gesture. I look forward to seeing it in all its glory! Make sure it's colored and detailed as well as you used to do with your comic.

Jackie}}

{{succession
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|prevlink = [[Jackie E-mails 19]]
|nextlink = [[Jackie E-mails 21]]
|bgcolor = #ffdddd
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{{emails}}

[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 20]]

Mailbag 36

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'''Mailbag 36''' was uploaded by [[Cwcipedia]]'s Sysop on 9 [[January 2010]] and answered on the 12th.

The case of Mailbags 36 though 39 is an odd one. [[Chris]] was already in a bad mood when he started answering letters, largely due to the [[Asperchu]] ads covering the CWCipedia. As he tried to rush through the four mailbags marathon-style, what he created was less of a series of answers, and more of a real-time picture of Chris having an emotional breakdown. Letters were deleted with increasing frequency; answers became shorter, ruder, and relied more on ALL CAPS; and he finally quit on [[Mailbag 39]] to vent his frustrations [[12 January 2010|by screaming like a child.]]

Part one of this four-part epic touched on a number of subjects. Notable among them was Chris excusing his (imaginary) infidelity by treating advances from a girl as though they were a brute force of nature, unstoppable and beyond comprehension. He also defended some of his more tasteless drawings, defended his joblessness (going so far as to claim that a [[Charlottesville, VA|college town]] with a large amount of development and construction had no openings), failed to respond to a letter about his inability to write, and deleted a very sincere appeal from a former True and Honest fan.

==Answered==
===And the tugboat chugs on===
{{Email|From: [[Wikipedia:Kevin_Mitnick|Kevin Mitnick]]
Chris,

If a "degree is a degree" to you why don't you try and use your [[CADD]] degree to get a job as an engineer or an architect? Those guys make way more than $800 a month.

- Kevin}}
{{EmailReply|No one is hiring around here, and I am not willing to travel out of state for a while.}}

===We all die a little more every day===
[[Image:Ageprogressionlol.jpg|thumb|Over the hill.]]
{{Email|From: Caleb Feldman <feldman.c@mail.com>

Hi Chris!

Like you, I'm also an artist, except I'm employed as a police sketch artist. I'm not a cop, but I hang out with a bunch of them.

Anyway, part of my job is doing age progession, where we run somebody's photo through a computer simulation that sees what they'll look like in the future. It's pretty accurate, and we've used it to find a lot of missing children and such.

Out of curiousity [sic] I ran your photo through the computer and this is what you'll look like at 40, or about 12 years from now.

- Caleb}}
{{EmailReply|NOBODY CARES about that NOW. Although your time will not go unappreciated.}}

===You know Chris, it is possible for a guy to say no===
{{Email|From: Father [[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ronald Jeremy]] <RJeremy4God@gmail.com>

Christian,
How can you call yourself a follower of [[Jesus]] when you asked [[Lovely Weather]] out on page 12 of your recent comic (your future wife), then you go and make out with [[Megan]] Griffin on page 40? That is definitely not behavior Jesus would approve of.

Sincerely,

Father Ronald Jeremy}}
{{EmailReply|MEGAN made out with ME; SHE made the OFFER, and SHE touched me FIRST. She was Unstoppable there.}}

===On storytelling===
{{Email|From: Keith Keithson <allisfine1@gmail.com>
Don't put spoilers in the damn [[comic]]. Nobody read the last thirty or so pages because you explained what was going to happen and now nobody is going to read the next few pages because you dropped another goddamn spoiler.

People like suspense and supprises. They don't like to see the story start with "Okay, this is what is going to happen" and then watch the thing happen. That makes people bored.

Heck, since you dropped the entire plot of [[Sonichu 11]], I'm supprised that the few that remain in the [[fanbase]] are still here.}}
{{EmailReply|Well, Excuse Me.}}

===That show was just depressing===
{{Email|From: Christopher Toonen <blaze.128@hotmail.com>

Hey Chris, did you ever watch Moral Orel on Adult Swim? It's one of my favorite shows. If yes, what do you think of it?}}
{{EmailReply|I have watched the show, and it is okay.}}

===Tampons are definitely family-friendly===
{{Email|From: Sam Donovan <hersuri@gmail.com>
Chris, on Page 35 of [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu Issue 10]], you have no qualms about censoring the word "damn". But a page later, you show [[Rosechu]] putting in a tampon. Can you explain this descrepency? I'm certain parents would be worried more about such adult content rather than the word "damn". I don't this content is suitable for kids!}}
{{EmailReply|Firstly, DRAWING someone sitting on a TOILET is Non-Offensive, and we are NOT seeing her putting in a Tampon; SHE ONLY STATES THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING WHEN SHE WAS BEING CAUGHT ON FILM.}}

===Lovely Weather, on the other hand, is not a joke===
{{Email|From: apittanceoftime@gmail.com

Christopher, remember when you told that man who asked how you felt about "2D love" (I find the whole concept disturbing, honestly) that it was "false" and "lonely"?

Well, how do you explain what you're doing with Meg Griffin in the comics? It seems a bit hypocritical, honestly.

-T. Degroot.}}
{{EmailReply|It was a JOKE; look at the PAGE that followed.}}

==Rejected Mailbag==
===If Chris cares so little, why does he keep making videos about it?===
{{Email|From: Krayt Soto <kraytsoto@gmail.com>
Hello Christian,

I recently came across your Sonichu comic here on the cwcipedia and noticed it was very similar to another webcomic I love to read, Asperchu (the electric/aspergers hedgehog pokemon). Did you get permission from Alec Benson Leary to use the minor character sonichu from his webcomic? You should probably acknowledge your comic as a [[parody]] of his somewhere on your website even if you didn't. Personally I don't find it very funny to take someone else's work and write/draw it like an 8 year old but to each their own I suppose.

Yours in christ,

Krayt Soto}}
{{EmailReply|Read MY Terms of use Section and MY Copyright Registration; SONICHU and Rosechu have been Around since March, 2000; Asperchu is HIS CRAPPY FANFIC OF WHICH I COULD NOT CARE ANY LESS ABOUT.}}

==Gone Forever==
===History is unkind===
{{Email|From: Philip Dorchester <theauthority@email.org>

Dear Chris

I noticed on your written [[Captain's Log]] you said you wanted to make your birthday a national holiday like a second Valentine's Day. But are you aware of the other things that happened on that day, such as the Nazi party being formed?

Also, I noticed in another email you talked about sharing the wealth. Are you aware that's what the communists believe?

Yours truly,

Phil Dorchester}}

===Detective work===
{{Email|From: that guy <whyisthatguy@hotmail.com>

Hello,

Now you say that you have a sonichu called [[magi-chan]] scanning for [[gay]] people fucking all over your "city" and then reports this to the [[police]]...

First off, watch gay people fuck is something only a gay guy (or straight girl) wants to watch, Making magichan either gay or bi at the least.

Second, having the police capture and arrest innocent bystanders for what they do in their own homes is not only a waste of time, money, and resources but keeps them from being able to help when the real crimes occur.

You probably don't care though, so long as they get "DA HOMOS".}}

===Remember, Chris is TRUE and HONEST===
{{Email|From: Hank Thomas <hankyouverymuch30@yahoo.com>

I was reading the mailbag and was appalled by something you wrote. You stated you not only lied to your [[father]], but also directly disobeyed his wishes by not taking down the videos of HIS [[house]] (not your house; he's the one who pays the bills, you're just the lazy bum he permits to live under his roof out of pity for your mental retardation). You're a bad son and, worse, a bad Christian. You will go to Hell for breaking the Fifth Commandment if you don't atone for your sins (this means fulfilling your father's wishes and taking the videos down, not just emptily apologizing through prayer). Have a nice day.}}

===It was time for that 10 years ago===
{{Email|From: Shane Smith <donfelder1887@gmail.com>

Chris, maybe it's time you've actually looked at Asperchu from a light other than THIS COMIC SUCKS BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE SAWN-NEE-CHOO. Maybe it's time to grow up, you fucking dimwit.}}

===In which Chris deletes a heartfelt speech===
{{Email|From: Nick Manchester <questil@live.com>

Christian, I do not know what is going on with you! Why are you being so mean to Alec-chan?!? What kind of MONSTER inspires someone to greatness and then shouts them down because of their own inflated EGO. How would YOU feel if SEGA shouted YOU down for being inspired by [[sonic]] the hedgehog? HUH?

I can tell YOU that you would feel pretty down in the dumps, Christian. Do me a favor and look down at yourself for a moment... just go ahead...

What do you see?

It's him, isn't it? It's Sonichu looking back up at you. Would HE call Alec-chan those awful names? Would he be jealous of someone else's success and ability to get laid? From what I've grown to know of Sonichu I don't think he would.

I stuck with you through thick and thin! When EVERYONE thought you were [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], I didn't believe them! When everyone called you a HOMO, I said "oh nay nay, that man is straight!", when everyone said [[Julie]] was a troll I refused to believe it! I SUPPORTED you with uplifting messages on [[youtube]] (which you are too fucking lazy to use anymore). I SUPPORTED you with friendly emails about Sonichu! And what do you do?

YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN!

So... with a heavy heart I regret to inform you that I can no longer be a loyal Sonichu fan. I'm moving on to the exciting adventures that Asperchu has with his friends Jivin and Max. I will not forget about you, Chris, as I will continue to pleasure myself to images of your supple yet perky breasts bouncing up and down as you prance so gracefully in flying elephants. I'm only human, after all.

Goodbye Christian, have a nice life and don't wait up,

Nicholas D. Manchester}}

{{Mailbag}}

Jiggliami

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{{quote|Baka Dana Watashi! It's the war of love!|[[Jiggliami]]'s song "[[War of Love]]"}}
{{quote|After this concert we will be superstars! We can have any man we want!|Jiggliami to [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] before their breakout concert}}

[[Image:Jiggliami.jpg|thumb|Chris-Chan traced his former girlfriend's drawing, resulting in a copy of a copy]]

'''Jiggliami''' is [[Blanca Weiss]]'s "original" character that Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 11th, 2008|claimed]] after she broke up with him. Note the irony and [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in this action, considering he can steal other people's characters willingly, but when it comes to [[Asperchu|his characters being stolen]], he becomes upset. Also in [[Episode 18]], it is hinted that she was [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]'s girlfriend while he was still a regular [[Pikachu]]. Fortunately, we are spared any flashbacks of the [[Chris and sex|conception]] of an Igglybuff.

Her first appearance in the comics was the [[KCWC]] segment in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] where she was interviewed by [[DJ Jamsta]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] followed by boring, [[Women's rights|sexist]] talk and a lame, equally sexist joke about Jiggliami's [[I am STRAIGHT|snowballs]]. Her next (and last) appearance was [[Episode 18]], during the "Spring Break" escapades. She is first seen with Blanca, who is presumably her manager or plays guitar for her… [[Chris and writing|or something]], the two have an inane conversation about energizing the crowd and how after the concert, they'll be famous enough that they could [[Love Quest|get any man they wanted to]]. The conversation ends with [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] alluding to her [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|heart's desire]] being trapped in [[Time Void|another dimension]].

Later on she finds the comatose [[Blake]] after his encounter with [[Silvana]], and then [[Magi-Chan]] and Jiggliami inform [[Bubbles Rosechu|Bubbles]] that Silvana is posing as Blake. Later on, Jiggliami sings her song "War of Love" to the cheers of the audience, but before the song she states that she's missing her old [[Sonichu (character)|Pikachu boyfriend]].

Ever since the breakup with Blanca, Jiggliami no longer appears in the comic.

In the [[Blanca E-mails]] she is given some bullshit history about wishing on a star and somehow getting turned into the anthropomorphic abomination seen in the comic, but Chris never mentions this. Within the comic Jiggliami just shows up with no explanation as to how and why a humanoid Jigglypuff exists.

==Creation==
[[Image:Jiggy.jpg|thumb|left|Blanca's drawing, in and of itself a crude copy of the character on the right]]
[[Image:Ranka_trace.jpg|thumb|Ranka, who is in turn a [[Pedofork|loli]] version of Lynn Minmay. So Chris has done a copy of a copy of a copy?]]
[[File:Jiggliami Medallion Front Scan.jpg|thumb|right|The Jiggliami [[medallion]] Chris made for Blanca.]]
If Jiggliami seems like a stereotypical Japanese "idol singer", there's a good reason for that. The original illustration by Blanca has a striking resemblance to both a screencap and illustration of [[Wikipedia:List of Macross Frontier characters#Ranka Lee|Ranka Lee]], a character from the [[anime]] ''[[Wikipedia:Macross Frontier|Macross Frontier]]'', which means Christian further degraded the quality of the original, Xerox-style. The characters are both pop stars, and share many other attributes such as their "up-and-coming" status and inane, bubbly songs. To be fair to our autistic hero, mecha anime is probably not [[Wikipedia:Cuteness in Japanese culture|kawaii]] enough for his tastes, so he probably never has even heard of the series; so how would he know he was tracing a trace? Still, ''damn''.

There's a small bit of irony, though, in that ''Macross Frontier'''s main character is a former [[Wikipedia:Kabuki|kabuki]] actor who played [[Tomgirl Pictures|female roles]], much like men playing women in old-school [[Wikipedia:William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] productions. To make matters even funnier, the anime also had a comic relief [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|flamboyantly gay]] character. Maybe it's for the best that Chris doesn't know about this.

[[Image:Jiggliami Jigglypuff x Sonic by KawaiiKitsune123.jpg|thumb|left|Blanca's second drawing]]
The lyrics to the song Jiggliami was singing were also ripped off (and mercilessly butchered) from a music video by [[Wikipedia:Supercell_(band)|Supercell]] using the Japanese [[Wikipedia:Vocaloid|Vocaloid]] character [[Wikipedia:Hatsune Miku|Hatsune Miku]].

If this whole situation sounds familiar, well, it is: [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]] originally was a creation of a another "[[Evan|fan]]" that was in turn a, ahem, "[[parody]]" of another animu character, exactly like Jiggliami.

Jiggliami is a knockoff of the following:
* [[Amy Rose]]
* [[Wikipedia:Jigglypuff|Jigglypuff]]
* [[Wikipedia:Ranka Lee|Ranka Lee]]
* Possibly of Ami from [[Wikipedia:Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi|Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi]]

==See also==
*[[Simonla]]
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Pokémon and Pokémon Trainers]]

List of Chris's lies

2016-05-31T09:24:28Z

Zorakirby:

{{Protip|STOP PIPING TO "LIE" AS IT IS EXTREMELY OVER-PIPED. Try piping to something more specific and only pipe to "Lie" when nothing else works. The "Fail" article was deleted as a result of being overpiped, and you certainly don't want this to be deleted as well.}}

{{quote|I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], lying during the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face. This trait was likely inherited from his mother [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]], whose dishonesty [[Cole Smithey E-mails|was described]] by [[Cole Smithey]] as "pathological".

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. [[CWC_Update_26_January_2009|going to Redmond]]). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his [[Autism|actions]] (e.g. drawing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Rule 34]] of [[Megan Schroeder]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bald-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest Content|true and honest]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie told out of courtesy to avoid trouble and/or offending people. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic|brain]] that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining true and honest.

Complicating this further is the fact that Chris does not attempt to support his claims with any shred of evidence, and will contradict his lies with even more lies. The end result is that Chris is more or less a compulsive liar.

As of recently, Chris has taken to calling his lying "misspeaking". Instead of accepting that someone has called him out on his bullshit, he prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this new ploy.

This list serves to document as of Chris's blatant falsehoods as possible. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==
* Chris claims that Patti's dog house weighs "[[Father Call|like, five, ten tons]]". In the same call he claimed that mowing the lawn was a demanding physical chore for him, despite using a riding lawnmower to do it.
* In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that [[nudes|nude]] photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite consenting to the photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat #2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
* For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet, if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]], where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> He even said that they had a date together at Taco Bell and shared his first kiss with her. The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13|Mailbag #13]], he says that he has "no recollection of a Chloe."
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
* Chris claims he jogs regularly for more than 20 seconds, [[Sonichu's Edge|despite proving he is incapable of doing so.]]
* Chris [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|claimed]] that he was kicked out of class because he was autistic, when the [[Jackie_Chat_5|real reason]] was him making a homophobic (and racist) comment in front of everyone. However, it may very well be that Chris considers such behavior to be inherent in austistic individuals (and is therefore excusable/not his responsibility).
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
* When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
* Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely. Possibly, Chris was mistaken, as he can be [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] sometimes.
* In an e-mail,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] - "Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, 'I Love You' to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me."</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
* He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]].</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
* In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
* Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
* Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that backfired horribly, Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge|''SingStar'' Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the ''SingStar'' Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
* Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]].
* Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's ''SingStar'' Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
* In [[Mailbag 14|Mailbag #14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
* In [[Mailbag 25|Mailbag #25]], Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the Internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
* Chris began receiving e-mails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. What makes this incident unique is that Chris could have easily resolved the entire conflict. Since Chris is a longtime fan of the series, he could have easily thought "Wait a sec, when did male and female Pokemon start using different sprites again?", done a few quick searches online, and found that all Raichu were drawn with pointed tails prior to 2006. Eventually, after Chris uploaded an edited page and claimed that the tail had been blunt all along, he had this realization...after someone else showed him Bulbapedia.
* In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] which claimed that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
* On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
* During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also, during the call, Chris confidently stated that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns — this being a valid reason he could not sell them for money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
* Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He later insists in [[Jackie_Chat_1|his first chat with Jackie]] that it was justified because Alec "gored it up first." Episode #17, which was written long before ''Asperchu'' even began, ended with Rosechu stripping naked, ''clawing a man's head open'', ''electrocuting him'', and ''leaving him in a puddle of his own blood''.
* When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure whether he wanted to make money with ''Sonichu''; if that were true, he would never have tried to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|video game]] about ''[[Sonichu]]'', nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
* Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and, in fact, complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
* Chris promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the Internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|While trying to get himself back into The GAMe PLACe]], Chris told Michael Snyder that he's become a better person. This is after all the things he's done since [[2008#April|April 2008]]. He ends this meeting by calling Michael a Jew, despite stating he had nothing against Jews not five minutes earlier.
* Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about The Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fancy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths, and flat-out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and The Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally...[[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', Chris had either a.) [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]] — a monumental occasion in his life; b,) lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed; or c.) lied to Jackie about being kissed. In the end, a lie is still a lie, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
* In [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that would allow open homosexuals to serve in the U.S. military, Chris said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." When called out on this in [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], Chris forgoes apology to either deny the claim ever took place, or claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an e-mail in [[Mailbag 51|Mailbag #51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original e-mail. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
* In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]] not two weeks later.
* Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller ([[ECV 00001|seen in this video]]).
* In [[Jackie_E-mails_23|an e-mail exchange with Jackie]], he claims his [[Duck|penis]] is bigger than previously photographed and is no longer bent.
* Chris told [[Vivian Gee]] that he read her book, ''[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]'', when, in reality, he gave it to [[Rocky Shoemaker|his pastoral counselor]], and never touched it beyond that.<ref>[[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]</ref>
* In the [[Miyamoto emails]], Chris claims he never sexually harassed [[Megan Schroeder]], despite drawing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], and Megan repeatedly having told Chris to stop touching her.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006]]</ref><ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007]]</ref><ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007]]</ref>
* On the [[Tomboys_and_Tomgirls_of_Virginia]] forum, he said that if homosexuals 'kept it behind closed doors', he wouldn't bother them. Aside from his well-known issues with [[Homos]], his comic states that if he had the power, he'd constantly [[Magi-Chan|be on the lookout for homosexual activity]], and punish them to suit.
* In [[You're Always Pretty]], Chris told his mother he was taking pictures of her, when he was really video taping her.
* When Chris informed his [[mother]] that he [[PS3#Destruction|destroyed his PS3]], he told her that the machine was already malfunctioning before he smashed it to bits. In reality the PS3 was still operational when Chris decided to put it out of use.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 11]]</ref>
* When he held the [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|lemonade stand]], he claimed that his father died of cancer, when in fact, he died of complications from heart failure. However, this could just be Chris assuming [[Bob]] died of cancer because he had it (at least at one point), and not taking time to look into his actual cause of death.
* Chris told [[Jackie]] in an email that he has grown tolerant of the [[HEXBox|Xbox 360]] and respects those who own one, but recently in 2013, Chris went back on his word by defacing a display for the Xbox One at his local [[Mal-Wart|Walmart]], thus proving that his bizarre hatred for the HEX-BOX is still strong.
* Despite Chris' obvious morbid [[Obesity|obesity]], he has always lied about his weight, being evasive and giving numbers that are more consistent with [[Chris and reality|his own delusional self image than reality]]. As early as [[February 2010]], Chris admitted that he had at one point weighed more than 220 pounds. On Facebook on 4 January 2014, he claimed that he [[Obesity#Actual weight|weighed only 202 pounds]], despite his obvious sagging, triple chin visible in his profile picture. Users of the CWCki forums generally speculated that, based on the photographic evidence, he was probably underestimating his own weight by at least 60 pounds (~27 kilograms).
* When Catherine said no to a relationship with Chris, Chris told her that [[Catherine_E-mails#It_IS_Your_Fault.21|he was entitled to a relationship]]. In a [[Catherine_E-mails#Re:_Well.2C_that.27s_nypical|later e-mail]] ''(presumably after being called on his bullshit)'', he claimed he said no such thing. On that note, he also publicly referred to her as his "girlfriend" for months, despite Catie saying to him point-blank that their outings were not dates.
* Chris has stated that he has D-cup breasts. Kiwi Farms users have determined that they are actually A-cups.
* Chris did a promotion where if someone sent him a PS4 for his birthday, they would get a $500 coupon for his custom made Sonichu Amiibos. Obviously nobody sent him a PS4, but that didn't stop him from saying someone did. He claims someone named Kagney Lynn bought him the PS4, but closer examination of his Facebook page shows that the details of the order are linked to Fingerhut, the company he bought the PS4 from. This proves he bought the system himself.
{{Lists}}

==Sources==
<references />

[[Category:Lists]]

CWC Responds to a bully named Johan

2016-05-28T17:37:04Z

Zorakirby: linked text to ShecameforCWC.JPG and Megan

{{Transcription}}
'''CWC Responds to a bully named Johan''' is a [[Youtube]] video Chris uploaded on the 28th of May 2016. In it, Chris explains how he has been bullied by a troll named Johan after getting a [[Tomgirl|lesbian]] couple to accept fathering his baby, only for them to back out due to Johan pointing out Chris is [[Autism|autistic]]. Chris shows this through his [[lego]] mini-figures while squeezed under a child's school desk, acting out the ordeal in unintelligible ramblings. However, his rambling just sounds like [[Patti|dogs]] grunting because he chose to play a loud dub-step track over his speech, resulting in him being barely audible.
It should be noted, that Chris is acting the way he did before the [[Liquid]] saga, claiming he is being bullied by doing impersonations of his foes and recounting any times trolls have made him do embarrassing stuff, even naming [[Megan|Megan Shroeder]].

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Responds to a bully named Johan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CBS17BueShQ}}
| stardate =28 [[May 2016]]
| subject =
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = Green top and blue skirt
| previous = [[Live_Game_Stream_-_Uncharted]]
| next =
}}

==Transcript==
Hello ladies and gentlemen on the internet and my [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] Fanbase, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from the room once again, and I'm about to tell ya a story that is...direct and true...about what happened recently and will be demonstrated through [Chris looks down and fidgets with a lego figure] the mini-figures. So...that's to tell you the truth.

[''Chris stars blankly at the desk while fidgeting''] So...my associate has introduce me to a Lesbian couple, who's, looking to have their own little daughters. [[Music becomes very loud]...their little daughters, 'kay?...and I'm- was delighted to be made-to be designated as the parent, but unfortunately throughout the few weeks-the initial few weeks there were miscommunications...and we-and it was kinda spotty catching up with one another and one of them wanted to be artificially but...the other one wanted natural, but, tonight-well...earlier tonight they both mutually decided on both being natural. We were planning on setting up...because uh...earlier that day they were thinkin' 'bout a second candidate though, which ended up me feelin' sad, but he didn't show up and they liked the video I sent them demonstrating my sexual prowess [unintelligible, possibly "kind of like"] the acrobat! [''Chris lifts up a mini-figure to his face then sets it back down''] which had me feel...delighted.

[''Chris now acts out the events with the mini-figures in front of him''] So yeah, we were on the online chat room we were setting up, we were talking 'bout our meetings and then comes along [''Chris introduces a new mini-figure''] Derp-de-der new guy, who is quite intrusive and very rude. (Chris impersonates this figure, assumed to be Johan, in bizarre deep grunts with words here and there and starts a acting a conversation between the figures:)

Johan: *Grunting*
Chris: Hello, I'm Christine Chandler, Charmed I'm sure...[softly] charmed.
Johan: *Grunting* You're the big g-you're the big guy *grunting* insults *grunting* RAAAAAWRARARARA
Chris: Yeah and I can tell from my way aside from the obvious and what you s-say to my witch...yeah. You're a bad guy and you bullied me.

Sorry we were-so he was attacking me and trying to prove himself (impersonated Johan) Mighty and courageous like Captain capernicus Quack or something dumb like that.

Johan: *grunting* Look at me, I'm superior *grunting* [''Grunting becomes high pitched and cutesy, Johan figure simulates humping''] woop woop woop woop woop woop!

Yeah it was just a whole bunch like that but they were getting tired of it, I was getting tired about hearing all of it and then he realized:

Johan: Oh Wait! You're the Christain Chandler!
Chris: Creator of Sonichu and Rosechu that's me
Johan: Oh, i'm gonna do like you [unintelligible] I bet you haven't learned [unintelligible]
Chris: Like what...you mean like that time I sat bare assed on a cake? Sat bare assed on a cake what you think about that?
Johan: *grunting*
Chris: How about the time, I took pieces of my...took pieces of m-pieces of my medallion and [[BlueSpike|shhhhoved them up my behind]]? I am human enough to...admit and take the blame for the mistakes I made.
Johan: *Grunting*

And he was bringing up the [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|imaginary picture]] of the notorious...[[Megan|M.E.G.]]..and [unintelligible, wrote?] mean things up there, and I was like oh yeah that vintage old thing is so old. I've drawn more since then..of my [unintelligible] ex's. I mentioned two of them by name and he was like:

Johan: *grunting* [4.40].

(NEEDS COMPLETING)

Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.

2016-05-28T17:32:26Z

Zorakirby: linked text to a more relevant page

'''Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.''' is a video Chris streamed on May 23, 2016. The video mainly concerns Chris's continuing fervor for donations, but also concerns his new body pillow, or '[[waifu]]', and video game livestream.

== Details ==
Chris begins the video by introducing the viewer to his new body-pillow, "Naru". He states that they've been together for weeks, and
[[Mailbag 32#For more information, see Lovely Weather|that there's nothing wrong with that]]. Chris then starts his begging for cash, to help with their "[[Obese|Nutritional Issues]]". After this, Chris finally lays down the stream info, and tells the viewer he'll be playing Uncharted on his [[PlayStation_4|Playstation 4]] later that night. Chris thanks the viewers, and ends the video.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|W79BLVp5p0Y}}
| stardate =23 [[May 2016]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Blue and white striped dress
| previous = [[Proposition to Sega‎‎]]
| next = [[Live_Game_Stream_-_Uncharted]]
}}

== Description ==
{{Quotebox|This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.
}}

== Transcript ==
[''A body pillow sits propped up in a chair to Chris's left.''] Mmm. This is my waifu, Her name is Naru. Ch- we've been [[speech impediment|togevver]] for a few weeks now, nothing wrong with that. We're still gettin' to know each other pretty much, and it's all in my head, really. Hey, y'all can- y'all are welcome to share your waifus anytime. Anyway... [''sigh''] Second half of the month. [''removes glasses''] Gonna need some more donations around here, to help out. Get some more food around here... My mom loves to eat bananas. Quite serious about that. And we could do better- better- better on food as well. Otherwise we end up just... hmm, we're not gettin' everything we n- need nutritionally. So please - donate. Help us, once again. Thank you. And yes, later tonight I'll be playing some [[video games|Uncharted]] and streaming gameplay. So y'all can look forward to that in a little while. Thank you. Have a good day.

CWC Responds to a bully named Johan

2016-05-28T17:29:03Z

Zorakirby: corrected "previous video"

{{Transcription}}
'''CWC Responds to a bully named Johan''' is a [[Youtube]] video Chris uploaded on the 28th of May 2016. In it, Chris explains how he has been bullied by a troll named Johan after getting a [[Tomgirl|lesbian]] couple to accept fathering his baby, only for them to back out due to Johan pointing out Chris is [[Autism|autistic]]. Chris shows this through his [[lego]] mini-figures while squeezed under a child's school desk, acting out the ordeal in unintelligible ramblings. However, his rambling just sounds like [[Patti|dogs]] grunting because he chose to play a loud dub-step track over his speech, resulting in him being barely audible.
It should be noted, that Chris is acting the way he did before the [[Liquid]] saga, claiming he is being bullied by doing impersonations of his foes and recounting any times trolls have made him do embarrassing stuff, even naming [[Megan|Megan Shroeder]].

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Responds to a bully named Johan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CBS17BueShQ}}
| stardate =28 [[May 2016]]
| subject =
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = Green top and blue skirt
| previous = [[Live_Game_Stream_-_Uncharted]]
| next =
}}

==Transcript==
Hello ladies and gentlemen on the internet and my [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] Fanbase, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from the room once again, and I'm about to tell ya a story that is...direct and true...about what happened recently and will be demonstrated through [Chris looks down and fidgets with a lego figure] the mini-figures. So...that's to tell you the truth.

[''Chris stars blankly at the desk while fidgeting''] So...my associate has introduce me to a Lesbian couple, who's, looking to have their own little daughters. [[Music becomes very loud]...their little daughters, 'kay?...and I'm- was delighted to be made-to be designated as the parent, but unfortunately throughout the few weeks-the initial few weeks there were miscommunications...and we-and it was kinda spotty catching up with one another and one of them wanted to be artificially but...the other one wanted natural, but, tonight-well...earlier tonight they both mutually decided on both being natural. We were planning on setting up...because uh...earlier that day they were thinkin' 'bout a second candidate though, which ended up me feelin' sad, but he didn't show up and they liked the video I sent them demonstrating my sexual prowess [unintelligible, possibly "kind of like"] the acrobat! [''Chris lifts up a mini-figure to his face then sets it back down''] which had me feel...delighted.

[''Chris now acts out the events with the mini-figures in front of him''] So yeah, we were on the online chat room we were setting up, we were talking 'bout our meetings and then comes along [''Chris introduces a new mini-figure''] Derp-de-der new guy, who is quite intrusive and very rude. (Chris impersonates this figure, assumed to be Johan, in bizarre deep grunts with words here and there and starts a acting a conversation between the figures:)

Johan: *Grunting*
Chris: Hello, I'm Christine Chandler, Charmed I'm sure...[softly] charmed.
Johan: *Grunting* You're the big g-you're the big guy *grunting* insults *grunting* RAAAAAWRARARARA
Chris: Yeah and I can tell from my way aside from the obvious and what you s-say to my witch...yeah. You're a bad guy and you bullied me.

Sorry we were-so he was attacking me and trying to prove himself (impersonated Johan) Mighty and courageous like Captain capernicus Quack or something dumb like that.

Johan: *grunting* Look at me, I'm superior *grunting* [''Grunting becomes high pitched and cutesy, Johan figure simulates humping''] woop woop woop woop woop woop!

Yeah it was just a whole bunch like that but they were getting tired of it, I was getting tired about hearing all of it and then he realized:

Johan: Oh Wait! You're the Christain Chandler!
Chris: Creator of Sonichu and Rosechu that's me
Johan: Oh, i'm gonna do like you [unintelligible] I bet you haven't learned [unintelligible]
Chris: Like what...you mean like that time I sat bare assed on a cake? Sat bare assed on a cake what you think about that?
Johan: *grunting*
Chris: How about the time, I took pieces of my...took pieces of m-pieces of my medallion and [[BlueSpike|shhhhoved them up my behind]]? I am human enough to...admit and take the blame for the mistakes I made.
Johan: *Grunting*

And he was bringing up th imaginary picture of the notorious...M.E.G...and [unintelligible, wrote?] mean things up there, and I was like Oh yeah that vintage old thing is so old. I've drawn more since then..of my [unintelligible] ex's. I mentioned two of them by name and he was like:

Johan: *grunting* [4.40].

(NEEDS COMPLETING)

Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.

2016-05-28T17:28:17Z

Zorakirby:

'''Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.''' is a video Chris streamed on May 23, 2016. The video mainly concerns Chris's continuing fervor for donations, but also concerns his new body pillow, or '[[waifu]]', and video game livestream.

== Details ==
Chris begins the video by introducing the viewer to his new body-pillow, "Naru". He states that they've been together for weeks, and [[Chris and reality|that there's nothing wrong with that]]. Chris then starts his begging for cash, to help with their "[[Obese|Nutritional Issues]]". After this, Chris finally lays down the stream info, and tells the viewer he'll be playing Uncharted on his [[PlayStation_4|Playstation 4]] later that night. Chris thanks the viewers, and ends the video.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|W79BLVp5p0Y}}
| stardate =23 [[May 2016]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Blue and white striped dress
| previous = [[Proposition to Sega‎‎]]
| next = [[Live_Game_Stream_-_Uncharted]]
}}

== Description ==
{{Quotebox|This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.
}}

== Transcript ==
[''A body pillow sits propped up in a chair to Chris's left.''] Mmm. This is my waifu, Her name is Naru. Ch- we've been [[speech impediment|togevver]] for a few weeks now, nothing wrong with that. We're still gettin' to know each other pretty much, and it's all in my head, really. Hey, y'all can- y'all are welcome to share your waifus anytime. Anyway... [''sigh''] Second half of the month. [''removes glasses''] Gonna need some more donations around here, to help out. Get some more food around here... My mom loves to eat bananas. Quite serious about that. And we could do better- better- better on food as well. Otherwise we end up just... hmm, we're not gettin' everything we n- need nutritionally. So please - donate. Help us, once again. Thank you. And yes, later tonight I'll be playing some [[video games|Uncharted]] and streaming gameplay. So y'all can look forward to that in a little while. Thank you. Have a good day.

Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.

2016-05-26T04:39:22Z

Zorakirby: merged another page titled "Announcement 05/23/2016" (which was about the same exact video as this one) with this page

'''Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.''' is a video Chris streamed on May 23, 2016. The video is about Chris's continuing fervor with donations, but also concerns his new body pillow, or '[[waifu]]' and video game livestream.

== Details ==
Chris starts the video off by introducing the viewer to his new body-pillow, "Naru". He states that they've been together for weeks, and [[Mailbag 32#For more information, see Lovely Weather|that it is okay]]. Chris then starts his begging for cash, to help with their "[[Obese|Nutritional Issues]]". After this, Chris finally lays down the stream info, and that he'd be playing Uncharted on his [[PlayStation_4|Playstation 4]]. Chris thanks the viewers, and ends the video.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|W79BLVp5p0Y}}
| stardate =23 [[May 2016]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Blue and white striped dress
| previous = [[Proposition to Sega‎‎]]
| next =
}}

== Description ==
{{Quotebox|This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.
}}

== Transcript ==
[''A body pillow sits propped up in a chair to Chris's left. On it's surface is emblazoned a woman depicted in an anime artstyle, complete with animal ears.''] Mmm. This is my waifu, Her name is Naru. Ch- we've been [[speech impediment|togevver]] for a few weeks now, nothing wrong with that. We're still gettin' to know each other pretty much, and it's all in my head, really. Hey, y'all can- y'all are welcome to share your waifus anytime. Anyway... [''sigh''] Second half of the month. [''removes glasses''] Gonna need some more donations around here, to help out. Get some more food around here... My mom loves to eat bananas. Quite serious about that. And we could do better- better- better on food as well. Otherwise we end up just... hmm, we're not gettin' everything we n- need nutritionally. So please - donate. Help us, once again. Thank you. And yes, later tonight I'll be playing some [[video games|Uncharted]] and streaming gameplay. So y'all can look forward to that in a little while. Thank you. Have a good day.

Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.

2016-05-26T04:37:39Z

Zorakirby:

Announcement 05/23/2016

2016-05-26T04:37:36Z

Zorakirby: changed page to a redirect to "Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight." The two pages were the about the exact same thing. The old contents of this page were merged with that page.

#REDIRECT [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.]]

Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.

2016-05-26T04:18:39Z

Zorakirby:

'''Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.''' is a video Chris streamed on May 23, 2016. The video is about Chris's continuing fervor with donations, but also concerns his new body pillow, or '[[waifu]]' and video game livestream.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|W79BLVp5p0Y}}
| stardate =23 [[May 2016]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = Blue and white striped dress
| previous = [[Proposition to Sega‎‎]]
| next =
}}

== Description ==
{{Quotebox|This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.
}}

== Transcript ==
[''A body pillow sits propped up in a chair to Chris's left. On it's surface is emblazoned a woman depicted in an anime artstyle, complete with animal ears.''] Mmm. This is my waifu, Her name is Naru. Ch- we've been together for a few weeks now, nothing wrong with that. We're still gettin' to know each other pretty much, and it's all in my head, really. Hey, y'all can- y'all are welcome to share your waifus anytime. Anyway... [''sigh''] Second half of the month. [''removes glasses''] Gonna need some more donations around here, to help out. Get some more food around here... My momma's [''inaudible''] bannans. Quite serious about that. And we could do better- better- better on food as well. Otherwise we end up just... hmm, we're not gettin' everything we n- need nutritionally. So please - donate. Help us, once again. Thank you. And yes, later tonight I'll be playing some Uncharted and streaming gameplay. So y'all can look forward to that in a little while. Thank you. Have a good day.

Waifu

2016-05-26T04:17:25Z

Zorakirby: removed secondary quote

{{quote|We're still gettin' to know each other ... and it's all in my head, really. ... Y'all are welcome to share your waifus anytime.|Chris on his waifu, [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.]]}}

A waifu is, generally speaking, a female character from an [[anime]] or [[video game]] that a person is attracted to and considers a [[Love Quest|significant other]]. Chris, however, chooses to use 'waifu' in the modern sense, to refer to a [[Wikipedia:Dakimakura|dakimakura]], a [[Autism|body pillow]]. So far, the only references Chris has ever made to a waifu is in [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|two]] [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|videos]] from [[May 2016]]. He introduces his waifu as 'Nairu'.

[[Image:Chris_and_his_waifu.png|thumb|In which Chris introduces 'Nairu', with whom he has spent a glorious two weeks, and there is [[Mailbag 32#For more information, see Lovely Weather|nothing wrong with that]].]]

Waifu

2016-05-25T22:06:06Z

Zorakirby: Added quote of Chris saying he would never ever have a pretend relationship with a doll

{{quote|We're still gettin' to know each other ... and it's all in my head, really. ... Y'all are welcome to share your waifus anytime.|Chris on his waifu, [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.]]}}

{{quote|NO. I will [[Hypocrisy|NEVER EVER SETTLE]] for such a PRETEND RELATIONSHIP.|Chris, in reply to [[Mailbag 32#For more information, see Lovely Weather|a question]] about having a relationship with a doll.}}

A waifu is, generally speaking, a female character from an [[anime]] or [[video game]] that a person is attracted to and considers a [[Love Quest|significant other]]. Chris, however, chooses to use 'waifu' in the modern sense, to refer to a [[Wikipedia:Dakimakura|dakimakura]], a [[Autism|body pillow]]. So far, the only references Chris has ever made to a waifu is in [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|two]] [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|videos]] from [[May 2016]]. He introduces his waifu as 'Nairu'.

[[Image:Chris_and_his_waifu.png|thumb|In which Chris introduces 'Nairu', with whom he has spent a glorious two weeks, and there is nothing wrong with that.]]

Announcement 05/23/2016

2016-05-25T22:00:39Z

Zorakirby: added link to a mailbag where Chris said he would never settle for a pretend relationship with a doll

'''Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight''' is a video [[Chris]] made on May 23rd, 2016. The video is just a simple request for his fans to donate, and to spread word of a stream later that night.

== Details ==
Chris starts the video off by introducing the viewer to his new body-pillow, "Naru". He then states that they've been together for weeks, and [[Mailbag 32#For more information, see Lovely Weather|that it is okay]]. Chris then starts his begging for cash, to help with their "[[Obese|Nutritional Issues]]". After this, Chris finally lays down the stream info, and that he'd be playing Uncharted on his [[PlayStation_4|Playstation 4]]. Chris then says thank you, and ends the video.

== Video ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=W79BLVp5p0Y}}
| stardate = 23 [[May 2016]]
| shirt = Multicolored sleeveless dress
| previous = [[Proposition to Sega‎‎]]
| next =
}}
== Description ==
{{Quotebox|This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.
}}

== Transcript ==
Hmm.. this is my waifu, her name is Naru. We've been together (pronounced [[Speech_impediment|togethwer]]) for a few weeks now. Nothing wrong with that. We're still getting to know each-other pretty much, and it's all in my head really. Hey [[Ruckersville|y'all]] ca- y'all welcome to share your waifus any time... Anyway, [''sigh''].. second half of the month, [''takes off glasses''] we need some more donations, around here to help out, get some more [[List_of_restaurants|food]] around here. My [[Barb|mom]] loves to eat bananas, quite serious about that. A-and, we could do better, wher-where our food (is?), as well. Otherwise we might just- hmm. We're not getting everything we need nutritionally, so please donate, help us once again. Thank you. And yes, later tonight, I'll be playing some [[Video_game|Uncharted]]. I'm streaming.. gameplay. So y'all can look forward to that in a little while. Thank you, have a good day.

Please, Donate

2016-05-22T06:47:02Z

Zorakirby:

'''Please, Donate''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 12 [[April 2016]]. Chris begs for donations in exchange for gifts.

==Description==
{{Quotebox|Please, donate and help me and my family. I would be more than grateful for each donation that comes in. And Y'all will receive gifts on the higher levels.

I stand corrected; plain donations are not tax deductible, and I am not one of such there. I am sorry about that; my mistake.

<nowiki>https://www.etsy.com/listing/246499002/donate-towards-new-comic-book-pages-or?ref=shop_home_active_1
</nowiki>

This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.}}

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Please, Donate
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-TPOcKUBBdM}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2016]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = blue string top
| previous = [[Happy Birthday, Martin.]]
| next = [[Announcement 04/16/2016]]
}}
</center>
==Transcript==
[''[[sigh]]''] So anyway, uh, got a bit of situation here going on here at home, but y'all do know that, uh, I'm still try--I'm still recovering from all the past... hatred and abuse I had to put up with. [''Chris picks up the remote and presses a button''] Uh, okay, that's a bit better, distracting, I muted the television, but anyway, so... [''sigh''] Yeah, got some financial problems coming up, ehhh, about right now, so, [''takes a breath''] mmm, I mean, y'all don't have to buy anything, uh, donations of b--with every person donating at least a dollar, you can help--y'all can help, uh, me and my mother find uh, peace at home and be able to help, uh, take care of our expenses and everything.

And uh, I'm still working on--I'm still getting back into the groove of putting everything together, working on a daily basis and definitely working on putting myself on a day schedule. [''pauses''] And there's that damn [[autism|autistic]] [[Slow-in-the-minds|pause]] in my head. I think that's the autism, essentially. You get, you feel the anxiety and the damn autism reacts to it like it's a piece of change and it's not routine or something. [''sigh''] Anyhow, since I pretty much am reaching out to everybody for a donations, I just wanna remind everybody that uh, the donations under $10, uh, pretty much the only thing I can offer from there is uh, your name in the back of the--back of the book or on the page of the book, but essentially aside from that, um, just wanted to remind everybody of the donations' levels. Hmm... yeah, so $10 for one full written, drawn and... wait a minute, um, oh right. Ahh, shoot. Uh, let me just start from the beginning here.

As a devoted fan to the Sonichu and Rosechu comic--comic book series, I'm certain you do want to see more pages, since I ended up with creator's--creator's block, and forced into hiatus--in 2007, still working on building the routine to get myself back on drawing on a daily basis, and createning on--creating on a daily basis and everything. Yeah, still doing that. Uhh, working on the trying to make a schedule and getting on that routine and I have my own typical... uhh, unexpected and incoming stresses and life problems. Mmm, but anyway if you don't feel like, uhh, buying a big thing you can donate as little as one dollar.

Eh, but uh, here are the donation levels once again, where you'd give free--where you would get a gift I would personally put together for you. [''pause''] Yeah, but essentially [''pauses again'']

Yeah... Anyway, ah, let's see: Complete past new pages be uploaded soon as they are... Soon after they are printed, if you
know, I've been... Psht, yeah. Still trying to get back in the routine and everything.

Um, [''mumbles to himself''] hm... Okay, so yeah, For each person who donates through my shop on Etsy, ah, 10 dol--10 dollars and above, I'll send a single character drawing as a sign of gratitude. Request for drawing--for the contents are welcome as long as its not uh, questionable material. And I can't draw your favorite characters regardless about it copyright or not [He means to say "regardless of whether it's copyrighted or not" but just messed it up.]

Um, anyway, if no request is made, I'll just make a fresh drawing of Sonichu and I'll limit one drawing per person per... Day. And if you would like the char--like a colored under 10 dollars... That's the wind up minimum of the 20 dollar level... Yeah, that's when it could be colored. And uh... Alright, at the 50 dollars level, you get the choice of either a Sonichu medallion, or a personal variant, or a custom medallion, whatever you like there. Or an autographed photo, as well as a printed copy of uh, one of the books, your choice.

[''short sigh'']Boy, that thing last month, that thing last December with little bit of really, still throwin' me--still throws me back. Ah, but anyway, 100 dollars gets you your choice of any one of these--Any one of the figures... Ah, yeah, just pretty much any one of the figures, your choice, uh that's uh... Allow up to certain time for me to acquire the parts and make them. [''short sigh''] I'm still getting in there, so there maybe time to--so there are likely delays, so I do apologise for that, thereby who's been delayed, I'm still working and I'm get--trying to get back to speed. Y'all will get your items, very soon I promise. Ah [''mumbles'']... Oh! So yeah, for a 100 dollars you get your choice of a figure, as well as a print--as well as a... Your choice of one of the books. As well as a--you may... Request a drawing as well.

Hm, the 500 dollar level gets you a medallion, a figure... Well, traditionally it would be one figure and ah... One of the three-piece sets, but 'tell you what, uh- start uh--from here on, I'll update the listing later. You could do like, up to four figures of your choice. Four figures of your choice, at the 500 dollar level. [''mumbles''] You may also request an autographed photo and uh, a copy of one of my books. [''mumbles''] As well as a--you may also request a drawing. Again, these are optional, [It seems Chris is making another attempt to stay lazy, saying that the previous tier donation rewards are 'optional'] so, you don't have to request them. And if you don't want any gifts, you can just let m--you can just let me know, but definitely delighted in helping and making these things for everybody... Very much. Anyway, [sigh] don't wanna keep losing my place.[''mumbles''] Okay... Okay, yeah, so, thousn'--the 1000 dollar level. Uh, making the change to that might be so... Uh, but currently as listed here you get the entire Wave 1 set of Sonichu, Rosechu, Blake, Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy, and Magi-Chan, as well as me and the three-piece set, a Sonichu medallion, or custom therein. And you may request the autographed photo, the book, and a drawing.... Yeah. But anyway, uh, yeah, coupon codes definitely not valid for the donations and every do- and every donation is indeed- is indeed a tax deduction right off, y'all can make for yourselves, if applicable. I mean uh, it varies from person to person, I'm sure. But anyway [''sigh''] I'm just [''sigh''] single person trying to help provide for this family and uh, I can only do so much uh, getting money and whatnot, so your donations are a real great help, so please, donate as much as you can. Even if its only 1 dollar per person, every little bit helps. If you donate big, that will be really greatly appreciated... Very much. [''sigh''] all for the peace of mind, so I can get back into drawing and have more--and be able to be--feeling so much better about life and everything, in addition to me feeling better about myself even though I am an--been having more positive outlook on like--[[True and Loyal Fanbase#Chris's contempt for his fans|AND I'M NOT READING ANY OF THOSE COMMENTS EITHER, SO YOU MAY AS WELL STOP RIGHT THERE]] [Chris is addressing the live stream audiences]. Anyhow [''exhales''] so, please, go to the listing below--go the uh, Etsy listing of donations- the donation page that will be listed below this video and... Donate as much as you can... Thank you. Mmm. Y'all have a good, safe day.

Ungh. ''Wrong'' button!

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

April 2016

2016-05-22T06:42:22Z

Zorakirby: Added links to appropriate videos, etc.

April is the fourth month of 2016.

==Events==
* 5 April - Chris uploads video [[My Breast Massage Routine 18+]] and [[Happy Birthday, Martin.]]
* 11 April - Chris's [[26 December 2014|probation]] expired.
* 12 April - Chris uploads [[Please,_Donate|a video]] where he begs for money.
* 16 April - Chris [[Announcement_04/16/2016|announces]] the formation of ''[[Sonichu Entertainment of America]]'', a new "company" that he hopes will help him sell merchandise and get [[china]].
* 24 April - Chris livestreams a short, direct [[Donation Request|beg for donations]].
* 29 April - Chris watches the new Ratchet & Clank Movie.
* 29 April - The official [[Chris_in_the_media#Sega_Acknowledges_Sonichu_Again|Sonic the Hedgehog Twitter]] once again acknowledges Sonichu in [https://twitter.com/sonic_hedgehog/status/726090715885756416 a post] making fun of Sonic OC's.
{{Timeline}}

Template:Da update

2016-05-22T06:39:15Z

Zorakirby: swapped sonic twitter link to more appropriate words

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*14 [[May 2016|May]]: Chris livestreams another [[Proposition_to_Sega|business offer]], this time for Sega's benefit.
*10 [[May 2016|May]]: Chris buys an anime bodypillow.
*7 [[May 2016|May]]: Chris's Etsy shop closes, only to come back up later.
*29 [[April 2016|April]] - The official [[Chris_in_the_media#Sega_Acknowledges_Sonichu_Again|Sonic the Hedgehog Twitter]] once again acknowledges Sonichu in [https://twitter.com/sonic_hedgehog/status/726090715885756416 a post] making fun of Sonic OC's.
*24 [[April 2016|April]] - Chris livestreams a short, direct [[Donation Request|beg for donations]].
*16 [[April 2016|April]] - Chris [[Announcement_04/16/2016|announces]] the formation of ''[[Sonichu Entertainment of America]]'', a new "company" that he hopes will help him sell merchandise and get [[china]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Template:Da update

2016-05-12T20:21:04Z

Zorakirby: Official Sonic the Hedgehog Twitter mention of Sonichu

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*10 [[May 2016|May]]: Chris buys an anime bodypillow.
*7 [[May 2016|May]]: Chris's Etsy shop closes, only to come back up later.
*29 [[April 2016|April]] - The official [[Chris_in_the_media#Sega_Acknowledges_Sonichu_Again|Sonic the Hedgehog Twitter]] once again [https://twitter.com/sonic_hedgehog/status/726090715885756416 acknowledges Sonichu] in a post making fun of Sonic OC's.
*24 [[April 2016|April]] - Chris livestreams a short, direct [[Donation Request|beg for donations]].
*16 [[April 2016|April]] - Chris [[Announcement_04/16/2016|announces]] the formation of ''[[Sonichu Entertainment of America]]'', a new "company" that he hopes will help him sell merchandise and get [[china]].

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Prank calls

2016-05-01T01:55:24Z

Zorakirby:

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire Internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

== DPF phonecalls ==
=== Part 1 ===

<center>{{#ev:youtube|jJgbVrFasxk}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Jynx:''' Hel-(cut off by static)
 '''Jack:''' Hi I'm *inaudible*
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry what?
 '''Jynx:''' Good evening.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, good evening.
 '''Jynx:''' We tried to conta-well I tried to contact you earlier, I wanted to ask permission to use something of yours. A character of yours.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Jynx:''' I, um, I own a comic called Marty-Bob, right? It's pretty popular. It's based off the series Negima, you may have heard of it. Have you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. I have not.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, as you know, I am English, and it's rather popular over here, right? And your character, being pretty popular in England as well, um, I wanted to see if I could use him just as a cameo to say hi to Marty-Bob.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Well I-[cut off by Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I give you, I give you permission to use my c-, use my Sonichu as a as a, in a cameo appearance in there, just make sure you reference me and the CWCipedia.
 '''Jack:''' We'll, we'll do that sir.
 '''Jynx:''' We'll link and everything and give credit to you [Text comes up reading 'Sonichu can come up and give Marty-Bob a handshake and then Marty-Bob can meet'] Sonichu and say he's awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, that's fine.
 '''Jack:''' Also, I was wondering, I have a character I'd like to audition for you, for your Sonichu comic.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Hmm.
 '''Jack:''' His, his name is Poliochu, he has Polio, he's like the uh, clone of FDR and he has Polio, so he needs a wheelchair.
 '''Chris:''' I see, hmm, well you can send me a drawing of it, to my e-mail address or to the mailbag on the CWCipedia and I'll uh, I'll look at-I'll look the character over.
 '''Jynx:''' Will you look at 'em all of your e-mails?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll look at the e-mails.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay that's good.
 '''Jack:''' That's good, that's good. Also, um, are you getting those dastardly trolls? I mean, they're just so mean.
 '''Chris:''' Yes they are mean.
 '''Jynx:''' I liked your recent video where you spoke French or s-[static pause]
 '''Chris:''' [cutting in] Spanish.
 '''Jynx:''' You taught me how to say it it was like illis zububolis or something.
 '''Jack:''' What does that mean anyway what you said in Spanish?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah th- the meaning escapes me at the moment, but it's pronounced "uhcrepsa etah y uhcinos evol.
 '''Jack:''' Mhm.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, can I just say something?
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' I'm your biggest fan; you're so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Jack:''' You do not deserve any of the bad treatment towards you like, Clyde Cash, he's just a jerk and whatever that guy who says he's you but like not as like, good looking.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So what is Asperchu?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well Asperchu is not mine, it belongs to Alec Benson Leary and I have no connection to him whatsoever, except for him buying out the ad space and putting his ads onto th-[cuts out]
 '''Jynx:''' What?
 '''Jack:''' Why would he do that to you?
 '''Chris:''' He's just being, he's just being mean and a jerk.
 '''Jynx:''' I thought that um, you guys were having a meeting. That's what you said in your video.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, no I challenged him to come and meet- challenged him to come to Virginia so we can see who stacks up better here.
 '''Jynx:''' Right.
 '''Jack:''' Did Clyde Cash ever come to your house and try to fight you?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, people have come to my house, and uh, gone so-gone as far as to egg my house.
 '''Jack:''' Egged? Your house has been egged?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' That's not very nice they're [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' It's a waste of eggs.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Eggs are supposed to be eaten.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's probably-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts off Chris] They're made with french toast.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' I wanted to ask you a question.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Y'know Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' How come he's got -chan at the end of his name but not -chu?
 '''Chris:''' It's a play off the word magician.
 '''Jynx:''' I see. I didn't know that! That's pretty cool, I've learned something new today!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' But what's that, so his species name is Magi-chan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' So, could I capture my own Magi-chan if it was in a pokémon game?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not really. If I- if there was a pokémon game with all the Sonichu characters in there, you'd have to, uh, evolve it from a Sonee with a Moon Stone.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah, I see.
 '''Jack:''' Also I was wondering, uh, what is this A.D. Vision thing project you're making-you're going on talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, uh, oh, turns out tha-turns out I was fooled there, apparently A.D. Vison went ou-went out of business in September 2009. I did not realize that until recently.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I got, I got to ask you a really important question.
 '''Jack:''' Who is Ginger? We just want to know; we're confused about that.
 '''Chris:''' She's a fan.
 '''Jack:''' She's a fan?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Like us?
 '''Jack:''' [inaudible]
 '''Chris:''' She talked to me recently.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, where does she live?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, she lives in Florida.
 '''Jack:''' Florida? That's-
 '''Chris:''' [cuts in] Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Pretty f-pretty far a way aways man.
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] Around.
 '''Chris:''' I wasn't doing anything lately, y'know?
 '''Jynx:''' Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Could I ask your opinion on something?
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jynx:''' It's something you haven't released information or anything and it's so important I wanna ask you this.
 '''Chris:''' Mhm?
 '''Jynx:''' Um, do you like Digimon?
 '''Chris:''' Digimon's okay.
 '''Jynx:''' But you think poké-
 '''Jack:''' They're just a pretty ripoff of Pokémon right?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah I would dare say it's sort of a ripoff.
 '''Jynx:''' But, I, I like Digimon and I like Sonichu, because I'm awesome like that; that's how I roll.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay. Alright, that's cool.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' 'Kay.
 '''Jynx:''' Would you like to speak to Kermit the Frog?
 '''Chris:''' No. I-
 '''Jack:''' [cuts in] He has like the best voice of doing it though.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I-I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll listen to your imitation of Kermit the Frog.
 '''Jynx:''' Okay, here it is, ready? [Mimics Kermit the Frog] Hi there, Kermit the Frog here speaking to Chris-Chan, which is pretty cool.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' You like it?
 '''Chris:''' It's okay...uh, [Mimics Kermit the Frog; Inaudible mumbling in the voice] and sound like Kermit the Frog. Ladies and Gentlemen, [inaudible name] in the audience, yay!
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, wow! That was good at the end! That was excellent!
 '''Jack:''' Can you hear my- can you hear my Bill Cosby voice. Do you know Bill Cosby?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jack:''' Alright, here it is. [Mimics Bill Cosby] Hello Chris-Chan, with the bippin' and the boppin' and the hippin'. [Coughs] God that hurt.
 '''Chris:''' [Mimicking Bill Cosby] Mmm, that's pretty good, but I think [inaudible] and we could talk all day long! And we could do all the jibba jabba blibba blabba.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, uh, do you know who Cleveland Brown?
 '''Chris:''' Yep. [Mimics Cleveland] Oh yeah, I know Cleveland Brown. Yeah I watch the Cleveland Show. [Attempts Cleveland's laugh]
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, I like his laugh, it's like [mimics laugh]
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed episode?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn- I didn't understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' When are you going to do a Metal Gear Solid themed comic ser-type of like, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Well uh, maybe later, but not right now.
 '''Jack:''' Here, I could do, I could do I good Snake voice. Let's get into it. Listen.
 '''Chris:''' Mkay.
 '''Jack:''' [Mimicking Snake] Otacon, this is Snake. Where are we? [cough]
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one from Super Smash Brothers?
 '''Jack:''' No.
 '''Jynx:''' Is-have you ever played Super Smash Brothers, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yep.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you have a friend code for it?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, but it would be hard for me to get to it right now.
 '''Jynx:''' Ah.
 '''Jack:''' Ah okay.
 '''Jynx:''' I would love to play you because I actually don't have Snake in Brawl yet. I don't know how to unlock him.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, uh, I'm sorry, you don't-uh, you're talking about the Snake character, unlocking him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, you could look, you could look up the answer how to unlock him on GameFAQs, G A M E F A Q S dot com.
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, who do you use?
 '''Jack:''' He uses Sonic of course.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you know that if you hack the game, you could mix Pikachu's move with Sonic, and then you can make, like Sonichu in brawl?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, that's interesting.
 '''Jynx:''' That'd be cool. I used to do that; I used to hack Brawl at one point.
 [End of audio]
}}

=== Part 2 ===

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Jack:''' Reggie Fils-Aime, I've always tried to talk with him, I've called Nintendo of America like a billion times asking to talk with him, he's like always busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it turned out-it turned out between him and, uh, Sh-and, uh, Sh-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Shigeru Miyamoto?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It turned out when I talked to them they turned out to be just trolls pretending to be both of them.
 '''Jynx:''' Well, was that Clyde Cash again?
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, another troll. Under Clyde Cash, I'm sure.
 '''Jack:''' [mumbling] oh, oh. Have you seen "The Book of Eli" yet?
 '''Chris:''' No, I have not.
 '''Jack:''' You should go see it. Oh, there-here, my, uh, my little sister would like to talk to you.
 '''Jynx:''' She's from Australia.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah.
 '''Girl:''' Is this really Sonichu? I'm really excited now!
 '''Chris:''' (cutting in) Hello?
 '''Girl:''' Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I've been trying to talk with you for hours and hours now! Sonichu! Oh my god, I love this show! I love it, I love it, I love it!
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) she's just
 '''Chris:''' (inaudible)
 '''Girl:''' Shut up, shut up Jack, I'm talking! I'm so...oh, wow.
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like Family Guy then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, it's a good show.
 '''Jynx:''' I have, do you know what my favorite Chris Chan video is? The one where you do the life in a day of Sonichu. That was great!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Thank you.
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah, I've-
 '''Jack:''' (cutting in) Did you notice that Chris Mc-Chris McFarland-Seth McFarlane has put you in one of the episodes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh. Sorry, I did not understand that.
 '''Jack:''' Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy, he put you in that one episode, where they did like, a Stephen King parody? He made Peter look just like you.
 '''Chris:''' No, uh, (sound cut off) -like that.
 '''Jynx:''' That's your shirt.
 '''Girl:''' (speaking over Chris) Oh, I LOVE YOUUU!
 '''Jack:''' (inaudible) -that you're famous though.
 '''Chris:''' Hm... Indeed.
 '''Jack:''' Are you ever gonna come to Anime Expo?
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Jynx:''' Oh, what kind of anime do you like? Do you like, uh, Lucky Star? (inaudible) Naruto, Bleach? So many to choose from.
 '''Girl:''' (cutting in) Oh, Anime, do you like Anime? I like Anime!
 '''Jynx:''' Negime, Marty Bob? There's a whole list.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I like a lot of anime, but I would say that I really like Excel Saga.
 '''Jack:''' Excel Saga? Yeah, Nabushin's the best.
 '''Jynx:''' I like Azumanga Daioh.
 '''Jack:''' I don't even know what that is man.
 '''Girl:''' [unintelligible], Ponies~.
 '''Jack:''' [unintelligible]...(Over Chris) Me and Chris know what it's about.
 '''Chris:''' Listen, I'm busy working on a this project right now.
 '''Jack:''' Which project is it?
 '''Chris:''' Oh it's some, uh... (static)
 '''Jack:''' (Cutting off Chris) Is it like a video, or some sort of, like, game, or picture.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a drawing, alright?
 '''Jack:''' It's a drawing? Oh, oh, oh. Ok. Here's another Sonichu character, alright? His name is Hunter ThompsonChu... He's like, he's like a writer sort of Sonichu character, and he wears, like, um, what is it? Like, ah... Do you wa- Have you read or watched "Bleach" before?
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' You know that shopkeeper (audio fades) that hat, but a different color. And he wears, like, sunglasses. And he just, like, he types and he's just, like, a really crazy kooky character.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, again, ya'know, send the pictures to the email or send it to the mailbag and I'll h- and I'll look at it.
 '''Jack:''' (An unintelligible voice starts with Jack, then stops.) Great, and I'll go find Alec for you and I'll get him for you. I'll beat him up.
 '''Girl:''' [Grainy and obnoxious] I HAVE A QUESTION!
 '''Jynx:''' Chris, Chris, Chris, I wanna say something. (Mention our?) parody fandub in your next video.
 '''Chris:''' Umm... I might.
 '''Jack:''' We need the, um, We need the, um, We need the, uh, what is it?
 '''Jynx:''' The Views.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, we need the views, please.
 '''Jynx:''' And I've supported Sonichu for a long time, like, I've even posted fan-pictures on Youtube.
 '''Jack:''' I'm even getting a tattoo, later tomorrow, of Sonichu, on my chest... Ultra Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I... Alight, it was nice talking to y'all but I gotta go.
 '''Jack:''' Can we call you next time? Will you answer us?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, I might.
 '''Jack:''' Please, that would make my sister's day. Alright, Please?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, hello.
 '''Girl:''' Heeeeeeee. (Forced Giddiness) I have a question, I has a question, it (trails off). How long do you take drawring [sic] your pictures?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh, Sometimes it can take me up to 2 or 3 hours.
 '''Girl:''' Why?
 '''Jack:''' You could have a drawing contest against Alec to see who's the better c-(cuts off)
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing, too.
 '''Jack:''' (cuts back in) -drawings.
 '''Girl:''' I like drawing... Can I draw pictures for Sonic-chan? I like drawring.[sic]
 '''Chris:''' (Softly, unsure) ...yeah...
 '''Jynx:''' Do you like, um, Wall-E?
 '''Chris:''' Wally?
 '''Jynx:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I do not know what w- I do not know which Wally you're talking about.
 '''Jynx:''' [simultaneously] The Pixar thing. / Eeeevaaa.
 '''Jack:''' [simultaneously] The one with "WALL EEEEE and EVE" Eeevvaaa.
 '''Chris:''' I've never heard of that.
 '''Jynx:''' What's your favorite movie?
 '''Chris:''' Mary Poppins.
 '''Jynx:''' Mary Poppins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that the one with the dancing penguins?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jynx:''' Is that your favorite animal?
 '''Chris:''' No, pengu- No, not my favorite animal.
 '''Jynx:''' What is your favorite animal?
 '''Jack:''' Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Not sure, I'm not sure at the moment. I, hey listen, I gotta go.
 '''Jynx:''' Please, (???), We're your biggest fans!
 '''Chris:''' Ok, thank you.
 '''Girl:''' (Overtly Sensual) I really like Sonichu, too. Makes me feel... Good.
 '''Jack:''' That was my sister, sorry.
}}

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone. [''Inaudible''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] -that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible''] -speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's office. Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
}}

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 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] -pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Bob:''' Uhh, then, uhh, why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you. I'm sitting here in my... living room, watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don't know who you are or where you are, but- and I don't really care! But you- I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why you're cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK.
 ''[Bob goes off to talk with Barb. Meanwhile, the troll holds back a laugh.]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow! Goodbye!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'd bust your head wide open if I could see you.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, I'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''
}}

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of [[ween]]s attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer''] ...gonna call Chris-Chan!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY, JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell is that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm...
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny-ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone, don't you? Are you six years old or somethin'? [''hangs up'']
 '''Troll 1:''' [''unintelligible''] We got his fucking dad. Shit.
}}

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone. (Prank call starts at 1:32.)

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
}}

==Epic Crazy Lady calls Bob==
A troll using the [http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Epic_Crazy_Lady Epic Crazy Lady] soundboard yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.
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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
}}

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the Internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the Internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of [[Chris|weird]] [[Barb|people]] out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.
}}

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, he seems to think that [[Jimmy Hill|Chris won "a case in England" over Sonichu's copyright]]. We learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the Internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the Internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the Internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the Internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the Internet either, but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the Internet, uh, looking up cartoons on the Internet and, uh, I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the Internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is this system called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the Internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this Internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh-whate- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the Internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the Internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an Internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the Internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.
}}

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the Internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-calls-bob-chandler/]

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{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the Internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. My son has done a lot better than you have, [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']
}}

==Snake Productions Calls Barbara Chandler==
The same troll above makes another call to the Chandlers, this time claiming Chris harassed his [[Pedofork|14-year old sister]]. It should be noted that Barb's behavior when communicating with trolls is eerily similar to that of her equally-delusional son's.

Audio clip [http://solidsnakeproductions.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/snake-pisses-of-snorlax/]

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 '''John:''' Uh, hello, this is, ah, John Morris. I've been calling a couple of times, but I'm getting calls from your house, and I guess someone named Christian who lives there has been calling my sister, who's underage, probably 14 years - 14 years old, has been asking my, er, d-asking my d- sister-
 '''Barbara:''' (Interrupting) M-my son does not call your daughter that's 14 years underage [Unintelligible]
 '''John:''' Yeah, I-I have recorded-
 '''Barbara:''' SHUT UP!SHUT UP!
 '''John:''' Here, here's the call.
 '''Barbara:''' Stop trying to set up my son!
 '''John:''' Here.
 '''Barbara:''' You lousy creep!
[A recording of a girl's voice starts, but Barb is blathering over it]
 '''Barbara:''' One of you- one of you trolls out there
 '''John:''' Here, what's this- here
 '''Barbara:''' Don't bother- don't bother calling us back again!
 '''John:''' Here, right here.
[The recording starts again, but Barb hangs up]
 '''John:''' Oh, she- Tch.

The credits roll, followed by the actual "recording" of the call - obviously a soundboard.

 '''Girl:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Girl'''Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler
 '''Girl:''' Who are you looking for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Girl:''' What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that, you know. And you'll just- and it'll be- I'll be puttin' it between your tits while you're all tied up.
 '''Barbara (Soundboard):''' SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop trying to set up my son! You lousy creep!
}}

==Call Bobby Chandler==
Uploaded on 21 September 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he may have been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Despite these revelations, many trolls disapproved of the callers' tactics, as they were basically verbally assaulting an 83 year old man over things he had no idea about.

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''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number one, um: have you ever heard of a website called bangbus.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the Internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, two: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know this kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Vietnam, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college or do something and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats [[McDonald's]]?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us- 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the Internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you ''(inaudible, interruptions)'' quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella-
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'… I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for GE, and I retired from GE. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you Klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' Klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s twenty-eight years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. The scouts are as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me more so in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, twenty years in NAMBLA-
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you-
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' -y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk- talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know-
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan. [''sic'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra- I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at [[Wikipedia:Auburn High School (Alabama)|Auburn's]]. It's in the heart of the Deep South, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the Deep South.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what-
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My [[niggo|black]] girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob-
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to [[Megan]]?
 '''Troll 1:''' [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']]’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' -bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Come on! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking-
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' -NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a- I'm got- got- m'kay]]- got it. Got it.
}}

==Chris calls the Po-Po; Po-Po calls Bob==
Most of this call is the CWC soundboard trying to get around the standard questions of the Greene County Sheriff Department's receptionist. The last two minutes involve a police soundboard calling Bob. Note: The CWCki doesn't condone or support pranking legitimate business and services (like the police) in order to prank the Chandlers.
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'''Receptionist:''' Greene County Sheriff's Department. This is [''unintelligible''].
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm, 'kay. Can I get your last name?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Receptionist:''' Christian Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''overlapping slightly''] Christian- then what can we do for you tonight?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
 '''Receptionist:''' You need the police and the ambulance?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' OK. Why do you need the police and the ambulance?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh''] Oh, Jesus... [''sigh'']
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me why you need them?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK... So why do you need the police? Is there something wrong?
 [''short pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' OK, what's wrong?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you tell me what's goin' on?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' Hey, Christian?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes?
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' 14 Branchland Court? Is that where you're at right now?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can I get your phone number?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' You don't want to give out your phone number?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm currently living with my mother and my father.
 '''Receptionist:''' You're living with your mother and your father? Is there something wrong with them? [''pause''] Is that why you need law enforcement?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, this is the Greene County sheriff's office.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes, sir. Umm, we received a call saying that you needed law enforcement to your location. Can you tell me if there's anything going on there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Receptionist:''' Well, sir, we were called by this number, and they said that they needed law enforcement there. Can you tell me what's going on?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why did you call me?
 [''pause'']
 '''Receptionist:''' ''We'' were called, sir. We didn't call you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You were up and [''unintelligible''] along with your name
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you whats a matter.
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, are you threatening me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, well sir we were called in request of law enforcement to your location. If there's something wrong we need to know about it before we send somebody out there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I let you talk to my wife, and you tell her why your cussin' at me?
 '''Receptionist:''' Sir, I'm not cursing at you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is there anything, that I can do for you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] this damn, uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, do you require anymore assistance from me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah
 '''Receptionist:''' ...Okay, what can I do than?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain somethin' to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes you may.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' There is on the internet, a bunch of trolls; they have a program in their computers which allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular number they want to.
 '''Receptionist:''' I understand sir, but I am not looking at a caller ID, I was called by Christian Chandler and he stated he needed law enforcement at his location,
('''Bob Interrupting:''' Yeah)
 '''Receptionist:''' and he gave me this address.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Yes sir?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay is there anything more I can do for you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I need you to come over here.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay why do you need law enforcement to come over there?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What you just did was stick a knife in our back and kill us!
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you repeat what you just said to me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Receptionist:''' No sir, I am not six years old, but your phone is very staticy, and it's very difficult to hear what you're saying.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I, I've had plenty of sense in my head.
 '''Receptionist:''' No one is denying you have sense in your head sir, I'm just trying to find out why law enforcement was called to your location, we just need to know if there's anything going on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I don't- well- How can I explain it any simpler to you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay sir, thank you for your time.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy!
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You can [''unintelligible''] and shut up!
 (LOUD BANG, END OF CALL)
 (Audio Ends)
'''THIS IS THE SECOND CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO'''
 '''Receptionist:''' Green County Sheriff office, this is [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A- You've been nothing but a pain in my side!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay can you repeat what you just said?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am going to find you, and I am going to have you proven as a lier!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay- what did I lie about?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You, no no- You've been copying me for the past random 6 months!
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this the Chandler?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah... Oh yeah, (Receptionist tries to interrupt) you know my address right?
 '''Receptionist:''' Is this Christian? Or this the mother? '''(Chris interrupting.:''' My name...) We have law enforcement on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay Christian, I have a deputy on scene now.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yup
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah you know my address right, you got mapquest to come all the way over?
 '''Receptionist:''' Excuse me?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' YOU CAN FIND ME RIGHT NOW, I LIVE IN 14 BRANCHLAND COURT IN RUCKERSVILLE, VIRGINIA!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Is there a deputy on scene right now with you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' Can you hold on just one moment please?
 (Call ends, Skype hangup sound heard)

'''THIS IS THE THIRD, AND LAST CALL IN THE SAME VIDEO, THIS TIME TO BOB(REAL BOB) USING A DIFFERENT SOUNDBOARD (at least I think)'''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah police department.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' You are talking to Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I can't understand you.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' This is Sgt. Libski
 '''Bob:''' Okay, that's fine. What can I do for you?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Is this an emergency?
 '''Bob:''' No, I have no emergency.
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Alright, get me the nearest officers out here. We're sending the nearest officers to you out there right now to your address.
 '''Bob:''' We have told you people, you at Green County. Why are you coming in on unknown numbers?
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' We don't take jokes; you said you needed Fire, Medical, or police assistance. This is not a joke, we're sending officers out to your house right now.
 '''Bob:''' I don't- we don't have no problem!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Yeah. I got you on GPS right now, you're calling the police department.
 '''Bob:''' I am not calling, I answered my phone!
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Are you making a prank call to the police department?
 '''Bob:''' No, I am not I answered my phone, it was ringing
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' Uh, you just called me.
 '''Bob:''' No I didn't
 '''Sgt. Libski (Soundboard):''' [''unintelligible''] What is your problem?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a problem, somebody else in this world must have a problem. I don't not have a problem, I'm just sitting here watching 'I love Raymond' on T.V.
 [''unintelligible gibberish'']
 '''Bob:''' What?
 [''Call ends, skype hangup sound heard.'']
}}

==Calls to Bob and Chris==
A <s>troll posing as a</s> [[Honest|TRUE and LOYAL]] Sonichu Fan calls Bob and later Chris, demanding [[Sonichu (comic)|new comics]]. The lumberjack suggests that the trolls come talk with him in public, and gives his [[Burger king|daily morning routine]]. This call was uploaded to YouTube on 19 August 2010, but the actual date in which it took place is not known. With that being said, in a 22 August 2010 post at [[Trolling Train]] Chris mentioned that Bob recently had a [[Trollin Train#Hey, guys (Sun 22 Aug 2010)|phone conversation with a self proclaimed Sonichu fan]]. The call Chris referred to was very reminiscent of this call, suggesting it occured not long before it was uploaded.
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''[Phone rings for about 19 seconds.]''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Uh well, he's not here right now, could I take a message?
 '''Fan:''' Uh yes I-I'm a big fan of the Sonichu comics. Uh could you ask him when the uh when the community can expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Bob:''' I-I don't really know and I'm not sure he's got one planned right now.
 '''Fan:''' Oh.
 '''Bob:''' Cause the trolls are givin' him a kinda tough time.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah, I hate the trolls.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, they're- they're just kind of ah, he's kinda layin' low, I guess. Ha ha ha. I would if I were him.
 '''Fan:''' My brother and I are very big Sonichu fans, and we're really lookin' forward to more of his comics.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, well I think he'd get more if all the trolls, uh, would let him alone.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' You'll have to, ah, you'll have to get in some o' the chat rooms and tell the trolls to just lay off. They're stifling his [[Chris and copyright|creativity]]. Heh heh heh.
 '''Fan:''' Yes. Well, I actually know some of the places the trolls congregate at, and I'll see if I can stop them from harassing your family and Christian.
 '''Bob:''' Well, you could- you could pass on a message from me. [''Fan: Uh, sure.''] 'Cause I'm his father. This is Bob, if you haven't heard about me. Ev'ry morning, between 9:30 and about, uh, 10:30 or so, I'm at Burger King restaurant in [[Ruckersville]], eating my breakfast, in the northeast corner booth of the restaurant. And if they wanna come in person and talk to me, I'm not - I don't lie to people and I don't hide under a screen name. And, uh, I'll be glad to talk to anybody and if they've got reasonable questions about Christian, I'll be glad to answer 'em. But I don't do things like that on the phone, and I don't do it on the Internet 'cause I'm not even on the Internet. But I'll be glad to talk to them in person if they're- if they're brave enough to come out in person. 'Cause I got- I got no [[Internet lumberjack|axe to grind]] with any of 'em, and [[Chris and anger|neither has Christian]]. Ha ha, and I don't know why [[Death threats|they think he does]]... he doesn't. We-we'll be glad, or I'll be glad, and I'm sure if Christian knew somebody was comin' and wanted to know, he'd be there for breakfast too. So just tell em, every morning between 9:30 and 10:30 at Burger King. In Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Fan:''' I'll be sure to let them know.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? And anybody at UVA that wants to talk, uh, we-we're always there. But it's a public place, and nobody can harm anybody. Ha ha.
 '''Fan:''' I will definitely be sure - to pass on-
 '''Bob:''' We got nothing- you know, we got nothing to hide. Nothin' at all. So I'd 'preciate it if you'd let the trolls know that we're not secretive. Just come talk to us in person. Don't try to hide behind a computer... or the Internet. I- I thank you.
 '''Fan:''' Uh, no problem. ''[Bob hangs up]'' It's been nice talking to you... Goodbye.
 ''[At 3:50, phone rings for about 23 seconds.]''
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Fan:''' Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Christian Weston Chandler?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. May I help you?
 '''Fan:''' Uh, yes. Well, just to start off, I am not a troll, I absolutely abhor trolls, and uh, I just have a quick question. ''[Chris says "Mhmm"]'' My brother and I are huge [[Sonichu]] fans, and we were wondering when to expect another Sonichu release?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, but not right now, 'cause I'm gettin' away from the- cause I've been getting away from the Internet and all that.
 '''Fan:''' Ah. I understand. I recently talked to your father, just a few minutes ago, and, uh, I've called your house before - thought you might be home, and instead I got your dad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Fan:''' Yeah. Uh, that's pretty much the only question I had, and I thank you for answering it-
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah, well I gotta go. You have a good day. Bye bye.
 '''Fan:''' You too.
}}

==Carlos Chantor Call==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|gznbKiT1ShE}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Is this a Mr [[Carlos Chantor]]? I thought I heard something about you with the, you had an escort service going on.
 ''' Chris:''' Um, I'm sor- uh, I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh really? This isn't [''call is disconnected''] Oh you fat...
 ''' Male voice:''' All right, let's try this again.
 '''Efeminate Caller:''' Likely whore.

[''Sound of sniffing'']
 ''' Male voice:''' uhhhh, faggot.

[''Phone rings'']
 ''' Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Uh, excuse me I thought that this was the number for Carlos Chantor, I uh looked up the escort ad.
 ''' Chris:''' Oh, um.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Yes.
 ''' Chris:''' Yeah, actually, yeah um yeah, it is but I er can't talk, I can't talk right now, could you me call back...
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Oh
 ''' Chris:''' another time please?
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Well, yes I was just wondering about, oh what time should I call back cuz I heard you were into watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm. I may be.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' What kind of watersports?
 ''' Chris:''' Hmm, uh, talk more about, we'll talk more about that, uh later, uh, call back at [''audio cuts'']
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Will do, honey.
 ''' Chris:''' Ok, all right, bye bye.
 '''Effeminate Caller:''' Bye now.
}}

==A Redneck calls Bob Chandler==

A redneck is called with a soundboard of Bob Chandler. The redneck is then made into a soundboard, and the real Bob is called with him.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|nPYZkQtJs-g}}</center>

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
'''Redneck:''' [indistinct].
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Redneck:''' Hey
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my number?
 '''Redneck:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 [Redneck talks over him, asking "Who you talking to?"]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who- Who do you think I am?
 '''Redneck:''' Ohhhh...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling my phone?
 '''Redneck:''' You sound familiar, who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old. I'm Robert Chandler
 '''Redneck:''' Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old and I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Shoot!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm a Texan, now. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Redneck:''' You i- Are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Redneck:''' A neighbor?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Redneck:''' ...Huh! Gye- This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Redneck:''' Right, I'm Choctaw.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Redneck:''' Really, yeah.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Hmm!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you calling me?
 '''Redneck:''' I have no idear. ''[Chuckles]'' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop, I hear the phone rung...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin my telephone.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh. ''[Chuckles]''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, what is on your mind?
 '''Redneck:''' Aw, well I don't know we just trying to get finished up here where we're closed up for Christmas.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Redneck:''' This is Robert Johnson in ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Redneck:''' Well, Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler.
 '''Bob (soundboard:''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Where're you, in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma.
 '''Redneck:''' You in Tulsa?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Redneck:''' Yeah I heard poor ol' Roberts died up there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I-I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Redneck:''' Oh, you in Texan? Oh okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Redneck:''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number, man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Redneck:''' Alright, good. ''[chuckles]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Redneck:''' Hello!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. ''[Redneck chuckling in background]'' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here, ''[Redneck says something indistinct]'' and you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out!
 '''Redneck:''' Ah naaaar!
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' A-duh, look, don't you call here and cuss us out!
 '''Redneck:''' I didn't know I cussed you out, but ''[more chuckling]''
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' You get your black ass out of the gutter and shut up!
 '''Redneck:''' ''[laughing]'' A-good lord! Wha-
 
 [Call ends. New call]
 
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Hey.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' Well who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of ''[censored]'', Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well... I guess I might sound familiar cuz I'm a southerner.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma, now?
 '''Bob:''' Nnno, I'm in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't understand, you rang my telephone and I picked it up.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause, TV indistinct in background]'' I don't either.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 '''Bob:''' ...Huh.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I'm sorry. ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' Somebody just called me, and... it's kinda screwy I guess.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, that's me, who is this?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Robert Johnson of Poplarville, Mississippi. ''[unknown as to why this mention was not censored]''
 '''Bob:''' Well how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You sound familiar.
 '''Bob:''' You just called my name, so how do you know me?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either, but you're talkin' to me so somebody must've called.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 [Long pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLOO!
 [Pause]
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Who are you calling?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling, I'm answering.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' There are a lot of, lot of weird people out here... and, you might be included as one of them if you're calling us and cussin' us out.
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you and cussin' you out! I'm just-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' ''[interrupting]'' WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO with this damn... uh, thing that's goin' on!
 '''Bob:''' ...I don't understand what you're talkin' about.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HANG UP THE PHONE AND FORGET THE NUMBER.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, I-I'm in Virginia, I don't know who you are
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Well, you're fucked up somehow, goodbye!
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' I-I got a call that says you're in Oklahoma yet, your husband or somebody says you're in Mississippi.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' This is Mississippi.
 '''Bob:''' [Pause] Okay, well your... telephone number came up as Oklahoma on my IDer.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Where're you in Oklahoma now?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm in Virginia.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' You i- are you out in Texas?
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not in Texas, I'm in Virginia. I'm in the central part of Virginia where we got two feet of snow.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I said I'm in the central part of Virginia, ''[Redneck soundboard laughs]'' where we got two feet of snow and we got buried with snow. We haven't been out in four days. The only reason I've answered the phone, is because I have relatives in Oklahoma and I thought it might be them.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 '''Bob:''' Well, Merry Christmas to you. I don't know who you are or why you're callin', but uh, Merry Christmas anyway.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' I didn't know I did, I was outside at the shop I hear the phone rung.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob:''' Well, have you been gettin' calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Huh?
 '''Bob:''' I say, have you been getting calls from me or somethin'?
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Well I'm, I don't know who would've called your number.
 '''Bob:''' I don't either. But I do know that there's some people on the internet that have some, some electronic program at their disposal, where they can call people around the country, and then cause the telephone ID to come up that says it's somebody else's number other than theirs.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' ''[Laughs]''
 '''Bob:''' This is a system they've got that's called 'Spoofing' as I understand from the uh, police and everybody.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's called spoofing. And, uh, I don't, the federal government knows about it but they don't seem to wanna try to put a stop to it. So you can't even believe your caller ID anymore, can you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now, the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this to the point where they've even given it a name called 'spoofing'.
 '''Bob:''' That's right. That's what they tell me. Neh... I-I've gotten calls, like I got this call that says it's from Oklahoma but it's not from Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' In Oklahoma!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, got the call, my caller ID says you live in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in, Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob:''' Eh, well, you may live in Ruckersville, I don't know where you live in Ruckersville.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's good. I know other people that were born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm basically a neighbor of yours.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's nice, I'm, I guess you're snowed in too.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin that lives in Tulsa.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I do too.
 [Even longer pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' This is who?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You there.
 '''Bob:''' I'm here.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' I live in Virginia.
 [Long pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just an-answerin' my telephone.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's all I did was answer my telephone. Sounds like we're both doin' the same thing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Bob:''' Some kinda screwy thing goin' on.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, an' you tell her why you're cussin' at me.
 '''Bob:''' Why I'm what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I-I have plenty of sense in my head, I-I don't understand your wife, either, I don't know who your wife is.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' HELLO THERE!
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' Hello-
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob:''' ''[Pause]'' I don't know who ''you'' are.
 '''Barb (soundboard):''' Kuh, duh, look, don't you call up here cussin' at my husband.
 '''Bob:''' I haven't cussed at your husband, I don't cuss! I'm 82 years old, why should I cuss? I got nobody to cuss.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I'm 82 year old man, I'm proud of it.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Bob:''' Ngh, that's good, I'm glad you were.
 [Pause]
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' When you make more sense, I guess I can talk to you again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Bob:''' Okay! You take care.
 '''Redneck (soundboard):''' Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler!
 ''[Call ends]''
}}

{{quote| Merry Christmas, Robert Chandler| Redneck, to| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

== Batman Call ==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

In this prank call, another gaggle of weens attempt to prank call Chris, but unfortunately for them, they fail, due to their lack of originality when it comes to jokes, and Chris leaving mid-conversation to have Barb fill in for him.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=
<poem>
'''Troll #1:''' Eh, I thought it was a hidden camera.(?) Keep it together. [''rustling'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Troll #1:''' [''talking over Chris''] Hey, Chris! '''I'M BATMAN.''' Hey, Chris, why don't you get back onto the internet?
'''Troll #2:''' We love you, man!
'''Chris:''' Who do-who-who do you think you are?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.''' [''pause''] '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' He's Batman, man!
'''Troll #1:''' '''GET BACK ON THE INTERNET.''' [''pause''] '''WHERE ARE YOU GOING?'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''simultaneously''] How are you doin' lately? We just wanted to give you a...call, give you some company, man! [''pause; loud sniffling sound''] You seemed pretty lonely on Facebook, lately...
'''Troll #1:''' '''I THINK HE HUNG UP.'''
'''Troll #2:''' No, i-it's still goin', man. [''a fellow female troll whispers to him unintelligibly''] What?
'''Troll #1:''' What?
'''Barb:''' --ello, this is your Barb!
'''Troll #2:''' What?!
'''Barb:''' [''speaking unintelligibly in a smug, sing-songy voice''] ...in your country!
'''Troll #2:''' WHAT?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Troll #2:''' [''both speaking over Barb''] Hey, Batman?
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' What's wrong with his voice?!
'''Troll #1:''' '''HE'S, LIKE, RETARDED OR SOMETHING.'''
'''Barb:''' [''continues to speak unintelligibly''] Goodbye! [''hangs up'']
'''Troll #1:''' '''I'M BATMAN.'''
'''Female Troll:''' Who the hell ''was'' that?!
'''Troll #2:''' I don't know, it was [[random-access humor]]! [''unaware Barb hung up''] You love random-access humor, Chris?
'''Troll #1:''' '''[[Duck|HE WANTS THE D]].'''
'''Troll #2:''' Chris, can I hear some of your random-access humor?
'''Troll #1:''' [''briefly speaking over Troll #2''] '''HE WANTS THE D.''' [''speaking with others in background'']
'''Troll #2:''' Wow, we actually got him.
'''Troll #1:''' [''unintelligible''] ...so he doesn't know who we are.
'''Female Troll:''' Wait, does he know you?
'''Troll #2:''' No.
'''Troll #1:''' No, you know--he--like, never ha--uh...he never...picks up.
'''Troll #2:''' [''stuttering''] Can we hear the recording?
'''Troll #1:''' Yeah--</poem>}}

==Risotto call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|A4Rvt_jjcQ8}}</center>

In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank a risotto restaurant in Virginia.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=

'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Thank you for calling Risotto--
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Who is this?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Chris.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh -- [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What's that?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Yeah...why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' It's true!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hey bro, why don't you go fuck yourself?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're my baby!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible''] Goodbye.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello? Yeah?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' How you doin'?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, don't play with my time.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Naw, you're not retarded -- you're good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I have a doctor right here. Hold on a second.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Doctor [''unintelligible, some name'']?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
[''He hands the phone to the doctor'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yes, can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You functionally have what?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Are you hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' You're hungry?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Well, if you're hungry, then you should order some food.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What do you wanna order?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' What kind?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Vanilla h- [cuts off]
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Vanilla risotto?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' We don't have vanilla risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No. No.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice'']
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Yeah, sorry. No vanilla risotto. So sorry.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' I can see if Sean has some risotto.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you could be by my place?
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Sean lives in Pleasantville.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Call the [''unintelligible''] bar in Pleasantville. I think they have, uh, bagnoche, I think they have risotto too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 
'''Doctor (female employee):''' Okay. And --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Y'know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lfietime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Risotto's.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry.
 
'''Restaurant employee''': You okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We had miscommunication.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Alright, can you call back tonight? We are very busy right now.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' Hello, how can I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right away, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Restaurant employee (male):''' I'm gonna call the cops right now.
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, how may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''unintelligible'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''People talk in the background''.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Can you say that again?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto! Risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''high pitched''] Oh my god, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' I'm sorry, this is the police station, you shouldn't be fooling around like that.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' So don't call here anymore, okay?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' Okay.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' We are in the same time zone.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Ruckersville.
 
'''Police officer #1 (female):''' No --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the touch!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You got the power...yeah!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I never promised you a happy ending!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in background'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Risotto's, may I help you?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female)''': We have Caller ID, and we're gonna call the cops.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
[''indistinct mumbling in the background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sigh'']
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Hello, Risotto's?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're an asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah, I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' A real asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, that sounds good, that sounds real good.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You're a fuckin' asshole.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah...turns me on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh...good.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You know it, girl.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, good for you.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh yeah!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Look, what kind of man is that, that they call a restaurant twenty times and say "Risotto House" -- what are you, fuckin' retarded?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm retarded.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I ''know'' you're retarded.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Why don't you come down here and tell me that?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man are you?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' What kind of man is that? He's not a man.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am a strong man.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Y'know what, see how strong you are, come down here.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I did 51 reps with 50 pound weights.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' I don't care how many --
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''interrupting''] Shut the hell up.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You probably have a little dick, too.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a pain my, pain in my side.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Oh, now you're mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Now you gettin' mad?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Why don't you call the police station and tell them your story?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Huh?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' You want their number?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It's 1010-201-060-[''unintelligible'']
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' It goes to my father.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [Gaugin?] Doolittle.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself.
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' [nonsense, trying to drown out voice] Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Restaurant employee (female):''' Uh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.
 
[The rest of these phrases are interspersed with the employee trying to talk over voice in similar manner.]
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [high pitched] R-R-R-R-R-Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto! Risotto!
 
[''dial tone'']
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' Welcome to the police station.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''high pitched''] Risotto, risotto!
 
Cl2: Bring the police and the amublance around.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I will call 911.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead! Go ahead and take it to the police!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come, I invite you to write this down.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I am retarded.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 
'''Police officer #2 (female):''' What is your emergency?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I like to draw and color.
 
[''talking in background'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs nine times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm just rubbin' myself thinking about it.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, Jesus.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs three times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times'']
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until I give you the first dosage of my comeuppance.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs two times''] Yeah.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs twice''] You'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and -- and all that you know, and you'll just -- I'll be putting it between your tits while you're tied up.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing ''moment''!
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs four times''] Yeah. Yes.
 
'''Chris (soundboard):''' [''sighs''] Oh, Jesus.
 }}

==THe GAMe PLACe Call==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|Mjr0J4aXMpY}}</center>
In this prank call, a troll uses the Chris-Chan soundboard to prank [[The GAMe PLACe]].

Take note of the fact that this was done the day before [[28 October 2011]]. It's very plausible that this was one of many triggers for the incident to occur; Bob died a month before the call, and having to deal with another call from the police station over false events likely caused him and Barb to snap.

{{showhide|title=Transcript|content=<poem>
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
'''Female Employee:''' [''talking under him''] Yeah?
'''Chris:''' I invite you to come--I invite you to...write this down. Are you really at 14 Branchland Court?
'''Female Employee:''' ...I have no idea about what you're talking about, I think you've called the wrong number.
[''The employee hangs up the line. The troll using the soundboard calls again.'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' Hello?
'''Female Employee:''' Hello.
'''Chris:''' How are you?
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistict''] Do you need something?
'''Chris:''' Yeah, y'know, I've watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime. But you know, that's just--uh, uh, that's just me growing up, you know?
'''Female Employee:''' I think that maybe you need to grow up. I'll gonna call the cops if you call again, if you keep on messing with me. [''hangs up'']
'''Chris:''' Bring the police and, uhh, ambulance around.
[''calls employee again'']
'''Female Employee:''' GAMe PLACe, [''indistinct'']
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE TOUCH!
'''Female Employee:''' What?
'''Chris:''' YOU GOT THE POWAAAAAARRRRRR, YEAAAAAH!
'''Female Employee:''' [''laughing''] Okay--
'''Chris:''' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, IT'S TRUE!
'''Female Employee:''' [''indistinct; near the end it sounds like she says "Thanks for the call", "We're tracing your call" or "They're tracing the call"'']
</poem>}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Reaching Out to Game Developers.

2016-04-29T05:04:07Z

Zorakirby:

[[File:Chrisdriverslicense.JPG|thumb|200px|Accept no substitutes!]]
'''Reaching Out to Game Developers.''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 19 [[November 2015]]. Following on from [[Doxing Jeff/Francine]], Chris shows even more of his old self, as he returns to his e-begging for gaming companies to pick up his idea for a Sonichu game. Chris still seems to believe [[Chris_and_reality|Sonichu is copyright free and would make a good game.]]

Soothing [[Music|muzak]] plays throughout the video.
{{clear}}
==Description==
{{quotebox|Also, currently, I do not have Anyone Else Developing any games, Nor selling any Sonichu "Merchandise" online or in person, besides myself personally. I do have people and friends. But there are haters who pretend and whatnot. I will personally vouch for my people and friends, but Without that vouching or verification, accept no people pretending to be me or Selling for me.

Christian/Christine Weston Chandler
Address:
14 Branchland Ct.
Ruckersville, VA 22968-9545

Email: Anightinchristine@gmail.com

Cwcville Shopping: [http://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShopping http://www.etsy.com/shop/CwcvilleShopping]

Facebook: [https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian]

Twitter: [https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu]
}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Reaching Out to Game Developers.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LA0hVEbzr74}}
| stardate = 19 November 2015
| subject = {{Comics|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = "Do What Makes You Happy" lilac shirt
| previous = [[Doxing Jeff/Francine]]
| next = [[I Am me; He is not]]
}}

==Transcript==
Hello, good day, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live once again from my house here in [[Ruckersville]]. Ric-, Ruckersville, [[Virginia]], [[14 Branchland Court]]. Anyway, accept no substitutions, I am personally making this video to address, and uh, I want to fully initiate working with any game developers that have past made video games for a potential [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] video game, maybe [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|one about myself]], as well as DLC character, DLC of my characters, maybe myself, for Smash Bros.

Anyway, you ca-, accept no substitutions, you know very well I can prove and identify myself with my driver's license. [''holds driver's license up to camera''] The face matches, at least, even though the hair style's not current. As well I also have everys-, I have, all of the original hand drawings that I have been drawing of Sonichu since as early as March [[2000]]. And, I have witnesses at [[Manchester High School]] from that very day that, uh, will attest to that as, attest to that creation as well.

[''Camera shifts downward to a black binder in his lap. He flips through the pages of'' [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']].] Anyway, uh, all of my original, all of the original hand drawings, the very things that made the comic book pages exist, you cannot subs-, you cannot substitute these at all. You can put these under the professional's microscope like they do on Pawn Stars, and tell that they are all from the time era of within the past few years and everything. [''flips through a giant pile of black binders''] All of my books, right here in there, up to date, even up to my [[Sonichu 11|eleventh book]] [''shows off Book 11''] and, you know the cover's not hand drawn, it's a collage, but it's of past hand drawings and everything. Yeah, of which I'm still working on, book eleven. All that. Definitely you can tell.

So many of the uh, of all that.

[''opens another binder''] And all the original drawings as well from the more recent artifacts, like the covers of my [[Amiibo]] figure packages, those uh, character drawings right there, for all that, and everything. I can attest personally and everything. Again, accept no substitutes!

I also have the very big, well two-part, but this is the first half and mo-, most important, the uh, the, buh-, the [[Scrapbook of Fail|big binders of everything Sonichu]], and of myself and everything. [''shows off his'' [[:File:SonichuCertificate.jpg|''copyright certificate'']]] Also has the original certificate of registration of my copyright with Sonichu with the D.C. Library of Congress. And I possess all my own intellectual rights and everything. Classic. And, heh, the old [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|hand drawn Nintendo Power magazine]], yup, and a few new pages is, there, but it's still incomplete. [''displays his original'' [[:File:042-CWC'sFavoriteHits.jpg|''Sonichu CD cover'']].] Anyway, that's, anyway then there's the ri-, printout, the very first thing I did with Sonichu, the CD cover for that computer graphics class which my litt-, way-, witnesses will come in from and everything. Yup. Everything right here in this big book, and only this book. Nobody will have, nobody else will have this very book.

[''camera moves back to his face''] So I, sh-, uh, you see my face all over the, uh, [[internet]]. Even in the meme pictures and everything, since as early as [[2004]]. And then, and then near the end of [[2007]] when I started being picked on by the internet [[trolls]] and cyber-bullies and everything. So anyway, yeah. Uh, so, this is me. I am Christine Weston Chandler, legal name Christian Weston Chandler at the moment. I still attest to everything in my [[copyright]]. And uh, also, the other things that best identify me is why I'm putting links, I'm putting links in m-, below this video to my shop on [[Etsy]], and my [[Facebook]] page, and my [[Twitter]] feed, and everything else I personally attest to, and back up, and everything.

So anyway, you know how to reach, you know how to reach me at my home address: 14 Branchland Court, in Ruckersville, Virginia. I'll put that down here as well. You can email me through uh...yeah I'm definitely going to let you put that thr-, let you email me through my new Gmail address, which I'll put that below here as well. That's my screening process. And then the, and then I'll, then after I have that screening process go through I'll, we-, I'll start communicating with y'all individually from my main email address. So anyway, I have my people and everything. We're working, and I'm outreaching to the game developers with this video, regardless of anything else that has been going on recently.

And I still am accepting donations and selling on my Etsy shop and [[Sonichu Amiibo|my figures]] and everything. And I take [[commissions]] as well. So, that's, that's about it for right now. So please contact me, game developers. Thank you very much and have a good day.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Doxing Jeff/Francine]]|nextlink=[[I Am me; He is not]] |}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2015]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris and video games

2016-04-28T02:43:20Z

Zorakirby: Removed double usage of "instead"

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|And [[Bob Chandler|Christian's father]] says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game, and then...move onto another! I can't master any of them.|A TV anchorwoman on a younger Chris winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].}}

[[Image:LoveThatLifeUpgrade.jpg|thumb|Chris tried having sex with a video game console once, but it [[Chris humps his PS3|didn't work out all that well]].]]

In case you didn't know, [[Chris]] likes '''video games'''. A lot. In fact, Chris almost definitely centers his life around and spends more time on video games than any other activity or pursuit, including his ongoing [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[sweetheart|a woman]] who will emerge from the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]] and [[Chris and sex|give him her]] [[china]]. He [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7|says]] he spends between two and four hours a day playing games, and that's just what he will admit to.

Without diving too deep into the amateur psychiatry pool, it's not hard to see why video games hold so much appeal for Chris. His brain is wired to operate according to [[Autism|absolute values and rigidly-defined processes]]. That's one reason why he has so much trouble dealing with real life — the rules keep changing on him, when he can figure the rules out at all. In the artificial worlds of Chris's favorite games, the challenges he faces are the kind that his inflexible mind is able to conquer. There, the rules never change, and all he has to do is follow them. [[Chris and reality|Reality isn't quite as simple]], which is why he spends [[Chris's room|as little time out there]] as possible.

==The early years==
Chris has been an avid gamer since a very young age. He first played video games on a Commodore 64 home computer. Before he was eight years old, he had a Game Boy and a [[Nintendo]] Entertainment System, and he acquired more consoles and games throughout the 1990s. According to [[The Sonichu Chronicles]], he's been a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since the character's [[1991]] debut for the Sega Genesis. His game collection really took off in [[1993]], when he won his famous shopping spree in the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes and added $1,000 (even though the total spent was $980.82) worth of Sega games and hardware to his hoard.

==Chris's game collection==
[[Image:404-SpiderManSignedGame.jpg|thumb|Well, if ''[[No More Jokes|Spider-Man]]'' says it...]]

{{main|List of Chris's games}}

Although the last completely reliable account of his collection dates back to [[January 2009]], Chris owns, as a conservative estimate, nearly 700 different game titles across 19 different platforms.(He sold off roughly 100 games in various trips to GameStop and local pawn shops during the late summer and early fall of 2010, but that still leaves a hell of a lot to go.) He also maintained an account with the mail-order rental service GameFly until [[August 2010]].

[[Sony]] consoles dominate Chris's collection. Counting the games he's downloaded by way of the [[PlayStation Network]], nearly half of his games belong to the PlayStation family. Nintendo comes next, including more than 100 games for Nintendo's different portable platforms, and Sega brings [[Homos|up the rear]]. While he owns every Sega console short of an 8-bit Master System and Sonic the Hedgehog is one of his favorite individual franchises, games for Sega consoles don't make up more than 10-15% of Chris's collection.

Chris's violent hatred of the [[Xbox]] is well-known, but he likely also owns or at one point owned an original Xbox console. However, it is not known how much he has actually played Xbox games. His [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay account]] shows that he tried to sell off a handful of Xbox games in the summer of [[2008]]. The record of his eBay sales also indicates that, in addition to owning at least one of every machine he owns games for, he's gone through at least three or four of Sony's original PlayStation consoles over the years. It's possible that he's had to replace a few of the infamously fragile machines, but this could also be an indication that he has bought the systems and games in bundles.

It's impossible to gauge exactly how much money has been shoveled into the furnace of Chris's game collection. Knowledgeable [[trolls]], however, reckon that his physical collection of games and hardware represents around $20,000. His PSN downloads, meanwhile, can be accurately accounted for--there, the bill is close to $3,500 and surely climbing all the while. One of the more grievous examples of Chris's video-game-related overspending is his apparent ownership of at least two copies of the eighty-dollar ''[[Street Fighter]] IV Collector's Edition'', as evidenced by the two identical exclusive Ryu figurines he later sold on eBay. While it's possible that Chris received the second figure from an outside source or packaging error, his attempt to bribe [[BlueSpike]] [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|with a copy of the game]] and his habit of wasting money for no particular reason lend credence to the theory.

In January 2015, it was [[CWCki Forums|leaked]] that Chris had spent an absurd amount of money on Nintendo consoles and games, ''racking up '''585''' transactions'' in the last 4.5 years[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/], or 150 payments a year. This list includes useless shovelware, Virtual Console games, and [[Sonic Boom Protests|both versions of a game he doesn't even like.]] Of these, 276 purchases are known to be handheld games, 8 are known to be video game consoles(''buying '''4''' DSs and DSi consoles''), and 75 which are known to be console games. The grand total cost of all Chris's '''listed''' purchases is '''$7460.43''' or '''$1657.87/year'''. Keep in mind 39% of purchases Chris has on his account (such as Skylanders figures, amiibos, and his Wii U Virtual Console purchases) are not yet specified, meaning that their cost is not included in this already insanely high number. Apparently, his main attention and [[Nintendo Power Magazine|fanboyism]] has shifted from PlayStation back to Nintendo, for unknown reasons.

This leak also revealed that Chris plays almost every game demo available on the eShop, Nintendo's online downloadable video game store, even if he has no interest in said game. This leak also confirmed he had bought every single [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] game and primary [[Pokémon]] RPG, proving that he is still a major fanboy of [[Sonichu (comic)|both franchises]], and also confirmed that he still makes many purchases multiple times over for no apparent reason, such as of Wario's Woods.

==What Chris plays==
Going on what evidence is available--what he talks about on his websites and [[YouTube]], what his PSN profile shows the most effort put into, what he decides to construct elaborate fan-works around--Chris has fairly childish, "casual" tastes in video games. He puts an enthusiast gamer's level of effort and time into gaming, but he does it playing stuff like Sonic, ''[[Pokémon]]'', ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', and other games geared toward a less "hardcore" audience. His favorite racing game, ''Burnout Paradise'', is a straightforward action/arcade-style game. ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' earned a hardcore following with its level editor, but otherwise it's just another side-scrolling platform game (and Chris hardly strains the level editor to the limits of its potential). Much of his PSN trophy case is filled out with achievements racked up playing simple downloadable demoscene and indie productions. Even his beloved ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]'' isn't remarkably deep as far as gameplay is concerned; while the game is an M-rated title with swearing, decapitations, heavy metal music and tricky real-time strategy elements, for most part the atmosphere is still jolly and humorous enough, and majority of gameplay consists of exploring the world and having straightforward beat-em up fights. Some have questioned whether or not Chris's interest in ''Brütal Legend'' was because of an affinity for director [[Wikipedia:Tim Schafer|Tim Schafer's]] other quirky, offbeat games such as ''[[Wikipedia:Psychonauts|Psychonauts]]'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Grim Fandango|Grim Fandango]]''. While Chris might be drawn to the perceived [[random-access humor]] of such games, more likely, they were too intelligent for him, and not mainstream enough. More likely, his interest in ''Brütal Legend'' was due to Jack Black providing the main character's voice, and possibly [[Chris and music|Chris's failed attempts to appear to be a connoisseur of music]].

The games that Chris owns are not necessarily the games that Chris plays. His PSN downloads strongly suggest that he spends money on his gaming hobby more or less for the sake of spending it. Witness the $65 he spent on downloadable content for ''Disgaea 3'', a game he had only played to 7% completion several months after originally buying all those downloads. It's reasonable to assume that Chris has similar spending habits in real life, a theory bolstered somewhat by his retro game collections. Chris's collections of games for the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and a couple of other now-dead consoles are dominated by bargain-bin trash, extremely-common or extremely-shitty games that are easily picked up for very low remaindered prices. No knowledgeable gamer would ever pay money for ''Power Factory Featuring C+C Music Factory'', except maybe as a gag gift, but Chris apparently thought it was worth owning. This habit seems to be picked up from [[Barbara]], and continues to this day in the form of eShop shovelware and virtual console downloads.

His collection does a good job of telling us what sort of games Chris doesn't play, though. Outside of the ''Pokémon'' series, for instance, he has almost no evident interest in role-playing games. Most of the non-Pokémon RPGs in his collection, like ''Suikoden'' and ''Final Fantasy VII'', are PlayStation retro releases he impulse-bought through the PSN. Chris buys those up like penny candy — he's even downloaded several digital duplicates of PlayStation games that he already owns physical copies of.

Despite being obsessed with Pokemon, he's not a hardcore Nintendo fan as some might suspect. He never seems to show interest in the latest content from Nintendo, and the hardcore Nintendo games he does own (such as games from the ''Metroid'', ''The Legend of Zelda'' and ''Mario'' franchises) are most likely just collecting dust on his game collection racks.

However, a January 2014 leak by a Nintendo Employee revealed that Chris had, in fact, returned to his [[Nintendo|Nintendo]] roots, buying nearly every single game on the eShop.

He owns almost no sports games. In the Mailbag, he once noted that [[Obesity|"Sports titles do not really thrill me,"]] although he didn't explain exactly why.

With a few exceptions, Chris has no apparent interest in video games aimed at his own age group, which is unsurprising. "Hardcore" games aimed at "adults" are games that simply would not interest Chris because of his juvenile mindset. Video games (and anything else, for that matter) with mature themes that aren't two-dimensionally crass and full of [[random-access humor]] would probably confuse and bore Chris and make him feel awkward and uncomfortable, adding to the fact he probably wouldn't be able to get very far in the game. This is supported by the fact that he did try out ''Bioshock'', a first-person shooter with RPG elements, but only for a short time and never touched it again. Most likely the whole game itself flew right over Chris's head and he decided to play some ''Wheel of Fortune'' instead. However, ever since his [[100 2357.MOV|sixth declaration that he has left the internet]] in late [[2010]], some more high-profile games aimed at adults have appeared on his PSN Trophy list (Such as ''Grand Theft Auto IV'' and ''Fallout: New Vegas''). Apparently the Hannah Montana PS3 game is no longer enough to fill his abundance of free time, and he's taken to playing games he wouldn't normally were he doing anything else with his life.

While he sometimes gets tagged with the "[[anime|weeaboo]]" label, Chris doesn't appear to prefer games made in Japan over any other part of the world. In fact, his favorite games of 2008-2009, the period where he's told us the most about what he plays, are pretty evenly divided between Japan (''Sonic'', ''Pokémon''), the United States (''Guitar Hero'', ''Brutal Legend'') and Europe (''Burnout'', ''LittleBigPlanet''). He counts a few Japanese Game Boy and Nintendo DS imports in his larger collection, but they're obviously titles he picked up to try and impress/bribe [[Megan Schroeder]] — almost all of them are spinoffs from popular anime, especially magical-girl series like ''Sailor Moon'' and ''Pretty Cure''.

When Chris and Megan still got along well together, they were serious players of the arcade version of ''[[Soul Calibur]] III''. There's also an arcade in Chris's plans for the [[CWCville Shopping Center]]. However, given Chris's more recent inclination to retreat into the comfortable confines of his bedroom, chances are he's not much of an arcade-goer anymore.

==Chris the console warrior==
Chris thinks the perennial "Console Wars" between rival manufacturers of game machines are extremely serious business, and engages them in all of the bile and fervor of a 10-year-old child soldier in the PlayStation Army. On rare occasions he has almost seemed rational in this respect, saying he "just doesn't like" or "doesn't care much for" the Xbox, but most of the time he doesn't spare strong words when describing the vile and loathsome [[HEXBox]]. By comparison, he has waxed poetic when describing the awesomeness of the [[PS3]], most prominently in his [[PS3 History Level]] for ''LittleBigPlanet''. According to [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Video games|Lucas]], Chris would even express his fury over the Xbox in public while hanging out at [[The GAMe PLACe]].

It's hard to tell where Chris's religious devotion to the PlayStation comes from, but a religion is what it is. Like his faith in [[Chris and religion|GodJesus]], his support for Sony is blind and unthinking. Though he can come up with a simple justification for his opinions in a pinch — typically he brings up the annual fee for online gaming on Xbox Live — Chris shows no sign of having put any serious thought or study into his choice of consoles. His descriptions of the PS3's advantages in places like his [[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Columbus Day 2008 video]] tend to sound like boilerplate marketing copy (as filtered through the mind of a [[Chris's room|cave-dwelling]] autistic, anyway).

Interestingly, Chris was not always a blindly devoted fan of Sony. In the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], we see that back in [[2003]], Chris pledged his allegiance to Nintendo and the GameCube, stating that both forerunners to the PS3 stank as much as the original [[Hex Bawx|Xbox]]. His feelings changed when he bought a PS1 at a "rummage sale" for cheap, intending to resell it elsewhere for profit, but instead played it and found it wasn't bad.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref> One would expect this to be a lesson against nonsensical [[Chris and brand loyalty|brand loyalty]], but instead Chris just focused his hatred on Microsoft. Likely, prior to this Chris was a Sega fanatic at Nintendo's expense; if true, then it demonstrates how [[List of Chris's sweethearts|fickle]] Chris is regarding devotion.

Today, as of [[January 2015]], he is now a hardcore [[Nintendo]] fan at Sony's expense, as revealed by a recent leak by a TRUE AND HONEST [[Nintendo]] employee [http://cwckiforums.com/threads/2015-jan-12-nintendo-employee-details-chriss-recent-video-game-purchases.7050/].

In typical fashion, Chris is ignorant of things he has chosen not to like. The only 360 game he seems to shown interest in, [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"], seen in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] being modified for the PS3, was suggested to him by the fans. Though the game is just a crappy dating sim, and though there are other 360-exclusive games which would appeal to him, Chris claims that it's the only game worth playing on the 360.

Even slinging mud at the names of the consoles is very serious business to Chris. In [[Lars Call]], Chris says he doesn't like it when people call PS3 the "PS Triple", because that's what [[trolls]] call it. Of course, this comes from a man who [[Chris and hypocrisy|kept ranting about the "Hex Box"]].

==Chris and online gaming==
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given his antisocial nature, Chris isn't much for online multiplayer games in any genre, be they sports sims, shooters, racing games, or whatever else. Though he owns several games for the PS3 and other consoles that would allow him to play online and interact with other people, his PSN profile shows that he's put hardly any time into multiplayer games.

In 2010 and afterward, two exceptions to this rule emerged. He did a good deal of online racing in ''ModNation Racers'' during the summer of 2010, while early in 2011, Chris began to show an interest in an online role-playing game for the first time, ''DC Universe Online''. His fondness for ModNation competition eventually passed, but it remains to be seen whether or not he'll develop a lasting interest in MMO gaming.

Dedicated observers of Chris's gaming habits may notice a bit of a paradox developing here. Chris claims to hate the Xbox 360 because Microsoft requires a $50 annual subscription fee for online multiplayer gaming. Why should this wind him up so badly, when he hardly plays any multiplayer games anyhow? Well... that's Chris for you. [[Mailbag]] correspondents have tried to point out the seeming contradiction here, not to mention the weird contrast between Chris's thriftiness as far as Xbox Live is concerned and the massive amounts of money he's wasted on worthless digital trinkets through the PSN. For all the good it's done, though, they may as well have tried to change his opinion of [[Asperger syndrome]].

===Chris the trophy whore===
While Chris has little evident interest in directly interacting with other humans in online games, he does seem to enjoy building up a massive trophy case to passively show off in his PlayStation Network profile. He's doggedly played through a number of games in order to earn every available achievement, and on occasion he appeals to his [[fanbase]] for help in earning trophies. For instance, he begged readers of his [[Twitter]] feed to download his ''ModNation Racers'' levels so he could pick up one more trophy.

Slacker that he is, Chris prefers to put forth as little effort as possible to earn his trophies. Presented with a trophy in ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' that asked him to contribute a custom level to the game's online community, he fulfilled the requirement by uploading an empty level with no work put into it. (When this level was deleted by the community's administrators, he took the next-easiest route and uploaded his old levels made with the first ''LittleBigPlanet''.) In an [[Jackie E-mails 6|e-mail to Jackie]], he expressed great pleasure when the ''ModNation'' experience system was patched to make certain trophies easier to acquire.

==Chris and PC games==
Games for personal [[computers]] are conspicuously absent from Chris's collection and his evident game-playing habits. The only sign that he's ever even owned any PC games comes from his eBay account, which shows that he tried to auction off a collection of vintage ''Dungeons & Dragons'' role-playing games for the PC in the summer of 2008. He might also own a copy of the first Lego Island game for PC (as seen by his possession of the Infomaniac minifigure - which was only obtainable from early copies of the said game). In the [[Fanmail Reading]] video, after a [[troll|fan]] sent him a copy of ''[[wikipedia:Half-Life 2|Half-Life 2]]'', Chris explained, "I don't play PC games. I used to, but I don't anymore." He didn't say why he gave them up, though. In [[Mumble 1|his first Mumble chat]], he claimed to "remember ''[[wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]]''", but later backpedaled and said "I never really heard of that."

==Chris the industry insider==
Chris gets most of his information about the gaming industry from comparatively mainstream sources. He's an avowed reader of ''Game Informer'' magazine, as well as Sony's online magazine ''Qore'', and regularly follows the G4 cable network. He apparently still takes the [[Congrats, Jack Black|Spike TV Video Game Awards]] seriously, which puts him about five years behind anybody with even a cursory interest in the games business.

==Chris the game designer==
{{main|Sonichu (game)|Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles}}
At various times, especially during the [[Miyamoto saga]], but going as far back as the late 1990s (when he had a prophetic dream of a Sonic game for the Game Boy), Chris has imagined that he could launch himself into a career as a game designer. It's telling, however, that nearly all of his "ideas" for potential video game projects simply involve swapping Sonichu or other Chris-spawned characters into an existing game concept. ''[[Pokémon: Lightning Version]]'' is a Pokémon RPG with Sonichu in it. ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]'' is ''Sonic Adventure'' with Sonichu in it. ''[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]'' is ''Gundam: Journey to Jaburo'' with [[Megan Schroeder|Megan's]] quasi-retarded brother in it, and so on.

The closest he's gotten to coming up with something like an original idea is ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'', and we don't actually know what that game is supposed to amount to beyond what Chris drew on the cover, and occasional haphazard mentions. It's entirely possible that Chris doesn't know the answer to that one either.

Chris nevertheless sincerely believes that his characters and game ideas are ready for commercial prime time. He once rejected an e-mail from the Mailbag that brought up the notion of a not-for-profit fan-made Sonichu game, and brushed off similar suggestions in his first [[IRC (16 October 2008)|IRC fan chat]]. In [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|the video about dispelling rumors of an official Sonichu game]], he scoffed at the idea of his game ideas being made with 2D graphics.

===Modding and customization===
One of the great ironies of Chris's existence is that he loves to create and share his creations, even though he possesses almost no genuine innate creativity. He tends to gravitate strongly towards video games that allow him to create his own content and share it online.

Since console games are often not modifiable, while PC game modding tends to demand more technical skill than he possesses, Chris has only been able to show off his creativity in this field so much. That said, the PS3 games ''LittleBigPlanet'' and ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' exerted a powerful grip on him with their customization capabilities. Chris made a ton of levels in ''LittleBigPlanet,'' dropping out of sight for the better part of a month when he first acquired the retail version of the game. Likewise, he has made levels, characters and custom cars for ''ModNation Racers'', and it resulted in a similar disappearance during the summer of 2010. His output hasn't shown too much actual competence, but it's not for lack of time and effort spent.

Even in games that offer only light customization features, Chris makes a point of personalizing his experience as much as possible. He spent considerable time on a ''Guitar Hero'' band, up to drawing [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|disturbing pictures]] of his virtual bandmates. The amount of time he spent on tweaking his ''Animal Crossing'' villages is simply [[Collosal Chan|colossal]]. According to the [[Regina e-mails]], Chris made a similarly big deal about ''Jet Set Radio'' and ''F-Zero GX'', even though both games limit their customization options to things like swapping around car parts or personalizing small decals.

Likewise, as the gallery below displays, Chris enjoys customizing his game hardware. He's splattered Sonichu artwork all over his Gamecube, a Nintendo DS, a couple of Game Boy Advances, a PSP, his now-deceased original PS3, and possibly other consoles or handhelds. One of his [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalkers]] also appears to have received the Sonichu treatment, being repainted in blue and yellow.

==Chris's perception on video game technology==
Chris obviously has no idea about how video games or video game consoles work. For example, as seen in a panel of Sonichu 10, he seems to think that games are interchangeable and can work on any console ("DO NOT BUY OR DOWNLOAD ILLEGAL COPIES OF L.B.P. ON Wii OR XBox360; IT IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!"), even though he could easily check and see that he can't play his copy of Little Big Planet in his Wii, although he is either too lazy, or is afraid of having [[14 Branchland Court|his house]] raided by [[jerkop]]s.

Neither is he aware of what the technology is currently capable of. As stated in the survey of [[Chris and reality]], he once suggested that Nintendo should create a Poké Ball peripheral which could display holographs, of which we can only see in science fiction currently.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:121-CWCsGamecube.jpg|GameCube skin
Image:122-CWCsGamecubeP2.jpg
Image:204-SonichuGBA2.jpg|GBA skin
Image:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube1.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube2.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube3.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube4.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube5.jpg
Image:CWCGameCube6.jpg
Image:092-PSPSonichu.jpg|[[PSP]] skins
Image:SonichuPSPCover.jpg
Image:282-ChaoticComboPSPWall.jpg
Image:518-PaRappa-the-Rapper-Um-Jammer-Lammy-PSP-Wallpaper.jpg
Image:Sonichugame.png
</gallery>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's video games]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Club Nintendo]]
* [[Fandoms]]
* [[PlayStation 3]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu Chris's PlayStation Network profile]

[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Donation Request

2016-04-25T03:17:21Z

Zorakirby:

'''Donation Request''' is a video [[Chris]] streamed on April 24, 2016. In short, Chris begs for money like a little child. Anymore to be said?

==Description==
{{Quotebox|<nowiki>https://www.etsy.com/listing/246499002/donate-towards-new-comic-book-pages-or?ref=shop_home_listings</nowiki>

This is the Official YouTube channel of the one and only creator and author of the Sonichu and Rosechu series, Christine Weston Chandler (AKA Christian, Christopher, Chris Chan, Ricardo); me. Links to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages, as well as my stores of Sonichu and Rosechu, and self, merchandise are available for purchase. Among which, more items are to come in the future, so stay tuned for the updates when I make them personally.
}}

== Video ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Announcement 04/16/2016
| video = {{#ev:youtube|d_bT6qNHeQQ}}
| stardate = 24 [[April 2016]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = Blue string top
| previous = [[Announcement 04/16/2016‎‎]]
| next =
}}

== Transcript ==
[''[[sigh]]''] I got them frazzled right now... just, my brain. But anyway... [shakes head] yeah, we need some more money, seriously, [presses hands together in hope] [[Please, Donate|donations please]]. I mean yeah, call it part of donation drive if you will but... [sigh and puts hands on his head, while speaking unintelligibly] Something definitely came up recently beyond my control, I just need some dona- I just need a few donations, please? Please help. I'll put the link under this video, please. Send me a donation like, Y'know, like 10, 20 bucks, please?

[stares awkwardly for a moment before turning off PSEye]

Please, Donate

2016-04-16T21:15:11Z

Zorakirby: Linked some text