Rebeckah Bentley E-mails - Revision history

HurdyGurdsen at 15:24, 12 December 2025

2025-12-12T15:24:16Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:24, 12 December 2025
Line 88:		Line 88:
	[[Chris and health\|My doctor]] confirms my TMJ problem, encourages jaw exercises, Tylenol usage and the tongue on mouth roof idea Karla had. It should resolve itself soon.		[[Chris and health\|My doctor]] confirms my TMJ problem, encourages jaw exercises, Tylenol usage and the tongue on mouth roof idea Karla had. It should resolve itself soon.

	As for my history of online dating, it has often resolved badly, for me; I ended up unknowingly dating fakes often. Damn Internet [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies. One was [[Panda Halo\|"a girl in Australia"]], another was [[Julie\|"living in a house in Cleveland, Ohio"]] (actually drove there myself; run down, high-crime looking city; the house at the provided address did not fare any better; occupied by an elderly ~~[[niggos\|~~black]] woman). And there were at least five more fakers in the list as well. My Two more successful relationships, post [[high school\|MHS]] graduation, were a lot better, but one turned on me, and the other caught the Trolls' attention and dumped me after being bothered (plus, she didn't fancy my fantasy of moving the relationship forward from friendship).		As for my history of online dating, it has often resolved badly, for me; I ended up unknowingly dating fakes often. Damn Internet [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies. One was [[Panda Halo\|"a girl in Australia"]], another was [[Julie\|"living in a house in Cleveland, Ohio"]] (actually drove there myself; run down, high-crime looking city; the house at the provided address did not fare any better; occupied by an elderly black woman). And there were at least five more fakers in the list as well. My Two more successful relationships, post [[high school\|MHS]] graduation, were a lot better, but one turned on me, and the other caught the Trolls' attention and dumped me after being bothered (plus, she didn't fancy my fantasy of moving the relationship forward from friendship).

	<nowiki></nowiki>Groan and Sigh		<nowiki></nowiki>Groan and Sigh

Makuchi: /* I want my friends back */

2025-06-11T09:11:41Z

I want my friends back

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:11, 11 June 2025
Line 560:		Line 560:
	Also, the fact that Christian thinks that anyone can somehow force Tiffany and I to be friends with him clearly shows that he has no respect for [[Women's Rights\|our right]] to choose our own friends. Despite what Christian may think, nobody wants friends ''forced'' on them. (The arrangement that Tiffany and I made in high school was a unique circumstance. We '''''willingly''''' chose to enter into the agreement.) This is yet another reason why so many people have a problem with him. Christian isn't entitled to friends - nobody is. Friendship is something you have to work at. Christian isn't willing to put even the minimal effort into this. He doesn't want friends, he wants people to kiss his ass.		Also, the fact that Christian thinks that anyone can somehow force Tiffany and I to be friends with him clearly shows that he has no respect for [[Women's Rights\|our right]] to choose our own friends. Despite what Christian may think, nobody wants friends ''forced'' on them. (The arrangement that Tiffany and I made in high school was a unique circumstance. We '''''willingly''''' chose to enter into the agreement.) This is yet another reason why so many people have a problem with him. Christian isn't entitled to friends - nobody is. Friendship is something you have to work at. Christian isn't willing to put even the minimal effort into this. He doesn't want friends, he wants people to kiss his ass.

	Christian's idea of a friend is someone who will always be there to coddle him feed his ego in order to make him feel better about himself. Based on his remarks about Brandi and Ashley, it's also quite obvious that Christian sees his "friends" as some sort of personal army. Honestly Rebeckah, do you blame Tiffany and I for not wanting anything to do with Christian? Do you really want a "friend" like that?		Christian's idea of a friend is someone who will always be there to [[Borb\|coddle him]] feed his [[ego]] in order to make him feel better about himself. Based on his remarks about Brandi and Ashley, it's also quite obvious that Christian sees his "friends" as some sort of personal army. Honestly Rebeckah, do you blame Tiffany and I for not wanting anything to do with Christian? Do you really want a "friend" like that?

	I'm really puzzled as to why Christian wants us to be friends with Tiffany and I again after he found out that our high school friendship was arranged. He ranted about it on Facebook, and it was obvious that he was very angry and upset. He even tried to paint me as some kind of villain, and claimed that I'd shattered his heart, ruined his life, blah... blah.... blah... Does Chris somehow expect Ashley and Brandi to arrange another pity friendship and, if so, just what kind of benefit does he expect to gain from it?		I'm really puzzled as to why Christian wants us to be friends with Tiffany and I again after he found out that our high school friendship was arranged. He ranted about it on Facebook, and it was obvious that he was very angry and upset. He even tried to paint me as some kind of villain, and claimed that I'd shattered his heart, ruined his life, blah... blah.... blah... Does Chris somehow expect Ashley and Brandi to arrange another pity friendship and, if so, just what kind of benefit does he expect to gain from it?

Hurtful Truth Level: /* Mimms chimes in */

2025-04-08T05:00:17Z

Mimms chimes in

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:00, 8 April 2025
Line 569:		Line 569:

	====Mimms chimes in====		====Mimms chimes in====
	Rebeckah forwarded to Chris an email by ~~a troll~~ pretending to be [[Mimms]]:		Rebeckah forwarded to Chris an email written by herself pretending to be [[Mimms]]:<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Mimms Impersonation]]</ref>

	{{quotebox\|10 January 2014		{{quotebox\|10 January 2014

PsychoNerd054: I usually see "REDACTED" when things are censored.

2025-04-08T01:30:30Z

I usually see "REDACTED" when things are censored.

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:30, 7 April 2025
Line 379:		Line 379:
	Since after [[Count Graduon\|Graduation]], I had been emotionally falling downhill for YEARS, and the trollings and cyber-bullyings against me since November, 2007 just took the whole freaking cake, and now, when I was feeling better after last August, October 29, Sarah Bevel just totally redestroyed me, after [[Daniel Mimms]], the most bastard devil I have ever had the displeasure of knowing in person, the individual who planted the first Photographic seed AGAINST me Anywhere online, that a week later, just started the domino effect that would have me overreacting to everything THEY have stated against me... Sarah redestroyed me with what she said in her email, which I will forward to you shortly; if I had already forwarded it to you, you don't have to read it again. Just the whole ripped my [[heart level\|heart]] out, tossed it against a wall, bolted a steel plate on the flat side of my heart, leaving bleeding emotions... It still constantly hurts, and I find it even more difficult to smile or enjoy much towards even a remote emotional recovery. I also really miss my [[Bob\|father]]; he died September 6, 2011; two midnights and fifteen minutes after his 84th birthday.		Since after [[Count Graduon\|Graduation]], I had been emotionally falling downhill for YEARS, and the trollings and cyber-bullyings against me since November, 2007 just took the whole freaking cake, and now, when I was feeling better after last August, October 29, Sarah Bevel just totally redestroyed me, after [[Daniel Mimms]], the most bastard devil I have ever had the displeasure of knowing in person, the individual who planted the first Photographic seed AGAINST me Anywhere online, that a week later, just started the domino effect that would have me overreacting to everything THEY have stated against me... Sarah redestroyed me with what she said in her email, which I will forward to you shortly; if I had already forwarded it to you, you don't have to read it again. Just the whole ripped my [[heart level\|heart]] out, tossed it against a wall, bolted a steel plate on the flat side of my heart, leaving bleeding emotions... It still constantly hurts, and I find it even more difficult to smile or enjoy much towards even a remote emotional recovery. I also really miss my [[Bob\|father]]; he died September 6, 2011; two midnights and fifteen minutes after his 84th birthday.

	After Graduation, I lost most to all of my ability to socialize, and it gradually worsened as the years passed. And all throughout, I lacked total self-esteem, self-confidence and whatnot. The only times I even found remote emotional recovery was when I was in love and relationships with [[Megan Schroeder]], until the night I saw her making out with another dude, which was the same night afterwards when Mimms took that infamous photograph of me, and <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[The Wallflower\|~~CENSORED~~]]<nowiki>]</nowiki><ref group = note>Censored due to [[CWCki:The Wallflower]]</ref> up until when she broke up with me. And I was neutral between the in and out theoretical relationships on the internet. So my heart was volleying back and forth with LOTS of heartbreaks and heartaches for a few years, with all of the most offensive videos that I was tricked, conned, blackmailed, etc. into doing since November, 2007 until a few years ago.		After Graduation, I lost most to all of my ability to socialize, and it gradually worsened as the years passed. And all throughout, I lacked total self-esteem, self-confidence and whatnot. The only times I even found remote emotional recovery was when I was in love and relationships with [[Megan Schroeder]], until the night I saw her making out with another dude, which was the same night afterwards when Mimms took that infamous photograph of me, and <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[The Wallflower\|REDACTED]]<nowiki>]</nowiki><ref group = note>Censored due to [[CWCki:The Wallflower]]</ref> up until when she broke up with me. And I was neutral between the in and out theoretical relationships on the internet. So my heart was volleying back and forth with LOTS of heartbreaks and heartaches for a few years, with all of the most offensive videos that I was tricked, conned, blackmailed, etc. into doing since November, 2007 until a few years ago.

	And when you take into account being constantly ignored and considered background art by EVERYONE in Public, and most of our classmates now, I feel like a ghost with pain, heartache, misery, loneliness, and mild appreciation for my family, being the only emotions I have left. It hurts me a lot of the time. sigh And even worse with me and my mother being poor and just getting by; it all weighs heavily on my conscious daily.		And when you take into account being constantly ignored and considered background art by EVERYONE in Public, and most of our classmates now, I feel like a ghost with pain, heartache, misery, loneliness, and mild appreciation for my family, being the only emotions I have left. It hurts me a lot of the time. sigh And even worse with me and my mother being poor and just getting by; it all weighs heavily on my conscious daily.

Hurtful Truth Level: /* Chris finally backs off */

2025-04-08T01:05:03Z

Chris finally backs off

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:05, 7 April 2025
Line 1,101:		Line 1,101:
	File:Bentley 2ndJan2014.png		File:Bentley 2ndJan2014.png
	</gallery>}}		</gallery>}}
			{{Notes}}
	{{References}}		{{References}}
	{{CatherineSaga}}		{{CatherineSaga}}

Hurtful Truth Level: /* Chris is the real victim */ Chris doesn't actually type out "The Wallflower"

2025-04-08T01:04:21Z

Chris is the real victim: Chris doesn't actually type out "The Wallflower"

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:04, 7 April 2025
Line 379:		Line 379:
	Since after [[Count Graduon\|Graduation]], I had been emotionally falling downhill for YEARS, and the trollings and cyber-bullyings against me since November, 2007 just took the whole freaking cake, and now, when I was feeling better after last August, October 29, Sarah Bevel just totally redestroyed me, after [[Daniel Mimms]], the most bastard devil I have ever had the displeasure of knowing in person, the individual who planted the first Photographic seed AGAINST me Anywhere online, that a week later, just started the domino effect that would have me overreacting to everything THEY have stated against me... Sarah redestroyed me with what she said in her email, which I will forward to you shortly; if I had already forwarded it to you, you don't have to read it again. Just the whole ripped my [[heart level\|heart]] out, tossed it against a wall, bolted a steel plate on the flat side of my heart, leaving bleeding emotions... It still constantly hurts, and I find it even more difficult to smile or enjoy much towards even a remote emotional recovery. I also really miss my [[Bob\|father]]; he died September 6, 2011; two midnights and fifteen minutes after his 84th birthday.		Since after [[Count Graduon\|Graduation]], I had been emotionally falling downhill for YEARS, and the trollings and cyber-bullyings against me since November, 2007 just took the whole freaking cake, and now, when I was feeling better after last August, October 29, Sarah Bevel just totally redestroyed me, after [[Daniel Mimms]], the most bastard devil I have ever had the displeasure of knowing in person, the individual who planted the first Photographic seed AGAINST me Anywhere online, that a week later, just started the domino effect that would have me overreacting to everything THEY have stated against me... Sarah redestroyed me with what she said in her email, which I will forward to you shortly; if I had already forwarded it to you, you don't have to read it again. Just the whole ripped my [[heart level\|heart]] out, tossed it against a wall, bolted a steel plate on the flat side of my heart, leaving bleeding emotions... It still constantly hurts, and I find it even more difficult to smile or enjoy much towards even a remote emotional recovery. I also really miss my [[Bob\|father]]; he died September 6, 2011; two midnights and fifteen minutes after his 84th birthday.

	After Graduation, I lost most to all of my ability to socialize, and it gradually worsened as the years passed. And all throughout, I lacked total self-esteem, self-confidence and whatnot. The only times I even found remote emotional recovery was when I was in love and relationships with [[Megan Schroeder]], until the night I saw her making out with another dude, which was the same night afterwards when Mimms took that infamous photograph of me, and [[The Wallflower]] up until when she broke up with me. And I was neutral between the in and out theoretical relationships on the internet. So my heart was volleying back and forth with LOTS of heartbreaks and heartaches for a few years, with all of the most offensive videos that I was tricked, conned, blackmailed, etc. into doing since November, 2007 until a few years ago.		After Graduation, I lost most to all of my ability to socialize, and it gradually worsened as the years passed. And all throughout, I lacked total self-esteem, self-confidence and whatnot. The only times I even found remote emotional recovery was when I was in love and relationships with [[Megan Schroeder]], until the night I saw her making out with another dude, which was the same night afterwards when Mimms took that infamous photograph of me, and <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[The Wallflower\|CENSORED]]<nowiki>]</nowiki><ref group = note>Censored due to [[CWCki:The Wallflower]]</ref> up until when she broke up with me. And I was neutral between the in and out theoretical relationships on the internet. So my heart was volleying back and forth with LOTS of heartbreaks and heartaches for a few years, with all of the most offensive videos that I was tricked, conned, blackmailed, etc. into doing since November, 2007 until a few years ago.

	And when you take into account being constantly ignored and considered background art by EVERYONE in Public, and most of our classmates now, I feel like a ghost with pain, heartache, misery, loneliness, and mild appreciation for my family, being the only emotions I have left. It hurts me a lot of the time. sigh And even worse with me and my mother being poor and just getting by; it all weighs heavily on my conscious daily.		And when you take into account being constantly ignored and considered background art by EVERYONE in Public, and most of our classmates now, I feel like a ghost with pain, heartache, misery, loneliness, and mild appreciation for my family, being the only emotions I have left. It hurts me a lot of the time. sigh And even worse with me and my mother being poor and just getting by; it all weighs heavily on my conscious daily.

PsychoNerd054: /* Dead end of a life */

2025-04-03T13:31:49Z

Dead end of a life

← Older revision		Revision as of 09:31, 3 April 2025
Line 189:		Line 189:
	Yeah, Mia Rogers did screw up the original reunion plans for Ashley and Angie, mostly due to Facebook being in its most earliest stages at the time. I was happy to help this time last August after watching [[Equestria Girls\|"Equestria Girls"]] and building the first High School [[LEGO\|Lego]] set. I was happy, after YEARS of depression, until when Sarah blurted to [[Mimms]] about how she, [[Tiffany Gowen\|Tiffany]] and others were not Friends, but "Hired Help", followed by her telling me directly that Tiffany found me creepy and offensive and did not want to ever be anywhere near me. It all just totally redevastated me Worse. I am unable to feel even remotely happy without feeling the heartache again now.		Yeah, Mia Rogers did screw up the original reunion plans for Ashley and Angie, mostly due to Facebook being in its most earliest stages at the time. I was happy to help this time last August after watching [[Equestria Girls\|"Equestria Girls"]] and building the first High School [[LEGO\|Lego]] set. I was happy, after YEARS of depression, until when Sarah blurted to [[Mimms]] about how she, [[Tiffany Gowen\|Tiffany]] and others were not Friends, but "Hired Help", followed by her telling me directly that Tiffany found me creepy and offensive and did not want to ever be anywhere near me. It all just totally redevastated me Worse. I am unable to feel even remotely happy without feeling the heartache again now.

	At least there WILL be a 15-year reunion, thanks to me. Sad that I will be a most depressed, lonely wallflower going there.		At least there WILL be a 15-year reunion, thanks to me. Sad that I will be a most depressed, [[The Wallflower\|lonely wallflower]] going there.

	I also often ask myself, in this dead end of a life, in a cluttered house with my mother, without a sweetheart, in over our heads in debt, "How is this my life?"		I also often ask myself, in this dead end of a life, in a cluttered house with my mother, without a sweetheart, in over our heads in debt, "How is this my life?"

Makuchi: /* Dead end of a life */

2024-12-03T21:59:56Z

Dead end of a life

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:59, 3 December 2024
Line 193:		Line 193:
	I also often ask myself, in this dead end of a life, in a cluttered house with my mother, without a sweetheart, in over our heads in debt, "How is this my life?"		I also often ask myself, in this dead end of a life, in a cluttered house with my mother, without a sweetheart, in over our heads in debt, "How is this my life?"

	I don't know why I'm telling you all this; I have a feeling that you are a genuine, caring woman who listens and keeps it confidential. I pray you will not betray me as well (by not telling any Troll or whoever else any of this, leading towards even more degrading mockery and shit).		I don't know why I'm telling you all this; I have a feeling that you are a genuine, caring woman who listens and keeps it confidential. I pray you will not betray me as well (by not telling any Troll or whoever else any of this, leading towards even more degrading mockery and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS\|shit]]).

	<nowiki></nowiki>sigh}}		<nowiki></nowiki>sigh}}

Hurtful Truth Level: /* Chris finally backs off */

2024-11-12T12:56:17Z

Chris finally backs off

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:56, 12 November 2024
Line 1,101:		Line 1,101:
	File:Bentley 2ndJan2014.png		File:Bentley 2ndJan2014.png
	</gallery>}}		</gallery>}}
			{{References}}
	{{CatherineSaga}}		{{CatherineSaga}}
	{{Emails}}		{{Emails}}

Hurtful Truth Level at 12:55, 12 November 2024

2024-11-12T12:55:49Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:55, 12 November 2024
Line 877:		Line 877:
	Christian W. Chandler}}		Christian W. Chandler}}

	The following is an email Chris gave to Rebeckah to forward to [[Tiffany Gowen]] (in reality, Tiffany was being impersonated by [[Thetan]]):<ref name=tiffany>~~https://kiwifarms.net/threads/so-what-gal-pal-material-was-fake.8946/post-909775~~</ref>		The following is an email Chris gave to Rebeckah to forward to [[Tiffany Gowen]] (in reality, Tiffany was being impersonated by [[Thetan]]):<ref name=tiffany>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Thetan)#Thetan and Tiffany]]</ref>

	====Peace and good tidings====		====Peace and good tidings====

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:24, 12 December 2025
Line 88:		Line 88:
	[[Chris and health\|My doctor]] confirms my TMJ problem, encourages jaw exercises, Tylenol usage and the tongue on mouth roof idea Karla had. It should resolve itself soon.		[[Chris and health\|My doctor]] confirms my TMJ problem, encourages jaw exercises, Tylenol usage and the tongue on mouth roof idea Karla had. It should resolve itself soon.

	As for my history of online dating, it has often resolved badly, for me; I ended up unknowingly dating fakes often. Damn Internet [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies. One was [[Panda Halo\|"a girl in Australia"]], another was [[Julie\|"living in a house in Cleveland, Ohio"]] (actually drove there myself; run down, high-crime looking city; the house at the provided address did not fare any better; occupied by an elderly ~~[[niggos\|~~black]] woman). And there were at least five more fakers in the list as well. My Two more successful relationships, post [[high school\|MHS]] graduation, were a lot better, but one turned on me, and the other caught the Trolls' attention and dumped me after being bothered (plus, she didn't fancy my fantasy of moving the relationship forward from friendship).		As for my history of online dating, it has often resolved badly, for me; I ended up unknowingly dating fakes often. Damn Internet [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies. One was [[Panda Halo\|"a girl in Australia"]], another was [[Julie\|"living in a house in Cleveland, Ohio"]] (actually drove there myself; run down, high-crime looking city; the house at the provided address did not fare any better; occupied by an elderly black woman). And there were at least five more fakers in the list as well. My Two more successful relationships, post [[high school\|MHS]] graduation, were a lot better, but one turned on me, and the other caught the Trolls' attention and dumped me after being bothered (plus, she didn't fancy my fantasy of moving the relationship forward from friendship).

	<nowiki></nowiki>Groan and Sigh		<nowiki></nowiki>Groan and Sigh

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:30, 7 April 2025
Line 379:		Line 379:
	Since after [[Count Graduon\|Graduation]], I had been emotionally falling downhill for YEARS, and the trollings and cyber-bullyings against me since November, 2007 just took the whole freaking cake, and now, when I was feeling better after last August, October 29, Sarah Bevel just totally redestroyed me, after [[Daniel Mimms]], the most bastard devil I have ever had the displeasure of knowing in person, the individual who planted the first Photographic seed AGAINST me Anywhere online, that a week later, just started the domino effect that would have me overreacting to everything THEY have stated against me... Sarah redestroyed me with what she said in her email, which I will forward to you shortly; if I had already forwarded it to you, you don't have to read it again. Just the whole ripped my [[heart level\|heart]] out, tossed it against a wall, bolted a steel plate on the flat side of my heart, leaving bleeding emotions... It still constantly hurts, and I find it even more difficult to smile or enjoy much towards even a remote emotional recovery. I also really miss my [[Bob\|father]]; he died September 6, 2011; two midnights and fifteen minutes after his 84th birthday.		Since after [[Count Graduon\|Graduation]], I had been emotionally falling downhill for YEARS, and the trollings and cyber-bullyings against me since November, 2007 just took the whole freaking cake, and now, when I was feeling better after last August, October 29, Sarah Bevel just totally redestroyed me, after [[Daniel Mimms]], the most bastard devil I have ever had the displeasure of knowing in person, the individual who planted the first Photographic seed AGAINST me Anywhere online, that a week later, just started the domino effect that would have me overreacting to everything THEY have stated against me... Sarah redestroyed me with what she said in her email, which I will forward to you shortly; if I had already forwarded it to you, you don't have to read it again. Just the whole ripped my [[heart level\|heart]] out, tossed it against a wall, bolted a steel plate on the flat side of my heart, leaving bleeding emotions... It still constantly hurts, and I find it even more difficult to smile or enjoy much towards even a remote emotional recovery. I also really miss my [[Bob\|father]]; he died September 6, 2011; two midnights and fifteen minutes after his 84th birthday.

	After Graduation, I lost most to all of my ability to socialize, and it gradually worsened as the years passed. And all throughout, I lacked total self-esteem, self-confidence and whatnot. The only times I even found remote emotional recovery was when I was in love and relationships with [[Megan Schroeder]], until the night I saw her making out with another dude, which was the same night afterwards when Mimms took that infamous photograph of me, and <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[The Wallflower\|~~CENSORED~~]]<nowiki>]</nowiki><ref group = note>Censored due to [[CWCki:The Wallflower]]</ref> up until when she broke up with me. And I was neutral between the in and out theoretical relationships on the internet. So my heart was volleying back and forth with LOTS of heartbreaks and heartaches for a few years, with all of the most offensive videos that I was tricked, conned, blackmailed, etc. into doing since November, 2007 until a few years ago.		After Graduation, I lost most to all of my ability to socialize, and it gradually worsened as the years passed. And all throughout, I lacked total self-esteem, self-confidence and whatnot. The only times I even found remote emotional recovery was when I was in love and relationships with [[Megan Schroeder]], until the night I saw her making out with another dude, which was the same night afterwards when Mimms took that infamous photograph of me, and <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[The Wallflower\|REDACTED]]<nowiki>]</nowiki><ref group = note>Censored due to [[CWCki:The Wallflower]]</ref> up until when she broke up with me. And I was neutral between the in and out theoretical relationships on the internet. So my heart was volleying back and forth with LOTS of heartbreaks and heartaches for a few years, with all of the most offensive videos that I was tricked, conned, blackmailed, etc. into doing since November, 2007 until a few years ago.

	And when you take into account being constantly ignored and considered background art by EVERYONE in Public, and most of our classmates now, I feel like a ghost with pain, heartache, misery, loneliness, and mild appreciation for my family, being the only emotions I have left. It hurts me a lot of the time. sigh And even worse with me and my mother being poor and just getting by; it all weighs heavily on my conscious daily.		And when you take into account being constantly ignored and considered background art by EVERYONE in Public, and most of our classmates now, I feel like a ghost with pain, heartache, misery, loneliness, and mild appreciation for my family, being the only emotions I have left. It hurts me a lot of the time. sigh And even worse with me and my mother being poor and just getting by; it all weighs heavily on my conscious daily.