Chris and hypocrisy
Hypocrisy is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.
Chris is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards that he himself does not live up to. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and self-examination due to his autism (but on a more self-inflicted level, his ego). Chris believes that he is a blameless, holy creature that is practically perfect in every way. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him stress. He blames all of his problems on external factors like trolls, homos, conspiracies or the entire male population. In the past he's faulted the police, store managers, Mary Lee Walsh, and mall security guards for complications during his Love Quest. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.
He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a role model that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change the world into one where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to feel uncomfortable, suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.
Chris's Mailbag answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.
- 1 Examples
- 1.1 Maturity
- 1.2 Work
- 1.3 Other people with mental disabilities
- 1.4 Tolerance
- 1.5 Homosexuality
- 1.6 Chris's creations
- 1.7 Privacy
- 1.8 "He sets me on fire!" - Slander
- 1.9 "Well-Informed to Expert in sex" - Women
- 1.10 "I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment
- 1.11 "I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross" - Mature content
- 1.12 Leaving the Internet forever
- 1.13 Romantic rivalry
- 1.14 "I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways..." - Flamboyancy
- 1.15 "If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law
- 1.16 "We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism
- 1.17 "Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity
- 1.18 "Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms
- 1.19 "Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes
- 1.20 "Parodies in jest" - Maturity
- 1.21 "He is very spiteful" - Spite
- 1.22 "Womanizing and raping actions" - Sexual Misconduct
- 1.23 Don't end up "as a full-on Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical Male" - Kindness
- 1.24 Finances
- 2 Chris on hypocrisy
- 3 Sources
- 4 See also
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his trolls and detractors to "grow up". This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, has only been employed for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with childish euphemisms, dresses like a toddler, and is dependent on his parents (and the U.S. government) to the point of absurdity.
Chris has not moved on past high school. In his 30s, he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon sometimes don cheerleading outfits outside of sexual roleplay and, like him, are rarely gainfully employed. Aged 27, Chris dispensed dating advice to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "Count Graduon" in reference to his much hated high school graduation.
There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "naïve", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.
In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a social circle, regular sleep patterns, and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.
Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work. Chris sometimes claims he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the hobby store where he played card games.
Much like how acclaimed author J. K. Rowling went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first Harry Potter book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising Sonichu. And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his Parkay skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing video games, watching TV and downloading extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable.
In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his murderous rage in check, maintaining basic hygiene, dressing appropriately, showing tolerance and respect for other people, and keeping his hands off women.
Other people with mental disabilities
While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets money and/or sympathy from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) autistic. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "slow-in-the-minds" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the seriously physically deformed," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."
Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues who need to be in the special classes Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of Christian's Favorite Hits! and nowhere else.
In the Mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a frothing rant on CWCipedia where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers everything he's done so far special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a third-rate community college, which most people could do with little effort.
Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play LittleBigPlanet all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.
—Chris, shortly after condemning homosexuality
It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to shit their pants on a routine basis, and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a cup and chugging it down. He once uploaded a YouTube video where he made out with a sex doll with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk fit him for a bra that he wears happily. He uses his children's comic to express and explore his sexual fantasies and desires, and to mete out harsh, sometimes lethal punishment on his perceived antagonists. And he's made statements to indicate he's not ashamed of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.
So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.
However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.
An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. When a fan mail submission pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her mind.
In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of homosexuality and can't even bring himself to say the word "gay", though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he hates gay people, is afraid of them, and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay, and has incorporated this idea into issue ten of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his elementary school principal) had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until Jack Thaddeus began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the CWCipedia, which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that Clyde Cash was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an omniscient being to spy on people and punish them for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...
Chris is resolute in his beliefs that homos are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a china. During an IRC Chat he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are JERKS" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a Mumble chat, he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on Family Guy is still valid.
In his essay about his utterly retarded idea for dating education, he claims that homosexual relations are "unnatural", despite over 300 species of animals, including bonobos, practicing it. Apparently there's only one species that practices homophobia. Go figure.
In the world of Sonichu, the villainous Reldnahc is gay, but the nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her trap shut about it. A fan letter confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to fap to all the lesbian porn he watches and not feel conflicted.
He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his favorite video games. A member of his favorite comedy troupe was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.
His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own semen, and has said he would even go as far as licking his semen off his beloved. He's admitted to being plagued by homoerotic thoughts. He loves rainbows and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game Katamari Damacy enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge schlong clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming "out of his autistic closet." He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music that is also iconic with gay men, such as the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the Sex and the City movie. Chris also practices crossdressing and shoves things up his ass. That should say enough about this matter.
In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.
If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As discussed elsewhere, however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.
Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a great number of sources. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows. At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it. In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the exact same process he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a parody, but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.
Since LittleBigPlanet allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in LittleBigPlanet and used them in his own levels — only to tell people not to do the same with his levels when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.
—Chris, encouraging people to troll his former friend. 
In the Mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by Magi-chan, who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then fined US$500.
Several days later, Chris used the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ.com for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from Family Guy, and Robbie Sonee describing unusual interactions with a lizard. This could possibly stem from Chris being unfavorably featured on local news with a video of his.
Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to distribute a video of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would blur the participating woman's face, and upon further questioning changed his proposal to involve a woman actually willing to participate.
Although Chris originally lost his shit when Lucas and Mimms released a candid photograph of him at The GAMe PLACe to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and surreptitiously recording an audio conversation without the other party's consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later tried to take a photograph of that same person, but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would return to this very store and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even afterward, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his Facebook a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."
"He sets me on fire!" - Slander
It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.
The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the Piedmont Virginia Community College. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his Love Quest on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had frustrated him. The list includes a police officer called in to evict him from a Target store, various store security guards and managers, romantic rivals, old teachers and even fellow students only because they were popular with the girls.
This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many Death threats he issued to individuals on the net. Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to commit suicide. In Sonichu #10, they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. Jason Kendrick Howell, the creator of the Encyclopedia Dramatica page regarding Chris's antics, not only received cryptic messages from Chris, but saw his own character left for dead in a pool of his own blood after being battered by Rosechu's genitalia. After a long feud with Liquid Chris, he issued death threats and tried to steal his girlfriend. When this failed, he made a comic of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad since he barely shot him in the legs.
Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When he attacked Alec Benson Leary for the creation of Asperchu, Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the business end of a flamethrower. Chris retaliated with a long video where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the spirit of his dead dog would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.
While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the Calling Out series, Chris blatantly accuses Michael Snyder of molesting his daughter. This is in direct contrast with Chris's comic where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" wife into having sex with him. If we add a song he wrote and performed describing him in the act of sexually assaulting a black woman, it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.
"Well-Informed to Expert in sex" - Women
Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "sweetheart" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the attraction sign. Some of the biggest offenders are:
"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on welfare checks, yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can squander her money on video games and sex toys.
"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an obese, lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.
"Must not have autism." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.
"I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment
Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is opposed to the death penalty. However, in 02092010.MOV, after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao executed. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from stealing intellectual property deserve capital punishment.
Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of Sonichu #10, hypocritically, as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.
Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was 05142010, in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was DivineTrial, in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for Clyde Cash, using a Shadow the Hedgehog doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his wife and child would be given to another man, as appointed by the government.
"I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross" - Mature content
Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with death. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him. Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. Jason Kendrick Howell was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and Liquid Chris was shot in the legs, as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of PandaHalo and Ivy, while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of Sonichu #10. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the Asperpedia staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and genital mutilation via a giant drill. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.
Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program, which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, Sonichu is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because he puts stickers over genitalia. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC. Chris has stated that showing kids pornography is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. Sonichu #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.
Leaving the Internet forever
On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was leaving the Internet for good with a pompous and bombastic speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a stupid fad which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his personal information on the Internet was a bad idea (one of many), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his community.
On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on Family Guy spin-off The Cleveland Show and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a death in the family, returning to school, finding gainful employment, or even giving an actual apology to a former friend he offended with his behavior. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.
As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN.
Although he did stop posting videos for a while after Bob's death, he remained active online, most visibly posting to Facebook. That all changed, however, when Chris uploaded a surprise video in October 2014.
—Chris, trying to entice a woman to cheat on her boyfriend.
One thing consistent in his efforts to get laid is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other men simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a sweetheart, he's insecure and jealous that someone will try to take her away.
"I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways..." - Flamboyancy
When Chris's activities on the Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals, saying that it's like homos are shoving their flamboyancy in your face. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has recently been using the women's washroom, and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.
What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to expose Jack Thaddeus, he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after china.
"If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law
Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that he himself has also committed.
After watching YouTube videos posted by Liquid Chris, Chris threw a childish fit in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick Kacey into coming over to visit him.
When he found out that Jason Kendrick Howell was dating a girl named Kathleen, Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old Meg Griffin in Sonichu 10, which he makes no effort to reject.
Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that harassment is what Chris does best. Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's public reactions are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for trespassing notices and the definition of what the word "banned" means, he was to appear in front of a judge.
In the third of the Calling Out videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.
"We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism
In the Re-Calling Ahuvia video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild Ahuviya Harel, the man/woman he believed was Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of some people who did some not very nice things in its name and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the Donald Duck impersonation and singing "Der Fuehrer's Face", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust.
Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, CWCville. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the CWCville Shopping Center (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's naive, mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the trolls escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of Sonichu 10, Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the Asperpedia 4, who were given no defense, had little evidence of their crimes presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.
While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris actually believes that it is real, and, given some of his reactions to the trolls, one would do well not to think what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life.
"Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity
Chris seems to be completely unaware of his own weight, possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His portrayal of himself in the comics is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.
And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the Calling Out series, where, he repeatedly called Alec and Surfshack Tito "fat". He even had the balls to say "[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!" during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people – during his November 4 edits to the CWCki he changed the description of Michael Snyder's image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty Fat, child-molesting
Jew gentile", adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.
"Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms
In 2014, Chris began protesting Sonic Boom due to the relatively minor change of making the famed hedgehog's arms blue instead of their usual fleshy color. Chris's hatred for this insignificant change is so passionate that he actually got himself arrested for assaulting a GameStop employee after said employee tried to stop him from vandalizing Sonic Boom merchandise. However, Chris is guilty of exactly the same thing, because in his first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog, he is depicted with blue arms. Furthermore, documents were leaked on 12 January 2015, revealing that Chris actually has both Sonic Boom games--naturally, he felt the need to post a long tirade on his Facebook and claim Catherine sent him a copy.
"Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes
On 18 December 2014, Chris posted a long tirade on why he hates trolls, as well as a section dedicated to his sheer anger after playing the infamous Nintendo eShop game Meme Run, and his comparing of famous memes in the game to trolls. However, Chris is guilty of using memes, because the next month, he posted an image macro featuring Sunil the Mongoose from the 2012 Littlest Pet Shop series, detailing his feel of worry.
"Parodies in jest" - Maturity
"He is very spiteful" - Spite
"Womanizing and raping actions" - Sexual Misconduct
In November 2016, Chris called President-elect Donald Trump a womanizer and a rapist, in reference to molestation allegations against him. Chris himself has molested several women, and, unlike Trump, most of these incidents are well documented. Chris doesn't seem to grasp the concept that woman aren't in to being touched by him. While he bragged to Catherine that he's learned to respect women's personal space after the Megan fiasco, he disproved himself soon after by planting his face into her breasts. However, Chris still thinks Trump's sexual misconduct is enough justify his death prayers against the President-elect.
Don't end up "as a full-on Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical Male" - Kindness
In January 2017, Chris typed out an open letter to Barron Trump, in which he urges Barron not to become a "Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical Male" like his father, President Trump. This came after two months of Chris constantly trying to organize prayers for the elder Trump's death. As for ego, Chris spent much of the essay whining about how trolls affected his own life.
In May 2019, Chris commented on an article about excessive spending of public funds by a former EPA chief, criticizing people for overspending. This was only a day after he went to court for debt, a consequence of reckless spending on toys and video games. Chris also bemoaned inflation, blaming it on people getting "greedy for the green".
Only three days prior, he sold a dirty old blanket on eBay for $200, which is only a minor episode in Chris's long history of e-begging to sustain the Chandlers' aforementioned habit of wasting funds on useless garbage.
Chris on hypocrisy
—Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite
In the Mailbag questions, Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.
Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take drastic measures to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.
His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.
Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to describe a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.
Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.
- Greene County Conspiracy
- Wiktionary: hypocrisy
- Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC
- Mailbag 7
- Father Call
- IRC (17 December 2008)
- Mumble 9.5
- Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8
- Common Questions, January 2010
- Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia
- Bluespike PSN Chat 3
- Down with Asperchu
- Common Questions, December 2009
- Mailbag 35
- Facebook posts
- Mailbag 51
- Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010
- Kacey Call 1
- July 2016 Facebook posts
- 2019 Sales Listings