Chris and religion

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When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Cor 13:11[1], on what Chris has failed to will never do.
my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"
Chris not understanding how Professional help works[2]
Program from Chris's baptism

The religion of Christian Weston Chandler is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naïve hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion; like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning homosexuality yet ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, hatred, intolerance, pornography, and masturbation. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that PandaHalo had been raped and impregnated by Clyde Cash: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.[3]

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that Sonichu and Rosechu share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received multiple visions from God.


And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
Romans 1:28-32, on Chris
Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping Jason Kendrick Howell.

At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified Methodist church.[4] The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is Grace Baptist Church, a small congregation in Charlottesville that launched in 2000.[5] In 2008 he was; under mysterious circumstances, forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.

"Wesley Mem" is located near the University of Virginia and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among trolls is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of homos are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, Angelica Rosechu, whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with.)

PandaHalo's persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs are that point of reference; you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information.

Concept of God (or: GodJesus)

Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that Blanca is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the trolls' side.
Chris's supposed relationship with God
God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is totally not a troll, also in this pic, BLASPHEMY!

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"[6][7]) as if they were some sort of Binity, unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the Trinity, which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Being.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the fact that Chris cheated in the PaRappa the Rapper contest is not nearly as important as the suspicion that Adam Stackhouse did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will... [insert anything Chris fails at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his infantile threats, and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the Shah of Iran, Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in visions. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a daughter, he decided he was required to actively make that happen while also assuring himself that failure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of racism for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that Blanca, PandaHalo and Ivy were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be trolls. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a laugh at his expense.

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made a video in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that."[8] One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read anytime soon. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his Love Quest, that God imparts on him such stress and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.


For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.
Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.
Chris, [9]

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "a lot of good deeds". Likewise, he feels that homos are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "better their chances of going to heaven". He has also stated numerous times that he feels various trolls are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they commit suicide so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris believes in the concept of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris himself realizes none of this.

Concept of sin

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...
Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44
Chris, Sonichu Girls Forum
E-mail from Chris to Vivian

Other than vehemently opposing homos, trolls and jerkops, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from Family Guy. His aversion to "spilling his seed" and his dedication to the unborn have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with Vanessa Hudgens in violation of his monogamous relationship with Ivy, Chris made a big production out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Guilty of all Seven Deadly Sins

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is a conception of the Catholics founded through doctrine Pope Gregory I established through a revised list of monk Evagrius Ponticus' list of the eight terrible temptations. Catholics, who will mostly tell you that any sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Seeing as this is Catholic doctrine, Protestants do not typically share this belief. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much.

  • Lust: His Love Quest. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought, it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a Fuck Quest. (See also Chris and Sex).
  • Gluttony: It is not quite known if Chris's girth is hereditary or the result of over consumption, but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
  • Avarice/Greed: Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting his brother's questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy video games he'll never play. (See also Chris and Money). He's even gone so far as to destroy his PS3 in an attempt to gain money.
  • Sloth: Obvious; see Gluttony. Content to be the proud recipient of a "monthly tugboat" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year. He believes doing routine household chores is "stressful" and an equivalent to holding a real job.
  • Anger/Wrath: Mary Lee Walsh. Jerkops. I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD. "I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!". Yeah...
  • Envy: His attitude towards other men as having taken "ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!" is a lot more envy than anyone, let alone Christians, should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at Adam Stackhouse, the winner of the PaRappa the Rapper Contest. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
  • Pride: Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life, while being told that he is perfect in every way, because having autism makes him special. Chris has been told his entire life that the fact that he has autism means that he should have everything handed to him on a silver platter. (See also Chris and his Ego)

Failure Of All Seven Heavenly Virtues

In Christianity, where there is sin, there is redemption. In Christianity there are four Cardinal virtues, which were initially derived from Plato's Scheme from Protagoras and were adapted by Saint Ambrose, Augustine of Hippo, and Thomas Aquinas. In the early Church there were also three theological virtues. In Catholicism these virtues were combined to make The Seven Heavenly Virtues. These are acts of redemption and righteousness that combat the seven deadly sins. Chris fails at all of them.

  • Chastity -The virtue against Lust-: Chris, however, lives accordingly with this virtue, to an extent. As a Virgin with rage Chris may always live in chastity in the sexual way. But chastity is more than just sex, its cleanliness through cultivated good health and hygiene, and maintained by refraining from intoxicants. Chastity is embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought-through education and betterment. Part of chastity is to be honest with oneself, one's family, one's friends, and to all of humanity. Chastity is the ability to refrain from being distracted and influenced by hostility, temptation or corruption. Chris however lives in filth all day, everyday, eats unhealthy food, and started drinking not too long ago. Chris lies All The Fucking Time. Chris hasn't tried to better himself since he graduated from college, despite the efforts of trolls, white knights, and authority figures. Chris loses his anger frequently, masturbates constantly, and spends taxpayer money like it's going out of style.
  • Temperance -The virtue against Gluttony-: Temperance to put it simply is restraint, moderation, and taking action at the appropriate time. Chris has no restraint when it comes to his social security. He buys whatever he can afford the instance he sees and wants it whether he needs it or not, almost always the latter. Chris has spent money he doesn't have via his credit cards or his parent’s credit cards.
  • Charity -The virtue against greed-: Charity is generosity, charity, and, self-sacrifice. The closest Chris has come to generosity is paying for ebay and other shit for Megan, and not out of being generous, but to either buy her forgiveness, or in attempts to have sex with her. Whether he gives to charity is unknown, but usually you have to have sympathy for others or want to help others, Chris always wants to receive sympathy and help. Chris hardly sacrifices anything. Chris only sacrifices if he has something to gain, not for the sake of others or to be pious. He sacrificed a few games out of his hundreds for money, and destroyed his PS3 in hopes of being paid over $9,000. Even when sacrificing a little would better him he is extremely stubborn.
  • Diligence -The virtue against Sloth-: Diligence is strong work ethic, determination, holding true to your beliefs, and courage. Chris has no work ethic, At All. He only works when he's "inspired", and then at most its only for an hour. Chris is determined in the sense he hasn't given up on Sonichu after all the harassing, but determination also means finishing what you started. Saying '"I'M WORKING ON IT!" and doing nothing, or quitting for months at a time isn't determination. Chris started Sonichu issue #11 in August 2009, skipped finishing it, and started Sonichu issue #12 in February 2010. Chris does hold true in his beliefs, but will flip flop between hating homos every once in a while. When it comes to courage, well, Chris is a pussy. He always hides behind his parents when it comes to the law, bans, and uncomfortable phone conversations. The one time Chris almost got into a physical fight as an adult was with a large black man named TJ, in which he quickly re-worded what he said, sank back down in his seat, and stopped making eye contact. Yet, Chris threatens people constantly. When Chris was threatened over the Internet, he hid under stuffed animals on his couch for a day. [10]
  • Patience -The virtue against Wrath-: Patience is forbearance and endurance through moderation, resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence, and giving the grace of forgiveness and mercy. Chris is none of this. He doesn't wait for sales, he buys what he wants, when he wants, whether he has money or not. Chris will try to resolve conflicts peacefully, at first, but quickly starts threatening if his demands aren't met. When it comes to forgiveness, the closest he ever came was three forgiveness blessings, some of which he took back. He's said he forgives Mary Lee Walsh, but still holds a grudge in his Autism Tutorial. He forgives Michael Snyder, then says he hopes he dies a fire with the The GAMe PLACe. Chris extremely unmerciful. He took; Clyde Cash, Jack Thaddeus, Evan, Mao, and Alec Benson Leary, tortured and killed them in Sonichu issue #10.
  • Kindness -The virtue against Envy-: Kindness is charity, compassion and friendship for its own sake. Empathy and trust without prejudice or resentment. Unselfish love and voluntary kindness without bias or spite. Once again Chris doesn't meet nearly any of this. Chris has compassion for no one. When his Aunt Corrina died, Chris seemed more upset that he missed out on stuffing his fat fucking face at a pancake breakfast for her funeral. Chris has no male friends at all, for he thinks all men are jerks. All his gal-pals are potential women Chris wants to have sex with; this is not friendship for its own sake. Chris doesn't trust men because of prejudice and resentment. Chris is nothing but selfish, and is only kind to get china or something he wants.
  • Humility -The virtue against Pride-: Humility is modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. It is a spirit of self-examination; a hermeneutic of suspicion toward yourself and charity toward people you disagree with. The courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult, tedious or unglamorous, and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved. Reverence for those who have wisdom and those who selflessly teach in love. Giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one's own self. Being faithful to promises, no matter how big or small they may be. Refraining from despair and the ability to confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation.

This may be a long definition, but this is needed for emphasis. Chris fails harder at humility than any other virtue. He is not humble in any way, shape, or form. Chris is not modest at all, be it his body, his achievements, or his personal information. He is pretentious, narcissistic, and his ego is out of control. Chris is selfish; he spends taxpayer money and his parents money on himself, and when someone wants something from him he finds some idiotic way out of it. He wants everything for nothing. Chris only respects himself, his father (sometimes), and world leaders. He has no respect for authority because it inconveniences him, and men because he has to compete against them for china, and they may cause him to fall off the straight path. Chris only thinks of himself, and highly at that. Chris is dishonest when he self-examines himself. He refuses to believe he's anything more than chubby, when by basic BMI standards he's obese. Chris won't do anything that he finds difficult, even if it is easy for functioning members of society. He thinks his art is extraordinary and can't be improved. He believes he's not naïve, though he's extremely inexperienced. Chris shuts his mind and insults anyone who disagrees with him. Chris disregards the advice of experienced professionals alot. Chris criticizes people better than him, and art that is substantially better than his, claiming he and his work is better. Chris breaks promises and commitments constantly, by either half-assing it, feigning ignorance, lying about fulfilling his obligation, or lying about the agreeing to do so to begin with. And finally Chris falls into stress and despair when he doesn't win, and avoids confrontation at all costs.

Breaking all Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments are the foundation of all the Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam). Chris isn't a strict follower of these either.

  1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me": While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus in real life, his in-comic persona seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a Medallion of Fail around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
  2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above": The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the Amnyfest Ring are the source of supernatural powers, in direct violation of this commandment.
  3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord": Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at trolls, or to find a potential sweetheart, regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says "goddamn" a lot too.
  4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy": As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
  5. "Honor thy father and thy mother": Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do things that upset his father.
  6. "Thou shalt not kill": Hoo boy. Chris seems to want to directly defy this commandment. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies... and then repenting to GodJesus in the same breath. Alternatively, considering the revelation that he believes cartoon characters really exist, his actions in Sonichu 10 where he collapses a building full of people, killing at least a hundred people for relatively minor slights gives him the biggest body count of the series.
  7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery": In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment for the rest of his life. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with Vanessa Hudgens and had phone sex with Julie. In his comic, his affair with Lovely Weather arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from Family Guy certainly does. Also, he clearly has no problem with premarital sex in general.
  8. "Thou shalt not steal": If plagiarism counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing your taxpayer dollars. However, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means Thou shalt not kidnap, which Chris hasn't done... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
  9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor": Chris has been known to bend the truth in order to make himself look good and to defame other people, if his comics are any indicator. This was especially prevalent within the Alec Benson Leary saga.
  10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods": Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they video games, art awards, or girlfriends. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your neighbor's wife, which would be a bit redundant considering #7.

Breaking the Levitical Laws

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, sometimes.

In CWC with Bible - Leviticus, Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that homosexuality is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

  • Leviticus 11 This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at McDonald's every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
  • Leviticus 19:11 "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." Chris lies a lot.
  • Leviticus 19:12 "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
  • Leviticus 19:19 "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his clothes aren't a pure weave. And what is Sonichu, if not "mating different kinds of animals": a hedgehog and a Pikachu?
  • Leviticus 19:26 "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... Curse-ye-ha-me-ha! FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!
  • Leviticus 19:27 "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." That Goatee WILL Grow Back
  • Leviticus 19:28 "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to attract the ladies.
  • Leviticus 20:6 "I will set my face against the person who turns to Mediums and spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, and I will cut him off from his people." Chris has claimed to hear the voices of Aunt Corrina, his other ancestors, and GodJesus at the former's funeral, all giving approval to his quest for china.[11]

However, when Christianity first became a religion, Saint Paul came up with the new covenant, so all the bits about circumcision, sacrificing goats, eating a kosher diet, and other Levitical laws no longer apply. Anyone who claims to be a Christian and still follows the Levitical laws isn't really a Christian so much as an ultra-orthodox Jew, or a Seventh-day Adventist. Also, many of Jesus' teachings abolish many of the Leviticus and Deuteronomy laws, such as food by in which Jesus said "It is not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man." There are a few ultra-fundie Christians who follow some of the old Leviticus laws due to a passage on Matthew, but all of this is irrelevant in the first place since Chris neither reads the Bible or seriously cares about Christianity.

Chris the Shaman

The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.
Chris, Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke
1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate.
2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities.
3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again.
4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust.
5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.
Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", Mailbag 23
The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the Clown Doll, for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through sympathetic magic, like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in Soul Calibur III as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of CWCville is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a video, Chris claimed that the soul of his dead dog (now living in CWCville) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his dreams.

While Chris has used the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on Liquid Chris in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the Forgiveness Blessings skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of ZA POWER. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. Galatians 5:19-20 lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, Exodus 22:18 commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his phone calls with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers beyond his comprehension – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups just to get sex, without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an egotistical, sexist, racist, failure.

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

Delusions of Godhood?

Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.
Sonichu, Sonichu 10
I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?
Aspie Sonichu, Sonichu 10
Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.

Starting on page 42 of Issue 10, Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. Ultra Sonichu frees Zelina Rosechu from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to Darkbind Sonichu with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of Asperchu, where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their Asperger's syndrome (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, Sonichu was born to a virgin.

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue 7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, Sonichu says this.

In the meantime, he will receive the accumilitive memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.
Sonichu, Sonichu 7

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in later pages Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against [Chris]", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, like he's God or something. In addition, only five pages later Angelica condemns those who prefer Alec's artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".[12]

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the Mailbag, where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a God's bear. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

In his e-mails to Reggie Fils-Aimé he describes himself as a "Lamb of God." Jesus Christ is commonly referred to as this by many Christians. Chris might have developed a God complex already in the year 2000, as the halo floating over his head on the cover of Christian's Favorite Hits! seems to indicate.

Chris and other faiths

Chris's comments on religions other than his own are scattered and inconsistent. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, he probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an IRC chat, he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith.

Other Christian sects

Chris has described "Mormans" [sic] as not being datable.[13] He has never explained why, but he may have learned through Anna that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons.

Angelica is a Roman Catholic, raised by nuns. However, she is still a huge slut without any opposition to premarital sex.


"A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story" reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching South Park. He appears to not understand that Jews and Buddhists don't celebrate Christmas. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, Jews and Buddhists go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean, Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from South Park). Some Favored Comedians is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like Jerry Seinfeld.


In a CWCipedia article, he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".[14] Other than not being Christian, he probably hates Muslims because he's enough of a dumbass to likely believe all Muslims are terrorists because of 9/11, which he mocked.


Vivian Gee's belief in Taoism, a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus."[15] It's even harder for atheists to try and take GodJesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by Thorg in Common Questions 9 Jan 2010, his response was:

Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", IT IS FACT. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".

While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. In the OkCupid answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist.

In Calling Out videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as Thorg's defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a strawman fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.

But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have God or Jesus at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists... are the Devil's spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the hace and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker, but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!

When Chris exposed Thorg, his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' athiest". The video was removed because it was declared, and rightfully so, hate speech.

Chris's half-brother Cole Smithey is also an atheist.[16]


See also

External links

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