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Chris and religion
—1 Cor 13:11, on what Chris
—Chris not understanding how professional help works
The religion of Christian Weston Chandler is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.
That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naïve hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion; like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning homosexuality yet ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, hatred, intolerance, pornography, and masturbation. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that PandaHalo had been raped and impregnated by Clyde Cash: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.
Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received multiple visions from God.
—Romans 1:28-32, on Chris
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified Methodist church. The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is Grace Baptist Church, a small congregation in Charlottesville that launched in 2000. In 2008 he was; under mysterious circumstances, forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.
"Wesley Mem" is located near the University of Virginia and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among trolls is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of homos are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.
Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, Angelica Rosechu, whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. Also, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with.
PandaHalo's persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs are that point of reference; you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information.
Concept of God (or: GodJesus)
Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus") as if they were some sort of Binity, unlike the mainstream Christian concept of the Trinity, which states that God Himself exists as three "persons" or expressions in one Being.
Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the fact that Chris cheated in the PaRappa the Rapper contest is not nearly as important as the suspicion that Adam Stackhouse did.
Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will... [insert anything Chris fails at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his infantile threats, and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.
Much like the Shah of Iran, Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in visions. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a daughter, he decided he was required to actively make that happen while also assuring himself that failure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of racism for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.
Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that Blanca, PandaHalo and Ivy were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be trolls. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a laugh at his expense.
Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made a video in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.
Traditional theology has long dealt with the so-called "problem of pain" in books Chris is unlikely to read anytime soon. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his Love Quest, that God imparts on him such stress and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
—Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.
While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.
Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "a lot of good deeds". Likewise, he feels that homos are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "better their chances of going to heaven". He has also stated numerous times that he feels various trolls are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they commit suicide so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.
Additionally, Chris believes in the concept of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris himself realizes none of this.
Concept of sin
—Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44
—Chris, Sonichu Girls Forum
—E-mail from Chris to Vivian
Other than vehemently opposing homos, trolls and jerkops, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.
Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His homophobia had nothing to do with the prohibitions on homosexuality in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from Family Guy. His aversion to "spilling his seed" and his dedication to the unborn have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.
When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with Vanessa Hudgens in violation of his monogamous relationship with Ivy, Chris made a big production out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.
Breaking all Ten Commandments
The Ten Commandments are the foundation of all the Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam). Chris isn't a strict follower of these either.
- "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me": While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus in real life, his in-comic persona seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a Medallion of Fail around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
- "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above": The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the Amnyfest Ring are the source of supernatural powers, in direct violation of this commandment.
- "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord": Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at trolls, or to find a potential sweetheart, regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says "goddamn" a lot too.
- "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy": As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
- "Honor thy father and thy mother": Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do things that upset his father.
- "Thou shalt not kill": Hoo boy. Chris seems to want to directly defy this commandment. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies... and then repenting to GodJesus in the same breath. Alternatively, considering the revelation that he believes cartoon characters really exist, his actions in Sonichu #10 where he collapses a building full of people, killing at least a hundred people for relatively minor slights gives him the biggest body count of the series.
- "Thou shalt not commit adultery": In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment for the rest of his life. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with Vanessa Hudgens and had phone sex with Julie. In his comic, his affair with Lovely Weather arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from Family Guy certainly does. Also, he clearly has no problem with premarital sex in general.
- "Thou shalt not steal": If plagiarism counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing your taxpayer dollars. However, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means Thou shalt not kidnap, which Chris hasn't done... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
- "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor": Chris has been known to bend the truth in order to make himself look good and to defame other people, if his comics are any indicator. This was especially prevalent within the Alec Benson Leary saga.
- "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods": Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they video games, art awards, or girlfriends. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your neighbor's wife, which would be a bit redundant considering #7.
Chris the Shaman
—Chris, Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke
—Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", Mailbag 23
Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the Clown Doll, for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through sympathetic magic, like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in Soul Calibur III as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.
The world of CWCville is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a video, Chris claimed that the soul of his dead dog (now living in CWCville) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his dreams.
While Chris has used the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on Liquid Chris in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the Forgiveness Blessings skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of ZA POWER. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.
Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. Galatians 5:19-20 lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, Exodus 22:18 commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death (and though there is some debate as to whether or not the original terms used refers only to harmful spellcasters, Chris has repeatedly attempted to curse people with things like death and haunting for very petty reasons). Alec Benson Leary, in one of his phone calls with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.
Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers beyond his comprehension – not to even mention the fact that neo-Pagans often take a dim view on people who get into religious groups just to get sex, without comprehending the philosophy. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an egotistical, sexist, racist, failure.
For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.
Delusions of Godhood?
—Sonichu, Sonichu #10
—Aspie Sonichu, Sonichu #10
Starting on page 42 of issue #10, Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. Ultra Sonichu frees Zelina Rosechu from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to Darkbind Sonichu with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).
Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of Asperchu, where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their Asperger's syndrome (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.
Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, Sonichu says this.
Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in later pages Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against [Chris]", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, like he's God or something. In addition, only five pages later Angelica condemns those who prefer Alec's artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".
Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the Mailbag, where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a God's bear. Chris moves in mysterious ways.
In his e-mails to Reggie Fils-Aimé he seems to call himself Jesus: "You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save." However, this could also be a malapropism for "Word of God."
Chris and other faiths
Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an IRC chat, he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.
Other Christian churches
"A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story" reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching South Park. He appears to not understand that Jews and Buddhists don't celebrate Christmas. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, Jews and Buddhists go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean, Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from South Park). Some Favored Comedians is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like Jerry Seinfeld.
In a CWCipedia article, he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".
On 28 December 2009, Chris wrote a blog entry telling Jack Thaddeus to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology". Following this comment Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapprove of it.
He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." It's even harder for atheists to try and take GodJesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" by Thorg in Common Questions 9 Jan 2010, his response was:
While it might hurt your brain trying to translate that second line from autism to English, Chris is trying to say that Hell exists but we haven't experienced it yet because we're still alive. In the OkCupid answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, The Wallflower told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion, which would most likely classify her as either an atheist or an agnostic. As the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and continued to pursue her.
In Calling Out videos, Chris gives "pizza-faced atheist" as Thorg's defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Then in a later video, he attacks atheism with arguments so silly that even a strawman fundamentalist wouldn't use them, and that's saying something.
When Chris exposed Thorg, his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' athiest". The video was removed because it was declared hate speech.
- Vivitheg's AIM chat
- IRC (21 January 2009)
- IRC (28 December 2008)
- Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions
- CWC Update 9 April 2009
- Mailbag 33#Chris demanded suicide under "reasonable hatred"
- Mailbag 30#Questions
- Issue 10, page 66
- Common Questions
- Reggie Fils-Aimé
- MySpace messages
- In fact, in one chat Chris has referred to what was most likely a synagogue as a "Jewich Church".
- Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)
- CWC Blog
- Mailbag 52
- Vivitheg's AIM chat
- Vivitheg's AIM chat
- Wallflower E-mails
- Cole Smithey E-mails
- Angelica Rosechu
- Grace Baptist Church
- Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church
|List of males Chris doesn't hate, according to Chris|
VI. The President of the United States:
VIII. ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present:
|List of males Chris doesn't hate, corrected for accuracy|
|List of males Chris does hate|