Hanna

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The original troll and our hero.
The Starbucks in Fashion Square Mall, as it appeared in April 2015.

Hanna (later retconned as Fandanna) is an IRL troll notable for smashing Chris's heart down to 15%. To add insult to injury, this was right after the Heart Level jumped from 20% to 100%. Little is known about Hanna except that she works (or worked) at the Starbucks Coffee in Fashion Square Mall and likes Chuck Paladuck [sic], director [sic] of Fight Club.[1] Hanna, realising that this joke was going on for too long, eventually told him that the date was a joke and that she wasn't interested in being with a fat, balding, autistic manchild. As a result, Chris let out a loud, anguished "NOOOOOOO" in his last conversation with her, which got him banned from the mall.[2]

Chris's run-in with Hanna was memorably recounted in Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart". She has not been seen again, either in the comic or in real life.

Chris's Explanation of the Real Life Meeting

One day in March, 2005, I now go to Fashion Square, on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, with my Nintendo DS, GBAVideos, GBAJukebox, my Sonichu Scrapbook, and I've brought up some courage to start saying "Hello" to the girls I find very pretty, and possibly Boyfriend-Free.

Earlier this week, a girl, who shall remain nameless in this story, finally noticed and approached me. I was hoping for a moment like this. And she asked me to have a beverage with her and talk about things. I was very ESTATIC [sic], and my SHATTERED Heart had a speedy recovery back to 100%; We had a nice "Mini-Date," I maintained Eye-Contact, I was very attentive, and I took notes about her. I thought she was very pretty, I enjoyed her charming wit, and I found her to be a very nice and lovely girl. But, later on, as I was figuring out steps for future dates, I learned from a couple of Gal-Pals, that I have previously made at the Shopping Center, that my new girlfriend was not serious; she was setting me up for a prank. I could not believe it at first, so I found and asked her myself. Unfortunately it was true. I was shocked, and my heart was re-shattered down to being 15% intact.

Chris, from his MySpace page

Footnotes

  1. His name is Chuck Palahniuk, and he wrote the novel that inspired the movie, which was directed by David Fincher. But Chris will be Chris.
  2. Vivitheg's AIM chat

Sources

    People

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