Difference between revisions of "Jerkop"

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(This image seems to go against the purpose of this section.)
(Added some updated information, cited source on Jerkop uniforms, removed mentions of Manajerks, since they're not Jerkops.)
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[[Image:146-Jerkop.jpg|thumb|A REAL AMERICAN HERO]]
[[Image:146-Jerkop.jpg|thumb|A REAL AMERICAN HERO]]
A '''Jerkop''' is either a '''mall security guard''' or an "evil" '''police officer'''. The word itself is a portmanteau of "[[JERKS|JERK]]" and "cop." Female Jerkops are sometimes called '''Janekops'''.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#Jerkops.2C_Janekops.2C_ATTACK.21]</ref>
A '''Jerkop''' is either a '''mall security guard''' or an "evil" '''police officer'''. The word itself is a portmanteau of "[[JERKS|JERK]]" and "cop." Female Jerkops are sometimes called '''Janekops'''.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#Jerkops.2C_Janekops.2C_ATTACK.21]</ref>


In the [[comic]]s, Jerkops are agents of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. They are not seen much outside of the [[Sub-Episodes]].
In the [[comic|Sonichu comics]], Jerkops serve as the villainous private army of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], until Sonichu liberates them from Mary's control in [[Sonichu 10|Sonichu #10]]


==Appearance==
==Appearance==
[[Image:Jerkops2004.jpg|thumb|left|Standard Jerkops watch [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|some shitty recolour]] levitate in a [[2004]] short]]
[[Image:Jerkops2004.jpg|thumb|left|Standard Jerkops watch [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|some shitty recolour]] levitate in a [[2004]] short]]


Jerkops are depicted as even more simplified than the other background characters in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]]. Their legs are often held tightly together, as if they move via tiny wheels on the undersides of their feet. They have plain, curved, vase-like white bodies, and appear to be robotic, possibly being mass-produced.
Jerkops typically resemble human beings wearing red, white, or brown police-style uniforms. Chris goes into greater detail in his "Backyard Safari" feature in [[Sonichu #4]]:


According to the [[CWCipedia]], there are three types of Jerkops. The basic ones are the usual white-shirted ones, mostly seen in the comics. A higher-up level version are ones donning red uniforms. The final level are the brown-uniformed ones, who are either [[Jerkhief]]s or a Jerkop [[Excel Saga|Daitenzen]], such as [[Bagget]].{{cite}}
{{quote|Let's look at one on this illustration.  Now here, we see its head is a basic human shape, but it only thinks evil and naughty thoughts.  Note, its eyes are frowning; the[sic] stay that way 24/7.  With this face, they rarely attract any women. This "badge" is a phony; it's really a cracker, covered in glitter-glue.  It wards away all who approach it with its out-of-date breadstick.  They wear basic black pants to cover their agil[sic], yet ugly legs; viens[sic], hair, and sores oh, my!  Some, not all, wear a black gove[sic] to cover the spot where one finger fell of[sic] as it grew up.  They wear brown shoes, because of their sausage feet.}}
 
Rank and file Jerkops are depicted as even more simplified than the other background characters in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]]. Their legs are often held tightly together, as if they move via tiny wheels on the undersides of their feet. They have plain, curved, vase-like white bodies. Their female counterparts, Janekops, look about the same, except for their prominent breasts and neck-length hairstyles. 
 
Chris would later elaborate on the Jerkop uniforms on [[CWCipedia]].  White uniforms were for low-class Jerkops, such as new recruits.  Red uniforms were for an intermediate rank, possessing "Good Amount of Expierences and Combat Skills."  Finally, brown uniforms were for the highest class, including Jerkheifs and Jerkop Daitenzen such as Bagget.  <ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#The_Construction_of_the_PVCCitizens_Building]</ref>
{{clear}}
{{clear}}


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[[File:IwouldntfeelcomfortableMySpace.jpg|thumb|"Police-Women" on Chris's [[dating]] blacklist]]
[[File:IwouldntfeelcomfortableMySpace.jpg|thumb|"Police-Women" on Chris's [[dating]] blacklist]]


While a common misconception is that [[Chris]] is essentially delivering a verbose "Fuck tha Police", he clarifies in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu ''#5]] that [[Niggos|brown]] (mall security) is wrong, and the standard black and blue (police officer) are [[Fail|TRUE and HONEST]]. However, because [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]], a real police officer, arrested Chris (for completely legitimate reasons), he is suddenly not a TRUE and HONEST police officer. So, according to Chris, cops are only okay if they wear blue and black AND don't try to arrest him for breaking the [[law]].  
While a common misconception is that [[Chris]] is essentially delivering a verbose "Fuck tha Police" through the Jerkop characters, he clarifies in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu ''#5]] that [[Niggos|brown]] (mall security) is wrong, and the standard black and blue (police officer) are [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]]. A lot of what Chris wrote about the Jerkops is a feeble effort to undermine the authority of private security staff by comparing them unfavorably with the police. So in mocking the Jerkops' "wooden badges" and hyping "the true police people", Chris ironically puts the police on a pedestal.  


Of note, police in [[CWCville]] have never appeared in the fight against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] or the Jerkops, with the exception of ''Sonichu'' #5 (where Chris orders them away almost instantly).{{clear}}
That said, Chris holds a very narrow attitude of what a "true" police officer is.  When describing the origins of the Jerkops on CWCipedia, Chris again points out that they wore uniforms "OF COLORS OTHER THAN BLUE OR BLACK."  This seems to be a major sticking point for Chris regardless of his past run-ins with the law.  As far as he's concerned, the color of a cop's uniform is the sole benchmark of his authority, even though many police officers wear brown and white uniforms whether Chris approves or not. Whatever he was wearing at the time, [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] was definitely a real police officer when he arrested Chris in 2004. Nevertheless, Chris still lumped him into the same category as all the security guards who gave him a hard time.  So, according to Chris, cops are only okay as long as they wear blue and black AND they don't try to arrest him for breaking the [[law]].
 
Of note, while [[CWCville]] has a  police in department in ''Sonichu'', they rarely ever appear, except to support Chris and Sonichu while they defend the city instead.  In  [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]] Chris dismisses them from the battlefield as soon as he arrives, and in [[Sonichu 9|#9]] they're only mentioned as part of the city's defenses.  Finally, in [[Sonichu 10|#10]], Chris introduces Constables Lou Perez and Gerald Grant, when Magi-Chan sends them to check Inos into a soup hotel.{{clear}}


==Equipment==  
==Equipment==  
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Jerkops, in order to cockblock everyone, are equipped with faux badges, evidently made of crackers, [[Semen|glitter glue]], and treebark. What purpose these serve is unknown, as [[Chris|no one]] would be so [[Autistic|retarded]] to fall for such a shoddy disguise.  
Jerkops, in order to cockblock everyone, are equipped with faux badges, evidently made of crackers, [[Semen|glitter glue]], and treebark. What purpose these serve is unknown, as [[Chris|no one]] would be so [[Autistic|retarded]] to fall for such a shoddy disguise.  


In terms of weaponry, most Jerkops carry an out-of-date breadstick, aka "a nightstick," pulled from nowhere, and one was carrying handcuffs in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]. The [[Jerkhief]] carries a metal slingshot, aka "a handgun," and sometimes wears a metal suit. The most heavily armed Jerkop is the [[W-M-Manajerk]], utilizing a [[Anime|giant shell of robotic armor]] along with a golden axe.
In terms of weaponry, most Jerkops carry an out-of-date breadstick, aka "a nightstick," pulled from nowhere.  The Jerkops also used handcuffs on one occasion, althought this may not be standard issue. The [[Jerkhief]] carries a metal slingshot, aka "a handgun," and sometimes wears a metal suit. Bagget, Jerkop Daitenzen, weilds a sword, and his costume seems to protect him from the electric attacks of [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].
 
The Jerkops also employ several [[Transformers|transforming robots]] for transportation and battle. These include "Punislavs", which transform into brown police cruisers, "Scoundrals as Vessels", which transform into armored S.U.V.'s, and "Crackders", which transform into dark blue jet planes.  In particular, the Crackder model proved instrumental in Bagget's capture of Chris in [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]].
{{clear}}
{{clear}}


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[[Image:Cwckicktothenads.JPG|center|thumb|300px|This is how Chris deals with people who tell him to GTFO]]
[[Image:Cwckicktothenads.JPG|center|thumb|300px|This is how Chris deals with people who tell him to GTFO]]
As demonstrated above, the best way to reduce those who prevent you from violating the law to a quivering pile of jelly is [[CWC Fighter|a good kick]] in the balls, or as Chris calls it, the "Sourdough region." The lowest levels of Jerkop require only a single kick to this region, while higher-level Jerkops such as the [[Jerkhief]] may require as many as five kicks, because their fat absorbs the impact.
As demonstrated above, the best way to reduce those who prevent you from violating the law to a quivering pile of jelly is [[CWC Fighter|a good kick]] in the balls, or as Chris calls it, the "Sourdough region." The lowest levels of Jerkop require only a single kick to this region, while higher-level Jerkops such as the [[Jerkhief]] may require as many as five kicks, because their fat absorbs the impact.
 
==Creation of a Jerkop==
==Creation of a Jerkop==


According to the CWCipedia, Jerkops are normal men and women who ended up attending [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel Yram]]'s school, known as "Prowldent Virginia Community College," unknowingly. Upon entering the school for the first day, they are infected with "brainwashing powder" that subconsciously affects them. They can live normal lives, but once Slaweel has need for them, she'll activate the brainwashing to send them out to cockblock Chris.
According to the CWCipedia, Jerkops are normal men and women who ended up attending [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel Ryam]]'s school, known as "Prowldent Virginia Community College," unknowingly. Upon entering the school for the first day, they are infected with "brainwashing powder" that subconsciously affects them. They can live normal lives, but once Slaweel has need for them, she'll activate the brainwashing, and the Jerkops will don their uniforms and go cockblock Chris.


In [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"|earlier documentation]], Chris made clear that the Jerkop brainwashing only worked on "[[slow-in-the-minds]]", and others of [[Christian Weston Chandler|lesser intelligence]]. It wasn't until [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] where any mention was made of the idea of un-brainwashing the Jerkops, and even then Chris makes clear that his Electric Hedgehogs have managed to actually [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|''kill'']] several of the completely innocent retards in their fights.
As seen in Chris's [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"|earlier documentation]],The Jerkops also make use of a "Hypno-Gun" to add to their numbers, since they have such a [[virgin with rage|hard time reproducing]].  In describing the hypno-gun, Chris made it very clear that the Jerkop brainwashing only worked on "[[slow-in-the-minds]]", and others of [[Christian Weston Chandler|lesser intelligence]]. It wasn't until [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] where any mention was made of the idea of un-brainwashing the Jerkops, and even then Chris makes clear that his Electric Hedgehogs have managed to actually [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|''kill'']] several of the completely innocent retards in their fights.


Whatever the previous method of un-brainwashing the Jerkops that Sonichu and company manage not to outright murder, it becomes a moot point in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], when [[Ultra Sonichu]] uses his [[GodJesus|nigh-omnipotence]] to supposedly cure all Jerkops everywhere forever.
Whatever the previous method of un-brainwashing the Jerkops that Sonichu and company manage not to outright murder, it becomes a moot point in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], when [[Ultra Sonichu]] uses his [[GodJesus|nigh-omnipotence]] to supposedly cure all Jerkops everywhere forever.  


==Appearances in comic==
==Appearances in comic==
*[[Sonichu_0#Sub-Episode_1:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Jerkop-tastropie.22|Sonichu 0 Sub-Episode 1:Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-Tastrophe"]]
*[[Sonichu_0#Sub-Episode_1:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Jerkop-tastropie.22|Sonichu 0 Sub-Episode 1:Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-Tastrophe"]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_6:_.22Christian_Chandler.27s_Backyard_Safari.22|Sonichu 4 Sub Episode 6: Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_6:_.22Christian_Chandler.27s_Backyard_Safari.22|Sonichu 4 Sub Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_7:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target.22|Sonichu 4 Sub-Episode 7: Off-Target]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_7:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target.22|Sonichu 4 Sub-Episode 7: "Off-Target"]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_8:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target_part_2.22|Sonichu 4 Sub-Episode 8: Off-Target part 2]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_8:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target_part_2.22|Sonichu 4 Sub-Episode 8: "Off-Target part 2"]]
*[[Sonichu_5#Episode_13:_.22Smashed_Hearts_.26_Entrapment.22|Sonichu 5 Episode 13: "Smashed Hearts & Entrapment"]]
*[[Sonichu_6#Episode_14:_.22Evil_is_Afoot.21.22|Sonichu 6 Episode 14: "Evil is Afoot!"]]
*[[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|Sonichu 7 Episode 16: "Time Hogs"]]
*[[Sonichu_9#Episode_20:_CWC-Defense|Sonichu 9 Episode 20: "CWC-Defense"]]
*[[Sonichu_10#Episode_21:_Christian_Chandler_in_Director_Amenities|Sonichu 10 Episode 21: Christian Chandler in "Director Amenities"]]


==Notable Jerkops==
==Notable Jerkops==

Revision as of 06:18, 21 January 2011

That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".
A REAL AMERICAN HERO

A Jerkop is either a mall security guard or an "evil" police officer. The word itself is a portmanteau of "JERK" and "cop." Female Jerkops are sometimes called Janekops.[1]

In the Sonichu comics, Jerkops serve as the villainous private army of Mary Lee Walsh, until Sonichu liberates them from Mary's control in Sonichu #10

Appearance

Standard Jerkops watch some shitty recolour levitate in a 2004 short

Jerkops typically resemble human beings wearing red, white, or brown police-style uniforms. Chris goes into greater detail in his "Backyard Safari" feature in Sonichu #4:

Let's look at one on this illustration. Now here, we see its head is a basic human shape, but it only thinks evil and naughty thoughts. Note, its eyes are frowning; the[sic] stay that way 24/7. With this face, they rarely attract any women. This "badge" is a phony; it's really a cracker, covered in glitter-glue. It wards away all who approach it with its out-of-date breadstick. They wear basic black pants to cover their agil[sic], yet ugly legs; viens[sic], hair, and sores oh, my! Some, not all, wear a black gove[sic] to cover the spot where one finger fell of[sic] as it grew up. They wear brown shoes, because of their sausage feet.

Rank and file Jerkops are depicted as even more simplified than the other background characters in the Sonichu comics. Their legs are often held tightly together, as if they move via tiny wheels on the undersides of their feet. They have plain, curved, vase-like white bodies. Their female counterparts, Janekops, look about the same, except for their prominent breasts and neck-length hairstyles.

Chris would later elaborate on the Jerkop uniforms on CWCipedia. White uniforms were for low-class Jerkops, such as new recruits. Red uniforms were for an intermediate rank, possessing "Good Amount of Expierences and Combat Skills." Finally, brown uniforms were for the highest class, including Jerkheifs and Jerkop Daitenzen such as Bagget. [2]

Police?

And so, I urge you the citizens of CWCville to remember, with the police, only black and blue are true; all other colors are VICE!
Chris displays his irrational hatred of the Vice Squad, Sonichu #5, page 28
"Police-Women" on Chris's dating blacklist

While a common misconception is that Chris is essentially delivering a verbose "Fuck tha Police" through the Jerkop characters, he clarifies in Sonichu #5 that brown (mall security) is wrong, and the standard black and blue (police officer) are TRUE and HONEST. A lot of what Chris wrote about the Jerkops is a feeble effort to undermine the authority of private security staff by comparing them unfavorably with the police. So in mocking the Jerkops' "wooden badges" and hyping "the true police people", Chris ironically puts the police on a pedestal.

That said, Chris holds a very narrow attitude of what a "true" police officer is. When describing the origins of the Jerkops on CWCipedia, Chris again points out that they wore uniforms "OF COLORS OTHER THAN BLUE OR BLACK." This seems to be a major sticking point for Chris regardless of his past run-ins with the law. As far as he's concerned, the color of a cop's uniform is the sole benchmark of his authority, even though many police officers wear brown and white uniforms whether Chris approves or not. Whatever he was wearing at the time, Marcus Baggett was definitely a real police officer when he arrested Chris in 2004. Nevertheless, Chris still lumped him into the same category as all the security guards who gave him a hard time. So, according to Chris, cops are only okay as long as they wear blue and black AND they don't try to arrest him for breaking the law.

Of note, while CWCville has a police in department in Sonichu, they rarely ever appear, except to support Chris and Sonichu while they defend the city instead. In Sonichu #5 Chris dismisses them from the battlefield as soon as he arrives, and in #9 they're only mentioned as part of the city's defenses. Finally, in #10, Chris introduces Constables Lou Perez and Gerald Grant, when Magi-Chan sends them to check Inos into a soup hotel.

Equipment

MY WOODEN BADGE WAS DELICIOUS
Jerkhief, on his appetizer at Country Cookin
A pistol cleverly disguised as a duck.

Jerkops, in order to cockblock everyone, are equipped with faux badges, evidently made of crackers, glitter glue, and treebark. What purpose these serve is unknown, as no one would be so retarded to fall for such a shoddy disguise.

In terms of weaponry, most Jerkops carry an out-of-date breadstick, aka "a nightstick," pulled from nowhere. The Jerkops also used handcuffs on one occasion, althought this may not be standard issue. The Jerkhief carries a metal slingshot, aka "a handgun," and sometimes wears a metal suit. Bagget, Jerkop Daitenzen, weilds a sword, and his costume seems to protect him from the electric attacks of Chris-Chan Sonichu.

The Jerkops also employ several transforming robots for transportation and battle. These include "Punislavs", which transform into brown police cruisers, "Scoundrals as Vessels", which transform into armored S.U.V.'s, and "Crackders", which transform into dark blue jet planes. In particular, the Crackder model proved instrumental in Bagget's capture of Chris in Sonichu #4.

Weaknesses

This is how Chris deals with people who tell him to GTFO

As demonstrated above, the best way to reduce those who prevent you from violating the law to a quivering pile of jelly is a good kick in the balls, or as Chris calls it, the "Sourdough region." The lowest levels of Jerkop require only a single kick to this region, while higher-level Jerkops such as the Jerkhief may require as many as five kicks, because their fat absorbs the impact.

Creation of a Jerkop

According to the CWCipedia, Jerkops are normal men and women who ended up attending Slaweel Ryam's school, known as "Prowldent Virginia Community College," unknowingly. Upon entering the school for the first day, they are infected with "brainwashing powder" that subconsciously affects them. They can live normal lives, but once Slaweel has need for them, she'll activate the brainwashing, and the Jerkops will don their uniforms and go cockblock Chris.

As seen in Chris's earlier documentation,The Jerkops also make use of a "Hypno-Gun" to add to their numbers, since they have such a hard time reproducing. In describing the hypno-gun, Chris made it very clear that the Jerkop brainwashing only worked on "slow-in-the-minds", and others of lesser intelligence. It wasn't until Sonichu #9 where any mention was made of the idea of un-brainwashing the Jerkops, and even then Chris makes clear that his Electric Hedgehogs have managed to actually kill several of the completely innocent retards in their fights.

Whatever the previous method of un-brainwashing the Jerkops that Sonichu and company manage not to outright murder, it becomes a moot point in Sonichu #10, when Ultra Sonichu uses his nigh-omnipotence to supposedly cure all Jerkops everywhere forever.

Appearances in comic

Notable Jerkops

References

See also

Pickles.jpg
Tired of "Good Fan Art"? Visit our constantly expanding Gallery of Evil Fan Art! There's even a whole section dedicated to Jerkops!