July 2016

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Christine's license and "woman card."

July was the seventh month of 2016.

Chris spent most of this month obsessed with money issues. He tried various hustles, even encouraging his mother to make a video request on YouTube. In the second half of the month, to the consternation of his fans, he drunkenly sliced open his taint and claimed the wound was a labia he had created through the magic of Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis. Alas, this proved not to be the case, and he remained trapped in his accursed male body into August.


  • 1 July - Chris pays his court costs of $541, presumably with his tugboat, which arrives at the start of each month.
  • 3 July - In a Reddit post, Chris contemplates the idea of cutting one's taint open to make "a new hole to play with," foreshadowing the horrifying event to come within the next few weeks.
  • 8 July - Chris uploads to YouTube his video Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4, in which he reads another part of a story and asks for donations.
  • 9 July - Chris uploads a video in which he complains about having to take care of Barb, his dogs, and his cats.
  • 10 July - On Facebook, Chris asks for $20 or $50, whatever you can spare, really.
  • 10 July - Chris posts three short videos in which he begs for cash and mugs for the camera: HELP, PLEASE!!!, Comic relief for money right now, and By random request; I still need money, please.
  • 11 July - Chris releases another short video thanking his fans for the $20 he's received and, of course, asking for more.
  • 12 July - Chris makes a short complaint on Facebook about how Knuckles is portrayed on Sonic Boom.
  • 12 July - Chris leaves a review of Season 1 of Sonic Boom on Facebook.
  • 13 July - Barb is in a begging video.
  • 13 July - Chris leaves two comments on Facebook saying that he is stressed, dizzy, and anxious.
  • 13 July - Chris takes an online personality test which reveals that he is kind. He claims it makes him sexy.
  • 13 July - Chris posts his Miitomo Friend code on Facebook.
  • 13 July - Chris lists on eBay a promotional Pokemon card he won in a contest in 2000.
  • 14 July - Chris puts two more old Pokemon cards up for sale on eBay for $100 each.
  • 15 July - Chris lashes out on Facebook against those too cheap to give him free money. He adds that he is not on drugs. He also cuts open his groin and thinks it means the hypnosis videos he's been watching have worked and that he's grown a "labia."
  • 17 July - On Facebook, Chris flatly states that he will not be responding to rumors about his personal life.
  • 18 July - Chris posts a video shout-out for two fans. It marks the first appearance of the Captain's Log opening since 2010.
  • 20 July - Chris is spotted at a gas station trying to pay for $7 worth of junk food with only $5. A field agent behind him gives him $2 to pay for the rest, but Chris snatches it and marches right out of the store without paying the remainder.
  • 20 July - Chris posts a paid video request in which he reads sarcastic comments that go over his head.
  • 20 July - Chris uploads a video of himself reading copypasta.
  • 21 July - Chris posts another paid video in which he wishes happy birthday to fan Nathan.
  • 21 July - Fulfilling another request for a paid video, Chris posts Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare featuring another famous copypasta.
  • 22 July - In a video, Chris sings The Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" in exchange for money.
  • 22 July - Chris posts "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies", a paid video request in which he shimmies around and grabs his tits.
  • 22 July - Chris uploads another paid video in which he sings a song for fan Elisabeth.
  • 22 July - Chris posts a paid video involving special messages for one Stephen.
  • 23 July - Chris angrily claims on Facebook that he does not wear diapers, claiming that the accidental crotch shot in a recent video revealed only panties and pantyliner.
  • 23 July - Chris is temporarily banned from Facebook for uploading an offensive video. Of course, he blames the individual who paid Chris to post it.
  • 24 July - Chris proudly announces his self-inflicted taint wound on Facebook and encourages people to view the photos on Imgur.
  • 24 July - Chris claims that he's had his "labia" examined and it is not infected.
  • 24 July - On Facebook, Chris posts photos of his new driver's license and a "Woman Card" from Hillary Clinton's campaign. He hates on Trump.
  • 24 July - In a Facebook post he would quickly remove, Chris lies that the Un-clit 2.0 photos were fakes.
  • 26 July - Chris uploads a Paid Video Request Reminder announcing that his YouTube ban has been lifted, and that fans can request more paid videos.
  • 27 July - Chris shares clickbait articles on body shaming and transgender issues.
  • 28 July - Chris tells his Facebook followers that he likes Steven Universe.
  • 28 July - Chris uploads Machine Romans, a paid video featuring himself reading a strange message.
  • 29 July - Chris announces on Facebook that "household projects" will require him to postpone efforts to fulfill paid video requests.
  • 30 July - Chris uploads a video in which he reads A Girl Who Brought Down the World.
  • 30 July - Chris makes further complaints about A Girl Who Brought Down the World on Facebook.