Difference between revisions of "Mailbag 58"

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(Added letters from #59 and #60.)
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[[File:ColossalChanRealistic.jpg|thumb|Collosal Chan IRL.]]
[[File:ColossalChanRealistic.jpg|thumb|Collosal Chan IRL.]]
{{Email|From: Jon Crayon <joncrayon@gmail.com>
{{Email|From: Jon Crayon <joncrayon@gmail.com>



Revision as of 06:46, 11 March 2010

Mailbag 58 was uploaded to the CWCipedia on 20 February 2010. Interestingly enough, it has two emails from people claiming to represent Anton LaVey's Church of Satan.

On 10 March 2010, the Sysop condensed Mailbags 59 and 60, which were respectively uploaded on 22 February and 8 March, into this Mailbag.

Awaiting Answers

From: Reimu Hakurei <diochromatic.butterfly@gmail.com>

Dear Chris, I recently lost my job and I barely have any money to pay rent. It's hard to even find a decent job especially in this economy. My local newspaper didn't even have anything in their Classified section, that's just sad!. I'm not on welfare because I don't like the idea of using other people's money. I considered becoming a stripper because I make as much as people throw money my way but I don't like the idea of men leering at me with their eyes. What should I do?


ORIGINAL DIGIMON (DO NOT STEAL!)
From: Takato Matsuda <goggleheadtakato@gmail.com>

Hi! My name is Takato Matsuda and I am 11 yrs. old and live in Japan. You said that you believe that anything anyone draws becomes real and exists in a different universe. I think that is really cool! I really hope it is true! I drew a digimon. I named him Guilmon! I hope he becomes real and comes find me so we can be friends. Here is a picture of him! The writing on the side says Guilmon because that is his name. I think it is pretty good, but you are an artist so you probably know better. What do you think? It is hand drawn and hand colored so I think you would definitely approve of that. I drew it at school and did not have all my markers and pencils with me so it is only in 2 colors. I hope you do not think it is bad because of that.

Bye!

http://i45.tinypic.com/25qat95.jpg


From: Sam Beckett <quantumleap85@rocketmail.com>

Sonichu and Rosechu both call you father. That makes them brother and sister. Incest is wrong, Chris. It's sick, your comic is sick, and you're sick.


From: majickwithouttears@disciples.com

I noticed that your birthday is coming up! Happy birthday! My church taught me that one's birthday is the most important holiday of all. Would you agree with this?

And what do you have planned for your birthday? Are you going to have a big party or just a small celebration? What's on your wishlist?


From: Billy Bob <tehpwnzorbob@googlemail.com>

Hey Chris, I just saw Kel's team on the CWCipedia and realised that it had some obvious weaknesses to fighting, rock and ground, some of the most common attacking types. Naturally, seeing as you have spent so long playing Pokemon and are so skilled, your team must be far superior, without these amateurish weaknesses. Would you mind telling me what your team is (if you have one), and if you're good, do you want to battle some time? We can do it over Shoddy Battle or something. Thanks!


From: Jamie A. <hightechlowlife@hotmail.com>

As much as I enjoy your comic and youtube updates, I (and a few fellow fans I've chatted with) have been kind of disappointed at the neglect you've been showing your Juggalo fanbase.

Juggalos are a family and we support you, but it would be nice to get a shout out from you every now and again too. Any plans to introduce a Juggalo Sonichu or at least break out the face paint again in the future?

Thanks!

-Jamie


From: thecozumel@usa.com

Hey, when will Sailor Megtune return to the comic? She was my favorite character and I hate that she hasn't been in the comic since forever.


From: crossbluegrey@writeme.com

My grandfather recently had to be put on adult diapers. What adult diapers do you use and recommend?


From: socalledgelett@bikerider.com

You once said that you aren't interested in dating people with mental handicaps. Is this still true? If so, don't you think that makes you a hypocrite? After all, you have one.


From: pagan666@atheist.com

My friends at the Church of Satan and I love Sonichu. Our favorite thing about it is all the black majick you practice. We love the Curse-Ye-Hame-Ha. Can you teach us how to perform this curse in a future video? We would really appreciate that.

Also, how did you manage to bring your dead dog back to life? We've tried everything from sacrificing goats to virgin blood, but nothing will bring my Poochie back. What's the trick?

Hail Satan!


From: Peter Joseph Arthur Wellington <pjawellington@hotmail.co.uk>

Greetings Mr Christian Weston Chandler. I want to reassure you first of all that I am a big fan of yours and that I really appreciate your comics. I want to draw your attention to a pretty serious matter though.

You claim to be a descendent to Anne Boleyn, but Anne Boleyn only had one child - Elizabeth Tudor, also known as Queen Elizabeth I of England. Her Majesty quite famously remained a virgin her entire life, something that we British people are very proud of. In fact we are so proud of her virginity that we named a part of America after it in honour of it: Virginia.

The state in which you live in is proof enough that you cannot be related to Queen Elizabeth I or Anne Boleyn. If you continue to say that you are, you will be tarnishing the good name of our most popular historic ruler. You are upsetting a lot of English people and causing them a great deal of stress and offence, and so I advise you to drop this foolish claim that any English person knows cannot be true.

I do not wish to cause you stress or offence Mr Chandler, but you need to be warned that you are causing the millions of British people worldwide undue amounts of mental trauma and disrespect.


From: Super Greg <super_greg_ownsya_mom@hotmail.com>

Hey Chris-Chan. Big fan! I love all the content you've been putting out lately, but I was wondering about something.

How come you stopped making videos displaying your grand amounts of strength? I found them very inspiring and I wish there were more. Maybe make some with you doing sit ups or jumping jacks or any other various exercises. Thanks.


From: Sean Watley <seanawatley@gmail.com>

Chris,

I actually haven't smoked pot for years and years. It's kind of silly that you assume I'm some kind of huge drug addict just because of my comic strip's subject matter. It would be like me assuming that you're actually a mayor of a city full of Pokemon and Transformers because that's what you write about in your comic.

Now that I think about it, do YOU smoke pot? It would explain the laziness, your weight, why you sit around playing video games all day, and your idea about cartoons being real in another dimension. Not that I have anything against pot, I just think people shouldn't blow their welfare money on drugs (video games, too).

Also, I'm finishing the Sonichu Christmas story. Mine is a lot more "true and original" than anything you've written. In mine, Sonichu and Rosechu live in a cheap motel and sell their bodies for crystal meth. I'm doing it now because real artists complete seasonal things months in advance, instead of waiting until mid-December to start working on Christmas stuff. Oh, and in your Christmas story nothing interesting or important happens, so there's no reason to read it. Your fans will enjoy my version much, much more. The opening pages are available on the Asperpedia, along with other comics that don't suck.

Sean


From: Kaiser Wilhelm <worldwarfun@gmail.com>

Why did you say Moon-Pals isn't any good because it's a parody? Sonichu is a parody of Sonic and Pokemon.


From: peter jennings <jdawgs.jennings@gmail.com>

hey chris,

in mailbag 54 you mentioned the word "antidisestablishmentarianism" and i'm not quite grasping the concept. do you think you could explain it to me? i never learned that one in my school life years. anyway, hope to see more clawdorf in the future. dude is mad bad and crazy

pete


From: Zachary Coker <zacharycoker@gmail.com>

Yo Chris-Chan,

I was wondering why you choose to wear bras instead of something a bit more manly like compression shirts. Does wearing women's clothing turn you on? If so then you might need to invest in some ANTI-HOMOGAY pills immediately.

Love, Zachary Coker


From: Kefka Pallazo <kpdancingmad@gmail.com>

Hello Christian, I just had a thought about what you should do for later installments of your comic. Why stop at being Mayor when you can rule the world? Think about it, you can rid the world of trolls by conquering it. With Sonichu and Rosechu, what else do they have to lose to have the entire world under your thumb?

PS- I don't think I ever heard you laugh out loud in any of your videos. You should try doing it, it feels good!


From: bobgreene@therange.com

According to you, you are 5'10" and 200 lbs. Assuming 200 lbs isn't a total lie, you have a BMI of 28.7. Anything over a BMI of 25 is unhealthy and fat. Do you understand that you are a fat man who needs to take better care of his body, Chris?


From: jupiterjump@myself.com

I see you're still not updating your comic daily. Whatever. I'm going back to Asperchu. They update daily


File:ManChest.jpg
This one's for all the ladies in the house
From: icecreamhuggles@aol.com

I have to disagree with you when you said that nobody wants to see male chests. I love seeing strong, muscular, masculine chests. They're HOTT! In fact, the only thing hotter is six-pack abs.

Saggy manboobs are gross, however. Only fat guys have them, though. I don't know any girl who'd date a boy with manboobs. If you can't take care of your own body, you're a loser.

The part about bras is really creepy, Chris. Bras are for women. The only men who wear bras are, like, transexuals and transgenders or whatever. Real men don't wear bras.

I've attached a picture of a hot man's chest for all the ladies who might be reading. Mmm, GORGEOUS. <3

Note: Chris later modified this message so that the image was a link rather than an embed, most likely so he wouldn't have to look at it.


From: twosesames@mail.com

You used to be against drinking alcohol until you tried it. Now, you are no longer against drinking alcohol. Have you given smoking cigarettes the same chance? You might actually enjoy it.


From: random_radish@hotmail.com

Chris,

I believe to be a well rounded and cultured person it's necessary to travel to and experience foreign countries and cultures. I'm twenty years old and recently stayed in Japan for two months. In my lifetime I've been to over twenty five countries and I've funded all my trips since I was sixteen. My question is Chris, where in the world have you visited and what have you learned from the experiences? How many times have you left the US?

Your fan,

Gaye Barr.


The glorious battle
From: Jon Crayon <joncrayon@gmail.com>

Yo Chris, loving this epic battle between Collosal Chris-Chan and Slaweel! That Female Dog is finally getting her comeuppance! I drew this fan-art to commemorate the event. P.S. I hope you take up the bet to draw a beautiful picture in a realistic non-childlike style. I'm sure you got it in you!


From: Wyatt Cenac <wyattcenac@yahoo.com>

As an African-American, Blake was my favorite character in the comic until I read the bio and saw what a crybaby he really is. Seriously, why did you write this shit?


From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com>

I was reading your Sonichu comics again. There's a lot of characters! I was wondering if you had any backstories developed for these characters:

-Florance Fisher (Girl from the dating education class) -Sammy (the time you temporarily became stupid and gained weight) -Trisha Rosechu -Mypoe -That old dude who was sitting in the Destiny Cave for a long time

Will we ever see any of them again? I'm still waiting for you to need Sammy for a future Skitch like you said you would.


From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com>

Do you use a Mac? Considering your loathing of Microsoft, it would only make sense. How do you like your Mac? Would you recommend it?

Collosal Chan IRL.


From: Jon Crayon <joncrayon@gmail.com>

Hey Chris. I'm sad to see you retire Chris-Chan Sonichu from the comic at the end of this issue, but that's progress. Good luck with the reboot! P.S. You should try growing a beard again ;)


From: Seka <AkatsukaSeka@live.com>

Hi Chris!

In the coming months I am attempting to compile a website detailing the kitchens and pantries of various American writers, artists, TV personalities, and other celebrities. If you wish to contribute please take photographs of the inside of your fridge, freezer, and various cabinets and such around your kitchen. It would be very much appreciated. It doesn't matter if it's a little messy or not organized.

Thank you in advance,

Seka


From: Ronnie Coleman <rcoleman@gmail.com>

Chris,

You claim you exercise regularly and lost weight. What kind of exercises do you do and for how long? You certainly do not look like you work out -- You look fatter than ever before. What are your daily meal plans like? Exercise without proper nutrition is useless.

You should make a video of your exercise regimen and yourself on a scale (to show your weight) to PROVE you are being TRUE AND HONEST, or you will continue to prove you are naive and lose fans (myself included).

Sincerely,

Ronnie Coleman


From: Rob Halford <hellbentforleather@aol.com>

Chris,

I have to complement you for finally including some positive gay role models in Sonichu. The two gay cops you've recently introduced are fine examples of how gays can service their community as well as look fabulous in uniform.


From: Murray Lucas <waytoocoolforschool112@aol.com>

Do you remember making those "One Free Girlfriend" coupons on your old Tripod site? I'm lonely and autistic, so I printed out about fifty of them and handed them out at the mall, and now I'm banned from the mall and had to register as a sex offender because one of the girls I gave one to was actually 13. It's hard to tell which girls are underage because of my autism; they should make them wear all wear special hats or something so you KNOW. I blame you for not being able to go to the mall and me being a sex criminal.


From: Cherry Greg <mango.sentinel@gmail.com>

Chris, words can hardly begin to describe how horrified I am at the new influx of pages. I understand that many other fans, and especially ex-fans, have been pushing you to introduce more mature themes in your stories, but what you fail to realize is that the difference between what you did and what occurred in Asperchu is that all the deaths in Asperchu were NOT against representations of real people, but cartoon characters that do not exist in the real world. Furthermore, when a character dies in a story, it's generally supposed to be dramatic; what you did to Alec and his partners was gratuitous and what I can only assume was wish fulfillment on your part, because I can't imagine any other reason you would make such elaborate tortures for each person unless you truly wished it upon them.

I've given you the benefit of the doubt in the past, but I can't read your comic anymore; the sexualization of Rosechu was bad enough, but this is over the line. Like I said, I know others have pushed for you to bring more maturity into Sonichu, but your understanding of what is 'mature' is about on par with my 12 year old nephew. This is the last issue of Sonichu I will ever read, and I will urge all the Sonichu fans I know to make it the last one they read as well.


From: David Hubbard <longcat3@yahoo.com>

Dear Chris,

On the Cwcipedia pages for Rosey and Sonee, you said that they evolve at a high friendship, or happiness level, however, your newest character, Sandy Rosechu evolved after only one week! This must mean that she is happier than Robbie, Cerah, and Christine. Are Sonichu and Rosechu bad parents? Their kids are clearly very unhappy, or else they would have evolved by now!


From: Hal Emmerich <konotaismywaifu@yahoo.jp>

Chris, exactly how strong would you say the average Sonichu or Rosechu is? I'm only asking because recently, one of them was not only fainted, but killed by an attack from a Voltorb. Voltorbs have a very low physical attack power, about equal to Luvdisc, a very feeble pokemon. Even a powerful move like Explosion wouldn't be very powerful against your average fully evolved Pokemon. Using Raichu as an example, the average explosion from a Voltorb of equal level to a Raichu would leave a Raichu alive with energy to spare, and certainly not faint it, much less kill it.

My only conclusion from this is that Sonichus and Rosechus are incredibly weak Pokemon, and that it's probably a good thing that they are very fast, because if an attack ever struck them, they would probably die as easily as Simonla did.


CWCipedia logo.png
For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 58