Mary Lee Walsh
—Mary, as quoted by Chris.
—Chris, lying, in November 2007.
Mary Lee Walsh is a proto-troll who maligned Chris's Love Quest in its early years by ripping up his Attraction Signs and eventually suspending him from Piedmont Virginia Community College for a whole year. She is one of the most important people in Chris's life, as she is one of the few people who refused to allow Chris to use his autism as an excuse for anything he wanted, and tried to make him act like a normal human being. This, of course, meant war.
The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early Sonichu Sub-Episodes. Even to this day, she is still arguably the supreme villain in the Sonichu series, a status that even Clyde Cash and Liquid Chris could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in Sonichu fan fiction. All hail the Dean!
By early 2009, many years after the college suspension episode, Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh. He began with the retcon of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory Slaweel Ryam, implying (and later stating outright) that the character was not related to the real Mary. For several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including sending a drawing to her house, but her only response was a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to truly earn his forgiveness.
Chris' continued feud with Mary Lee Walsh is illustrative of his propensity to hold severe grudges over seemingly minor incidents. In late 2013, ten years after the August 2003 incident, Chris blamed Mary Lee Walsh in part for his continued decline in a series of Facebook ramblings, and referred to a Wal-Mart manajerk who banned him from the store as a "Mary Lee Walshing Witch Bitch."
Mary Lee Walsh in real life
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at PVCC and a member of the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance. She has also written a book about coping with college life, which perhaps unsurprisingly does not advocate attacking one's superiors with magical curses. Chris had first been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his Sonichu's News Dash newsletter, but delivered the most crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual Attraction Sign; according to Chris, Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all. However true this alleged statement may have been, there is virtually no chance Mary said it, as it would have been highly inappropriate and jeopardized her job.
Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings to stop posting his signs and continued to place this ad for his "love quest" in the main campus building. Walsh, taking umbrage at this clear defiance of her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. What exactly transpired during the meeting is a source of much debate, as the only accounts made public are written by Chris and thus heavily biased. What is known is that during the meeting, Chris pretended to converse out loud with Sonichu (relaying what Sonichu "said" to her). Then, after what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he verbally attacked her in a fit of rage, going so far as to hex her with the dreaded Curse-ye-ha-me-ha. Chris was told in no uncertain terms that he couldn't continue his Love Quest on campus, prompting him to slander Walsh on his website and send her an attempt at an intimidating drawing. This little stunt got him banned from PVCC for a whole year, and forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was readmitted. Any positive effects these may have are not evident.
In his own words
|So, as of August, Y2K3, I did the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of, I made a simple sign that stated, "I am a 21-year-old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year-old SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every Boyfriend-Free, 18-21-year-old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens, Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or Black impersonating JERKOPS, Manajerks and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that Love Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a Sweetheart was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the jerks of the Greene County School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank God for blessing me with many happy years at Providence Middle School and Manchester High School in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.|
Emails with Mary
From: Mary Lee Walsh <email@example.com>
Christian: Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.
Email to Virginia Jeanine Sanford
Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu
Because of all the stress Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris brooded and obsessed over his "HEART SHATTERING" defeat and began to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. As such, Walsh began to appear in a lot of Chris's works as a primary antagonist specifically opposing his Love Quest.
—Chris, in regards to a comic which isn't meant to be about him
In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick. In an ingenious parody, she is the leader of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, or PVCC. Her sinister deeds are motivated by a totally unexplained hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only tactic is to send jerkops into CWCville to beat up anyone engaging in romance (she needed Graduon's help for the later invasions). For no given reason, she considers Chris the most important target of her malign actions, and doesn't seem aware of the fact that true love occurs outside of CWCville as well.
Mary's first appearances in the comics are in Sonichu #0, via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in Sonichu #2. Upon her introduction, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, yet Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once "shattered" his heart and she is inexplicably frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.
In Sonichu #2 Chris ties together the ancient evil of the Anchuent Prophecy with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with Count Graduon. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh represent the dual miseries of his becoming an adult--the trauma of graduating from his beloved high school and the stress of his disastrous collegiate career. To combat Walsh's powerful new accomplice, in Sonichu #3, Chris gains the powers of Chris-chan Sonichu, escalating the original battle between a fat virgin and an old lady to an epic struggle between a horribly drawn Sonic OC and an old lady with a scepter.
During her reign of terror, Walsh threatens the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In Sonichu #2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in Sonichu #4 involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and Crystal finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil, although Mary simply relocates to Menchi-Nasu High to establish a new base of operations. In Sonichu #5 she floods the town with her army of Jerkops to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse, she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a Dark Mirror Hole, but are only successful in ensnaring Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the Time Void in Sonichu #7, Mary seizes the opportunity and prepares to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of Decepticlones in Sonichu #9 and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil is finally put to an end in Sonichu #10, when Chris uses the power of the Sonichu Balls to become Collosal Chris-Chan. He then destroys Graduon's scepter and easily overpowers her, but instead of killing her (like he killed 100+ innocent people in that very issue) he paralyzes her (seemingly permanently) and sends her to jail.
A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is that she is to blame for almost everything that maligns Chris or CWCville, mirroring Chris's insane belief that the real-life Mary was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes. Even her conspirators are victims--virtually all of her Jerkops are simply brainwashed against their will, and even co-villain Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter. To labor the point even more, while Chris suggests that some of her followers have good in them and are capable of redemption, Mary herself is pure evil.
Renaming and retcons
As a result of the Miyamoto Saga, many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In an act of utmost subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became "Slaweel Ryam" or "Slaweel the Witch." A devious maneuver indeed--as one can see, the name is not entirely backwards, and there are letters missing. Nobody could possibly figure out the connection, unless of course they happened to see the notice posted prominently on the Sonichu.net front page detailing the full extent of the name changes. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form, as that would require originality. The name is an evolution of "Hslaw Eel Yram," which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom Yu-Gi-Oh cards; in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw it.
In August 2009, Chris put up a page on CWCipedia entitled "TwoMarys" in which he tried graspingly to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Apparently, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the real Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes absolutely no sense as Chris has changed every instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in Sonichu #0, where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris had essentially created a paradox within his universe, having made a comic where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but because of the retcon Slaweel hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's "sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years," but on the "TwoMarys" page, this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:
—Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot.
Mary Lee Walsh in Soul Calibur
- Main article: Soul Calibur
It is unclear whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to YouTube, Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the daylights out of her. Chris creates himself and many other real-life friends and enemies in the video game Soul Calibur III, so that he can take out his pent-up rage in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. It should be noted that Chris appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest possible setting.
Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began re-examining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on CWCipedia, to distinguish her from "Slaweel":
The article rambles on and drifts alarmingly far from reality, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research," detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a real person as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the real woman he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the real world) by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.
Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.
In his edited version of the Encyclopedia Dramatica page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, but Mary simply contacted his parents and told them to keep Chris off campus altogether.
From this action, Chris inferred that Mary didn't care about him or their relationship, and Chris was crushed. Also crushed were any hopes of reconciliation, as after this incident Chris soon reverted to precisely the same deranged mindset as before, once again imagining her as somehow orchestrating everything bad that happened to him.
—Chris, Mailbag 26
Chris's anger toward Mary Lee Walsh continues well over a decade since his Attraction Sign was torn down at PVCC. In a series of rambling Facebook postings made on 2 September 2013, Chris began blaming various people for a temporary ban from Wal-Mart, including Walsh:
—Chris, Facebook, 2 September 2013
A few days later, when Chris was conclusively banned from Wal-Mart, he coined the term "Walshing," a verb that evidently means "not accepting autism as an excuse."
—Chris, Facebook, 6 September 2013
On 17 December 2014, an apology letter that Chris had written to Walsh in August 2014 was leaked. True to form, Chris blames everything on factors supposedly beyond his control, and tries to be condescending and play the victim at the same time. He specifically tries to appease Mary for depicting her in his comic as a witch, operating on the presumption that a university administrator is gravely concerned with the way she is presented in DeviantArt-level Sonic OC garbage drawn by a fat tranny.
In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair (and her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) at all. In the early days of his Encyclopedia Dramatica page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by drawing Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon succubus who tempted Chris with her body (which he was sure to masturbate to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been "Rule 34" fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), usually wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots. In the Sonichu animated series by SpazKid, she was depicted as being physically sexy but having unflattering sexual desires (such as shoving the staff containing Count Graduon up her china to shut him up, and demanding a recording of a minion shoving Chris's medallion up their butt) and speaking with a man's voice.
|Gallery; mostly NSFW.|
- Chris emails 2007
- CWC's Diary
-  (archived on 15 October 2010)
- Jackie Chat #5
- Autism papers
- Jackie E-mails
- Mailbag 26
- Count Graduon
- Piedmont Virginia Community College
- Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens
- Retroactive continuity in Sonichu
- Attraction Sign
- Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel
Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"(dead link as of Jun 2014) Harry D's Live Drawing.(dead link as of Jun 2014)
- CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1
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