Muscle bra

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OMG, WOW! This material feel so, so, so good on my skin.
Chris
Happy Chris in a muscle bra and with life upgrade
Unhappy Chris in a classic (read: his mom's) bra

Muscle bra is a CWC-ism for the sports bra that Chris is wearing on his manboobs. Unfortunately for all involved, it only makes his gynecomastia all the more appalling.

The muscle bra, also known as the Muscle Bra of Fail, first appeared in October 2009 in the leaked e-mail accompanied by photos. His usually bouncy moobs soon became less noticeable in subsequent videos.

Later the same month, Chris appealed to others to wear a muscle bra too:

I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a muscle bra. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out.
Chris[1]

Chris and bras

Chris after converting his bra into a wearable Attraction Sign
Artist's depiction

Chris may have actually had a fetish for wearing women's underwear longer than we think. Blanca made him dress in his mother's undergarments. For a period, he seems to have struggled with his urges — one image, drawn around the Ivy Saga, inexplicably shows Punchy Sonichu wearing a bra — and since he did not buy his sports bra until later in the year, we can only conclude that he was wrestling with his desire to steal his mother's underwear to support his manboobs.

For a while he had mixed feelings about showing his own naked chest. He has depicted himself shirtless, without the bra. In this ideal self-image his manboobs are non-existent and thus need no such support. He also released videos of himself without a shirt on.

On 1 September 2009 he told Kacey he was planning on buying a bra, presumably to control the bouncing of his manboobs while jogging. In October 2009 or so, he bought his first bras, and really liked them. He photographed himself wearing them and sent them to a gal-pal.

I just spent a whole minute just lookin' at myself without my shirt on, and it with- with my bra- with my bra on. J-just lookin' at myself in the mirror for one minute, studying myself. It was like, you know, I mean, you know, at first I didn't know what to think, that's, like you know- that's why I sit in the mirror and look- took a good long- took a good one- took a good long look, there. And then I went to feed my cats...and that was about fifteen minutes later, and then that thought came back-....I had- the thou- the image from what I saw in the mirror came back to me, and I thought- and then I was like, "yeah, I look pretty good, and I- and I can accept this, I can get used to this," and then I- and then I just felt confident.
Chris to Kasey[2]

From this moment he was hooked.

At first Chris assumed that bras were disposable. This was confirmed when he told Kacey that he threw away each bra after it accumulated three days' worth of 'tard sweat, because he didn't think that bras were washable.[3] We already know from the below email that Chris bought one set of sports bras in a three-pack, and due to his notorious cheapness we have no reason to think he did not do the same with the second set of bras. Chris also reveals in a video that he wears bras with a band size of 42. His cup size has not been confirmed, although in one of his videos where he is mumbling and rambling he seems to say, "Might say a little bit an A, a little bit of a size A," as he slaps the slats of fat. While this could be a confirmation, he does not exactly have the profound ability to accurately determine the size of things.

The general public first became aware of Chris's muscle bras in April 2010, when we have a leaked video. The following day, he voluntarily appeared in a video for the public wearing his muscle bra. By this time, however, his rationale had shifted--it was not for comfort, but rather because he was offended by the sight of shirtless men. This new conviction would spur his campaign described below.


In June 2010 Chris went to Fridays After Five, where he continued to carry out his campaign against exposed manboobs among the general public by wearing his muscle bra to the event. It seems that Chris has also found another use for muscle bras, demonstrated by vandalizing his bra with a marker pen and converting it into an attraction sign. Whereas most normal people would perhaps draw on a T-shirt to make their point, Chris has devised a seemingly superior method of making his. That's right: for a woman to have read his statement of intent to engage in a romantic and sexual relationship with her, she'd have to have stared at one of the more disturbing outward pieces of evidence that he just doesn't understand how those relationships work, which may or may not be a poetic microcosm of his entire fucking life since puberty.


Muscle bras for everyone

Main article: Brassieres For Males

Chris's appreciation of bras goes beyond his penchant for transvestism. It is also tied closely to the disgust he feels at seeing male bodies. Chris seems to find the sight of bare male chests extremely unappealing and even offensive. In the April 2010 video message Men Should NEVER be Topless he strongly insisted that all men should wear bras and said he would actually make it a law. He is convinced that millions share this belief. He has gone so far as to cover or vandalize images of male torsos in stores while shopping.

Due to his inability to differentiate differences in the anatomy of other human beings, Chris may see it as necessary for other males to cover up as well - or, more likely, he simply wants to rationalize the fact that he needs one because of his big breasts by encouraging people who do not need one to wear one as well, thus hiding the actual reason for him wearing his fashionable sports bra.


This was such an important cause for Chris that in September 2013, he revealed a Facebook page dedicated to the muscle bra. It's original purpose was "to support making it legally required for men of all ages to wear (sports) bras to cover their topless chests." However, thanks to the influence of certain friends, the page was soon modified to say that men should be merely encouraged to wear bras, "as a way to express identity or modesty." After coming out as a male lesbian, he extended his appeal to the Human Rights Campaign, posting in a review, "Topless male nudity is offensive to me, and to others as well I am sure. It should be socially appropriate for all men to wear a (Sports) Brassiere!"

The bra e-mail

The following e-mail was leaked in October 2009, along with a series of illustrative photos. The identity of the recipient has never been publicly revealed.

(omitted stuff)...

Stress causes Memory Loss sometimes. At least I undid the hacker who got into my YouTube.

Also, I did my shopping today; I haven't been able to draw or color today yet, but I will set some time tonight. I got my copy of G.H.5, my new 3-in-one-printer, and I found the sports bras at Wal-Mart; 3-packs for $10 a pack. In leiu of going into the fitting room, I asked the nearby female employee to measure my bust size; I'm a 43. So I got a 3-set of 42; I've been wearing one for try... It is sooo comfortable, and my manboobs do not bounce as easily; I jumped a few times to see. OMG, WOW! This material feel so, so, so good on my skin. It's like a Guitly Pleasure or something.

Anyway, I got my exercise in today. I also went to McD, Toys 'R' Us, Sheetz, Food Lion and Target for applications; NO PAPER APPLICATIONS! OMG, it really ground my gears to realize that. Although at Target, I was not totally surprised; I went straight to their computer station and filled in their application online. But EVERYONE IS LIKE GOING DIGITAL WITH NO PAPER TRAIL; It Sucks! This is even WORSE Than that CRAPPY PowerWeb at PVCC.

Yes, you have read correctly, I HAVE ALWAYS HATED THAT DAMN, STUPID POWERWEB![4] Even in it's pre-released Over Advertising, which was TOTALLY UNECCESSARY. Every time I was FORCED into using that Damn System, I was always reluctant, and I had to use my Student ID No., which I HAD NEVER CARED TO MEMORIZE; I only glanced at a few numbers at a time upon entry, and "In One Ear And Out The Other" with that soiled piece of what would have been valuable information. You said I was the first person you met to Hate Kenneth; well, I'm probably the first person you met who Always Loathed the PowerWeb since its PreBirth.

*sigh*

But I digress... and this bra feels sooo good.

Something else, I'll forward you an e-mail I sent to Kacey last night after our conversation to best start another concern of mine.

I'll TTYL,
Stay Safe,
Chris.

Gallery

E-mail images

Animated gifs

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See also

References

  1. Clyde is Weaker than Water
  2. Kacey Call 10
  3. Kacey Call 11
  4. TwoMarys on CWCipedia Chris seems to hate the PowerWeb because it's a pet project of Mary Lee Walsh and he was too dumb to understand how to use it.

External links

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See also: Chris and English | List of phrases Chris copied from media