Sonichu's Edge

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The truth about the video title.
Chris wishes he were eating this instead
Artist's depiction

"Sonichu's Edge" (officially "Sonichu's Edge.MP4") is a video uploaded on December 3rd, 2009, in which Chris goes "jogging". The title is a not-too-subtle parody of the 3D platformer Mirror's Edge.

Based on the accompanying Captain's Log, he made this to show that he is "pumped up for pushing Sonichu out into merchandise." This video proves that Chris has no idea what "jogging" is. He is sprinting (for him) in this video, obviously missing the point of jogging (a slow, easy jog). Chris inserts obvious jump cuts at 1:30, 1:58, 2:25, 3:00, 3:22 and 3:42, where he's run out of breath and presumably needs a break due to how out of shape he is.

Once again, Chris confuses the acrobatic sport called "parkour" with the squeezable margarine called "Parkay". This may have something to do with him being an HFA fatass. He also confuses "light jogging" with "parkour" in general.

One can only imagine what the innocent citizens of Charlottesville must have thought as a fat, sweaty retard went puffing by at a little over walking pace with a camera dangling from his obese neck.

An email in Mailbag 16 claimed that Chris ran just 579 metres in three and a half minutes, at a snail's pace of 2.8 m/s.

Chris has declined to record another running video, blaming the battery in his camera.

Video

Sonichu's Edge
Stardate 03 December 2009
Subject Matter PowerPower Power
Shirt Horizontalredshirt.png Vert. Red
OFFICIAL and HONEST CWC Videos
previous
3 December 2009
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Holiday Greetings

Transcript

[Brandishes Amnyfest Ring] Hello there, fans! It's Christian Chandler here, live at the downtown mall, where for the Sonichu franchise and city of CWCville, and everything like that, I'm gonna do a Parkay from this point [camera spins around to show some sidewalks] all the way down to the gara—parking garage [Camera spins back to Chris] where, at the end, we will get a nice view of the tent-style theater that's down there where events are held. And for this viewing, the camera will be hung around my neck right about here. [Gestures to the Sonichu medallion] To get—see what I see from that point of view. And, also, uh, there may be one or two pauses where I have to catch my—my breath. Of course that's what you expect, even from the best runner.

[Jump cut. Camera is now apparently hanging around Chris's neck. Chris's hand comes into frame for a second for him to flash the Amnyfest Ring.]

Alright, here we go!

0:42-1:20 Chris begins running, relatively slowly. His path seems to be pretty erratic.

1:21-1:30 Chris enters a populated area. Though the jerky camera makes it difficult to see, several people seem to stop and stare at him. At 1:28, Chris's heavy breathing becomes audible.

1:31-1:44 First jump cut. For those keeping score, Chris stops to rest after 48 seconds of jogging. He continues through the shopping center, his hands occasionally coming into frame.

1:45-1:46 Chris goes in between some trees.

1:47-1:58 Chris's breathing starts becoming heavy again.

1:59-2:15 Second jump cut. Chris runs past a happy couple, and then runs down some stairs.

2:16-2:25 Chris passes by a large Christmas tree. Around 2:20, his movement begins to slow down considerably.

2:26-2:33 Third jump cut.

2:34-2:41 Relaxing guitar music fades in and out as Chris passes a band of street musicians.

2:42-2:54 Chris continues onwards.

2:55-3:00 Chris runs past a small bus.

3:01-3:16 Fourth jump cut. Chris runs through some decorative trees.

3:17-3:21 Chris rounds a corner, and approaches an open door.

3:22-3:32 Fifth jump cut. Chris is now inside a building. He trudges up some stairs, clearly walking.

3:33-3:42 Chris passes someone going in the opposite direction. He continues upwards.

3:43-3:50 Sixth jump cut. Chris apparently reaches the 4th floor and exits a door into the blinding sunlight.

3:51-4:10 Chris is now on the top level of a parking structure. He runs across the parking area. Around 4:05 his breathing becomes very heavy. At 4:10, he reaches his destination. The camera shows a large tented area on the ground far below.

See? Amphitheater. [Camera spins around back to Chris, who flashes the peace sign] Thank you for your continued support!

Remixes

The Chris-Chanos
Stardate 04 December, 2009
Made By KrappleGuy
Subject Matter Sonichu's Edge
Video Type (TV) Parody
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos
Sonichu's Edge
Stardate 04 December, 2009
Made By IBAClydeCash
Subject Matter Sonichu's Edge
Video Type (VG) Parody
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos
Run Virgin Run
Stardate 04 December, 2009
Made By tehcosmicexplorer08
Subject Matter Sonichu's Edge
Video Type Dramatic remix
TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos

See also

External links

3 December 2009 Chris's videos Holiday Greetings
Chris's other videos

Stackhouse gunnery | Tour of Chris's house | ShutUpBrain and WakeUpBrain | Stay Off Our AXE, you Homos! | MEOW | Fanmail Reading | Holiday Greetings | A Sonichu Day | Shout out to Fans in Hospital | Christian Love Day | Magical Man Potion | Happy Sonichu Day | See You Later | Cleveland Show Voice Rant | Abstinence Rant | Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean | Autism and men bras | Greene County Conspiracy | EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW | Cherokee clan | Pregnant Act | SonichuBabies | PlayingHouse | Wigwam | DayOut | ShowerClean | SpaghettiRoutine | HairDifference

See also: Captain's Log | The DVD | Cwcivil War | Game videos | Leaked videos | Music videos | Sweetheart videos | Troll videos | Videobooks

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