Difference between revisions of "Tobacky"

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[[File:100 0695.JPG|thumb|NO SMOKING and [[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN!]] - two of Chris's [[Cherokee|war cries]]]]
[[File:100 0695.JPG|thumb|"NO SMOKING" and "[[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN!]]", two of Chris's [[Cherokee|war cries]].]]
[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|left|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]
[[File:465-CWCsStarCoilPot.JPG|thumb|Authentic CWC ashtray, perfect for launching at the Moon.]]
{{Quote|And smoking will eventually cause cancer, and it will—you'll be more likely to get [[Obesity|heart attacks]], [[14 Branchland Court|viruses]], and your life will be cut drastically short. They don't call cigarettes and cigars "[[Star Wars|death sticks]]" for nothing, other than killing you slowly. If I could, I would take every last ounce of tobacky, put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to [[the Moon]].|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref>}}


'''Tobacky''', also known as '''tobacco''', is an agricultural product that contains a powerful stimulant and is commonly smoked to deliver a smooth, easy taste, which people like [[Chris]] complain about, but a little-known fact is that it can also be snuffed (snorted like cocaine), or chewed and comically spat in nostalgic '70s/'80s baseball movies.  
'''Tobacky''', also known as "tobacco", is a recreational drug derived from ''Nicotiana'' plants. If Chris could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to [[the Moon]].


[[Christian Weston Chandler]] hates tobacky almost as much as he hates [[homos]]. If he could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the [[The Moon|''motherfucking moon'']].
One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that she be "smoke-free".<ref>[[OkCupid]]</ref><ref>[[Dating profiles]]</ref><ref>[[Sonichu Girls]]</ref><ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>


One of the prerequisites for a [[sweetheart]] that Chris has never veered from is that his TRUE sweetheart be "smoke-free", or rather a non-smoker like himself. Strangely, despite being a ''[[Family Guy]]'' fan, he fails to understand Lois Griffin's sage wisdom: "If she smokes, she [[hanky panky|pokes]]."
Given his flip-flopping regarding his hatred of [[alcohol]], it is uncertain whether Chris has ever smoked, although he did pretend to smoke a "peace pipe" for [[Jackie]].<ref>[[Wigwam]]</ref>


However, he would probably just [[Chris's Big Night Out|throw his morals out]] if a sexy [[galpal]] offered him a smoke.  
==Chris on tobacky==
{{clear}}
[[Image:Tobacco.jpg|thumb|A [[niggo]] harvests some tobacky.]]


==Chris on tobacky==
[[Image:CastleWily.png‎|thumb|The Tobacky Factory from Chris' nightmares, according to [[Troll]] Eyewitness reports.]]
In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]], Chris said:  
 
{{quote|He [Chris] also talks about how he wants to take every ounce of "tobacky" (said that way, because he felt uncomfortable saying the actual fucking word) and shoot it to the moon.}}
In his famous [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|FUTURE MESSAGE]] of 24 February [[2007]], Chris expressed his wish for all tobacky to be shot to the Moon.
 
In an [[ED]] edit from 10 November [[2007]] regarding a comment about [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], Chris said he was uncomfortable saying the word "tobacco".<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>
 
Chris's tobacky rocket plan was elaborated on in [[January 2009]]:
{{quote|[[Honor roll|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well]].|Chris<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>}}
 
Chris has also related a [[dreams|dream]] he once had regarding the risks posed by tobacco consumption:
{{Quote|I was in a factory and I watched PEOPLE lying on a conveyor belt with their mouths full of cigarettes, going through BURNING OVENS, coming out singed (not ON FIRE), then dunked into a huge tank of Alcohol that DISSOLVED THEM to DUST like ACID would do, and their remains would come out of the factory's smokestacks in puffs of smoke and ashes. And another detail, the Front of the factory is SKULL-SHAPED.|Chris's cigarette nightmare<ref>[[Mailbag 39]]</ref>}}


In his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|Q&A video]], Chris stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years or fifteen hundred dollar fine." In short, importing cigarettes is apparently worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.
Chris has stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in [[CWCville]] and warrants "ten years [imprisonment] or fifteen hundred dollar fine".<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008]]</ref> In short, importing cigarettes is worse than [[rape]], [[Sonichu|theft]], [[Death threats|murder]], or even being a [[homo]] in [[CWCville]].


In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from 02 [[January 2009]], Chris explains why the moon and not the sun:
==Cannabis==
{{quote|I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.|Chris, IRC, 02 Jan 2009, 12:17}}
Chris seemed to have an even stronger hatred for [[Wikipedia:Cannabis (drug)|cannabis]], despite it being hailed as a possible [[autism]] treatment.<ref>[http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/autism-treatment-marijuana-madness-8763721]</ref> This is evidenced by the fact that, in CWCville, cigarette smokers are only given a US$1,500 fine, but those who simply possess weed are taken to a maximum security prison, the same place CWCville detains [[Mary Lee Walsh|terrorist leaders]], as was the fate of [[Kathleen]] in the [[Book10Replacement]].


For someone who claimed to have an IQ of "over 300" later in the aforementioned chat, it is odd that he has not put very much thought to this matter, as even people with rudimentary knowledge of astronomy and space travel will no doubt see several immediate problems with this scenario. The Sun has a very large mass compared to rockets that can be plausibly (and safely) constructed and launched from Earth. Any objects hitting the Sun would need corresponding escape velocity to escape the Sun's gravitational well. Chris's plan hinges on the fact that the tobacky has been sent to the Sun for the purpose of destruction, so we can safely assume the rocket itself is not meant to survive the collision with the star and is not meant to make a return trip (highly unfeasible given the state of technology). The masses of tobacky, which obviously lack any form of propulsion themselves, would be safely incinerated in the Sun's surface. A simple illustration: on Earth, an average cigarette burns at temperatures between 400 °C to 700 °C. The surface of the Sun is 5,510 °C.  
Interestingly, the Jamaican war veteran [[Inos]] from the original [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] somehow managed to escape this sentence, instead being forced into a soup hotel by [[Ultra Sonichu]]. Dialogue indicates it was because Sonichu believed he was actually smoking tobacco, despite him being high as a kite, unintentionally revealing that Chris may believe tobacco and cannabis to be interchangeable. The fact that "wacky '''tobacky'''" was used as a name for cannabis back in the [[Bob Chandler|1940s and 50s]] further adds weight to this theory.


As for the Sun's capability to burn the Earth's tobacky reserves, even a layman can easily grasp the concept of why the answer is a resounding ''yes'': The Sun's mass is about 332,900 times that of Earth's; Earth is just a tiny ball of rock, the Sun is a giant inferno of flaming hydrogen and helium. You can drop all of Earth's pesky tobacky reserves ''and the entire Earth along with it'' in the Sun ''very'' comfortably and no one will notice a thing. (Well, apart of the folks on Earth.) We can thus conclude that not only is the Sun effective at burning up tobacky, it is also good at containing the smoke within its enormous gravitational field.  
In true [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris hypocritical fashion]], it was revealed by [[Kim]] on [[Facebook]] that in  [[July_2016_Facebook_posts#.22I.27m_not_on_drugs.21.22|July 2016]] Chris had tried smoking cannabis at [[OmegaCon]], and he was offered it at [[Impulse Gay Social Club|Impulse]] as well.


Chris may have been thinking of the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_wind solar wind] phenomenon, but solar wind does ''not'' carry full-blown molecules (on which the stink and harmful health effects of tobacco are based); solar wind is a stream of plasma — electrons and protons. Even solar wind would have little effect on "our Galaxy", because there are not even ''other stars'' within the Sun's heliopause. Also, sadly, there are currently only eight planets in the solar system following the 2008 IAU resolution on definition of a planet, never mind the fact that there is no evidence of anything currently living on them that could have its lifespan shortened. And even if it were feasible for the tobacco molecules to go out that far, the distance is so great they likely would have become too diffuse to cause a noticeable difference in the vacuum of space.
Chris confirmed that he did try weed a couple of times in a [[Twitter]] comment.


Which is a very long way of saying that Chris is so ridiculously stupid that he doesn't realize that smell is not a pseudo-physical phenomenon and is simply a trait of molecules, and is therefore affected by gravity. That, and that he doesn't realize the galaxy is, y'know, big.
{{quote|Thanks; not totally my thing, that kind of high. The couple of times aside.|Chris.<ref>[[January 2018 tweets#Much love for MAGfest fans]]</ref>}}


And we haven't even mentioned anything about the sheer hilarity of the scenario of trying to send all tobacco supplies into space in the first place!
Under the influence of the [[Idea Guy]], Chris changed Sonichu's official birthday to 20 April, or "4/20", often celebrated as a stoner holiday. However, given the Idea Guy's [[Idea Guy#Nazi CWCville|apparent]] [[Smashing|obsession with]] [[Get Out, You D*** Nazis|Nazis]] and other offensive topics, this could also be a reference to the birthday of Adolf Hitler, or the date of the 1999 [[wikipedia:Columbine High School massacre|Columbine High School massacre]].


tl;dr: Chris fails at [[honor roll|(highly basic)]] astrophysics forever.
In [[2018]], Chris smoked pot with the [[Teen Troon Squad]], hanging out at their house to partake.


==Chris and Marijuana==
== Sources ==
Despite the possession of Marijuana being decriminalized in many states, and usually only punished by up to 5 years of state prison in more conservative states, in CWCville, offenders are sentenced to [[Book10Replacement|Maximum Security Prison]] . Chris, being the social retard that he is, fails to realize that many people smoke weed, and normal people are usually introduced to it in High School or College, but to be honest, who wants to smoke up a fat sweaty manchild? 
<references/>
== So, did he stay committed to never smoking the stuff? ==
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Wigwam|Nope]], looks like Chris [[Dreams#The acid factory dream|failed to heed godbear's warning]].


==See also==
==See also==
*[[Alcohol]]
*[[Alcohol]]
 
*[[The Moon]]
{{CWC-isms}}


[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Revision as of 10:52, 20 April 2019

"NO SMOKING" and "WANT WOMAN!", two of Chris's war cries.
Authentic CWC ashtray, perfect for launching at the Moon.
And smoking will eventually cause cancer, and it will—you'll be more likely to get heart attacks, viruses, and your life will be cut drastically short. They don't call cigarettes and cigars "death sticks" for nothing, other than killing you slowly. If I could, I would take every last ounce of tobacky, put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to the Moon.
Chris[1]

Tobacky, also known as "tobacco", is a recreational drug derived from Nicotiana plants. If Chris could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the Moon.

One of the prerequisites for a sweetheart that Chris has never veered from is that she be "smoke-free".[2][3][4][5]

Given his flip-flopping regarding his hatred of alcohol, it is uncertain whether Chris has ever smoked, although he did pretend to smoke a "peace pipe" for Jackie.[6]

Chris on tobacky

File:Tobacco.jpg
A niggo harvests some tobacky.
The Tobacky Factory from Chris' nightmares, according to Troll Eyewitness reports.

In his famous FUTURE MESSAGE of 24 February 2007, Chris expressed his wish for all tobacky to be shot to the Moon.

In an ED edit from 10 November 2007 regarding a comment about Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE, Chris said he was uncomfortable saying the word "tobacco".[7]

Chris's tobacky rocket plan was elaborated on in January 2009:

I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.
Chris[8]

Chris has also related a dream he once had regarding the risks posed by tobacco consumption:

I was in a factory and I watched PEOPLE lying on a conveyor belt with their mouths full of cigarettes, going through BURNING OVENS, coming out singed (not ON FIRE), then dunked into a huge tank of Alcohol that DISSOLVED THEM to DUST like ACID would do, and their remains would come out of the factory's smokestacks in puffs of smoke and ashes. And another detail, the Front of the factory is SKULL-SHAPED.
Chris's cigarette nightmare[9]

Chris has stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in CWCville and warrants "ten years [imprisonment] or fifteen hundred dollar fine".[10] In short, importing cigarettes is worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.

Cannabis

Chris seemed to have an even stronger hatred for cannabis, despite it being hailed as a possible autism treatment.[11] This is evidenced by the fact that, in CWCville, cigarette smokers are only given a US$1,500 fine, but those who simply possess weed are taken to a maximum security prison, the same place CWCville detains terrorist leaders, as was the fate of Kathleen in the Book10Replacement.

Interestingly, the Jamaican war veteran Inos from the original Sonichu #10 somehow managed to escape this sentence, instead being forced into a soup hotel by Ultra Sonichu. Dialogue indicates it was because Sonichu believed he was actually smoking tobacco, despite him being high as a kite, unintentionally revealing that Chris may believe tobacco and cannabis to be interchangeable. The fact that "wacky tobacky" was used as a name for cannabis back in the 1940s and 50s further adds weight to this theory.

In true Chris hypocritical fashion, it was revealed by Kim on Facebook that in July 2016 Chris had tried smoking cannabis at OmegaCon, and he was offered it at Impulse as well.

Chris confirmed that he did try weed a couple of times in a Twitter comment.

Thanks; not totally my thing, that kind of high. The couple of times aside.
Chris.[12]

Under the influence of the Idea Guy, Chris changed Sonichu's official birthday to 20 April, or "4/20", often celebrated as a stoner holiday. However, given the Idea Guy's apparent obsession with Nazis and other offensive topics, this could also be a reference to the birthday of Adolf Hitler, or the date of the 1999 Columbine High School massacre.

In 2018, Chris smoked pot with the Teen Troon Squad, hanging out at their house to partake.

Sources

The CWC-tionary

Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Darling | Dating education | Friend Zone | Gal-pal | Heart Level | Homos | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | SLGBTQ | Sweetheart | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | JULAY | Mass debating | Negligent | Pedofork | Pickle | Recycling | Soul Bonding | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Christian Love Day | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fuzzy-Wuzzies & Prickly-Wicklies | Honest Content | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Random-access humor | Saga | Scale of Respect | Tomgirl |

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | GOPony | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkops | Kick the Autistic | Manajerks | Naïve | Niggos | Pmurt | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Slow-in-the-minds | Tobacky

Fantasies: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | Dimension | Fangs | Godjesus | Iron Curtain | OC | Un-clit

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Nombie-zazis | Parody | Rosechu | Sonichu | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt


See also: Chris and English | List of phrases Chris copied from media

See also