Difference between revisions of "Sweetheart"

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Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a [[troll]] has been a sport for trolls for some time now. With the exception of [[Julie]], none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is because being a sweetheart to Chris is sort of like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as [[Blanca]] and [[Panda]] to identify and sympathize with their captor.
Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a [[troll]] has been a sport for trolls for some time now. With the exception of [[Julie]], none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is because being a sweetheart to Chris is sort of like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as [[Blanca]] and [[Panda]] to identify and sympathize with their captor.


Notable in that Chris has absolutely no interest in a girl's personality, skills, talents or intelligence, but is very strict that a sweetheart MUST be cute, younger than him, white, and other such completely superfluous qualities. He will always say that his life goal is having a "Cute Girl" as his sweetheart. And yet he constantly considers himself a strong advocate of [[Women's Rights]].
Chris has absolutely no interest in a girl's personality, skills, individual interests or intelligence, but is very strict in his insistence that a sweetheart MUST be cute, younger than him, white, and possess other such completely superficial qualities. He will always say that his life goal is having a "Cute Girl" as his sweetheart. And yet he constantly considers himself a strong advocate of [[Women's Rights]].


==Qualifications to becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris==
==Qualifications for becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris==
The qualifications to be his sweetheart would usually be spelled out in media such as the [[Attraction Sign]] and at the end of every [[Sonichu's News Dash]]. Recurring traits include:  
Chris originally spelled out what he requires of a sweetheart in the early days of his Love Quest, using media such as the [[Attraction Sign]] and his [[Sonichu's News Dash]] newsletter. Recurring traits include:  
* MUST be [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]. ''(can't emphasize that enough!)'' [[kacey|However, not even they are totally safe from Chris.]]
* MUST be [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]. ''(can't emphasize that enough!)'' [[kacey|However, not even they are totally safe from Chris.]]
* MUST be 18 - (Chris's current age).
* MUST be 18 - (Chris's current age).
* MUST be white (NO [[Niggo|DARKIES]] - unless it's [[Fuck_Quest|just for sex]], in which case [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg | Chris is fine with niggos]]).
* MUST be white (NO [[Niggo|DARKIES]] - unless it's [[Fuck_Quest|just for sex]], in which case [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg | Chris is fine with niggos]]).
:*According to [[IRC_(17_December_2008)|an IRC chat]]; Asians, Arabs and anybody but niggos are fair game.
:*In [[IRC_(17_December_2008)|an IRC chat]], Chris clarified that Asians, Arabs and anybody but niggos are fair game.
* MUST have a [[car]].
* MUST have a [[car]].
* MUST not be a mother.
* MUST not be a mother.
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*<strike> IRISH need NOT apply.</strike> Irish are alright, as long as they're not darkies.
*<strike> IRISH need NOT apply.</strike> Irish are alright, as long as they're not darkies.


If you fit all of the criteria and are into [[obesity|overweight]], [[chris_and_sex|freakish]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|perverse]], [[Sonichu_(comic)|man-children]], then God help you!
If you fit all of the criteria and are into [[obesity|overweight]], [[chris_and_sex|freakish]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|perverse]] [[Sonichu_(comic)|man-children]], then God help you!


[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's [[Guitar Hero|rock star]] fantasy. Apparently [[Niggo|niggos]] are fine now, at least when it comes to sex.]]
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's [[Guitar Hero|rock star]] fantasy. Apparently [[Niggo|niggos]] are fine now, at least when it comes to sex.]]


Throughout the ages, Chris has lowered his standards slightly. For instance, Chris's original demanded NO FATTIES but made an exception for [[Sarah Jackson]]. Likewise, Chris disapproved of redheads but made an exception for [[Ivy]]. The most noticeable deviation is from his original requirement that women approach him IRL as opposed to phone or e-mail, but following a wave of e-mails from [[trolls|women]] wanting to be his e-girlfriend, he has changed his tune. Ironically, this was the best standard as he would have saved so much grief from trollings.
Throughout the ages, Chris has lowered his standards slightly. For instance, Chris's original list of requirements stipulated NO FATTIES, but he later made an exception for [[Sarah Jackson]]. Likewise, Chris disapproved of redheads but made an exception for [[Ivy]]. While he may still insist on "non-black" women as his sweethearts, an [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|image]] surfaced September 2009, showing us that Chris does not have problems fingering [[Niggo|niggos]].


Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", he doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender, still insisting that a sweetheart for him must be very rich and attractive.
The most noticeable deviation is from his original requirement that women approach him in person as opposed to by phone or e-mail. Following a wave of e-mails and other online communications from [[trolls|women]] wanting to be his e-girlfriend, Chris rapidly changed his tune. Ironically, this was the wisest standard he had set, as adhering to it would have saved him a good deal of grief from trollings.


As of May 2009, when he started to embark on his "[[fuck quest]]", he has since returned to only IRL encounters (insisting that women find Chris "by chance", essentially requiring women to wander around [[Charlottesville]] until they find him). While he may still insist on "non-black" women as his sweethearts, an [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|image]] has surfaced in September 2009, showing us that Chris does not have problems fingering [[Niggo|niggos]].
Despite [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|having said that]] girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him.
 
In May 2009, when he started to embark on his abortive "[[fuck quest]]", Chris temporarily returned to seeking only in-person encounters. (He insisted that women find him "by chance", essentially requiring that they wander around [[Charlottesville]] until they found him.) Soon enough, however, he returned to pursuing women by way of the internet, with [[Kacey|predictable results]].


==See also==
==See also==

Revision as of 19:51, 11 March 2010

Potential sweethearts surrounding Chris.

Note: this never happened.

Sweetheart is Chris's term for his true love ("heartsweet" is also used in the comics). His goal is to build a sweetheart from the ground-up to give birth to his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after the illustrious metal and a name similar to his own).

Providing Chris with a sweetheart who is really a troll has been a sport for trolls for some time now. With the exception of Julie, none of the trolls have revealed themselves. Some argue that this is because being a sweetheart to Chris is sort of like Stockholm syndrome, leading trolls such as Blanca and Panda to identify and sympathize with their captor.

Chris has absolutely no interest in a girl's personality, skills, individual interests or intelligence, but is very strict in his insistence that a sweetheart MUST be cute, younger than him, white, and possess other such completely superficial qualities. He will always say that his life goal is having a "Cute Girl" as his sweetheart. And yet he constantly considers himself a strong advocate of Women's Rights.

Qualifications for becoming a TRUE and HONEST sweetheart of Chris

Chris originally spelled out what he requires of a sweetheart in the early days of his Love Quest, using media such as the Attraction Sign and his Sonichu's News Dash newsletter. Recurring traits include:

  • In an IRC chat, Chris clarified that Asians, Arabs and anybody but niggos are fair game.
  • MUST have a car.
  • MUST not be a mother.
  • MUST be a non-smoker
  • MUST have a mid to high salary.
  • MUST live within 30 miles of the Ruckersville area.
  • MUST NOT be a cop.
  • MUST NOT have Autism.
  • MUST NOT be a man.
  • IRISH need NOT apply. Irish are alright, as long as they're not darkies.

If you fit all of the criteria and are into overweight, freakish, perverse man-children, then God help you!

Chris's rock star fantasy. Apparently niggos are fine now, at least when it comes to sex.

Throughout the ages, Chris has lowered his standards slightly. For instance, Chris's original list of requirements stipulated NO FATTIES, but he later made an exception for Sarah Jackson. Likewise, Chris disapproved of redheads but made an exception for Ivy. While he may still insist on "non-black" women as his sweethearts, an image surfaced September 2009, showing us that Chris does not have problems fingering niggos.

The most noticeable deviation is from his original requirement that women approach him in person as opposed to by phone or e-mail. Following a wave of e-mails and other online communications from women wanting to be his e-girlfriend, Chris rapidly changed his tune. Ironically, this was the wisest standard he had set, as adhering to it would have saved him a good deal of grief from trollings.

Despite having said that girls should go after poorer, less attractive guys because "they will likely have a better personality", Chris doesn't seem to think that the same applies for the opposite gender. He still insists his sweetheart must be physically attractive and well-off enough to financially support him.

In May 2009, when he started to embark on his abortive "fuck quest", Chris temporarily returned to seeking only in-person encounters. (He insisted that women find him "by chance", essentially requiring that they wander around Charlottesville until they found him.) Soon enough, however, he returned to pursuing women by way of the internet, with predictable results.

See also

External links

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