Sonichu (character)

This page is about Christian Weston Chandler's TRUE and ORIGINAL fail OC, Sonichu.
For other uses of Sonichu that also fail, see Sonichu (disambugation)

“	Do not fear, world, for I am a new pokemon. And my name is….Sonichu!	”
Sonichu, the Genesis of the Lovehogs

“	Sonichu is Copyrighted and Mine Alone. Do Not Steal.	”
Chris, "Sonichu" CWCipedia article

ORIGINAL CHARACTER
(DO NOT STEAL)

Sonichu (born 17 March 1988^[1]) is the magnum opus of Christian Weston Chandler. He is an uncreative combination of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu, and he is also Chris's imaginary son. He goes on adventures and zaps to the extreme.

Sonichu's species, sonichu, evolves from a sonee, and can evolve into either Metonic or Ultra Sonichu. (Even though the original Sonichu evolved from Pikachu, which just makes the Sonichu comic even more pointless and confusing.)

More recently, Sonichu can be found pounding Rosechu's tom-tom and beating the living shit out of authority figures.

Creation and development

The first drawing of Sonichu, circa 2000, from one of Chris's homemade Pokémon cards^[2]

The CD cover in question, Christian's Favorite Hits!^[3]

Chris revealed on his fail Wikipedia page that Sonichu is a product of a Computer Graphics Class with Miss Chalifoux. In March 2000, Chris had to create a CD Cover for an assignment. Despite being ridiculously simple, with infinite possibilities for a possible CD cover, Chris still struggled with the assignment, because he could not use copyrighted characters. Chris's usual technique of "cover everything with shitty video game characters" wouldn't work this time. But then, inspiration struck:

“	Then it dawned on me at that moment after lunch, much like the random creation of Bionic the Hedgehog during Basketball Practice in my Freshman Year, Sonichu just bursted right into my imagination. A blur at first, but then it all became more clear and came together very well. So, as swiftly as the creation of Bionic, I drew Sonichu on paper from imagination, then I drew him on my currently open Photoshop program. After checking with Miss. Chalifoux and my father, who is BIG on copyrights and whatnot; SONICHU WAS LEGAL THEN, and STILL IS and ONLY MINE! So, soon after, the CD-Cover was made, printed and Passed with an A+ Grade. :D	”
Chris on the origin of Sonichu, and why the public school system has failed us^[4]

Thus, an Internet legend, Sonichu, was born.

Chris created the CWC's Sonichu Site! five months later, in August 2000. A few drawings of Sonichu appeared on the site, mostly on homemade Pokemon cards and other various and sundry shit.

The comic began shortly thereafter: Chris drew a few short comics in the following four years which eventually appeared in Sonichu #0. The comic was completed and released in 2005, five years after Sonichu's conception (and to think people bitch about waiting a few months for new comics to come out!).

Sonichu's character design has slightly changed since Chris scrawled the first poorly drawn Sonichu. Due to Megan's influence (read: wanting her sweet, wet china), Sonichu took on a more anime-like appearance. However, despite drawing Sonichu for nearly a decade, Chris has somehow managed to maintain the drawing skills of a 6-year-old. Perhaps constant masturbation leaves his hands sore, numb and useless.

Fictional character biography

“	Yellow electric hedgehog Pokemon. The original and one-and-only, he runs faster than the speed of sound. When danger is near, he will slice and zap it up.	”
Sonichu's background, Sonichu's News Dash #2

Sonichu came from a "freshly hatched" Pichu that eventually evolved into a Pikachu, who "grazed, survived and had fun."

“	A Pok'emon Watcher saw this one making out with a Jigglypuff once or twice. WILD.	”
Chris, CWCipedia

Awww

Show me some Chris Duck

One day the city of Station Square was under siege by the Perfect Chaos Monster, and Sonic the Hedgehog attempted to battle the creature. While using the six Chaos Emeralds to transform into Super Sonic, Sonic bumped into the Pikachu who happened upon the scene. This collision somehow mutated the Pikachu so that it evolved to possess the physical characteristics and abilities of Sonic. After dispatching with the Perfect Chaos Monster, and being mistaken for Sonic, the newly evolved Pikachu declared himself to be a new species of Pokémon: Sonichu.

While Sonichu had gained new abilities from his transformation, his larger size made it impractical for him to forage for nuts and berries in the forest. Upon discovering Rosechu in the woods he hoped to beg for food from her trainer, Kel. Rosechu was immediately attracted to Sonichu for such qualities as being unable to name his favorite color. Their whirlwind romance was quickly consummated, and the two became passionate lovers. After rescuing Rosechu from Naitsirhc at CWCville Mall, Sonichu became recognized as the hero of the city. CWCville's mayor, Christian Weston Chandler, congratulated him for his victory; Sonichu in turn commended his creator's work on the Sonichu comics and wished him luck in his Love Quest.

Although Naitsirhc had been defeated, he succeeded in obtaining a sample of Sonichu's DNA which his adopted father Giovanni and Robotnik used to create Black Sonichu. Black Sonichu was sent to capture Rosechu to lure Sonichu into a trap; however Giovanni and Robotnik did not reckon on Sonichu joining forces with Sonic. Together they overwhelmed both Blachu and Metal Sonichu to rescue Rosechu, who later met Amy Rose.

One day, while zapping to the extreme, Sonichu encountered The Destiny Cave, a mysterious Cherokian chamber guarded by an old man. The keeper of the Destiny Cave explained that Sonichu was the prophesied creature whose master would enter the cave and receive special powers. Sonichu reported this to Christian, and took him back to the cave. There, they learned the Anchuent Prophecy, which reveals that Chris is the reincarnation of his Cherokian ancestor and foretells of the release of an ancient evil. Sonichu blamed himself for allowing this evil force to escape, but Chris reassured him. After Chris took on the powers of Chris-chan Sonichu, which transformed him into a hedgehog, Sonichu helped him adjust to his new powers and body. No sooner had Chris-Chan mastered these abilities when he and his son were ambushed by Wes-Li Sonichu, the reincarnation of the head of the Wasabi Clan, who sought to renew the hostilities between the Wasabis and Cherokees. Saramah Rosechu, the reincarnation of the wife of Chris's ancestor, intervened to stop the battle. Sonichu and these three prophesied hedgehogs formed a tenuous alliance to defeat a giant golem monster summoned by Mary Lee Walsh and Count Graduon.

When Sonichu learned of Blachu's attempt to steal the Legendary Master Sunstone, he zapped to the scene of the crime, only to discover five other electric hedgehog Pokemon created by the same effect that created himself and Rosechu. Sonichu led this newly formed Chaotic Combo into battle against Blachu, defeating him utterly.

One day, Christian and Sonichu were chillin' at the mall when Mary Lee Walsh's forces attacked CWCville, prompting Christian to summon the Chaotic Combo and transform with his twin sister into Chrs-Chan Pure. Sonichu contributed relatively little to this battle, as Chris did most of the heavy lifting. In the aftermath of the attack, during which Crystal was imprisoned in Count Graduon's Dark Mirror Hole, Sonichu confided to Rosechu about dreams of seeing his creator with long hair in a mirror. When Reldnahc Ha-Taque and Black Sonichu attacked CWCville Mall, Sonichu and Magi-Chan accompanied Chris in responding to the emergency. Sonichu largely hung back as Chris battled his homosexual evil twin.

After the threat of Reldnahc was eliminated, Chris, Magi-Chan, and Sonichu pooled their efforts to retrieve one of the seven Sonichu Balls from 1996. Magi-chan created a sphere to contain them, which Sonichu's tremendous speed would accelerate backwards through time. Although they successfully obtained the Sonichu Ball and returned to the present, Chris was lost in the time stream. Sonichu was disheartened by the disappearance of his father, but was able to console Rosechu so that she would be willing to have sex with him.

One day, after having hours of sexual intercourse, Sonichu and Rosechu discovered the website 4-cent garbage.com spreading slanderous lies about them and their friends. Most notably, the site had pictures of Rosechu with a penis--pictures which caused Sonichu to collapse into violent nausea. Outraged, the couple stormed the 4-Cent Garbage building to confront Jason Kendrick Howell. When Howell refused to remove the offending content from his website, Sonichu attacked him in an rage, but was easily defeated. It instead fell to Rosechu to teach Howell a lesson by shoving her breasts and pussy in his face while eating his brain.

During Spring Break, Sonichu was briefly seen talking to Rosechu and surfing. Sonichu has also made an appearance drawn in marker on CWC's duck.

Characteristics and personal life

MY ASS HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH FIRE!

Sonichu's hobbies include running, surfing, and chillin'. He enjoys outdoors activities and the scenery around him. He appears to be undecided on whether his favorite color is yellow or blue.

Sonichu's voice, as Chris would be his ideal candidate for a voice actor should there ever be a Sonichu cartoon, is more or less Chris's voice but in a slightly higher tone.^[5]

He is deeply in love with his sweet-bolt, Rosechu, with whom he lives at a subdivision at 14 Brunchville Lane, CWCville, Virginia, 02024-1982. Sonichu is normally rather calm and collected, but when Rosechu's reputation is besmirched he flies into unthinking rage and/or vomits profusely. Sonichu is rarely seen away from Rosechu's side, and it is possible that his relationship with her has become overly possessive and abusive behind closed doors.

"Christ almighty, I zap to the extreme all fucking day, can't I have a goddamn can of Reeb and watch TV, woman?"

Despite maintaining an appearance of living in carnal sin, Sonichu and Rosechu have been secretly married since March 17, 2006^[6] (a possible retcon by Chris to address complaints about Sonichu and Rosechu having sex outside of marriage). The two have gone to great lengths to keep it under wraps, wearing gloves over their wedding rings and keeping their three children — Cerah (potentially named after Sarah Hammer, Sarah Jackson, PandaHalo or Sarah May; take your pick), Robbie (most likely named after the retarded hero from The Adventures of The American Rabbit), and Christine (one guess) — hidden in the attic like so many flowers. Whatever sordid reason for burying their union remains a mystery. It has become rapidly apparent that Christian believes that his characters exist outside the confines of his scented marker universe, though one wonders if a personage as bland and poorly-developed as Wild Sonichu could truly survive in our harsh world.

Although many of his friends are members of his own species, his closest friend is his father and creator, Christian Weston Chandler. As the Sonichu series has shifted its focus from the titular character to its writer, Sonichu's role has been that of Christian's closest confident as he struggles to persevere in his Love Quest and endure the Stressful Torture of the internet bullies. When Giovanni asked him between loyalty to Reldnahc and make him into the mayor of CWCville, or let Rosechu to live, obviously, he chose Christian instead of Rosechu without hesitation.^[7] Like father, like son.

Sexual prowess

When erect, Sonichu's cock is easily 7 inches long, and often ruptures the condoms he uses when 69-ing his beloved Rosechu. Chris has also given very intense details to Sonichu and Rosechu's anatomy.^[8]

Powers and abilities

Sonichu's stats. You know, for all the people who give a damn.

Aside from the obvious super-speed transferred to him from Sonic, Sonichu also possesses many powers based on his original Pikachu form, most notably his lightning and thunder attacks. His special attacks include:

Sky Uppercut (punch to the head from below)
Mega Kick (a, um, kick)
Double Team (the attacker creates the illusion that there are, uh, three attackers)
Spin Dash (attacker spins in mid-air, hurtling directly at victim)
Zap Cannonball (attacker aims a projectile at victim)
Iron Tail ( attacker swings his tail at the victim)
Mud Slap (attacker kicks conveniently placed mud to the victim's eyes)

Sonichu may well possess other special powers that have only been utilized during the scenes where he is off-panel, while Christian takes over the story.

Interestingly, it is said that Sonichu and Blake are virtually the same. That being said, if one takes Blake's training in Sonichu 1 seriously, then that would mean that Sonichu is actually slower than Sonic. Blake's given speed was 200 KM/H, which translates to roughly lower than 125 MPH, much slower than Sonic, who can hit Mach 1 unaided (so far, the best SEGA has been able to show in-game is around 300 MPH in Sonic Unleashed). Even more, it is said that Blake can reach a spinning power of 200 RPMs, which is barely enough to get a cool breeze.

Thus, Sonichu fails as a Sonic ripoff.

Sonichu as a Mary Sue

He's not gay

One of the chief traits of Sonichu that drew trolls to Chris, aside from being an unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws, is that Sonichu is a Mary Sue unoriginal Sonic recolor that blatantly violates international copyright laws. In other words, he is an obvious avatar for Chris's personal power fantasies.

When the comics don't focus on Chris himself, they still manage to focus on Sonichu, who serves as Chris's idealized version of himself. Unlike Chris, Sonichu has a girlfriend whom he met, fell in love with, and drew into a meaningful relationship in a few hours' time; is fast, good looking, and loved by everyone; and despite his success, he somehow manages to "admire" Chris.

A notable instance of Sonichu as a Mary Sue is in Sonichu 8, during the battle with 4-cent_garbage.com, where Sonichu merely stands in for Chris as he fights the trolls. The fact that Sonichu ultimately gets his ass kicked and has to be saved by his sweetheart just adds another level to this dumbfuckery.

Gallery

More than you ever wanted to know about Sonichu's stats.
Even Sonichu wears Pedo-Glasses!
SONICHU VS. NIGRACHU FIGHT!
Fun fact: Chris would never actually go into a disco because it's too smokey and drunky for his tastes.
Watch out Sonichu, it's Black Sonichu!
HE'S A STREET SMART COP WITH 20 YEARS ON THE FORCE! HE'S A ROOKIE OUT OF ACADEMY! TOGETHER, THEY DELIVER JUSTICE. COMING THIS SUMMER.
Chris, marveling at his creation where either Sonichu is holding a minidisc version of Christian and the Hedgehog Boys or an unfortunate licensed condoms with album art on them.
Yes, even Chris's game consoles have Sonichu on them, like his PSP.
Even for your DS!
Chris and Sonichu are keeping an eye on you, Evan. FIND YOUR OWN VIDEO GAME FRANCHISES TO INFRINGE UPON!
That's right, he made a reverse foil card with actual tin foil.
Yu-Gi-Oh!
A proposed site logo idea that was rejected for not being bad enough. Also, Sonichu's smiling because he's gonna rape her within seconds.
~~Freddy Mercury~~ Sonichu, noted guitarist in Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
And his GBA
(with layout so you can instantly make it worthless)
Very intimidating...
Spoiler: either that was an abandoned building nobody gave a shit about or it was a wall that was going to be demolished immediately anyway.
Really? Of all the things going on campus, you had to go with asking Chris about Sonichu?
Sonichu with Rosechu, in Pixelblocks form.
Nothing is safe.
DVD notes
In ModNation Racers