Rocky Shoemaker
Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church, who advised Chris on several matters, going as far back as the Miyamoto Saga.
Biography
Rocky used to work in the Community of Faith United Methodist Church, where she garnered high praise and comparisons with Rocky Balboa. In the year of Our Lord 2009, she brought about the end of the Ivy Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy.
This wasn't the first time she wanted to call the cops, either - Julie and PandaHalo have both incurred her wrath in the past.
The last straw came in the form of Joshua Martinez, aka Vanessa Hudgens, who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a PSP. After that, Shoemaker made Bob Chandler and Barb contact the cops who tried to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing.
In a July 2009 IRC Chat Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to rape Rocky. That's right. Despite the fact that she just might be the only person left with any hope for Chris, he still has fantasies about raping her and then blaming the trolls for making him do it. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. That she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.
The ultimate white knight?
Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the Love Quest, it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for china.
Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and Clyde Cash, it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his bigotry, selfishness, total disregard for others, gluttony, and rage.
One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out another on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with Jackie).
Chris insists that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist, and seems to accept uncritically whatever she says, even though her only qualifications are "big fan of Jesus."
Contact info
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PROTIP:
If you try to contact Rocky, she probably won't listen to you as she gets all sorts of shit from trolls.
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Rochelle Shoemaker
315 Ivy Vista Dr.
Charlottesville, VA 22903
(434) 244-2898
(703) 517-2446
Emails: revrocky48@gmail.com
revrocky@yahoo.com