Joshua Martinez
Joshua was a friend who carpooled to James Madison University for special education with Chris, as Josh was attending speech therapy due to his thick Spanish accent[1]. Apparently, they hung out after school in Harrisonburg, where they would eat at a restaurant called Country Cookin and mull around an abandoned airplane.
Josh supposedly has cousins in a fairly popular band, which is the supposed facet for meeting the likes of Jessica Alba, Britney Spears, Jessica Biel, Megan Fox, and Jessica Simpson.
First Troll
Joshua is the first troll to pretend to be a woman to screw with him. He pretended to hook Chris up with a girl named Lori Lopez, chatted with Chris as her and sent him supposed pictures of her. These images were actually of Vanessa Hudgens. The truly hilarious part of this is he closes communication as her by confiding her love for Josh to Chris. Eventually Chris discovers that he was trolled, and (as he does about everything that happens to him) writes about it in his comic.
After Chris discovered he was a lolcow, he tried diverting the attention from himself to Joshua with gems like
| “ | --- Look, pal, if you REALLY WANT to TAKE DOWN someone who HAS a REPUTATION, consider one JOSHUA MARTINEZ.
Ladies come a runnin' from at least as far as New York City to his house in Dyke, VA; not just any ladies, but STARS like Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson and plenty other whores. He also has been Piggy-Backing on the Stardom of Vanessa Hudgens; singing with her in her Latino Albums, and starring with her in various HBO movies, and even worse, TRANSFORMERS 2. He has her and some other gal named Brittany for BOTH HIS SIMULTANEOUS GIRLFRIENDS; DUAL Marriage in the works here. He's a more LUCKY S.O.B. than I can ever surmount to. RUIN HIS REPUTATION. Joshua Martinez. PS YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS WHOLE THING FROM ME. |
” |
| CWC thanking Josh for saving him $22.49 for a Nintendo Wii[2] | ||
Life
Joshua was working as a gofer at ProBuild in Charlottesville Virginia until mid-2008, now he sells sugar water.[3] Much like Chris, he is also perusing a career in the art field with works that look like Venus De Milo in comparison to Chris's shit. Much unlike Chris, he has a daily jogging and weightlifting regimen.
Amazingly, Joshua is still friends with Christian.[4]
| “ | Chris thinks so. Josh can't stand him, but Chris is always trying to hang out with him. I think Josh is the ONE man his age that he can stand being around. | ” |
| PodMonkey talking about Joshua Martinez. | ||
PSP Saga
Chris recently decided to buy a Sony PSP from Joshua Martinez but he intentionally paid with a bad check thinking he outsmarted Josh. There was probably some big argument and Chris went running to daddy who threatened to beat up Josh (wut?). It is unknown what role, if any, Vanessa Hudgens plays in this drama.
| “ | Hello
This Is Joshua Martinez i have had ben called you in the last couple of times,you have spoke too Ben, and tell you hand over the Sony Psp back! he has told that you need paper work to prove,that the check didnt go trew! But well chris you have told me that! you stop the Payment, at Samclub. and you know the check didnt go trew! but I'm placeing a Warrant Pressing Charges Against you! of Bad Check. ill give you aweek. WRITE BACK SOON |
” |
| Joshua, This was sent at roughly 2:15 A.M. May 8, 2009 | ||
Chris is in effect going out of his way to ostracize and con his only source of human contact not specifically out to troll him, minus his mother.