Sonichu 3
Sonichu #3 is the fourth issue of the series. This issue spotlights the Chaotic Combo, and almost no intelligible dialogue.
Features
Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"
It is explained that the rainbow of Chaos Energy that emerged from Sonichu's collision with Sonic created five eggs that landed in various areas within a few miles of CWCville. Christian Weston Chandler, the narrator, congratulates himself on this cute intro, and presents what Sonichu (character) and Rosechu would have looked like if they had been born as Sonee and Rosee, which makes no sense because they first appeared fully-grown, having evolved from mature Pokemon.
Each of these eggs is shown hatching into a new baby Electric Hedgehog Pokemon. First, the green egg lands in the jungle and the hatchling is raised by a Venusaur and a Scyther. In time, Wild Sonichu develops his abilities to shoot vines from his arms, fly with his propeller-like tail, and camouflage himself into his surroundings.
The blue egg lands in the ocean, where it is recovered by a Swampert who takes it to the beach to hatch. The resulting Rosee loves to play in the water with her "mother," until one day a Wailord inexplicably drops a boulder onto Swampert, causing it to sink into the depths. Terrified, the Rosee tries to save Swampert, but is too weak; however its effort causes it to evolve, and Bubbles Rosechu is able to save her. Bubbles is so happy to reveal her origin that she decides to make a seashell necklace, just like the stupid vagina-having strumpet she is.
The white egg somehow ends up at the doorstep of an convent, where it is discovered by some nuns who live there. The nuns raise the white Rosee, who learns the Catholic faith alongside them. She evolves into Angelica Rosechu in her sleep one night, and conveniently Christian Chandler is outside her bedroom window with shoes and a scrunchie for her to wear in her new form.
The red egg crashes into Nabe's dojo-shin, immediately hatching into a Sonee. Inspired by his surroudnings, the Sonee tries to fight. Mypoe accepts the Sonee's challenge, and for no apparent reason rips its tail right out of its body. This trauma causes the Sonee to evolve into Punchy Sonichu. Punchy uses his impressive strength to Sky Uppercut Mypoe straight through the roof, never to be seen again. Nabe offers to teach Punchy the ways of the martial arts, at which Punchy excels.
The purple egg hatches inside a mysterious mountain, where it is seemingly alone. However, the Sonee is telepathcially contacted by Mewtwo from a nearby city. Mewtwo has noticed the Sonee's telepatchic powers and wishes the mentor him in those abilities. In this way the Sonee learns to master his abilities and vicariously learns about the outside world and Jackie Chan movies. One day during his routine meditation he evolves into Magi-Chan Sonichu. Mewtwo congratulates Magi-Chan and sets him off to find his destiny, promising that they will meet in person someday...
Episode 11: The Chaotic Combo in "When Hedgehogs Meet"
The story is introduced by Flame the Sunbird, who explains the significance of the Legendary Master Sunstone, a mystical artifact that must remain safe on his island to prevent people from growing or losing extra appendages.
Just then Black Sonichu jumps out of a helicopter on orders from Naitsirhc to steal the very same stone Flame was just telling us about. The black fiend, being larger and stronger than Flame, easily overpowers him and, having a simplistic notion of justice, takes the Sunstone away on his hoverboard. Flame goes after him, and attempts to subdue Black Sonichu with Drill Peck, but the devious darkie uses Double Team to confuse his pursuer.
Amid this commotion, Black Sonichu's hoverboard somehow creates a wave that washes over the beach as he reaches the mainland, thoroughly drenching Bubbles, who was relaxing on the shore. With little regard for others, Blachu speeds through the jungle, knocking Wild off-balance as he swings through the trees. Finally, in another part of the wilderness, Punchy is practicing his punches when he catches his spiky knuckles on the hoverboard, and he is dragged along for the ride.
Near her convent, Angelica is using her powers to somehow cause flowers to grow in a lovely pattern that reads "HOPE & PEACE." (Of course, since she's the only one who can fly, she's the only one who can see it. Stupid bitch.) Just then Black Sonichu and Punchy zoom by, with Punchy hitting a tree and falling from the hoverboard. While Angelica checks on Punchy, Bubbles, Wild, and Flame catch up. Each of the hedgehogs is delighted to meet others of their kind, and make introductions. From a distance, Magi-Chan observes this and realizes the others are forgetting about Blachu, so he zaps off to remind them.
Meanwhile, Sonichu finally bothers to show up on page 23 of his own damn comic, having somehow already arrived at the conclusion that a black guy is out stealing things. Just before Blachu can reach the safety of Team Rocket's headquarters, Sonichu intercepts him. After a brief scuffle, Sonichu finds he has reinforcements--Wild, Bubbles, Angelica, Punchy, Flame, and Magi-Chan have all teleported in. Black Sonichu remains defiant, perhaps due to unconscionable amounts of crack cocaine and PCP he has ingested. While Flame falls into a bush and exits the fight, the hedgehogs huddle up and Sonichu comes up with a brilliant strategy:
| “ | Avoid his attacks, and attack him with your punches, kicks, wing attacks; that sort! | ” |
The Chaotic Combo employs this plan of attacking their opponent while not letting him hit them, but little strategy is needed when it's six against one, and Black Sonichu is easily beaten by superior numbers.
Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"
Christian's Love Quest is again interrupted, this time by B-Manajerk, Merried Seinor Comic and their army of Mecha-Jerkops. Chris again gets his ass kicked and has to be rescued Darkbind Sonichu, but after Darkbind leaves Chris is attacked by the W-M-Manajerk.
Additions
This comic also includes:
- A shit drawing of Chris's MySpace. He only has one friend, but that's one more than real life.
- A phone order service for lonely men to order boyfriend free girls. If only it were that easy, Chris.
Links
- Episode 10 Comic Audiobook Part 1 Audiobook Part 2
- Episode 11 Comic Audiobook
- Sub-Episode 4 Comic Audiobook
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