User:Robotnik/veggiewar

Good day, I, Christian Weston Chandler, of sound mind and body, type the following from honest personal opinions, and I apologize for all offensive remarks I will be making in the statement.

Gherkins are Nothing At All Like Pickles. I have stated this Fact over and over again in my replies to messages from people who tell me otherwise. I feel very sick and tired of hearing that false rumor that the two are Anything to Full Similar.

Firstly, I can verify that I was eating a gherkin in a sandwich from my parents' refrigerator. And more current and immediate within my reach, I have the jar of gherkins from my most recent trip to the supermarket on November 5, 2004 with the grocer, Zachariah C. Dameron, III, M.D. She reverifies my gherkin in this, and I quote, "Mr. Chandler is a 22-year-old man with a sandwich containing a gherkin. Despite these limitations, he semms to have been quite successful in maximizing the taste of his sandwich. Despite his significant lack of vinegar, he has managed to keep the gherkin fresh until time of consumption."

And with that, I have not only Helped cultivate the First Generation of proper sandwich eaters, but I have gone beyond the uses of the gherkin in salads, sandwiches and hours d'vours trays. Still, I have trouble maintaining condiment relations, my sandwich making reflexes are sometimes slow yet quick at other times. The people who first evaluated my food ever even stated that I would never even make it to salad preparing, much less even to properly slice them. Take That and Smoke It, oldest chefs. I have worked very hard to achieve and maintain fresh produce throughout Middle and High School, and even to make the PVCC Dean's List, and fulfill my parents' wishes to work for and earn the Spiced Vegetable award of excellence.

And those with Pickles DARE try to take the Shine and Limelight AWAY from us Gherkin eaters, not only with their "Chip Cut" and such possibly similar traits to Gherkins. But to SHUN the gherkins by being BETTER taste-wise and larger than us. I have received a message from one who DARED called me "undersized" in comparison to him. IF ANYTHING, the pickle people ARE and HAVE BEEN SMALL. They think they can one-up, or even match, gherkins with the Lack of aftertaste and their whole-body flavor and such. THOSE Characteristics can be FAKED by them who are LESS DELICIOUS compared to us TRUE GHERKIN PEOPLE.

Even their Title is flawed, "Pickle"; it can be misconstrued into a Part Of The Male Genitalia; even something that can be picked nasally.

I have fought Long and Hard to make a Stand for the Gherkin People; I will most certainly NOT let these impostors Steal the True Original Title of Spiced Vegetable from any of us.

VICTORY OVER SPICED VEGETABLES BELONGS ONLY TO US TRUE GHERKIN PEOPLE.