User:Beat

STRAIGHT This user is STRAIGHT. The men like dykes and china while the women like pickles & balls. Unlike Chris, they don't mind da homos.

Americunt: This user is an Americunt and refuses to use unnecessary vowels. Uncle Sam would be proud!

Christian This user is a Christian and has accepted GodJesus as his/her savior.

Operation Mailbag This user contributed to the Mailbag and had their e-mail answered by Chris.

CWChronology Iron Cross Thank u for ur great help towards the obsessive chronological documentation of Chris-Chan's life! :3

Transcriber This user transcribes videos, and has no doubt become insane from regular exposure to Chris's fail.

Asperpedia Regular This user is a regular contributor to Asperpedia.

I'm Beat! I transcribe things and upload cool pictures people draw on /CWC/. It makes me smile when I see famous quotes and bible verses applied to Chris.

My to do list

Mumble 3 is my personal demon. I wanna get it to the hour mark by the end of March Mumble Madness.

Also: my sandbox.

Stuff I did

Uhhhh...

• I think I kicked off Chris and Remorse. Too bad it kinda sucks.
• I remember writing most of Death threats when it was created. Didn't start the page though.
• I'm pretty sure I did a lot of work on the early version of Chris and English. That said, Speech impediment and Chris and writing kind of make it redundant.
• I wrote some nonsense for Chris and music, mostly just "GRRR CHRIS SUCKS AT RAP".
• A list of famous people who sent Chris letters.
• I wrote the fist draft of the main Asperchu article.

My letters to Chris

• The Man who was Thursday, on literature.
• The Screwtape Letters, on making people do stuff.
• Milton Bradley, on Asperchu, deleted because Chris hates Asperchu.
• G.K. Chesterton, on blasphemy, deleted because I didn't approach the topic gently enough.

Bomb the Music Industry!

Had I known about this when Chris actually answered Mailbags, I would have definitely written to Chris as Jeff Rosenstock.

Anyway to the uninformed Bomb the Music Industry! is a punk/ska/insane band that puts all their music online for free. Quite recently, they put up another EP, bearing the ridiculous title "ADULTS!!!: SMART!!! SHITHAMMERED!!! AND EXCITED BY NOTHING!!!!!!!".

While bomb the music industry have many songs that cover similar topics, the last song on this EP titled "Struggler" sums up Chris so perfectly it's hard to believe it's a coincidence. The entire song from start to end could be considered a very somber depiction of Chris's current life from his own perspective. The song, and the whole album for that matter, can be downloaded from here.

BreadGod is doing a lyrical analysis of "Dead Skin Mask" by Slayer, so I figure I'll follow suit here.

They won't go away. I don't think I've seem 'em blink at all. They all know my name and they're waiting for me to fall on my face

It's not difficult to argue that this is how Chris perceives both the trolls and his own fans. A group of monstrous, tormenting figures that for reasons he probably doesn't fully understand, will never leave him. Some of them want to help him, some of them are actively laughing at his life, some of them are just captivated by the sheer madness of it all, but whatever the reason, we all know his name, and we're all waiting for him to fail once again.

as I attempt to have my tiny little life

This is the part that fully cements the image of Chris in my mind, namely because he said something very similar in his message to the trolls video. Strictly speaking, he said "a little life of my own" but whatever.

They wait in the wings and I'm not sure why. I don't know why.

You have to understand that Chris honestly believes the things he does are perfectly reasonable. In his mind there's no connection between the reprehensible things he does and the hell the trolls put him through. He doesn't recognize that his comic is deeply disturbing, he doesn't understand that the way he treats women and homosexuals is amazingly offensive, and he doesn't get why people don't accept his clearly false apologies. Likewise, he doesn't understand that the trolling is largely a reaction to all the things that are so hilariously wrong with his life. Chris has no idea why so many people follow him, and he doesn't really get that if he quit being so insane, they might stop. He just keeps doing what he's doing.

I used to be thin. I used to look good with a guitar

I wouldn't say he used to be "thin" but he definitely wasn't always as giant as he is now. The guitar thing doesn't really fit, unless we count guitar hero, but again, whatever.

You're always alone, when you don't know who you are

This. Chris has no idea who he really is. In his mind, he's an excellent specimen of humanity, perhaps the only good male left in the world. Everybody else, even his own father, is a jerk that's just to out to make him miserable. The idea that he's anything less than a paragon of perfection is completely alien to him.

And if the slightest touch can shatter crush and vaporize your bones, how do they expect you to deal with stones.

I don't want to go outside cuz, I might have a terrible day and get sent home. I don't want to go outside cuz I might have a terrible day.

And I'm not gonna change I'm not gonna change.

I wish that I could change but I'll never change

I'm always gonna be here. I'm always gonna be here all day.