Barbara Chandler

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File:Chrischansmom.jpg
Barbara holding Scampers Desi the cat.
Get off. Before I go off.
Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with Sarah May
I don't need no back talk from someone on the internet.
Barbara, Mumble 2

Barbara Anne Weston Chandler[1] (born circa 1942)[2] is the wife of Bob Chandler and terrible mother of Christian Weston Chandler and Cole Smithey. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year 2000 Award Chris created for her.[3]

Appearance

As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her massive size, she is affectionately referred to as Snorlax by trolls. When encountering Barbara, it is wise to use a Poke Flute.

Barbara has no eyebrows, which has caused intense interest at the PVCC[4]

Relationship with Cole and his possible fathers

Cole visits for Chris's 18th birthday.

Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's Maury Povich trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married to Ran Coleman Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.

During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.[5] Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism.[6]

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.[5]

Relationship with Chris

Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.

According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the abusive babysitter.[7]

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.[8] As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that PandaHalo would not stop kissing him once she met him.

Barbara was Chris's date to his seinor prom. She and Chris also cuddle while Bob is out of the room, and sometimes fall asleep like this.

She is extremely paranoid of Chris's online misadventures which, while ruining the fun for trolls, does seem to indicate that she's not entirely stupid.

Relationship with Bob

0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg

Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.[9] Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.[10] According to Chris, Barbara did the persuing: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.[9]

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.[11]

Audio Appearances

Gallery

See Also

Sauces

External Links