Difference between revisions of "HEXBox"

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m (its gonna take you virgins all year to revert all this damage.)
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[[Image:Hexbox.PNG|center|300px]]


[[File:Hexboxguido01.png|thumb|left|[[Clyde Cash|Shit was SO cash!]]]]
[[Image:LegoHexBawxController.jpg|thumb|What a CWC lego HEXBox controller would look like if Chris: 1. Liked Xboxes 2. Had any sort of [[autistic|artistic]] talent.]]
'''HEXBox''' or '''HEX-Box''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for the [[Wikipedia:Xbox 360|Xbox 360]] game console.
Chris has stated that if his video game ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title, but NEVER ON HEXBox.
{{clear}}
==Early days==
Chris tried to sell the [[Xbox]] games [[Wikipedia:Call of Duty 2: Big Red One|''Call of Duty 2: Big Red One'']], ''[[Wikipedia:The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay|The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay]]'', [[Wikipedia:Driv3r|''Driv3r'']] and ''[[Wikipedia:Celebrity Deathmatch (video game)|Celebrity Deathmatch]]'' on [[eBay]], which makes it pretty much certain that Chris owned an [[Xbox]].
==The hatred==
[[Image:TROPHY.JPG|center|400px|Enjoy the hi-res MSPaint graphics.]]
{{incomplete}}
In the [[IRC (02 January 2009)|2 January 2009 IRC chat]], Chris expands upon his HEXBox hatred:
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
<br>12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the [[PS3]] too
<br>12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because [[Wikipedia:Xbox Live|the Live]] is costly.
<br>12:18 <vivitheg> It's only [[Chris and money|50 dollars]] a year
<br>12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and [[Wii]], which are FREE.
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; [[Nintendo]] Wi-Fi is Free.
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> [[Random-access humor|Skadoosh]].
</div>
While [[Chris humps his PS3|making sweet love to his one and only love]], Chris failed to tell what he ''really'' feels about the HEXBox:
: ''"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor roll|whatever the half of 360° is]]. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350&ndash;360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."''
He was asked about this in his [[Mailbag]], and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.
{{quote|I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case.|Chris, [[Mailbag 5#Chris hates the HEXBox|being completely irrational]].|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref>}}
Actually, [[wikipedia:Xbox Live|Xbox Live]] has two kinds of accounts. "Free" accounts (formerly "Silver") can access a large part of of Xbox Live features, such as friend lists, messaging, achievements and the content marketplace. "Gold" accounts, currently priced around $60/year, can play multiplayer games, use certain premium features such as Netflix (in US), get weekly discounts and get ''early'' access to certain downloadable games and demos (free accounts eventually get access to this content as well).
Considering $60 is around the price of a single game, and considering Chris's [[monthly tugboat|monthly allowance]] and his habit of purchasing video game-related things on a whim while accruing thousands of dollars of debt, the price would hardly be a problem for him. It is safe to say Chris's opposition to Xbox Live stems purely from his console-war mindset and nothing else.
While [[wikipedia:PlayStation Network|PlayStation Network]] still lets its users play multiplayer games for free, a premium version called PlayStation Plus was introduced in June 2010.<ref>http://www.destructoid.com/psn-plans-premium-subscriptions-online-play-remains-free-155553.phtml</ref> In order to prove how strongly he believes the evilness of Hex Box Live Gold, Chris was spotted in April 2011 [[PS3#PlayStation Plus|using the Plus services]].
==In the comics==
[[Image:Jason's_Hexbox.jpg|thumb|left|[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his HEXBox.]][[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|''Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls'', an indie release that, according to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all conclusions from this you logically can.]]
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!]][[Image:TrophyUnlocked.jpg|thumb]]
The HEXBox 360 is featured during the [[Sonichu_8#The_Elevator_Gags|''elevator gag'']] portion of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through the console while traveling past the 70th floor of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building. The 71st floor displays a PlayStation Trophy award for "killing that HEX-BOX."
Christian draws a <span style="color:#FF0000">'''red'''</span> "[[Wikipedia:Xbox 360 technical problems|Damn Red Ring]]"<ref>[[IRC (23 July 2009)]]</ref> around the HEXBox's power button.
In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and the controller and a pirated copy of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Later, Chris portrays [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as [[Collosal Chan]], enters the Xbox, deletes everything about the [[Asperpedia]], then destroys the Xbox.
Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is tinier than a Wii (as everyone who has ever owned an Xbox 360 knows, XBOX IS HUEG and you need a forklift to move this fucker around) and he also places the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that it has four unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the [[PS3]]), as his portrayal of [[Alec]]'s console shows; a real 360 console has two memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door.  That is, unless you have one of the new model 360s, which doesn't have those memory card slots but does have two USB slots behind a door near the power button.
Microsoft is not addressed in the comics either directly or via pseudonym.
==HEXBox hatred in public==
In [[August 2010]], a report was received of Chris in a [[GameStop]] shop at his [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|local mall]]. Chris was seen muttering to himself and kicking a stall full of Xbox 360 games, which couldn't have endeared him to the staff very much at all. However, this report was not fully substantiated, so it could be a fabrication.
{{quotebox|He was checking out the [[PS3|PS Triple]] section the majority of the time. I happened to look over my shoulder at one point and there he was, bent over with his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|tighty whities]] pulled up too far on his body, [[obesity|his shirt coming up rather far over his back]]. What he was bent over for, I have no idea. I turned back to what I was looking at and he was [[stress sigh|sighing]] periodically over who knows what. Then I heard, "kick da hex-box...[[Kick_the_autistic|kick da hex-box]]...kick da hex-box..." I had to look. He was kicking a row of X-Box games while saying it. It wasn't hard enough to knock things over, but still...what the fuuuuuck? The employee gave him a glance but didn't say anything. I'm assuming he does this on a regular basis that they just ignore him. Now that I think back on it, he was probably sighing because the PS Triple section is right next to the X-Box section and he was getting stuh-ressed that the games were touching. He left shortly after that so I was able to look at the vidya with no further disturbances.}}
==Change of heart?==
In [[XBox is OK.MOV|a video]] uploaded [[September 2010]], Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox 360 has merits after all. More light was shed with the leaking of an email to [[Jackie]]:
{{quote|About the XBox thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, I withdraw my past angst against the console. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.|Chris<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>}}
==Sauces==
<references />
==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DojyqeVCD6U A typical HEXBox game]
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Revision as of 00:29, 11 August 2011

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