SingStar Challenge
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Ongoing
The things described in this article are still happening, or are still being looked into. As a result, it may be subject to frequent change, and the information provided may not be entirely reliable.
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CWC Challenge is a video competition between Chris and CChanSonichuCWC to determine who is the real CWC.
Because Chris is too much of a pussy to challenge CChanSonichuCWC to a proper duel like a Southern gentleman, he has opted instead for a singing competition, like Southern homosexuals.
Happily, CWC couldn't have chosen a worse medium to duel through, as he is so tone deaf he doesn't even realize that he is tone deaf. Chris believes his singing voice has "a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor"[1], so he seems to believe that he's a shoe-in to win.
Da Rules
Because it's totally fair that Chris gets to set the rules to a competition he's competing in without even asking his opponent if the terms are acceptable, Chris laid out in great detail the rules of engagement:
| Rules between The Original, Patriotic C.W.C. and the Brown-Striped Impostor C.W.C.
-One Song At A Time from our individual Playlists. ***Failure to comply by ANY of these Rules at ANY time during the competition shall be Disqualified, and the Last Player Sung shall be Named the Winner Forever.. My List of Judges will be Noted by their YouTube Handle on My First Song for the Competition; I ask the man in brown to list his Judges' Handles on his First Video.. The DEADLINE for His First Video and Judge Selection will be Wednesday, August 5 at 12:00 NOON, EST.. Game On! |
Even to the slow in the minds it's clear that several rules contradict themselves immediately, such as not being allowed karaoke equipment but being allowed to play the song itself in the background. This still hasn't stopped Chris from stuffing up.
Video
Transcript
| Hi, Christian, Mr. Brown-Striped Impostor, since you have been able to accept and complete my question challenges, it is time to issue a new challenge. I challenge you in a SingStar competition. The rules are simple. We are to each pick one song out of our libraries, our own playlists, and sing them verbatim with out any printed lyrics and with out any karaoke. 'Quipment.
(picks up camera) And I will show you right now how fair I am. My room lay out. (pans around his overstuffed with junk room) No karaoke equipment what so ever. (camera returns to Chris in frame) [sigh] And if it-and also we must have the mp3s played behind us, so therefore no musical instruments its so-what so ever in any video. And... only... in song number five, no song before, we [sigh] will allow each other to pick one song and challenge the other with that song. And the deadline for each uh, up, each uploaded song is etsa-approximately 24 hours from the previous one. So your song number one will, the deadline for that will be 24 hours after I upload and p-start my first st-song. [sigh] So, with that we will soon be commencing with the first track, "Sonic Boom" [holds up "Sonic CD" cover] (jump cut) And with that I will be showing you my lil lay out (camera once again turns to Chris's crap laden room) my speakers over there, (camera moves to show some Lego bricks) my camera will sit here (camera moves back to Chris) the only thing that I ask anotherly, anotherly in this, no separate microphones but only the microphones on our webcamps. [holds up a mirror to reflect the camera] (jump cut to Chris setting down the camera facing his bed and sits down into frame) (jump cut to Chris once again holding the camera on himself making the last jump cut meaningless) Oh, I forgot one thing, you may use your mp3 player of choice. My PSP is mine, attached to my speakers. (Chris once again sets down the camera) You may show me yours in your first video, Mr. Christian. (jump cut) Any mutiny against the rules I have set forth in this video will be [sigh] [dramatic glasses removal] not countable. And you will have to do it all over again. (jump cut to Chris throwing his glasses) And so with that (jump cut to Chris removing his vest and throwing it behind him) [starting to remove square medallion] Ow! [removes square medallion, holds it up to the camera to read: The Good Life) [starts to shave goatee dry] [after 11 seconds the head comes off the razor, Chris reattaches it and continues shaving then sets razor down] (jump cut) [one second into new scene razor head falls off again, Chris reattaches again and continues to shave until goatee is mostly gone] (jump cut) (jump cut) -rst thing, no imported music. Which means no Japanese, no Spanish, no German, no odd country language. Only English. Shame, would loved to play "Sailor Star" or "Flame Sniper" [makes motion as if getting ready to fire an arrow from a bow] (jump cut) And also, once a song has been sung, of that specific title, from that specific band, it will not be reusable in a future song. Neither by you, neither by me. Abide by the rules. (jump cut) [Chris is once again holding the razor] Game on. Abrey la contesta! |
Round 1
Chris
Chris uploaded his first challenge video on 31 July 2009. The entry is the ending version of "Sonic Boom", from Sonic the Hedgehog CD.
Video
I PRESSED PLAY
On 01 August 2009, Chris addresses accusations that he cheated in his Round 1 video.
Video
Transcript
To prove a point in response to some of the ba-(video skips) thing commentaries in the background of my first song in my own contest. Thinkin' of me breakin' the rules, dare you?
Well I will show you wrong. Look at this, exact same set up. Remember, the PSP right here, and I reached back for the remote attached to the PSP?
(Flashback to Chris starting his first song)
Let me show you a close up Zoom in view!
(Scrolls through PSP)
And... Through the remote. THE remote. And to the mini-system over there.
Get the picture Einsteins! So back the fuck off. Nobody is breaking any rules. The challenge is on. The start date is Wednesday, August 5th. His due date for his video is 24 hours after noon on Wednesday, August 5th.
Good day.
CChanSonichuCWC
Video
CChanSonichuCWC uploaded his video on August 1st, 2009. He appropriately sings "You're Pitiful" by Weird Al Yankovic.
Transcript
Hello Impostor, I accept your challenge and I, I hope you don't back out because I'm going to give you a real whoopin'. Yeah, so uh, yeah, my uh, my judges there are Kacey, my sweetheart, you know, I det- I dedicate this song to her, I love you Kacey. And, uh, you know I got the, uh, got the, uh, I got, I got my, uh, my YouTube friend, Seth, and, uh, my, my other YouTube friend, SpazKid. So... Those are my, uh, three judges. And, uh, you know, I mean, I mean, I, I, I suppose, you know, the impostor would have a sweetheart as a judge, but, uh, you know, somehow I doubt he has one.
(jump cut)
Oh, and another thing, I am not cheating, I have my com- I have my computer here, but, uh, it's...
(CChanSonichuCWC turns the camera around to reveal his laptop running iTunes)
It's only, uh, it's only on iTunes, you know, so it's only, uh, gonna be for pressing play. Yeah.
(jump cut back to CChanSonichuCWC in frame starting song)
[CChanSonichuCWC sings the most appropriate song ever] Your play!
Round 2
Chris
Video
Chris uploaded his second video on August 1, not long after CChanSonichuCWC. Chris performed "Don't Say You Love Me", a one-hit wonder song featured in the first Pokémon film soundtrack and Christian's Favorite Hits!. It was originally performed by M2M, a Norwegian female pop duo. At the end of the video, Chris taunts the real one.
Ironically, Chris is singing a song about how you really can't love someone when you barely know them, which is ironic given that he's quick to declare his love quest over when a service employee asks "May I help you?"
Transcript
I gotta believe! Leave it to Um Jamma Lammi! No, not this track. Here's a classic from M2M and the Pokemon world.
[sings possibly the least self-aware song that exists for Chris]
It is also track 2 on my Favorite Hits. [shows case to his mix CD] Ta da! Your turn, impasta! I believe, you fail!
CChanSonichuCWC
CChanSonichuCWC's third entry is the theme from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, by Will Smith.
Almost immediately after this video was uploaded, Chris angrily accused CChanSonichuCWC of breaking the rules with this cryptic statement:
- "I SAID REAL SONGS; YOU ARE AD-LIBBING; YOU ARE SOO DISQUALIFIED! Stay Tuned..." [2]
Chris is obviously unaware of the genre known as "rap music", the actual meaning of "ad libitum" (as in "improvisation" or "at the performer's discretion"), and also the minor detail that one doesn't "get tuned" on web pages. The TRUE CWC responded:
- "WRONG! I am NOT "AD-LIBBING," as it is Only the Title Which is DIFFERENT as a RANDOM-ACCESS HUMOR JOKE. The SONG is REAL." [3]
Video
Transcript
[angry look at camera] Hello there, IMPOSTOR. [dramatic glasses removal] Yeah. Yeah, I see- I s- I s- I seen your, uh, your latest video. Mmm. And guess what? It's- it wasn't even on my, uh, my video- it was ne- that song was NEVER on my playlist. Looks like YOU'RE the impostor. Mmm.
[puts on a white cap] So, uh... guess- looks, uh... get started with this song. For y'all.
[video cut] [performs Prince of Bel-air without missing a beat]
YOUR TURN.
Round 3
Chris
Video
For his third song, Chris does Britney Spears's "Autumn Goodbye"
Transcript
You think you're so tough, jumping in on the last minute, huh? Well, it won't be so easy next time, I'll tell you what. But anyway, now for the next track. Here's a favorite I love to play in- when I can play it in the Playstation 3 games are Pain and Burnout Paradise. Take it away, miss Britney Spears.
[Sings Autumn Goodbye]
Stay tuned for a bonus feature, for the impostor in brown...
Bonus Video
Transcript
Before I give it off again, let me go through a brief bit of history. Some of my yearbooks... Now it's 1995, in Providence Middle, let's look it up. Hmm... Christian Chandler, oh, all the way, over here. [Gets to the penultimate row of photos, his face being the first] So many memories... Oh look, some of the faculty, some of the faculty... very good. Now, let's see if we can find my favorite faculty member in this book... my favorite teacher... who gave me so much in-spir-ation... so much inspiration... ah, here we are. Remembering you is easy...
Now, 1996, let's take a look in here. Ah, ocho grado [Eight grade (Should be octavo grado)]... ah, yeah. Here I am! Right there. Christian Chandler. Mmm. In there. And now we go back to high school. 1997, ah, my freshmen year, my freshmen year... now, let's b's... b, b, c, d, e, f, g... ah, here we are. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four. Who's that handsome fella? Oh, and I think there's a little bonus feature in here that I definitely can recall from a good time. A good time, a good time. Ah, just give me a moment.
[Video jumps]
Okay, I found the page. Same book. here's a groupa-picture- here's a group. And in row one, on the bottom... ah, I can't make it out with the camera, but that's me right there. Varsity basketball team, my freshmen year. Joseph Herring on one end there. Good ole Joe... Mmm, let's see, 1998 book. I would be a sophomore this year... Speaking of which, have you taken a good look at that impostor? He is so sophomoric, he's gotta be like thirteen or sixteen. Ch- check his real ID, police people? Please? [mumbles] Sophomore. At this time, I would have been sophomoric, by way back then... here I am, right there on the end.
Next book. 1999! Manchester high school, still. Ahhh, the junior year. Ahhh, let's see, junior... Ah yes, here we are. One two three four. Here I am! [points at a picture of a long haired girl]
[Video jumps]
Onetwothreefour. There I am. [Points at his picture this time] Aaand... SENIOR YEAR! Señor... I turned eighteen in the year 2000, and let's see how good I looked... I looked GREAT. Handsome little fellow. Handsome eighteen year old. Back in the year of 2000! Graduated with my class, class of Y-2-K! Tiffany, thank you for that dance at senior prom, I will pay you at our reunion. Now, I have a new question to put forth to the man in brown. If you have your books, you may show them, whether they be counterfeit or not, you'll just be nailing another nail on your coffin for the real police to find!
But anyway, something about your mother and your father. What are their jobs? What are their occupations? Tell me the details, in a separate video, when you do your third song. [Points at camera] Your play!
CChanSonichuCWC
Video
Transcript
[inhales] Mmm. Hello again, impostor. Impostor Christian Weston Chandler. Well, mmm, got nothing much to say to you, except I hope you like my next song, that I dedicated to my sweetheart, Casey. Casey will always be my true sweetheart, because she is honest, and caring and loyal. Enjoy.
[sings "Heaven"]
Your turn, impostor! Your play!
Bonus Video
Transcript
Captain's Log, Stardate: Monday, August 3rd, 2009. [pause] My mother is Barbara Ann Chandler, born October 1st, 1941. She was a secretary for a good many years, and retired in 1998. And, sh-- and my father said that she looked just like Liz Taylor when she was young... [sighs] I wanna say that, uh, yeah, uh, my, my father is Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr., hmm, born, uh, on the, on the 4th of September, 1928, he worked at General Electric and has seven patents. Hmm. Uh, you shouldn't be, shouldn't be making me do this, I mean, this has relatively nothing to do with the singing competition whatsoever. Hmm... but I'll just keep continue to do it anyway. Hmm. Uh, my mother met my father at a bar, my mother used to work as secretary at Virginia Power. She retired, and, uh, took up music... and, uh, you know, that means that the Pokemon flute that I bought her just recently will come in handy. Hmm. And, uh, you know, my, uh, my father was drafted in World-- in, uh, he, uh, he went to Korea, he-- before it was split into two nations, and, uh, he went to college on the G.I. Bill. He studied Pre-Engineering and moved on to Auburn University to, to earn his engineering degree. Hmm. He, uh, worked at Western Electric, and, uh, and got the offer from General Electric, uh... but anyway, he has made many patents including these.
[Montage of sites showing patents made by Chris's father. On the final page, Chris moves the camera close to the screen, emphasizing the words "Chandler et al."]
But anyway, uh, he is so smart that he is on Google. Yeah--[jump cut] So, he is now retired, and chops down wood in his spare time. [voice breaks] I bet you, impostor, you don't even appreciate your parents. So there, [dramatic glasses removal] you troll! [puts glasses back on] And now for something completely different: I have confirmed the true name of the slanderous impostor, and it, his real name is [extends a finger for each initial] I.B.A. [gestures into camera] Ian Brandon Anderson. And a big, and a big detail you, you may, you may have, you might have not, uh, overlooked: [holds up a picture of Chris in his butt garments] I have your mugshot. [mocking the Secret Weapon video] I can't even stand to look at it! Look at those double-D cups! You're a FREAK! Ha ha ha ha, HAAAA!! I scoff at you, you ugly freak! [slams the picture down] And to his latest video saying that he's true, because he got trolled by figures such as Clyde Cash, I got trolled by Clyde Cash, just not last week. That didn't prove anything, and you are still a coward, for trying to make this contest less important than it already is. Whoever wins, in the, is the true Christian Weston Chandler. The end! No dots about it! [gives peace sign] Peace. Have a good day.
Round 4
Chris
Video
Chris did a fourth video for the challenge, because he hasn't failed enough in the first three videos apparently. This song was "The Touch" by Stan Bush, from the Transformers: The Movie soundtrack. Only fitting, because Chris certainly does have the touch!
Transcript
[Christian sings "Touch"] (editor's note: The Impostor makes no comments before or after the song, however, he occasionally closes his eyes, touches his heart, or raises his hand, for dramatic effect)
CChanSonichuCWC
CChanSonichuCWC responds to the challenge and also gives Chris the song he should sing next, which is "Smell your Dick".
Video
Transcript
[Inhales] Hello Ian, this one's for you. [CChanSonichuCWC sings Think Twice by Eve 6] You better watch your back.
[Video jumps]
And the final song to you to sing will be entitled "Smell your Dick", by huh, by Riskay. And you-and you have to sing the whole thing. You have-you can't change 'cause that's cheating and that's adlibbing, you have to sing the real thing. Mmm, yeah sing it like a man if you-if you want to win the competition. Peace. [akes with his righ hand the peace sign].
Round 5
Chris
Chris sings the final song, requested by CChanSonichuCWC, "Can I Smell Your Dick?", but changes the word dick to duck in each instance, therefore disqualifying him. However, in the information section of the video, Chris claims to be sorry for all that he has done to REAL Chris and Kacey, and says that they are both his close friends. This is classic Chris, kissing ass in hopes that he isn't disqualified for cheating, while at the same time threatening CChanSonichuCWC with arrest from Chris's personal detective if he doesn't renounce his CWC-dom.
Video
| “ | Can I smell yo duck? | ” |
Transcript
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This media needs a transcript. Help CWCki by transcribing the content. If the media is too long, transcribe select portions which are funny or informative. |
Hello Chris. Well, I have been uh, mistaken, I have been in error, and I humbly apologize from the bottom of my heart. I did you wrong, I did Kacey wrong. But still, she had to know. That why [unintelligible] in the first place. But she still cares about you, man. At least 'n that's you, you real lucky guy to er, get that. Even after lying to her like that for all of the time. But still, dude. My humblest apologies. Let's just hope we can put this behind us and please dude, please. Stop pretending to be me. It ain't worth it! It's not fun! You're gonna get yourself in jail, man! Identity theft is a serious crime! 'Specially after what you, the hefty bill you put up. Counterfeited my driver's license, with your picture on it. Counterfeited my high school diploma. Counterfeited my Piedmont degree. You've really got yourself up a big bill man. I hate to see uhh-d, I um, I mean, I will personally seen it, but I was talkin' to Kacey, she cares about you very much man. I just hate to break up the relationship between you and her. Especially one so HONEST, so TRUE. She loves you, man. I wuhh... things to make me feel bad. If you have to, if you end up going to jail after all this. So please dude, come clean. Yes, your name is Chris Chandler. That's it. No Chan, No Christopher, No Ricardo. No Weston. That's you man. So please man. Take off that paper medallion. Stop sellin' the fake merchandise, come clean, please. Come clean and I'll be right. Between you, between me, between Kacey. The whole world. Anyway I'll leave that up to you, as you sing "Lift Up Your Eyes" as I sing this track. Alright.
[Chris dons a brown longsleeve shirt, and his orange Parappa the Rappa beanie. He wears a pair of sunglasses directly above his regular glasses.]
Alright. Let's do this thing. Smell yo duck. From Riskay.
[Smell Yo Dick from Riskay begins playing. Chris remains silent during the into, then sings along, badly. He replaces the word "dick" with "duck", violating the rules he thought up for his own contest.]
[Chris takes off his prescription glasses, and the eyeglasses fall in front of his eyes. He pushes them back up, and again they fall down. He repeats the process two other times before they stay.]
The cards are on the table. You hold your hand. It's your move. Whatcha gonna do? Stop the charade, live freely, happily, or continue on and might end up in jail. Whatever you do, think about it while you sing "Lift Up Your Eyes" man. *SIGH*. Chris, you ok. You got your guitar playin'. You got more languages than I took. But still man, you need to quit pretendin'. With somebody you're not. [sings, awkwardly] God loves you by, your own name. Don't go makin' it look like someone else's. Especially with ID. Fake duhplomer and all that. Whatchyou gonna do, she gonna smell yo DUCK. Go ahead. Sing.
Take 2?!
Amazingly, Chris-chan decides to take down the original video, then uploads the new one, singing the "dick" part correctly (?), and, as usual, messing up the lyrics. Time will tell if he will be disqualified for this blatant attempt to cover his mistake!
Video
Transcript
Alright, Chris, we'll do this another time. But remember the nice words that I had said to you earlier, and I meant it from my heart. Remember...those words...I said to you. Can't say I didn't warn ya, Can't say I wasn't nice. But, I'm warnin' ya, dude, be goo- try- do the right thing. Okay, DJ Quest, do it!
[holds the phone to his hear in silence through the intro]
[sings "Can I Smell Your Dick" (very badly)]
[throughout the song, Impostor gets more and more uncomfortable each time he has to say "dick"]
[at 3:32 he seems to gag or lose his breath]
[at 3:47 he makes another gagging noise]
That's what you GET! I did the word. I SAID the word. Now lay off! Remember my words, I'll re-upload that video, so you can hear those words again, and again, and again...aside from the song. Fort-unfortun-at-el-y it's from my "EyeCreate" program, so I can't edit it. Now sing "Eye- now sing "Lift Up Your Eyes", and THINK about it. Go ahead, Chris.
