User:MoarLurk/MoarRambles 2

Okay, page three.

OBSERVATIONS

Chris and Genre Savvyness

As his life was super-saturated with television, it's only understandable that Chris is genre savvy to an extent. TVTropes has many levels of savvyness, from "Did you just have sex in a horror movie" Genre Blind to "Go check for a body, it may look like they couldn't have possibly survived that but I want confirmation" Genre Savvy.

Chris, after some thought, is Genre Blind. He has only absorbed a limited range of media--specifically, kid's shows. This is the reason behind the beauty that is the Julie call--Max gave Chris a choice that was a popular theme in children's media. Chris understood it to an extent--it was just like that one time that one guy was given the choice between a woman and something really important to him. Chris remembered that the guy he saw on TV solved his problem by picking the girl and then it turned out that the girl's father/brother was just testing him and surprise surprise he gets to keep his stuff too.

This is where the genre-blindness comes in--Chris doesn't understand how this test of character works. To him, the guy who panics when given this choice is overreacting--after all, nobody ever actually follows through with this threat in anything Chris sees. All he knows is that when given the choice between "China" and "material object", picking "China" will cause him to win both. He doesn't understand why--just like how he doesn't understand exactly why stuffing food in his mouth makes him not feel hungry.

This also explains his freakouts over mutilating Sonees and Roseys--to him, they are subject to Infant Immortality. The younger a character is, the greater their chance of surviving a film. Chris has never seen a film that subverts this(though he may have seen FMA), so he assumes that the immortality is a simple fact. He's not just horrified on principle when he's bombed with Sonee porn--to him, we're breaking the rules of reality and nobody is punishing us.

Cera

We all know that within the comic, Cera has the least attention of Sonichu's children. I'll discern why.

First off, remember how the five of them sort out

Sonichu is both an idealized version of Chris and Chris's ideal father. Rosechu is both Chris's ideal woman and mother. Robbie is an idealized version of young Chris. Christine is both an idealized female version of young Chris as well as being Crystal. Cera is just how Chris wants to remember Sarah Hammer.

Notice something odd about her? She's just a memory. Everyone else in the family is an ideal being of a sort (Robbie being a longshot), something that resides in the future. Memories live in the past--they've happened, Chris acknowledges that they exist, and that's it. She's just a background fixture in Chris's dual fantasies.

Do you remember when your parents ever tried to give you good dreams by talking about an ideal world, where everything that was wrong was right, where all your dead pets were alive and all your enemies were your friends and how you had everything you ever wanted? This is what Chris is doing to himself with Robbie--Cera is just another dead pet that came back to life as far as he's concerned. His parents never fight, they fully accept his desire to remain a child, he can stay a child as long as he wants, he has two playmates that will never leave him no matter what and a father that can join in to finally make use of those empty, unused controlers that are just gathering dust in his room. His old friend, Sarah? She's back, she wants to play with him again. That sibling he always wanted? Oh hey, look, a Crystal sue.

Come to think of it, I think Chris saw the loss of Sarah as equal to the loss of Patti. And he's probably an infantilist.

June 4th Incident

Okay, now I'm going to try and figure out what's going on.

First off, the part about "fiddling his cats" doesn't make any sense--I'm pretty sure he was called a "kiddie fiddler" and he misheard it as "kitty piddler". The woman was probably Michael's wife.

The story Chris is giving out sounds funny for a reason--he gave it out two days after the incident, which makes me think he was rehearsing it. It makes sense.

Here's how the two days between Mike's comments and Chris's video probably went.

Chris instantly ran home and fed his parents his version of the story. They reacted accordingly and decided "oh hey I think we can sue with this" and had Chris reconstruct his story a bit so he'd look better. For example, he only had one beer when in fact he may have had several, Michael "jumped" in front of his car, Michael should be guilty of verbal assault, ect. The story Chris related on Sunday is one that, over 48 hours, was passed to his parents and then fed back into Chris.

Oh, and his "THE INTERNET SUCKS" thing is starting to crack--it only got thrown in at the end this time. Rocky isn't going to be happy.

Chris and Interneting

So, I think I know what he meant by "you scared me off of the internet". He doesn't define "being on the internet" as "uploading videos" or "using the PS3", he defines it as "Updating Sonichu". He thinks we're a bunch of fans who want him to continue making the comic. So this new video is just him spitting in the face of his fanbase.

And now it seems that he's trying to abandon the internet altogether. I'm giving him a week or two to come back(generous, I know).

And by "friends", I think he means Boblax + Rocky. He's just trying to make himself look intimidating(and failing).

Sex Drive

It's bothered us all for a while--just how in the nine hells did Chris not figure out masturbation until he was sixteen?

It's really bizarre for someone whose life was saturated with television and video games with no social interaction--people like that wind up with a hardon for particular characters eventually, via their first encounter with fanservice or simple lust.

Well, I think that's just because Chris played a lot of Sonic games. He owns a lot of games, but if his current pattern matches his old one, he probably never booted up some of them and just bought them to feel like he was worth something(he's bound for the fourth circle at this rate). All the characters in the majority of the games he played were probably furries and robots and thus unsexy even by his standards(he's got no sexuality--he traced Transformers porn for Sonichu 8 and yet there is no sign of an android fetish).

He probably paid so much attention to the games and children's cartoons that he watched that he never noticed the girls around him. When I was going through Episode 18, replacing it with Uzumaki, I noticed something--he never once draws the women with curves. He came close with Jigliami once...but I think that was just his attempt to exaggerate her breasts. And then there's Gretta "GOD DAMN LOOK AT THAT EVERYTHING" Squall, who has feet for hands.

And at one point during the sex scene Rosechu suddenly gained a hundred pounds I can only assume Chris was tracing fatty porn oh god does he have a fetish for it? Heck, the only time he ever got close was during his attempt to trace porn. And only because the pose he was tracing didn't call attention to the subject's hips. And also the subject was twelve.

This makes me wonder what kind of porn Chris is normally into. He's a furry for sure, and may or may not be into Transformers porn as well.

Chris didn't do what we did--he didn't just happen across the porn section at Newgrounds or stumble across 4chan or hell, even the Fire Emblem 7 boards on GameFAQs when they were in their prime(and believe me, one poster wrote fantastic erotica).

Chris just waddled through his life, missing everything. He wasn't aroused by anything because he never bit any hooks, he never, as a teen, thought "this show is boring and predictable, what else is on?"--even I did that. And Chris didn't. He likes stability, he liked predictability, he loves that which bores me.

REVIVE ZORDON

I think I understand why Chris hates the newer seasons of Power Rangers so much.

I don't remember which mailbag it was, but he said that he hated the fact that the Power Rangers were now being ordered around by the government or police or something.

I think I can make sense of this, but tragically I never saw much of the show due to circumstances beyond my control.

Someone who saw the show can cover my mistakes.

Anyway, it comes from Chris's misguided belief that authority equals power. Under such a system, weak characters defer to the stronger ones, with the strongest member of an organization being the leader.

He must have thought that Zordon was really, really strong, and he could accept that because of him being a magical floaty head. The fantasy allowed him to suspend his belief that the Rangers were weaker than him, but since he wasn't a normal thing, he could comprehend that the Rangers were still stronger than normal humans and Zordon was just stronger than that.

Hence, when Zordon died and later Rangers were servants to more realistic things, like the government, Chris pitched a fit. He took this to mean that the Rangers had been powered down--after all, why would they be serving the puny Army or police? They must be weaker than they are! Why should the strong serve the weak? Why aren't they running their own operation? Why are they working for those stupid Jerkops?

This all goes back to Chris's idea of authority. He has a firm belief in the trope "Authority Equals Asskicking"--whoever is at the top of any hierarchy is there because he or she can beat up anyone else below them.

Chris and his attempts to read the forums

Chris is watching the EDF and the CWCki. Here are his patterns.

EDF: He's been periodically dropping in on them every once and a while since he first found out about them. This is how he outed Sydney and the fake Megan--he had them both mixed up with Jackie, and the EDF forums were full of "Lulz Jackie was a troll" topics. He's not "getting smarter" in any way, he was saved by his own stupidity.

CWCki: He's been skimming the front page ever since mid-March. Clyde made a stupid mistake with the PS3 bug page--note that Chris only removed the bug AFTER it became the AOTN, indicating that he only checks the front page every now and then. He may or may not check the recent changes, I'm going to assume so for the sake of security. This means playing along with any scheme that may be active at the moment--example, if Chris thinks whatever girl he's talking to this week is true and honest, she's true and honest even though she's probably a troll.

Chris and Meg

I can't shake this suspicion. He almost always refers to her as "Megan", and it's starting to disturb me.

First off, I'm not altogether familiar with Family Guy--I quit watching it some time ago, somewhere around Road to Germany(Note to writers: Goodwin's Law does not a funny make, even if you do it twice and there was no oil crisis in 1940, You Fail History Forever), and only started watching it after it was un-canceled(Bar the first time I saw it, which was on an Adult Swim rerun).

I think the show was un-canceled around 2005 or so, I forget exactly when. But that would mean he met Megan Schroder the same year Family Guy was brought back. This would explain his attachment to Meg--he's mentally latched onto her as a variant of Megan Schroder(note to self: I wonder if Miss Schroder's middle name is "Marie"?).

But why hasn't he put Meg herself into the comic until recently? Simple. The prominence of something in CWCville is directly proportional to how much Chris likes it--he's the main character because he's his favorite person, Pokemon/Sonic hybrids run around because those are his two favorite things, ect. Chris doesn't like Family Guy as much as he claims--he hates it as much as anyone else does, but he feels obligated to watch it anyway. He's sick of the pro-gay stuff, the poorly executed Meg jokes, the poorly executed Repuplican jokes, the anti-Christian rants, and more or less everything he'd be opposed to(that and the voice changes). Also, this didn't develop until Family Guy started sucking(I will persist that it wasn't always terrible)--Megan Schroder was around in 2005 to put directly into the comic.

Waiiit. I wonder...if Megan hadn't told Chris to remove her from the comic, would it have been her coming up to thank Chris for blowing up the ED page? Ah, I see--Meg's being used as a proxy sue for Megan and as a mouthpiece for Chris to complain about Family Guy.

Sonichu 10

Okay, we all know this is one long revenge fantasy, but think about what killing Simonla did.

Chris, at that point, had written himself into a corner. He wanted around 100 pages, but he barely had seventy up. He needed 20+ more pages before he could call it a wrap, and he's already wiped out most of the other antagonists he wanted dealt with. And he can't draw out a fight scene at all, as that runs against his nature. And he has some grasp of narrative flow, too--he can't just shove the characters blabbering about soda for twenty pages and then spend three pages fighting Mary Lee Walsh.

Come to think of it, that explains the page where Mary goes through her villain rant--Chris was trying to fill as much of the page as possible and dragged out the story he wanted as much as he could in the hopes it would net him a few extra pages. I remember people noting that it actually was a jump in quality--Mary moved according to what she was saying and there was a logical, organized layout. Chris, however, screwed everything up and didn't manage to drag shit out.

So now he's at a loss and doesn't know what more to write, but he's happy--he's killed every single troll and now he feels better. This issue will be a testament to his strength and his willpower and OH MY GODBEAR SIMONLA JUST EXPLODED! Boom. Issue ruined. He killed the Asperpals, sure, but that didn't bring her back. She's gone. He killed her.

IDEAS

The new plan

I wonder if there's a way for us to communicate to Chris that his fanbase has dwindled to a meager few hundred?

Daria no doubt knows about it, but the odds of her making an update to that effect are slim to none.

I mean, how could she ignore:

• The presence of a far superior comic (Asperchu)
• Chris refusing to update even the mailbags, which don't require inspiration to respond to.
• Chris breaking his promise to never put blood and gore in his comic. Many, many fans who had stuck with Sonichu simply because it wasn't as "violent" as Asperchu left for Asperchu then, as while Alec has shown blood and gore he's still a better writer.
• Chris breaking his promise to remove himself from the comic 100%
• Sonichu 10 was a horrible failure--95% of the remaining fans abandoned him throughout the issue, leaving only a small core that thought it was any good.
• And many, many more.

I wonder if there's a group of fans putting together a list of greivences against Chris, something like "We will only consider reading your comic again if you follow our demands--Sonichu is nothing without the fanbase". And I wonder if they'd be willing to send their manifesto to Daria--she seems agreeable, unlike Chris.