Autism

Chris claims to be a high-functioning autistic male. Most likely has Asperger's but still exaggerates the impact of autism on his life. People who tell him to get help are playing "kick the autistic." His stupidity is blamed on his "autistic mental block." It is not currently clear exactly how he came to be diagnosed as "autistic", other than that he was diagnosed at the age of 6, receives government disability checks (his "monthly tug-boat") for this mental disability, and has been using his condition as a crutch from almost day one of his diagnosis. According to Chris, his autism manifested itself when he was locked in his room by a baby sitter. After bawwwing for hours, he emerged from his lair unable to talk, which Chris says was when "God put the mute button on me."

Things Chris blames on his autism

Everything.