User:MoarLurk/MoarRambles 2

Okay, page three.

OBSERVATIONS

Sex Drive

It's bothered us all for a while--just how in the nine hells did Chris not figure out masturbation until he was sixteen?

It's really bizarre for someone whose life was saturated with television and video games with no social interaction--people like that wind up with a hardon for particular characters eventually, via their first encounter with fanservice or simple lust.

Well, I think that's just because Chris played a lot of Sonic games. He owns a lot of games, but if his current pattern matches his old one, he probably never booted up some of them and just bought them to feel like he was worth something(he's bound for the fourth circle at this rate). All the characters in the majority of the games he played were probably furries and robots and thus unsexy even by his standards(he's got no sexuality--he traced fucking Transformers porn for Sonichu 8).

He probably paid so much attention to the games and children's cartoons that he watched that he never noticed the girls around him. When I was going through Episode 18, replacing it with Uzumaki, I noticed something--he never once draws the women with curves. He came close with Jigliami once...but I think that was just his attempt to exaggerate her breasts. And then there's Gretta "GOD DAMN LOOK AT THAT EVERYTHING" Squall, who has feet for hands.

And at one point during the sex scene Rosechu suddenly gained a hundred pounds I can only assume Chris was tracing fatty porn oh god does he have a fetish for it?

Chris didn't do what we did--he didn't just happen across the porn section at Newgrounds or stumble across 4chan or hell, even the Fire Emblem 7 boards on GameFAQs when they were in their prime(and believe me, one poster wrote fantastic erotica).

Chris just waddled through his life, missing everything. He wasn't aroused by anything because he never bit any hooks, he never, as a teen, thought "this show is boring and predictable, what else is on?"--even I did that. And Chris didn't. He likes stability, he liked predictability, he loves that which bores me.

I need to finish this later, bedtime is now.

REVIVE ZORDON

I think I understand why Chris hates the newer seasons of Power Rangers so much.

I don't remember which mailbag it was, but he said that he hated the fact that the Power Rangers were now being ordered around by the government or police or something.

I think I can make sense of this, but tragically I never saw much of the show due to circumstances beyond my control.

Someone who saw the show can cover my mistakes.

Anyway, it comes from Chris's misguided belief that authority equals power. Under such a system, weak characters defer to the stronger ones, with the strongest member of an organization being the leader.

He must have thought that Zordon was really, really strong, and he could accept that because of him being a magical floaty head. The fantasy allowed him to suspend his belief that the Rangers were weaker than him, but since he wasn't a normal thing, he could comprehend that the Rangers were still stronger than normal humans and Zordon was just stronger than that.

Hence, when Zordon died and later Rangers were deferment to more realistic things, like the government, Chris pitched a fit. He took this to mean that the Rangers had been powered down--after all, why would they be serving the puny Army or police? They must be weaker than they are! Why should the strong serve the weak? Why aren't they running their own operation? Why are they working for those stupid Jerkops?

Chris and his attempts to read the forums

Chris is watching the EDF and the CWCki. Here are his patterns.

EDF: He's been periodically dropping in on them every once and a while since he first found out about them. This is how he outed Sydney and the fake Megan--he had them both mixed up with Jackie, and the EDF forums were full of "Lulz Jackie was a troll" topics. He's not "getting smarter" in any way, he was saved by his own stupidity.

CWCki: He's been skimming the front page ever since mid-March. Clyde made a stupid mistake with the PS3 bug page--note that Chris only removed the bug AFTER it became the AOTN, indicating that he only checks the front page every now and then. He may or may not check the recent changes, I'm going to assume so for the sake of security. This means playing along with any scheme that may be active at the moment--example, if Chris thinks whatever girl he's talking to this week is true and honest, she's true and honest even though she's probably a troll.

Chris and Meg

I can't shake this suspicion. He almost always refers to her as "Megan", and it's starting to disturb me.

First off, I'm not altogether familiar with Family Guy--I quit watching it some time ago, somewhere around Road to Germany(Note to writers: Goodwin's Law does not a funny make, even if you do it twice and there was no oil crisis in 1940, You Fail History Forever), and only started watching it after it was un-canceled(Bar the first time I saw it, which was on an Adult Swim rerun).

I think the show was un-canceled around 2005 or so, I forget exactly when. But that would mean he met Megan Schroder the same year Family Guy was brought back. This would explain his attachment to Meg--he's mentally latched onto her as a variant of Megan Schroder(note to self: I wonder if Miss Schroder's middle name is "Marie"?).

But why hasn't he put Meg herself into the comic until recently? Simple. The prominence of something in CWCville is directly proportional to how much Chris likes it--he's the main character because he's his favorite person, Pokemon/Sonic hybrids run around because those are his two favorite things, ect. Chris doesn't like Family Guy as much as he claims--he hates it as much as anyone else does, but he feels obligated to watch it anyway. He's sick of the pro-gay stuff, the poorly executed Meg jokes, the poorly executed Repuplican jokes, the anti-Christian rants, and more or less everything he'd be opposed to(that and the voice changes). Also, this didn't develop until Family Guy started sucking(I will persist that it wasn't always terrible)--Megan Schroder was around in 2005 to put directly into the comic.

Waiiit. I wonder...if Megan hadn't told Chris to remove her from the comic, would it have been her coming up to thank Chris for blowing up the ED page? Ah, I see--Meg's being used as a proxy sue for Megan and as a mouthpiece for Chris to complain about Family Guy.

Sonichu 10

Okay, we all know this is one long revenge fantasy, but think about what killing Simonla did.

Chris, at that point, had written himself into a corner. He wanted around 100 pages, but he barely had seventy up. He needed 20+ more pages before he could call it a wrap, and he's already wiped out most of the other antagonists he wanted dealt with. And he can't draw out a fight scene at all, as that runs against his nature. And he has some grasp of narrative flow, too--he can't just shove the characters blabbering about soda for twenty pages and then spend three pages fighting Mary Lee Walsh.

Come to think of it, that explains the page where Mary goes through her villain rant--Chris was trying to fill as much of the page as possible and dragged out the story he wanted as much as he could in the hopes it would net him a few extra pages. I remember people noting that it actually was a jump in quality--Mary moved according to what she was saying and there was a logical, organized layout. Chris, however, screwed everything up and didn't manage to drag shit out.

So now he's at a loss and doesn't know what more to write, but he's happy--he's killed every single troll and now he feels better. This issue will be a testament to his strength and his willpower and OH MY GODBEAR SIMONLA JUST EXPLODED! Boom. Issue ruined. He killed the Asperpals, sure, but that didn't bring her back. She's gone. He killed her.

IDEAS

The new plan

I wonder if there's a way for us to communicate to Chris that his fanbase has dwindled to a meager few hundred?

Daria no doubt knows about it, but the odds of her making an update to that effect are slim to none.

I mean, how could she ignore:

• The presence of a far superior comic (Asperchu)
• Chris refusing to update even the mailbags, which don't require inspiration to respond to.
• Chris breaking his promise to never put blood and gore in his comic. Many, many fans who had stuck with Sonichu simply because it wasn't as "violent" as Asperchu left for Asperchu then, as while Alec has shown blood and gore he's still a better writer.
• Chris breaking his promise to remove himself from the comic 100%
• Sonichu 10 was a horrible failure--95% of the remaining fans abandoned him throughout the issue, leaving only a small core that thought it was any good.
• And many, many more.

I wonder if there's a group of fans putting together a list of greivences against Chris, something like "We will only consider reading your comic again if you follow our demands--Sonichu is nothing without the fanbase". And I wonder if they'd be willing to send their manifesto to Daria--she seems agreeable, unlike Chris.