BlueSpike
Most thirteen-year-old boys only dream of getting to watch an autistic manchild shove pieces of CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC up his ass. BlueSpike (AKA LeonSpike, "a 13 year old brat" according to Chris) got to live that dream, when he trolled Chris through two identities: a sweetheart Julie (aka JULAAAY), and her brother Max.
The trolling produced lulz such as Chris admitting to Julie that he had tried the anal beads and the butt dildo, the infamous sex tape where he fucks Kimmi, a description of a future scene from Sonichu 9 alluding to his gay fans, how Chris hates everything that's not Aryan, his father Bob walking in to him mass debating, and some sick shit.
Julie
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| “ | I can tell in my heart Julie IS 19. | ” |
| Chris on Julie[1] | ||
| “ | JULAAAAAAY!!!! JULAAAAAAY!!!! | ” |
| Chris professes his his undying love while humping a doll | ||
Julie Milvana[2] (born 13 July 1989[3]) was a Molvanîan Methodist[4] Sonichu fan who became Chris's sweetheart after PandaHalo. Her kidnap by her evil brother Max led to Chris's ill-fated rescue mission to Cleveland.
Julie first showed up in IRC in December 2008, suggesting the infamous Tour of Chris's House video.[5] She later posed a ton of Sonichu questions submitted by fans.[6] She was later invited to Sonichu Girls. As early as 3 January 2009, she asked Chris what he would do if a JERK kidnapped his heartsweet - he said, "I would learn his demands if any, or if he hurt her, I'd strike the jerk back." Julie also got excited by the prospect of an orgy with Chris and the Sonichu Girls.[7] The next day, it was revealed that Chris had promised his virginity to both Panda and Julie, and both ladies were furious, Julie threatening to kill herself.[8] Later she calmed down, and moved to Ohio to live with relatives. Ever classy, Chris suggested a threesome with PandaHalo.[9]
Chris refused to drive to Ohio, instead insisting that Julie come to him. He also couldn't be bothered to attack Clyde in IRC, even when he threatened Julie.[10]
When Chris chose Sarah May over her, Julie was crushed. Chris apologised, and then abruptly went back to talking about vidya.[11]
Clyde Cash made more serious threats against Julie, forcing Chris to upload a famous 5 February 2009 video admitting that he was gay.[12]
Once Chris got it into his head that PandaHalo had burned to death in a wildfire, he began to focus even more on Julie as a sweetheart.
Chris received a letter written by Julie, the first physical proof of her "existence". In it, it details the love professed by her to Chris.
That Valentine's Day, Chris uploaded an LBP level, and Chris and Julie took their relationship to the next level, with cyber sex. Bob walked in, and the rest is history. Chris's parents didn't believe that Julie was TRUE and HONEST.[13]
In an infamous video of 20 February 2009, Chris created a sex video for Julie with the help of his inflatable assistant Kimmi, in order to give Julie an idea of what their first time together would be like. Chris's agonized cries of "JULAAAAAAAY!" would prove one of the most striking and memorable of CWC-isms; to this date, many erroneously believe that Kimmi is Julie. This is not so; Chris may be the most desperate man alive, but he's not quite got to the point where he's convinced himself any of his sex dolls are real.
Max
Max was the evil, mysterious brother of Julie who held her against her will. On 26 February 2009, Chris valiantly traveled to Ohio in a bid to rescue her and got his parents all worried. (His ancestors' spirits had wished him "a Safe Trip to Ohio" two days prior at Aunt Corrina's funeral.)[14] Unfortunately, because Chris got the "wrong" address, he ended up at a run down house in the ghetto that was inhabited by an elderly black woman.[15]
On 3 March 2009, Max gained control of Chris's PlayStation Network account, and during an hour-long audio session threatened to sell the PSN account and forbade Julie from seeing Chris. Chris was coerced into declaring BILLY MAYS to be the mayor of CWCville and shoving the pieces of his destroyed Sonichu medallion up his ass while shouting "Zap to the extreme!" before he was allowed to speak to Julie as seen in the video below, at which point Julie admits that both she and Max have been BlueSpike, a thirteen-year-old boy in league with Clyde Cash. At no point did BlueSpike even mention the sex tape (which had already gotten nearly two million hits). BlueSpike's female voice is a particularly unconvincing falsetto, which makes it all the more hilarious that it worked so well on Chris.
This incident shattered both his heart level and his anus to 0%.
For audio and a complete transcription of the conversation, see Julie Reveals Herself. (The revelation of Julie's true identity comes in the final section of the transcript.)
Encyclopedia Dramatica Troll War
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On 5 March 2009, an all-out civil war broke out between trolls on the Chris-chan ED discussion page on whether BlueSpike had gone too far, whether he was a hypocrite, or if he was merely a tool initiated by Clyde Cash to ruse Chris into the further milking of lulz. Suffice to say, a combination of outrage and troll remorse turned the whole event into a clusterfuck.
| “ | If BlueSpike really is 13 years old, then we know who the real child molesters are. "hey, they made fun of YOU for doing sonic recolours?, look at this guy!". "hey! be one of the cool kids, help this autistic guy jack off, pretend to be a girl so we can video tape and record it..." . Thats the REAL reason you were shiting it and called for a 30 minute silence just after, Clyde/Mayes. At least you had the balls to say that it was you responsible in channel once. You know its not going to be pizza's at 1am, and you know its not a fucking cat. If Bluespike really is 13, then you groomed a child to perform sex acts on a mentally retarded man for your pleasure. You're fucked, son. You both broke a lolcow, but theres better sport now, ruining your lives. And dont act like you dont care, I saw you shiting yourself all that night and the next, sending waves of members out to kill threads about it or put in false names, just like Your sock earlier in the page. Ready to have a seat of there? | ” |
| Wit, ED user | ||
Most of the trolling did involve BlueSpike having phone sex with Chris for hours each night, disgustingly listening to the guy fap. As BlueSpike was in complete control of Chris, he could have done more sinister things, but night after night he engaged in nothing but noisy phone sex and listened to Chris very loudly jack off. Draw your own conclusions about BlueSpike's sexuality. One fap session did produce the epically hilarious event when Bob Chandler became an internet lumberjack.
Today, most trolls tend to frown on BlueSpike and his methods, though large portions of /cwc/ yearn to return to the sadist days of BlueSpike in hopes of an age of trolling where physical pain is inflicted upon Chris.
While one might think that this level of physical and mental abuse would leave lasting scars, BlueSpike's trolling had virtually no evident long-term impact on Chris. Just a few weeks after Julie revealed her true identity, Chris had no trouble believing that he had found another sweetheart online, and just a few weeks after that he had no trouble believing that he was having instant-messenger sex with a world-famous celebrity. The main effect it did have was that although Chris remade a new Sonichu medallion, he stopped wearing it until 1 July 2009.
Chris currently believes that BlueSpike was killed at the hands of Clyde Cash, from an offhand comment Cash made in Mumble 12. On his version of the ED page, Chris stated that "That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "Starscream" Troll, Clyde Cash." Of course, this statement was later revealed to be a complete and utter bluff.
And so he lives, awaiting his next chance to attack the manchild.
See also
- BlueSpike PSN Chats
- Bob Walks In
- Chris Comes Out of the Closet
- CWC Cums for a Cat
- For Julie's Eyes Only
- Gaybian
- Julie Reveals Herself
- Molvania
- Mumble Chats
Sauces
- ↑ Mumble 10
- ↑ BlueSpike_Skype_Logs_5
- ↑ BlueSpike PSN Chat 4
- ↑ Mumble 8
- ↑ IRC (15 December 2008)
- ↑ IRC (28 December 2008)
- ↑ IRC (03 January 2009)
- ↑ IRC (04 January 2009)
- ↑ BlueSpike_Skype_Logs
- ↑ BlueSpike Skype Logs 2
- ↑ BlueSpike_Skype_Logs_4
- ↑ BlueSpike Skype Logs 4
- ↑ Bob Walks In Aftermath
- ↑ Jackie Chat 7
- ↑ BlueSpike Skype Logs 13