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Manajerks (a portmanteau of "manager" and "jerk") are villains featured in Sonichu comics, most prominently in the Sub-Episodes, who regularly antagonize Chris's comic book counterpart. They are based on a multitude of real life store managers who all threw Chris out of their places of business for being a creepy stalker during his Love Quest. In the comic, the manajerks are all super powered agents of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, whom Chris and his team of recolors regularly have to defeat.
Manajerks in real life
Real-life manajerks, or as they're known to people who aren't infantile buffoons, "managers," are employees responsible for organizing other employees to accomplish desired goals within a business. While sometimes frustrating to those who work under their supervision, managers usually seek only to improve the productivity and prosperity of their workplace, thus benefiting both customer and employee alike.
At times, the duties of a manager can sometimes require them to take charge of difficult situations, such as a patron who loiters in the workplace, purchasing nothing and using the facilities as his personal retreat. Such situations can have a negative effect on the business. For example, if this hypothetical patron happened to be unwilling to shower and had numbers of pairs of dirty crapped briefs, his odor might prove distasteful to paying customers. Similarly, if this purely fictional patron should happen to hold a sign expressing his desire for intimate relations with young white women, it might also put off paying customers who would find the patron crude and bizarre. In situations like these, it's often a manager's responsibility to step in, and inform the patron that his behavior is inappropriate for a place of business. If the patron becomes unresponsive or difficult, the manager may also be charged with contacting the proper authorities to have him escorted (forcibly, if need be) from the premises.
Manajerks in Sonichu
In the pages of Sonichu, manajerks, like jerkops, college deans, CADD instructors, and other authority figures, are all tyrannical cockblockers who want nothing more than to ruin Chris's life. To this end, whenever Chris enters a public place to spend hours drawing comics, playing video games, building crude sculptures with Pixelblocks, and panhandling for sexual favors, these evil manajerks descend upon him like the Gestapo, ordering him to leave and never return. Just as Chris refuses to recognize the authority of private security personnel and the police, he also dismisses the manajerks as having no say in how he abuses their businesses. It's also worth noting that Chris seems to have only a nebulous grasp of how businesses work (e.g. his suggestion that you "tip your waitress" the next time you visit your local GameStop[citation needed]), which may explain why he takes their actions so personally.
Since Chris tends to assume all of his enemies are conspiring against him in one great, monolithic organization, he depicts the manajerks and jerkops as operatives of the same Chris-hating team, with Mary Lee Walsh as its leader. Similarly, Chris also assumes that any perceived attack against him is an attack against anything he believes he represents, and so the manajerks and other enemies are depicted as being anti-romance, anti-virgin, anti-autistic, etc.
Though Chris has depicted manajerks numerous times in the comics, not much is actually known about how they operate. Unlike jerkops, who have known to target any and all lovers in the city of CWCville during their invasions,[citation needed] the manajerks seem to target Chris and only Chris. This would seem to make them appear to be assassins of a sort, but Chris is only ever seen being attacked by them while in stores, such as Target, Wal-Mart or McDonalds, which may instead suggest that the manajerks really are store managers, but they just happen to be evil love-hating footsoldiers of PVCC as well. Following the revelation in Sonichu #10 that all the manajerks were brainwashed just like the jerkops were, this seems most likely.
Of note however, is that Chris refers to all the stores where these confrontations take place by a comic book alias. In the comic, he isn't getting thrown out of Fashion Square Mall; he's fighting in the Fa-Square, of the Sho-Mall Region. Target is similarly refered to as the Get-Tar Region and Wal-Mart is the Mal-Wart Region and the McDonalds in the Wal-Mart became M-C-D-Ville. The manajerks are shown to reside in and possibly rule over these regions, as Sonichu #7 refers to manajerk ScotPalazzo as having "banned all virgins from his region", which seems to suggest that the manajerks were not restricted to just being soldiers, but were more like war lords. This of course raises the question however, of how bad things have to be in CWCville that terrorists are able to take over whole shopping complexes and declare ownership of them.
B-Manajerk
B-Manajerk is a villain featured in Sonichu #3 and 4. He is one of the few villains Chris has managed to defeat single-handedly.
Little is known about the B-Manajerk, including his real name. What little information is available comes to us from Chris's records of their first two encounters.
"June 22, 2005: Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the McDonald's at Wal-Mart, and apparently complaints were made. The two manajerkss, a Seinor Comic, and a Black, Fat Jerk (he looked a lot like the leader of the Jerkops at the Mall, whom I refer to now as the Jerkhief) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl, like I have been doing for the past over one-year and ten-months. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the sign from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the Jerkops came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the B-Manajerk was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my Pixelblock sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the Wal-Mart Manajerk, and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off." --Christian Weston Chandler
Presumably, B-Manajerk was the manager of the McDonald's in the Wal-Mart, or a subordinate to the man Chris identifies only as a "Merried Seinor Comic." One way or another, Chris was kicked out of the McDonald's, but felt that he was still entitled to loiter in the rest of the Wal-Mart and play with Pixelblocks. Since this was outside of the B-Manajerk's jurisdiction, he called in the manager of the Wal-Mart to deal with him, at which point Chris ran off like a little bitch, which Chris seems to consider a brilliant tactical victory.
From Chris's account, we can infer that the B-Manajerk was most likely a very sensible, though possibly overweight, African-American male, who takes pride in his business and doesn't want smelly weirdos sitting around his restaurant playing with toys and begging for pussy.
It is possible that the "B" in "B-Manajerk" stands for "black". Since no fewer than three managers interfered with his agenda that day, he most likely used these appellations to tell them apart in his story. Otherwise, we're left to conclude that "B" somehow stands for "McDonald's", which isn't entirely beyond the realm of possibility for Chris. In the Sonichu Audiobooks, Chris refers to B-Manajerk as "Black Manajerk", so the B must stand for "black".
Clearly upset by the events of June 20-22, 2005, Chris took revenge in the only way he could: by turning these men into fictional supervillains he could defeat in his fantasy life.
The B-Manajerk first appeared in Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in Sonichu #3 and reused in Sonichu #4. In this embellished version of the real-life encounter, Chris sits peacefully at the McDonald's, which he terms "M-C-D-Ville" in the "Mal-Wart Region", until the B-Manajerk and the Merried Seinor Comic confront him preemptively. While the Merried Seinor Comic has cybernetic arms and legs, the B-Manajerk is arrayed in golden armor, vaguely reminiscent of Goldar from "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers". He wears glasses and has a round head, looking a great deal like the Jerkhief, as Chris describes in his journal entry. B-Manajerk explains that the Jerkhief warned them about Chris, and since having a mate of any kind is a violation of Mal-Wart law, they plan to "intercept" him, using Mecha-Jerkops on loan from the Jerkhief.
Though outnumbered, Chris stands his ground, and Darkbind Sonichu comes to his aid, destroying the Mecha-Jerkops and defeating the Merried Seinor Comic so that Chris can battle the B-Manajerk one-on-one. He transforms into Chris-Chan Sonichu, and the "anime wings" he had been wearing on his head transform into working wings, similar to the power-up from Super Mario 64. The B-Manajerk uses rocket boosters mounted to his back to confront Chris-Chan in an aerial duel, but Chris uses several techniques to confuse and misdirect him, including a decoy made of Pixelblocks. After defeating the B-Manajerk, Chris lectured both of his enemies on the importance of his Love Quest and the absolute necessity of his Attraction Sign.
The B-Manajerk would briefly return in the pages of Sonichu 7, when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC, where Mary Lee Walsh announced Chris's disappearance into the time void.
In addition to his flight-enabling armor, the B-Manajerk is armed with a pair of large guns, and a golden battle axe.
Pixelblocks, Sky uppercuts,and Curse-ye-ha-me-ha
Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby
Merried Seinor Comic (not to be confused with the Giant Penis Comic) is possibly the most poorly spelled name in all of Sonichu, as one can't even figure out what words Chris was trying to write or what meaning they could possibly convey. Merried Seinor Comic is derived from Kirby McDerbie, who banned him from Charlottesville Fashion Square for over a year.[1]
The Merried Seinor Comic is an unusually gregarious opponent of Chris's Love Quest. He is one half of the McDuo of the City of M-C-D-Ville of the Region of Mal-Wart, along with his partner, the B-Manajerk, and first appears in Sonichu 3. He has cybernetic arms and legs and is armed with a broadsword, for no apparent reason except that it allows Chris to recreate the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.[2] Chris's version of events should be taken with a grain of salt, however, as he then proceeds to be hogtied by Bagget, hung over a pool of boiling shame and loneliness at the PVCC.
In Sonichu 7, the character is even more inexplicably described as Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby, although the "Kirby" has been removed in more recent versions. After being rescued by his family, he issues a rematch against Bagget, with strong words of Voluntarity and Valor, and then proceeds to beat him up with Psychic Punches to the gut and jaw.[3]
Why Chris uses this bizarre turn of phrase to describe him, particularly the man's seniority as a comic, is still unclear. There has, however, been speculation that Chris may have meant to say "Married Senior Comic."
W-M-Manajerk
W-M-Manajerk is a villain featured in Sonichu #3 and 4. So great was his power that Chris was forced to summon the aid of his imaginary twin sister Crystal to defeat him.
Little is known about the W-M-Manajerk, including his real name. What little information is available comes to us from Chris's records of their initial encounter.
| "June 22, 2005: Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the McDonald's at Wal-Mart, and apparently complaints were made. The two manajerkss, a Seinor Comic, and a Black, Fat Jerk (he looked a lot like the leader of the Jerkops at the Mall, whom I refer to now as the Jerkhief) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl, like I have been doing for the past over one-year and ten-months. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the sign from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the Jerkops came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the B-Manajerk was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my Pixelblock sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the Wal-Mart Manajerk, and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off." --Christian Weston Chandler |
Translation: After Chris was kicked out of the Wal-Mart's McDonald's, he returned two days later, apparently feeling that his expulsion only applied to the McDonald's, and not the entire building. The man he identifies as "B-Manajerk", frustrated with Chris's unwelcome return, asked the Wal-Mart manager to deal with him. After a terse argument, Chris fled, flipping the Wal-Mart Manager off, and shouting his weeaboo magic spells at him. The part about his car is probably an embellishment, but it's hard to be sure.
Clearly upset by the events of June 20-22, 2005, Chris took revenge in the only way he could by turning these men into fictional supervillains he could defeat in his fantasy life. Apparently worried about legal ramifications, Chris shortened "Wal-Mart Manajerk" to "W-M-Manajerk", and history was made. Pathetic, shitty history. (Ironically, the store in the comics is called "Mal-Wart", completely ruining the meaning behind the "W-M".)
In the You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!! segment Christian put on his ED page in March 2008, he implies he "got [his] ass handed to [him] by a cripple" with an image from the McAttack chapters of Sonichu of W-M-Manajerk beating up Chris-chan. This could imply that the real life W-M-Manajerk might be crippled, perhaps explaining the reason he has a robotic body in the comics.
The W-M-Manajerk first appeared at the end of Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in Sonichu #3 and reused in Sonichu #4. In this embellished version of the real-life encounter, Chris defeats B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic with the help of Darkbind Sonichu. Darkbind leaves, thinking the crisis resolved, but soon Chris is confronted by another enemy, the W-M-Manajerk. Unlike the B-Manajerk, who seems to be a human clad in armor, the W-M-Manajerk appears to be merely a human head in a jar, mounted atop a massive robot body. His appearance seems to be based on Richard Nixon in Futurama. In that cartoon, Nixon, having somehow been resurrected and kept alive as a head in a jar, runs for President of Earth, using a robot body to circumvent rules against his seeking a third term. Why Chris would steal this idea of all things is a mystery, unless he somehow sensed that a comic about himself being girly-slapping by an ordinary Wal-Mart employee would have been too dull.
The story continues in Sub-Episode 5, where Chris and the W-M-Manajerk do battle. Unlike the "verbal combat" in his real life encounter, the fight here is completely physical, with W-M pretty much beating the crap out of Chris, as you might expect a giant robot would.
Just as Chris begins to lose hope, he receives a vision from the Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan, who informs him that he must combine the powers of his Medallion of Fail with his Heart Torch of Fail to summon his Dream Sibling of Fail. Realizing that his ancestor is referring to one of his home-made Yugi-Oh! cards, Chris follows his advice and manages to create a physical body for his imaginary twin sister.
Undaunted, W-M-Manajerk presses his attack, but when Chris and Crystal transform into their respective Chris-Chan Sonichu fursonas, they quickly overpower him. By combining their ultimate attacks--Chris's Curse-ye-ha-me-ha and Crystal's Shocking Tiara Magic, they destroy the Manajerk's armor, leaving only his disembodied head.
Crystal gives W-M a long, boring talk about how important it is for Chris to get laid, and how W-M is missing out on some "awesomly great emotions, big time". Even Chris gets tired of hearing the bitch ramble on, and he stops her to ask who sent W-M-Manajerk in the first place. W-M reveals that he, along with B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic, are agents of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens and its President Mary Lee Walsh. Furious that Walsh has attacked him again, Chris and Crystal kick the headjar all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Mary on the head.
W-M-Manajerk would briefly return (sans body) in the pages of Sonichu #7, when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC, where Mary Lee Walsh announced Chris's disappearance into the time void.
Unlike B-Manajerk's armor, W-M-Manajerk's robot body is pretty damn strong, actually. This is evident through it surviving several attacks from both Chris and Crystal, and appeared to possess super-strength, being able to effortlessly lift the very heavy Chris high above its head, and was also able to punch him with sufficient strength to send him flying backwards into a Soda Fountain.
The jar containing his head appears to be quite durable as well, since it survived being kicked from Mal-Wart to PVCC without breaking, even upon collision with Mary Lee Walsh's head.
Only the combined power of Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu were able to defeat the W-M-Manajerk's body. As these are two of the more powerful characters in the series, that makes W-M-Manajerk a pretty major league guy. It's possible that Bionic the Hedgehog could take him out pretty easily, but this remains to be seen.
Of course, now that he's just a head, his threat level is severely diminished. Hell, Rosechu could probably beat him up now.
ScotPalazzo
Possibly the first Manajerk Chris had encountered, ScotPalazzo was based upon the manager of the Charlottesville Fashion Square, rechristened the "Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region" in Sonichu #4. Chris's experiences in Fashion Square were documented earlier in the series when he battled the Jerkhief and got trolled hard by Hanna, but ScotPalazzo himself would not be introduced until Sub-Episode 6, when he expressed envy Chris for his made-up TV show CWC's Backyard Safari. Scot was clearly redesigned to resemble Lord Il Palazzo from Excel Saga, and depicted as a jaded misanthrope who blamed love for his mother's murder-suicide.
| “ | Manajerk of the FA-Square, Sho-Mall region. He Banned all virgins from his region. | ” |
| Character description, Sonichu 8 | ||
The only man on the planet to spell his first and last name without a space, ScotPalazzo was the first Manajerk Chris had encountered, ScotPalazzo was based upon the manager of the Charlottesville Fashion Square, rechristened the Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region in Sonichu 4.
Chris's experiences in Fashion Square Mall were documented earlier in the series when he battled the Jerkhief and got trolled hard by Hanna, but ScotPalazzo himself would not be introduced until Sub-Episode 6, when he expressed envy toward Chris for his made-up TV show "CWC's Backyard Safari".
Scott was clearly redesigned to resemble Lord Il Palazzo from Excel Saga, and depicted as a jaded misanthrope who blamed love for his mother's murder-suicide. Despite having real motivation, he never actually did anything and presumably had this hatred cured when Sonichu cured all the other jerkops.
Turdijerk
[Sub-Episode 7]] detailed Chris's attempts to make a fresh start in the local Target store, which had just opened in his area. Paying a single dollar, he would receive a soda at their snack bar, which he would refill over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned Bagget to get him out of the store. The incident was dramatized by Chris in Sub-Episodes 7 and 8, entitled "Off-Target". Ironically, by changing the name of the location to "The Get-Tar Region", Chris undermined the supposed cleverness of his title.
Trebor Capman (Accomplice)
[Sub-Episode 7]] detailed Chris's attempts to make a fresh start in the local Target store, which had just opened in his area. Paying a single dollar, he would receive a soda at their snack bar, which he would refill over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned Bagget to get him out of the store. The incident was dramatized by Chris in Sub-Episodes 7 and 8, entitled "Off-Target". Ironically, by changing the name of the location to "The Get-Tar Region", Chris undermined the supposed cleverness of his title.
B-Manajerk, Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby, and W-M-Manajerk
Banished from the Fashion Square Mall, Chris resumed his Love Quest at the local Wal-Mart, until the management there called the police and had him tossed out. The incident was dramatized in Sub-Episodes 4 and 5 (Sonichu #4 and #5, now set in "M-C-D-Ville of the "Mal-Wart Region", and the three Manajerks re-imagined as bumbling fools with powerful cybernetic bodies. B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic, collectively known as the McDuo, attacked Chris first, and after they were defeated, the W-M-Manajerk stepped in to finish the job.
With help from Darkbind Sonichu and Crystal, Chris emerged victorious, and discovered that all three Manajerks were in the service of Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC.
Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice)
Sub-Episode 7 detailed Chris's attempts to make a fresh start in the local Target store, which had just opened in his area. Paying a single dollar, he would receive a soda at their snack bar, which he would refill over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned Bagget to get him out of the store. The incident was dramatized by Chris in Sub-Episodes 7 and 8, entitled "Off-Target". Ironically, by changing the name of the location to "The Get-Tar Region", Chris undermined the supposed cleverness of his title.
Unlike previous Manajerks, Chris doesn't give these two any special powers or armor, and the two aren't even named until Sonichu #7, when all of the Manajerks meet with Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC. "Turdijerk" seems especially juvenile, even for Chris, while "Trebor Capman" might actually be "Robert" Capman, given his love for reversing names. "Turdijerk" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent, showing once again that Chris sucks at tolerance.
The future
By the time Megan Schroeder came into his life, Chris had abandoned the classic tactics of his Love Quest, disavowing the Attraction Sign as "stupid" in Sonichu #5. This may be a "chicken-and-egg" situation, however. By 2006, Chris had most likely been banned from his usual haunts, and may have abandoned his sign because he had nowhere else to display it. Since attracting the attention of Encyclopedia Dramatica, Chris has shifted his focus to the Internet for fame and china. And while his search for both have been in vain, he has at least failed to incur the wrath of a Manajerk capable of kicking him off the Internet for good. And so, IRL-based villains like the Manajerks appear to have been phased out in favor of troll-inspired characters like Blanca, Robert Simmons V, Jason Kendrick Howell and Clyde Cash.
References
See also
- Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region
- Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens
- Niggos
- Jerkops
- PVCCitizens
- Love Quest
- Mal-Wart Region
- M-C-D-Ville
- Get-Tar Region