Difference between revisions of "HEXBox"

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{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Hexbox.PNG|center|300px]]
[[Image:Hexbox.PNG|center|300px]]


[[File:Hexboxguido01.png|thumb|left|[[Clyde Cash|Shit was SO cash!]]]]
[[File:Hexboxguido01.png|thumb|left|[[Clyde Cash|Shit was SO cash!]]]]
[[Image:LegoHexBawxController.jpg|thumb|What a CWC lego Hex Bawx controller would look like if Chris: 1. Liked Xboxes 2. Had any sort of [[autistic|artistic]] talent.]]
[[File:481px-360tankx6.jpg|thumb|250px||A picture Chris uploaded to the [[CWCki]] [[Random-access humor|for some reason]]. It turned out to be an odd case of foreshadowing to his later obsession with ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]''.]]


'''Hex Bawx''' (or '''Hex-Box''') is a [[CWC-ism]] for the Xbox 360 game console, which [[Chris]] hates for no real reason other than not wanting to pay for online gaming.
'''HEXBox''' (also spelled ''HeXBox'', ''HEX-Box'', or ''Hex-Bawx'') is a [[CWC-ism]] for [[wikipedia:Microsoft|Microsoft]]'s [[Wikipedia:Xbox|Xbox]] series of game consoles, probably in reference to "[[Wiktionary:hex|hex]]" being a word for "[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]]." There are currently four generations of Xbox game consoles, three of which [[Chris and hypocrisy|Chris has owned games for]] at one point.  


Chris has stated that if his video game ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title, but NEVER ON XBOX.
Chris has stated that if his video game ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title on everywhere but the HEXBox. With his later acquisition of an Xbox One, however, it remains to be seen whether he has relaxed his position on ''Adult Chronicles'' being released on the system.
 
By 2019, Chris lost interest in playing the Xbox and [[PlayStation 4]] consoles. He did, however, return to playing Xbox (or at least logged into his Live account) on 1 September 2023, after his release from jail.


Judging from his [[List of Chris's eBay sales|eBay sales]], Chris may have owned an original Xbox at one point, making his hatred of the Hex Bawx extremely [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]].
{{clear}}
{{clear}}
==Early days==
[[File:ACDoc Xbox PS Stink.jpg|thumb|300px|Transcription as it appears in the second [[Geno Samuel]] video.]]Some early signs of hate can be seen in the [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], in which he makes the following remark:
{{quote|Xbox and PlayStation 2, my opinion is the same as yours; they both stink.|Chris, presuming his [[Fans|audience]] shares his perverted sense of [[brand loyalty]]}}
He then makes another remark, stating the fact that he didn't own either console. Notably, Chris's vitriol also extended to [[Playstation]], since he was still purely a [[Nintendo]] fanboy at the time.
Chris tried to sell the Xbox games [[Wikipedia:Call of Duty 2: Big Red One|''Call of Duty 2: Big Red One'']], ''[[Wikipedia:The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay|The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay]]'', [[Wikipedia:Driv3r|''Driv3r'']] and ''[[Wikipedia:Celebrity Deathmatch (video game)|Celebrity Deathmatch]]'' on [[eBay]], which makes it possible that Chris once owned an original Xbox, though he has been known to buy games at thrift stores and sell them for a profit.


==The hatred==
==The hatred==
[[Image:TROPHY.JPG|center|400px|Enjoy the hi-res MSPaint graphics.]]
[[Image:TROPHY.JPG|center|400px|Enjoy the hi-res MSPaint graphics.]]
{{incomplete}}


In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC chat]] from 02 January 2009, Chris expands upon his Hex Bawx hatred:
In the [[IRC (02 January 2009)|2 January 2009 IRC chat]], Chris expands upon his HEXBox hatred:


<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
<br>12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the [[PS3]] too
<br>12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the [[PS3]] too
<br>12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because the Live is costly.
<br>12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because [[Wikipedia:Xbox Live|the Live]] is costly.
<br>12:18 <vivitheg> It's only 50 dollars a year
<br>12:18 <vivitheg> It's only [[Chris and money|50 dollars]] a year
<br>12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
<br>12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and Wii, which are FREE.
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and [[Wii]], which are FREE.
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; [[Nintendo]] Wi-Fi is Free.
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; [[Nintendo]] Wi-Fi is Free.
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> [[Random-access humor|Skadoosh]].
<br>12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> [[Random-access humor|Skadoosh]].
</div>
</div>


While [[Chris humps his PS3|making sweet love to his one and only love]], Chris failed to tell what he ''really'' feels about the Hex-Box (and failed basic geometry, but that was perfectly understandable in the, ahem, heat of the moment):
While [[Chris humps his PS3|making sweet love to his one and only sweetheart]], Chris tried to tell us how he ''really'' feels about the HEXBox:


: ''"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor roll|whatever the half of 360° is]]. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350&ndash;360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."''
: ''"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor roll|whatever the half of 360° is]]. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350&ndash;360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."''
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He was asked about this in his [[Mailbag]], and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.
He was asked about this in his [[Mailbag]], and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.


{{quote|I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case.|Chris, [[Mailbag 5#Chris hates the HexBawks|being completely irrational]].}}
{{quote|I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the [[Wii]] and [[PS3]], PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case.|Chris, [[Mailbag 5#Chris hates the HEXBox|being completely irrational]].|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref>}}


Actually, you can get a free version of Xbox Live, known as Xbox Silver, that lets you download demos and add-ons without subscribing. You can also upgrade your account to the Gold version, which costs a little under sixty<ref>http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-20015064-1.html</ref> dollars a year if you pay for a year instead of one month at a time. Considering Chris's [[monthly tugboat|monthly allowance]], this price is little to nothing. Chris has already accrued thousands of dollars of debt through his many other video game-related purchases; this obviously raises the question of why a relatively small payment of $50/year is out of Chris's reach, especially with the weekly discounts that are available to Gold members. Furthermore, it is a well-known fact that Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, is a philanthropist and donates to government programs, [[monthly tugboat|thus putting more money right back into Chris's pocket.]]
Actually, [[wikipedia:Xbox Live|Xbox Live]] has two kinds of accounts. "Free" accounts (formerly "Silver") can access a large part of of Xbox Live features, such as friend lists, messaging, achievements and the content marketplace. "Gold" accounts, currently priced around $60/year, can play multiplayer games, use certain premium features such as Netflix (before June 4, 2014, after which it was available for free accounts) and get weekly discounts in addition to ''early'' access to certain downloadable games and demos (free accounts eventually get access to this content as well).


Furthermore, it's not like Chris is actually active in the online multiplayer world of PS3. The most he does is play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' while the rest of his games collect dust on the shelf.
Considering $60 is around the price of a single game, while factoring in Chris' [[monthly tugboat|monthly allowance]] and his habit of purchasing video games and paraphernalia on a whim while accruing thousands of dollars in debt, the price would hardly be a problem for him. It is safe to say Chris' opposition to Xbox Live stems purely from his console-war mindset.


Chris has also spent over $50 on individual issues and subscription of [[Wikipedia:Qore (PlayStation Network)|Qore]], a video magazine whose subscribers get early access to PSN content, not entirely unlike Live Gold. (Incidentally, the Inside Xbox team also publishes videos, which are available through Xbox Live for ''free'', and are also published on official YouTube channels - that's right, you don't need to even own an Xbox 360 to view them!) He's also likely unaware that PSN is coming up with a paid subscription service similar to XBox Live's pay model for what Sony calls "premium content and services."<ref>http://www.destructoid.com/psn-plans-premium-subscriptions-online-play-remains-free-155553.phtml</ref> Chris may need to go out and buy more [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|briefs to dirty and crap]] when that happens. Chris is too preoccupied with the "console wars" mindset and believes that PS3 ''will'' win the console war.
While [[wikipedia:PlayStation Network|PlayStation Network]] still lets users play multiplayer games for free, a premium version called PlayStation Plus was introduced in June 2010.<ref>http://www.destructoid.com/psn-plans-premium-subscriptions-online-play-remains-free-155553.phtml</ref> In order to prove how strongly he despises HEXbox Live Gold, Chris was spotted in April 2011 [[PS3#PlayStation Plus|using the Plus services]]. However, the PlayStation 4, the console Chris shelled out money for, requires mandatory PlayStation Plus to play online, which is at least $60 for 12 months. Despite being the same price as Xbox Live, Xbox Live hasn't had as many online shutdowns as PlayStation Plus and has better security.


==In the comics==
==In the comics==
[[Image:Jason's_Hexbox.jpg|thumb|left|[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his Hex-Box.]][[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|''Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls'', an indie release that, according to ''[[Sonichu 10]]'', Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all conclusions from this you logically can.]]
[[Image:Jason's_Hexbox.jpg|thumb|left|[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his HEXBox.]][[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|''Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls'', an indie release that, according to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all the conclusions from this that you logically can.]]
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!]][[Image:TrophyUnlocked.jpg|thumb|Trophy informing reader they can now play their "PLAYSTATION 3 OR NINTENDO Wii IN PEACE". Ironically, this is a Hex-box style notice.]]
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!]]
 
The HEXBox 360 is featured during the [[Sonichu_8#The_Elevator_Gags|''elevator gag'']] portion of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]. [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through the console as they travel past the 70th floor of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building. The 71st floor displays a PlayStation Trophy award for "killing that HEX-BOX."
 
Christian took care to draw a "[[Wikipedia:Xbox 360 technical problems|Damn Red Ring]]"<ref>[[IRC (23 July 2009)]]</ref> around the HEXBox's power button.
 
In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and a pirated copy of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Later, Chris portrays [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as [[Collosal Chan]], enters it, deletes everything about the [[Asperpedia]], then destroys the Xbox.
 
In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], a "Fully Found Myself" Xbox trophy is depicted for [[Reldnahc]] whereas comic Chris's achievement is depicted with a PS4 trophy<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P42.jpg]]</ref>.
 
Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is smaller than a Wii, and with the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that an Xbox 360 has four unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the [[PS3]]), as his portrayal of [[Alec]]'s console shows; a real 360 console has two memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door.  However, the new model 360s don't have memory card slots, but do have two USB slots behind a door near the power button.
 
Microsoft itself is not addressed in the comics either directly or via pseudonym.


The HEX-BOX 360 is featured during the [[Sonichu_8#The_Elevator_Gags|''elevator gag'']] portion of Sonichu issue 8. Sonichu and Rosechu are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through this despised console while traveling past the 70th floor of the [[4-cent_garbage]] building. The 71st floor displays a Playstation Trophy award for ''killing that HEX-BOX''. Why the 4-cent_garbage building would devote an entire floor to one HEX-BOX with an axe in it is never addressed.
==Change of heart?==
In [[XBox is OK.MOV|a video]] uploaded in [[September 2010]], Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox 360 has merits after all. More light was shed with the leaking of an email to [[Jackie]]:


Christian draws a <span style="color:#FF0000">'''red'''</span> LED around the HEX-BOX's power button. He was either aware of the red lights on the Xbox 360, or is simply using this color to represent a force of evil. Chris may have been aware of the publicized [[wikipedia:Xbox 360 technical problems|Red Ring of Death]]; earlier Xbox 360 models frequently died with RRoD due to Microsoft's cost cutting in various parts of the manufacturing, and the problems still haven't entirely been eliminated in the new models either. Normally, all four quadrants being illuminated on an Xbox 360 would indicate a disconnected, or damaged, AV cable.
{{quote|About the XBox thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, I withdraw my past angst against the console. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.|Chris<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>}}


In [[Sonichu 10]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and the controller &mdash; which he appears to hold upside down &mdash; and a pirated copy of ''LittleBigPlanet''; Chris thinks pirates would be somehow motivated to undertake such humongous tasks as porting a game on a platform that's about as different from PS3 as you can possibly get, without access to the game's source code. Later, Chris portrays [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as Collosal Chan, enters the Xbox, ''deletes fucking everything'' about Asperpedia, then destroys the Xbox.
==Nope, he still hates it==
On the weekend of 7 [[September 2013]], Chris was [[banned]] from the [[Ruckersville]] [[Mal-Wart|Walmart]] after he vandalized an Xbox One kiosk with a felt-tip marker to read "HEXbox One". Not only does this contradict his so-called "change of heart" for the console, but also adds to his ever growing [[List of Chris's lies|list of lies]], as well. He tried writing the manager an apology letter to get his ban lifted, [[Chris and negotiation|to no avail.]]


Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is tinier than a Wii (as everyone who has ever owned an Xbox 360 knows, XBOX IS HUEG and you need a forklift to move this fucker around) and he also places the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that it has 4 unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the [[PS3]]), as his portrayal of Alec's console shows; a real 360 console has 2 memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door.
On his [[Facebook]] page, Chris posted that the last name of the manager was Utz. He also went as far as to '''actually post this on Human Rights Campaign's page''' and claimed he has been discriminated against for being [[Autism|"autistic"]] and a [[Homos|"lesbian"]]--even though it's pretty clear that [[Chris and reality|the moral of this story is to not vandalize shit]]. He asked the community to demand Walmart to unban him, even posting its address and phone number under the pretense people would actually follow through with his orders, and liked his own post. He did at least admit that what he did was wrong, so maybe there's some silver lining.


The Microsoft Corporation is not addressed in the comics either directly, or via pseudonym.
Chris posted this on 4 [[September 2014]] at around 7:30 PM.


==Hex Bawx hatred in public==
<center><gallery>
Image:Chris Chan on Ms. Utz.JPG|We knew it!
</gallery></center>


In August 2010, a noble field agent spotted Chris in a GameStop shop at his [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|local mall]]. Chris was seen muttering to himself and kicking a stall full of XBox 360 games, which couldn't have endeared him to the staff very much at all. The full quote is reproduced below.
On 25 [[June 2015]], Facebook group Legit Lady Gamers posted a picture of a pink Xbox One. Predictably, Chris replied that he liked pink PS4s better.


{{quote|He was checking out the PS Triple section the majority of the time. I happened to look over my shoulder at one point and there he was, bent over with his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|tighty whities]] pulled up too far on his body, [[obesity|his shirt coming up rather far over his back]]. What he was bent over for, I have no idea. I turned back to what I was looking at and he was [[stress sigh|sighing]] periodically over who knows what. Then I heard, "kick da hex-box...kick da hex-box...kick da hex-box..." I had to look. He was kicking a row of X-Box games while saying it. It wasn't hard enough to knock things over, but still...what the fuuuuuck? The employee gave him a glance but didn't say anything. I'm assuming he does this on a regular basis that they just ignore him. Now that I think back on it, he was probably sighing because the PS Triple section is right next to the X-Box section and he was getting stuh-ressed that the games were touching. He left shortly after that so I was able to look at the vidya with no further disturbances.}}
==He likes it for real now==
{{see also|List of Chris's video games#Microsoft}}
[[File:X-box avatar.png |thumb|150px|Chris's Xbox avatar]]
 
In [[November 2017]], Chris revealed his gamertag, CWCSonichu1982.<ref>[[November_2017_Facebook_posts#Gamindustri.27s_enemies_attack_CWCville]]</ref> He has a Gold membership, along with several Sonic games.<ref name=tag>https://www.xboxgamertag.com/search/CWCSonichu1982/</ref> Based on his gaming list including ''Rare Replay'', he purchased an Xbox One instead of a 360, since ''Rare Replay'' is a One exclusive. As of now, it is unknown if he purchased an Xbox One X, an Xbox One S, or just a regular Xbox One. An XBox One runs approximately $350-400 and the Xbox Live Gold is from $9.99-59.99.
 
His Gamerscore is '''5,210''', with '''44''' games played, and '''1''' game completed.
 
By [[2019]], Chris had ceased regularly playing the Xbox - his Gamertag account shows that the last game played was in 2019.<ref name=tag></ref> In [[August 2020]], a fan asked about his gaming activity, to which Chris answered that the "amount of stuff" in the room was a problem for setting up his consoles and that he was more focused on the [[Dimensional Merge]] instead.<ref>[[Discord Q&A 2#Gaming]]</ref>
 
On 1 [[September 2023]], following the [[Jail Saga]], Chris was spotted online on the XBox.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/167id3t/chris_just_signed_back_into_hexbox_for_the_first/ ([https://archive.ph/J5a4Y archive])</ref>
 
 
 
{{clear}}


==Sauces==
==Sources==
<references />
<references />


==External links==
==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DojyqeVCD6U A typical Hexbox game]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DojyqeVCD6U A typical HEXBox game]
*[https://www.xboxgamertag.com/search/CWCSonichu1982/ Chris's Xbox gamertag profile]


{{PS3Saga}}
{{CWC-isms}}
{{CWC-isms}}


[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Things Chris once hated but now likes]]

Revision as of 10:07, 3 September 2023

Tugboat.jpg YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!
The contents of this page have been bought with taxpayer money! 		Social Security Administration seal.png


Hexbox.PNG
Shit was SO cash!
A picture Chris uploaded to the CWCki for some reason. It turned out to be an odd case of foreshadowing to his later obsession with Hyperdimension Neptunia.

HEXBox (also spelled HeXBox, HEX-Box, or Hex-Bawx) is a CWC-ism for Microsoft's Xbox series of game consoles, probably in reference to "hex" being a word for "curse." There are currently four generations of Xbox game consoles, three of which Chris has owned games for at one point.

Chris has stated that if his video game Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title on everywhere but the HEXBox. With his later acquisition of an Xbox One, however, it remains to be seen whether he has relaxed his position on Adult Chronicles being released on the system.

By 2019, Chris lost interest in playing the Xbox and PlayStation 4 consoles. He did, however, return to playing Xbox (or at least logged into his Live account) on 1 September 2023, after his release from jail.

Early days

Transcription as it appears in the second Geno Samuel video.

Some early signs of hate can be seen in the Animal Crossing Documentary, in which he makes the following remark:

“ Xbox and PlayStation 2, my opinion is the same as yours; they both stink. ”
Chris, presuming his audience shares his perverted sense of brand loyalty

He then makes another remark, stating the fact that he didn't own either console. Notably, Chris's vitriol also extended to Playstation, since he was still purely a Nintendo fanboy at the time.

Chris tried to sell the Xbox games Call of Duty 2: Big Red One, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, Driv3r and Celebrity Deathmatch on eBay, which makes it possible that Chris once owned an original Xbox, though he has been known to buy games at thrift stores and sell them for a profit.

The hatred

Enjoy the hi-res MSPaint graphics.

In the 2 January 2009 IRC chat, Chris expands upon his HEXBox hatred:


12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the PS3 too
12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because the Live is costly.
12:18 <vivitheg> It's only 50 dollars a year
12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and Wii, which are FREE.
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; Nintendo Wi-Fi is Free.
12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> Skadoosh.

While making sweet love to his one and only sweetheart, Chris tried to tell us how he really feels about the HEXBox:

"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, whatever the half of 360° is. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350–360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."

He was asked about this in his Mailbag, and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.

“ I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case. ”
Chris, being completely irrational., Chris[1]

Actually, Xbox Live has two kinds of accounts. "Free" accounts (formerly "Silver") can access a large part of of Xbox Live features, such as friend lists, messaging, achievements and the content marketplace. "Gold" accounts, currently priced around $60/year, can play multiplayer games, use certain premium features such as Netflix (before June 4, 2014, after which it was available for free accounts) and get weekly discounts in addition to early access to certain downloadable games and demos (free accounts eventually get access to this content as well).

Considering $60 is around the price of a single game, while factoring in Chris' monthly allowance and his habit of purchasing video games and paraphernalia on a whim while accruing thousands of dollars in debt, the price would hardly be a problem for him. It is safe to say Chris' opposition to Xbox Live stems purely from his console-war mindset.

While PlayStation Network still lets users play multiplayer games for free, a premium version called PlayStation Plus was introduced in June 2010.[2] In order to prove how strongly he despises HEXbox Live Gold, Chris was spotted in April 2011 using the Plus services. However, the PlayStation 4, the console Chris shelled out money for, requires mandatory PlayStation Plus to play online, which is at least $60 for 12 months. Despite being the same price as Xbox Live, Xbox Live hasn't had as many online shutdowns as PlayStation Plus and has better security.

In the comics

Jason controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his HEXBox.
Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls, an indie release that, according to Sonichu #10, Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all the conclusions from this that you logically can.
KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!

The HEXBox 360 is featured during the elevator gag portion of Sonichu #8. Sonichu and Rosechu are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through the console as they travel past the 70th floor of the 4-cent_garbage.com building. The 71st floor displays a PlayStation Trophy award for "killing that HEX-BOX."

Christian took care to draw a "Damn Red Ring"[3] around the HEXBox's power button.

In Sonichu #10, Jason Kendrick Howell is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and a pirated copy of LittleBigPlanet. Later, Chris portrays Alec Benson Leary as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as Collosal Chan, enters it, deletes everything about the Asperpedia, then destroys the Xbox.

In Sonichu #12, a "Fully Found Myself" Xbox trophy is depicted for Reldnahc whereas comic Chris's achievement is depicted with a PS4 trophy[4].

Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is smaller than a Wii, and with the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that an Xbox 360 has four unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the PS3), as his portrayal of Alec's console shows; a real 360 console has two memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door. However, the new model 360s don't have memory card slots, but do have two USB slots behind a door near the power button.

Microsoft itself is not addressed in the comics either directly or via pseudonym.

Change of heart?

In a video uploaded in September 2010, Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox 360 has merits after all. More light was shed with the leaking of an email to Jackie:

“ About the XBox thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, I withdraw my past angst against the console. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place. ”
Chris[5]

Nope, he still hates it

On the weekend of 7 September 2013, Chris was banned from the Ruckersville Walmart after he vandalized an Xbox One kiosk with a felt-tip marker to read "HEXbox One". Not only does this contradict his so-called "change of heart" for the console, but also adds to his ever growing list of lies, as well. He tried writing the manager an apology letter to get his ban lifted, to no avail.

On his Facebook page, Chris posted that the last name of the manager was Utz. He also went as far as to actually post this on Human Rights Campaign's page and claimed he has been discriminated against for being "autistic" and a "lesbian"--even though it's pretty clear that the moral of this story is to not vandalize shit. He asked the community to demand Walmart to unban him, even posting its address and phone number under the pretense people would actually follow through with his orders, and liked his own post. He did at least admit that what he did was wrong, so maybe there's some silver lining.

Chris posted this on 4 September 2014 at around 7:30 PM.

  • We knew it!

On 25 June 2015, Facebook group Legit Lady Gamers posted a picture of a pink Xbox One. Predictably, Chris replied that he liked pink PS4s better.

He likes it for real now

See also: List of Chris's video games#Microsoft
Chris's Xbox avatar

In November 2017, Chris revealed his gamertag, CWCSonichu1982.[6] He has a Gold membership, along with several Sonic games.[7] Based on his gaming list including Rare Replay, he purchased an Xbox One instead of a 360, since Rare Replay is a One exclusive. As of now, it is unknown if he purchased an Xbox One X, an Xbox One S, or just a regular Xbox One. An XBox One runs approximately $350-400 and the Xbox Live Gold is from $9.99-59.99.

His Gamerscore is 5,210, with 44 games played, and 1 game completed.

By 2019, Chris had ceased regularly playing the Xbox - his Gamertag account shows that the last game played was in 2019.[7] In August 2020, a fan asked about his gaming activity, to which Chris answered that the "amount of stuff" in the room was a problem for setting up his consoles and that he was more focused on the Dimensional Merge instead.[8]

On 1 September 2023, following the Jail Saga, Chris was spotted online on the XBox.[9]


Sources

  1. ↑ Mailbag 5
  2. ↑ http://www.destructoid.com/psn-plans-premium-subscriptions-online-play-remains-free-155553.phtml
  3. ↑ IRC (23 July 2009)
  4. ↑ File:SchuComic12-1P42.jpg
  5. ↑ Jackie E-mails 14
  6. ↑ November_2017_Facebook_posts#Gamindustri.27s_enemies_attack_CWCville
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 https://www.xboxgamertag.com/search/CWCSonichu1982/
  8. ↑ Discord Q&A 2#Gaming
  9. ↑ https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/167id3t/chris_just_signed_back_into_hexbox_for_the_first/ (archive)

External links

PS3Test.png PS3 Hacking Saga PS3Test.png
The Players

People: Chris (JenkinsJinkies • Bill Riley) • Clyde Cash • Jack Thaddeus • Surfshack Tito • BlueSpike • Samantha Thaddeus • Katie Bay • Liquid Chris • PandaHalo

E-mails and Chats:
Jack Thaddeus (1 • 2 • 3) • Samantha • Katie Bay (1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6) • Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails
The Games: The Prizes:
Coinciding Sagas: Clyde Cash, Julie, Tito, First Exile, Jackie,
The CWC-tionary

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Fantasies: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | Dimension | Fangs | Godjesus | Iron Curtain | OC | Un-clit

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Nombie-zazis | Parody | Rosechu | Sonichu | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt

See also: Chris and English | List of phrases Chris copied from media

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