Honor roll

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It has so far unknown whether or not Chris really did make the honor roll. China or pickles and a place in the Trolling Hall of Fame awaits anyone who can conclusively prove or disprove Chris's honor roll status.
The white sash says Chris made the honor roll, but the slack-jawed stare says so much more.
No solamente con ellos, pero con mis puntos de HONOR ROLL. ¡Bueño! [sic]
Ricardo Weston Chandler [1]
I AM HONOR ROLL!
Liquid Chris
HONOR ROLL MY ASS
Vivian Gee, Audiobooks

Chris's presence on the honor roll in high school is something he often brings up as evidence of his intelligence. Despite his insistence to the contrary, Chris's past behavior and obvious gullibility, poor communication and self-delusion cast doubt upon this claim. Chris likes to boast of his honor roll status wherever possible, due to it being the closest thing in his life to an actual accomplishment.

Where Chris has claimed Honor Roll status

Chris has trumpeted his honor-roll status in a number of his documents and videos.

Chris made the honor roll?

In Chris's graduation pictures from both high school and college, he is wearing a sash that generally indicates graduating with honors. This only means so much without additional context, though. Depending on his school's standards for who winds up on the honor roll, it may not represent that impressive an achievement, especially if Chris was able to rack up the required grade point average with remedial course work instead of normal classes. In some schools, the only requirement is a minimum GPA, so anyone with a GPA of, say, 3.5, is on the honor roll, even if every single course was a remedial course. For what it's worth, the psychiatrist who conducted Chris's intake survey in 2004 noted that Chris took regular classes in high school, but he may have only had Chris's word for that. It's also noted that often times with honor roll, it's not hard to get honor roll if you have done all your homework and class work and did adequate on tests, even in a normal class setting. So, A in homework, and C in tests, MIGHT average to the B area, at least enough to be considered in the honor roll.

On the other hand, it's not completely out of the question to consider that Chris might have been able to get decent grades in school. His emotional and social issues have always made judging his actual intelligence a little tricky. In "Song of Christian", he is enraged to receive an "F" in English, suggesting that he usually got good grades, and also rages: "I mean, I started off with an "A" and you just lowered it, lowered, lowered it!", indicating that he initially made good grades in the class, but for one reason or another, they slipped into "F"'s before long.

Chris's basic cognitive functions work fine, as the 2004 psychiatric survey confirmed, and in some respects he seems to be no less intellectually capable than many ordinary people. He has a reasonable facility with computers and technology, for instance. At the same time, his laziness, naïveté, egotism and raging hormones have obviously led him to ever-increasing depths of self-destructively foolish behavior. The Miyamoto saga offers an interesting example of this contrast: Chris was bright enough to eventually work out that the e-mails he received from "Miyamoto" came from an easily-spoofed domain... but then if he weren't so blinded by his ego, he would never have believed that Nintendo was interested in his shitty knockoff character in the first place.

So, is Chris too stupid to have made the honor roll? Maybe. Is Chris too gullible, arrogant, and led about by his duck to function in real life? Definitely.

One would think that all Chris needs to do is to post his grades in order to end the doubts to his alleged intelligence. Sadly, according to Mailbag 19, Chris's report card papers are said to be locked away beyond his reach (which could mean a number of things - they could be locked away, buried under the piles of shit that litter his house, he doesn't have them anymore and he doesn't want to reveal that to others, or he's just too lazy to get up and find them), we may never know the truth until something finally snaps and he's able to get them. On the other hand, he's probably had them all along, and would never reveal them because they prove that he's the dumbfuck we know him to be.

Contradictorily, Chris also claims that the grades testifying to honor roll status are a matter of public record, but was too lazy to procure them himself. Those who have (or desire) access to the Chesterfield County Public Schools hall of records should take note; transcripts are not too difficult to obtain.

It is noteworthy that Chris' father stated in a Prank Call that Chris did not, in fact, make the Honor Roll.[3] It is possible that Bob was either mistaken, lying or progressing into senility.

Notes and references

  1. Translation: Not lonely with them, but with my points of HONOR ROLL. Good!
  2. SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE
  3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npFYbb2sccs

See also

The CWC-tionary

Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Darling | Dating education | Friend Zone | Gal-pal | Heart Level | Homos | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | SLGBTQ | Sweetheart | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | JULAY | Mass debating | Negligent | Pedofork | Pickle | Recycling | Soul Bonding | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Christian Love Day | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fuzzy-Wuzzies & Prickly-Wicklies | Honest Content | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Random-access humor | Saga | Scale of Respect | Tomgirl |

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | GOPony | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkops | Kick the Autistic | Manajerks | Naïve | Niggos | Pmurt | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Slow-in-the-minds | Tobacky

Fantasies: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | Dimension | Fangs | Godjesus | Iron Curtain | OC | Un-clit

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Nombie-zazis | Parody | Rosechu | Sonichu | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt


See also: Chris and English | List of phrases Chris copied from media