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[[Image:Emilyy.jpg|thumb|70px|The only known image of Emily, shot from behind.]]

'''Emily Julia Schifflet''' is [[Chris]]'s onetime [[sweetheart]] with whom he went on a date. The date memorably ended in disaster when he was trolled IRL by a [[Man in the Pickle Suit|man dressed like a pickle.]].

Emily's identity is zealously guarded by her friends, but needless to say, we can tell you she's female and has great legs. Some argue she's Asian, but those people are probably [[slow-in-the-minds]].

==Chris's first date==
In [[2009#March|March 2009]], shortly after [[Julie]] turned out to be a thirteen-year-old boy, Chris vowed that he would return to his real-life exploits of [[Attraction Sign|stalking women in public places]] in order to gain his [[sweetheart]]. Emily, a journalism student and head of the [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter at [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|West Virginia University]] (and totally not a [[troll]]), decided to take Chris up on his offer and asked if he'd liked to go out to lunch sometime. 

Chris actually stood up Emily the first time, on 16 [[March 2009]], because he was so [[stress|stressed]] from his parents arguing over whether she was real or not. [[Bob]] believed that Emily was sincere and truly wanted to meet Chris, while [[Barb]] was more suspicious. Chris's small mind could not handle two simultaneous arguments and so he didn't go.<ref>[[Apology to Emily]]</ref> Emily was pissed off about this and demanded that Chris reschedule. Chris agreed and a new date was set.

When Chris finally did meet up for the date (on 19 March 2009 at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]), he brought his 81-year-old father, [[Bob Chandler]] along. Yes, he brought his dad on his first date. [[prom|At least it wasn't his mother.]]

Chris would later confide to Ivy that he was very proud that he did not soil himself when the Pickle Man appeared.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

===Kiss fail===
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|For reference, this is Chris in his kissing stance.]]

{{quote|Well, when I was going to ditch him for [[Man in the Pickle Suit|the man in the picklesuit]], Chris had his arm extended like he wanted a hug. So I was like, "sure, whatever" and was just going to give him a half assed hug. Lord, what a dumb move. I'm a small girl, so I have narrow shoulders. His large fucking arm basically weighed down around my neck over my shoulder and tightening, and what I could see in the corner of my eye was Chris puckering his lips and his face moving closer to mine. I did a [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|duck and turn]] to avoid it. If I seriously turned my head to get a better look, he may have well have gotten my lips. I wonder if that was what Chris was going for; the surprise kiss on the lips when the girl turns her head. Too bad that only works in [[anime]] and [[Netflix|movies]]. [[Liquid Chris|Or really suave guys]].|Emily}}

===Video===

This short clip contains the only footage that exists.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|cl2LUzQYQMM}}</center>

==Date conversation transcript==

''See [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]].''

==Post-date conversation transcript==

<font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Sorry.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> What's up?
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> I think we need to talk.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> Becau— It's not me, Chris. It's you. And, you know, I was just thinking about yesterday. I really didn't appreciate you, like, [[Megan|touching]] me all the time.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, what?
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> I di— I didn't appreciate you, like, constantly touching me, okay? You'd, like, just met me, and you were touching me constantly.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh. I'm sorry.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> [''interrupting''] I mean, you should never do that to a woman on, like, you know, one that you just met. And especially when you try, like... You tried to kiss me, okay? That's not right at all.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm so sorry, I was a little nervous. I was nervous, a little bit.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> Why would you try to kiss somebody when— If you're nervous? I mean, I thought, like, people would be nervous and ''not'' try to kiss somebody.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I don't—
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> But anyways. Let me tell you about—
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Anyway.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> You'll probably ne— You'll probably never hear from me again, Chris, because The Pickle Man was just— He was a perfect gentleman, okay? He, like, took me out on a date and paid for my movie, and, like, since he kept his hands off of me, he got, like, a little extra ''extra'' from me, and that could have been you, Chris. Okay? So— And then he took me to meet Clyde, and Clyde's, like, a perfect gentleman as well. So, I'm going to be living in his mansion from now on.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm... Anyway, did you get back to West Virginia okay?
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> Yeah. Well, I didn't exactly go back to West Virginia; I'm going to be living with Clyde now, with, uh, with [[Julie]], and [[Blanca]], and [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], and everyone else, Chris. Do you understand?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I see.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> Like, like, since... You don't understand, like, all the women that you've mistreated in the past, they're living with Clyde because he is rehabilitating them.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm... I see... [''pause''] Well, I don't know what to say.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> So, do you have anything else to say?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Umm... Well, this is the, uh... Well, uh, all I can say is, uh, I’m sorry about if you feel— If you feel— If I— That if I mistreated you, and, uh, somewhat, if you— If you felt like I, uh, did wrong.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> Because I don't know why— Why you have, like against, like, these men in the...pickle suits or whatever. Because he was just a guy in a pickle suit. I don’t understand, like, what was so, like, threatening about him. And apparently, you, like, called the cops on him? I mean, what did he do wrong? How you gotta report him? Saying that, like, a guy in a pickle suit's, like, stole your date.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I think in the past, uh, there, uh, yeah, Guy in The Pickle Suit posed as, uh, Blanca.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> But, I mean—
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> And, uh...
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> You, like, didn’t know this guy, and you’re already passing judgment on him, and you’re already, like… You passed judgment on thi— On Clyde, okay? Clyde’s like, the nicest guy ever, okay? He is, like… He is gonna be, like, taking care of me for the rest of the li— Rest of my life. ‘Cause he is loaded with cash.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm...
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> Hence why his last name is "Cash".
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> I see. Well, anyway, uh, if that’s what you want, uh, I can’t, uh, force you or anyth— Or anything else. So, uh—
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> But, Chris, you should be careful [''Chris overlapping, indistinct'']. But you should be careful, Chris, on, like, all the women that you encounter, you better make sure that you treat them properly, do not touch them on the first date; don’t try to fucking kiss them, and, you know, you’ll have no problems, but if you do, you know, the pickle men will come and take them away, and take them to Clyde, and he is gonna take care of them for the rest of their lives as well.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' </font> I see. Alright. Okay. Alright, well, you— You take care of yourself.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Clyde:'''</font> Hey, why don't you take care of yourself, too, Chris, okay?
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, yeah. Okay. Bye-bye.

''For the second part of this audio, which is unrelated to Emily, see [[Hooker_incident|The Hooker Incident]].''

==Hindsight==
Chris no longer considers this a date. When speaking with others about it, he claims it was nothing more than meeting a fan, and even less of a date because he got trolled.{{cite}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?gng0nnylr15nd3a Post-date Conversations]

{{Sweethearts}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]