White knight E-mails

This is a series of emails sent from a possible countertroll in September 2008, in which a woman offers advice to Chris in attempt to aid him on his love quest.

The Emails

I know why you're failing at your quest.

If you plan on listening to me, I, a female, can teach you how to properly attract women.

This is not a joke or an attempt to troll you, I will offer honest advice about what girls want from a real girl's perspective.

If you're interested, email me back or something.

[name]

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Okay, I'll loan you can ear; if you were teaching a "Date Ed" class (even though the idea sounds dated), AKA "Dating 101", in lengthy detail, and IN PERSON ONLY; NOT OVER THE INTERNET, in a step-by-step process, how would you well-advise the men in your class to ask a woman out on his FIRST DATE EVER?

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I don't do classes. This is not a group thing. To tell you a bit about myself, I am highly interested in psychology, and intend to be a therapist when I grow up. I enjoy listening to people's problems and offering advice on a private, personal level that cannot be achieved in large, public type classes. This means I will help you personally to attract women, not just offer generalized advice that won't help.

Let's not start with the first date--attracting a woman's attention happens long before that. First impressions are a very big deal, and happen at the first moment of contact, when you first lay eyes on each other, or first speak to each other, etc... After all, she has to say "yes" before the first date can even begin.

Before I offer you any advice on that subject, I need to know a few things about you besides what the online hate sites have to offer:

First off, I need to know how you've been previously trying to attract women, second of all, what type of woman you expect you will get (and include why you'd expect this type of woman to be attracted to you), and thirdly, as much as you know about women.

You can describe all of these things in as few or as many words as you like. I am a patient listener.

Dating is NOT a step-by-step process, and it is very wrong of you to think of it as such. Women are people after all, not machines programmed to act in certain ways when you do or say something. We are all unique--you could say something to one girl and it would make her smile, and that same thing could make another woman upset. All human beings are unique individuals with unique feelings based on their own, unique personalities. Despite this, I can still help, if you want me to, that is.

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AGES AGO, I'd have a sign by my side stating, "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman", sit, hope, pray and wait to be found by a Boyfriend-Free Woman who would be interested in me. Currently, I ONLY sit, hope, pray and wait to be found by that woman. SIMPLY PUT, I'd like an 18-29-Year Old Boyfriend-Free, Caring, Smoke-Free, Non-Alcoholic, White (optionally virgin) Woman to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up. I AM AFRAID to make the First Move, because of the PROVEN INFINTELY-HIGH [sic] BOYFRIEND-FACTOR, fear of Rejection, Lack of Self-Confidence, and my Screwed-Up, Fucking Life-Long Autism Curse. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I would expect ANY woman to be Attracted to me, IN PUBLIC, except for the fact that I am Handsome, as my mother constantly reminds me, yet every time she tells me how handsome I am, I ask her, "Well, how come I don't have a Girlfriend", and that I am a Frustrated, Lonely Virgin? After watching a life's worth of Variety of Television Shows and Romantic Comedies, Having A Bunch of Circles of Gal-Pals in my lifetime up to my crappy Adulthood, I think I have a WIDE knowledge of Women in General.

If I appear to be stressed from the typing of this message, well I am stressed from the Bastards of that slanderous Webpage at http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Chris-chan POSTING "Fanart" that MOSTLY FEATURE WOMEN/my Rosechu Character with an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!

*sigh* Oh, my life.

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Chris, I unfortunately have some bad news for you: romantic comedies don't tell you very much about real women, as much as reading about comic superheroes will tell a girl about what real life men are like. The women in those movies are just characters.

All women are individual people with individual likes and dislikes. Some girls like shopping, some find it to be boring like a chore. Some girls are in to video games and comics, some are not. Some girls like pink, others hate it. it [sic] depends on the individual person. You will never know what a girl will like or dislike before talking to her and getting to know her: most importantly, never, ever, ever assume that she will like something "because she is a girl". Most women find sexism appalling and highly unattractive.

The best way to get to know people is not to sit down and wait for someone to find you. There is no one out there searching for you in specific--no one searches for a specific person like that. To meet people, you have to make yourself active in social things. You could try joining clubs or classes, and be sure to talk to any girls you find attractive--but do not ever ask them out right at this point. Most girls feel more comfortable with a guy if they are friends first. Make it something you enjoy, so that way you will already have a common interest. Common interests are very important, they give you things to talk about besides yourself, so the conversation is less awkward. Most people in general don't like to open up to strangers, and find it awkward when strangers talk intimately about themselves with them. Instead, reveal bits and pieces of yourself after you have known each other for a short while.

Secondly, I'd like to add that while your mother may find you attractive, not every woman will. In your pictures, you appear to be a bit overweight--when you look at girls, do you only look at women who are very slim? If so, I'd suggest looking at women who are closer to your own body type. Just because a woman is a bit chubby doesn't mean she is not a caring, nice person. Perhaps, also, you could look at women who are maybe a couple years older than you. Age doesn't mean much so long as there is great chemistry. I don't mean go look at really really old women--just don't limit yourself to only women who are younger than you, perhaps someone who is a couple years older.

However, even if a woman finds you handsome, that is never enough to start a relationship. There is no such thing as love at first sight. Your personalities have to click as well, or there is no chance at anything more than a one night stand.

Also, I have been listening to the audiobooks of some of your comics. Your Rosechu character's personality seems to be very stereotypical of what some men think women are like. For example, when she meets up with the Jigglypuff character (I forgot her name) all they do is talk about their boyfriends, and then you make a mean joke about how it does in to "girl talk time" and that will take forever. Most women would find this sexist and offensive.

This is because most women do not sit around and talk about how they have to look pretty for their boyfriends. Most women have their own goals and lives--their boyfriends are just another part of their lives. Also, when Sonichu had to keep Rosechu from spending too much money--that was also an offensive sexist joke, suggesting that women always spend too much money, which is just as bad as saying a black person will always steal from you. it [sic] just isn't true.

One big tip I have to offer is that if you start to see women as friends first and a romantic sweetheart second, you will learn more about them, learn to talk better with them, and meet them. When you assume sexist things about women, it only distances yourself, because women do not want to be around guys who, rather than listening to what the woman has to say and caring about her opinion and thoughts, assumes stupid things based on stereotypes. For example, if you had a black friend, you wouldn't say "Hey, I'm going to the supermarket. I'll buy you some fried chicken because you're black." Instead you would say "Hey, I'm going to the supermarket, what did you want me to buy?" In the same way you should not assume a girl will like or dislike things because she is a girl.

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Well, [name], while the Movie Women are "Just Characters", Rosechu is playing as her own "Character" as well. Also, there is MORE THAN ONE Rosechu; Why do you think I've dubbed them respectively "Bubbles Rosechu", "Angelica Rosechu", and recently introduced, "Lolisa Rosechu", of whom her Boyfriend, "Jamsta Sonichu", was the one who Interviewed Blanca and her Jiggliami on Radio Station, KCWC. Anyway, this is NOT about any of my Electric-Hedgehogs, so do not bring them up in this discussion about my search for a Potential Sweetheart.

Also, Tell me something I DID NOT Already Know; I already knew everything you've stated in your message. Also, Those "Audiobooks" are NOT OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Product; the ONLY HONEST AND OFFICIAL Method of Reading the Sonichu Comics is page-by-page on my OFFICIAL AND ORIGINAL SONICHU & ROSECHU SITE at Sonichu.net.

One more thing, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!

So, I recommend re-reading your previous message, and telling me something WAY DIFFERENT from what you've already typed that I've already known before you typed it.

I apologize again for typing this message through another stressful moment, but I do mean what I have said.

Peace,

Christian C.

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Well, you do appear to be overweight. I can tell by looking at your pictures--you seem to be in denial about this.

And I was only drawing from your comics because a person's stories can often reveal quite a bit about their own personalities. I was simply saying that you seem to be incredibly sexist. This is why you can't get a date. The way you portray your female characters in a story that is obviously very close to your heart is what reveals this sexist nature about yourself.

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You didn't even take to consideration my LACK OF SELF-ESTEEM, my AUTISM, the infinitely-high BOYFRIEND-FACTOR, my SHYNESS, the possible REJECTIONS, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera from my MySpace page, my Facebook page or my "About the Author" page on Sonichu.net.

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That's because you can't jsut [sic] say "Hey, despite all these things you can get a girlfriend." Because that's a lie. In order to get a girlfriend, you need to change yourself--currently I can't think of a single woman who would date you. NOT because of your autism, not because of your low self esteem, and not because of having a boyfriend--I don't know a single woman who would date you because you are a sexist and because your personality sticks.

The "boyfriend factor" you keep talking about is retarded. Just go meet single women, like, say, at a singles bar. How do you think all of those other boyfriends got their girlfriends?

And, your autism shouldn't limit you from dating entirely. There are plenty of autistic people who can still get date. You jsut [sic] have incredibly high standards, and you're extremely sexist. Plus you refuse to talk to women, is the main thing. If you grow some self confidence and maturity, and maybe move out of your mom's house, maybe you could get a date.

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Look, no offense, but I am NOT "sexist", I CARE and RESPECT about the feelings, needs and individual rights of all women. And all you just did in labeling me as such, and telling me that I stink, well that only makes me feel irritated and angry. You should not Judge me by such crackpot theories, and laveling someone based on that is Wrong. You're ignorant.

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I'm sorry, but I do not make claims from nothing. I only base my opinions off of evidence, therefore I am not ignorant. You are in denial, you just don't want to be labeled as sexist because you've tried so hard not to be. But you are one, I can see it plain as day. It's not a crackpot theory, I am a sane and rational person.

I did not say you stink, merely that your personality does. I say this because you get offended by everything I say, and respond defensively, rather than considering and respecting my opinions like you say you do before forming a rational (rather than emotional) response. If you could offer evidence as to why your personality does not stink, I would be happy to see it. You do not seem to read what I say, instead you only pick certain points and respond repetitively with answers you already gave and I already addressed.

Also, I say you are a sexist because of the crude jokes made against women you make in your comic. If you are not a sexist, why would you make those crude jokes against women? Please explain this.

If you could offer some evidence, and show me, rather than tell me, how you are not a sexist, again I would be more than happy to see it. You said that you "respect and care" about women. Clearly, this shows you to be a sexist--a sexist is a person who values one sex over the other. Whether this means you think women are better than men or men are better than women doesn't make a difference. Either way, you are a sexist. You seem to view women as being extra special people who should be put on a pedestal and worshiped--this is simply not so. A non-sexist person places value and respect on all people equally, not just women, and not just men.

Now remember, I can help you get a girlfriend. I don't need to do this for you. You should be grateful, you shouldn't attack my every standpoint. I say women find you sexist and that's why you can't get a date. I'm probably right, too. Instead of getting offended, you should go "Oh, I never realized I was a sexist." I am giving you honest advice straight from a woman's opinion, and there would be plenty of men very grateful for this advice. I warned you that you would not like most of my advice, well, it hurts but the truth does that sometimes. You will just have to take it like a strong, rational person, which I know you can be if you try. Remember, I am on your side, here to explain to you what you're doing wrong and how you can fix it, but my advice only works if you keep an open mind--I can't tell you the truth if you won't listen to it.

Evaluation

• Chris responds similarly to how he responded to Vivian in their AIM chat--unreceptive, defensive, and repetitive. He also dodges questions. Rather than acknowledging that girls don't like him because he is thoroughly unpleasant, he blames his lack of female companionship on stress, autism, infinitely-high boyfriend-factor, fear of rejection, and his shyness.
• Interestingly enough, he is either in denial about his weight or he truly sees himself as a slimmer, younger version of himself as seen in his high school photos. Not only is he in denial about (or blind to) his weight problem, but he will not or cannot see himself as a sexist, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
• Chris never replied to the last email.

External Links

The Krapple thread