Difference between revisions of "Patti Chandler"

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{{Quote|My- Patti will- the spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! she will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|respecting his deceased pet.]] }}
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<big><big>Recent changes disabled</big></big>


{{Quote|Let's hire a tranny hooker to dig up Patti's corpse while yelling JULAAAAAYYYYY!|A typical discussion on [[/cwc/]]...}}
As you may know, YOU have been giving this faggot attention he doesn't need. We are about to fix this, but in order to ensure you pay for making this fat ass popular, I am going to open fire on your wiki.


[[Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|thumb|Patti Chandler, eater of souls]]
----
[[File:PattiAbomination.png|thumb|Patti today]]
''Pickbothmanlol, the banned user of Wikipedia.''


'''Patti Chandler''' (17 March [[1988]] - 27 [[June 2006]]) was [[Chris]]'s childhood dog who was put to sleep<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> in [[2006]]. Chris brought Patti back to life in one of his comics, where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for welfare in [[CWCville]].
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Much like the [[Wikipedia:Flying Dutchman|Flying Dutchman]], who was cursed to roam the seven seas forever, Patti is cursed to [[Patti-Chan|wander in CWCville]] as she is not allowed to rest in peace.
 
There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed "like, five, ten tons".<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to carry the home of a deceased loved one, Chris acts as though he [[11042009 51 50|honestly believes that's how much it weighs]].
 
When confronted about his [[Chris and remorse|insensitivity]], or when someone tries to point out that he has [[Father Call|never once experienced true hardship in his miserable life]], Chris is always quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti. He even mentions Patti's death over the death of his [[Aunt Corrina]] (who gave Patti to him in the first place). Chris seems to only mention his aunt as an afterthought when the comparison between someone losing a [[Ryan Cash|close family member]] and Chris losing his dog is scoffed at.
 
It is entirely possible that Patti was the only life form to ever love Chris out of anything other than obligation. Patti was also probably the only acquaintance with which Chris has ever had very much in common. Not because they shared a mystical bond between man and beast, brought about through the wondrous unexplained mysteries of autism, but because they were both animals driven by brute instinct with no level of higher comprehension whatsoever.
 
According to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|a video from January 2010]], Patti now lives in [[CWCville|hell]] and feasts on [[Duck|human souls]]. While this may seem to be at odds with the canon of the Sonichu comics, it makes perfect sense if you consider the distinct possibility that CWCville ''is'' hell.
 
==Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris==
<blockquote><i>
<br>Patti Chandler
<br>March 17, [[1980s#1988|1988]] to June 27, [[2006]]
 
<br>Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006
[[Image:091-PattiMemory.jpg|thumb|Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.]]
<br>My family, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|furry]] friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a [[CWCville|doggy heaven where she will be happier]], because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, [[Barbara Chandler]], and my father [[Robert Chandler]], and the [[Scampers Chandler|cats]] who have grown fond of Patti.
 
<br>I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
<br>-When I picked her out of the litter at my [[Aunt Corina|Aunt Corina's]] house in Redoak, Virginia.
<br>-The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia.
<br>-The time I watched my old best friend, [[Sarah Hammer]], take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
<br>-The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
<br>-The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
<br>-The times I've just sat with her in the yard and petted her head. I've always given her a "Bally-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.
<br>-The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
<br>-There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
<br>-[[Wikipedia:Border collie|I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead]].
 
<br>When Patti was brought to the vet on that [[Fail|faithful]] day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."
 
<br>But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2006#September]]</ref></i></blockquote>
 
==Current activity==
 
Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and bellyrubs in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to [[Dreams#The Patti-chan dream|assure her former master]] of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. Also, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Chris has averred]] that her vengeful spirit will seek out [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, eat their souls and kill them. Yet, as always, Chris still thinks of himself as a kind hearted, [[Chris and Religion|Christian]] individual.
 
==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0050-Patti5.jpg|Patti relaxing.
Image:0051-Patti6.jpg|Waiting for her master's [[Chris and health|fat ass]] at [[McDonald's]].
Image:0052-Patti.JPG|Patti full of [[stress]]
Image:0053-Patti1.jpg|Although Patti lived in a cage outside, it was at least 1000 times better than the disaster zone called the Chandler house.
Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|Patti will devour your soul!
Image:0055-Patti3.jpg
Image:0056-CWCPatti2.jpg
Image:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG
Image:0720-PattisDoghuseISO.JPG|"That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons."
</gallery>
</center>
 
==Sauces==
<references/>
 
==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/PattiChandler Patti's YouTube channel]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Eulogy_for_Patti Patti's entry on CWCipedia]
 
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Patti}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Pets]]

Revision as of 11:23, 14 August 2010

Recent changes disabled

As you may know, YOU have been giving this faggot attention he doesn't need. We are about to fix this, but in order to ensure you pay for making this fat ass popular, I am going to open fire on your wiki.

Pickbothmanlol, the banned user of Wikipedia.

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