Difference between revisions of "Virginia is for Virgins"

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[[Image:VirginiaVirginsComic.jpg|thumb|right|Sign indicating "VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS" with a [[Jerkop]] claiming that true love is illegal in Virginia. From [[Sonichu 4]]]]
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'''Virginia is for Virgins''' is one of [[Chris|Chris's]] many, many stupid theories. It is a corruption of the state department's slogan "[[Wikipedia:Virginia is for Lovers|Virginia is for Lovers]]", which is used in ads to promote tourism.
 
In a fashion typical of a paranoid delusional personality, Chris literally thinks that every man, woman, and child in [[Ruckersville, Virginia]] is taking part in a massive, Manhattan Project-style cover-up devoted solely to keeping him from getting any [[china]]. This idea was formulated after his sign was destroyed by [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and Chris was told that he couldn't get a girlfriend by using a sign.
 
[[Image:VirginiaIsForVirginsAd.jpg|thumb|lolwut?]]
 
==Origins==
In Chris's [[Story of My Current Days]], Chris explains how he came to believe that "Virginia is for Virgins":
{{quotebox|So, as of August, Y2K3, I did the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of, I made a simple sign that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every Boyfriend-Free, 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens, Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or Black impersonating JERKOPS, Manajerks and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that Love Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a Sweetheart was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the jerks of the Greene County School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank God for blessing me with many happy years at Providence Middle School and Manchester High School in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.}}
 
==Contradictions==
While Chris states that Virginia "is for Virgins" only, people with an actual brain wind up with this question: how is it possible that our [[autism|Autistic Hero]] developed a [[noviophobia|hatred towards men]] in a state where [[hanky panky|true love]] is virtually forbidden? If lovers cannot stay together, how come [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] married? Does he imply that his parents don't actually love each other?
 
It is possible that all the couples seen in Virginia are nothing more than holograms created by Mary Lee Walsh to taunt Christian, to eternally make him remember that no woman will ever free him from his [[virgin with rage|sexual frustrations]]. Either that, or it's just Chris who fails to realize that the problem of him not finding a [[sweetheart]] does not lie in the fact that the State where he lives is against romance, but because he's completely fucked up in his mind and is not willing to make any changes to improve himself.
 
'''BUT WAIT!'''
 
==Proof==
These links provide irrefutable proof that it is illegal for Christian to ever have sex in Virginia. Read [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-61 here], and [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-346 here].
 
Huh. Seems we were wrong about that after all, eh?
 
==A case for state involvement in Chris's sexuality==
 
Chris goes as far as believing that the government of Virginia should be involved in his quest for [[China]]. Just like the speech therapy he received at [[Chris's education#James Madison University|James Madison University]], he believes that he and his fellow social retards should receive special "[[Dating education|dating education]]" before receiving any form of sexual education. In his own words, from his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Dating Education|Wikipedia entry]]: "If I had the Dating Education back then, I wouldn't have to had suffered being a frustrated virgin for soo many years".
 
As if that weren't enough, Chris also believes that the government [[Monthly tugboat|should pay]] for him to get laid. In [[Mailbag 29]], Chris argues that virgins should be referred to state-sponsored [[Chris_and_sex#Prostitution|sex workers]] so they can lose their virginity. The fee, he reckons, should be set to $10 for an hour of service, including a 30 minute crash course in sexual intercourse.
 
==See also==
*[[Chris and sex]]
*[[Kick the Autistic]]
 
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Revision as of 15:15, 11 September 2010

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