Difference between revisions of "Barbara Chandler"

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(Someone put "Chris" as "Christ". Whether it was intentional or not, I don't know.)
(Replaced content with "Long live ThePCAssassins!")
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{{quote|Get off. Before I go off.|Barbara to Chris, private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]}}
Long live ThePCAssassins!
 
{{quote|I don't need no back talk from someone on the [[Internet]].|Barbara, [[Mumble 2]]}}
 
{{quote|I ain't got no [[black]] ass! You get your gutter ass down in the gutter and shut up!|Barbara, during a [[Prank_calls|prank call]]}}
 
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|300px|Barbara holding [[Desi Chandler|Desi]]; ignorant of the book to her left]]
 
'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 [[Wikipedia:1941#October|October 1941]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the wife of [[Bob Chandler]] and terrible mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.
 
==Appearance==
 
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction]]
 
As little as ten years ago Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, has ballooned out in recent years. Due to her [[Obesity|massive size]], she is affectionately referred to as '''Snorlax''' by [[trolls]]. Barb's size is likely one of the reasons she sleeps a lot<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skips [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref> Barb has no eyebrows in the first picture on this article for some strange reason.
 
==Cole and his possible fathers==
 
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|left|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]]]]
 
Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother Cole in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>
 
Barbara gave birth to Cole in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she's [[Wikipedia:Maury Povich|Maury Povich]] trash. She insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she was married, but records show that she actually married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in 1961. To further fuel Cole's later rage, Yeatts visited them as a "friend" when Cole was a child.
 
During Cole's childhood, Barbara abused Cole along with her then-partner Jerry.<ref name="email07-03-06p1">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 1]]</ref> Then came Bob, who made Cole rage even harder with his mean-spirited Republicanism. Based on experiences with all these men, Cole thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The translation would be "She likes to date guys who curse a lot, and obsesses over them". The relevancy of her partners' vernacular is a little puzzling. He's probably just being sesquipedalian. What he was probably trying to say: "She rolls with scrubs".
 
Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years.<ref name="email07-03-06p1" />
{{-}}
 
==Marriage with Bob==
 
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|She never was much of a looker. Too bad physical appearance is genetic]]
 
Bob and Barbara met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />
 
According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with Bob for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>
 
During a portion of the time Chris spent attending junior high and high school in Midlothian, Virginia, Bob and Barbara lived separately. Until Chris finished the eighth grade, a space of roughly three years, Bob lived in Midlothian with Chris while Barbara remained in Ruckersville to look after [[14 Branchland Court]]. In [[Mailbag 32]], Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement.
 
Instead of accepting that their marriage isn't what it used to be, that they have different goals for their son in life and move on like any other healthy human being, she is either too lazy, poor, and/or unwilling to explain to Chris the intricacies of a divorce and its effect on a family dynamic, thereby putting herself in the inescapable rut she is in today.
{{-}}
 
==Pampering of Chris==
 
{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:Oedipus complex|Oedipus complex]] ([[Mumble 10]])}}
 
[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris]]
[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment]]
 
According to Cole, Barbara and Bob left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]].<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref>
 
Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> As a result, Chris believes he is so irresistible to women that [[PandaHalo]] would not stop kissing him once she met him.{{cite}}  This behavior extends to Bob to some degree as well, as she spends most of the [[Matthew Noble call]] denying that Bob was yelling at anyone.
 
Barbara was Chris's date to his [[Manchester High School#The Seinor Prom|seinor [sic] prom]].
 
On at least two occasions, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake. In the fall of 2007, after a photo of Chris taken at the store wound up on the internet, she interrogated [[Mimms]] as to the origins of the picture and threatened legal action. The next summer, after Chris was kicked out of the store for good, she returned to try and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.
 
She is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and go to prison. Given some of the violent state of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she's probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch A Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that Megan Schroeder, one of the few women Chris has known who ''wasn't'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years.
 
While having a special needs child is a major [[stress|stressor]] in any marriage, rather than getting genetic counseling and family therapy to cope with raising an autistic child, Chris's parents have gone the old-fashioned route of expecting little to nothing of their son and treating him as an imbecile, with a modern "victim complex" spin, his entire life. This would have been understandable in the days before psychology — like when Bob was growing up — but nowadays it's known that even sufferers of Down's syndrome can lead healthy and fulfilling independent lives if they receive supportive parenting and appropriate professional help.
 
==Recent health problems==
 
In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref>[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with [[Wikipedia:Colitis|colitis]], a gastrointestinal disease characterized by inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.
 
Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans of Sonichu]] have created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[http://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied his mom has AIDS.<ref>[[9 October 2009]]</ref>
 
==In the comics==
 
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son]]
 
Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips" in ''[[Sonichu 0]]''.
 
==Audio appearances==
 
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]]
* 4 [[February 2009]]: In [[Mumble 2]], Barbara denies singing while vacuuming Chris's [[room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]], Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now."
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[November 2009]]: Toward the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* [[Matthew Noble call]]: In her longest audio contact to date, Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
 
==Video appearances==
 
Barbara has only appeared once briefly on video to date, in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].
{{-}}
 
==Gallery==
 
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb, talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pals]], at the prom.
</gallery>
</center>
 
==Sauces==
<references />
 
==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/910 THE FATE OF EVERY SNORLAX]
 
{{People}}
 
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Revision as of 09:52, 25 May 2011

Long live ThePCAssassins!

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