Difference between revisions of "Attraction Sign"

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{{quote|The Only Reasonable and Inexpensive Idea he could ever fucking think of|[[CWC]]<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref>}}
<div style="font-size: 16em; color: black;">'''''NIGGER'''''</div>
[[Image:Comicbook-Sign.png|thumb|An artist's rendition of the sign.]]
[[Image:FailSign.jpg|thumb|Another artist's impression of how the attraction sign worked.]]


[[Chris]] used an '''Attraction Sign''' during his [[Love Quest]] to get the attention of [[boyfriend-free girl]]s. Surprisingly, the sight of a [[Chris and health|fat, sweaty, smelly manchild]] soliciting with  an Attraction Sign actually had the opposite effect on ladies.


An early version ran "I am a "X"-Year Old Male, Seeking an 18-"X"-Year Old Single Woman."<ref>[[White knight E-mails]]</ref>
==Signs==
===The Sign, Mark 1===
The original sign, created in [[2003]] when Chris first started his [[Love Quest]] at the age of 21, is perhaps the most notable and [[ED|lulzy]] of them all.
[[Image:511-JumboLoveQuestSign.JPG|thumb|The original Attraction Sign]]
:''21 and [[Virgin with rage|Single]] [[Chris and race|White]] [[Jerks|Male]]...''
:''-Shy -[[Honor roll|Smart]] -[[Pedofork|Young at Heart]] -[[CADD|Computer skilled]]''
:''-[[Random access humor|Humorous]] -A great [[Things Chris has ripped off|thinker]] and [[Monthly tugboat|go-getter]] -[[Cutco|"Natural salesperson"]] -Enjoys [[China|good parts of life]]''
:''-[[Death threats|Diplomatic]] -[[White_knight#Chris_made_himself_an_outcast|Friendly]] -Loves [[Cole Smithey|his family]] -[[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] -[[Chris and copyright|Very creative]] -_[[Virgin with rage|He's lonely]]_''
----
:''...Seeking a CUTE <sup>♀</sup>18-21 [[Boyfriend-free girl|SINGLE ♀FEMALE♀ COMPANION]]''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>18-21 years of age <nowiki>*</nowiki>does _not_ already have a boyfriend <nowiki>*</nowiki>Single''
:''-[[Obesity|Average to Slender Weight/Body Type]] -[[Chris and race|White]] -Lives in [[Charlottesville|Charolettesville]] or [[Ruckersville]] area''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Tobacky|Does NOT Smoke]] or Drink [[Alcohol]] -Happy, Positive Personality''
:''<nowiki>*</nowiki>[[Chris and money|Average/High Income]] -[[Son-Chu|Drives a vehicle]]''
[image of [[Sonichu]]'s face]<sub>[[Chris and copyright|©]]</sub> <font color="red" size="+3">➨</font>
----
:''If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...''
:''[[Homos|MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!]]''
:''(And to all [[Jerks|MEN with girlfriends]], except marrieds and [[Niggos|blacks]], go jump off a cliff)''
:''Have a nice day ☺''


Chris had other ideas beyond signs, but said that ''"[[Sonichu's News Dash!|Newspaper]]/[[Nintendo Power|Magazine]] Ads, [[Facebook|Online]] [[MySpace|Dating Sites]], [[YouTube|Video Dating Services]] to name a few; [[Chris and money|THEY COST MONEY]]."''


==The Sign through the ages==


One reason for the multiple signs is that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] kept [[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked Out of College|confiscating]] them. Chris waged war by creating [[MySpace]] and [[Facebook]] accounts, then printing new signs and spamming them all over campus.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref>


<center><gallery>
Image:137-NDSAttractop.jpg|Sign from age 22. Based on its shape, it is likely meant to be attached to the cover of a [[Nintendo]] DS.
Image:135-LoveSearchBookCover.jpg|Cover of a pamphlet on attracting girls.
Image:133-Sign.jpg|Sign from age 23.
Image:136-LoveSearchItems.jpg|Miscellaneous paraphernalia used in conjunction with the Attraction Sign.
Image:108-PlanForAttraction.jpg|Plan B: Use a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
</gallery></center>


It is also known that, after the loss of his Sign at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], he resorted to [[Wikipedia:Post-it note|Post-It Notes]] stuck to [[Pedo-Glasses|his glasses]] and walking uncomfortably close to girls. This did not last long either.{{cite}}


==Hiatus==


Chris deserted the Sign for a brief period.


{{quote|During all this, I learned from [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] that the sign made me look [[slow in the mind|retarded]], and eventually, I did away with the sign.|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Continuing, Enduring Search]]</ref>}}
==Return of the Sign==


In [[June 2010]], Chris wore a shirt saying "I Enjoy Vagina" and exposing [[Muscle bra|his bra]] saying "Want Woman!" over [[Obesity|his flabby gut]], thus showing that he's not even trying anymore.<ref>[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> While less pleasant and more direct than the Attraction Signs, his reasoning for each seems to be the same: if he just reveals to [[boyfriend-free girls]] what he wants via literal, verbal language, any of them will want to give it to him regardless of how bizarre, off-putting, and out of touch with their wants and needs that revelation is. This lends even further credence to his ridiculous [[Monthly tugboat|sense]] [[GodJesus|of]] [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]] and that he never understood why the Sign made him look like a retard in the first place and he hasn't grown, matured, or learned anything since he stopped using it.


A few weeks later, on 4 [[July 2010]], Chris attempted to attract a woman at a local fireworks celebration by wrapping a note around a small rock and throwing it at her. Combined with the earlier "Want Woman!" tactic, this caused several [[trolls]] to assume Chris was beginning to turn into some sort of caveman.


Later that same week, Chris was spotted and photographed twice at [[Fridays After Five]] again. In both photographs, he is shown to have placed a small piece of paper between his legs. Exactly what he wrote on it is unknown, but it is reasonable to assume that Chris has reverted to the Attraction Sign once more, likely because someone told him that he shouldn't show children his [[sports bra]]. Hilarity can be expected to ensue if this behavior continues.


On 16 [[July 2010]], Chris again terrorized the poor women of [[Charlottesville]] at the Fridays After Five gathering, with a new sign that read "[[Homos|Friendly and Flirty Man Zone]]".<ref>[[Fridays After Five]]</ref> He also employed a portable mini fan and a [[Wikipedia:Hula hoop|hula hoop]], in what [[trolls|experts]] believe is probably a desperate attempt to make himself look fun and cool. '''Spoiler Alert:''' It didn't work.
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==Sauces==
<references/>


==See also==
* [[Attraction Location]]
* [[Red String of Fate]]


==Sauces==
 
<references/>
 
{{Relics of Fail}}
 
[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
 
[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Revision as of 00:47, 28 September 2011

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