Ode to Julie
Christian is in a poetic mood and tries to get all Shakespearean for Julie. He manages to not fart for nearly eight minutes.
Watch
Transcript
This is a, uh, long-distance love dedication to my girlfriend, Julie. Beautiful woman, beautiful woman.
I love you, Julie, so very much. You are--you strike my thought at every moment, and it makes me p--it makes me ponder with such [sighs] love and desire. I love you so much.
You came from fur--you came from a far distance, of the country Molvania. And also, throughout with respect, though I hold onto it with single hand, I respectfully remove for you, Julie, my medal, and I hold it in my head as I a--tell the truth in the video here.
O fair Julie, I love you so much in my heart. I--Your voice strikes me like...a lute on a spring day, or a red--or a red robin in an early afternoon. I look at and see your picture as you have sent to me, and I look into your eyes, and I am deeply in awe, as your eyes are like chocolate-covered strawberries. The brown on the outside but a sweet, wonderful woman, that cares about me very much, and will love me no matter what, that is the strawberry within that is your soul.
And, uh, we yet have a similar storyline to, uh, Romeo and Juliet. Only one syllable miss--ing--missing, it'd be like, if we added a syllable it'd be like, "Christiano and Juliet." But, every night you can--every night you may cry, "Christiano, Christiano, wherefore art thou Christiano?" And I would be there...int--in your heart, for I a--for my heart is with you. For if I called up, I would be there in your heart. And I would personally be calling out, "I am here, o fair Juliet. 'Tis no--'tis nobler thy name be heard every mom--every waking moment. And J--the sun is in the east, and Juliet is the sun." Though I know not m--Shakespeare, but at least I know enough to getteth by.
