Difference between revisions of "Church audio"

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On 15 [[March 2009]], [[Robert Simmons V]] and an undercover [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] visit Chris's [[Chris and Religion|church]] and approach the [[Chris|manchild]] in the flesh unsuspectingly.
#REDIRECT [[Church Visit]]
 
The audio recording of this event lasts 1:47:48. Throughout, Chris's voice is much louder than everyone else's.
 
Chris says he's keeping his distance from instant messages. He'd rather not talk about who hacked his Yahoo! account. [[Bob]] is there, but Chris reveals that [[Barbara]] usually stays home.
 
Chris excuses himself to leave Bob to talk to Robert for a few minutes. Bob talks about jerks on the internet, Chris's condition, and early video games. When Chris comes back, he realizes that it's [[fail|funny both Bob and Robert have the same name]].
 
Chris talks about Robert's trouble with finding a girlfriend. Chris has made the final decision to talk to local girls instead of ones on the internet. He's gotten encouragement from [[Rocky]] with ''[[How to Talk to Girls]]''. He talked to 7 girls just last Thursday at [[Alderman Library]], but got a fake number. Chris was emotionally prepared for the fake number from ''Seinfeld''. Bob mentions the [[Sonichu Girls]] club.
 
Chris rambles on about ''[[Family Guy]]'' and Stewie quoting the bible against [[homo]]sexuality. His copy of the bible with Leviticus is different from the church's because it was a graduation gift from Reverend Shin of the Korean church in Chesterfield County. Bob talks about North Korea.
 
After asking Robert for a pen, Chris makes his signature and hands it to Robert, saying it could be valuable one day.
 
They start reciting verses and singing hymns for many minutes. Chris gets to pick a verse for everyone to sing. Bob gets the second pick. Then other people pick. Chris wails over everyone else in some of them.
 
Afterward, Robert reunites with the other troll. They drive away contemplating on Leviticus and raping Emiry.
 
==Transcript==
{{transcription}}
<font color="#0033FF">'''Troll #1''':  It's rolling now, so... (noise and pops) Is it recording still?  Yes it is.</font>
 
(unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''': Citizens of the Internet! This is Robert Simmons V, better known as Sonichufan1985, -1986 and now, -1987. I wish you all a good morning! The reason I am talking today on this voice recorder is to talk about about how I'm gonna meet Mr. Christian Chandler, my personal hero. Now, although if you're looking at my old account, Sonichufan1986, you would think that I don't like Mr. Chandler.  That's a lie, a slanderous lie.
</font>
 
(unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Okay, you heard Julie, alright?</font>
 
<font color="#0033FF">'''Troll #1''':  Yeah</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  So you heard that.</font>
 
<font color="#0033FF">'''Troll #1''':  Yeah.</font>
 
(unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  and he's like, "Ok, if you don't do-if you don't say you're gay I will lop off her arm," and he said "Oh, I-I'm a gaybian."  Remember that?</font>
 
<font color="#0033FF">'''Troll #1''':  Yeah, yeah.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  (laughs) </font>
 
<font color="#0033FF">'''Troll #1''':  (mockingly) I'm gay </font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  I'm gay</font>
 
<font color="#0033FF">'''Troll #1''':  I'm gay </font>
 
(laughter)
 
<font color="#0033FF">'''Troll #1''':  I'm a male lesbian</font>
 
(unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  He told me to call him... I talked to him on the phone after I called you.</font>
 
(random chatter, mostly unintelligible, much dealing with recent happenings with Chris and if the troll should have worn a Pickle Suit)
 
(the sounds of people inside the church are heard)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Hi, I'm Robert!</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  Robert Simmons the Fifth?</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Yes sir.</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  Oh my God.  Ni-Nice to meet ya.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  That's good, that's good.  I want to apologize my uh... my um Sonichu and my Cwcville were hacked by Clyde Cash, so... so I want to apologize for that in case I sent you weird emails or YouTube stuff.</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  (chuckles) Well, I understand.  Nice to meet you, Bob.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Is it okay if I come to church with you?  I'm actually like here for us... you know, for my... vacation.</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  Certainly, you know.  You're welcome.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Oh, Thank you.</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  Did you uh talk to Elizabeth our pastor?</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Oh, no.  Do you know where I can find her?</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  Uh yeah, she's in her office</font> (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Okay.  (walking)  Hi!  I don't mean to bother, I'm just here to just uh... I'm actually just here on vacation meeting some people... Is it okay if I come to church today?</font>
 
<font color="#9932CC">'''Elizabeth''':  Of course!</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Awesome, thank you.</font>
 
(more walking, random chatter)
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  My dad... you know (drown out by noise)</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Is your mom... coming as well?  Or...</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  No... No she usually stays home.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  I see.  So how's everything with you?</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  [[Stress sigh|'sigh']] Things have been going good.  Keepin... Keeping my distance from the instant messages and whatnot.  Kind of... you know.  It's been peacefull.  Unfortunately the Sonichu site has been... uh... has been down for uh... 'bout a week-r... 'bout a week or two.  Yeah since my Yahoo account got... got uh hacked into... and uh all that jazz.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Mhm.  Do you know who hacked it?</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  'sigh'  Yep.  But I'd rather-I'd rather not talk about it.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Okay.</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  So did you hear about uh... did you hear about my recent, uh... internet romance with uh... [[BlueSpike#Julie|Julie]]?</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Let me turn off my cell phone... Um...</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  Yeah, me too... Oh, [[Bob Chandler|Dad]], this is Robert Simmons the Fifth one of my Sonichu fans!</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  How's it going, Mr. Chandler?</font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  This is my father, Robert.</font>
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':</font>  (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Oh, thank you Chris.  </font>
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':</font>  (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':</font>  (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Yeah... I'm sure that, like ... I've heard there's, like, a lot of things going on, though.</font>
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':  Yeah, he's... in his own world.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Yeah...</font>
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':</font>  (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Yeah... I don't know it's just all I hear online.</font>
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':  (mostly unintelligible)...There are people who are like that... they're out to get ya.</font>
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Yeah, they can't, you know, appreciate some of the stuff and be happy for them you have to feel jealousy for them.  So... I don't know.</font>
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':</font>  (Mostly unintelligible... what little that can be understood is about Chris's Autism)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Yeah, yeah... Um, my dad has one of those, he also has </font>(unintelligible)
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':</font>  (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Yeah, I know how that is.</font>
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':</font>  (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#04B45F"> '''Robert Simmons V''':  Uh huh.</font>
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':</font>  (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#CD2626"> '''Chris''':  (suddenly reappears)  haha, did you guys</font> (unintelligible)
 
<font color="#CCCC00">'''Bob Chandler''':</font>  (unintelligible)
 
 
 
[[Category:Trolling]]
 
== download ==
 
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?jqmemaxmcw0 Full church audio]
 
 
 
(May God have mercy on your pitiful soul.)

Latest revision as of 13:36, 20 June 2022

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