Difference between revisions of "Emily Date Conversation Transcript"

From CWCki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
(Moving to more recognizable/searchable page)
Tag: New redirect
 
(233 intermediate revisions by 65 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
In March 2009, Chris went on his first, and only date ever with a troll called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment, here.
#REDIRECT [[Date with Emily]]
 
The voices heard in the recording are that of am elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.
 
The cast in order of appearance:
 
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:'''</font> Wiz-kid and all around brainiac. His high-tech know-how keeps the group online.
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:'''</font> Friend of Emily, this perverse gal's mission was to capture video evidence of the event.
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''</font> Queen of trolls! She risked both life and limb on a dangerous mission into the heart of darkness.
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:'''</font> Brave and daring hero! He protects Emily from certain peril and inflicts permanent stress and emotional damage upon all who would harm her.
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:'''</font> Misshapen manchild, who's disgusting nature even seeps into the very recording of his voice. Will his evil plan to touch Emily inappropriately succeed? Tune in to find out!
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:'''</font> Slave of the Machild. Robert is bound by law and duty to the horrible beast. Every moment of his last days are being spent catering for Chris-chan's sadistic whims. A sad shell of what once was a great man, now he only waits, and prays for mercy from his foul captor.
 
 
=Transcript=
Inside, a multitude of voices echo around the cavernous mall. We hear our heroes' voices over the din of the shoppers.
 
==Setup (0:00 - 3:10)==
 
As the recording beings, we hear the technician, "Frosty" arming Emily's mic, cleverly disguised as a third nipple.
 
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:'''  Okay. lock it. Okay it-</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' Are you wearing a thong? Is that a-</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' That better be fucking tight.</font> (Talking about the recorder/thong)
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' It's tight.</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' That might pop out while you're walking and it'll be like- </font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' I should be like-</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' A robotic vagina- *laughing*</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' I should be like- *laughing*</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' Say "It's my vibrator"</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *laughing*</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' It's one of those things you see tapped to those- those hentai-</font>
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:'''  Well the thing is Chris said in the script(?) he would squeal</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *laughing* UNF UNF UNF UNF UNF UNF</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's like way too close to me, I'm just gonna be like scoot my chair farther away</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' (indistinct) I really like if... (indistinct)</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' *laughing* Maybe Barb will come</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Probably shouldn't leave the house anymore</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' No, if (indistinct)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *laughs*</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' (Pickle Man continues indistinct)</font>
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:''' There are Barb candidates everywhere</font> (Talking about the free roaming hambeasts that populate the mall)
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:'''  Nononono but but in all probability there should be no Barb, if there is Barb I will shit myself</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're done.</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' We're not showing up</font>
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:''' (Mockingly) "You brought your Mommy?"</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today"</font>
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' That's it.</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' And you can like, call him and be like "You owe me a dire apology and you're a jack off"</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' No I'm going- I'm going to yell at him, and make him cry</font>
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' and be like, "I'm going to live in Clyde's playboy mansion."</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' (Pickle Man speaks indistinctly)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *laughs*</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' I'm part of Clyde's playboy mansion</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' *Despondent* I'm the janitor</font>
 
<br>They all laugh
 
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Okay, let's go see if he's there.</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' NO! Cause it's- Cause he's- Cause I'm gona make an entrance like: ''HAIIII!''</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' (Pickle Man speaks indistinctly)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' No. he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so..</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' Figures... but the general idea would be you park near where you want to go</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *Chuckles*</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' (indistinct)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *laughs*</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' (Speaks indistinctly)Did you see those (indistinct) where it kind of looks like a penis?</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' Right here</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Oh *laughs*</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' It's a fucking penis</font>
 
<br> A slight pause while something happens, presumably involving the penis shaped object
 
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' Nope</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *Disappointed*Oh</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:'''*Sigh*</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' *Sigh*</font>
 
<Br> An uneasy silence falls.
 
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl(indistinct)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *Chuckles*</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl, right there</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:'''(Speaking To Pickle Man) Is that the only one you can see working?</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' (indistinct) over by Starbucks? You should (indistinct)</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' Nonono she looks like Hamster Girl</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' (indistinct)</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' Don't she have no hair? oh she has a- (indistinct)</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' No, she has hair. She has her hair back like this:</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' Oh yeah, I knew that</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' I was gonna say, I donno, cause I guess she died her hair blond. Cause I remember seeing her in some ugly strange colored hair</font>
 
==Target Spotted (3:11 - 4:46)==
 
Suddenly, the festive mood changes to dread as Chris appears, in full stalker regalia.
 
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:''''(Noticing Chris)There he is!</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' (Panicking) Wut!</font>
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:'''' In the jacket</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' (Panicking) omygod EJECT omygod!</font> (as the realization of what is about to happen sets in)
 
<br>Many voices here, possibly more than the four that were speaking in previously "In the jacket" "There he is" .ect
 
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:'''  Are you ready?</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah I'm ready. *Nervous laugh/cry* This is going to be my best acting moment ever.</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah, Don't like, look, cause she has to get down first.</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible)</font>
<br><font color="#000099">'''Frosty:'''  He'll realize later, that's what it was.</font>
<br><font color="#FF6EC7">'''Camera Whore:''' I don't feel bad</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Okay, but if he like, won't come around and-(interrupted) Huh? I don't have my phone.</font>
 
<br>There is a short silence as everyone is overcome by the aura of the approaching manchild
 
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' (Nervously, under her breath) Oh my God....</font>
 
<br>Another pause.
 
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' If this is going to goes all smoothly, I should get like...(trails off)</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I sit?</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Umm, there's some benches like by the table... oh, oh, oh no.</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Okay, there's some benches like nearby...</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah?</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Umm, just sit and watch them, talk and eat, then go change or whatever.</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:''' Well, okay. I (indistict)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah...</font>
<br><font color="#009900">'''Pickle Man:'''  Okay. I (indistict)</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *Takes a deep breath* Yeah.</font>
 
<br> Emily begins to slowly walk twards her impending date with destiny as she gives instructions to the Pickle Man
 
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' or just kind of walk around and see if you can see us.</font>
 
==The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)==
 
<br> Emily parts with the Pickle Man and advances on the table. The hesitation in her step is audible, but she marches on, straight into the lions den.
<br> At 5:21 Emily contacts the target.
 
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' ''Hi''...</font> (The words come out tinged with disgust, this wasn't the dramatic entrance she had hopped for minutes earlier)
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' Are you Emily?</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah, I'm Emily... So nice to meet you.</font>
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' Hi Emily this is mah father Robert</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' (Cheerfully) Hello!</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Hello</font>
 
<br>A slight pause while they presumably shake hands
 
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit.</font>
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' thas alright</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' You're from West Virgina?</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah, I use to live here for a while but then I-</font>
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' *interrupts with a single word* HAT!</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' But then I moved to...</font>
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' *interrupts a second time* NEAT HAT!</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah I thought you might like it.</font>
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' *laughs, amused by himself* heh heh</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' You go to school over there?</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah, University of West Virgina, My friend -uh, wanted to go to school there and she's my best friend, so I have to go with her everywhere. *slightly nervous laugh*</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' (Cheerfully) That sounds like the best way to do things!</font> (Robert is surprisingly happy, when he's not catching his failure of a son masturbating in the kitchen)
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' *Butts in awkwardly* yeah hey Emily, do you mind a photo of you and me together?</font> (Chris can't STAND it when the topic isn't focused on him)
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' (Genuinely Excited) Sure!</font>
 
<br>There is a short pause and Robert says something,  it would seem a picture is taken.
 
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' What are you taking?</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism.</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' (Hard of hearing)Wha?</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Journalism.</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' (Teasingly)Journalism? Oh, you're going to be a writer!</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah! *Giggles girlishly*</font> (Who's on the date here? Chris or Bob?)
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' I did a lot-</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' He (Chris) has a half brother, who's.... Who lives in New York City and uh... does Freelance Writing and Show Review and things... for newspapers and magazines.</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Is it- Does he love it?</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' I guess...</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *Giggles girlishly again*</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' I haven't talked to him in years...</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah...</font>
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' *mumbles something under his breath* You haven't said anything about me, before.</font>
 
<br> They take a few steps, and an extraordinarily unconformable silence falls.
 
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' You know thats- I worked at uhh- I'm an engineer and engineers never learn how to spell.</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *Giggles girlishly yet again*</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' I think very logically but I-</font>
<br><font color="#4682B4">'''Chris:''' *interrupts yet again* SHOOT! I got bad batteries in the camera.</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *Moans with disappointment*</font> (It's unclear whether or not she was more disappointment about the batteries or the fact that Chris keeps butting in)
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' (Continues)If I would- If would write anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're suppose to.</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *laughs again, a little less enthusiastically*</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' (Continues)I got along fine... writing stuff on my word processor... when I had spell check</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah.</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' (Continues)but I don't do that no more</font>
 
<br> Robert emits a dry, finely-aged, man cackle. Chris is strangely quiet.
 
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering?</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' Well, I had a really unique situation...</font>
 
==About Robert (7:18 - 0:00)==
 
Robert Pauses, and seems to weigh what he is about to say next
 
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' Look, uh... I'ma-I'm really old</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *laughs nervously*</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' Okay, so- cause I'm 81 and I came along before transistors.</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *nods attentively* mm-hmm?</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' (inaudible)the stuff we had now, but even before then. This is when we had vacuum tubes. And I uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old-but uh... They put me in the Signal Corps and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboard and telephone (Inaudible). So I found out, yeah, I'm pretty good at that. So when I got out.. course that was in 1947... found out now- I know we had a deflation economy, I didn't know it then- Couldn't get a job, So I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." </font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah, now it's really hard to become an engineer</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' Eh, now ya- I, uh- I went to a State Union College(?) to start with cause I had the philosophy, that if I went to a big school I'd be just... swallowed up</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' Yeah</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' So I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years and that was the best thing I ever did. Cause I wound up... well- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.</font> (better than anything your sickeningly pathetic offspring ever did)
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *nods attentively* mm-hmm</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' And also I loved music, and I was in this band and everything. And I got the chance to learn a lot about music while I was there. And then I went to Alburn and it was- talk about getting swallowed up</font>
<br><font color="#CD5555">'''Emily:''' *Laughs Nervously*</font>
<br><font color="#545454">'''Robert:''' Then- At that time Alburn</font>
 
 
 
 
{{incomplete}}
 
 
 
 
 
=Links=
* [http://www1.evilshare.com/2d2ea8b4-6641-102c-8ebf-0007e90cfb90 The date] (audio recording)

Latest revision as of 20:13, 19 June 2022

Redirect to:

Retrieved from "http://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript&oldid=291275"