Match.com

Chris's awful profile, preserved forever in jpg form.

Probably the most famous dating site on the Internet, Match.com has helped thousands of people worldwide meet members of the opposite sex (or in some cases the same sex). The site is overflowing with boyfriend-free girls looking for everything from long-term relationships to casual sex. This being the case, Chris's presence on the site was practically inevitable.

Chris set up his first account under the username "SonichuCWC" ages ago, back in the Sonichu's News Dash days. The profile probably dates to sometime in 2006, since it indicates he's seeking a woman aged 18–24, and Chris's current age is invariably the upper limit for the age of a prospective sweetheart. However, he also claims to be "doing well" at Piedmont Virginia Community College, from which he graduated in 2005. Additionally, a page on his Pokésite seeking a girlfriend ages 18-22 (implying a year of 2004) mentions his Match.com page, so probably he made this profile while in PVCC and later updated it.

He doesn't seem to have updated it very much since then. He logged into the site as recently as 6 April 2010, but by June 2014 it was gone.

The text of the page was pretty similar to everything Chris has vomited onto the internet regarding his Love Quest: claims about how he keeps his promises, is honest, etc. There were, however, a few interesting deviations from the Chris norm. He failed to indicate his religion, and in the sports and interests field, he apparently checked every single box, making the majority of the items in the list outright lies. He also said he would accept a Native American mate, instead of his usual demand of a white or Asian woman.

A second Match.com profile under the username "cwcvilleguardian" was discovered on August 2013. Exactly when Chris opened it is not known. It is certain to to have been made after March 2011, since he describes himself as a Tomgirl, an identity he didn't adopt until that month. As of late 2015, this profile had also apparently been taken down.

Reproduced below are the two profiles in question.

SonichuCWC profile

One of Chris's four profile pictures.

And another.

Help a lonesome and sad man find some companionship. ;8)

28-year-old man [Note: Chris created this page when he was 24. Match.com automatically updates the profile age.]
Advance Mills, Virginia, United States [Note: Chris listed Advance Mills as his location in both this profile and his cwcvilleguardian profile. Chris has never lived there, and we do not know why it was given as his hometown.]
seeking women 18-24
within 25 miles of Advance Mills, Virginia, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Someday
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: About average [This would be about 140 lbs/64 kg, far less than Chris has ever been since high school.]
Height: 5'10" (178cms)
Religion: No Answer
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never

About me and who I'm looking for

I feel that I am young at heart, because I enjoy the seemingly child-like things I do like playing with Legos, Pokemon, Sonic the Hedgehog and drawing cartoonishly. I am also creator of my Pokemon character, Sonichu. I am a bit shy, but I would enjoy the company of a pretty girl who likes some of the things I do. I also like to have fun when I can, and I don't really like to be alone. In a nutshell, my girl should be: 18-24, lives in the Charlottesville or Ruckersville area, has a happy, positive personality, young at heart, very pretty, Average income, and does not already have a Boyfriend. Also, trading card games, she could play said game(s) with me at the Pokemon League event that I go to weekly. Also, I have graduated from High School with Honor Roll, I am doing very well at PVCC, and I can express my feelings after putting them into words with my thinking mind. And if there's anything that I left out, well... oops. I am a shy, very thoughtful, person, and will only accept person-to-person encounters,

In my Own Words

for fun: I enjoy drawing, listening to music, playing video games and Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh card games. I also like anime, creating with Lego pieces, and I love my family. And sometimes, I work on my Sonichu Site.

my education: Piedmont Virginia Community College in Charlottesville where I am working towards a CADD degree.

favorite hot spots: I go to the Fashion Square Shopping center on Saturdays, the Downtown Mall's Comic Game & Hobby Place (Pokemon League/Yu-Gi-Oh) on Fridays and Saturdays, and you can also find me at Wal-Mart in C-Ville on most other days of the week.

favorite things: In a list: Sonichu, Sonic the Hedgehog, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, most kinds of music, Mary Poppins (movie), Colors: blue and red, creating home-made trading cards (for fun and art), and looking at the lovely scenery on the UVA campus.

About me

Hair: Light brown
Eyes: Blue
Sports and exercise: Baseball, Basketball, Bowling, Dancing, Football, Golf, In-line skating, Racquet sports, Running, Soccer, Swimming, VolleyBall, Walking / Hiking, Weights / Machines
Exercise habits: Exercise 1-2 times per week
Interests: Coffee and conversation, Cooking, Dining out, Exploring new areas, Fishing/Hunting, Hobbies and crafts, Movies/Videos, Museums and art, Music and concerts, Nightclubs/Dancing, Playing cards, Playing sports, Shopping/Antiques, Video games, Volunteering
Education: Some college
Occupation: No Answer
Income: No Answer
Languages: Spanish
Politics: Middle of the Road
Sign: Pisces
Pets I have: Cats, Dogs
Pets I like: Birds, Fish, Horses

About my date

Hair: Black, Blonde, Dark blonde, Dark brown, Light brown
Eyes: No Answer
Height: 5'0" (152cms) to 5'10" (178cms)
Body type: About average, Athletic and toned, Slender
Languages: English
Ethnicity: Native American, White / Caucasian
Faith: No Answer
Education: High school, Some college, Associates degree, Bachelors degree, Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral
Job: No Answer
Income: No Answer
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Never
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Definitely, Someday

cwcvilleguardian profile

"Bless me with your sweetness, and I will do what I can for you."

32 year old man
Advance Mills, Virginia, United States
seeking women 25-30
within 25 miles of Ruckersville, VA

His details

Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Definitely
Ethnicity: Native American, White / Caucasian
Body type: About average
Height: 5'10" (177cms)
Religion: Christian / Other [Note: As of the time of this writing (June 2014), Match.com allows its users to list as their religion four options pertaining to Christianity: "Christian / Catholic," "Christian / LDS," "Christian / Protestant," and "Christian / Other." It's not clear why Chris made this particular choice, but it may be related to a crisis of faith. It is also possible that he was not aware that Methodism is a type of Protestantism.]
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Social Drinker

In his own words

"I am an all-around, emotionally mature, good natured, high-functioning autistic, heterosexual tomgirl artist. I feel better being treated as a person than some sort of freak or something. I am a good listener, and sometimes I have to take my time thinking about a topic or issue. I am the Original Creator of Sonichu, Rosechu, and the city of Cwcville, VA. I like making those close to me emotionally happy. Even though, I have been feeling seriously depressed, lonely and having constant heartaches.

I am looking for a woman to be my friend/Sweetheart/Future Wife from the ground up. She should be true and honest in personality, all-around, compassionate, understanding, patient, and financially stable (I get along fair and surviving)..

ALL Women interested in me MUST be willing to meet in person/in real life IMMEDIATELY; I have had bad online experiences numerously from a lot of fake people. Finding me in Person at my hangout is the best bet; I usually am Very cautious about any and all messages I receive online and I screen my phone calls. AND getting my attention must be direct with a pleasant greeting and introduction.

Please forgive me if I respond coldly or timidly at first, I am very shy, and I am paranoid of most people and the kind of bad person they may be."

Sign: Pisces

Political views: Middle of the Road

College: Piedmont Virginia Community College, Charlottesville, VA

For fun: "Creating artwork, reflecting/thinking, video games, care taking my mom and our two beagle pups."

Pets: I have Cats, Dogs

Favorite hot spots: "I can be found either pondering over tea or coffee at McDonalds, or Burger King, in Ruckersville, or walking once around the nearby Wal-Mart."

Favorite things: "Sonichu and Rosechu, Mary Poppins (movie), color: blue, most music (jazz, POP and easy listening are cool); I like Britney Spears and Katy Perry (top two favorite artists)."

More about him

Him

Appearance
Height: 5'10" (177cms)
Body type: About average
Eyes: Blue
Hair: Light brown

Lifestyle
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Social Drinker
Occupation: I'll tell you later
Income: I'll tell you later
Relationship: Never Married
Have kids: No
Wants kids: Definitely

Background / Values
Ethnicity: Native American, White / Caucasian
[Under this section, Chris put the following sentence]: "Part Cherokee, British, French and English."
Faith: Christian / Other
[Under this section, Chris put the following sentence]: "Methodist at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church."
Languages: English, Spanish
Education: Bachelors degree

What he is looking for

Appearance
Height: 4'10" (147cms) to 6'0" (182cms)
Body type: Slender, About average, Athletic and toned, Full-figured
Eyes: No preference
Hair: No preference

Lifestyle
Smoke: No Way
Drink: No preference
Occupation: No preference
Income: $50,001 to $75,000, $75,001 to $100,000, $100,001 to $150,000, $150,001+
Relationship: Never Married
Have kids: No
Wants kids: Definitely, Someday

Background / Values
Ethnicity: No preference
Faith: No preference
Languages: English
Education: No preference

See also

• OkCupid
• The HooK Café
• Dating profiles