User:ChanOfTartary/Sandbox

“	I believe in God and Jesus too, but God must hate me to put me in the lifestyle I am forced to be cooped up and bored with.	”
Eli Eli lama sabaqtani! (Facebook, 2013)

“	So, I dare say with all due respect to the Lord: meh	”
Chris abandons the Christian God for Hyperdimension Neptunia goddesses

The real reason Chris abandoned Christianity.

Christian Weston Chandler's religious beliefs have long been a complicated matter. For most of his life, Chris would declare himself to be Christian, yet his stated religious convictions would often diverge starkly from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil, incorporating a grab bag of other beliefs from unrelated traditions and other sources. Moreover, Chris has long believed himself to be of unique spiritual importance, believing that he has received multiple visions from God and that he has magical powers. Already in his comics, his characters would regard Chris as their almighty creator and father, creating yet another tier on this wedding cake of theological contradictions. Since 2017, under influence by the Idea Guys and others, Chris has come to believe that he is a goddess, CPU Blue Heart, orchestrating an apocalypse that will end in a heavenly new creation. Much of his mythology was lifted from the Hyperdimension Neptunia anime. The result is an unholy amalgam of authentic religious traditions, troll forgeries and narcissism, mixed together with neither forethought nor consistency.

With religion, as with all things, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. Chris long espoused traditional Christian teachings condemning homosexuality while ignoring that it also forbids pre-marital sex, pornography and gluttony. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that PandaHalo had been raped and impregnated by Clyde Cash: he actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion. Chris's narrow view of the world requires that Sonichu and Rosechu in the comics, and his true and loyal fanbase in the real world, share his religious beliefs. He has demanded that watchers worship him, and believes it feasible that he could convince half of the world population to join his personality cult.

Delusions of godhood

“	Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.	”
Sonichu, Sonichu #10

“	I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?	”
Aspie Sonichu, Sonichu #10

Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.

All hail Christian Weston Chandler, God-Emperor Mayor of CWCville.

Beyond his self-infatuation visible from any of Chris's creative output, Chris had shown from an early period the nascent belief that he might have been specially chosen. Chris might have developed a God complex as early as 2000, as the halo floating over his head on the cover of Christian's Favorite Hits! seems to indicate. In his e-mails to Reggie Fils-Aimé he seems to call himself Jesus: "You have my word as an Avid Gamer, Lamb of God, and Humble Human Being that I WILL work Very Hard to Save, Save, Save." However, this could also be a malapropism for "Word of God." More definite signs first emerged in late 2009, and have accreted over the decade since into Chris's current apotheosis.

Starting on page 42 of issue #10, Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. Ultra Sonichu frees Zelina Rosechu from her stony state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to Darkbind Sonichu with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of Asperchu, where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. Lo and behold, Chris did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their Asperger syndrome (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, Sonichu was born to a virgin.

Even before this, Chris had directly compared himself to God. In Issue #7, after Christian is lost in the Time Void, Sonichu says this.

“	In the meantime, he will receive the accumilitive memories of the passing moments, so in a way, he is looking down on us, like our Lord and God are able to, but the vision may be blurred.	”
Sonichu, Sonichu #7

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in later pages Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon Chaotic Combo worshipping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against [Chris]", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the Ten Commandments, like he's God or something. In addition, only five pages later Angelica condemns those who prefer Alec's artwork over Chris's as "blasphemous".

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the Mailbag, where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over one billion fans. The only other character who can claim such a number is GodJesus (or AllahMuhammad). This mad mentality is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a God's bear. Chris moves in mysterious ways.

“	as a Goddess Mysef[sic], I am unable to worship in churches	”
Chris, June 2019

It was under the Idea Guys's manipulation that Chris's gathering apotheosis came to a head.

File:Chris depicts reality and fiction blending.jpg

Chris depicting how he came to share his body with a video game goddess.

In November 2017, Chris became obsessed with Hyperdimension Neptunia, a video game/anime series. He declared a belief in body-sharing with a goddess character (who represents the Sega Dreamcast in the series) by consulting with Magi-Chan, then leaving his Dreamcast console powered on for 24 hours in order to focus his own psychic power onto it and pull the goddess into his body. Since then, Chris has come to believe that he's actually a goddess to the Sonichu universe.

Doctrines of CWCianity

Chris's convictions (not that kind) are a confused tangle, ever shifting as weens twist his malleable perception of reality and his mental state continues to deteriorate. The below seeks to describe his beliefs as of early August 2019, though are subject to change in light of new revelations at at any time. Chris has hesitated to describe his beliefs as a religion. On 13 April 2018, Chris claimed in a Twitter post that he no longer follows a religion, yet he is neither "atheist" nor "satanist", and over a year later would describe what follows as "a belief and faith system, not a religion".

Critical to Chris's newfound religion is that he believes that he is sharing his body with a clone of the CPU Goddess Uzume Tennouboshi. Naming the clone that resides within his body as "Orange Spiral Seal", Chris believes that he has "the powers of the four main Goddesses, as well as [his] own powers." In a way, this is a bizarre continuation of his classic Love Quest. Not only does he believe that he can create a new CPU Goddess From The Ground-Up, but that, with the CPU, he will bring Crystal into reality and create her as a CPU Goddess, saying that is something that GodJesus would never grant to him. Chris's religion has little in the way of ethics, but he has indicated that he believes in the Hindu concept of karma, administered by himself, as an instrument of his vengeance against the jerkops who tormented him in years past.

Pantheon

Main article: Hyperdimension Neptunia

In August 2016, Chris revealed that he thinks of God as a goddess. Chris has long considered women to be good and men to be evil, and since Chris does not want to think of himself or God as evil, he simply swapped the genders in his mind, making Tomgirl Christine and Goddess Emmanuelle. During a conversation with Joshua Wise, Chris revealed that he had forsaken Christianity altogether, believing instead in the CPU Goddesses from the anime Hyperdimension Neptunia.

Chris's view of God's nature, is naïve and even childish. He has used the fandom jargon acronym OC as a rough CWC-ism synonym for god, and uses this broad category to include Christ, men respected but not worshipped in their own separate traditions like the Buddha, ancient pagan gods such as Zeus, the Neptunia CPU goddesses and other anime characters, himself and his viewers and lazy ponysonas. He is extremely syncretic, believing all of these, including the latter categories of clearly fictional characters intended and universally understood as such, to be real and divine. Monotheism, the cornerstone of Christendom that cannot be compromised, was apparently never assimilated into Chris's thought processes, allowing him to continue regard Christ as a god. He claims to converse with, and be friends with, Jesus and several other deities.

Worship

As late as August 2017, Chris could be seen in a normal church, albeit irreverently wearing his unicorn cosplay. However, he has since stopped attending, believing that he is "unable to worship Jesus or any of the other deities" on virtue of being a goddess himself. In Believe in the OCs and Deities, Chris appeals to his viewers to send positive thoughts to fictional characters, as though through telepathy, perhaps indicating that he believes divine power requires worship and oblations. (Implicit in this is Chris's long-standing secular belief that he has hundreds of millions of earnest followers across the globe.)

On 22 December 2018, in a long rant on Twitter about the Merge (see the next section), Chris encouraged his audience to pray to him:

“	I encourage Everyone to Keep Faith, and Pray to the CPUs, y’all may pray to me as well.	”
Chris, blaspheming

He has made several such appeals in months since.

Afterlife and eschatology

Under the Idea Guys's lingering influence, Chris believes that departed souls go to C-197, the fictional universe that includes CWCville, other misbegotten OCs and various media franchises' universes, which he believes objectively exist. He teaches that, upon death, one may merge with one's Sonichu counterpart there. Among those who have been depicted in their Sonichu form on the other side include disastrous German chancellor Adolf Hitler, serial killer and rapist Ted Bundy and Chris's late father, Bob Chandler.

Since the autumn of 2018, Chris has taught that we are living in the latter days. From a mixture of off-hand comments by comic artists and several weens foddering him with misinformation and dumb inside jokes, Chris thinks that beginning in November 2018, the real world (or 'Dimension 1218', as he calls it) is in the process of combining with C-197, in what he calls the Dimensional Merge. Chris has attributed miscellaneous events, ranging from tragedies like Notre Dame cathedral's destruction to salad recalls, to the impending Merge.

Originally projected to be complete before New Year's 2019, Chris maintains still that the Merge is just about the corner. Chris foretells massive destruction heralding the Merge that will result in the deaths of about half the world's population, as well as half of the fictional characters from C-197. Naturally, Chris, being the goddess in charge of managing this brouhaha, will be spared: everyone else must take his chances. Survivors will be able to enjoy the company of their favourite cartoon characters in the flesh, as well as their deceased relatives transformed into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

Mysticism and sorcery

“	The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.	”
Chris, Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke

“	1) "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha" - Placing Bad Luck and Extreme Misfortune on all of those who give me grief or hate. 2) "Forgiveness Blessing" - Cures all ailments of virus or physical qualities. 3) "Hono" - Makes Gays, regardless of gender, become Straight; NEVER to be gay EVER Again. 4) "Peaceful Teaching" - Quells all disputes and disagreements within a 1000 mile radius, and turns all weaponry into dust. 5) "Come to me, my Women" - Locates and attracts 18 to 30-year old single women within a 5-mile radius.	”
Chris's terrifyingly insane list of "spells", Mailbag 23

“	I pray the soul of my father gives you all nightmares	”
Chris on using the spirits of the dead

The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.

Chris's beliefs and behaviors, even when he was still a professed Christian, tend towards a shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the Clown Doll, for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through sympathetic magic, like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in Soul Calibur III as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of CWCville is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. The idea of this spirit realm became more valid when, in a video, Chris claimed that the soul of his dead dog (now living in CWCville) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his dreams.

While Chris has used the Curse-ye-ha-me-ha in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on Liquid Chris in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" really to curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the Forgiveness Blessings skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of ZA POWER. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're TRUE and HONEST, you will receive blessings.

Thou shalt not suffer a CWC to live.

Chris's sorcery was among his more egregious behaviours that were not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. Galatians 5:19-20 lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, and Exodus 22:18 commands "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death. Alec Benson Leary, in one of his phone calls with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect. Of course, his magical practises have only become even more blatant since proclaiming himself a CPU goddess, including threatening trolls on social media with supernatural retribution, meted out by himself.

Historical beliefs

“	And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.	”
Romans 1:28-32, on Chris

Program from Chris's baptism.

The first church Chris and his parents are known to have attended is a Korean Presbyterian church at Chesterfield County. Chris would later on attend Grace Baptist Church, a small congregation in Charlottesville that launched in 2000. In 2008 he was, under mysterious circumstances, forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church. Although Chris traditionally identified himself as Methodist and so did his father, his mother identifies herself as a Presbyterian.

"Wesley Mem" is located near the University of Virginia and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among trolls is that congregations more in line with Chris's intolerance of homos are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not spiritually identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant, or even simply Christian.

Concept of GodJesus

Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that Blanca is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the trolls' side.

God and Jesus ('sup?) tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy.

Traditionally, Chris had a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent male God. He also accepted Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He was reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God (despite other Abrahamic sects using completely different words for Him). In effect, Chris frequently referred to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus") as if they were some sort of Binity, a deviation from the mainstream Christian concept of the Trinity that his churches would regard as heretical.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seemed to view God as a more of an instrument of his own will than a supreme being to Whom he is subject. In Chris's view of God, the Almighty will overlook (or simply not care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they malign Chris. Case in point, the fact that Chris cheated in the PaRappa the Rapper contest is not nearly as important as the suspicion that Adam Stackhouse did, and Chris invoked God numerous times in his threats to Adam.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his world-view, God's primary purpose should be to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. This is nearly the exact opposite of Christianity which states that man is to serve God. He has been commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...". He often invokes the wrath of God in his infantile threats, and is oblivious to the fact that God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Much like the Ayatollah Khomeini, Chris attributes most of his impetus to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in visions. “I'd say my spirit is active while I am awake, but it does more when I am at rest or sleeping,” he wrote in 2014. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a daughter, he decided he was required to actively make that happen while also assuring himself that failure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of racism for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that his prophesied daughter must be white.

Visions from God supposedly confirmed that Blanca Weiss, then PandaHalo and finally Ivy were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be trolls. This proves that God, if He exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a laugh at his expense, an idea which Chris may have later taken to heart.

Afterlife

“	For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.	”
Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.

“	Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.	”
Chris.

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to Heaven and bad deeds sending them to Hell is a common one, most Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. Defying this, Chris has stated that one goes to Heaven or Hell based completely on personal actions. He thinks that he will go to heaven because he's done "a lot of good deeds". Likewise, he feels that homos are almost certainly bound to go to Hell, and need to become heterosexuals to "better their chances of going to Heaven". He has also stated numerous times that he feels various trolls are bound for Hell for making fun of people over the Internet. He has suggested that they commit suicide so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster. In Common Questions 9 Jan 2010, Thorg questioned Chris for threatening damnation against his Internet adversaries:

"You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?"

To which Chris responded:

“

Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", IT IS FACT. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".

”

Further complicating Chris's ideas of the afterlife, he believes in ghosts, going so far as to claim that he might have seen one.

In 2013, Chris commented that he had considered suicide, but "The only reasons I don't do it are my mother and my dogs, and that premature death leaves one in Limbo." In reality, Limbo is, in some Roman Catholic views, a state that unbaptised infants were supposed to enter into when they died: happy, but excluded from God due to their original sin. Christian views on suicide and the fate of suicides in the afterlife is highly varied. His belief that suicide leads one to Limbo may stem from the South Park episode "Death", in which it is found that the grandfather of a minor character is spending eternity in limbo for having his grandson euthanize him.

In the eulogy Chris made for Patti, he wrote that "[Patti] has departed from our world here on earth to a doggy heaven [...] she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up [in doggy heaven]." This suggests that Chris believes that animals (or at least dogs) have an afterlife.

Reincarnation

Chris has said that he's open to the idea of reincarnation, common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions. In 2009 he stated flatly that he believed in the concept, but in 2014 he seemed more uncertain, writing “It is possible, but I'm not sure.”. He has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated. While reincarnation was and to some extent is still embraced by a few Christian sects, Chris has nothing to do with them and seems to have lifted the notion from somewhere else.

Chris has suggested that he is himself a reincarnation of various people. In Sonichu, Chris's fictional counterpart is the reincarnation of the ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan, though he does not appear to believe this about himself in real life. However, during the epilogue of Sonichu Episode 26, Chris mentions a real-world dream in which he discovered he had been a (true and honest) lesbian hippie who attended Woodstock in a recent past life. He credits this dream with his realization that he is a "female soul" and decision to identify as a transsexual as opposed to a cross-dresser, further calling the psychological validity of his gender identity into question. Besides his own reincarnation, Chris's explanation of what happened to Liquid Chris in the Sonichu canon mentions Liquid's soul being cleared of all memory of previous incarnations before being reincarnated, as what Chris considers an ironic punishment for someone who dared impersonate him.

Sin

“	But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...	”
Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44

“	I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL	”
Chris, Sonichu Girls Forum

“	HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!	”
E-mail from Chris to Vivian

Take note, Chris.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible (although he apparently owns a copy of the New International Version). His hatred of the homos had nothing to do with the prohibition of sodomy in the Old Testament, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from Family Guy. His aversion to "spilling his seed" and his dedication to the unborn have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion. Other than vehemently opposing homos, trolls and jerkops, Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to Hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris believed that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so out of true remorse and genuinely to atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made a video in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus commit suicide so that they can burn in Hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they[sic] have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with Vanessa Hudgens in violation of his monogamous relationship with Ivy, Chris made a big production out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

Chris clearly does not follow the Christian concept of the seven deadly sins, as he commits wrath, envy, gluttony, sloth, greed, lust and pride constantly.

Forgiveness

Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of forgiveness immediately prior to Rosechu brutally injuring and sexually assaulting Jason Kendrick Howell in vengeance for comparatively innocuous actions.

A major tenet in most any religion you can think of is the act of forgiveness. Unfortunately for Chris, he has no idea of what forgiveness really is, and will often hold grudges against anybody he feels has wronged him, sometimes even for years. While some may argue that he did show forgiveness in a few of his videos, even more will argue that such things were done either under an ulterior motive or is meaningless as he goes on to curse and scream at them later on.

During his trial on July 10th, 2012, it was discovered that Michael Snyder made an honorable plea that Chris be shown leniency, as a felony was a life-changing event that could really harm Chris in the long run. This comes despite Chris scaring his customers away, (while he was still allowed in the store), shouting racist slurs at him, threatening to set fire to his business, and injuring him with his car. This was probably the most extraordinary form of forgiveness that anyone has ever shown towards Chris, even after the latter's horrible actions. Chris's show of gratitude was to go against all common sense and commit public slander in a court of law:

“	I don't think that thieving liar deserves a red cent!	”
Chris, This is how the Trial went

However, Chris has on occasion shown some capacity to genuinely forgive and move on, as shown at MAGfest where he was seen making up with Adam Stackhouse (albeit after 11 years). Such forgiveness has not been extended to the jerkops, however.

Apostasy

For years before the Idea Guys seized the opportunity to infuse patent absurdities into Chris's mind, Chris appeared to have become somewhat disenchanted with God. Traditional theology has long dealt with the problem of evil in books Chris is unlikely to read any time soon. Despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus was backing him up on his Love Quest, God has nevertheless imparted upon him such stress and trolling. He seemed to believe that the way prayer should work is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please." To Chris, prayer was apparently like ordering a pizza: as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it. Since Chris hasn't gotten exactly what he has prayed for, the fault must lie with God. In a farewell letter meant for his fellow parishioners at Wesley Memorial, he wrote that "God sees fit for some (hate-filled) reason to continue to curse me as a jinx."

On 7 September 2013, Chris cursed God's name on Facebook after a run in with a Jerkop:

God is giving me the Middle Finger yet again! I backed up and scratched a car in El Agave Lot! And she's a damn Smoker! Now the damn Jerkop is giving me a hard time, because I am screaming up at Freaking Emanuel God! I want God to just kill me Now if he is going to keep giving me middle fingers and a damned difficult life!!!

He explained the reasons for his disillusionment in a May 2013 letter to Kim:

Hey, Kim. I have just read over some of the webpage Phil relayed to me. I must admit, and Amy is welcome to read this as well, it took me by surprise seeing the words "Magick" and "Pagan" in this religion(?). I like magic(k). I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness. And that "God" is within all of us, as energy and direction. And in the end, we all believe in the same God(ess). Yet also, if God is supposed to love us all, why does he let me continue to have a Lot of downs in my life? I often feel temptation towards destroying the Lego Minifigure I have made in an image of God, or otherwise just torturing it. I admit, I am not perfect. But I prattle or digress. So, all things considered, Amy, I will be most willing to try your way on, and see how I feel fully about it after. The way I figure it, at least I can still go to my church regardless. :)

Soon thereafter, inspired by Futurama, he seemed to divorce himself from a Christian conception of God altogether, choosing to believe in a rather capricious, relativistic deity:

“	The Higher Force above us is Always Messing with each of our individual minds every day, rather each of you call him God, Emanuelle, Zeus, Buudah, or even the individual Destiny of your own. I am Not an Atheist, because I Sincerely Believe in the Higher Force of Above Us, even Jesus may be the Higher Force's Son. But every religion will have you believing in the One Same Higher Force. Right Or Wrong, It is truly set up to each Individual Perception of Every Individual Soul among us the Billions of People on this Big Blue Marble among Marbles in the Universe.	”
Chris on Facebook, August 2014.

Chris and other faiths

Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American South, Chris probably hasn't had much direct exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an IRC chat, he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. At other times, his comments have been scattered and inconsistent.

Other Christian denominations

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, Angelica Rosechu, whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of her species. Through Angelica, it is obvious that Chris knows almost nothing about Catholicism and seems to think it's just a variety of Protestantism with nuns - he refers to Catholic priests as "pastors" and almost certainly doesn't know the Catholic Bible is different from the one generally used by Protestants. Also, Angelica's home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Roman Catholic church Chris could have come up with. He does, at least, realise that Catholicism is a form of Christianity, although he probably has no idea what its relationship to Protestantism is.

PandaHalo's persona was designed to be devoutly Roman Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows premarital sex because his pastor said so (ironically, deference to a cleric on ethical matters is far more typical for Catholics than Protestants). It didn't even occur to Chris that what his pastor said to him wouldn't apply to a Catholic, because Chris is incapable of seeing things from perspectives besides his own.

Given that he takes his own religion à la carte, Chris is likely unaware of most of the differences between the sects of Protestantism, and the relationship between Protestantism and other kinds of Christianity. He has never been pressed for comment on Eastern variants of Christianity, such as the Eastern Orthodox church, and it is uncertain what he thinks of these sects, or if he's even aware of their existence.

Other religions

See also: Chris and race

Most of Chris's opinions towards non-Christian faiths have been culled from South Park and other television series. For example, on 28 December 2009, Chris wrote a blog entry telling Jack Thaddeus to get out of the closet and "Go Into F***ing Scientology". Following this comment, Chris was asked to elaborate his thoughts on Scientology; he said that he neither agrees with it nor disapproves of it.

"A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story, and Sonichu 11" reveal that Chris has a somewhat basic awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching South Park. He appears to not understand that Jews and Buddhists don't celebrate Christmas, at least not the religious aspects of it. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, Jews and Buddhists go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean, Chris uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from South Park) and states he is "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish; he incidentally subscribes to his father's view that Snyder, Megan Schroeder and others were secretly directing the trolls to ruin Chris's life. Some Favored Comedians is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like Jerry Seinfeld.

Chris has described "Mormans" [sic] as not being datable. He has never explained why, but he may have learned through Anna McLerran that Mormons typically don't date non-Mormons. While it is not clear how much Chris knows about Unitarianism (likely not a lot), he is not hostile toward that sect; Jackie identified herself as a Unitarian, and Chris was not bothered by this (conceivably because he didn't know what it was).

In a CWCipedia article, he hints at a hatred of Islam. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian". In all likelihood he knows nothing about Islam or the Koran, and is not known to have ever publicly commented on the religion directly. Besides using the popular Western image of the fat Buddha (actually a Chinese monk) and mentioning "Buddha" a few times, Chris has never shown any knowledge of oriental religions, let alone any opinion of them. Indeed, Vivian Gee's belief in Taoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process, and even seemed to make him uneasy.

Atheism

“

But... I would certainly not want to be an atheist, 'cause if I don't have God or Jesus at my- by my side, I would be more lost than I was considerably beforehand! Atheists are the Devil's spawning, as it would seem! ...And I would certainly would not want to be amrong- amongst them when they are run out of town with the pitchforks and the hace and the fire! As a believer... I would either be a peacem- I would more likely be a peacemaker, but I certainly wouldn't mind being one with the pitchfork, following the crowd and pushing the atheist out of town!

”

Chris's opinion of the irreligious is the most vacillating and incoherent, and incidentally one of the best documented. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't seem to like or trust atheists, but even there, he has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." When Chris exposed Thorg, his reasoning for wanting people to troll Thorg instead of him devolve from "because he's trolling me" to "because he's an 'evil' atheist". In his Calling Out videos, Chris gave "pizza-faced atheist" as Thorg's defining characteristic, with a heretofore unseen vitriol. Chris's half-brother Cole Smithey is also an atheist, although his opinion on this is unclear.

In the OkCupid answers, Chris stated that he would not date an atheist. On the other hand, The Wallflower told Chris in one of her e-mails that she had no religion,, and as the rest of the correspondence shows, Chris was not bothered by her lack of faith and continued to pursue her. However, in his later, revised OkCupid account, he states (to the surprise of nobody) that he would be willing to date an atheist if it meant he had a chance at some hanky panky.

See also

• Angelica Rosechu
• Dreams
• Christmas
• GodBear
• Grace Baptist Church
• Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church

External links

• Buy your own GodJesus T-shirt here