Chris humps his PS3
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This article is rated M for Honest Content
It may contain content deemed not safe for work. Reader discretion is advised.
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Humpidy-Hump-Hump.
On 24th of July 2009, a video of Chris humping his beloved PS3 was leaked onto 4-cent_garbage's /v/. In it, Chris makes love to his "Life Upgrade" for eight minutes, although he can only stay standing for the first minute. What might at first seem to be just an impressive display of fanboyism, this is actually a desperate plea for the return of his PlayStation Network accounts, seemingly being held to ransom by the expert hacker Jack Thaddeus.
Chris himself sat in on an IRC chat where a coterie of trolls planned the making of the video. (He believed that he had effectively hidden his identity from the trolls, but if you think Chris is actually that clever, well, you haven't read much of this wiki yet.) Bits of Chris's monologue are simply repetitions of what he heard during the chat.
It is recommended that only those with a heart level of over 50% watch this video, otherwise its disturbing nature may be damaging to your health.
Video
Transcript
(A lot of grunting.)
Oh, damn you Sack Thaddic—Jack Thaddeus, give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. I'm so damn stupid. I've got a goddamn motherfucking six-inch cock with four-inch di-a-me-ter BAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLS. I hope you—
Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. Give them back to me, begging you, humping nearly on motherfucking knees. You are so...damn. This is the worst of...blackmail. Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. All five of those out-of-country accounts.
I don't know if I could do this any better. but I'm doing this damn, damn, damn motherfucking hump! Heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, motherfucking heavy, motherfucking heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, like a woman, with heavy-weight body type and damn G-cup breasts. It's a torture. It's a pain.
Making me have to do this for eight damn minutes. So, damn. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack motherfucking Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts and hold up your end of the bargain like you promised and leave me the motherfucking alone. Go bother somebody else you damn...
(panting)
Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Networks accounts, you expert hacker! You, you ir—rational expert! Motherfucking burning-in-hell hacker! I don't even know how you even got the damn information about those five in the motherfucking first place! Jack Thaddeus, give me back my PlayStation Network accounts!
This hurts! Oh this hurts! Oh this motherfucking hurts... motherfucking hurts. Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. Oh, and some motherfucking master of obvious social inquiries with damn drug deals, damn cocaine, got a family somewhere, someway or another, Alex being one of your damn relatives somehow, no idea, but give me back my PlayStation Network accounts, motherfucking idiots. This really is a pain! It hurts, it hurts. Hey guys, dang, dang, this so motherfucking heavy.
I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around— makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, whatever the half of 360° is. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350—360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn, damn, damn, damn. Jack Thaddeus! Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts. All five of those... out of... United States of America accounts.
Give 'em all back. Give 'em all back. Give 'em. Give 'em all back. Give 'em. Give 'em. Give 'em. Give 'em. Give 'em. Give 'em. Give 'em back. Jack Thaddeus, motherfuckin' bastard. Think you're so, oh yeah, you so tough. You think you man. Some day you're gonna fall. You're gonna fall and God help you when you fall. You'll be down to hell, but I guess you don't care 'bout that. You're just a motherfucking prince of hacking and torturing. Give me back my PlayStation Network accounts, you Jack Thaddeus. Jack Thaddeus. Jack Thaddeus! Give me back my motherfucking PlayStation Network accounts. Hey hey, yeah yeah, I don't like your boyfriends. No way, no way. Girl, I think you need a new one. Hey hey, yeah yeah, girl, woman, I could be your boyfriend. 'Cause I am damn straight. Uh, damn rumors on the Internet from damn trolls make a mockery outta me and everything I do. That's drawn me down to quit drawing 'cause I lost motherfucking inspiration. Uh, damn, Jack Thaddeus give me back my PlayStation Network accounts.
Statistics
- Damn Count: 42
- Fuck Count: 21
- Give (X) Count: 23
- Jack Thaddeus Count: 17
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This article is still yet to be completed due to stress. We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!
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Remixes
Porn remix:
Still Alive remix:
See also
External links